#i can never remember which one is right 😭 had to double check for the sake of the poll

[elemental-daddy-neos]

Oh oh I've got an idea for a poll, here's one for the dub enjoyers

If you are going to be mean about the dubs in general just simply don't do that

[multifandom-exe]

Intimidation – S. Reid X Reader 

A/N: this is a rewrite of a fic from like 5 years ago, if you want to check out the original here to see how much has changed. Feel free to leave requests! PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK IN COMMENTS OR ASKS PLS i need to know if I'm still writing like I'm 14 😭. Trying to rewrite one fic of each fandom so i get that reach. 

Request: hey could you make a spencer reid x reader where the reader is new to the BAU and she has more PHDs than reid. which makes him super intimidated and insecure (bc he also finds her very pretty) 

  Word Count: 2.1k 

Today was an emotional day. Quickly trying to blink back the tears that burned the back of your eyes, you stared up at the skyscraper. A lump rising in your throat, you reflected on all the hard work, all the time, all the energy, you put in just to be able to stand here right now. Years. Years of school, universities, exams, lack of a social life, and probably enough coffee to kill a small village. All to stand at the doors of the BAU, ready to take on your first day.  

You walked through the double doors, flashing your badge, and security directed the way for you. In a brief call with the Boss, Aaron Hotchner, he had given you a rundown of the people who will be on your team. You mentally revisited all the notes you took, trying to suppress the anxiety crawling up your throat. The elevator bell’s ‘ding!’ interrupted your thoughts. Quickly stepping out, you assessed your surroundings, briefly reveling the fact that you were actually here. You are actually, officially, FBI. You glanced through the double glass doors just in time, to catch a stare from someone you could only assume was Spencer Reid. Your eyes followed as he fiddled and dropped a stack of files on the ground. At his clumsiness, who you would assume would be morgan, followed his line of sight to see what all the fuss was about. His lips curled into a smirk as he said something inaudible to the other team members standing by.  

Looking particularly suspicious, just idling in the corridor, you made your way through the double glass doors. You put on your best smile as a distraction from the blush crawling up your neck. You excitedly walked over to the gathering of people; your happiness evident in every step.  

“Hi! I'm officially Supervisory Special Agent Dr. (Y/N) (L/N). Can you use two titles like that? I'm not sure, but regardless just call me (Y/N).” You beamed like a sunflower as you stuck your hand out to shake, who you assumed to be Emilys, hand. Morgan raised his eyebrow, looking you up and down. 

“Well, hey mama, what a nice Suprise.” He looked over at his team members to find their confused faces but raised his eyebrow, nonetheless. A pretty lady in his midst, Morgan would never complain, especially not when she carries a gun. 

“Team.” Everyone's head turned toward the stairs as Hotch ran down them. “I forgot to mention, new team member, (Y/N) meet, Morgan, Emily, JJ, Rossi, and Dr Reid.” He pointed at each one whilst introducing them.  

Your lips curled into a small smile as you beamed again. “Infamous Dr. Reid, Hotchner told me so much about you, apparently we are going to get along.”  

“Yes uhm.” He coughed, ready to list the facts he knew about you. “She can speak several languages, has 4 PHD’s, In Mathematics, Chemistry, Engineering and Psychology, and she has 4BA’s, Philosophy, Sociology, Linguistics and archeology if I remember correctly, all at the age of 26. Very similar to you.” He took a breath after rattling everything off and gave you a smile. 

“A new resident genius huh?” You and the team turned to the source of the voice, immediately noting that it was Penelope Garcia. You gave a small wave as she walked over. “Our boy genius finally has some girl genius competition.” She smiled as a very speechless Spencer opened his mouth, but closed it again, finding he had nothing to say. 

You turned a confusing look at the girl next to him and spoke. “I'm sure we will have lots to talk about, I'm definitely a talker.”  

You gave him a big smile and God he could've died and went to heaven right there. So many thoughts rattled around his head. He was used to being the smartest person in the room. The one constant in his life was his intelligence. And here you were, looking like a fucking sunflower, taking that constant away. 2 degrees. 2 degrees more than him. He genuinely couldn't wrap his head around it. Attraction and intimidation swirled in his mind like oil and water. The best he could do was gulp down his fear, paste a small smile on his face as you walked away to get situated. 

- 

The hours wore on, and the effect of your first day at work was taking its toll on you. Heading over to the coffee machine, you spotted spencer, making what seemed to be his fourth coffee of the day. “I suppose Hotch was right about you being a coffee addict.”  

A giggle erupted from your throat as his head shot up and his eyes widened at you, looking like a deer in the headlights. And once again, he found himself without anything to say. The anxiety of making a fool of himself in front of someone smarter than him was too much. He just grabbed his coffee cup and ducked back to his desk. Your eyes bore holes into the spot where he once stood, a small frown on your face. Had you seriously offended someone on your first day? Shaking your head, you returned to make some delicious coffee.  

Morgan quickly placed himself on the edge of Reids desk as he sat down. “Our babies will be smart and beautiful.” He mocked in a dreamy voice, breaking Spencer away from his thoughts. 

“What?” He gave Morgan a look of feigned innocence. 

“Cmon, Pretty Boy. Youve already got it bad for wonder girl over there.” At the mention of your name, they both look towards the coffee station where you stood, looking like you were right out of a movie. He stuttered out an attempt at denying his friends accusations, but Morgan simply laughed and clapped him on the back, leaving him a stuttering mess at the thought of you. 

“Briefing room!” Your ears perked up at the sounds of your boss’s voice ringing out across the room signaling you had a case. You turned your head and caught Spencers eye on the way, flashing him a timid smile. Finally, something to draw Spencer's thoughts away from you and your intrepid little mind. 

- 

Having been briefed they introduced you to the private jet. Of course it was met with gasps of astonishment from you, never having seen something so amazing in all your life. Everyone had settled in, and you sat down on the couch next to Spencer, taking in everyone on the plane. “Hey Genius Boy.” The common nickname caused Spencer to look up from his book. “Listen, I'm sorry if I offended you, I'm not trying to take your place as resident genius here, I think we could have some crazy in-depth conversations, if you would actually talk to me that is.” Your hands moved to match your voice, as a giggle left your throat to cover the awkwardness. He stared at you, looking like the human embodiment of his dreams, and decided today was not the day for his brain to fail him, he will not come across as stupid as he feels right now.  

“Thank you, I think we would too, you didn't offend me, I'm sorry, I just get a little anxious about things sometimes. And honestly, I've never met anyone with more degrees than I have.” The way he talked with his hands mirrored yours as he explained himself. You beamed at him after hearing you hadn't offended him, and Spencer swore he was melting. He studied your face and noticed your darker eye bags, and your second cup of coffee in hand. He assumed you'd had a sleepless night. He was all too familiar with insomnia, and first day nerves. “I can move if you want to lay down and take a nap.” A nice offer in his eyes, so he was surprised at your reaction. 

Your hands shot to cover your face as you squealed. “Do I really look that bad?” You spread your fingers to look at him whilst still shielding your face. His eyes shot open as he waved his hands a little frantically. 

“Oh god no! No! You look beautiful, really, I just assumed you were tired because of all the coffee.” He gently grasped your hands and removed them away from your face. A blush creeped up your neck at the compliment, and your hair stood on end at the sudden contact. His hands darted back as he felt his own cheeks darken. 

“I'm kidding Spence, I have trouble sleeping on a good day but thank you for caring anyway.” You smiled at him, taking in his features. God he really was beautiful too. Something about having such an intricate mind made a person all the more attractive. 

In hopes to make you feel better, Spencer did what he did best, and rambled, his hands intricately moving as he practically word vomited on you. “Yaknow, some sleep experts have said that sleeping with someone around, and or cuddling with them, actually improves sleep. Your brain releases endorphins and dopamine and all that good stuff when you cuddle with someone, and it is said that aids sleep. I personally don’t believe in sleep studies, or dream studies for that matter, but it could be something to think about in the future.” He stared at his lap as he finished his ramble. 

“Are you asking me to sleep with you, Dr Reid?” You quirked your eyebrows as endless giggles spilled out of your throat at his reaction. His eyes shot open again and he stuttered out some form of apology. He really needed to get his shit together if he ever wanted to have a normal conversation with you. “Okay, okay relax.” Your giggles faded away as you laid a hand on his arm.  

“I was just suggesting, you know you need to be refreshed for a case, if you wanted to sleep near me, if that's okay with you. I mean I could use a little bit more sleep as well.” He tried to distract your eyes from his searing cheeks as he motioned to his coffee cup.  

A smile broke out onto your face as you nodded softly, heat climbing up the back of your neck at the thought of the close proximity. You had heard Spencer was afraid of germs? Huh, maybe that wasn't the case. With 5 hours left till landing, Spencer retrieved a pillow from the couch opposite and laid it in the crook of his arm. Twiddling your fingers together, you shifted on the couch, moving to slip in between his body and his arm.  

You had never been so glad he couldn't see your face, but at this point, you were sure he could probably feel the heat radiating off your cheeks. You sighed into the comfort, with the thought of sleep weighing heavier and heavier on your eyelids. You took in the scent of his shirt, Pine, and old parchment. You gave it 5 minutes until you were whisked away into dreamland.  

Spencer, on the other hand, had never been so awake. He desperately hoped you weren't able to hear his heartbeat thrum against his chest as you got close. He slightly inched his head to lay on top of yours, the scent of your shampoo absolutely intoxicating him. If it were up to him, he would fly this plane to Antarctica just to be here a bit longer with you. 

Bonus 

The jet took a sharp turn and Morgan looked up from his cellphone. His eyes caught you and Spencer, practically wrapped around each other on the couch. The biggest grin broke out on his face as he laughed under his breath. As quietly as possible, he nudged Emily and JJ, pointing his finger in the direction of the couch. Emily rolled her eyes with an incredulous look, and JJ cooed quietly over how cute you two were. Emily whispered, not-so-subtlety, to Derek. “Take a picture before they wake up.” Quickly digging in her purse and throwing him her disposable camera.  

“I hate you all.” They all broke into silent laughter as Spencer grumbled.  

Since that day, that picture had remained pinned on Spencer's desk. 

-

Let me know if youd like to be on the taglist or anything, and please leave requests!

[javierpena-inatacvest]

You're My Home

Summary: You and Javi have both had one of those weeks where no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to go right. It only takes so long before something stupid makes the both of you snap. When Javi confesses to you what's been putting him on edge, you find a way to make it up to each other.

Word Count: 4.9K

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no use of y/n)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), established relationship, unprotected p in v sex (wrap before u tap), vaginal fingering, creampie, angst, PTSD (poor Javi has a panic attack but you help him through it), hurt/comfort, makeup sex (!!!!), bad communication but apologizing/forgiving each other, mentions of food/eating, reader wears Javi's shirt and is carried by Javi, fluff fluff fluff bc you two are so in love with each other it hurts

This can be read as a stand alone or as a part of the It's Never Too Late Series!

A/N: I don't know what's been in the water that has me so compelled to make something angsty, but here we are!! Once I started writing this I quite literally could not stop, and it turned out to be one of the most intimate things I have ever written 😭🥺 I love these two sm

It had been a week. 

A long fucking week. 

One of those weeks where it felt like no matter how hard you tried, everything just felt… off. You had just started volunteering to run the Alma Pierce Elementary School drama club, which had you staying an extra hour and a half after school every Monday and Wednesday, on top of preparing for Parent-Teacher Conferences next week. You loved your group of students this year, but holy shit, were they chatty, and the past few days you felt like you might as well have put a cardboard cutout of yourself at the front of the room and left, because your class had absolutely zero interest in paying attention to you. To top it off, you could tell that Javi was having a bad week too. You hadn’t seen much of each other the past few days, with you working late and prepping for conferences, and Javi working on a new project the department had dropped in his lap without notice. Even though you lived in the same apartment, you had felt like strangers this week. Sure, you’d had off days before, but the two of you were always open and honest with each other, seeking comfort and safety in the other's presence, knowing that you were both there for one another, through good times, and bad. 

But this week was not like those “off” days. Something about it had felt tense, cold, even. You hated it. You hated every second of it. The two of you were never like this. Javi was your best friend, yet somehow, sitting in the same room, you still felt a million miles apart. Every interaction that you’d had left a worse taste in your mouth than the last- snapping at each other over stupid things like unclosed containers in the fridge or leaving towels on the bathroom floor. The worst was that Javi just could not seem to let things go, his presence feeling overbearing, almost bossy, with everything that you did. 

“You left the iron on while you were getting ready, you’re gonna burn down the fucking aparment.” 

“Double check the locks on the door, you forgot this morning.” 

“If you don’t fix the bath mat before you get in the shower, you’re gonna break your goddamn head open.” 

Even worse than that, when you tried to politely remind Javi about something, or do something helpful for him, he had been a complete asshole to you. 

“Yes, I can remember to clean it up after I’m done, I’m not fucking 8 years old.” 

“Jesus, I know we need more coffee creamer, you put it on the grocery list and reminded me twice.” 

“I can put away my own laundry, just let me do it.” 

It felt like he was breathing down your neck, the fly in your ear that just wouldn’t go away, and it made you want to scream. You had considered yourself to be a pretty patient person- working with kids, you had to be, but this week, Javier Peña seemed to be testing every ounce of patience you had left in your body, and you were about to run out.  

Your Friday night routine with Javi normally consisted of the 3 same things every week

Javi picking up pizza from place down the street on the way home from work

Eating the pizza and watching a movie 

Pausing said movie to have sex, finish watching the movie, and then fall asleep on the couch. 

On this particular Friday, you had a very strong suspicion that none of those 3 things would be happening tonight. When you came home, you practically collapsed from exhaustion the moment you got through the door. Dropping your bag and kicking off your shoes, you crawled your way to the couch, completely collapsing in its cushions, taking a few deep breaths to try and regain your composure from the hellish day it had been. You finally mustered up enough strength to get up and change out of your work clothes into something more comfortable before sulking around the apartment, making yourself finish chores that had seemed to go neglected all week. Javi was normally home a half hour after you, but as you looked up at the clock, he was 20 minutes later than usual. It wasn’t long before another hour had gone by, leaving you absolutely starving, unable to wait for the dinner Javi may or may not be bringing home. You scavenged through your fridge and pantry, pulling out sauce and spaghetti to make yourself pasta to at least tide you over. 

