#i binge it at least once a week tbh

[chuuyascumsock]

You're All I Want [Week Two] || MINORS DNI

Summary: No one really seems to fit your standards, your roommate, Chuuya, proves otherwise.

Tags: Chuuya Nakahara/Reader, Female reader, 3.5k Words, Jealous Chuuya, Cunnilingus, Pussy Worship, Overstimulation, Spitting, Cum Eating, Chuuya Comes In His Pants, Petnames (Pretty Girl, Dollface, Sweetheart, etc.), He Should Be The Standard Tbh, Wyd If Your Man Isn’t A 5’3” Ginger Mafia Executive, Perhaps I Projected Slightly Since It’s My Birthday In Two Days And This Is My Gift To Me, Mwah.

Sinners: @pe4rl-diver , @sakui1 , @mxya-dreams , @runs-withscissors , @writingandmusing , @mairia-chan , @dearestwitchtrials

Becoming a mafia executive’s roommate was not on your to-do list, yet here you were— from moving what was left of your belongings into a large empty room to finally redecorating the minimalist aesthetic your roommate’s apartment seemed to take on with him barely being there already due to his occupation. You seemed to fill a space in Chuuya’s life that he didn’t know he was missing.

Now there wasn’t a day he didn’t come home late into the night and not expect you to be up and about doing your own activities, acting as if you were some nocturnal deviant that haunts the night with random shenanigans. He can’t count how many times he’s walked in to find you nursing one of his cheaper bottles of wine and cooking or baking something that you just happened to find while scrolling through social media, offering him some in return with an awkward grin to avoid his wrath for finishing nearly half his bottle. Of course, he was always too tired to fight you on the matter from the day and would take the rest of the bottle for himself before sitting at the island counter to wait for you to finish with whatever you were making.

Or the amount of times you bought something new to add on to the decorations in your apartment, showing it off proudly to Chuuya as you placed it next to the tons of other random vintage-looking trinkets and paintings you got in the past. Though he never complained much because how could he argue about how busy the decorating looked when he was barely there to look at it in the first place?

And when he got the day off, you were there with him most often, binging movie series or begging to go shopping with him because you couldn’t help but marvel at the small stationary sections they had in the stores he frequented. He rolls his eyes and scoffs every time with a snarky, yet harmless comment to make about your buying habits— wondering when you’d ever need a dog themed wine opener, only to realize weeks later that he had been using it every time he opened a new bottle and that you payed close attention to his likes and dislikes. It made him feel a little bit better about allowing you to be his roommate at all, not sure how it would go with how you were when you first met.

He never once thought he’d experience having a woman come up to him while was in the middle of fighting at least five opposing gang members to ask him for directions to the nearest convenience shop. Of course, he almost didn’t have that chance to advance any further with you as he had with the onslaught of bullets that came your way, but with his ability and quick reflexes, he pulled you out of the way to take cover behind a car, chastising you on your social awareness— or lack thereof. Your reasoning behind approaching him out of everyone else in the area was beyond him, and you admit that you don’t even know why yourself, seemingly finding that you were just naturally drawn to him. And he did eventually get you to that convenience store that you were asking about.

How you ended up being roommates? Chuuya likes to blame the fact that he was partly raised by Kouyou to be a gentleman for his choice of offering you a place in his apartment after you met him once more weeks later at a bar, whining about the flooding in your apartment complex that had everyone looking for a new place to live, including yourself. He’d never seen you look so flustered and timid, trying to back track and stumble over how it really wasn’t a big deal and how you were just going to couch surf with one of your friends until you found somewhere else to stay.

If there was something that Chuuya was, it was stubborn, but he learned that night that you were too— going back and forth for nearly an hour with each other until you were immediately persuaded with the promise of him taking you out to ice cream after getting you sobered up and back to your place to collect what was left of your items.

You settled in quickly and easily, your presence becoming one that Chuuya couldn’t ignore if missing.

Which is why he was so put off by your absence one night when he came home to find everything in dead silence with all the lights and TV shut off. It almost felt… empty, and it caught Chuuya off-guard. Maybe you went to bed early for once? But usually when that happened, you always— always left the TV on while you slept away on the couch, curled up cutely beneath one of his expensive throw-blankets. There was the chance that you weren’t feeling well and decided to sleep in your room for once, but after quietly shuffling over to your room and peeking in, your bed was empty— sheets strewn about and your multitude of pillows bunched around your sleeping spot.

Then he thought there was always the possibility that you got one of your random cravings for a specific junk food and went down to the small convenience shop down the road to buy it. But he knows that you always drag him along no matter how tired you both are or how long you have to wait for him to get home because you feel safer with him.

Pacing back into his room, he takes off his hat and gloves, hands sweaty as he takes out his phone. On one hand, he doesn’t understand why his nerves are acting up because you were probably fine— you had other friends— maybe you’re with them. But there’s still that small thought in the back of his mind that there may be something wrong and he knows it’s definitely because of everything that he’s dealt with in the mafia, including watching nearly everyone he’s ever cared about die. He clicks on your name and sends you a text asking where you are, and if you didn’t answer in five minutes, he’d try to call, and then possibly even go looking for you— but you answer almost immediately and he lets out a soft, relieved sigh that he didn’t even realize he was holding in.

“Didn’t you see my note on the fridge? Aww. You miss me that much (＾ｖ＾)?” As he read your message, he could hear your voice clear in his mind, a small huff leaving his nose as he does. Finally being able to relax, he makes his way into the kitchen and turns the light on to see a yellow sticky note plastered to the fridge with your writing in pink glittery ink. “Won’t be home till super late, on a date. Made udon earlier, leftovers in the fridge.”

Letting the information settle in, he only focuses on the first sentences of your note, a blank look on his face as he re-reads it at least three more times.

A date? He didn’t realize you were even interested in that stuff, or maybe he just assumed you weren’t because he wasn’t interested in it due to focusing on the mafia. At least until now. He doesn’t understand the irritation that eats at him at the thought of you spending your free time with some guy that doesn’t know you at all, probably more interested in the thought of what’s beneath your clothes than anything else. But that’s not his business, so he shouldn’t have a say in it. He wasn’t a controlling person— outside of the mafia at least— he thinks. So why does he feel like he deserves to put any of his two cents in on you going out and enjoying yourself?

He’s barely able to sleep with these thoughts running through his head, deciding to drink a glass of wine while sitting on the couch to soothe his nerves. But it doesn’t stop until he hears the front door unlock and open, a pair of heels clicking against the wood floor. Which was interesting because you didn’t own heels— not going out enough to really bother with them. His head turns to look behind him over the back of the couch, sucking in a breath when he catches a glimpse of you in a tight dress, bent over to take your heels off. His head whips around to face straight again and tries to rid of the image burned in his retinas, free hand coming up to rub at his eyes.

