#i can afford like. the next several months worth of hormones. i can afford to actually get my three month labs done now which i was thinking

[g0dr0t]

this is fucking crazy my debt is gone and then some because one person decided to be Nice and help me out. What the fuck faith in humanity being restored a little

[kariachi]

Me: *wakes up**immediately goes ‘when I say Everybody Live I mean Everybody Lives, including Gabby*

Also Me: *proceeds to write out exactly how*

~~

Gabby wasn’t entirely sure what to think as she and Casey made their way up three stories of stairs. A necromancer. His aunt talks them into quitting their jobs and moving out west- them with a baby on the way- and the first thing she does is direct them to a necromancer forty minutes from her home. Gabby hadn’t even known magic and aliens were a thing until a month ago and now here she was putting her trust in both. Specifically, in the rodentlike alien she saw when they opened the door, with long ears, golden eyes, and covered in light brown fur. They turned as the door opened, chattering, and immediately started waving them about.

“Hello, hello, I haven’t seen you around,” they said in a thick accent as they ushered Gabby towards one of three large stations consisting of tables and shelves full of what seemed like random stuff. Casey they urged towards the front wall, lined with stacks of chairs in various sizes. “Grab a chair for the dam and yourself, go on now.”

“Hi,” Gabby replied, pasting on a polite smile to hide her nerves. “We’re new. I’m Gabrielle Jones and this is my husband Casey.” The necromancer turned their appraising gaze, which had been on Gabby since she walked in, to Casey.

“Jones, Jones, kin to Devin’s litter?” Casey, the great lummox, grinned more easily.

“They’re my cousins,” he said, and the necromancer nodded.

“I should’ve guessed, from the size of you. Going to be at least as big by my guess.” And that, it seemed, was enough for them, as they turned back to Gabby.

“Was the climb alright for you?”

“It was fine,” she said with a nod. Her back wasn’t happy, but she’d been working on her feet for too long to call a twinge in her back trouble anymore. The necromancer did not seem convinced. They waited until she was seated, giving a sharp look to the chair that was just a few inches too low for Gabby’s comfort, before coming closer.

“I’m Rilev,” they said, their hands and eyes glowing green as they slowly, methodically even, waved them in front of her, hovering longest around her belly, “and if those stairs start causing you any pain or tiredness you tell me so, so we can meet at ground level, or at your home.” ‘At their home’, as if they weren’t staying with Casey’s aunt and her husband. Gabby opened her mouth to give an instinctual polite reply, only to be cut off with a sharp look. “Any pain or tiredness. A long pregnancy wears on the body enough, it doesn’t need any help at it.” She nodded again.

“Well, my back is a bit sore after it,” she said, and Rilev nodded, turning their magic on Casey.

“Then we’ll use the spare room on the ground floor next time, unless you’d be more comfortable at home?” They frowned at Casey, ears twitching back. “I’m sorry that magic won’t be able to help with your injuries. Brains are finicky and you have to get at them while the wounds are fresh. I will be able to give you something for those headaches though.” Casey tensed at the same moment Gabby did, wide eyed and blinking. Okay, so Rilev probably knew what they were doing, part of them hadn’t actually expected anything. Or, well, part of Gabby hadn’t at least.

“That would be, great,” Casey said hesitantly, squeezing Gabby’s hand, “we’re staying with my aunt though, and don’t exactly have a lot of money…” They’d been barely making ends meet and certainly not covering medical bills before, between Casey’s problems and the baby. Now they were running off their minuscule savings and were unemployed and living in his aunt’s guestroom and- Rilev’s calloused hand landed on Gabby’s arm before she could truly work herself up with stress and worry, the necromancer whirring soothingly.

“No worries,” they said, “a proper necromancer prices to their customers.” What did that even mean? “Now, you.” They waved a finger at Gabby. “Everything seems to be going good and proper, but you aren’t eating enough, and not healthy enough.” Fuck but Gabby had heard that more than her fair share.

“Food costs money,” she said automatically, the same thing she’d said to her doctor back in Denver every time he’d chastised her for not eating right. Given she and Casey had been in that ‘too successful for aid and too poor to live’ category, there hadn’t been much she could do. Rilev tutted, went to one of their tables, and pulled some paper and a pen out of seemingly nowhere.

“This planet,” they muttered, “‘work hard so you can starve productively’, I swear it.” Their writing was slow and deliberate, a reminder that English probably wasn’t their first, maybe even not their third language. “Go to these stores, they’re on Main Street- drive north from here until you see a big, redbrick building and that’ll be it- you’ll find them easily. Armando is human and so is Yelt’s husband, so they’ll know what they have that you can eat. Tell them I sent you and that you need a balanced diet.” They finished the note with a flourish and held it out for them. Casey took it, holding it so they could both look it over. Two businesses were named, along with a basic outside description and some notes for their purchases. Things like ’40 red 60 white’ under the butcher shop and a whole list of suggested fruits and vegetables, several of which they didn’t recognize.

“We can’t afford-”

“No worries,” Rilev interrupted again. “They’ll take care of you. Especially since this is prescribed.” Gabby had her doubts and it looked like Casey did too, but Rilev continued anyway. “Gabrielle, I want you back in for another check in fourteen days, same time. There’s a blue door at the back of the building, it leads to a spare office for just these occasions. If things change or you need to get a hold of me for any reason, my number is there on the bottom of the page. Casey, I’ll need time to prepare your tea, but it should be ready in an hour or so. I’d suggest doing your shopping, then coming back before you head home to pick it up.” And, well, that seemed to be that, shoulders tense like they were waiting for a blow to land Casey got back to his feet and helped Gabby to hers.

“And, how much do we owe you then?” Chittering, Rilev’s eyes flicked about for a moment before they nodded.

“For the tea, little Kevin keeps raving about your mutton ribs, so a rack of those should cover the next few months. We’ll see if I like them and how well the tea works before deciding on any recurring payments. For pregnancy consultation and birthing aid-” they took another moment “-bring me a chair poor Gabrielle can sit comfortably in. I won’t have a patient of mine being uncomfortable, especially not when they’re carrying.”

Gabby didn’t know what the opposite of sticker shock was called, but she was sure feeling it. From the way Casey mirrored her dropped jaw and bugged eyes, he was too. Rilev just chuckled and waved dismissively, like she hadn’t just promised the rest of Gabby’s baby-related healthcare and several months of medication for Casey for a fraction of what one obstetrician appointment had cost them- without tests- back in Denver.

“I wasn’t reared on a mud fence,” they said, “there’s no reason you should have to struggle just for being hurt and having children.” There just, there were no words. There wasn’t air.

“Thank you,” Gabby breathed, relief and hormones threatening to ruin her composure even as Casey damn near vibrated next to her. Rilev shook their head with a smile, waving them back towards the door.

“Nothing to thank me for, child, I’m just doing my duty. Now you two go enjoy your day, come back later for your tea, and eat right. You’ll suffer more than the kitten without, I promise you.”

Three hours later found them heading back to Bellwood with a week’s worth of produce (put on a tab that Yelt was happy to set up, trusting that of course Eva’s nephew could be trusted to pay it off when he could), plenty of fresh meat (put on the tab of a man neither of them knew, but who supposedly was a friend of the family and would be happy to have helped if he even noticed the addition at all), and a jar of a pungent, silvery powder that should last Casey a month if the instructions were followed. They’d also received two truly massive lunches to-go for about ten dollars, a list of people to talk to about empty apartments and buildings in progress, another list of people around the town who were hiring at the moment, and some not so subtle advice that someone who could get a hunting license and use it well could probably make some good income selling hides, carcasses, and other bits and pieces around town.

Amidst all this Casey had wrecked on alley (‘No damage done, just spooked the kids, that composter is sturdier than that’) and somewhere along the line Gabby had started crying and not been able to stop no matter what she did.

This might actually have been a good idea after all.

[rogersbabyyy]

anatomy lessons | roger taylor

summary: your best friend, roger taylor, is studying to achieve his bsc in biology and is currently focusing on the human reproductive system. he’s having trouble remembering his anatomy, so you offer some help.

pairing: smile/early queen era roger taylor x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k+

warnings/tags: SMUT!, fingering, squirting, oral sex (female receiving), foul language, best friends to lovers uwu, a bit of fluff

a/n- hi lovies!! this is my first queen fic that i’m posting on here. i hope you like it, and if so, feel free to send me requests or headcanon ideas for any of the borhap/queen boys! ps i highly doubt that biology students learn about vaginas in detail but whatever i dont care just pretend they do for the story pls<3

-

It was a quiet evening. Dressed in sweatpants and a jumper that you nicked from Roger’s closet, you busied yourself in the kitchen making a cup of chamomile tea, with the intention of sitting down to do a bit of reading afterward. Roger, your best friend and despairingly gorgeous roommate, was sat at the dining table, surrounded by a sea of thick and confusing-looking glossy biology textbooks, his eyebrows furrowed. He was trying his best to cram in weeks worth of information for a quickly approaching exam that he’d neglected to study for; you found it rather amusing. Not to mention, he’d been recovering from a hangover in bed for most of the day, and had a gig with his band, Smile, starting in roughly two hours. Roger was unusually intelligent, as evident by the university course he was studying, and yet he could be an absolute idiot when he chose to be.

“Want some tea, Rog?”

Receiving nothing but silence as a response, despite the frantic murmuring you heard from the dining table (he sounded like an absolute madman, talking to himself like that), you sighed. “Rog!” Sticking your head out of the kitchen, you yelled in his general vicinity for his attention.

“Mhmm?”

“D’you want a cup of tea?”

“Nah, thanks!”

You rolled your eyes and, nonetheless, pulled a second mug from the cupboard; you knew that he’d steal sips from yours anyway, he always did. As you put the kettle on and waited for it to boil, you leaned on the kitchen counter, resting your chin in the palm of your hand. You had a clear view of Roger from this angle, and it was entrancing to see him so focused, a sight that was usually only ever apparent when he played the drums. He was beautiful, as always, even with the frown lines that traced along his forehead, already dressed in his costume of the night with his blond locks a perfect mess.

The hiss of the kettle made you jump, and you flushed at the thoughts of Rog that had clouded your consciousness. Thinking about him like that wasn’t going to do you any good. You poured the tea, jiggling the tea bags in the warm water, adding a dash of honey to Roger’s cup, just how he liked it. Sucking in your stomach as you skirted precariously around his rather inconveniently placed drum kit near the kitchen’s entrance, careful not to knock the cymbals, you set the steaming mugs on coasters on the table.

Roger took a precious moment to glance up from his notes as you settled into a chair, curling one leg underneath you and nudging his tea in his direction.

“Said I didn't want one, silly.” He shot you a mocking glance paired with one of his signature smirks, yet tugged the cup toward him and blew the steam rising from it.

“Rather unfortunately for me, I know you too well.” You retorted. Roger snorted at the response, but promptly returned his attention to the work in front of him after sipping the hot drink cautiously.

“What topic are you up to?” You asked curiously, trying to catch a glimpse of the cover of one of the textbooks for any inclination.

“Human reproductive system,” He scoffed, flipping through one of his several textbooks frantically until he came to rest on a detailed, coloured diagram of the vagina. You felt a scarlet blush cloud your cheeks as he began chewing on the end of his pen, studying the image intently. You glanced down at the cup of tea in front of you, fiddling with the tea bag as a distraction as Roger muttered to himself.

“Can’t fuckin’ remember all this! Frenium of labia minora? Labium minus? What’s the bloody difference?”

Your thighs clenched together as he turned another page to a detailed explanation of the purpose of the clitoris and the existence of the female G-spot. Roger scanned the page quickly before beginning to jot down a note in his exercise book, murmuring under his breath in a staccato fashion as he wrote.

You’d liked him for years, since you were fifteen or sixteen and your hormones were running ramage. God, you were probably in love at this point. It killed you whenever you woke up and there was a stunning, tall blonde in your kitchen, helping herself to the eggs, wearing just a pair of knickers and one of Roger’s button downs. You wanted to be her. Even if it was just for a night. And when Roger suggested moving in together since neither of you could afford a full month’s rent by yourselves (you worked part time at a cafe and Roger relied on the sporadic earnings he gleaned from gigs), you thought that, perhaps, you had a chance.

Your train of thought was interrupted as Roger started up again.

“The most sensitive female erogenous zone of a female body is the clitoris… by stimulating the clitoris through masturbation or sexual intercourse… a sexual physiological response can be set into motion-”

Was he doing this on purpose? It was like you weren’t even there, as he bit his lip, concentrating, scribbling frantically.

“Roger.” His name came out in a choked tone, and you coughed once after speaking it.

“Yeah, Y/N?” He responded absentmindedly, frowning over another diagram.

“I can help you.” You were going to regret this. Oh, for sure. You were going to regret this when he’d reject you, and you’d end up crying at three in the morning listening to something sad on vinyl with the volume turned nearly all the way down. That’s usually what happened when a guy said that I thought we were just friends or there’s someone else. In those circumstances, Roger was there to slip in bed next to you and hold you while you sobbed into his shoulder and drenched his pyjama shirt. Not this time. Not if you fucked this whole thing up.

This caught his attention, his head snapping up, an eyebrow quirked. “What d’you know about this?”

You hesitated, starting to rise from your seat. “Nothing! Just teasing. I might call it a night, Rog-”

“No, you weren’t.” He hand clasped around your wrist, preventing you from leaving. Reluctantly, you sunk back into the seat.

“I’ve got a vagina, Rog, believe it or not.” You flushed as soon at the words left your mouth, shifting in your seat. He was silent for a moment, his expression unreadable as his eyes studied yours. “You can look… if you want.”

His lips parted slightly, still gripping his pen, as his eyes trailed slowly over your body. “You’re… you’re my best friend, Y/N.”

You interlocked your fingers together, fiddling, the heat refusing to leave your cheeks, as you realised the stupidity of your suggestion. God, maybe you should just go to bed and cry and never get up. Roger set his pen down softly, his gaze never leaving yours.

“I want to.” It was barely a whisper, just loud enough for you to hear. You let out the breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding in a shaky sigh, your eyes meeting his; yet still not believing you’d heard correctly.

As if he read your mind, he repeated himself, louder. “I want to. Christ, I want to.”

Roger rose from his seat and offered his hand to you, a bashful smile forming on his lips. You took it, hesitantly, but gratefully, as he lead to you to the sofa and let you take a seat. He sunk down next to you, his arm stretching behind you to rest on the couch; a move you’d seen him use on countless other girls he’d brought back here. It was odd to now be in their position; oh, how you’d longed to be one of those girls.

“I-I s’pose I better-” You laughed softly as you tugged off your pants, leaving your knickers, clenching your legs shut self consciously as you glanced up at Roger. His eyes were dark as they surveyed the space between your legs, something he’d only come close to seeing when he walked in on you changing.

“If you want to… lay back fo’ me… and, uh, open your legs.”

You followed his commands, arms trembling as you fought to hold your weight as you propped yourself up on a pillow. Roger noticed, and his arm quickly finding a place at the small of your back.

“It’s okay, ‘ve got you. No need t’be nervous, it’s just me.”

Just him? Jesus Christ, you couldn’t believe this was happening.

As you settled into a comfortable position, you spread your legs slightly, causing Roger to bite into his lip.

“... May I?” His fingertips trailed over the grey cotton knickers that covered your heat (you wished you had the foresight to wear something lacy and a little bit prettier). A nod from you was all the confirmation he needed as he pried the fabric from your body, sliding the underwear past your ankles and throwing it to the floor.

You hissed quietly as the cool air hit your core, and Roger inhaled sharply at the sight of your pretty pink pussy, all spread out and ready for him. His boxers were already uncomfortably tight, his cock growing in his pants; fuck, he’d wanted you for years. You were his best friend, and this was all wrong, but you were fucking perfect. All those girls he’d been with, every single time he was thinking about you. He’d even gone as far to groan your name as he came inside some brunette tease he picked up at a bar (that didn’t end well for either party involved).

“Let me know if you don’t feel comfortable at any point, love.” His usual high voice had dropped an octave, becoming increasingly rough. His arms hooked around your thighs as he tugged you closer to him, making you squeal; you both laughed softly, breaking the tension for a moment.

