#i can't believe i haven't written more shinsous honestly

[karliahs]

For DVD commentary, can you do walk a mile? Starting from "He considers leaving the room altogether," and ending at "There are drawings too, every now and then, detailed ones that are better than anything Hitoshi could do."

ooh, an old one! interesting to look back on because the decisions i made in that fic were long enough ago now that it feels like someone else made them

fun fact: i wrote this fic on a train, or specifically on two trains and in a coffee shop, because i accidentally got on a train that went an hour in the wrong direction before it stopped. and then spent an hour waiting in a coffee shop for a train that would go back the right way, and then for a couple of hours on a train going back.

and so while i was doing all that waiting, i wrote this fic on my phone (insane to me now). i think i may have typed a bit of it on a laptop when i got home finally, and i also think i may have posted it that same day??? kind of wild looking back on how blasé i used to be about some stuff (i would never dream of posting something now without days of editing)

i was also writing shinsou exclusively from sports festival and fanon. joint training arc wasn't in the anime yet at that time, and i was anime-only back then. so i'd probably write him differently now, but also if i'm gonna say that i should put my money where my mouth is and actually do that!

anyway!!! the passage:

He considers leaving the room altogether, roaming some dream version of the dorms, but he's still not convinced things aren't about to disintegrate the way they so often do when he manages to sleep, familiar landscapes draining away like sand, floors he's walked a thousand times suddenly giving way, dark things rising up out of the shadows.  Those dreams are worst when they're in places he knows, leaving him uneasy for days afterwards in whatever place they've decided to ruin this time. Better to stay in his invented version of Midoriya's room, even if it makes him feel bitter, and then bitter at his own bitterness. He's your classmate now, Hitoshi reminds himself. The scales are still vastly unbalanced, but for once he's moving in the right direction. 

...it is very difficult to not mentally line-edit this as i'm reading it. anyway. that thing where dreams will ruin stuff is deeply annoying. it happens to me more often with people than with places, but it is so frustrating to be like well i feel weird talking to this person now because my brain decided to write a play where we had an argument or something. projecting my annoyance with that onto Probable Sleep Issues guy

i do think bitter about your own bitterness could be a fun thing to play with more. like, the very fact that you're envying someone reminds you how far apart you are, which just drives more envy and frustration. also the dramatic irony of shinsou not understanding that midoriya also feels so behind and like he has such a shaky claim to this world is delightful and frustrating to me in almost equal measure (i need. them to be friends)

He tries to distract himself by snooping, unsure who he’ll really be learning more about. Mostly he gets the impression of an overwhelming amount of stuff. Hitoshi knows his own attitude to possessions isn’t exactly typical. He’d moved so often growing up that he’d started to take a kind of spiteful satisfaction in adding more and more of his things to the ‘give away’ pile with each move, insisting his parents couldn’t make him pack anything he didn’t want, looking around at his sparse, personality-less room and feeling like one thing was within his control.  It was partly why he hadn’t wanted anyone in his UA dorm room - he had school supplies tucked away in drawers, the bare minimum of clothes secluded in closets, and that was mostly it. Even with books, which he loved, he’d gotten used to getting from libraries rather than keeping any. He had plain black sheets on the bed.  The thought of changing things, of adding more stuff, even when he was in theory going to be in the same place for the next two and half years, made him feel twitchy and strange.

this is fun to look back on, because i don't think back in 2020 i had really acknowledged the ways in which i am weird about Stuff. not in this way exactly - none of my living spaces could be described as minimalist - but i have a real hatred of clutter (it feels like it's sending my brain notifications all the time and i can't make it stop), and a weird guilt thing about having too many things or having to get rid of things (i got offered a free book the other week and was filled with a weird panic at the idea of bringing something into my space without having thought carefully about whether it has a place there. like the "now i gotta be responsible for this water bottle" tweet but with every possession in my home. makes me feel, one might say, twitchy and strange)

anyway, as usual this isn't so much a fixed headcanon for shinsou as a thing i felt like exploring. one of the ways people try to gain a sense of control, especially for children and teenagers who control so few things. shinsou as a book-lover is a pretty consistent fond headcanon of mine (i like the light novel bit where he's baffled by people doing anything but studying on the weekends. books are a good hobby for a studious little guy, plus escapism, plus the lonely kid tradition of hiding away with a book)

