#i can transfer stuff off but tis gonna b. slow

[colourful-void]

Everything I've ever written was written primarily via the notespad app that came On My Laptop, and right now my laptop cant connect to anything.

So I can't write anything new on my laptop if its ever going to leave the laptop.

my beloved laptop of .... (7 years? 6 years? i dont remember when i got it) seems as though it has finally kicked the bucket and i am wayyy too torn up about it

[shadowsfascination]

Sonamy YAAU - Irreversible [Chapter 15 - B]

Impatient and restless as ever a blue hedgehog footed in circles through a dark cave, trying to make up his mind. He would sit back on a flat rock and toss up a red emerald only to catch it again. Then he would rise up and start walking again. The resolution that had landed inside him to proceed and indeed go through with this red emerald stuff was gone when he woke up this morning- highly unnerved by a vivid dream. One that had awoke all kinds of questions in his mind that he wasn’t able to shake off. And it wasn’t like him to be this unnerved. Having come to terms about his feelings for Amy had robbed Sonic of his care-free signature attitude. It was extremely annoying for him because he felt like he couldn’t face this problem the way he used to face all the other issues in his life. Running away wasn’t an option because Mobius needed him to fight the oppression from the A.R. and talking to Amy about it wasn’t either. If anything, he didn’t want her to find out. He’d be humiliated but most importantly: nothing would be the same if she knew.   Talking to Tails about it last night was highly uncomfortable for him enough. Neither of them had ever had dated someone before so they shared the lack of experience there. And even though Tails was a couple of years younger than Sonic, he still didn’t take any interest in girls or kissing and everything. It appeared to Sonic that Tails might have a different reason for that than he himself; a girlfriend would slow him down and rob him of his freedom… So he thought for a very long time, until he now had found a new interest in Amy all of the sudden. The dream of last night, in which Amy returned his feelings, kissed him with her rosy lips and chose him over Shadow was proof of that. Immediately he felt guilty for even the tiniest bit of desire to have her instead of Shadow, who he now had come to deeply respect. The swirl of feelings of hope, joy, guilt and surprise overwhelmed him. He had never had dreams like this one before and it had made him doubt what to do.   He shook the upcoming thoughts off, tossed the emerald up once more and caught it with ease and confidence: he was going forth with the plan. He had to get over this! “Sonic? Are you in here?”   Of all the times, why now? Why her? Sweet chaos! You gotta be kidding. It was almost completely dark in here, so maybe if he kept really quiet, she’d go away.. How did she know where he was anyway?   His wristwatch caught his eye and he drew a long and heavy sigh. His location was on and so his marker was trackable for anyone in his friend list- including Amy of course.   “Sonic! I need to talk to you! It’s urgent!” Her voice was drawing near and he heard the tiny chunks of stone crackle under her shoes while she was stepping closer to him.   “Are you in here? I can’t see a thing!” Suddenly he was blinded by the spotlight she turned on and he almost never felt so embarrassed before- as realization dawned that he had yet to explain why he was hiding in this dark cave, ignoring her. To make things worse his tongue felt tied. Sonic swallowed: “A-amy! What brings you here?” He smiled at her in discomfort while in search of where to put his hands in a way that wasn’t unnatural, but failed. Where on Mobius did he leave them before? “Don’t act so casual with me.” At least she thought he was being casual.   “How else would I act?” She looked at him with a worried expression.   “Please don’t go through with it.”  The blood in his hands and feet seemed to draw away. His hands got sweaty and his stomach twisted and churned. He clenched the red emerald in his hands, tiring his fingers from the cramp. She knew! “Is this why we barely seen anything from you for the last weeks?” He remained silent.   “Why didn’t you just talk to me? I thought we were friends!”  “It’s not easy to talk about you know. I’ve never felt anything like this before. And, I… I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship! It would’ve been for the best. And besides, guys don’t really talk about these things much anyway.”   “It would only have worked if I were totally oblivious about it.” “You weren’t, then?” “I suspected something because you were acting so strange in the cave when Shadow took me home. And then afterwards you didn’t check in on me?! That’s so unlike you.” “I know. I’m sorry.” “I started to think that you didn’t care! But then it dawned to me. That you might care too much after all.”  A quick flashback of his Chaos Engery Transfer in the cave passed by in his mind.   “Did you share that vision with me then, back in the cave?” “I did,” she confessed. “My memory was a little blurry at first, but I regained it later.” “We’ll need a new plan than.” Sonic sat down and leaned with his back against the cave wall. Amy sat down next to him and it made him nervous. She placed a hand on his knee. She asked him what he exactly felt for her and he told her everything: the fear of suddenly losing her, how he thought of her as amazing, kind, strong and brave and that he didn’t see a future without her in it. How he suddenly was filled with love at the moment he transferred his Chaos Energy to her and how he didn’t know how to act. The fear of ruining their friendship and how annoying it was that he didn’t know what to do. How he lost himself in it and how it led to this stupid Chaos emerald legend-thing. And then there was Shadow, who was more of a friend to him now than he had been a rival. He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, so he tried to get rid of this ridiculous emotional rollercoaster that he was placed in without approval. Amy nodded while she listened to him.   “Sweetie, I knew you loved me. I don’t know though if it’s a romantic kind of love.” “What?” He eyes widened with the possibility of and escape.   “I mean: are you attracted to me?” “How would I know?” “Do you want to kiss me?” He looked deeply into her eyes, heating up in distress of not knowing.   “Ames, you’re gorgeous, but it doesn’t matter if I do. You’re with Shadow and you’re happy. Right?” “I am… And I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but, Sonic, I’m not the girl I used to be. I’ve been trying to catch your eye for so many years… Even though my love for you was a great part of my strength, it’s been also exhausting. I just gave up at some point. I didn’t believe you would ever want me like this… And I got older, more serious, focussed on my studies and became less clingy, haha. Then Shadow and I became a couple. He is amazing and treats me so well. He’s secretly such a gentleman.” 