Your feet slap against the ground quietly as you walk over to the couch, moving to sit on the other end of it and lean against the arm rest. You slouch over and sigh tiredly, ready to doze off. “How was work?” You ask, voice groggy.

Glancing away, Chuuya avoids looking at you, deciding to focus on his wine. “It was fine… jus’a lot of paperwork today,” He stiffly replies before hesitantly asking in return, “How was your date?”

He could not explain the relief he felt for a second time that night when he heard your groan of disdain, clearly having had a failed date. “It was going well and then after dinner he said that he wanted a blowjob because he was entitled to one after paying for my dinner even though I offered to pay for my own half. So really, he was just a douchebag,” You mumble out as you curl up further against the armrest, tugging a folded up throw-blanket off of the back of the couch to cover yourself with.

A loud scoff escapes Chuuya lips before he comments, “Yeah, sounds like a real piece of work.”

“S’not even the first time this stuff has happened,” And this fact has Chuuya eyeing you.

“You went on more dates?” He tries not to sound like he’s about to burst a vein, but knowing that you’ve gone on more dates than just the one guy has him nearly foaming at the mouth.

Shifting to sit up a bit, you wrap the blanket around your body and tuck your hands under your chin, watching him brew in a small bout of anger. “Yeah— went on a few actually, but they sucked too. I just went earlier in the evening while you were at work. Why’re you getting so worked up?” You hold back the amusement in your voice and let your eyes follow his bare hand to come up and run through his hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Would’ve kicked their asses,” Chuuya grumbles instead of answering your question directly. It makes you giggle quietly, holding back more laughs when his head whips over to look at you and his face scrunches up. “What? What are you laughin’ about? They’re fuckin’ assholes…” He strains, his cheeks flushing at your small grin.

“Nothing… just think it’s a little funny that you’re getting more upset about it than me,” You point out, moving over to sit closer to him.

“Because— cause…” Chuuya trails off, glancing to the side as his face only grows a darker shade of pink. “Guys can be jerk offs, okay? I would know. And it’s bullshit that they treat you like that.” You can tell that something is making him act unusual from his normal nonchalant demeanor— and it only encourages you to get even closer to him until you’re leaning shoulder to shoulder with him.

You think it’s a little cute that he’s so defensive over you, feeling his body stiffen at how you’re pressed against him before relaxing a bit, but still avoiding eye contact. “It’s fine, I’ll just chill on the dates for a while, no one’s been meeting any of my standards anyway. I’m starting to think I’m a little picky.”

“Yeah? What’s your standards?” He mumbles, staring down at his half full wine class as he waits for your response. But instead, he feels the weight against his body shift, your chest now pressing against his arm and warm breath blowing against the side of his neck. Turning his head to look at you, he sucks in a quiet breath as his heterochromatic eyes meet yours in a stare. You gaze at him with a knowing look, eyelids falling into a lull and pupils flickering down to focus on his lips— and he’s done for.

There is no perception of how much time has passed from Chuuya’s lips meeting yours to him lifting you up by the thighs to carry you off into his room and throw you down onto his bed. Climbing over you to hover above your body, his hands are pushing the hem of your dress up eagerly and fumbling to get his own shirt off, lips moving along yours messily, smacking together loudly as he presses you further into the mattress. Everything about his movements are desperate and impatient, taking you back as you had never seen him like this. You eventually tangle your fingers into his slightly mused hair to pull him off of you, panting loudly as you take in breaths of air.

A low groan rumbles from the back of Chuuya’s throat as he subconsciously moves back down to chase your lips, only to be met with your hand tugging on his hair again and an airy laugh from you. “Chuuya, slow down.”

Chuuya lets out a heavy huff, head falling to rest in the crook of your neck as his hands move up to rub along your sides. “You make it hard, pretty girl– ‘specially with this dress on. God, it drives me crazy knowing you wore this for someone else, s’just not fair,” He groans, fingers dragging down to finally push your dress over your hips to reveal your bare cunt to him. You weren’t wearing a damn thing underneath your dress. Chuuya feels at a loss for words, lips parting and pressing together in attempts to find the words he’s looking for before uttering a soft, “Fuck,” And meeting your gaze. “You’re not wearing anything,” He shakily utters, cock twitching to strain against his pants.

“I kind of forgot to do my laundry last night…” You shrug with a timid grin.

He nearly laughs— it’s just like you to do something like this— but he’s too distracted by the way your hand runs through his hair and legs shamelessly rubbing together to do so, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. He’s quick to decide his next moves at the sight, hands gripping your thighs to spread them open as he shifts himself down the bed to hover between your legs.

There’s a strangled noise that squeaks out from your throat at his impatient movements, cheeks burning when his rough hands press against the insides of your thighs to press your legs against the mattress, leaving yourself on full display for him. “What are you doing?” You slightly squirm beneath him.

“Stop that,” He orders firmly, pressing his hands harder down against your thighs. “I wanna taste you,” He murmurs, lips pressing down just below your belly button before moving down to your drooling cunt, his breath hot on your sensitive skin. If he wasn’t hard before, he certainly was now, grunting at the feeling of his aching length pressed against the mattress.

“You don’t have to do that, Chuuya,” You card a hand through his coppery tresses, tugging them for him to look at you.

Chuuya’s mismatched eyes trail up to meet yours, brows narrowed, face still hovering close to you. “I’m doing this cause I want to, dollface, so quit stalling and let me eat this pretty pussy out,” He huffs, bringing a hand down to spread your slick folds apart with his fingers. “Fuck, Sweetheart, can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this,” He groans, leaning in to place a wet kiss against your core. There’s a deep chuckle that leaves him when your hips jolt faintly under his touch and you bite back a moan. “Filthy girl, you like me kissing on your sloppy cunt like this?” He growls out, lips meet your warm insides again, moving against your labia and dripping entrance lewdly as his tongue slips out to lap up your arousal.

You can’t help but tighten your fingers in his hair, whimpering at the feeling of him making out with your pussy, tongue dragging through your lower lips painfully slow to savor your taste all the while staring up at you intensely through his lashes. “Chuuya…”

Chuuya hums softly against you, parting from your pussy with a soft kiss to your clit. “You taste so fuckin’ good, y’know that, pretty girl? Could’ve been doing this ages ago instead of wasting your time on those other guys,” He sighs, readjusting his arms to wrap around each of your thighs and rest them on his shoulders as he leaned back in to wrap his lips around your throbbing clit. His hips grind subtly into the mattress, desperate to rid of the stiffness in his weeping cock, whining lowly into you.

A gasp slips from your parted lips, hips bucking into him needily. “T-Thought you weren’t interested so I— ah— didn’t say anything. Mm! Shit, that feels really good, Chuuya,” You moan out when he sucks harshly at your sensitive nub, your fingers tangling into his messy hair further as you tug at them.

