#i can’t beleive i used up the whole text post length but i was gonna say

[scornocopia]

dying inside a little more everytimt i hear ab like. people seeking out closure or whatever w someone who’s abused them bc it kust makes me think of. like i’ve heard it must be cathartic to have the person that hurt you whether it be like a parent or whoever else finally acknowledge how they’ve hurt you and . like i was so close to that i thought that happened and it was cathartic but looking back it’s just lied and pain and lies and pain and damage control and more lies and pain Because i tjought she was finally. i thoight i was finally being told ‘what i did to you was wrong and it was a bad decision and i’m sorry you’r life is fucked up forever because of my dumb actions’ but no. and i shouldve known i shouldve known she didn’t mean it i Should’ve known that they didn’t care. i should’ve known when that chatghpt ass apology hit tiktok i should’ve known when she messaged me only after i publically mental breakdown at her. and i know that closure isn’t for everyone you don’t need closure especially like. i would never expect or even encourage anyone to do what i did and try to talk with someone who literally csa’ed them 6 years later ESPECIALLY NOT AS A RESPONSE TO SOME PR SOUNDING DOWNPLAYING GOOGLE DOCS APOLOGY about her being ‘young and dumb’ when she was a grown adult fucking a PRETEEN what is wrong with me. but to not even a few weeks later see her back on instagram liking comments defending her ? for fucking child sexual assault? and liking comments of her friend playground insulting the sensible people on the post who were not being ok w her just getting away w it? you haven’t fucking learned anything you will not change you will never change i hope you feel sick to your stomach every day over your fucking disgusting actions and i hope you see my Child Face when you close your eyes and i hope the cigarettes and eating disorderdon’t take me out just so i can be alive when you die you actual fucking monster. although even if i did die i would be Happy happy clapping my hands to be not where you are anymore. hope the fires down south effected you permanently. hope someone hits you with their car. i hope you can never show ur face in public again without someone screaming Pedo i hope your friend picks his pizza face into an infection and dies i hope your family disowns you But i know they won’t bc ur weird ass parents were cool w yuo having a child “girlfriend” i really cannot stand all the Hate in my brain and heart it’s too much enegery i don’t like giving my energy to something that’s essentially spilled milk but truly truly truly truly it’s very difficult when the spilled milk fundamentally ruined your mind forever and also downplayed the effect it had on ur life bc ‘my friends know i’m a good person’. artist i rlly liked followed one of her friends who literally said ‘it was 6 years ago who cares’ and i don’t wanna. again it’s so much energy to give a shit about like Oh this artist who owes me nothing who’s comic i liked follows someone who thinks me getting raped as a child Basically on route to becoming a child bride doesnt matter bc it happened a long time ago. because that’s your friend and they seemed nice to you, right? ok cool. this is fine. i don’t want to think about that i don’t want to care about that i don’t want to even be remembering that but i truly cannot help itcan’t help what my body decides to take up space in my brain with. the way it felt like such a slap in the face. the way i talked with her more than i ever should have after that and actually had a sliver of hope that maybe she could actually learn. you said you were getting help and being honest. you said you were going to therapy and reading and learning more about the specific pain you’ve caused That you cared about the damage done and that you . whatever whatever whatever what ever wjatevr. all lies all lies it’s alllllll lies i need to stop thinking about this but i CAAAAANT i wanna BLOW UP!!!!!!!!!! everything hurts too much to even function which is probabsly why i don’t have a job Hello sir welcome to wendy’s *has to fuckinh lea