#i can't BELIEVE this movie literally invented romance

[pascaloverx]

Moonlight

Summary: You and Edward Cullen used to have a romantic relationship. But fate seemed not to believe in the possibility of a vampire and a potential she-wolf being together. Years after your separation, you return to Forks. Edward is committed to Bella Swan, and Jacob Black has his own pack. What happens when, upon your return, you begin to transform into a she-wolf and both Edward and Jacob seem eager to revisit the past with you?

Author's Note: The characters in this fanfic do not belong to me but to Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight universe. The story blends events that happened in the Twilight saga movies with invented ones. Enjoy reading. This story will contain inappropriate language, a possible love triangle, scenes of violence, and romance.

ONE THREE

TWO

You doze off during the rest of the car ride. When Jacob parks, you open your eyes and find yourself at the place where you spent the beginning of your life. Jacob has brought you near Sam's house, probably knowing that Uley would be upset if he wasn't one of the first to see you when you arrived in La Push.

"What the hell happened to you?" Sam Uley says in the most concerned big brother tone you've ever heard. As soon as you got out of the car with Jacob, you expected to hear comments about your current state.

"So good to see that you're still the same. I'm fine, even though I'm in this chaotic state, in case you wanted to know how I am." You say, walking up to him and hugging him. Jacob stands silently right behind you.

"You let her get hurt?" Sam asks as he steps back from you. He's questioning Jacob, who seems bothered by Uley's questioning.

"She got hurt before I was with her. Not that I'm not used to being the guy who takes the blame for any mistake you find. But it makes me curious that even when I'm no longer part of your pack, I'm still the first one you want to blame." Jacob says, not moving a muscle, looking both irritated by Sam's question and satisfied with his response. Sam, on the other hand, looks quite annoyed by Black's comment.

"Look, as much as I love watching a good fight, I'm not in the mood for it right now. Can you both pretend to tolerate each other while I'm here?" You say, stepping between the two and looking especially at Jacob. He sighs and takes a few steps back.

"Emily is inside making tea for everyone. I'd like you to meet her." Sam says, turning his attention back to you. Your gaze shifts to Jacob, who seems calmer now. You all then walk towards Sam's house to go inside.

"Y/N, did you have to pass through a pack of vampires or something to get here?" Embry almost shouts, rushing towards you as soon as you enter the house. He hugs you so tightly that you almost lose your breath.

"She just got here and you want to bring up those topics, you idiot. No wonder she ran away from us." Paul says, smacking Embry's arm and coming towards you for a hug. You missed all this chaos.

"You definitely haven't changed at all. You two seem like two fools fighting to see who's the biggest fool. But I loved the welcome. Tell me, how's dealing with Black and Uley without me?" You say as you walk towards Quil to greet him. Quil laughs when he sees Black and Uley's reactions to your joke.

"Believe me, without you, we're lost." Quil whispers as he hugs you. You look at him, expecting to see him smile as if he's making a joke, but as you look at him, you're not sure if he's joking.

"We can't complain. Jacob left the pack and took two with him, which made the pack less chaotic. Who knows, maybe you, Y/N, can convince those two that their split in terms of the pack doesn't mean they're enemies." Jared says as he helps a woman make tea. She must be Emily.

"That's literally what it means." Sam and Jacob say in unison, and everyone in the room laughs as if they were kids. Of course, everyone except the two boneheads.

"Poor girl. Just got involved in some accident, and you guys are expecting her to solve an ego battle that's been going on for years. No wonder she ran away from you all. No offense, dear." Emily says as she sets the cups on the table and kisses Sam's cheek.

"Sorry for the rudeness. I walked into your house without even introducing myself. My name is Y/N." You say, greeting Emily. She smiles sweetly and shakes your hand.

"I'm Emily, and don't even worry about apologizing. This pack drives anyone crazy. But I don't need to tell you that. I hope you're here to stay with us." Emily speaks kindly as she serves tea for everyone. You look at her and then glance at Jacob.

"She's staying with me." Jacob speaks quickly, surprising everyone. Sam looks at you and then at Black, as if trying to understand what's happening.

"And it's almost like nothing has changed…" Embry tries to whisper. However, everyone hears him, and Emily looks confused.