“I get that. It’s just too late, isn’t it?” “I guess. I just don’t want to open that book again, Sonic.” “Kind of ironic. I’m never late.” “There’s a first time for everything, right?” “True. How did you know what I planned on doing by the way?” “Tails told me. I dragged it out of him. He feels horrible. You should go see him.” Sonic looked at her in annoyance, unsure if he cared at all at this point and in doubt who he blamed more: Tails or Amy. “Anyway: I’ll just have to get over this...” He said with a regained confidence and calm heart. It didn’t hurt that bad after all. ”Can you help me with that?” “How?” “Maybe you could go back to being a crazy obsessed teenager again? That drove me far from you, didn’t it? Or I could ask Shadow about all the things he doesn’t like about you. Oh! I can think of one thing already: you’re a hothead.” “Are you aware that you’re still talking?” She snarled at him, trying to hold her temper, squeezing his hand so tight that it hurt.   “Ah! Okay, I get it.” The two of them giggled at each other and suddenly burst into inexplicable laughter. For the first time in weeks the air felt cleared and the vibe between these two friends was like it always had been. He looked up to her and then rested his head on her shoulder, heaving a sigh.   “I’m sorry I got us into this mess.”  “It’s okay.”  We’re cool?” “Always.” 

[anika-ann]

Heart Too Cold, but Friends of Gold - Pt.11

Too Much

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 2850

Summary: Avenger!reader AU. Part 2 of Melting Hearts series. Part 1 HERE.

The lesson with ‘Inna’ takes an interesting turn. Yeah.

“You are so good. So good, you’re always feeling so much. And sometimes it feels like you’re gonna bust wide open from all the feeling, doesn’t it? People like you are the best in the world, but you sure do suffer for it.” (Silas House)

Warnings: swearing, light angst, mention of an injury, sort-of-a flashback… eh

Story Masterlist

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“I have no idea how I can help you improve your English, you’re almost like a native speaker,” you announced, pretending to be awed.

On the inside, you were freaking out. A lot. The reason was simple; there was something incredibly fishy about your new student and it made your hair stand on the end.

The lesson had been nice – once Inna let go of the insecurity about her accent, she spoke fluently and she made a great conversational partner. You had pulled out one of the difficult worksheets you were using for students you believed to be on a very advanced level and she had no problem with it. Which was the biggest clue, really.

Because this woman didn’t need your help whatsoever.

Also, she was wearing a wig, which was suspicious on its own.

“Thanks!” she exclaimed, sounding excited at the praise. You would almost believe her she was being genuine. Almost. “I guess it’s the accent I’m worried about? I mean, I thought that with talking to you, listening to a native speaker, it could get less obvious. I heard not everyone is welcoming to a girl with accent like mine.”

You obediently made a face as you started picking up your stuff, slipping into a light coat. “Ouch. Okay. Well, thank you for the lesson. See you on next Tuesday, the same time?”

“Yeah. Same place?”

You nodded, smiling nervously at her, hoping it didn’t show. “If you want to.”

You might have set up a next meeting with her, but you would be damned if you showed up. You needed to pack your bags and disappear – right now. Maybe even without the bags. You tried to keep your cool when exiting the café, your new student right behind you.

“Where are you heading?” you asked politely, already coming up with a dozen of locations you could answer her with if she asked you the same. Your heart was beating its way out of your chest as you nuzzled your nose into your thick scarf.

Where would you go next? You couldn’t stay in Prague. Should you head for Slovakia? You had heard countless times that the culture was pretty similar to the Czech one and you had kinda grown used to it. Or should you change the environment completely? Escape to Bulgaria? Maybe Italy? You could use some warm weather for a change… then again, Italians were all for hugs and affection and you couldn’t really work with that…

“Oh, Karlín. You?”

Okay, so… you definitely needed a different direction and chances were she would be taking either the subway B line or the tram, which meant you needed to use A. Or maybe go to the other side of the square for C, but that might be too suspicious – God knew what Eva had told this woman about your whereabouts. You couldn’t lie too obviously.

“I’m going to Želivského…. That’s A line subway,” you added when she seemed a bit confused. You walked with her for a bit, parting your ways at the stairs to the subway.

“Alright. Bye, Brigit!”

“Bye, Inna.”

You gave her another quick smile before heading down, forcing your legs to walk on acceptable speed instead of running.

Head for the A line. Blend in with the crowd and let it slowly carry you to the transfer corridor to the B line. Take the escalator, stand straight, don’t walk up. Exit via B line station. Hop on a tram. Two stations. Change the direction and ride one station back, continue several others as the track goes somewhere else. Get off the tram with a crowd. Get lost in an alleyway as the crowd is passing. Be pulled by a strong-

“Hey! Let me go! Nech mě být!” you cursed, complaining loudly so you draw attention as someone dragged you aside to an alleyway.

A huge hand covered your mouth and you bit down on it before you could even see who your assailant was. It didn’t matter. They had you and you couldn’t use your powers to reveal yourself, at least not right away. Maybe they would believe they had the wrong person.

“Ow! No biting!” a male voice complained and your rapidly beating heart stopped.

Oh god, oh fuck, no.

That wasn’t happening. You snapped your gaze to the painfully familiar face with the most honest and genuine blue eyes you had ever encountered and your mind turned blank.

He couldn’t be here. He shouldn’t and he couldn’t, because you had been extremely careful. Apparently not enough and now they found you; whoever ‘they’ were.

And they were using masks and voice disguisers, because you would fucking swear this was the love of your life standing right in front of you. They were playing dirty, taking you by surprise like this.

And they succeeded. Whoever was trying to get to Steve so they could replicate the serum just got themselves a jackpot. Except you were pretty sure you were worthless at this point; but they could never be sure enough of that unless they tried blackmailing the Avengers or Steve himself. Also, Steve would never let anyone die on his watch, so his most likely non-existent feelings weren’t that important.

