#i can’t share what i said but just know julia is speechless which well take how u want to take it

[ashmp3]

And yes i did change my pfp bc of that message and yeah this is actually why god made me ace aro celibate priest rigid nun bc i can’t go around acting like this it’s simply menacing i’m like a succubus (which. fitting if you know you know) and for what a huge bodybuilder influencer i’m just . A very peculiar individual aren’t I….

[loove-persevering]

First Appearances Part 2!

Read Part 1

Masterlist

Description: A reconnection at the Met Gala last week now results in you meeting up with Shawn in the Studio! How will things go? 

Word Count 2.6k woohoo!!!

DISCLAIMER: I’m aware that the song between Shawn and Julia Michaels ( Like to be you) already should’ve taken place on Shawn’s last album but for this series please act like it was written now:)

   It had been a week since the Met Gala, you were lucky that for the next few weeks your schedule was completely clear. You could spend it going to visit your family and friends you had missed so much while on tour and could finally get back in the studio. During tour after the breakup you had written a lot of songs, some of them were songs you knew you’d never release but possibly sell for someone else to sing, but you had a few you wanted to show Shawn when you went and visited him in the studio. 

   You and Shawn had been texting quit a bit the past week more than you ever had mostly talking about the ideas that you both had for you song. Did you want to put it on his new album, or yours? Did you want to make an upbeat song or one for a more acoustic setting? All of these questions you had been going back and forth about but finally you both decided to meet up and just see how things went. Shawn was already at the studio recording this week since he had a break before heading on his American leg of the tour so he wanted to get in the studio and record what he had written during the European tour, just to put a little less pressure when he came back.  

You were excited to say the least, Shawn was one of the sweetest most genuine people in the industry. He had never had any drama surrounding him nor did he really associate with people that had it. You knew Alessia was on tour with him which you had met her a few times at award shows and she was nothing but sweet to you. Shawn seemed to have such a talent at writing so you knew when you both got together you could create something great, something meaningful and thoughtful that fans would love. 

  You quickly change out of what you slept in throwing on something comfortable for the studio. You hair was still the pale blue color that you had dyed for the Met, you had done your hair different colors for a while mostly purple but you were really enjoying the blue so you decided to keep it for the time being. You text Shawn quickly making sure it was still okay you were coming today, 

Hey! I’m still coming today right? 

He text back immediately, 

Yes! Mind picking up Starbucks on the way over? I’ll give you some money!

You text him back telling him not to worry about it and ask him his order, you quickly make your way to the nearest Starbucks driving yourself. You hated driving in New York it was so busy and when the Paparazzi were around you always felt terrified you would hit one of them, they’d get in the way of a moving car just to get the best picture. When you got to Starbucks you saw some paparazzi not too many but just a few and you were always polite with them when they gave you the same curtesy. 

‘‘Y/N! You’re looking beautiful today!’‘ One of them greets you. 

‘‘Y/N, Where are you headed?’‘ Another asks, and you can hear a few more comments but you just smile at them lightly waving at them. 

You walked in and got your normal drink as well as what Shawn wanted and you got a few extra drinks just in case he had some of his team there as well as a drink for the person working the booth for the day. You were balancing the drinks trying to get back in your car when the Paparazzi kept bombarding you with more questions. 

 ‘’Y/N That’s a lot of drinks who are they for?’’ You hear them all asking. 

You smile at them finally getting your car door open and placing the drinks inside, you hear a mutter of thank you’s from the paparazzi as you leave. For the most part they were all very nice and didn’t bother you so you didn’t mind giving them a few pictures it was when they were in huge groups when it felt most overwhelming and most dangerous. You shut the door and begin to make your way to the studio. 

You take your foot hitting the door of room three the one Shawn told you he would be in, you were still balancing the drinks in your hands so when the door swung open there stood Shawn. He was wearing a grey hoodie, and some black jeans his hair falling perfectly on his face. He smiles widely at you quickly seeing that your hands were full taking reaching out for one of the trays you were holding. 

‘‘Hey!’‘ He says putting the drink down on the table in front of the couch, you put the other tray down next to him as well and then turn to him and he embraces you in a hug, ‘‘I’m so excited!’‘ He says when he pulls away from your hug squeezing both your arms slightly. 

‘‘Me too! I’ve been looking forward to this all week!’‘ You say eagerly. 

You greet the rest of his team and they all thank you for the drinks, ‘’Are you sure I can’t give you money?’’ He says walking over to a bag on the couch like he was going to get his wallet. 