"Don't you think Y/F/N would be disappointed in you for dishonoring his daughter even though you're in love with Swan?" Sam says, holding his tea cup, looking at Jacob as if he wanted to provoke a big commotion.

"Unlike you, I'm pretty clear about what I want and who I want. I don't deceive anyone or take advantage of feelings. Y/N and I have been friends for years, there's room in my house, so obviously she's staying with me." Jacob responds to Sam with a certain sharpness. The two clearly aren't able to interact with each other peacefully. You set your tea cup down on the table and step in between Jacob and Sam.

"Sam, I find it disrespectful for you to bring up the memory of my late father in such a ridiculous situation as this little spat with Jacob. Jacob, I think you owe everyone an apology for your behavior. Now, I hope you understand, but I'm going to go clear my head. If anyone follows me, it will be the last thing they do on this earth. Consider yourselves warned." You say and leave, without seeing anyone's reaction or caring about being rude. The truth is, you were waiting for a good excuse to go see Carlisle. You know Edward well. If you don't go get examined by his doctor father, he'll surely bother you. And you need to forget about him. Walking, you arrive in a short time at the spot that used to be the meeting point you and Edward used for your romantic encounters. You remember how you used to spend the whole night together, talking about the future.

"Miss Y/N, it's been a while. Would it be very vampiric of me to say that you've aged?" Carlisle speaks, obviously trying to show his humorous side. You smile a little as you approach him, carrying a medical bag that looks just like any common human doctor's.

"Mr. Cullen, you have youth on your side in many aspects, but not in the humor department. Would it surprise you to say that even though I'm older, people still treat me as if I have no choice?" You say, sitting on a tree trunk nearby. Carlisle begins to examine you.

"Edward has the best intentions in his actions, I can assure you. He still cares a lot about you." Carlisle speaks compassionately, as if genuinely justifying Edward's actions. You smile, thinking it's nice that they care for each other in this way.

"So, how am I?" You ask, changing the subject. Carlisle smiles a little as he finishes examining you.

"With superficial wounds on your face and arms. No signs of concussion or anything like that. But going to the hospital for an X-ray would be most appropriate." Carlisle says as he packs up his medical items.

"Thank you for the consultation, Dr. Carlisle. I'll take your recommendation seriously. And do me a favor, ask Edward to stay away from me." You say to Carlisle, who seems to know that you've noticed Edward hiding behind a tree not far from you.

"In my opinion, you two should at least have one last conversation. To finalize the relationship. But know that my family and I will always have regard for you. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out." Carlisle says, looking kindly at you. Seconds later, he disappears. That must be one of the best parts of being a vampire.

"Do you think it's fair to come after me while you're committed to someone else?" You say loudly, making sure Edward hears and responds.

"I can't get you out of my mind. But I agree it's not fair. So far, my love for Bella has made me the kind of vampire I always wanted to be. And you know, it's an uncomplicated love. Sure, our situation is complicated because she's human, but the feeling has never been complicated. With you, it's like you're consuming me." Edward appears suddenly in front of you and declares this as if it were the best thing in the world.

"If I'm consuming you, why are you here? Go back to your beloved. Forget about me and do everyone a favor." You say, approaching Edward without realizing that you're almost face to face. You were immersed in old feelings when you let yourself get so close to him. His cold hands gently touch your face, pushing back the strands of hair that were in your face. He leans in, as if to kiss you. You feel that it's wrong, but you want it so much that it's like you're out of control. Before you realize it, your lips touch his. A gentle, slow kiss. As if you both wanted to savor every second of it. Or prolong the kiss because you know that this moment signifies many things. It signifies infidelity on Edward's part. Betrayal on yours. And it signifies that there are feelings between you.

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

all right gang buckle up it's time to talk wonka

I give Wonka (2023) a 4.5/10. While the movie was visually stunning and I broadly liked Willy, Noodle, the chocolate cartel, and a couple of the better-developed side characters, overall it lacked substance.

I will say up front that one thing I genuinely really loved about the movie was how it leaned into the actual magic of Willy's inventions. They don't just taste good, they have actual magical effects on the people who eat them. That was cool! Very inventive.

I also loved Noodle's character far more than I thought I would. She was a great contrast to Willy's idealism, and it was particularly enjoyable for the younger character to be the more cynical one. Noodle was actually one of my favourite parts of the movie.