You were about to scream when the hand muffled the sound again – was it really healed already? Why hadn’t they tried to knock you unconscious yet?

“Goddammit, Frosty! Keep it quiet!”

“Don’t call me that, you bastard!” you muttered into his palm, your knee shooting up to his crotch – he had left it unprotected unwisely.

His face twisted in a grimace that made you feel sorry for Steve even when your Steve wasn’t the one truly suffering – he couldn’t be, this couldn’t be him. His hand disappeared and you pushed him away with all strength you had, managing to free yourself.

“Wait!” he called out and you barely gave him a glance over your shoulder as you ran off-

Correction. As you ran into a wall. With full force, hitting your head so hard that for a moment, you saw the infamous stars behind your eyelids.

You stumbled backwards with a groan and your hand at the injured place, your messy mind coming up with the only solution you had – you woke up your powers, somehow realizing you couldn’t have run into an actual wall, because it simply hadn’t been there before. You barely felt the energy filling your body as the darkness embraced your vision – and the last thing you saw was red plasmatic energy and Inna’s apologetic face.

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“Was it really necessary, Wanda?” you heard Steve’s (not Steve’s) voice from a distance and groaned, immediately remembering what had happened. Fuck, you were so screwed. “Snowflake?”

“Call me that again and I will freeze your balls off.”

The woman at the side of the bed you were lying on – yeah, really, bed, a bed you weren’t tied to, which was kinda sloppy to be honest – burst out laughing.

“She’s really something. I think I fell in love.”

“Good. Do you think that after you knocked her unconscious, she will fall in love with you too?” the man bit back, smoothening your hair from your forehead. You grabbed his wrist on instinct to stop the motion.

Also, you could feel your mask was off. Wonderful. You opened your eyes to see the wannabe Steve and shot him a pointed look.

“Don’t touch me. I have no fucking idea who you are, but do not touch me. At least be fair and show your real face, you dickbag.”

“That’s a lot of money to the swear jar,” Inna – Wanda? – noted and you eyed her only to see her crossing her arms on her chest. She looked completely different now and confused the hell out of you. She took her wig off, not wearing a mask (or wearing a different one) and the only reason you recognized her as ‘Inna’ was her thick accent. “And since you don’t believe him – or me – let me show you. I can connect two minds on a certain level and I will. Good? I’m so glad you agree with this procedure.”

Before you could do a thing, she took the man’s hand from yours and touched both of you simultaneously. You gasped and closed your eyes at the flood of pictures appearing in front of your eyes, the noise, the— the feelings. It knocked the air out of your lungs, flushing over you like a tide wave.

You saw it all. Every single memory of you and Steve, from the first meeting (oh how pathetic and scared you looked) and gaining each other’s trust to the cuddles and the teasing…  

The longing (oh, so much longing, the inner fight, the struggle not to take advantage of you, the desire to kiss you as you smiled at you? No, him), the love declaration, your first time, fighting by your side (the overwhelming fear every single time, yet so much admiration and respect), finding you in a snowed-in room with Michaels; that one scene seemed to happen in a slow motion, letting your brain recover.

All of the memories were strange as you saw yourself from above, from an unusual angle, but this particular memory was standing out with one more thing – your eyes were shiningly blue, unnaturally even; Michaels had been right, your eyes had changed colour that day.

Then the pace changed again and there was the memory of the tenderest love-making and you could tell immediately it must have been a very fond memory and an intense one too – spiked with a bitter taste of goodbye. The sudden rush of pain and fear would make your knees give out had you been standing,

And then came the anger – so consuming that you saw red for a second, yet recognizing Michaels in his prisoner’s cell with painful clarity. A punch. Another one and one more, yet not helping the gnawing feeling inside you at all.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Obviously, you wanted to isolate her. But you had that in Pennsylvania as well. Why go through all the trouble?”

“Oh, sweetheart, I knew you would be with her, even as a backup, running after her like sick puppies. She wouldn’t do that alone.  Protecting the man she owed everything though…”

“Who do you work for? What do you want with her?”

“What I told her. We want to replicate the serum.”

“…you’re not talking about the super-soldier serum.”

“Course not. Pff. Super-soldiers are so yesterday. The powers your precious Snowflake possesses, on the other hand…”

You were literally kicked out from the memory and shoved into a roller-coaster of hope, disappointment, frustration and denial. You caught a glimpse of a little flask with an engraving that looked suspiciously like an Asgardian one, of starless nights, endless line of torn off punching bags, but it was like seeing it from a train, too fast and blurry.

And then Bucky appeared. S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. Sokovia happened – Wanda, Pietro and Vision happened.

Finally, there was you again, biting his hand and kneeling him, endless relief and confusion and a spike of anger as you ran into an almost invisible wall of energy created by the Scarlet Witch. The hesitance about deactivating your mask; the rush of affection when seeing your face.

And pitch black.

You blinked your eyes open, darkness dancing around the edges of the simple white ceiling. A ghost of a touch on your wrist was present, but the sensation was nothing in comparison to the aftershock of emotions that bombarded your brain and insides.

Steve was leaning onto your bed for support, possibly feeling the same weakness in his body as you were. Tears burned in your eyes and you tried to focus your gaze on him, to feast your eyes, because you were suddenly sure it was him. Your heart swelled at the realization, the vital organ too large for your ribcage all of sudden.

His dazed eyes met yours, relieved as he noticed the change. He managed to give you an unsure smile as he lowered himself, reaching for your hand.

“Are you gonna bite me again if I touch you?” he asked, the supposedly teasing note lost on the way from his brain to his mouth. He seemed hesitant, afraid of rejection. Yet, he was watching you in awe and poorly hidden hope.

You felt the blood rushing to your cheeks when you remembered that you had bit him and… kicked him in— oh boy. You already had an apology on your tongue when you changed your mind and forced a smile. There would be plenty of time for apologies.

“No. But I might if you don’t.”

