#i can only hope my words come back to them once theyve gotten old enough to fully process the nuance

[wreckitremy]

I think ur missing that intersex ppl can be trans too. I'm not a trans fem, but I am trans and I am intersex.

A lot of the stereotypical afab experience don't even line up for me, and i made it thru puberty without having my assigned gender questioned. Its difficult to talk about that as an intersex trans person, so it makes me sad when our communities struggle to understand each other.

I don't want to start a fight, but I also want to make sure the information is right about the intersex community. So I'm hoping to do a food for thought thing here.

It might be helpful to remember in this discussion that AFAB stands for assigned female at BIRTH.

Being intersex can mean you cross the line between the assigned genders a lot more than perisex trans ppl do.

Intersex ppl can get assigned female at birth based on the sex characteristics they have then, and then get reassigned to male when puberty kicks in.

If an intersex person in that situation, then as an adult, decides they are a woman, what would they then call what they were assigned at birth?

Its okay if you still don't feel like you get this, and still have that fear right now. It's okay if it takes you months or even years to actually internalize this. I know TERFs did some damage with their fake trans accounts. They've tried to separate our communities by doing that. Bc we can learn from each other.

Just try to remember how that distrust involving shared experiences feels coming from cis women about trans women, and how it might be a similar situation here where the distrust is about intersex trans women.

You dont have to engage further. You dont have to publicly go thru this. You are allowed to shut the post off, ask ppl to not engage you with this topic anymore while you reevaluate. Ppl should respect that.

You can sit with this and ask yourself the questions that you wish cis women would ask themselves when they distrust trans women. You are allowed to do that privately. You dont ow us that process.

I hope we can continue to try and help our communities understand each other. Hopefully as that happens, you can learn to differentiate between intersex trans ppl and terfs. I know it's not easy, but we can't abandon intersex ppl just bc it makes things more complicated.

The intersex community has been scattered and struggling to describe their experience due to medical suppression of our existence, so things are a little clumsy right now as we try to talk about things in places the internet has allowed us to find each other in recently.

Okay, everyone who has read this far, if you have the spoons, I highly reccomend you read :

Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender by Kit Heyam

and

Bodies in Doubt: An American History of Intersex by Elizabeth Reis

Bc this convo has A LOT of nuance to it and these books help facilitate that. Remember, this isn't trans vs intersex. This is intersex and trans against the problem of hermeneutical injustice (injustice of not having the words to describe our experiences)

If I found out someone I knew who told me they were a transfem was actually afab, it would feel like a breach of trust. There are certain vulnerable things that I would not feel comfortable talking to non transfems about, because people who haven't experienced being barred from femininity don't understand it.

If "transfem" catches on as a label amongst nonbinary afab people, it will make it impossible for us to know who is a safe person to talk about transfem issues with, and who isn't. It will isolate us from having our own community. This was literally the intended function of the term when it was invented by terfs, to make it so transfems can't talk about their experiences. I know the people earnestly identifying as "afab transfem" don't intend for this, but it is what will happen if it catches on.

If you are someone who wants to identify this way anyways, please please please think about why the label calls out to you. If it's because you feel like "not quite a woman," realize what that reveals about how you see us. Transfems don't exist to be your "genderfuck goals," and if you yearn to be seen as an aberration like us, fortunately for you, you'll never know what it's like.

But I can assure you that if you use our language as an aesthetic, a good portion of us will never feel safe around you.

[bittysvalentines]

If Pies Could Talk

Happy Valentine’s Day, @BajillionKittens!  I think I hit all of your requests, so I hope you enjoy the fic!  Thanks to Georgia and Silvia for organizing everything again this year! 

Love from @aflailureandamasterpiece aka Julibean19 

If Pies Could Talk (also on AO3)

Summary: Jack wants to ask Bitty something but he can’t find the words. If pies could talk, they’d call him a lovable failboat.

Zimbits, Explicit, POV Jack, Bottom!Jack, Communication Failure, Baking Jack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Special Appearances by Dex and Señor Bun

“Bits?” Jack asks, gently pushing unruly blond curls off Eric’s forehead.  “Time to get up.”

A soft, negative noise meets Jack’s ears as Bitty groans and rolls over, showing Jack his back.  

“I know it’s early, bud,” Jack says, lifting his comforter back and sliding into bed behind his boyfriend.  “But it’s not checking practice early… it’s 9 a.m.”

