#i can fill my taggs with me talking to myself for an hour but putting fandom taggs on my posts feels embarrassing like

[bitchkay]

23. Jean Kirschtein my husband, how are we spending my birthday together ml🥰🥰

Me posting part of an older fanfic of mine into here??? I would never👀👀(more likely than you think)

bitchkay's 21st birthday event

CW: self insert <3(my bodily autonomy, called by my name, they/he afab), "woman" in reference to me is used very loosely, 1st person POV, mentions of drug use(weed🍃), Jean being sweet, Marco being Marco❤, minor Sasha x Connie action but its platonic yk "that's my bestie it doesn't count" type beat, Sashas also gay asf, I be flirting with everyone in this but like that sexy flirting yk like clearly I'm just playing but come on bro you wanna be our third😈😈 and the energy is in fact matched😼😼,

Word Count: 1254

"What's this?" I said as Jean walked into the kitchen with a cake.

"What? It's not a big cake, you would've slapped me if it was."

I shook my head, kissed him on the cheek, getting lip gloss on his face.

"Thank you~" I said lovingly, running a hand through his hair.

Jean put the cake on the counter and went to find candles to put on the cake.

"Oh I almost forgot-" Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out a dark green lighter with a 'K' embedded on it with light purple gems. "This is for you, happy birthday."

"You got me a new lighter♡" I said, taking it from him running a thumb over the letter 'K' on the front.

"I mean you burn loud like fucking candles and I can't top the merch your bestfriend got you."

"No you can't~" I kissed him on the cheek. "But I love it, it's cute~"

"Plus I didn't know what to get you and I saw this in a dollar tree, I put little diamonds on myself." Jean shrugged his shoulders, "Care to do the honors," pushing the cake towards me.

"Why not," I chuckled.

"Alright hold on-"

Jean pulled out his phone, sent a few texts, chuckled, and dialed before propping his phone up on the paper towel roll.

"Boom!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Connie and Sasha said in unison through the phone, their faces showing up on the screen.

"Oh my god thank you guys... where's Marco?" I pouted, turning to Jean.

Jean gave me a look that said 'you're not fucking serious right?' before picking up his phone adding Marco to the call.

"Hi :)" Marco smiled, showing up in another box on the screen.

"Oh my god hi baby how are you~?" I said resting my elbows on the counter leaning towards the phone.

"Great! Happy birthday! I actually have a present for you, I was gonna give it to you on Monday,"

"Ouu give it to me now, I'm free, no one's home either," I said resting my head on my hands.

"Bro! It's like you like him more than me?!" Jean said only mildly offended.

"Wasn't that obvious?" I joked.

"Not when you were moaning my name this mor-"

"Ayo keep it pg-13 Marco's on the line," Connie bursted.

"I'm older than all of you!"

"Ok 20 year old virgin," Sasha piped up.

"Sasha you're literally a who-"

"Ok shut up I'm lighting the candles now, sing to me," I said, lighting up my new lighter.

I lit the few candles Jean stuck in the cake before Jean went to dim the lights.

They all sang happy birthday to me, they had to restart a couple of times because someone's audio was lagging, then watched me blow out the candles sealing it by pulling Jean's collar and kissing his lips.

"Did you make a wish?" Jean asked after wiping his mouth cus my lip gloss is 'too sticky' which I don't disagree with.

"How could I, when everything I could ever want is right in front of me~" I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Ugh gross."

"Shut the fuck up Connie, you literally made out with Sasha at a party after she said she was lonely knowing she had a girlfriend at the time, you just like being messy" I said.

"First of all, I was high."

“You said ‘no hetero’ after.”

"I'm a good kisser~” Sasha smirks, licking her lips. “It's from making out with pussy all the time."

"Yea mine~" I said teasingly, biting my lip.

"When and where baby hit me up~" Sasha said, pushing Connie out the frame.

"Fuck you mean, babe come over~"

"Now you two are the ones being gross, I'm right here," Jean said.

"I'm aware of that," I said.

I grabbed a knife out of the drawer and cut the cake, putting it on a paper plate so I don't have to do dishes.

"So where are you guys at?" I asked about tasting the cake. "These are really good babes."

"I'm home right now, just had dinner," Marco spoke up.

"Me and Connie are just chilling in his basement, nothing new," Sasha said.

"What you smoking and do you have extra?" I asked slowly.

"Weed.. you bringing cake?" Connie said, matching my tone.

"My family don't like this flavor and I can't finish this myself." I took another bite from my slice.

"The door will be unlocked."

"Sweet! Marco?"

