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maknaesdancersrappers · 8 months ago

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devoted 2.

part 17.

Overall warning/s: kinkier smut (eg. voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc.) character death, dark themes

Chapter warning/s: vulgar language, violence, self harm, stalking, kidnapping

Just how devoted is Jaehyun to you?

prev: part 16

wc: 6.9k nice

November 8.

You carefully swept the doe foot applicator of your favorite gloss over your lips, smacking them together to even out the product. It had a soft strawberry scent and flavor that gave your lips just the right amount of sheen. This was the last part of your makeup routine, satisfied with how you kept your face as bare as possible but covered any blemishes and brightened up the darkness under your eyes.

Today was your first date with Jaehyun.

The first semester was ending which meant you weren’t going to be classmates anymore. For the longest time, you were both meeting up at the library or the quad to study — even if it was for different subjects. But a few days ago, Jaehyun ran after you when class finished as you were rushing to your next one for a quiz, and he asked you out on a date.

You were elated, bashfully accepting his invitation and completely distracted for the entire day at the thought of going on an actual date with your crush. You initially believed that the feelings were one sided, he didn’t seem to be interested in you and was just naturally friendly. You’ve seen him around campus hanging out with other people — mostly girls, so you didn’t feel necessarily special when he met up with you at the library.

Your phone chimed as it received a text and you peered down to see the notification.

I couldn’t wait. I’m outside your dorm to pick you up.

You let out a quiet sound of surprise, rushing outside to the living room of your shared apartment to look outside the window there that was right above the entrance of the building. You saw Jaehyun leaning against the brick half wall that enclosed the property your dorm was in. He was on his phone, probably waiting for your reply.

Instead, you gathered up everything into your purse and ran out the door.

“Hey.” Jaehyun greeted you with a smile when you called out to him. He was in ripped, baggy jeans, a white shirt that fit just right, and a neutral cardigan. You felt relieved to know that you dressed just as casual as he did by sporting tight fitting, but stretchable jeans and a nude chiffon blouse.

“Hi.” You breathed, hoping it wasn’t obvious you were excited. “H-how… how did you know where my dorm was?”

His forehead scrunched ever so gently, “You mentioned it in passing when I offered to walk you home one time.”

“Oh.” You do recall him offering to walk with you back to your dorm multiple times, especially when it got too late that the librarians themselves were the ones kicking you out. You were too shy to let him, mostly because you also didn’t want to bother him with his own journey back to his place.

“Well, shall we? There’s this cafe I’ve been meaning to try in town.”

You nodded your head, taking a step forward but faltering when he just continued to smile down at you. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head, ears a little pinker than usual, “No, sorry. Nothing’s wrong. You just look extra cute today.”

You could feel your face burst into heat at his words, “O-oh, thank you…”

Jaehyun chuckled, holding out his hand to you.

For a split second, you were scared that your palms started to sweat out of nervousness but not wanting to delay the date any further, you placed your hand on top of his. He threaded his fingers with yours and squeezed your hand, nudging you towards him.

“Let’s go.”

You’ve walked beside Jaehyun multiple times already but this time you’re walking hand in hand with him — and he’s even swaying your conjoined hands! You were screaming inside at how cute he was to do this. He gave off such a cool vibe that you didn’t think he had such an adorable side.

Autumn has started and the weather was perfect to be outside, the leaves were turning to beautiful shades of reds, oranges, and yellows. It was nice to take a stroll under them right now and it feels quite cozy, especially with Jaehyun.

He filled up the silence growing between you, not that it bothered you, with small talk. He asked about your morning and the day before, if you had any plans for the holiday break. You told him that you were going back home to your parents over the holidays and was unsure if your parents had plans to celebrate.

You could feel his thumb gently smooth over your skin as he talked about his plans over the break, mentioning how he’s going to be helping out his dad in his business.

The cafe you both arrived at was smack dab in between a bookstore and a mom-and-pop store. There were little to no patrons in the cafe from the looks of it and it still had some streamers and balloons from their opening.

“Good morning! Welcome to Cafe Hue.” One of the three workers on duty, the cashier, greeted as you entered.

You offered a smile and glanced briefly at the interior — a habit you picked up in middle school that pushed you into taking interior design. For its namesake, the overall interior was a crisp white with loud, brightly colored decors dotting the shelves. There was room for improvement with the choice of furniture, but it still works.

“What would you like?” Jaehyun asked, pulling you out of your reverie by softly squeezing your hand.

You looked up at the chalkboard menu, giving each item a thought until you settled on a hot cup of French vanilla tea. Jaehyun relayed your order to the cashier, who’s eyes seemed very eager to meet his gaze, and added his own order of an iced americano.

