#i can post a picture of the ornament if yall want

[rogmobile]

I’ll Be Home for Christmas

Roger Taylor x fem!Reader or Ben!Roger x fem!Reader

note: i literally got this idea while listening to the song and looking at an ornament on my tree..anyway enjoy grammatical mistakes, incorrect punctuation, etc. enjoy my trash!

Word Count: 2.3k

Snow fell soundlessly on the ground outside as you slept. Your chest lifting and falling as air swelled and deflated from your lungs. Dreams coming and going, yet you wouldn’t remember the blissful thoughts when you woke up. In your peace you were oblivious to the phone that rang out in the kitchen. It rang seven separate times. Each call ringing as much as it could, begging for you to pick up, before giving up. Hours later your nose flooded with the bitterly enticing scent of coffee, but it wasn’t the same scent you had grown to love. With a blanket wrapped around your shoulders and the impostor coffee in hand you sat watching the snow fall with only one worry on your mind: Roger.

Your boyfriend was the drummer for the band Queen. He was the best of the best, extremely talented and it made you feel nothing but proud to see how far he’s come. All the way from bar gigs when the band was still Smile and Tim was still in the picture. Roger was planned to come home this evening, Christmas Eve, but you didn't hear from him with an update. They should have left JFK airport last night, but you had not idea that had not happened. Trying to keep your mind off of it you get back to the finishing touches to your elaborate decoration after your coffee.

The decently sized tree, you dragged up to you and Roger’s flat on your own, was spotted spotted with mostly decorative ornaments with a few sentimental ones here and there. Like the one you had bought for your first Christmas together. However the top of your beautiful evergreen was bare. Because you had been waiting for Roger. It was attempt to birth a tradition of placing the angel on the pine when together. Fairy lights twinkled and danced throughout the pinewood branches causing the sparkles on the tree skirt to reflect the light, sending it in different directions, making it appear as though the bottom of the tree was on fire from the divine glow.

Lights were delicately strung around the windows in the living room. Their colourful glow illuminating spots of the white window sills in pockets of blue, red, green, yellow, and white around the large light bulbs. You seemed to be running out of things to keep your mind away from Roger, but that’s when you remembered you had yet to hang Roger’s favorite decoration. Mistletoe. It wasn’t truly his all time favorite, it was more of a joke between the two of you.

In the studio the boys were becoming miserable. It was drab and the sleet and streets full of graying snow seemed to be following them inside, as it was the last thing they’d see before being in the studio hours on end. Of course they loved what they were doing but the holidays were upon them and that’s enough to make everyone a little stir crazy. You took it upon yourself to bring them all coffee and tea in the afternoons during your breaks at work. It helped lift spirits for about two days. You had had enough of it because it put Roger in a mood every evening he’d come home. He hated spending long periods of time on the same part of a project the band was working on, especially when they wouldn’t get anywhere with it. He liked results. So having enough you went all out on your next drink visit. You showed up with a box of goodies and humming Christmas tunes. You handed out orders, which you had come to know by heart, to their corresponding consumers as they looked at the box with anticipation. Within a few minutes, colourful lights were draped against the top of the walls. Then you pinned mistletoe over the center of the door frame. Smiling at you with a love so pure and an overwhelming sense of gratefulness Roger stepped into the doorway next to you. His hands found your hips with great ease as he pulled you into a kiss. Pulling away from the sweet kiss, Roger’s hands cupped you face and squeezed your cheeks together, smearing a goofy smile across your lips. He smiled back at your cutely distorted smile before asking, “What did I do to deserve you?”

The routine kiss under the mistletoe quickly came into play. It became such a second nature to you both that at one point John decided to take the mistletoe down to see if either of you would even notice. You didn’t. The guys gave up trying to get you both to catch on, so they just told you. It became a joke between pretty much everyone in the studio, but it never stopped the two of you. Because not kissing in that doorway before you would leave would’ve been a crime.

