#i can't fucking concentrate
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why are the fireworks so loud馃槶
#i can't fucking concentrate#and i need to study bc 10th std board exam in a few months馃憤#I get that it's their choice they can celebrate however they want but i have a headachw now and the noise isn't helping
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Obsessed with the idea of Jon seeing ghost boy come out of a book and his first thought being shit he's hot
#he's genuinely devastated by this realisation#cause this whole time he was imagining him as like just some guy#and now he can't concentrate on getting his answers#cause his brain short circuits every time he opens his mouth#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#gerry keay#jongerry#i think thats all there would be to it tho#just like a fleetin oh fuck he's hot
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They're designing Meliora his beautiful city Meliora
#i think terzo is really annoying to neccy when he is trying to concentrate on his work#he just can't fucking shut up#the band ghost#terzopolitus#terzo#necropolitus cracoviensis#my art
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re-reading chapter 15 of otnwas and my god the mental gymnastics hiccup was going through (while on a training drill and hiking through the snow btw) to try and convince himself that he didn't like jack and was only drawn to him bc jack was a good person...... my brother in thor ..... do i have news for u....
#he's literally so fucking funny and silly#CONCENTRATE ON THE DRILL MAN#i couldn't stop giggling like let's be serious for a second hic#u guys literally just experienced the 'there was only one bed' trope a few hours ago ...#otnwas#of the northmost winds and skies#this fic is everything srry i can't move on#hijack#jackshiccup text
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Holy fuck I should delete twitter. Unfortunately, the sole reason I still use it is for Broadway news. And I have yet to find a place that matches it. I set up a Bluesky account and would happily move myself over there but nobody is using it.
Please god can there be a mass migration now? Bluesky looks exactly how Twitter used to look. And it's not run by a pathetic incel like Elon Musk.
#it's been two days#and I've already had enough of people saying Trump is a legitimate choice politically#and that the Israeli far right government is correct in its genocide#and women should just stop sleeping around in order to prevent abortions#I want to vomit and punch and kill myself and all the things#the world is full of so many selfish ignorant people and I can't stand it#there is no arguing with people who don't think climate change exists#or genuinely believe Trump cares for a single human being outside himself#when has he ever stood up for any of his children for fuck's sake?#please#I can't do 4 more years of people treating Trump like a legitimate person#he is the worst of humanity rolled up in a concentrated poisonous ball#American politics#Donald Trump#Elon Musk#Israel#Twitter
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Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome
#im not even going to reply to that person im not gonna argue with someone who clearly is fucking#grading my symptoms on if they're as bad as their#guess what i also feel like fucking shit when i overeat and it causes my body a lot of stress#and it fucks with my hormones and it fucks with my mood#and i live a piece of shit horrible terrible life whenever I can't get myself out of that and somehow#but my brain makes me do it and it's hard to stop and sometimes i have to eat even when im in pain#cause that's the only way i can concentrate on something or the only way that i can stimulate my brain#even though i feel sick and I don't want to do it anymore so maybe shut the fuck up#oh my godddd#fuck that person#oh i would take overeating any day maybe shut the fuck upppp#overeating especially on foods that stimulate the brain well PUTS YOU IN THE STATE OF UNDERNUTRITION JUST LIKE UNDEREATING#YOU IDIOTTTTT#sorry this is so personal to me and someone just went on a tirade on how much they have it worse cause they don't eat#good lord go fuck yourself#that post was just because i never see anyone talk about this i only ever see the other side of the coin and it makes me feel alone
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A spell goes wrong and somehow Dean travels back in time to when he was 7 or 8 years old and Sam goes well into his future, a few weeks prior to his final death. The only way to go back to their timeline is for Dean to find someone who loves him unconditionally and for Sam to establish a real, meaningful connection with another person.
It takes them some time to get it but they eventually manage:
Dean understands that no matter how hard he tries whatever happened, happened, the damage is there and yet there's a way to change the past, you don't need to change events but you can change your relation to them. He understands that the only person who will ever unconditionally love that child/him is himself, he can heal his own wound by pouring all the love he has to give to that scared little child who'll forever live beside him.
Sam understands that he doesn't have to be the spectator of his death as he thinks he is of his life, he can take matters into his hands by establishing a real connection with that old man/his own self. Whatever happened, happened, the trauma is there but he has the possibility to take it slowly to the foreground, to talk about it, to talk with it because it is a part of him that will never change, sure, but he can modify his relation with it in order to take control of his own story. He can create a connection with himself.
Dean goes back to the future after he's hugged himself as a child and told him he'll forever be loved and Dean will never forget about him, it's a promise; while Sam goes back to the past by holding his hand as his future self dies and telling him not to be afraid, that they still have time and Sam will do whatever he can to make every second count, it's a promise.