“It’s Saturday,” Bitty protests, pulling Jack’s arm around his waist and shuffling backward into his chest.  “It’s the day of rest. We’re resting.”

“Isn’t the day of rest Sunday?”

“Do not chirp me,” Bitty mumbles, barely turning his head toward Jack, eyes still closed.  “It’s five a.m.”

“It’s nine.”

“Do you want to argue or do you want to cuddle?”

Jack smiles, leaning in to press the tip of his nose to Bitty’s hairline and taking a deep breath.  Exhaling, he kisses the side of Eric’s throat, delighting in the happy murmur and wriggle of appreciation it gets him.  “I want to cuddle,” Jack whispers, still smiling.

He set an alarm on his phone anyway.  They have time. Settling back into his pillow, Jack pulls Bitty tight to his body and lets his eyes fall closed.

When his timer goes off forty minutes later, it feels like it’s only been a few seconds.  Jack groans and reaches for his phone, eager to stop the pop music that’s blaring from the speakers.  “Did you change my ringer to Beyoncé?” he asks, opening one bleary eye to silence the alarm.

“It’s Nicki Minaj, you heathen,” Bitty mutters, rolling over to face him.  

“It’s terrible,” Jack insists, dropping his phone back onto the nightstand as Bitty’s fingers slip under the hem of his tee.  “Crisse, your hands are cold.”

“Feel like warming me up?” Eric asks, apparently much more awake than Jack is.  

“Just come here,” Jack says, sliding one arm under Bitty’s neck and pulling them flush together.  He hooks his chin over Eric’s shoulder and curls around him, rubbing soothing circles against his lower back.

“This is nice,” Bitty says, sighing contentedly, letting himself sink into Jack’s body.  “We should do this every morning.”

“If we did this every morning we’d never make it to Faber.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Bitty says, breath hot against the side of Jack’s throat.

“Coach Hall might have something to say about it.”

“Well,” Bitty says, nipping Jack’s skin, “he’s not here right now.”

“That would be awkward.”

“I’m trying to set a mood here, Mister Zimmermann.  Work with me.”

“Oh,” Jack says, feeling his face heat.  He had been enjoying their morning snuggles so much he hadn’t noticed the hardness growing against his hip.  

“Yeah,” Bitty says, breathy and low.  “Oh.”

Before Jack has a chance to respond, Eric is rolling on top of him, straddling his thighs.  He looks up to see the sunlight bouncing off Bitty’s hair, giving him an ethereal glow. The effect is gorgeous and has Jack flicking his eyes to his phone and considering pulling up his camera app.

“I want you,” Eric says simply, biting down on his lower lip.

Smiling, Jack crooks his finger at him until he drops down low enough to kiss.

The moment Eric’s lips meet his, Jack melts, sinking deep into his pillows.  He runs his palms under Bitty’s sleep-worn shirt and splays them across his back possessively, moaning into his mouth.

Eric hasn’t brushed his teeth, but Jack did just before waking him, so it’s easy to ignore in favor of sucking on his tongue.  It’s hot, but slow—a deep kiss that Jack can take his time with. He pulls Eric in even closer and sucks on his bottom lip until Bitty is whining into his mouth.

Eager to find what other desperate sounds he can pull from Bitty, Jack reaches up to cup the back of his head before rolling them over and settling his hips between Eric’s thighs.

“Lord, I love when you do that,” Eric breathes, eyes fluttering shut as Jack slides his hands up his stomach, taking his shirt with them.  

“I love when you wear my clothes to bed,” Jack says, pulling the old Habs tee over Eric’s head.

“If we could turn up the heat once in a blue moon maybe I’d sleep naked.”

“I’ll consider it,” Jack breathes against Bitty’s exposed stomach.  He nudges one of Bitty’s nipples with his nose before wrapping his lips around it.  It might be nice to sleep wrapped around a naked Bitty, but Jack also likes what they have—a warm cocoon of bedding and threadbare pajamas—a twin bed just barely big enough for two.

“Fuck, Jack,” Bitty whines, arching into his mouth.  

Jack switches to the other side and sucks until Bitty’s hands fly up to twine into his hair, not pulling, but tensing every time a shiver runs through his body.  Letting out a satisfied huff of breath, Jack pulls off and follows his hands down to Bitty’s waist, licking and biting a line down his stomach on the way.

