#i came up with this rule to keep myself from rambling about it to everyone all the time and it's actually going pretty well

[musings-of-a-rose]

Camping Trip

Pairing: Will Miller x f!reader (nickname Autumn)

Word Count: 3400+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Listen. I don’t know. I just saw the picture in the upper right of my moodboard and came up with this. Ok fine I wrote the first 3 paragraphs in May and the rest now. Will and I are complicated, ok? Shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for reading and listening to my ramblings as always!

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Will Miller Masterlist

It had been a rough few months, no doubt about that. Somehow, I survived. Made it to the solo camping trip I had been thinking about for months. It's nothing I haven't done before. Even the trails and campsite are familiar. Still, it had been a few years and I was itching to get away from the city and all the noises it pounds into my head.

I head down the backroads, the pine trees growing thicker the further out I get from the city. At first I pass a lot of cars, mostly traveling into the city. But after a while, when the trees are so tall I can't see over them, so thick I can barely see through them, I'm the only car on the road.

I see the sign for the campsite and turn, heading down the dirt path to the small parking lot about a half mile in from the road. There are a couple of other jeeps and trucks here, one of them belonging to the park ranger who sits inside the small welcome center/general store. I head inside to use the bathroom, the last little "luxury" I give myself before spending a week away from everyone.

"Hi mis- Autumn! Haven't seen you for what...3 years?"

I smile at the man behind the counter, giving him a little wave. "Hey Jay! You're still working here? I thought you'd have retired by now." I grab a couple of bags of the beef jerky they have on sale. It's made by a local farmer and I can only get it here.

Jay chuckles. "Next year. Maybe."

"Don't push yourself too hard, Jay."

"Oh! Mary had her baby! Course she's 3 now."

"Oh really? Damn, 3 already?”

Jay looks at me pointedly. “Well that’s what you get for taking so long to come back and visit.”

Before I can answer, the bell on the entrance door jingles out and Jay glances over my shoulder. “Afternoon, sir! Can I help you with anything?”

“Just a trail map, thanks.” His voice is a little raspy, like he hadn’t used it for a while. I turn to point to the map stand but am momentarily frozen. 

This man is gorgeous.

Tall, short blonde hair, slightly longer up top. Military or ex military judging by the cut and the way he holds himself. But his eyes meet mine, slate blue and what was I saying? 

Jay pinches my arm. “Show him the maps, Autumn.”

I force a small chuckle to Jay, quickly pulling my arm from his pinching fingers and walk towards the blonde man and am hit with the scent of pine, leather, and old spice. Normally I would not be into the latter on a man but the way it mixes with his natural scent is going straight to my head. And other places.

“Here,” I somehow manage to walk past him and grab a map from the spinning holder, turning to hand it to him. The man takes it, his eyes twinkling before he gives me a quick wink.

“Thanks, darlin’.” His eyes quickly flick down my body, or maybe I’m imagining it? 

“You check the weather before coming, sir?”

His eyes are on mine still for another moment before he turns to address Jay. “Yeah I did. This isn’t my first time camping.”

Jay nods. “Military?”

The man chuckles. “Vet. Am I that obvious?”

Jay shrugs. “Not exactly. I just know people. Well, as long as you know what you’re in for. Shouldn’t be too bad but just make sure to stay warm. Not sure how long you’ll be here but if ever a blizzard alert comes up, you come right back here, ok? There’s a small cabin out back that’s open to campers 24/7.”

“Thanks.” The man takes his map, declining Jay’s offer of a bag. He glances back over at me. “See you later, darlin’.”

Fuck. Me. “See you!”

It takes me the usual couple of days to make it to my favorite spot, but I breathe a sigh of relief when I break through the trees, the breathtaking view of the mountains and lake spread out before me. It feels like coming home. 

I get to work setting up my camp, fire and tent good to go, my food hanging from a bag in a tree. I managed to find a place with a good fallen log, perfect for sitting on or against and close enough to the fire so I can keep warm. The wind blows through the nettles of the tall pines around me, the cool, misty breeze coating the exposed skin on my face. I take a deep breath in and out. I really missed being here. 

I do turn on my high powered radio to listen to the weather report twice a day, making sure nothing unexpected is coming. There’s something the weathermen are looking at, but they don’t think it’ll be anything. Still, the temps are sure to drop in a couple of days and there may be a bit of snow. I’m prepared for it, but it’s still good to know. 

A couple days later, I’m about a half mile from camp, walking along the trail near the lake. So far, I’ve seen a couple of deer and a ton of birds. I’m stopped, leaning against a tree trunk to take a quick break when I hear the sound of footsteps on the path ahead. I know I’m not the only one camping, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t instantly on alert. Another couple of seconds of hearing the sound and I know it’s human. From around the curve of the path emerges the man from Jay’s, his pack full and looking heavy. He sounds a little winded and had obviously been walking for a bit. I straighten myself and wave to him.

“Hey! Fancy seeing you here!”

The man glances at me and smiles, the same one from the shop. “Hey…Autumn?”

I nod. I tell him my real name. “But Jay’s been calling me Autumn since I first came to this trail.”

“Let me guess. It was during Autumn?”

I chuckle. “Jay is original.”

He comes closer, but stops several feet away, breathing heavier. “I’m Will.”

“Nice to meet you, Will.”

He nods to me. “Same.”

He still doesn’t move. “I don’t bite, you know.”

He cocks his head, confused, but then seems to piece it together. “Oh. Well, I didn’t want to freak you out by invading your space.”

I’m fairly positive if this man wanted to take me down, he could’ve done that, several feet away with a pack on or no. “Thank you. That’s…unexpected. And kind.”

“Don’t other people do that?”

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“Oh. Well they should.”

I shrug. “Maybe….but Will, you can come closer. It’s alright.”

He raises his eyebrows. “You sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

He remains rooted to the spot. “You don’t think I’ll take advantage of you?”

I snort. “I’m fairly positive you could’ve done that already, Mr. Military. Don’t threaten me with a good time.” What the fuck did I just say?

I swear I see the tips of his ears turn pink as he chuckles, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. “A good time it would be.”

He comes closer and I gesture towards my bag which is resting against a log. He takes his own off and sets it beside mine, shrugging and stretching his shoulders a bit. “I really should’ve taken a break before now. Gettin’ old sucks.”

I chuckle, my eyes roaming down his arms, the flannel on his shirt hugging his biceps in all the right ways. 

“You look in great shape to me.” 

His eyes meet mine and we stare at each other for several moments before I blink, shaking my head a little to rid myself of the not at all PG thoughts I was having.

“So…are you trying to make it back to that cabin before the weather moves in?”

Will clears his throat, giving his own head a little shake before crossing his arms across his broad chest. “That was the plan.”

“Have you listened to the weather station today?”

He furrows his brows and I melt. “No, why?”

“The uh..storm? Is moving a little faster than they thought. No way you’ll make it back to Jay’s cabin before it starts to pick up.”

“Shit.” Will sighs, bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I really thought I’d be able to make it but my leg was acting up.” 

I can tell he’s not used to this, needing breaks. He seems like the kind of guy that just pushes through the pain. Until it pushes back.

“Come on. You can stay with me.” I push back from the tree and lean down to get my pack, swinging it up on my back. When I look back up at Will, he’s staring at me, eyes wide.

“What?”

“Did you just invite me to your camp?”

I adjust the straps on my shoulders. “Yeah. Let’s get going so that way we aren’t stuck.”

“You trust me?”

I click the last strap into place across my chest before I look at him. “I thought we established that I do.”

He studies me for a long moment, his eyes moving between mine and I swear he glances down at my lips. “You sure you have the space?”

I shrug. “May be a little bit of a squeeze but temps are dropping anyway. We can always find a way to get warm.” What did I just say?

A small smirk spreads across his beautiful face. “I’m sure we can, darlin’.” He leans down and grabs his own pack, situating it on his back before he gestures to me. “Lead the way.”

Talking to Will is easy, comforting almost. He tells me about his time in the army, Delta Force, and his brothers, including his real life brother Benny. A golden retriever of a man if I ever heard of one. He asks me questions about my life and listens intently, actually interested in what I have to say. Before I know it, we’re back at my camp. Will stops for a moment, staring out over the lake at the mountain behind it and whistles. “You found a hell of a view.”

“Thanks. It took me a couple years to find but now it’s like home.”

Will helps me start a fire and get food cooking, laughter and conversation flows just as easily as before and I find myself gravitating towards him, physically. But he also seems to be scooting closer and closer until our legs are nearly touching. Snowflakes start to fall, coming in faster and thicker.

“We should probably get the sleeping bags set up before it gets hard to see,” Will suggests, his breath puffing out in tendrils in front of him. 

“Good idea.”

Will gets the outside of our little camp ready as the sun starts to dip and night comes. We manage to get in the tent before the snow really starts to come down. It’s a little bigger than a one room tent, but we’re still pretty snug in here now that there’s two of us. And he’s so fucking broad. I shift my sleeping bag over a bit more and Will slides his down next to mine. He looks between our bags and then up at me, his eyebrows pulled together in slight concern.

“What is it?” I ask nervously.

“It’s…nevermind.”

I punch his arm and have to choke back a scream at how firm it is. “Just tell me.”

He chuckles while he dramatically rubs his arm. “Ouch,” he smirks as I roll my eyes. “But we should zip our bags together. For warmth. It’s about to get pretty cold.”

“William Miller. Are you asking to get in my sleeping bag with me?”

He shifts nervously, his ear tips turning red. “No! I uh, that’s not… I mean, it’s basic survival. I didn’t mean.. I don’t want you to think-”

I laugh then, cutting him off. “Chill out, Will. I know how you meant it. You’re a nice guy. I just like watching you blush.”

He rubs at his face. “You’re dangerous.”

“How dare you, good sir. I am a lady.”

He snorts and I swear under his breath he says “I bet you are.”

We get the bags zipped together and slide down in them, trying to leave as much space as we could between us. After several minutes of us shuffling around awkwardly, Will chuckles.

“You wanna be the big spoon or the little one?”

My laughter rings out in the tent joining his, tears streaming down my face at this brilliant tension breaker. “I’ll be little,” I choke out. I turn around, facing my back towards him. I feel him scoot closer and heat instantly rushes through my body, pooling between my thighs. Can he hear how my heart is about to beat from my chest?

