#i can't get into these things without giving long detailed answers anymore can I

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Quickly wrote this little thing in response to the Wednesday event on the Big Place discord server. This is my first posted mshenko fic, I guess lol "How does your character deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?"

Just a back scratch

The recon they're doing is so impossibly uneventful that Kaidan notices Shepard making a face. 

They both abandoned protocol and took off their helmets about half an hour ago, and now Kaidan can see in all detail how he first squints, then scrunches his nose a little, and makes a quick, quiet exhale. 

From Kaidan's personal experience, this could be caused by a variety of things, from the Cerberus implants giving him a hard time to him realizing he didn't feed the fish. Kaidan doesn't like either of those possibilities.

"Shepard?" he asks. "You okay?"

"Yes." Shepard answers without pause, as he always does. And immediately makes the face again. This time with an added bonus: He squares his jaw. 

"Then why are you making that face?"

This question earns him a quick look. 

"I'm not," Shepard says, a true man of brevity. Sometimes Kaidan wants to smack him. 

"You're not what?"

"Making a face. Focus on the mission, Major."

"Aye Aye," Kaidan replies, annoyed. 

The next few minutes are spent in silence, and still nothing happens, so Kaidan's eyes inevitably wander back to Shepard, and yes, he's making the face again.

"Okay," Kaidan sighs. "Spill it."

This time Shepard slowly turns his head to face him, eyebrows raised, eyes all blue and innocent. 

Fucker. 

Luckily, Kaidan has his own tricks up his sleeve. 

"John..." he says. "Spill. It."

As usual, the use of his first name makes him twitch. He looks away and tenses up. 

"John, come on," Kaidan pushes. "I know something's wrong. Tell me."

Then he watches Shepard squint, move his jaw, clench his fist. 

'Local man struggles to admit he's not made of titanium,' Kaidan thinks, not too impressed by this display of masculinity. 

"I have a..." Shepard finally begins, after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. "I have an itch."

"What?" Kaidan blinks away a string of curse words running through his field of vision.

"An itch." Shepard gives him a quick look. "Under my armor. I try not to think about it. So it will go away."

"Does it work?" 

Shepard marinates an answer for a few more very uncomfortable moments. 

"No," he finally admits, and just like that, his dam is finally broken. "It's been itching for the last hour and I can't take it anymore, I think I'm losing my mind Kaidan." 

The look he gives Kaidan this time is long and panicked. 

'God give me strength,' Kaidan thinks, and asks,

"Where?"

"What?" Somehow Shepard's eyes get even wider.

"Where does it itch?"

"My lower back. On the left side." 

"Okay. Turn around and I'll scratch it."

"Kaidan, we're on recon," Shepard says, all surprised by Kaidan's audacity, and Kaidan is so done with his shit. 

"We've been sitting here for the last hour and a half waiting for Cerberus to make a move in this area, and nothing's happened. I highly doubt that me scratching your back will have any effect on that. Now turn around, soldier, and show me where it itches."

Shepard gives him another long look, but then slowly turns and thumps the area just above his ass with his fist. 

"Here."

"Okay." Kaidan frowns and touches it. It slowly dawns on him that scratching Shepard's back won't be as easy as he thought. The armor covering his spine is thick, and the soft suit underneath is even thicker. Kaidan presses into it with his gloved knuckles and Shepard sighs. 

"Can you feel it?" Kaidan asks. 

"Barely." Shepard looks over his shoulder. "Kaidan, I really don't think we should..."

"Zip it, Commander," Kaidan orders and takes off his glove. 

Shepard's back is cold, the undersuit is impossibly stiff and it scratches Kaidan's fingers just as much as he tries to scratch Shepard's back. Fortunately, he has enough calluses on his hands that it doesn't hurt. So Kaidan presses his fingers even harder, moving them up and down, and after a few moments Shepard makes a sound. 

It's so soft that Kaidan barely hears it, but then Shepard leans his head down and hisses the next breath. 

"Feel it now?" Kaidan grins. 

"Yeah, but..." Shepard's back moves with the next breath. "It's not enough. Fuck, I think it's worse now. Fuck."

"Okay." Kaidan stops and takes his hand away. "Let's think of something else." 

"Like what?" Shepard turns to him again. "You know... Thanks for trying, but it doesn't work. Let's just not think about it. I'm sure it would go away." 

He has such a pained look in his eyes that Kaidan says, "I can scratch you with my biotics."

Shepard raises an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, you're right. That's a bad idea. But how about–."

"I'm not taking off my armor," Shepard interjects. 

"I wasn't going to ask you that!"

"You weren't? Oh, okay." 

"If only I had something harder than my fingers..." Kaidan ponders, scratching his chin, and to his horror sees Shepard's face light up. 

"Your gun barrel," he says, eyes shining. 

"What?"

"Your gun barrel. It's hard and pointy. Just what we need." 

"Shepard, that's a firearm! It's dangerous!"

"Oh," he sighs and rolls his eyes, "come on. I trust you not to shoot me. And may I remind you that scratching me was your idea?" 

He has the nerve to look quite smug while saying this, and Kaidan has to admit his defeat. 

"Fine," he spats and unholsters his gun. 

He checks the safety three times before sticking the barrel into Shepard's back. When he moves it up and down, it feels completely surreal. But then Shepard hisses again. 

"A bit higher," he says, voice all strained. Kaidan complies, and Shepard makes a soft, happy sound. "Fu-uck."

"Better?" Kaidan asks, staring at the safety catch. 

"Oh yeah." Shepard takes a few uneven breaths. "Now a bit higher and to the left." 

Kaidan moves the barrel, but suddenly Shepard reaches back, grabs it, and moves it himself. 

"There," he says. "Press a little harder." 

"Fuck! Okay! Just take your hand away!" Kaidan checks the safety again, pushes the gun harder into Shepard's back, and begins to move in earnest. 

"Ohhh. That's the spot." Shepard makes that soft sound again, sounding exactly like he does in bed. "Alenko, you're the best."

Kaidan swallows. Suddenly his ears feel warm and Shepard's idea to take off the armor doesn't seem so stupid anymore. 

But they're not doing anything wrong. This is just a back scratch. In the middle of a recon. With Kaidan's gun as the main tool. With Shepard sounding like he's getting head. It's all perfectly normal. 

"Fuck yeah," Shepard says.

And that's the state the Cerberus trooper finds them in. 

"Oh," he says, standing in the doorway. 

They all just stare at each other for a moment. The trooper is unarmed, and Kaidan can imagine how what he and Shepard are doing must look. 

The last thing the trooper says before Kaidan grabs him with his biotics is, 

"I don't get paid enough for this shit."

And Kaidan absolutely agrees. No matter how much he was paid, it certainly wasn't enough.

[ddejavvu]

Can i request the SFW letter B for Hotch? How would he be as a best friend?🥹

request a letter of the alphabet for your favorite character!

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

--

that's so cute :(( i love best friend hotch !! non bau!reader version:

let me set the scene for you. this guy in a crisp suit always comes into the sandwich shop that you work at on fridays. he misses some, and when you ask him the next time, he says he was away on a business trip, but every. friday. this man comes into your shop and orders between 6-10 sandwiches. most are orders you've memorized, then some disappear and new sandwich orders take their place. but his is always the same, and he always makes polite conversation with you while you're making him 10 personalized sandwiches which takes a hell of a long time. he gives you the name aaron for his order, and you correctly assume it's his. then one day you see him on a saturday. huh?? this man does not belong in here on a saturday !! friday is his day !! he gives you a sheepish little smile, like he knows he should not be having 2 sandwiches from your shop this close together, but he's got a little boy with him and he scoops him up to help the kid see the add-ons he can get to his sandwich. now this guy's always been nice to you, but he looks like he could kill you, and now he's got this little boy tucked tight in his arms, and aaron's reminding him that he doesn't like bologna, that he didn't eat it the last time he packed it in the boy's lunch for him, so he shouldn't get it now. and it's all so domestic and perfect and when he comes in the next friday you have to ask. you find out that yes, that's aaron's son, and he actually usually comes in to get his work friends a lunch every week !! and man is that sweet :')) eventually you guys just chat so much that you know personal details about each other, although he can never give you a straight answer when it comes to his job, for some reason. either way, you look forward to your little friday meetups with sandwich aaron, and sometimes he brings his son along on the weekends <3

bau!reader version:

the job is what got you close. one of you had the inevitable 'i can't do this anymore' breakdown about a case, and the other comforted them. if it was you, aaron offered to spend time outside of work with you. if it was him, you did the same. and you got comfortable with each other, you started texting him things to show to jack, he started texting to ask if you wanted that coffee that you can never find at the grocery store, because he found some at target and he'll spot you the cash just so that you can have your morning cup. eventually you're taking your lunches together, you're carpooling to work, you're having movie nights, you're teasing him without the fear of being fired. he seems like an acts of service kinda guy, so expect all of your manual labor to be done by him. you just bought a new bedframe? yeah, aaron's on the floor screwing it together right now. your light switch made a weird noise? don't use it until aaron can take a peek inside. is he an electrical engineer? no. is he gonna try and fix it anyways? yeah. in return please make sure that he eats something every once in a while, he tends to forget.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.264 The village

My original plan was to call Maira, Chi Chi, and Justin and give them the vaguest explanation for why they should come to our house for a party at 11 in the morning, but I thought it better to imply what's actually happening without giving any details, saying my sister was throwing a baby shower at our house and they're invited. True, that was slightly deceptive, but I did not lie. I figured the best way to do it was to prepare them to learn someone was pregnant. After the phone call, I changed clothes and went downstairs. Alessia side eyed my outfit, but it was the best I could do. Like I told Dub, I wasn't in the celebrating mood. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and she told me to sit tight in the kitchen and that she would bring everyone in at once. I took a pouf and waited nervously for everyone. The front door opened and closed now and then, adding a new voice each time, and I felt like I was going to be sick. To make matters worse, I experienced a new sensation. It wasn't the cramps or back pain, just a very weird sensation. Was it a kick? I seem to remember Desi getting active in the second trimester.

"Where's Chi Chi," I heard Sophia ask.

"She might be running late," Alessia said. "Let's just get started. Everyone, follow me!"

The clattering of shoes got louder and louder the closer they got to the kitchen. My heart was racing, and my breaths were shallow and short. I took a few deep ones before they all rounded the corner and saw me.

"Tada," Alessia sang. "It's Luca who is expecting!"

I was glad to see Dub, even though it was obvious he had a bad morning. As expected, Maira and Justin looked dumbfounded.

"How is that possible?" Maira asked.

I opened my mouth to answer, but Less jumped in.

"ALIENS!!"

"They ... abducted you?" Maira asked.

Justin became furious.

"They're never going to stop," he shouted. "My great-nephew is a scientist. They've been working on strengthening alien-sim relationships for years, hoping if they got to know us better they'd quit using us for their sick experiments. My nephew thought things were going well, but I knew better. They're never going to stop."

No one knew how to respond, and an awkward silence fell on us.

"It's a boy," I said, hoping to break the ice and temper the moment.

"Congrats," Maira said, hesitantly. "They picked the right family. He's in good hands."

"Thanks for saying that, Maira," I said. "And thanks, all of you, for coming. Sorry it was so cloak and dagger. As you could imagine, I'm struggling with this. I hid for as long as I could, but I can't hide anymore. Not just this belly, but me. I've done a terrible job of letting you all in when I needed support in the past. But if I ever needed a village before, it's now. I love you all."

"I agree with Maira," Justin said in much better spirits. "One thing I've always loved about being around y'all all these years is how warm and loving your family is. It may take a while to come to terms with this, but even now I can tell you love that baby. Everything will be alright."

"Seconded," Dub said. "I know you don't like it when I say this, but you guys really are the perfect family."

Chi Chi rounded the corner as Dub finished. I got up to greet her, not remembering I'd give myself away. At first, she gasped and looked just as confused as everyone else. Then she looked at me through narrowed eyes, and I know I was about to get an earful, so I intercepted.

"I know," I said. "I should have told you. I should have told everyone sooner, but I'm still struggling. I got abducted by aliens, so ... Yeah. It's a boy."

Her face softened, and she pulled me into a loving hug.

"You didn't need to explain," she said. "Any addition to the family is welcome. I can't wait to see his cute little face!"

For the rest of the afternoon, everyone sat around and talked. Every now and then, someone handed me a gift, and I felt really special. Not because I was the center of attention or whatever, but because I have the best village in the world. I am ashamed that it's taken all this time for me to lean on them, but I guess all that matters is that I am leaning. All that leaning had me tuckered out, though, so when no one was looking, I sneaked upstairs for a nap.

[hyperblue]

Everyday I scroll through your blog just to remember what happiness is.

