#i can still remember the physical sensation of gripping onto my wooden doorframe while she pushed me in and thinking if i could just get to | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hofftrans · 21 days ago

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cw child abuse but I thought maybe my mum would finally be chill w/ us talking about the time she repeatedly shoved me into a room as punishment for having a panic attack at 8 years old but it turns out it's not chill and bringing it up still Makes Me The Asshole

#shes usually pre good about talking about childhood trauma stuff but for some reason this one subject makes her snap #she was like bragging about how she would always calmly talk us through our upset moments as kids and i was like... yeah 99% of the time #i was laughing a bit too trying to keep the energy chill #and she got defensive and asked about the 1% so i was like well you did lock me in a room for having a panic attack and her response was #it didnt lock from your side you could get out!!#like ma'am everytime i got out your 6'2 ass would charge down the hallway #pick me up and manhandle me back into the room as i desperately tried to escape #i can still remember the physical sensation of gripping onto my wooden doorframe while she pushed me in and thinking if i could just get to #the front door i could escape and ask an adult for help because my parents had turned on me #anyway sorry to vent just needed to get it out bc we spent hours together after i tried talking about it and its hard to act friendly when #im like hey can we talk about how you refuse to admit you had a part in abusing me #she wonders why i didnt talk to her re my dads grooming and its like ma'am i showed vulnerability and you rapunzeled me #i was not going to risk that twice

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