‘‘It’s fine really! You’re letting me in on your studio time it’s the least I can do!’‘ I say waving my hand. ‘‘It’s fine really!’‘ I say smiling at him as he hold his wallet in his hands still. 

‘‘Alrighty,’‘ He says sitting down in the chair next to the recording booth. ‘‘Well they’re about to go to lunch so we can start writing something and mess around and see where that get us?’‘ He says gesturing to his team who were all getting up anyway heading out the door saying they’ll be back later. 

 You smile at him reaching in your own bag grabbing your leather bound journal, you smile handing it over to him, ‘’I have a few lyrics written down all over the journal if you wanna look through and see if you like anything,’’ you say and he takes it from your hand flipping to the first page. 

You watch him intensely, usually you never just gave your journal to people, it was filled with lyrics that were so personal and close to you it was like seeing into your soul. You felt as if you could trust him though, all of his songs seemed so personal to him so you felt as if you could share with him and he wouldn’t judge you. You study his face which had a unreadable expression upon it, ‘’These are amazing Y/N, I mean wow,’’ He says looking up at you, and you smile feeling a blush rise up to your cheeks. You glance at each other for a little too long it seemed like, he coughed obviously trying to break the silence, ‘’This one,’’ he points to the scribbled down lyrics on the page. 

You lean in closer looking at what he was talking about and you see what he was talking about, 

Tell me what’s inside of your head 

No matter what you say I won’t love you less 

And I’d be lying if I said that I do

You smile to yourself remembering the exact moment you wrote those lyrics, ‘’Yeah, I wrote that down really quickly so I didn’t forget but I honestly completely forgot about those lyrics,’’ you say laughing. 

‘‘I think we could really do something cool with it, those lyrics alone are amazing, i feel like it should be more of a acoustic song the lyrics seem so personal to put them in a upbeat song,’‘ He says looking at you and you nod encouragingly at him. He gets up walking over to his guitar picking it up and sitting down on the couch adjusting the capo on the guitar and begins strumming a tune. 

 ‘’When I wrote those lyrics I was wanting to understand something that I couldn’t because it wasn’t me,’’ You say and then you scrunch your face thinking you could’ve worded it better, ‘’I mean like, I wanted to understand what was going on in his-’’ I pause realizing what I just said, I clear my throat hoping he wouldn’t push on which I was thankful for. ‘’I wanted to understand someone else, if that makes sense,’’ I say scratching my head and looking at him expecting him to look at me like I was crazy. 

 ‘’No, no that’s good!’’ He says. ‘’I love the idea of that,’’ He says looking at me. He quickly gets up walking over taking a pencil out of the pocket of his hoodie and quickly grabbing my journal, ‘’May I?’’ He asks gesturing to the journal. 

‘‘Of course,’‘ you say nodding your head giving him an encouraging smile. He smiles back at you quickly scribbling lyrics down. You watch him write his entire body just seemed so immersed in what he was writing. You had seen Shawn’s career rise when he was on Vine and YouTube as you were just starting in your career around the same time. He was so much more humble and down to earth compared to others in the industry, he worked hard on his music and he put his all into everything he did and you could tell he was appreciative of his career as you were as well. 

  He picks up his guitar putting it in his lap,’’Okay, here’s what I’ve come up with for the chorus,’’ he says and begins strumming a simple melody on the guitar. 

I don’t know what it’s like to be you 

I don’t know what it’s like but I’m dying to 

If I could put myself in your shoes 

Then I’d know what it’s like to be you

 The lyrics fell from his lips so beautifully, you had heard his voice before at award shows when you both attended and seen some of his live performance, but nothing beat hearing it in person like this and such a more personal setting. ‘’That’s for the chorus at least, if you don’t like it we can try something else-’’ He says but you interrupt him.

‘‘That was beautiful, I loved it,’‘ You say happily. Not only did he sound amazing he put exactly what you thought into words and that made you almost speechless.

  It had been almost an hour since Shawn came up with the chorus, you both had been on fire since then completely finishing the song and now all you had to do was record it. You both decided to get together again and record it again at a later date since it was getting pretty late in the day. 

  Shawn was laid out on the couch his legs laid across and his guitar on his stomach strumming the melody to the song you just wrote. You were sitting in a chair your feet up on the coffee table, ‘’This song is perfect, it puts all my thoughts into words, thank you for helping me do that,’’ you say to him feeling very appreciative. 

 ‘’You had the idea,’’ He says looking at you giving you a smile, ‘’I’m glad I could help put it into words.’’