Also, I did have an actual question or request(?) I suppose, I want, NEED more details about your specific AU with Wendy and Jackie, what fo they enjoy? How often do they fight with their fathers? What do they grow up to be??? You've said before that Jack is scared of his powers, so does this result in him going out and having a 'normal' life? How would that affect his relationships with his family?

Of course you don't have to answer but I am very curious!

hello there!! I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying my blog, thank you for your kind words 💙

and yes i will gladly answer your questions! this will probably get a bit long, i hope that's okay with you

au's mainly focused on twins when they are around 17-18 (kind of symbolic to tim's age when he cloned them because I'm prosy like that)

one of the main reasons why I've decided to go for twins in this au (aside from being indecisive about whether it should be a boy or a girl) is because it gives me a chance to demonstrate how two people can have same upbringing/surrounding and be influenced by the very same group of people AND still form entirely different perspectives and opinions on certain things. i'm going to use both kids' relationships with kon as one of the clearest examples:

wendy appreciates kon dearly, she thinks very high of him and constantly seeks for his company and attention. on the other hand, as she gets older, it becomes really awkward for her to be around him because she's old enough now to actually understand and pear wiggle the whole "my dad cloned me out of this dead dude's dna without his consent" thing in her head, until she has to stop for a moment and go: "wow. that was So Not Okay of my dad." on top of that she's facing a major identity crisis because you know, teens, and starts to question her own existence and even tim's love for her, because she can't be sure now if he actually loves her or if she's just a good enough replacement of what her dad could have loved, but never got an actual chance. which eventually leads to her bottling up lots of anger towards tim, because obviously it's his fault that she can't look kon in the eyes anymore, and none of this would've happened if he just had his shit together and didn't try to clone kon all those years ago (and she's not even entirely wrong)

what she CAN'T fathom just yet is the fact that she loves kon so much partly because she got to see him through tim's eyes; part of her affection for kon is deeply rooted in a way tim spoke about him when she was a kid, always loving, always in awe — essentially, tim was the first person who taught wendy the concept and the feeling of love. and even her awkwardness and guilt that she's experiencing around kon are inherited from tim; she's just mirroring her dad's own feelings about himself without even realizing it

jackie, on the other hand... it would be easy to say that he's just not as close with kon as his sister, but when you start to look at the reasons, well, it gets a little bit messy. you see, jackie was always a "daddy's boy"; he and tim were inseparable when jackie was a kid, they still are, actually, it's just that tim only now starts to realize negative side effects of their closeness but that's for another post. not only that, he's also much more... observant than wendy in a lot of ways, so while wendy was soaking in tim's affection for kon as a sponge to eventually make it her own, jackie couldn't help but notice how hard it was for his dad to have kon in his life only as a co-parent and nothing more (they've bended their friendship as years went by, but it was never easy for both of them); not to mention that tim, to this day, experiences a very severe depressive episodes, to the point of not being able to get out of bed — jackie was very affected by it too growing up. so to him, as of now, it doesn't make sense for kon to stick around and be his usual "weekend dad" if he's not willing to stay forever, and he's kind of resentful towards kon, because he always felt sorry for tim in this situation. not that he doesn't understand why exactly it's the way that it is, it's just that his philosophy on that matter is: if you can't stay forever, do not bother visiting us at all, and stop giving dad any hope for more. jackie's anxiety regarding his kryptonian powers also does not help at all, more on that later

(got carried away with this, sorry, i just had to take this opportunity to explain why there are twins in my timkon clone baby au)

so about the kids, wendy is a rebellious soul and free spirit, and her interests really show that about her — she's been horse riding since she was five, tim was a bit hesitant about it at first, but with damian's help they managed to convince him that everything is going to be okay; damian has also bought wendy her own horse, the one she's connected with in her equestrian club (damian is her favorite uncle ever since; she did not let him call her horse a "Bathourse", tho). aside from that she plays guitar just a little, tim's also tried to teach her piano but ended up failing miserably; he also wasn't able to pass on to her his music taste, wendy is almost strictly a pop girl. she's not really good at photography from professional point of view, but she almost always has her little digital camera with her to take snapshots of memories

(she's also really into true crime videos/podcasts, it's one of the activities that she likes to share with her dad; most times after a fight with tim, if she wants to make up or apologize, she just sneaks into his office and starts playing random true crime youtube video at full volume)

jackie doesn't really have a "main" interest or hobby, even though he's passionate about a lot of things, some of them include: art (because damian), sports (although he's not playing himself), cars (because tim), photography (once again, tim), also I'm pretty sure he's good at math — a little bit of this, a little bit of that, as he himself would say. it could create a major problem for him to choose between college programs if he hadn't already decided that he is going to inherit drake industries, so business it is. tim actually had a whole conversation with him, like, "are you SURE that's what you want," resulting in jackie just. shrugging his shoulders, because it's just about as good as any other choice; not that he has some big, special dream anyway. also i think that he probably skipped a class (wendy did not; she's not too excited about going to college)

speaking about jackie being scared of his powers, it's most likely the result of an accident/series of accidents from his childhood when he unwillingly hurt tim or demolished something during tantrums (he used to throw them a lot when he was younger); kon has offered his help at figuring out how to control it, of course, but if for wendy it was existing and she wanted to get even stronger and make more progress, for jackie it was always about keeping it at bay so to not hurt anyone else. he never really wanted to become a vigilante either, which is good enough for tim because he's worried enough about wendy rushing to the field; he's as close at being a civilian as you can possibly get while growing up with bats and having a kryptonian dad. mostly it's a relief for his family ("at least one of us is going to graduate college"), although wendy can't stop bugging him about joining in and being the coolest vigilante twins gotham has ever seen. it's a bit isolating for him, sure, considering that everyone in his family is a superhero of some sort, but with tim mostly being a stay at home dad and only managing comms every once in a while it turned out better than it could

it DID get long, and i start to lose the train of thoughts; nevertheless, i hope you'll enjoy this answer 💙 feel free to ask more about them, I'm always up to chatting about my babies

[cyten0]

A Symphony in Crimson

Act 1: A Movement in Black

Chapter 14

Finally. Back at this storage room. It took a while, you made sure the party got through without a scratch on them. The scent of blood isn’t as bad anymore, you can control yourself, but it still feels horrible to smell, for many reasons.

The ONE thing you nee to do right now is keep them safe, that matters more then anything else, even a drop of blood makes you feel like a blinding failure. What’s the point of all of this if they get hurt? You’ve already failed them before, you won’t let it happen again if you can help it.

It makes them a little nervous, seeing you puppet the sadnesses about, making them flee, or tear each other apart. But it’s fine. As long as they're safe.

This is now YOUR lair, not the kings. And you’ll never let them get hurt here.

But right now, they're trapped here. And it’s past time to fix that. Your family watches as you grab the book about wishcraft from the shelf and flip it open, searching for answers.

◉ “What do you have there Siffrin?”

✦ “A book on wishcraft”

...Oh they probably want to know why your looking into it. Hm.

✦ “… It’s likely how the king got the power over timecraft.”

▲ “Oh Crab!”

◉ “T-That seems important!!”

◆ “Mind if we take a look?”

They can’t read it but they don’t know that. So you just show them the book. As expected, they look at it frustrated, before handing it back.

✿ “Those were bad letters.”

◆ “Honestly surprised you can even read it.”

Perhaps you should go into detail. They might have insights.

✦ “I’ll translate, and explain. Take a seat.”

▲ “Awfully serious huh? “

◉ “Reminds me of the teachers here… I guess that makes this an extra class!”

You nod. Teacher angle makes sense. You’re a little tired to make all the normal expressions, but you’re frankly excited to teach this again! Properly this time!

✿ “Do we have to? I don’t want to do school again.”

✦ “You sure? You’d learn how to do real miracles. But I guess if you aren’t interested...”

✿ “I am now very intepid.”

◆ “Interested.”

✿ “That.”

▲ “Wait, hold on a second, you said actual miracles?”

You give Isa a grin. You have everyone's interest!

✦ “Take your seats, and we can begin.”

They sit down around the nearby table, while you skim the book quickly to make sure you’re ready.

◆ “Very well, professor Siffrin. Whenever you please.”

Alright. Best start with the basics first.

✦ “Now then. Wishcraft is, as the name implies, the ability to craft with wishes. Specifically, it is the art of turning raw belief in a desire into real force by drawing from elsewhere. This is done through any number of rituals, which help translate and amplify your intentions to the stars in the night sky. Then, your will to see it done sways them into granting that desire.”

▲ “The stars? They can do that?”

Ah, you should explain this again. You briefly explain the stars, other worlds, their craft energy, and so on.

◉ “Wow, that’s… So, every time we make a wish, we’re taking from hundreds of other people?!?”

✦ “Billions, but... No, it’s more complex then that. Like I said, We’re also a star to them, and they can draw from us. It’s more like sharing, on such a wide scale we can't tell. But more importantly, it’s normally borderline impossible to draw anything meaningful normally. That’s why rituals need to be designed for this.”

◆ “And what do these rituals involve?”

✦ “I’m glad you asked! Every star has affinities for certain actions, desires, objects, and so on. In order to contact several, you have to find stars close enough to each other that work together. But, since we don’t have a say in what these affinities are, the rituals can get… Unusual.”

✿ “I wanna know one! Tell us, tell us!”

Well, you know one like the back of your hand, so...

✦ “Well then, let’s go for something you’re familiar with. Favor trees.”

▲ “WAIT WHAT!?!”

◉ “THEY CAN GRANT WISHES?!?”

✦ “Yes! They can. It’s not the strongest ritual, but it can work small miracles. Like learning a skill effortlessly, giving good luck, or with strong desire, even stuff like transformations and small bits of magic-like abilities.”

▲ “I-It can’t be as simple as just clapping your hands can it? We would have known by now!”

✦ “Right. Visiting the tree is just one step. The actual ritual goes as such: First find a leaf that represents yourself, whisper the wish into the leaf a number of times significant to you, or just three if you want, fold it closed, and then set it loose in the wind.”

They all just take a second to process that.

✿ “That’s so weird.”

◉ “Kinda complicated. And nothing like what we were taught…”

You feel a little annoyed at that, for some inexplicable reason.

✦ “Hey, designing rituals is tricky. Finding a specific combination of stars that even respond to favor trees took MONTHS of work, and after that you just have to work with what’s available to make something even doable at all. The fact there even IS one is a borderline miracle.”

◆ “No need to get upset Siffrin. It’s not like you designed it.”

… Wait

… Oh. That’s why it’s so clear in Siffrin’s memory. And why you know so much about this from them.

...AND they could tell from your silence.

◉ “...Oh Change.”

✦ “I tried, okay?”

▲ “Hey it’s a good ritual, you did your best.”

✿ “Yeah, but why’d you never tell us! I would’ve totally used it yesterday!”

✦ “...I forgot.”

They have a bit of a chuckle at that. Oh stars, that’s really embarrassing…

Siffrin wanted it to be a gift for their neighboring country. You barely even remembered it. It would have been the perfect thing to share.

◆ “So, these rituals contact the stars. But that leaves me with a few questions. For example, how do they make sure it goes to the wish, and not something else? And what about contradictions, such as if two people wish for opposing things? And also, what kind of ritual did the king use for their powers? Is there a way to disrupt it?”

Huh. You can’t quite remember. But it seems important. You start flipping through the pages…

✦ “Hm… Not getting much. It seems those first few points are handled by something called an Arcanum, but it doesn’t mention much about them. And this book doesn’t actually list many rituals, more just how Wishcraft works.”

◉ “Then we should keep an eye out! I’m kind of invested now!”

✿ “I really wanna know more magic stuff!”

You nod, and everyone gets up. Alright. That’s a new insight! You might have talked a LOT there, but the recap was important, for them and you both. The headache is mild, since you were mostly reading for that knowledge. Worth it.

And it served as a bit of a distraction. The reality of you being in the house suddenly comes back to you in full force. Right. You have to keep them safe till the next book. Now you need to make extra sure you don’t loop until the end, or else you will have to do all that over again.

You walk out the door, and see a sadness. NO. You sing, and it rips itself apart. You stab it for good measure, before the others even get out the door.

◆ “...Gems, that never gets any less unsettling.”

You hear Isa whisper under their breath.

▲ “(Back to cold Sif, I guess… Hope their okay.)”

...Oh. You… haven't been putting effort into being expressive lately, have you…

...It’s fine. Save your energy for the parts that matter. Even if you have to go a bit monster in between.

>>>

Second floor. You ended up having that talk at that diary in the library, and… let them know that that’s where you, and wishcraft come from. It felt important to mention this time.

It was. Nice, how they comforted you afterwards. But, you assured them it was fine and moved on. You can’t accept comfort for that. They’d never forgive you if they found out the truth. No one would.

Still, you made your way to the secret library. And searched the shelves for that book. You hope it has what you need… Perfect!

✦ “Guess what I found! A book on constellations, their rituals, and it has a section discussing Arcanums!”