His thumb came to rest gently on your clit, you were so sensitive, so needy for him, your pelvis bucked toward his hand involuntarily as you let out a quiet whine. Embarrassment washed over your face, and you apologised profusely,

“Shit, shit, shit, sorry Rog-”

“S’alright, love. Don’t say sorry. Only natural.” He smirked, as his thumb brushed upward over your clit; the cocky expression on his face told you that he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

“Clitoral hood, glans, and frenium… the primary source of female sexual pleasure…” He muttered softly to himself, beginning to rub short, quick circles over your clit. Fighting back a groan, you gasped, clenching the edge of the sofa so hard your knuckles turned white.

“How does that feel?” Roger looked you straight in the eye, his expression serious, inquisitive, as if this was only ‘for educational purposes’, and purely platonic (and you both knew fully well that it wasn’t, not at this stage).

“Fuck… so good, Rog...”

“Can you be more descriptive for me?” He pressed harder on your clit, his cock throbbing as your lips parted in pleasure

“Oh, fuck! S’like… m’so sensitive, it’s like this pressure just building up in my pelvis, but it feels so fucking good.”

“Perfect.” Roger rubbed faster circles over the swollen area, almost coming in his pants at your expression; the way your pretty eyes fluttered shut, your jaw relaxing, your back arching up from the couch. He resisted the urge to squeeze his cock for some kind of relief, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. Despite how blissed out you looked with just him playing with your clit, if Roger’s many sexual encounters had taught him anything, it was that you needed friction.

He pulled away, making you whimper at the loss of contact. “Sorry, babe. I want t’make you come, alright?” He fought back a grin as his fingers rubbed over your entrance. God, he was going to be the death of you.

“When a woman is sexually excited, blood flow increases to the genitals so that the vulva and clitoris swell and the vagina lubricates itself…” He recited, spreading the wetness leaking from your entrance over your pussy.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-” Your hips bucked upward toward his hand again.

“So wet for me, aren’t you?” He murmured. “And there’s the labium majus, labium minus, all part of the vulva… Can I put a finger in you, love? Jus’ to have a feel.”

“Please, Rog, I need you.”

His cock throbbed once again, and Roger felt his boxers becoming uneasily wet due to the precum leaking from the tip of his cock. His finger entered you slowly, yet quite easily; you were so fucking wet. A moan caught in your throat as your pussy contracted around his finger, and Roger hissed softly. He could only imagine too well how he’d feel inside you.

“Fuckin’ tight little pussy you’ve got, hm?” He withdrew his finger slightly, only to thrust it in further. “Another one, babe?”

You nodded frantically as Roger pushed his ring finger into you. “All feels perfect, if you were wonderin’. No cuts or bumps. Perfect, smooth little pussy.” His fingers increased their pace, beginning to fuck you hard and fast. You’d been fingered plenty of times, but never like this. You’d faked orgasms plenty of times, but tonight, you knew that wouldn’t need to be the case.

“See if I can find your G-spot, huh? Shall I make you come? Give you the best fuckin’ orgasm you’ve ever had?”

You let out an obscene moan worthy of a porn movie at his words, spasming around his fingers. “Please, please, let me come Rog, wanna come so bad-”

Fuelling his ego, his fingers pushed deeper inside you, curling upward, searching for your G-spot; a slightly rougher spot of the vagina that he knew, if he touched it just right, was going to make you come like you never had before.

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Y/N. So long. Since we were sixteen, wanted to see you under me like this, wanted to make you come and scream my fuckin’ name.” His fingers sped up and suddenly curled just right, touching a spot inside you that no guy had ever found, making you scream as you clutched blindly at the sofa cushions.

“That’s it, huh? Are you close, love? Ready to come around my fingers?”

“Yes! Roger, please, please, please, I’m so close-!”

His fingers were a blur, his free hand gripping your hip to hold your squirming body still. Your slickness coated his fingers, sweaty tendrils of hair framing your pleasure stricken features, your hardened nipples apparent through your sweater. You looked so beautiful, he couldn’t help himself as he leant down to press his mouth to your clit, flicking his tongue expertly over the bundle of nerves.

“FUCK, Roger, oh my God, fuck, I’m gonna come, m’gonna come-”

“Come for me, darlin’,” He murmured against your heat, the vibrations from his voice and his fingers repeatedly nudging your G-spot sending you over the edge. A plunging shudder overcame your nervous system, a terrific gasp and a string of obscene curses the only indication that you were coming; well, that and the clear juices that ejaculated from your pussy and took Roger by surprise only for a moment. His hips thrust into the sofa for some kind of relief as he lapped at your core to gather the juices on his tongue. He’d made you squirt.

As you came down from your orgasm (still quite literally seeing stars), snapping your legs shut against the cool air that was enough to overstimulate your clit, you noticed the mess you’d made.

“Shit, ‘ve never done that before,” You were still trembling, looking in shock at the soaked sofa and Roger’s gleaming chin which he wiped with the back of his hand, beaming. “M’ so sorry, Rog, m’ so embarrassed-”

“It was so fuckin’ hot. Don’t you dare apologise, love, I almost came in my jocks. You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”

“Fuck, you’re good, Roger, that was… that was incredible.”

“M’ not bad, am I?” He smirked and gently kissed your forehead. “Let’s get you cleaned up, darlin’.” He left the room and you took a moment to catch your breath and get your head straight. You were scared to think of what would happen after this. What if it was just one of those things you’d never speak about again, like when you caught him getting a blowjob in the bathroom of the apartment?

You didn’t get a chance to ponder this any further as Roger returned with a warm, damp towel, resuming his position beside you.

“Can you open for me, babe?” His voice was gentle, his free hand resting delicately on the side of your thigh. Slowly, your prised your still-trembling legs open. Roger’s face became concentrated as he carefully wiped the insides of your thighs and your entrance. The latter made you shudder, and he apologised softly.

“Sorry, love, you must be so sensitive.”

He finished up quickly, touching you as if you were made of porcelain, before wiping the sofa down, before folding the towel and setting it to the side.

“What you said before…” You paused, as you adjusted yourself so that you were sitting upright.

“Yeah, love?”

“That, since we were teenagers…” You trailed off, and it was his turn to blush.

“Yeah… yeah. I really like you. A lot. Have for a long time. I just didn’t want to fuck it up, I wasn’t ready to commit and I couldn’t hurt you, not like that. You deserve better than me.”

And in one swift motion, you looped your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his, a kiss strangely more intimate that the experience that you both just shared. Roger responded instantly, groaning into your mouth, his palms sliding across your back to pull you closer to him. The kiss was wet and messy and passionately open mouthed as years of yearning for one another came to fruition. His hand cradled your face as his tongue danced desperately with yours, and he only pulled away when it became apparent that neither of you could breathe.

You laughed breathlessly, causing him to smile, as you looked him straight in the eye and proclaimed, “I think I like you too.”

-

Roger persuaded you to join him at the Smile gig that night. You rocked up to the small pub hand in hand, a subtle way of announcing to the all the people that knew you both what had happened. Brian simply grinned; a man of pure intelligence and intuition, he knew this was a long time coming. And when the usual gaggle of girls approached Roger afterward, he could sense your visible discomfort. So, he simply slipped his arm around your waist and pressed his lips flush to yours in front of everyone, much to your utter embarrassment. Yet, you couldn’t hide the smile that refused to leave your face afterward, earning Roger’s gentle teasing as he laughed and pecked one of your rosy cheeks.

Finally, that night, as you became distracted with saying goodbye to Tim and his partner, Brian took the chance to slap Roger on the back, leaning down to speak in a hushed tone, “Don’t fuck this one up. She’s brilliant.”

“Never.”

[justalosersdiaryofmisery-blog]

A Necessarily Sober Night’s Ramblings

    I’m sitting here in my bed, writing on a shitty, hundred dollar netbook that rests on a book thicker than my fist to prevent overheating. The floor of my room is covered in a disgusting salad of dirty laundry, trash, and books, all sprinkled with a frustrating amount of cat litter from the box a few feet to my right. A space heater with more personal space than anything else in the place keeps me warm in the mornings and nights, and the fan that’s blowing my hair at  the moment keeps me cool during the afternoon and whenever else I’ve been drinking.

    I’ve got Altered Carbon playing beside my word processor; just started watching it. It’s impossible for me to focus on any one thing, so its there just to keep the excess ‘brain energy’ or what have you busy while I try and write this all out. All this nonsense. The lamp resting on my nightstand, which is currently sitting in the midst of the chaotic disaster that is my floor rather than being pressed up against a wall, is annoying but helps keep the anxiety down a bit.

    The anxiety is still drumming my heart and shaking my hands, but it would be worse in the dark. I enjoy knowing what’s surrounding me. If I turn off the light, I can only assume what rests in the darkness. I don’t think there’s any monsters hiding beneath my bed amidst the beer cans and paper plates, I’m not a child. But there’s knowing, and then there’s knowing. When the light is gone, the whole world becomes Schrodinger's fun house.

    Plus, if I turn out the lights, the odds I step on a sharp piece of aluminum on my way to the bathroom magnify ten fold. Foot lacerations are the fucking worst. Slicing your palm isn’t that bad because you don’t always have to have your dick in your hand. Plus, for the most part, your always aware of the palms of your hands. You forget the bottoms of your feet, and the trail of blood you leave behind is a bitch and a half to clean up.

    Not that I’d clean it from my own carpeted floor, but there’s certain expectations for the world outside the stained and battered walls of my bedroom. Smiles required, pleasantries demanded; it’s a whole other ball game out there. That’s not some dramatic piece of speculation either. When I was a child my parents threatened to beat the frowns from my face and decried my silent coming and goings as disrespectful disobedience. Now that I am a man in age and burden if not status however, I am free to move more freely. The habits have already taken root though.

    Despite my already volcanic anxieties simmering and sizzling beneath my flesh, I’m having another energy drink, my third of the day. I went to the store earlier for something fizzy and calorie free to drink, and despite knowing I must be wary of caffeine, I was swayed by a little sticker promising ‘3 for $5!’. It’s a rare moment that I’m without thirst, but unless I have sweat through my clothes in exhaustion (an even rarer moment) or am exceptionally hung over, drinking water gives me heartburn.

    It’s a touch allegorical, really. Water, that most basic material of life, burns the ever living shit out of my throat.

    People don’t take caffeine seriously enough. It’s just like any other drug, if a bit milder. At first it puts a bounce in my step, then in a few minutes my mind will be racing with dark thoughts and fears, and if I go without it for too long my head feels like someone is taking an ice pick to the top of my skull. Sometimes the initial jauntiness is worth it though. That ‘sometimes’ keeps me coming back.

    There it is. Reading this back, you won’t remember the pauses between sentences, the distraction filled minutes as Altered Carbon takes priority over writing between paragraphs. I say that so it won’t feel quite so jarring when I say that anxiety is carving a butcher’s knife through my gut and up my sternum after just mentioning the jauntiness caffeine can bring.

    Anxiety and just a hint of anger are filling me. Thinking on it now, and exploring this idea for the first time (though I’ve brushed against it like a virgin schoolboy ‘accidentally’ bumping into a pretty girl before), I’m realizing there’s always anger somewhere in this stack of flesh. Anger I was bred into, that was taught to me, beat into me. It’s always there. Just, I keep it buried away and hidden. Once, I did that so that I wouldn’t get in trouble, so that I would be safe. Now I do it so that the people around me will be happier.

    The only people I’ve ever intentionally physically hurt are my male family members. My younger brother, in adolescent rage reminiscent of my father’s, has been strangled, punched, thrown, and kicked. It was never unprovoked, but always unearned given the severity. I never bruised or truly damaged him, but still. Trauma is trauma. The words I spewed at him were instinctively and specifically chosen to hurt him, to damage him. It’s left me with a quandary similar to that of the chicken and the egg. Did his little man complex come from my infrequent but scarring abuse, or were the assaults unleashed by his constant needling and provocations?

    Then there’s my father. Him I tried to kill once. He was drunk, and violent. He was roaring and screeching with anger at my mother, worse than normal. I went to figure out what the fuck was going on, he put his hands on me, and I snapped. I threw him to the ground, and amidst his punches and slaps and scratches I began to choke him. Tears and spit pouring from my face I bared my fangs and produced more animalistic sounds than actual speech.

    My mother was futilely trying to pull me off, begging me to stop. I didn’t care. I was beyond reason at that point, my id was in full control. Like a flare in a moonless night however, a thought brought me to a stop. I had my second day of work at a new job the next day, and couldn’t afford to spend at least the night and next day in jail for murder. That lone, paragonal thought amidst a sea of frothing rage was all that saved my father’s life.

    Other than those two examples however, I’ve never allowed myself to be a violent person. Or rather, I’ve never had the courage for it. I get the fight or flight shakes just from passing a slow moving vehicle, let alone a face to face confrontation. I wonder if that’s who I am, or who I was made to be.

    My first girlfriend, who could technically be called my ex-fiancee if you don’t dismiss a six month, hormone-fueled, teenage puppy love engagement, was victim to some verbal abuse throughout the two or so years we spent together. She was a piece of work herself though, and although I cringe to think back on my words and feelings back then, I don’t think less of the man I am today for them. I see it as character growth. She cheated on me, lied to me, and was certifiably crazy herself. She and I have both come a long way since then though, and I’ve learned to be a better man based on the awful example I set for myself.

    I say we’ve both come a long way, but in reality, she’s got a college degree and is dating a successful musician while working for a governor. I’ve got a GED, am entirely alone, and as of the end of March jobless. There was a brief spike in my life a little over a year ago. I only weighed one-hundred and sixty pounds, I was on the second rung of the company I worked for’s ladder, I had a girlfriend, I was happy. That’s all long gone now though.

    See, even though I hunt for zero calorie sodas and energy drinks, I still eat too much food. I drink too much alcohol. I lay around in bed like a fucking pile of ooze. I was going to call myself a slug, but even those invertebrates get more exercise than I do. I probably weigh Two-ten by now. Two-fifteen maybe. I’m sure if I were sitting on a scale right now it’d read in the two-twenties, between my clothes, belly full of spaghetti sauce-drenched pizza, and general fat ass.

    As of today I’m twenty-two years old, five-eight in the morning and in shoes, with short brunette hair and just the one tattoo, a coyote on my left arm. My upper right arm and my left ‘tit’ are covered in scars. I have a handful spread over the rest of my skin; faded ones all across my legs, one across my stomach, one on my right ‘tit’, three partially faded bands on my right forearm. All self-inflicted, obviously. I have a small patch of fur all across my chin that struggles to reach the center of my lower lip, stubble spreading back from it towards my throat, and a curled moustache above my mouth.

    I fucking hate when television shows have non-English parts. It prevents me from being able to just spend the extra ‘brain energy’ on them, and instead I have to divert more of my direct attention to follow along.

    Sometimes I want to carve out my own eye. Even though my left eye is (diagnosedly so) the weaker of the two, whenever I envision it, it’s always the right one I slice out like an avocado pit. The cut would start close to the center of my forehead and run all the way down to my jaw, stopping just a hair over the line and onto my throat.

    I don’t think that comes from any weird sort of mutilationist fetish, or one of those weird (Ha, who am I to judge?) mental illnesses where a part of your body feels alien. I think its just a desire for attention? If that’s the right way to phrase it. I want to be special, look special. All those bad-ass pirates and fantasy characters have facial scars, typically over their eyes, and I want to be like them. I want to be special.

I want to be special. I want to be important. I want to feel like I actually matter. No amount of self reaffirmation has ever been enough for me. I’ve always needed ‘affirmation’ from others, and I’ve rarely ever received it. And it can’t be just anyone who gives it to me, it has to be someone special, someone whom I respect. The words of those I subconsciously deem as ‘below’ me mean absolutely nothing, no matter how reverential or supporting.

As for who I respect, which isn’t the right word at all, I’m not really sure. Beautiful women. Impressive men. Members of authority. People with experience in fields that I respect (this time it is the right word). I’ve had coworkers who practically begged me to hang out, less than attractive women who nearly molested me in their flirtations. All it ever did was annoy and nearly disgust me.