“Could’ve jus’ asked, doll,” He muffles, detaching his lips briefly to spit a glob of saliva onto your clit, watching it trail down to your entrance before bringing his thumb to swipe it back up to your clit, rubbing it in to mix with your arousal. “Like I’d pass up a gorgeous girl like you,” He trails off, burying himself back into you to plunge his tongue past your tight entrance, smothering your spit slickened nub with his thumb.

Your hips only grind harder against him with each curl of his tongue and rub of his thumb, eyes fluttering shut tightly and lips parting further with each broken moan. It’s difficult to respond or even think much with the stirring pleasure coiled in your lower stomach, the only words falling from your mouth being his name. You can’t even move away from the overwhelming pleasure when your release crashes down on you without warning, his arms locking you against him tightly, lips noisily smacking and slurping up everything you have to offer, his own loud groans reverberating against your pussy as he humps against the mattress with fervor, chasing his own high.

You let out a soft cry when he continues eating you out, rolling your pulsing clit between his teeth and tongue before suckling roughly, attempting to pull another orgasm out of you. “Oh, fuck! Chuuya, please— can’t— fuck, fuck— m’coming again,” You choke between whimpers, pulling roughly at his hair as you mindlessly buck your hips against his face until you’re coming for a second time on his tongue which has his own hips stuttering against the mattress as he comes in his pants.

Chuuya finally pulls himself away, placing a final kiss to your inner thigh before shifting to his knees and climbing back over you to cup the side of your neck and pull you into a needy kiss, the taste of your cum still on his tongue. “Y’pretty when you lose yourself like that, dollface. Had me comin’ in my pants,,” He chuckles breathlessly, trailing kisses down your chin to your neck and then back up to peck your lips. “You okay?” He asks, watching you tremble beneath him.

You give a lazy nod, your eyes meeting him to see his pupils lust-blown, hair wildly messed up, and chin drenched with your slick. One of your hands moves to the side of his face, thumb swiping over his chin to wipe away some of the mess he made with a small smile. “I’m okay,” You whisper, voice a bit raspy. “Are you okay?”

He gives you a lopsided grin, catching his breath, “Yeah, M’fine, sweetheart.” He then moves to lay beside you, tugging your dress all the way off your body to toss aside and pepper kisses along your shoulder, curling up against you. He ignores the dark stain in his slacks, leaving it to be a problem for later as he relaxes.

“Hey… Chuuya,” You call out, head turning to face him, nose bumping against his.

“Yeah, doll?”

“I lied about going on more than the one date tonight, I just wanted to see your reaction,” You admit, watching Chuuya’s face twist into multiple different emotions before settling on a blank look.

“You’re not walking for a week after tonight.”

“Woah! Let’s talk about this, I was just joshin’ you!“

“We’ll see how funny it is when you’re using crutches—“

[saerins]

"in infy rn i imagine dad!sae is trying his best to figure out how to be a good dad and husband :’)"

Give us more insights if you can BAE 😘

i have not moved on too.... INFY will always be my first Sae fic that I have binged in 12 hrs <3

----hehehehe

more infy!sae drops ?? say no more ;) (just general bits and pieces of what their life is like after infy ended)

absolutely puts infy!yn and his baby first :’) he hired a nanny to help after yn gave birth but he’s so worried all the time that he ends up rescheduling everything regarding work and personally taking care of yn and their baby himself anyway. he’s so, so overprotective of yn and his baby haha

sae trying to figure out yn’s period mood swings and what each gesture of hers means is a treat tbh lmao. the bare minimum he knows is that he always has to make sure the kitchen is stocked full of food

makes sure he takes yn on a proper date at least once every other week (no distractions, just him and yn and a good time for several hours) just because he heard someone at his office getting a divorce and he realised he can’t just let the spark die subtly over time

when yn first met rin and sae was so relieved because they got along so well, probably even better than rin and sae did (in a different way). sometimes sae just takes his daughter so yn and rin can catch up and unwind together :)

dad sae actually has to put up with yn’s requests of wearing matching family outfits sometimes even though he hates the idea :’)

and that’s all for infy drops part one !! <3

[r1poutmygvtz]

i saw your answer to an ask saying you lost 7-10lbs while doing a 4-5 day fast and that’s my DREAM rn!! i’ve only gone to 3 days before i was literally brain dead and exhausted, did you do anything special to go that long or was it just willpower😭

don’t even worry abt it if you don’t feel comfortable answering!

tbh it helps to have a good reason to be fasting other than purely out of self hatred, also if you can't water fast for days on end, don't!! it's not necessary to lose weight, it's just the "purest" way to fast but you'll lose regardless, i rarely water fast and i think the longest i have is 48h and it was rough, drinking an energy drink a day is what kept me awake and able to actually do things other than just lay down and nap all day during my longest fast (until days 8/9, no amount of caffeine could get me off that couch and i genuinely struggled getting up to go to the bathroom) and drinking a bottle or two of diet pop a day, or a medium cup if the people i was staying with decided to drive through somewhere, is what helped keep cravings under control and kept me feeling full

below the cut i have all/most of my long fasts and i talk about what motivated me to do it or the process in getting to the time which some are a bit long so feel free to skip over it

my first ever 5 day fast was done because i started talking to this guy (yaya stereotypical ik ik i don't starve for anyone anymore so it's fine) and that motivated me to "be and do my best" and to me fasting was what i considered the best so i kept going until i got bored, i was drinking a monster a day and that was basically it, i didn't really drink water and this was over a year ago when i didn't drink pop, i was also very focused on school and would smoke and sit at my desk for hours without moving to finish my online classes so food never even crossed my mind

the 4 day fast after that was because i wanted to see if i could do another 5 day fast and that was also with mainly monster as my drink, i was out of school so i just colored a lot and did a bunch of hand on things like craft making to keep my hands and mind busy (this fast ended so horribly and freaked me out so much i tried to recover lmfao)

the second time i did a 5 day fast was a month after i had hit my lw (and was consistently gaining due to extreme hunger) in an attempt to get back down there or to at least stop binging, i would drink a cup of chicken broth or have an energy drink whenever i felt weak as long as i stayed under 50 cals

i know one of the other 4 day fasts was done during the summer sometime but i dont remember my motivation, i think i just wanted to hit a gw i was close to and then ended up dropping more than expected so i kept going a bit more, i drank mostly water and monster during this one as well, on the third or fourth day i also had whisky (technically broke my fast but since it's not solid and because it was in celebration of my late grandpas birthday i let it slide)

and finally my longest ever and most recent fast, the near 218h (little over 9 days) fast, it actually started as a 22h fast and i wasn't hungry at the time i would've broken it so i kept going and i ended up getting to 4 days before i felt hungry and by then it became a game to see how long i could get away with it, after i hit 5 days i wanted to break my record, then i wanted to hit a week, and finally i wanted to wait until i went back to my house to break it so i added 2 more days, for the first 48h i only drank water and then the next 24h after that i only had water and diet pop, then once the fatigue and weakness hit i started drinking c4 and that helped so so much, i highly recommend the pink starburst flavor especially if you're craving something sweet, it's 10 cals and it hits the spot everytime but do be aware that it has 200mg of caffeine per can so drink in moderation, there's also 5 cal options of c4 depending on flavor and 0 cal depending on size :3

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP,

It's nice to see you active :)

I was thinking about this a lot lately and I was curious what you thought.

