#i can almost hear jackson delivering another confession that has the power to change lives

[kepnerandavery]

Every time I think about how Sarah and Jesse would most likely still be on greys together and serving like mad if a certain someone hadn't messed up our ship, I have to remind myself that crime is illegal 🤬

[imaginationstimulation]

I recently read A Visit From the Goon Squad written by Jennifer Egan.

This novel reads more like a collection of short stories about different characters who are almost inconsequentially related to various degrees. 

One obvious theme is about the interconnectedness of all people. 

More deeply, the book is a reflection on time and the endlessness of growing up; how our values and, more seriously, our identities change--or don’t--with time. 

These are the lines and excerpts I highlighted as I read: 

“I’m always happy,” Sasha said. “Sometimes I just forget.” (Chapter 1).

“She could tell that he was in excellent shape, not from going to the gym but from being young enough that his body was still imprinted with whatever sports he’d played in high school and college.”

“...something more than relief: a blessed indifference, as if the very idea of feeling pain over such a thing were baffling.”

“In fact the whole apartment, which six years ago had seemed like a way station to some better place, had ended up solidifying around Sasha, gathering mass and weight, until she felt both mired in it and lucky to have it—as if she not only couldn’t move on but didn’t want to.” 

“She wanted badly to please him, to say something like, It was a turning point everything feels different now, or I called Lizzie and we made up finally, or I’ve picked up the harp again, or just I’m changing I’m changing I’m changing: I’ve changed! Redemption, transformation--God how she wanted these things. Every day, every minute. Didn’t everyone?”

“Bennie knew that what he was bringing into the world was shit. Too clear, too clean. The problem was precision, perfection; the problem was digitization, which sucked the life out of everything that got smeared through its microscopic mesh. Film, photography, music: dead. An aesthetic holocaust! Bennie knew better than to say this stuff aloud.” (Chapter 2).

“an urge to confess the malapropism to his fourth grader.”

“As he sipped, a sensation of pleasure filled his whole torso the way a snowfall fills up a sky. Jesus, he felt good.”

“Hearing the music get made, that was the thing: people and instruments and beaten-looking equipment aligning abruptly into a single structure of sound, flexible and alive.”

“The baby he and Stephanie had nuzzled and kissed—now this painful, mysterious presence.”

“He remembered his mentor, Lou Kline, telling him in the nineties that rock and roll had peaked at Monterey Pop. They’d been in Lou’s house in LA with its waterfalls, the pretty girls Lou always had, his car collection out front, and Bennie had looked into his idol’s famous face and thought, You’re finished. Nostalgia was the end—everyone knew that.”

“Rich people like to hostess, so they can show off their nice stuff.“ (Chapter 3). 

“Hey, Lou goes. He leans down so our faces are together, and stares straight into my eyes. He looks tired, like someone walked on his skin and left footprints. He goes, The world is full of shitheads, Rhea. Don’t listen to them—listen to me. And I know that Lou is one of those shitheads. But I listen.”

“I can’t tell if she’s actually real, or if she’s stopped caring if she’s real or not. Or is not caring what makes a person real?”

“Lou is one of those men whose restless charm has generated a contrail of personal upheaval that is practically visible behind him:” (Chapter 4, [My favorite chapter]).

“Structural Resentment: The adolescent daughter of a twice-divorced male will be unable to tolerate the presence of his new girlfriend, and will do everything in her limited power to distract him from said girlfriend’s presence, her own mascent sexuality being her chief weapon.”

“Structural Affection: A twice-divorced male’s preadolescent son (and favorite child) will embrace and accept his father’s new girlfriend because he hasn’t yet learned to separate his father’s loves and desires from his own. In a sense, he, too, will love and desire her, and she will feel maternal toward him...” 

“Structural Desire: The much younger temporary female mate of a powerful male will be inexorably drawn to the single male within range who disdains her mate’s power.”  

“These four are locked in a visceral animal-sighting competition. (Structural Fixation: A collective, contextually induced obsession that becomes a temporary locus of greed, competition, and envy.)”