Willy's grief for his mother was very touching and was in my opinion probably the best-realised emotional beat of the movie. The reveal that he hoped she would somehow be there when he opened his shop, his disappointment when it didn't happen despite logically knowing it couldn't... It hit home, and reinforced that Willy here is still a young man, little more than a kid, and still refusing to let adult real world logic puncture his dreams, for better or worse.

Now for... everything else.

So the first thing that annoyed me is Willy's characterisation in this movie: he has been "sailing the seven seas for seven years", i.e. has been fending for himself in a vaguely 1800s world across continents with nobody to look out for him, and he is... so blisteringly naive!

I get that he couldn't start out cynical (nor would I want him to) because that leaves no room for character growth between the prequel and the original movie, but it completely shatters my disbelief that a kid could be roaming the world alone for seven years and never before encounter anyone who deceives or takes advantage of him so that he is left so entirely at the mercy of Mrs Scrubbit.

(also lmfao Mrs Scrubbit herself is like... just say you wanted to spoof Mrs Lovett. The name. The attitude. The child assitant. The romance with the surly violent man.)

Even if he was still a little naive... there is no forgiving him handing Lofty the frying pan to hit him over the head with. I watched that scene torn between absolutely bewilderment that they expected me to believe Willy was that stupid, and a reluctant admiration for Lofty, who I can only imagine was astonished and delighted that his stupid plan worked so flawlessly.

That said, I actually really loved the reveal that Willy couldn't read. That felt very logical with his backstory presented in-universe (raised poor in a historical time period by a mother more focused on keeping them both alive and fed in their transitory lifestyle). While it seems Willy's mother was literate (the 'Wonka' on the chocolate bar wrapper), I can buy that Willy just Would Not Learn because he didn't see the point, and his mother either didn't see the need to fight the battle, or thought she'd have longer to teach him but died before she was able to.

The worldbuilding fell apart in other areas, however, such as the supposedly indentured servants running around town without consequence? I get that Willy's laundry invention was doing the actual work for them, but early in the movie there's a huge point made of how they all have to be present for roll call at least once a day, and then this just... kind of gets forgotten about. And then also somehow Mrs Scrubbit is able to just get into the chocolate stores and poison them all without anyone knowing, and also without taking any more direct action like making sure they're all locked up and can't leave? And where the hell was Willy storing all of the chocolates he was making to have enough to totally fill that shop?

Speaking of the indentured servants... okay, you can make a case for most of them. Abacus and Piper actually kind of grew on me. But I am convinced the comedian only exists because they thought of the scene where Willy shares his mother's last chocolate bar and realised they needed six characters to split the pieces between. He does nothing! Absolutely nothing! He is there for a few brief moments of appalling cringe comedy and nothing more! His supposed talent he brings to the team is one throwaway line where he pretends he's talking to a fucking octopus!

And it's infuriating because they could have done something with this guy! What if he actually was a good comedian with a great stage presence who fell on hard times because he made fun of the chocolate cartel in one of his shows and they got him blacklisted? What if he was the one who helped Willy develop his showmanship to sell his chocolates? Wouldn't that have made far more sense, and made him far more integral to the plot, than a few off-colour "hurr durr hate muh wife" jokes???

Controversial opinion on side characters: I loved Hugh Grant the Oompa Loompa. I was expecting to hate him, but he charmed me. I did raise my eyebrows at the fucking speedboat yacht what the hell, but eh, fine, it was one brief shot, I can live with it. I honestly feel like Lofty and Noodle carried this movie on their tiny sarcastic shoulders. What did annoy me was the ending sequences of the movie, where the writers seemed to abruptly realise they had strayed too far from the bounds of 'explicit prequel to the Wilder movie' and tried to fix this by having Lofty spout off a number of Wonka's most memorable lines in quick succession, as if to scream SEE, SEE, IT'S A PREQUEL, HE'S SAYING THE THING, IT'S A PREQUEL---

I think the point could have been hammered home far more effectively by having a last interaction between Slugworth and Willy before the Slugworth's arrest, where Slugworth says something to the effect of "I'll be back, and I'll stop at nothing to ruin you". Cliche? Sure. But at least it would create an actual bridge between the two movies. As it stands, there's little to no actual setup for the spying and conflict because... the chocolate cartel are being sent to prison (indefinitely?). Again, maybe have Slugworth or one of the others point out that fraud isn't a life sentence, and they will be back.