I feel like out of all the BTS members, Jimin doesn't seem to care as much about appearing active, he is hardly on social media and posts stuff once in a lifetime. I don't ever see him hype himself or his project and I fail to understand why. Like why doesn't he promote himself? Isn't that a bit weird? I am just curious what you thought.

***

Hi Anon,

I love that for him really.

Being chronically online isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Jimin is at least two decades ahead of everyone else by deciding to limit his social media use now. And while it’s a stark difference from his activity levels in 2018, it’s not like he’s completely fallen off the planet either. He posts every 2 – 3 weeks at most about things he’s up to, he posts fairly regularly for Dior and other brand deals, he posted his Hot100 accomplishment, he posts about his music and fun updates about his life occasionally (like visiting museums). So in that sense, while it’s not as in your face, frequent or tech-savvy as other members/idols, Jimin ‘hypes himself’ well enough.

It’s not all that weird tbh.. It seems Jimin in general isn’t as active on social media as he used to be, and in terms of posting frequent updates as an idol (aka work), he’s more selective. He's generally always been somewhat private, and now is just in more of a position to enforce his boundaries on what's for fan consumption and what is his private life. Sometimes he binge replies to posts on Weverse, other times he’s MIA. He appears to prefer to work in silence and is active whenever he has something to show, or wants to interact with fans. He's built a reputation that guarantees at least half of Korea will tune into his project as soon as it's announced, so he technically doesn't have to do the grunt work to promote it the way a lot of idols have to do.

He’s one of a handful of idols who have the following and reputation to get away with his current approach, and as I said, good for him.

[idontwannabeyouanymore]

a hot take (again) ♡

okay this might just be me but most of the time i feel like fasting does more harm than good... for me at least. allow me to elaborate;

yes, fasting will obvi make u drop pounds pretty quickly, but it's not sustainable for long periods of time so ultimately it leads to more binging (that cycle sux). also, if u can fast for long periods of time ur metabolism will absolutely suffer and then when you go into maintenance or just eat like a regular person you will gain weight SO fast you'll wanna die (speaking from personal experience). idk overall that's why i try to eat around 700 cals a day because its sustainable, i rarely ever binge (instead of every 3 days its like once every 1-2 weeks average). also i've said this before but eating a tiny bit every day does wonders for my mood, brain fog is almost never there, i can devote more energy to work and working out... yea!

obviously no shame in ANY e4t1ng d1s0rder game because we're all kinda fucked tbh but i just thought i would throw this opinion out there. also i wanna say that i still do fast sometimes because i like the feeling or if i have an event i wanna look extra thin for, just not every day or every week even.

[the-starry-seas]

was thinking more about mar'eyce zenith's job as forest service pilot and did some googling about smokejumpers and is anybody really surprised that i have more OCs?

Manaia, the ICT3, they/them, early forties. Co-parenting everyone with their pilot, Zenith (ey/em). They're 5'10" and built like a brick wall which tends to make people intimidated, but when they're not working, they're laid-back and like to laugh. But when someone tries to get fresh with their team... yeah, there's gonna be trouble. In their downtime, they're a photographer and pole dance for exercise (and to make people wonder if their poker face is really that good [it is]).

Waimarie, the spotter, she/her, mid twenties. Fashionista, gardener, and astronomer. She knows Nīkau's name as her buir <3 She always picks up a box of two-bite brownies on her way in to work, because while this girl should not be in the kitchen, she's got a need for baked goods. She can be bribed into doing about anything with macademia nut cookies. Likes to ride the bus on random routes to see more of the city. Has made many friends with old ladies on the bus, and on four separate occasions, has helped a kid with homework.

Nīkau, late thirties, he/they. He always has tea on hand and he never shares. Got his scar in a bar fight that he started by cold-cocking a homophobe. Thinks it's pretty cool. Also thinks fire puns are funny. He's always showing off pictures of his dog, a Boston Terrier named Rose Tyler. His three boyfriends look after her while he's at work. Doesn't actually own any of his shirts or jackets, they're all stolen from his boyfriends. The collar, on the other hand, was a gift from them. Has the TARDIS tattooed on the inside of his left wrist.

Christopher, mid thirties, he/him. A one-man survival team who always has a gallon bucket full of peanut butter cups on his desk. Likes some water with his ice cubes. Avid gamer. Face paint as self-expression. His car always smells like vanilla. Has four bearded dragons named Gandalf, Radagast, Alatar, and Pallando.

Tama, early thirties, he/him. Has an innate need to dive into literally any body of water even when explicitly told not to. Likely swimming somewhere right now. A year older than his brother, Tipene, and will never let him forget it. Car Guy™, who needs romance when you can spend three weeks disassembling a Ferrari engine and infodumping about pistons. Has dated two girls, both ended dramatically, might be time for him to realise he's into boys instead. Had several near-death experiences while cave diving and still required an intervention to stop. He still cliff dives.

Tipene, early thirties, it/its. Polyglot and polyamorous. Collects belt buckles and most of them are hideously gaudy tbh. Has a life-sized taxidermy shark hanging from the ceiling of the office and constantly scaring newbies with it. Always has the radio set to a classic country station. Stocks up on sour fruit candy like the apocalypse is coming. Would probably be fine in an actual apocalypse. Binges horror movies but can't watch anything where the dog dies. Consults the farmer's almanac daily and tracks how accurate it is in comparison to the local weather station. Has two full tattoo sleeves of indigenous birds, and it's a game to see if the team can spot all the birds on hiking trips.

Benjamin, late twenties, he/him. Takes heavily after his mother who died when he was born. His father remarried last year and he hates the new chick. Cotton candy is his main food group. Weaver and woodcarver who constantly gifts things to his friends or donates to charity auctions. Whenever someone asks to borrow a pencil, he takes out a jumbo pencil from his desk and pretends he doesn't have anything else. Flirts with everyone, nobody can tell when it's serious. Dramatically pulling off his sunglasses at least once a day. Only has one jacket that's red leather. Heavily tattooed from fingers to elbows but nowhere else. His lipstick is UV reactive and he's hooked up with half the city at some club or another.

Epoxy, late twenties, they/them. Transmasc swag cancelled out by inability to flirt. Seemingly never wears the same necklaces twice but they've kept the same shade of lipstick for the last ten years. Kiri is their best friend. Never seen without a backpack, but nobody is exactly sure what's in there. Constantly annoying everyone else by always having their earbuds in. Listens to Chappell Roan half the time and local indie artists the rest of the time. Hangs out at their other BFF Anahera's tattoo parlour on Thursdays because they have a crush on her. They got their name because they tried to wipe extra epoxy off on their hands on their first day and you can guess how that went.