   You look back down at your lap feeling slightly uncomfortable, ‘’I wrote those lyrics about someone,’’ you pause looking up at him his focus completely on what you were saying. ‘’I wanted to understand why he did what he did,’’ you explain. 

  ‘’Your ex?’’ He asks almost like he was nervous to bring it up. 

  ‘’Yeah,’’ you say crossing your legs leaning your arms against them. ‘’I wrote it on tour a few weeks after I found out,’’ you explain to him. ‘’I have all my thoughts written down in this journal and I feel like if I were to make a new album it would be my best yet, but then I don’t want to be the girl who shares too much and gets a reputation like I can’t get over things that happen to me.’’    

  It was true, you’d love nothing more than to make a whole album of all the thoughts that were written within the journal but you knew that what that would look like to everyone else. As much as you hate to admit it but what the public thought about you mattered to you more than you wanted it to.

 ‘’My last album everyone read into so much,’’ He says making you look up at him, ‘’Everyone was trying to decipher every single word trying to figure out who the songs were about.’’ He admits, you had wondered to when you listened to the songs that felt so personal. ‘’That’s what the job is though, it’s putting yourself out there feelings and all and that means everyone thinking they know you, even if they’re far from knowing the real you.’’ He says. 

You smile at him finally feeling like someone else got it, you were about to reply when the door swung open to the studio seeing the rest of Shawn’s team finally back from lunch. You smile at Shawn and he gives you a look of sympathy. 

 ‘’You all finish?’’ Geoff whom you met earlier before they left asks. You both nod your head glancing to one another. 

‘‘Yeah, it’s a great song,’‘ Shawn says. ‘‘We have to book another day so we can record that good?’‘ He asks Geoff and he nods.

  ‘’Well I should go, I have a few more errands to run before it get’s too late,’’ you say. You put your journal back in your bag closing the bag, you get up and so does Shawn giving you a hug. ‘’Thank you ‘’ You say hugging him tightly. 

  ‘‘Anytime, Y/N’‘ He says giving you a glimpse of his gorgeous smile. ‘’I’ll text you when we can get back in here and get the song recorded!’’ He says and you nod smiling at him. 

   You say your goodbyes once again and tell the rest of his team goodbye as they do you. You walk out into the parking garage of the studio that was clear of the paparazzi and walk over to your car. You get in shutting the door and you sit there a second smiling to yourself at how well today went with you and Shawn. Not only was the song amazing but it was personal and got some of the feelings out that you felt everyone could relate to at any point in their life with someone they cared about. 

  You had been home a few hours and were just sitting on your couch watching one of the new releases that had come out for rent on DVD when your phone rang from the other side of the room. You groan regretting the placing of your living room not granting yourself an outlet near your favorite spot, you trudge over picking up your phone and glancing at the message you had received. 

 I’m going to a launch part next week that I really don’t want to go to, want to help make it more enjoyable by coming with? 

You smile to yourself at the text from Shawn biting your lip so you don’t grin like an idiot. You text back quickly, 

Sounds fun! I’m in! xx

You smile as you send it feeling a flutter in your stomach out of excitement. You close your phone laying back down on the couch trying to watch the movie again but unfortunately your mind was wrapped around the thought of next week. 

Pt. 3

TAG LIST: @softboycal , @fan-of-many-bands , @starksflyy , @emmiejames , @yourwonderbelle (Let me know if you want to be added so you know when I update! Or let me know of you’d like to be removed which I hope you don’t!;)) 

[getyouhoylake]

Top 10 Sweetest John Moments with Cynthia (Part 5)

Hi everyone! I know I said that for every entry of this countdown, I would post two moments together. But I decided to separate numbers 1 and 2, and give them both their own entry. That way, I can keep you guys on your toes, anxiously waiting to see what the number 1 choice is 😈 (unless you guys already know what it is, which in that case means I’m not so clever as I like to think…that and I’m just stalling for the sake of stalling. Lol!!).

But in all seriousness, I would really like to have number 1 have its own entry, as I really think it’s a special moment and deserving of its own post. Not only that, but number 2 is one that I also feel strongly about, and I have lots to say. So it too deserves its own entry. I hope you enjoy!

Number 2: “There’s only one thing for it Cyn, we’ll have to get married.”