When Javi got home two hours past his normal arrival, you were shocked by the smell of pizza that filled your apartment as he walked through the door. You were even more shocked by the reaction he had to seeing the pot of noodles you had left out on the stove while you sat at the kitchen table to finish report cards to hand out at conferences. 

“Did you already fucking eat?” His tone was sharp and brash as he dropped the pizza box on the kitchen counter. 

“Well you’re home two hours later than normal, Javi. What was I supposed to do? Not eat? I’m more than capable of fending for myself if you’re not here with pizza.” You could feel pressure in your stomach rising, clenching your fists to try and hold in the last bit of patience you had. 

“That’s not the fucking point. You know I always get pizza for us on Friday, you know I’m bringing you dinner, I can’t help that things have been a shit show at work and I’m still trying to at least do something to take care of you.” 

Take care of you? Nuh, uh. That was the last straw. 

You stood up out of your chair, palms flat on the table as you glared at Javi. “Take care of me? Seriously, Javi? Like I’m some sort of helpless little puppy that can’t fend for themself? I am more than fucking capeable of taking care of myself, and this whole week you have been acting like I am literally incapable of doing anything in this house. Listen, I can tell things have been shitty for you at work, and this week has sucked for me too, but every time I try to go do something nice for you, something to actually help take care of you? You’re already halfway down my goddamn throat, telling me to stop or fix whatever it is I’m doing.” Your heart was racing, blood pumping through your veins so intensely, you could feel your hands begin to shake. 

“Because it’s my fucking job to take care of you!” He growled, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers as you stood with your hands on your hips, laughing at him in the least humorous way possible. 

“Your job? Your fucking job? You don’t think I’m capable of taking care of myself? That’s fucking great. So you can take care of me, but I can’t take care of you? Yeah, that makes sense. Un-fucking-believeable. I don’t know what the fuck has been going on with you this past week, but I can’t do this right now. I’m going on a fucking run.” You stormed to the door, throwing on your shoes as you white knuckled your keys in your grasp. 

“You fucking hate running!” Javi yelled, clenching his jaw before burying his hands in his face. 

“I don’t fucking care!” You grunted back, deliberately slamming the door behind you as you sauntered down the stairs of your apartment to the parking lot. Javi was right, there was no physical activity you hated more than running. You weren’t really sure what your plan was, just that you couldn’t stand there fighting with Javi anymore. You could feel the adrenaline flowing through you, enough to make you pick up your feet and actually begin sprinting down the sidewalk. You just kept running. Running until you could feel your sides begin to hurt, until your eyes began to sting from the tears welling behind them, until your chest felt like it was collapsing in on you, making you stop in the middle of the cement pathway in a full on breakdown. You could barely catch your breath, sobbing, as your hands dropped to your knees, your body trembling with each pathetic whimper. 

What the fuck were you doing? Why was Javi being like this? Why were you being like this? Why won’t he just talk to you? Why can you just not make things right? Why was the one person you loved more than anything in the world the one who was making you feel like you’d been run over by a semi-truck? 

Wiping your tears and snot with your sleeve, you took a deep breath and turned around to head home, determined to get to the bottom of whatever was causing you to both suffer through the worst week ever.

“Javi?” You peeked into the apartment, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“What?” He answered, his voice still sharp, making you wince as you walked over to the couch where he sat. 

“Javi… Javi what’s going on? I can’t do this anymore. If I did something to make you mad, I’m sorry, I just-” 

“Fucking work has just been a shit show, okay?” He snapped, cutting off your sentence. “I’m going to bed, I’m fucking exhausted.” He sighed as he got up, storming his way down the hallway, leaving you there alone on the couch, your bottom lip quivering as the tears began to stream down your face again, leaving you in a silent, sobbing heap on the couch. 

You waited a while before getting into bed with Javi, entering your bedroom in its already dark state to avoid crossing paths while the two of you finished your nighttime routines. You crawled into your comforter, eyes still red and puffy as you lay back to back with Javi, without so much as even a good night, let alone, an “I love you.” 

You could feel yourself stirring, tossing and turning in your sleep as you rolled over, outstretching your arm to an unfamiliarly empty space. You turned over to face Javi, now finding yourself wide awake at the fact that he wasn’t there next to you. Immediately, you shot up, calling out his name as you got out of bed, wondering where the hell he was. As you made your way into the hallway, you whispered his name once more before hearing the sounds of heavy, labored breathing coming from the living room. You rushed in, finding Javi sitting on the floor, his hand grasping at his chest with a look of pure panic on his face. 

“I feel like… Fuck, I feel like I can’t breathe. My heart is beating so fast.” He whimpered between his shaky breathing and sobs. “I just- I just kept seeing it over and over again in my head and I woke up and it still wouldn’t go away. Every when I wake up, it’s like it’s fucking haunting me. I feel like something’s crushing my chest. Baby, what’s happening?” He gasped as he looked up at you, helpless and desperate.  

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. You knew exactly what was happening. 

Immediately, you climbed into his lap, wrapping yourself around him as tightly as possible, stretching your arms as widely as you could around the broadness of his body. You tried to slow your breathing down, taking long inhales and exhales as you held him. “Just breathe, baby. It’s okay. You’re safe, I promise. I’m here. Deep breaths, okay?” 

“Osita, I can’t- Fuck. Fuck, fuck.” His voice was trembling, each word low and labored as he grasped at the back of his shirt you had draped over your back. 

“I know, baby. I know. I know it’s scary. I promise that you’re safe. I’m here, okay? Just breathe. In and out. I’m not leaving. You’re safe with me, I promise it will be okay.” Even though your heart was shattering, you did everything you could to be the calm in his storm, whispering your reassurances in your soft, sweet voice. Slowly but surely, you could feel the intensity of his breaths lessen, the rising and falling of his chest easing as he grasped tighter at your shirt, pulling you closer to him. 

“It’s okay, Javi. It’s okay. Listen, I’m gonna ask you to do something, alright? It’s gonna sound stupid but it’s gonna help.” You could feel him nod against your chest, his sobs finally beginning to slow. “Can you open your eyes and tell me 5 things you see?” You felt him lift his head, looking up at you, his face wet and red as his deep brown eyes locked with yours.

“Fuck, um, the- the wall, the carpet, the uh, um, the couch, shit, the TV, you. I can see you.” 

“Okay, perfect. What about 4 things you can touch, like feel in your hands?” You smiled gently at him as his breathing was now at a near normal rate. He raised up his arm, wiping his damp face with his palm. 

“My fucking wet face.” The both of you smirked, bringing you relief that Javi was already half laughing. “The carpet, my shirt, that always looks better on you than it does on me. Fuck, I can feel your skin, it’s always so soft. I love feeling it.” He ran one of his hands along the bare skin of your thigh, his fingers grasping at your flesh. 

“You’re doing great, baby. How about 3 things you can hear?” 

“Um, the cars outside, the fan, I could feel your heartbeat when I was on your chest.” He pressed his head back against you, raking your fingers through the ends of his damp curls, sticking to his forehead from his panicked sweat. 

Okay, almost done. What about 2 things you can smell?” You asked, running your fingers along the nape of his neck. 

“Your shirt smells like laundry. No matter how hard I try it just always smells better when you do it. And your shampoo. It always smells so sweet and fruity, it’s my favorite.” He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his hand gently tugging at the ends of your hair, twisting his fingers through it. 

“Okay, last one. Something you can taste.” He lifted his head, looking at you as he slid the hand in your hair to cradle your jaw, cupping your face. 

“You.” He rasped, his lips barely pressing against yours, feeling the hot breaths between your mouths as they met. He pulled back, pausing for a moment before he spoke. “Baby…I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. This week has been all my fault. I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this and I was scared. I was so fucking scared.” 

“Javi, it’s okay. Please, I just want to be here for you. You know you can tell me anything, okay? I love you, Javi. I love you more than anything. I know it hurts to talk about the things that scare you the most, but it’s even scarier watching the person you love hurt so badly and not knowing what to do to help them. I don’t care what it is, baby. There’s nothing you can tell me that’s gonna scare me away.” The look on his face nearly broke you. You could tell he was so hurt. Hurt by whatever had been haunting him. Hurt by the fact he wasn’t okay. Hurt by the fact that he had hurt you. 

“The project I’ve been working on this week… It all started because of how bad things are getting across the border in Mexico. A mom was out with her kids and they were all shot in a hit and run accident between two people making a drug trade. It was only an hour from here. I watched so many people do so many fucked up things that I thought I would never have to worry about again once I got home. And even if I did, I was going to be the only person I needed to worry about. But I couldn’t stop imagining that mom with her kids was you. You and our future kids. Every night since that fucking case file got set on my desk, I wake up to the same fucking nightmare of me running down the street, trying to grab you, push you, do anything to get you out of the way, but every fucking night I’m never fast enough. All I can do is watch as that bullet goes through you and you fall to the ground. I can’t let it happen to you. What if something goes wrong and I can’t protect you? I couldn’t fucking live with myself. I just want to keep you safe Osita. I’m so sorry. I love you too much to lose you.” 

Fuck. 

It wasn’t long before you were crying with him, squeezing him tightly once again, pressed against the warmth of his bare chest. That’s what had been going on. That’s why he had been so overbearing. That’s why he hadn’t been the Javi that you’d known and loved this week. On the night he’d told you the worst of the things he had seen and done away in Colombia, you had seen how his eyes had filled with regret, remorse, even anger. But this was different. Never once in the time that you’d known him had you seen Javi so scared. The look in his eyes when you found him sitting on the floor was one of pure terror. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like, waking up night after night to the image of Javi slipping away, let alone coming to grips with the reality that you couldn’t even fathom, and he knew far too well. Javi knew you had no problem sticking up for yourself. You were strong, tough, and fiercely independent- those were all things he loved so much about you. But those things weren’t enough to protect you from the dangers that haunted his past, or the terrifying reality of the present. 

Through the silent cries of your sobs, you felt Javi’s hand under your chin, lifting your head to force your eyes to meet. “Osita, I’m so sorry. Pease, please forgive me. I’ve been so lost in my own world this week because I’ve been so scared about what could happen to you. I had my head so far up my own ass that I thought I was doing everything I could to try and keep you safe in any way that I could, and instead I’ve just been a fucking dick to the person I care about more than anything in the world. I don’t wanna fight anymore, I fucking hate it. I’m so fucking sorry.” 

You draped your arms around his neck, your fingers tracing small, gentle circles along his back as you stared back at him. “I didn’t know, Javi. I didn’t know you were so scared. I’m so sorry. I don’t wanna fight anymore either. This has been the shittiest week. I missed you. I missed my best friend.” He pressed his hand against the back of your head, cradling it in his palm as he hugged you tightly. “You just have to promise me something, okay?” 

“Anything. Anything, baby.” 

“You have to promise me that you can’t keep all of this in. You have to promise me you’ll talk to someone about it. Me, your dad, people at work, Steve, a therapist, someone. There are so many people who care so much about you who just wanna help. You’re the strongest person I know, Javi, but it’s okay to not be strong sometimes.” He let out a long, shaky breath, darting his eyes down at the ground, the Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed. “You promise me?” You asked again, grabbing his face in your hands, swiping your thumb along his wet cheeks. 

“I promise.” 

In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how sorry you were for the way you had acted. You found yourself face to face, eyes closing as your mouths came together in the most gentle, tender kiss. But even as your parted lips barely pressed against one another, you could practically feel how desperate you both were. 

“I love you.” 

Even though you whispered it against the soft, unshaven stubble of Javi’s cheek, it feels like you’re screaming it, determined to make sure he hears those 3 words as they fall from your lips, that he knows how much you mean each one, every second of every hour of every day. You can feel the heat in your chest as his hands grasp around the small of your back, pulling you closer as your bodies melt together, the tension straining in your muscles dissipating with each second he pulls you closer. 

“I love you too.” 

It felt like suddenly, all was right with the world again. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how desperately he craved you, too. The tingle built at the base of your spine as his fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt, his hand creeping further up your belly, pressing against the curves of your sides. You raised your arms as his fists balled up the worn fabric, carefully lifting it over your head as his hot breath ran against your neck, leaving gentle, tender kisses along your newly exposed skin. Your hands pressed against his hips, tugging at the waistband of his cotton sleep shorts as he locked his arms under your legs, bringing you both to stand as you wrapped your legs around the small of his back, the skin of your bare chests brushing against each other as he carried you toward the bedroom. Each kiss of your parted lips was like a plea, begging that the other would forgive you, that despite the way you had treated each other there was no one in the world that you loved more, that you would rather be with right here, right now. 

Crossing the threshold to the bedroom, Javi leaned his body over the mattress, carefully placing you down in the warm, tangled sheets of your bed that had felt so cold and harsh only a few hours ago. You looked up at Javi standing at the end of the bed as he nudged his shorts off of his hips, leaving him exposed, the clothes now pooling around his ankles. Crawling over you, he hooked his fingers around the waistband of your underwear, the only thing left on your body after your shirt had been left behind in the living room. You lifted your hips, helping him shuffle the fabric down your legs as he ran his hands along the meat of your thighs. He leaned over you, the temples of your foreheads pressed against each other as his fingers danced along the skin of your bare legs, barely grazing against your entrance. You could already feel the slick of your arousal pooling under his touch, the calloused pads of his fingers ever so gently tracing up and down your folds, making you shutter. 