“The members of Ramsey’s safari have gained a story they’ll tell for the rest of their lives. It will prompt some of them, years from now, to search for each other on Google and Facebook, unable to resist the wish-fulfillment fantasy these portals offer: What ever happened to...? In a few cases, they’ll meet again to reminisce and marvel at one another’s physical transformations, which will seem to melt away with the minutes.” 

“Structural Dissatisfaction: Returning to circumstances that once pleased you, having experienced a more thrilling or opulent way of life, and finding that you can no longer tolerate them.”

“My questions all seem wrong: How did you get so old? Was it all at once, in a day, or did you peter out bit by bit? When did you stop having parties? Did everyone else get old too, or was it just you?“ (Chapter 5).

“Your desultory twenties,” my mother calls my lost time, trying to make it sound reasonable and fun, but it started before I was twenty and lasted much longer.”

“The TV is new, flat and long, and its basketball game has a nervous sharpness that makes the room and even us look smudged.“

“Seventeen, hitchhiking. He was driving a red Mercedes. In 1979, that could be the beginning of an exciting story, a story where anything might happen. Now it’s a punch line.”

“...how better to mark success than by going to a place where you didn’t belong?“ (Chapter 7).

“I don’t want to fade away, I want to flame away.” 

“It felt impossible, as if Jules’s excitement were being siphoned from inside her, leaving Stephanie drained to the exact degree that he was invigorated.“

“All that can be said for sure is that in the presence of Kitty Jackson, the rest of us become entagled by our sheer awareness that we ourselves are not Kitty Jackson, a fact so brusquely unifying that it temporarily wipes out all distinctions betwen us--our tendency to cry inexplicably during parades, or the fact that we never learned French, or have a fear of insects that we do our best to conceal from women, or liked to eat construction paper as a child--in the presence of Kitty Jackson, we no longer are in possession of these traits; indeed, so indistinguishable are we from every other non–Kitty Jackson in our vicinity that when one of us sees her, the rest simultaneously react.” (Chapter 9.)

“At what precise moment did you tip just slightly out of alignment with the relatively normal life you had been enjoying theretofore, cant infinitesimally to the left or the right and thus embark upon the trajectory that ultimately delivered you to your present whereabouts—in my case, Rikers Island Correctional Facility?”

“Bix and Lizzie’s apartment is tiny, like a dollhouse, full of plants and the smell of plants (wet and planty), because Lizzie loves plants.” (Chapter 10).

“It’s okay,” she says, and you know you should leave it there—it’s fine, leave it alone, but some crazy engine inside you won’t let you stop:”

“He has an optimist’s attraction to everything new—a faith that it will enrich him, not hurt him.“

“The two of you reel away from her. Hilarity keeps you busy for several blocks, but there’s a sickness to it, like an itch that if you keep on scratching, will grind straight through skin and muscle and bone, shredding your heart.”

“We’re going to meet again in a different place,” Bix says. “Everyone we’ve lost, we’ll find. Or they’ll find us.” “Where? How?” Drew asks. Bix hesitates, like he’s held this secret so long he’s afraid of what will happen when he releases it into the air. “I picture it like Judgment Day,” he says finally, his eyes on the water. “We’ll rise up out of our bodies and find each other again in spirit form. We’ll meet in that new place, all of us together, and first it’ll seem strange, and pretty soon it’ll seem strange that you could ever lose someone, or get lost.”

“Sunsan was baffled at first, then distraught. [...] But eventually a sort of amnesia had overtaken Susan; her rebellion and hurt had melted away, deliquesced into a sweet, eternal sunniness that was terrible in the way that life would be terrible, Ted supposed, without death to give it gravitas and shape.” (Chapter 11).

“...all of this bolstered his awe at the gymnastic adaptability of the human mind.”

“...a fibrillating excitement such as he hadn’t felt for years in response to a work of art, compounded by further excitement that such excitement was still possible.” 

“A feeling,” Bennie said, rousing himself slightly from his deep recline. “That we have some history together that hasn’t happened yet.” (Chapter 13).

