#i can't even go home and vent my frustrations because if my dad's within 100 feet he'll rush in like 'THE JEWS ARE BEHIND IT'

[tehuti88-heritage]

My Dad, Part 9

(June 18, 2024)

I misremembered this period of time as being peaceful & uneventful as my dad recovered. I guess I made myself forget how stressful it actually was.

Dad actually blamed the people at the hospital for not exercising him enough for him ending up unable to get around. He seemed to have no understanding of how much work goes into recovering from, you know, a massive heart attack, dialysis, & 4 DAYS ON A VENTILATOR. Oh, plus a newly implanted pacemaker! I'd read that recovery from a vent alone can take months, & here he was, thinking he could be up & about within days. I didn't go through nearly the amount of bodily stress he did, & I took about SIX MONTHS to feel 100% after my surgery. I have no idea how he got such wildly unrealistic expectations, but it made me worry about his future attempts to come home before he was better.

Because of his stupid stunt, he lost his hospital room, & had to wait over 24hrs for a new one. And then even after he was safely back in a hospital bed...he started calling us, wanting to come home.

Infuriating. I understand some of what he was feeling--he said he was "frustrated," feeling forgotten by the staff (well, look how busy they were)--but I can't help but feel he didn't speak up to make his feelings known. And just dismissing yourself AMA is no solution. Like crawling around on the floor, peeing yourself, while your family helplessly watches is a much better solution? Like I said...I don't understand where he got the idea he could just handle it on his own, or that Ma and I could figure it out. Even after that long horrible day, he was ready to do it all over again!

What's more, he wasn't eating very much, & he wasn't sleeping. I kept trying to stress he needed to focus especially on rest & nutrition but it didn't seem to be getting through, & the hospital staff didn't seem to be nagging him to eat like they did when I was the patient.

He hoped to move soon to a nursing center in our city, MediLodge. It had middling Google reviews but my mother said it was okay. My grandmother (Dad's mother) had spent her last days there. He'd barely ever visited her, even though she would call frequently in those early days, crying for him to come visit...I think he resented her for her emotions & neediness. I seem to have taken after her quite a bit in that regard, & I think he disliked this in me as well. AND, I think this is a reason he wanted home, so he wouldn't end up forgotten & alone in MediLodge. But at the moment, it was our only option. We weren't sure if they'd take him, though.

On June 7, he called us at 1AM asking Ma to see about getting him into MediLodge. One in the morning! When he'd only just gotten reestablished at the hospital, too. I'm not even sure he was in his right mind. My mother outright told him, "We can't take care of you here." Meaning he likely asked if he could come home again. AFTER EVERYTHING WE'D JUST GONE THROUGH. He was willing to put himself, & us, through all that again. I'm still so angry. He always called me selfish, yet here he was doing this.

I wondered why they didn't just give him a sedative. He must have been so miserable. The only thing that briefly perked him up was when I mentioned the cat, Sassy. He loves her, was always sneaking her treats even when he shouldn't have.

By June 8, Ma said he was doing a bit better, sitting in his chair & eating a little. He even got on a walker with assistance. By June 9, he was accepted into MediLodge.

I familiarized myself with the MediLodge website. There's an option to send an e-card; I'd taken a photo of a raccoon that visited the porch for food, & sent it to him as the card. To this day, I don't know for sure if they ever even gave it to him. People there don't have Internet, don't have phones, don't have their own TVs (they have to share), unless somebody from the outside brings them one, I guess? Dad has no phone, didn't have his tablet with him, so I don't even know how they deliver the e-cards...it was all so hazy & frustrating, not even knowing how they get things done. My mother made it sound like there was nobody manning the desk on weekends, just a nurse passing through or something, & it was hard to ever get in touch with people.

They also had a COVID incident page. No cases for months; they were proud of this.

June 11th, my mother came home early from her visit, saying they wouldn't let her in. COVID had been reported at MediLodge. My dad's wing was closed to the public, she made it sound like to protect the patients from getting infected.

My earlier fears about Dad catching COVID because I'd called 911 on him seemed like they could be well founded after all. GOD how I wish he'd just stayed in the damn hospital!

I'd checked out MediLodge's Facebook page, saw all the photos of patients gathered together, old frail physically compromised people, going on outings, nurses/aids with them, nobody ever wearing masks. That's right, I forgot to mention. My mother stopped wearing her mask the moment the WHO declared the ECONOMIC emergency over. And my dad hadn't been wearing one in the hospital. Neither had anyone else. No nurses, doctors, nobody.