#kind of obsessed as of lately with how the stories i like seem to concentrate a lil bit too much on changing events#like. you know. time travel grandpa paradox etc. like how people find ways to cope with the fact that the past can't be changed#and it's not true? the past can be changed like anytime but it's even fucking harder than time travel#cause you gotta see your story. the myth you keep repeating and you gotta change THAT#to change the relation with the events is to change the events themselves#everything is relation at its core. nothing is real per se. what's real is always always always the connection.#also. the promises you make to your self are the only ones that really count because they're the only ones you can act upon#spn#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#myths we live by
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maybe the true family matters is jjk 259 idk fuck sukuna deadbeat uncle fuck gege fuck drake
#jjk 259#jjk leaks#fuck off#are we really heading into the last man standing trope#fuck i can't even concentrate on narrative rn
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I keep saying I'm not gonna talk about it, but I was not ready to see a thread of libs being blatantly racist and hateful against latinos
#by poc people too no less like 'i can't wait for trump to make an example out of them' DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?#because of the voting demographic you're gonna slander a whole race of people??#sure let's do racism because THAT'S the way to solve things#fucking talking about not being able to wait to see latino children in concentration camps fuck you people are sick#this isn't what we need right now holy fuck#i feel nauseous goddamn#vent
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can the da fandumb stop throwing around words like gestapo and concentration camps about the templars/circles like please grow a braincell or three.
#tbd#like i legit saw someone saying vivienne wanted to put mages in concentration camps#the behaviour and use of these words is so deeply disgusting stop throwing those words around about the fictional fantasy game#you are comparing something in a fictional game to horrific events that deserve more respect than to have certain words#to be callously thrown around about fucking dragon age!!#jesus fucking christ#it's been years and y'all still can't be normal about this how about that lol#fandom wank
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I need to work on my essay for school the whole day today probably cuz there's no way I'll be able to finish it due Wednesday otherwise.
Pain, misery, suffering even.
#dragon's stupid thoughts#all while i can't concentrate and have unknown stomach pain#this pain isn't period related. it feels different#no gaming or drawing for me#even tho I urgently have to draw to cuz Thursday is the deadline#UUGGHH I HATE BEING A PROCRASTINATOR#I HATE WRITING LONG SCHOOL ESSAYS ABOUT SOMETHING I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND#i just hope I get at least a D#my mantra for the whole training in general tho
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless#ok gonna start rambling here a bit#vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society#in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing#drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful#i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard#sadge 馃様馃様#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames#oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school#i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor#what is up with these neurologists man#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome#don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually#and i'm fucking amazing at drawing
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does anyone know how to make an assembly in solidworks. ime fucking dying over here
#THE SCREWS WONT GO IN TBE SCREW HOLES I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOO#It only gives me an option for a tangent mate. Why.#Google says something about planar surfaces and I don't Understand#Im using McMaster Carr parts man I can't alter those to do whatever you want me to#ougghhhhhhh#my dowels work fine! It's just the spring and the screws. Why#Also I have a 10-32 scew. I am trying to insert it into a hole solidworks says is 10-32 (that I made). Why is the hole too small.#it's like. It's the right dianter but the thread??? I don't fucking know dude#This is due tomorrow I've been struggling with it all week 馃様馃様馃様#Solidworks is not my strong suit#i miss fusion :(#lilac post#My issue is like. I have a dowel and a cylinder with a hole in the middle. Dowel goes in fine#then I have a screw/bolt/anything that is going into a rectangle part#the rectangle part does not have the hole perfectly centered. It's off to the side#THAT isn't working. Why.#TRIED ALIGNING THE AXIS AND IT WONT GIVE ME A CONCENTRIC OPTION. HHHGQHHHJJJH
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me petting my Ren wip before i change it to something else because my brain can't be still
#he would not say that but it makes me smile seeing that while i draw#I CAN'T STOP FUCKING AROUND#i wish i could be faster and have more time and being able to concentrate more and having my life together and#okback to my enclosure 馃崠#not tagging this bc wip#might delete later too yeyyeyyyeyyy#actually i shoujls take a nap^_^^_^^_^^_^ yeyeyeyeye<- needs to do a lot of things and hasn't started none ohohoeheheheehee#actually i don't think you will see this finished after a long time so say byebyeee i will show another thing when i havetime and feel well#imkijnd of losing my mind but its okkk a nap can fix me everything is sofunnyyy
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why does this eczema keep flaring up on different spots i don't understand i've changed all my soaps and used special lotions and even bought cotton-only clothes gods i can't deal with this 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶
#rin rambles#how do yall deal with the itchiness oh my god#would hydrocortisone creams help#fuck man i've never had this my whole life and suddenly this happens WHAT HAPPENED 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶#did the doctor make a wrong diagnosis or something i want to perish i can't concentrate on anything sobsob#i absolutely loathe the sticky lotion feeling i am at my wits end
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today is a feeling really bad for no reason kinda day apparently
#everything SUCKS#I have a pit in my stomach (anxiety??)#self-loathing levels are pretty high too#and strangely enough I'm not about to have my period (checked my pillcase and it's not even close to that time of the month)#maybe the omelette I cooked for lunch was too oily? and now I feel slightly nauseous#also had a not-so-comfortable exchange at a group chat#but I'm probably overreacting#it's probably fine but I feel sooooooooo bad#goddamn it#I need to concentrate at my fucking report#but I can't#I want to be unconscious#and I need to learn how to SHUT UP
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