“Do you want anything to eat? We can share something if you’d like.”

“I don’t mind a slice of cake or muffin.”

Jaehyun bobbed his head, “Anything in particular?”

“What would you recommend?” You directed the question to the cashier giving heart eyes up at Jaehyun. She shifted her attention to you, a full second of annoyance flashing in her face before plastering a model customer service smile.

“Everything is freshly baked, our baker’s favorite is the basque cheesecake, but personally, I love the chocolate carrot cake.”

“Both sound good, so I’ll leave the choice up to you.”

The cashier’s smile brightened as she returned her attention to Jaehyun, who seemed oblivious to it.

“Then a slice of each.” He didn't wait for her to tally the order and pulled out his wallet, brandishing a black card from within and placing it on the counter. She seemed astonished to see the card in front of her, but it only took a second for her to punch your orders in while repeating it out loud to confirm. Jaehyun nodded and she swiped the card.

“Have you always been a tea person? I could have gotten you tea instead of coffee all this time at the library.” He inquired, pursing his lips ever so slightly at you.

“Not necessarily.” You shrugged your shoulders, “My mind has strongly associated coffee with productivity and since we’re not here to study, I’d rather have tea. I like both, equally.”

Jaehyun finished paying for the order and guided you to a seat by the window. He helped you into your seat briefly before seating himself.

There was a palpable pause when he looked at you and it almost became awkward until he coughed and glanced away, ears visibly red.

“I’m sorry,” He cleared his throat, “I’ve never really… taken anyone out on a date before.”

The admission made your brows shoot up a little, “What? You’ve never dated anyone?”

He shook his head, “No. Wasn’t really interested… until I met you.”

The confession made your heart skip a beat and the faintest heat rose up your cheeks. “Oh. Uhm,” You stuttered, “I… I didn’t expect that from you.”

He sighed, “I get that a lot — not to be vain or anything. I was just never interested in the dating scene.”

“Haven’t girls asked you out? None of them caught your eye?”

Jaehyun shook his head again. “They all seemed… pretentious? No, too eager? Like I’m prey or something.”

You’re still having a hard time believing that this gorgeous man has not dated at all — let alone having you as the first person he’s ever expressed interest in. “What makes me different?”

Slowly, a small smile formed on his lips, “That’s what I’d like to know.”

You woke up startled, as if your body reminded you that you were in no position to be sleeping in. Honestly, you don’t even know how you fell asleep. You remembered looking around the room in hopes to find a way out, but everything was sealed shut with bolts or protected with grills. You discovered that despite being kidnapped, you were still provided other basic necessities. The other door led to a small ensuite bathroom; just one solid square where there were no partitions or dividers between the shower and the toilet. There was even a drawer full of clothes in your size (that you found mildly disturbing).

It almost felt like Yuta wanted you to feel like you were just away from home instead of being used as bait in a trap.

“Jaehyun.” You mumbled, covering your mouth with your palm. Yuta was right. Regardless of your current relationship status, Jaehyun would do anything in his power to find you and you don’t even want to think about what he could possibly do to Yuta when he gets his hands on him.

All you could do was hope Jaehyun won’t be careless in this situation.

You looked around the room as if you would find something new, but it was more bare than a real estate showroom. Yuta seemed to have cleared the food he had brought in for you last night while you slept, and thinking about it now, you were growing hungry.

There was a small knock at the door and you expected Yuta to come in, but you were pleasantly — also slightly confused — to see someone else come in.

“Oh,” The woman meekly said, “Good morning, Ms. [Y/N]. I’ve brought you breakfast.”

You stared at her; she looked so familiar. You watched as she pushed the door open with her shoulder while her hands were occupied with carrying a tray of food and water.

When she placed it on the table, you gasped.

“Mina!”

She smiled, “I’m flattered to know you remember me, Ms. [Y/N].”

“You’ve been missing for weeks. A-are you working for him?”

The smile disappeared from her face as she vehemently denied your accusation, shaking her head. “Please don’t misunderstand this, Ms. [Y/N]! I… I’m forced to do this. If not…” Mina paused, “I’m sorry, I was only tasked to bring your breakfast. I’ll collect the plates later when I bring up your lunch. I’m sorry again, Miss. Please, enjoy your food.”

“Wait—” You clambered off the bed, but Mina was out the door with a soft click behind her.

This just left you with more questions to haunt you. Why was she here? Why was she cooperating with Yuta? Is she a victim as well?

Despite doubting the food’s integrity, you were starving and even though you were served a simple bowl of congee and orange juice, it looked like the most delicious meal you’ve seen in your life. You helped yourself to the food, savoring the flavor exploding in your mouth.

Halfway through your meal, you remembered the dream you had last night.