“Her confidence seemed more drastic than the outcome of a happy childhood; it was cellular confidence, as if Lulu were a queen in disguise, without need or wish to be recognized.”

“There are so many ways to go wrong,” Lulu said. “All we’ve got are metaphors, and they’re never exactly right. You can’t ever just Say. The. Thing.”

“They could meander indefinitely, these conversations...” 

[laurens-lil-fics]

Hallucinate - Matt Murdock x Powered! Reader Part 6

Series Summary: When members of a criminal organization start flooding precincts all over New York, turning themselves in, Daredevil must investigate to see what new player has them running for the hills.

Chapter Summary: Daredevil searches for answers about (Y/n)’s past while Matt tries his best to keep his catatonic guest alive.

Word Count: 2430

Warnings: angst, violence

Author’s note: I feel like I defy coulda done this chapter better, but I hope yall enjoy it! we’re nearing the end!

“A lot has been happening... hasn’t it...?”

“What have you heard, Jim...?”

Mr. Mackie cleared his throat, glancing from Matt to his handcuffs. This was the first time Matt had come to visit him in a week, and he very clearly knew something was up.

“A lot of the other guys have been talking... the details are always mixed up, from second hand sources and stuff...” He gulped, ignoring the feeling of Matt’s eye’s behind those tinted glasses, and how they seemed to burn into him as he spoke. “But... they think they caught the person they were so afraid of...”

Matt tried his best to feign confusion.

“Do you think that means it’s safe to talk to the sergeant? Tell them what you know while the others are busy?”

Mr. Mackie quickly shook his head, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. “If I say anything, they’ll know I snitched.”

“Detective Mahoney is a friend, he’s trustworthy. If you take this to him he’ll make sure you’re protected.” Matt assured his client. “The sooner you tell him what you know, the safer you’ll be... I can’t do much if you’re behind bars like this, refusing to confess.”

Mr. Mackie only stayed quiet. 

Matt sighed softly before standing, grabbing his cane from the table. “At least think about it... I just want to help you.”

“You really think Mr. Mackie is going to spill the beans to Brett?”

“If he feels safe enough, yes,” Matt grunted, struggling to steady his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he hauled his groceries up his building’s stairs. “I tried giving him some space, with any luck he’ll feel safe enough to ask for Brett.”

Foggy sighed over the phone, “And if he doesn’t?”

“Then he’ll need more convincing... I just hope for our sake he does it sooner rather than later.” Matt said, stopping just outside the door to his apartment.

Foggy went quiet for a moment. When he finally spoke up, Matt could hear the hesitation in his voice. “You mean for her sake...”

Matt bit his lip, leaning against the door. “Yeah... Yeah, I mean for her sake.”

Another pause.

“Where exactly are you keeping her...?”

“Somewhere safe,” Matt promised, “But I can’t keep this up for long, she needs real doctors, people who know what they're doing...”

“You’re sure you can’t just take her to a hospital?” Foggy asked. Something told Matt he already knew the answer to his own question.

“No... not until these people are gone.” Matt’s tone was stern, but Foggy could still sense just how tired he was. The desperation he felt to catch these people.

The two exchanged their goodbyes, and once Matt hung up he set down the grocery bags and pocketed his phone. He pulled a blindfold from his pocket once he knew no one was around and tied it over his eyes.

He opened the door to his apartment, picked up the groceries, and stepped inside.

Matt navigated through the kitchen with ease, putting away the meat and vegetables he had purchased along with the beer he knew he’d be needing at the end of the night. All he left out was a box of chicken stock, which he began preparing once everything was put in its proper place.

He served the broth and made his way towards the bedroom, stopping just outside the door and knocking, hoping for a response. After waiting a moment and hearing nothing, he went inside.

(Y/n) lay in his bed, just as still as the night he had brought her into the safety of his home. Her eyes were vacant as she stared at the ceiling, she wore the same clothes from the night she was taken; Matt hadn’t felt comfortable with changing her clothes.

Matt sat beside her and brushed her hair out of her eyes, sighing softly when she didn’t so much as twitch. He set the bowl on the nightstand and carefully moved her so she was slightly sitting up.