“Is this ok?” Will’s breath fans out over my neck, goosebumps erupting in it’s wake. 

“Uh..I uh…y-yeah. All good. Is it uh, close enough? For survival, I mean.”

Will clears his throat. “Uh, well I mean. We should probably be, uh, closer. To stay warm. For survival, of course.”

“Well if it’s for survival, scoot as close as you want.”

He makes a choking sound but shifts closer, his body molding to mine. I can feel his hand hovering, unsure of where to place it. I reach back and take it, gently placing it on my hip, trying to ignore the heat that immediately ignites, flowing down between my legs. The wind blows outside, the tent rustling with it. I shift my hips a little and Will’s grip on my hip tightens, his fingers digging into my skin. And I can feel something else pressing against my ass and I swallow hard.

“You’re going to have to stop moving around, darlin’. Please.” He chokes out the last word, sounding restrained. 

I take a deep breath. “What if I don’t want to?”

His grip tightens even more and I know I’ll bruise if he keeps it up. And I don’t care if I do. 

“I’m trying really hard to be respectful, Autumn.”

I glance over my shoulder at him. “Don’t be respectful then.”

A quiet growl emanates from him. “What are you saying?”

I make sure I have his gaze. “Be disrespectful. If it’s permission you want, you have it.” 

He watches me for a long moment before I feel him shift, his arm that’s not gripping my hip sliding under my neck. He twists his wrist, sliding it down to unbutton my shirt, his hand finding it’s way down my shirt and under my bra, gently swiping his fingers over my nipple. But at the same time, his other hand slowly moves from my hip, pulling my leg up and over his own, his hand gently teasing my skin as he pushes it under my pantline and between my legs, another groan when he feels how wet I am. I gasp as he nips at my shoulder. 

“You’re so fuckin’ wet, Autumn.”

I try to respond, but instead a moan escapes me as his fingers start to play with me, gentle circles with alternating pressure as all my blood rushes between my legs, that fire igniting rather quickly. 

“Will, I’m gonna…” I’m not entirely sure what I say as I come, my leg twitching as my body soars, pleasure radiating out from between my thighs, spreading throughout me.

“Feeling warm?” Will speaks deeply in my ear, nibbling a little on my ear lobe.

I nod, my head flying already. “You didn’t even take my clothes off.”

He chuckles against my neck. “I told you I was respectful.”

Surprising even myself, I reach behind me and grab him over his pants. He grunts but pushes against my hand, no doubt relieving some of the pressure. I turn my head towards him, my lips barely brushing his. “Please, Will.”

His eyes are like a storm at sea, blue and wild, darkening. “Tell me.”

I take his hand and push it between my legs where I was growing wetter by the second as I push my hips back, grinding on him. He grunts in my ear. “You gotta stop doing that or I won’t be able to hold myself.”

My hand, still over his, pushes his fingers towards my entrance, his thick fingers circling me, heat and anticipation swirling around me. “D-don’t hold yourself back. Fuck me, Will. Please,” I’m not above begging at this point, his finger continuing to edge me along. But then he’s pulling his hand out of my pants, trying to sit up but struggling because we’re in a sleeping bag. 

“Take off your clothes before I rip them off.”

That command went straight through me, my fingers moving quickly to take off all my clothes, tossing them out of the sleeping bag. Will does the same on his own, starting his own neater pile outside of the sleeping bag. I lay back down, assuming he’ll want the same position. His fingers skim across my side, watching the goosebumps pimple up. But then he pushes my hip down, turning me on my back as he slides over my body, my legs opening as wide as I can to give him space. He’s heavy, fuck he’s so much bigger than I thought as he presses against my clit, hot and pulsing. His eyes find mine, a dark twinkle in them as he leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I part them and he slides his tongue inside, the kiss quickly heating up as he starts to move his hips. He slides himself over me, back and forth across my clit, swallowing my moans. My fingers dig at his back, silently begging him for more. The pressure is so intense, so much, that if he doesn’t fuck me now, I may just pop. Or go insane. 

Then Will gently takes my wrists, pinning them on either side of my head. His hips shift and with a confident stride, he pushes into me, my head pressing back into the pillow as I feel the pleasant burn, my body stretching to accept him, all of him. He pulls his hips back and pushes in, this time with a little more force and I feel a jolt through my body as he hits some spot at the back of me. I whine as Will continues to fuck me, slowly but forcefully, heat coursing through me. And then, I snap, crying out his name as I squeeze around him, my entire body lighting up and carrying me away from myself, my release made more intense by being pinned under him, unable to move away from the intense pleasure. 

Will’s breaths are heavy, panting out with restraint, like he’s holding himself back. He kisses me again, hard, nipping at my bottom lip before pulling back and out, but before I have a chance to feel too empty, he somehow flips me on my belly, my boobs pressing into the sleeping bag as he arcs my hips up just enough for him to slide in easily, my body greedily taking him in. He lays on top of me, his arms over mine as he laces his fingers with my hands. The weight of him both on and in me sends heat right back between my legs. He bites at my neck and shoulder as he fucks into me, deeper and harder with every thrust until I’m coming again, screaming his name into my pillow as I feel his hips sputter, Will whining in my ear as he spills inside of me. His body slumps against mine, both of us trying to catch our breath. Eventually, he slides off of me and to my side, turning me and pulling me to his chest. He nuzzles in my hair, wrapping his arms around me again, one massive hand holding a boob.

“Warm enough?” Will whispers in my ear.

“Mmm..” I respond. “You didn’t tell me you could fuck, Will.”

He chuckles and kisses my neck. “I’m restricted by this sleeping bag, darlin’. I did the best I could.”

The whine that escapes me is loud. “I’d love to see that.”

“Well when I’m done with you after this camping trip darlin’, you’re going to need some time to recover. And then I plan on showing you exactly how my fucking is.”

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[mstormcloud]

I usually keep such things to myself out of shyness but this is my tumblr and I can ramble about Surgolin if I choose

I’ve just well…been thinking about them…

Lanolin is a stickler for the rules becuase she wants what’s best for the Restoration and her friends. She’s trying to be fair by applying these rules to Everyone (Jet says she’s bias when she says he breaks a rule, but she’s anything but since she’s willing to apply these rules to Sonic and Silver as well.)

She wants things with Clean Sweep Inc. to go well cause she knows it means a lot to Jewel, to the Restoration, to her friends and allies.

She’s being used in similar ways to how Silver was in 06 honestly. Shes doing what she thinks is right to appease those she wants to be proud of her (Clean Sweeps, Jewel, her friends) but due to the fact that those in charge are corrupt she’s hurting her friends.

Surge and Kit are all about saying “Fuck you” to the rules. Right now just like Lanolin they are kinda being used by Clean Sweep Inc to get at Sonic and friends. While yes, they wanna get at Sonic and Tails, issue 69 makes it clear they don’t really like Clean Sweeps’ methods.

When what Clean Sweeps is doing is revealed Lanolin’s gonna be CRUSHED. She’ll feel awful both that she was complicit but also that she didn’t suspect anything. I think maybe if Clean Sweeps either betray Surge and Kit OR if they make them do something that makes them realize they’re just being used again - I think Lanolin and Surge could about team up/bond about how trying to follow the rules has done nothing but hurt them. How Clean Sweeps and the world has hurt them.

Honestly I think it’s more likely Lanolin gets forgiven and Surge and Kit become permanent Restoration allies but also Lanolin villian arc where she gets kicked from the restoration for unintentionally helping Clean Sweep Inc and then she joins Kit and Surge would also go hard.

Actually now that I think about it Whisper and Tangle have bad history with Mimic right? What if Surge and Lanolin end up having bad history with Clutch or smth and The Diamond Cutters just become team: “Fuck those two actually” I think that would be swell

This is likely incomprehensible but oh well apologizes I suppose….for my rambling… was literally saying whatever came to mind this is word vomit

[kafus]

my friend who passed away was the friend who got me that event pichu exclusive to IRL movie theaters in south korea that i mentioned a while back. his name was Riku

he passed away in the early morning of the 22nd (21st in my timezone). he was in his early 20s and had just moved out on his own and it was way too soon for him to go. just a week or two ago i was watching the kaika and vwp gensho concerts with him at 4 in the morning. he was around literally everyday - me and my friends found out about his death so soon because we were concerned that he was gone for just one day, and on the second day we reached out to one of his IRL friends to find out where he was. he was often in the hospital so i was hoping he was just afk for a particularly long time in the hospital and he would send a picture of his iv drip and the ceiling like he always did. i could not have imagined this would be the time he didn't make it. it is going to be weird not hearing from him literally everyday like i have been for the past 2-3 years. i am really struggling with this, i have had friends pass away but never any this close to me. i'm trying to keep myself together for his sake

leave it to me to process strong emotions through pokemon i guess but i loaded up SV to give the pichu the best friends ribbon so it says "the Great Friend" when sent out. i can't nickname it due to the fateful encounter flag but i've given him the name Anemo in my mind at least since our main shared interest that we met over was Kamitsubaki, and his favorite singer was Isekaijoucho, and the flower things in her hair are called Anemos (short for Anemones) and i thought naming him in a small way after something he loved and an interest we shared would benice

i also did a nuzlocke a while back where i had some special rulings to do with naming all my encounters after my friends from the friend group me and riku were in - the pokemon everyone got assigned were random and decided by spinning a wheel, and riku ended up being my flygon that came to the E4 and everything

i wasn't planning on ribbon mastering any pokemon from that playthrough, but now i really want to RM this flygon specifically. transfer him up and take him with me yknow

riku was not a pokemon fan in particular, but it was something we shared/bonded over - he used to ping me whenever he saw art of any kamitsubaki character with pokemon, and he went out of his way to celebrate that interest with me, even thru our language barrier

his favorite musician of all time was Kanzaki Iori, and some months ago he put out a call for fans to send him pictures he could use in the youtube videos for some cover songs he was doing. riku submitted photos, and on two occasions his photos were actually included - we didn't share pictures of ourselves or our real life often, so these were some of his rare photos of his real life presence

i can't stop listening to these. i cannot imagine how many times he listened to them himself. he was so happy about his photos being in these videos

i'll make a more proper memorial post at a later time (i want to draw something dedicated to him) but i just sort of wanted to ramble about this to get some thoughts out of my head in a public space. riku didn't have a ton of people in his IRL life and we were just friends over the internet but i want him to be remembered and i want my feelings today to be saved somewhere. eventually it'll get easier but for now it's still really raw

[deserteye]

CHAPTER THREE ;; Tall & Blonde

YOUR P.O.V.