“Will you blow me?” Eric asks, trailing his fingers along the curve of Jack’s jaw.  “Your mouth is so hot and wet. God, it feels so good,” he says as Jack nibbles along the waistband of his borrowed flannel bottoms.  

Jack sighs.  

If only he found it just as easy to ask for what he wanted.  It’s not that he dislikes doing this for Bitty—quite the contrary—but there’s something else he’s been dying to try.  He just hasn’t been able to get the words out yet.

Hooking his thumbs into the elastic, Jack pulls Bitty’s pants down, lifting them up and over his erection and then down to mid-thigh.  He leans back for a moment just to look his fill.

Eric’s thighs are trapped together by the elastic, but otherwise he’s exposed, golden skin on display for Jack to admire.  His forearms look pale in comparison, and Jack marvels at the soft hair that sits below Eric’s navel, leading to his cock.

“God, I want you to fuck me,” Bitty sighs, looking down at him with his lower lip caught between his teeth.  

“Later,” Jack says, leaning down to get his lips around the head and lick at the bead of fluid at the tip.  The salt hits Jack’s tongue and he can’t stop the groan that builds in his chest at the taste.

Eric squirms below him, so Jack drapes his forearm across Bitty’s stomach and presses him back into the mattress.  He sinks down lower, taking more of Eric into his mouth before licking back up.

Bitty breathes hard above him, already panting before Jack even really gets started.  They’ve been doing this for a few months now, but every time with Eric feels like the first time—eager and a little sloppy, but also brilliant and intense and all-consuming.

He takes Bitty deep, relaxing around the stretch in his throat when Eric jerks under him, sitting up so abruptly Jack chokes before he has a chance to pull off.  

“Sorry, sorry!  God, I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Bitty says, thumb rubbing across Jack’s wet lips.  “It’s just… do you smell something burning?”

“Tabarnak!” Jack curses, dropping his head to Bitty’s bare thigh in defeat.  He groans, high and pained as he shakes his head back and forth. “I’ll go check.”  Pulling away, Jack rises to his feet and slowly marches downstairs, furious with himself.

By the time he reaches the kitchen, Dex is pulling the charred remnants of a pie out of the oven and Bitty is hot on his heels, redressed in his pajamas.

“I’m so sorry Bitty,” Dex sighs, placing the burnt wreck on the stovetop with Bitty’s cherry print oven mitts.  “I thought I’d gotten the temperature to stay even this time, but it must be on the fritz again.”

Jack rubs his fingers over his temples as Dex retrieves his toolbox from the hall and pulls out what he thinks he’ll need.  “I’m really sorry about your pie, Bitty. Once I get it working again I’ll take you to Murder Stop & Shop for some more butter, okay?”

“That—” Bitty stops short, peering over at the blackened crust.  “That wasn’t my pie. The lattice looks nice though. Which one of y’all found my vlog?” he says, voice raised to call through the Haus this time.  “If I find the link on Twitter, I swear to Beyoncé I will end you.”

“It’s not—” Jack hesitates, hand clasped warily over his eyes.  “I made it,” he finishes, voice so low he can barely hear it over the pounding of his own heart.

“You… you made this?  Jack, honey,” he says, fingers catching Jack by the wrist and pulling until he stops covering his face.  “Did you make this pie for me?”

Jack nods, unable to find any words to explain further.

“Dex,” Bitty says, fingers now intertwined with Jack’s, “Thank you so much for tryin’, but I don’t think Betsy’s broken.”

“Are you sure?  Because the temperature has been all over the place and—”

“I distracted Jack.  He made that pie for me, but I burnt it.  Betsy’s working just fine. Isn’t that right, sugar?”

Jack nods, looking up just in time to see Dex’s face flush under his freckles.

“We’ll clean this up later,” Bitty says to Dex, reaching out to shut the oven off before pulling Jack by the hand all the way back upstairs to his room.

When they’re finally alone, Jack collapses against the back of the door, his entire body shaking slightly.

“Do you want to tell me what all that was about?” Eric asks him, hands on his hips.

Jack opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.  

“Honey, what’s wrong?”  In just a few steps, Eric is directly in front of him, cupping his cheeks and tilting his face up.  “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Jack steels himself.  “I was trying to—”

He can’t do it.  It’s not happening.  This was all a stupid idea and now Bitty’s looking at him, wide brown eyes soft and expectant and Jack can’t say it.  He can’t say anything at all.

“Trying to what, sweetpea?”

