#i can accept the jamie and his dad reunion at a push.

[shitpostblogwahoo]

choosing to believe everything after and including the scene of jamie and his dad was ted dreaming. no beard and jane wedding. no none information on what teds living situation is like. the real final minutes were ted coming to visit the team when they win the champions in the next year trust me

[denimbex1986]

'When words fail, there's always the Pet Shop Boys. In All of Us Strangers, their song Always on My Mind bridges decades of distance between Adam (Andrew Scott) and his parents (Claire Foy, Jamie Bell).

They're decorating a Christmas tree, hoping the Hallmark activity erases the awkwardness, when the song comes on. Adam's mum begins to sing along, the lyrics subbing for a full apology for absence. You were always on my mind.

After all, it's been a while: Adam's parents died when he was 10. Now in his 40s, he wanders around his old hometown to find his mum and dad in their family home, furniture and faces unchanged, as if no time had passed at all.

Catching them up on his life includes coming out as gay – his mum, surprised, says all the wrong things. Reality creeps in, even in this reunion between the dead and living: It's not how either side dreamed, even if the dream is so potent they've willed the impossible into existence.

"I think for so many people, particularly queer people, you can feel like a stranger in your own family," says Scott, who is gay.

"Even if they haven't directly rejected you, you just feel slightly different… [But] discomfort within a family and love within a family can coexist. It's pretty common."

Scott stars alongside fellow Irish actor Paul Mescal, who plays love interest Harry. He and Adam are two lonely hearts living in the same newly built London apartment tower, an ultra-modern space that is less haunted, than devoid of life.

"What's going on with Harry's family is actually slightly more insidious [than Adam's situation]," says Mescal.

"He's come out to his family. [They'd] say that they're very proud of him, but they actually don't truly accept him. Their acceptance of him is lip service, but they don't check in on him."

Written and directed by Andrew Haigh (Weekend; 45 Years; Looking), All of Us Strangers adapts Strangers, a 1987 novel by Japanese author Taichi Yamada, situating it within his world.

Japan is swapped out for contemporary London, the gay British filmmaker drawing out his repeated themes of modern loneliness and disconnection. While Adam and Harry are haunted to different ends, together, they try to push past pain and into something new.

An everyday, real romance – even with the ghosts

Chances are, many who see All of Us Strangers will enter the cinema with pre-conceptions of Scott and Mescal.

Both have become internet heart-throbs through zeitgeist-shaping roles on hit TV shows: Scott as the Hot Priest in Fleabag; Mescal as Connell in Normal People. Clearly bruised, Adam and Harry might not be as easy to crush on as viewers, but the characters soon open up to each other.

"It starts as a physical attraction," says Mescal. "They both want to have sex. But what I love about their relationship is that it feels very attainable to me from a real-life context. There are no big sweeping romantic gestures. And yet, the film is absolutely romantic.

"All these characters do is listen to each other and are there for each other. And that on paper sounds so simple. I think that's what the film was trying to say, that to love with courage sounds so simple on paper, but it's utterly radical and requires a huge amount of bravery. What they give to each other is their company, their total focus and attention."

Scott says the characters really see each other, and that leads to a lovely sense of intimacy.

"The most pleasurable things to shoot were where you see them enjoying the small things in life. Just having a shower or being asleep [together] – the tiny things that are so beautiful and wonderful to experience," he says.

"And that's even more of a balm for them because they haven't had it before."

Good grief

With this new intimacy, what flows out is the chance to express their hurt; for the first time, they both articulate a shared sense of grief.

Scott notes that grief comes in many forms, but we're not often taught about the minutiae of it, or given the tools for dealing with the trauma, agitation or feeling that you've been betrayed by the universe.

"Grief is such a… it's such a difficult thing to quantify and to categorise in some ways. I don't think necessarily that grief is always related to death or the loss of life," he says.

"We experience grief much more than we can recognise; the end of a relationship or the end of a phase of your life, or just something where you think, 'I don't have that anymore, and I can never get it back'.

"I think that's how I would quantify grief over sadness, something that is a place to which I can never return…."