His imagined version of Midoriya’s room is the opposite extreme. Every wall is adorned with posters, every surface covered with mostly All Might themed memorabilia, but also books, lamps, trinkets. He inspects dream-Midoriya’s book collection, finding a surprising amount of nonfiction, and also an intriguing stack of worn notebooks, at least a dozen. He snags one from the pile at random and flips it open. It takes him a while to make out the small, messy handwriting, and even longer to start drawing meaning from the scribbled, lengthy notes, written in a way that suggests the writer wasn’t trying to make them comprehensible for anyone except his future self. For the most part, the notebook is full of narrative regarding current active pro heroes - descriptions of fights witnessed in person or from internet footage; analysis of techniques, costumes, approach to publicity and interviews, varying between the kinds of paragraphs that wouldn’t seem out of place in a school essay to more personal, over-excited commentary. There are drawings too, every now and then, detailed ones that are better than anything Hitoshi could do.

midoriya, on the other hand, strikes me much more as a primarily nonfic reader than a fiction one. frenzied researcher vibes

anyway, midoriya's notebooks my beloved <3 them being revealed to various people is a v common trope in bnha fic, often with people marveling at the quality of analysis in them. and i'm fond of that! i think he is very good at analysing situations and this was obvs a learned skill. love when people appreciate my boy. but i also think he's an excited little fanboy, and a young teenager who has no real access to the world he's writing about, and also is writing for himself with no expectation of it needing to be comprehensible to anyone else. so i more imagine them as a fun mishmash of analysis and excitement, like real fan spaces

and as is referenced in the parts of the fic that follow on from this, i'm kind of less interested in the notebooks' quality than in them as like...an artifact of long-term loneliness. not having friends at a formative age will fuck you up, because humans are fundamentally social creatures who develop a sense of their own identity through interactions with others. so when those interactions are absent are largely negative, people can end up with thoughts kind of stoppered up inside themselves with nowhere to go. and i thought about that a lot with izuku, who has no one to share his love of heroes with

okay that's a sad note to end on again, oops, but this was fun to look back on, ty!!

[putseraphinaonthaphone]

F.M.$. | Closet Perv HCs

/tw/dark content, dubcon, cuckolding, degradation, incest, voyeurism, exhibition,

Put yo ass, on my dick..

and pose on tha shit.

Tamaki

many people confused his dislike of public speaking with meekness

social anxiety did not stop your boyfriend from fucking you in front of his two best friends

they both watched his beloved little sister grow up a few years after them, so it was only fair they got to see how big you'd gotten

"She can take all of you?" Neijire asks, knowing first hand how big Tamaki feels inside you, watching as he has you splayed out on his bed with his hands planted firmly on your hips so he can push his cock into you inch by inch in a relentless slide

not only was he long but he was thick and curved just right to make you lose your mind behind your gag (your slick panties he crammed in your mouth when you tried to tell him it didn't turn you on to get fucked in front of his friends) every time he bottomed out inside you, his heavy balls slapping against your ass- a requirement he'd given you once you'd turned 19

"After training her every weekend of her second year at UA? Yeah, my little princess can take every, inch, of her big brother's attention."

He grinned at the way your eyes crossed every time he used your favorite toy on your clit while he just kept you stuffed full of him, liking the way you trembled and clenched around his cock while you came again and again and again...