Nobody but me.

I returned to MediLodge's COVID reporting page. It hadn't even been updated yet. Still 0 cases! When it finally updated on June 12, the number of cases was up to 12, including in my dad's hall.

By June 16, this had jumped to 22 cases. Nothing new on their Facebook though, still happy pics of maskless patients & staff.

Then MediLodge contacted us that day, Friday, to tell us we needed to appeal my dad's insurance or else he'd be sent home on Sunday. After barely a week of physical rehab. My mother's typical fatalistic response: "Well, I guess we'll have to take him back."

AFTER. EVERYTHING. WE. JUST. WENT. THROUGH. We were NOT equipped to help him!

I was having my own trouble too, my medical supplier was dragging their feet filling my supply order of catheters & such. And I'd just gotten over a period that lasted over a month. And my insides were knotted up every day. Just...no catching a break, anywhere. 😔

Seriously, what place contacts you on a FRIDAY to tell you to appeal the insurance or the patient's getting released on Sunday...? When I already mentioned, nobody ever answered phones at the desk on the weekends.

Ma decided to go to MediLodge in person to try to settle it. That Saturday morning, June 17, when I tried to kiss her goodbye, she kept her distance, saying she had a "throat tickle" & something about it concerned her enough not to let me kiss her. That was very odd behavior for my mother, she usually ignores things like that just like Dad. I'm generally the "hypochondriac."

While she was gone, I decided I was going to start wearing a mask around the house. I never had before, only in public. Never had any reason to wear one at home! I've diligently worn it out in public, haven't been in a restaurant since April 2020 (God I miss eating out), & in 3 years, I never caught COVID. And now...

I ate supper in my room alone. Door closed.

I belatedly remembered the previous night, Friday, my mother had been sniffling & I'd said, offhandedly, "Sniffling is a COVID Omicron symptom, you know."

Of course, she started minimizing what she was feeling, saying she figured she just had a cold. Sure, Ma, a cold, in June.

Not long after, she mentioned they'd given Dad Paxlovid. WHAT? She hadn't even told me until now that DAD HAD CAUGHT COVID. A very big f**king detail to omit, Ma! All this time I'd thought they were PROTECTING him from catching it, when nope, he already had it! And it was starting to look like he'd passed it along to her.

Also, if we did end up catching it, we had nobody to run errands for us, we'd have to go out in public while sick. We had COVID tests, but they'd expired. Wondered if they were worth trying out.

I started trying to figure out the timeline in my head.

I figured if Ma caught COVID from Dad, it was Wednesday (June 14) at latest, as she hadn't visited the past 2 days. She only found out June 17 that he'd tested positive, so he hadn't tested yet on Wednesday. So that was 2 days she could have been infected, & sharing the air with me.

She started showing symptoms Friday night (June 16). Given Omicron's short incubation period, that fit.

I went outside late Saturday night/early Sunday morning to put out food, & looked up at the stars. Told myself, if I catch COVID, I might end up with long COVID. This might be the last day I ever feel normal again. This moment, right here.

You never know what might be your last normal moment until it's past.

The next morning was June 18, a Sunday. The Sunday they'd originally planned to release Dad.

We dug out the expired COVID tests. I Googled whether they were still any good, but couldn't find our lot numbers anywhere. We decided to try one on my mother anyway. It turned out positive.

I waited several more hours to take one myself. It had all happened so fast, could I really be sure? But couldn't take the agonizing anymore & went through with it.

😔

By late afternoon, it was in the high 70s yet I was shivering & wrapped up in a blanket. The thermometer registered a slight fever, unusual as my temp usually runs low. Then I felt hot. Then I felt like I was getting a cold. I ran through a range of symptoms pretty fast, feeling like a weird combo of a head/throat cold, the flu, & being high on pseudoephedrine.

I went 3 years COVID free. My mother stopped wearing her mask because the WHO said the economic emergency order was lifted & that apparently meant the virus was gone. Then my dad had to ignore his health emergency, & leave the hospital AMA, end up there again, then go to a nursing home that did just about zilch to protect people from COVID until they'd already caught it. And indeed, just as I'd feared, he caught it, then passed it to her, then passed it to me. After 3 years, I caught COVID in my own home.

Now all of us were sick. Because my dad ignored his UTI.

Will share more as the days go on.

[asgardian--angels]

hey you know that quote where frodo’s all ‘I wish it had not come to me, I wish none of this had happened’ 

yeah im feelin that rn @ the entire state of this chaotic malicious world