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kaikhaos · 5 years

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The Hurricane Sandy Saga Continues…

So here’s the story of my life since October 28, 2012 and all the chaos that has come with it. This is not a happy story, so far, but I’m hoping you guys can help make it one, or at least help prevent a bad end. This is a story of corrupt banks, government bullsh*t, and a 25 year old disabled trans queer who just wants to go home. Over the next five thousand words, I hope you realize the extent of how life has repeatedly NOPED at any sense of logic. At the end of my story, I’m going to ask you to help me out if you can and to spread the word either way.

The tl;dr version is that my family is facing homelessness for the fourth time in eighteen months and I really need you guys’ help to get us back into a stable situation so this never happens again. The mortgage company has screwed us yet again and is holding on to $250,000 that is supposed to be ours. So while we own one house and one newly demolished lot, we have nowhere to live. If you can at all help out, please do. My paypal link is here: http://paypal.me/mihaelkai .

My name is Aleks. This is my story.

First, let’s get one thing out of the way: I’m disabled. I have been legally recognized as disabled since I was 18. I have a combination of mental health issues and physical health issues that make it so my capacity on any given day varies greatly from ��I made it through a day at a con thanks to lots of painkillers!” to “I brushed my teeth today and didn’t cry doing it!” But I try. Anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, & ADD are just a few of the things I’ve been diagnosed with by my therapist and psychiatrist, paired with diagnoses from my doctors of migraines, fibromyalgia, and a degenerative connective tissue disorder known as Ehlers-Danlos that all combine to leave me in fairly constant pain basically everywhere. My brain and my body attack me constantly but I still try to do what I can. Unfortunately, it means I can’t just go out and get a 9-5 or retail job to help fix my situation. I can only do what I can do and I have to know my limits.

I live with my mother and my QPP Luca who are both also disabled.

You may know in 2012 we were hit by Hurricane Sandy. If you don’t know that, you’re about to find out. We had six feet of water in our house and my grandfather’s house next door (AKA: my inheritance) floated off of its foundation and was straight up condemned. Ever since then, life has been, in a word, chaos. It’s gotten to be a theme in our house that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. Even my therapist has given up on making any kind of treatment plan and is basically just focusing on damage control. And honestly, at this point, I just wanna go home.

But Aleks, it’s been seven years, why aren’t you home yet? Oh boy, I am SO glad you asked. Let’s get into this history.

First, a prequel. I’m not rich, my family isn’t rich, but we get by. Our house wasn’t big, but it was beautiful. In 2006, my mother bought two tiny houses next door to each other from an old man who wanted to sell them to a family the way he’d grown up in the smaller house while his parents lived in the other house. The one house was a six hundred square foot bungalow that would become my grandfather’s and its neighbor was a seven hundred square foot house that would become mine and my mother’s.

Our house was gorgeous and cute. Built in the early 1900s by a tinsmith with scraps from all of his jobs, all of the walls were tin instead of sheetrock or plaster, the floors were gorgeous hardwood, and the three bedrooms were each under a hundred square feet. It was tiny but it was ours.

On August 28th, 2011, that house was hit by Tropical Storm Irene. Our house was flooded by two feet of water on the first floor. The Atlantic Ocean took out our floors, cabinets, appliances, electrical outlets, the bathroom tile, and the furniture, not to mention rusting the heck out of the bottom of the tin walls. It took six months to get the final eighty thousand dollar settlement out of the insurance company.

The check was deposited by the mortgage company who said they would hold onto it and dole it out as we hired contractors or finished repairs. But here’s the thing: The settlement barely covered enough for the supplies, so we maxed out credit cards and depleted personal savings and finished our repairs a few months later with the help of very few contractors and a lot of DIY.

We installed our kitchen appliances as the last step and called the mortgage company that day to ask them to come and inspect and verify the repairs were done so they could release the other seventy thousand dollars that they were holding onto. They said they were backed up and that they would come and inspect in a month.

Our new stove was 22 days old when Hurricane Sandy hit us.

Where Irene was manageable, Sandy was devastating. My grandfather’s house floated on the storm surge and landed three feet away from its foundation. The legs of our lawn table were bent and sticking out from under the house like the damn wicked witch or something. Our house on the other hand shifted by an inch. Not much, you’d think, but enough to break every pipe in the house and damage the entire structural stability of the house.

The town building department condemned my grandfather’s house and wrote ours up as “more than 50% damaged”.

Needless to say, both houses were left completely and totally uninhabitable.

The mortgage company inspector came and said because everything was wet and ruined that they “couldn’t certify the repairs were completed” even when we were standing there with a stack of receipts and before and after pictures, clearly proving everything had been replaced since most of the materials had been changed. So they decided they wouldn’t release the $70,000 they were holding onto from Irene until the new SANDY repairs were done. Even though we’d already spent that money on repairs and run up debt because of it, they decided they were just going to hold onto it for longer.

And honestly? Fuck those guys. They are the root of some of the most evil parts of this, as you’ll see.

So back to the Sandy damages. First, the insurance company offered us a FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR damage assessment. Fifteen thousand bucks when we had six feet of water in our house. For perspective, fourteen months before Hurricane Sandy, Tropical Storm Irene sent 24 inches of water into our house and the insurance company gave us eighty thousand dollars to make those repairs. So yeah, fifteen thousand wasn’t gonna do it. The construction estimates for the repairs were coming in around two hundred and fifty thousand.

So, of course, we appealed. Our engineer said parts of the house were outright dangerous from the damage and had to be torn down and replaced. We told the insurance company this and they told us they would send their own engineer. And… well… they sent SOMEBODY. Was that guy a licensed engineer? Nope. Did they tell us he was? Yup.

So then we appealed to FEMA. The judge from FEMA told them outright to send a LICENSED engineer in his decision and left it at that. So then they did. This guy now said he thought fifty thousand was gonna do it. The insurance company looked at his report and went “mmm… so how about thirty thousand?”

So… no. So then we had to hire a lawyer and took them to court. We weren’t the only ones, thousands of people had to file these lawsuits. The lawyer told us not to let the mortgage company cash the $30,000 of checks we’d been given for the storm so far because it could be argued to be us agreeing to that number. He said we just had to WAIT. So the checks got too old to cash.

The Visiting Nurse Service started sending a therapist to our house once a week for each of the three of us to help with “Hurricane-Related PTSD”. Yup. Cool. On top of my regular C-PTSD. Awesome. But the guy was nice and having therapists to talk to twice a week (my regular one and this guy) was helpful. And he gave me some worksheets that helped me kind of have more of a tool kit. Everything still sucked but hey, we all trudged on.

Pretty sure this was around when the first roofing shingles started falling off of our rental house. We told the landlord that this was a problem and that the property was going to start getting leaks in the roof. We pointed out that it said in our lease that he was supposed to fix this little ‘issue’.

Repeatedly.

Including in writing and by sending him photos of the slowly growing stack of shingles that were not on the roof anymore and the leaky window.

And he still did diddly squat about it.

For five years.

Meanwhile during this whole… process, New York State started the New York Rising program to help rebuild the houses who were tied up in lawsuits like ours or who didn’t have insurance like my grandfather’s. We applied right away. It seemed like an answer!

…So then uh… New York Rising LOST our file.

…Uh… Twice.

And when they finally DID decide to properly process our application, they gave us a grand total of $88,000 and put us in the ‘Build a whole new house’ category. Our house is, as I said, under 900 square feet in size. You literally cannot build a house in our area for that price at that size. Especially when it’s a property that needs 14 foot deep helical pilings and a nine foot high foundation to comply with current code. The foundation alone is $50,000. The lowest estimate we found from any construction company after no less than TEN bids was $180,000 NOT counting the architect who’s another $15,000. NY Rising expected us to be able to rebuild for a fraction of that. So we started looking into finding other financing possibilities while waiting on the lawsuit to continue going through.

We decided to hire our neighbour’s architect because he was something resembling almost affordable. We gave him a deposit. …A few weeks later, he had a heart attack while leaving the building department’s office. …A few weeks after that, he started being investigated for embezzling money from his clients.

At this point, we’d been out of our house for years. And more and more shingles kept falling off of the roof of the rental. Then a siding tile fell off too because the landlord’s son’s landscaping company crashed a lawnmower into it.

We started looking at houses to buy so that at least we would own something.

Then my grandfather (who had been a major contributor to our household finances) had a severe stroke. Six months later, he died. Suddenly we were $3,000 tighter per month. The possibility of buying a house went out the window. But we made do as best as we could.

FEMA was paying for the rental house we were living in while going through all of the appeal and lawsuit procedures and, when we hit their funding cap, New York Rising’s IMA program stepped in to pay “whichever is less, your rent or mortgage”. It still meant higher costs as the rent around here is more than our mortgage, but it made it so we could get by.

The one silver lining was that once my grandfather was out of the picture (since he’d been living with us in a shared rental since Sandy), I was able to start on testosterone injections. January 28, 2015, I was able to start my injections and officially begin the medical side of my transition.

Then New York Rising hit a cap on IMA funding. Which… sucked pretty fucking hard because then there was a few thousand a month more money we had to find to shell out. But then the program was extended and that was awesome.

Then our cat, Pickles, developed severe kidney problems. She was my best friend since the day she showed up on our doorstep a week after we bought our house in 2006 and wandered into the kitchen demanding petting. She moved into our lives and never left. I couldn’t give her up without a fight. So I spent all of my savings on her medical bills and started giving her saline injections twice a day every day to help her kidneys flush the toxins they couldn’t handle themselves.

Then the IMA ran out again. So back to the land of suck. They told us we would be eligible for a little more funding. But only if we demolished the existing house.

In order to legally demolish the house, we had to pay for a construction company to do it under their license. New York Rising expected us to be able to demo the house for $5,000. The lowest bid we received was for $9,000. When we told them this, their reaction was essentially “yeah, yeah, we know, just make it work”. Make it work is a cool and funny phrase when spoken by an aging fashion consultant on television. It’s not so cool or funny when it’s being told to you by the people who are supposed to help you fix your house. It is stressful as hell.

Then Pickles got sicker. And sicker. And her at-home dialysis wasn’t enough to keep her going anymore. Pickles passed in May 2016.

In 2017, we finally won our lawsuit. The judge ruled the insurance company had to release a full payment to the policy maximum of $250,000! Those jerks tried giving us $15,000 and the judge was like “Uh… no, this is $250,000 of damage”. Victory! But we were still out our legal fees because, unlike homeowner’s insurance where the insurance company pays the fees, flood insurance is federally underwritten so you’re not allowed to get the legal fees paid for. Some flood insurance companies realized they’d fucked up and as a result agreed to pay for the legal fees. Our flood insurance company… wasn’t so generous. But a check was still generated by the flood insurance company thanks to the judge. Huzzah, light at the end of the tunnel!

…Then the lawyer refused to sign the check.

Apparently our lawyer has had dealings with our mortgage company before and run into the same problem as we had with their “we’ll release your funding at the end” theory. Except for him that meant “we won’t pay out your legal fees until the house is finished” and he didn’t like that. So they wanted him to sign the check over to them and he wanted them to sign the check over to him. They spent years arguing over a piece of paper with some dollar signs on it while we got needlessly further into debt.

Then one of my ferrets, Wasabi, my emotional support animal, got really sick really suddenly.

By the time the vet scrambled to find out what was wrong, it was too late and he was gone. It turned out that he had a rare autoimmune condition caused by heavy metal exposure from the water. His sister survived, but now Lemon was alone and she and I were both devastated. Watching the way she would get excited and then sad any time we brought out a toy with Wasabi’s scent on it broke my heart so I replaced her toys.

A month later, people came knocking on our door offering free water filters if they would let us track the toxic plume of decades old industrial chemicals and waste spreading unhindered through the groundwater supply that had apparently reached us and was contaminating our pipes.

Eventually, during all this, New York Rising started to realize that their $160 per square foot amount just wasn’t enough when it came to houses like ours. So they started a program called the Recon 100 program. The goal of this program was supposed to be that New York Rising would take over the build process, they would hire contractors and architects in bulk, essentially hiring them for ‘bundles’ of 10 or 20 properties at a time to get them to accept a lower profit per house because they would be guaranteed months of solid work. We were signed up into the program.

Now, as a condition of this program, we had to stop doing any work on our own, we’d have to return whatever hadn’t been spent on repairs already, and we’d have to give them any insurance checks. But New York Rising was bragging about how they had programs that would allow you to repay the funding over several years because they knew everyone was using a little bit here or there to make ends meet. And that was all well and dandy because once the repairs were done, the mortgage company would release what they were holding one way or another. They would have to. …Right?