Ok, so this might seem very strange for most of you, especially if you are huge John and Cynthia fans, and know a great deal about their relationship. Believe me, I went back and forth on this decision. This moment is one of, if not, THE most important moment in their relationship. More than any other event in their lives, before and after, doesn’t really come close to the importance of this particular chapter of their relationship… So you may wonder why it’s only number 2, instead of number 1… Well I do have my reasons. And I’ll get to them shortly. But first, for those who don’t know the details, let me explain.

It was mid-1962. John and the boys were starting to gain some popularity. They already met Brian Epstein, and they became well liked in Hamburg, Germany. And by this point, John and Cynthia had been going steady for 4 years. Then one day, Cynthia went to the doctors and she found out that she was pregnant. John was away on tour at the moment, so Cynthia had to take the news alone. She knew that when John returned, she’d have to tell him the news…a prospect that terrified her.

In the 4 years they were dating, they NEVER used protection. And Cynthia made it clear in her book that their sex life was extremely active…so it’s shocking that it took 4 years for her to finally get pregnant. But regardless, neither of them had planned for a baby. And now that John was finally starting to go somewhere with his music, it seemed wrong to hold him down. He probably wouldn’t want to be with her anymore. So Cynthia basically decided, in the worst case scenario, that she would raise the baby on her own, even if it meant living a shameful life (pregnancy before marriage in those days was looked down on).

So when John returned home, he was excited to see Cynthia (as always). She wasted no time and told John immediately. She states in her book that he was speechless and went pale. After was seemed like an eternity, he answered “there’s only one thing for it Cyn, we’ll have to get married.” His reaction and response was shocking, and she told him that he didn’t have to. But John reaffirmed his declaration by saying “neither of us planned to have a baby, Cyn, but I love you and I’m not going to leave you now.”

People have often stated that John was basically “blackmailed” into marrying Cynthia; they say that their marriage was a “shotgun wedding” and was merely an act of nobility on his part. That…I believe is utter crap. First off, it takes TWO to make a baby. So it’s kind of dumb to point the finger at Cynthia, saying that she forced him to marry her. Second, they were going out for 4 YEARS!!! That’s not a shotgun wedding. A shotgun wedding is when a dude impregnates a girl they’ve know for less than a year (like a few months more or less). This is NOT the case here. John and Cynthia had been seriously dating for 4 years, which was really impressive for John by the way. Prior to being with Cynthia, he was quite the “active” teenager, if you know what I mean. He never had a girl he really liked and cared about, until he met Cynthia. Plus, a year before this event occurred, John told Cynthia that they should get engaged, and she told him that they should wait a little longer, since their relationship was going so well. HE wanted to be ENGANGED. Even Pete Best, who was the bands drummer before Ringo came along, stated John’s desires to eventually marry Cynthia ( “John used to tell me how he and Cyn planned to settle down and start a family as soon as the Beatles started paying off”). So John always wanted to marry her. And as far as kids were concerned, that was something that was to happen in the far off future, once they were settled as a couple…instead, things were sped up.

Now, I will say that in regards to the emotions that both were feeling at the time, after the decision was made to get married, has been a jumble of mixed testimonies. People like Tony Barrow (friend of John and Cynthia) had stated that they got the impression that they mainly did it for the baby (“On different occasions both John and Cyn indicated to me that they married because the baby Julian was on the way and without this binding factor both might well have gone their separate ways as soon as The Beatles took off, rather than six years later. To have kept the baby but not married would have taken a more courageous soul than John, who was bold but not brave beneath his leathery mask of bravado.”)

But then you have Julia Baird, John’s half-sister, who was really close to both of them. And she said “I do remember John being told you don’t have to marry her John; you don’t have to do this. I know that Mrs Powell, that’s Cynthia’s mother, also told Cynthia, you don’t have to get married. So they didn’t get married because it was a shotgun wedding. They got married because they wanted to, because I remember John saying: ‘I want to marry her, what’s the matter with you all?’”

John and Cynthia had also spoken about their decision to marry. Of course Cynthia’s book explains her thoughts about it clearly. She was scared and surprised, but also in love and moved by John’s loyalty. And as for John, although the topic of his marriage was rarely brought up in interviews during his days as a Beatle, he did defend her one time, saying “my wife married me not because I’m a Beatle, but because she loves me.“

It doesn’t surprise me that some friends and family say they were unsure, while others say they weren’t unsure, because at the end of the day marriage is a huge decision. Any couple, young or old, regardless of their situation, will always have moments of doubt and hesitation, even if they really love each other. And John truly did love Cynthia. Deep down, he wanted to have a family, be a good husband and father, and have a steady life. So…on August 23, 1962, John and Cynthia were married. The above picture is an illustration done by Cynthia of their wedding day. It was a private ceremony, with Paul, George, and two members of Cynthia’s family as eyewitnesses. Brian Epstein was their best-man. You can see John is wearing his glasses, and Cynthia is right beside him, with her hair up. To the far right of the pic, there’s a man with a jackhammer. Apparently during the ceremony, there was construction work being held at the same time. The noise was horrid, but once the ceremony was over, they all burst out laughing.