His face brightened and he took your hand in his, squeezing gently, careful as much as he had been when you had seen each other the last time. It felt like eternity since then. And after experiencing the grief you had caused him… you actually felt guilty for running off – especially now, when you found out Michaels had been playing you and you had fallen for it.

You had run off for nothing. You had actually done exactly what they had wanted, isolating yourself and making their work easier. No contact, no life, no relationships. Hurting people you cared about. Loneliness being your only true friend for so long.

And all of that for nothing.

It was a little comfort that at least you managed to hide from Michaels’ minions or bosses effectively. It didn’t feel important.

The tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched Steve, emotions displayed so openly on his face; the concern at your tears if nothing else. His fingers brushed your forehead as if unwittingly, the tender touch making your eyelids flutter close. He immediately pulled back.

“Head that bad?”

“No, you dope,” you mumbled, snapping your eyes open again. He watched you curiously, searching for anything that could clue him why you called him a dope. Not that it was the worst thing you had called him today. “I… I missed you and— and I’m so sorry, Steve. I-- I know I made a stupid mistake and I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear, I didn’t want you to get hurt-”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed you quickly, his fingers running through your hair and you realized you started crying for real, sobbing and all the ugliness associated with the display of weakness. “Hey, Snowflake, it’s okay— …it’s not okay, I think I won’t take you back to others, because Natasha or Tony might actually kill you, but-“

“But you won’t? What do I get then? The silent treatment? A beating? ‘Cause I’ll take it, I know I deserve it.”

His eyebrows furrowed, creating a worried yet somehow tender wrinkle. “How about ‘I missed you too’ treatment?”

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized his face got closer, his thumb drawing circles on the back of your hand and the fingers of his other hand still caressing your hair.

“What— what does that look like?” you choked out, a growing lump in your throat suffocating you.

That couldn’t be real. He was mad. You had felt it. You had felt it all, the good things too of course, but the pain too. Fixing things, getting forgiveness, it couldn’t be so easy. Too easy.

“Whatever you want.”

You observed his handsome face, his worn features, the exhaustion radiating for miles as well as delight and careful hope.

“That doesn’t sound right.”

He pouted. Steve Rogers fucking pouted as if he wanted to draw attention to his lips some more. He succeeded. You licked yours at the sight, mentally slapping yourself at instant. You had broken his heart – almost two years ago. You had no right to want any of that.

“Oh my god, just kiss already, your emotional roller-coaster is killing me!” Wanda whined miserably and you honest to god jolted to your feet, almost colliding with startled Steve. Your head spun and it wasn’t only from the rapid movement.

Jesus, you forgot all about Wanda!

“Wanda,” Steve murmured lowly, no chance of her truly hearing it. You did though and you eyed him, biting your lip.

“Do you-“ you blurted out and stopped abruptly before you could finish the bold question.

“What?” he asked softly, his hands hovering at your sides, ready to catch you if your head decided to send you back to unconsciousness – or at least to the floor. Always the protector. The rush of affection towards him was too much to bear.

Yet, you couldn’t imagine leaving this room without him.

“Never mind. We should move. If you found me, then they-“

His hand actually fell on your hip and your gaze shot its direction before looking up to his face in surprise.

“Wait. Do you?”

You gulped as his eyes flickered to your mouth at his words and you would swear you heard Wanda mutter ‘yes, she does’. Your cheeks burned hotter.

“Yes.”

His lips slowly spread in a smile as he leaned in, his kiss landing on your cheek. You chuckled delightfully at the familiar yet so foreign feeling and returned the favour.

When he went for your mouth with silent ‘Can I?’, you sure didn’t protest.

Meeting his lips felt like coming home, even with the kiss ending way earlier than you wished. But him letting you melt into his embrace after that was almost as good as kissing him senseless.

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Epilogue 

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Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​​, @murdermornings​​, @elisaa-shelby​​ @ask-hellbent-tweek​​ @cxptain​​, @kallafrench​​, @smilexcaptainx​​ @scentedsongrebel​​, @orions-nebula​

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*Draws a hallo above her head* Have some more knowledge of Prague infrastructure. It’s authentic :D

They reunited! Also, there’s only epilogue ahead.... and a bonus. Aaaand then the series continues. 

[wispythreads]

Oh, yeah, update, I finished both Knights of the Old Republic and Knights of the Old Republic II! The popular opinion online seems to be that the second one is better than the first one, but I... don’t really agree with that opinion. I loved both games a lot! And it might just be childhood nostalgia that has me biased towards favoring the original game, but I earnestly feel as if I had more fun playing the first game, and just enjoyed the overall feel of that game more.

I know I don’t actually have to list out the points of why I enjoyed the first game better and what I did really enjoy in the second game, but I kind of just want to do so anyway, especially since I didn’t really blog much while playing the games. Anyway, starting with my personal positives for Knights of the Old Republic II, and working my way down the negatives:

+ I was ecstatic when the droids became much more integral to the plot of the game, and really enjoyed playing those solo segments as T3-M4, being the MVP and pulling the rest of the team out of the fire. The closest I got to that in the first game was by making the active choice to bring HK-47 and T3-M4 around with me everywhere, and selecting T3-M4 to rescue everyone during the Leviathan quest.

+ I thought the influence system was really cool! Especially since I kind of had the silly, not very serious head canon that as HK-47 spent more time around my very light-sided Revan, he was being subtly influenced slightly more towards the light. Still very murdery, but begrudgingly accepting his Master’s change of heart and even eventually starting to understand it, slightly. Then, in the second game, I actually sort of did that! At one point, he was fully at the top of the light-sided spectrum, a great pillar of light shooting off behind him as he stood at attention, and then there was that moment where the pacifist protocol package got installed! I got a great kick out of it.