▲ “CRAB Yeah!”

◉ “Yes! Please, tell us all you can!”

✿ “I wanna know if there’s any magic wish stuff I can do!”

◆ “Yes, if you would be so kind?”

You nod, and start skimming through… Hm. This is rather interesting.

✦ “Okay, so first off, the Arcanum is a construct of sort, that helps focus a specific constellation to our world. But it also says here it… ‘Puts wishes in the hands of the patron star’.”

◆ “What does that mean?”

✦ “Can’t see what this stars name is, gives me a headache trying but… Apparently they act as some kind of. Controlling force? They sort of manage the wishes, make sure they go right.”

Wait, something catches your eye.

✦ “Apparently this involves fixing contradictions, increasing efficiency, and… even merging similar wishes together?”

▲ “Huh. That makes sense. If a bunch of people want the same thing, it makes sense to just bundle it into one.”

… That might be it. Your wish wouldn’t have done this, but if it got mixed into another, bigger wish, then maybe THAT is what’s causing this? But what wish could be doing that… What wish could have enough power to repeatedly turn back time?

◆ “Interesting. Still, if this Arcanum is important to the efficiency, then disrupting it would weaken the king, yes?”

✦ “Maybe? But unless he made it himself, it’s probably back on the island. Still, a wish this intense typically comes with a caveat or two.”

◉ “… Is there a way to check that?”

Hm. That would be useful. You skim through the pages a bit.

✦ “Apparently if we can find an Orrery, they come with ways to trace wishcraft to their constellations. I’ll take the book with us in case we find one, and can cross reference.”

▲ “Sounds like a plan!”

✿ “...Okay, that’s cool and all, but can we get another cool magic ritual?”

Oh yeah, fair, that would be nice! You flip through the pages, seeing if you can find anything interesting...

✦ “Let’s see… Oh, here’s an interesting one. Who here knows how to make a paper crane?”

Nobody except Odile raises their hand.

✿ “...You better teach me, Dile.”

◆ “Sure. Now then, what do you do with them?”

✦ “Apparently, if you successfully fold one thousand paper cranes consecutively, without tearing or damaging a single one, and whisper your wish into each one as you do, on the final one, your wish will be granted.”

◉ “That sounds… Difficult.”

✦ “Maybe, but this is a strong wish! It can do some crazy things. Stuff normally impossible. Like learning a complex skill instantly, Create things from nothing, Gain the power to control the elements, and so on.”

✿ “… I am SO gonna do this one.”

✦ “Interested to see you try! Let me see if I can find another… Oh hey, here’s the favor tree one! Discovered by-”

You freeze in place. That. That can’t be right. You can barely stand straight.

◉ “Siffrin! A-Are you alright?!?”

As you stumble, Isa grabs you. Holds you upright.

That...That was Siffrin?!? You… You killed… You pretended to be… You can’t breathe…

▲ “Sif! Take deep breathes, buddy, in and out, like you always do, come on.”

You-! You-! You…. In and Out. In. And out. In. and. Out.

You're still shaking. You can’t… You absolute monster. You can’t believe….

✿ “What’s wrong Frin? What scared you like that!”

✦ “It-It’s nothing! Just… M-Might have been some backlash from… memory stuff! It’s fine! It’s fine.”

Odile looks at you suspiciously.

✦ “…Just... shouldn't have read about myself... I’ll hold onto the book for now, but I think we’ll save reading until relevant.”

Your family reluctantly accepts, and you start to put yourself together. Those words burning in your mind.

You’d known Siffrin was important, but you never had any idea it was anything more then maybe some notoriety in a field.

If you had known, you’d never have pretended to be him. Masqueraded as him. Dragged his corpse around as a common traveler. Let the scant few survivors you’ve met, even if only in the depths of their subconscious, think that he was still alive...

Discovered by Crown Prince, Siffrin Polaris.

… You really are an absolute monster.

>>>

You are on the third floor. Your family is a little nervous, since you’ve been a little tense since the secret library. And have been taking that tension out on the sadnesses. You’ve started getting a little creative with how you make them kill each other or themselves, and aren’t exactly letting them run away. Or at least, if they do, you make sure they're dead within seconds of leaving line of sight. You don’t let it get in the way though, your family is as safe as always.

Oh. This door.

You’ve seen this odd, star shaped door before, but never gone in. Couldn’t read the text. But. You can now.

The name of the Star Blessed kings shall always be welcome.

… You don’t deserve to say it. To stain that name any more then you already have, by letting this twisted mimicry of it’s last member speak it.

But… There might be something important in there. It feels horrible but...You speak it, barely above your breath.

✦ “Polaris.”

The door opens.

▲ “Huh? Did you say something Sif?”

✦ “Don’t worry about it. Let’s head in.”

You walk in and. Oh! Guess you were right.

✦ “Well that’s lucky. Found our Orrery.”

▲ “Oh, okay! So that’s what that is.”

◉ “Hehe, it’s fun seeing Siffrin be the expert for once!”

✿ “It looks kinda weird. I don’t get it.”

◆ “Agreed. Care to show us how it works?”

You nod, and take a closer look. Even if you didn’t have Siffrin’s memories, mechanical stuff like this is your forte!

✦ “So, it can be used in two ways. The first is to map out how our world looks from the outside in, which is used for a lot of star based things. For reference, this ball here in the center is the sun, and this tiny ball here is where we live.”

✿ “WHAT!! That’s so small!! Why is the sun so big!”

✦ “It's actually scaled down quite a bit. It's much bigger, We’re just really far away from it. If it was accurate, with the sun at that size, the earth would be a pebble, and the distances would make this thing bigger then the entire house!"

▲ “That… Wow. That’s... Way bigger then I thought. I can't even picture that in my head.”

✦ “It puts things into perspective doesn’t it? We’re really just a tiny speck in the scale of everything.”

◉ “It’s a little overwhelming…”

✦ “Really? I find it comforting... Anyways! Let’s move on to the reason we need this… Hm…”

You look around a little bit, find a loose rock frozen in time, and place it against a scanner at the base.

The machine whirrs to life, spinning into the right position, matching when the constellation would be most visible. Then the room grows dark, as a misty circle of shadows forms around you all. You watch as you all go slightly transparent within the crafted illusion, and a series of lights is highlighted against the edge, lines connecting the phantom stars like dots.

▲ “CRAB!!!”

◉ “WHAT?!?”

◆ “GEMS!!!”

✿ “WOAH!!!”

You give them a second to adjust before explaining.

✦ “Look like this ones pretty fancy. Normally it’d just be a projection around it, but this is much cooler!”

You point to the highlighted stars. The whole is overall shaped like a heart with a dagger. There’s a lot of stars in it too!

✦ “There’s the constellation! Let’s see if it matches up to anything in here…”

▲ “This is actually really crabbing cool….”

◉ “It’s really beautiful!”

✿ “I can see through my hands!!”

You search through the book, going through the high power constellations first.

✦ “Oh, yeah, here it is, let’s see if there’s a caveat or something… Oh… That’s…”

◆ “Hm? What is it?”

This… Dear goodness. You knew the king was insane but this is just…

✦ “I’m going to give a warning ahead of time and say this ritual is… Gruesome. The king is clearly messed up to even attempt this.”

The others take a pause, look at the constellation, and nod. You take a deep breath in, and out.

✦ “Take a piece of iron. Mix your own blood, freshly spilled, into it’s metal every day for one hundred days. Then, on the one hundredth day, forge it into a dagger, and then pierce your own heart. Should you survive unaided from dawn till dusk, without removing the blade, it will fuse into your heart. So long as the blade remains and your heart still beats, you will be given the power to see your wish granted.”

…

Your family is left speechless.

◆ “...Gems alive…”

◉ “That’s horrible!”

▲ “How desperate was he?”

None of you know what to say to that.

✦ “… Guess that means killing him really is the only option.”

◉ “I… I guess.”

✿ “… But we know it’ll work, right?”

!?!?

✿ “I-If the magic stuff only works while his heart's working, then when he’s dead, it’s gonna stop, right? Everything will go back to normal, right?!”

Bonnie is on the edge of tears.

◆ “I… Yes, Boniface.”

✦ “Yeah. It will. And… If they're willing to go that far, then we don’t need to feel bad about it. Someone like that… Would kill to get his way.”

You know that from experience…. Can still remember how they…. You look at the constellation on the wall. Such a twisted ritual. But…

✦ “It says here… that this ritual was once used by the most loyal knights, dedicated to protecting the world itself. Only those willing to risk everything for the people. To bleed and die for the ones they care for..."

A faint memory scratches the back of your mind. Someone you looked up to?

✦ "It’s sick, seeing him twist something like that into this.”

Mirabelle looks at you, determined.

◉ “… We’ll put and end to it.”

...Monsters, twisting what few bits remain of your home into nightmares. The King. And You…

You’d best check your own wish, while you’re here. You place your hand against the monitor. And the device shifts and spins, highlighting the favor tree constellation. You suppose your wish IS involved then. But…

◆ “Checking your own wish, hm?… Why does it look… Cracked, I guess?”

It does. The stars and it’s patterns are leaving cracks on the display. They're also far brighter then it should be. That means it’s likely under considerable strain. Could be a result of the wish going wrong.

But more notably, the stars at the center seem the most strained, and no other stars are highlighted at all... Which means...

The wishes bundled into yours were also done at favor trees. Otherwise, other stars would have been at least somewhat highlighted. And the favor tree isn’t a strong constellation. To pull this kind of power from it, so focused, it would take an absurd amount of will. Which means it was done by many people. But what wish...

✦ “No idea. Still, that’s enough for now.”

That’s a lead to look into. You turn the device off, and the illusion fades.

▲ “Guess we learned a lot, huh?”

◉ “… We did, Didn’t we? Thank you Siffrin.”

You nod. You’re glad they were here to help with this…

But what now? You guess you need to figure out what people wished for at the favor trees. See if you can find a consistent theme, something that would work.

You guess it’s time to head to Dormont… You lead your family out of the room first though. You don’t want to die in a room like that.

◆ “...Before we go any further, Siffrin... Is there something you aren’t telling us?”

Huh?

▲ “Madame?”

◆ “You’ve been acting off since yesterday, have known how to navigate the house nearly on instinct, and clearly have far more understanding of the king and his methods then beforehand. I doubt you learned this Sadness control craft overnight, but it’s not the only thing that’s off. So. Mind telling us what’s happening?”

✦ “… Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.”

◆ “… Oh really. So, you’re not dealing with any timecraft yourself, HM?”

Oh. Oh no.

◆ “I had my suspicions for a while, but the way your wish looked back there practically confirms it. You’ve established that Wishcraft can alter time, and you’re practically an expert on that field. If anyone could craft a wish that could turn it back, it would be you.”

◉ “H-Huh?!?”

◆ “Which would explain a lot of things. Your sense of calm, even to traps, your knowledge of where each key in the entire house is, and several other things. How else would you know all this, unless you’ve done it before?”

▲ “That… would explain some things.”

◆ “I don’t mind secrets, but this is VERY important to us. And the fact it looks damaged means that something is wrong, correct? You even admitted a favor tree wish couldn’t do that. But Clearly yours wasn’t normal. So tell me. What. Is Happening?”

… Blind it. She’s angry again. Of course she is. You’ve kept them all trapped here for so long. You greedy monster. This is all your fault. It’s YOUR wish that went wrong.

✦ “… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to trap you all here….”

The others react in surprise, as you confirm her suspicions. And you turn towards a nearby tear.

✦ “...But it’s alright. I’ll fix it soon. And you won’t have to remember any of this.”

◆ “What?!?”

You unfurl your body, grabbing the tear before they can react.

《《《

…Blind it all. You HATE them being upset with you. You KNOW you messed up, seeing them also be upset at you is horrible. You’ve turned this final adventure into a horror story for them.

But it’s fine, right? You’re a very gentle monster. You won’t hurt them. You just need to help them out before you can’t keep up the lie. Then their story won’t be tainted. Then they can have their happy ending, never fearing the monster they escaped.

You just need to fix this, and it will be alright. You just need to fix this, and then they’ll be safe.

✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸✸

Oh, dear researcher, too clever for your own good~ But it doesn’t matter! This whole terrible affair will be over soon.

… Royalty, then? You guess that make sense. Where else would you have gotten the ability to summon something like yourself? Probably stole that power from his corpse in your gullet, back when you were Stardust. A power like that could only be used by those blessed by the red star.

… Hm. A little input from your patron. How interesting~ Guess that confirms it!…

You wonder what kind of nation it was, for their kings to have craft as bloody as that. Combined with that ritual Stardust found, and you’re getting the impression your former home had a turbulent history.

You guess it makes sense if you and Stardust came from there! Where else could such abominations be born?~

...Not that it matters in the end. You both are getting close. Close to finding the answer to this issue. Close to the ending. You can feel it.