Meanwhile, our rental assistance hit the next cap. New York Rising told us not to worry because once this paperwork was approved, we’d be eligible for a higher cap of extended rental assistance. It was just a matter of waiting for the paperwork to get approved, they said.

Then our caseworker at New York Rising decided she was going to deny our receipts for the funds already spent. And that she wasn’t going to file the appeals to that denial that we explicitly asked her in writing to file.

Then on top of that, we discovered that at some point our NYR caseworker had decided to NOT sign us up for the extended timeline repayment thing because… fuck knows why, honestly? And that now she wasn’t going to apply us for it because “oh it’s full now”. So NY Rising decided that, before they’d do anything, they wanted us to give THEM the money that was still sitting in those pre-lawsuit paper checks that went old immediately. The government decided that we either had to magic the money of an un-cashed check out of thin air or else it was up to us to: 1, get them reissued, 2, get them deposited by the mortgage company, and 3, somehow get the mortgage company to issue that money to New York Rising.

And they wanted all this done in less than a week because they decided this in the last phase of our approval process and there were other deadlines really close. …Needless to say, the mortgage company was like “lol um nah” even to the theoretical idea of giving the money to NY Rising for the repairs, nevermind the hassle of getting the checks reissued by the flood insurance company with an active lawsuit ongoing.

New York Rising only said “too bad, figure it out yourself and PS because you’re not in this program anymore, we won’t give you the continued rental assistance, why aren’t you done rebuilding your house yet?” Meanwhile, we were waiting on them for months because they told us it was just waiting for the paperwork to go through.

Meanwhile, we had a new jerk of a builder/flipper neighbour. He’d bought the house next door to us when the family with the new baby decided it wasn’t worth waiting so many years to have their own house fixed. Let’s call him Fish Head. He decided to have his building supplies delivered to our neighbour’s yard WITHOUT her permission because there wasn’t enough room on his property. Straight up, he had a whole pallet of building supplies just dumped on her yard. She complained, obviously, and her husband threatened to call the cops. So he moved his shit to to OUR yard because we happened to not be there that day. It took WEEKS to get him to move the shit, even WITH calling the cops.

Turns out, cops don’t give a shit if someone puts hundreds of pounds of building materials on your yard. They’ll tell you you’re well within your rights to move it yourself but if you don’t have a forklift or a whole team of burly humans to assist you in the move then too bad so sad.

Thanks, Fish Head.

But back to the housing. We were months overdue on the rent because we were “just waiting for the paperwork to finish processing”. They told us we’d get all the back stuff in one lump payment. They lied and now we were up shit’s creek.

Our scummy landlord finally sent a notice saying “I’ve waited long enough, get out”. So that was… cool. We were able to keep him from coming after the back rent by pointing out that he was a slum lord and that we’d notified him in writing about being a slumlord, but it still meant we had to move out immediately and in a rush. Thankfully, it was May.

So on June 1st 2018, we moved into our RV parked at a local campsite. Three adults, a cat, and a ferret, crammed into an RV that was anything but recreational.

We installed cameras on our house around this point because Fish Head kept having his workers trample all over our property and they kept breaking things and leaving garbage everywhere.

Then the engineer said he thought he could figure out a way to save the main body of our house and raise it, that we’d only have to demolish off the back room and possibly the bathroom in order to raise it. It was another light at the end of a repeatedly lengthening tunnel. So we changed tracks completely and had him start drafting stuff up for us to raise the existing house, rebuilding only the porch.

Now, here’s the thing about the local campsites, we don’t have many of them and they sell out pretty quickly. Especially for the height of the summer. So they didn’t have any of their ‘full hook-up’ sites, AKA the ones that get you electricity and everything, but we had water and a bathroom and a shower facility and the barbecue to cook food, and it was… survivable. Not exactly comfortable but survivable.

We started doing the work to repair the house instead of following the line of thinking of rebuilding it. We cashed in everything we could and scraped together every scrap of money we possibly could, we sold things, we asked for help where we could, we got a very understanding contractor to give us the lowest prices we could. We managed to get the mortgage company to pay out some of the Tropical Storm Irene money directly to the contractors. Remember that guy, wayyyy back in 2011? And the mortgage inspector who missed a pre-Sandy inspection by a week? Yeah. They still had that money. So even though it was technically Sandy damages as we’d already done the work from Irene, we managed to get them to pay that out. But WHATEVER. It got it paid.

We had a looming deadline from New York Rising that they wanted the house raised by December 31st. Or at least that they wanted it lifted and pending the new foundation. They call this ‘cribbing’ and it basically means your house goes up on Jenga Towers and that you can’t live in it for a while until the foundation is done and it goes back down. So we had to somehow make that happen. But first things first, the campground was closing for the season and we had to have a place to live.

On November 1st 2018, we were able to move back into our house.

Temporarily, at least, while permits and construction drawings and everything went through for getting the house raised.

So we applied to the mortgage company to get the remaining $40,000 that they had from Tropical Storm Irene, the full final payout. And, amazingly, we got it. In it came and went right back out it went to the contractors who were supposed to be working on raising the house because that December 31st deadline was still looming.

Then Fish Head who we keep running into issues with, FINALLY got a stop work order on his house for not having the right permits. Serves you right, Fish Head. But, in retaliation, he decided to lie to the building department that we were living there without utilities? Somehow? When we literally had all our utilities? And had gotten the “90% complete” inspection from our mortgage company? So THAT was a whole mess to try to straighten out. When we met with the head of the building department, he literally turned to the guy next to him and said “See, remember I told you about this guy? This is the retaliation I was telling you about” because he was the guy who had personally signed the stop work order on Fish Head.

So the next big concern was that December 31st deadline. Everyone kept debating whether or not New York Rising would extend it at the last minute again (as they’d done that once before), and we started scrambling to try to find somewhere to live while the house was raised. Ideally, we were looking for somewhere that WASN’T the cold tiny RV in the middle of a New York winter. We applied to a few apartments but because we were paying the mortgage and everything our debt to income ratio didn’t qualify.

On December 24th, 2018, we got the $250,000 check from the flood insurance company with our name and the mortgage company’s name. It seemed like a Christmas Miracle. So we immediately sent it over to the mortgage company so they could cash it and we could apply to have those funds released, remember, our house was FINISHED and HABITABLE, except for needing to be raised per the new flood zoning stuff. At the very least, we had the 90% inspection, and on our next inspection we got a 99%.

So we immediately started applying for the final permits for getting the house raised and my grandfather’s house demolished. The lady at the building department is… nice but not very organized. So we had to deal with the town jerking us around with the permits taking forever to get done, well past the time estimates they tell you on the phone when you call and ask about time estimates.

We rushed to have our disconnects done. Water, electric, sewer. The house was all wrapped up in a pretty bow ready to be raised. We moved into a hotel. All we needed was the final elevation permit and the money from the mortgage company.

So back to the mortgage company and that $250,000. The mortgage company denied the payout 3 times saying, “Oh we don’t have… this paper or that paper” for papers we had confirmation they had. The guy on the phone one time when we were like “….We submitted that one on x date while speaking to Z employee”, he tried saying, “Oh this fax isn’t legible…” and we were just like “…FAX… you mean the scanned in PDF we submitted via your web upload?” And he was like “…Oh. hold please…” and suddenly he could read the form. Magic. So basically they were just LYING to us. Why? Fuck knows.

Then it was, “Everything is fine and it’ll be issued in 3 days” on the 23rd. And we got the elevation permit! And the demo permit on my grandfather’s house! Everything was rolling along and it was all going to be fine! Right?

Not so fast.

On the 31st we still had no check. We called and it was, “Oh it has to go to this other department because it’s over $70,000, but everything is approved and they’ll issue the check in 5 to 7 days, HONEST”.

We called back on the 5th and THAT lie had turned into “Oh well… we sold your loan effective the 4th, you’ll have to ask the new guys”. The mortgage company SOLD OUR LOAN to another company WHILE our payout was “APPROVED AND SENT TO THE CHECK ISSUING DEPARTMENT”.

We called the new guys who told us, “Oh we don’t even have a ID NUMBER assigned for your loan yet, call back in a week to get your loan number and then it’s another week until we can even see your funds and start your payout claim oh and we probably need to schedule our own inspection.”

So it’ll be easily a month OR MORE before we get the money.

We are trying to expedite this whole process as best as we can. We managed to get the ID number in only 4 days. They seem to be arguing with themselves about whether or not they need a whole new inspection or not.

Meanwhile, we only really had the money for the hotel for the lift time but all the disconnects have been done (there is no heat, water, or electricity) so it’s not like we can just go BACK HOME during the delay either.

We have $250,000 on the way and we’re about to be homeless. Again. For the third time in 18 months.

If we can just get $5,000, we can pay to have the house RECONNECTED AGAIN to everything so we can wait these fuckers out and get the payout.

Every little bit helps.

Please.

The other option is living in the RV again just to have a roof over our heads. But unlike last time when it was warm, it is February and we are in NY. It snowed yesterday. RVs aren’t designed to keep warm when there’s snow out.

Please help me and my family stay in a house.

My paypal link is here: http://paypal.me/mihaelkai .

I am also taking a limited number of 1000 word or less commissions! That’s about the limit of what I can handle committing to right now! DM me for details!

(Mutuals/Friends: If you can’t donate but you can loan us some for two months or so, we can pay you back as soon as we get that check? Please let me know if it is a donation or if you would like to be paid back so I can keep a record.)

#transcrowdfund #trans crowd fund #please help #please consider donating #donation #donations

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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Twist Of Fate - Ch04 - (Trixya) - katyahzamo

A/N: Trixie and Katya are finally reunited. All future chapters will take place in the present, unless indicated otherwise. What’s going to happen next?

A reminder: Trixie is a hairdresser and Katya is a struggling photographer slash yoga instructor. Lesbian AU. Read the chapters on AO3 and/or come hang out on my tumblr katyahzamo!

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Katya hears herself laugh, but her eyes look for tiny changes in Trixie’s appearance, and the longer she looks the more she sees. She’s as tall as ever, slightly towering over Katya, but the dress, taut and pink, hugs her body differently. Trixie’s lost a bit of weight, her waist much smaller than the last time Katya has seen her, but her curves are still there, hips wide and thighs strong enough to break Katya’s neck if they so wished, shaping her into a perfect hourglass figure. Barbie who?

July 2018

Trixie is right there, and Katya is already on her feet, realizing she looks like a dumbass with her wet hair, lipstick smudged but not as bad as her glasses, the towel previously around her shoulders discarded on the floor somewhere. She feels like the kid who got caught red-handed, though she is not sure what exactly she feels startled about.

The soft look on Trixie’s face makes it worse, and now Katya is sure that she has stepped into a time machine that took her back to 2016.

“You look terrible.”

Trixie is the one who speaks again, expert at re-routing Katya’s overworked brain, hauling her thoughts back into present, making her terribly self-conscious of how much of a mess she looks like.

“Thanks, it’s the new look I’m trying. Hobo chic.”

A pair of arms finds her bony shoulders and pulls her into a hug, and Katya can’t remember the last time she felt this stupefied. The closest thing was the night Sharon told her she’s moving out, and even then Katya’s limbs worked properly, pacing around their tiny apartment with an unlit cigarette in her hands, trying to fix the shitstorm their relationship has become at that point in time. It didn’t really help. Obviously.

Thankfully it seems that her body has a mind of its own and reacts instinctively, because she is hugging Trixie back, holding her tightly for two long moments.

“You’re wearing glasses.”

It’s a statement, not a question, which comes from Trixie once they pull back. Katya’s still holding onto Trixie’s hand that she squeezes before letting go.

“Old age finally caught up to me. I’m almost as blind as a bat now.”

“Fitting, because you definitely look like one.”

Katya hears herself laugh, but her eyes look for tiny changes in Trixie’s appearance, and the longer she looks the more she sees. She’s as tall as ever, slightly towering over Katya, but the dress, taut and pink, hugs her body differently. Trixie’s lost a bit of weight, her waist much smaller than the last time Katya has seen her, but her curves are still there, hips wide and thighs strong enough to break Katya’s neck if they so wished, shaping her into a perfect hourglass figure. Barbie who?

Katya’s staring, pale blue eyes flitting over from Trixie’s hips to her face, softer makeup and round cheeks that seemed to have lost some of their youthful chubbiness.

She’s as beautiful as ever.

“You look amazing.” Katya says, and Kim snorts from behind them, not even trying to pretend she wasn’t watching this exchange carefully. Trixie rolls her eyes at the sound, but the smile doesn’t disappear when she speaks again.