“Javi... Please.” Your voice trembled as Javi nodded, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You gasped as you felt the thickness of his fingers heedfully pushing themselves inside you, arching your back against the bed as his thumb delicately pressed on your clit. Each thrust of his hand in and out of your heat was dragging and deliberate, the rubbing of his fingertip along your sensitive bundle of nerves making your moans muffled against his chest. Every touch of his hand made you feel better than the last, but there was something primal about the way that you needed him inside you, how you ached to feel him buried deep in heat, to feel every inch of him. “I need you. Please, I need you.” You whimpered against his skin, making him lift his head to look at you as you watched the chocolate brown of his eyes grow darker with lust. He worked in silence, removing his fingers as he stroked himself, making your cunt throb in anticipation as you felt the tip of his cock stroke along your entrance, a moan escaping from your parted lips as he guided himself inside you. 

“Fuck…” He whispered, pushing himself in further, inch by inch, before bottoming out, his tip bumping against your cervix. You wrapped your legs around his back, doing anything you could to bring him closer to you, trying to melt your bodies into one and hold him so tightly you could never let him float away again. You dug your nails into his muscular back as he began to thrust in and out of you, taking his time with each stroke, as if he was savoring every sweet moment. “I love you, Osita. I love you so much, baby. Gonna make you feel good, okay? I promise.” It was like you could feel his words with each stroke, the promise that had fallen from his lips burying itself deep inside you with every rock of his hips against yours. Your bedroom was filled with the sounds of your mixed moans and skin hitting against each other. Even when no words escaped from your mouths, it was almost as if you could hear each other through the sounds between the two of you, coating your walls. 

I love you. 

I need you. 

I’m so sorry. 

His palm pressed along the sheen of your skin, snaking down your body to rub against your clit, intensifying the throbbing that you already felt growing between your legs. With each thrust of his hips, his cock pounded deeper into your heat, hitting the spot within you that had the arousal beginning to pool intensely within your belly, that creeping familiar feeling building at the base of your spine. You dug your nails deeper into Javi’s skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him. 

“Javi, pleaseee. Bab-ahhhhh, I’m so close.” You felt your cunt begin to clench around his length, making him moan as each push and pull of hips became more intense, punching against your g-spot and making your writhe under his touch.

“I know you are, Hermosa. Cum for me baby, cum all over me and show me how you’re mine.” 

His words make something inside you snap, making you shake and your body tense as your arms and legs tightened their grip around Javi, crying out his name as your orgasm rushed through you. His lips met yours, swallowing your moans as his pumps became frantic and sloppy, only taking a few more before he was chasing his own high. “Fuck, baby. You’re so fucking perfect. Te amo más que a nada. Soy tyuo para siempre. (I love you more than anything, I’m yours, forever.). Fuck, I’m gonna- shit- I’m- ahhhhhhh” With one last push, you could feel him throbbing inside you, spilling against your walls, pumping every last drop of himself inside you as he slumped into your body, your hearts racing, chests rising and falling as one. The two of you laid there for a moment, your bodies tangled in each other, letting each of your breaths sync as you came down from your blissed out highs. Javi hissed as he turned over to pull out of you, making you whine at the loss, before rolling over to lay your head on his chest. You could feel his arm wrap around you to pull you in closer, his fingers tracing along your shoulder blade as you draped your arm across his stomach. 

“I guess that’s one way to make up for this shitty week.” You giggled as Javi shook his head, joining you, the both of you glad to hear the sweet sounds of each other's laughter for the first time in much too long. “Can we never do this again? I never wanna fight like that ever again. These last few days have sucked without you.” 

“Never. This was the fucking worst. Never again. I promise.” He kissed the top of your head, burying his nose in your messy curls as he held you just a little bit tighter. 

“Okay.” You smiled against his warm, tanned skin before looking up at him. “You wanna know the worst part?” 

“What, baby?” 

“I didn’t even get to eat any of that pizza.” Javi chuckled as he shook you playfully in his grasp, making you squirm and snicker as he held you. 

“There’s still some left in the fridge. Let me go get it and you can tell me all about your week, okay?” He kissed your forehead as he pushed himself out of bed, making his way to the door. 

“Okay. We’ve got a lot to catch up on, I didn’t even get to tell you how I had to call Mark’s mom in the middle of math because he stuck a crayon up his nose yesterday.” The both of you snorted as Javi looked back at you. 

“I can’t wait to hear all about it.” 

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed

[thebearer]

no but i love your writing! ever since i watched s1 and 2 last weekend because of a youtube ad, i peaked in the carmy tag and was a surprised to see the amount of stories carmy had! would love a scenario where he’s married to a sassy, take no shit type of reader sim to natalie. his wife legit could work with him for all i care. but for whatever reason he does something w/o checking in— he prolly just forgot. she finds out and confronts him hella pissed (could be at family or during restaurant prep idc) and she says “oh, if carmen said it was cool.” not even carmy the full government name bro 😭. p much how natalie articulated it 🤣. can’t remember the ep but in early season 1 when marcus blew the fuse you can also include slick commentary from richie (and fak) if you’d like! tysm in advance 🥰. also if you don’t me me asking, do you have name/alias on this blog? what we can call you? enjoy your week

- 🥣

yes yes yes ahhhhh! he definitely needs someone who keeps him in line but walks that fine line where he can also keep them in line (bc dom!carmy is living in my heart rent free forever lol). also you can call me e if you'd like :) thank you for your sweet words! i hope you have a good week, and hope you enjoy this!

"What's this?" You ask Sydney, looking at the new box being unloaded from the truck- big and bulky in a crate, far too large to be a produce shipment.

"Uh, I think it's the new glassware for the bar." Sydney looked at her clipboard, back at you carefully.

"Glassware? What new glassware. We haven't picked that out yet." You frowned, looking at the crate carefully.

"Oh, well, it was in Carmen's notes for the day, so... I think that's the only shipment we have. Unless the hostess stand came early, which would be amazing, but you-" Sydney stopped her ramblings, seeing your soured expression. "You know what? Never mind, uh, ignore me. I'm just...Carmen's with Sugar and Richie in the back if you want to ask him."

"Thanks, Syd." You muttered, ripping the bell open with a shrill before bounding towards the back. You could hear them before you saw them, a familiar chorus of chatter and rising voices.

"Hey, so what's the delivery out front?" You ask, not bothering to wait for them to acknowledge you. If you did, you'd never talk, they all talked over each other.

"The new glasses for the bars." Sugar turned, smiling softly at you. "How are you doing?"

"Good." You muttered, eyes cutting to Carmen. "We haven't ordered new glasses yet."

"Uh, well, I thought you liked the ones from last week, angel." Carmen's eyes were bulged, clearly flustered.

"I said I liked them for basics, but I needed you to confirm a drink menu." You glared at him, arms crossing over his chest.

"You can't put the drinks in that?" Carmen asked, hand flying out towards the hall.

"Not if you want the specialty, no." You huffed. "Carmen, I told you to wait just a few days and we could get them at the wholesale market. The textured ones for the signature at least."

"Uh-oh," Richie muttered, snickering to Fak.

"Can you not use the glasses I got?" Carmen sighed.

"I can, but did you get enough? And did we decide if the signature is going in a whiskey glass or a cylinder one? Did you order double of those?" You lifted a brow, taking a step towards him. Richie and Nat watched, heads turning from you and Carmen like a tennis match.

Carmen paused, running a hand down his face. "N-No, but-"

"-So what are you going to do when we open and you run out of drinks, huh? When everyone orders the signature and it comes in different glasses? You think those travel groupie influencers won't notice? Won't post about it and make it a big fucking deal?" You countered.

"Then we'll figure it out!" Carmen huffed. "Look I gave the order to Richie, and-"

"-Hey, no fuckin' way cousin. You gave me your order." Richie held his hand up. "Sweetheart, Carmy said it was good so I just placed the order."

"Well, if Carmen said it was good, then it must be, right? He's the fucking boss." You snarl, glaring at Carmen furiously. "Seems like you've got it under control, Carm, so I'll leave it to you." You turn on your heel, furiously stomping away.

Richie and Fak wait until they hear the slam of the office door, to release their cackles. "Oooh! Cousin, you are in the fuckin' dog house now." Richie laughed, Fak's chorus of barks emphasizing his statement.

"Shut up, ok? Just shut the fuck up." Carmen growled, running a hand through his hair.

"Carmy, why wouldn't you ask her before you ordered? She's your mixologist." Nat sighed, shoulders heavy with disappointment.

"Also your girlfriend." Sydney added, poking her head in. "I told you to wait. Just saying."

"Thank you, alright, thank you all for your fuckin' helpful words." Carmen snapped. "Just... Nat, make sure they get all that shit set up right, ok? Make sure the dishwasher fucking works before we're open, please."

The office door was shut, and Carmen hesitated, reaching for the knob anxiously. He wasn't sure if he should knock- I mean, fuck, this is his office but... you were already so mad at him. Knuckles rapping on the door, he didn't wait for the invite in- knowing he'd never get one.

Carmen found you, sniffling in a furious pout in the corner, body angled away from the door. "Baby-" Carmen started with a sigh, shoulders falling gently at your upset state.

"-Don't." You snap, wiping your eyes. "Don't even start with me, Carmen." The way you say his full name sounds so bitter, too formal and full of malice to be from you.

"I-I'm sorry. I thought we agreed on it, and-and Richie was pressuring me and... And you're right. I shouldn't have made that decision without you, and I'm sorry." Carmen said slowly, waiting for your gaze to meet his, angry, wet, waterline.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have." You agreed bitterly, wiping your eyes. "I get this is your restaurant, Carmen, but don't ask for my help if you're just gonna do what you want anyways. That's-That's not nice."

"I know." Carmen nodded slowly, approaching you with the caution he would a wild animal. "I want your help. I do, and-and I like your idea that the house drink goes in the special glass. Makes it stand out."

You lifted your gaze up to his. "Yeah?" You asked, he nodded, sitting next to you. "Did you blow your budget?"

"No," Carmen shook his head, not a total lie. Fak had been able pull some strings with the new stoves, turns out he did have a guy. It left a little over five thousand left over.

"We could go to that place, if you want to. Go look and see if they have the glasses. Get a rough estimate of about how many we'd need." Carmen offered, his hand cupping your thigh gently, thumb rubbing over your leg in soothing circles.

"As long as Sydney or Nat does the numbers and not you." You snorted lightly, rolling your eyes at him.

He laughed, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I'll get Sugar to run 'em, alright? Then we can go. Call it an early night."

You beamed at the idea, letting him slide in next to you, melting into your side. "That sounds good." You hummed, letting your head fall on his shoulder.

"I-I'm real sorry I didn't as you ." Carmen muttered. "That was shitty."

"Yeah." You sighed in agreement. "I just... I want to be included in things." You asked, looking up at him sweetly. "Not everything, but-but at least the things that apply to my area."

"I know." Carmen nodded, his hand catching your cheek softly. "I'll let you handle it next time, alright? I trust your opinion."

"You don't have to do that-"

"-No, you're right, I don't. But-But I want to." Carmen nodded. "I know you're lookin' out for the best in this place just like I am."

[feyhunter78]

20 Fanfic Questions

Thank you for the tag @cchickki this was so fun!!!!

1.) How many works do you have in AO3?

I have 22!

2.) What's your total AO3 words count?

My total is 509,650 words

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

You can find the link here!!!

4.) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In order, it is 1.) Pink Pastels 2.) The Dowager Queen 3.) Orange Blossoms 4.) Among the Sun 5.) Trials of Tributes

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes!!! I love getting comments, they literally make my day, encourage me, and one or two have almost made me cry from how sweet they were🥺

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It would be my only angst fic, But Darling (I’d Still Die For You)

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oooooo so this is a tie between Moonflowers and the ending I’m thinking about for Pink Pastels

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I have before, usually it’s super dumb, and I screenshot it and send it to @celestialsolstice, so we can tear it apart together

9.) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Y’all know I dooooo, but I write sweet smut! Nothing too harsh, no degradation or violence, just two people who care about each other

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do not and have not

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, but I live in constant fear that someone has put Pink Pastels in an AI somewhere

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

In the very beginning when my only fic was Poisoned Tears and Scorched Tongues someone asked if they could, but I was super new to AO3 and thought it was a scam, so I never responded💀

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Lollll nothing that’s been published, but back in the day me and @celestialsolstice started writing a “sister of Markiplier” fic. It was not that good for what I remember, we’re both much better writers now😂

14.) What's your all-time favourite ship?

Honestly it used to be Nalu, but now it’s Dani x Pelle from Midsommer every fic I’ve read about them is a fucking masterpiece😭

15.) What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Definitely Hold My Heart (Between Your Teeth), and Turn of the Tide, Call of the Sea. They both had such a good premises, but I just lost their plots entirely and cannot muster up the energy to finish them

16.) What are your writing strengths?

I think it’s my prose, and my ability to switch between writing styles, aka modern for Pink Pastels and “old English” for HOTD and Among the Sun. People compliment me on the flow and word usage in my writing, which always make so, so happy!!!!

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t plan and if I do, it’s so messy, I just sit and write. Also, thigh riding, dirty talk from reader’s perspective (IMO) and descriptions of objects and/or places. I’m not good at describing settings, y’all😭

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

For Spanish, I use Spanish Dictionary, my shitty public school Spanish education and my readers. I double-check the translation by running it through twice and sometimes breaking the sentence down to make sure I’m using the right word😂

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

First one I put something out publicly for was HOTD, first fic I ever wrote was for DC Legends of Tomorrow

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

Honestly as chaotic as it was Targaryen Inc was so much fun to write, it was off the rails batshit crazy, but I loved it

I’ll no pressure tag @celestialsolstice, @dilf-superiority and @dapper-zappa

[baekhvuns]

No American football in this household as it should💘 god, sometimes players go to more established clubs which gives them more money and prestige, however those clubs already have their stars, so they're just kinda.... there waiting. Mbappe can definitely shine in PSG more, but who knows maybe he'll fit in with RM 🤔

Damn not Pele and Vivienne Westwood dying on my birthday omfg. But I forgot both Joshua and Tae were born on Dec 30th 1995, lol!