A long minute passes before Jack can bear to open his mouth again.  “I wanted to ask—”

“Jack,” Bitty says, breath catching slightly on his name, “please tell me that was not a proposal pie—because as much as I love you, I am nineteen years old.  That would just be too much for us right now.”

“No,” Jack says, clearing his throat.  “No. I wasn’t trying to propose.”

“Jesus Christ on a cracker, you had me worried.”

“Not that I wouldn’t—”

“We will have that conversation later, mister.  Much later,” he says firmly, but with a sweet smile that speaks to their bright future together.  

“Okay,” Jack agrees readily, taking a deep breath.  They really are getting ahead of themselves.

“What’s this all about then?”

Jack sighs, resigning himself to embarrassment.  “You know sometimes words are hard for me.”

Bitty nods, tangling their fingers together again.

“I thought maybe if I made you something… you would… ”

“Be able to read your mind?” Bitty says, with a fond laugh.  “I love that you tried to bake for me, honey, I do. But even the perfect raspberry pie isn’t going to be able to tell me whatever it is you want me to know.”

“It sounds so stupid when you say it like that.”

“It’s not stupid.  It’s actually kind of adorable, but I’d rather you were comfortable enough to just tell me what you’re feeling.  How can I make this easier for you?”

“I don’t think you can,” Jack says, voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay,” Bitty says, pulling Jack’s hand again until he stands.  “I have an idea.” He locks his door and flicks the lights off before leading Jack over to his bed and pulling the curtains shut.  

Jack gets in as soon as Eric yanks the covers back and relaxes into the mattress only after Bitty is curled around his back, tucking the duvet around them tight.

“Sometimes the hard things… they’re easier to say in the dark,” Eric tells him, breath hot and comforting against the back of his neck.  “So we’re just going to lie here for a while and if you feel like you’re ready, you can tell me. I promise I won’t laugh or be upset or anything.”

“I don’t—I didn’t think you would laugh.  I’m just nervous,” Jack tells the darkness.  Light still peeks through around the curtains, but he closes his eyes and pretends it’s midnight, that they’re alone in the Haus, that his words will never see the light of day—will never leave this room.

“Here,” Bitty says, reaching behind him and returning with Señor Bun.  He presses the doll into Jack’s hand before pulling the duvet up around their shoulders again.  “He’ll make you brave.”

“Now I feel weird,” Jack says, huffing out a laugh.  “I can’t talk about sex with him looking at me.”

“So this is about sex, huh?” Bitty asks, taking Señor Bun out of Jack’s hands and setting him on the window sill facing away from them.  “What Bun doesn’t see can’t hurt him.”

“He’s seen a lot already,” Jack points out.

“Well, if things are about to get kinky, I’d rather keep him in the dark.  Whatever it is you want, I’m sure we could work something out. So why don’t you just tell me?  I promise to keep an open mind.”

“It’s nothing kinky,” Jack says quietly.  “I don’t think it is, at least.”

“Then what has you so nervous?”

“I don’t know.  It just—Parse didn’t—” Jack can’t finish the thought.

“It’s something you feel like you shouldn’t want?  Because Kent didn’t?”

“I guess?”

“Honey,” Eric breathes, snaking a hand under the hem of Jack’s shirt and resting his palm against Jack’s bare chest.  “Whatever it is. I won’t judge you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I want…” Jack takes a deep breath just as Bitty presses his hand tight against his heart, pushing them together.  The pressure is comforting, grounding. Jack takes strength from it and finally finds his courage. “I want—I need you to make love to me.  I need you to fuck me.”

Bitty sucks in a surprised breath and then lets it out slowly, the air ruffling the back of Jack’s hair, making his skin pebble.  He leans in until his lips are just grazing the shell of Jack’s ear and asks, “That’s what you want?”

“Yes,” Jack says, a tingle shooting down his spine.  Heat spreads through his body as Eric hitches his hips even tighter to Jack’s ass, betraying his arousal.  

“All you had to do was ask, sugar,” Eric says, voice pitched low.  “I’d be a fool to not want to make love to you. And I am many things, but I’m no fool.”

“Please,” Jack whimpers, all shame gone.  The tone of Eric’s voice coupled with the insistent press of his erection has Jack hard and leaking already.  When Eric’s teeth come down around the tendon in his throat, he whines, unabashed. It sounds pitiful, but he doesn’t even try to muffle it.  He wants Eric to know how badly he needs this.