“Thanks. I give myself two weeks in Boston before I’m back to being the white American trash.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, you never stopped being one.” Kim chirps and Trixie shoots her another look through her laughter before motioning to the chair where Katya was sitting.

Latrice is quick to suggest Trixie cuts Katya’s hair soon after, and it’s not long before Katya’s in front of the mirror again, eyes glued to Trixie. Luckily enough the other girls seem to have returned to their work, though the blonde one, Brianna, still throws curious glances their way, making Katya think she knows something that even Katya doesn’t. Either that, or Katya’s overthinking it again, which is a more likely scenario.

“When did you come back?” She’s happy that her voice is back to its usual, raspy self, feeling comfortable as soon as Trixie’s fingers start combing through her wet hair, studying it like a sculptor was to examine a piece she hasn’t worked on in a long time.

“Oh just last week. I barely had time to look for an apartment, and I feel like Kim’s about to throw me out from her couch if I don’t get moving soon.”

“Wait… so you’re staying? For good?”

Katya must have a hopeful look on her face because Trixie is grinning at her in the mirror, smoothing out blonde strands down Katya’s front after she’s taken off the glasses that rest in Katya’s fidgeting fingers.

“Oh yeah, I’ve had enough of Europe.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” She says, shrugging, both hands stopping on Katya’s shoulders, feeling warm even through the cape and the towel, burning Katya’s skin, “It was either leaving Germany for another European country, or returning here. None of the cities I visited felt like home enough so I figured coming back would be best, you know?”

“Oh yeah, I get that.”

“And I learned some cool stuff over there, so bringing it here makes my work more unique. If I stayed there, I’ve been doing the same thing everyone else does. Here- not so much.”

“So you came back to be a fancy European hairdresser in the middle of Boston.”

“Basically, yes.”

They both laugh and Katya closes her eyes when Trixie’s fingers find her scalp, splitting her hair down the middle.

“You grew out your bangs.” Trixie says, and only then do her eyes open again.

“Yeah, they didn’t know how to cut them the way you did so this was easier.”

“I told you not to go to Tammie before I left, Katya.”

“I didn’t come here actually, I cut my hair closer to where I work.”

“So Kim wasn’t joking when she said you haven’t been here since I left?”

“Nope.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Trixie digs through the drawer for a pair of scissors like Katya has seen her do a million times before, and smiles to herself.

“Do you want me to cut them again?”

“Yes, make me look like that Atomic Bland Charlize Theron fantasy.”

Trixie’s shrieking laughter is louder than Katya remembers it, and it makes her laugh just as much as it always did.

“Okay Katya, one Atomic Bland haircut coming right up.”

Katya stays around the salon even after her hair is done, since apparently Trixie isn’t back working at the Honey just yet, and officially starts Monday. It gives them time to go outside once the storm has passed, Katya smoking a cigarette and Trixie scrunching her nose at the smell.

“Anything new happening in Boston?”

A cloud of smoke puffs through Katya’s nostrils and she looks over at Trixie who’s leaned on the wall, watching her.

“No, not really. I don’t go out much, between yoga classes and working on my new portfolio, I barely have time for socializing.”

“Is Violet still around?”

“Oh yeah, she’s working at a modeling agency up north. She’s the one I bother when I need new portraits, and you know how much Violet loves having her photos taken.”

Trixie nods, and checks the phone that buzzes twice. Whatever it is on there, it makes her smile and suddenly Katya’s curious. It doesn’t last long because Trixie’s eyes are on her again, head tilted.

“So you’re finally chasing your photography dreams?”

“Yeah, figured now’s the good as time as any. I have a steady income from yoga and couple of photography gigs, so I started taking classes. I’m saving up for a new camera but I have to find a more affordable apartment now. Violet’s been offering we move in together, but I’ll see.”

The last sentence makes Trixie stand a bit straighter, and her teeth catch her bottom lip as if she’s deciding if it’s any of her business. Katya knows what the question is before Trixie can say it.

“What about Sharon?”

“Oh, that’s… we broke up. Six months ago.”

“Aw. I’m sorry, Katya.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s been a long time coming.”

Trixie still look sorry, and also looks like she’s about to reach out to touch Katya’s arm, but her phone buzzes and distracts her again. Katya says nothing but watches her instead, taking another drag of her cigarette.

“Anyway, there’s this club that my friend Craig works at, recently opened. Do you have any plans tonight? Maybe we can go, old times’ sake?”

Katya’s surprised how easily it comes out, even a little proud of herself. Her relationship with Sharon has destroyed her self-image, which she only became aware of months after break-up, and has to work on to this day. Ginger has suggested a therapist in those first couple of weeks, but Katya is yet to find a person she could open up to without feeling like crawling out of her skin.

“That sounds great Katya, but I can’t tonight.”

Oh.

“I already made plans with some of the people here, and Bob’s going to kill me if I don’t call him up while he’s here. Raincheck?”

There is no reason for disappointment that tugs at her insides, Katya thinks, so she’s nodding and stubbing out her cigarette, pushing her glasses up her nose and finally exhales, smiling.

“Raincheck.”

Her temporary apartment is maybe half the size of her and Sharon’s old one, but feels empty even with shelves full of books and boxes of old clothes Katya has no interest or time unpacking. It seems even emptier without Salem, the little cat they adopted from the shelter together. Sharon went to live with her parents and they both agreed the cat would have a more stable life living in one place with two other cats Sharon’s parents owned. It was definitely better than being left alone with Sharon traveling all the time and Katya too. Katya had every intention of traveling around the country and taking up photography jobs as soon as her class is done and she has saved up a little.

Traveling seems like a distant future now, when she hops into the shower, and wishes she at least had the cat to keep her company, instead of half-eaten Chinese on the coffee table in front of the TV and Netflix playing FRIENDS reruns for the umpteenth time.

It’s past nine pm when she’s done looking through and editing the latest photos she’s taken of Violet. She looks stunning and reminds her of Dita Von Teese just to the right extent, which was the ultimate goal during the photoshoot they had the week before. Katya plops down on the worn out couch and props her feet on the coffee table, flexing her sore thighs from the intense yoga workout that morning and sends her favorite shots to Violet for feedback.

She finds herself opening Tinder as she takes a sip of the flat coke left over from that morning, scrunching her nose at the aftertaste it leaves in her mouth, scrolling lazily through newest messages without opening any of them. Every girl that pops up on the app is swiped left, as Katya barely pays attention to how they look or what they’ve written. It seems as if she’s looking for something - someone, and she pauses for a few seconds over every blonde with thick long hair and big tits.

Would Trixie even have Tinder? Katya thinks as big IT’S A MATCH! flashes across her screen and she does absolutely nothing about. Trixie never talked about her love life in the first place, never mentioning any exes or her dating life. Katya knows she’s gay, but that’s about it. If Trixie found anyone in Germany – she wouldn’t have come back, would she? She didn’t mention anyone while cutting Katya’s hair or while standing with Katya outside of the salon while she smoked.

Why does Katya care if Trixie is single, anyway? It’s a thought that crosses her mind, but she doesn’t need to dig too deep to get the answer. She’s aware now, two years later, that she’s always had a small crush on her gorgeous, blonde hairdresser with the best sense of humor in the world. When she was with Sharon it was something she never wanted to admit to herself, but now… Her stomach flips at the possibility since Trixie is back. It’s probably just wishful thinking and boredom speaking, anyway.

Another message arrives on Tinder and she closes the app with a huff, opening Instagram instead. She has followed Trixie for a while now there, but aside from several landscape or animal photos from two years ago, she wasn’t on there at all. Twenty-seven notifications catch her attention and she thinks it’s probably people liking her latest headshot of Violet, and some of them are.

trixie.mattel liked your post

trixie.mattel, pin.up_dolls and 18 others started following you.

Katya blinks at the screen and notices that she is grinning, wondering how Trixie found her profile in the first place. She taps the username and finds that Trixie has a new profile, not the one that Katya was following, and this one is filled with photos from Trixie’s life in Europe. This Instagram is full of Berlin’s architecture, different foods, different faces of beautiful girls whose makeup and hair Trixie did, and only a handful of those with Trixie’s face. Katya finds out that Bob has visited Trixie in Berlin at least once, Tammie and Kim too, and suddenly wishes she could have done the same.

Her finger hovers over the Follow Back button only for a split second before she clicks it, then goes back to see that all the photos Trixie liked were not of Violet or any of the other models, but of Katya’s selfies, Salem and one of Katya by the pool, taken by Sharon over a year ago, standing in chakrasana pose.

Katya’s palms are sweaty when she closes instagram to breathe, then goes on Facebook to find three notifications:

Honey Salon tagged you in a post.

Violet Chachki, Ginger Minj and 75 other people reacted to a photo you are tagged in.

1 friend request: Trixie Mattel

The photo is of her new Atomic Bland haircut, taken by the new girl with blue-green hair (whose name Katya forgot) as soon as Trixie was done earlier today. It looks amazing. There are no comments under it, but that’s where Trixie must have found her. She accepts the friend request and scrolls through Trixie’s profile, the only post from the past two months a check in to Boston Logan Airport a week before. Her stomach makes several somersaults when she goes through Trixie’s profile photos, the latest one in front of the Berlin Wall taken in August 2017, and likes it before she can overthink.

Ding.

Katya feels butterflies explode in her stomach as she gets a Messenger notification and sees Trixie’s photo pop up. She immediately gets up, walks over to her small fridge, gets a new can of Coke, her spare pack of cigarettes, and sits next to the kitchen window so she can smoke. She is shit at texting, that much is sure. Would she and Trixie have things to talk about? Why is Trixie messaging her, didn’t she have plans tonight, why—

You and Trixie Mattel are now connected on Messenger. Wave to say hello!

Katya takes off her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose, then rubs her eyes and with a groan realizes she still has some eyeshadow and mascara residue from the day. She is definitely ready for bed, so she smokes quickly, Messenger still open when she stubs out the cigarette and closes the window so the AC can make the hot summer night a bit more bearable. Her finger slips while she brushes her teeth, and Katya stares at the little You waved at Trixie!, feeling like a teenage boy not knowing what to do about his first crush on the pretty girl from his class. Nothing happens even after she climbs gets into her queen sized bed, the only piece of furniture left from her and Sharon’s life. She tries to mentally will Trixie to do something, at least message her first but Trixie must be still out at this hour on a Saturday night.

Katya doesn’t know when she fell asleep, and the phone she held in her hand slipped and fell on the floor sometime during the night. She wakes up with a start some nine hours later, past 7:30am, woken up by the sunlight peeking through the heavy curtains. Her freshly cut short hair is sticking in all directions and clinging to her sweaty neck when she gets into the shower. It’s only halfway through her second cigarette and half a cup of coffee that she’s awake enough to remember what happened the night before. Fumbling through the discarded clothes on the floor, Katya pulls out her phone to find many instagram notifications and texts from Violet, before she opens Messenger with a little (1) next to Trixie’s photo.

You and Trixie waved at each other!

There are no notifications from Trixie for the rest of the Sunday, or the first half of the following week. Katya does nothing to message first, either, torn between being busy with photography classes, work, and worry that she’d make a complete ass of herself in front of Trixie. She has no idea how to flirt anymore, having been in a relationship for such a long time. All of her Tinder hookups did not involve a lot of talking, and Katya used it mostly to relieve the pent up frustration not even yoga or running could get out of her system. How young people get into relationships with only a set of emojis and snapchat exchanges these days, she has no idea. Even though she is only in her early 30s, Katya feels ancient.

It’s not like she doesn’t have the ability to flirt, either, since her and Trixie’s banter felt organic even when she was nervous around her, but Katya being Katya, is worried she’d get too overbearing too soon for Trixie. They are both different people than they were two years ago, so she has no idea if they would hit it off as well as they used to, when Katya was still taken and Trixie was leaving for another continent. Talk about bad timing.

The situation, though more simple now, is also complicated because what if Trixie turns her down and she is never able to step her foot into Honey again, after just getting her favorite hairdresser back? Or what if she doesn’t turn her down but then Katya is such a fuck up she disappoints Trixie, which would result in the same scenario of Katya having to find another place to cut her hair in again?

It’s a bit easier to focus on the present instead of ‘what ifs’ four days later while she’s sitting in a park several blocks away from her apartment on a warm Wednesday afternoon. She’s working on her photography Facebook and Instagram pages for homework, laptop balancing on her knees and Subway sandwich half-forgotten on the bench beside her. Her browser shows twenty-five tabs open and Katya can feel the sweat forming on her forehead despite the shade and the light breeze, wondering when the rainfall would start today and force her to go into one of the nearby cafés. It always got unbearably humid right before the storm, and every single day this week has been the same.