As much as it pains me to say this, Ronaldo made the 🇵🇹 team, love him or hate him, but he's good in a team for the most part. Unless there's no one to help him 😭 🇦🇷 has always been stronger as a team

Omg not the nose 😭 did he break it? HANDBALL IS EVIL BAEK I was forced to play it and it's so dumb 🔪 football>>basketball>>>volleyball>>>>>>>>handball. I had some aggressive teammates lol, I was also pretty wild and yeah shit happened I can't explain it 😅

What if Pique's a double agent hired by tabloids to inflirtate Madrid. Pique spy AU ahajajjjsbsusistsiagsjsgsgssh. It's true I legit forgot Italy won that year it's just Zidane goat-ing Materazzi and I watched that match liveI was GAGGGGED, I tell you. Yeah wtf is wrong with Italy??? I showed my friend this IoI the comments are killing me

Justice for Salah 😭 I don't wanna get between people and their religion, but 💀 does it have to be that serious... btw Mou my guy, stop 😭

I'm gonna check out the songs then. I think I saw Happy New Year actually 👀

Omg Betty White, just remembered she's gone too </3 and why would you give me the power to imagine that runner AU?! Why tease me and leave me blueballed...

EXO does raffles? Wtf, manifesting a ticket under your pillow!

Yeah and he's going to jail with me

I quite like Halazia, I can't say it's top tier for me, but it's good enough, I wish I was obsessed, but they have many amazing songs it's hard to surpass them. But it's a step up from Paradigm for sure, lol. I feel like Jongho's note was too high, they tend to process it and it's unnecessary. The chorus doesn't hit as much as it should I think. Anyways, people are claiming it's their best song ever, besties calm down! 😵 (tbh they say it about every single track even Paradgim) the MV however was AN EXPERIENCE WOW. My eyes couldn't keep up cause it was A LOT to take. Digipedi delivered! The choreography too?! And Seonghwa Christ!!!🙏🏻 🧎🏼‍♀️

Uhm, no Seonghwa collab again, so him and Jongho are the only jobless ones since the rappers have a stage unit. Idk how to feel about it, why won't they pick Hwa or why won't he participate....... this is getting more and more ridiculous

AND THIS 😩😩😩😩 we keep losing, hope it's just 10mm. Also rip to his scalp, but it's worth it, he's serving and serving <3333

Damn right Hwa my baby girl, my girlfriend 🥰

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA STOP GIVING US SO MANY GREAT PCS

"silent - a lot has happened to you. its demoralizing, i know. you cry with your head leaning against the wall, tears streaking your face. your lip quivers but your mouth stays firmly closed. you keep your problems to yourself to not bother anyone." The quiz omg Baek calm down with the angst 😩

Ikon not renewing is not surprising at all, soon there won't be anyone left in YG except their new gg

Anyways goodbyeeeee - DV 💖

hi hello!!

No American football in this household as it should💘 god, sometimes players go to more established clubs which gives them more money and prestige, however those clubs already have their stars, so they're just kinda.... there waiting. Mbappe can definitely shine in PSG more, but who knows maybe he'll fit in with RM 🤔

absolutely not, never, not even in my fics 🔫 yeah! like ronaldo going al nassr 😭😭 but tbh he’s kinda right in that action, kept getting disrespected and treated like business so i guess he’s also gonna think of it as a business but it is sad to see him leave euro teams 😭😭😭🤚🏻🤚🏻 pissed a little but he secured the bag bUT FOR WHAT,,, habibi era,, little sad that rm couldn’t give him a 6 month contract so maybe he could retire as a madridista 😭😭 somethings i guess can not happen 😭😭

apparently ramos is going there too?? and since psg’s having a friendly match w alnassr we’ll see messi, mbappé, neymar and ramos v ronaldo fhwkd a reunion mayhaps,, the final we all wanted vs what we are gettinf 😭😭 yEAAAH i think he’s trying to get psg’s name out there the most and he do be doing it, dominating ligue 1 too! if he moves to rm hopefully bro doesn’t try to sell his own teammates

im screaming actually

Damn not Pele and Vivienne Westwood dying on my birthday omfg. But I forgot both Joshua and Tae were born on Dec 30th 1995, lol!

NAURRRRRRRR 😭😭😭😭 FIRST OF ALL HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!! 💖💓💖💓 ur a thv girl after all huh 🤨 YOU’VE BEEN HIDING IT 🔫🔫🔫 what a rare birthday u have,,, i hope it went well!!

wait and the pope..

As much as it pains me to say this, Ronaldo made the 🇵🇹 team, love him or hate him, but he's good in a team for the most part. Unless there's no one to help him 😭 🇦🇷 has always been stronger as a team

basically, every time someone says portugal u immediately think of ronaldo no one else really,,, yeah, cannot deny that he’s a goal machine, bro deserved better the disrespect is getting out of hand atp,, yeah! esp this tike argentina was on a new level,,, di maria’s magic 🤌🏻

Omg not the nose 😭 did he break it? HANDBALL IS EVIL BAEK I was forced to play it and it's so dumb 🔪 football>>basketball>>>volleyball>>>>>>>>handball. I had some aggressive teammates lol, I was also pretty wild and yeah shit happened I can't explain it 😅

almost did actually! has a permanent bump on his nose now, he was batting and the dude form the opposite team threw the ball and it hit him right in the face dbdb <33 HANDBALL IS FUN 😭😭😭 pretty aggressive teammates bestie from the way you BROKE urself it’s as if u faced pepe 😭😭😭

hear me out in that scale, hockey is forever the lowest🤚🏻

What if Pique's a double agent hired by tabloids to inflirtate Madrid. Pique spy AU ahajajjjsbsusistsiagsjsgsgssh. It's true I legit forgot Italy won that year it's just Zidane goat-ing Materazzi and I watched that match liveI was GAGGGGED, I tell you. Yeah wtf is wrong with Italy??? I showed my friend this IoI the comments are killing me

LMFAOOOO GTFO PIQUE SPY AU DHWKDHWKJCKC no srs bro is so iconic and at his last game 😭😭😭 what an exit !!! U WATCHED IT LIVE??? BFKWDHWK STOP THE REACTIONS MUSTVE BEEN ALL OVER THE PLACE,,, italy is cURSED it would be even more fun if he coached brazil and they have to verse italy 😭😭 unfortunately the video is unavailable 😭😭

Justice for Salah 😭 I don't wanna get between people and their religion, but 💀 does it have to be that serious... btw Mou my guy, stop 😭 /// I'm gonna check out the songs then. I think I saw Happy New Year actually 👀

no yeah just enjoy everything don’t take it too seriously 😭😭 LMFAOOOO i was watching his funny moments and the one where he was drinking water and found out someone needed to be given a yellow card the way bRO RAN 😭😭 he’s a special one,, yeah! the only reason that movie had one good song was bc of that one! OH U DID, waCK ass movie tbh, the second half was better fbf

Omg Betty White, just remembered she's gone too </3 and why would you give me the power to imagine that runner AU?! Why tease me and leave me blueballed...

YEAAH 😭😭😭 so many ppl gone,,, hoping 2023 is not that worse 🤚🏻🤚🏻 JFVWKDBWKCJCK AND U THINK IT HASNT BEEN BOTHERING ME TO WRITE IT ! 🔫 ! the reader continuously saying no to train seonghwa while he’s begging for reader to do so 🫡🤌🏻

EXO does raffles? Wtf, manifesting a ticket under your pillow! /// Yeah and he's going to jail with me

yEAH APPARENTLY THEY DO,, hoping for it too 😭😭😭 i have terrible luck at getting things but great with avoiding things <33 …. now that photo he dropped. i genuinely forgot how to breathe,,, i CANT DO THIS ANYMORE ANON 😭😭😭😭😭 THE LIKES ON THIS??? LOOK AWAY

I quite like Halazia, I can't say it's top tier for me, but it's good enough, I wish I was obsessed, but they have many amazing songs it's hard to surpass them. But it's a step up from Paradigm for sure, lol. I feel like Jongho's note was too high, they tend to process it and it's unnecessary. The chorus doesn't hit as much as it should I think. Anyways, people are claiming it's their best song ever, besties calm down! 😵 (tbh they say it about every single track even Paradgim) the MV however was AN EXPERIENCE WOW. My eyes couldn't keep up cause it was A LOT to take. Digipedi delivered! The choreography too?! And Seonghwa Christ!!!🙏🏻 🧎🏼‍♀️

it’s def not top tier but still great and delivered!! tbh it had the chance to be an inception if not for the hala hala halzia part and if they only kept the halazia halaziA ~ yeosang’s deep voice >>>> i do agree, it def was high,,, music video wise def on of their best ever! but music wise certain parts stood out more than others,, PARADIGM IS JUST NO NO NO 🤚🏻😭 SEONGHWA CHRIST, BUT SANS SACRIFICED

bro popping his chest with full force

Uhm, no Seonghwa collab again, so him and Jongho are the only jobless ones since the rappers have a stage unit. Idk how to feel about it, why won't they pick Hwa or why won't he participate....... this is getting more and more ridiculous

no literally,,, it would be nice if they would nicely ratio members out for every collab so everyone gets the chance BUT THIS couldve gotten a post malone x hwa 😭😭😭 yeah why won’t they pick him or why is he not wanting to participate 🤨 fbi open up we have some questioning to do 🔫

AND THIS 😩😩😩😩 we keep losing, hope it's just 10mm. Also rip to his scalp, but it's worth it, he's serving and serving <3333 /// Damn right Hwa my baby girl, my girlfriend 🥰 /// AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA STOP GIVING US SO MANY GREAT PCS

NO SERIOUSLY RIP HIS SCALP THE HAIR IS NOT AT ITS BEST 😭😭 AND YEOSANG??? but…this.. now..

sTOP I DIDNT GET THE ALBUM NOW HES MAKING ME WANT IT esp with the photos in here BUT THIS PC?????

"silent - a lot has happened to you. its demoralizing, i know. you cry with your head leaning against the wall, tears streaking your face. your lip quivers but your mouth stays firmly closed. you keep your problems to yourself to not bother anyone." The quiz omg Baek calm down with the angst 😩

Ikon not renewing is not surprising at all, soon there won't be anyone left in YG except their new gg //// Anyways goodbyeeeee - DV 💖

LMFAOOOO i have also gor the same result! anON IS EVERYTHING OK AT HOME DBDB,,, i do hope they can have collabs w bi not,, the blackpink leaving yg and then being confirmed they are not and then the new yg gg dropping jan 1st 🤨🤨 sussy behaviour

also will not stop the angst train

HELLO????

also what 😭😭

[rhymingtree]

I'm so sorry this took so long 😭😭 but I've decided to procrastinate on all my other responsibilities and now here I am 🙃

Ollie flashbacks are starting to drive me insane. Can't spend too long in a psychopath's brain without being driven into insanity yourself

Also I have so many snacks rn so I'm wondering if I'll be crying with a mouthful of sandwich later on in the course of the chapter

Setbacks that included an entire sect of weapons dealers being picked off one by one.

Courtesy of Ghost, our dear Lady Disdain herself.

How Gonzalez saw everything before it happened and planned for it; he could only be blindsided if (F/N) was in harm’s way. How (F/N) would jump into a fight without a second thought and she wasn’t used to losing.

He could literally be blindsided so easily if you plan it right

but also fuck yeah Danny. Green flag guy.

The fact that Daniel Gonzalez is a fictional man hurts me to my core every day.

“Your mission?” “Исправляем свою ошибку.”

I know the Soldier was probably told to say that, but I can hear Bucky's signature sass. Like him saying 'you fucked up and now I have to clean up your messes. You are so fucking annoying. Redheaded asshole.'

Ok my bias showed back there but still

Zac and Belov were practically slumped over a pair of computers that looked as though they were at least two decades old.

They're working on their Excel spreadsheets

Shadows danced in your peripheral, their ghostly voices whispered in your ear. They begged and pleaded and screamed for mercy. Their faces stretched into horrified cries. Their bodies marred and mangled by fire and riddled with oozing bullet wounds.

How the hell can anyone find their way back to being sane after all this...

“You slept for over eighteen hours,” he said, pulling back with a low scoff, “How the hell did you manage to wake up cranky?” “I’m talented.”

Me to myself after one week of classes.

But no honestly how am I so drained after just ONE week back it makes no sense

How is she springing into work mode so quickly SHE ALMOST DIED FUCKIN' TAKE A BREAK

GIRL DONT YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO HAMILTON WHEN HE DIDNT TAKE A BREAK

INFIDELITYYY

YOU DON'T SAY NO

well

she already didn't say no to Novak...

Ghost is genuinely insane. You know how I know?

She refused to take the nap offer

what kind of person says no to a nap??? In this economy??? Take the damn nap

— “Danny?” you cried, your lungs closing in on themselves as you struggled to breathe, “Mi amor? I’m scared. Stay with me, please?” —

Darke I'm gonna fuckin kill you

WHY DO I ALWAYS FALL INTO THESE WITHOUT ANTICIPATING THE FUCKING FLASHBACKS

this'll be the death of me

— He smiled softly, pulling you against him and resting his chin on your head, “I love you.” —

DARKE

Had he misread Walsh from the beginning? Had they been marked for death from the moment he walked aboard their plane?

So many what-ifs of what their lives would be had it not been for Walsh

What if there were more of him? What if more Hydra agents were littered among Aftermath’s ranks?

And background checks would be practically useless, because if Walsh had fooled them, anyone could

demon-green... jesus these descriptions are fuckin awesome

Also I don't think reading about people with these kinds of stress levels are helping me with my stress levels

I am double stressed. No triple. No... just a very alarming amount of stressed.

“I’ve seen her worse. I’ve seen her better.”

That is now code for: she literally almost died but is still refusing to take naps like a petulant toddler.

He was never going to see his friend again.

I'm going to die in a puddle of my own tears by the end of this aren't I

my poor sandwich is gonna be so salty if I use tears as condiments

I keep forgetting that Wraith's reveal was still so recent timeline wise... god reading all this all over again is gonna hurt once it's all completed

Which reminds me I've been thinking about it and I genuinely thought this fic would be finished by the time I graduated my senior year of high school

I'm in my senior year and it's not even close.