"Why not, I have nothing better to do," he said leaning back on what looks like his bed.

"What about me?~" I flirted.

"Are you gonna show me the ropes?" Marco played along.

"Depends how much you want it big boy~" I said, feeling Jean's arm wrap around my waist unconsciously holding me.

"I don't know, Jean's got a pretty tight hold on you there, I don't think I could if I would~" Marco said with a playful smirk on his face.

"I'm a virgin killer baby, lemme show you how to fuck a woman~" I said leaning into Jean's chest, placing my hands over his that rested on my stomach.

"You act like I've had no experience whatsoever~"

"Please, you can't handle me~"

"And you're so sure of that~?"

"Cus there's only one person that can~" I reached my hand back to hold Jean's neck, gently pulling him down to me, turning my head to kiss him. "I love you," I said quietly so only Jean could hear it.

"I love you too," Jean said, kissing me again.

"Eww-"

"Nah you're beg, cus I was literally just flirting with Marco about fucking him but you pipe up when me and Jean start kissing, you're beg, you're so fucking annoying," I said as Connie and Sasha started fake gagging.

Jean stayed glued to me as I finished my slice of cake, giving him a bite every now and then, then throwing out the plate and putting the plastic cover over the cake.

"Yall serious about us popping up over there?"

"One hundo p, this," Connie held up a little baggie (the🍃) with the logo of the local dispensary on the front, "is for you baby."

"Connie I love you♡"

"I love you too bae~" Connie said, making a finger heart.

At that Jean tightened his grip around me, nuzzling into me. It made me chuckle lightly knowing why he does that but I didn't say anything, like he'd admit it anyway.

I felt Jean lean down and start kissing my neck, kissing my jaw nuzzling in my curly hair around the edges of my undercut, down my shoulders back up to my neck.

"Jean, we have an audience.." I whispered to him.

"Fuck them~," he said turning me around cupping my face to kiss my lips tenderly slipping his tongue in my mouth, tasting the remnants of the cake.

"Dang y'all wanna be left alone or sumn?" We heard Connie speak.

Without disconnecting our lips, one of Jean's hands left my face reaching over to where the phone was propped up, tipping it face down on the counter with a plop.

"Is that a yes?"

Soon we heard the tone of Connie and Marco hanging up discreetly, leaving us to makeout in my kitchen.

Jean reached down, hoisting me up by my thighs wrapping my legs around him, my black dress riding up to my butt. He squished my thighs in his hands, chucking as my curly bangs tickled his forehead.

"Fuck I love you so much."

©bitchkay.tumblr.com

his is only a part of a longer(smuttier) fic I wrote when I turned 18, so 3 years ago, it was —at least the first part— about coming to terms with growing up and there alot anxiety, depression, and gender issues brought up in the original fic, and Jean comforts me through it, we also fuck a few times but that's besides the point-- he surprises me with good things and hanging out with our friends, there's also a slight hint of jealousy from him

I love Marco everyone, I wish he was real♥️

[mother-snake]

Thank you so much for the response to my ask! It was so so good!! 💕 I saw you posted wanting short, mostly Janus centric, ideas so maybe something nice and fluffy after I just asked to put him through angst? Maybe Thomas and the sides taking a chance to show Janus appreciation after his acceptance or something?

well short is out of the window with this one im afraid...(this one is defianately fluffier than the last by a long shot)

taggs: @idkanameatall @imma-potatoo warnings: angst words 3212

-a bold statment-

Janus had been having one of those days. He had turned off all the lights and built a small blanket fort filled with pillows and stuffed animals. Fairy lights lit up the small space and he had a book in hand.

He couldn’t focus on the book. he had been re- reading each page as he lost concentration once again. he felt frustrated, tired and just wanted whatever he was feeling to disappear.

He pulled the blanket that had been covering his lower half and moved it further up. snuggling close as possible as unwanted tears made of frustration began to prick his eyes.

He was barely cut out of his mind by a small soft knock at his door. “Janus?” Logan said, just able to be heard, “may I come in,” he asked.

He rubbed his eyes before letting the lock on the door click open. He heard the sound of the door open and close. “Janus may I turn the lights on,” Logan asked. “yes” the lights remained off.

He listened as Logan shuffled around the room and shift a little. The opening of the blanket fort was pulled back slightly, letting Janus catch a small glimpse of the logical sides face. “hello,” Logan said with a small smile. “hi,” Janus mumbled back.