One of her tabs pings a facebook notification. Katya hopes it’s more people responding to her page invitation and she quickly pulls it up it to check. Instead of people liking her page, she’s gotten an invitation for an event happening in Boston that Friday. It’s from Trixie.

DJ PEARL LIAISON joins the lineup for the biggest LGBTQIA+ party in town! Bring your friends! All ticket proceedings will go to raising HIV awareness and fund housing of youth living with AIDS!

Trixie Mattel is going. Violet and 3 other friends are interested in this event.

Katya stares at her name and wonders whether this is a mass invitation Trixie has sent, or if it’s a personal thing, an attempt to connect with Katya without making it awkward? But Trixie isn’t awkward at all, Katya thinks, Trixie is always open and loud and says what she thinks. Katya’s not breathing as she opens the messenger app, deciding to do a second daring thing within seven days. Talk about living dangerously. She vehemently ignores the dumb ‘wave’ exchange and types before her overthinking mind can stop her.

Katya Zamolodchikova: Hey Tracy, ‘sup?

Katya Zamolodchikova: I saw the invitation you just sent

Katya Zamolodchikova: Are you going?

Okay, that wasn’t painful at all, Katya thinks as she hurriedly switches the tab and goes back to looking at designs she’d use for her business card. The messenger notification is instant, the little ding going off on her phone and browser at the same time.

Trixie Mattel: Katie! thought you’d never ask ;)

Katya watches the dots hopping in the chat window, painfully aware that Trixie is calling her out on this radio silence ever since they connected on social media.

Trixie Mattel: Yeah, a bunch of people I know are going :D :D :D

Trixie Mattel: Do you want to come? :)

The excess use of emojis makes Katya laugh, but she replies immediately.

Katya Zamolodchikova: Sure!

Trixie Mattel: Great, I saw Violet’s interested too, bring her along :D

Katya sighs, staring at the message. If Trixie wants her to bring a friend, this can’t be a date. But, why is she thinking about dates? For all she knows, Trixie is just being nice and is excited to be in contact with her again. As a friend. Maybe it’s better that Katya brings Violet, after all, since Trixie mentioned a bunch of people and Katya is anything but comfortable being in a group where she only knows one person.

Katya Zamolodchikova: Violet probably knows this entire lineup, so I’m sure she’ll go. We’ll be there.

Katya Zamolodchikova: :D :) :D

Trixie Mattel: Great! see you Friday, Zamo :* :* :*

Katya Zamolodchikova: See ya!

Katya Zamolodchikova : :*

Katya is about to log out of Facebook immediately, deciding it would be best to leave the pages for tomorrow, knowing she will not be able to focus fully on task at hand now. She’ll be seeing Trixie, again, in a casual setting after almost two years. There will be dancing, and drinks, and Violet will probably be busy with pretty girls flocking to her, so anything could happen. She feels her excitement beat against her ribcage, and when another notification comes, she can feel it in the tips of her fingers too.

Trixie Mattel: Btw, give me your number so we can find each other easily on Friday?

Trixie Mattel: We’ll be there around 11:00pm

As Katya sends her phone number to Trixie and packs her laptop and sandwich, she looks towards the dark clouds that are gathering and smiles. Things might be looking up after all.

#trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #trixya #trixya fic #katyahzamo #lesbian au #cisgirl au #slow burn #mutual pining #rpdr fanfiction #twist of fate

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whatismeta-blog · 6 years

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To the Anon, who Asked the Asks

1) what was your first delusion

Honestly, I think I might still be working through it. But like it might not be, so like...

Welcome welocome, the answers get better I swear

2) have you ever had your choice taken away by the psychiatric system

: Not really, I never really spent to much time in any systems due to paranoia of the system, probably because of the stigma around it and pop culture fueling a strong sense of danger in it, and just my lack of any real wealth in my past and present

3) how do you cope with your hallucinations

: Painfully ignoring them in almost everyway I can, which, has often lead to me ignoring something happening around me, or directed at me cause I thought It wasn't real. Other than that I find physical grounding, and specifically martial arts helps make my overall disorder more positive in tone

4) are you professionally diagnosed with a psychotic disorder

: I was professionally diagnosed back when's was about 14 or 15, after a few sessions the doctor said I probably had schizophrenia and prescribed me some anti psychotics

5) how often do you shower

: About once (1) or twice (2) a week honestly, I need to take more. But I've been getting better

6) to what extent are you "out" as psychotic

: I'm about half way, most of my old friends and family have no knowledge, but my current living people all know, my boyfriend knows, and a couple people the I've had some long nights with know, and my entire blog

7) have you ever had a funny or cute hallucination

8) how old were you when you were first diagnosed (or figured it out yourself)

:when my sister went to North star when I was in like 3rd grade, and my mum tried to explain it to me why my sister was inpatient, I specifically remember that imentioned i thought something might be wrong with me too, but since I was outwardly disruptive, just "quiet" my mum found no need

9) how old were you when you first started having symptoms

So issues with Speech is a commonly overlooked symptom of schizophrenia, as a in my case I feel more cognitive issue, and I think that my early childhood and that I had a speech therapist cause of my young selective autism, and just inability to speak right might've been my first symptoms

10) do you reclaim any words associated with your disorder

: I honestly don't really think I do, I want to though -> Paranoid, I use a lot though, caus like Fuck am.I paranoid, and psychotic, but I use that more clinically,

11) do you feel emotions intensely or hardly at all

: Harldy at all, I just, I may only be 22, but I'm just really tired and old, but if an emotion can start shining through strongly it kind of starts to engulf me, especially at night

12) do you have a hard time making yourself understood

: so much, it's lessened some over the years, but so many times after trying to get words out, (I tend to speak fast and with a sometimes interesting vocabulary) and I'm just still really bad at using English to express specifically emptions, which only makes me feel worse cause wow have I fucked things up trying to say something and someoneisunderstanding me

13) which symptoms of your disorder impair you the most

: negative symptoms, that cause me to just be very distant as a person mentally and presently, and I think overall paranoia, or even sometimes like, meta-paranoid <-

14) do you usually have some insight when you're actively psychotic

:When I'm hallucinating, I'd say I generally do, but when I am delusional, I usually don't, but I kinda always think that there is a chance I'm being psychotic so I try and stay on my toes. If ya know what's mean

15) is there a situation you can laugh at which was a scary time

16) do you think your psychosis is related to trauma

: it possibly could be, but I don't believe that if I didn't have trauma that I wouldn't still be psychotic

17) do you have any co-morbid disorders

:probably, I try not to worry to much about what's all wrong. I just try and make it all work together

18) what is you're exact diagnosis if you have one

Do to the people who diagnosed me as schizophrenic loosing their thing. Due to.insurance purposes, I have no diagnosis on file. Last time I went in a couple years back to a new doctor they said I should get evaluated, but like, I could barely afford what I had already been there for

19) when did you start think you might be psychotic

Before I can remember

20) is there a history of psychosis in your family

:I've don't know to much of my family or their histories, but my mum is paranoid and has anxiety. And my older sister is autism spectrum, and so mental health is in the family

21) do you have inappropriate emotions or reactions

Less inappropriate as in lewd, but more of, absent, or like, when I first was told someone close to me (human) died, I didn't ever cry once for them, I don't think I have to this day, not to say I wouldn't cry for everybody close to me, but like yeah, and like when answering personal questions I think I react a lot more deflectively. Or like, hell, my partner told me they loved me for the first time, and though I honestly wanted to say it back, I just didn't, I honestly don't remember what I said. And Tbh still kinda feel shitty about that interaction..

22)do you relate to any characters bc they might have a psychotic disorder

Fucking,

River tam from firefly, (like yeah, she has like actual powers and shit, but Damn, it kinda affects her similarly)

23) do you have a song you listen to when.you need to calm down

Lullaby for a stormy night, ever-changing by rise against

24) do you have a song you relate to psychosis

:first one I could think of is "World in a bottle" by Anavae

25) what traits do you want to see in a canonically psychotic character

Negative symptoms, dissociation, And a few happy Fucking stories for us please

26) do you have a recurring delusion or hallucination

:oh boy do I, I'm honestly still coming to terms with a long time life held delusion, and that's a fun thing to do without therapy let me tell you, here do come Nov. 17

27) would you get rid of your psychotic disorder if you.could)

: if, it could be a little more manageable that would be nice, but, honestly, not being psychotic ever again.. now that sounds kinda scary too

28) do you take anti-psychotic, why?

:no prescription grade, but I do my best to self medicate, if you can, don't follow my example

29) how is your memory

:well I've been going back and forth writing the numbers and questions now, and I read the ask, switched form my photos to the tumble app, and then forgot, so. Bonus fact, this is the first ask i answered in this line

30) what how through your head when you hear "cute but psycho"

Honestly I see hear the Word psycho and almost every time I get upset, but like unless they're psychotic, and okay with you referring to them as such. It just makes me upset

31) do you experience time distortion

According to general laws of physics time dilates, so yeah I do what of it?

Serious answer though, yeah,

Like say my first 4 month into being in my current city, I had a mental fall back, and went back home for a 2 maybe three months,

That first fronts in this city, was actually 4 days, and part of my waking routine is checking the date and time to make sure that I am in the know on what year and day it's supposed to be

#anon #ask

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lessthanmacyalexis · 7 years

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Relief || Macy Alexis

Macy was exhausted. Not the I need to sleep in late next weekend exhausted, more like the every bone in her body felt heavy and her eyes never wanted to stay open. But she couldn’t sleep. Had so much to do. Julia had been having nightmares for the past two weeks, almost every night. Even when she had tried to catch up on some sleep Macy was woken up by the sounds of her daughter crying almost on a schedule. Julia kept her up most of the night, and by then she couldn’t go to bed, or she’d sleep past when she had to go to work. And as she was finishing up her first album Macy couldn’t afford to be late, every second she had in the studio was a reminder that this was the make or break moment of her career. That if this album didn’t do well she would have to spend years rebuilding her reputation, just to get another chance like this one. And if it did, that opened up an entirely new can of worms, because she’d be thrust into a whole world of new responsibilities at work, possibly even put in charge of scouting out her own artists to work with, and that would eat up at any of her free time left. Not that she had a whole lot of it now, really the only time she could get to herself was when she could convince somebody to let Julia sleep over. And with the nightmares that was becoming less and less likely, Julia would cry for her mother until Macy was there. So she lost out her time to be a sister, a friend, a girlfriend to her two jobs, work and being a mother. And that brought a whole new wave of stress and worries.

Every other Monday, Macy left work an hour early to go to therapy sessions. It’d taken her suicide attempt to finally admit she wasn’t okay, and that she couldn’t just wait for it to pass. So she’d been in therapy, twice a month, ever since. And right now she needed it. Had vented here and there to her siblings, her friends, Dustin, but something about these sessions made it so easy to get it all out. Every last fraction of something that was eating at her. When time came for her to leave Macy had nearly bolted out the door. There was still so much work to be done, but if she missed this appointment she thought she might explode. Coming into her therapist’s office, she didn’t even bother with formalities before shooting off.

“This is so much! I never thought I was gonna have half of what I do now and I don’t have a fucking clue how to handle it! Julia keeps having bad dreams, and she won’t let anyone else calm her down. So I have to stay up so I don’t miss her crying or she’ll never get back to sleep, and then it takes me an hour of singing and stories and cuddling to get her to drift off again and if I’m lucky she’ll stay asleep but I am barely ever lucky so I can’t get any rest, which is fine, honestly, it’s a phase and I kinda missed it from when she was a newborn and screaming all the time, or it would be fine if it was just that. If I was just a mom I could handle Julia so well! Actually, who knows. I might be a terrible mother, who’s gonna tell me that? Dustin and my friends are so goddamn supportive and my siblings have the same mother I did and she’s not exactly and shining example. So what if I’m just fucking her up and nobody’s telling me? Oh god, what if she turns out like me? I was so goddamn miserable for so long, I don’t want that for her. I keep thinking I should quit and find something less intensive to do, so I get more time with her, but then I don’t want to set the example of setting aside my dreams because I was too busy being a slut to make sure the condom didn’t break. And I don’t know how to explain to her that her father just up and left her life! Everyone tells me that she’s not going to be missing the love in her life and I know that’s true but Ty is still her father and she’s never going to know him and that’s always going to be something missing from her life. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to fix that!” She paused to take a breath, leaning back in her seat. Her therapist didn’t say anything, just waited for her to keep going.