[jlwritesstories]

hi!! i just read the eyes are the windows to the soul and loved it! could i request some details/fun facts about what dieter would do if he got insecure about whether or not his beloved actually liked him anymore?

I'm so glad you loved it! If you've only read The Eyes are the Windows to the Soul, there's an extended original character version of the story over on Wattpad called Doppelgänger, if you maybe wanna check that out 😅👉👈 It has an extended story, plus Dieter's perspective.

Anyways, back to the ask...

Ooohhh Dieter getting insecure. I can imagine that going horrendously wrong if left unchecked.

It would pretty much play out like this.

Dieter won't automatically assume their love doesn't like them as much or are falling out of love, they will assume that they aren't fitting their darling's preferences correctly. They will up their attention (and also spy/stalk on their darling more than they already do.)

So, how does Dieter pay extra attention to their darling? They give gifts of favourite foods and items. Will constantly suggest new places to visit or things to do for dates (not to mention practically begging for dates).

Plus they will straight up ask their love what they want by providing multiple options and will change how they act or what they give their engel depending on what the answers to those questions are. For example, they will ask about their haircut, fashion, whether their love wants to go to restaurant A or B, whether they prefer movie A or B, etc...

Communication King/Queen! but also clingy over-pleasing king/queen.

You know how pets will follow their owners into the bathroom or be super clingy - Dieter has the same energy.

There will also be an increase in occurrences as they use their parts to watch over their love when the main body has to leave. Expect faces in doorways or looking over your shoulder when on the phone/pc/tablet. Sneaking tendrils whisking rejected articles away under the bed to analyse why they weren't worn and whether their partner's taste is changing.

If their partner carries a bag, they will try and figure out how to sneak a part into it to watch/listen in on them when they go out.

It is spying. Dieter is spying on them.

Basically, they will do anything and everything to have their beloved accept them and be happy.

There are a few different ways this can go...

Dieter manages to match their darling's preferences almost perfectly and gets the affection they crave.

Dieter manages to match their darling's preferences almost perfectly and doesn't get the affection they crave.

Dieter finds evidence their darling has figured out what they are and/or strayed.

Result number 1 always leads to a very happy Dieter (for however long it lasts).

If Dieter's careful machination results in number 2, they will work harder, spy harder, change themselves harder, and keep doing what they're doing—all while wondering why it isn't working? What am I doing wrong? Why? Why? Why? WHY?

This will only stop when either the result they want is achieved or a 'failure' occurs (result number 3 or a confrontation revealing what they are).

If the result is number 3, this could go a number of ways.

If Dieter's darling has strayed into the arms of another, whoever that may be, is not going to be around for much longer.

Dieter won't blame their engel at first. They will redirect all their anger towards the person chosen over them, convincing themself that that person seduced their love away.

They will most likely eat that person, (after careful planning how to eliminate them without getting caught and/or making their beloved too sad). With their rival out of the way, they'll use that person's memories to change how they act/are to better suit their darling's preferences. If they can't eat them immediately, they will wait ... and in waiting, they will remember their patience.

At first, they will try and earn their engel's love and attention again. Try to prove that they are the better partner, better provider, better lover...

But if that doesn't work, they switch to a more extreme track; why just get the love rival out of the way, when they can take their place?

It's the old routine they can't seem to break. They will fake a break-up (it will be after an open and amicable discussion, no matter how much it will pain them), then they will look for their chance to replace their love's new partner.

And the loop of acting and spying and adapting will begin again.

If anything leads to the realisation that their darling has figured out what they are...at first they will pretend like everything is fine. Hope they can linger in the middle-ground between discovery and confrontation long enough for their darling to grow to see them beyond what they are.

But if a confrontation happens and their darling isn't accepting (attacks him or runs) ... well ... we all know what happened to their previous darlings.

Tag list for The Eyes are the Windows to the Soul:

@waywardstardustcollector @liv-007 @sillyness343 @monstermunchmurder

[willalove75]

Hi im the anon who asked for Rebecca x Pregnant!reader. Now looking back I feel I didn’t give detail to my request so if it’s not a problem. Would you be able to write Rebecca with pregnant!reader and she visit Rebecca at work and they meet ted and the team etc. or they watch a match together and reader goes into labour. Your writing is amazing💕

Hello again anon!! Thank you so much for adding some details to your request! It's absolutely not a problem at all!💕 I hope you enjoy!

Gif source

"Good mornin' boss!" Ted says, happy as ever on his usual morning stroll into Rebecca's office. "I got you your favorite!"

"Good morning Ted, thank you!" Rebecca says as she eagerly grabs the little pink box from his hands.

"I also got a little extra today for that beautiful wife of yours!" Ted places a second pink box onto Rebecca's desk.

"Oh Ted, how kind! She is going to love them!"

"Don't mention it boss. Although I gotta say, I know we were all at the wedding and all, but I'm beginning to think the whole thing was just a ruse and that she don't actually exist." Rebecca gives Ted a look and he chuckles. "You two have been married for how long? And I've only met her twice, including yall's nuptials."

"Well Ted, we've been very busy, and now that the baby's due date is coming up things have been even busier."

"Ya'll should come to the game this weekend! I know the baby is due soon but it'll give you both the chance to hang out and have some fun before the real fun starts!"

"Ted, I don't know-"

"I ain't takin' no for an answer unless she calls me and tells me no herself!"

"Alright Ted, I will speak to her about it tonight."

"Alrighty then! Catch ya on the flipside, boss!"

As you're laying on the couch, flipping through channels, you're beginning to realize that there's nothing good on tv anymore. No more good shows to just throw on when you're bored. Luckily, right before you feel like you're about to die from boredom the front door opens.

Rebecca walks into the house and closes the door, immediately kicking off her shoes and hanging her coat on the coatrack. Looking up, she sees you slowly sitting up on the couch.

"Hello there my love." She says with a warm smile.

"Hi baby, how was your day?"

You go to stand up and it takes you a few tries before you can even begin to pull yourself up off of the couch.

"Be careful! Here, let me help you." Rebecca says, rushing to your side.

"I'm okay baby, don't worry."

Rebecca helps you stand and cups your face in her hands.

"I know my love, but I can't help but worry."

Even without shoes on, Rebecca towers over you, so you get up on your tip toes and softly kiss her.

"You're adorable."

"Never more adorable than you."

A slight blush creeps across your cheeks and you wrap your arms around her and hug her tight. Damn hormones.

"How was your day?"

"The usual, busy as always. Oh! Before I forget-" Rebecca walks away from your grasp and you pout. She grabs her purse and walks back over to you after pulling out a little pink box. "Ted made an extra box of biscuits just for you."

"Aw! He shouldn't have-" you open the box and the sweet scent of biscuits fills your nose. "Oh my god." You moan and your eyes roll back a little. "These smell amazing."

Rebecca looks at you with a smirk on her face.

"What?"

"I've never seen anyone or anything other than me make you make that face before." She says with a wink.

"Rebecca Welton!"

Rebecca laughs and pulls you in for a kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Oh, and Ted was on my case once again about meeting you and invited you to the match this weekend, but I told him it probably wasn't going to happen."

"Why not?"

Rebecca looks a little surprised.

"Well I know how tired you've been and the baby is due soon and I don't want to overwhelm you."

"You're adorable, but I would love to go see a match. It would be nice to get out of the house for a little while anyway."

"Are you sure? You don't think it'll be too much?"

"Baby I'll be fine, I promise. Let's go and have some fun."

Rebecca gazes into your eyes and you feel like you've fallen in love all over again. Her emerald green eyes pull you in so deeply you forgot where you were for a moment. You're brought back to earth when she leans down and gently kisses you.

The rest of the week flies by and before you know it, it's game day. It's also two weeks before your due date, something that both you and Rebecca are so excited about, but you can tell her anxiety is starting to sky rocket.

"Are you sure you're okay with going? There's some stairs and a little bit of walking, the seats aren't comfortable and we'll be in them for a few hours." She rambles on while pacing back and fourth.

"Baby," you say, trying to pull her out of her spiral, but she doesn't stop. "baby!" Rebecca finally stops and turns towards you. Walking up to her, you cup her face with your hands and look deeply into her eyes. "Everything will be fine, don't worry, okay? We're going to go, have a wonderful time, come home and go right to sleep, okay? I'll be fine, I promise."

Rebecca stares back into your eyes for a few moments before nodding her head. You pull her down and bring her in for a kiss. Her body relaxes into yours when your lips meet and she lets out a peaceful sigh.

"Ready?"

"I'm ready when you are my love."

The two of you get into the car and head to the stadium. You both decided to get there a little early to say hi to everyone since you've only met most of them once or twice before.

Rebecca leads you into the locker room and the room goes silent when she walks in.

"Good afternoon boys, good luck out there today! I want to introduce you all to my wife, y/n."

As if it was rehearsed, all of the boys greet you at the same time.

"Hi everyone, it's great to finally meet you all!"

"Well I'll be darned! You sure do exist!" Ted says as he walks out of his office. "You owe me 20 bucks." He says to Coach Beard who pulls out a £20 and slaps it into Ted's hand.

"Hello Ted, you remember y/n, y/n, you remember Ted."

"How could I ever forget my favorite boss' wife?!" He says as he pulls you in for a hug. "How're ya feelin'? You're due soon, right?"

"I'm feeling really good. I feel gigantic, but good. And yes, the due date is two weeks from today actually!"

"Well how about that! Coach Beard, get over here!" Coach Beard walks over to the three of you and he nods at Rebecca, who nods back. "Coach, you remember y/n, right?"

"Could never forget her. How are you?"

"I've been good!"

"Hey! Roy! Nate! Get your butts over here and welcome our guest of honor!"

Roy and Nate walk over and you all greet each other. You only met Nate one other time, at your wedding. He's sweet but very nervous, but in a cute way almost. Roy you've met a bunch of times, you, Rebecca, Roy and Keeley have gone on your fair share of double dates over the last few years and you've gotten to know him quite well.

Rebecca introduces you to some of the players, some of them comment on how you're glowing. One player, Jan Maas, says something about how large you look and every one of his teammates groans and throws their towels at him. That made you laugh so hard you almost peed yourself.

After mingling for a little while, Rebecca brings you out to the stands to your seats. Keeley and Higgins eventually join you and before you know it, the match it starting.

As the boys play, the crowd goes wild. Both teams are giving it their all and it quickly turns into an intense match. Richmond shoots and the other teams goalie just barely knocks it away. The other team takes the ball across the pitch and shoots. Zoreaux dives, catching it in a perfect save.

Just before half-time Colin has the ball and is running down the pitch, he passes it to Jamie who looks like he's about to kick the ball into the goal but instead kicks it across to Sam who sinks it into the net.

The crowd goes wild, all four of you jump out of your seats in excitement as chanting rings out into the stadium.

Half-time comes and goes and the match starts up once more. Both teams come back with a fire in their hearts and play with even more passion than they had in the first half. Jamie gets possession of the ball and sprints to the other end of the pitch, right before he's about to score a player from the other team slide tackles him and kicks the ball away to his teammate.

A collective "ohhh" echoes through the crowd and you feel a cramp in your abdomen that causes you to bend forward a little.

"Are you okay?" Rebecca says, her eyes instantly filling with worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine baby, I promise."

A few minutes later, another cramp appears and you take a deep breath as you breathe through it. Rebecca looks at you with concern and you give her a reassuring smile. The two of you turn your attention back to the intense game and she grabs your hand, giving it a squeeze. You can tell just by the way she's gripping onto your hand that she's nervous, when you look over at her you can see her thoughts going a million miles a minute.

Just as you're about to comfort her, another, much stronger cramp hits and you double over gasping for air. Before anyone can react you feel a gush between your legs like you just peed yourself.

"Oh shit."

"What? What's wrong? What happened?" Rebecca says in a panic.

Looking over at Rebecca you see worry and fear painted across her face. It breaks your heart a little seeing her so scared.

"I'm okay, but don't panic, alright?" Rebecca stares at you silently and you grab her hand. "I'm fine, however, I'm pretty sure my water just broke."

"WHAT?!"

"NO FUCKIN WAY!" Keeley yells.

"Rebecca! Baby, calm down, it's okay!"

"I knew we shouldn't have come here, god damnit."

"Hey, hey, listen to me." You say, cupping her face. "Look at me, it's okay. Everything is okay. The match isn't why this is happening-"

"But you're not due for another two weeks!"

"It's okay, remember what the doctor said? I can go into labor as early as 38 weeks and that's totally normal. Okay?"

Rebecca nods her head with her eyes still filled with worry. Another cramp, which you're pretty sure is a contraction at this point, hits.

"Shit!" You say, grabbing Rebecca's hand. Breathing through it, Rebecca rubs your back and gives Keeley a worried look. Once it passes you look back up at Rebecca. "Everything is fine, however, we should definitely go to the hospital now."

