#i brought up that example because far too often trans women* are shamed if they wished to bear children through pregnancy...

[uncanny-tranny]

I think this topic is underdiscussed in the trans community, so I'd like to talk about it.

It's okay for trans people to mourn that some of us don't have the option to have children the way we'd like to. It is okay if a trans woman mourns that she is unable to become pregnant, for example, and there is no reason to shame her for how she feels. Equally, I think it can be inappropriate to tell us that there are other options besides "traditional" means of conception, like adoption. We know that there are other options, and that isn't the point.

I go back and forth on if I even want to be a father, and in both mindsets, I mourn that I don't have all the options I want to have children. It sucks. It really, really sucks. And it's hard to accept that this isn't my fault or my body's fault. That's the hardest part for me. But whether or not it's hard to accept, it isn't my fault - it isn't your fault, either, if you feel the same ways I do. Our bodies and our selves aren't the problem. We are not broken because we don't have all the options we'd like.

No matter how you feel about this topic, just know... you aren't a problem or a burden. No matter what your journey looks like, happiness and fulfillment can be found, eventually.

[luckyladylily]

So I wanna talk a little about Bowsette.

Here is basically what is happening for anyone who didn’t know: In the newest mario there is a crown that turns a character (toadette) into, basically, a toadette themed Princess Peach. Someone made fan art where Bowser puts it on and he turns into a bowser themed peach, who is (because this is the internet) especially sexy. The internet called her bowsette. It has become very popular and lots of bowsette fanart has been made. Most of it is pretty inoffensive renditions of extra busty peach with sharp teeth.

Now, this is hardly the first time a sexy female version of a not sexy male character has become popular. And as such a couple highly predictable things have happened.

1. We have guys commenting about “I don’t care if this makes me gay, I find bowsette hot!”

2. We have fandom “good guys” declaring how degenerate the bowsette fan artists are for creating art of her.

These two things happen literally every time there is a character like this. This is nothing new, it is maybe the most predictable thing in the world.

It is also extremely shitty.

Number 1 is just obviously transphobia in the most blatant way. “If I find a women who used to be a dude hot does that make me gay?”. It is so surface level transphobic that it is laughable. So I am not going to get into it beyond saying that no, it does not make you gay.

Now the second point. Also extremely transphobic, but in a more subtle and I would argue far more damaging way. Also far more prevalent.

There is a stigma around male to female gender stuff in every form imaginable from real world trans people transitioning to cross dressing to silly transformation stuff like bowsette. It is considered perverted, often to an extreme degree. This is, in a nutshell, what is meant by trans women have been fetishized to an extreme degree. It is not like, say, foot fetishism, where some dude likes feet a lot. We do not say “feet have been fetishized to an extreme degree.”

The difference is that trans women, and other people who engage in what I am going to loosely call male to female gender non conformance, cannot get away from it. Trans women have been so fetishized that it bleeds into every aspect of our lives. For example, when I moved into my last apartment there was an about two month period where I know that certain neighbors had instructed their children to go inside if I was ever out with my daughter on the community playground. The implication of why is clear. I wish I could say this is unusual, but it isn’t. Even when sex is in no way related to the matter at hand the first thing people think of is sexual perversion.

These people were fetishizing trans women (and me in particular), meaning they considered me first and foremost as a perverse sexual stereotype. This is what it means to be fetishized to an extreme degree. The fetizhised perversion of who we are overtakes everything about us and we (and the things surrounding us) are considered very first through that lens of perversion.

This is, of course, highly transphobic. And most of the time well meaning people can see that.

But things get messy when gender non conformity and sex meet, especially when that gender non conformity is in the male to female direction. What generally happens is that well meaning people create a rule for themselves where they are not going to sexualize/fetishize trans women! And so, basically, MTF gender non conformance + sexiness is considered taboo and bad  especially degenerate. So we end up with stuff like Bowser being depicted as a sexy woman being declared inherently and especially degenerate.

I hope you see where this is going.

When people do this they are directly fetishizing trans women and contributing to the overall fetisization we face every day.

Now I can practically hear the people yelling that they are fighting against the fetishization of trans women. And I get it, cis dudes drooling over an MTF depiction seems like the height of fetisization, how can fighting against it be bad?

I am sorry, but this is just not that simple. This is a messy, messy issue for a lot of reasons and it has to be treated with real understanding and the nuance the issue deserves.

Here is how the Bowsette thing is playing out. Real time, right now, people are making art of her and others are declaring it degenerate and mocking them for doing so. Consider some young trans girl of woman who is struggling with their identity, has not yet accepted that they are trans, maybe doesn’t even know that is a real thing. Trust me, there are a lot of them out there. They see the art of bowsette along with the male to female transformation it entails and they find the idea intriguing. Maybe even especially sexy.

Now, what is really going on in their head is their brain has latched onto the idea of being able to be a woman and that fantasy hits them hard. It feels right, it feels good to consider that idea, but they are too afraid to even admit that to themselves. Bowsette being depicted as sexy just muddles things more, because it is bringing sex into the equation and now this person is considering sex where they have a body that doesn’t make their skin crawl.

So they latch onto Bowsette because they find her especially appealing, even if they don’t get why. So they go on the internet, and they find more art of her. And they also find a bunch of people saying how disgusting and perverted this stuff is. Not nuanced, careful discussion about the sexualization of trans women. Just lots of things telling them that they are disgusting perverts. So they walk away from all this thinking they are the worst, that the feelings and ideas brought up by this silly meme are bad and that they must be a pervert for enjoying it.

And so they force themselves deeper into the closet and put on another layer of shame and self hatred.

Oops.

And to be perfectly clear, I am talking from personal experience here. I know this is what happens because it is what happened with me.

I am begging all of you out in internet land, handle these sorts of things with the nuance they demand. A busty female Bowser is not the end of the world, it is nothing especially degenerate by fandom standards, it is ridiculously mild by the standards of what has been done to trans women in the past in porn. Just ignore it, or if you have to comment on it make sure you explain yourself in detail.