“And that’s another thing, with Dustin, am I moving too fast with introducing him to her? He’s set her up a room in his house and he’s so amazing and I can feel myself falling for him every time I see him and God if he’s the one I end up spending the rest of my life with I’ll be so amazingly happy you might be out a patient, but what if things don’t work out? What if he comes to his damn senses and realizes he could have his pick of anyone in the damn world and that a single mom that works too much is not the best he can do? And Julia’s gotten used to having him around and then he isn’t either. He said he wouldn’t do something like that and I believe him, but if we break up and it’s nasty, what else is gonna happen? She already loves him, every time we spend the night over his place she’s over the moon and I can’t blame her, because so am I. But you know what she said the other day? That it feels like a family there. And God it warmed my heart for a second because she’s right. Dustin feels like home. But then I got terrified, because it’s only been a month. We don’t know what’s going to happen. If she’s used to Dustin being around and he and I being together and getting to spend time with him and then we don’t end up working out that’s a whole new person that Julia’s going to have cared for that will just be out of her life. And that’s the kinda thing that gives a kid abandonment issues! And that’s all on me. I’m supposed to protect her from that.”

“And then work has me so strung out that it’s inevitable I’m going to mess something up and if I do I’m entirely fucked and if I don’t I’m probably fucked too because there’s a reason there aren’t a lot of single parent music producers out there, it’s such a time consuming job, especially if they don’t want me to have a team yet, that means everything would be on me. And I already don’t spend enough time with Julia, or with my siblings, or my friends, and I definitely don’t spend enough time with Dustin and I just always feel like I’m running out of time and even when I force myself to relax and enjoy something there’s always a voice in the back of my mind telling me there’s something I’ve got to do and I’m forgetting it and it’s going to be a nightmare when I remember and I’m not suited for any of this and I don’t know how to deal because I’m so terrified I’m going to ruin it all because that’s what I do! I’m going to work too much and then Dustin is going to leave me because who wants to date somebody they absolutely never see and then Julia is going to hate me because her father left her and her mother didn’t even care enough to stop working for long enough to be around her, and Rhys and Soph are gonna be sick of me, they liked it better when I wasn’t around and the worst part is I know this isn’t likely. The idea that everyone I care about is just slowly getting tired of dealing with me isn’t one that I should be worrying about because we’re goddamn adults and if they didn’t really want to be around me they wouldn’t be but that doesn’t mean I’m not still worried about it!” Macy wasn’t sure when she’d started crying. Wondered how much of that had been understandable,

“Things don’t go this good for long. Not for me. I just keep hearing this nagging voice that I shouldn’t get used to being this happy and it’s wearing me down to nothing.” Her therapist nodded, she still hadn’t said a word since Macy had entered the room. It took her a few moments to respond and dole out some much needed advice, but Macy had already felt better getting everything out in one sitting, she was still exhausted, but letting it all explode had relieved some of the tension. Maybe she could try for a nap while Sophia still had Julia from daycare.

#this is literally just macy ranting for 20 minutes #and the ending is shit ngl

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samtheflamingomain · 7 years

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0 reasons why

It's been about two and a half months since I was kicked out. I've told the story of how and why that happened, but since then I haven't posted much if anything.

A lot of it is because I've been incredibly busy and stressed, homeless and in the hospital. But it's been a week since I finally got settled. I've had a bad cold but I've also had a bad case of emotional numbness.

I've desperately needed to do some writing to process everything that's happened in the last few months but haven't felt like I could. I still don't, but it's time to give it a try.

After I was kicked out I spent two weeks living in a shitty run-down motel next to a strip club. I was confronted by pimps on my second day and was nearly arrested twice, but for some ungodly reason, looking back on the last 2.5 months, that's when I was happiest.

I kind of understand why; I'd been duped and brainwashed by my abusive parents my entire life and now I was seeing the light. I was frantically searching for a place to live before I ran out of time at the motel, but I found one, and that only amplified my happiness. Now I was going to get out on my own and truly start my life.

Only that didn't happen. What I thought was a "shared accommodations" apartment was actually classified as a boarding house because the landlord lived there and shared the kitchen with the boarders. Legally, I had no right to keep my cat there.

I informed my ex-mother of this fact and she threatened to throw out all my stuff, get rid of my cat, and cut off my phone service. In tears, I ran to the police station where they called my birthgivers to tell them they had to keep my stuff and cat until I found a place to keep them.

So round two of looking for a place to live had begun. It took longer this time but I eventually found two girls who were looking for a third roommate. We meshed well and they'd let me move in on April 1st.

I still had more than two weeks of having not much to do though; kind of where I'm at now but with better excuses: I didn't have my cat, most of my art supplies, or any money. I also knew that I desperately needed to be on different meds.

Let me interlude briefly here to explain in monotonous detail my med situation: in the past, I've been diagnosed with depression. I've since been diagnosed with bipolar and recently re-diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. They're diagnostically very similar, so this distinction doesn't mean much in practice. I'm the kind of mentally ill where they do their best to treat the symptoms without worrying much about the label. Because my symptoms fulfill the requirements of almost every mental illness, and I'm not exaggerating.

There's also another diagnosis that's somewhat difficult to explain and impossible to treat medically: Reactive Attachment Disorder. I've written about it in the past so I won't bore you again, but basically it means my parents didn't parent right and as a result I don't love them and never did. When diagnosed in children, the treatment is taking the child from the abusive parents. Which I would've loved. I spent my entire childhood waiting for my parents to divorce, wishing I was an orphan, even wishing I'd wake up or come home and they'd be dead.

When it goes unnoticed till adulthood, the only thing that treats this attachment disorder is cutting ties with the parents and a metric fucktonne of therapy.

A bit of a tangent: has anyone read Sybil? I know a lot of people from my high school did because it was required reading for a popular course. It's about the titular character's child abuse manifesting itself as "multiple personalities" or dissociative identity disorder. In it, Sybil has a therapist that she sees almost every day. I remember thinking many things at the time of reading it, but two stand out: "Sybil's childhood was nothing compared to mine" and "I wish I could afford to see a therapist every day, lord knows I need it."

Anyway, back to my meds: I still need something for anxiety, something for sleep, and something for a symptom called mood lability: emotional disregulation. For me, this comes as a result of never learning about emotions or controlling them. Until I was 20, I had never even understood that thoughts are seperate from emotions. All I knew about controlling my emotions was that I should be able to do so at the drop of a hat, less my parents scream at me till I puked from crying so hard.

But you can't control your emotions, only how you react to and express them. So I learned as a young child how to do that, and the best way was to lie. I'm probably the best liar I know with the exception of my ex-father, who is a literal sociopath. I'm not. I feel guilt when I lie, but it became a necessary way of coping with my parents.

ANYWAY, back AGAIN to my meds. Mood lability is common in bipolar and schizoaffective and is treated by a mood stabilizer. In the past, psychiatrists would usually encounter me during a depressive phase, mark me as depressed, and put me on an antidepressant. I've been on every single SSR/NI and none have done a single damn thing. In 2015 I was referred to rTMS brain stimulation. I did it a year later. And at the end, I was manic, and diagnosed with bipolar.

Unfortunately, my psychiatrist didn't listen to the psychiatrist running the rTMS who rediagnosed me, and continued to ignore my pleas to put me on a mood stabilizer. After another 6 months of re-trying all the SSRIs I'd already tried, he referred me to ECT, a last-resort treatment that can cause permanent memory loss. That's when I begged my doctor to get me a new psychiatrist.

He did. Same drugs, same attitude, same bullshit.

I saw him the day before I was kicked out. He did nothing. I tried to kill myself twice the following week but the hospital wouldn't admit me because I was homeless. I came in a third time psychotic. They sent me home to lay in bed hallucinating and sobbing for 8 hours till I passed out. I saw the psychiatrist again, and I told him that I'd been kicked out and homeless and he told me, more or less, to save it for my therapist, he only dispensed drugs.

This brings us back to mid-March when I'd just gotten a place to live starting April first. Knowing the hospital wouldn't admit me, knowing the psychiatrist wouldn't change my meds, and knowing I couldn't deal with the insanely rapid-fire mood cycling I was going through, I slowly deterriorated mentally, only getting worse when my ex-mother told me she'd had a heart attack. That's when I saw a way out: to kill my ex-father.

He was the cause of all this. At first I lamented the idea that I'd caused her heart-attack, but if anything, he did. He's the one who cheated on her and he's the reason she kicked me out. He's the reason I'm a liar and an asshole and a generally awful person. Because I had to be those things to survive living with him. More than a few times, I've been afraid that he'd kill me in a bout of uncontrollable anger. He deserved it.

But I knew it was fucking insane. I wouldn't go to prison, so I knew I'd have to kill myself after doing it. But I also knew I wouldn't do it. I went back to the hospital for the forth time in a month.

Thankfully, because they give more of a shit about my waste-of-space ex-father's life than my own, threatening to kill someone gets you a bed on the psych ward much faster than threatening to kill yourself. Once I knew I was momentarily safe and that I'd likely walk out with new meds and a new psychiatrist, I felt instantly better. I was only there 4 days. I quickly came to the conclusion that it would actually be more merciful for me to kill him than to let him live out the rest of his short lifespan.

(He's got a degenerative disease called ankylosing spondalitis. Since age 25, his vertebrae have been slowly, painfully fusing together to form one giant spine bone. He won’t make it to 65. He can't bend his back and some days he can barely walk it's so painful. I'm glad.)

It takes a certain kind of person to enjoy someone else's pain, but I know I'm not evil because of it. I still pity my ex-mother because she's going to have to be in emotional pain for the rest of her life and I will never, ever forgive her for chosing him over me. I don't enjoy thinking about anyone else in pain except him. Because he truly, truly deserves it.

I was prescribed a mood stabilizer on March 20th, got a new psychiatrist for March 31st, and a new sleeping pill on that same date. I moved the next day and couldn't fill the prescription until I moved, then the pharmacy said they'd have to order my new sleeping pill. So, on April 2nd, just a day after moving in, I went to the wine store, bought a bottle of 20% fortified wine, drank it in 2 hours, found rope in the garage and tried to hang myself.

One of the roommates heard my desperate pleas for death to envelope me, came in and pulled me down. When she went for her phone, I went for my razor and cut my arm wide open.

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and sewn up, but left to suffer a psychotic episode in the waiting area for 4 hours till I passed out. I was there for over 15 hours, given no pain meds, no food, and none of my regular medication. I didn't even have my phone or wallet on me. The psychiatrist released me the next morning. I was only able to get back "home" thanks to a friendly patient giving me some money for the bus.

I got back at noon and the roommates were very cold. I get it, I really do. It can't be easy to have to call an ambulance for someone you just let move in. But that's partially why I did it: they barely knew me, so they wouldn't be as affected by it as they would if they'd gotten to know me first.

I immediately tried to sleep with my new sleeping pill. As I was drifting off, the landlord barges in and says I have to leave, immediately, and find a new place for May 1st. Just hours after being released from the hospital. I tried to explain to him that I just needed to sleep and I'd be okay. He said, and I quote, "You need help. You need to be in the hospital 24/7."

Well actually, asshat, if that were the case, I would've still been at the hospital. I told him I had nowhere to go. He said "find somewhere." So I said goodbye to my cat, whom I'd just gotten back after a month and a half of not seeing him, and went to stay at a youth homeless shelter while I looked for a new place to live. They changed the locks and said that if I wanted to get something I had to call and ask the landlord first and he'd let me in, maybe, if he felt like it.

I talked to a lawyer the next day. Since the landlord's daughter is one of the tenants, I was, again, not covered by the Landlord and Tenant Act, meaning he could kick me out for any reason at any time - but he did need to give me at least a week's notice or give me my rent back. I wanted to stay at the house till I found a new place, but he refused. He (illegally) withheld my rent until I moved out. Thankfully I found a place almost immediately, signed a lease with my name on it, and was able to move in on the 15th.

Unfortunately, many, MANY things went wrong between the 3rd when I left and the 15th when I moved in to the place I'm at now.

On the 5th, my bike seat was stolen. I replaced it. On the 6th, my entire bike was stolen. The police said I might as well forget about it; bikes are low on their priority list and are almost never found.

On the 7th, I woke up in the shelter to a phone-shaped hole in my belongings. I reported it stolen and the shelter said I'd have to wait several days (which turned into several weeks) before they'd do anything about it. They just installed new cameras, the only person authorized to view the cameras was on vacation, the police could only do something if they had the camera footage.