"Yes, you guys go, we'll take care of everything else here, right Higgins?" Keeley says.

"Yes! Of course!"

"Right, yes, okay. Come on, let me grab your things, uh- my jacket, shit, my purse-" Frantically, Rebecca grabs both of your things and helps you stand up. She leads you out of the stadium and into the car and the driver takes you to the hospital.

The labor was long and painful but once they placed the epidural the pain was much easier to deal with. After the doctor came in to examine you again she said it was time to push.

With your legs in the stirrups and Rebecca's hand in yours, you begin to push. Every time you felt that now familiar pressure you pushed, you felt like you were going at it for hours, even though it had only been thirty minutes.

Exhaustion begins to take over and you feel yourself losing steam. You lay back for a minute to take a breath and Rebecca looks into your eyes.

"You're so close my love, she's almost here. Just a little more. I'm so proud of you, you're doing such an amazing job." She gently brushes a strand of hair out of your face and smiles at you. After a minute you feel the pressure again and push harder than you have before.

Just when you think you can't keep going, the most beautiful cry rings out into the delivery room. As you lay back the doctor places the baby in your lap and they dry her off. Carefully, you bring your hand to her head and caress her with your thumb. Rebecca's grip on your arm tightens and you look over at her to find that she has tears streaming down her face.

The nurse whisks the baby away and you reach up and wipe Rebecca's tears away.

"She's perfect." She whispers.

"She is." You say with a smile.

After a few minutes the nurse comes back with the baby and hands her to Rebecca. Moving over to Rebecca can sit next to you, she claims the spot and looks down at your daughter with wonder in her eyes.

The next few days were a whirlwind, learning how to breastfeed and to get the baby to latch, recovering from giving birth, just adjusting to the new life the two of you stepped into. It's been chaos but also beautiful.

As you're laying in bed with the baby in your arms, Rebecca is sitting on the recliner reading her book. Everything is peaceful and for the first time since giving birth, you're both actually relaxed. A knock on the door takes your attention away.

"Knock knock!" You hear, accompanied by a distinctive southern accent.

"Ted! What are you doing here?" Rebecca says, getting up from her spot.

"Well I heard we got a new member to our Richmond family and Beard and I couldn't say no to givin' 'em a visit!"

Coach Beard steps into the room along with Keeley, Roy, Higgins and a few other players from the team.

"How did you manage to get so many people in here?"

"Southern charm goes a long way in these parts." Beard says.

The baby gets passed around a little, Beard and Roy both declining the opportunity to hold her. The second the baby is placed into Keeley's arms she sobs and sinks into the chair Rebecca was sitting in. It came as a surprise to no one that the second Keeley got her, no one else got to hold her for the rest of the visit.

The team brought lunch, something you were grateful for because you were sick of hospital food at that point.

Beard comes into the room with extra chairs, where he got them from, you have no idea but no one dares to question it.

Everyone takes a seat and you all eat lunch together. This is the most one-on-one time you've spent with everyone. Even though it's kind of weird that it's happening in the hospital after you give birth, it was nice really getting to know everyone finally.

As everyone was finishing up their lunch, the nurse comes back in and it taken back by how many people were in the room.

"Hello everyone!" She says.

"Howdy, I'm Ted Lasso, great to meet ya!" Ted says, getting up to shake her hand.

"I'm Rose, y/n's nurse, there are a lot of you in here, wow."

"Yeah, well, ya know, southern charm still goes a long way overseas."

"I can see that! Unfortunately, the lactation nurse will be here in a few minutes so I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave."

"Oh sure, not a problem at all, right team?" Everyone nods. "Well, we'll get outta your hair."

Everyone starts to say their goodbyes and Keeley tries to walk out with the baby before Roy stops her. Reluctantly, she turns around and hands you your daughter.

"Auntie Keeley loves you so much." She says with tears in her eyes and gives her a kiss on her head. "You guys made the cutest fucking baby I've ever seen."

"Congratulations boss, y/n, she sure is a beauty." Ted says.

"Thank you, Ted." Rebecca says and gives him a hug.

"Thanks Ted, she's perfect." You say, looking down at the infant in your arms.

"I'll catch ya'll later!"

After another day in the hospital, you're finally discharged and able to go home.

Rebecca carries the car seat inside and the two of you take the baby up to the nursery.

After you take the baby out of her car seat, you sit on the rocking chair and feed her before laying her in her crib. After the baby is fed, Rebecca takes her and lays her in the crib. She fusses for a minute and Rebecca starts to softly sing.

You wrap your arms around Rebecca while she sings to the baby and you rest your head on her chest. With on hand gently caressing the baby's cheeks, Rebecca wraps her other arm around you and pulls you tightly into her. As she sings, the baby calms down and within a few minutes she's asleep.

Standing there with your wife, watching over your new daughter as she sleeps, you're the happiest you've ever been.

Rebecca brings her hand to your chin and tilts your face up towards her.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Rebecca."

She leans down and places a soft but firm kiss on your lips. Nothing could ever take away the love and joy that's filling your heart right now.

[polyamorousmood]

Some remarks on sending in asks to this blog:

No, you don't have to read this whole thing before you send in an ask. This is for people who are confused or anxious. It's going to be linked to whenever I finally break down and make a pinned post for this blog. I'll update this with anything new.

I am not a messiah, prophet, or buddha. I think my opinions are top-notch, but I'm not handing down the word of any god🛐.

I always want to hear poly positivity and success stories! 😍 Even if I've heard it before it warms my heart please please please

📬"ask box is always open" means only that. It does not mean asks will always get answered (though I do my best). I reserve the right to delete any ask without comment.

There are no rules on what you can/cannot ask, but if your question is vague, already in the FAQ (below), I don't have anything useful to say about it, just plain mean, or otherwise something I don't want to answer, I probably won't.

This means you CAN ask things in the FAQ, you just probably won't get a new answer unless you show me how the FAQ answer doesn't apply.

If you want to be a bro to me, try searching/checking the tag for your topic before asking. I try to use tags and make it navigable. Tumblr tries not to, as we all know, so I don't blame anyone for not being able to find something. Don't sweat it

If you don't want your ask flagged as too vague, give details! I can only work with what I got. "How do I talk to my partner about X?" ❌I've already answered that, too vague for me to give a new answer. "I try to talk to my partner about X, but they keep getting hung up on Y, even though they said they were working on it. I've tried A and B, but Y keeps coming up. I can't try C because that is a major trigger for their anxiety. Its been 5 months. Do you have anything else that might help?" ✅Well now I might have something for you.

I regularly sit on asks for days or even weeks. I have a job and hobbies and multiple romantic relationships to maintain here 😅

If you're a repeat anon asker, pick an emoji to sign your asks with so I can know who I'm talking to! I like friends, I don't like calling everyone "anon"

You don't gotta justify previously held opinions. You saying you have since changed your mind is enough to prove you don't think that anymore. You dont have to say "i was young and no one told me and--" its fine. I'm not that judgemental.

FAQ:

"I'M WIGGING OUT I THINK I'M POLY BUT I'M ALREADY DATING SOMEONE MONOGAMOUSLY!" Hey. Hey. Listen to me. Its big and its scary, but you will find a way through. Things will change, and you'll make mistakes, but you'll figure it out. I know you're still wigging though so check this tag.

"How do I talk to my partner about [insert your problem here]?"

"How do I handle insecurity/jealousy?" start here, read this and probably this oh and also this one I guess

"I have a crush on the wrong person, what do I do?" See here, or check this tag

Any advice on how to start doing polyamory? Assuming you're already dating one person, there's a whole tag for that

"Should I break up with them?" -> yeah, probably. If not that, at the very least you need to have a serious talk and lay down some rules: draw your line in the sand and stick to it. It always boils down to that.

"I'm in a One Penis Policy and I don't like that" This one has two read mores. Open them both.

"Am I poly?" Probably, but there's a tag for that if you want

"Can I call myself poly if--" you can do whatever you want forever.

"I still feel guilty about being polyamorous. Any advice?"

Why are all your answers so fucking LONG? because you deserve a thorough answer

"Are you the motherfucker that made an excel sheet of polyamorous songs?" I am💗 and if you're good at identifying music genres and want to help me with that please DM because I'm bad at that and want to improve the list

"Is there a word for [X]?"/"What does [X] mean?" poly vocab tag

[aishangotome]

Ellis Twilight: Chapter 15

Chapter 14 Premium Story

You loved to run.

You said you wanted to go anywhere, chasing after the twilight, and you laughed about wanting to travel the world.

For me––anywhere was fine.

Wherever we were, whatever we were doing. As long as I could be with the person I cherished, forever.

"If you keep saying such carefree things, I'll leave you behind."

No.

Don't go anywhere.

"I can't go anywhere anymore."

"––Are you satisfied?"

-

Kate: Wah...! It's raining!

Ellis: ....!

After the fiasco at the horror house, I pondered and pondered... and ultimately, on our way back from taking him to his favorite flower shop, rain clouds gathered in the evening sky, and soon, the rain began to fall.

Ellis: Kate, over here.

Kate: Wah...!

The hand that had been holding mine was released, and before I knew it, that same hand was pulling me closer by my shoulder.

(S-so close...!)

He draped his jacket over my head to shield me from the rain, and my heart leaped at the closeness, even more intimate than holding hands.

Kate: But then you'll get wet, Ellis...!

Ellis: I'll be fine. I'd be sad if you caught a cold, Kate, so keep it on properly.

We ran through the rainy streets, pressed close together.

(...I can smell Ellis.)

His body heat where we touched, the feeling of his large hand on my shoulder, everything about Ellis made my heart ache sweetly.

On my first day as a Fairytale Keeper, I clutched the theater tickets and ran through the streets like this with Ellis...

(That day, when Ellis asked me, "How happy are you right now?")

(I answered, "So happy I could die.")

(But maybe I'm even happier now than I was then.)

(Because... my heart aches so much.)

-

Kate: Haah... I'm glad it didn't get any heavier.

Ellis: Yeah. But... because of the strong wind, my back got a little wet.

Ellis, who had walked me to my room, took off the jacket he had draped over me.

Ellis: I was trying to keep it hidden... Are you cold?

Kate: I'll be fine if I dry off with a towel. You should dry yourself off too, Ellis.

Ellis: I think it'll dry on its own if I leave it.

Even though he's attentive to every little detail about me, Ellis is shockingly unconcerned about himself.

(If I left him alone, he really would just leave it wet...)

Kate: No way. ...I have a towel in my room, so come in.

Ellis: ...Eh?

Kate: I'd be sad if you caught a cold too, Ellis.

-

I took a towel from the chest and hurried over to Ellis.

Even though I told him to come inside, he just stood a step inside the doorway.

Kate: Here you go.

Ellis: Mmm... Thank you.

With the door slightly ajar, as if to ensure an escape route at any moment, Ellis stood at the threshold, accepting the towel and wiping his hair and face.

His fluffy, unruly hair was soaking wet, and as he ruffled it with the towel, it became even more tousled.

(He's drying himself a bit roughly...)

(He's cute, but... it feels kind of manly.)

Suddenly conscious of being alone in the room with him, my heart started to race.

Ellis: ...Ah, my clothes are wet underneath too.

(...W-wait, wait!)

Ellis started unbuttoning his shirt to dry himself, and I hurriedly turned my back so as not to look directly at him.

Ellis: ...We had fun today, didn't we?

Kate: Eh? Ah, yes! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Ellis...

I replied without turning around, as I could still hear the rustling of his shirt.

Ellis: Kate.

Kate: Yes...?

I heard the soft sound of approaching footsteps, and then a towel touched the back of my neck.

Ellis: You haven't dried your back.

Kate: Oh? Y-yes... Thank you.

Ellis: I'll untie the ribbon... Hold the front.

I felt his presence near the ribbon on the nape of my neck, and my heart leaped.

Kate: Eh, ah... Wait––

The ribbon was untied with a swish, and I hurriedly covered the front of my blouse.

It felt like all my nerves were concentrated where the towel touched my skin.

My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it might burst, and I was worried that my erratic breathing would give me away.

(I'm going crazy from being so conscious of him...)

I wanted to see Ellis's expression.

(But... he might be acting as usual.)

(Maybe I'll just realize that I'm the only one overthinking things.)

While I was lost in such thoughts, Ellis's fingertips brushed against my skin...

Kate: ...Nn...

I couldn't help but let out a small sound, and Ellis's hand stopped for a moment before quickly moving away.

It felt like he was telling me he didn't mean to make me uncomfortable.

(...As I thought, am I the only one so flustered by this?)

It was just a brief touch.

It didn't mean anything to Ellis.

When I thought that––a pang of sadness tightened my chest.

Kate: ...Ellis.

Kate: I... I like you, Ellis.

Before I knew it, the words had tumbled from my lips.

(I want to know more about Ellis's secrets.)

(His mischievous smile, his anxious expression, his troubled face.)