It’s a matter of seconds before they’re naked, clothes flung to far corners of the room, duvet lost on the floor.  Jack wouldn’t be surprised if his Habs tee was ripped at the collar considering how forcefully he yanked it off Bitty’s body.

Bitty preps him quickly, the both of them too keyed up to take their time.  As Eric slides a condom over himself, Jack feels an ache deep in his body, a ravenous, empty pain that has him hitching his knees up to his ears.  

Biting down on his lip, Eric slowly pushes into him.  He takes several measured breaths and then begins to move, absolute filth spilling out of his mouth.  In a matter of seconds, Eric is tensing above him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re so fucking perfect, baby,” is the last thing Jack hears before Bitty buries himself deep, coming in rhythmic pulses inside him.

It’s over before Jack feels fully satisfied, but that just makes his hunger pangs more pronounced.  He ignores them knowing Bitty will be ready again soon enough—that he always has more stamina the second time around.  Jack is already the first to know what Bitty feels like when he orgasms—the first to hold Eric inside his body. He shouldn’t be greedy, as much as his body begs to differ.

As fingers quickly take the place of Eric’s softening cock, Jack thrusts down hard remembering all the ways Bitty has explored his body—has touched every inch of him.  Eric knows him now… knows everything.

He comes with three fingers spreading him wide and Eric’s name on his lips.  

Neither of them touch his cock.

It’s messy and overwhelming and everything a first time should be.  

Jack can’t wait to do it again.  

“Thank God you burnt that pie,” Bitty says, breathless, as he flops onto his back next to Jack.

“Why?”

“If you came at me with a perfect raspberry pie right now after what we just did I’d think I was still dreaming.”

“Well, we’re out of raspberries now, but I could go to the store…”

“Jack Zimmermann.  What did I do to deserve you?”

“You taught me to make pie in the first place.  It was really all your fault,” Jack says, resting his head on Eric’s chest, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“I can’t believe you’re chirping me right now.  You’re the one that made me a ‘Please Fuck Me Pie!’”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know I was flirting with you that whole class.”

“I thought you were just really concerned about your GPA,” Bitty whines in embarrassment.

“Thank God we got an A,” Jack says, copying Eric’s turn of phrase.  “If we didn’t maybe we wouldn’t be dating right now.”

“You’re saying Betsy brought us together?”

“I’m saying I think we owe Dex a thank you gift.”

Thanks for reading!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 6 - “I  REALLY THOUGHT I WAS THE SHITTIEST CHARACTER ACTOR IN THIS BITCH” - MELISSA

Ps. Lucy I'm sorry for my last few confessionals you were true and honest <3 I'm coming for you next chance I get though <3

Okay so I'm back with ALL of Candor. Was this on purpose? Do I know? I bet the hosts are cackling. I think we're probably going to be targeted - I'm not going to tell people about my alliance with Ed and Peter, but I think a good F3 with us three is a good idea?

Ok Lake never responded to me Ugly ass Current mood

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????? SDL;KLJHDFHLKS;JFSKFDLGKDSJG ;SDK????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????// LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ive gotten votes @ every tribal ive gone too still I hate this game?

4 Candor. 1 Abnegation. 1 Amity. 1 Dauntless. THIS BLATANT TARGET ON THE CANDOR i CAN'T

I love the strat for this challenge because it's basically never attack because nothing good comes of it

Omg so much has happened.

No one was telling me the vote so I voted Otto but the vote ended up being Riley.

The twist was Riley was voted on to the other tribe and got to bring 2 people with them and they brought me and Kyle. I was very confused.

I also found out Jill was lying to me about the dauntless idol because I asked for it on the new tribe and was told it was gone.

I literally have no words. I did what I wanted to do and it completely screwed me over and now :) I have new people in my camp! Three of them. Literally nothing changed this week, except now Ed hates me and I'm pretty sure Payton is going right back to his side again. It fucking sucks.

It's like... I won my first immunity EVER. And like that, it's gone. A simple miscalculation, but I stayed upbeat and positive about it. So then I tried to work on flipping the vote the way I wanted without immunity, and I made it happen. I built the house of cards, and just when it reaches the ceiling, everything comes tumbling right back down in front of me because the biggest move I could've made ultimately was done in vain. We could have fucking voted off Lucy and lost nothing of value because she was bound to flip anyways. I could have just kept the idol a secret and done nothing about it and worked hard at keeping my mouth shut, but I didn't. I wish I had been blindsided instead and actually left the game because this sucks right now. I guess I'm just being a sore loser though.