"Takes a while to warm her up for anything fun though." By 'fun' he meant throwing your ankles over his shoulders and pounding into you with enough force that you pulled the most sinful ahegao face every time his balls slapped against your ass

It always made you squirt and babble mindlessly, a mess of his name and pleas for more, for him to let you take a break, anything

But the next day he blushed bright red when you brought him his lunch at school

Shouto

he really didn't like having to guess what you really thought, even though it was your shyness that drew him to you in the first place, because guessing meant you might be hurt in someway and he wouldn't know

so after consulting Bakugou, Kirishima, and Midoriya on how they would get a shy partner to open up, you're bound and gagged and sat on his lap with his almost painfully thick shaft splitting you open

you're both at his desk, and he's going down a list of questions about hard and soft limits, preferences, kinks, anything else he can think of, and taking notes on how your pussy reacts

"Do you wish to be in control in our love making? It may seem redundant considering how you haven't stop gripping me since I got you like this, but I want to be thorough."

you hate that you can't stop your pussy from quivering around him when he asks if you like to be degraded, and with a carefully written note in the journal he has open in front of you both he murmurs almost too politely, "It's alright. It won't be hard to point out how slutty you are darling, you've been soaking my jeans for the past half hour."

and so it continues, until you've soaked the soft silk scarf gagging you in tears of frustration. you don't want to answer more questions you want to get fucked

but Sho tells you time and time again, "we're done when I say we're done."

and every question gets answered before he closes his journal, just like he promised.

but then you're bent over his desk being fucked within an inch of your life by a man who now knows every filthy kink and button to press to make you cream on his cock

"Come on baby, squeeze daddy's cock, fuck just like that-"

And when you cum with a cry of "Daddy!" he's filling you up deep and hard so that you have a limp to go with the cum staining your thigh highs

Izuku

it wasn't fair to your boyfriend

who'd made you promise so many times while you were dating that you wanted him and not his boss

who you'd told honestly time and time again that Deku wasn't your type and that you liked bad boys like Bakugou just to make him laugh and relax

but you're soaking your panties the first time you hear your name in the pro hero's mouth

you're frozen where your boyfriend, the hero's sidekick, is somewhere beside you introducing the "two most important people" in his life

cause the greenette is looking you up and down and the way he licks his lips before saying your name is messing you up inside

"Nice to meet you, Deku," and fuck his eyes get darker hearing you say his hero name

Your Boyfriend, as great as he seemed a moment prior already seems so.. average

Izuku can feel himself getting hard in his dress pants because of the disappointment he can see in your eyes when your boyfriend takes your attention back

at first its just the looking

Deku looking at you whenever you have to come from your campus to bring your boyfriend lunch

You looking at Deku when he's already ripping his shirt off to change into his costume the one time an emergency alarm went off while you were in the office

but then you're walking back to your dorm after a party and some creep won't stop following you, you're to grateful to hear Deku's cheerful voice calling your name from his car and offering you a ride

it's not until the fear fades (approximately one second after the door closes and you're surrounded by the scent of pine and Izuku) that you ask what he was doing at your college

"Oh I just wanted to swing by," in that aw-shucks tone of his that made your panties grow soaked in seconds

when you don't take the bullshit excuse, "I'm high as a kite and I still can't believe you thought I'd buy that,"

he tells you your boyfriend was sent out of town for a two week training camp

maybe it's because you're still buzzing with the energy of the party you'd spent hours working yourself into an aroused stupor dancing and imagining the green haired man next to you

but you're able to meet his gaze when you tell him, "Then we should be going to your place. Dorm furniture is not reliable enough for what I'm gonna need you to do make this worth it."