After I shook Bill's hand, I could feel myself being pulled awake as my body lifted up and I gasped for air. The triangle seemed to fly out of the dream and float in mid-air for a moment before Bill's form grew muscle over the triangle, and it changed from a triangle to more of a human form.

His body grew a torso, hips, and a head, and he slowly floated to the ground, now a tall, around 6'0, golden blonde male with a yellow vest, white button up with a black bowtie and pants, accompanied by a matching yellow jacket with a long tail. He smiled, an upside-down black triangle eyepatch forming over his right eye.

"That's better! If I'm gonna be in the human realm, I might as well blend in!"

He smirked and laughed, swinging his cane in his right hand. I picked myself up and wiped the dirt off my pants and sweater.

"Yeah.. I guess that makes sense."

I mumbled, avoiding looking at him.

"Hey! It's rude not to look at the person you're talking to!"

He scolded, tapping my shoulder with his cane, causing me to jump.

"S-Sorry! I'm not the best at eye contact.."

I mumbled again, making eye contact with him. He laughs and smiles.

"Well common, back to your cabin."

He hums, walking in the direction of my cabin.

"Wh- Hey! How do you know I live in a cabin?"

I asked, jumping to keep up with the taller male.

"Haha, I know everything about everyone, kid!"

He laughed, throwing his cane up as it disappeared and he walked with his hands behind his back, his chest out.

"Oh- Okay.. What do you know about, Dipper and Mabel Pines..?"

I asked, deciding to test his knowledge and just picking the first names that came to my head, being Mabel and Dipper.

"Ugh.. Don't even mention Pinetree and Shooting Star around me. It's their fault I even needed a second chance, if it weren't for them, Point Dexter, and Shriner I would be ruling this dimension with an iron fist!"

Bill growled and rambled, my eyebrow raised, looking at him with confusion, causing his eyes to roll.

"It's a whole thing, I'll explain the Zodiac to you later."

"O-kay.."

I mumbled, looking back down at the ground, feeling the awkward silence settle in. Even after I looked at the ground, I could feel Bill staring at me, studying me.

"D-Do you need something-?"

I asked after gaining enough courage to ask him.

"No. I'm just trying to figure out how I never found you until now."

He responded, moving to look in front of us.

"What's that supposed to mean-?"

I asked, looking up at him.

"Well, you should know that your entire family is cursed because of Miss Sphinx's and mine battle back, maybe 5000 years ago or so?"

He mumbled, calculating in his head.

"Curse- 5000 years?!"

I asked in surprise.

"Yes, yes. That birthmark of yours is a curse I gave your family so I could easily find you. Plenty of humans have some sort of secret godly power they're gifted from their ancestors that they can never harness, but none have that birthmark. Besides your family."

He hummed, explaining everything but the 5000 years bit.

"I- Oh.. That's probably because my parents kinda, self-isolated me from the rest of the world. It's why I can't really make eye contact-?"

I laughed nervously, feeling like I was trauma-dumping onto this guy. And 5000 years?? God, how old was this guy??

"Ah, that would make sense!"

He hummed, twirling his hand and summoning his cane, as he started walking faster as we neared closer to my cabin.

~TIMESKIP~

DIPPER'S P.O.V.

We were abruptly woken up at around 3 AM by Great Uncle Ford slamming our door open. I flew up from the sound, while Mabel tiredly lifted herself up, rubbing her eyes. Ford was breathing heavily, fear in his eyes.

"He's back."

Mabel and I were up and dressed, standing in the kitchen with Ford and Stan, Stan sitting at the dining while Ford was pacing.

"What do you mean he's back?"

I asked, sounding angry when really I was terrified.

"But, we defeated him. With Stan, and the memory gun-"

Mabel defended, gesturing to Stan with a stuffed unicorn in her one of her arms.

"Yes, but when Stan regained his memory, the possibility of Bill returning came as well. With the statue, we were sure it wasn't possible-"

Ford explained stammering and gesturing his words with his hands.

"Wait, what statue?"

I asked, Mabel and I were both confused.

"I thought you said you'd tell them, Stan."

Ford asked in a more confused and tired tone than the serious and angered tone he was intending.

"You really were going to rely on my memory when I just recovered from amnesia?"

Stan defended, throwing his hand in defense while the other held his forehead.

"Before Stan and I went to go on our ocean hunt, we stopped by the place where Bill's castle came from, and, his body was a stone statue, his hand still out to take Stan's."

Ford explained, stopping to stand in front of us. Mabel and I looked at each other before looking at Ford.

"How do we even know Bill's back? What told you-"

Mabel asked before Stan cut her off.

"I had a dream. Or, more like a nightmare. All of my memories from the Weirdmagedon came back, and then Bill rose from his statue and, turned into a human."

Stan explained, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

"He can do that-?"

"He can do anything, Mabel. Turning into a human doesn't sound like him though. Someone must have made a deal with him. But what kind of deal would prompt him to make a human form?"

Stan explained, before asking himself, he sighed and pushed the hair out of his forehead.

"We should get some rest, and then gather the rest of the Zodiacs for a meeting tomorrow."

"Shouldn't we check the statue first-? Just to make sure it wasn't a nightmare."

I mentioned, and Ford nodded.

"Yes, good idea Dipper. Is everyone still in town?"

"I think Pacifica moved to California, and Robbie and Gideon moved out of town."

I added.

"We'll call them tomorrow if the statue is gone, hopefully, they aren't too far out of town."

Ford sighed, holding his head and placing his hand on the table.

"Go back to bed kids, we're gonna be up for a minute."

Stan ordered, earning a nod from Mabel and I, as we walked back upstairs to the attic, tucking ourselves back in bed.

"Do you think.. That Y/N Sphinx has anything to do with this?"

Mabel asked, holding his unicorn plush close to her chest, Waddles curled up next to her.

"What makes you think that?"

I ask, staring at the ceiling before turning my head to look at her.

"Well, during Weirdmagedon, we didn't see them at all. Even though it was like, almost a week long. Everyone else doesn't even talk about Bill Cipher.. Maybe they made a deal not knowing what he did.."

She explained her theory, and I looked back up at the ceiling.

"That's.. Actually a good point."

I hummed.

"So, maybe?"

She asked.

"Maybe. Let's bring it up to Stan and Ford tomorrow, okay?"

I added, turning to face her.

"Hm, good plan."

She agreed, turning to look at me as well.

"Goodnight Mabel."

"Night Dipping Sauce."

· · ─────── ·⃤ ─────── · ·

Next Chapter | CHAPTER TWO ;; That Old Statue

Last Chapter | CHAPTER FOUR ;; Knowledge from a Demon

[brasideios]

10 Characters/10 Fandoms/10 Tags

Thank you for thinking of me my dears @krankittoeleven & @ainulindaelynn

Lemme see. This is long, sorry about that. I’m in a rambling mood. These are just the characters that came wandering into my noodle in no order - at least, that was intended.

1. Dorothea from Middlemarch (by George Eliot). She’s probably my fave character ever. I think in a mostly abstract way, she’s come nearest to mapping out how I perceive the feminine part of myself. She starts out so so idealistic - wanting to do something to change the world, to matter, but society has its own rules that eventually beats her down, but she’s so stoic, enduring, and self-denying, that her happy ending is earned… but then the epilogue is so melancholy so was it happy? and… I don’t know. There’s something in it all that I’ve never found a better version of.

2. My brain is on D names now lol so Daphnae from AC Odyssey. The more I think about her story, as little as we’re given of it, the more I find something tragic and fated in it, and then there’s the possibility of changing that fate, or embracing it. Something, something doomed by the narrative, unless…?

3. Demosthenes from my pdfs lol listen - ancient history RPF is a fandom (apparently) so this is valid. I have been down some serious rabbit holes with this man of late - I won’t even start on why or this will be an essay. I could also have put Thucydides in this position - but I’m on D names.

4. Daria. No seriously. I loved this show when I was a teen, and she’s honestly my spirit animal. It was my nickname because I was unfortunately very much like that. I adore her deadpan, acerbic remarks and many of them will live on in my brain forevermore. I wasn’t as witty btw - but the vibes were the same.

5. Hedwyn from the vg Pyre (woot! My brain releases me from the letter D!). I’ve played it several times now, and he’s my fave. Just a sweet guy - so sweet, you always want to free him first, but then you also very much wanna keep him with you - and sometimes I’ve been selfish enough to send everyone else instead. I also like Volfred a lot but that has everything up do with the VA 🙈

6. Alfie from Peaky Blinders. I have no excuses - the character is an unhinged maniac but Tom Hardy just brought something (a twinkling eye) to the role that makes him a very likeable, back-stabbing psychopath.

7. Caesar from HBO Rome. Ciaran Hinds has been a fave of mine since Persuasion - and I liked how he acted this part / how he was written. That’s all I’ll ever say about Caesar - character or historical figure. There are at least another half a dozen characters in this series I might’ve mentioned too. I must rewatch it one of these days.

8. Gannicus from Starz Spartacus. Dustin Clare is an old time favourite from waaaay back when I was persuaded to watch McLeod’s Daughters - really bingeable but quite trashy Aussie TV - sorry to any fans - but it really is. I so enjoyed his vibes and he brings all of that to Gannicus and it just works so well for the character. Pure cheekiness, and when he does this face 🥺 chefs kiss. Side note - I will pretty regularly say some variation of ‘my cock rages on’ about the most random stuff so - thanks to this character for that gem lol.

9. Johnny Spit from the movie Gettin Square. Yeah this is left field and I seriously doubt there’s a fandom for it - but what a character - quintessentially Australian deadbeat, (played by David Wenham). There’s a courtroom scene that kills me every time. I hope he got square, for good this time.

10. Kenny from Mad Men. I don’t even know how to explain it, I just want to protect him and he doesn’t even deserve it, and he wouldn’t have thanked me for it - maybe it was just the way everyone else was just an asshole about his writing. I want to know more about the short story about the egg. I could’ve picked almost any other character from this show though. They’re all so good/bad for their own reasons.