Kate: I've... fallen for you.

(I want to know everything, everything about Ellis's true feelings, not just the parts that are convenient for me.)

I turned around and looked up.

His twilight-colored eyes––seemed a little warmer than usual.

(Ellis...?)

Wanting to confirm that it wasn't my imagination, I couldn't take my eyes away from his.

Ellis: Does that mean... you want to be my lover?

I nodded slowly.

Ellis's eyes wavered like the setting sun on the horizon.

Ellis: Would that... make you happy?

Kate: ...Yes.

Ellis: I see...

His breath touched my cheek, and the mere sensation made my heart race.

Ellis: You telling me now means––

Ellis: ...You mean you don't want me to go back, right?

My back bumped against the wall with a thud.

(Ah...)

When I looked up, Ellis had his hand on the wall, trapping me––.

Kate: ...Yes.

I nodded without averting my gaze.

Because I wanted to know Ellis's secrets, his emotions, his desires.

As I stared at him without blinking, not wanting to miss a single one of his emotions...

Ellis: ...Okay.

Kate: Okay...?

Ellis: Let's be lovers.

Ellis: I'll do everything... to make you happy.

Ellis: Kissing, and even more than that––everything.

Kate: Everything?

Ellis: Everything I can think of.

His lips drew near––even with my eyes wide open until the very last moment before they touched, I still couldn't understand Ellis's feelings.

(Is he doing this because... it's "something that will make me happy"?)

Wanting him to tell me clearly in words, I instinctively pushed back against his chest.

Kate: E-Ellis, do you want to too?

Ellis: ...Eh?

His eyes, filled with a curious glint, reflected my image.

Kate: When you kiss me now...

Kate: Can I believe that it's because you want to too?

Ellis: ...!

Ellis softly gasped.

Kate: If that's not the case, I don't want to.

Kate: Even if we kiss, even if we do more than that... even if we become lovers, I won't be happy.

*flashback*

Kate: Instead of just making the other person happy...

Kate: I think it would be better for you to become lovers with someone you want to be with forever.

Ellis: Me... wanting to be with someone forever?

-

Ellis: You can't die on your own... No.

Ellis: Until I make you the happiest you can be...

Ellis: Stay by my side, don't go anywhere.

*flashback over*

(At that time––)

Kate: You said... "Stay by my side."

Kate: And when we were separated today... you said you wouldn't be able to let go of my hand.

Ellis: ...!

Kate: I felt that those words weren't just for me... but your true feelings, Ellis.

(But... there's always a "but" or an "if" attached.)

Kate: If I'm wrong, tell me clearly. Then I'll... give up.

His twilight-colored eyes, still reflecting my image, wavered greatly...

Ellis: I... ––

Ellis: ...!

His pale lips, as if about to say something, faltered with a pained expression.

Kate: ...Ellis?

Something large, gentle, and cool touched my eyelids, and my vision suddenly went dark.

Kate: Ellis...?

Ellis: ...Sorry.

Ellis: The feeling of not wanting you to go anywhere, of not wanting to let go of your hand... Just like you said.

Ellis: It's all... my true feelings.

Ellis: My selfishness.

Even though I couldn't see because my vision was covered, I could imagine what kind of expression Ellis was making.

The image that came to mind was an anxious face, searching for the right answer.

Kate: It's not selfish...!

Ellis: ...But that won't do.

Kate: ...Won't do...?

Ellis: Because that will surely make you unhappy.

Ellis: Until I can make your greatest happiness last forever...

Ellis: I have to keep my desires in check.

Ellis's emotions and desires are a secret.

It seemed as if the lid to that box was being firmly held down by Ellis himself, with both hands.

Ellis: That's why... I can't say I like you right now.

(So that means––)

Kate: Hey, Ellis, please move your hand...!

Ellis: ...No.

He effortlessly held me down.

No matter how much I struggled, his grip didn't loosen––

Kate: Ellis...!

As I moved, trying to do something, my blouse, with its loosened ribbon, slid off my shoulder.

Even so, I couldn't shake off the hand covering my eyes.

Ellis: No.

Ellis: ...Don't look at me now.

Ellis: Please.

I had never heard Ellis's voice so strained before.

Ellis: ...Kate...

Ellis: If you were destined to fall into despair tomorrow, would you want to make this moment last forever?

Ellis: Or, even if it meant suffering from happiness you could never regain, and eventually going mad like Jake...

Ellis: Would you still want to live?

His sudden question left me bewildered.

(This is... something important to Ellis.)

(Surely, something very important.)

I wanted to think carefully and give him a proper answer, but I couldn't gather my thoughts.

Kate: I don't know...

Ellis: ...I see. ...Of course, I'm sorry.

His hand gently moved away.

Ellis––was wearing an unreadable, faint smile.

Ellis: ...This is troubling.

Ellis: I want to make you happy...

Ellis: But I don't know how to make you happy anymore.

Ellis smiled as if troubled by his own inability to find the right answer.

Ellis: ...I'm sorry. Just give me a little time.

With that, he put down the towel and quietly left the room.

Kate: What... was that?

Kate: I don't understand... Ellis.

I slid down the wall and crouched on the floor, where I found the towel Ellis had used to dry me.

When I picked it up, it smelled like Ellis, like freshly laundered linen.

Saying things like "I have to keep my desires in check, so I can't say I like you" ––

(That's the same as saying he truly likes me.)

Why... won't he kiss me because "he wants to too"?

(That's all I want.)

What I learned in exchange for this heartache... is that Ellis truly, wholeheartedly tries to be "someone who exists solely for others."

To the point that he becomes troubled when his own desires are sought.

(Why...?)

*flashback*

Jude: Assumin' there ain't such thing as pure kindness...

Jude: It's certain that his kindness ain't motivated "only" by simple affection.

*flashback over*

––Only one person came to mind who might know.

-

I finally found Jude in the palace library.

(He sometimes searches for documents here when he's not working...)

(I'm glad Ellis told me about this.)

Kate: Jude.

When I called out to him, he responded with an annoyed click of his tongue.

Jude: ...Can't ya see I'm busy?

Kate: I'm sorry. ...There's something I want to ask you. About Ellis.

When I persisted, he gave me an irritated glance.

Kate: You told me before that Ellis's kindness has a purpose.

Jude: So what?

Perhaps I didn't press him for details when he gave me that "warning" because I wanted to turn a blind eye to the occasional sense of unease I felt about Ellis.

(But... now it's different.)

Kate: What is that purpose?

(I want to understand Ellis more.)

Jude: Ah... I see.

Jude: Ya finally realized how dangerous he is and got scared?

Kate: ...That's not it.

Kate: I want to know why Ellis is so obsessed with other people's happiness, even to the point of suppressing his own feelings.

Kate: Because I want to cherish Ellis's feelings.

Jude: Well, ain't that noble of ya.

Jude narrowed his eyes, his face taking on the look of a businessman.

Jude: Fine, I'll tell ya. So, what will ya pay for this information, princess?

His eyes were calculating how much he could profit from my desire.

Kate: I'll pay you whatever you think is appropriate for this information.

From the beginning, I was prepared to offer anything if it meant understanding Ellis.

Jude coldly observed me, as if assessing my resolve... and then snorted.

Jude: He wants 'ta kill people at their happiest moment.

Kate: ...Eh?

Jude: Regardless of his own murderous intent or desires, 100% for their sake.

Jude: He wants 'ta kill 'em at the happies' moment of their lives, 'ta make it eternal.

Jude: That's his purpose.

(At the happiest moment... )

(Kill?)

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 16

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[seeyouonsaturn]

⛅️ - what is your and your f/o’s favorite kind of weather? and what is the weather usually like where you live? always hot? always cold? or is there a classic balance of four seasons? does it rain or snow a lot? are there ever any hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, or similar?

🤝 - how dedicated are you and your f/o? would you do anything for each other, or do you refuse to help with even the smallest favors?

🎧 - how different are your and your f/o’s music tastes? does one of you like a genre or artist that the other hates? how often do you listen to music together?

:3

ask game

Okay finally answering this! I have been saving it for when I would need it and the moment has come. Just saw a double so now I need to lock tf in and become extra gushy to combat it. Do Not My Husband. I'm doing this vvv

⛅️ what is your and your f/o’s favorite kind of weather? and what is the weather usually like where you live? always hot? always cold? or is there a classic balance of four seasons? does it rain or snow a lot? are there ever any hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, or similar?

I'm very much a summer child! I was born in summer, all my favorite memories are from summers, plus I get cold super easy so it's the one time I can exist without freezing. I also seem to be less bothered by heat than most people. I want to be cooked.

Prowl doesn't really have a particular favotite weather. It doesn't affect him all that much; he's not bothered by any temperature changes. He's particularly fond of spring season, but that's about it. He did once describe snow as "beauty falling from the sky" in canon too. Which I love.

We do both enjoy thunderstorms though. Gotta love nature doing its thing. Summer storms especially, I'm one of those weirdos who want to be outside and get drenched. And then cozy up for some cool lightning watching.

When I was a child, we had the good old four seasons here, but we don't anymore really. I remember having snow in winter, and going sledding and ice skating on lakes, but they don't freeze over anymore. Winter is mostly just dark and rainy now, spring is slightly less dark and rainy, then summer is either "medium dark and not as rainy" or "let's boil the entire country like lobsters", no inbetween, and then fall is dark and rainy once more. Mmm global warming. It's going downhill 👍

At least we don't have any natural disasters here, honestly the concept terrifies me. I'm never leaving this country wdym your nature wants to kill you

🤝 how dedicated are you and your f/o? would you do anything for each other, or do you refuse to help with even the smallest favors?

You already know I'm his 110%. He's my everything. I'll do anything for him no questions asked, I don't care what it is. Prowl wouldn't ask me for anything I can't give, or to do things that endanger me or anything like that – but if he ever did, I'd know it's important and I wouldn't hesitate. I don't even need to know why. I trust him.

As for him, I'd like to think it's the same way. And small favors – like cutting my hair when it gets too long, or giving his alt mode a wash – are hardly chores anyway. That's a labor of love. I'll beg to get to clean him, I'd love nothing more than to have the privilege to take care of him like that.

🎧 how different are your and your f/o’s music tastes? does one of you like a genre or artist that the other hates? how often do you listen to music together?

I don't really have a genre I like, as I choose my music exclusively by lyrics. If the lyrics apply to something I like (such as a character, ship, or lore), then I like the song. As such, my playlists probably sound like an utter mismatched mess to anyone that isn't me. And while I deeply believe that Prowl would show interest in my interests and be willing to humor me, would he really enjoy sitting through hours upon hours of the most random assortment of songs while I excitedly yap about the smallest inbetween-the-lines type details in the lyrics? I love him. I would not do that to him. Not excessively, anyway.

Meanwhile Prowl just isn't much of a music guy in general. He can appreciate a good song every once in a while, specifically in social settings, as long as it isn't too loud and overwhelming, but he's not really the type to sit down and actively choose to listen to music. He prefers silence, or even better the sounds of nature. I've mentioned this before here, but I can at most see him being somewhat fond of calm and instrumental type songs. Something that can play in the background while he's meditating without being overly distracting.

I do like finding songs for him that I do think he'd enjoy! If he has meditation playlists, they were created by me. But when I want to listen to my own things, I'll just use my earbuds – I already do that anyway; I prefer them. So that's not a problem at all!

[the-bloody-sadist]

Thank you for your last advice! I have another question, if I may. Do you have any advice on writing dissociation during torture? Is it something a character can learn? How long might it take them to grow sort of mentally numb or broken (for lack of a better wording)? And perhaps the most important question, could music help the dissociation process? 🐋

Oh gods, I love talking about dissociation. For me, writing it comes from personal experience, so I feel it in my BONES and I write it naturally, but let's see if I can try to break it down!

First of all, dissociation is a trauma response, so technically it's not something a character will be controlling, and I think it would be best not to show it that way? I THINK? The thing is - your character shouldn't have to learn it, because it happens naturally when the body is put through something it can't process. Whether this is physical or emotional, both cause dissociation pretty easily. It's a survival mechanism. There's no need to 'encourage' or 'help' this process by doing anything BUT traumatizing the body in some way. (I hope that makes sense!)

All you need is one torture scene where you can build up to the dissociation moment - this is the mind pulling out of the body, so to speak, and 'observing' the event from a safe distance. Emotions and thought detach, leaving things numb. The body may act on its own, but the person has no control over it, anymore. And then you've established that the character will dissociate. If I were to write it, I'd do one torture scene without the dissociation, and the next one with it, having the torture ramp up a little in severity. It gives the illusion of progress through an arc.