+ I appreciate that the dark sided options in the game (whether through dialogue or action choices), while still very obviously the dark-side choice, weren’t all giving off the vibe of “Muahahaha I’m so evil! I kick puppies and revel in it! See how evil I am!”  that I felt when seeing a lot of the dark-side options in the first game. There was even one dark-side option I very heavily considered accepting as canon for my play-through, just because I loved how chaotic and impulsive it was, even though I felt very bad about it because it was undeniably an awful thing to do. “Don’t press that button! It’ll set off the explosive charges I have beneath me!” “You mean this button? [Press.]”

+/- I loved how powerful my character felt while playing her, she was really a glass canon that had to be careful when going off on fights on her own, but when she had other force-sensitives around her to help back her up with healing, she could just lightning storm a few times and BOOM! all the enemies are down in seconds. But that power made it really difficult to enjoy it when the game forced me into solo missions with the non-droid party members, because those sections heavily favored the party members’ combat abilities and, no matter what I did, I couldn’t really make them as powerful as I had made the Exile, resulting in those sections being really slow and painful, especially when they jumped back and forth between a solo-section for the Exile and then a solo-section for one of the party members.

+/- I liked the ability to go into first-person perspective and see through each of the party’s eyes! It seemed really cool. Although, sadly, it’s very limited. You can look all around you, but you can’t move, fight, or interact with the world in any way while in first-person perspective. I understand that this is an older game, and though I don’t know when it first became an option in video games for you to switch back and forth between first-person and third-person point of view, I’m gonna guess it was probably after 2006, which is when this game was released. Still, I would’ve appreciated this mechanic more if it had more substance to the game? Being able to play fully in first person, especially with the characters who see the world differently than the rest of the party (Visas, HK-47, T3-M4) just seems like it would be so cool. 

+/- I love all of the new characters that were introduced and the return of old characters, but by the time I finished the game I felt like there was stuff that was missing from them. It seems like I can run through all the content that they have very quickly, leaving me with not a whole lot to talk about with them besides training new force techniques I’ve picked up to the ones that have become sort of the Exile’s padawans. Kreia definitely doesn’t give me this feeling, she has a lot to say and a lot of interesting depth to her, and mostly I don’t have this with T3-M4, but with the others there feels like there should be more conversations and talks and interactions between them and there’s just... not. I feel particularly upset about this with Bao-Dur, Visas, and Mandalore. I’m not sure if I just missed opportunities to speak with them about certain things, but I feel as if I had maybe three lengthy conversations with Bao-Dur altogether, which great swathes of silence in between them, and then he kind of disappeared and why he disappeared was never really explained? Despite him having the greatest connection to the Exile than all the rest of the companions, Kreia included? And with Mandalore I might not have felt so upset about it, considering all the great content with him from the first game, but his personal quest in trying to recruit the other scattered Mandalorian clan’s just felt kind of... really empty, with no real payoff, which doesn’t feel great when he’s one of the only companions with a personal mission you can assist with.

+/- I have very mixed feelings on the various cutscenes in the game. On the one hand, it’s great that there’s all these cutscenes that help provide a better understanding of the characters and the world that they’re all interacting in, and even some better understanding of the Exile, but on the other hand a lot of it takes place without the Exile’s presence or knowledge. It makes the game feel more cinematic and like an overarching story beyond the Exile, which seems like it should feel really cool on paper, but in practice, each time it happens it just kind of makes me feel weird while they play out, and even frustrated at certain times. The early ones were okay, but as they progressed it just kind of didn’t sit right. Plus, while it gives me a better understanding of the characters and the events that are occurring around the Exile, I can’t transfer that knowledge into the actions and perceptions of the Exile, which also feels frustrating at certain points.

+/- Speaking of, the stuff in the game that makes it seem more cinematic (even outside of cutscenes) is kind of part of why I don’t like the feeling of playing as much as I did while playing the first game? I can’t quite put my finger on why I feel this way, I just know that as I think about it in my head, it seems as if I should find it cool and have it heighten my experience while playing the game, but instead it just kind of bugs me in a vague way. Maybe it’s because it’s kind of jarring to be trying to do a quest and oop here’s a cutscene! oop here’s another cutscene! oop here’s another cutscene! oop you’re forced to play out this weird section where you don’t really have a lot of choice what’s going on, and it’s not really a cutscene but it sure feels like it’s just an interactive cutscene, oop you’re forced to play a solo section with this character! now back to you’re character! now back to the solo section! now forced interactive cutscene! Or maybe it’s not that, but it’s how the main story really does seem like the main story of a movie, with a very clear and structured ‘we go from point a to point b to point c with very little deviation,’ and the side-quests really feel like side-quests that ultimately don’t really matter that much. I might be on the wrong thread here, but in kotor I a lot of the side-quests felt optional, but also as if they were carefully tied into the main storyline, which created loops and a slight deviance from just going from a to b, and made the side-quests feel as if they mattered.

+/- The game itself felt a lot darker and depressing overall than kotor I did, which in itself is not a bad thing. I can get behind interesting dark and depressing stories! And, compared to those interesting dark and depressing stories, this one wasn’t really all that dark and depressing at all, mostly just a lot more of a realistic take what goes on in the world of Star Wars. But there’s some kind of weight to the darkness that is there, and at random points, even when nothing dark was really happening in particular at that moment, it just kind of brought me down.

- Some sections of the game felt a lot longer and slower than they should’ve been? The whole Goto section on Nar Shaada, and the Peragus Station prologue, in particular. I’ve seen that some people like the Peragus Station because of the creepy horror-movie vibes it gives off, which I can see in certain places of it and can appreciate in those places, but the majority of it just felt really empty and boring, and once things got rolling with the Exchange and Goto it felt like it would never end, becoming a very slow and arduous task to try and get through it and arrive at a more exciting and free point in the game. Looking back on the experience of the whole game, it makes sections like Onderon (even when including Dxun as part of the Onderon package) and Korriban feel very short and limited in comparison.