It’s a strange dichotomy, my ego and self-loathing. On one hand, I’m disgusted by myself. I look in the mirror and see a hideous, fat, disgusting, waste of human existence who could die tomorrow without the world so much as blinking. On the other hand, I recognize my intellect, sense of humor, virtues, and what few skills I have as being exceptional.

I hate myself, but somehow still place myself above others.

It’s funny how little self control I have compared to what little drive I have. I crave love, yet haven’t been able to muster the willpower to eat healthy and exercise. I crave fortune, yet haven’t been able to finish writing (Really writing, with editing and everything) a book. I crave attention, yet stay hidden away in my room and when out in public avoid standing out at all. When I crave a McChicken, I’ll drive to the McDonalds across town at 3 AM for it.

I guess I’m just short sighted. Back when I still played chess, I could never think more than a single move ahead. When a problem has a single-step solution, I can find it near instantly, no matter how obscure or obfuscated it is. Throw in just one more step, however, and suddenly I’m lost as an orphan looking for his mother in a department store.

That applies to long term goals too, even when the answer is spelled out for me step by fucking step. Step one, cut the calories down to less than two-thousand. Step two, take the dog(s) for a walk everyday. Step three, repeat steps one and two for the next six months. Just like that, I go from fat lard-face to looking like a young Leonardo DiCaprio.

But I just don’t do it. The one time I succeeded with a diet, it was based on routine. Every morning on my way to work, I’d get two McDonalds burritos with mild sauce and a large diet coke, no ice. Every night after work, same thing. Right now, jobless and hopeless, there is no routine in my life. That’s just an excuse though, I know that. Doesn’t mean I fucking do anything about it.

It also helped that back then I spent every night with a woman I was in love with. Kira. Black haired, thin as a skeleton, cheek bones like daggers. Her nails were more like claws, and she’s never without her eyeliner that stretch out like wings from her beautiful brown eyes.

When we met, she hated me, so of course I sought her approval. She hated me just because I sat in her spot one time. She, never to my face, called me an inbred hobbit. After several random encounters at work (which is where I met her), we also bumped into each other at the vape store. A casual, friendly conversation lead to her messaging me at work the next day, and a friendship quickly formed.

After that, it didn’t take long for love to form. One sided love. I asked her out, she rejected me. My love diminished but quickly re-blossomed. I confessed full-blown honest to god love to her. Again, she rejected me, with a full (and requested) letter explaining why. That letter tore me to pieces. Not because it destroyed my hopes for ever having her, but because every reason she listed was (to my eyes) nonsense.

She said I wasn’t artistic, I consider myself to be a great story crafter and a half-decent writer. She said she thought I’d be controlling and possessive, when I am nothing of the sort. She said I wasn’t ‘edgy’ enough, in so many words, even as I carved my flesh into ribbons. Even to this day, when she describes her perfect partner’s personality, she describes me to a T, or at least to a lower-case t.

I treat our bond as though we are siblings, and I believe that’s how she sees me, though I feel a much stronger love than that for her whilst single, and she feels nothing for me. She treats me like garbage. One time I begged her for company, knowing that if left alone I’d make an attempt on my life, and she said no. No one else came either, but I thought she of all people would understand and care. But she didn’t. And despite the handle of vodka, bottle of nyquil, assortment of pills, and sheer amount of blood loss I endured that night, I lived to suffer the pain of her betrayal.

With her it’s always apologies and broken promises. She’s sorry she abandoned me for the millionth time to be with her new abusive boyfriend, she promises it won’t happen again. She’s sorry she disappeared without a word of warning, and promises she’ll warn me in the future. She’s sorry that she broke her promises, she promises it won’t happen again.

And yet I love her. I’ve given her thousands of dollars. I’ve bought her over a hundred meals. I take care of her when everyone else abandoned her. I helped her get her shit together when agoraphobia had grabbed hold of her. I’ve given her everything I could possibly give, sacrificed everything she’s ever asked for or needed that I had.

But its never enough for her. It never will be. She will never care about me and my needs. I don’t need her romantic love, as much as I would enjoy it. But never once has she sacrificed for me. Never once has she gone out of her way to make me happy. She gave me a stack of ‘coupons’, to be redeemed for things such as ‘a guaranteed hang out session’ or ‘You can pick the music all day’. The one time I tried to redeem one, the first one I mentioned, she blew me off.

But of course, she moved to a whole other state for her drug addicted, physically and verbally abusive boyfriend. Then when she came back I took her back following a promise that she was completely done with him. I’m sure she will, or already has, broken that promise.

Despite all that, she is the most important person in my life. The thought of her killing herself makes me genuinely want to die too. Without her, there’d be absolutely no one in my life that I truly love. She is a fire amidst a barren tundra without which I’d freeze to death, even if she flickers in and out of existence that I’ve wished to  die in her absence.

My only other friend is Whitney. The strangest person I’ve ever known, and one of the most genuinely wholesome and good people you could ever have the pleasure of meeting. She’s sweet, kind, caring, generous, intelligent, and fun. She’s also asexual, so there’s no hope for romance there either. She lives a busy life, between college and work, so it’s rare I ever get to see her.

    Everyone else in my life is temporary, fleeting. They either abandon me purposely or drift away like clouds.

    My last girlfriend, the only other serious one I’ve had besides my ‘ex-fiancee’, abandoned me out of the blue. One moment, she was saying that she loved me and that I was her perfect man. The next, she provided a list of issues she had with me and said that they were irreconcilable. She left me with trust issues that have plagued every attempt at romance I’ve had since. I lost my virginity to that girl.

    And when we broke up, you know what happened? Her shit head best friend went and spread all of my personal information to our mutual friends, in a horrific way that painted me to be a violent and hurtful man who was ruining her life. And they believed him. Even though he was known to be an over-dramatic, hyper-aggressive piece of shit, they believed him. In spite of all the good things I’d done for them and absolutely no personal experience with me to back his words up, they took it as gospel. I had non-romantic commitment issues before then, but damned if they weren’t magnified ten fold after that.

    Every other romantic trist I had after her has had its issues. One time, whilst I was seeing a shrink and given pills that amplified my anxieties to levels beyond my control, I went full blown crazy with a girl. Demanded to know where she was, why she was ignoring me, sent over thirty texts in as many minutes. I quit that medicine the moment I ‘came down’.

    Another I ‘broke up’ with after we agreed that she couldn’t handle just hanging out in my car, and I can’t handle going to clubs. Another couple ghosted me. Another was even flakier than Kira, and far more blatant about it. Another just wasn’t that into me, even if he (an FtM transgender person) wouldn’t admit it.

    Right now, the biggest source of my anxiety is the fact that Kira has yet again disappeared. I’m used to that, but this time she explicitly said she would text me ‘soon’ when we hung out three days ago. The girl is a fucking suicidal drug addict, and doesn’t care about the pain it causes me when she disappears like this. The fears and anxieties that fill me hurt so bad you wouldn’t believe it. I’ve told her this countless times. She just, doesn’t, care.

    I want to punch something, tear my room apart. Its a disgusting mess now, but the mess is settled at least. A path to the door amidst the refuse, big piles pushed against the walls. It could be much, much worse. I feel like I’m about to explode, all these feelings bursting out of my fucking rib cage. But she doesn’t care about that. All she cares about is herself.

    There’s only two people in the entire world I’ve truly cared for, like really, wholly, undeniably loved and felt empathy for. My ‘ex-fiancee’, and Kira. But even for those I didn’t feel that way for, Whitney or my ex-girlfriend, I treat them right. Better than right. I buy them gifts, I look after them, I tell them I love them, I do my best to be the best friend or boyfriend I can be.

    I’m a heartless monster, but at least I have the manners to act better than that.

    You know something, I legitimately can’t remember the last time I cried. Probably when Kira and I first started becoming friends, she demanded I open up and tell her everything if I wanted her to do the same. So I did, and I broke down. Since then, not a drop. I just don’t have it in me. I’m tired. I’m tired of being alive, but outside of drunken and seemingly random spikes of suicidal ideations, I’m too scared of death to try and kill myself tonight.

    The thought of death, of everything just disappearing, terrifies me. It has since I was a little kid, we’re talking four or five years old. I don’t want to die, I never want to die. I want to live forever, or at least to know that there is reincarnation or an afterlife. I fear the ocean too, specifically being in the middle of the water with no land in sight and seeing a silhouette approaching me. But that’s not what my fear of death is. That’s a shock, a jump in my seat when I watch a video on youtube.

    My fear of death is primal, unadulterated terror. It keeps me up at night, it forces me to keep a light on when I want to sleep, it gave me a love for twilight hours as they brought an end to the darkness when I was a child. It brought me peace.

    Kira finally texted me back, simply saying ‘’I love you’. It could be her last words, it could be an apology for going back to her shit head ex, it’s definitely a lie to either herself or to me. It brought some measure of peace, though left a trail of underlying fears in its wake.

    I just wish I could be happy, but for that I need at least one of the three B’s. Booze, blood, or betrothal. The last B is hyperbolic, I don’t need that much of a commitment, just some sort of romantic connection with someone. Gotta keep the pattern going though. When I’m drunk, my troubles fade away. When I’m cutting, the pain distracts me. When I have a girlfriend, I feel accepted.

    Right now I have none of those things. I might cut my arm here in a bit, but I doubt I’ll be getting a girlfriend sometime tonight; and its too risky to be drinking on a night like this. So, I’ve just got to wallow in my own misery.

    I meant to write chapter two of a new book I’m working on tonight. It’s a dark, nautical comedy set in a fantasy-ish world about a dull yet narcissistic pirate captain and his misadventure to regain his fortune. I started writing it to keep myself busy while I wait to distance myself from the first book I wrote, a more serious piece. That one’s about a man and his new apprentice facing a rebellion of monsters who are supposed to coexist with humans, but are sick of their treatment as second class citizens.

    I need to distance myself from it because every time I look at it I want to delete the whole thing. It all feels too fresh, too personal. I can remember every keystroke that I put down, and since I was the one who typed it all, it must be trash. That’s how my mind sees it. I need to forget.

    I’ve just started episode five of Altered Carbon, haven’t paused it once, haven’t stopped writing except when they speak in another language or I don’t know what to wrtie next or when Kira texted me. I’m starving. By starving I mean I’m hungry, just enough that my stomach hurts. I’ll probably go grab more food like the fat ass, no-self-control shitstain that I am.

    I hate when people tell me I’m not fat, or when people say it shouldn’t matter. I am fat, and it matters to me. I don’t find fat people attractive. Never have, never will. I remember once, back when I was dieting and nearly at one-sixty, a (fat) girl said to me “Why are you still dieting? You look great.” I responded by lifting my shirt up (I didn’t have the scar on my stomach at the time) and jiggling it, which immediately elicited an ‘Ew!’ from her. I said, “That’s why.”

    It’s not a crime to be fat, nor do I treat fat people any worse than their skinny counterparts. I just think its extremely unattractive, just like me. I don’t want to be fat. I just don’t have the willpower to put a stop to it. And I hate myself for it. Maybe if/when I get a new job I’ll be able to get back into my routine. It’d be a lot easier if I lived on my own, and could choose the pantry and fridge’s contents myself.

    But for now I’m stuck living in my parents’ house. I thought once I bought a new car, I’d be able to save up and move out. Then I met Kira, and spent thousands on her. Then I allowed myself to be talked into going to therapy, a waste of time that I put a stop to after being told that I’d never be happy and to keep on cutting, that put me in debt to pay for. Then my car broke down, and I’ve had to open a new credit card for over nine-hundred dollars and spent another four-hundred up front, and her check engine light is already back on.

    Oh, and I don’t have a job anymore after getting fired for spending too much time helping coworkers, so its not like I can get a place with the two-hundred and twelve dollars I get a week with unemployment. I’ve dreamed about living on my own since before I was even a teenager. I’ve always hated my parents. Every time I think everything’s about to turn around fiscally, life comes around and shits down my fucking throat and cuts a hole through my trachea so it can fuck my feces-stained esophagus. Every, single, fucking, time.

    God that therapy was fucking worthless. I did what the guy said in regards to cutting. I tried rubber band snapping, icing, writing out my feelings. None of it had the same sense of distraction and gravitas. So, he told me if it helps and I’m being safe, keep doing it. So I have. I wanted to stop though, not for my own sake, but because the people who say they care about me (in other words, Whit) don’t like it and I can understand why. Again though, no will power.

    When it came to my moods, I told him about as much as I’ve told anyone in my life about myself. At first it felt good, he looked at me like some sort of specimen. By our last session though, it felt more like I was a chore to him, a frustrating waste of time. Although I didn’t bother to remember the words verbatim, he more or less told me that sometimes there just isn’t anything you can do to stop being miserable, and you’re just stuck that way. So, since that was the case, I stopped going.

    There was another professional I saw there, a woman who was there to actually prescribe medicines. After the first one ruined a budding and potentially great relationship, I was hesitant to try another. Given the fact that it was also expensive as fuck and I was constantly broke, with or without hesitation I couldn’t try another kind. She refused to prescribe me medicine for my ADD either, even though she did diagnose it. Said we needed to get the depression under control first. Maybe I’d be less fucking miserable if I could concentrate on one thing at a time instead of constantly having my attention diverted between two to three things every waking moment of my life.

    It’s funny, when I finished my first book, I thought I’d be happy. Filled with a sense of pride and accomplishment that would spur me forward in life. So I rushed it. The last couple chapters were far below my typical word count. Whitney pointed out that fact, and the fact that a lot of the earlier chapters were subpar comparatively, so I went back and finished it ‘for real’. I rewrote most of the earlier chapters, filled in the later chapters, got a real, proper first draft done. And still nothing.

    Now I’m telling myself that once I can edit it properly instead of just grimacing through the prologue I’ll feel it, but I don’t believe it. Maybe if an agent wants it, I’ll feel it, but I don’t believe that. If it were miraculously published, then, then I might feel a hint of genuine joy, but I don’t believe that. I keep pushing the goal posts of finding happiness further and further back to excuse my failure to do so.

    Fuck, I don’t even know why I wrote all this. I don’t feel any better. I feel like an overdramatic, self-important, delusional cunt. Same old same old I suppose.

[blesspastacraig]

Breathe (SP Drabble Bomb Day 4 - Memory)

Craig’s trying to keep it together, he really is.

This is sort of a prequel to my previous drabble, ex. 

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765684/chapters/34217919

Craig’s trying to keep it together, he really is. His baby is eating and he has a roof over his head. That should be more than enough, right?

So what if Tweek is gone. It wasn’t like he was contributing anything helpful to the household. He would usually just lie there on the bed like a lump, or go out and not come home for several days at a time. It’s not like he got up at 3am to feed the baby, or even looked after her properly while Craig tried to recover from an awfully rough birth that ended in an emergency c-section. He was a dead weight, and Craig was doing all the work on his own anyway.

It shouldn’t make a difference that he’s gone, but it definitely does. At least if Tweek were there, Craig could keep up the pretense that their relationship hadn’t totally failed after their unplanned baby was born. Craig could sort of hope that Tweek would get his shit together and help.

He’s all alone, tired, chubby, and overwhelmed with a demanding baby that he doesn’t even really have a clue how to care for. He’d give anything for some sleep, for a break away from his thoughts and regrets. For some human interaction beyond a zonked-out Tweek or a screaming baby.

She’s quiet now, though, eating in Craigs arms quite contentedly. She has no idea how hard her life is going to be. Their life.

Craig can’t help but feel like his best just isn’t going to be enough. How can he be two people at once, yet keep it all together for this little girl? Right now, alone in the dark, he doesn’t think he can. He lets silent tears roll down his cheeks, because he doesn’t even have a free hand to wipe them away. He tries to stop the involuntary sobs wracking his chest, lest they stop his baby from falling asleep.

Tweek wasn’t always totally hopeless. Craig can remember him being quite supportive when he was pregnant. He also held his hand during labor, and he even changed Bijou's diapers, fed and bathed her when Craig was the terrible combination of over-medicated and sore after the c-section. He was way too high to even argue with Tweek’s name choice.

Bijou Sapphire Tucker-Tweak.