The air was quiet but not tense. Logan let out a sigh before looking at the blanket fort. He was quite impressed by the way it had been built. “are you alright Janus?” he asked as he peaked a little further in. he didn’t respond, but Logan could tell the answer despite his ‘lack of emotions’ “would you like a hug?” he asked. Janus looked at him with nervousness. This didn’t feel like something Logan would do. this wasn’t something he was used to. But the offer was too enticing for him to deny. he gave a small nod to Logan and shuffled over for the logical side to make his way in.

Logan slipped in, and sat by Janus. The snake seemed to melt into the simple touch as Logan wrapped an arm around Janus. he looked over to Janus’s lap where a book sat forgotten. “a fine choice of book if I do say so myself,” Logan said. “thanks,” Janus muttered.

They sat in the quiet for a while. Janus had been trying to keep his emotions in line as the time continued. He burrowed his head into the crook of logans neck. he felt tired, but he didn’t want to sleep. His heart felt heavy. His mind had thankfully begun to slow down. his eyes began to droop as the warmth radiating from Logan. the logical side feeling like a hot water bottle or heater.

A small smile creeped Its way onto his face. Logan had stayed for who knows how long, maybe out of politeness or maybe it was kindness. Either way, it warmed his cold heart. Ever. So. Sightly. and he soon found himself falling fast asleep.

And deep down he hoped that it could last.

Logan glanced down as he felt his shoulder grow heavier. A smile appeared on his face as he looked down to see Janus fast asleep and looking calmer than he had ever seen the snake. he couldn’t find it in his heart to leave Janus. And he didn’t mind if he had to stay until he woke up. he would keep the fact that Janus’s scales had been slightly discoloured by a from of grey mixed with yellow to himself for now. --

Patton had been in the kitchen that faithful night. He had put on the kettle and sat down on a stool by the kitchen island. he hadn’t been able to sleep no matter how hard he had tried. He was beyond exhausted but no attempt had been successful.

There were soft, quiet footsteps coming from the hall. He turned to face the door and felt his eyes go wide as he saw Janus standing at the door shifting nervously. “am I not intruding?” he asked looking at Patton. “of course not kiddo,” he said patting a stool next to himself.

Janus shuffled in, not knowing what to say as he sat down as Patton stood up as the kettle stopped boiling. “would you like some tea?” he asked. “no thank you.”

“are you alright Janus? Would you like to talk about it?” Patton asked as he brought the two cups over. “I’m not fine, it wasn’t a nightmare,” he said before taking a sip of tea. “can I ask what it was about, it might help to tell someone.” “yes,” he said sternly.

Patton stayed quiet after that. he wouldn’t be getting through to Janus today. He tapped his fingers on the counter as he looked into his partially filled cup. the only sound that filled the space was a clinking of cups against the surface.

It was only when Patton looked up from his cup that he spotted it. Janus’s scales were slightly… discoloured. “Janus, do your scales normally turn blue?” he asked looking at them slightly closer. “no, they don’t always do that,” he responded with a small smile. “that’s amazing!” Patton said, stars appearing in his eyes. “you don’t think so?” Janus asked, reaching up his hand to touch his scales. “of course! Its amazing,” he said excitedly,” do you know why they do it?”

Janus’s scales had begun to change slightly a coral colour mixed in as his human side blushed. “it isn’t like a mood ring, it doesn’t help me express my emotions,” he said as he rubbed his neck.

Patton was in absolute awe. “I need to find some paper,” he said before bolting out of the room, causing Janus to let out a chuckle.

Yes, he maybe did let down his cover on his scales for Patton to see. But he knew that Patton would need cheering up.

As the minuets ticked by, Patton came back into the room with a tub of coloured pens and a sheet of paper. “I hope you don’t mind, but I want to make a chart for everyone. I feel we could use it in the future,” he said. “I suppose that will be doable,” Janus said, his nightmare forgotten about by him for now.

“hey Janus, can I let you in on a secret?” Patton whispered with a toothy grin. “very well,” “logans eyes do something similar, just look at the rim of his iris,” he hushed at Janus.

And that’s how they spent the next several hours. With Patton bouncing questions off Janus and creating a mood chart that he would then hang in the Livingroom by the date calendar. Janus wouldn’t say it. but it felt nice to be listened to. Even if it was just answering a few questions.

He hoped that this could last. --

He it wasn’t a good day from the get go. He had woken up late, got piled behind work and skipped both breakfast and lunch.

He was stressed and about ready to begin crying over the fact his pen had stopped working when he felt a presence in his room. he rubbed his eyes before he heard the person speak. “come on Jannie, you need a break,” Virgil?