The memory of Roger kissing you and being with you Christmas past wasn’t helping you temporarily forget how much you truly missed him, so you quickly busied yourself again by wrapping some more presents. An in depth book on star theories and constellation origin stories for Brian. A shirt with an eye catching animal print that was cut so low the neckline would rest below one’s sternum for Freddie. Then you folded, creased, and taped wrapping paper around a small box of bright blue, orange, and purple pecdeliums that were engraved to read “Deacy” for John. The boys had planned to all get together for a family Christmas feast and present exchange, which gave you a little bit more time to wrap presents. It gave you a little hope to think that they’d be home in time for the get together to recieve their presents as planned. You had already wrapped Roger’s gifts for the next morning. Admittedly you had gone a little overboard. When shopping you weren’t able to choose what to get him causing you to get him a few necklaces of different lengths, yet another fur coat to add to his growing collection, and a hat that was made of at least six different fabrics. Placing the last of the gifts under the douglas pine, you stepped back with the hope you would feel like everything was normal. But it wasn’t. Roger would’ve been wrapping his warm arms around your waste as he handed you a cup of hot cocoa while humming into your neck about how you had out done yourself with the beautiful decoration job yet again. But you were practically freezing. Trying to keep the tears gathering in your eyes from gliding down your cheeks you turned to the kitchen to busy your hands and keep your mind off of your missing other half. It didn’t work. Not only did you miss Roger, but you had something to tell him. Something that was going to change your lives forever.

About three months ago Queen had been on the East Coast stopping in all the big cities: New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Baltimore, D.C. and so many more. But it was a New York show you were flown out for. It was an unexpected surprise for Roger. He really showed you just how much he had already missed you, even though they were only on tour just over a month. Saying goodbye two days later was extremely difficult for the both of you. Because you both knew that between work and money not permitting it was the last time you’d see each other before their planned return for the holidays. Once home your time of the moth had rolled around, but was it was late which wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for your body. Then another month passed by initiating your call to the clinic. Time dragged by before your appointment. It seemed from that phone call on everything had been going so slow it was practically in reverse. Feeling the cold burn of the gel hint your lower abdomen you couldn’t help but feel as though you were watching a film. You stared blankly at the tech, not taking your eyes off of him for a split second, as if you were searching for the answer before anyone even told you. After informing you a doctor would be in soon to tell you your results the tech left. Time was dragging again, but within a few true minutes the doctor appeared. He sat next to you, looking you directly in the eye, and congratulated you with a smile.

Without noticing your hands had traveled down down to your stomach that didn’t show much of a swell yet. There was no holding it back anymore, and tears quietly spilled from your eyes. It was Christmas Eve you were alone, confused, a little frightened, and you missed Roger. You look back to your pine tree for some comfort and your eyes fall to the ornament you bought when you were told the news. It was a little bear propped up on the shoulders of a big bear that had a shirt reading “Best Daddy”. It got a sad smile out of you as you turned to go to sleep after admitting defeat that Roger wouldn’t be home for Christmas. You dragged your feet with every step you took in your retreat to the bedroom when there was a irritatingly urgent rapping at the door. Your lack of expectancy kept your hopes low and convinced you that there was no way in hell it was the only person you wanted to see. With sluggish steps and a few annoyed grumbles at the repeated knocking you opened the door. Before you even looked at who the visitor was your balance was knocked backwards by a large force. Your eyes came into focus but only to be obscured by a fluff of blonde hair. Roger. His arms were tightly wrapped around you as if he feared to lose you. His lips rapidly moved across your lips, cheeks, and then trailed down your neck in a rush of excitement. You tried to keep up, but your brain still had not processed that Roger was really there in front of you. He pulled away, eyes inspecting you with great importance like he had forgotten how you looked.

“God, I’ve missed you!” Roger beamed.

“Roger?” you let out in a breath like a prayer, as if to ask for him to truly be there. His hand found the small of your back and the other rose to the back of your head pulling you into his chest. You breathed him in. The harmonious blend of cigarettes, that cologne you loved, and the familiar musk and slight spice of his deodorant that had faintly worn off on his journey. It was intoxicating. Sliding his grip to your hand he leads you into the living room. He scanned the room, covered in decorations, causing his eyebrows to disappear under his bangs above his scintillating blue eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m so much later than you expected, (Y/N). I tried calling yesterday but Brian reminded me that it would’ve been one in the morning here.” Roger explained while inspecting the tree

“What happened?” You inquired following him around the tree your hand clasped in his with a loving squeeze.

“They delayed the flight because of weather, but the few flurries didn’t really cause an issue in the end. Did you lose the angel?” he prodded with a questioning tilt of his head. You had almost forgotten all about your goal of starting a tradition upon Roger’s arrival.