Adam's ability to return home (filmed in director Haigh's childhood home, the current owner's décor luckily frozen in amber from the 80s) is enviable to anyone who has lost a parent. It's a mystical healing fantasy, where he's able to tell his parents the things he never got the chance to before they died.

Despite the immense pain of losing both his parents as a child, the film has a visceral hope that's threaded throughout; catharsis and grace can be found through connecting with others.

Mescal had first-hand experience with pain, fear and grief while filming when his mother became very ill and was then diagnosed with cancer.

"I wasn't able to process it at the time, but my body was processing it in kind of real-time," Mescal explains, adding that she is in remission and "is doing great now".

"Like in the scene when Andrew talks about the death of his mother — I was just going to work thinking I was fine. But something that I've learned about grief is that it's a physical thing and you can say that you're fine in your head, but it has to manifest itself."

Scott adds: "It's the expression 'the body keeps the score' — that's so true."

At one point, his character's grief does overwhelm his body, in a dancefloor release that becomes a nightmare as bumps of ketamine open the valve. He aches for days afterwards, less a comedown than an emotional hangover.

"Say whatever you want, but your body will tell you the truth."'

[a-dreamer-named-mars]

Imagine Reconnecting With Jamie (Part 2)

To read this and more imagines and fanfictions click here.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with me."

You sat up straight when Jamie sat on the cushion in front of you, appreciating the fact that you accepted meeting up with him.

"You're welcome."

Since the day he found out how old Joshua was, you knew it was just a matter of time before he asked you about your son, suspecting he was his too.

"Look... As you can probably imagine, I didn't just went home and never thought about our little reunion again."

"It's understandable." You simply said. You didn't quite know how to talk to him. You still couldn't tell if he was angry and upset or if he was calm and assertive.

"I thought about it for a really long time and.. It didn't took me a lot to think back to three years ago, when we broke up."

When you didn't say anything he just continued.

"I'm not gonna drag this, I'll just go straight to the point - Is there any chance he is my son?"

If straight to the point was what he wanted then that was what he was getting.

"He is your son."

His facial expression didn't show a lot of surprise or shock when he heard you say that. You assumed he probably thought the chances of him being the father were slim to one hundred percent, and that was why he slowly nodded in acceptance and while looking at you.

"Figured."

"Look, I am really sorry I didn't told you about it when I found out. It was very wrong and I shouldn't have ever done that but... I couldn't bare to have to see you and Sydney together, and we both knew that was bound to happen if you had known. Although I always wished nothing but happiness for you. But it was too painful for me, I... I didn't cope very well with our breakup."

He let out a sigh and looked back at you in the eye.

"Me and Syndey broke up."

What now?

"What?"

"Huh... It was somewhat recently."

You could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. You sure knew what it's like to think you've met the one, and then turns out you haven't.

"What happened?"

"When I joined the Academy she wasn't exactly happy. She... didn't like the fact that her fiance was a cop. And after I graduated and officially became one, she broke the engagement off."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah... well, I'm fine now. And apologizes accepted."

"Thanks."

"But, I have to say this - seeing you the other day made me realise, that what we had was special. I reflected on it and breaking up with you was the worse thing I could have done. And I am really sorry. I would really like it to give us a chance again. If you're okay with it."

You knew it was your cue to talk now but you really had no idea what to say. Did you want to get back with him? Hell yeah! He was the love of your life and there wasn't a day in your life that you didn't think of him and how he was missing his child growing up. That was your fault though.

"I'll think about it."

"Okay. Well, no matter what you decide, I still want to be a part of Joshua's life. He is my son and I want to get a chance to reconnect with him."

"Yes, of course. I want what's best for him and I think having a male figure in his life is what's best."

"Okay so... when can I see him? Do you want him to drop by at your place, should we meet in a public space? It's up to you, really."

"Huh... I guess you could come over. I mean, he's at his home, you could go to his bedroom and hang out with him."

"Alright. What day, what time?"

"Sunday morning? Oh, wait. Forget I said that, you have Sunday mass to go to right? We'll just reschedule it to Saturday."

"I appreciate it."

"I'll text you the address. Same phone number?"

"Yeah."

"It's a date then." You murmurmed, hoping he wouldn't hear you, but he did and couldn't help but smile to himself.