(Actually, I would have given anything for Slugworth to try to talk Noodle around to his side - offer her the money, books, clothes, etc., tell her she's his niece, play it as if he's so glad to have found her, tell her she'll be his heir - give us a dark mirror of Wonka's eventual relationship with Charlie, and a hint of Willy having to face what betrayal by those he trusts looks like.)

I also felt like the movie's attitude towards chocolate itself was bizarrely conflicted. One the one hand: it's the most amazing and delicious and incredible thing ever! Everyone should be able to buy chocolate! On the other: hahaahaha look at the stupid fat police chief and hohohohohoo look at the stupid corrupt chocaholic monks. Yeah, yeah, you can handwave it as a question of degree, but it hits on the same sour note as Augustus Gloop in the original: why is it a bad thing to enjoy chocolate, and even (gasp! shock! horror!) be fat?

Other minor grumbles that probably bother nobody but me:

Sovereigns aren't fucking silver, they're explicitly gold, they've always been gold, they are literally one of the highest denomination of historical British coinage. Hearing characters treat single sovereigns as essentially small change set my teeth on edge from the start. If the writers wanted to use a historical-sounding coin, why not shilling? Actually, shillings would have fit in much better with the in-universe value attributed to silver sovereigns. I've got twelve silver shillings in my pocket even has the same cadence!

I don't like Timothee's singing and did not find any of the songs to be particularly affecting or memorable. The movie did not need to be a musical. I particularly disliked the cover of Pure Imagination, which was juuuuust enough off from the original that it put my back up. I don't know if I feel like this because I was so done with everything else in the movie that annoyed me by that point, but I just... felt like so many of the songs sounded the same? Not sure if that was because of an intention by the composer or a limitation from Timothee's vocal range, or both, but the only song that I even kind of liked was the villain song, and frankly that might just be due to the vague homoeroticism winding its way through that scene.

Why is he milking a giraffe. Mammals don't... they don't just constantly... was the giraffe pregnant??? Have any of the writers ever set foot on a farm ever. Do they think cows just Do That. Please get these people a book on basic biology.

[arthurslesbian]

anyway, as someone coming at this movie from not having read the book but being an avid rom com fan, i kind of don't like how rwrb is being called not original or not creative or not inventive or silly or basically not good

i mean. i get if you don't like rom coms. i do, they're truly not for everyone. but like. this movie was really fucking good. maybe rom coms just don't get credit for how hard they are to do well?

like idk actors repeatedly say how comedy is harder to do than dramatic, serious scenes, which is probably why there's a whole group of actors who are known for doing comedy, because it's really hard and a specialized skill set. getting those comedic beats right, the expressions that have just the right amount of irony and im in on it is hard!

and with romance, you need to have that chemistry, that rhythm it's really hard to do well because there's nothing external to the characters to distract from their performances there's no cool effects or world at stake plot or menacing villian

and rom coms?? really hard to get right. the whole genre has been in a decline for like the past ten years if I've been honest. so many recent rom coms have not been good at all! horribly written, terribly edited with really bad pacing, the flattest acting with no chemistry and not to mention uninteresting sets and costumes and stagnant camera work

meanwhile. rwrb is brilliant. it's written so well, with hilarious one liners (thank you zahra) and so much humour and comedy from the couple, the actors went all out with phenomenal performances, the shots showed so much care and attention to each scene, and the pacing was perfect for what it is - a rom com.

like so many recent rom coms take 4k way too far and it looks so bad, but rwrb looks so beautiful in every still. every single background was gorgeous every set, every detail with costuming. and this is important in rom coms! the two leads look so incredible!! taylor looks like a greek god with his long legs and his abs and his eyelashes to his nose while nick looks like a beautiful angel. (sorry it had to be said)

and the thing is, this is really hard to do. I believe rom coms have been in decline as the industry grapples with how much technology has pervaded dating recently, from dating apps to communicating constantly through things like texting and facetime, which it's really struggled to show convincingly on screen. the last good rom coms were before things like smartphones really took off

and rwrb did that so well!! romance as a genre in books recently has kind of been leaning into the tropes we're nostalgic about while incorporating those more recent aspects of relationships, and rwrb translates that so well on screen. the way they did the text messages was honestly innovative!!