He began to carefully feed her the broth, listening closely to make sure she wouldn’t choke on it.

“I think I have a new lead...” he piped up. He paused, listening for anything, a shift in her breathing or a spike in her heart rate. But there was nothing.

“I’m going to try and get as much information out of him as I can... Maybe even get him to a police station.” Matt explained, taking the water bottle from beside the bed and carefully giving her small sips of water.

“I know you wanted to go about this differently... Kill Blum and be done with it... But I can bring him to justice the right way, I just need more time...” He received no response again, this frustrated him.

Matt set the empty bowl aside and took a hairbrush from his nightstand. He had some trouble taking the knots out of her matted hair, but brushed through them as gently as possible. He retrieved a warm, wet towel from the bathroom and cleaned her face and arms with it, doing what little he could to take care of her.

Once the sun set, he laid her back in bed and left to change into his suit, which had been relocated to the living room. Once in his Daredevil suit, he returned to the bedroom one last time to check on (Y/n).

He sighed deeply, noticing no change, and made his way to the window. The bedside lamp began to flicker, the sound of the electricity wavering catching his attention. 

Matt turned back to her, only to turn the lamp off.

Catching the lab technician was easy. The area around the last of the warehouses he had yet to infiltrate was surrounded by plenty of dark allies anyone could get lost in. 

The tricky part was getting him far away enough to where none of his companions could hear him scream.

Daredevil pulled the sac from the man’s head, listening as he frantically studied his surroundings. He suddenly turned back to Daredevil, screaming as his captor inched closer to him.

“We’re going to make this nice and simple for you...” he began, reaching up and gripping at the chains keeping the man poised above the ground, “You’re going to tell me everything you know about the girl...”

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “G-Girl? What girl?” he whimpered, struggling against the chains.

Daredevil delivered a hard punch to the gut, the technician would have keeled over had he not been restrained. 

“Play dumb with me again and see what happens... You know exactly which girl I’m talking about.” he murmured. He gripped the man’s chin roughly and forced his head up to look at him. “Start talking...”

The man began to weigh his options, and while the wheels turned in his head, Daredevil flicked on the voice recorder he had hidden behind his back. 

“S-She showed up a couple years ago... she was just a kid, know? Young, nosy...” he began, cautiously looking at the man beside him.

“Started sticking her nose in places it shouldn’t have been, huh?” Daredevil prompted him to continue.

The tech nodded, “She had this cheap camera, she was taking lots of pictures out at the docks-”

“And what did she see?” Daredevil interrupted.

He hesitated. Matt already knew what she saw, the people being taken from the docks in those black vans. But he needed the tech to say it himself.

“Bodies... lots of bodies...”

The helmet helped mask Matt’s surprise, he kept his composer as his source continued. “This was before we really knew what to do with them... ship would bring us new people, and would take the dead ones away.”

“What did you need the fresh meat for? What were you doing with them?” Daredevil took hold of the chains and tightened them around the tech’s wrists, causing him to scream and whimper in pain.

“W-we were testing something!”

“Testing what? Talk, dammit!”

“We were getting commissioned, I dunno by who, but they wanted powered people on their payroll!” he shouted, causing Matt to stop and loosen the chains, dropping the man to the floor.

“Blum was given a set budget... but he blew through almost half so quickly, he was desperate... then the kid showed up...” he wheezed, trying to squirm away while he could.

Daredevil grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and began to drag him to the edge of the building. “It’s a long way down, tell me about the experiments quick, or you’re gonna find out just how high up we are.”

He gripped the Devil’s wrists tightly, hoping it would be enough to keep him falling should he decide to let go. “We developed a serum, highly degenerative in it’s early stages! That’s why there were so many bodies for the kid to find! We were at stage 5 of testing when she showed up!”

“And you thought some college student was going to be your missing link?” he growled, pushing him closer to the edge.

“N-No no! I swear, I told Blum not to do it! But Blum was mad, he’s the one who got her on that table!” he screamed, scrambling to grab more of Daredevil’s red suit. “We didn’t realize the stage 5 serum was picky about genetic codes, little things like that we had no control over! Blum just wanted to kill her, make it hurt! We didn’t know the kid was the right fit!”

