#i can only hope my words come back to them once theyve gotten old enough to fully process the nuance

[wreckitremy]

I think ur missing that intersex ppl can be trans too. I'm not a trans fem, but I am trans and I am intersex.

A lot of the stereotypical afab experience don't even line up for me, and i made it thru puberty without having my assigned gender questioned. Its difficult to talk about that as an intersex trans person, so it makes me sad when our communities struggle to understand each other.

I don't want to start a fight, but I also want to make sure the information is right about the intersex community. So I'm hoping to do a food for thought thing here.

It might be helpful to remember in this discussion that AFAB stands for assigned female at BIRTH.

Being intersex can mean you cross the line between the assigned genders a lot more than perisex trans ppl do.

Intersex ppl can get assigned female at birth based on the sex characteristics they have then, and then get reassigned to male when puberty kicks in.

If an intersex person in that situation, then as an adult, decides they are a woman, what would they then call what they were assigned at birth?

Its okay if you still don't feel like you get this, and still have that fear right now. It's okay if it takes you months or even years to actually internalize this. I know TERFs did some damage with their fake trans accounts. They've tried to separate our communities by doing that. Bc we can learn from each other.

Just try to remember how that distrust involving shared experiences feels coming from cis women about trans women, and how it might be a similar situation here where the distrust is about intersex trans women.

You dont have to engage further. You dont have to publicly go thru this. You are allowed to shut the post off, ask ppl to not engage you with this topic anymore while you reevaluate. Ppl should respect that.

You can sit with this and ask yourself the questions that you wish cis women would ask themselves when they distrust trans women. You are allowed to do that privately. You dont ow us that process.

I hope we can continue to try and help our communities understand each other. Hopefully as that happens, you can learn to differentiate between intersex trans ppl and terfs. I know it's not easy, but we can't abandon intersex ppl just bc it makes things more complicated.

The intersex community has been scattered and struggling to describe their experience due to medical suppression of our existence, so things are a little clumsy right now as we try to talk about things in places the internet has allowed us to find each other in recently.

Okay, everyone who has read this far, if you have the spoons, I highly reccomend you read :

Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender by Kit Heyam

and

Bodies in Doubt: An American History of Intersex by Elizabeth Reis

Bc this convo has A LOT of nuance to it and these books help facilitate that. Remember, this isn't trans vs intersex. This is intersex and trans against the problem of hermeneutical injustice (injustice of not having the words to describe our experiences)

If I found out someone I knew who told me they were a transfem was actually afab, it would feel like a breach of trust. There are certain vulnerable things that I would not feel comfortable talking to non transfems about, because people who haven't experienced being barred from femininity don't understand it.

If "transfem" catches on as a label amongst nonbinary afab people, it will make it impossible for us to know who is a safe person to talk about transfem issues with, and who isn't. It will isolate us from having our own community. This was literally the intended function of the term when it was invented by terfs, to make it so transfems can't talk about their experiences. I know the people earnestly identifying as "afab transfem" don't intend for this, but it is what will happen if it catches on.

If you are someone who wants to identify this way anyways, please please please think about why the label calls out to you. If it's because you feel like "not quite a woman," realize what that reveals about how you see us. Transfems don't exist to be your "genderfuck goals," and if you yearn to be seen as an aberration like us, fortunately for you, you'll never know what it's like.

But I can assure you that if you use our language as an aesthetic, a good portion of us will never feel safe around you.

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 6 - “I  REALLY THOUGHT I WAS THE SHITTIEST CHARACTER ACTOR IN THIS BITCH” - MELISSA

Ps. Lucy I'm sorry for my last few confessionals you were true and honest <3 I'm coming for you next chance I get though <3

Okay so I'm back with ALL of Candor. Was this on purpose? Do I know? I bet the hosts are cackling. I think we're probably going to be targeted - I'm not going to tell people about my alliance with Ed and Peter, but I think a good F3 with us three is a good idea?

Ok Lake never responded to me Ugly ass Current mood

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? SDL;KLJHDFHLKS;JFSKFDLGKDSJG ;SDK????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????// LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ive gotten votes @ every tribal ive gone too still I hate this game?

4 Candor. 1 Abnegation. 1 Amity. 1 Dauntless. THIS BLATANT TARGET ON THE CANDOR i CAN'T

I love the strat for this challenge because it's basically never attack because nothing good comes of it

Omg so much has happened.

No one was telling me the vote so I voted Otto but the vote ended up being Riley.

The twist was Riley was voted on to the other tribe and got to bring 2 people with them and they brought me and Kyle. I was very confused.

I also found out Jill was lying to me about the dauntless idol because I asked for it on the new tribe and was told it was gone.