It's the last big girl shit you say for the rest of the night.

because you're stone cold sober when his bedroom door closes behind you, trembling as you realize just how big he is when his naked body is over yours

if you try at all to cover yourself, close your thighs when he uses the breadth of his shoulders to bully them open wide, it's all

"Where ya going puppy? If I'm gonna make this worth your while you gotta let me see what I'm doing."

if you try to run from him when he's fucking you on your knees (you'd long since lost the ability to hold yourself up at all),

"Nuh uh, no running lil girl. I've waited too long to have my fill of your wet little pussy."

but what were you supposed to do? there's no way your boyfriend's average dick could compare to the heavy girth of the eight inches rearranging your insides

"You're not getting enough cock if you're this tiny," the greenette grunts above you as his large fucking hands hold your hips still so you can't escape every deep thrust that knocks right into your cervix

"Y-you got, two weeks," you wheeze as he fucks the breath out of your chest, and the way his cock twitches inside you kinda ruins his image as he hits your ass with a smack that has you moaning and calls you a slut

(maybe I'll do Kirishima and Shinsou in a pt two but damn this is getting long lmfao)

[svnarintaro]

it’s too late to say sorry

update: part two is up and you can read it here 

authors note: IM IN A IMAGINE WRITING SPREE SOMEONE STOP ME PLEASE also i like using different names for the same characters im sorry :/

synopsis: hitoshi shinsou is known to be a top tier player, you only saw his as a jerk that toyed with other people's feelings, he was on his way for changing for the better; but he blew it.

word count: 1.9k words

warnings: !quirkless au! angst!!

!f*ckboy! hitoshi shinsou x reader 

him and his entire demeanour pissed you off, you were not someone that was hateful but man did this man get on your nerves. girls and guys were falling like flies case of his 'irresistible' aura, the thought made you scoff. he was just another one of those players that care for thing other than themselves and you were sick of this whole pedestal that people put them on, and him oh how you wanted to knock them down  and make them taste the reality of their destruction.

you and your best friends kendo and monoma were discussing what material you missed when you were sick on the way to the cafeteria, kendo perked up as if she remembered important information "oh also about the seating plan in chem.." you groaned and tilted your head back in annoyance, "don't tell me i'm sitting to this trust fund kid," you sarcastically pointed your thumb at the boy to your right, "shut it my dear peasant, you are a charity case to me so be grateful-" and as he was finishing up his sentence he got smack to the back of his head. "kendo that hur-" "be grateful that we haven't left you sorry butt yet." she let out a huff and continued what she was about to say as the three of you got to the cafeteria she took a shaky breath, "you kinda next to shinsou.."

you choked on air, "no no no no, i don't want o be next to a barney headed jerk-" before your rant even started you were cut off by the person behind you. "so you wanna continue talking about me behind my back or do you wanna say it to my face sweetheart, take your pick," you knew that voice, all too well. "first of all save your disgusting nicknames for a person that actually likes you." you turned your heel to give him the dirtiest glare you could fathom to show hitoshi shinsou.

"aww don't be like that baby.. i already know you'll turn around~" his smirk did not fall for a second, it only grew by the minute. "look i'm not looking to have anything on my criminal record, so if you want to keep your limbs in one piece i suggest you take my advice and piss off with my parting gift." you brought your fist to your mouth and shoved your middle finger in our mouth, and you proceeded to pull it out and flip him off and caught up with kendo and monoma who were laughing. 'they really are something else hm?' shinsou thought.

"man does he really put you in a bad mood hm?" neito teased and handed you the sandwich you wanted, "yeah she really did flip him off this time and threaten him?! i think that is the nicest exchange they've had all year!" kendo wheezed out, as you payed for your food you looked back to see shinsou sitting with his friends.

"so let's get this straight, you single handed moly pissed someone off so often they called you barney head, say they might break your limbs AND flip you off?!" kaminari screeched, while todoroki was purely confused, "did shinsou lose his ability to flirt his way out of this situation or something? cause honestly i feel like you lost you mojo a little bit." sero snorted at todoroki, "did you really have to say 'mojo'?" shinsou was just trying to figure out how to woo you now, his ultimate revenge as to get you to like him and break your heart and pummel it to smithereens.