But I thought of something. It was an iPhone, so I went into the Cloud and clicked "Find My iPhone". Unfortunately, "Sam's iPhone" couldn't be located. Fortunately, this was because it had turned into "Jessy's iPhone". And it was at Bleams and Strausberg.

Showing this to the shelter workers was proof enough to get him kicked out of the shelter, but not enough to get my phone back. I know it's long gone by now, along with my SIM card and over 400 pictures of my cat growing up, but I'm still pressing charges, because the first day I spent without so much as a way to tell time was one of the worst days of my life and I almost killed myself several times. It wasn’t just a phone, it was the only thing I had to keep in contact with people who made me feel safe.

I somehow managed to make it another week and hire movers for the 15th. I needed to pack so I set up an "appointment" with my "landlord" to go back to my "house" to pack my stuff. The movers also needed to do an "estimate" so I set that up for the same date.

Now we get to the part where I fucking hate religion. We live in a SECULAR society whose workings are still controlled by ancient pagan rituals. That is to say, I had unknowingly planned to move on the Easter weekend. That meant several things: the movers called me back to cancel 3 days before the move, I had to hire last-minute movers that cost twice as much, and my landlord, a devout Catholic, was pissed.

Despite him being the reason I was moving, he didn't want me to move till "sometime next week". I told him I'd be moving into my new place on the 15th and if that meant sleeping on the floor, that'd be because of him. I would not spend another night at the homeless shelter when I didn't have to. After a lot of yelling at me and the movers for not showing up TWICE, I finally got my shit moved out of the old place, got my rent back, and got moved into the new place by 11pm on the 15th. I had scheduled the movers for 9am, so I'd been up since 7.

I thought I'd be manic again as I always am when I move houses, but it was actually just profound repression. I slept in till 10am then spent 15 hours straight unpacking and decorating because I didn't want to face whatever I'd be feeling if I stopped.

But eventually I ran out of things to unpack and walls to decorate. That's when the depression starting sinking in and I started trying everything I could to distract myself. I have a massive backlog of Youtube videos I've been working my way through for six months, a bunch of video games I got for Christmas I haven't played yet, and a shitload of errands to do. So I filled my days with those.

I got a new phone, but it didn't make me feel much better because my best friend, who’d just finished school, was just as unresponsive as he was during school. I then spent 4 days with a terrible cold, unable to do anything but watch TV and sleep, and now, it's been a week that I've been here, and I'm more miserable than ever.

A lot of it is because I'm constantly reminded of what happened the last time I was home alone for weeks on end: I tried to kill myself. And that was when I still had a family.

I know I'm infinitely better off without them; I've always tried to live by the immortally wise words of Robin Williams: "It is better to be alone than to be around those who make you feel alone." It's the reason I got rid of my sister, my cousins, even many people I once considered friends: they made me feel alone.

But that doesn't change the fact that I am, ultimately, alone now. Yes, I have a lot of friends and acquaintances on my side, a good psychiatrist for once, and my amazing therapist. But I don't have any family. I have so little family that I had to reach across the globe to a host family I stayed with in France to take another surname.

I've never felt the ever-elusive feeling of homesickness. I've missed my room, my bed, and my pets, but I've never missed my parents. I still don't. I guess that's partially why this is so hard.

I spent my entire life thoroughly enjoying every single second I could get away from them. Ever since I could remember I was counting down the years till I could move out. When I finally did, I became more depressed than ever, culminating, as I mentioned, in a suicide attempt. I hated the hospital so much that I agreed to leave on the condition that I live with my parents again. I never intended to stay more than a month or so, but it ended up being a year.

I spent that year distracting myself and making things feel like they did before I left, because that's what I considered safe. I'd never actually felt safe at home, just safe from change.

Which brings me back to the point I was making about homesickness: I've never felt it because I've never felt at home anywhere. Home is supposed to be a place where you aren't afraid to exist, where you aren't walking on eggshells when you do anything. Home is supposed to be safe from everything. And because I was raised to believe that I'm truly a bad person at my core, I never felt safe from that feeling. And that feeling came from the places and people I was told were "home".

But they weren't. The closest thing to "home" I've ever felt was in fact the sleazy motel on Victoria Street. Despite the dirty dealings going on just walls away and the shady characters I encountered, I felt safe. It was the first place that I lived by myself without needing to explain myself. Let me, ironically, explain myself.

One of the running themes throughout my life has been explaining myself. As a child, I learned that I had to have a reason for doing or feeling anything, and I had to have that reason at the ready when prompted for it. If I wanted to do something and I didn't know the reason why, I either didn't do it, or I invented a reason. Thus how my incredible talent of lying came to be cultivated.

One of the best ways I'm able to articulate and exemplify this feeling of "needing a reason to feel" is via this anecdote: when I was 13 and my parents discovered I was cutting myself, they screamed at me to tell them why I was doing it and wouldn't stop until I gave them a reason. At the time, I didn't know the reason. So I made one up, one that they said was, and I quote, "not good enough". All my life I'd been terrified of hearing that my reasons weren't good enough. Because that meant that I couldn't control everything, that I couldn't lie my way out of anything I did. This was the first time I found myself caught in a lie and the only reason was because I didn't know the truth myself.

I remember the intense feeling of needing a reason in that moment very well. Not wanting to ever feel that again, and still not knowing the "reason" I was depressed, I learned not to tell my parents anything because I feared that no "reason" would ever be "good enough" for them.

Even when I wasn't living with them, it was still ingrained in my mind that everything, every action, every feeling, every thought, required a reason to be. I came up with a million reasons for my depression, but none of them were ever "good enough" - I was going based on what I imagined my parents would say in response to whatever "reason" I had.

Eventually, I was so depressed for so long that they decided it was an actual illness that I couldn't control, that had no reason besides genetics, and that had no treatment besides pills. But that seemed like a contradiction to me: all my life they'd demanded reasons for everything, and now they decided that this one thing was an exception?

It took many years for me to even entertain the possibility that my parents were part of the "reason" for my mental illness. I knew that mental illness was a combination of nature and nurture, but for most of my life I assumed I was on the far end of the spectrum towards "just nature". Now I know the opposite is true.

Once I started becoming aware that they were a huge part of my problem, they started blaming me more and more for absolutely everything. When I was in the hospital in September, the first thing they did when I came home was yell at me to try harder, telling me that I was the reason I wasn't getting better. It took this much happening for me to realize just how deluded they are into believing they never did anything wrong.

The moment of clarity for me was the day I was kicked out. I had spent the night researching and pulling up dozens of webpages about cheaters and liars to prove that my "father" was a lying sack of shit who had cheated on my "mother". I brought my computer upstairs to slowly walk her through the evidence, leading her to the conclusion that he did it and he's lying about it. The first webpage was about gaslighting. She was so far up her own ass, so far in denial that she said, and I quote, "I don't even believe 'gaslighting' is a thing, I bet the ‘doctor’ cited in this isn’t even real." As someone who's been gaslit their entire life and knows it, I realized I would never get through to her if she couldn't even agree on basic terms and concepts.

Then, over the next few weeks, it dawned on me that I never would've gotten through to myself if I hadn't tried getting through to her. I never would've believed she'd be so far in denial until I saw it with my own eyes. I never would've believed she'd chose him over me until it happened.

That's why, after a week of homelessness following 22 years of being chained to their incredibly flawed reasoning about my depression, the shitty motel was like home to me. I did whatever I wanted and didn't ask myself why every step of the way. I felt whatever I felt and didn't need a reason; or, rather, I finally had one that was "good enough" - my parents were and always will be abusive monsters. I and every therapist I've ever talked to agreed on this. I knew it intellectually, but I never believed it, just like my parents never believed I had a "good enough reason" to be depressed.

I guess now that I know I do, I can dust myself off and call it a day. I'd solved the puzzle 20 years in the making of why I've never been happy. But it's not enough to actually make me happy. Because, as I've finally realized in the writing of this monstrosity that reasons aren't enough. They never have been. I've been raised to think that once I found the truth to something, everything would fall into place. But like I've known all my life but never believed, knowing the truth isn't enough to stop it being so.

I honestly didn't know where I was going with this or what would come of it, if anything. But I'm pleasantly surprised. I needed to write some-5000 words to understand that I've lived my entire life obsessed with finding truth without realizing that truth isn't the be-all-end-all of living. Important for many disciplines, of course, but not necessary to justify feelings.

I think now that I understand why I was so happy at the motel I can try and fill in the gaps here. I can try applying the notion of not needing to reason out everything I do and feel. Because, after all, that's what I was doing there, and that's what made the motel the safest and happiest "home" I've ever had. And I need to continue that pattern if I want this new place to become a safe and happy home.

I know nobody has stuck with me throughout this insanely lengthy rambling; it's pretty specific and not worth much to anyone but myself. So for the first time, I say this to myself: Stay Greater, Flamingo.

#sam #depression #bipolar #homelessness #suicide tw #abuse tw #reactive attachment disorder #family

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mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog · 6 years

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Question About Car Insurance/Learner’s Permit?

"Question About Car Insurance/Learner's Permit?

Okay, I am a 23 (soon to be 24) year old male, I have never had a license or a car, and just recently I received my permit through the DMV, I have not driven too many times on this permit, but I am about to purchase a used car from a friend of mine and get the title and everything I need transferred over to my name. I have yet to achieve my license and am still driving on my permit to get accustomed and comfortable behind the wheel before I take the driver's test with a worker at the DMV. My question is this tho, I live at home atm, and my family all has cars/car insurance. And I am not on any of their plans yet nor do I have my own coverage. I am new to this whole scene and such, and I wanted to know with me purchasing a used car from a friend with title and all and this car being in my name, seeing as I am not a licensed vehicle owner yet, and only have my permit, I cannot as far as I know apply for insurance until I achieve my license, so I wanted to ask will my family simply be able to add me/my car to their plan until I get my license? Or how will this work? As I stated I am totally new, but when its done I will have a paid for in full car (my first) all the titles and information transferred to me in my name, and the only thing I am missing is insurance and I am wondering how this will work seeing as I am over 21, have a permit and have my own car? My family drive on State Farm in IL. Any help on clearing up this matter will be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance =).

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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Is a '94 Integra considered a sports car ...?

Trying to figure out why my insurance is so damn high... Anyone else own early-mid 90's integra? Just curious, how's your gas mileage? How do you like these cars overall? This is my second car & still fairly new ... I totaled my first car in a bad accident within like 2-3 months. Thanks =)""

What is the cheapest car insurance company for a first time driver?

I'm trying to find the cheapest insurance for a first time driver (just got my G2 and I'm 18) in Mississauga or the GTA basically. I'm probably not getting a new car so something from like 2003 (maybe a 2002 beetle).

Question About Car Insurance/Learner's Permit?

How much would insurance be for a 17 year old girl driving a 2003 350z?

how much would insurance be for a 17 year old female driver...for a 2003 nissan 350z.

Auto Insurance in 2 States?

Folks I am dealing with an issue that involves 3 cars 3 drivers ( my wife, my son and I) and 2 different states (my son away at college) the insurance companies are thiefs trying to stick it to me. Even though my son is at college more than 1250 miles away from home the insurance company still charge me for him, I bough him a car and since he is in another state my insurance premium is almost triple. Any ideas? remember 3 cars 3 drivers and 2 states my son at college with a new car. Will it be cheaper if he gets his own insurance? Help is needed and much appreciated""

What is the car insurance system in UK? How much and what else?

Let's say I bought a car with insurance group 20 what do I have to pay per year. I know for the 1 st year I need to pay 1000 and then half of it for the later years. Except that what taxes and all do I have to pay? How much is it gonna cost to afford a car with all the legal issues?

What is the best (price and care) auto insurance for someone with a DUI?

So about 7 years ago I made a mistake and got a DUI. I realize it stays on your record for 10 years but there has to be decent full coverage insurance in San Francisco that does set me back almost $200 every month. Any suggestions?

Average cost for medical exams?

Just curious about the 'average' cost of my upcoming medical exams: Sinus CT Scan, A VNG exam and VEMP exam...thanks!""

How much is it to add a new driver to your insurance on AAA?

I just got my license and my dads making me pay for my insurance. How much is that? He said he's just putting me on the insurance and I have to pay whatever the price that is added because of me. How much would it be? We already have two people. My mom and dad. We have and SUV, a big van, and a small sports car. How much is the insurance gunna go up? Give me a range. Please and thank you:)""

""Where can i get $100,000 of renter's insurance coverage at the cheapest rate?""

Where can i get $100,000 of renter's insurance coverage at the cheapest rate?""