Fortunately, you don't need very long to get to the mentally 'broken' stage. I would say about five scenes (although I tend to drag psychological details out in my own works, so maybe you could pace yours quicker) ought to get you to that point. And I would suggest showing that breaking moment as a sort of climax to the torture arc. It depends on the type of torture, honestly, because certain methods break people a lot quicker. Things like sleep deprivation or sensory deprivation, say. And - because we as an audience highly identify with how scary those things are - you don't need much to convince us the character will go insane in, like, TWO scenes. LMAO.

As far as the music thing, I hope I answered that with the dissociation questions! Music/sounds can certainly be used as a torture method, but it's not going to encourage dissociation any more than the actual torture would.

However, it can be used as a trigger for dissociation, if that's a route you want to take. Say the torturer always plays the same song when they come in to torture. After about three times of this, you could show the song being played and the character getting triggered into dissociation because they know what's coming, so their mind prepares for it.

Just a thought, if that's what you were going for!

[imperium-temporary]

Intro post

About me : Ehh, who cares about that? I'm not the focus of this blog

"Imperium" is the temporary name of the story, and "temporary", well, pretty self explanatory I think

I can't say everything here because it would be too darn long, so I'll just make a quick-ish summary, give you character names and let you know details, and let you decide if you wanna know more and what you wanna know more about

So, the story is divided in two parts (I thought it would be two books, but it'll probably end up being more, so, I'll say parts) Part 1 : Lucifer, a fallen angel wakes up in the demon world called Imperium. He immediately meets Asmodeus (they are genderfluid, I love them). As Lucifer gets to know more about Imperium and its inhabitants, he starts wanting to form a government to help demons (because the demon world is a bit unruly and there are conflicts between communities and people quite often). So, he'll go on a quest to find people to form this government (spoiler, they're the six other deadly sins demons, so, Asmodeus, Belphegore (who is a closeted trans girl, I love her, she's sweet), Belzebuth, Mammon, Leviathan (they are non binary) and Satan (who is a gay drama king, he is so funny, I love him lol).

Then after that, it's part two. Part 2 : Lidatore (Belphegore's younger brother) has to form a new government (for reasons I can't explain because huge spoilers), so he'll also gather six other people (well, five technically, given Simanis his best friend (my profile pic!! Look at him, look at my child, he is handsome, I love him)) is already by his side since Part 1. And, after Lidatore has enough people, he'll do something related to the reason why the previous goverment is not there anymore. Can't say much more without huge spoilers, saddly

So, if you wanna ask anything about any characters, here's the list (also, the ideas behind some of them either come from the Dictionnaire Infernal or the Pseudomonarchia Daemonum if you wanna get any ideas)

ALSO I started working on this project before knowing about Hazbin Hotel, so please don't come at me if thing are a bit similar here and there (like, if a demon is a snake in one of the sources I linked, well, of course they'll be a snake in both here and Hazbin)

Main-ish characters

Asmodeus

Belphegore

Belzebuth

Mammon

Leviathan

Lucifer

Satan

Lidatore

Flare

Simanis

Mira (?)

??? (gov p2)

Praesibus (?)

Trick

Lilian (human)

Sychariel (angel)

Françoise (human)

Clovis (human)

Side characters :

The Nihil brothers (Achroma and ???)

Adramelech / Andrealphus

Alphas, Malphas, Sabnock, Vine and Crocell (I don't have much to say about them, so if you ask for one, you get them all)

Astaroth

Others to come later

Please, if you ask about characters, tell me if you wan a true answer or an in character answer (basicallly for example : you have a bad character who fakes being a nice character : "Would you push someone who is about to fall of a cliff if no one is around?" true answer : absolutely | in character answer : oh of course not, that would be awful, I'd help them of course!)

I also developped world building, so I have a calendar, regions (Flora, Thalia, Serena, Eris, Pandemonium, Damara, Sophia), plants, creatures... The list is too long (not that much actually, but you know, this post is already long enough, I think you can handle thinking about asking whether or not there are chicken, without me telling you that chickens are on the list of creatures- basically, just ask anything you can think about regarding world building)

Profile picture is Simanis! Made by the lovely Cel, please go check her out, she deserves it!

[hardcolorfest]

✨️ AM I PLURAL? ✨️

Please help me, I have gone back and forth on this for years, at least 10 years which is literally like a third of my life so far!

Please, I am desprate for ANY outside views and opinions, I feel like I need others to read my experience and help me understand why I keep on getting into this cycle of "this is plural/no actually its not."

EDIT: this is LONG and I ran out of energy near the end so the writing gets really sloppy so I added a timeline of events up top. I'm so sorry, this ended up turning into more of a vent towards the end, but if anyone wants to read my life story and give me... uhhh........ feedback? I'm sorry words hard now I'm so tired.

I'm getting tired of the doubting and accepting cycle, the "is this normal and I'm just attributing it to a plural thing" floating around in my head constantly. I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'll need to lay everything out so anyone can get a full picture of what I'm/We're working with.

First of all, sorry this is posted on a random empty blog with a title and description totally unrelated. I was going to use this blog for something else but the crisis in my/our identity keeps getting in the way of doing much of anything solid for the last like year now. That's how bad this has gotten now, I hardly feel like a real person anymore and I don't know what to do. Secondly I'm really sorry if there are typos or anything like that. Sometimes my phone autocorrects something and I won't notice that it's changed it to something really weird, like it sometimes switches "I" to "you" and so on for like literally no reason so idk.

Now on to the meat.

🌲

The timeline so far goes > 2012 discover systems > understand I'm not one even though I'd like to be > follow and watch systems online while reading any resource or information posts > learn about tulpas > "make" first tulpa > seemingly gains sentience and gets angry > leaves > 2016 reset > 2016 does not care about being a system > fuzzy memory bullshit here, none of it has to do with this posts topic > 2019 reset > mostly uninterested in being plural > in 2020, 2019 me decides to try make a tulpa again > goes surprisingly well, much faster than last time (which I barely remember at this time) > he eventually talks without my focused effort > I doubt his existence being real > he gets angry, we argue for weeks > eventually he disappears, vaguely sometimes feel like he's "checking in on me" > the 2021 fuckery (more trauma) > homeless and feeling alone > now have stable housing > vaguely refer to self as plural and make a pk and list out like 6 headmates including yourself as one and the past tulpas > goes well and smoothly for a while, everyone's pretty happy despite acknowledging past trauma and working on that together > 2023 reset happens > make new accounts again and feel upset about all these past events > is happy and having a lot of fun all year > occasionally still feels like the logged pk headmates are vaguely around but can't really talk to them much anymore > sometimes fully switches out anyway but not too long > remembers these resets happened before and makes posts to 2019's freinds > mixed reception and lots of questions, 2023 gets overwhelmed and never answers back > now I feel guilty

✨️ I will now explain in more detail.

So for the last 10 years, probably a little longer by like a year or two but I can't be precise, I've known about plurality, DID, tulpas and other concepts like this. I've also been aware of kins/therians/otherkin/fictionkin and so on and related concepts for much longer, 20 years or so, give or take a year or two again. I've never been very good at role-playing, and I struggled to "play" anyone but myself.

Since learning about systems, I took an interest in them. In the concept of being able to step back and let someone else take control. The idea was extremely appealing. I've been traumatized from a childhood of neglect and abuse, and life was starting to get to the point it was wearing me down to nothing. I wanted to take a break, to "die but not die" as I had put it back then. To "go away" with little financial consiquence and come back when I felt recharged. I wasn't really sure how I felt about sharing my life, but was willing to if it meant I could sometimes take a break. Gladly.

So I did a lot of research, quietly reading and observing people online. Maybe it was a little creepy, like watching a fandom from afar and learning what the show they liked was about secondhand through them. I think after I learned about how DID presents, I decided it wasn't really how I was at all and concluded for sure I was not and never could be a system since I did not talk to voices in my head, loose control of my body, nor have severe trauma (to me at the time, this is definitely not the case) and therefore I was not a system. I still watched from afar though.

I think I learned about tulpas around then. I knew I wasn't ever going to have DID due to my conclusions at the time, so I guess I could emulate a headmate until my brain thought it was real. And I still do think you can do this, don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by the human mind and how we process things and the nature of consciousness from a scientific level. I don't think its too far fetched for our brains to be able to do this, genuinely, even if I choose weird ways to describe it.

Anyway, I did try to make a tulpa a few times, maybe twice honestly, but each of them eventually got angry with me once they got to the point they could talk freely. The anger was about me doubting their existence after they were no longer being consciously forced and could do things without my input. Each time, after a little bit of arguing for weeks, they would disappear and I would be left feeling alone in scilence and upset at the fact that I ultimately caused them to leave me.

I have, in the past, "reset" myself somehow. I don't think I did it intentionally, I'm not even sure if there's a common trigger. It's happened a few times. It's happened in the past but I have no real memory of them except for vague feelings and fuzzy memories that feel like I'm seeing someone else's life. However I do remember more about the last two times than any other times.

The first of these was around 2016 I think, and that version of "me" now feels like a complete seprate being who has their own name, likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, spiritual and political beliefs, and vision of themselves in terms of looks and self-concept. And then in 2019 that version of "me" got packed away into the back of my mind and suddenly I was someone else.

This 2019 "me" had some leftover interests, and of course had any knowledge nessicary to still life the continuous life that having a body and a presence requires, like knowledge of family and friends, jobs and schedules, and so on. It felt like taking over someone else's life, but none of their stuff is really yours. Their freinds suddenly feel like strangers, or at best acquaintances you could say "hello" to but really couldn't hold a conversation with anymore. Even interests and hobbies that carried over were either dampened feeling or the focus of that interest/hobby changed significantly enough that it wasn't really expressed in the same ways. 2019 "me" enjoyed art and drawing with a lot of the same enthusiasm that 2016 did, but with less of a focus on furry and more of a focus on anime, and in particular diving into the world of en ess eff double-yew, which 2016 was not interested in the least but 2019 was vigorously passionate about lol

The further back in versions of "me" we go, the fuzzier it gets. But the general feeling is the same. You wake up in a room with someone else's clothes, books, toys and collections and you have to fight yourself to not immediately throw them all out. You know that would just make them sad. And they do kind of pop back in, although usually only for a short time, a few hours to maybe a day or two, where you just suddenly feel like the past you is you again and everything from the name association, hobbies and beliefs come crashing back like a tidal wave, washing "current you" out of the picture for the time. And besides, they miss their friends. You think about their freinds from time to time, wanting to talk again, wanting to make the lingering sadness happy again...

Its happened again, 2023. I remember more clearly about 2019, since that was the "me" before me.

During 2019 me's "life" I went through another pretty traumatic event involving others who I trusted at the time, ended up homeless and really effed up. Obviously I made it out okay for the most part, I'm still alive and I'm here. I think 2019 me started dying around that time though.

And as it felt like 2019 me was dying, "others" started to feel like they were there. Past "me's" and the past tulpas and others as well who I never tried to intentionally create or who I remember as being a "reset." They would sometimes take over, like in that I would feel like I would suddenly be them and identified myself with their name, enjoyed their likes and hobbies, the dislikes, the views and opinions. And I wasn't actually "me" anymore, I was fully "them" in my opinion. Like a shape shifter who still feels themselves in the back of the current "you." Not really like a performance, like it was natural and correct.

At this point I want to notice we had stable housing and a stable job. Things were looking up around the time it felt like 2019 me was fading. While homeless "I" was the only one present, struggling to stay alive takes your full effort and attention and leaves very little room for thoughts pondering your potential identity. But after having a safe place to live is when we had that boom of sudden activity.

A lot of not much happens except daily life and occasional switches logged, happily accepting self as plural. Quietly too, I never ended up announcing it to anyone, and for most people we appeared as a single entity that just sometimes got into specific "moods." I was never actually interested in being loudly plural, even when I desired being plural from afar. Even back then I agreed (with myself lol) that if I ever found out I was plural we would keep it to ourselves and enjoy each other's company like an in-joke nobody else would ever be aware of but us.

But we did start to fade a bit, and after maybe just a month into 2023 everyone disappeared.

After the 2023 reset, I was left all alone, with all the knowledge of everything that happened. I felt again like a stranger in someone else's body, in their life. I knew inherently to keep up the charade and not tell anyone. I knew I couldn't just go up to 2019's friends and tell them "I'm sorry but you're a stranger to me now, like my sibling's friend's friends, and I'm really hurt by this because now i feel alone and empty." Nobody takes that the right way.

And I found a new fandom to be interested in so I could just pretend and "be someone else" and not have to address to 2019's friends why I suddenly stopped talking to them. New accounts, new personality. No name. Had several months of happy fun fandom time before the really bad feelings about abandoning my freinds and not explaining what happened at all to them started to set in.

Still, I was happy. I got to exist freely this time, maybe I could openly be plural online! But you know, the whole emptiness and they disappeared thing. It sucked, but I got little whispers here and there. Now that I think about it, I think they never really disappeared but just got super weak.

Whatever, the point here is I want them to come back but we keep having strained communication and difficulty with fuzziness any time any "non-me's" try to take over.