So now, I have to rebuild everything. I gave up the stupid spanish name shit I was doing because it's not like anyone attempted to remember the names. I also need to start working really hard on being able to string the Seis tribe members together again because we absolutely cannot flip on each other right now. I like them all and I know that since I was completely behind the entire vote last round, I'm the next to go, and that's really fucking scary. I don't have that idol's protection anymore, and I literally deserved this. Fuck my life.

I'm not going to give up completely yet, but yeah I'm pretty much on low battery right now because this could not have been the worst situation to ever happen to me. So much for that _legendary_ idol play.

I miss my old tribe. Tell Ed I miss him btw

Messiness. I know Dani and Geo see Ed as a threat, but Ed made a BRILLIANT decision in bringing Peter over - he said we're outcasts, so we get a fresh start. I'm so happy he didn't go home, even though this makes us targets now.

????? KSVSKSHDJD IM FLIPPING!

battle royale! idr the stupid strategy um???? also me vs lake lmfao i don't wanna tell my tribe to do that (idk if theyve figured it out or not i haven't gone into that skype) *i don't wanna tell them to do that bc that might reveal that i'm me

I am so shook at how much Payton is just being Logan, like I really thought I was the shittiest character actor in this bitch. But like they're posting pictures of themself in the damn tribe chat, talking about Survivor Congo like it's super relevant to the community at large, I'm laughing. When the first tribe swap happened and Eliza and Jill were talking about someone who created a pregnant character, I was like WOW SUCH DEDICATION but now no. It's just Logan. Being Logan. I love them so much jgkglhsg

Dear Tumblr Survivor gods,

Please let Lucy rally with OldFour on NuSeis tribe to vote Dani and Geo out so I don't have to. Amen.

-Payton

Okay so, we had to do this individual immunity ranking our tribe mates on who we wanted to win the challenge. That's a super tricky one to win, because the more people who pick you, the more likeable you are, and in this game, likeability is a threat. I was voted out of Agrabah because I was too likeable. Well looky here, guess who wins this challenge. I mean, mark it down as my first individual win this season? But honestly, does it count if nobody is actually voted out? Fast forward to me, Melissa, Kyle and Jill trying to get Riley out for various reason. The vote is 4-3 between Riley and Otto with Riley getting the boot... or does she? Turns out this was just a clever tribe swap. Riley went to Six and took Kyle, one of my closest allies, and Lake, who was willing to give me the Abnegation idol, if that's how it worked. We get Ed, Payton, and Peter added to Four. UGH. Okay so ALL of Candor is back together, and not only that, we are the last faction intact. HELLO MERGE! COME SLAUGHTER US. I'm also not too happy about having Payton back bc I'm too certain it's Jaiden, and Jaiden is a dangerous player. Payton told me and Jill separately that they knew where all the votes were going and blah blah and I'm like, you gotta go. I shared this info with Melissa who agrees. I really like Ed. He reminds me of Drew and I love talking to him. Ed ain't going anywhere. I'm very weary of having Payton here and I want her out asap. I talked to Melissa and we agree to just keep talking to them and making everyone seem comfortable. Melissa knows I'm not interested in a Candor alliance. Jill on the other hand, I don't know what she wants. We are close enough that we share idol clues and I know that she has the Dauntless idol, but I don't know, she seems like she may want a Candor alliance, and I really don't. That's also a tricky line to balance on. I'm in an alliance with both Melissa and Jill, but each of them thinks they are my #1 (at least that's what it seems like). I talk to them more in pm's than I do in the alliance chat, and neither of them knows that I'm working with the other to find the Erudite clue. I'm really hoping I don't get caught or have to choose one over the other yet. Ahh this confessional is super long, but we are working on a selfie scavenger hunt which is always fun, and I'm still trying to find this damn Erudite idol so SHOUT OUT to Jenna!! Til next time (heart)

[7:51:31 PM] jaiden (arctic circle host): I'm honestly in such a bad mood and I want to bitch about it but I cant because I want to talk about how frickin emo I am over last tribal council and losing reward and losing my immunity and everything [7:51:59 PM] jaiden (arctic circle host): like its been a really shitty few days on top of all of that and I want to talk to ppl about it but they wouldn't understand giuefsoda [7:52:15 PM] Jenna: <3 that sucks

I'm self-evicting.