“No I didn’t lose it,” you glower at him jokingly. “I was waiting for you. I wanted you to be here.” a smile crept across your face with your eyes twinkling as you grabbed the angel and handed it to Roger. Turning back to the tree he stretched up and situated it atop of the pine. He began to shift his weight evenly back on to his heels when he froze. You made to ask him if he was alright when he spoke. “(Y/N)?” his voice faltered, eyes locked on the evergreen, and swallowed hard. The ornament. He let out a croak from deep in his throat as he couldn’t formulate any words. Your eyes widened and your lips parted slightly standing in partial shock. This wasn’t how he was supposed to find out. You had gone over countless versions of this conversation in your head, but now that you were actually having it you were at a loss for words.

“Roger,” you finally managed. Taking in a deep breath that seemed to hitch and get stuck in your lungs. “I’m pregnant.” you exhaled surprising yourself with the announcement. If he wasn’t already motionless before he sure as hell was now. His face held a very calm expression until his eyes slowly left yours to land on your stomach. After just a few seconds his expression melted and a smile crept across his lips as his eyes softened. In one swift motion his arms were around you once more and he let out cheers loud enough to annoy the neighbors. He spun you around and the weight that had been on your shoulders for the past few weeks disappeared in Roger’s arms. The release of pressure that had been weighing you down, pushed tears down your cheeks in steady streams. Roger placed you down gently and apologized thinking he hurt you, but you reassured him you were as happy as you could ever be.  Falling to his knees he threw his arms around your waist, pulled you in as close as he could get you, and placed his forehead against your stomach. Your fingers ran through his blonde lock making him hum a reflection of the same euphoric joy that was coursing through your veins. Tears continued down your cheeks, but you were far from sad. Anything but, exactly. The sense of excitement, bliss, and comfort of Roger finally being home is something you wouldn’t trade for the world.

[sideoffiction]

Christmas Eve is Here

Relationship: Platonic LAMP, Platonic DLAMP

Warnings: Food mention

Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and the sides are together to celebrate.

Happy Holidays everyone. So, this is my first fic that I wrote with absolutely no outline or idea on what I was going to write, so bear with me. 

(The only onesies I had a reference for was Virgil’s and Patton's, cause I thought they were perfect (just pretend that Virgil’s is a onesie):

Virgil:  https://images-mm.s3.amazonaws.com/Nightmare_Before_Xmas_Ugly_Sweater_Black_Purple_POP.jpg

Patton: https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0747/5107/products/91lO5Wi9rML._UY879_300x300.jpg?v=1531638388   )

This is also posted on AO3, I’ll post the link in a reblog.

I hope yall enjoy!

It was a snowy Christmas Eve. Everywhere Thomas looked, he could see the shining Christmas lights through the soft flurries. Soft Christmas music floated through the air, and his mouth watered at the smell of food being prepared in the kitchen. Yes, Thomas felt quite content at this moment. He was calm and relaxed, and it felt as if nothing could ruin his mood.

Inside his head, however, was a different story.

“Roman, can you bring me the star please?”

“Why of course, Padr-AAA!” A loud crash can be heard throughout the mindscape.

“You ok, Princey?”

“Yeah, no thanks to you, Nightmare on 34th Street.”

“What, was I supposed to just teleport over there to help you stay on your own two feet?”

“...yes!” Roman stands up indignantly, wiping himself off of any accumulated dust or dirt.

“I do not understand why you all waited until today to decorate for the holidays. I stated numerous times that you should have put everything up ahead of time.” Logan speaks up from where he sits, reclined in a chair with a book in his hand.

“Thomas was busy, we didn’t have time.”

“What about the times where Thomas himself was decorating?”

“No can do, L. What if he had fallen and gotten hurt like Sir Trip-a-lot over here? Or worse. Burned the house down? Broke a bone? Etcetera etcetera.”

“I believe he would have been fine Virgil, however I do see your need to worry.”

“Still waiting for that star over here, kiddos.” Patton speaks up from next to the Christmas tree that stood tall in the common room.

“Oops, sorry about that Padre. Here it comes now.” Roman continues his trek over to the tree, watching as he walks so he doesn’t fall once more. He hands it over to Patton, who smiles brightly.

“You kiddos ready!”

They all make their way over to the tree, even Logan, despite his complaining.

“I do not see the need to make a spectacle of putting on the star.” He says every year, despite not giving any resistance to it.

“Ready?” Patton stands on his tippy toes and places the star on top of the tree. “Aaaand. There!” He lowers back onto the balls of his feet. “Its officially Christmas!”

“Preposterous, seeing as how we still have 5 hours until-”

“Logan, shut up and let Pat have his fun.” Logan shuts his mouth, pouting slightly while doing so (though if you asked him he was not pouting, not at all).