My reasons for placing this moment as number 2 is because this list is about highlighting John’s sweetest moments and actions towards Cynthia. I’m not saying that this moment lacks any of that at all. Quite the contrary. It’s a strong and perfect example of John’s devotion to Cynthia. But it’s less an example of his sweetness, and more of an example of his loyalty to her, if that makes any sense. The number 1 choice however, without giving anything a way, is a demonstration of all his feelings for her (loyalty, kindness, tenderness, enthusiasm, etc.), and pure sweetness (teehee!).

Still, there’s no denying that this moment was an essential and beautiful moment between the couple. And it truly showcases just how devoted and steadfast a person John was to Cynthia. People will always have their opinion about John and Cynthia’s relationship. I can’t change anyone’s mind. All I can do is enlighten and share my thoughts and knowledge on the topic, and hope it will make others see it differently. There’s one thing that Ringo once said about John, that I think fits this topic well. He said “John was the kindest person I ever knew. He was the only one of the four of us who would give you his soul… And I loved the man dearly.” 

John could be a bastard, no question about it. But when he loved someone, he loved them deeply, and truly. He would devote himself to those he cared about, and to those who had meaning/purpose in his life. Cynthia was his girl, his first love, the woman he dreamed to have a family with…of course she mattered to him. And even though the news of a baby came sooner than they hoped for, it doesn’t surprise me that he proposed marriage right then and there. It wasn’t just because it was “the right thing to do”. It was because he loved this woman. Once again, as John said:

“Neither of us planned to have a baby, Cyn, but I love you and I’m not going to leave you now.”                                

[lindyhunt]

TIFF 2018: We Hand Out the Awards You Won’t See at the Oscars

As always, the selection of films at TIFF runs the gamut—from A-lister-packed films like Widows to low-budget indies like Firecrackers; from quiet, reflective sci-fi films like High Life to soaring romances like A Star is Born. That range is what makes TIFF such an exciting festival for film buffs and critics alike, but this year, there did seem to be a bit of a theme: Pretty Damn Dark. Seriously, it’s been an emotionally draining festival, what with young kids OD-ing, people dying (so much dying), and institutional racism ruining people’s lives. But you know what this also means: Oscar Bait. We’ve already done our round-up of the films getting the most awards buzz, but there’s plenty else we felt deserved, um, a different kind of recognition. Here, our favourite moments from the festival that won’t snag an Oscar but did earn some accolades in our book.

So-Good-You-Wished-It-Was-Real Chemistry

The Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper lovefest is one we hope never ends. And we’re not just talking about those hand-in-hand red carpet photo-ops. (Though we’ll definitely take more of those too.) After receiving her second standing ovation of the night for A Star is Born—in which people were brought to their feet mid Q&A solely in recognition of her incredible acting talent—Gaga was left speechless and moved to tears. And even then, in her moment in the spotlight, she talked about Cooper. “I am spoiled,” she said, “I watched [Cooper] work tirelessly on this film, giving it everything. You never stopped.”

To which Cooper said: “I can’t imagine having the courage to do this without her. I knew she was going to give all of herself to me and become the actress she wanted to be, and I would give all myself to her and be the musician Jackson had to be.” I know, we’re crying too.

Most NSFW Scene of the Festival

Not to give too much away—though there’s no way to verbally paint an accurate picture of this highly visual and confounding scene anyhow—but there’s a bit in Claire Denis’ High Life in which Juliette Binoche enters a ‘Fuck Box’ and well, proceeds to help it live up to its name. There’s waist-length hair flying about, pulleys and ropes, and a silver dildo. Need I say more?

Most Jaw-Dropping Visuals

Nope, I’m not talking about First Man, though the claustrophobic camerawork of the film was exceptional. I’m talking about Free Solo, an awe-inducing documentary about Alex Honnold, the first man to scale the 3000ft El Capitan cliff in Yosemite National Park without any safety equipment. Yep, with just his fingers and toes, and a little sack full of chalk to help with his grip. The film’s team of cinematographers and directors are expert climbers themselves, and the sweeping shots of Yosemite, bird’s-eye view of Honnold’s ascent, and close-ups of his intricate movements (that at any moment could send him plummeting to his death) are truly a sight to behold.