I literally have no words. I did what I wanted to do and it completely screwed me over and now :) I have new people in my camp! Three of them. Literally nothing changed this week, except now Ed hates me and I'm pretty sure Payton is going right back to his side again. It fucking sucks.

It's like... I won my first immunity EVER. And like that, it's gone. A simple miscalculation, but I stayed upbeat and positive about it. So then I tried to work on flipping the vote the way I wanted without immunity, and I made it happen. I built the house of cards, and just when it reaches the ceiling, everything comes tumbling right back down in front of me because the biggest move I could've made ultimately was done in vain. We could have fucking voted off Lucy and lost nothing of value because she was bound to flip anyways. I could have just kept the idol a secret and done nothing about it and worked hard at keeping my mouth shut, but I didn't. I wish I had been blindsided instead and actually left the game because this sucks right now. I guess I'm just being a sore loser though.

So now, I have to rebuild everything. I gave up the stupid spanish name shit I was doing because it's not like anyone attempted to remember the names. I also need to start working really hard on being able to string the Seis tribe members together again because we absolutely cannot flip on each other right now. I like them all and I know that since I was completely behind the entire vote last round, I'm the next to go, and that's really fucking scary. I don't have that idol's protection anymore, and I literally deserved this. Fuck my life.

I'm not going to give up completely yet, but yeah I'm pretty much on low battery right now because this could not have been the worst situation to ever happen to me. So much for that _legendary_ idol play.

I miss my old tribe. Tell Ed I miss him btw

Messiness. I know Dani and Geo see Ed as a threat, but Ed made a BRILLIANT decision in bringing Peter over - he said we're outcasts, so we get a fresh start. I'm so happy he didn't go home, even though this makes us targets now.

????? KSVSKSHDJD IM FLIPPING!

battle royale! idr the stupid strategy um???? also me vs lake lmfao i don't wanna tell my tribe to do that (idk if theyve figured it out or not i haven't gone into that skype) *i don't wanna tell them to do that bc that might reveal that i'm me

I am so shook at how much Payton is just being Logan, like I really thought I was the shittiest character actor in this bitch. But like they're posting pictures of themself in the damn tribe chat, talking about Survivor Congo like it's super relevant to the community at large, I'm laughing. When the first tribe swap happened and Eliza and Jill were talking about someone who created a pregnant character, I was like WOW SUCH DEDICATION but now no. It's just Logan. Being Logan. I love them so much jgkglhsg

Dear Tumblr Survivor gods,

Please let Lucy rally with OldFour on NuSeis tribe to vote Dani and Geo out so I don't have to. Amen.

-Payton

Okay so, we had to do this individual immunity ranking our tribe mates on who we wanted to win the challenge. That's a super tricky one to win, because the more people who pick you, the more likeable you are, and in this game, likeability is a threat. I was voted out of Agrabah because I was too likeable. Well looky here, guess who wins this challenge. I mean, mark it down as my first individual win this season? But honestly, does it count if nobody is actually voted out? Fast forward to me, Melissa, Kyle and Jill trying to get Riley out for various reason. The vote is 4-3 between Riley and Otto with Riley getting the boot... or does she? Turns out this was just a clever tribe swap. Riley went to Six and took Kyle, one of my closest allies, and Lake, who was willing to give me the Abnegation idol, if that's how it worked. We get Ed, Payton, and Peter added to Four. UGH. Okay so ALL of Candor is back together, and not only that, we are the last faction intact. HELLO MERGE! COME SLAUGHTER US. I'm also not too happy about having Payton back bc I'm too certain it's Jaiden, and Jaiden is a dangerous player. Payton told me and Jill separately that they knew where all the votes were going and blah blah and I'm like, you gotta go. I shared this info with Melissa who agrees. I really like Ed. He reminds me of Drew and I love talking to him. Ed ain't going anywhere. I'm very weary of having Payton here and I want her out asap. I talked to Melissa and we agree to just keep talking to them and making everyone seem comfortable. Melissa knows I'm not interested in a Candor alliance. Jill on the other hand, I don't know what she wants. We are close enough that we share idol clues and I know that she has the Dauntless idol, but I don't know, she seems like she may want a Candor alliance, and I really don't. That's also a tricky line to balance on. I'm in an alliance with both Melissa and Jill, but each of them thinks they are my #1 (at least that's what it seems like). I talk to them more in pm's than I do in the alliance chat, and neither of them knows that I'm working with the other to find the Erudite clue. I'm really hoping I don't get caught or have to choose one over the other yet. Ahh this confessional is super long, but we are working on a selfie scavenger hunt which is always fun, and I'm still trying to find this damn Erudite idol so SHOUT OUT to Jenna!! Til next time (heart)

[7:51:31 PM] jaiden (arctic circle host): I'm honestly in such a bad mood and I want to bitch about it but I cant because I want to talk about how frickin emo I am over last tribal council and losing reward and losing my immunity and everything [7:51:59 PM] jaiden (arctic circle host): like its been a really shitty few days on top of all of that and I want to talk to ppl about it but they wouldn't understand giuefsoda [7:52:15 PM] Jenna: <3 that sucks

I'm self-evicting.