They all stand there and take in the tree. The most prominent ornaments throughout the tree are the balls of red, two different blues, purple, and even a few yellows. (None of them had seen when Deceit had placed them, but none of them had really complained or had taken them off). Scattered throughout the branches, there was also little homemade ornaments that Thomas had made when he was younger. The tree perfectly encompassed the five of them, as well as Thomas as a whole.

“Welp, it’s time to eat now!” Patton calls, as he bounces over to the kitchen. Inside, he had conjured a long table, expanding the room to make space for it. On the unnecessarily large table sat an even more unnecessarily large amount of food. Turkey, lasagna, garlic bread, ham, and so much more sits on the table, waiting to be eaten.

They all make their way over to the table and sit down. They are about to start digging in when Patton stops them.

“Hold on, kiddos, we’re missing someone.”

“You mean good old Sleigh Lie? I doubt he’d join us. And I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one here who doesn’t want him to join us.”

“Roman, I’m surprised at you!” Patton gives Roman his worst, and most effective, dad-look. “It is Christmas, and it is our first Christmas with Dee! I don’t care if you want him here or not, he is a part of our family, and he deserves to be treated as such.”

Roman, having already given up when Patton gave him the look, sighed. “Fiiiiine.” He raises his arm, and summons Deceit. Deceit pops in with a noticeably confused look.

“What don’t you want?”

“Dee, it's Christmas Eve! You shouldn’t be alone. Come and eat with us.”

“But what if I don’t want to be alone?”

“Trust me, Deceit, I tried that one last year.” Virgil speaks up. “It did not end well.” He shivers at the memories. This, of course, spikes Deceit’s interest.

“What didn’t happen?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

“So are you going to join us or not, Christmas Lie is Here?” Roman speaks up, slightly irritated. “I don’t know if you noticed or not, but some of us are starving.”

Deceit thinks it over, humming to himself as he takes his time weighing his options. He watches as Roman gets more and more irritated. Just as Roman is about to lose it, he finally sits down at a seat next to Patton, and silently starts filling his plate. Everyone takes this as a sign to fill their own plates and dig in.

The meal goes quite well, with idle chatter fills the room. There are many compliments to Patton, as he was the one to make the food. When they all finish up, they sit at their sits and continue talking. Patton snaps away the remaining food, and brings in the desserts. The group is much slower in starting their desserts as they continue to let their stomachs digest the food they just ate.

“I’m just saying, Miracle on 34th street is a greatly underrated Christmas movie.”

“Ok, I hear you kiddo, but think of this: A Year Without a Santa Claus has the Miser Brothers.”

…

“Oh that’s his whole argument.”

“But the real question is: is Nightmare before Christmas a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie?”

“It’s obviously not a Halloween movie.”

“What do you know?”

“Might I suggest something to end your… unnecessary bickering?” Everyone looks over to Logan. “Why don’t you just watch all of these movies, and vote on which is the best, as well as the true holiday that Nightmare before Christmas was made for?”

“Logan, that is brilliant! I’ll go grab my laptop and DVDs and set it up on the TV.”

“Ooh ooh, I have something I have to go grab as well.” Roman and Patton both rush out of the kitchen, leaving the three calmest sides alone.

“You sure that was a good idea, L? Now we won’t be left alone for the rest of the night.”

“It’s as Patton had said, Virgil. Christmas is a time for family.”

They all make their way into the living room, where Roman is just setting up his laptop. Just then, Patton rushes in with a bag of presents.

“Patton, correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe we open presents on Christmas day, not Christmas Eve.”

“I know that, silly, but these presents are different. Open them, and you’ll see what I mean!”

He passes out presents to everyone, even Deceit gets one. They all open them to see Christmas onesies, each made different for each side.

Logan’s is simple. A black onesie, with little blue wreaths on it. However, if one looks closely, they can see that the wreaths are actually made of TARDISs from Doctor Who. The neck, hand, and feet holes of the onesie are accented with the same blue as the TARDISs.

Deceit’s is a medium gray, with a pattern of yellow snakes with Santa hats. His, however, has a hood, which is also a snake face, with it’s tongue out in a blep, with a little Santa hat. The neck, hand, and feet holes are accented with yellow.

Virgil’s is the most detailed of them. It’s mostly black with an ugly sweater design of Nightmare before Christmas, with a large picture of Jack Skellington on his hill on the chest. The neck, hand, and feet holes are accented with purple.