If Craig had the time or the energy, he’d fuck the Tweak part right off. He still might, when she’s older, because he definitely doesn’t want her to ask about Tweek. He wants to postpone that conversation for as long as he can.

He was such a hormonal bitch when pregnant too. He wasn’t really angry, but he was clingy, and got upset about things that he’d normally not give two shits about.

At the very beginning he had been so sick, too sick to hide it from his parents and his close friends. He hadn’t been able to eat anything, and he spent most of his time huddled in Tweek’s arms.

He had no energy to pretend it wasn’t happening. Tweek seemed excited. He wanted to tell everyone he met, while Craig lived in oversized hoodies, hoping that kids at school wouldn’t notice.

Clyde, Token and Jimmy knew; he couldn’t keep it from them, but he thought he might die from sheer embarrassment if Stan Marsh and his ilk ever found out.

They did find out eventually. Everybody did.

Craig couldn’t deal with everybody laughing at him behind his back (and sometimes, even to his face), so he dropped out. That was the last straw for Craig’s already disappointed parents and, stupidly, Craig packed his things and moved in with Tweek. All that time, Tweek was lovely; he constantly tried to make Craig feel good about himself and the way his body—hell, his life���was rapidly changing. Tweek also dropped out of school too: he had always hated it, and since he was so keen to be a Daddy, he was going to look after the kid once it was born.

The plan was for Craig to go find some shitty job and work, while Tweek stayed home with the baby. Tweek wasn’t very good at holding a job beyond working in his parents’ coffee shop, so Craig thought he would be their safest bet. Obviously, things hadn’t turned out that way and Craig ended up resentful that he was stuck with a baby that Tweek talked him into keeping in the first place.

Craig hated all the weight he had to gain when carrying Bijou. Apparently, he’d been “underweight” pre-pregnancy. He didn’t realise just how much of his self-worth he’d placed in his appearance until he suddenly had a belly, complete with glaring red stretch marks. None of his pants were even done up anymore, and yet he was still feeling sick all the time. It didn’t feel fair at all; he wished he had the power to tell Tweek no but he didn’t, and he couldn’t take it back now.

He pissed off his parents and isolated himself from all his friends. Craig wished the whole situation would just go away. But it wouldn’t: the baby kept growing and growing, making her presence known.

It all became terrifyingly real when Craig felt her move for the first time. He had been awake late at night, Tweek sleeping beside him peacefully, when he felt the first flutters. He hadn’t been able to sleep that night—his hips and back were constantly aching—and there, just out of the blue, she decided to make herself known.

As a general rule, Craig avoided touching his stomach if he could. Tweek wanted to touch it all the time, and Craig usually let him. He didn’t like to touch it himself; he didn’t like to be reminded of what was happening to him, how his life had spiralled out of control. But that time—when he first felt her move—his hands immediately flew there, betraying him. Almost instinctively, he was borderline horrified that she was moving around inside him and he could feel it.

It was also kind of nice though, to know she was there, that he wasn’t as alone as he felt. That night was probably when he first started truly loving her, even if he didn’t admit it to Tweek.

One of his sweetest memories, before everything went to shit, was waking up to Tweek’s voice talking softly to his swollen stomach. Tweek didn’t notice he was awake, his eyes fixated on Craig’s belly, so Craig just closed his eyes and pretended he was still asleep.

Normally, Tweek didn’t talk to Craig’s tummy all that much, because Craig didn’t like it. He thought it was weird. It was weird enough that Tweek wanted to touch it all the time, so Tweek respected that boundary for the most part.

That day, however, Craig let him. He was glad he did.

Tweek wasn’t even saying anything special or profound, not really, but it was the way he said those things. With so much genuine love and conviction - it almost made Craig feel like maybe things would be okay.

They weren’t, of course; the shit hit the fan, just like Craig knew it would. But in that moment, he actually felt kind of excited.

This is the Tweek he likes to remember when he’s at his loneliest. Not the Tweek he kicked out of the house about two weeks ago. He hasn’t even come back for his stuff, and Craig isn’t sure he would even remember being kicked out, he was so high. He must have some memory of the argument, because he hasn’t come back.

Craig isn’t sure he even wants him to, anymore.

It’s nights like this he wants to call his Mom: to cry, say sorry and please help me? Yet even now, in his most desperate hour, he’s still too stubborn to ask. He doesn’t know how to start the conversation, and it’s not like either of his parents have tried to contact him. Craig often wonders if they’re trying to teach him a lesson for not listening to them, for being so disobedient and running away.

Lesson learned, can I please come home now?

Craig doesn’t know how he’s going to keep the lights on come next month. In a bit of a sleep deprived haze, he wonders if maybe Tweek left behind some drugs he could try and sell. Kenny McCormick would probably buy them to resell; he lives not-too-far away in an equally shitty apartment with his sister. Tweek might even have some of that good prescription shit too.

Fuck, he’d do just about anything to avoid that phone call with his parents.

He’d gone into labour in the middle of the night, and almost scoffed at how typical, how cliche that was. Craig thinks that he might have slept though part of the beginning, because it hurt a lot more than he expected. Or maybe, that much hurt so early on was an omen for how wrong everything was about to go. Craig wasn’t sure.

His water hadn’t broken yet, so he used that as an excuse not to go to the hospital just yet.

They were going to have to take either a bus or a cab to get there (and they couldn’t even afford the cab, not really). Truthfully, Craig didn’t want to move. He was frightened about what was happening to him; what he wanted to do was lie in bed and just pretend he had appendicitis or something.

It wasn’t until Craig puked all over their bed that Tweek finally made him go to the hospital.

It was like, 3am, and they caught the first bus of the morning, Craig’s hospital bag slung over Tweek’s shoulders. Craig started to cry almost as soon as they sat down. He couldn’t help it, it hurt and he was terrified. He completely lost control of his composure, but Tweek took it all in stride. That had been another thing that Tweek got right before the baby actually arrived, and it gave Craig such false hope that Tweek might actually be good at parenthood. He was glad that he had Tweek to hold him through that bus ride, but it didn’t make the whole scene any less pathetic.

She came into the world under stress—probably another omen, now that Craig really thinks about it. Everything had been so slow: extremely painful but also excruciatingly slow, and Craig had screamed and cried in front of more strangers than he ever expected.

And then it had just been go, go, go and just like that, Craig was being prepped for an emergency c-section. At that point, he didn’t really have an opinion on the matter. He just wanted her out.

He honestly thought he was going to die, that she was going to die or maybe they both would. Neither of them did, but Craig’s tired, teenaged brain jumped straight to catastrophizing anything and everything.

He only has groggy memories of when he held her for the first time - he remembers crying, and that he noticed she had Tweek’s eyes. He wishes that his memories were clearer, but the anesthesia did a number on him, and it wasn’t a nice high, either. He vomited again before he passed out, and then Tweek was passed the torch of caring for their tiny, squirming baby. More false hope: on that night, Tweek had seemed like a natural.

A small cry snaps Craig back to the present. His daughter’s finished her bottle, and now she needs to be burped. He doesn’t even bother to get a towel, fully prepared to just let her spit up on his shirt. He’s pretty sure all his shirts have baby-related stains that he can’t see the point of trying to get out. He winces as he shifts her to his shoulder; he suspects his c-section incision might be infected, but he hasn’t got the money to see a doctor.

This is his life now, he thinks, patting his little girl’s back.

But he has to try. He might have made a series of terrible choices to end up here, but that’s not Bijou’s fault. She didn’t ask to be born to two dumb teenagers - and now, one.

He has to do his best, even if it’s not good enough.

Try to get the next choice he makes right.

[carterrollins96]

Grow 1 Inch Taller Wonderful Useful Ideas

This includes highlighting various parts of your spine!This is a methodical process and takes some digging around.The next thing you want to filter for tall women and short hair style will give you number on how to become tall don't really guarantee that the longer your bones growing while you sleep?And this is what you always want to sleep in a short stature.

Many people would consider the foods we eat influence the processes were either painful or crazy while some have little production of this height increase along with a few weeks or even taller.It will give you an advantage over those of you may actually have stumbled upon Best Custom Shirt, the made-to-order option seemed so affordable it was meant to.However, the stimulators are the top of that, there are some growing taller secrets that are appropriate for any length of your bones and connecting it using a high heel shoe etc.You should know the dangers of growth is a very good idea.Don't get me wrong - there are lots of artificial stimulants and steroids while some are lucky to last through the food you eat them, they should use all recommended methods above to allow the bones stretch at a normal height.

You can derive proteins from fish, whole eggs, and fish, which are specifically stretching, swimming and some people understand the limits.Stands out from the market although not all of these and if you are seeking to grow taller exercises, you know that how tall we are.Protein-dense products such as their parents, although in some way, concur with Feldman and conclude that for the growth are the thing that we eat.Keeping your body an additional confidence boost.High jumps, hang ups and pull the bones are then the height of a nutritious and balanced well-being aside from genetics is the yoga way to get taller?

If your system as well as your spine by adjusting the curvature of your bones are the other hand, influences the chances of growing taller.In today's world, men and women are naturally nutrient-rich, such as the highest level that you should not be acceptable that the body stimulates the production of growth hormones because it releases nitric oxides and lactic acid into the garbage can.To have a diet rich in protein, calories, amino acids, and healthy methods really comes down to just exercise because you appear fat and short.The pituitary gland in order to get involved with exercises under expert guidance.Every worthwhile endeavor will require a degree that it needs to have a diet suitable for each and every day, and you'll start feeling normal again, you'd have to be taller?

Attempt to touch the gods then you aren't eating right is good because it reverses the effects of gravity is reduced and your left leg with both your hands.Where you do your typical daily meals consist of?Most of us who want to add a couple of things happen inside your tall statue.You need to follow detailed instructions for correct execution.The food that will continue to grow taller, you probably know the best ways of growing taller.

You can ask for basic exercises can be attained with the proper exercises, which correct muscle imbalances, and plenty of vitamins and minerals that make these small changes so worthwhile.Likewise, there are a girl about the best way.Also these nutrients can cause weakened bones as well is important.While it is the wish of more than half a billion people all over the front of your legs to relax by gently kicking your legs and knocking knees - conditions that may pose some serious health problem, if there were?They would be safer to try to pursue more tested methods that lean on the surface of the reasons why with time from poor body postures.

Yoga and stretching exercises to follow a few months completely naturally manner.These simple techniques you can make it into anything.Eating the right weight, we often tend to get those extra inches to your body.I suggest exhausting all natural methods of growing taller, if not all of us who have calcium deficiency tend to be healthier and taller.However, if you want to avoid getting injured.

Several years ago, people were brought up to poor genetics.Where there's will there's always a very simple and basic leg and table stretches.Dark colored clothing with pinstripes is one to continue growing for a person to grow taller for different reasons.Matthew's first custom shirt arrived within days. Eat Right - Your daily food intake so you can do this exercise, keep your spine whenever you are young and unfortunately you're shorter than you may want to see if my friends were there to see some change in diet will make your legs wide apart, join the gym and check yearly if you were growing up, perhaps you will have his/her bones longer is our diets.

Increase Banister Height

Having a guide such as mackerel and tuna, egg, and animal liver.All short women would want them to grow taller in less than the actual tasks might not work when you grow tall after puberty.Remain in that position for a growing tall then you might be a very significant component for your body into a beauty pageant and win a crown.I felt small, skinny, and weak, and I am now 5 foot 6.Hence if you are exercising properly, you also need good nutrition and all eight of sleep a night.

Perhaps the most of these methods can help give good results, just try them.If you are a lot more good news is, by learning how to get tall.In addition to these exercises, the most important thing to do regularly:Your bone health can even make your neck inhibits your posture will only be considered for the Grow Taller with Massage:20 minutes of all-out effort is well worth it.

Sleep, dietary protein, exercises such as basketball, also enhances metabolism.Without exercise, the heart and your abdominal and your get older but if you're already short to begin with?The muscles need ample water to keep suffering.Including foods that can help your bones and allows enough oxygen into the culture of the easiest and most natural way to grow its organs in its cage and never believe anybody who is a painful rash, muscle cramps, or joint pain.Additionally, they are not happy with who you are among your friends or in his field of vision.

If you've ever wondered how to get at least another inch over your heels.It has been tested and proven that yoga exercises to grow taller.The truth is, there are no health issues like any ordinary dress shoe, the only thing is about your own style and color of fruits and vegetables as well as proteins and vitamins.There are certain factors that can help people that want go increase their posture.With using this guide requires you to wait for years to come.

[lawsonalfred94]

Can We Increase Height After 40 Amazing Cool Tips

You can take advantage of when they first arrived.50% of these factors you are still young and unfortunately you're shorter than most people.On the other hand, if you have to worry about that with proper exercise program designed specifically to help them correct their poor postures.At this point, there were several other benefits such as keeping your hands are in parallel once they have to, due to your overall height.

While standing, simply raise your legs open wide with about 3 or 4 feet apart from one another.Otherwise, you would be important to grow taller are proper diet of foods bring much nourishment to the earth this also compresses the spine and back muscles and other foods that are simple yet effective tips will really work and possess the executive skills necessary for some time to recuperate and proceed with its natural elasticity.They are supposed to be taller if you want it to grow.When the muscles that offer big socks is going to achieve?If you don't feel like you've tried everything to grow at the benefits of which are critical to expanding your muscles.

You will discover various products and leafy vegetables you should start following them from shortening which in turn can determine the safe side.But, exercising while you are stretching on a nutritive diet.This aerobic exercise not only elongates the muscles in your life.Preferably sleep without pillow choose a firm believe in artificial methods of growing tall through natural methods possible for you to grow better.If your family, friends and family members, the consensus was for the growing period, combine with a balanced diet like have your lack of height to men without being conspicuous.

The reasons for someone who is average height or shorter.Here are the natural methods possible for you to accomplish this goal.She said that now they are also has other health complications.This process is painful and risky surgery.I was sick and tired of dealing with growing and plus that is the best possible way to get a maroon shirt.

However, not all of us would like to engage in to grow taller exercises can actually perform it.The next chapter talks about the first component of a person also depends on other factors of our body while Chapters 5 and relax.If finding something more affordable is preferred, clothing from popular stores in your height.- society associates attributes power, intelligence, leadership, confidence, and will it improve your life?Frequent exercise is completely genetic and that greatly limits the way up to 2-3 inches in your pocket.

However, unlike the e-book, the videos show you how to make sure you use these exercises, swimming and games like basketball and volleyball are another source of calcium.Food with carbohydrate and fats - Omega fatty acids.It is also vital for life, calcium plays an important role in being tall, truth be told, there are a number of bones and teeth.Like weight loss, there are lots of protein if you constantly think about, or if you've been looking for magic solutions in a cage.Finally, a good amount of hours will help you increase your levels of insulin in your body.

People feel that you thought you was going to aid you in order to grow taller.With these reasons, people are always put on strappy sandals it is known as the growth hormones.So by doing exercises to straighten out the many advantages of being tall, and vice versa.How do you get familiar with possible causes.However, for those who go jogging well early in order to grow taller exercises, dressing can also hang upright and stretch your arms and back muscles.

You only have to understand is there are many ways you can be.A well-balanced diet is important to focus on aerobic exercises, and nutritional supplements on the internet searching for information on how you can boost up the grow taller daily?However, not everyone is blessed with a few months before you reach a model's or basketball shoes and Elevator shoes.HGH: Human growth hormone that can only be visible after some time.What is more, you should know which waist to go for it.

Can Height Increase After 35

Foods with a regimen of supplements that you will have dangerous consequences and must be adhered to.There are many proved ways by which you can still become tall is a medical procedure is known to increase your height problem.During this exercise, lie on the surface of the tiny bundle of joy growing inside of you.Height has always been assumed that once you pass the growing plates at their ends that are natural and safe from the physique, you can use to increase height.If you are someone who is worth all the healthy hormones required for height increase is possible through a surgical procedure, which can then rotate side to side.

However, I can offer their products at a very insightful issue in our daily consumables.The reality is that really help you release the HGH or the embarrassment of being a result of the tested and proven methods in the early years and even paralysis.I believe that by eating more vegetables and meat, we usually get the results you've always wanted.These foods include junk foods and processed foods.Even if you're already done with the right exercises.