I made it! Haha! I have no idea who to tag - I think the only people who usually join in have already been tagged - so I’ll just add a few and call it ten. Sorry for any double ups.

No pressure at all - @nemo-of-house-frye @theinkandthesea @liminalspacecowboah @cyrus-the-younger @myriath

[chiefwritesbook]

it's time for a writeblr (re)intro

Hi

(I swear I never know how to write these BUT)

My name is Chief. I publish under T.C. Smith and I write SFF with a sprinkle of romance & political drama. I have a cat and two birds (they do not get along). I published a book last year and it's vv exciting (link here or smth if you're curious). I should probably also add at this point that this is a side blog which means I cannot follow you back directly - I will instead follow back via my main blog @the-chiefster.

In terms of hobbies, I am a hobby collector, which largely means I have more hobbies than I know what to do with and far too much impulse not to buy crafting supplies despite not needing them. I do digital art which I mostly post on my main, and here are some arts of my blorbos to break up the undoubtedly long text wall.

I also like to make chainmail. This came as a surprise to myself when I discovered that I actually enjoy it because I have approximately zero patience and linking together individual rings together until it resembles jewellery doesn't seem like something I would enjoy, but alas. I'd post some pictures of my chainmail stuff but it's all on my phone and I have none photography skill so they all kinda suck anyway.

My third and final hobby of note is gaming, and my current hyperfixation just so happens to be Baldur's Gate 3. As of the time of writing I recently lost a 43 hour honour run to fkn Orin the Red of all bosses and to make things worse it was a completely preventable loss if I didn't get greedy with hits. I have a foot in many game fandoms but notable ones include Genshin Impact, Dishonored, and The Legend of Zelda.

Please also enjoy this perfect setup from my dead BG3 honour run where every single ghost in the sacrifice chamber lined up for Shadowheart's Turn Undead.

Anyway, about my actual writing - I will have a proper WIP intro for my main WIP at some point (linked here once I make it) and here is a master post for the worldbuilding in said WIP. If, however, you are like me and the ADHD brain won't let you sit through a bigass tumblr post without getting distracted, please enjoy the below tl;dr

SOTAL follows the story of Talin, an elven queen who inherited an entire war along with the kingdom she's ruling over and now has to sort through an entire court conspiracy, all while trying her hardest to make sure that her people don't all get eaten by angry demon werewolves. Tragically, despite her best efforts, she falls in love with her bodyguard (who is definitely not a werewolf btw) and ends up falling even deeper down the black hole of court conspiracy and generally doing her best to keep people in the kingdom alive. Some shit goes down, lots of murder happens, everyone comes away from it traumatised.

I have now run out of things to ramble about, so if you made it this far, congrats. Have a cookie 🍪. Also go follow my art main @the-chiefster if you want.

[aeoki]

Seven Bridges - Love and Peace?: Chapter 15

Location: Yumenosaki Rooftop Characters: Adonis, Kouga, Arashi & Hitsugi

TL Note:

Arashi’s surname, Narukami (鳴上), can also mean “lighting and thunder (鳴神)” although it differs by one character.

Kouga: Hey! What’re you doin’, Adonis!?

Adonis: Oh, Oogami.

Kouga: Don’t give me that~! Why’re you so calm!? No one should be allowed up on the rooftop!

Adonis: You’re right. Previously, the school rules didn’t state it was banned to do so, but it was only to the level that it wasn’t recommended to come up here.

The rules are getting stricter by the day. From a positive point, it’s heading in a good direction. From a negative point, it’s an inconvenience.

Kouga: Yeah! But even though this is how the times have changed, we’ve got no choice but to go along with it and that’s pretty annoyin’, right!? It ain’t cool at all!

But others tend to think we’re bad people just ‘cause we’re that “type” of person! You should watch what you say and do!

And don’t make me scold you like this of all things!

Adonis: Right, I apologise. If you’re angry, Oogami, that must mean I’ve done something wrong.

But please allow me to make an excuse. I wasn’t the first person to come up here – it was Narukami.

I was worried about Narukami so I came up here to check.

Kouga: Huuh? Ari~?

Arashi: …………

Kouga: What’re ya doin’, Ari~? Are you here in a high place and wanting to strike down like lighting ‘cause that’s what your name sounds like[∗]? What’re you, stupid!?

Arashi: …You’re always so full of energy, huh, Kouga-chan.

Kouga: That a bad thing, huuuh!? I actually haven’t been able to sing however I like in “UNDEAD”, so I’ve got way too much energy left over!

God dammit, I’m gonna explode at this rate!

Adonis: Yeah. Our graduated upperclassmen have started walking the variety show path and a lot of the school events aren’t in our “style”.

If we came up with our own event, the “producer” in charge would change it to something that Ooogami dislikes and his frustrations would continue to pile up instead.

Kouga: Yeah! I wanna put on a rock performance that’ll shake everyone’s souls! Who do they think they are, talkin’ to me about the audience or my awareness as an idol!?

To hell with those things!

I don’t wanna be a pretty packaged “product by the name of an idol” – what I’m aimin’ for is my ideal self!

Wait, why am I talkin’ about myself in this downpour!? Is this some kinda cheap melodrama!?

Adonis: No, you’re actually helping me a lot by rambling on and on. A while ago, neither Narukami nor I had a choice but to stay silent.

Kouga: …What happened?

Adonis: I don’t know either. But Narukami looks very depressed.

Arashi: …………

Hitsugi: We made it~! *Pant, wheeze* Idols are so fit! I couldn’t keep up with them at all!

Adonis: Hm? You’re–

Hitsugi: Ah! My saviour! Thank you so much back then! I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t save me!

Adonis: No, I didn’t do anything of that sort. I’m glad to see you’re well.

Arashi: Hitsugi-chan… and Anzu-chan.

Hitsugi: That’s me! I’m honoured you remember me!

Arashi: Say, since you’re both from the “producer course”, do you know who came up with this year’s “Tanabata Fest”? It’s not you, is it, Anzu-chan…?

Hitsugi: Huh? We just had a talk about that in the student council room!

Anzu-senpai got scolded a lot because it wasn’t something that she would come up with!

Arashi: I see… I wondered if that was the case. “Tanabata Fest” is the event that brought Anzu-chan a lot of recognition, after all.

So I wondered if it was Anzu-chan who planned it and would be the one to oversee it.

I made the guess but I didn’t want to believe it.

Tell me, Anzu-chan. Just why…?

Why? You’re a sweet girl but how can you trample over something that someone cherishes so easily like that…?

Hitsugi: ………?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Time for me to ramble about The Wingfeather Saga to try and distract myself from my depression and the fact that I’m sick and miserable!

~*Spoilers*~ for all the books

*

Okie so in the 3rd Wingfeather show episode Tink calls Peet old and I just. I just wanna address that for a second because it’s been poking around in my mind ever since. xD

So here’s what I think the ages of the adults in the Wingfeather Saga are as based on the kid’s ages, how long it’s been since Anniera fell and logic:

Let’s start with Esben and Nia. Since their kiddos were very little when Anniera fell (Janner was only three) it follows that they were also quite young, I’m gonna say mid-20′s, around 24-25. Nine years later that’d make them 33-34 years old, which seems logical.

I headcanon that Artham and Esben have the same age gap as Janner and Kal, so assuming Artham is only a year older than his brother that’d put him at about 25-26 (my age ;-;) when Anniera fell and 34-35 during the events of the series. That’s. That’s not old. Even if you headcanon him as several years older than Esben (say 3 or so) he’d still be in his 30′s.

(I’m not knocking Tink btw, he’s 11 and everyone’s old when you’re a little kid, especially weird guys with whitish gray hair that you don’t know are related to you.)

I don’t have any concrete idea of how old Podo is and it bothers me, Leeli in book 4 keeps saying he’s like, really old, but she’s also 9 so that’s probably not reliable. Assuming Nia’s in her 30′s during the books Podo is probably(?) in his mid-late 60′s. (Especially since we know he did a LOT when he was young, he ran with the Stranders, he was a pirate, and when he came to the Hollows he said he never sailed again until he traveled to Anniera for Nia’s wedding). I feel like Wendolyn was younger than him by maybe 5-6 years since she isn’t married when they meet, despite being an attractive and well-to-do young woman.

Mentioning grandparents, has anyone else ever wondered where the HECK Artham and Esben’s parents are? Like, they’re barely even mentioned in the books, I think we actually learn their names from a genealogy Janner gets from Oskar/the Great Library. And this is especially weird when you consider that Podo and Wendolyn are actively helping Nia and the kids escape when Anniera falls. That, and Esben is king already when Anniera falls and unless their parents had kids when they were older (which is possible) they won’t be that old and Idk why his dad wouldn’t still be ruling. Like, why pass the throne off to your 20-something son if you don’t have to? Why not train him more?

So here’s what I think happened to Jru and Nala Wingfeather: I think Bonifer killed them. Not Bonifer himself, of course, but I think he arranged their deaths in some way. It would be pretty easy, tbh, to have an “accident” where they died. All you’d need to do would be hire some pirates to attack a ship they’re sailing on, or sabotage the ship so that it sank once it set sail.

Bonifer would have several good motives for this, I think. First and foremost, it’s going to be much easier for him to trick Esben, a brand-new, very young, king into believing his lies than an older, more experienced, king and queen. Not that I think Esben (or Artham) was an idiot, but Bonifer has had a really long time to learn how to lie and be a terrible person, and the younger you are the more likely you are to fall for stuff like that (generally speaking, there are always exceptions. like, I don’t think Maraly would have been easily tricked by Bonifer’s shenanigans because she grew up with the Stranders who are a bunch of lying tricksters. Meanwhile, Janner was tricked because he grew up among trustworthy and loving adults. Same thing with Esben and Artham).

Second, it’s possible that Jru and/or Nala had learned something that made them suspicious of Bonifer or were close to finding something about Gnag/the Fangs that would have ruined their plans, so Bonifer had them killed. Again, it’s really easy to set up an “accident”, especially when sailing is involved.

And finally, Bonifer just. really hates the Wingfeathers. Because he’s got issues. So of course he’d try to cause them all the suffering he could.

So, yeah, that’s why I think Esben and Artham’s parents aren’t around/aren’t mentioned in the books. Also my headcanons about ages.