I might get a master's degree and still be typing out live reactions to new chapters while procrastinating a thesis.

Sounds like fun, can't wait for it.

“I do. She tried to kill Dugan. Cavanaugh hit her over the head with a chair. I damn near pissed myself. It was great.”

Oh, the good old days

 A small smile twitched to the corners of her lips as she looked down at him with the same sparkling eyes he fell in love with all those years ago.

Fuck you they're so fucking sweet I'm gonna cry

“Damn you,” he chuckled, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her into his lap. Imara set her chin atop his head, holding him close as the smile on his face fell.

I need fanart of this. I will pay with my internal organs to be able to put this image on my wall as a poster.

OOOOH A CONTAINMENT UNIT

OOOOOOOOOOH THE PLOTLINE THICKENS TO AN IMPOSSIBLE LEVEL

HOW MUCH THICKER COULD THIS FUCKING GET

I'm trying to remember where Peter is right now without checking the last chapter

great gods above, another stressed out plotline to wind down my stressed soul

sooner or later I'll be needing a pacemaker

PETER WITH A GRAND ENTRANCE

Zac is no longer Big Brother. Zac is now Guy in Chair

“Good.” He nodded, turning from him slowly before adding, “You don’t get to leave the city ever again.”

Cut to Peter a few years after this, wreaking havoc in fucking LONDON with Mysterio HAHSHAHA

oh, poor Ghost and poor, poor Jack...

Hell, maybe they’d take over the mansion in Medellín and run the safehouse there.

So romantic... so ambitious... what if someone blew that up too

“Don’t worry about it,” Jack said, glancing down at the kid with a wink, “I can handle Ghost.”

Yeah, you say that now

“That didn’t sound like a ‘no’ to me.”

Gotta admire how stubborn the kid is anyhow

But he’d be damned if he didn’t find her again.

There are tears

On the bun

of my fucking sandwich

😭😭😭 Zac's got beef with the fifteen year old now too

oh no

fuck it he's here now too... oh shiiit oh SHIIIIT

Reading this is doing serious damage to my life expectance. This amount of tension is taking a decade off me at most

JACK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

JACK BENNET-DUGAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

“Have we met before?” the man asked, his head cocking to the side. “Yeah,” Jack growled, “I enjoyed breaking your face in Medellín.” Wraith paused, seemingly taken aback for a moment before Jack’s words sunk in. “Copycat,” he hummed, “Come to finish the job?” “With pleasure.”

See I knwo this is supposed to be thrilling

but mostly my heart is just lurching out of my ribcage

“You shoulda kept the mask. I can see fear in your eyes. Panic,” Wraith paused with a chuckle, the sound twisted and wicked, “I like it.”

Oh wow... didn't know he was into that sorta thing but I guess it isn't surprising 😏

Right. Left. Uppercut. Kick.

It's almost as if those moves are in their blood. In her blood.

WHY'D HE BRING A GUN TO A WEAPONS DEAL TURNED AMBUSH

STRESSED

ON THE VERGE OF CARDIAC ARREST

SANDWICH ABANDONED

goddamn fuckin Peter and Jack angst

I did not sign up for this

My Little Soldier Girl —

I'm about to throw a tearsoaked sandwich to the wall in a fit of unbridled rage

ew she slept 18 hours without taking her contacts off

how likely is it for a near-death supersoldier to get eye infection

not that that's at the top of her priority list but still

Maybe it was Danny’s guiding hand making sure they were safe.

Now I'm genuinely curious about these guys' spirituality

The only confirmed person with a belief system is Boone who's pagan. As far as I know Ghost and most of Alpha One and Two are agnostic atheists, but with that I feel like she still has a spiritual belief system that centers mostly on Danny's everlasting presence in her life

I don't know how much this'll affect her post-Westview though. It's gonna be a lot more tough for her after that

“Jack is blowing up city blocks. Just like (F/N).” “Must be a super soldier thing,” Zac muttered, not daring to turn toward you as you leveled a glare at him.

Well, it runs in the blood

You were going to have to send Ollie a message.

Cool what's his email address

Or would you rather go for Jack the Ripper-esque letters written in blood with someone's severed ear in the envelope?

MELINA AND NATASHAAAA MY TWO BEST GIRLS

😀 WELL THIS IS GOING WELL

“So, Walsh knows you’re moving them for him?” This stopped Melina in her tracks. She frowned, glancing up at her in confusion, “Who?” “Walsh,” she repeated herself, watching as the woman’s face never changed, “Ghost.”

SO VERY WELL

YELENA ALMOST SLIPPED

god I am stressed

Where the hell is that sandwich

Captain Lady oh mygoooooood Yelenaaaa

“You? Pft. No. He is the stupid archer and you’re my sister. You’re the coolest.”

nice save babes.

OH MY WHAT

(F/N).

THE WAY I ALMOST BOUNCED OFF THE FUCKING WALL

GOD IT MUST BE SO FUCKING TENSE HOW SCARED HE MUST BE

Ghostie's probably lying through her teeth

she probably hates tea

but I love tea so now Ghost does too 😀

I think I just shat my heart out with genuine shock at that reveal

I love how May didn't question the almost ghoulish looking woman coming to talk about the ✨internship✨

like even i would slam the door in her face if I saw her. She's scary. May's got some balls.

I was holding my breath the entire fucking time

Maybe, if Wraith knew who he was, it was high time he figured out who Wraith was.

Well it's high time I scream at someone to put the pieces together again. This'll be fun.

I love it when all of Alpha Two gangs up on ghost and starts scolding her like she's a child and they knew she broke something in the living room

With so much shit going on in the East Coast with Wraith and Ghost and all that, I find myself almost grateful to be so far away from the US

but then again far away also means the fucking philippines so we'll keep it at almost grateful

“Funny,” he said with a deadpan, “We don’t usually leave fingerprints.”

No you just leave a fuck ton of collateral damage, which is leagues away from little smudgy fingerprints, you fuckin' psychopath

EVERYONE IS STRESSED OUT WOOHOOO THIS IS FUN

Peter is the highlight of the chapter, of course. He almost always is. I'm so curious how the homecoming fight will play out.. and how his relationship with Ghost and Jack will go in the next movies of his storyline. The banter is fun. The angst hurts. I'm all in for it.

Now I need to finish that goddamn sandwich.

CHAPTER 97: GENESIS OF A FIRESTORM

To all my live reactors,

Please, please, please, hide your reactions under a Read More cut. I don’t want any spoilers floating around. 

&

To all my Anonymous Avengers, 

If you want to react in my asks, feel free. However, I won’t be answering any of them until at least Wednesday if they contain spoilers. 

Thank you,

Darke

┍━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┑

Every other memory had come so clearly. When he pulled the trigger in Odessa and Inessa. When he trained soldiers and Widows in Siberia.

He could remember the cold in the chamber. The frost bursting and burning through his veins in the darkness.

But there was also heat.

Heat and sand and sun.

It was numbed heat and a blurred face and whispers of a voice that cracked and rasped.

He knew her once.

She knew him too.

They’d made him forget her.

It was too dangerous to remember.

So they made him forget.

They erased her.

But he’d be damned if he didn’t find her again.

┕━━━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━━━┙

CHAPTER 97: GENESIS OF A FIRESTORM

✪ Bᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ Sᴄᴀʀʀᴇᴅ : Aғᴛᴇʀᴍᴀᴛʜ

♜♠ Tʜᴇ Sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ & Tʜᴇ Sᴘʏ

⧗ Tʜᴇ Rᴇᴅ Rᴏᴏᴍ

☞ Bᴀᴛᴛʟᴇ Sᴄᴀʀʀᴇᴅ: Oʀɪɢɪɴs

»Jᴏɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋᴇ sɪᴅᴇ Tᴀɢʟɪsᴛ

TAGLIST BELOW

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[dreamkidddream]

Hi there, I wanted to make a request from your masterlist. It's about a Miles Morales x Reader. The Reader is flirty and sexy with him but he gets so nervous when she talks to him. The rest is up to you

Yaayyyy my first Miles Morales request!!! I couldn’t find a way to add your second ask on here, but I did read it and added in the info per your request. Love him, he deserves nothing but the best (this is a Miles Morales SIMP ACCOUNT). I just chose headcanons for this, hope it’s okay! Also, reader and Miles are 18 in this. Reader is female in this, and it gets a little cheesy (I am so sorry 😭). Hope you enjoy!

TW: a little spicy line is written, but nothing graphic is stated or mentioned (honestly it’s a blink and you miss it, but still wanted to put a TW

Translation: Te amo mi girasol radiante = I love you my radiant sunflower

Te amo= I love you

Miles with Flirty! Reader

Graduation was right around the corner, and Miles was still struggling to even form a complete sentence with you

He couldn’t help it! Everytime he thought he finally had his nerves under control, you would make him come undone. Your words would just leave your mouth smooth, sounding like sweet honey on his ears. Especially when you called him dear

Especially when you called him dear

WHEW, that was the one thing that you just make him melt on the spot

Miles liked you-no, he loves you. He’s in love with you. Under your flirty persona, you’re so sweet. Sure, you loved to tease him at any given chance, but you never went too far and always made sure that he was having a good day and smiling a genuine smile. As much as you made the butterflies in his stomach flutter nonstop, you’re the best part of his day, every day, even outside of school!

Just thinking about you made his heart want to beat out of his chest, but with graduation coming up, it made him feel down too. You guys didn’t have time (or maybe you just purposely didn’t bring it up) to talk about future plans in detail, but what if you were leaving New York to go somewhere across the country? Or what if you were going somewhere outside the country? He wouldn’t be able to see you, and a phone can only make up so much for physical contact and distance. He wouldn’t be able to swing by (literally) to check on you if that was the case, and everytime he thought about that scenario, it would just crush him

Which brought him to his current dilemma: finding a way to confess to you. Time was ticking, and he wasn’t going to risk losing you forever. Plus, you had to like him right? You wouldn’t flirt and try to embarrass him if you didn’t...right? He knew you wouldn’t, and he may or may not had spied on you to double check this

He wasn’t stalking you he swears! But he did beg ask Ganke to report back if you did the same with anyone else and may had swung around town whenever you were out. He was happy to report back that you didn’t so all is well

You did say that you loved his art, and he’ll never forget that since after you complimented you, you soon said, “One day you need to paint me like one of your French girls...although I hope I’m the only girl you get to see like that.”, then proceeded to wink at him.

He doesn’t remember the last time he’s been so close to passing out and being on cloud nine at the same time lmao

But that was besides the point. He’s beyond nervous to present this to you, but he was going to go through with it. No backing out now! He’s a hero damn it! He’s faced worse, stared death in the eyes, he could handle this! He’s going to win you over, and if he didn’t (which would seriously put a damper on the rest of his life), then at least he gave it a chance and wasn’t spending forever thinking about “what if?”

Miles finally landed on your window sill, giving his signature knock to notify you (which was a special thing that only you two had, no one else). You must have just gotten out of the shower, already getting ready for bed. When you looked up end saw his mask, you slowly made his way towards him, already getting that look in your eyes

WHEW do you not know the things that you do to this man?!?!

“What brings the friendly neighborhood hero swinging by my window this late? Missed me that much, spidey? And you brought me a present? Dear, you shouldn’t have!”

“Well- um, actually-

There it goes; his nerves getting the best of him again. Out of all the times it would be when he’s trying to confess to you. What could he do? What should he do??

What would Uncle Aaron do?

“Actually, yeah I did. I couldn’t end the night without seeing my favorite girl.”

OOP

W-where is this Miles coming from? Is this the same Miles??

Okay, he caught you lacking a little bit. He caught you off guard but you can recover! “Oh? That makes me sad. I thought I was your only girl.”, then you put on your best pout, but you were only teasing (kinda)

“Well you are my only girl! At least...I want you to be.”

Okay, now it was your turn to be flustered. You could feel yourself becoming speechless, feeling the heat rushing to your face. Was he being for real?? Did he finally connect the dots and realize your strong feelings for him? Your love for him???!

It was beyond obvious that you’re in love with the dork. He was so bright, always having an aura around him that just made feel so..at ease and comfortable. It felt like being kissed by the Sun’s warmth. He just made you feel so fuzzy inside, and it was a welcoming feeling. But you were so on edge that you were either being too pushy or he just took it like a joke. Yes, you lived for his reactions to you flirting, but it bothered you that he wasn’t receiving your feelings at all (or so you thought)

You knew that you can come on slightly strong, but you couldn’t help it! You’re head over heels in love with this man, and that was the only way that made you feel like you had some sort of control over the situation. But oh, how the tables have turned!

And you’re certainly not complaining

“(Y/N)...I really, really like you. You’re just...amazing. No, beyond amazing! The way that I feel about you, I know I can’t describe it in words. You’re on my mind from the minute I wake up to the minute I close my eyes. Whenever I’m out saving the city, I make sure that I come back alive. I do it for my parents, my friends, the people, and I do it because I have to make sure that I keep you happy...I gotta make sure that your sweet smile stays on your face. That no one can have the chance to take your shine away.”

You were shocked. Did he really mean that? Was Miles Morales, the boy you could make sweat in 2.5 seconds...confessing to you?

“It’s so much more that I just don’t know how to describe, but I do remember how much you liked my art. Even if you were cracking jokes nonstop. So...here it goes.”

And then he revealed his gift. It was a book? Then you opened it and oh my goodness-

It was a scrapbook, with the cover being done in Miles’ style with your name front and center. He put his own handmade stickers that he created personally for you and other small things were scattered on it. Flipping it open, you realized that it was not only a scrapbook, but your own personal art journal/sketchbook. Some pages had pictures of you two together, other pages had hand drawn portraits of you. Whether it was with one of your daring smirks that you would flash to Miles, others would be showing you in such an enchanting light with a soft smile on your face.