Teenager car insurance help?

Okay! I am a 17 year old male who has been driving in total for 2 years and I have unfortunately had 2 accidents. The first occurred in May of last year. I pulled out of a gas station trying to turn left so I had to cross two lanes of oncoming traffic ( I was in an unfamiliar vehicle) I could not see the lane closest to the middle and I went out further then I thought and the oncoming car took off the front bumper. The second accident occurred 04/14 I was driving to school and there was a man ahead of me who had his signal light on for the past 4 miles it was pouring down rain so I looked over to change lanes and when maybe I looked for to long I'm not sure but wheeI turned back the man had come to a complete stop in preparation to turn from a highway onto a dirt road. I slammed on my brakes they locked up I couldn't steer away and I hit him in the rear. My question is. Is this going to keep happening to me? Am I really that bad of a driver? and what insurance company is best for my situation as my parents are removing me from their policy. Any help would be appreciated!

What is public liability insurance? where can i get one?

im applying for business permit and one of the requirement is public liability insurance.

What is the average cost for a student possessions insurance policy?

I suspect I may have cancer in my thigh but no insurance?

Over ten years ago I went to a doctor to exray a hard fat tumor in my thigh. He said it was nothing. Since then it has grown massively and is no longer movable, aches and seems very suspicious. Since then I had insurance through my sisters business but it was cancelled at the end of May. I did not know this but after making an appointment with an oncologist I had to cancel since I have no insurance. I know to get new insurance, they must have some sort of a waiting period for them to pay for anything due to the pre exsisting condition clause. Is it 3 months? Six? I don't know. But I am wondering if anyone knows of any other options of anything I can do?""

Which is the best Home Loan insurance?

Hi, i have taken Home loan of Rs. 10 Lac from HDFC. and want to protect my loan through insurance. can any body tell me that , which is the best home loan insurance plan or policy. HDFC recommend to me its own HDFC ERGO for home loan. is it best for me or any ohter option to chosse me. Please advice. LK Sharma""

How many cars can you have insurance on?

I have a permit, No drivers license the only way I will learn how to drive and get a license is if I buy my own car. My mother ( the asswhole ) has three cars already and uses her insurance.. is there a limit on how many cars your allowed to have insurance on?""

Car/insurance sixteen yo?

I'm sixteen and I'm thinking about this car: http://www.autotrader.com/fyc/vdp.jsp?ct=u&car_id=296014776&dealer_id=100012676&car_year=2002&systime=&doors=&model=&search_lang=en&start_year=1981&keywordsfyc=&keywordsrep=&scarid=296515424&highlightFirstMakeModel=&search_type=both&distance=25&min_price=&rdm=1303705998432&drive=&marketZipError=false&advanced=&fuel=&keywords_display=&lastBeginningStartYear=1981&end_year=2012&showZipError=y&make2=&certified=&engine=&page_location=findacar%3A%3Aispsearchform&body_code=0&transmission=&default_sort=priceDESC&max_mileage=&color=&address=72076&sort_type=priceDESC&max_price=&awsp=false&make=AUDI&seller_type=b&num_records=25&cardist=22&standard=false How much do you think it would cost a month for insurance? I'll have a job and my parents have offered to pay a lil each month and help me out. Sorry, I'm completely new to all this and I just need a ballpark estimate.""

What is the cheapest individual health insurance plan in PA?

age 62, good health""

Is there anyway to make your car insurance more affordable?

I now have a 93 jimmy. and ive saved up enough money for this really nice 300zx but the insurance is going to be crazy anything to do?

How much is insurance for a 17 year old in NY???

I'm thinking on getting a honda prelude 98-2001.

How much (estimate) would car insurance on a Dodge Challenger se r/t & srt8 be for a 18 year old boy?

I want to know the estimate on a dodge challenger srt8 se r/t and see what the differences are in price. Guessing the srt8 is gonna be alot!!! please just estimate. THANK YOU!

Where can i buy insurance?

I'm have a low income and I'm looking for a right insurance coverage. I work as a part time job so my employer won't buy an insurance for me. Please if anyone knows any type of insurance that I can afford that would be much appreciated. Thank you

How can i get insurance if i am a 21 year old female with a job?

I am 21 years old and i live in California, I work at the YMCA but i only work 20 hrs. a week so i do not quallify for insurance here. I only make about $950 a month so i don't have alot of money to pay for insurance and my parents jobs do not provide insurance for me. can anyone help?""

How do you adjust a W2 form for group term life insurance?

I'm working on a project for a payroll class. Our company provides group term life insurance to the employees. The group insurance is carried at 1.5x the annual earnings of the employee. The employee pays $.30 for every $1,000 in group life insurance each month to pay the premium. The remaining premium is paid by the employer and debited from an insurance expense account. The whole project, we haven't made any employer premium expense entries. We've only focused on the employee's entries and the credits into the group insurance premiums collected liability account for said deductions. Now, at the end of the year, preparing the W2 forms, I'm at a loss for how to treat this. Is the amount over $50,000 added to the wages, tips and compensation for the income tax paid on it? I've read through the W2 instructions but I just don't understand it that well if someone could explain it.""

What does new car replacement mean on car insurance?

I am buying a new car and thinking about taking new car replacement instead of gap insurance Thanks

Did you know that you save money if you have higher prior limits on insurance?

Okay, this seems to be a secret in the auto insurance world, but my insurance agent told me that if you say you have higher limits when switching to a new company your rates will be $200-$300 dollars lower! I didn't realize this would make a difference. For instance, I said in the beginning I had $25,000/$50,000 (liability) my rate was $1400 per year, then I took my old policy into the office and I really had prior limits of $100,000/300,000, and my rate when down to $1282 just for having higher limits at the other company.""

Where can I get a cheap health insurance?

health insurance is so expensive... where can I get those health insurances?? especially the cheap one... yea...the best cheap..not the worst cheap

WHAT CAR INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE CHEAPEST IN NJ?

Question About Car Insurance/Learner's Permit?

""Can you give me an estimate of what it will cost to repair this dent in my car, picture included?""

A large tree limb fell on my car last night. I would like to have an idea of what it might cost to fix this before calling the insurance company. If it cost less to pay out of pocket that is the route I would like to take. Here is a link to the pic of the damage, which is on the passenger side of a 2001 Hyundai Accent. http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a163/janezanaddict/IMG_3079.jpg Thanks for your help!""

Can anyone recommend me high school football insurance?

Last year I signed up for insurance called Myers-Stevens, and they covered me only $500 out of $15000 for out-patient surgical equipment fees for my ACL Reconstruction. What the f*** man, do they use arthroscope once and throw it away or something? however, they are the worst school insurance you could get. Can someone recommend me a good High School Tackle Football Insurance Program that actually covers the accidents and injuries? So I have no fear of playing football in fear of getting injured and its high-cost medical bills I have to pay? I live in Southern-California, Los Angeles""

Does anyone know of any cheap car insurance for an 18 year old?

Is it legal to use foreign car insurance in the UK?

I'm a 17 year old male and I've just passed my driving test, I'm trying to think of every and any way possible to get car insurance as cheap as possible. I was wondering whether it's possible to purchase and use car insurance from a foreign company in the UK and if it is possible whether you could have a policy on an English car or whether i'd have to purchase an import. Thanks in advance.""

I want to get a nissan 350z and i just wanted to know for those who have one how much is insurance average cos

How long after not having sr22 insurance does your license gets suspended?

My boyfriend is required to have sr22 but the guy that he was getting insurance from hasnt been in his office for weeks and we cant get a hold of him. Its been like four or five days since he hasnt had it and im just wondering if his license would be suspended by now and what do we do about this? Because it wasnt even my boyfriends fault.

How much is automobile commercial insurance?

Vehicle insurance

Car insurance what would you do ?

OK so i was hit from behind the insurance company are going to write the car off and give me 830 i paid 950 for the car its nothing special just a cheap first car with low mileage. The insurance company said they won't recover the car and i can do with it what i will. The damage is fixable I'm thinking 150 -200 of damage just wondered what everybody would do ? Would you just scrap the car and cut your losses, take the money and fix the car or take the money use some of it to fix the car then sell the car ?""

""How much is this going to cost me? In IL was driving with no insurance, license & got into a car accident?""

I did however get insurance right after the accident, so my proof of coverage began the date I got my ticket. I did not have a drivers license because I was waiting for my certificate. I got my birth certificate and am taking my test tomorrow. My court date is monday. How much will I have to pay?""

How much would motorcycle insurance cost for a 17 year old with a Kawasaki Ninja 250 in Texas?

Car insurance -- should they cover these expenses?

I had an accident a month or two ago. It was in a rental car. I found out today that the insurance company had disallowed some of the charges that the rental company tried to pass to them. Now the rental company is trying to pass those charges to me. They ammount to about $500, plus my deductible, of course. The charges are $100 for an administrative fee $200.89 loss of use fee $139.38 diminished value fee. Who should pay these charges? Should I fork this money over to the car rental company? Should the insurance company pay them? What strategy should I use in my conversations with them? My feeling is that I have insurance, it should pay everything which is an actual cost above and beyond the deductible. ie if I have to pay it, the insurance company should have to pay it. On the other hand, if they are somehow bogus charges, then the rental company can eat it, and that's fine. Thought?""

How can I get affordable health insurance for my husband and I in the state of Florida?

I am a healthy 23 yr. old and my husband is a stable 32 yr. old.

Are there any car insurance companies that wont force me to be on my parent's insurance policy?

I got my license 4 months ago and I have NEVER driven since getting it. Not even once. I don't drive. I ride the bus or my bicycle everywhere I go. I don't need car insurance. I don't want car insurance. I live with my parents and their insurance requires that they add me to their coverage simply because I have a license. Are there any insurance companies that don't require me to be on my parents' plan like this?

New drivers (permit); what can save money on insurance?

Okay, new drivers in the family (got the permit today). Of course, DMV rats you out to Allstate, and Allstate charges a ton for insurance (Arm + Leg). Oh, two new drivers. So I'm looking for ways to show good character to Allstate or find a cheaper insurance. Now, I know some basic things about Auto Insurance: A) Good grades (above 3.0 gpa) can get a discount from some insurers (usually 10%). Have this. B) I drive a moderate car (not SUV or sedan). Good condition. C) The car will be shared between 2-3 young drivers. Since they can't all be in the car at once, I imagine this could reduce costs. D) No criminal record and no disciplinary file at school. E) In the Fall, Drivers Ed is offered. I understand that it also can reduce costs F) Parents are responsible drivers (low insurance) Who tends to be cheapest with Auto Insurance? Am I wrong in any of the above statements, and is there any other factors that can save money? Where is the best place to get a quote? Thank you!""

I have an old car ... is it worth it to be paying for 100/300 insurance coverage?

I am driving an old '97 accord, which I got after someone hit & totaled my previous car last year. I have been paying 100/300 JUST liability insurance for it, but I want to know if it is worth it. I am paying approx $100/month for just all liability at this rate. I lowered my coverage and 25/50 is approx $70/month, so I want to know if it is worth it. I need advice since I know nothing about this at all. I don't mind paying if it is a better option, but I also don't want to overpay for an old car. Any advice is greatly appreciated!""

Why is car insurance expensive for young male drivers than female drivers?

19 year old car insurance.?

My family has a 02 Honda civic that I can fix up and use I'm 19 going on 20 and I need a car to get around. I done online insurance quotes and I've been getting ridiculous quote prices for a low end 12 year old car. (200 - 300) What would be some recommendations for possible companies. And how much do you think it would be if I got on a policy with my parents.

Wat is da average cost of car insurance for a brand new car driven primarily by a teen?

INSURANCE, TEENAGER, COST""

Good renters insurance/ car insurance?

i'm looking into getting a car before i move to tampa, fl in the winter. i'm on the waiting list for an apartment but i'm going to need renters insurance as well. it's my first time living on my own so i'm not exactly gonna be over flowing with cash. i'm looking for a cheep company that can cover my car insurance and renters insurance, is cheep, and will cover my 83lb dog (a non-vicious breed).""

Car insurance?

how much would it cost to insure a car. if the driver was sixteen. it wouldnt be a fast car. so how much for third party insurance. and how much to get my car insured

Criminal record for driving without car insurance???

I would like to know whether an individual who plead guilty for driving without a car insurance (UK) get his name put on criminal record list. It seems to me unlikely because people normally get points of their licenses and a fine.

Im 19 how much does the average 19 year old pay for car insurance?

I live in new york city

How long until driving on a suspended license ticket on DMV record is ignored by insurance companies?