He turned to face the anxious side. his eyeshadow wasn’t dark like it had been when he was in the deceitful side’s permease

“I'm not fine.” He said as he reached for another pen. “dam right you’re not fine, Janus. Your scales are going grey from stress. Please take a break,” Virgil said, “you haven’t eaten anything all day. Eat and then ill let you get back to whatever this… is?” he said looking down at the barely legible hand writing.

“no,” “great, come on. romans making dinner tonight,” he said as he pulled Janus up from his seat.

 As soon as he left the smell of mac and cheese filled his nose, a small grumble came from his stomach. To his misfortune, Virgil had apparently heard. Virgil kept up with the pace and they were in the commons much sooner than Janus would have liked to be. “where aren’t the others?” he asked, noticing a very empty table. “ah, its just us three today. The others have gone to Remus’s imagination believe it or not,” “not including Patton?” he asked surprised.

“yeah, our dear father whisked away by my brother and the dear nerd,” roman said as he peaked his head from the kitchen door, “food’s ready,” he stated with a wink.

 As they ate, roman and Virgil began to talk about the recent events that had occurred today. “what do you think of Mr. Flores Janus?” roman said looking over. “I'm afraid I don’t really have an opinion on the matter,” he said, taking another bite from his food. “oh come now, surely you must have,” roman said with a raised eyebrow.

Janus didn’t say anything for a brief moment before he was startled as the prince yelped in pain grabbing his knee. “you don’t have to answer Janus,” Virgil said, wary of the purple shifting scales. “well, I don’t thank you for the meal but I best finish up my work,” Janus said as he stood up. “try and get some sleep tonight, okay?” Virgil said before bringing Janus into a hug, surprising the deceitful side greatly.

As they pulled back, he Janus almost felt his heart lift as he saw the bright purple eyeshadow under the eyes of Virgil. God, how long had it been since they had done that. they must have been around seven the last time he witnessed that.

He had enjoyed the company and break, but he knew he needed to get back to work before Thomas suffered because of the pile up. but for now, he would just enjoy the fact his friend was becoming his old self once more.

He hoped that this could last. --

Two days later he had a heavy knocking at his door followed by a sort of exited screech.

He let the lock on his door go and Remus burst into the room with a wicked grin before faltering slightly. “what the fuck are you doing on the floor?” he asked. “definitely not wallowing in self-pity and doubt. You?” he said sarcastically.

Remus scowled as he looked at his friend on the floor. Looks like today was going to be one of those days. “okay dip shit. Grab as many blankets as you can carry,” Remus said as he plucked Janus up from the floor by the arms. “why?” Janus asked, concern plastered all over his face.

“were taking over the commons today, and they can’t fucking stop us!” he cackled as he grabbed an armful of blankets from the floor.

 It took far longer than either would admit, but it did look impressive. Remus in the end had to summon more blankets for the inside, but that just meant Janus had more blankets for future times of need. So, he wasn’t exactly complaining.

They crept inside and Janus immediately flopped down onto a pile of soft and warm blankets. Remus sat by his side and ran a hand through his hair. “when was the last time you had one of these days?” Remus asked, “because I feel like it’s been fucking ages.” “beginning of the week n yesterday,” he mumbled into the pile of blankets. “and you didn’t say anything?” Remus said almost annoyed, “you realise the others and me would be more than happy to led you all their limbs right?” he said as he ruffled Janus’s fluffed up hair. “I don’t know,” he said exasperated, “I just totally want to put all my issues on all of theirs, cause that’s so fair.”

Remus stared at him with a scowl for a couple seconds before a lightbulb lit up in his head. Oh boy, Janus was going to kill him for this.

“give me a couple minuets will you dear snakey?” said side watched as Remus left their blanket fort. A small pool of worry began to build up in his chest. had he offended Remus?

 He wasn’t expecting for the sides to trickle in one at a time however. first was roman who quickly placed himself next to Janus, then Virgil who threw a blanket over Janus. The familiar scent of coffee and lavender seemed to somehow put his mind slightly at ease. then came Logan with a book in hand. he sat down a bit away, but he knew that the other was concerned. The blue rimmed brown eyes showing that he was himself in slight distress.

Then came Patton and Remus. Patton was holding a tray of cookies and a couple cups, whereas Remus came in with what he assumed to be a pot of tea.

Remus placed himself on the opposite side of Janus as the side sat up slightly before leaning over and whispering to the snake. “told you they cared,” he said with a victorious smirk.

For the first time in for a long time he felt himself just relax as he felt a hand run through his hair. The warmth and love that surrounded him seemed so real.