HOLY SHIT WE DID THAT. IMMUNITY #6 151-76. Anywayyyyy. I'm glad, because literally half of our tribe did... um. NOTHING!? I would love to make an alliance with Melissa right now. She seems like she's got her head on... We'll see. I'm so happy to have Ed though, you don't understand, and I trust him 100%. We'll see if I'm willing to take Peter to the end? I know I could beat him, but holy hell that'd be an easy win and a hell of a job to take to the end. I know Ed and I can do it, if one of us could find an idol. I can't wait. I'm going to win this.

We lost immunity because my tribe sucks.

So I went to the original Six tribe people and said I'm fine voting off Riley because they're inactive. But Daniella wants to make a move and take out Lucy or Percy which I'm totally fine with.

But then she starts talking about the sesoson I'm (trevor) hosting and said.  "trevor scares me though like he just seems so strict and i want to run away from him every single day. but the cast is good and i cant believe ting ting is winning the whole thing??" And then "i asked trevor a question once and he ignored me and i was really scared but we have a ton of mutual friends and they all say the same thing"

Yikes!! I wanna know who this is I don't ignore people.  I guess people see me as mean.

Anyway I'm gonna try and get Lucy out.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I think I'm very likely to be blindsided tomorrow because I feel oddly tranquil about everything going down. Lake and I are talking and we were originally insistent on voting out Riley, but then I tried to suggest that I'd rather vote off an old Six instead of Riley so they at least have their numbers going forward. Percy is the prime candidate to get voted out now, with Lucy following right behind him, because Percy is a super huge social threat in my opinion. He's been super under the radar and he hasn't had to pick a side quite yet, which is usually what indicates that he's comfortable, too.

Percy has gotten zero blood on his hands so far, while Lucy, Geo, and myself have all been caught dabbling in that big move last tribal council. Peter might be brought in by Payton and Ed, and they'll expose me for all of the dirt that I had to dig up on Peter himself just to make sure he got all the votes and I could accurately play that idol last round. I'm going into the next battle completely empty-handed because I'm sure the Abnegation idol was swooped right back up again by someone else, and now I've got nothing left as a shield if I feel the necessity to save myself.

I like him as a person and all, but he needs to go. This vote needs to happen as carefully as possible if it's going to work out, because Percy is a very strong competitor and I think he has enough ties to save himself if the vote happens to swing in his direction. While making this move, I want to finally pull together Kyle, Lake, myself, Geo, and Lucy and form some sort of alliance going forward. Although we're sparing Riley, they haven't been super reliable and I think it's best if they just get medevaced next round or something.

One thing that worries me is that I'm seriously over-playing at this point, but it feels really necessary to do that because literally no one else is talking right now. They're all kind of like, easy to manipulate their votes I guess. It's not hard for me to persuade them to do something other than Riley, but maybe they just want to keep their numbers up going forward.

An idea I have is to just let them think that voting off Percy is their idea, not mine, while still planting the seed (and also watering it) in their mind that he needs to be the one to go. I want them to feel responsible for it instead of think it was a group effort. They just made a chat together and now we have the opportunity to discuss. If I spill tea that Percy has a ton of connections, then maybe they'll go after Percy. But I also need to make it seem like I would prefer Geo or Lucy as well, because they're both dead weight when it comes to making alliances later on, which is also true.

Kyle, Lake, and I need to stick together and I wanna continue to foster this trio we've got going on because I'll take whatever I can get. I need to figure out what Percy is thinking too, but also manage to convince them to turn on Geo or Lucy as well so they're not voting my way or Riley's way with an idol, which would totally suck ass.

This really was a best-case scenario for me.

A comp like a scavenger hunt is my bread and butter. Clearly, others on my tribe share the same affinity for them. We CRUSHED. MVP efforts all around! (Except Peter, Otto and Jill [did Jill end up doing anything?] Whatever. A parenthetical in a parenthetical is weird.)

Anyway, this is exactly what I needed. A chance to avoid tribal council, a chance to get in my tribe's good graces, and a chance to further bond with the tribe to try and stop it from sticking to tribal lines.

Oh, and another chance to find that idol. Which is being super frustrating. I'd expect the new clue to refer to the /ahs on the main blog, but putting that as a page on any of the subsequent blogs is giving me jack shit. It's frustrating because the new clue I got clearly points to that very first clue, and there's no real place to go to try that stuff.