How much would insurance cost?

I'm a 16 year old male who makes a's and b's in school and my parents just bought me a 2008 Gmc Sierra Denali and I'm currently driving without insurance how much do you think it would cost for me?

Health Insurance for a 63 year old man.?

My dad just turned 63 and I want to get him some health insurance but what are the options? I know he needs some but he cant afford it and I want to help him out I just know nothing about it.

Question About Car Insurance/Learner's Permit?

Where can I find cheap car insurance for Manhattan?

I recently moved to Manhattan and had to bring my car. I had plan on selling it, but with no luck. So now I have to keep it and now I have no insurance. The car is in storage right now. Can anyone suggest a cheap insurance company to me. I have gotten quotes from Geico, Progressive, All State, State Farm, Nationwide, who all either denied me for a lapse I have had or they cost twice as much as my car payment. I know that I am reaching for the stars.""

""I dont have insurance or a source of income, help?""

I am eighteen years old and currently have no insurance and I am looking for a job but so far nothing. I have chronic migraine disorder and ptsd, I was on medication for both but after I turned eighteen I lost all insurance I had with my mother. i don't go to school nor can i afford to and i dont know what to do. Help?""

Is my roommate in trouble for auto insurance fraud?

My roommate has been commiting auto insurance fraud for the past 7 years. She registered her car in Georgia even though she's been living, working, and driving in NYC for the past 7 years. Somehow the auto insurance company found out. In NY auto insurance rate fraud is I THINK a federal offence now. So I told my roommate that even though they can proove she's been living and working in NYC for the past few years they can't proove that her car has been here the whole time too. So she should be a-ok and not worry, right? Obviously they will make her start paying nyc rates, but since they can't make her pay for the past 7 years because proof of employment and living here doesn't proove she's been driving to work every day here too right?""

What are some cheap auto insurance companies in Phoenix Arizona?

I have an older car it's a 89 Ford Crown Victoria and I do have 10 points with my current insurance company (Progressive).

Breakdown Insurance less than 12 months?

Hi, does anyone know if it's possible to get car breakdown cover for less than 12 months? All i ever see on advertisements and online is quotes for 12 months cover but i am planning on leaving the UK for a bit after 6 months so that's all i require. Before i contact insurance companies can someone tell me if this is normal or an irregular request? Cheers!""

""Car insurance, is it cheaper to get an old car?""

Im looking into a 1978 cadillac coupe deville as a first car, and im wondering if it goes cheap in car insurance. Cuz it could be cheaper up to a point till its like too old and its just becomes more expensive. And im wondering about all older cars in general. N yes i know what i might get into it is a older car might break down on me more often than usual, ill just deal with it.""

Getting Car insurance after DUI?

I live in Toronto - anyone have any experience with this? It was over 6 years ago - any companies to recommend?

Would I still have insurance?

Hey. I'm 19 now and I started college. However, I quit going in September. Would I technically still have insurance until the end of the school year? I had surgery over the summer when I was 18 and they had me show them my application papers for college. I would like to get braces before I get too old and I was wondering if I would still be able to get them until the end of the school year.""

Car insurance help (UK ONLY)?

my mums car insurance company is tryin to screw her over... i need opinions please! the car got wrote off due to something smashing it from the back as it was parked therefore perpitrator was never found! the car was worth 500 which was 100 deducted for policy... then the insurance compony took the whole wak of 12 months insurance aswell when we only had the car for a month! is that fair? deucting that for 500 leaving us with 154.77... IS THIS LEGAL????

How can your medical history be discovered?

when signing a form to release your medical records, how are they able to obtain those since there is no computer system that links all your records and if you seek treatment without utilizing insurance is it possible for anyone to actually find out unless they know the specific doctor you go to?""

Car accident with no insurance?

I was stopped at a red light behind two cars. Both cars started to go and so did I the next thing I knew I had hit the car in front of me. The car in front of me hit the car in front of him. We all pulled over my car isnt to bad but I drive a suburban, the car in front of me was a smaller car so his looked a little worse. Nobody was hurt, and all cars were drivable, so we decided to not call the police we just all exchanged information. After we had finished and they left I immediately called my insurance lady to let her know what happened. I am not super clear on this next part, we have been going back and forth with our insurance since that call and will continue to fight it. When I called the insurance lady she said I wasnt covered. She said that they had received the last payment much later than it was due (not sure how because it was mailed the same time as always) but because of that our insurance had been cancelled. A couple of weeks ago they had chased our check, she said we were reinstated as of yesterday (the day of the accident) but because it was the same day they werent liable to pay the damages. We are going to keep fighting them because I dont think its fair. Even if they decide that they wont pay we can afford to just pay for the damages to the rear end of the car in front of us, because know matter what happened I am at fault for following to close. We cant afford to pay out of our pocket also for his front end and the rear end of the first car. Shouldnt those damages be covered by the car I hit because he was obviously following to close to the car in front of him? Im a little freaked out with all this, this is the first accident I have ever been in and we have always had insurance, so we thought. The insurance company did say they mailed us a cancellation notice but if they did we have never received one.""

Can anyone recommend a cheap company for temporary car insurance (UK)?

only need it insured for a few days to get it MOT'd?

Personal Car INsurance?

Is there a company who will insure me in a car no matter which car i drive. ie I want to get in a mates car and drive him home and am not covered by his insurance or i want to take my wifes car for the day but am not covered on hers. I need my own insurance so whichever car i get into, i will be insured in UK""

What is the cheapest type of car insurance?

Best term life insurance quotes?

where is the best site to get term life insurance quotes?

Cheapest cars to insure for a teen?

I am saving up for my first car and was wondering what would be some cheap options for insurance. I already know that toyota camry's and ford tauruses are pretty cheap to insure, but I want to know some more cheap-to insure cars were. preferably between 1996 and 2002.""

Car insurance for 20 year old female?

I've been told a Ford KA is the cheapest to insure. So I've found a Ford KA Year 2000 1,3 ltr. Sale price is 660. 80,000 miles. I will be doing roughly 4 - 5,000 miles a year. I'm just a simple standard first time driver applicant... No convictions, health issues or NCB. Why are insurance companies quoting me over 5,000 a year online??? I'm 20, female and have just passed my test. 21 in august. What's the cheapest way to get insured?? 1ltr car??""

How old do you have to be to start driving lessons?

What's the purpose of medical insurance for students?

I'm in Australia and I need medical insurance which is very costly and it doesn't even cover anything like dental checkup. I don't think I'll ever a use a single penny from that insurance. Why are they robbing us of our money for no reason? If I get ill, I'll use my own money to pay for treatment. And I heard they don't get any interest from the money so where does all that money go? In the air?""

How much will my insurance rate go down if i take driving school?

...I just turned 18 and im wondering if i should go through the schooling..

I drive without insurance and got a speeding ticket ...?

Okay guys, I'm in a very tough situation right here. & before I get to the question, Yes I know I was stupid and I have learned my lesson. Okay, I'm 18 years old and had my license for almost a year now. My dad lets me drive his car (which is under his and my moms name) ... he knows I don't have insurance and still lets me drive (I guess it's because he's too cheap at the moment) ... One day I was coming back from college and got on the interstate to get home faster. Speed limit was 55mph but I ended up going 78mph (I live in Virginia by the way) ... Luckily the cop didn't mark me for reckless driving, just speeding. I showed him my registration and stuff during the time I got stopped but he didn't say anything about me having no insurance. I checked online and my fine is $200 for speeding ... My question is whose insurance will go up?? I don't have insurance ... will I get in trouble? I didn't tell my dad yet because he'll kill me. Thanks.""

""Getting a New Car, Insurance question?""

Hey, so i'm going to be getting a 2011 toyota yaris and i was wondering how much the insurance on it would be, i'm 19 years old.""

How much would insurance be on a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT for a 16 year old boy?

I'm getting my license soon and was wondering how much insurance rates would be for a 16 yr old boy with a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT

Question about state health insurance in georgia?

Im moving from Massachusetts to Georgia in march. My work doesn't offer insurance so we are on commonwealth care. Its state insurance. Im trying to find out if there is state insurance in ga as well iv got children and need insurance for them. Im not sure if the job im taking will offer some but in the mean time I need something. Can someone tell me if they have state health insurance or some type of low cost for low income? Thanks.

Need auto insurance...please help for insurance agents?

My auto insurance will not be renewed due to a very bad judgment on my part (I own my mistakes) My car was stolen when I loaned it to my ex-boyfriend' in Mexico.....I freaked out and 'lied' about where the car was stolen from. The car was found by my ex-boyfriend a few days later and I notified my insurance; I told them the truth what happened owing to my lie and I dropped the clam. They are not renewing my insurance stating that I am 'high risk' My question is this....will I be able to get other insurance? I have NO tickets, accidents, no claims, no bad driver record anything. I am STILL covered now and seeking other insurance, does the new insurance have access to what the old insurance said? Again, I have coverage until the end of Jan. '09, and nothing else wrong EVER although I know what I did was very wrong.....I just freaked out. Please help....thanks""

Question About Car Insurance/Learner's Permit?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/delaware-homeowners-insurance-ashley-bray/"

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kaikhaos · 5 years

Text

The Hurricane Sandy Saga: Feb 2019 Edition

My name is Aleks. This is my story.

First, let’s get one thing out of the way: I’m disabled. I have been legally recognized as disabled since I was 18. I have a combination of mental health issues and physical health issues that make it so my capacity on any given day varies greatly from “I made it through a day at a con thanks to lots of painkillers!” to “I brushed my teeth today and didn’t cry doing it!” But I try. Anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, & ADD are just a few of the things I’ve been diagnosed with by my therapist and psychiatrist, paired with diagnoses from my doctors of migraines, fibromyalgia, and a degenerative connective tissue disorder known as Ehlers-Danlos that all combine to leave me in fairly constant pain basically everywhere. My brain and my body attack me constantly but I still try to do what I can. Unfortunately, it means I can’t just go out and get a 9-5 or retail job to help fix my situation. I can only do what I can do and I have to know my limits.

I live with my mother and my QPP Luca who are both also disabled.

But Aleks, it’s been seven years, why aren’t you home yet? Oh boy, I am SO glad you asked. Let’s get into this history.

Our new stove was 22 days old when Hurricane Sandy hit us.

The town building department condemned my grandfather’s house and wrote ours up as “more than 50% damaged”.

Needless to say, both houses were left completely and totally uninhabitable.

And honestly? Fuck those guys. They are the root of some of the most evil parts of this, as you’ll see.

Repeatedly.

Including in writing and by sending him photos of the slowly growing stack of shingles that were not on the roof anymore and the leaky window.

And he still did diddly squat about it.

For five years.

…So then uh… New York Rising LOST our file.

…Uh… Twice.

We started looking at houses to buy so that at least we would own something.

Then the IMA ran out again. So back to the land of suck. They told us we would be eligible for a little more funding. But only if we demolished the existing house.

Then Pickles got sicker. And sicker. And her at-home dialysis wasn’t enough to keep her going anymore. Pickles passed in May 2016.

…Then the lawyer refused to sign the check.

Then one of my ferrets, Wasabi, my emotional support animal, got really sick really suddenly.

Thanks, Fish Head.

So on June 1st 2018, we moved into our RV parked at a local campsite. Three adults, a cat, and a ferret, crammed into an RV that was anything but recreational.

We installed cameras on our house around this point because Fish Head kept having his workers trample all over our property and they kept breaking things and leaving garbage everywhere.

On November 1st 2018, we were able to move back into our house.

Temporarily, at least, while permits and construction drawings and everything went through for getting the house raised.

Not so fast.

So it’ll be easily a month OR MORE before we get the money.

We have $250,000 on the way and we’re about to be homeless. Again. For the third time in 18 months.

If we can just get $5,000, we can pay to have the house RECONNECTED AGAIN to everything so we can wait these fuckers out and get the payout.

Every little bit helps.

Please.

Please help me and my family stay in a house.

My paypal link can be found through the big PLEASE HELP button at the top of my page on desktop as well as will be pinned to both of my twitters (MihaelKai & HedonistInk) and I’ll also be regularly reblogging a version of this post here WITH the link.

I am also taking a limited number of 1000 word or less commissions! That’s about the limit of what I can handle right now! DM me for details!

(Mutuals: If you can’t donate but you can loan us some for two months or so, we can pay you back as soon as we get that check? Please let me know if it is a donation or if you would like to be paid back so I can keep a record.)

#trans crowd fund #please consider donating #donations #transcrowdfund #homelessness #please help #hurricane #hurricane sandy

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