Roman’s onesie is nowhere near as dramatic and extra as one would expect. It is red with a white sash that is decorated with silver and blue snowflakes. The neck, hand, and feet holes are accented with white.

They all look at their onesies with surprise.

“Patton these are… extraordinary! But what about you? Why don’t you have one?”

“Don’t worry about me, kiddo.” He snaps and his normal clothes are swapped for a onesie. Patton’s onesie is light blue with a pattern of Santa riding on unicorns littered all over it. If he were to turn around, the others would notice a red buttflap that states “Don’t Stop Believing”. The neck, hand, and feet holes are accented with red.

Patton giggles when the others stare at his onesie.

“Pat, you look marvelous!” Roman goes over and pulls Patton into a hug, lifting him off of the ground and spinning him, causing Patton to giggle once more.

“If we are done.” Logan speaks up, causing the others to once more look over at him. “I believe it is time to put these on and play the movies.

And so they all disperse, each going to get their onesies on and grab stuff for the movies, including blankets, pillows, and even popcorn, despite them just eating. They all settle down on the couch next to each other, with Logan and Deceit on either end. Virgil is next to Logan, followed by Roman then Patton. They all cuddle up slightly and play the first movie, immediately being absorbed into it, even Logan. Before they know it, time flies by.

Logan takes his eyes off of the screen to look at the others. They are all passed out, leaning on each other in some uncomfortable looking positions. Logan glances at his watch, and stands up slowly, careful not to wake the others up. It is just before midnight. He quietly makes his way into his room and grabs a large bag that he had hidden in his closet. If one were to look closely, they would notice the plethora of presents inside the bag.

It’s time for Santa to arrive.

[racingtoaredlight]

Random Thoughts on Bass

I’ve gone wayyy down a bass wormhole, so you’ll all have to deal.

Technically, bass came extremely easy considering all the years I played guitar and had already known how to build intermediately complex basslines.  However, I don’t know if it’s DNA or memory residue, but I’ve found myself still drilling down technique quite a bit in practice.

There is a law of diminishing returns for a reason, though.

***

If you watched the above video (and trust me, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t), you’d see what seemed to be a pretty solid case and demonstration of a technique that could be incredibly beneficial to a bassist playing more complex music.

Years ago, I wrote about the idea of musical geometry and how some of the more authoritarian composers like Bach, Beethoven and Wagner would build these musical architectures out of harmonies and the piece’s form.  All the different elements come together in synchronized harmony to create a piece of music.  Here’s a simplified visualization.

Theoretically, this idea is evident in how ideas are formed, established, reinforced and how they exist in harmony when performed.  Thinking of Bach’s music in terms of fractals is especially correlated as it’s perfectly constructed with very little ornamentation or “unimportant” notes.

And when I’ve talked about acoustics, I’ve talked about how lower pitched notes have “bigger” sound waves.  Music is a physical being...it is physical sound waves moving through the air.  When you look at sound waves, volume is determined by amplitued (how high the sound waves crest) while pitch is determined by wavelength (distance between high points).  It’s why orchestras can have two sections of 18 violins, and be totally cool with 8 bassists.

What I’m getting at with this is this...

Playing bass like in the video at the top is such a distorted, disfigured, tortured fashion of what a bass player should be, I feel bad for the guy.  The amount of time and energy and intellect and practice and frustration it took to learn how to play like that is hard to sum up.  Even for a prodigy like Matthew Garrison.

Which leads to the most important question I believe he answered incorrectly...WHY?

***

He believes, and I don’t think he’s being falsely modest, that he wasn’t born with good enough physical ability to play bass at the speed the other musicians in Joe Zawinul’s band (keys, sax and other horns, drums) could play with.  By adopting this 4-fingered right hand technique, and playing a bass on a stand we’ll talk about in a second, he could play these blazingly fast sax and keyboard lines.

...if they were looking for someone to play those blazingly fast sax and keyboard lines, they wouldn’t have hired a bassist.

Matthew Garrison kept his job because, like I said, he’s a prodigy bassist.  Intellectually, he’s on a level that is really, really hard to explain.  Like, remember how I explained theoretical fractals?  He takes complexity and makes fractals with more complexity.

Here he is playing Coltrane’s “Giant Steps”...one of the most difficult set of harmonic changes that exist in Western music, while still being musical...in 7/8 time, and accompanying himself soling with these crazy chords.

***

Yall in the comments have criticized me for being overly technical or not embracing the beauty of simplicity, and trust me...I totally get it.  I watch a video like this and totally understand where you’re coming from.