- Most of the new Force powers you learn through the gameplay that are unique to this sequel don’t really have that much use or importance outside of the one section where they are learned. It just becomes another force power I have to scroll through to try and quickly scroll between the ones that are actually useful and that I use very often.

- I didn’t really care for the changes to the workbench + the added lab station that they implemented into the game. Maybe other people enjoyed it but I found it kind of... pointless? The only aspect that I could’ve enjoyed because it gave me something unique I couldn’t get anywhere were the implants, but the good implants required a really, really high constitution that literally no one besides HK-47 had, which made all the implants pretty much useless.

- Not a big fan of the fact that one of the choices between two possible companions was decided based off of gender. The choice between two possible companions based off of alignment on the dark/light scale? Very cool, very understandable. The Disciple is very sweet and knowledgable and probably would’ve been favored a bit more if I had him around longer than basically at the very end of the game with a huge lore dump, but I think I would’ve much preferred having the Handmaiden with me through the whole game. Also it just seems like a really weird thing. If you’re a guy, the Handmaiden will join your party! But the Disciple will not. If you’re a gal, the Disciple will join your party! But the Handmaiden will not. It’s even weirder because their choice to join isn’t determined by some shallow thing like being attracted to the Exile, it’s decided by factors that should be unanimous regardless of whether the Exile is male or female.

- I don’t appreciate the game trying to tell me ‘well actually you’re exile was a choice you made yourself, whether you realize it or not, the Council really didn’t have a way to punish you, so you kind of did this to yourself for some personal reason’ because even though I know what kind of thing they’re trying to convey about the Exile’s trauma after what happened at Malachor V, that particular line they kept pushing just felt really dumb and I hated it. Maybe my Exile did eventually come to appreciate her exile and the distance it brought her from all the stupid stuff going on with the Jedi and the Republic, especially with how tired I believe she felt when being forced into the mess again, being forced to talk with Atris again when neither of them wanted to see the other ever again, but being told that the Jedi ‘couldn’t enforce their ruling’ is complete and utter bull, and trying to make it seem like my Exile accepted their exile purely for personal reasons rather than the very real threat from the Jedi should she try to ignore it or fight it is equally bull.

- The ending of the game felt really... empty, too. The ending to Kotor I was triumphant, a congratulatory celebration for destroying the Star Forge and managing to defeat Malak (which had been really, really difficult), at least on the Light Side ending. But still, it ended on a positive note with a definite conclusion and with things looking up for people. I think the ending of Kotor II might have felt better if I had played through it with the anticipation that they might continue the storyline with a third game, which is evidently what they were planning to do before said third game got cancelled, but as it stands by itself, it just feels kind of disappointing in comparison. Of the three boss battles, the only one that felt interesting was the one with Sion. Nihlus was very, very easy compared to all that he was chocked up to be, I had to do very minimal strategic thought and took him down with a lightsaber (which was something my Exile was pretty weak with) very quickly. And, yeah, I had Visas and Mandalore’s help, but this guy was supposed to be a big deal! He was spooky looking, he’d consumed the life Force of entire planets, he spoke like some kind of unknowable, terrifying Lovecraftian monster, but his fight did not at all live up to the expectations the lore surrounding him and his aesthetic had created. The one against ‘Traya’ just felt kind of... stupid. Like I can kind of understand what she was doing, but also, no??? I’m not going to strike you down??? You’ve been really suspicious and creepy the whole time, of course I knew you were manipulating me, of course I knew that this was gonna be the endgame, and that you were specifically trying to orchestrate events to line up to this moment where I would eventually defeat you, but you had to throw a wrench in my distrustful distancing of myself from you by standing up against the Exile’s mistreatment and speaking the truth and just really touching my heart at that moment so guess what, spite time, I’m gonna show you all the love and compassion and mercy my heart can muster, fuck you, you don’t get to die.

Anyway yeah that summarizes the major feelings I have from playing Knights of the Old Republic II beyond enjoying it purely because it’s another star wars game and is like the original Knights of the Old Republic. If you made it through all this, then, well, thanks? Good on you for taking the time to read my silly rant. Have a head pat.

*pat, pat*

[sweeetie-demon-blog]

Bad Boy // Clouis Oneshot

Description: Clementine has been dying to meet this big bad troublemaker ever since she got to her new school.

Who’s giving Louis an angsty backstory again? This gal.

———-

This was stupid, she knew it was, yet here she is. Standing in an empty hallway, waiting. She couldn’t believe that she was waiting for his kid, who she never even met before.

Louis was his name. Clementine had heard people talk about him many times before. She’d transferred to Ericson High about a month ago, yet she still hadn’t met this mysterious “bad boy.” She was doubting if he even existed.

This guy was apparently seen destroying teachers’ cars and tagging things around the school. Some have even said that he goes to the roof of the building Clementine was currently on, and smokes until the day is over.

She had sneaked off inside the halls during lunch time, since people wouldn’t suspect a thing. It wasn’t unusual for a student to roam the hallways during any break at school, though it was almost always empty. Clementine was on the second floor of the building, her back leaned against an unfamiliar locker. Lunch was almost over and she was starting to think that everyone played a huge joke on her. This kid isn’t real and she just looks like a fool leaning here waiting.

A sigh escaped her lips as she was starting to leave her spot. The girl checked her phone for the time once again, her head shaking as the bell rang the next moment. She should leave before these halls become impossible to walk through. Clementine was heading for the staircase leading to the floor that she needed to go, when a loud slam of a door echoed through the hall. It was still empty where she was, so the loud noise scared her.

Her head turned in shock, seeing exactly who was running in her direction.

It was him, he was real. This wasn’t a joke.

The boy was running, a metal baseball bat resting on his left shoulder, and an amused smile on his face.

He slowed down, trying to catch his breath. He looked at Clementine, who was still standing in shock, and smirked.