Kiri, mid twenties, she/her. Everyone underestimates the skinny blond chick, which she uses to relentlessly fleece strangers at pool, darts, and contact sports. Highly competitive and will get in over her head if a dare or bet is offered. She's also an animal lover and keeps bringing home random insects and rodents that are considered pests around the airstrip. Constantly arguing with Chris about LOTR lore and drives him nuts talking about her Star Trek crossover fanfic bc they have wildly differing opinions on which hobbits would actually want to join Starfleet.

Oliver, nineteen, he/they. His cat is named Oreo and she's the love of his life, humans need not apply. He got the cat ear headband to match her. Goes all out on Halloween costumes every year. A friend to all insects, even the ones that bite him, they have their reasons. Designated remover of spiders from bathrooms. Keeps trying to grow flowers and failing miserably. Deeply invested in his neighbour's koi pond. Usually seen in a bomber jacket and jeans. Do not mention butterflies around him unless you're ready to hear more than you could ever remember. Keeps his Christmas lights up year-round. Has never thrown away a plastic bag in his life.

[almondmlkbtch]

Binged yesterday & today 😵‍💫

Tbh it felt worth it. I need a break at least once a week I think.

I wanna fast & do my regular exercise routine until Saturday tho. I don’t have any meal plans w ppl until then — possibly until Sunday 😍

Gonna come up w a fasting plan that has low cal rewards to keep me going (im thinking 100-200 cals a day?)

Then Sunday-Tuesday night, right before I leave for trip — I’ll start practicing mindful eating and having tiny meals 2-3x a day to practice for eating a friends in France 🙃

Wish me luck 😭

[dekusleftsock]

Like good omens? Bc the current climate of bkdk is exactly like what happens with Crowley and Aziraphale. EVERYONE, and i mean, EVERYONE around them realizes they love/want each other in the shortest amount of time possible but not the two guys that have known each other for thousands of years, until like, now and they STILL fucked it up.

DUDE YOURE SO FUCKING TRUE FOR THIS

Good Omens is always a show I knew I would love, but never got around to watching. My friend basically made me binge the entirety of season one a week ago and then I binged all of season two when I got home, and MY GOD. MY GOD. THEY ARE SO MUCH LIKE BKDK AND IT SUCKS.

I feel like this is obvious but Good Omens season 2 spoilers lol.

Aziraphale kinda likes to romanticize the time when Crowley was an Angel WITH HIM. The first scene in season 2 where Crowley and Aziraphale first meet and Aziraphale watches him with puppy dog eyes, all of it reminded me of bkdk’s childhood. And from Izuku’s perspective, it was AMAZING! He got Kacchan all to himself, they were friends, even if he was a bit mean and teased him. But to Bakugou? It felt like Izuku was bullying him, looking down on him. It feels a lot like Crowley’s perspective on heaven. He doesn’t like hell either, but at least they don’t care how things get done, just that it’s done.

AND LIKE, AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY HAVE SIMILAR PROBLEMS I KIND OF SEE IZUKU AND KATSUKI HAVING. Losing your sense of identity in the obsession of the one you love, it fucking happens! There’s this post about Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship that puts this into words so well, and it feels very them, yk? Bkdk feel so so much like the type of people who could get so attached to each other that they lose what makes them, them.

AND MAYBE THATS A STRETCH, BUT YEVAISBISHSISHSHJSB

When togachako’s relationship is built off of your individual senses of identity (who therefore feel a lot like Maggie and Nina in this equation tbh), and bkdk’s is built off of the fact that you’ve never had a point in your life where this person HADNT existed, then you can see how that can turn into a problem—especially for their relationship.

Bkdk is a slowburn built off of a fear of rejection, much like Crowley and Aziraphale. Because if this person ISNT in your life, then who are you really? What makes you, “you”? What makes us, “us”?

Is there really space for “you”, in a sense of self built on “us”?

ALSO AZIRAPHALE SAYING “I FORGIVE YOU” AFTER THAT KISS BROKE MY FUCKING HEART RVEINSUSVSISBUS

Their miscommunication in both bkdk and in Aziraphale/Crowley is so so bad and yet so so relatable why is it like that good lord.

I think what I liked most about season 2 was when Nina made the comment that “everyone else’s love life always seems so much more straight forward than your own”, AND IF THAT ISNT BKDK/TGCK THEN I DONT KNOW WHAT IS LMAO

Oh yeah and the coffee theory is dumb. It very much makes sense for Aziraphale to take the offer that he did. He has said time and time again that heaven has the good guys and hell has the bad guys, there’s just individually good and bad people in both. He has always wanted Crowley to be a part of heaven again, he literally always mentions how Crowley “was an Angel once”.

Aziraphale represents the cult-ish mentality that Christianity can be. He wants to believe that there is a higher power that doesn’t agree with the things angels do and don’t do, because if that isn’t the case, then every belief he has ever been told was built on a lie.

Heaven negates it’s flaws by simply believing that there are individually flawed angels and not that the larger system itself is a problem. This is why metatron says this in his meeting with Gabriel and the other high ranking angels. Gabriel cannot fall or there is a systematic problem, and so long as there isn’t a systematic problem, he will simply be dealt with in the cleanest way possible.

It’s all a capitalism metaphor. If Aziraphale is good enough, if he believes in god and her plan, if he believes in the good Crowley has in his heart, if he believes that a fundamentally flawed system can be changed for the better, if you can somehow work hard enough for your company, you will be rewarded. You will be praised. You will be seen as a person who deserves recognition because you worked hard enough.

But you never work hard enough. There is no plan. There is no infinite peak. It’s just you, in an infinite universe, trying to guess some plan that will never be comprehensible.

LOOK IM OF THE BELIEF THAT GOD HAS HAD NO HAND IN ANY OF THIS SINCE THE BEGINNING, EVERYONES JUST MAKING IT THE FUCK UP. 

This got so far off track bc I have good omens brainrot dear god.

[godblessyoublackemperor]

2, 4, 5, 11, 14, 16, 22, 27, 39, 47, 52, 55, 56 >:)

oh god clare thats so many

2 - What proportion of your meals do you cook? I go in out and out of phases of cooking a lot and barely at all, currently in the latter but need to get back into the former! i do like making big batches and having leftovers as lunches throughout the week, i do kind of need more recipes that are summer appropriate though, can't be eating shepherds pie/chilli/mac & cheese all the time

4 - Favorite chore? cleaning kitchen bc my old chef reflexes just kick in and i zone out and then its done. also hoovering with our fancy new hoover

5 - Least favorite chore? hmmmm cleaning bathroom 11 - What's something you saved up for and then regretted buying? nothing ever, genuinely, i love having stuff >:)

14 - How often do you take baths?