Continuing going through the pages, you saw that he remembered the moments you spent together, no matter how small it seemed. The taped arcade coin from when you guys went to the boardwalk (and came back empty handed), the movie ticket when you both went to see your favorite movie, the one mini sketch he almost threw away at lunch and you begged him not to. Any memory that you guys made together, he put it in the book

The final page, however, was something else

“If you- if you don’t like me back, it’s fine. I won’t hold it against you or anything, and I do wanna stay friends, but if you don’t,” he looked crestfallen, “that’s okay too. I’ll still care for you, always. I just wanted to tell you how I feel before it’s too late.”

The page held the main photo that you held close to your heart; you were both in the photo booth, just making goofy expressions and doing stupid stuff. But the very last photo, you both genuinely smiled at each other, both getting a tender look in your eyes. It was such a delicate memory, and you nonstop begged to keep it (Miles was fighting hard to try and keep it, and the only way that you could settle it was rock, paper, scissors, and you lost), but you weren’t able to. It warmed you to know that he only held on to it for your very own present

Surrounding the photo with more of his distinctive artwork (that was very romantic mind you; hearts, mini portraits of you beaming, flowers, the works), you spotted a handeritten note at the very end of the book.

“Mi Amor, never forget that I love you. You’ll always be my sunflower, always. Te amo mi girasol radiante.”

You saw the tear hit the page before you realized that you were crying

Miles saw it and he felt his heart pretty much shattered. You didn’t return his feelings, which sucked but that wasn’t the main problem. He made you cry, and that was the last thing on his list to do!

“You did all of this for me?”

Huh? “Well...yeah? I overdid it, I knew it. I blew it and now our friendship is gonna be-“

“Miles you dumbass!”

With that being said, you ran towards him, crushing him into a hug. He stumbled back a bit, but caught his footing and slowly hugged you back. Was he in the clear? Did this mean-

You stared up at him, tears in your eyes but with such a glowing smile on your face.

“Of course I love you, Miles!”

Oh

Oh my God

OH MY GOD

You LOVE HIM?? Not like but LOVE??!

He couldn’t help it, and spun you around in circles while yelling in excitement. You accepted his feelings, you loved him, he made you cry tears of joy!!!

Uncle Aaron would be proud

“Dear sshhhh! It’s late and my parents are sleeping! You don’t wanna wake them up, you’re still in your costume!”

“(Y/N) you can’t tell me that you love me and then expect me to not scream and shout.”

“Well dear, we can definitely go out and celebrate tomorrow. I want every to see just how amazing and handsome my boyfriend is.”

“W-well, I want everyone to see how amazing and gorgeous my girlfriend is!”

“Are you saying that they can’t see that now? Dear, you’re already hurting my feelings!”

“WAIT! I didn’t mean- you’re already gorgeous! I just meant-"

You were already giggling at him, gently smiling at him He always fell for that trick in the book. Never fails

“Dear, I can find a way to celebrate a little early.”

“How is that? I mean, I still have to patrol, and don’t you want to take things a li-little slow?!”

Curse his voice cracking!

“Dear, don’t you have such a wild imagination? But no, not that yet. But come closer and you’ll find out that it’s not too bad of a surprise.”

He brought his face down, inching toward yours, when you smoothly leaned in and kissed him. His lips were a little chapped (probably because of the mask), but you didn’t care not one bit. He froze for a second, then melted into it quickly. He dreamed of this moment for so long, and for it to finally happen was a dream come true. He didn’t want it to end, but he did have to breath, and finish patrol

“I love you (Y/N). Te amo.”

“Te amo, dear. I’m excited about tomorrow! Now that we can finally do things together as a couple and not two awkward “best-friends-who-obviously-have-feelings-but-are-too-dumb-and-scared-to-notice.”

“Hey! At least I confessed first and not make a living out of teasing my crush!”

“Hey, technically, I was the one that confessed first dear. You were just too nervous to confront your feelings. And don’t lie, your palms were always sweaty and sticking everytime I barely touched them!”

“I can’t help it that you make me nervous! You’re too pretty!”

“Sounds like a personal problem, dear. And now it’s your problem.”

“...I’m fine with that.”

“Now go, Spiderman, before it gets too late. I need you full of energy tomorrow, since were spending the whole day together! So hurry up with patrol and get some sleep, I’m keeping you to myself all day.”

“Okay, okay!”, he chuckled with you. “I do think I need an extra boost though, I’m feeling so drained, and I don’t know how to fix! I heard that a kiss from your girlfriend can help though.”

“Oh dear, you’ll get more than a kiss if you don’t leave now. But, I guess I can help my superhero boyfriend just once.”

Obviously more kisses were exchanged, but who cares? You both finally found each other, it was like you finally completed a puzzle after finding a missing piece. He wasn’t going anywhere, and neither were you. Even after graduation, you’ll be by his side, no matter what

You’re his sunflower, and he’s your happiness. And you both couldn’t be any happier with that outcome

[eleanor-bradstreet]

Phew, ok. Your notes always bring me joy, more than I can properly communicate, but these ones were so affirming they left me weeping. Honestly. As I mentioned, you peered right into the depths of my heart where I hoped to lure everyone. And knowing that this chapter succeeded in doing that, even if just for you, is the greatest satisfaction I could ask for as a writer 💙 If I never wrote again, I would still feel that this was one of my greatest accomplishments. Thank you for that. 

So what am I talking about? Anthony and Sophie. I love them. I love their relationship more than I love Sophie’s relationship with Benedict. I’m going to sound like a broken record but for me, there is endless fertile ground to explore an incredibly complex, unique and intensely bonded relationship between these two. The whole framework for this story was built around them. Scenes kept popping into my head of how these two would behave in a Benedict sickfic, and so much of that was poured into this chapter. Tears started pouring from my eyes when I realized that you had tapped into that and when you started echoing my own intentions back to me:

“She reveres his steadfast strength and stability. The respect she has for him is beautiful. Especially because it seems like the qualities that Sophie so easily observes tend to be looked over by those closest to him. They don’t have years of baggage causing space between them.” YES. Yes, yes, yes! Sophie is perfectly positioned to appreciate Anthony in a way his family members cannot. She doesn’t see him as a domineering father/brother, holding him in comparison to Edmund the way Benedict and his siblings do. All she sees is a nobleman working his ass off to protect and provide for his family. AND this is something she has NEVER had in her life, which makes her admire and gravitate toward him even more. Her father put clothes on her back but otherwise wanted nothing to do with her. Cavender, a nobleman of Anthony’s own generation, abused his privileges and assaulted her. Anthony is the only GOOD titled gentleman that Sophie has encountered in her life and she is enamored of him, but still combats nerves and imposter syndrome in his presence, given the huge divide between them. They need time and extraordinary circumstances to open up and truly bond - which was a main thrust of this story.

“This is the part where I started to remember that I should be mad at you for putting me through this. I was to caught up in the beauty of their relationship dynamics and then you bitch slapped me with the possibility of a reality so bleak that I nearly doubled over.” 🥺🫶🥺🫶 Sorry not sorry

The parallel of Sophie to Violet came to me a little late. I always intended to have her reveal her pregnancy to Anthony, but I had to chew on his reaction for a while before I realized the depths of how genuinely triggering it would be for him. It’s bad enough to be the head of the family potentially caring for your brother’s widow and child, but then I realized that this was not the first time in the Bridgerton family that a father may never meet his child. (I never saw Pearl Harbor btw, but have to check out this storyline now!) But you, unfailingly, painted this with another layer of pain that (shocker) I actually didn’t clock - reminding me that Ben looks like Edmund!!! 😭😭😭 OH FUCK OFFFF! You’re making my own story turn around and make ME sad!!!!! How did I not see this??? Why did I not weaponize it against you??? How dare you weaponize it against me?!?!??!! 💔💔💔

“The imagery of him lowering himself before her, bringing them to a place where they are equals... To a place where she is FAMILY. She is under the safety of his wing. Fuckkk... She isn’t a maid who married his little brother, and now found herself in debt to him. No. She became his sister in that moment. She became someone that he would protect at all costs.” YES YES YES YES YES YES - rainbows and tears bursting out of me at this point 🌈🥹🌈🥹 Anthony will discover long term (beyond the scope of this story) that he needs her as much as she needs him. Precisely because of how Sophie can view him in the best, most uncomplicated light, she can lend him the support he needs to tackle his challenges. Of course Kate is doing this too, but Sophie’s support would have none of the inevitable entanglements of a romantic relationship/marriage. She would be able to see when his siblings and title were wearing him down, and give him the benefit of the doubt that he was acting with good intentions when choosing a course of action. She does not have rigid and lofty expectations for his behavior as the other members of the ton would, not having been raised in that life. She can become one of his greatest confidantes, cheerleaders and friends. He in turn will always be her protector, her provider, and the father she never had. I have dreamt up so many conversations between them (outside this fic) as they navigate the family through good times and bad, calling each other brother and sister and acting as a formidable team. 

“His fingers grip hers and he all but claims her as something that he refuses to lose. This man.... He DEMOLISHED any doubts that still plagued her, and she felt truly protected. Drenched in phileo love. Damn it, Eleanor.” 🫶🫶🫶

I’ll stop because I can go on forever about these two. I just love love love love them. 🥹 I am DROWNING in glee and stupefied gratitude that you were able to pick up on these points as I planted the seeds for their relationship here. 💙💙 Moving on to Philoise:

“Perhaps leaving Benedict in God’s hands was the best place for him to be. Maybe Phillips arrival was divinely orchestrated.” Stop it 😭 Stop seeing layers in this that I didn’t even realize were there and making my chest get all tight with gratitude and awe. Never stop

Thank you for your kind words about my whumpy moments 🫶 and for sniffing out the Phillip thirst 😜💚 You know me so well.

“He also sees a man trying to outrun his own emotional storm.” Guh, this is lovely. I shifted into Phillip’s POV at this point because I wanted to stress how much he felt like an outsider. He delivered his attempted remedy and now has no idea what to do with himself so he just observes. But you remind me that he has so many points on which to relate to A & E. Not only did he lose his brother, but watching Anthony unravel is something Phillip would have experienced in his own past. Phillip was NOT happy to take on the Crane title. Not only because it meant his brother was gone, but it meant carrying on the mantle of his abusive father. Maybe he could eventually have learned to enjoy the privileges of the role with a happy family of his own, but NOPE. Now he has to deal with his brother’s pregnant girlfriend. And he chose the honorable path. Rather than cast her out, he married her - sacrificing his own chance at love and children to do the right thing, trapping himself in a loveless marriage. WHAT A GUY. He knows what suffering is, and he can see it in Anthony. But there’s nothing more he can do to support him right now.

El definitely has a lot of growing to do. That is another thrust of this story (its a TSPWL retelling after all). This is the most trying situation she has found herself in as an adult. She was a child when they lost Edmund. Now she’s in a position where she needs to navigate crisis as a grown woman and she is faltering a bit. She is falling back on Anthony, as she has always done, and struggling to see that it’s no longer appropriate. She needs to turn to her own strength - and to her fiance - to cope. We’ll see how she progresses… I’m sorry this story has made you so aggravated with her thus far 😅

Another breathless thank you from me. The conclusion of this tale is imminent, and parts of it have been reshaped based on your invaluable insights. You don’t have to like where it goes, but thank you for reading through regardless. 🫶

Willow Bark - Day 3: An Arrival

Rated: T, whump and angst Word count: 5.6k

Day 2 Masterpost

No more summaries, so as not to spoil!

By late morning the next day, the fever had not broken and the medicine had done nothing to improve Benedict’s condition. Dr. Crowe and the village surgeon were jointly called back to the house to examine him. Their theories on his malady differed, with the surgeon suspecting that it may be brain fever. When Sophie refused to let them bleed him again, they were in agreement that there was nothing more they could offer. He was in God’s hands.

At Benedict’s bedside, Sophie brought his palm to her cheek and refused to look at the physicians. Eloise sank silently into a chair. Anthony stuttered, eyes wild, all but accusing them both of malpractice. He would seek another opinion, someone far more qualified from the city. He practically shoved them both out the door and began to pace at the foot of the bed, rambling. They were country hacks who didn’t know what they were talking about. He would have the best London doctor brought to sort everything out. There was still more to be done. This was not the final word.

As he strategized aloud, Sophie smoothed Benedict’s hair back from his white forehead. She didn’t protest or say anything at all. She nodded at Anthony but her eyes were such bottomless wells of grief and pity, it was clear she had no faith in his plans.

Shaking with adrenaline, Anthony stalked into the study once again and dashed off two hasty letters. One to his solicitor, instructing him to dispense any amount of money necessary in order to send the best doctor post haste. The other was to Kate, his heart pounding and fingers trembling as he wrote: 

En katal, 

I would not ask this of you if I did not know you were the most capable. Please tell the family, Mother in particular, that they must come now. There isn’t an hour to waste. I need you.

-Anthony

How many messengers were in the area, especially considering he had sent one off the day before, Anthony didn’t know. And how quickly they would be able to rush to the city through the interminable sheets of rain, he couldn’t guess. But he growled at Benedict’s beleaguered footman to do everything in his power to send them out and promised the man a financial reward. Then he moved in a circuit up and down the hall outside the bedroom door, assuring himself that help would arrive, that all would be well.

---

The day progressed with a kind of muffled lethargy, a thickness to the air and a slowness of movement with no one knowing where to situate themselves or what to say, but they all stayed congregated in Benedict’s room. The passage of time became impossible to contend with. Should they desire the hours to pass more quickly so that the fever might inevitably break? Or should they try to stop time altogether and stay in these moments before a darker turn occurred? They stood in silence, each tuned into the cadence of Benedict’s labored breath, each refusing to abandon hope and none of them wanting to be the first to acknowledge what they may be facing.

The relentless rain continued as the daylight faded into dusk. Anthony sat watching Eloise kneel next to Benedict, cooling his brow and neck with a cloth. Sophie stood between them, biting the nails of one hand with the other wrapped around herself. Her eyes were sunken, her frame withered. She was growing as pale as Benedict and starting to look skeletal. The thought occurred to Anthony that he had not seen her eat anything since he had arrived.

Before he could encourage her to address the matter, she suddenly spoke. “Did Ben ever tell you how we met?” Her voice was brittle but a small smile tugged at her lips as she looked down at her husband. “The second time.”