Most Unexpected Celebrity Guest

This one was close. The Right Honourable Justin Trudeau showed up at Patria for the First Man post-premiere party, where he shook hands with fellow Internet boyfriend, Ryan Gosling. Iconic? Yes. Strange? Also yes. But having a government official show up to a TIFF party is not nearly as strange as having Paris Hilton show up to a TIFF party. Hilton, Queen of selfies, hotel chains and the 2000s, arrived at Soho House for The Death and Life of John F. Donovan post-premiere party, a film that her Ken doll-esque fiance, Chris Zylka, makes a brief appearance in.

Most Batshit Wild True Story

There are several moments—in fact the entire film is a series of these moments—where you find yourself thinking: this shit is NUTS. It’s unbelievable. It’s surreal. It’s absurd. And you have to keep reminding yourself that it’s all true. Based on the story of a writer, played by Laura Dern, who writes a best-selling series of novels under a pseudonym and then enlists her boyfriend’s sister, played by Kristen Stewart, to play the role of that fictional writer in real life, it’s a wild ride: there are bad accents, bad wigs and hard-to-believe turns of events. Except, again: it’s ALL TRUE.

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Giving us life on #TIFF18 Day 10/11: Kristen Stewart, dressed in head-to-toe couture, crouching in a garden 🌺, looking like the Avenger we wish we had. . Her film JEREMIAH TERMINATOR LEROY (with your BFF Laura Dern) premieres today and you can still snag 🎟s to this and more at tiff.net/available . . . . . . #kristenstewart #lauradern #jtleroy #jeremiahterminatorleroy #avengers #netflix

A post shared by TIFF (@tiff_net) on Sep 15, 2018 at 6:18am PDT

The Big-Hearted Heartthrob

First off, Timothée Chalamet should take home all heartthrob-related awards, from now until eternity. When the Oscar-nominee stepped onto the red carpet for Beautiful Boy, he spent nearly 30 minutes posing for selfies with screaming fans, and entertaining weird requests like signing a burger and a peach. (The latter, of course, in reference to his infamous Call Me By Your Namescene.) Here’s a guy who doesn’t seem to hate the spotlight, and who graciously shows his Chalamaniacs all the love and attention they so desperately desire.

GIF

Most Badass Female Cast

We are conditioned to expect heist movies—or any gritty crime movies, really—to have men at the centre. Which is why this film, directed by Steve McQueen and co-written by McQueen and one Ms Gillian Flynn, is such a breath of fresh air, despite its dark subject matter. Viola Davis is the fierce commander of this ship, which Elizabeth Debicki and Michelle Rodriguez hesitantly climb aboard. It’s rare enough to see a film in which women commit “bad” acts but rarer still to see one in which the women’s guilt, shame or redeeming qualities aren’t needlessly played up. Only complaint? Carrie Coon is criminally (ha) under-used.

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#Repost @ViolaDavis: It was such an honor to join our Director Steve McQueen and this phenomenal cast at the World Premiere of #WidowsMovie. Thank you for having us, Toronto! #TIFF18

A post shared by Widows (@widowsmovie) on Sep 10, 2018 at 3:32pm PDT

Best On-Screen Lewks

There’s some amazing costume design driving some of this year’s best films: Colette’s Belle Epoque-era Parisian flair—especially powerful because it helps underscore Keira Knightley’s character’s own evolution and self-acceptance; the 1990s grunge of Jonah Hill’s Mid90s; If Beale Street Could Talk’s saturated 1970s outfits; and Natalie Portman’s wild, sequinned get-ups in Vox Lux. But Mahershala Ali steals the damn show. In Green Book, he gives us a masterclass in style: from impeccably fitted tuxedos to casual plaid suits to a dramatic gold-embroidered kaftan draped in gold chains. Like I said, lewks.

Photography via IMDB

Most Huggable Hound

A tie between the miniature goldendoodle Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper bring home in A Star is Born—which I have convinced myself is Cooper’s pet IRL—and Ponce, the scruffy mutt that’s dog-napped from Lucas Hedges and Julia Roberts in Ben is Back.

Makes-You-Wish-it-Was-Still-the-90s Soundtrack

Jonah Hill’s directorial debut, Mid90s, had the best—and most nostalgic—soundtrack of the festival. Sadly, the song list isn’t yet available anywhere on the Internet. But here’s what I can tell you: it features Seal and Morrissey, and was composed by the same duo of dudes behind the music in The Social Network and Gone Girl. One Twitter user went so far as to say that the film “literally might have the single greatest soundtrack of any movie ever.” It’s a bold claim, and I can confirm Mid90s lives up to the hype.