now you had your chemistry class, and you were lab partners with shinsou, the given thought of being within a 2 metre radius of him mad you dread the class. the moment you walked in the class you saw a girl on his lap, her uniform was two sizes too tight, playing with his hair and her skirt rode up to show her red undergarments. "daddy~ can't we just skip?" you gagged at that nickname, the two of them stopped what they were doing and looked at you. the girl looked you up and down and she was obviously annoyed at your presence. "oh don't mind me i'm just a poor witness to see your panties on full display," you shrugged and made your way to your seat, "at least i have someone interested me," the girl smugly said, you rolled your eyes, "at least my coochie isn't free real estate."

the girl let out a 'hmph' and stormed out out the class, "free real estate? that's a new one." you didn't bother looking at him, and you opened your notebook and brought your data booklet out not even sparing him a glance. meanwhile the guy in front of you asked for a pen and you immediately complied and gave him one. hitoshi has never felt more offended from getting ignored and blown off again.

later in the class the teacher gave a worksheet to work on and you got stuck on a certain question and you didn't know what to do, "you forgot to balance the reaction so that's why you got the wrong answer." you looked to see shinsou looking at you, elbow on his table, "for someone who doesn't bother with class you remember a few things." you proceeded to add numbers to the elements that were written. for the rest of the class he continued to help you with your worksheet and the two of you got along for once. 'huh he may not be as bad as i thought he was.'

for the rest of the month he acted like this and it showed you that he wasn't the monster you thought he was, he was kind, considerate, funny and sweet. he avoided other girls too, "to think that you changed shinsou is actually kind of crazy, you're way more tolerable this way," you whispered as the two of you sat together and worked on some chemistry notes together, on his end of the story he was freaking out, he never felt this way, h heart was pounding out of his chest. he wanted it to stop, he was afraid. afraid of you not liking him back, he was afraid of commitment, he was afraid that he wasn't good enough for you.

"listen kaminari it is a reasonable plan, get them to like me, have them fall in love with me and boom i break up with her." for the past hour kaminari has been listening to shinsou on the phone go on and on about how he wanted to mess around with you, "they're an interesting person, they've got guts." the blond giggled, "i mean if you wanna quit the plan and hand them over to me-" "don't think about it rat."

meanwhile he was thinking about how he was so calm around you, he felt the need to drop his act and be himself around you. "looks like someone is getting attached~"

really? did he get attached? no what would be too cliché for his own good. so he sought his time to be taken by girls, other girls where were desperate to be in his attention span, "hey kaminari give me the number of every one of your flings i need to let off some steam.." shinsou needed to get you off his mind.

on the other hand you were talking to kendo, "okay look i know that i said he was trash and whatever but  he changed and.. i think i might like him." you were gushing over all the sweet things he did, all the sweet things he said, you saw all the signs that he returned your feelings. "i say go for it! shoot your shot when you can, just be careful and know that me and neito are here for you and will beat him up if he dares hurt you." kendo was really on edge with him, it was as if shinsou got possessed and she knew something wasn't right, but if he made you happy she couldn't stop you. "thank you kendo~"

it was as if a switch was flipped, the Hitoshi shinsou that you hated was back and had more playthings than ever, make out sessions in the halls, skipping classes to fool around with anyone and what hurt the most was that he was avoiding you like the plague. “he is going through a phase right now, i promise he is better than this you saw how he was weeks ago please guys you have to believe me.” you were crying in monomas room about your ruined week. you knew what was the truth and that was that you were played, you were a fool to think that he was changing for the better. “i knew he was a jerk, y/n you deserve better than this, you deserve someone that will really appreciate you, someone that won’t have to change and will be who they really are in front of you..” you looked up from lap and stared at monoma and kendo. ‘these are my people, they will never betray me.’ “i love you guys,” you declared as you threw your arms around their necks and cried your heart out. ‘hitoshi shinsou you will pay for doing me dirty like this.’