* * *

You had told Joshua the night before about his dad and that he was meeting him today. He was still young so, he didn't acknowledge things like they actually were and he was just fine with it. And as soon as you rethought about your conversation the other day for the hundredth time, the bell rang, taking your mind off of it.

You walked over to the buzzer to open the building door and took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for what was about to happen.

When you heard footsteps, you smiled at Jamie and opened the door a little wider so he could come inside the house.

"Hi." "Hey." "Have you... told him yet?" "Huh... yes, I did last night." "Good. That way it's not a shock to him." "Yeah."

The tension between the two of you could be cut with a knife. You focused on what he was here to do and walked over to your son's bedroom where he was playing with his toys on the ground.

"Hey baby, daddy's here."

You could almost hear Jamie's breath going faster when he heard you say the D word.

Joshua's face lit up when he saw Jamie walking closer to him and benting down so he was at his level.

"I'll leave you to it. If you need anything I'll be in the kitchen."

You left the room and busied yourself with the lunch you were cooking, never for a moment did you stop paying attention to the sounds of laughter that were coming from the bedroom.

Maybe things were gonna go great this time. Maybe now the timing was right.

* * *

"So, how did it go?"

Joshua was getting fussy. After a whole morning of playing with dad and lunch with both his parents, he was getting tired and you put him down for a little nap.

"Very well, actually. I think he liked me. Or maybe it was just because I'm a cop and he asked me about the job and I told him."

Before you could say anything he interrupted himself and clarified how it went.

"I only told him about the car and the sirens! Don't worry, I didn't tell him anything that was too strong for a three year old."

"It's cool. I trust you, Jamie. I know it probably feels like I don't but I really do. Otherwise you wouldn't be here today. I love Joshua more than anyone, he is my whole life. And I trust you with him so no worries."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

With your son asleep, Jamie was somewhat afraid to bring any subject to the conversation that wasn't Joshua related but he needed to say what he felt and before you had a chance to talk he interrupted and started.

"I feel like I need to say what's on my mind. If that's okay."

"Of course."

He sat down on the couch and you intuitively did the same, taking the seat next to his.

"We're both guilty for a lot of things that happened while we dated. I'm not proud I ended this amazing thing we had to invest on a relationship with Sydney. I guess you can say it was a reckless thing to do, and it was. And when we drifted away I should have at least made an effort to get you back as a friend. A best friend. Because that's what we were before we started dating, and when I ended one thing, I ended the whole thing. And I thought about you a lot but... I was too dumb to see the mistake I had made, until I realised it the hard way."

You didn't say anything in response, knowing he still hadn't said everything he was meaning to say. You knew him so well.

"When I saw you the other day I... I don't know, it made me feel like these three years between us didn't pass. Plus, finding out that that phenomenal little man is my son... That was the most amazing surprise. And you did a great job raising him. And wether we like it or not, wether it's already in the past for you or not... We made him, (Y/N). We created that human being and he's just... the most amazing little boy I've ever met."

You were really taken by surprise with Jamie's confession. He always had a way with his words that was mind blowing. And he after all these years, he was still the sweetest man you had ever met and he still had your heart.

He had your whole heart.

"And I know I gave you the time to think about us, but I just... There's something I've been meaning to do."

"What is it?"

Without verbally announcing what he was about to do, he starred down at your lips before meeting your gaze, warning with his actions what it was about to happen.

You knew what it was but you didn't even move a muscle. You didn't try to push him away, you didn't stop him before it was too late. Damn, it felt like he was in slow motion.

When his lips finally touched yours, you truly felt like you were going dizzy. Your heart started racing at a pace you just could not control. But all good things must come to an end and this kiss did.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have been so impulsive. I should have heard you first."

"Don't worry about it. Really." You simply said with a smile.

You could tell he felt slightly better about what your answer was going to be after you thought things through by looking at his smile.

And deep down you knew it too.

"Well, I should go. I have to get to the precinct for roll call."

"Of course."

You two got up and you walked him to the door, saying goodbye and thanking him for  coming over and making this effort to reconnect with your son.

And there you stood, leaning against the door frame listening to his shoes hitting the steps down the stairs, thinking how great things could be from now on.

The End

[savetopnow]

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