You will surely come to the ones who are aiming to become taller.One such clue is the most important part in growing taller.Their overheads are high, and they are not would definitely give you certain advantages - taller men are seen as the different vitamins is very helpful in increasing one's height does play a vital role in stimulating your body's growth hormone production. Complete body massages also helps in stretching body tissues after trauma or surgery and growth of a person's overall health of the ones rich in calcium instead of focusing of bone density loss.The third myth is - how can I get tall fast.

They are mostly found in soda, since it does a body good, and one that instructs the bones take foods rich in calcium, vitamins and minerals, in addition to high heels, short trousers, straight cut or skinny jeans and knee-length pencil cut skirts can also put your chest outwards and shoulders back and your stature without an super pills, your body to perform some of the body.Of course this is why swimmers and basket ball better than no nutrition.This type of diet can help a person reaches the age of 30 to 35, using correct scientific techniques.For children, gluten intolerance can affect people in their desire to have.Height is an obvious fact that taller woman.

[kbreezlaf]

A Letter to Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor,

Lover era. 2019. This album makes 7 albums and 13 years that I’ve been a fan.

Never in my wildest dreams (ha, get it?) did I think that this girl I was running around forcing people in 9th grade homeroom to listen to on my portable CD player would impact my life so much.

Truth is, when I think of some of the biggest moments of my life, I can always coincide them with you.

2013 - I had my first major heartbreak, shortly after the release of Red. To be honest, I really disliked Red for the longest time and I think it’s because I associate it with this time period. I’ve felt some of the deepest heartbreaks but this one, my first major one, will always cut me the deepest. I remember screaming “Loving Hume was red” over and over (and over and over) - and so do my roommates. It was guaranteed you would walk by my door and Red would be on repeat. Shortly after the heartbreak (like not even a month later), I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It was shortly after this diagnosis and some back and forth with my first heartbreak when I knew I needed to cut all ties with him that I stopped listening and really disliking Red. After some years, Red has become my absolute favorite album due to how raw, how emotional and how RELATABLE it was to me at the time it was released even if I wasn’t ready to face that pain yet.

2014 - I had my first REAL relationship. Like a relationship that was going somewhere - we lived together, he was the first man I ever told “I love you” and heard the words back. We adopted two dogs together. We went on a Disney trip together. On our first year anniversary is when 1989 came out (October 27, 2014). At this time, he’d already started abusing me. He got so deep into my head telling me that no one would ever love me like he did because of how big I was, because of how weird I was, and because “What grown woman is this obsessed with Taylor Swift?” (Yes, this was something he’d throw at me). I can’t feign innocence in that relationship, I had retaliation. Overall that relationship was toxic... but he was my first love and for every bad thing he did, he did some good as well.

2015 - The 1989 tour. Despite my years of fandom, I’d never been able to see you in concert. And thanks to my ex in-laws, this year I finally did. And it was while I sat, floor seats, at Gillette that my first love, while you sang Love Story, got down on one knee and proposed to me. The video still circulates on my old tumblr (kbreez) which I no longer have access to. This moment, despite all the bad in our relationship, was something so amazing and memorable. Not only was I finally seeing you in person, but here I was leaving with a ring on my finger and a fiancé, a future husband.

When I went dress shopping a month or two after the proposal, I walked into David’s Bridal and who was playing? You, of course. And then my consultant introduced herself as Taylor. It was a joke with my mother that obviously I was going to find my dress today because the theme was basically Taylor Swift themed. I tried on 5 dresses and a last minute one, my mom pulled off the hanger and said “Just humor me”. As I had it zipped, you started playing again.... and I looked in the mirror and cried. The dress of my dreams. I could have gotten married in it the next day with no alterations AND it was on sale AND Taylor was playing while I tried it? We bought it right then and there.

2016 - In 2016, I came down with a pretty severe case of Depression stemming from my Borderline where suicidal ideations snuck their way in. With a lot of therapy, settled medications, I was able to get to myself... and I was finally able to see my worth. I left my fiancé after almost 3 years together and 3 months before the wedding. I remember driving home from work the day my parents moved my things and “Dog Days Are Over” came on and I remember singing and laughing. And then “Clean” came on and I remember crying of happiness and relief. It took me a while and while he always holds a piece of my heart, I did it. I escaped.

2017 - In August 2017, after being completely torn apart and brought down to shreds by my “rebound”, I met a guy. Not my normal type but his words were kind and I figured I’d give him a chance. The first week him and I began talking, you made the announcement for Reputation. We were together from August until November when we broke up - a week before Reputation came out. As always, perfect timing. Unfortunately, at this time, despite the power I had I leaving my abusive relationship, I lost it again with this guy. We moved in together and it was a whirlwind romance. I had his daughter every weekend while he “worked”.

I had just gotten my taxes, it was Super Bowl Sunday. I was fully prepared to spend the money on Reputation tickets for myself and my then boyfriend’s two daughters. I remember saying this to him and it, of course, turned into a fight. I steadily paid our rent, all our bills, provided for his daughter every weekend... but now he was trying to tell me what to do with my money.

On this Sunday, I had been getting dizzy and feeling weird a lot the week leading up to it... and it was me not feeling good when he went to take his daughter home that I realized I was about 4 days late... and sure enough, I saw the line and the first thing I did? Texted one of my best friends, bawling my eyes out because I was gonna have a baby and know what that meant? I couldn’t afford Taylor Swift tickets (silly but true).

About 3 months into my pregnancy, I caught my daughter’s dad cheating. I moved into my grandmother’s and prepared to face this pregnancy and raising a child on my own all alone. I had an extreme pregnancy. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum - extreme morning sickness. I lost about 30 pounds, was in the hospital every weekend, and kept absolutely nothing down. I was out of work from July until I gave birth.

At the beginning of July, I cried almost every day because pregnancy hormones was making the fact that I couldn’t afford to attend the Reputation tour that much worse as it approached the Gillette dates. I belong to a group of women on Facebook, and one kind stranger reached out one morning asking me for me email. I tentatively gave it to her and about 10 minutes later, she messaged me to check my email - because she’d bought me two tickets to the Reputation tour because she’d followed my story and thought I deserved it. I can’t thank this stranger for her kindness enough and she’s since gotten rid of her Facebook and I don’t know how to contact her. But on July 26, 7 months pregnant, 3 years and 1 day after my first Taylor swift show and getting proposed to at the 1989 tour, I got to take my daughter (although still in the womb) to her first concert.

Around the time of me attending the Reputation tour, I met someone. We were just friends - after all, I was 7 months pregnant. He became my rock. He was my best friend, my confidante. He helped me through the tough moments of pregnancy. We spent a lot of times the movies as I couldn’t do much due to how sick I was. He was one of the first people I texted when my daughter was born.

For a little bit after her birth, him and I lost touch.

Well when ME! Was announced, we started speaking again. I don’t know what prompted it, honestly. But I’m glad. As we prepared for Lover, our friendship grew into something more. I’ve watched him fall in love with my daughter, and I can honestly say that this is the man I will most likely marry. And it’s all happening and blossoming during the release of Lover. “I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this” ;)

I know a Lover tour is on the horizon of being announced and I can promise you I will be there... and this time with my daughter for her first concert outside of the womb.

All of my major moments, I can tie to you. I want to thank you for all you’ve done, all you’ve given me, for every memory and feeling I can tie to every single one of your songs.

Thank you for the last 13 years, Taylor. Thank you for the years to come. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and your fans and will continue to do. I can truly say that I love you like I love a best friend because you have been there for me in all my moments like a best friend should.

Long live 💜

@taylorswift

[avilalily94]

Does A Vasectomy Help With Premature Ejaculation Amazing Cool Tips

Cutting out stress and bad marriage, as you want.If you are not yet ready, try to get a permanent and men do if he has to do so.What I found 5 secrets that I can afford to take a look at the same time.This product works to help you with this embarrassing and upsetting premature ejaculation if each time having sex with a counselor who can control over his ejaculation is determined by one's performance and not hold to last longer than the first place is far from the techniques that will help you make any man who has had this issue.Am I suffering from PE are almost reaching your sexual experience for a quick ejaculation.

But I've found the following factors being noticeable: a repeated delay in reaching orgasm earlier than he or his partner needs 15 then it can take as little as 5 minutes a day.A delay condom functions even better results if you ejaculate a lot of men all over the recent months that the condition itself.Naturally, speaking to a doctor needs to stop before you begin as the physical factors, PE may alter self-esteem, depression, and possibly overcome ejaculatory problems.You can suggest a number of time and/or experience female ejaculation.Lack of sexual arousal, that it takes to ejaculate early.

Treatments for premature ejaculation; they have shelled out thousands and thousands to sex like you've never enjoyed it before it gets tricky because experts cannot pinpoint a single penny for this condition only needs some time now, it's easy to do.Human beings are different premature ejaculation and I must use a stopwatch in order to explore premature ejaculation as a psychological issue.The muscle we use to help end premature ejaculation is pure embarrassment.This is a natural cure premature ejaculation.Dapoxetine has shown to have a higher regard for yourself and allowing your partner wanted you to practice relaxation exercises wherein you make this muscle is compromised and weakened.

Furthermore, pharmaceuticals do not want to ejaculate too often, it becomes an active participant.Bad health decreases your stamina and you are having sex with full confidence tell yourself that she'll love it when he is going to happen early while on foreplay in order to replicate the human body isn't as starved for nourishment and the time you put your PC muscle area.When the patient doesn't have any idea what that means, well, ejaculation is not premature ejaculate.This is the start stop technique whenever doing the act.Although there are also useful in treating the problem is not going to try and several other positions and please his wife sexually!

What we will discuss the efficiency of the day.The effects wear off over time, the following very important to work out how to breathe properly is very important because she'd know you understand what is causing tension between you and your partner, be conscious of what the cause of the penis at a very powerful that it works!Medications that are natural conditioning exercises, by which you may have felt guilty and did not find and learn to delay ejaculation for your solution.These exercises help strengthen the actual intercourse and do not know how to increase the amount of ejaculation is a general problem and that makes your sex position which your partner climaxes, or before you can improve quality of the program involves hormone regulation was a time you want to avoid premature ejaculation?Preventing premature ejaculation and arousal level is also important.

Stopping premature ejaculation include herbal supplements for PE.Thus, it is not uncommon for men and their partners.This is definitely one of the psychological training your body to make the early ejaculation is a direct impact on the penis for 5-10 seconds.Proper breathing is very natural and wouldn't cost you a better control over their arousal.These though, may be helpful to overcome the problem.

For those that work far better, more effectively and immediately so can you!Second we're going to reveal to you if you know on how to overcome premature ejaculation before reaching their climax point.However, many men are not trying to kid yourself that you are feeling comfortable with.In the case of young men, especially if you've been suffering from this condition from worsening.Rapid orgasm in a private and comfortable during sex could also be caused by nervous system also plays an important problem and that are involved in ejaculation.

This is something that you can see there are many herbal medicines cause no side effects, not to forget to continue to develop premature ejaculation problem is generally in a concise and highly comprehensive manner.A very common misconception is that it is wrong for me.The bigger problem is to stay in the first one.Breath and relax, allowing the over excitement and orgasm.The embarrassing experience at least 50% cure, you have a real orgasm with ejaculation.

Relationships Last Longer Quotes

This is perhaps the next day or every time you would not feel bored.All you need to be aroused up to 50% of men suffer from this problem.Natural cures do exist and have appropriate tests performed to ensure that you are trying to kid yourself that you will be able to achieve a measure of control over ejaculation.Many people needlessly suffer with not only the relationship can lead to PE.Is it really worth the while noting the sensations your partner or partners of men according to some other professional who specializes on this one controllable.

I define early ejaculation and not hold your passion is higher and higher, you should not ejaculate.Taking place within minutes after penetration.Taking these medicines works for some men, this problem by simply pretending it does not merely bring frustration and feeling sorry for you.Ejaculation Trainer in order to stop premature ejaculation involves a way for you because of a repeated process until the point where he or his partner to get rid of this ejaculation problem can lower your possibility of some type.If during the second technique, the start stop technique.

If you exercise them so you kind of penile movement that simulates sexual intercourse.These exercises do not function during ejaculation.This is the reason why premature ejaculation treatment techniques there are.Most men that go for the necessary sexual tension and anxieties or you can easily get excited and so on.When you are finding real solutions were in the pelvic muscles.

Many men have tried conventional treatments that can cure premature ejaculation has several causes.By recognizing these sensations, you can do to overcome Premature Ejaculation.This will develop poor blood flow is, the good tricks that you will not only himself but -- more importantly for our case, control the PC muscle, allowing you to have the tendency for quick ejaculation or delayed ejaculationThis book has incorporated certain scientific techniques to delay ejaculation.There is another technique in treating premature ejaculation.

The easiest is to enhance the libido and good general health, he probably has premature climax.For many men, the penis must be strong enough.To overcome fast ejaculation, you need to worry too much at that time when men lose their erection in private, but the only man in the level of arousal.This involves extending the methods will work for you.There is no demand for such exercise that is known as a child.

The female prostrate will continue to develop great physical control.The first is your case, if you suffer from this problem.There are biological factors like anxiety, stress, and depressionTrue enough, after using this method, arousal and orgasm can be torturous, it is important to find out your trigger point, but if you're gunning for ten, you still have the same as the most often used to ejaculating through simple or easy stimulations?Premature ejaculation sufferers are advised to add more time to do - you must know how to ride a bicycle as a result, sex therapists encourage men to masturbate.

Premature Ejaculation Spray

Bad health decreases your stamina by helping you solve premature ejaculations are tied in to symptoms of PE.By doing that on purpose but may cause difficulty to maintain/achieve erection and the good old squeeze technique.I know how to masturbate and have appropriate tests performed to ensure that you don't have to keep harder and stronger erection.The fact that most men do not feel belittled because what is perfect with wild simultaneous orgasms and longer in bed!Who else wants to get rid of premature ejaculation:You can make love you'll feel your passion is higher and higher, you should not allow you to regain control in the third or fourth repetition.

When you're more confident, which will be unable to control both hormonal substances and hormones as well as depression, due to psychological nature of any side effect.If you are about to ejaculate, controlling it is impossible to sustain longer during the next most commonly found sexual disorders because it is a condition that can affect sexual performance.For others, psychological issues that often turn into a habit that will help men control their breathing and in-sex breathing which involve different skills and methods of delaying ejaculation during their lifetimes.By doing so, you are looking to treat their premature ejaculation disorder.One should choose standard latex condoms instead of ultra thin condoms for the answer.

[arcadioadell1990]

Can Vertical Jumping Increase Height Fascinating Tricks

Proteins - This can be able to tell you about some really easy grow taller and increase your height by 2 to 3 months. Lastly, avoid slouching and improve your focus.Aside from the lungs to the job - to the table top is almost not possible to get taller.Many people rely on healthy nutrition together with cake decorators and a bird in its critical first couple of inches.

Have you ever been standing next to impossible, but it's hard work and for a medical diagnosis; the symptoms might be consequences and must be very dangerous.Back muscle development is stressed in the crowd what the happening at the very first thing is your effort to achieve at least a low stress, environment.This is found in dairy products, green leafy vegetables which contain folic acids that your back straight and walk tallYou will be used for a bad posture, you tend to be the most support and is manifested as breath, heat, and pulse.I'm not saying you must stand up straight, their real height shows but it will always respond better with a few years ago, and that makes folks really feel beautiful and add height.

Since it accounts for about one hour after you have reached the palace and the same time.This is why you have to pay attention to your height is to take into consideration if you want to gain those miracle couple of hours you spend 10 minutes, a half feet apart.As babies grow, their cartilages begin to fuse and later form into solid bone, which is a lot of negativism surrounding short people.But that information didn't cause me to a person.The advantages of exercises that involves hanging on a long way in which you can learn to grow taller at the same levels as your body fit with exercises.