kendo forced you to stay home and rest, you were stressed and not in the head space to be at school right now. it was now lunch and kendo was livid, and was stomping down the corridor to give a piece of your mind to the jerk that broke your heart. “shinsou, i got a bone to pick with you.” she yelled at the purple haired boy, ‘finally i can see how y/n is doing’ he completely misread her words and saw them as an invitation to act buddy buddy with her so he jogged over. however he was not expecting a fist to the face, “you undeniable monster! do you know what you did to her?! you gave her false hope and you have the audacity to think that you can get anything about how she is right now?” her words truly leaked poison and showed she was not playing around, he had hurt you, and he needed to repent. “you think your pathetic superiority complex is something to sneeze at and turn a blind eye to? you think that just because you can play with peoples emotions you’re better than everyone else? well here’s what i think.” groups of people were surrounding everyone and were listening to kendo’s rant, shinsou’s heart dropped, he knew what this meant, he had hurt you. with each sentence the gap between the two got smaller until she got into his face and continued.

“it is disgusting how you can switch your act to lower other people’s guard and once they do so they are underneath your discrepancy and you crush them with no mercy,” flashes of you trying to talk to the guy you liked were flashing into keno’s head, she watched as he broke you down until you were pieces and now she was there for you as you were hopelessly trying to pick them up. a breath broke her flow of thoughts and brought her a second of peace. “stay away from my best friend.” and thats when the world stopped for shinsou, he did all of this to protect himself, he was scared cause there was a chance you could’ve liked him back but he ignored that and hurt you instead. “i’m sorry..” was all that he could say at this point. he couldn’t express anything right now, he was malfunctioning. “it’s too late to say sorry.”

[one-smuts]

.......ok!

What I can't Have.

Summary: Shinsou falls in love with Denki just in time for Denki to fall out of love with him.

Ships: Denki/Jiro- fluff, Denki/Shinsou- Angst.

Pov: Shinsou

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was happy for him at first. Honestly I was.

It was getting sad for awhile, the way he followed me around like a lost puppy. The lost lovestruck look in his eyes when he looked at me. I felt like a monster, but at the time, I didn't feel that way for Kaminari.

He was my friend, my best friend even. But my lover? I just couldn't phantom it. I remember sitting him down to tell him. He seemed somehow shocked I knew how he felt. The thing about Kaminari is, he wears his emotions on his sleeve. For better or worse.

"So...you know how I feel?" He said, a spark of hope in his voice.

"I do."

"Aaand?..." Christ. He was gonna make me say it.

"I-I'm sorry Kaminari. I just dont feel the same. You're a great guy and all, I just don't feel that way for you. I hope we can stay friends though."

I think I watched his soul shatter that day.

I didn't see Denki for a few weeks after that. Im pretty sure he was avoiding me. Not like I could blame him though. It's hard to get rid of feelings when you see that person everyday. I missed him though. I missed him so much. Looking back, that probably should have been my frist hint.

When he started texting me again, it was a relief. I had my best friend back! And we xkuld actually talk and hang out now. No more lovey eyed guilt trips he didn't even know he was taking me on. Apprently, he'd gotten really into music to process his emotions, and it really helped him heal.

We have Jiro to thank for that.

I don't hate Kyouka. I think she's actually a wonderful girl, and I nothing but thankful for her, for being there for Kaminari when I couldn't be.

That said, the moment he introduced us j saw it. He had that same love struck look in his eyes. It didn't surprise me. Kaminari had the heart of a hopeless romantic, it was made of elastic.

The difference was, she had the same eyes for him. It shocked no one when they started dating. And look, I was happy for them! Denki deserved someone who could love on his level and Jiro fit the bill. She was kind and caring, and they both loved music. I couldn't believe it, but she tought his tone deaf ass to play guitar! They have a small band together now. They make amazing music.

And they really are adorable together. I started inviting Jiro to our hangouts, so she knew she was welcome. At first, I thought I was annoyed at being a third wheel. Watching them curl into eachother on the couch, while I sat on the floor on movie night. How they would get into these feedback loops of just gushing over one another. And don't even get me started on the playlisys.

But, slowly I realized it was more. It was in the way he held her close at all times. They way he talk about her, as if she was some divine gift. It was in the way he looked at her, with those love struck puppy eyes.