the way it kind of led up to having henry physically in the room was an amazing way to capture growing closeness and how we now perceive text conversations to be just like real conversations, while still highlighting the kind of difference of actually being there which is actually really hard to portray and not really something the industry has figured out how to show well imo.

i loved the chemistry in that scene, and i loved how they did the emails as well because those are two different things!! and how it was able to show their togetherness while they were apart. even the way that ghosting works and alex literally storming a castle was shown so well!! that's not easy or done before!!

all this to say, i for one really appreciate matthew lopez's vision and will be rewatching this movie just as much as movies like 27 dresses, bridget jones' diary, and the proposal and i can't wait for a new wave of (queer!) rom coms

[fiovske]

i'm sorry but Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan >>> any hollywood movie ever made

[maryellencarter]

lupin iii movie-shaped things i have watched recently:

* bye bye lady liberty: a total head trip. they steal the statue of liberty (obviously) in the first half hour and it just keeps getting more and more insane subplots. Goemon gets smooched by a pretty lady in a train, Jigen falls in the Colorado River, and Lupin eventually saves the world from nuclear annihilation by throwing a computer whiz kid at a wall, and I haven't even gotten into the football-sized diamond stored in an actual football or the part where Jigen's possibly-ex this time around reportedly had a wife and kid who were never mentioned again.

* The Hemingway Papers: features Jigen's absolutely craziest ex ever, bar none, Crazy Mash -- skinny, inventive, damn near impossible to kill, basically Lupin but if he was obsessed with killing instead of thievery, evil enough that Jigen actively goes after him to kill him instead of waiting for him to show up. Jigen and Goemon each keep trying to pull the "cool suffering loner" thing (Goemon's pouty because the titular MacGuffin is kept in a box he can't slice, he takes this as a personal affront because Goemon), and get forced to duel each other *twice*. Also Jigen does a lot of picturesque lounging on motorcycles which I might screencap for drawing purposes sometime if I ever feel like drawing a motorcycle.

* Steal Napoleon's Dictionary: Mostly consists of a classic car race through France while a bunch of bad guys are trying to hunt Lupin down for reasons. At one point Zenigata and Lupin wind up disguised as each other complete with voice changers. Fujiko wears a very pretty Edwardian-ish dress and Jigen spends about the first third of the movie trying to get Lupin to tell him literally anything about the plan. Lupin also seems weirdly convinced that Jigen is into women. Notable for ending with the gang in a steeple that is falling out of the sky after Lupin blew it off his ancestral manor for reasons, nobody has a parachute, there's absolutely no explanation of how they're going to get out of this, which is honestly a give-no-fucks attitude one has to admire in a continuing universe. Unlike Marvel or Star Wars, people do not apparently feel the need to go in and backfill how they got out of this.

* From Siberia With Love: Very strange and rather icky in places, but has some really adorable Jigen moments. Features the endearing revelation that Denver, Colorado, is apparently in upstate New York (I love the US geography in Lupin III, it's utterly bananas, there was an episode where Washington DC bordered on Kansas). Zenigata and Goemon were basically useless the whole time, which happens more often than not it seems, but Jigen successfully uses a finger gun on a drunk mugger (with ridiculously adorable vocal sound effects) and later wears a leather pilot cap with earflaps and goggles under his regular hat, plus there's that one screenshot where Lupin is posing in a spotlight while draped across Jigen's lap like a fucking ballerina.

* Voyage to Danger: I watched this a bit ago so I don't remember all the details, but this might be the closest to suicidal I've ever seen Jigen. He killed a previous partner in self-defense, the guy's daughter wanted revenge, so he taught her to shoot and then *twice* handed her his gun and told her to make it quick -- both times she was interrupted by a villain with a truly terrible sense of timing, because obviously you can't kill Jigen off, but it was really pretty sad. Lupin seemed to think there was a romance going on, but Lupin is like that. To me it just pretty much read as Jigen figuring that he owes so many people revenge on him, he might as well let someone get it, especially since it was a kill he regretted having to make.