"Perhaps this is the start you needed all along." This has to mean something, right? I've gotten two clues on this one blog since getting its password:

Clue 4: you are not looking for a blog page on this blog, but rather a blog page on one of the previous blogs you have been to

Clue 4/1: When considering this clue you may want to look back at the first ever clue you were given. Perhaps this is the start you needed all along

I'd figured out the first one already, so that clue wasn't super helpful. The second... using that in conjunction with this line from the blog:

"You also perhaps might only know the way when you look center from the start. "

...that tells me it's probably something in the middle of the main blog page. But it's not 'survivordivergent'. It's not 'hosts', which would be the center element from the starting clue. It's not 'h', since the first clue was just the starting letters of the words. It's not 'onechoicecantransformyou' which is kinda centered and stands out because of the bold. Not 'iwillbecomesomethingelse' which, since it's the tag for the season, is pretty much always centered. It's not 'confessionals' which... okay now I'm just getting desperate.

I feel like I'm missing something huge and, because of it, the idol's been gone for weeks. My only hope is that we win the reward and our lovely, insanely talented and smart and gorgeous and kind hosts (am I laying it on too thick?) take pity on this dumbass and give me the answer.

I think the plan's changed tonight. Geo came on and found out about the plan to get out Percy and he made quick work with changing the plan around to Kyle or Lake instead. I guess I don't really see the point in that, because Percy is the only person we're certain of not having any blood on his hands with the old Six tribe, and now he's going to be able to rebound into their numbers later on at a merge. Kyle is doing really good at keeping his head down but I guess the price he has to pay is getting his name brought right up to the top, because that's who I convinced Geo to vote for tonight. I don't want to lose Lake this early because I really like that guy, but damn Geo doesn't want to move on Percy quite yet.

I really stress about tonight only because I'm going to have to recover a significant amount regardless of what decision I make. I've made promises to two people now, and I don't want to break either promise. The best I could do is throw my vote to Riley and let Kyle go home, or I could vote for Percy and tie it up.

If Riley self-votes tonight, they're getting medevaced after tribal. Lake will literally be down to himself and have no one else to lean on afterwards. He's going to be on the bottom again.

Kyle is a threat, but so is Percy. They're threats in the exact same way, because they're totally unpredictable. Kyle might just stick around with me if I keep him, and I still feel really uncertain about Percy...

I'm waiting until the very last minute to vote. If Riley comes online and makes a decision, I'll see what I can do with that. But if not, I can't let the vote go to a tie, so I have no other options but to vote off Kyle. Rip me.

Okay so i have a confession to make

after the break i didnt get messages, until daniela was the only one who came to me and told me everything that happened, paytons connections, eds idol, the backstabbery, her idol. whether everything besides her idol is true or not, we'll see afterwards, but shes' become my number two even though earlier i mightve said she might have to leave? we came up with a bunch of schemes and plots until before tribal we decided to use her idol on peter to save him as he gets majority and then use our two votes to get ed out. but  i knew it was going to be an australian swap instead, in the back of my mind ofcourse

my tribe now has lake, kyle and riley instead of ed, payton and peter

i havent been on much recently, mostly because of laziness <.< but dani has caught me up on what happened, originally it was planned to be percy from almost everybody, even dani and lucy, but luckily i was able to put their heads in the right place and convinced them to vote out kyle instead as riley is probably getting medevaced and hes a threat, percy is voting kyle too. thats all if theyre b eing honest to me.

i thought i was going to get votes, but apparently not and im shocked at that since i honestly lowkey did want to, my hearts not that much into the game and i just feel like its going to take my mind away from my studies (and netflix <.<) so so sorry hosts about this and competitors, ofcourse, im not telling people about this and im not quitting, im going to keep chuggin along until the others decide to get rid of me to see how far i can go. i still feel like i could be voted out instead as everyone has been orking to get rid of me all along and lying to me but we'll see,

i dont want to seem like im controlling when ive been here for like anhour but thats whats best for us long term, my plan is to seem like someones subordinate which i think im doing since people know i did what dani told me to do

It's weird going into tribal without chaos, so I kind of feel like I'm getting blindsided tonight. If that's the case, awesome. :| I'm expecting to go home at this point because suddenly everyone is so... relaxed I guess, I don't know. This stinks.

http://prntscr.com/ef8mbo

What did I even do to warrant this i'm yelling WAIT IS THIS FOR "STEALING THAT IMMUNITY FROM HER" I'm gonna punch someone if it is that's so stupid dslkfs