“I see you were admiring my running. Was I fast?” His voice was a bit raspy but oddly soothing. The boy got closer to Clementine, his breath still uneven. Now she was able to get a closer look at him. He was dressed in a black tee and slightly baggy jeans, a pair of beat up converse barley visable, with dreadlocks adorning his head. Clementine had to admit, he looked kinda hot.

“Why are you running anyways?” She had a few reasons on why he could have been.

“Was being chased by a security guard. He wasn’t that far back so he might bust through that door any second.” The teen quickly turned his head towards the door he came from. “I should bounce before I get caught again.” He was starting to leave, but he turned again. “See ya around, girly.”

The mysterious boy disappeared into the swarm of students that were starting to flood the hallway. A security guard came barging through the door seconds later, only to be faced with loads of kids and realizing he lost the boy.

———-

“You were right Vi, he’s real. I thought you guys were messing with me.” Clementine and Violet, as well as a couple others, were walking home.

“What? Oh, Louis? Why would you think that was a joke?” Violet chucked.

“I don’t know, I guess cause I’ve never seen him. And I’m new to the school, maybe it was some prank that kids do to new kids.” Clementine shrugged.

“Well, that would be kinda funny, but nope. It’s all true.”

“Are you guys talking about that one guy? The ‘bad boy’.” Their friend, Aasim, scoffed. “He’s just a trouble maker, and also annoying.” He crossed his arms.

“Oh sure, what happened to that little crush you had on him?” Brody, a red haired girl, butted in. She giggled at his blushing face.

“Shut up Brody!” Aasim’s face turned red, a blush forming all the way down to his neck. The girls giggled.

“Wait you had a crush on this guy?” Clementine asked. “When?”

“Last year. That was when he was still hanging out with us, but he stopped. They weren’t my proudest moments.”

The golden-eyed girl frowned. She wondered what he meant when he said he stopped hanging out with them. It was no wonder they knew a lot about him.

“Why did he stop being around you guys?”

“We don’t know exactly. Something happened in his personal life and he just wanted to be alone all together. Not even Marlon knew, and they were best friends.” Violet gave her friend a sad smile. This Louis kid must have meant a lot for her to be this sad.

———-

Here she was again, waiting. The same building, same hall, same locker to lean against. The girl couldn’t help the urge to come back to see if she saw Louis again. All she wanted was to see what he looked like and that would be the end of that, but here she was with the intention of being friends. Something about this dreaded haired boy left her wanting more.

Clementine checked her phone, he had to be here right? She didn’t want this to be a repeat of yesterday. The girl started to leave again, but if on cue, the same door busted open. Her head turned quickly and there she saw the mysterious teen again. He was dressed in something similar than yesterday, except his dreadlocks were pulled back in a messy pony and he wasn’t running. Louis was surprised to see this girl again, surely she would have just thought he was some trouble maker with no future. He smiled however.

Never let them know what you’re feeling, was his motto. It was dark, but that’s how he lived.

“Hey you’re back, miss me?” He had a charm that Clementine was afraid of. She didn’t want to be with someone like this, if what she heard about Louis is true, she can’t be dating a quote on quote “bad boy.”

“You could say that.” She couldn’t look him in the eyes. He had charm and was super cute, she couldn’t. “I heard you like to smoke.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “Where did you hear that from?”

“People. Around school, ya know. Is it true?” She looked at him, finally. His face seemed to have a permanent smirk. She blushed and she wished she hadn’t.

“Well I do, you aren’t gonna rat me out right?” Louis searched his back pocket for his pack of cigarettes and his red lighter.

“No, I was actually hoping to join you. Been needing something to take the edge off.” Clementine ran a hand through her hair, it was usually tied up in pigtails, but she wanted it loose today.

“And you came to me? Listen, uh, do know who I am? I mean, people call me a trouble maker, don’t see you being into that.” He leaned his bat on the wall next to him. That thing was heavy. “But if you really want to, then sure. I usually go up to the roof. No one ever finds me there.” Louis put his hands on his hips, waiting for an answer.

“Okay, lead the way.”

———-

By the time the two teens made it to the roof, the bell rang. Clementine didn’t really care if she was late, she was late all the time. But don’t let that fool you, she at least tried to get a B in every class. Today was different because she was actually going to skip her last few classes. She didn’t have to, but damnit she was drawn to stay.

Louis led her to a spot near the front of the building. The school was surrounded by all kinds of trees and plants, the view was already pretty cool. They stopped when the boy sat on a platform that was half his height.

“I always sit here and just watch the world. C'mere.” He patted the spot next to his figure, before taking a cigarette and bringing it to his lips. He inhaled. Clementine saw how Louis visably relaxed after a puff. She went over to him and took the cigarette and lighter that he held out for her. She did smoke, but not as regularly as this guy. The girl usually partook in the action when the stress was too much for her. Today was one of those days. Where she woke up and knew it was going to be a bad day.

“It is beautiful up here.” Although it was no where near sunset time, the landscaping still had beauty to it.

“Sure is. Hey, I never caught your name.” Louis turned to the girl next to him, taking another inhale.

“Oh, right. I’m Clementine.” She smiled. The teen felt his eyebrows come together, he felt something for this girl. They were just introduced but he can already feel himself falling for her.

“Nice name, that’s a fruit right? Well you probably already know who I am by now.”

“Louis.”

“You got that right.” They both turned to look at the view again. It was silent for a few minutes, both their cigarettes being basically finished.

“Why do you do this?” Clementine broke the silence.

“Do what?”

“Come up here, destroy stuff, ya know. That stuff.”

Louis took the final drag of his cigarette, holding in the smoke as he closed his eyes. He let it out, his black beat up shoe stepping on the butt on the ground.

“Escape, I guess.” He shrugged. “I’m sure you’ve met Violet and Brody. Marlon, Aasim, Mitch. I used to hang with them, it was great ya know? But something happened, and I just wanted to be alone.”

That smirk he wore had faded. It was now just a frown that marked his face, an odd sight to see even though Clementine just met him yesterday. She knew she wasn’t supposed to ask what happened, Violet said that not even Marlon knew. What makes her think Louis would tell a stranger?