I’m completely unmoved by this.  I can appreciate the technique and mastery of theory in real time, but I never want to listen to this again.

It’s hard to criticize Garrison because he’s so advanced.  He mentioned Jaco though...Jaco played in Zawinul’s band (that’s putting it generously...the truth is closer to Jaco is the guy Zawinul hired Garrison to replicate), and he didn’t need this contorted 4-finger technique, nor did he need some douchey guitar stand instead of a strap.

He might have been playing alien jazz shit, but Jaco was down-deep, a redneck from Florida playing Chitlins Circuit funk.  He always had soul and he always had a groove.  Jaco took bass to new places, but he was always a bassist and filled that role first and foremost.

This music has no groove.  Garrison rarely has any groove.  He has these flashy solos, these advanced concepts, these intricately arranged parts...but not a single bit of it is memorable.  And all I can help but think is if he wanted to solo this bad, and spent this much time on it...why is he playing bass to begin with?

***

Take a look at his bass.  It’s a no-doubt work of art in terms of craftsmanship, and I personally love Fodera basses, so I’m not going to call them garbage but...

Remember how I talked about the beauty of simplicity when talking about the Fender Precision Bass?  One pickup, one volume and one tone control...and that’s it.  And while I love Fodera’s and they’re played by the best bassists on earth, something seems contradictory about them...

They’re made of these insanely beautiful tone woods, which they painstakingly go through the work of explaining the sonic differences of...but then they slap active pickups, a pre-amp, and so many electronics that it needs TWO 9v batteries to power.

Why use incredible tone woods if you’re going to cover it all up with solid-state electric stuff?

That big block in the middle of his two pickups?  It’s called a “ramp.”  What it allows a bassist to do is to minimize the amount of effort expended to pluck the string...thereby reducing the time your finger is on the string and allowing you to play faster.

Again, you have these incredible tone woods already covered up by electronics, and now you install something that reduces the vibrations of the strings even more?  Like, the farther a signal has to travel, the more filters and preamps it goes through, the more its original signal gets degraded...look at the comparisons of a P-Bass’ electronics to the ones you’ll see in a Fodera.

Here’s the Fodera.

Here’s the P-Bass...

I’m not saying Fodera’s are garbage (farrrrr from that)...just that there’s contradictory things going on with their design, things that are meant to improve aspects of a bass’ performance that aren’t an important role that the instrument should serve.  A good defensive first baseman is a nice luxury, but if you hired that player to hit 40 HR’s and smack the ball all over the field but they’re Doug Minkevitch slapping singles .250 the time instead, is that really a good thing?

In a vacuum having extremely developed niche skills are fantastic.  But in a team setting, if there’s not that balance between all the different sets of skills, it’s going to be hard to be successful.  Same with a musical team where the fulcrum of your lineup (the bass) is busy trying to show off defensive skills like a shortstop who was built to do such things.

***

Which leads me to my deep dive into bass culture.

It’s just a whole damn lot of missing the fucking point.  Bass is the ultimate BIG PICTURE instrument...even when you look at the bass notes’ sound waves, you see that it’s about the BIG PICTURE.  What Garrison and a lot of bass culture do is focus on the tiny, minute details in the fractals underneath a microscope on this atomic, granular level...and in the process...completely miss the fucking point of PLAYING BASS.

Who the fuck gives a shit about a bassist tapping?  Even slap...the ultimate parlor trick...is nothing more than “look at me!” wankery.  Is that bad?  I don’t know if it is or not, but the point is that every time a bassist does this flashy nonsense or steps into the spotlight to do some slappy wappy bullshit, the music loses a fundamental element.

The bass is a foundational instrument, theoretically speaking.  It defines the key, it sets the groove or rhythm, and it serves as the musical liason between the composition, the beat and the melody.  Jaco served this role in a visible fashion, but he did not abandon the crucial responsibility a bassist serves in a band.

***

Listen to the first 30 seconds of the Wayne Shorter piece and then listen to as much as you can stomach of the bass duet version.

The whole purpose of this post was to get old man lawn angry at the idea of missing the fucking point.  You have these two bassists with more ability than ever is necessary jamming out to one of the absolutely iconic bass riffs in jazz and you never would have known it.

They’re even playing the same notes as the groove.  But there isn’t any.  There’s nothing there.  This music is soulless and vapid.  You have this faux artistic black and white camera nonsense that’s just as unnecessary as these two bassists creating a musical mudpit because fast soloing simply doesn’t work as well in lower registers.

