#i can sleep in the car. my mom isnt a speed demon like my dad so atleast i wont get car sick
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Time for an all nighter
#my portfolio assessment is at 11am and it's 3am right now.#the trip is gonna be like.. atleast 2 hours long and my mom is driving so i can just sleep in the car#on the way up. two hours is better than nothing honestly and atleast it erases the possibility of waking up late#like just this morning i woke up at 11 and thought i missed my assessment and had a heart attack#only to realise it wasnt until Wednesday and now it's Wednesday and i still have touch ups to make for my portfolio and oh god#i dont wanna repeat this art course.#i can sleep in the car. my mom isnt a speed demon like my dad so atleast i wont get car sick#like i swear after the premiere night for Infinity war and we had to drop my brother's friend off home#dad drove so fucking fast out on the fucking country road with all the twists and turns and ugh#i was still motion sick for like an hour or two after we got back and the torture of trying not to vomit on the ride home#after today. i can just. truly chill out. play video games. and chill out.#instead of playing video games to distract myself from my stress even though it just makes me more stressed#i may download a bunch of emulators and play fire emblem 4 or Path of Radiance.#and maybe actually play persona 5 which I've had for weeks now. or finish danganronpa v3's final trial and play the board mini game#that they have post-game. like i just wanna chill out. the stress gets so bad that i just find it hard to want even live yknow?#it may be an overreaction to some. but it's true. I'm already miserable enough as is and the stress from deadlines and shit just makes#everything worse. i just wanna work at my own pace. wouldn't it be great to be self employed#this is embarrassing but i like to think about someone hugging and reasuring me. but sometimes thinking about how#something like that might never happen and that just makes me feel even more lonelier than i usually do#I'm so isolated. why am i like this. I'm such a good for nothing screw up.#everything keeps getting pushed away. I can't maintain connections. i just keep losing and losing my#friends. there was time were i wondered if i should even bother trying to establish them. if they were#just gonna be in my life for only a year. i cant let people get too close to me. it just pushes them away#'i cant be with people and i cant be alone'. that's a quote i cant help but relate to somehow#don't you just wish you can sleep away a thousand years.#delete later
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