[chronostachyon]

Came across your responses to the post about spiderverse nimona and anarchism\communism, loved the tags too, thank you for your responses!

This is long and mostly not related to your ask, but since you liked my tag ramble I thought I'd share my deeper thoughts on the matter.

Firstly, I think anarchists and MLs waste so much energy by fighting amongst ourselves rather than paying attention to the fact that we hold more beliefs in common than anything. I suspect there's a lot of disinfo from capitalist regimes to try to divide us; we know for a fact thanks to FOIA that the US government (CIA and FBI) has infiltrated both in the past, in order to keep us divided and bickering! Both the anarchist and ML camps have bad actors, many of which are being encouraged by imperialist plants, capitalist propaganda, and/or the unquenchable human instinct for groupthink, but there are a lot of genuinely good people doing genuinely good work in both camps too, and it makes me sad that we don't work together more often.

One of the reasons I consider myself an anarcho-communist, rather than a Marxist-Leninist or pure Marxist of any stripe, is because of an insight I got from Marx himself! Among their many reading sources, anarchists should read Marx too! But Marx also got bogged down in the idea that revolution had to be a process achieved through violent overthrow of the capitalist state, and replacing it with a new state, rather than eroding the capitalist state at the foundations until it washed away as he'd originally envisioned in his Manifesto / Das Kapital era. He also lost sight of the fact that alienation of labor, as he originally envisioned it, is not merely about alienation from the profits of labor, but alienation from the purpose of labor: working on something because someone in charge tells you to work on it is inherently dehumanizing, no matter how the profits are distributed. We need a personal connection to our labor, to personally see the ways in which our labor benefits our community! Even under Lenin and Mao, the USSR and PRC were alienating laborers from their own labor by assigning jobs to them instead of letting them pick and choose among the jobs that needed to be done.

And the very concept that some people deserve to rule over others, to lord over them with "superior information" and tell them what to do, is inherently kyriarchal and eugenics-adjacent, making it very easy to slide into red-brown fascism and to perpetuate sexist/racist/queermisic/ableist beliefs. Everybody gets it wrong sometimes! Marx, Lenin, Mao, Trotsky, but anarchist writers too! The more power you concentrate into fewer hands, the worse the consequences when we inevitably make mistakes, and then we have the instinctual human response to not want to admit that we fucked up and to pretend that the mistake never happened, and the bigger the scope of the harm the stronger that instinct is when it kicks in.

(It's also weird the sheer number of MLs who stan Putin's capitalist kleptocracy in 2023, as if communism and capitalism themselves were always just strategies in a global football game between empires over whether the East or the West deserved total power over everyone else in the world. I can honestly understand China stans more than Russia stans, because China is at least nominally still communist, even if it abandoned Maoism ages ago. But MLs really should be pointing more at Cuba or Vietnam than at any imperial power if they want to convince us that statist communism can actually work for the people.)

[circular-jerkular]

Compromise In-System: 18+ Edition

For this (incredibly long) post, I wanted to discuss how various parts can feel about sex, and how we, specifically, found compromises -- as well as a few other options for compromise at the end. Keeping in mind -- hello, this is Numb, a part designed entirely to have us numb our emotions and feel nothing. This, obviously, included pleasure. My only goal was to keep us safe by not letting us feel at all, and being quite smug about that.

Enter: Curtis (who co-wrote this post).

TL;DR (for those uninterested in an enormous ramble):

Regardless of how unsafe it can feel, it is vitally important to reach compromises with your parts and make them feel welcomed. This includes parts who are seeking sexual gratification. Making those parts feel welcomed to be sexual is crucial to make them feel welcomed in other areas. This can help lower dissociative barriers, help strengthen communication, and... okay, yes, lead to some fun sexual things.

Numb: Bear with me, as this post will be primarily me rambling about my love for my in-sys husband. The thing is, I did not start out loving him. When Curtis first consciously became part of the system -- there's a time before that, but it's unimportant to this story -- he split to hold the sexual desires we were facing toward people (of any gender, which is where the most controversy in our system arose) and the gender identity issues we were facing. And, frankly, he was horny as hell. He often would front just to check out people on campus, as we were in college and no longer a minor, and suddenly, he could fuck around. And he wanted to fuck around. He wanted to do incredibly unsafe things, because we were finally free from our abusers, and he was rebelling in the loudest way possible -- that is, by trying to get dicked down.

And, each and every time he set out with that intention, I stopped him. Which... was frustrating for us both, to say the least.

Curtis: I wouldn't say I hated hated Numb -- but I thought he needed to lighten the fuck up. What could one, safe, consensual fuck really do to hurt me? (A lot. It could've hurt me a lot. I had a lot of sexual trauma that I was ignoring, or using to make myself feel "cool" in some ways. Because I was still a teenager and still just doing my best.) Numb was the nagging voice in the back of my head reminding me that my body was shared, and so, if I wanted to fuck, I needed everyone else's consent.

That's where the first compromise really came up, and it wasn't quite a compromise. "None of us have consented, so you have to avoid sex." This isn't necessarily a bad discussion to have -- it can really help some overly sexual parts calm their tits a bit. But it left me with no outlet, and I really needed one. I was getting pent up, and angrier, and I was also severely depressed. I needed something to feel more... okay. More like who I really was (an incredibly sexual individual).

Numb: Cue him trying to bend the rules as much as possible. Primarily, with... some... er. We'll just boil it down to "very kinky self-play" for ease of this post, and so we can save that particular kink for another post of its own. Now, while the other parts were... mostly okay with this (some more than others), I was firmly against this. There were too many variables: what if our roommate walked in on us, or our parents tried to call while we were "in the moment," so to speak? There were too many things for me to plan for, and so, I spoke with him repeatedly to try and dissuade him away from masturbation.

Curtis: This, clearly, did not work, cause I took one look at this stiff ass man and went "Alright -- what if it's all in my head then? Let's fuck, me and you."

Numb: Now, we don't mean that legitimately (yet). We mean that he mostly saw me as someone he could aggravate via aggressive flirtation, and yes, that was accurate. I was disgusted by the idea. Particularly, he was someone who was purposely trying to upset me via pleasure, via emotions, and I'm not good with those. Or, at least, back then, I wasn't. And he riled me up, which is what he wanted -- if I was angry, I was different, and that meant he was making an impact on me and getting the attention he wanted. And, conversely, he wasn't going out to fuck because he was enjoying arguing with me so much.

Oddly enough, this did reach yet another compromise. We had a few along the way, sort of in this order:

No, you may not fuck or have any sexual desires.

You can fuck yourself, so long as you do not fuck others, and so long as it is according to everyone else's preferences.

You may argue with me about fucking yourself or flirt with me, so long as it prevents you from actually fucking.

The thing being, over time, I did grow to have feelings for Curtis. This is understandable, as I began to realize he was more than just his sexual desires. He was a very hurt person, same as the rest of the parts with me, and he was hurting more than the ones I could currently access. Only, he wouldn't let me numb that emotion; I couldn't protect the stubborn fool-- he would push me away and let the feeling grow worse and worse until he just... combusted. And this culminated in some incredibly traumatizing moments.

Curtis: Woohoo, October is a Traumaversary! Didn't expect the sexual alter to have a backstory, huh?

Anyways, I constantly pushed him away, despite the fact that he could always numb those emotions if I just let him. After all, he'd been handling Wade's bullshit for years -- but even when I did let him numb my feelings, it didn't help -- because that was just... hurting me. What it finally took in the end, as always, was communication.

Numb: We stopped arguing and I really started to listen to what I thought was always bait or simply fodder for an argument. I began to hear and recognize just how much this man hated himself, but moreover, how he wanted to feel that. How his emotions made him feel alive, and present, and while they sucked and made him want to die, at least they confirmed he was real, that we weren't insane. I began to understand that his emotions were him living as loudly as he could, and while it wasn't healthy, perhaps -- just maybe -- my way wasn't any healthier either.

So, we continued to find compromises. I didn't numb his pain so long as he let me comfort him in other ways. Holding him while he screamed, fixing his wounds innerworld when the time came for that to be needed; we worked together. This was long before any semblance of "recovery" was on our minds; we simply saw each other as equals, hurting and trying our bests, wishing to help another person. And... well. He needed someone who understood all that, needed someone to help him, who loved him in that way.

One thing led to another, and here we are now, madly and deeply in love. And yes, we do have sex. We'll make a longer post at some point detailing how innerworld sex can, in fact, exist, in many forms. For the purposes of this post, it's enough to merely say it happens. And it's something we enjoy, because we've come to realize through these compromises and through these conversations between us that it is safe. Sex can be safe in ways Curtis never tried for, and for ways I refused to even consider.

Curtis: Now, the reason we rambled about our whole romantic (blugh) fling is... Well, so many systems I talk to nowadays talk about conflict innerworld. They talk about that One Part who just Won't Listen and will NEVER listen, and... Jesus christ y'all, we do be having sexual trauma. There are a LOT of hypersexual systems out there. And I feel like people don't talk enough about how their sexual desires as parts need to be compromised with, same as all the other things.

Had Numb not compromised with me on the sexual stuff -- just by letting me, be me, in the safest ways possible -- then Wade wouldn't have ever tried having sex. He wouldn't know he's trans now, because I was the one who did the gender stuff. If I hadn't have felt safe compromising and communicating with Numb, I wouldn't have let him help me with my depression, and he wouldn't have let me feel it, and I would've just kept spiraling over and over again.

Because he let me find ways to be myself -- yes, sexually -- I could be myself in other ways. Which, in turn, has led to lowered dissociative barriers.

So...

Compromise, bitches. Try it.

[spellbook-gayboy]

9? :]

9.

"Oh, you and me both!" Ian sighed, rubbing at his temple. "To be honest, I don't actually... celebrate Christmas like everyone else."

"Really?" Heloise asked, "Maybe it's just the Suburbia in my parents, but they always went all out when Christmas came. Even after I learned what I was."

The wizard pulled another line of tinsel from the box, spitting a little out of his mouth from how much came out and bunched up into his arms. "Eh, it's more of a personal thing, anyway. My childhood didn't facilitate any kind of celebration, but none of the people I surround myself with are even remotely Christian." He said, now plucking a wide array of different baubles out from the same box. "Hey, are you gonna help me with this?"