Eloise looked back. “It was at the Cavenders.”

“Yes,” Sophie nodded, smiling as she relished the memory. “We were both…escaping. He found me and gave me a ride to safety.” Then her face fell again. “We were caught in the rain and he came down with a fever. I took care of him. I don’t know why he’s so prone…” Her voice trailed off as tears began to brim in her eyes.

Anthony perked up. “What helped last time?”

Sophie shook her head, shrugging helplessly. “Just a night’s rest. It was only a few hours. This has been days.” Her voice cracked again and she started to tremble as tears began pouring down her face. She gasped, fighting for each word as she started to reel and babble. “I don’t know what…I don’t…I can’t…”

She was breaking. At last she had reached the end of her strength and feigned confidence. As he watched her Anthony saw the terror, the void of despair which was all too familiar to him. He had been to that place before and knew its overwhelming, inky grip. He rose and moved to her.

“Sophie,” He wrapped a steadying arm around her shoulders. She crumpled against him, heaving raggedly, unable to catch her breath, her eyes darting behind her endless tears. 

Eloise watched them with concern and shared a wordless exchange with her brother. “Go. I’ll look after him.”

Anthony nodded tightly then steered his sister-in-law out the door and down to the sitting room. She leaned into him, grateful for the guidance, and lost herself to the panic that was tearing through her veins. She didn’t have the fortitude to fight it anymore and part of her wondered if she even should. This seemed the appropriate response to the news she had received that morning. She had done her best to restrain her feelings this long and now they demanded to be heard. 

Anthony sat her in a chair and she continued to tremble, crying wretchedly. He kept a hand on her shoulder. “Sophie, you must remain calm. That is what Benedict needs from you right now. That is what we all need.”

Gulping through her sobs, she looked up at him. Even with the shared grief in his eyes he seemed so steady, so sure. She admired the Viscount for the many ways in which he provided for his family, including for Benedict and herself, and she had never wanted to appear vulnerable in front of him. It was enough that he had accepted her, a bastard maid, into his family when most other gentlemen would have exposed and banished her from their tier of society. Now that she was a Bridgerton, she had vowed to prove herself worthy of his name and his gracious support. But in this moment, he shared the cause of her weakness and she felt compelled to confide in him.

 “I can’t lose him, Anthony.”

His lips tightened into a line as he clenched his jaw. “He will recover. I know that he will. He is strong.” It sounded like a recitation, a dogged insistence that if he said it enough times it would manifest.

As her sobs dried to shuddering breaths Sophie inhaled deeply, locking into his eyes until he could see something desperate in hers. “Anthony…I am with child.”

He froze. If there was one thing that could make this situation even worse than it already was, surely it was this. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but Sophie wasn’t showing any indication of her condition. Benedict’s words echoed back to him, his desperate plea for Anthony to take care of her. The urgency of his request made even more sense now, though he hadn’t mentioned…

“Does he know?” He tried to keep his voice calm.

Sophie stared at her lap and nodded, wiping tears from her cheeks. She began to ramble again but devoid of energy, her voice was faint. “I can’t…I don’t know how your mother…” Buried within her fear he detected a layer of sympathy. “Anthony, I’m so sorry. I don’t want anyone to go through this again.”

He nearly stumbled backward. She saw the parallel, but he hadn’t until she spoke. He instantly remembered his mother, heavily pregnant and running across the lawn at Aubrey Hall on that black day; heard her wailing in the stairwell as the maids tried to calm her for the sake of the baby; saw the utter despair in her eyes as she endured her labor without her husband by her side. History was threatening to repeat itself, to grow into some kind of curse he could not escape.

It brought him to his knees in front of her, eyes wide as he gazed into a future that was also his past. He recited the words again though there was no conviction in them. “We wo…we won’t. He won’t... It will be alright.”

Sophie stared off over his shoulder, her sunken eyes misted over. After a moment she spoke, her voice hollow. “He is my soul. I will die.”

Anthony shuddered. How many times had Benedict used that same phrase? Claiming that he and his wife shared a soul. It was what he had lobbed at Anthony when justifying his reasons for marrying outside their class. It was what he had said in his toast at their wedding. It was a well-worn declaration Benedict fell into when the brothers had too many drinks together. Anthony had always written it off as his brother’s typical dramatic flair, his poetic temperament run amok. But now his wife was before him, asserting the same in their darkest hour when there was no space for hyperbole. It was enough to make him consider that it may actually be true. That there may be a level of magical connection between Benedict and Sophie that he couldn’t perceive or understand.

The thought ignited something desperate, nearly angry in him. Magic or no, fate would not wrench his family apart again. Whatever it took, whatever he could give of himself to prevent or mitigate a tragedy, he would do it. He would not watch Sophie wither as his mother had. He would not hold Benedict’s child the way he had held Hyacinth, cries echoing around an empty nursery devoid of either parent. Grief had nearly taken his mother and left his family with scars that would never fully heal. It wouldn’t run its cruel game over the Bridgertons again. He would not let sorrow swallow them all whole.

He snapped to attention, gripping Sophie’s hands in his own, his eyes burning. “You will not! You will not, do you hear me?” His tone was commanding, harsh even, but he didn’t care. “You will not lose yourself in grief. I will not allow it. It was a lesson hard-learned for me, but this kind of pain is the price we pay for love.” He wound his fingers between hers. “I will not lose any of you.”

In that moment, cutting through her shroud of woe, Sophie felt for the first time in her life a novel sense of protection. Something she had longed for throughout her wretched childhood and despaired of ever finding. Someone who would shoulder her with the guidance and care of a father; a brother. The fierceness of Anthony’s grip and the fervor in his eyes left no room for doubt. She stared back at him, stunned.

The silence was suddenly broken by the footman appearing in the doorway.

“Mrs. Bridgerton, there is a Sir Phillip Crane here to see you.”

In the entry hall Anthony and Sophie found Sir Phillip dripping with rain. He brushed the droplets from his eyes with one hand while the other grasped the handle of a valise. He bowed to each of them in turn.

Anthony’s brow furrowed. “Sir Phillip. What are you doing here?”

Phillip glanced cautiously between them. “I went to Aubrey Hall and was informed of Mr. Bridgerton’s condition. How is he?”

The last time Anthony had seen this man, he had caused his sister to storm off in a fury and he still did not know the reason why. Despite Eloise’s mercurial nature, he would of course always lay the fault at her suitor’s feet before laying it at hers. He clasped his hands behind his back and stuck his nose in the air. “I don’t know that it’s any of your concern.”

Phillip retracted into himself, bowing his head. “Of course. I wanted to apologize to Eloise. But focusing on your family is the top priority.”

Anthony stared down at him, his voice clipped. “It is.”

Sophie had no patience to deal with the tension between these men, whatever its origins. It was unlikely that the mere desire for a conversation had spurred their visitor to travel through the rainy night. She kept her tone gentle, letting him know he was welcome in her home. “Sir Phillip, what is that you are holding?”

Phillip tore his eyes from Anthony and seemed to remember himself. “Mrs. Bridgerton, if you will allow me to impose myself. I came here to offer help to your husband, if I could.” He gestured toward the valise.

“Do you know something of medicine?” Her voice edged on desperation but she didn’t care.

Phillip shrugged. “As much as a botanist would. I have brought medicinal herbs. I am sure that a doctor has prescribed his own treatment, but I only sought to help.” His piercing blue eyes were impossibly kind. It seemed that Eloise had found herself a fiance with a pure heart.

Sophie felt a spark of hope flicker within. A practical stranger, she wanted to throw herself into his arms and ask him to assuage all her fears. “The doctor has said there’s no more to be done,” she rasped, biting her lip as new tears formed.

A haunted look passed over his features. “I am sorry…”

“Please,” Sophie spluttered, moving forward and taking him by the arm. She had nothing left to lose and his arrival seemed too serendipitous to question. “Please come see him. You must try.”

Fully ignoring the flustered, angry look on Anthony’s face, she pulled Phillip through the house and up to the bedroom where Benedict and Eloise waited.

When they opened the door, Eloise leapt to her feet at the bedside. “Phillip!”

Dragged along by Sophie, he couldn’t pause for a polite introduction. He tried to convey as much apology and concern as he could through his eyes alone and nodded at her. “Eloise.”

“What are you doing here?” She glanced between them all, Anthony marching grumpily at the rear.

“He’s going to help Benedict.” Sophie said with a new strength in her voice. It was clear she would brook no further questions or protests. 

Anthony and Eloise huddled near the wall as Sophie and Phillip spoke in hurried, hushed tones, leaning over the bed. Sophie shared everything the doctor and surgeon had told her while Phillip felt Benedict’s forehead, his neck, his fingers. He looked into his eyes and timed his pulse all while he lay feverish and unresponsive. He tried to hide from Sophie how his own hands were shaking, overcome with memories of the last time he sat at a fevered bedside, some of the darkest days of his life. But she was so focused on her husband she didn’t seem to notice.

They called the maid to bring hot water, muslin and a tea set. Phillip stripped off his coat and rolled up his sleeves as he began to sort through his valise, calling upon every lecture he had attended and study he had read which may be of help in this situation. With the supplies laid out before him on the bedside table, he gathered two fistfuls of dried flowers.

“Mrs. Bridgerton, can you make a poultice?”

“Yes.”

“Here,” he laid the herbs on a strip of muslin.  “Meadowsweet and yarrow. Place it on his chest. If this is a lung infection the permeated compounds may help.”

Working quickly, Sophie ground the flowers into the cloth, wrapped them and soaked them in the pitcher of hot water. Then she laid the bandage across Benedict’s chest and pressed it into his skin.

Beside her, Phillip produced another odd looking herb from his case and began to crush it into the teapot. At this, Anthony stepped forward.

“What is that?”

Phillip glanced over his shoulder. “Willow bark. A professor of mine claimed it could break fevers.” He wouldn’t tell the Viscount about his prior attempted use of the cure or its outcome. He still had faith in his professor’s hypothesis and had seen literature to support his claim. This was the plant in Phillip’s collection that held the most promise, regardless of what had occurred before.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Crane.” Anthony practically growled at him.

“Anthony…” Eloise’s cautioning voice behind them made Phillip’s heart flutter with gratitude but he couldn’t escape the Viscount’s steely glare.

He found himself stuttering. “Nothing should cause him any harm, I only…”

When Eloise’s hand closed around Anthony’s arm he stepped back. If he was willing to do anything to help his brother, that included having faith in someone else’s ability to provide a solution, whoever that person may be. Dr. Crowe had been of no help and there was no guarantee his letter to the solicitor would send anyone else. His methods had failed and he needed to stop interfering while someone else took the lead. He didn’t like the thought of placing Benedict’s fate in the hands of Eloise’s suitor, a man whose character they hardly knew, much less his credentials to be feeding medicines into a member of their family. But it was the only option available now. There was nothing else to be done.

“I know,” he cast his eyes down in apology. “I am sorry. You are here to help. Excuse me.” He had to remove himself before he interjected further. Watching Benedict lay so limply as a stranger picked over him was stoking something defensive inside and he couldn’t bear it any longer. Without another word, he turned and left the room.

Eloise remained, transfixed as Phillip worked with quiet care to brew the willow bark tea. When she had last seen him in the gardens at Romney Hall, she had snapped in his face, fled his presence and began contemplating whether their relationship should continue any further. Now, adding to the unresolved confusion in her heart, she could not have been more grateful to see him. She could never have anticipated that he would make the journey to Benedict’s home upon hearing that he was ill. She remembered her brother’s assurance from the day before. Deeds, not words. She felt something spreading through her as she watched him helping her brother, a steadiness that made her feel less unmoored in the gloom of their situation.

Together, Sophie and Phillip pulled Benedict to sit up against the pillows. Sophie sat beside him as Phillip handed her a cup of tea and she brought it to her husband’s mouth. 

“Benedict my love,” she whispered. “You must drink.” She held his head with one hand and tipped the cup slowly with the other. Mercifully, the tea passed his lips and he did not cough. He swallowed it gently, guided by some level of instinctual consciousness. “Very good,” Sophie sighed, something hopeful lighting her features. 

Patiently and carefully, Sophie fed Benedict two small cups of tea as Phillip kept a watchful eye, replenishing the drink. When Benedict fell back against the pillows with a rattling breath and Phillip confessed that these were all the remedies he could offer, Sophie thanked him with a small smile then turned back to watch her husband. Phillip left his supplies where they were. There was nothing to do now but wait and see if the herbs made any difference. This too he was familiar with, the waiting game of indeterminate length, indeterminate hope. He had played his part and now the tenor in the room was intimate and somber, no longer a place for him. 

He turned and found his eyes meeting Eloise’s. She was staring at him intently, her expression unfathomable. He wanted nothing more than to take her somewhere private and gather her in his arms, to prostrate himself with apology and beg her to remain his betrothed. But this was not the time. Not when her brother was lying beside them battling for his life. It would be inappropriate for them to be alone together and the last thing he wanted was to incur more ire from the Viscount who was unsurprisingly even more raw with his emotions under their current circumstances. An unspoken agreement passed between them to grant Sophie and Benedict their privacy. He took Eloise lightly by the arm and walked with her to the sitting room where they found the Viscount, hunched with his elbows on his knees, head hung low.

They sat on a sofa across from him and respectfully distant from one another. Phillip desperately wanted to comfort his intended, even to just hold her hand. But not only was that out of the question with her brother watching them, he didn’t know if she would allow such advances anymore. He sat in indecision, unsure if he was welcome to stay or if his presence was scorned. Fortunately, the Bridgertons spoke about more pressing matters as if he wasn’t even there.

“Anthony, did you write to Mama?” Eloise’s voice was uncharacteristically unsteady.

“Yes. I have twice.” The Viscount pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly exhausted. “She will be here as soon as she can, I’m sure.”

“What if…” Eloise halted. Phillip could see the tears rimming her eyes, glinting in the low firelight. It suddenly struck him that he had never seen her cry. “I don’t know if…Do you remember? In the days after Papa…”

Anthony’s head snapped up and he shot her a threatening stare. “Eloise, now is not the time to talk about that.”