Think about it...would you try to beat a Ferrari off the line at a red light in a Jeep Wrangler?  Then why waste time souping your Wrangler up so that it will?

Meanwhile bassists Paul McCartney is a millionaire while Sting and Gene Simmons are both worth over $300 million.  There are a bunch of bands who could use bassists as talented as these two guys to make music, and yet they’d rather try to teach a dolphin how to walk on a leash.

[hella-free-space]

Repurposing “Betta Tanks”

I’m a big fan of ‘upcycling’ stuff and I hate just throwing things away (especially pricier things).

There’s SO MUCH (literally a ridiculous amount) of misinformation about bettas that gets circulated by pet stores, facebook users, pinterest users, youtube users, and even betta-centered websites! There’s also plenty of people who have gone out and purchased bettas and “betta tanks” only to find out later that they’re completely unsuitable homes for their new finned friends! D: (If you’d like to know more about bettas and proper husbandry, check out this post) It would seriously suck if I went out and bought one of those Aqueon Betta Falls tanks (they are completely inappropriate for any fish or live animals and they can seriously injure bettas and other fish), which costs around $40 btw, only to learn that I’ve got to start totally from scratch and shell out another $40-100 PER safe and proper setup (the betta falls holds up to 3 fish, so that’s up to 3 new setups). and then after buying a whole new tank and equipment, I’m left with an expensive death trap. I wouldnt feel right selling it anyone else (who might use it to house bettas) but I also don’t want to just throw it away. Do I just put it back in the box and put it up on some high shelf in the garage? NO. NO I DO NOT. I’m going to find a good use for it, and I’m hoping that some of the ideas listed below give y’all some ideas too! more under the cut

Wall Mounted Fish Bowls

[Source]  These are usually anywhere from 1/2 - 1 Gallon, and are available from a number of brands and sellers on amazon and ebay. The idea is pretty cool and novel, but obviously not a healthy home for a betta (or other fish / invert). Consider using it as a hanging terrarium or planter! You can do fresh cut flowers, marimos, pothos, bamboo, java fern, anubias, or even an entire miniature aquascape! Funny enough, you can actually buy hanging glass terrariums / planters as well, so here’s some visuals!

USB / Desktop Aquariums

NO. DON’T DO IT. PUT THOSE FISH DOWN RIGHT NOW. THEY ARE NOT GOING IN THIS TANK. I’ve seen people keep bettas, guppies, tetras, etc. in these things and I just want to make it very clear that these are NOT suitable for anything...

EXCEPT MARIMOS!! :DD Marimos love a little bit of current and can be kept in bowls, jars, or tiny tanks! I think that having a little bit of current and some mini marimos and even some miniature decor would make an awesome edition to any desk, especially since it comes with a light and pump! :) Feel free to get creative tho! you can grow bamboo, pothos, and other plants out of it as well, or do a miniature aquascape, or even do some simple aquatic plants like anacharis, or an anubias nana petite one a tiny piece of driftwood~ have fun with it! :)

Betta Falls

OF DEATH. these tanks can seriously injure your fish, are too small to hold a stable cycle, will stress the fish out (because they can see each other) and are honestly no bigger than the cups you bought them in :/ 

What’s really cool about this tank is the design, though. Its got this cascading waterfall type design which would probably be awesome for marimos since they get their round shape from being rolled around by the current! A bit of flow is the way to go~ Also, being able to do 3 totally different (or completely complementary) sections is what makes this an especially fun and challenging upcycle! 

- You can do some cool rocks or miniature aquarium decor and use it as a waterfall, similar to how these little countertop fountains are used - You can grow bamboo or other semi-aquatic plants out of these compartments - You can grow fully aquatic plants in these compartments - You can even add some fake bettas if you want to add a lil fishy centerpiece - You can do any combination of different things and you’ve got 3 compartments to decorate however you see fit! :D

Betta Cubes

no.

NO!!

YAAAAAAAAAAS!! see where I’m goin with this y’all?

Other “Betta Tanks”

Besides plants, betta tanks also make fantastic enclosures for invertebrates!! :D I’m talkin about your snails, your millipedes, your slings (baby tarantulas), and even your mantids!!

@hipsterzombiesquad took this 1/2 gallon “betta tank” and turned it into a small terrarium for their snails!! :D It’s literally the cutest thing <3 (there’s two teeny tiny snails on top of the rock ornament in case you’re looking for them!)