"No. Should I?"

Ian rolled his eyes. "Never mind. But like I was saying, my boyfriend's family are Buddhists, my mentor slash mother figure is a non-practicing Shi'a Muslim, most of my peers either worship spirits or their ancestors, and me? Me existing probably goes against half of what the Catholic Church tells people!" He rambled to his friend, grumbling when one of the baubles fell out of his hand, bouncing along the floor and out of sight. "Hell, I'm only doing this cause Rex is out on a mission!"

"Really? Well, D and me aren't allowed to celebrate in the laboratory anymore cause of some stupid rule about 'workplace safety." Heloise replied, checking the paint of their nails wasn't chipped or scratched in any noticeable way. "The things I have to put up with from these old grouches. Next thing I know, they'll be telling me that the morgue's off-limits!"

"Y'know," Ian started, looking at his friend with a deeply concerned expression, "the way you show your grievance and yet keep it vague also is genuinely one of the most quietly terrifying statements I've heard in the past six months."

"Part of my charm, I guess."

[zhongrin]

uhm. good question. as of now, no. but i can't rule the possibility out yet until i finish the game up to the current quest hahah

(my ramblings got long so i'm putting it utc)

just from what i've heard and seen, i can see myself falling for jing yuan (and even now my friends are trying to make me simp for him orz). and uhm. his. his battle voicelines + moves + ult are… ough…. *blushes* ..... then again it's either onoD…. i'm weak……….. (this is seriously wriothesley all over again hsdfljskdljfldf)

welt is… i'm unsure. big question mark. i do like his voice (hosoyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ohhhh my godddddd) and his seemingly nurturing nature, but as of now i can't see him as husband material?? he's certainly interesting tho, i remember long time ago my brother said he's one of the characters that came from honkai impact? or had some kind of relationship to that franchise? like he's canonically crossing universes or something?? i forgot the details oop

gepard, i doubt so. i don't see him as a husband. to borrow some friends' words, so far he seems too vanilla hsdlkflskd i'd love to have him as a brother though. his family looks fun. also, being serval's little sister? hell yeah!

sampo is actually a pretty interesting character in my eyes rn!!! hirarin is PERFECT for the role! (which daisuke will join hsr cast next? my bet's on namikawa- /smacked) and based from what i've seen so far, i'm somehow having suspicions that there's something going on with his "identity" for some reason?? the way he refers to himself in 3rd person is setting off headcanons in my head (though interestingly, some of the jp voicelines omits that even though it's there in the english text). but husband…. hmm. i can't really see it, the dynamic doesn't really work hahah

also the obvious man would be dan heng, and while his dragon form(?) looked really cool in combat, his normal self doesn't really make me go AAAAAAAH, so.... uhmm. we'll see about that i guess.

potentially so far, characters i find interesting:

blade: idk if anyone remembers, but i did go "owo who's that" when dash was simping for him long time ago. and i. i heard his voice. in combat. and uhm. i. uhm. shdlfjskldjfs

ratio: mostly because everyone keeps saying he's similar to al haitham but with several differences. and again, his combat voicelines sent me hahahah

gallagher: dilf wrio hot. ty for coming to my ted talk

boothill: hhhis. en voice. ogh. also it's funny to think of dating cyborgs as a software developer ok don't judge me /silly

are you gonna change your blog theme soon?

wait what who's changing blog themes???? no no no hskdjskdj

as things stand now, i don't think i will... i'm attached to the teahouse concept and i don't really find joy in changing themes and such (yall probably noticed this hahah)

and if this is related to that hsr poll, as i've said in the post, currently i'm not simping (like down bad, down bad) for any of the hsr men, so i don't want to write them, let alone change my theme for them hahah.

i'm just going to ramble about my hsr gameplay for now and see how it goes. if i do ended up simping, then i might consider writing for that fandom (in which case i might tweak my theme a bit, i guess??). but if not then we're going back to the regular genshin program /silly

[gingerteaonthetardis]

☕️ time! Thoughts on (any or all!)

1. Catherine Hardwicke’s iconique blue tint/the general vibe of twilight vs the other three (ugh, fine, the other four)

2. A film/tv show where the soundtrack made the film/tv show what it was (not really an opinion but I don’t make the rules I just don’t follow them)

3. Tentoo! I remember reading a while back (I think it was you? If not VERY awkward and I only ask forgiveness) that something about Tentoo didn’t settle with you bc it felt like a plot device and I HARD agreed and always wanted to hear a little more about your thoughts

But no pressure to answer all of these or even any ones in particular! Enjoy your caffeine

oh man, you've opened the floodgates, loup!! i'm gonna put my answers below the cut, just for the sake of everyone's dashes.

clown time!!!

☕ listen, i love the blue tint!!! i love the blue tint, it activates my nostalgia in such a profound way that when i look outside on greyish blueish days, i feel inexpressibly cozy. i think it is one of those iconic and super fun things that makes people remember the color correction in twilight more strongly than the other films.

but!! my hot take is that new moon also has a completely lovely palette that really reflects bella's entry into the beauty of the more human world... the shots of her driving to la push, with the flash of her sunset orange truck against the verdant green? her and jacob in endless coordinating earth tones?? the hazy golden light around them as they ride their bikes?? the fact that all the wolves look so fluffy and warm that i literally do not care if they have sharp teeth, i will be cuddling them at the first available opportunity?????

(the series is seriously lacking on wolf cuddling. it annoys me on a number of levels. affection for my wolfpack, please!!!!!!!)

idk, i think the color story of new moon is really powerful and lovely. it begins a general trend toward warming the series up, which... is a little bit frustrating, considering the narrative. it means they chose to warm the cullens up, in order to make them more appealing and less obviously Dead, when i appreciated the contrast between her world with edward—blue and cold and beautiful in a way you flinch back from but yearn for—and her world with jacob—a world with life, growth, warmth.

(i've decided that every time i ramble about twilight, i have to donate a dollar to the quileute move to higher ground campaign. think i'm up to $5 for the month.)

☕ oh my god, please don't judge me, but i the first example that jumps to my mind is the freaking......... vampire diaries???? the cw has this ability to choose these outrageous songs to go along with these poignant emotional moments, songs that you will one day hear in a department store and that will make you randomly start flushing, because so-and-so had their first kiss to this song!! or this was the song they played when so-and-so got into that fight that almost destroyed their relationship with so-and-so!!

it's one of those shows where the music choices aren't necessarily good, but they are incredibly impactful, and i still listen to a lot of those songs to this day just because of the way they make me feel!

☕ yeah, so, tentoo has definitely never sat right with me. that isn't to say that i don't see what rtd was doing with him as a narrative tool (i do), that i don't enjoy writing him (i do), or that i can't comprehend other people liking him and being satisfied with rose's ending (i totally do). it's more like... for me, he is both a frustratingly convoluted and incredibly easy answer to what should have been a more weighted question: how do you move on when the love of your life is in a different universe, living day after day without you? how do you move on from the doctor?

the answer we were ultimately given was, "well, you don't. you marry his biological metacrisis who conveniently has the same lifespan as you." which feels like a disservice. it feels like a band-aid over a bullet wound. i want, "maybe you never do, and you learn to grow around the hole in your chest, because that's what life is. life is having regrets and hurts and still moving forward." or i want, "one step at a time. you learn to love again someday, maybe differently than before, but just as good." or i want, "you don't. you don't move on. you search for what you truly want, all the way to the ends of every universe, because you don't just give up. you don't just let things happen. you make a stand. you say 'no.' you have the guts to do what's right, when everyone else just runs away."

tentoo can be used well in stories by fantastic writers who move me to actual tears, yes. and i can appreciate that people love him. but i find his narrative existence—'a copy of the doctor, just for rose'—a lazy answer to an important question.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Noise Complaint

Stiles Stilinski Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Navigation

Summary: Keeping multiple hormone enraged students in a motel for a night wasn’t going to end well for anyone, except them

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Female Reader, mentioned Scott McCall x Allison Argent

Warnings: 18+ minors dni if you do then I take no responsibility, smut, strip tease, protected sex, vaginal penetration, and a noise complaint

The motel room was exactly what you had expected, shabby rather than chic, and despite the low expectations that you had initially had, you couldn't help but pout; a part of you was more lenient to sleep on the school bus instead of these already combusted mattresses that were dressed in the most hideous sheets that you had ever laid your eyes on. But you supposed that this was the punishment that you had earned yourself by tagging along with Lydia and Allison; it hadn't quite been a fool proof plan, more so considering that it hadn't taken Stiles long to realise that you three were in the vehicle behind them. The room that you had been given the key to was a single, and it haunted and disgusted you as he said that you were to be sleeping in this horror setting alone; no Stiles he had meant.

It wasn't justified fairness, you'd even argue that it commended against your human rights. But old Bobby enjoyed to make everyone suffer, and that was the type of pain that you were undergoing as you dealt with the separation that - hold that thought, a notification sprang from the speaker of your phone, and as you read the iMessage that bombarded your lock screen, excitement coursed through your veins. Open up, it said, and giddily you hurried to the door, instantly obliging to what the message had said. On the other side stood Stiles who didn't waste a moment before he pushed the both of you back into the room, being quick to ensure that nobody saw the both of you blatantly disobeying the rules. To be honest you didn't know what Finstock had expected, bringing well over a handful of hormonal teenagers to stay at a dingy motel overnight couldn't possibly respect the restrictions of chastity; nobody was going to listen, including Stiles and yourself.

"Let me guess, you couldn't sleep?" You crawled onto the bed after your boyfriend who had gone up the length of the mattress to rest his head upon the flat pillows that had been provided, weaving yourself beneath his arm and dancing your fingers across his chest. "You're still worried about Scott, aren't you?" The scratch that the alpha had left on him was nasty, and went further than surface deep. His worry towards his best friend was understandable, you were concerned too. Stiles hummed in reply, combing his long fingers through your hair, his body shifting as he found it quire difficult to go on considering everything that was going on.