But she ignored him, struggling to find words, clearly insistent on recalling something important. “Benedict was always there, don’t you remember?”

Anthony continued to glare at her, his jaw locking, tears threatening his eyes too. 

“Those days are a bit of a blur, Eloise.” He ground out.

Still she did not heed his obvious entreaty to stop. Instead she looked between them both, something of a pained smile contrasting with the sadness in her eyes. “He took care of us. All of us. He read us stories and played games when you were busy and mother was…ill. He taught me how to shoot.”

“He what?” Anthony spluttered. “It was a slingshot.” Eloise shrugged innocently.

Eager to provide even a moment of levity, Phillip joked. “Ah, so we have him to thank for that.” The mystery of Eloise’s prowess with a pistol was at last solved.

Her faint smile gave him a sliver of hope. “Yes, he made sure we were occupied. Something to distract us from our tears. Though he took care of those too.” Then she turned to look into the fire, despondent, her voice falling to a whisper. “Now he’s the one…”

With that, the Viscount snapped out of his seat and unceremoniously stormed out of the room, leaving them alone. 

They sat in silence, staring after him. Though he remained somewhat terrified of the man, Phillip had empathy toward him. He knew how much weight rested on titled shoulders, and he knew what it was like to worry for a brother, but he had never juggled both pressures simultaneously. Indeed, in his life one had consequently resulted from the other. By all rights he should have been eager to leave the house, to get away from the kind of gloom that he had hoped to relegate to his past. But he found he did not want to go. Not when Eloise was there. She was why he had come, and she was why he would stay. Anything for her.

He turned to find her staring blankly ahead, mind clearly whirring. Concerns of propriety and chaperones fallen by the wayside, he was grateful for a moment alone and only wanted to give her solace.

“Your brother is strong. I have seen it firsthand.” He arched a jesting brow when Eloise looked at him. Neither of them would ever forget his eventful introduction to the two eldest Bridgerton brothers. “I’m sure he is going to be alright.”

His humor didn’t work and Eloise only deflated. “I’m tired of platitudes, Phillip. Don’t make me pretend with you too.”

Here was her honesty. He exhaled, relieved that she still trusted him enough to bare her true feelings. He would be her respite. “Alright. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, and I don’t know if I did anything to help. But I have had a brother in peril before. I know what it feels like.” She turned to meet his eyes, listening intently. Something in them was grateful. “And I can tell you that it is nothing but wasted time if you allow yourself to despair before there is cause to.”

Phillip had despaired of course. He had despaired greatly upon losing his brother. But knowing what he did now, he wished he could retrieve the weeks lost to worrying. Though his worst fears had ultimately been realized, he had cut the joy out of his life prematurely in anticipation of them. If he had only known that they were the last weeks of his life that were truly his own, where he was simply Phillip Crane, untitled student of botany, he would have savored them more. For Eloise and her family the threat was much more visible, more imminent, but he wanted her to continue to hope, not to consign herself to unnecessary grief for even one moment.

She studied his face as if searching for answers. “What if…we find ourselves facing a future that is not as we imagined it would be?”

Phillip held his breath, anguished once again that his actions were causing her to contemplate one of those uncertain futures, though in truth he was not precisely sure why. It was still unclear what he had said to cause such a strong reaction when they were in the garden. Nevertheless, he felt guilt at saddling her with so much simultaneously, though of course none of it was intended. He could only impart what he had learned from his own experiences and he would not coddle her. It was not what she wanted.

“I have faced many such futures. You adapt. The world rearranges itself into odd new configurations but just because they are unfamiliar does not mean there is no joy to be found. We must wrench our own happiness from the earth. Nurture it with care and persistence and it will grow, despite the shadows it arose from.” 

Her fleeting smile lifted his heart. She knew what he was speaking of, the incredible gift of the twins. Despite their unconventional and tragic trajectory into his life, they were its brightest points, next to her.

He leaned in closer, shifting his hand to rest beside hers on the sofa. “You have already done this, Eloise. You can do it again if need be. You have the strongest spirit I have ever known. And you are not alone. Please know that.”

She looked up at him, close enough that he could feel her breath dance sweetly over his skin, but she did not kiss him. Instead her fingers inched over, covered his own and held tightly. Warmth rushed through him and they settled against one another as they reclined back into the sofa.

Resting her head upon his shoulder, Eloise sighed, “I am glad you are here.”

It was only in this moment that she felt her body truly relax, felt as if she had stepped back from teetering on an edge of raw nerves. Ever since arriving at the cottage she had felt lost somehow, out of place and waiting for someone to alleviate that feeling. She had assumed Anthony would do it but that hadn’t occurred. Then she assumed she must wait for her mother to arrive to find any relief. But it was Phillip, his steady, solid presence that made her reassured. With him at her side, she felt prepared to face even the unthinkable because she knew he would bolster her. 

As she began to fade into sleep, she realized that a part of her had been longing to see him again. This entire time, she had silently been wishing for him to share in her burden and guide her through it. The anger she had felt before paled in comparison to her desire for his companionship. Ever since she had last parted from him, he had never been absent from her thoughts.

Benedict’s words echoed through her mind once more. Every deed Phillip had committed toward her had been gentle, caring, supportive. The way he had welcomed her into his home, the way he had tried to prevent the twins from bothering her despite how his efforts failed. Every touch, every kiss stolen in his greenhouse, all of it so tender. The very fact that he had agreed to marry her immediately and without question when Anthony demanded it. And now appearing, unlooked for, in her family’s hour of greatest need. His words had driven her from the gardens days earlier. Words always seemed difficult for him to say, their intention difficult for him to convey, so unlike herself. But his deeds - his intentions behind them were unquestionable.

— 

Left alone with Benedict, Sophie carefully laid down beside him. Nothing could compel her to leave him tonight. He hadn’t shown any change since they had given him the tea. The only sounds in the room were his agonized breaths. She ran her fingers across his brow and down his face. His features were sunken, like a specter of the husband she knew. She continued down his arm to grasp a limp hand and press it to her stomach, ever so slightly rounded. She allowed herself to hope that somehow it would help him wake if he could feel his child. If he was reminded of the person most dependent upon him. But still, he did not stir.

She held his hand in place, stroking it with her thumb, and pressed her forehead against his cheek. She was worn through with grief and exhaustion. She had no words for him. She had spoken them already, or they were sentiments that she could not bring herself to say. She could not utter a goodbye or imagine that he would never hold their child in his arms. The cloud of such thoughts hovered at the edge of her mind but she fought not to focus on it and to focus instead on the fact that he was still breathing.

In God’s hands. She didn’t know if God’s hands were to be trusted and so she held him in her own. Curling herself around him she laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, rapid and thready, and the sound of it forced more tears from her eyes. How many times had he pressed her hand against it and told her it beat only for her? How many times had he told her it was hers entirely? If the song of his blood was dedicated to her she would listen to it, even if it was drawing to an end.

Despite how she fought to stay awake, sorrow had exhausted her to her very bones. She had no energy left to fight or to hope or to sob. All she could do was cling to her husband, the love of her life, her very soul, and drift into the uneasy dark willing this nightmare to end.

When Sophie did not respond to his knock on the door, Anthony opened it slowly and peered into the room. Something clenched within him when he saw her lying with Benedict, her face still sad despite that she was asleep. He would not wake her. Quietly, he moved to the bedside chair and studied his brother. Gaunt and pale, his face sheened with perspiration, Benedict somehow appeared older and the sight made the Viscount shudder. 

He was still replaying their last conversation in his mind, haunted by the weight of his brother’s words. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe that they were the last he would hear Benedict say, but a dark whisper from within was chastising him for not responding with a goodbye. How does one say goodbye to a younger brother? To a best friend?

Eloise’s recollections gripped him too. He was well aware of his own role within their family and its accompanying limitations. He was charged with steering the ship. He hadn’t seen what his closest brother had done after their father died because he had been too crushed by his own responsibilities and anguish. But a latent part of him also knew, however much he failed to acknowledge or celebrate it, that Benedict was the beating heart of their family and that he himself was not the man capable of healing wounds of grief. 

His siblings were not children anymore. They didn’t need bedtime stories and games. But he couldn’t fathom the yawning pain they would all feel if faced with another loss of such magnitude. And he would be left this time to shoulder that grief alone, and for an even larger family. Protector to a widowed sister. Uncle to a fatherless child. What could he offer to dry their tears? What remedy would prevent them from feeling entirely fractured? What would he do if the heart of their family actually stopped beating?

Tagging: @angels17324 @bridgertontess @broooookiecrisp @secretagentbucky @musicismyoxygen84 @queen-of-the-misfit-toys

[spookyscarykittycat]

Heyooooo!!!! TYSM FOR THE TAG UwU

1) Why did you choose your url? I remember being obsessed with spooky scary skeletons at the time because I saw it everywhere during October when I started this blog. So I wanted to name my blog spookyscaryskeletons but it was taken, so I wanted to name it spookyscarycat because I love cats, but that was also taken, so I added 'kitty' in there, and yeah :)

2) Do you have any sideblogs? LMAOOO I'm kind of notorious for my many sideblogs. Here ya go: @insaneasgardian - Actually my main one mainly for all things Marvel. @theofficialshield - I assist Nick Fury, Maria Hill, and Phil Coulson run this ocassionally. @therealhydra - I'm a double agent 👀 Nah jk, I just hack in from time to time to annoy them. @perfume-of-petrichor - I post study notes for my own reference here! But people are welcome to check them out and request notes. @thatoneguyinthechair - Yeah, this totally isn't Ned Leeds running it, it's me and some other people 😅 I have many more blogs which I don't wanna list I'm lazy 😭

3) How long have you been on tumblr? About 2 year now!

4) Do you have a queue tag? Yes!! I rarely use it though, I find it difficult. All my queued posts are under the tag 'queue ki dil mein mars hain'

5) Why did you start your blog in the first place? My primary blog @insaneasgardian was meant to be all things Marvel, and just replying to asks and tags that were directed to that blog. Eventually though, I started reblogging random, non Marvel related content and the stuff people initially followed me for became hard to find. So I made this blog to reblog random stuff, and shitpost!

6) Why did you choose your icon? BECAUSE BISEXUAL CAT

7) Why did you choose your header? It's pride month!! :DD And pride is banned in Zambia :(( So I wanted to feel as queer as possible to comfort myself.

8) What's your post with most notes? OH IT'S THIS ONE WHERE I LINKED A SOURCE AND CALLED PRINCE PHILIP OUT ON SOME OF THE BAD STUFF HE'S DONE. IT BLEW UP ALMOST INSTANTLY.

9) How many followers do you have? On this blog it's 423 :)

10) How many people do you follow? AS OF RIGHT NOW IT'S 2969 HEHE 69.

11) Have you ever made a shitpost? YES. I have made quite a few!

12) How often do you use tumblr? All 24 hours of the day, I am either scrolling this hellsite or have it open in a side tab, the answer is... all the time.

13) Did you have fight with another blog once? Who won? Same as @an-adventureland. Exactly the same. Mostly friendly banter. But this one time, this one blog who I didn't even know began to comment on this post about India, and said we 'had it easy' during colonial rule (we didn't, no country did) and I got so pissed and all of desi tumblr just united against them. They stopped replying tho so idk who won.

14) How do you feel about 'you have to reblog this' posts? DESPISE THEM. Stop putting pressure on people. They'll reblog what they want to, and it isn't your choice to make the decision for them.

15) Do you like tag games? Sure do! And I get tagged a lot, but I always leave them in drafts, telling myself I'll do them later, then I never do :/

16) Do you like ask games? Yes! I think they're so fun! I rarely get asks after reblogging an ask game tho, oof.

17) Which one of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? Ahhh, I got so many, but for now I can just think of @aadyeah and @savvysass

18) Do you have a crush on a mutual? Yes AND WE ARE MARRIED (jk) @krazykelpgarden she's never on tumblr tho oof, we mainly talk on hangouts.

19) Tags? YESSS NO PRESSURE THO!! @YOU! @cassiecasyl @iamverybored @warmachinerox-with-an-x-all-caps @sherlock-who-mentalist @aixabi @sylvie-writes @7soulstars @ssstabby-sssnek @karlimogenthau @sir-sleeve-ripper

hi !! got tagged by: @224-12 thank u darling !!

Why did you choose your url? i choose this url a long time ago and i guess at that time i thought it was cute? i don’t remember a specific reason for it. it’s still kinda cute now though haha

Do you have any side blogs? yes! one about kpop and one about movies, tv series, celebs etc. they’re nothing special though and i mostly just use them so i can find stuff back lol

How long have you been on tumblr? i think since 2011 u_u

Do you have a queue tag? nope, i never queue things.

Why did you start your blog in the first place? a girl i was talking to on this forum kept sending me cool gifs and photos and i asked her where she got them from. she told me about tumblr, i made a blog and here we are >u<

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? simply because i like this photo and the colours of it. i haven’t changed it in years 

Why did you choose your header? a mutual of mine used to have a narnia blog too and she made this for me !! it’s the prettiest thing ever !!

What’s your post with the most notes? the ‘’edmund lowkey looking like boyfriend material’’ one HAHA. 

How many followers do you have? a lot <3

How many people do you follow? 123

Have you ever made a shitpost? unfortunatly lmao

How often do you use tumblr? it depends on how busy i am. i usually check it everyday though when i have time.

Did you have a fight with another blog once? Who won? not that i can remember…

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? idc. sometimes i read them but i reblog things that i want to reblog, not cuz a post told me to lol

Do you like tag games? yea sure why not !!

Do you like ask games? ofc !!

Which one of your mutual do you think is tumblr famous? oh i have no idea. i don’t know about the amount of followers my mutuals have

Do you have a crush on a mutual? no haha

Tags? @lucypcvensie @leondaltons @narnianfarmer @clarkesplaylist @wujuhour @imjustdreamingig @trumpkinhotboy @peveinsie (i saw you in my notes a while back sam !! i know you are there!!!)