“I know you want to know. Everyone wanted to.” It’s like he read her mind. “Clementine, it’s weird-”

“Clem, call me Clem.”

“Clem.” He chuckled sadly. “It’s weird, I feel like I can trust you. Maybe cause you’re basically a stranger.” He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Did something happen between you and the group?” Clementine had turned fully to face him. She had a leg on the platform and her other dangling off it.

“Not exactly.” A sigh escaped his lips, a hand coming up to his face to rub his eyes. “Alright I’ll tell you.” Clementine had worry in her eyes. She hoped this wasn’t too bad.

“Around a year ago, I was kicked out of my house. I didn’t want anyone else to worry so I bottled it up. It was awful, my parents kicked me out for no reason. Well, I guess they did have a reason.” Tears filled his brown eyes.

“What?” She put a hand over his trying to comfort him. Louis looked her in the eyes and Clem could see the pain and hurt passed the tears.

“They didn’t want me. Mom said she never wanted a kid and dad didn’t have the patience. For years I lived with it, trying to make jokes so they can laugh and like me. Playing piano, both my parents’ favorite instrument. But it never worked. They hated me Clem.” A single tear rolled down his freckled cheek. Clementine’s heart broke in two. How could someone not love their child? They had to be complete monsters to do that.

“You know, I started using it as a cover right? The goofy persona I had before this edgy one. A cover. For the pain.” He subconsciously held Clem’s hand. “Now this brings me to why I stopped being around my friends.”

“You’re okay Louis, I’m here.” Clementine offered a smile and hand rubbing his back. “Take your time.”

His tears blurred his vision. He hadn’t cried this hard since the day he was no longer apart of his parents’ life. The boy cleared his throat.

“The last few months before I got kicked out, my dad, he. He would say awful things to me Clem. Mentally and verbally abusing me. It fucked me up, to the point I believed everything he said.” He took a deep breath. “And I stopped being around my friends because I also believed they didn’t like me. They would joke about me being annoying and childish. I knew they were joking but, at the time I believed it was true. And I kinda still do.”

Clementine had leaned her head on Louis’s shoulder, and he rested his head on hers.

“What about the destroying teacher’s cars and graffiti?” Her voice was small and soothing.

“Out of anger. Like I said I was trying to cope with it. It’s stupid I know, but those are the only ways I know how. Just focus my anger on destroying things and my sadness in graffiti.”

“Can’t you play piano?”

“Yeah I do that too, but not like I used to. I actually love piano but I don’t want to be seen by anyone while I’m in the music room.”

“I can be with you if you want ya know. I wouldn’t mind hearing you play.” It was silent again. A bell can be heard in the distance, the bell for the final class of the day. The courtyard filled with students of different ages, some running to their destination, others having conversations with others. It died down a few minutes later. It was completely silent again.

“A neighbor took me in after I spent days on the street alone. His name is Kenny, lives with his wife and kid. I owe him a lot.” Louis smiled at the mention of his current home. Kenny was a good man, had a temper, but was better than the way he was living before.

“Kenny? I think one of my dad’s friends is named Kenny.” The girl chuckled.

“Small world.”

———-

“C'mon Louis, I’m sure they don’t hate you. I’m pretty certain that they miss you.” Clementine was dragging the boy by his jacket sleeve towards her group of friends. It has been about two weeks since they had that talk up on the roof, and none of her friends knew.

“Um, I highly doubt that statement ma'am. I completely abandoned them without any explanation.” Louis stopped in his tracks before pulling the short girl close to his chest. She could hear his heart racing. In the weeks they’ve been seeing eachother, you could say that they were getting close.

“I’ll be by your side no matter what, and if they do hate you, which they won’t, I won’t leave you. You’ll be stuck with me forever.” Clementine stood on her tip toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. A blush formed on his face. They didn’t say they were together, but they both knew they had something.

“Can’t say no to a face like that.”

The girl was giddy, taking her “boyfriend’s” hand and leading the way to the group of teens sitting on one of the schools picnic tables. Mitch was the one who spotted them first, a hand rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly. He hadn’t seen Louis in about a year, now here he’s walking with Clementine over to them.

“Guys, is that Clem with Louis?” The group stopped mid conversation to look in the direction Mitch was looking. Louis caught sight of them now staring, stopping in tracks once again and pulling on Clementine’s hand.

“Clem..”

She didn’t listen this time, only squeezing Louis’s hand tighter.

It was silent when they walked up. Each teen had a different expression on their face. Marlon and Mitch both looking surprised, Brody with a frown and Aasim with an annoyed face. Violet wasn’t even looking at anyone, her gaze pointed towards the grass.

“Uh, hey guys.”

Marlon was the first to do anything. He engulfed his friend in a bone crushing hug.

“Dude! Oh my god, you’re here! Where were you asshole?” Louis chuckled and shook his head as Marlon finished his sentence. He was brought into another hug by Mitch, who started laughing as he did.

“You’re back!” Mitch smiled. “Clem did you make this happen?”

“Guilty.”

“I’m sorry I abandoned you guys, guess I have to explain.”

———-

It was getting dark, the sun was barely visable anymore. The street lamps were bouncing of the two teen’s faces as they walked down the cracked sidewalk. It was a good day. Louis reconnected with his old friends. It was awkward at first, not knowing how they would react to his situation. But they all understood.

Now here they were, Louis walking Clementine home, hand in hand. They knew. They knew they had a connection. How could Louis not fall for this girl? She was perfection at its truest form. A golden-eyed beauty. Not only did she see past the destruction he did and the vandalism, which was wrong to do, she’s also helping him get through this rough patch. He really, really, really, likes this girl.

Clementine stepped up on the porch leading to her front door, Louis following behind her.

“Thanks for everything Clem.” And without thinking, this dreaded haired boy that Clementine fell for, leaned in and kissed her right on the lips.