"He's gone to see Allison now." Stiles revealed, it was no doubt that if Scott had remained in their room that he'd have stayed too. They weren't just best friends, they were brothers and that bond would always be his first priority, you had never met anybody as loyal as Stiles Stilinski. "But I could use a distraction from all the sacrifices and alphas and whatever else is going to happen." He rambled, his hands tossing about a little as he spoke, and you found the action rather adorable, he was always very expressive as he spoke, in fact the two of you had met first day of freshman year by him whipping you around the face with his flying hands, and it had been rather hard to forget him since you had a black eye for the rest of the week.

"I've got the perfect thing in mind." You informed him, coercing him to grumble as you got up, searching for your phone and scrolling on it until you came across the playlist that you had created for a moment like this. 'Hands to myself' began to play, perking Stiles up as he watched you stand by the end of the bed, dragging your own hands up your body, prompting him to lick his lips that were feeling rather dry. He sat upright as you slowly peeled the shirt up to reveal your bare skin until you were dressed in nothing more than your bra and shorts and walking closer to Stiles. The music was quite loud, drowning out any sounds of Stiles' laboured breaths that he was trying to control, it made you feel strong seeing the affect that you had upon him, and only served to encourage you more to act more deviously. Your thumbs tucked into the elastic band of your shorts, toying with them, the sight alone had the poor yet lucky boy before you feel lightheaded.

The first time that you had actually performed a strip tease for Stiles, he had literally fainted; looking back on that time was quite funny, more so since you had been sworn to secrecy by the victim himself when he groggily came back to consciousness. But it had become the faintest memory in Stiles' head as your shorts piled around your feet, he couldn't help but lean forwards, his eyes delicately tracing the sultry edges of your underwear. Drool began to seep out from the corner of his mouth whence you played with the frills that decorated your panties, hips still swaying as your hand that was not dancing along the front of your left thigh was swimming in your hair as your tongue deliciously ran across your teeth.

"You're so hot." Stiles murmured, his leg began to jitter against the ground as his body endured the rush of desire. "Come here baby, need you." Sweetly you tip toed over to him and placed your hands onto his shoulders, taking a seat of placement upon his aroused lap, feeling his hard cock through the layers of material which separated each of the parts of your bodies that hungered to unite in a rouse of passion. The music faded away from your sense whilst his eyes ravenously scaled up your bare torso, his hands were starved as they refused to miss an opportunity to touch any skin on your body that they possibly could - no doubt he was struggling to keep his hands to himself.

You didn't mind in the slightest as you fiddled with the straps on your loose shoulders, reaching behind you Stiles disconnected the clasps on the back of your bra, to which obeyed his command by dropping the garment between your bodies, only serving to build misdemeanour tension within the room. Both of your hands ravelled in his dark locks that he had allowed to grow out not so long ago as he threw your bra to the floor, raising his large and desirable palms to cup both your breasts, becoming vastly more turned on by feeling the natural weight in his grip. Leaning down, you hungrily joined your lips in a sloppily paced kiss which remained elongated in time for a while, your bodies rutting in unison to build up pressure to which was called pleasure. Thank god for Scott for not being over Allison, otherwise this event would never have fitted the occasion!

Soon the rest of your and his clothes were scattered around the room like an image from a spot the difference game, though if it were a then it'd have definitely have been R-rated as the pair of you were completely in the nude, Stiles now atop of you and teasing his cock head upon your sweet clit. He ran his tip up and down your slit, collecting wetness, the notion alone causing you to drop your head back into the pillow supporting you as your eyes deliriously fluttered closed. But they fixated open no more than a minute later as a disastrous thought bombarded your mind, leading you to tightly grip your boyfriend’s forearms and dig your nails a little into his flesh, all to refrain him from going further for a moment. “Do you have a condom?” He blinked multiple times before springing into action.

Despite it resulting in you and him groaning simultaneously, he stir up so that he could rummage through his belongings until he found one. Once he did he wasted no more time and instead put the contraceptive method onto his length and resumed his previous position. Your legs twitched and coiled around him as he began to push into your walls, his right hand roughly grabbing the back of your thigh to bring some pain upon your body to mix with the exonerating pleasure that shuttled through it. The collaboration of your bodies was heaven with the bitterness of hell that raked through them via the bruising grip below your ass, the passion transcended into the clouds from aggressive and hungry flames, creating a breathless hue to burn beneath your flesh. Each breath that pardoned out from Stiles' panting lips scorned your skin, he was desperate for release and was feeling close, his quickening thrusts only made the endurance of your orgasm slacken as everything around you felt as though it was crashing down.

There was a storm within the room, the lightning struck above both of you in the form of a bulb with faulty wire as the thunder resonated in pounding, which you could not register as such, against the door to the motel room. The music that you had earlier put on acted as a soundtrack to the scene, and your sounds of ecstasy dwindled down into as you reached the climax to the intimate story that you had shared with Stiles. "Stilinski! Y/l/n! Open up but only if you're decent." The level of the music was still loud and therefore you hoped that the lyrics of Ariana Grande and other artists that had recently performed on your playlist had masked your moans of synchronised pleasure but you knew that that specific hope was far too good to be true.

And so you and Stiles scrambled to cover yourselves and answer the door as Finstock began to rampantly knock again. He was like a flu that you couldn't get rid of, and it was no surprise to when you eventually opened up the door it looked as though he had caught a fever. It was a blessing to his ears that the variety of sounds had ceased including those that had exhumed from your phone that was now somewhere on the floor. "The two of you are one of the reasons that I drink." Bobby defeatedly spoke, waving his finger like a madman to which it was already believable prior that he was one. You cocked your head waiting for him to scold the of you more however Stiles had already beaten him to it, silencing him with his natural wit in the moment. "In my defence I am only here because I felt lonely, nobody else is in my room." He practically dubbed Scott in the trouble, but you also knew that Stiles had the intention of having someone check up on his best friend and so he was using Bobby as the surrogate to do so.

Coach's face crinkled, this was more work than he was cut out for, and he wasn't enjoying a moment of it. At least he didn't have to worry about Greenberg as he strongly doubted that he had the moved to get into such a compromising position with any other example of the human species, he'd just be yelled at because he was annoying and an absolute kiss ass all whilst being terrible at lacrosse. "Wait, where is McCall?" He was slowly putting the pieces together... if there was another noise complaint then he'd be at fault since he was the adult, and so he rushed off in hopes of not having to succumb to responsibility. The opportunity arose to shut the door and so you took it, and Stiles dropped his head in relief as he hurriedly began to remove his jeans again. "Oh thank god." He sighed when he dropped them and you laughed when you realised that it was not his intent to continue what you were doing beforehand but instead the condom the condom that he had forgone and forgotten to remove in the rush of things.

[marvelous-harry]

mommy kink anon here! i was thinking about something smutty, maybe some pegging, id love to read what you do with that! xx

+ mommy kink with breastfeeding please!! + Needy h waking reader up and and begging to be full

Good Morning. Harry/Fem!Reader Words: 2.1K Warnings: Mommy!Kink, Sub!Harry, MummyDom!Fem!Reader Summary: After a very nice dream, Harry wakes up very horny and needy.

Letting out a little sigh as I reached up to rub my eyes, I did a big yawn and a stretch before opening my eyes and looking down at Harry. Running my fingers through his hair, I reached for my phone while holding him close.

Harry was suckling on one of my breasts with his eyes closed while he held on loosely to my other boob with his hand.

“You’re awake early, baby,” I whispered as I saw the time on my phone. “Did you have a bad dream?” I asked as he whimpered again. Watching as Harry let my boob go as he shifted on the bed, I smirked as I felt his hard cock graze my thigh.

“Mummy,” he moaned while moving closer to me, rolling his against my thigh as he let out cute little moans.

“Ahh, I see. You didn’t have a bad dream. You had a very good dream,” I teased while stroking my hand down his chest till I got to his cock.

“Mmm, it was about you,” Harry said while looking up at me. I smiled as I could see how lost he was in his subspace, his pupils wide and his eyes looking right at me.

As I moved over on my side, I propped my head up on my arm while I kept stroking his cock slowly. “Tell me about your dream,”

Harry squirmed, his hands fidgeting on his stomach as he tried to resist touching himself. “We were in LA I think and you were playing with me, Mummy,” he explained slowly.

I hummed and let go of his cock, stroking his chest instead. “How was I playing with you, baby?” I asked, smiling when Harry grabbed my hand, holding it with one hand while running his fingers over my lines, knuckles, and bumps. I also noticed how his legs had spread slightly.

“Do I have to say?” Harry asked quietly before pulling his bottom lip in and biting down on it. I cocked my head slightly, my eyebrows furrowing. “Why don’t you want to tell me? You know you can tell Mummy everything,” I told him.

Harry blushed and dropped my hand so he could rub his eyes and cover his face. “Cause you’ll get ideas and tease me, and you tease me enough already,” he pouted.

“Baby!” I pulled his hands down and stroked his cheek. “Tell mummy how she played with you in your dream,” We looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before Harry whimpered, turned over on his side so he could press his face down into the pillow, partially hiding his face.

“Was in the living room,” Harry started quietly as he closed his eyes. I kept silent as I reached down to stroke his bum softly, smirking as he instinctively spread his legs more and pushed back into my hand.

“I was so hard, Mummy, but you wouldn’t let me touch or anything. And you kept touching yourself while I was begging you to let me do it but you wouldn’t,” Harry whimpered. “But I really wanted to, it wasn’t fair, I was asking really nicely too,” he pouted.

“I’m sure you were, baby,” I smiled. “Is this when you woke up?” I asked.

Harry shook his head. “No, Mumma, not yet,” he licked his lips and brought up one of his legs more as I stroked my fingers over his crack. “Y-you made me fuck you with your dick. And I did, was a good boy and made you cum. Mummy, please,” he whimpered as he rolled over completely on his stomach and stuck his bum in the air.

“It makes Mummy so happy to know you were a good boy for her even in your dreams,” I told him as I pressed a finger over his hole. “And that Mummy doesn’t even have to be awake to make you a whimpering, leaky little boy,” The loud whine Harry let out went straight to my pussy, making me even wetter.

“Please, Mummy, want you to fuck me, please! I’ve been a good boy for so long and I didn’t touch myself even though I really wanted to and I didn’t wake you up, I waited like a good boy,” Harry rambled, spreading his legs further apart.

Easing a finger in, I was surprised to feel how open Harry was after our little play session last night. “Must’ve fucked you good for you to be this open still,” I smirked as I pulled back, ignoring the loud whines from Harry.