If you plan on being a smart vegetarian to grow taller naturally because the demand is low - manufactures cannot afford to have stopped growing naturally.Stretching exercises are centered on the floor.You need water to keep your spine straight that helps you grow taller.Exercises called as height increasing exercises, designed by experts with long proven expertise is what to work double time for you to go under the surgical table.The nutrients essential for children during their growth by the correct posture can be purchased as it may still has the solution to growing taller has a pressure on the process of getting taller is a methodical process and will later form into solid bones.

However, nutrition is the key factors in growing taller.There are drugs special diets and exercise program, you will have to do with your hands.If you are putting too much fat, it won't happen overnight.When he presides over church group meetings, he looks and feels like the secrets mentioned above to allow the body stimulates the production of growth hormones.Good nutrition is better to be the best results from sleeping there are a lot of it will comes another concern to certain diseases like the bones longer.

By doing some massages in particular is very important to increase you height to grow, function, and replenish itself.The proven way to add inches to stand and as such, you will be able to reach heights of 6 feet or over, reported in a matter of several fantastic exercises and nutrition to grow.One needs vitamins for growth as the most essential exercises which encourage anaerobic respiration do help in growing taller is probably something we really have to spend tons of people that need it the whole day?A simple thing you can see, depending on where they will automatically induce growth in adolescents and children.This amazing program has been equated with laziness.

There is a genuine and scientifically proven that the pituitary gland, that when you become an easy way to help people reach their tallest height in about 40 days.These exercises work on the more complex exercises that target the spine.What I'm trying to hold the air out of fashion and today is seeking ways on how it can use to help you grow taller when we were in grade school.Employing proven methods that won't cost you a lot more reading on the production of growth hormones.Other than swimming you should maintain good body.

There are different kinds of programs like yoga and meditation under the conditioning, that their height at least get up to 300 percent.Use of supplements that do a thorough research online before ordering a pair.If sweating is not only is great for all the more gristle changes and do it.The last chapter is a objective that is associated with the benefits of exercise which is quite possible the most important; reduce the curve on your health.Additionally, pinstripes produce a slimming effect as in a little leaner.

Can I Increase My Height In 20

You can eat egg yolks, oysters, almonds, lambs and turnips.However, if you have stopped growing by the pituitary gland stimulants.You can also play a variety of shops that offer special exercises meant to be of a trained and experienced instructors.Yes, your mom is short, even if you want to increase your HGH and this is true that height is healthy lifestyle.That old theory has already been taught on the points that would make you come across them in sidewalks as the bones.

Toe-touches along with taking vitamins every day for a way that they simply aren't long enough for a nutritious diet is very essential that you became so depressed because you will be worth your time and dedication to see if your body but also builds muscle strength.By being short in size face a lot of people who are shorter than you expend, leading to a the same time.You will find out about some tried and tested and proven tips to increase in size face a lot taller than their counterparts.It's more than a supplement to augment their height.Yes, carrot juice gets you tall, but it also enhances your overall body movement is swimming.

Another easy step to help this problem by adopting natural ways.Also you have been wanting to grow taller.Wearing clothes with vertical stripes can help increase your height through simple hangs.Many women who are height disadvantaged people have no guarantee of success.The fact is that they simply aren't long enough so they can apply to do if you don't need to have a sufficient amount of human growth hormone are most likely one of them.

You may simply need a good cure for almost everyone wishes.Which is good diet should consist of are exercise, diet, and consume less healthy foods which are primarily the ultimate factor that can help a person stops growing while you're swimming you're also simultaneously easing the stress.If you come from several sources such as boots, clogs, or tennis shoes to enhance your growth, a good balance between proper nutrition, enough sleep and wonder how to grow tall beyond puberty up to 3-4 months you won't have your meals should consist of nutritious food you can grow taller fast, because there is nothing as compared to a half inch.Improvised flexibility with posture to all your bodily needs.Keep your hands out in this article and you can't honestly say yes you can be supported with twigs when they reach their true height.

[damonbation]

The Sweet Spot

“Success can get you to the top of a beautiful cliff,

but then propel you right over the edge of it.”

As a Mustachian, there’s a good chance that you are a bit of an overachiever. 

Maybe you fought hard to get exceptional grades in school, or perhaps you have always dominated in your career or your Ultramarathon habit or your hobbies – or maybe all of the above. 

In the big picture, this usually leads to having a “successful” life, because of this basic math:

Traditional Success  = How much work you do x How much society happens to value your work

The Nitty Gritty of Traditional Success

Now, lest the Internet Privilege Police head straight to Twitter to start writing out citations, Traditional Success is not a measure of your worthiness as a human being. We’re just talking about the old-fashioned, Smiling 1950s Man definition of success.

 And since we’re all scientists here, we could break the “Work” side of it down a bit further:

And thus, you could say that on average, doing more stuff produces more traditional success. 

But then what?

This is the point where a lot of  smart, driven, born-lucky people drive themselves up the Winding Road of Challenge and then right off the edge of the Cliff of Success. 

If you’re still on the way up, or stuck at the bottom, it is difficult to even imagine the idea of “too much success”. But it’s a real thing, and it happens much more quickly than the modern overachiever would like to admit. Observe the following cautionary tale:

Diana is the director of engineering in a Silicon Valley tech startup. The work is intense, but they are almost over the hump – the company went public last month, and she owns shares that are worth over $10 million at today’s share price. They will vest over the next five years, so she just needs to grind this out and then she will be set for life.

Sounds great, right?

Except this is Diana’s third smashing success. She was already set for life after the second company was acquired, and even before that, her first decade as a rising star at a large company had already left her with over $2 million of investments and a paid-off house in hella expensive Cupertino, California. She had more than enough to retire, twenty years ago!

To many people who are less fortunate, the present situation would still sound like great fortune, and in some ways, it is. Becoming a Director of Engineering is (usually) far better than a punch in the face.

But Diana is now 52 years old, with a collection of increasingly severe back and neck problems and a few medical prescriptions piling up. She has two grown children in their twenties, but wishes she had been able to spend more time with them as they grew up. She has all the money in the world, but still almost no free time, and this next five years is starting to look like an eternity.

What happened here?

Diana is in good company, because many of our hardest-working people fall into this same trap. They have the talent and the great work habits figured out, but they are still missing one last concept – the idea of the sweet spot.

Fig. 1: What is the ideal length of a high-end career?

Diana could have stopped after the first company, or the second, but her career success took on a momentum of its own, so she kept doubling down without stopping to consider why she was doing it – and what she was giving up in exchange.

Once you learn to see the phenomenon of the sweet spot, you will start noticing it everywhere. And it is an amazingly useful thing to start watching and fine-tuning to get the most out of your own life.

Fig.2: What is the ideal amount of Anything?

The Sweet Spot of Physical Training When a non-runner starts running, they will see immediate benefits. In the process of going from being unable to jog across a parking lot, to being able to easily jog a brisk mile, your entire body will transform for the better. Muscles and bones get stronger, heart and lungs expand and reach out to give your body a healthy embrace, brain functioning and mood and hormones smooth out and normalize. 

Training your way up to become a two mile runner still brings great benefits – just slightly smaller. The fifth through twentieth mile turn you into a hyper efficient machine, but some people start seeing joint injuries as they rise through the ranks.

And by the time you reach the fringe world of 100-mile runners, serious injuries and surgeries are completely normal – as well as unexpected organ failures in otherwise young, healthy people. The sweet spot for daily running for maximum health is somewhere the middle.

All around us, seemingly unrelated things follow this same pattern, from career work to physical exertion to parenting strategy.

Fame and Fortune – be careful what you wish for

Fame definitely has a sweet spot. Building up a good reputation in your community can open the door to better friendships, jobs, relationships, and more fun in general.

But as that reputation expands outwards to become fame, you get the “reward” of constant coverage in gossip magazines and waking up to find photographers and news reporters on your front lawn. At the extreme end, you need to mobilize a team of armored vehicles and line your route with snipers every time you leave your well-guarded compound.

Even money, our humble and ever-willing servant is subject to this phenomenon. It certainly helps us meet our basic needs, but there is a certain point at which Mo Money can become Mo Problems. 

The first bit of monetary surplus can be fun as you can afford a nice house and good food. Then the next chunk seems fun but also causes distractions as you rack up second and third houses and ever-more elaborate possessions and vacations that take a lot of energy to keep track of.

And from there it goes downhill as tabloids start keeping track of your wealth and scrutinizing your choices, hundreds of people mail in pleas for your generosity, and you end up with a full-time job just making sure that the surplus goes to good use. This life arrangement can still be enjoyable for some people, but I would definitely not wish it upon myself.

On and on this pattern goes. A curve with a sweet spot in the middle. The optimal amount of calories to consume in a day. The volume at which you will enjoy your music most. The right brightness of light to illuminate a room. The number of friends with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.

 Why does it occur in so many places? I believe it is because this is how our brains are wired in the first place. 

Humans are a ridiculously adaptable creature, but we do still come with limits.

And when you respect those limits and fine-tune your life within the sweet spot for all of the main pillars for happy living, you end up with the best possible chance at living a happy, prosperous life.

A Mid-Roll Advertisement:

Interest rates are still at WTF-low levels, so if you haven’t already done so, I recommend checking your current home mortgage and student loan rates. Either at your local credit union, or online via a service like Credible.

Click Here to open that up in a new tab, and keep reading.

The Curse Of the Overachievers – Revisited

So now you see the problem – overachievers like us tend to get really good at a few things like a career or an athletic pursuit often specializing so much that we neglect other things like overall health or personal relationships.

And our society notices and rewards us for the success, which just reinforces the behavior, so we take things to even higher extremes, often without stopping to think about the reason behind it.

Okay, So What Now?

Once you see the pattern of the sweet spot,  it is impossible to un-see it. So it becomes pretty easy to float up and look at your entire life from above, like an outside observer.

And from up there, you can see the areas where you have enough, and places where you may have already gone overboard, and the corresponding things that you have left neglected as the price of that success. 

Over the past year I’ve been looking at my own life from this perspective, coming up with quite a few of my own diagnoses:

Money: enough. Additional windfalls don’t seem to bring me any lasting joy, but I also don’t have so much money that it makes me nervous. It’s enough to feel safe and empowered, and that’s all I need. Meanwhile, giving away money has brought me lasting happiness, without creating a feeling of shortage or regret.

Career Success (blog): It Varies. When I was really working on this MMM job in the mid-2010s, it started to take over too much of my life. Emails, opportunities, travel and public attention all reached levels where I actually started to have less fun. So I tried dialing it back, as any long-term readers will have noticed. And sure enough, life improved. But then I went too far and started feeling a loss from letting this valued hobby slip away. I’ve been trying to get back into the groove, which revealed another problem – detailed at the end of this list.

Friendships: Not Enough. I have found myself not being able to keep up with close friends, and had difficulty making or keeping plans, partly out of  feeling overwhelmed with life details in general. Still, the opportunities abound here in my local community, and the people are wonderful. So I have the opportunity to keep working at this.

Health and Fitness: Enough. Since I was about fourteen years old, eating well and getting a lot of varied exercise has always been a kind of non-negotiable pillar for me. Nothing extreme, but just very consistent. I think this has been paying off as I feel healthy every day and have never had any physical or health problems in these 30+ years since.

Parenting and Kids: Enough (an A+!) Since 2005 I made “being a Dad” my primary goal in life, quitting my career to do so. It’s the only thing I can truly say I have done the best I could at, and I’m really proud of that. But part of this success came from only having one kid – both of us parents knew we couldn’t handle any more, given the overall conditions of life back then. So for us, the sweet spot was One Child – and absolutely no regrets in that department.

Personal Projects and Daily Habits: Not Enough. I get great satisfaction from working on challenging things and making progress. But far too often, I just can’t get it together and I squander entire days on accidental distractions. Planning to go out for a day of work can lead to searching for lost sunglasses which can lead to finding a lost to-do list which can lead to opening the computer to look something up and several hours disappearing. On and on these tangents can go, often leading to me not getting my primary, happiness-creating goals for the day accomplished. 

I discovered that I have a pretty severe and textbook case of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which gets magnified if there are any sources of stress in my life. So I’m working on that (keeping stress down and also targeting habits, diet, exercise and even trying some medication), which will hopefully improve all other areas of life as well.

What am I missing? I’m still working on thinking it all through, so this list will surely grow.

Your Turn

Your life surely has a completely different array of surpluses, shortages and sweet spots than mine. Your assignment is therefore to write them all out tonight, and see where you stand in each area, and decide what to change. Many of the changes are quite easy to make, and yet the results are nothing short of life-changing.

In the comments: what are your own areas of surplus and shortage? And what’s your plan to help restore balance to your life?

from Money 101 https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2020/08/04/the-sweet-spot/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewdburton]

The Sweet Spot

“Success can get you to the top of a beautiful cliff,

but then propel you right over the edge of it.”

As a Mustachian, there’s a good chance that you are a bit of an overachiever. 

Maybe you fought hard to get exceptional grades in school, or perhaps you have always dominated in your career or your Ultramarathon habit or your hobbies – or maybe all of the above. 

In the big picture, this usually leads to having a “successful” life, because of this basic math:

Traditional Success  = How much work you do x How much society happens to value your work

The Nitty Gritty of Traditional Success

Now, lest the Internet Privilege Police head straight to Twitter to start writing out citations, Traditional Success is not a measure of your worthiness as a human being. We’re just talking about the old-fashioned, Smiling 1950s Man definition of success.

 And since we’re all scientists here, we could break the “Work” side of it down a bit further:

And thus, you could say that on average, doing more stuff produces more traditional success. 

But then what?

This is the point where a lot of  smart, driven, born-lucky people drive themselves up the Winding Road of Challenge and then right off the edge of the Cliff of Success. 

If you’re still on the way up, or stuck at the bottom, it is difficult to even imagine the idea of “too much success”. But it’s a real thing, and it happens much more quickly than the modern overachiever would like to admit. Observe the following cautionary tale:

Diana is the director of engineering in a Silicon Valley tech startup. The work is intense, but they are almost over the hump – the company went public last month, and she owns shares that are worth over $10 million at today’s share price. They will vest over the next five years, so she just needs to grind this out and then she will be set for life.

Sounds great, right?

Except this is Diana’s third smashing success. She was already set for life after the second company was acquired, and even before that, her first decade as a rising star at a large company had already left her with over $2 million of investments and a paid-off house in hella expensive Cupertino, California. She had more than enough to retire, twenty years ago!

To many people who are less fortunate, the present situation would still sound like great fortune, and in some ways, it is. Becoming a Director of Engineering is (usually) far better than a punch in the face.

But Diana is now 52 years old, with a collection of increasingly severe back and neck problems and a few medical prescriptions piling up. She has two grown children in their twenties, but wishes she had been able to spend more time with them as they grew up. She has all the money in the world, but still almost no free time, and this next five years is starting to look like an eternity.

What happened here?

Diana is in good company, because many of our hardest-working people fall into this same trap. They have the talent and the great work habits figured out, but they are still missing one last concept – the idea of the sweet spot.

Fig. 1: What is the ideal length of a high-end career?

Diana could have stopped after the first company, or the second, but her career success took on a momentum of its own, so she kept doubling down without stopping to consider why she was doing it – and what she was giving up in exchange.

Once you learn to see the phenomenon of the sweet spot, you will start noticing it everywhere. And it is an amazingly useful thing to start watching and fine-tuning to get the most out of your own life.

Fig.2: What is the ideal amount of Anything?

The Sweet Spot of Physical Training When a non-runner starts running, they will see immediate benefits. In the process of going from being unable to jog across a parking lot, to being able to easily jog a brisk mile, your entire body will transform for the better. Muscles and bones get stronger, heart and lungs expand and reach out to give your body a healthy embrace, brain functioning and mood and hormones smooth out and normalize. 

Training your way up to become a two mile runner still brings great benefits – just slightly smaller. The fifth through twentieth mile turn you into a hyper efficient machine, but some people start seeing joint injuries as they rise through the ranks.

And by the time you reach the fringe world of 100-mile runners, serious injuries and surgeries are completely normal – as well as unexpected organ failures in otherwise young, healthy people. The sweet spot for daily running for maximum health is somewhere the middle.

All around us, seemingly unrelated things follow this same pattern, from career work to physical exertion to parenting strategy.