Most Stressful Experience

Hotel Mumbai is 125 minutes long, and those are 125 incredibly stressful minutes. Based on the horrific 2008 terrorist attacks on the city of Mumbai, the film fills viewers with dread right from the opening sequence: when the half-dozen terrorists arrive on the shores of Mumbai and immediately begin setting their plan into motion. For the next two hours, aside from the sounds of gunfire, explosions and screams on screen, the theatre was about as silent as during a screening of A Quiet Place. People were literally sitting on the edge of their seats, hands over mouths, shoulders stiff with tension. In other words: this film does its job of depicting a harrowing, terrifying ordeal exceptionally well.

Photography via IMDB

Most Gender-Balanced TIFF Yet

TIFF’s programming team has long been dedicated to creating a more gender-balanced festival, and this year it hit its highest mark yet, with 36 percent of its 2018 slate of films directed by women. The festival’s artistic director, Cameron Bailey, also signed a gender parity protocol during the Share Her Journey rally on opening weekend. This year’s festival also boasted a huge line-up of films with women at the center: from Nicole Kidman in Destroyer and Melissa McCarthy in Can You Ever Forgive Me? (both films directed by women) to Natalie Portman in Vox Lux and Julianne Moore in Gloria Bell. Canadian films Mouthpiece and Firecrackers also come from all-women teams, with two female protagonists in each, as well as female directors and cinematographers.

[thanks--and--praise]

Backpacking with the saints

Speechless before a mystery that’s beyond my understanding, but not beyond my love:

"become a lover. As long as you see yourself as learned and intellectual, you’ll lodge with the idiots; moreover, if you can stop seeing yourself at all, you will be free” —Hafez

My God was too big to be confined- too ravishing, too rough-edged, too passionate in seeking relationship

God: “A remarkably deep and vast wilderness… an immense, unbounded desert, the more delightful, savorous, and loving, the deeper, vaster, and more solitary it is

“All wildness is finer than tameness. In God’s wilderness lies the hope of the world” -John Muir

“I flame above the beauty of the fields, I shine in the waters; in the sun, the moon and the stars, I burn. I, the fiery power, lie hidden in these things and they blaze from me” -Hildegaard von Bingen

One keeps me grounded in nature and the other in a wisdom tradition, a skilled habit of seeing.

Without the large text of creation we miss the vastness of the message and without the small text of the Gospels we miss its intimacy

“The one who seeks for God, has already found Him” —Bernard of Clairvaux

It is out of this longing, endemic to the Holy Trinity, that the created world emerges. God wanted hawksbill turtles and humpback whales, columbines and Queen Anne’s lace, angels and human beings, splendors and companions of every sort. All are incurably creatures of desire, wanted into being by the restless ardor of God’s own heart

Amid all the reasons not to leap, not to risk yourself to desire and its anguish — in spite of all the chances of being hurt yet again— you leap! You do it because God leaps first. God risks failure in love over and over again, on the cross and throughout the universe. The clutching and releasing of desire is the pattern of love everywhere. “Remember, it is by failures that lovers stay aware of how they’re loved. Failure is the key to the kingdom within” — Rumi

The Desert Christians knew that taking time to be alone allows things to surface that wouldn’t otherwise be available to su. Only then do “we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness” —Henri Nouwen. Only in the deliberate choice of the cells o we discern the difference between the spaciousness of solitude and the isolation of loneliness, the glory of the one and the pain of the other

Poustinia: “a desert, a lonely place, a silent place” retreat for prayer

Yours is the task of blessing white oak trees and swallowtail butterflies, reindeer moss lichen and box turtles. You have to take it all in, make love to all of it, celebrate every blessed thing

Distribute gratefulness everywhere

Solitude has to bring us back at last to community, back to a connection with everything else

The most important “mountain” in one’s life offers no pride of accomplishment, only the unwelcome gifts of inadequacy and incompletion/ You learn over time that it isn’t the end. Every failure is an invitation to growth. Mistakes are occasions for grace, opportunities to choose a different path. They make forgiveness possible. Only in the absence of success can you know yourself to be loved without cause.