(This might also have been the only time we saw Lupin genuinely believe that Jigen was dead. I might have to watch this one again in Japanese, because I saw it the first time in the dub and it... wasn't great. I'm curious how Yasuo Yamada and Kiyoshi Kobayashi played those scenes now.)

* Dragon of Doom (aka Burn, Zantetsuken!): Actually a pretty solid Goemon-centric piece with some hilarious moments -- giant rubber ducky escape pedalboat, anyone? -- but every time the bad guy was onscreen, all I could think was "wow, Japanese filmmakers *really* like making Chinese villains just as horrible as possible, don't they?" I've noticed that happening in episodes, but the longer runtime made this one really... kind of unfortunate.

* Farewell to Nostradamus: Slightly less unfortunate than you'd expect from a movie where the running joke is a little girl calling Lupin a pedophile ("lolicon" in the Japanese, indicating a pedophile focused on female children). The climactic collapse of a ridiculously tall building definitely hits different in a post-9/11 world, but somebody put a lot of thought into planning and laying out that building so Lupin's dramatic escape down it could be as epic as possible. (That's barely a spoiler, I saw the giant pendulum in the middle of the building on the first shot of it and said "That building's coming down". There's only one reason for an architectural detail like that.) The part that actually threw me was that the leader of the gun-toting villain faction, one Chris, was absolutely the platonic ideal of being Jigen's type -- dorito build, tank top, all the muscles, chiseled face, calm badass voice, evil smirk -- but there was no indication they'd ever met before. They saw each other for just long enough that there should have been a shocked exchange of names, but it never happened. Which is a damn shame. He was a fine specimen of a terrible guy Jigen absolutely would have fallen head over heels for and been betrayed by.

[gregoftom]

i'm like 800 years late to the party but i'm on s6 of x files but i forgot to watch the movie and went to watch it last night and ohhh my god i have so many feelings about fox mulder/msr and i . do you ever just

because of it because i do.

bro i'm still thinking about fight the future. "you made me a whole person. i owe you everything, and you owe me nothing" MULDER GIRL SHUT UP FJSFSJGMEG 😭😭😭😭😭

the fact that hes always so so so sosjfj so fucking sweet and genuine, sweetest fucking man ever written in television, so gentle, so respectful and kind, invented feminism, it's literally no wonder that lady who didn't even feel human in the episode alpha was enamoured with him. i don't blame her in the slightest for making him come out to take the case so she could meet him. he made her feel like a person bc that's the kind of guy he is. he makes women comfortable in themselves because he respects them and is gentle with them, yet doesn't treat them as weak or fragile. she felt human when she spoke with him so of course she was absolute infatuated. it is also why scully fell in love with him and continues to be. scully wishes to have children, brought into light because of her near death experience (and side note i LOVE how this is written bc sometimes it can be so cringily written with female characters but with her it's so sad and genuine and you really do feel for her, god scully is written so fucking well i love her to death too GOD!!!! A) but she probably feels in some ways less of a woman because of this but fuck. mulder makes her feel. relaxed. comfortable. like she belongs. like she can just. be. we've been shown time and again that she feels like she belongs with mulder. her "heart wouldn't be in it" if she wasn't with him as an example from the movie. and i feel like. she would... not forget but. feel more at peace with the fact that she can't conceive (that she knows of at this time). feel like she's still a complete person because of how mulder respects her and that hasn't changed despite the fact that he knows what he does. she's never had a long term relationship and probably feels like she never will because what man would want a woman who couldn't give him children? ofc we know she's in love w mulder and ofc we know that mulder would still love her and be with her no matter what (though they still aren't together yet hhhhhhhhhh hh hhhhh) i just. i love fox mulder so much, soooo sososoo much, he's so fucking. ROMANTIC. he INVENTED romance. can you believe it. god.

i'm not surprised she cried when he said what he did in the hallway because holy shit, i don't think anyone has ever said anything so heartfelt, so romantic and so genuine to her before, much less a man she cares about so much.

this is kinda rambly but ohhHHHH mY G GohhHF i cannot stop thinking about this absolutely beautiful man i , i really really love him he's so so so gentle. so lovely. drinks his respect women juice every fucking day.