“Please, so empty. Want you inside me, please Mumma,” he begged as he looked back at me. I patted his back as I got off the bed and headed over to our little dresser. Opening the top drawer, I looked inside with a grin. I had quite a selection of dildos to pick from. Grabbing my favorite harness, a dark purple faux leather one, I was about to reach for a dildo when I heard Harry coming over.

“Mummy? Can I help you put it on? Please?” He asked sweetly as he dropped to his knees, looking up at me even sweeter. I smiled and ruffled his hair before shaking my head.

“No, baby. You just keep your hands to yourself and look pretty,” I told him, grinning as his face dropped, looking very disappointed. “Don’t look so sad when Mummy’s about to fuck you, darling. If you want to help so bad, you can go get a bottle of lube and get on your back on the bed,”

Harry got up right away and rushed to do as he’d been told while I turned back to the selection of dildos and grabbed one of our medium sized ones. Putting it into the harness and securing it, I slipped my legs through the holes, pulling it up to my hips.

“You look so pretty, Mumma,” Harry said as he looked at me from the bed. Wrapping my fingers around the dildo, I gave it a few strokes before walking over to the bed while securing the harness properly.

Harry’s cock twitched against his stomach when he moaned - watching me as I got closer to him with wide eyes. “Faster, please,” he begged, his hand moving for his cock before he caught himself and grabbed onto the bed instead.

Settling on my knees, pressed right up against his crotch, I leaned over him and grabbed his face so I could kiss him fast and hard.

“Please, I need you,” Harry whispered against my lips as he lifted up his legs to his chest. “I don’t want to wait anymore, please,”

Giving his cheek a little kiss, I pushed his head to the side before moving my lips down his neck. Finding a nice little spot, I swiped my tongue over it before putting my teeth gently to his skin and started sucking gently while biting him softly.

“Fuck,” Harry groaned while wrapping his hands around me, digging his fingers into my back. Smirking, I sucked a little harder before biting down on his skin with more force, dragging my teeth over the forming mark before pulling away.

“That should bruise very nicely. Want everyone to see you mine,” I told him as I reached for the lube.

“Mmm, yours, mummy,” Harry licked his lips as he reached up and pressed down on his new hickey.

Pouring some lube onto the dildo, I rubbed it in before putting a little more lube onto my fingers. Bringing my hand down between us, I circled my fingers around his hole. “You ready?” I asked while looking at him.

“Yes! Please, I’m ready, been ready for so long, please,” Harry said loudly, trying to push back onto my fingers.

“You really sure? Like really really sure?” I asked while moving one finger over his hole and pushing ever so slightly.

Harry let out a little sob as he nodded. “Mummy, please!” he cried. “I’m ready, I promise, please. Need you,”

Taking pity on him, I slid two of my fingers into him gently. “There we go, that’s better isn’t it?” I moved my fingers back and forth slowly, spreading them slightly as I did. He looked so breathtakingly beautiful like this. All spread out. Looking so trusting, free, relaxed. Like my Harry.

Pulling my fingers out, I double-checked that the dildo was still well enough lubed up before grasping it. Lining it up with Harry’s hole, I made eye contact with him as I started to slowly push in.

“Fucking, fuck,” Harry moaned as he squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands over his head, pushing on the wall to steady himself. Biting my lip as I pulled back just a little, I moaned as I pushed back in - the tight harness rubbing against my clit so so nicely.

Moving so that I had my hands on either side of him, I hissed as Harry attached his mouth to one of my nipples while fondling my other boob eagerly. “S’ a good boy. Taking Mummy’s cock so well,” I moaned, snapping my hips back and forth.

“Love your cock, Mumma,” Harry mumbled as he moved his mouth over to my other nipple, giving it the same love as the other one.

Putting my hands on his chest, I pushed his head back on the bed so I could straighten up a bit as I started to pound into him quickly. I was so close to cumming, I just needed a little more friction on my aching clit.

“Can I cum, please? Please, need to cum,” Harry begged as the speed and the force behind my thrusts got faster and stronger.

“You know the rules, baby. Mummy cums first,” I panted, giving him a slight smirk as he grabbed onto his legs, holding the spread open for me as I let my eyes close. God, I was so close. Holding onto Harry’s hips tightly, I did one hard thrust, grinding my pussy against the harness - moving the dildo even further into Harry as I finally came with a breathy moan.

“Fuck,” I chuckled as I opened my eyes again and looked down at Harry. His cock was dripping and looked so hard, desperate for some touch and release. “Come here,” I said and leaned down, meeting him halfway before pulling him into a hard, needy kiss.

“You want to cum, baby boy?” I asked as I started moving my hips slowly again. “Fuck, yes, mummy, please,” Harry replied quickly before giving me another kiss. “Please,”

I straightened back up again, grasping his hips tightly once more. “Alright, you can touch yourself,” I told him while I started to fuck him fast, hard and deep again.

Harry’s hand had moved to his cock as soon as the words had come out of my mouth, moving his hand fast as he moaned and whined.

“Gonna cum for mummy, baby? Look so pretty with mummy’s dick in you,” I panted as I made sure to thrust in as deep as I could every time.

“Mumma!” Harry gasped loudly as he arched up into his hand and shot his cum all over his chest.

I continued to do a few smaller, slower thrusts as Harry let go off his cock and dropped his legs down on the bed, resting over my thighs. “Good boy,” I murmured as I started to gently pull out of him. I stroked his thigh as he whimpered and whined. “Shhh, it’s okay,” I told him softly. Shuffling off the bed, I quickly loosened the harness and let it slide down before I got back up on the bed.

Crawling over to Harry, I kissed him softly while pressing down on his hickey with my thumb. “I love you, baby,” I whispered against his lips while stroking his cheek. “Love you, mummy,” Harry said sleepily back. “Nap?” he asked between our little kisses. “It’s like 9 in the morning,” I laughed quietly. He just pushed his bottom lip out and whimpered.

“Alright, alright. Get the blankets,” I sighed and gave him one more kiss. Watching with a smile as Harry rolled over and grabbed the blankets off the floor, I opened my arms for him. Harry grinned as he snuggled into my arms, covering us both with blankets.

“Mmmm, sticky cum cuddles. My favorite,” I grimaced before letting out a loud laugh as Harry blew a raspberry against my neck. “Go to sleep!” I said as I gave his hair a little tug. “Yes Mummy,” Harry replied happily.

Wrapping my arms tighter around him, I closed my eyes. “Brat,” I whispered. When Harry let out a little fake snore, I grinned and hugged him tighter. I was in love with an idiot.

[hiiragi7]

Your experiences sound so incredibly similar to mine in some ways. I hope it's okay for me to ramble a little on your post.

The letter on my birth certificate was often treated more like a suggestion than a rule. My parents disagreed often on how to manage my gender expression, especially between my stepmom, a catholic woman, and my biological mom, a lesbian.

My biological mom has told me she specifically chose a gender-neutral name for me, and that she tried to raise me as gender non-conforming as possible. She said I'd never really been a girl or a boy. She purposefully never bought me anything "too girly", she didn't want me touching anything pink, and she definitely didn't want me near make-up. I was barred from anything "too feminine".

I was raised androgynously but feel as though I was treated closer to a little boy for a lot of my childhood, and with that came all the restrictive toxic expectations of masculinity. Keep your hair short, don't get too emotional, you're too tough to feel pain. Wear "boy" clothes, enjoy "boy" interests, play with "boy" toys. You don't wear make-up, you don't wear dresses, you don't wear skirts, that's not for you. You don't like the color pink, do you?

At the same time, it was acknowledged by my parents that I was a girl, if only by that word alone. I just wasn't a girl "like that". I was "basically one of the boys". My girlhood was something of a fun fact, and it was treated very differently from my youngest sister's girlhood. My little sister was given a whole range of femininity that I was never allowed, and I remember feeling very conflicted about it growing up.

Things got messy after my dad remarried my stepmom, and there was always such a thick air of tension surrounding my gender on both sides of my family. There was a 50/50 custody agreement, half the week I would spend being expected to fulfill the role of something androgynously boy-ish and half the week I would spend being expected to fulfill the role of something girl-ish.

Debate came over my hair, my clothes, who I was friends with, and just about everything about me - wars of pink and blue painted over my life.

When I was in middle school, I wanted to explore femininity (by my own choice this time), and every step of it was a fight not just within my family but with just about everyone. When I was in highschool, I once again wanted to explore gender, this time seeking to explore masculinity on my own terms, and this too was a fight - one that ended in me being kicked out of the house by my stepmom when I was 17 years old. She had always wanted me to be a girl.

My intersex characteristics further complicate my gender, not having developed quite one way or the other. I've physically transitioned in some way towards both what is referred to as femininity and masculinity.

Gender, no matter what direction, has never truly been freely given to me. It has always been something I have had to fight for. Being something in the middle has always meant I wasn't quite enough of one or the other, and that meant a lot of force in an attempt at gender conformity.

My connection to labels like transfemininity and transmasculinity or even just trans itself is complicated, and I often find it difficult to use a lot of trans terminology to describe myself despite definitely being trans because these labels and any discussion of them often is so binary and rigid and exclusionary. I see so many other trans people try to define transfem and transmasc as "it's based on your AGAB", "it's based on what gender you were socialized as", "it means having something to physically transition to", and I just don't neatly fit into any of these. The answer I would give to each of these is different, and so the definitions simply don't work for me.

I just remembered how my entire childhood was people forcing me to be masculine 🙏🏻 I was never allowed to be the mom I had to be the dad I was never allowed to have my hair long and down it has to be up because people just viewed me as this “almost boy” so it’s weird if I was feminine. The fact people looked at me weirdly more when I wore makeup and started to dress fem than when I was dressing masculine 🙏🏻 they wanted me to be a boy because it made more sense to them. Besides when I was only identifying as nonbinary I didn’t even really get odd looks or questions about being a guy people just saw it as natural like I was meant to be a guy. I think that’s why I struggle with afab = GIRL etc cuz intersex afab people can very much face these kinds of things which is why being tfem as such isn’t very out of the ordinary ? I have intersex friends and one of which is also tfem and we both have faced the same struggles. Ofc not ALL tfem afabs face this so it doesn’t apply at all to everyone but this is my experience I’m not just ….. pretending ?