An utter simplicity is required of those who enter the presence of Mystery. You approach God in the vulnerability of your naked self, standing before a reality you cannot know, or even name. You “lift up your sick self, as you are, to the gracious God, as he is, iwhtout any speculation or special probing into any of the qualities that belong to your own being or to God;s”. Yet, by embracing this emptiness, he says, you’re surprised by an inexplicable love.

Nature’s stark indifference is as healing as it is distressing. Standing in the shadow of an old-growth forest, I don’t dwell on what “God” is or what “I” am or what the short-leaf pine tree is (in all the intricacies of its being). I’m simply present to the fact that Mystery is, that I am, that the pine tree stands there in its naked, nameless presence. That alone is enough. More than enough.It’s what continues to draw me to all things wild.

The presence of God isn’t something to attain anyway. You already are totally within it… just by living, by breathing. You don’t achieve it, you only consent to it

"The world, this palpable world, which we are won’t to treat with boredom and disrespect, is in truth a holy place, and we did not know it. Venice, adoremus"

“Never say ‘Matter is accursed, matter is evil’; for there has come one who said “this is my body””

“Love Christ passionately… in the very act of loving the universe”

“God is poured forth in all things and God is Himself everywhere, wholly”

“Activism is my rent for living on this planet” —Alice Walker

Righteous anger is an appropriate response to the environmental degradation caused by chemical, mineral, agribusiness operations in this area of the Midwest.

Julia “Butterfly” Hill preferred to love and befriend the trees themselves. In the late 1990s she lived for 738 days in a thousand-year-old California redwood named Luna

For justice to be sustainable, it has to be grounded in a fierce caring that affirms the dignity of everyone involved. The goal of restorative justice is the maintenance of a well-knit, cooperating circle of life. As a rule, even in the natural world, animals don’t seek vengeance. Nor do they take more than they need. Lions and gazelle know that they share a world where, ultimately, everything belongs.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread. Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is.  — Gandhi

Restorative justice: A profound appreciation for all living beings, a community’s need to bring suffering to consciousness, risking oneself in the work of restoring community, the need for a spiritual discipline in sustaining community

Thomas Merton: In prayer we discover what we already have. You start where you are and you depend what you already have, and you realize that you are already there. We already have everything, but we don’t know it and we don’t experience it. Everything has been given to us in Christ. All we need is to experience what we already possess.

There’s an infinite metaphysical gulf between the “I” of the Almighty and our own inner “I”. Yet, paradoxically, our inmost “I” exists in God and God dwells in it

The most important truth one learns from the wilderness is the that the holy in “utterly within you and utterly beyond you at the very same time”

Something terrifyingly holy whispers inside, calling you back to a truth you’ve held back from claiming

You are the temple of the Holy Spirit. You are the dwelling place of the most High God. You are loved beyond measure by what you can’t even begin to understand. The wilderness you’ve sought throughout your journey has been with you from the start

Isaac son of Yekel, Krakow Poland

“Isn’t it interesting: The treasure was at home, but the knowledge of it was in Prague” This is the ultimate twist of folly: to realize that what you have sought everywhere else in your life has been at home all along. From the beginning, the mystery was yours, bearing you along on its restless energy. What you sought out there- on steep wilderness paths, in the feverish lives of the saints, under a bridge in the far-off city of Praugue- had been closer the you ever imagined. Having longed for a God of wild beauty, you discover the Lover to have been there all the while… in the longing itself”

You were here all along and I never knew it. How awesome is this place (Genesis 28:16-17)

You welcome the little disasters of the trail because they give you hope in facing the bigger ones in your life. They teach you through the trial and error of your inherent foolishness

You realize that if you can do it there you can do it at home as well… knowing that when you’ve run out of everything you have, what is left is enough. More than enough.

An undemanding presence may be the finest gift we ever give or receive

Discipleship can be deeply disturbing, fundamentally unsafe. They invite us not to contemplate but to follow. We will not understand them if we do not admit the category of danger into our theology. Few places in this world are more dangerous than home. Fear not, therefore, to try the mountain passes. They will kill care, save you from deadly apathy, set you free, and call forth every faculty into vigorous, enthusiastic action

Besides, that’s where the magic happens- out where trails become hard to follow

We may not be able to put into words what we’ve come to love. But as we lean against the white bark pine, our eyes follow the flight of the eagle above the ridge and we count ourselves happy to be alive. We recognize the wounds we carry as gifts. We acknowledge the wilderness we walk through as home. We honor the world we share with others as filled with magic.

Wonder is the wellspring of love… and love, in the end, is what drives us to a passion for all things wild and at risk — Abraham Heschel