He hoped that this would last. --

It had been a week later. The other sides popping their heads in when he was beginning to overwork himself so they could get him to take a break. Patton had found himself occasionally staying up with Janus when neither could sleep and sharing secrets about the other sides. They shared stories from after the mind palace split into the two segments. Giving stories that would have seemed impossible to anyone else.

Logan would often join Janus reading in the Livingroom early in the morning when no one else was awake.

Roman and Remus had begun to take him out into the imagination so he could get some natural heat from the sun. he had found himself happier on those days.

Virgil would often wrap him in a blanket when his scales would begin to show that he was slipping slightly.

But despite all they did for him. He still didn’t know why he felt so… alone? Was that the right word? there was normally an empty feeling in his chest, sometimes when he got too overwhelmed and cried it would appear. He would lose his ability to feel. And he didn’t like it. not one bit.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been so surprised when he was summoned. But being lost in a pile of work and in his pyjamas was the last way he had ever wanted to see Thomas. Yet caught up in work, he didn’t even realise he had been summoned.

“Janus, are you okay?” Thomas asked looking down at his side. “hu?” he looked up and around the room. it was just him, Thomas and…Nico. Oh.

“well…  this was certainly unexpected,” Janus said,” don’t worry Thomas, just got caught up in my work. nothing else,” he said before snapping his fingers. his papers went back to his room and his normal attire replaced the black and yellow snake themed pyjamas he had been previously wearing.

“so, you are Thomas’s deceit?” “indeed, it’s a pleasure to meet you in person Nico,” he said with a smile.

“wait- Janus… since when did your scales change colour?” Thomas asked as he looked at them with almost the same curiosity Patton had. “ah, yes. I forgot you didn’t know about that,” he said, wincing at the fact he had actually forgotten himself.

Nico stared at the two’s small interaction. “so, do you know why they change colour?” he asked. “imagine a mood ring,” Janus said with a fake smirk, he was ready to bolt at a second’s notice.

Apparently, the fact that he said that had caused Nico to give him a small smile, “not enjoying this?” “I don’t tend to like confrontation unannounced. I preferred to be warned about these things so I'm prepared,” he muttered, giving a small glare at Thomas.

Nico let out a chuckle, “ill remind him next time if this happens again,” he said with a wide smile.

Janus gave a small nod before beginning to sink down. “wait, before you go,” Thomas said, “I haven’t seen you in a while. I hope you’re okay Janus,”

Janus was taken back by what he had said but he knew his answer, “some days are always harder than others, but I think I'm going to be fine Thomas, goodbye,” he said as he sunk down.

“you think he’ll be alright?” Nico asked. “eh, knowing the others, they’ll make sure of it,” he chuckled lightly.

 Janus rose back up to his room, but he didn’t go straight back to work. Nope. He gathered a couple blankets and made his way to the commons where he made a small cocoon for himself and decided it was time for a nap. it was always warmer out here than in his room.

A warm feeling spread in his chest. covering him completely in a feeling he hadn’t felt in such a long time. hope.

Hope that the future would be okay. That for now everything was okay and he didn’t need to worry so much about Thomas.

He hoped that it would last. --

-two weeks ago-

Every side (other than Janus) and Thomas Were gathered in the real living room for a small meeting. the topic, of course being about the one person who wasn’t there.

“so, I take it we called this meeting for the same reasons? Right?” Patton said, pulling at the sleeves of his cardigan that was wrapped around his shoulders. “I believe so,” Logan said.

“do you two know much about why Janus maybe trying to push us away?” Thomas asked looking over to Virgil and Remus. “its… been like this since we were children. After the mindspace split he sort of just… Closed down. It was around that time he began to lie,” Virgil said meekly.

“the fucker would hide away most the time, but still kept an eye on the louder dark sides. Like a parental figure, but more babysitter than anything else,” Remus said boring his eyes into Thomas’s head.

“so, he’s been like this… for years?” roman Virgil nodded and pulled his legs up onto the sofa, “I don’t think he is aware that he’s no longer there. That he’s safe with us,” he said looking at Remus.

“what do you mean?” Patton asked nervously. “some of the others were known to get. Violent over nothing… he tried his best to keep us away from them,” he said reluctantly, “I just think over the first couple months, he took what they said to heart.”

Everyone remained quiet. Trying to process what was told. every part of their minds seemed to link as one as a single thought coursed into their minds. “well then, looks like we’ve got a lot of work to do. but for now, let’s make sure Janus knows he is welcomed then? Shall we?” roman said as he stood up from his place on the floor.

They looked at one another and nodded. they would make sure Janus knew they’d always be there for him. That would never change.