HOLY SHIT WE DID THAT. IMMUNITY #6 151-76. Anywayyyyy. I'm glad, because literally half of our tribe did... um. NOTHING!? I would love to make an alliance with Melissa right now. She seems like she's got her head on... We'll see. I'm so happy to have Ed though, you don't understand, and I trust him 100%. We'll see if I'm willing to take Peter to the end? I know I could beat him, but holy hell that'd be an easy win and a hell of a job to take to the end. I know Ed and I can do it, if one of us could find an idol. I can't wait. I'm going to win this.

We lost immunity because my tribe sucks.

So I went to the original Six tribe people and said I'm fine voting off Riley because they're inactive. But Daniella wants to make a move and take out Lucy or Percy which I'm totally fine with.

But then she starts talking about the sesoson I'm (trevor) hosting and said.  "trevor scares me though like he just seems so strict and i want to run away from him every single day. but the cast is good and i cant believe ting ting is winning the whole thing??" And then "i asked trevor a question once and he ignored me and i was really scared but we have a ton of mutual friends and they all say the same thing"

Yikes!! I wanna know who this is I don't ignore people.  I guess people see me as mean.

Anyway I'm gonna try and get Lucy out.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I think I'm very likely to be blindsided tomorrow because I feel oddly tranquil about everything going down. Lake and I are talking and we were originally insistent on voting out Riley, but then I tried to suggest that I'd rather vote off an old Six instead of Riley so they at least have their numbers going forward. Percy is the prime candidate to get voted out now, with Lucy following right behind him, because Percy is a super huge social threat in my opinion. He's been super under the radar and he hasn't had to pick a side quite yet, which is usually what indicates that he's comfortable, too.

Percy has gotten zero blood on his hands so far, while Lucy, Geo, and myself have all been caught dabbling in that big move last tribal council. Peter might be brought in by Payton and Ed, and they'll expose me for all of the dirt that I had to dig up on Peter himself just to make sure he got all the votes and I could accurately play that idol last round. I'm going into the next battle completely empty-handed because I'm sure the Abnegation idol was swooped right back up again by someone else, and now I've got nothing left as a shield if I feel the necessity to save myself.

I like him as a person and all, but he needs to go. This vote needs to happen as carefully as possible if it's going to work out, because Percy is a very strong competitor and I think he has enough ties to save himself if the vote happens to swing in his direction. While making this move, I want to finally pull together Kyle, Lake, myself, Geo, and Lucy and form some sort of alliance going forward. Although we're sparing Riley, they haven't been super reliable and I think it's best if they just get medevaced next round or something.

One thing that worries me is that I'm seriously over-playing at this point, but it feels really necessary to do that because literally no one else is talking right now. They're all kind of like, easy to manipulate their votes I guess. It's not hard for me to persuade them to do something other than Riley, but maybe they just want to keep their numbers up going forward.

An idea I have is to just let them think that voting off Percy is their idea, not mine, while still planting the seed (and also watering it) in their mind that he needs to be the one to go. I want them to feel responsible for it instead of think it was a group effort. They just made a chat together and now we have the opportunity to discuss. If I spill tea that Percy has a ton of connections, then maybe they'll go after Percy. But I also need to make it seem like I would prefer Geo or Lucy as well, because they're both dead weight when it comes to making alliances later on, which is also true.

Kyle, Lake, and I need to stick together and I wanna continue to foster this trio we've got going on because I'll take whatever I can get. I need to figure out what Percy is thinking too, but also manage to convince them to turn on Geo or Lucy as well so they're not voting my way or Riley's way with an idol, which would totally suck ass.

This really was a best-case scenario for me.

A comp like a scavenger hunt is my bread and butter. Clearly, others on my tribe share the same affinity for them. We CRUSHED. MVP efforts all around! (Except Peter, Otto and Jill [did Jill end up doing anything?] Whatever. A parenthetical in a parenthetical is weird.)

Anyway, this is exactly what I needed. A chance to avoid tribal council, a chance to get in my tribe's good graces, and a chance to further bond with the tribe to try and stop it from sticking to tribal lines.