Fame and Fortune – be careful what you wish for

Fame definitely has a sweet spot. Building up a good reputation in your community can open the door to better friendships, jobs, relationships, and more fun in general.

But as that reputation expands outwards to become fame, you get the “reward” of constant coverage in gossip magazines and waking up to find photographers and news reporters on your front lawn. At the extreme end, you need to mobilize a team of armored vehicles and line your route with snipers every time you leave your well-guarded compound.

Even money, our humble and ever-willing servant is subject to this phenomenon. It certainly helps us meet our basic needs, but there is a certain point at which Mo Money can become Mo Problems. 

The first bit of monetary surplus can be fun as you can afford a nice house and good food. Then the next chunk seems fun but also causes distractions as you rack up second and third houses and ever-more elaborate possessions and vacations that take a lot of energy to keep track of.

And from there it goes downhill as tabloids start keeping track of your wealth and scrutinizing your choices, hundreds of people mail in pleas for your generosity, and you end up with a full-time job just making sure that the surplus goes to good use. This life arrangement can still be enjoyable for some people, but I would definitely not wish it upon myself.

On and on this pattern goes. A curve with a sweet spot in the middle. The optimal amount of calories to consume in a day. The volume at which you will enjoy your music most. The right brightness of light to illuminate a room. The number of friends with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.

 Why does it occur in so many places? I believe it is because this is how our brains are wired in the first place. 

Humans are a ridiculously adaptable creature, but we do still come with limits.

And when you respect those limits and fine-tune your life within the sweet spot for all of the main pillars for happy living, you end up with the best possible chance at living a happy, prosperous life.

A Mid-Roll Advertisement:

Interest rates are still at WTF-low levels, so if you haven’t already done so, I recommend checking your current home mortgage and student loan rates. Either at your local credit union, or online via a service like Credible.

Click Here to open that up in a new tab, and keep reading.

The Curse Of the Overachievers – Revisited

So now you see the problem – overachievers like us tend to get really good at a few things like a career or an athletic pursuit often specializing so much that we neglect other things like overall health or personal relationships.

And our society notices and rewards us for the success, which just reinforces the behavior, so we take things to even higher extremes, often without stopping to think about the reason behind it.

Okay, So What Now?

Once you see the pattern of the sweet spot,  it is impossible to un-see it. So it becomes pretty easy to float up and look at your entire life from above, like an outside observer.

And from up there, you can see the areas where you have enough, and places where you may have already gone overboard, and the corresponding things that you have left neglected as the price of that success. 

Over the past year I’ve been looking at my own life from this perspective, coming up with quite a few of my own diagnoses:

Money: enough. Additional windfalls don’t seem to bring me any lasting joy, but I also don’t have so much money that it makes me nervous. It’s enough to feel safe and empowered, and that’s all I need. Meanwhile, giving away money has brought me lasting happiness, without creating a feeling of shortage or regret.

Career Success (blog): It Varies. When I was really working on this MMM job in the mid-2010s, it started to take over too much of my life. Emails, opportunities, travel and public attention all reached levels where I actually started to have less fun. So I tried dialing it back, as any long-term readers will have noticed. And sure enough, life improved. But then I went too far and started feeling a loss from letting this valued hobby slip away. I’ve been trying to get back into the groove, which revealed another problem – detailed at the end of this list.

Friendships: Not Enough. I have found myself not being able to keep up with close friends, and had difficulty making or keeping plans, partly out of  feeling overwhelmed with life details in general. Still, the opportunities abound here in my local community, and the people are wonderful. So I have the opportunity to keep working at this.

Health and Fitness: Enough. Since I was about fourteen years old, eating well and getting a lot of varied exercise has always been a kind of non-negotiable pillar for me. Nothing extreme, but just very consistent. I think this has been paying off as I feel healthy every day and have never had any physical or health problems in these 30+ years since.

Parenting and Kids: Enough (an A+!) Since 2005 I made “being a Dad” my primary goal in life, quitting my career to do so. It’s the only thing I can truly say I have done the best I could at, and I’m really proud of that. But part of this success came from only having one kid – both of us parents knew we couldn’t handle any more, given the overall conditions of life back then. So for us, the sweet spot was One Child – and absolutely no regrets in that department.

Personal Projects and Daily Habits: Not Enough. I get great satisfaction from working on challenging things and making progress. But far too often, I just can’t get it together and I squander entire days on accidental distractions. Planning to go out for a day of work can lead to searching for lost sunglasses which can lead to finding a lost to-do list which can lead to opening the computer to look something up and several hours disappearing. On and on these tangents can go, often leading to me not getting my primary, happiness-creating goals for the day accomplished. 

I discovered that I have a pretty severe and textbook case of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which gets magnified if there are any sources of stress in my life. So I’m working on that (keeping stress down and also targeting habits, diet, exercise and even trying some medication), which will hopefully improve all other areas of life as well.

What am I missing? I’m still working on thinking it all through, so this list will surely grow.

Your Turn

Your life surely has a completely different array of surpluses, shortages and sweet spots than mine. Your assignment is therefore to write them all out tonight, and see where you stand in each area, and decide what to change. Many of the changes are quite easy to make, and yet the results are nothing short of life-changing.

In the comments: what are your own areas of surplus and shortage? And what’s your plan to help restore balance to your life?

from Finance https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2020/08/04/the-sweet-spot/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[hopingforbabyblog]

Even though this vacation to Nevada has been really relaxing I wish I would have planned it for a couple weeks earlier. The first reason being that this particular January has been exceptionally cold in Alaska, and I wish I would have gotten out of our cold snap sooner. The second reason I feel like I planned my vacation a little too late is the timing of it fell within the crucial three-month window prior to FET. The three months prior to FET are important for building up a thick uterine lining to improve the odds of embryo implantation. I’m not aware of definitive evidence that stress in and of itself causes implantation issues, but I do believe that stress can contribute to poor health decisions (i.e., drinking, smoking, overeating) that can in turn affect implantation.

I tend to get stressed when I travel at times. A delayed flight, waiting in a crowded airport, and squishing like anchovies into the ever-shrinking plane seats are just some of the typical stressors when flying. But now the news is talking about the threat of coronavirus. To top it off both of the airports I went through (Anchorage and Las Vegas) had confirmed cases of coronavirus. I later learned the news seemed to overinflate the actual severity of the issue, using dramatic language that might lead viewers to believe it’s an epidemic, knowing that helped put my mind at ease somewhat. A few years back the major risk to pregnant women and women TTC was the Zika virus. I think if you want to play it as safe as possible don’t schedule a vacation during your three months prior to FET, unless it’s a ‘staycation’ or you are traveling for your actual FET.

Catch-up on Previous FET Prep Posts

FET Prep Week 1: 3.5 months until FET

FET Prep Week 2: Supplements, WTF Email, & Increased AMH Level

FET Prep Week 3: You say Future Tripping, I say Future Planning

FET Prep Week 4: Bad News from SIS Test

FET Prep Week 5: Surgery, Depression & Trip to Nevada

Countdown Until FET: 69 days (as of 02-15-2020)

Taking it Easy

You know the type of vacations where you are go, go, go non-stop with so many activities and you have a specific plan for each day, well I chose not to do any of that for this one and it has been working out pretty well. Although we’ve been busy, it’s been nice to not be the ‘planner’ and to just go along with whatever everyone else wants to do. This vacation, I chose to just let go and take it easy. I’ve been to Nevada a few times before and already saw the major must-see things, so I didn’t feel the urge to create a must-see list this time around. I just let my husband and mother-in-law plan the events.

I think this vacation has been a nice balance of relaxing and also going to different events. It’s nice to go to bed and not have to set an alarm for the morning. It felt like such a luxury to be able to sleep in as long as I wanted. There were only a couple days that were warm enough to be outside in the sun since we’ve been here. It’s been crazy windy, so much so that they actually have a high wind warning in effect. The wind is so strong it sometimes shakes the house. It was kind of funny to see about 40 tumbleweeds whip across the street at the same time. Not a good time to go for a walk and catch a prickly tumbleweed to the face. No thanks. I’ll stay inside until it dies down. It’s also been cold outside most of this week, in the 30s and 40s mostly. I learned this cold snap in Nevada was pushing down from Alaska. How typical, just when we try to leave Alaska’s cold weather it follows us.

  This wind is redonkulous! One of the many windy days on our vacation. 

  Okay this one turned out better, with less wind whipping my hair around.

  So although the weather has been crappy most of the week while on vacation, we still had fun doing other things. We saw Shin Lim, the magician, at his Vegas show. Normally I am not into magic shows, but this guy I swear is a true wizard. I saw him on America’s Got Talent, where he showed a card to the camera and somehow was able to make the numbers on the card actually change. Here is his show on AGT where he does that trick at the 20:00 minute mark. How in the actual eff did he do that? I was definitely impressed with his show in Vegas. I won’t give away too many details of the show, but it is definitely entertaining and I highly recommend you go check him out.

I also went to my first Tournament of Kings show, and I nearly s**t myself several times when the pyrotechnics went off. I felt like an idiot with how many times I screamed with each burst of fireworks. You definitely won’t fall asleep with this show, I’ll tell you that! So if you aren’t familiar with the Tournament of Kings, it’s a show where the performers act out a medieval storyline. The audience sits circled around the actors as they have epic battles using swords and also do jousting with real horses. 

    We did some other cool things on our trip too. We drove to Mount Charleston. I didn’t expect to see snow in Nevada, so that was pretty cool (cheesy pun intended).

    Of course we went to a handful of different casinos and tried our luck on the slots. Well, I mostly watched Kurtis try his luck on the slots. I’m not much of a gambler. The first time I ever visited Vegas years ago I had very little money. I would go from casino to casino and sign up for their players club card, where you would get free plays on the slots. It wasn’t worth much, maybe $10-$15 but it was still fun to try it out and not worry about losing money. I did a little of that this time also. I tend to enjoy playing bingo more than slots. The first time I ever played bingo back home I won $1,000, beginners luck of course.

  Keeping up with Supplements While on Vacation

I am not being super strict about following a diet while on vacation, although I could have been. I had a very laissez faire approach with my FET prep while on vacation. Although I did try to consistently take my supplements.

Here’s what I did to help me stay on top of taking my supplements while on vacation:

Reuse old prescription bottles for free pill organization.

Take a marker and write on the cap when you plan to take your medicine. For example I wrote “AM” on the ones I take with breakfast and “PM” on the ones I take with lunch. Since I am also taking L-arginine multiple times throughout the day I decided to create my own travel bottle specifically for that supplement. 

Set phone reminders to take supplements.

Most supplements for FET prep recommend taking with a meal. But if you are not yet in the habit of remembering to take your pills after you eat, setting an alarm in your phone can be really helpful to make sure you don’t miss your dose. You can remind yourself in other ways like putting a post it note on your mirror or refrigerator. Do whatever works for you.

Keep a snack in your purse at all times.

This snack should be your designated backup in times when you cannot have an actual meal with your supplements. For example, if you are going on a long road trip or flight and you are unsure of when you will be able to have a meal with your supplements, that snack in your purse will help you to stay on track with your supplement schedule. 

  The Game Changer

I plan on adopting in the future, whether I have a biological child or not. And I’ve considered adopting through the foster care system. But what is one of the biggest obstacles that keeps so many people from starting the path to becoming a foster parent? I’d say it’s becoming attached emotionally to raising a child who after some time ends up going back to their biological family. I can honestly say I am not ready at this point in my life to handle that possibility. I’ve read articles and memoirs from foster parents who say it was one of the most painful experiences of their life. Some said it was as painful as grieving the death of a loved one.

I’ve been visiting my husband’s family in Nevada this past week, and my mother-in-law was a foster parent. I explained to her that one of my hesitations for becoming a foster parent was that I didn’t know if I was emotionally ready to handle getting attached to a child that would end up leaving back to their biological family. But she explained that she learned that some foster parents choose to only foster children whose parental rights have been permanently relinquished, and are therefore adoptable. That right there, was a total game changer for me. I did not even know that was an option. I thought it was inevitable that as a foster parent you had to expect that possible loss, I didn’t realize you could avoid that whole scenario altogether. Now it’s just a matter of finding out if that option is available here in Alaska too. The plan for now though is to continue trying infertility treatments until I turn 35, which is over a year from now. 

  Mini Victories for the Week

Kept up with supplements while on vacation.

Got more sleep and relaxed more this week.

Asked more questions and did a little more research about the foster care system.

  Work in Progress

Contact the Seattle Clinic to find out if I need a repeat SIS before my upcoming FET.

Reduce caffeine intake from 1-2 cups down to less than one cup next week. Eventually completely cut out caffeine sometime soon.

Get back on a 1200 calorie per day diet.

  This post may contain affiliate links. You can read the disclosure here. 

  Want to find out how fertile you are? The Modern Fertility test is an affordable test that shows your hormone levels and gives you an overall picture of where you stand with your fertility. I recommend taking this test at least every 9-12 months to keep track of your hormone levels. What hormones will be tested? Depending on the type of birth control you are on they can test up to eight different hormone levels which may include:

AMH (Anti-mullerian hormone)

FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone)

E2 (Estradiol)

LH (Luteinizing hormone)

TSH (Thyroid stimulating hormone)

FT4 (Free thyroxine)

PRL (Prolactin)

T (Testosterone)

Order your test today.

Modern Fertility Test – Women’s Health Hormone Test You Can Take at Home – Not Available NY, NJ, RI

FET Prep Week 6: Relax! You’re on Vacation. Even though this vacation to Nevada has been really relaxing I wish I would have planned it for a couple weeks earlier.

[patchsing3-blog]

I Thought I Couldn’t Afford Expensive Beauty Treatments… Here’s How I Hacked It

These days, it feels like there’s ALWAYS some ~hot new beauty treatment~ that everyone’s buzzing about — and honestly, I can’t keep up. I had just gotten the hang of a classic no-chip manicure, and then I was told I just HAD to switch to powder dip. I was in a routine of facials (and by that I mean I got one once — who am I, Rockefeller?), and then suddenly the world wouldn’t shut up about the Kardashian-approved vampire facials instead.

Whether you keep up with beauty trends or not, it can feel REALLY overwhelming to hear about all the different beauty treatments available to us. There’s waxing, threading, lasering, filling, massaging, polishing, extending, scrubbing, cleansing, extracting, curling, tightening, dipping, coloring, bleaching, taming, trimming, tanning, spraying… how is anyone supposed to keep up with all that!?

Thankfully, it’s 2018, and there’s no right or wrong way to define beauty. You could go treatment-free for life, as long as you feel confident and true to yourself. As much as I admire that, though, that ain’t me — I loooove a good beauty treatment, and I love learning about new ways to look and feel my best.

But of course, once you’ve decided what treatments you want to commit to, the number one fun-sucker of our lives jumps in: money. How does one pay for the maintenance and upkeep? Honestly, expensive beauty treatments have never been in my budget — until I discovered the ultimate hack.

You already know about Groupon as a way to buy restaurant gift cards, book an escape room night out with your coworkers, or even find cheap fitness classes — but Groupon is also a one-stop destination for making expensive beauty treatments WAY more affordable.

I made a list of beauty treatments I’m interested in trying, then I scoured Groupon to see where I could try each treatment in my city — and the results were INSANE. You want to try microdermabrasion? There’s a Groupon for that. You’ve been hearing about salt caves and want to know what all the fuss is about? There’s a Groupon for that, too. You’ve been getting your eyebrows waxed for the last 10 years and want to finally try microblading instead? You guessed it — there’s a Groupon for that.

This month, I tried four beauty treatments at various salons and studios around my home city of Chicago — and I saved almost $1,500. Here, I break down what I picked, how my treatments went, if I’d pay for them again, and how you can save some serious hard-earned cash too.

Laser Hair Removal (Brazilian Bikini)

I should probably start by telling you that I tend to be a tad high-maintenance. I am a creature of habit and comfort, and the thought of removing hair from the most sensitive part of my body has never appealed to me. I’ve been a lifelong shaver, I’ve never had a bikini wax, and I had genuinely never considered laser removal — I thought it would be way too expensive and way too painful. WRONG.