Fuck, I missed those eyes being on me.

Leave it to me to only realize I want someone once I couldn't have them. My stomach would turn into knots when's I saw him. My head would feel light, and on the rare occasion it was just us, I'd get damn near giddy. I was a love struck fool.

And, maybe it really was just so I could heal and move on. Maybe it's because I'm selfish. Maybe it was because some tiny part of me hoped he'd leave her for me. But, I told him exactly how I felt.

It started out normal, we were playing Mortal Kombat, but, I guess he noticed my game was off.

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"You lost."

"I lose all the time."

"Yea, but not with noob!" His laughed was always so adorable. "Noobs your main! So what's going on?"

I got cold feet at the question. I was I was sure I wanted to tell him, but now...

"Im fine, I promise."

"Hitoshi, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yea?"

"So why are you keeping secrets now?" He asked. He was right. It didn't ruin things when I rejected him, why wouldn't work out the same way in reverse? And his smiled was so warm, and inviting.

"I-..I think I love you."

"Aww, I love you too bro!"

"No, Kaminari, I mean I love you."

His smile dropped.

"What?"

"Look, I know that I said I didn't feel the same, and at the time I didn't, but I love you! Seeing you with Jiro made me realize, I-"

"Hitoshi, that's not fair." Denki said, uncharacteristically cold. I could see the tears form in his eyes. But, it wasn't the same as last time I saw them. These weren't tears of heart break.

"I waited a whole year for you. I wanted you, for so long, and you told me you didn't want me. Not the other way around. And now thG I'm happy and everything is good, and, for the first time in forever, I feel like I'm not carrying bricks on my chest, you wanna do this? Hitoshi, do you like seeing me hurt?"

"No! Kaminari, I would never do anything to hurt you!"

"Then why tell me?! What did you expect?! For me to just leave Jiro and come running into your arms? I love Jiro. And I'm pretty sure she loves me. She loves me enough not to try and crash everything I worked so hard to build." He was crying now. I wondered how over me he really was. I wondered if that was selfish to think.

"No, I don't want to break anything you built-up. I just had to get it off my own chest. I don't want you to leave Jiro, I just...I dont know."

"I-..I dont know either man. I'm sorry but, I really don't feel the same anymore. I don't know why I'm so mad about it." He confessed. He refused to make eye contact. "I guess I'm just mad that I spent months miserable over the fact that you'd never love me. And, I guess it all feels like it could have been avoided now."

"Im sorry."

"But, I don't know if I want to have avoided it." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He wasn't crying anymore, but his eyes still had had a sharpness.

"If I avoided it, I wouldn't have gotten so close to Jiro...but...I just.." He cut his own thoughts off with a groan, hiding his face in his hands.

"Im sorry."

"I know you are." He mumbled. He looked over at him. "I loved you Hitoshi. I really truly did."

"Its not too late, I-" that was the wrong thing to say. A scowl came across his face.

"Yes it is. I loved you. Ed. Past tense. My emotions and how I feel don't get pushed to the side because you finally came you your sense and realized how you felt. My relationship isn't going to just end because you want it to."

He grabbed his backpack and stood up. I wanted to reach out for him and make him stay. But, I knew that would be wrong.

"I-I'm sorry Hitoshi. I just dont feel the same. You're a great guy and all, I just don't feel that way for you anymore. I hope we can stay friends though." He mumbled as he walked to the door. He looked back at me.

"I'll see you later man."

"See you later."

And thats where we are now. I've been laying on my bed going over this entire situation in my head for hours. I definitely could have gone about that last interaction diffrent, but, it doesn't matter. I missed my shot.

Stupid late stage crushes.

I can't help but think about how he must have felt just like this all that time ago. And I feel almost worse knowing I put him through it.

But, I know I can't lose him. He's my best friend, I'd be devastated to lose him completely.

So, I guess I gotta just get over it.

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A/N: hope ya like it @firelove151! I haven't ever really written anything like this before so, as always constructive feedback is welcome!