Sometimes every other day in winter haha - maybe once or twice a week atm. love me bafs

16 - Where do you go when you need to get out of the house but it's raining?

park i guess? tbh i just go out with a raincoat and deal with it

22 - Favorite grocery store?

EM&ESHHHH

27 - Do you prefer Boardgame Night, Build-Your-Own-Pizza Night, or Movie Night with your friends?

Hmm i like the sound of all three, movie night is the most low effort but i would be up for the others sometime (maybe when i buy a pizza oven that's my other answer to the expensive appliance one >:D)

39 - What little treat do you always get when you run errands?

been quite into cherry coke lately. that or some fizzy sweets :3

47 - Lamps or overhead lighting?

small light crew represent, cute soft comy low kelvin lamp lighting till i die ✊

52 - Did your relationship with your parents get better when you stopped living with them?

uhhhh maybe a bit worse idk i feel kind of funny about my fam atm :|

55 already answered :)

56 - Favorite low-effort meal that you make? quesadilla and when i say quesadilla i literally just mean tortilla wrap folded in half with grated mozzarella in between, toasted in a frying pan, bada bing bada boom

[mithliya]

A girl I dated at years ago, in a fit of rage, nearly choked me to death because she convinced herself I was sleeping with a male. All because I didn’t want to have sex with her, which is something she knew from the start and was okay with waiting. It was not the first time she had put her hands on me either, but it took her almost ending my life for me to take a hint and stop making excuses for her. At the end of the day, I had no business being with her type or trying to convince myself that I was fit to live in a Set It Off reality (lmao too adventurous and trying to be captain save-a-hoe) She had a history of thug activities, so I take full responsibility for what I got myself into and how I allowed myself to be a victim. This is a gold star lesbian btw and she’s since been to jail several times for beating on females and a multitude of other petty crimes/demonic activities. Last year, she apologized to me (7 years late girl) and admitted that she purposely gets herself sent to jail because she enjoys all of the female attention she gets there as a masculine female. Truly Pathetic and I regret not listening to my mother when she’d literally told me “that girl is a demon and you need to stay away from her.”

that sounds horrible 😭 i’m so sorry u went thru that. especially the fact that she did that to u for not being ready to have sex.. just horrible and gross. i’m glad u stood ur ground and dumped her in the end at least.

i have a similar story with my ex (she’s bi tho) & she was violent for no reason. just seriously mentally unwell basically and the red flags were pretty obvious but i overlooked them bc i guess i just did not see my self-worth. she also choked me and it was literally just. random. she’d wake up and immediately get on top of me and choke me. one time i think she did it as some kind of “joke” and i ended up throwing up bc of it … also she had a few weeks in our relationship where she was basically storing cocaine for dealers at her place & she was stealing cocaine from them and going on cocaine binges which u can imagine how she’d act in those moments if she was trying to kill me when she’s sober! she was on ketamine once and literally bit my friend. just insane stuff. and ppl like that are never worth it nor can u somehow “save” them bc when they’re that bad, they usually don’t care to make themselves better. in my case she even tried to convince me that IM the one who’s worse off.. bc i “cry too much”. also she stole my wallet and when the police said they saw who stole it and described her to a T, she convinced me that she knows who it is and will find this woman and get my wallet and money back. would give me these stories about it too.

also the woman u dated sounds .. desperate tbh! from my experience at least, masculine lesbians don’t need jail to find interested women. they tend to get plenty of attention in general. at least that was the case for basically every masculine lesbian i had a thing with. she must rly have low self-worth and have problems to be putting herself in and out of jail just to get more female attention. i hope she gets better bc i assume she must be miserable if she’s still living like that. i’m glad ur out of that situation and kept urself safe,, it’s rly not worth it to date women like that n to tell urself that you can somehow “save” them,, i learned that the hard way 😭 u deserve better than that. no point in regretting it tho— we can’t undo our pasts, but we can at least use these negative experiences as ways to improve ourselves and teach ourselves somehow. at least that’s what i tell myself to cope with what i’ve been thru lmao,, and at least i can say in terms of my ex, it did teach me to look out for red flags more and not disrespect myself so badly that i’m willing to be abused and exploited and manipulated in the hope of gaining a woman’s love

[captainrayzizuniverse]

Yes! Thank youuuu @goldcrumble for this I truly need it now. I’m sitting in Kelowna waiting for the worst year of my life to be over in the most unremarkable way (binging on paw patrol with my nephew) and what better way to do it than this? Beware, long ass essay incoming. 

When did you become a Louie? (This is about to get loooong)

I love talking about this because it’s such an interesting journey for me compared to other artists I love. I used to watch British reality tv with my grandma every year and that of course includes x-factor and strictly come dancing (and the GBBO, sewing bee, BGT etc..it was unhealthy) which usually start around the same time. We started with x-factor when leona lewis won until the last season with Louis as judge. So yes of course I watched the one with 1D and I was rooting for them during the show (and Louis was my LEAST fav only because I’d watch the xtra factor and the video diaries and he was SO loud and obnoxious and basiclly everything I find annoying in a person. Sorry it was what it was. Anyway after that season I never paid them any attention but we continued watching x-factor year after year. I've mentioned this before but when Louis was announced as the judge in 2018 I remember telling my grandma that it’s probably to draw in the 1D fans because the show was so bad at that point. Obviously I said it with eyes rolled and thinking ‘they really think they’re gonna save this shit with a kid from a boyband?’. Little did I know this guy will ruin me. Anyway as a non fan and someone who really didn’t know anything about the guy I absolutely loved him as a judge..so like a couple of weeks in I read his entire wikipedia and was 100% drinking the ‘reconnected and in love with his long term gf and has a kid with a one night stand from LA’ koolaid. And I listened to his singles at the time, loved them, added them to one of my Anghami playlist and it was chill for a while.

I have never been in a music fandom before..I’ve been in the football fandom (esp livejournal) for ages and also several movies/tv shows and books. I think most of the music I listen to are either from bands who are dead or there just isn’t a fandom big enough to exist…or I haven’t found it. Dunno..just never got into one. SO on a flight from oslo in 2019 I was reading a fic from another fandom and in the author’s note there was something about being inspired by a Larry fic and I vaguely remembered who the Larry ship is about. So when I clicked it and saw that it was THE Louis T, I went into my second rabbit hole and saw all these news singles he has out and an album that was about to come out and a show in Toronto and wow so much excitement all at once. Booked the tickets for the show which were later cancelled due to covid and then never got to see the ltwt live (rip hearing defenceless live). After that I didn’t follow up with him, I didn’t even know lthq was a thing ffs. When people say that they need to promote things on his personal IG, it’s for people like ME! Anyhoo! I still never searched him up on Tumblr until one day by chance I saw a clip from a livestream on instagram of one of his earlier shows in Texas. I didn’t even know concert livestreams were a thing tbh. So I kept on monitoring to find the source until I got to finally watch an entire show (I think it was the 4th American one, a few before the chicken nugget incident) and then somehow that led me to Tumblr and slowly I started following very very few blogs. So when did I become a Louie really? Was it 2018 when I was like ok the dude is cool I like the couple of songs he has out? Or 2019 when I booked my first concert ticket? Or in 2022 when I found the fandom on Tumblr? Also I got into 1D when I read that wiki page and it said something about him having the most writing credits. It intrigued me and was like ‘fine! I’ll give them a go I guess!’

your favourite song? (one off walls and one off fitf)

We Made It. All this time (if you ask tomorrow it might jump between Saturdays or holding onto heartache or she is beauty)

your favourite music video?