Amanda L. left this review about the Sweetness Betta Tank: “This is not appropriate for any fish, but I bought this to house a tarantula spiderling. My spider is quite happy and not only is the enclosure cute and a good size for this dwarf species juvenile but the interesting shape let me set up a really deep starter burrow that he's currently excavating and webbing up.”

This is one of these marina betta tanks.  Youtube user ShreckKram used it for a praying mantis! I’m not sure how tall the mantis is compared to the enclosure, but generally you want the terrarium to be 3x as tall and 2x as wide as your mantid is at the very least :)

Emzotic also used the marina betta tank for some snails! :D (skip to 6:20 to see baby snails!)

Bugsincyberspace sells a ton of different invertebrate kits as well! These are biobubble deco cubes that are often marketed towards bettas but as yall can see, they’d make a great bumblee millipede terrarium! :D

The Fish Bowl

[Source] Last but not least, we have to talk about what in the heck to do with these classic fish bowls, drum or not. These bowls are basically blank canvases and there are tons of decor ideas floating around on pinterest, but for now I wanted to give yall a few decor ideas and a then show yall some more interesting uses!

These sand bowls are a really cute alternative to live plants and with all the miniatures you can buy on amazon or ebay or at hobby lobby or michaels (or even walmart), there are so many unique themes / scenes you could choose to create. You can also do a little zen garden of sorts with rocks and different colored sand and a miniature rake even!

A fairy garden!

I don’t personally drink, but I know there are Of Age fishblrs on here, so this is for you! Tipsy Bartender also did a video for this drink!

Of course I had to include a planted terrarium too! Now, when I created a fish bowl succulent terrarium a lot of people said that it wasn’t the best kind of container for succulent since it traps humidity and there’s no drainage (feel free to drill some holes if ya know how to do that tho!). If you’re worried about keeping succulents in a bowl like this, there are tons of mosses and ferns and such that you could use to create a terrarium :) SerpaDesign has a TON of instructional videos for making terrariums!

Another decor idea! 

Now, this is similar to something I actually made for my then-boyfriend (now husband) for valentines day a few years ago. I made a little luvdisc aquarium in a dollar store fish bowl (they’re like 16 oz. super small). I used like, glass pebbles and plastic plants and filled it with this fake water stuff and it came out pretty cute! I’m so sorry that I don’t have a picture of it for yall but the concept is fun and you can do the same thing with pretty much any plastic creature you have!

The last idea I have for y’all today involves food. I’m not the best cook, but I do freakin love me some chocolate, so with halloween coming up, you can use that old fish bowl (preferably cleaned. very well.) for a party-size bowl of dirt-and-worms or the summery sandy alternative (for the vanilla or banana pudding lovers out there). This version features some cute little amphibians! And of course I had to include a dinosaur version because of course I do.

There’s tons of other holiday decor and food and drink ideas as well. since this post is sooooo incredibly long, I’ll just list these last few ideas as links instead of including pictures and everything else.

Glass halloween lighted bowls

DIY Gumball machine

DIY Candy Dispenser

Shark Jello Bowls

The cutest halloween graveyard terrarium

Fishbowl centerpieces

Frog jello cups

Caught ya bein good reward bowl

Fish-themed slime

Goldfish snack bowl

Tissue Paper Lanterns

Dinosaur Terrariums

Origami Fish bowl

Resin Fish Bowls (most of these are miniatures but i dont see why a larger version would be any less cool)

Fish bowl punch (feel free to switch it up and add gummy octopuses too)

Paint it black and make a dry ice cauldron

Paint it black and make it a cauldron candy or punch bowl

[pop-punk-at-its-fckin-finest]

I wasn't expecting this

so I'm sick, I've been sick for a while and so has my mom. My dad just got sick and after a fight my mom and I had to go to the store to buy him chew (gross, i know). We decided to get the mail on our way back and i was looking through it and saw an envelope with the Alt Press logo on it, it also had my name on it. I was confused, i wasn't expecting anything so i opened it. Inside was a Pup Punk ornament and there was what looked to be a card. I grabbed the card thing only to discover that it is, in fact, not a card but pictures. Waterparks pictures. There were three of them. Do you guys want me to post the pictures for yall to see them because I can if you want, just let me know (it'll be posted tomorrow as I'm already in bed).

tl;dr: I, unexpectedly, got mailed an ornament and 3 Waterparks pictures from Alt Press today, yall wanna see the pictures? (i also have the link to the behind the scenes for the Waterparks Alt Press photoshoot)