Oh, and another chance to find that idol. Which is being super frustrating. I'd expect the new clue to refer to the /ahs on the main blog, but putting that as a page on any of the subsequent blogs is giving me jack shit. It's frustrating because the new clue I got clearly points to that very first clue, and there's no real place to go to try that stuff.

"Perhaps this is the start you needed all along." This has to mean something, right? I've gotten two clues on this one blog since getting its password:

Clue 4: you are not looking for a blog page on this blog, but rather a blog page on one of the previous blogs you have been to

Clue 4/1: When considering this clue you may want to look back at the first ever clue you were given. Perhaps this is the start you needed all along

I'd figured out the first one already, so that clue wasn't super helpful. The second... using that in conjunction with this line from the blog:

"You also perhaps might only know the way when you look center from the start. "

...that tells me it's probably something in the middle of the main blog page. But it's not 'survivordivergent'. It's not 'hosts', which would be the center element from the starting clue. It's not 'h', since the first clue was just the starting letters of the words. It's not 'onechoicecantransformyou' which is kinda centered and stands out because of the bold. Not 'iwillbecomesomethingelse' which, since it's the tag for the season, is pretty much always centered. It's not 'confessionals' which... okay now I'm just getting desperate.

I feel like I'm missing something huge and, because of it, the idol's been gone for weeks. My only hope is that we win the reward and our lovely, insanely talented and smart and gorgeous and kind hosts (am I laying it on too thick?) take pity on this dumbass and give me the answer.

I think the plan's changed tonight. Geo came on and found out about the plan to get out Percy and he made quick work with changing the plan around to Kyle or Lake instead. I guess I don't really see the point in that, because Percy is the only person we're certain of not having any blood on his hands with the old Six tribe, and now he's going to be able to rebound into their numbers later on at a merge. Kyle is doing really good at keeping his head down but I guess the price he has to pay is getting his name brought right up to the top, because that's who I convinced Geo to vote for tonight. I don't want to lose Lake this early because I really like that guy, but damn Geo doesn't want to move on Percy quite yet.

I really stress about tonight only because I'm going to have to recover a significant amount regardless of what decision I make. I've made promises to two people now, and I don't want to break either promise. The best I could do is throw my vote to Riley and let Kyle go home, or I could vote for Percy and tie it up.

If Riley self-votes tonight, they're getting medevaced after tribal. Lake will literally be down to himself and have no one else to lean on afterwards. He's going to be on the bottom again.

Kyle is a threat, but so is Percy. They're threats in the exact same way, because they're totally unpredictable. Kyle might just stick around with me if I keep him, and I still feel really uncertain about Percy...

I'm waiting until the very last minute to vote. If Riley comes online and makes a decision, I'll see what I can do with that. But if not, I can't let the vote go to a tie, so I have no other options but to vote off Kyle. Rip me.

Okay so i have a confession to make

after the break i didnt get messages, until daniela was the only one who came to me and told me everything that happened, paytons connections, eds idol, the backstabbery, her idol. whether everything besides her idol is true or not, we'll see afterwards, but shes' become my number two even though earlier i mightve said she might have to leave? we came up with a bunch of schemes and plots until before tribal we decided to use her idol on peter to save him as he gets majority and then use our two votes to get ed out. but  i knew it was going to be an australian swap instead, in the back of my mind ofcourse

my tribe now has lake, kyle and riley instead of ed, payton and peter

i havent been on much recently, mostly because of laziness <.< but dani has caught me up on what happened, originally it was planned to be percy from almost everybody, even dani and lucy, but luckily i was able to put their heads in the right place and convinced them to vote out kyle instead as riley is probably getting medevaced and hes a threat, percy is voting kyle too. thats all if theyre b eing honest to me.

i thought i was going to get votes, but apparently not and im shocked at that since i honestly lowkey did want to, my hearts not that much into the game and i just feel like its going to take my mind away from my studies (and netflix <.<) so so sorry hosts about this and competitors, ofcourse, im not telling people about this and im not quitting, im going to keep chuggin along until the others decide to get rid of me to see how far i can go. i still feel like i could be voted out instead as everyone has been orking to get rid of me all along and lying to me but we'll see,

i dont want to seem like im controlling when ive been here for like anhour but thats whats best for us long term, my plan is to seem like someones subordinate which i think im doing since people know i did what dani told me to do

It's weird going into tribal without chaos, so I kind of feel like I'm getting blindsided tonight. If that's the case, awesome. :| I'm expecting to go home at this point because suddenly everyone is so... relaxed I guess, I don't know. This stinks.

http://prntscr.com/ef8mbo

What did I even do to warrant this i'm yelling WAIT IS THIS FOR "STEALING THAT IMMUNITY FROM HER" I'm gonna punch someone if it is that's so stupid dslkfs