Miss you! The hair, the song.

your favourite gig?

Toronto one because I was anticipating it for sooooo long and it fully lived up to it. Esp after spending the entire 2022 watching livestreams and being jealous af. The new york one was good too but my home show will always be my fav

your favourite louis hair?

X-factor hair. 

your favourite louis interview?

Oof man this is hard! They all kinda get mixed together so either a Zach lang one (probably the first one because it sticks in my memory more since I saw it right when it came out) or one of the buzzfeed ones like the snack wars or the one he did with the yellow background (man I’m lazy as shit, I can literally YouTube this).

suit louis or tanktop louis?

Suit Louis. Literally anything but tank top louis. I know I’m the only one in this boat but I just don’t dig tank tops. I think it’s also the fact that he almost always wears hideous shoes with them that kinda kill the look. If I had to be specific, I’d say tracksuit Louis. 

favourite louis tattoo?

I’d also go with the x&o’s 

favourite louis bodypart? (c'mon we all have one!)

I immediately thought his eye crinkles but realized that’s not a body part. Maybe hands or the veiny neck??I love a neck with passionate veins (what even am I saying??)

—-

I think my small Louis loving mutuals have either already done this or have been tagged, so it ends with ME!

And with that I shall wish everyone a genocide free 2024! A free Palestine! And an end to this fucking massacre!

Back to watching Marshall and Skye on PP. 

[anasbride]

Ana blog active on Sept 2023. This is a new account but I’m not new to edblr :)

Block me, don’t report. This account is my safespace for myself and you’re really not doing anything good by reporting.

—If you’re in recovery or if your ed is just developing, please get out! You still can get out, and you deserve to. Food is a blessing to mankind and you deserve to enjoy it without guilt or shame. Your body will thank you, and you will feel so light and free without all this bullshit weighing on you—

I’m a 14-year-old girl and have been at this since around May of 2019 but I’ve never had a good relationship w food tbh. I joined edblur with a different account during 2022 ig? Weirdos will be blocked btw.

If you’re an edblog I follow and uncomfy with minors following, tell me and I’ll unfollow you or just block me.

TW !! Numbers under the cut.

4’11ft / 150cm

Sw: 66kg / 146lbs (bmi 28.4)

Cw: 47.8 / 105lbs (bmi 20.7)

Gw: 45kg / 99lbs ✅

42.0kg / 93lbs ✅

40.0kg / 88lbs ✅

37.0kg / 82lbs ✅ - december 30.

Ugw: 34.0kg / 74lbs (bmi 15.1) - april 15 2024.

after much work and suffering, we have made it. i’m pretty upset that i wasn’t active for that milestone but oh well. i’m very sporadically active online because i don’t like to be online in general.

(stuff below has not been updated since sept of 2023)

infos about my eating plan:

900-800 calories is high res for me. typically pretty easy to complete.

700-500 calories is medium res. ♡ my favourite!! ♡

anything <500 is low res. i usually don’t restrict like this because it causes Misery™️ and binges.

i regularly do 18 hour fasts, skipping breakfast and lunch for a midday meal and dinner. i do 24 hour fasts at least once a week, and if i’m planning to do >24 hour fasts, i can’t do them back to back because it causes a huge binge when i break it.

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (23/04/23)

another chill week HOWEVER tuesday is a holiday and I got pto for monday AND there's not gonna be a jump issue cause of golden week so I'll some of that extra time to watch at least the first 3 eps (the good ol rule) of some of the anime this season and try to put a dent on all the old "watching" stuff I had from years ago before I start going through the stuff I've missed over the years and before I start my next big manga binge

Anime

Mashle Ep3

it was an alright episode, nothing really to note, I do be liking the voice acting tho (for the most part)

Jigokuraku Ep4

I was right it was very good, takarie going off fr this season with yuzuriha, the megumin spinoff and hoshino ai too

the quality of the anime is still consistent which is good, gabimaru did some cool flashy stuff, tho it annoyed me that the panel with genryuusai's peeled face was only a handful of frames cause it felt like it had a lot more impact in the manga, but I know I'm gonna have to get used to that since it's an anime and all that

Pokemon Horizons Ep3

nothing crazy but still a very nice episode, like I said next time, it just feels like a breath of fresh air to not have ash around, it feels like the anime isn't shackled anymore to the gyms -> championship formula and it can start exploring more stuff. roy is joining the cast next week so I hope he isn't annoying. also I thought it was strange the anime was set in kanto since this is the gen 9 anime but they ARE going to paldea so that's good

Manga

Dandadan Ch102

continuation of vamola's backstory feelsbadman. got to her mech suit tho pog

JOJOLands Ch3

decent chap, not much happened unlike the previous one but that's ok, we got the first stand fight brewing tho so that's good

Jojo: Hol Horse/Josuke Spinoff Ch15

decent chap, good to see hol's character arc throughout the whole manga finally come to it's peak, next chap is the last but it had a nice little run

Tokyo Underworld Ch38

I said some week's ago hirasaka was gonna die and they really filled this chap with red flags for him lol

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch 22

Jiangshi X Ch13

nothing of note tbh, they're still moping around what happened and not moving on fast enough

Fabricant 100 Ch19

ah, #1 finally showed up so it's finally gearing up for the end, took a bit longer than expected but saw it coming for a while

Kill Blue Ch2

decent chap, with some plot progression at the end, nice to see it progressing already instead of fucking around for too long

Witch Watch Ch106

a good chap, I figured it wouldn't work just like that but it's a good start, doesn't seem like the next chap will continue it since it doesn't say part 1 but would be for moi to realize his feelings already

Cipher Academy Ch21

a good chap, funny seeing nisio just break the 4th wall like this the cover was really cool too and, like usual, I feel bad for the translator having to explain all the code cards

Blue Box Ch98

good chap, even if things didn't go right for poor taiki, I believe in him tho, and with the big 100 around the corner I'm hoping for some development

Tenmaku Cinema Ch3

I really didn't expect her to be so silly from her introduction but it's very good, good chap too and not taking too long with developments either which is always good to see early on, ofc it should be expected from a veteran duo