Daredevil hoisted the man up and threw him back onto the roof. He took the chains from the post they still hung from and began to tie up his prisoner. At that point, he decided to turn off the recorder. This next part would be just for him.

“And the girl...? What happened with her?” He asked, pressing his foot to the man’s chest.

“She was catatonic... for three months...” he wheezed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Then... Then one day I went to run some tests on her, and she was gone...”

Matt felt his heart drop. Three months? She was going to be stuck like that for three months?

“I have no idea where she could have gone now... Ms. Jackson, my supervisor... she used stage 3 serum on her... that and the electricity should have melted her brain...” he sobbed, the disbelief evident in his voice.

Matt swallowed the lump in his throat and hoisted the man onto his feet. “That’s probably what you said last time... and she still woke up... just hope this time she won't come looking for you, I might just let her get her hands on you.”

He dumped the man at the door of the 15th precinct, and left the tape recorder resting on his chest. Matt didn’t leave until he knew the tech had been brought inside, the tape listened to, and the tech put behind bars. 

With that kind of evidence, the police would have to investigate the company asap. Blum would be arrested, and it would be safe enough to take (Y/n) to a hospital.

This sense of victory had him returning to his apartment all too relaxed. He was an idiot to think that would last long.

Once he got close enough to his apartment, he could hear someone in his bedroom with (Y/n). The electricity in his whole building was going haywire, even the fucking billboard outside his window was fluctuating like crazy.

He broke into an all out sprint to get to his place, diving in through the window and smashing through it without a care in the world. 

The intruder, who had been pressing a pillow to (Y/n)’s face, didn’t bother moving. He probably thought he’d be able to get the job done in time before Daredevil could get up. 

Matt took hold of the intruder and threw him off the bed and away from (Y/n). Before he could even try to check for a pulse, the intruder got up and grabbed him from behind.

Matt tried his best to usher the man out of the bedroom and away from (Y/n) during their fistfight. But he was privy to this, and stayed in the room as best as he could. 

Daredevil had the upper hand until the intruder took hold of the bedside lamp and smashed it against his head. This sent Matt stumbling backwards, gripping his head in an attempt to steady himself. 

For a split second, he tried listening for (Y/n)’s heartbeat. Everything felt like it was in slow motion as he continued to fight the man in his bedroom. He didn’t remember throwing him through the wall and into the living room. All he remembered was the sound of her heart growing faint.

Matt dashed for the bed and cupped (Y/n)’s face, murmuring for her to wake up. He made a move to start pounding on her chest, but the forgotten intruder grabbed him and continued their fight.

Daredevil screamed, begged for (Y/n) to try and wake up, ignoring the part of his brain that told him yelling would do no good. 

His attention was brought back to the intruder as he earned a kick to his gut, sending Matt onto his knees and struggling to catch his breath.

The attacker made a move to kick him again, but froze in place.

The sound of bare feet stumbling against the floor sent a chill down both their spines.

(Y/n) slowly staggered out of the room, gripping the door frame to keep herself steady while she stared down her would-be killer. She lifted him, slamming him against the ceiling, then back down onto the floor.

Matt heard her fall to the floor as she pushed herself off the door frame. He wanted to make a move to help her, but instead stayed in place as she crawled towards her attacker.

She slowly straddled the man, ignoring his cries of pain as she gripped the sides of his head in her hands.

“You’re going to forget...” she whispered.

Matt flinched at the screams that followed. He thanked God once they died down, and breathed a sigh of relief once he heard the intruder’s heartbeat. 

(Y/n) flopped off of him, her breathing labored. “Red...” she began, watching him kneel beside her and hold her hand. “Get rid of him...”

Matt slowly nodded, stood up, and lifted the man in his arms before leaving out the fire escape.

(Y/n) was awake, but Blum knew to send his men to Matt Murdock’s apartment. They would be coming back soon. But this time, Daredevil would be ready.

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@sisterwinchesterwriter