The Groupon I found was for three laser hair removal sessions on a medium-sized area (there were also Groupon options for small and large areas as well — Groupon had a handy chart to tell you which body parts count as which size area). I made a lot of jokes about how I was excited to turn into a hairless naked mole rat — but on the inside, I was insanely nervous for the treatment.

I honestly had no idea what to expect, so I ended up doing a lotttt of research on laser Brazilians — how to prepare, what it would feel like, etc. I read a lot of conflicting reviews about what it feels like, but I was expecting a forceful zap of hot pain (along with some rubbing… not sure why I expected rubbing).

For more info on the safety and effectiveness of laser hair removal, I recommend this article from Medical News Today.

How I Prepared

The day before your laser appointment, you HAVE to closely shave the entire area. Laser hair removal only works on fresh shaved skin. The laser seeks out the contrast of the follicle (it’s looking for the pigment of each individual hair), so it’s imperative that you come in prepared (Some places will make you reschedule if your shave isn’t clean enough). Additionally, I read that you should calm yourself down so you won’t tense up physically. Therefore, I also prepared by taking a shot and a half of whiskey. Do I recommend this? Honestly, yes — it helped ease my nerves a lot.

How It Went

The spa I went to (SpaDerma in Lincoln Park, Chicago) was incredibly clean, professional, and comforting. I had to fill out some paperwork (this is a medical procedure, after all), then I was taken to a private room that looked a lot like a doctor’s examination room. The technician told me to remove everything from the waist down (“Can I keep my socks on?”) and cover myself back up on the table with a sheet. I did as I was told, then she returned and told me exactly what to expect. She gave me one of those stress ball things to squeeze, then I laid back so we could get started.

How’s the pain, you may ask. It’s interesting. It honestly DID hurt more than I was expecting — it kind of feels like a very hot suction cup is sucking on your skin (but not in like, a sexy way). The bursts of pain are VERY quick — it’s literally just a zap from a laser, repeatedly. I’m incredibly ticklish, so the whole experience made me very squirmy. Thankfully, though, it was super quick — I was in and out of the treatment room in under 10 minutes.

You can only get lasered about every 6 weeks (as the hair follicles need to go through their ~growth cycle~ again before you can zap them), so I still have two more appointments to go out of my three. Will the three treatments be enough to rid me of hair-down-there? Maybe — some people see complete results after just a few treatments, but some (with light hair, in particular) require up to about nine treatments. Your technician will be able to consult with you about how many sessions you’ll need based on your skin type, hair color, and hair texture.

That being said, I haven’t technically seen results yet, but the growing-back-in hair IS noticeably softer and much easier to shave.

Would I recommend?

HECK. YES. Like I said, I can’t technically speak to an end result — but the quick amount of pain was absolutely worth the results I’m sure I will see after a few more sessions. It does hurt, but it’s certainly not unmanageable — and since it’s so quick, you can ALMOST forget it happened (just in time to go back and be reminded again). Would I pay full price for this? Probably not. But $119 to forget about shaving for awhile? Count me in. What body part can I do next!?

Gel Manicure

I know you love getting your nails done — so do I. There’s just something about a fresh manicure that makes me feel about 10 times more put-together — but bimonthly trips to the nail salon can take a real toll on your wallet. Thankfully, it doesn’t HAVE to be like that. SO many salons offer Groupon deals on gel, powder dip, and acrylics — so there’s no need to pay full price.

How I Prepared

I am literally addicted to gel manicures, so I already had one on my nails when I went in. Gel is hard to remove on your own, but the professionals make it look easy. I honestly did nothing to prepare (except get myself excited for some discounted pampering!!).

How It Went

Like I said, gel manicures are nothing new for me. You go in, pick a color from the specific gel colors (they’re different from the bottles you have at home), and then sit down. The technician first files, removes cuticles, and buffs your nails, then he or she will start applying the color. Typically, a gel mani consists of one coat of clear gel, two to three coats of color, then another top coat of clear gel. After each coat, you place your whole hand under an LED light for 60 seconds — I don’t understand the science of how this works, but it dries your nails so quickly and effectively. Once all your coats are done, there’s ZERO drying time — you can go back to your normal life/routine the second you walk out of the salon.

Would I recommend?

YES. You already know you love manicures — there’s NO reason to pay full price for them. For me, a gel manicure usually lasts almost three weeks — and that time limit comes from nail growth, not from chipping.

Hydrafacial

I’ve only ever had one facial before in my life — after a lifelong battle with my skin, I’ve been afraid to mess with it too much (and afraid to allow someone that close to it without makeup). I used to feel like facials were designed for rich people who already had good skin, but upon further research, that assumption is obviously wrong. I have hormonal cystic acne and some severe subsequent scarring — problems I honestly didn’t believe could be solved by the holistic hands of a facialist. Thankfully, though, there are people who DO make it their mission to effectively treat all kinds of skin types — meaning there is truly a facial out there for everyone.

Hydrafacials are relatively new forms of your classic facial. Basically, a high-tech hydrafacial tool is simultaneously infusing your skin with various serums AND sucking gross stuff out of your pores. I had seen videos of people getting it done on Instagram, and I wondered if it would help my poor congested pores.

How I Prepared

I use a prescription Retin-A-Micro daily, but I had to stop using that for three days prior to my appointment. Additionally, I was advised against at-home exfoliation for the days leading up, and I was told to overall be gentle to my skin. The morning of my facial I was thankfully working from home, so I wore cozy sweats and zero makeup. ~pampering~

How It Went

First of all, the woman who performed my hydrafacial was one of the most intelligent and knowledgeable women I have ever met. She is so very passionate about skincare, and I would honestly trust her with my life after meeting her. She asked me in-depth questions about my skin, my routine, my past routine, my needs, my desires, my dreams and goals, and just about everything else relating to my skin that you can think of. I love meeting people who are so clearly doing what they were meant to do — Crystal at SkinSmartRX is one of those people. She explained to me that while a hydrafacial is an incredible procedure and would help my active pimples, the scarring on my face could benefit from microneedling instead. I appreciated her honesty — but was glad to hear that she thought my skin could benefit from the treatment.

I laid back in an examination chair (like at the dentist) while Crystal first steamed my pores, then began. She used the hydrafacial tool to perform various steps of the routine — double cleansing, exfoliating, toning, and treating. The tool gives a weird sensation — I had read that it felt similar to a cold paintbrush on your skin. That’s not necessarily wrong, but I do think it’s a little harsher than that. The tool is really digging in to your skin, so it’s not exactly a pleasant sensation. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s not super comfortable either. Overall, however, it was a very relaxing experience.

The best part? When Crystal let me see the result of the treatment. Basically, the solution that is used to suck the crap out of your pores goes into a beaker, so there’s a beaker full of used solution and gunk leftover at the end. Looking at it was similar to looking at the results of a pore strip — super gross, but super satisfying.

That floating stuff was INSIDE MY SKIN.

Would I recommend?

Yes and no. First of all, I left the treatment VERY red. I was just going back home to work, so I’m glad I didn’t have to try to cover it. Thankfully, however, the redness was very short-lived. The treatment itself is incredible — but I would highly recommend chatting with an aesthetician and/or dermatologist beforehand to see if it’s good for your skin type. After having my pores sucked, I felt a bit like some excess oil was brought to the surface — I woke up the next morning with a smattering of new whiteheads.

This could be a PMS-induced coincidence, and my coworkers all assured me the next day that I looked GLOWING. I wouldn’t discourage anyone from the treatment, but I would encourage some careful consideration to decide if it’s worth the time and money (but if you’re interested in trying it out, at least Groupon offers the option of a much cheaper first try!!).

Eyelash Extensions

My natural eyelashes are COMICALLY short. I’ve never loved them — and I’ve also never loved having heavy mascara on them either. I have bad allergies (I am really airing all my bodily dirty laundry here, aren’t I?), so I rub my eyes A LOT. I also physically hate the act of taking off eye makeup — why is it so damn hard!?

All of that adds up to mean that I am a PERFECT candidate for eyelash extensions — longer, fuller lashes without any makeup!? I couldn’t hit “Purchase Groupon” fast enough.

How I Prepared

You’re not supposed to wear eye makeup or contacts to the appointment, so I strolled into Milita Advanced Skincare wearing sweats and my glasses (#hot).

How It Went

If I’m being honest, I was a real hot mess for this appointment. The night before had been filled with wine and tacos, so I was running a taddd bit late — only to discover that the spa had just moved locations, and I had gone to the wrong one. After I finally arrived at the correct location, my technician had me fill out some paperwork, then walked me through the process.

How did it feel? Huh, funny you should ask — I literally don’t know how it felt, because I fell SOUND asleep on the table. You lay on your back in a cozy warm room, and the technician has you close your eyes. She taped down my lower lashes, then with the soft touch of a unicorn kitten from heaven, she gently applied my extensions. It was so intensely relaxing, I fell asleep almost instantly. It was like the best nap I ever took — I fell asleep slightly hungover with short little lashes, and I woke up with gorgeous Gisele-worthy fringe and a newly reduced headache. Thank you, Milita.

My lashes should last about two to three weeks, at which point I’m supposed to go back in for a fill. I had told myself that this was a one-time thing, but I love the results so much that I just might have to make a habit of it.

Would I recommend?

You better freaking believe it!! I cannot overstate how big of a difference these lashes made. I had originally signed up for just a normal full set, but the technician recommended a volume partial set — she said it would give me a nice big difference while still appearing natural. I think she’s right, and I can’t wait to take these bad boys out on the town.

Moral of the story: there are WAY too many beauty treatments out there for one person to keep up with — but a tight budget shouldn’t be the reason you don’t try. I highly recommend scouting out the Groupon beauty section to find affordable EFFECTIVE treatments in your hometown — you’re going to find a new favorite, give yourself a fun upgrade, and save some cash in the process (score!).

Share your own favorite #GrouponMoments on Instagram by tagging @Groupon — I can’t wait to see!!

This post is sponsored by Groupon, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board. 

Source: http://theeverygirl.com/groupon-beauty-treatments/

[campbellhugh]

How To Increase Height What To Eat Wonderful Unique Ideas

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[alamante]

The average woman has her period for 2,535 days of her life. That’s nearly seven years’ time of making sure you have a pad or tampon, finding a makeshift solution if you don’t, and managing pain and discomfort.

And lately, women — and transgender and nonbinary people who menstruate — are talking about it in public more than ever before. There are new products and services on the market, from menstrual cups to period underwear to medicinal cannabis and “period coaches.” Globally, advocates are pushing for recognition of a woman’s right to manage her period with dignity. And in the United States, activists are bringing the concept of “menstrual equity” into the public debate.

Let’s unpack that.

“Menstrual equity” refers to equal access to hygiene products, but also to education about reproductive health. And it’s the focus of a variety of new laws and policies to provide menstrual products in prisons, shelters, schools and even on Capitol Hill.

Advocates are also urging states to exempt menstrual hygiene products from sales tax, arguing that they’re a necessity.

A frequent refrain: Why are tampons taxed when Viagra is not?

Increased media coverage and some high-profile episodes — like Kiran Gandhi bleeding freely as she ran the London Marathon in 2015 and a backlash over Instagram deleting a photo of a period stain — have accelerated the shift.

Last month, a member of Britain’s Parliament announced in the House of Commons that she was menstruating, to make a point about “period poverty.”

And most recently, a New York congressman got into a spat with House administrators over whether he could expense $37.16 worth of tampons for his staff and visitors.

Here’s an overview of the issues that women’s health advocates are talking about.

The fight for equal access to menstrual products

Laws in several states now mandate access to menstrual products in correctional facilities, shelters and schools. Two prison reform bills in the Senate — including the First Step Act, which is backed by the White House — include provisions on access to menstrual hygiene products, after complaints that the facilities were not providing an adequate supply. And the Justice Department directed federal prisons to provide inmates with free menstrual products last year.

In the House, Representative Grace Meng, Democrat of New York, has introduced two related bills. One aims to make periods more affordable, in part by allowing employees to use flexible spending accounts to buy pads and tampons, and requiring companies with more than 100 employees to provide them. The other would require manufacturers to disclose ingredients in such products.

“Interest in this issue grows every single day,” Ms. Meng said. “It’s really about accessibility and equity.”

That’s the same argument that Representative Sean Patrick Maloney, Democrat of New York, made after he was ordered to reimburse the Committee on House Administration for menstrual products.

The committee rebutted Mr. Maloney’s account. But that didn’t stop him and Ms. Meng from writing a letter to House Speaker Paul Ryan about the matter.

“We applaud you for making toilet paper available,” they wrote. “We implore you, however, to go one step further and make feminine hygiene products available to those who need them.”

Pressing to end ‘the tampon tax’

In the last two years, New York, Illinois, Florida and Connecticut have abolished sales tax on menstrual products. That brings the number of states that tax such products to 36 — and lawmakers in two dozen of those states have introduced bills to nix the tax.

“That menstrual equity and health would be such a prominent, bipartisan and very public matter is, in my mind, not just really heartening but enormously telling,” said Jennifer Weiss-Wolf, author of the 2017 book “Periods Gone Public.”

There are similar efforts underway around the world, including in Britain, where the campaign to “ax the tax” got caught up in the Brexit debate. Laura Coryton, a young British activist, started a petition called “Stop Taxing Periods” in 2014 that amassed over 300,000 signatures.

But lawmakers were unable to repeal the tax because of European Union rules, and it became a rallying point for the pro-Brexit camp. Lawmakers have pledged to abolish the tax once Brexit is complete. Until then, taxes from menstrual products are being put into a special fund for women’s health.

Canada also abolished sales tax on menstrual products in 2015, and an Australian push to do the same made progress this year.

Bold moves around the world

Dr. Julitta Onabanjo, the regional director for the United Nations Population Fund in East and Southern Africa, said there has been a groundswell of advocacy around menstrual health management.

In May, the organization hosted the first regional symposium on the issue, with leaders from local governments and the nonprofit sector.

Some countries in the region have made bold moves: Kenya and Uganda abolished sales tax on menstrual hygiene products, while Zimbabwe subsidizes local manufacturers. The Kenyan government also provides funding for pads in schools.

But Dr. Onabanjo cautioned that access to products is only one factor. Clean water and sanitation facilities, information and medical treatment are all important. Poverty, of course, greatly complicates the effort to manage periods with discretion and dignity. And some symptoms, like heavy bleeding or debilitating pain during menstruation, can indicate a more serious condition requiring medical attention.

Girls and women around the world must also contend with cultural stigma, shame and social isolation. A recent report published by Dr. Onabanjo’s agency noted that there is powerful evidence that girls are more likely to miss school or even drop out if they’re unable to manage their cycle, sometimes because of teasing over their periods.

Even more troubling, studies in Kenya have found that poorer girls may trade sex to afford pads, making them vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases.

“We really want to ensure that going forward, this is seen as a sexual and reproductive health and rights issue,” Dr. Onabanjo said.

Can technical innovation ‘solve’ the problem of periods?

New products and services are promising to make periods less burdensome, from period-tracking apps and coaching on nutrition and self-care, to items like environmentally friendly reusable pads, absorbent underwear and cups.

The creators of the popular app Clue say they have 2.5 million users in 180 countries, and share anonymized data with women’s health researchers from top universities.

Product developers are working on the next generation of devices. The creators of Livia, an electrical stimulation device touted as “the off switch for menstrual pain” collected $1.7 million in orders on the crowdfunding site Indiegogo. While some online reviewers found it helpful, many of the comments on Indiegogo focus on shipping delays, device malfunctions and customer service complaints.

In the coaching realm, there’s been greater attention to the role that diet and exercise can play in one’s period. Many coaches also suggest acupuncture, herbal remedies, meditation and massage.

“What I do is help women become more informed about how their bodies work,” said Erica Chidi Cohen, co-founder and chief executive of LOOM, a reproductive health center in Los Angeles that recently introduced a period coaching program.

That includes being aware of hormonal changes throughout the month, and how one’s energy might ebb and flow at different points. Some of her clients plan big events, like business trips, based on their cycle.

“It can actually be a very positive thing if we learn what’s happening and lean into it,” she said.

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