Mashle Ch153

this is the classic mash we know and love, good chap

Undead Unluck Ch156

good chap, I didn't expect that development at the end but it was about time something didn't go exactly according to fuuko's plan

Sakamoto Days Ch116

good chap, it's cool to see sakamoto get serious once in a while, tho we're prob gonna lose rion soon :(

The Elusive Samurai Ch107

good chap, certainly didn't expect this, but since this happened it prob means we're closer to the end than I thought

Akane-banashi Ch59

GREAT chap, god I love akane she's such a good character, really looking forward to her doing the full story

Ayakashi Triangle Ch127

nice chap, funny to see mei act all tsundere but still helping on her own way

[uiruu]

i’ve never seen a full episode of breaking bad or better call saul but i’ve watched pretty much every major scene on youtube and i’ve watched a bunch of video essays and i’ve listened to my partner talk about the shows and like normally i’d be opposed to really popular things that everyone likes but those shows are actually legitimately amazing. i should watch full episodes sometime. but i also wonder how much of the shows i havent seen.

anyway, i would watch better call saul. tbh it seems more interesting to me. 

im not overstating it when i say i've watched probably almost everything there is... at least all the story beats. and i've watched interviews and essays and all sorts of things to connect the dots. everything was pretty much out of order but idk im good at figuring it out. i've never really been good at following things in order like that... i need to just consume the entire breadth of the story at once, you know? i was like that with books back in school and stuff. usually i only actually watch serieses in order after i've either already spoiled every single thing that happens, or i watched it week-by-week as it came out initially and now i can go back and binge it. if i'm watching something from the beginning and i have a question about how something ends up... i will often google it before continuing in the series. i kinda wish i didnt do that one lmao, but whatever, it doesnt actually hurt my enjoyment much. because for me... the number one thing about breaking bad and better call saul is not necessarily the story itself... it's the craft of how it was made. i love the writing and the acting and the directing and so while i've spoiled everythign about the plot.. watching and thinking about those things cant really be spoiled. you know what i mean?

like... a brilliant shot is gonna be brilliant even if i’ve already seen before. and rather than being hooked on the twists and turns of the plot, i like to think critically about the way those twists and turns were executed, how they were led up to and the ramifications afterwards, that sort of thing. i dont need to be surprised by it.

anyway im bad at watching things (and also reading things) and i definitely wouldnt say to anyone that i’ve watched these shows, but i’ve thought a lot about them and i’ve seen most things that people would reference, lol. but i should watch it for real, too. i should do that. just so that i dont have to put an asterisk every time i wanna talk about it, haha

[nathank77]

11/17/24

9:14 p.m

I started buying hummus in bulk bc its good for chlorestoral and I mean it was expensive and it's really good. And bulk it's cheaper. But now I'm eating double or triple the amount of hummus. But it's the same price so 🤷

I mean I eat spoonfuls of it. Idk how my calories are doing tbh... it's a good thing I'm going to the gym... I only changed two things about my diet. I eat something more substantial than cheese at night before bed and I don't eat cheese like I used to.

I've been eating hummus with various other foods. My caloric intake has prob went up. I eat like 12 oz at least at night. I can't stop myself. I eat it legit in spoonfuls when I stop dipping stuff in it.

I think once I finish this one which will only be two more days bc I'm disgusting I should stick to oatmeal for a bit....

I'm still feeling shitty and want to end it all but that hummus was amazing. I mean so fucking good. I can't control myself. I can't portion control it.

I have a serious addiction to hummus and I think it's giving me acid reflux another reason to maybe only buy one thing every 2 weeks which is roughly 4 days of hummus out of a 30oz fucking container..

It's by far the worst food addiction/lack of self control I've had with food. Even worse than goat cheese. I binge eat it for christ sake when its time to snack.

[bubblegum-girlfriend]

what the actual fuck is wrong with me?

it's been a while since I sat down and started writing everything my brain thought like it's some type of realize or a form of brain vomit session my body craves once in a while, as if i set myself in some type of binging and purging everything that seems to bother me or what, in the most superficial way my brain considers it's what's bothering me.

idk, I haven't had time to just sit and get along with all these feelings of lost and numbness. and tbh I also haven't give myself any type of moment alone with my brain.

I'm constantly thinking and thinking, tbh idk why.

i find myself just wondering bout stuff from university or asking me why I don't seem to have any friends at all. I do have, but... idk, I feel odd. like everyone's judging me in silence or perceiving me as some type of lost deer that's about to get killed by a car in the middle of a snowy dark night. oh lord, what's with that? I'm currently listening to falling by harry styles and never felt so unattached or lost to something. mind you, I have classes tomorrow at 9 a.m. and I'm letting everything my chest's been maintaining for the pasts few weeks cause I didn't even wanted to go to sleep, how's that?

idk why I'm this silent. never been this silent.

I sometimes forget the sound of my voice, which it's strange cause I constantly talk during the day. people listen to my voice. I endure small talk with people during my day. doesn't remove the fact that I feel like some type of anomaly in my own existence.

it didn't bother me tho. like, produce some type of negative feeling on me or anything. it's just... idk, feel so odd.

i want to feel loved. my dad said to me the other day I should get a boyfriend at university so I can hang out with him during my breaks. although not a bad idea, it bothers me how little idea he has about the kind of person I desire near my space. mostly women tbh.

I think I'm starting to realize that maybe I'm not bi, but a lesbian. which tbh, is it really a surprise to me? I think the answer to that question can be easily answered. although if true, cannot lie and say that it would destroy me a little, cause sometimes I do imagine myself loving a boy... or not idk. I know it would destroy my parents tho.

the image of disappointment and disgust in their faces can be feel and sense from right here. I don't have a problem with them hating the real version of me, it's something I come through when I first started realizing my feelings towards women, it's just a little shitty and hypocritical from them to be homophobic when some of their closest friends are part of the community, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants, am I right? (worst use of that phrase tbh, idk why I did that)

my fingers are hurting, mostly cause I use my index and middle finger to write in my keyboard. my right little finger is the one that's hurting.

i wanna cry. I don't want to do it, but I do feel sad.

I don't wanna go to university tomorrow. I have to, tho, I'm only allowed to skip three times during the trimester. I feel so weird. I hate feeling weird, idk it seems so strange.

I still love her, but she moved on. and that's great, cause that's something I should've done but choose not to. am I stupid? I consider that sometimes I don't think with the right side of my brain, like the one side that actually generates consistent thoughts that are mostly the least bad decisions I make; but going back to that question I actually don't consider myself as stupid or with some type of brain damage, although wouldn't be surprised if I ended up having some type of after all those blows in the head.

I would love to become a musician. I don't have any musical talent or experience whatsoever aside from just putting on headphones and enjoying what I'm listening while imagining fake scenarios where I'm everything I'm not in reality. do I have some type of mental illness?