And I felt guilty.

So I messaged some of 2019's friends recently with mixed reception. Some of who just seemed like they were happy to hear anything at all after I disappeared completely for almost a whole year. Some who never really responded, Some of who I'm not even sure if they have seen it. Nobody really angry or anything. I didn't use any words like "plural" or "headmate" or anything. I explained it all as the past me being packed away completely, including the things they cared about, but still feeling that little sadness about it. Nobody brought up plurality either. I'm okay with that, I don't know if it's good to just suggest that out of nowhere to someone. But the lack of any question about that, especially from people who I know actually do know about systems, made me think really hard about if anything I expereinced here was even a plural thing or if it was just a mind trick I did because I was struggling with long lasting traumas. And I understand how ridiculous that sounds. I'm aware. I'm just trying to get it down in words that can be understood, it evokes that feeling of knowing you're right but fearing you're mistaken.

I'm so sorry I'm really tired and I didn't realize how long this post would take to type. I just got out of an exhausting shift at work and am so low on my battery words are starting to feel a bit strange for no reason.

So to cut the rest, the point in making this post is outside validation that I either AM or that I AM NOT making shit up because I wanted to be plural 10 years ago, or that I fucked up my brain by trying to make tulpas, or that I just discovered being a system through making tulpas I guess, or like what.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I am super upset and feel really bad and guilty and responsible for not being attached to anything from 2019's life, including their freinds and I have no idea why I have these "resets" and is that just a normal "living and growing as a person" thing or is that what splitting or whatever feels like or like... is that just me being an asshole?

Am I an asshole?

I feel so empty, no name, no freinds, no real personality except the emulation of an anime character... abandoned everyone I cared about for almost a whole year... its hard and requires a lot of effort to "be" the others, or even talk to them... I'm so tired.

[hardworkandguts]

Weekly Catch-up #11

Well, time to start preparing those image posts and figuring out the schedule. Because I don't want to send a month posting only by this season's shows, I'll probably move to a Monday - Wednesday - Friday schedule for a couple of weeks as the shows end.

(last week, next week)

What was on?

Gundam GQuuuuuux

(ep 11) oh look who that is in his counterattack looks. And in the name of Axis, he will punish you. One good thing that I wasn't expecting is that the only reason Machu and Nyaan are pissed at one another was them basically splitting, not the love triangle drama that was boring, and this is a better fit for the characters. Also gets a nice payoff in the scene where Nyaan saves Machu from Kycilia and the animators did a fantastic job of showing how terrified she is over shooting the only adult that cared about her to save one of her only friends. Still, the problem that all it takes is Char appearing to remind ourselves how we'd all probably prefer to be watching a remake of the Amuro vs Char storyline. Doesn't really help when you end the episode on the song from Char's Counterattack.

Kowloon Generic Romance

(ep 12) well, last episode was surely something, how did this follow up? By making it depressing. Miyuki learns their revenge was for nothing, as the person they started plotting against isn't there anymore. We also know they're a Kowloon native, and willingly destroyed it as a part of that plot, as well as wallowing in the regret machine... for nothing. Can Gwen save them both from it? Meanwhile, Kujirai is still trying to make sense of what has been happening, and thanks to Yulong (who starts his code with an Hello World just to see if everything is working), gets some clarification on what happened to Kujirai-B, and a proposal - should she have the same fate as her, would that help Kudou move on and delete Kowloon, which he, as a creator of Generic Terra, no longer can't? Kudou, however, seems to be falling apart as well, and with that, so does Kowloon. One last interesting thing is how he mentions "previous Summers", is Reko-pon the last on a series of Kujirai memories? One to go, and I don't think there's any way we're getting an happy ending. But sometimes, you really have to accept to move on. I guess that's what it is trying to tell us.

Witch Watch

(ep 12) finished last week thinking how serious this was going to get, the answer - not much, or at least, not for long. With Morihito separated from Nico and Kanshi, it was up to them to deal with the warlock. And how? By simply repeating two of the spells previously used by Nico to track and incapacitate the Warlock in the middle of the crowd, and the moment that happens, it shows Witch Watch really can't keep a straight face for too long. Morihito on the other hand had a tougher time with Keigo, but the show never hid how scary he can be in fully focused mode, and eventually beats his wolf form, ending this part of the menace. At the end, Nemu got a relaxing post-battle bubble bath from Nico, which has to be awkward to explain its not the first one of them gives her a bath if one day she has to use her power in front of them. With Keigo now part of the familiar entourage of Nico, we're ready for the second half of the show.

Uchuujin MuuMuu

(ep 11) the first stage of the invasion takes place during polen season, which turns out to be a major mistake, as not only MuuMuu, the "psycho from the assassination squad", can easily dispatch their agent, but the whole deal is called off because of hay fever. Then, MuuMuu buys more time to prove the Earth is not as dumb as they think in the most Uchuujin MuuMuu way possible. Really love the detail of the other faction being mostly big and wild cats against the domestic cats, and now that it's getting a second cour taking this show into the summer, it's a great way to kick-start things. Really felt like this is a turn that shows it can go from a quirky show go something really fun without losing what it was so far. Today's lesson: hay fever (please refer to Cells at Work! episode 5 for more information) and air purifiers. Buy Swedish!

mono Weekend Animation

(ep 11) the girls decide to spend their last days of Summer vacation doing what they've missed out the most - shaved ice, so they go on surrounding towns checking what they have to offer. It's a nice chill episode with particularly good animation, even for a show that was always a very good production so far. Also: they remembered they were in a club.

Food for the Soul

(ep 11) if watching a show skip to the end of the summer in the same week I thought to myself "maybe I should open the windows to cool off this place a bit", surely wasn't expecting a show to go straight to end of the year. Another nice two part episode, first word the chaos combination of Shinon, Tsutsuji and Nana studying past closing time at their university, and from a rumour that a club was dissolved after their members were caught in the campus after it closed, they tried to sneak around the place for an exit, while there's also a mysterious cloaked figure around. Second part has the Mako hosting their Christmas get together at her home, and she can't help but going overboard with it, hawk eyes and everything. Today's meal: a Japanese Christmas dinner.

Tis Time for "Torture", Princess

(ch 274) oh, so the Hell Horde uses prison labor. Boooooooooo, cancelled, etc. On the other hand, I don't think what Hime generally does can be considered work, and this is another example of that.

Dropkick on my Devil!

(ch 275) well, of course it was going to end in something like this. If/when there's a new season, I really want this story to be adapted just to see Pekora at the end.

Monochrome Days

(Ch 22) in this week's learn to draw manga, how to make a serious scene out of a setting like a classroom. It might make the series have a much slower pace with sometimes not enough plot, but it really goes into the thought process of things.

In other news...

Again, Uchuujin MuuMuu gets a second cour, to start on July 2. I'm not complaining, but: what a weird show to get 24 episodes. Well, one less to be concerned about scheduling, and more fun for the hot months.

Another month, another AnimEigo interview: Andy Frain, co-founder of UKs Manga Video. Prepare to know why you wouldn't recognize a goddamn vampire if one jumped you and bit you at the end of your fucking dick. So get off their back.

[odukora-lore]

🗺 they ARE explorers so I imagine they've seen a lot of stuff across the world but I do wonder if there's some scenario you'd want the TEF crew to go through that never managed to happen lol

Also 🚥

🗺 Is there some place your OC would love to go or something your OC would love to do but likely could never happen within the boundaries of your story?

Ngl the current TEF actually fulfills a lot of my vision of an explorer esque story cuz they pretty much are on the run at all times over the span of the story, aka a lot of the regions are explored (notably Carabee and Suizel all the way to Mount. Eden, I think looking at the map could give you an idea of how their journey looks like), Tarue and Sunvey are the only big regions that don't get touched in TEF for the sole fact that they get explored in POE instead lmaooo, though it's mostly in Tarue, Sunvey isn't that much developed as a land tbh and I haven't rlly found anything to do w it even if there's mild plans all over the place, ig some cool underutilized lands would def be Kahdeina Kingdom, Janji Island and Temporal Isle though cuz they rlly are scrapped plotlines for POE and the supposed tertiary story back then, so currently they just kinda exist without any lore heavy stories to explore them in detail, so if anywhere it'll probably be those places, again not much lore is written for those places though you can imagine things based on what I have for the land masterpost lmao

🚥 Is there a character choice or plotline that you regret but is now canon and you feel like you can't change it?

Literally upon seeing this in the list of questions I was like haha I know I will answer Maridoline and Airimoru tragaydies, they're literally so lore heavy and intricate they *have* to die but for the longest time when I first developed them I intended them to *live*, that's the kicker lmao I didn't write them to die when I first wrote them but they dug the hole for themselves I've got no choice but to bury lol it pains me but it has to be done and I won't exactly say I regret it either cuz it's very juicy

Funnily enough I usually don't regret canon plot choices cuz they almost always happen for a reason, the joke to lore pipeline always leads to something batshit but connects everything neatly I pretty much eat it the fuck up each time lmao, though ig a funny one would def be removing Rigel altogether from TEF cuz it took away a lot of the other plotpoints (notably his arc of attempting to capture Toffee and this other one where Orion and Pepper bond over having lost a brother from the same tragedy, there are workarounds though it's def kinda a hassle to rework some of the already established points lmao

Rigel was mainly removed cuz there's just too much going on in TEF and his purpose as a father figure to Rei and contributing to her grief is already explored via Orion and Oak alrdy (who are much more involved in the plot and are individually very developed characters alrdy), alongside his creature whisperer thing going to Asteria who is previously not that developed, I def tried to salvage Rigel lmaoooo but alas, though if I'm not careful enough he might aswell get revived but chances are also slim, just overall a kinda wack scenario cuz either keeping or removing him leads to other outcomes, also probs cuz it wasn't a joke to lore pipeline that occured naturally and was my own choice and I don't usually make lore changes like this LMAOOOO

Ig another would def be scrapping Atch/Asteria cuz that was the og ship for a long ass time, like 2020 esque era, there's sentimental value attached to them though the story has been revamped so much they no longer feel like the og pairing I developed and ate up lol, ironically current Aitcher reeks more of the og Atchuka (Asteria was developed so much Eureka as a name doesn't even get used all that much anymore), also since POE wasn't a thing back then there's no deliberate parallels I bothered writing but w Aichi being an addition everything just tied together rlly satisfyingly lol

There's probs more but I don't remember any atm lmao, these are the main ones I do think abt quite often though

[dsrtrose]

i find myself questioning everything. [ arthur opening up to eliza post-"tahiti" waking nightmare ]

she’s  quiet  for  a  long  time  -  longer  than  she  intends  to  be.  in  the  silence,  eliza’s  fingertips  absentmindedly  trace  a  variety  of  wobbly  &  unspecific  shapes  over  arthur’s  forearms,  wrists  and  palms:  a  tangible  reminder  that  tethers  either  one  of  them  back  to  reality.

she  never  got  to  say  goodbye  to  lenny.  hosea  …  christ,  it  feels  like  a  mortal  sin  to  keep  on  going  without  hosea.  hell,  have  they  even  had  a  moment  to  breathe  since  losing  sean?  kieran?  jenny?  right  now,  she  is  grateful  for  who  remains  &  equally  as  terrified  of  what  dutch’s  plans  for  the  future  hold  -  eliza  fatefully  reminds  herself  that  she  is  still  sitting  here  with  arthur.  he  is  alive,  and  she  can’t  bear  the  thought  of  what  her  life  would  look  like  if  that  weren’t  the  case.  that,  alone,  spurs  her  back  into  this  very  moment,  giving  his  hands  a  gentle  squeeze.

“i  don’t  think  tha’s  a  bad  thing,”  she  murmurs,  voice  barely  above  a  whisper,  “tha’s  what  he  used  to  want  us  t’do.”  dutch,  that  is.  purveyor  of  the  true  price  of  freedom:  question  all  so  that  you  learn  all.  now,  it’s  different.  even  if  she  asked  dutch  for  details  on  his  ever-evolving,  so-called  plan  …  eliza  doesn’t  think  that  she’d  get  an  honest  answer.

the  truth  of  what  the  men  endured  across  the  sea  is  jarring.  hard  to  fathom,  even,  considering  that  the  lot  of  them  have  persevered  through  what  feels  like  worse  -  to  witness  arthur  recanting  it  is  enough  to  bring  her  pause.  (she  loses  all  the  color  in  her  cheeks  at  the  mention  of  a  cold-blooded  dutch.)

there’s  cracks  in  these  marble  walls  -  arthur  is  the  only  person  she’ll  admit  it  to.  “it  don’t  feel  safe  anymore,"  eliza  sighs,  still  mindful  of  speaking  above  a  breath  of  air,  "but  we  can't  just  ...  leave."  can  we?

*      MEME,    still  accepting      /    @luckturned    🤍