Your first date with Jaehyun happened almost exactly 8 years ago. Times were simpler back then; everything was just about getting deadlines done at school, going on lunch dates, and clubbing every weekend night.

You started to lose your appetite and felt like throwing up.

How did you end up here?

Burying your face into your palms, you breathed in deeply to stop yourself from crying. You didn’t want to blame Jaehyun, but it’s the truth. You can’t help but think where you would be today if you had walked away from him the first time. You could have still been roommates with Minkyung and Yebin, somewhere in the city. Maybe you could have met someone new at work or the girls could have set you up with someone. Although, you have to admit that the idea pinched at your heart.

You still loved Jaehyun despite everything. Rather than hoping to move on as quickly as you can, you wished he had done things the right way with yo—

Lurching forward, you clamped your mouth shut as you suddenly stood up, the chair falling back with a loud thud. The taste of acid and the congee you had just consumed filled your mouth and you bolted into the bathroom, kneeling at the toilet to expel the vomit.

You barfed into the bowl until you felt like you couldn’t possibly heave anything else from your stomach. Sweat started to build up on your forehead as you calmed yourself down. You spat the remaining sour taste from your mouth and hoisted yourself up, flushing the toilet while you wondered if you caught a virus again.

Then it hit you.

You were supposed to meet Dr. Ahn. Unconsciously, your hand went over your abdomen. Surely, you weren’t…

You brushed the idea away. You’ve been on IUD for years and it’s been extremely effective; why now? These were just your nerves getting to you.

“Please eat something.” Jaehyun’s mom gestured to the maid she entered his room with to replace the food they brought last night. It was barely touched and the rice had gone stale.

“I don’t have an appetite.” He mumbled through his palm, focused on the latest report from the Commissioner General. They were just more reports on how other missing women were possibly linked to him and he honestly didn’t care about it. He just wanted to know why this is happening — what did he ever do to him.

“Sweetheart, even a few slices of fruit?”

Jaehyun looked up at his mom, contemplating telling her what he’s discovered on his own but decided against it. “Sure, I’ll have an apple.”

She perked up, “Alright, I’ll go prepare it myself.”

When his mom and the maid finally left him alone, he pulled out his phone and dialed one of his recent contacts.

“I found out something crucial.” He skipped formalities and greetings. “I don’t want to discuss this over the phone. Can you gather Doyoung and Minkyung for me? And do you think she can host us?”

“Okay, hello, I’m fine, thanks for asking.” Yebin sarcastically responded. “You know any other day, I would have dropped the call.”

“You wouldn’t have picked up.”

Yebin cooed, “Aw, I’m a little touched that you know me so well.”

“Yebin.” Jaehyun impatiently said. He didn’t have the time to have these types of banter with her right now.

“Fine. I’ll contact them.”

“As discreetly as possible, please.” Jaehyun paused, “Wait, don’t ask Minkyung to host us. I’ll get back to you on that.”

Without any further questioning, they ended the call with no goodbyes and Jaehyun flinched as the door opened.

“Here you go!” His mother sashayed into his room, handing him a small plate of peeled, sliced apples. “And if you decide to have anything more, let me know, okay, sweetheart?”

He smiled up at her, “Yes, mom. Although, I might have dinner with Johnny some time soon.”

“Oh,” She said, “Why not just invite him over? Wouldn’t it be safer?”

“I don’t really like bringing home work. We’ll be fine. I’ll bring extra bodyguards if it would put your mind at ease.”

“It would, thank you. Please be careful and give my regards to Johnny. He’s always welcome to drop by here whenever he feels like it.”

Jaehyun snorted, his mother always treated Johnny like a second son and of course, he had no qualms about it. “I’ll let him know.”

Once his mother left, he picked up an apple slice and dialed a different number on his phone. He listened to the phone ring while munching on the fruit until the other person picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hello. I understand this is a bit last minute, but could we possibly meet up in your place? Out of everyone that we’re friends with, your place seems to be the safest. I’ll explain more when we get there.”

“Of course. I’m off early today so I can accommodate you guys. I’ll send my address in a bit.”

“Thank you.” He paused, “Please be careful and wary of your surroundings. As a safety precaution.”

“I will. See you later.”

“Who arranges a meeting and is late for it?” Yebin griped, flicking popcorn with the tips of her long nails to choose the one with the most butter on it.

Johnny, picking out all the pieces she had discarded on the side and tossing it into his mouth, glanced at her, “It is rush hour. Maybe he got into traffic.”

“Maybe he’s in trouble.” Yebin snapped back, shrugging her shoulders. “He could be bleeding out from a gunshot wound right now.”

“Yebin!” Minkyung gasped, swatting her shoulder briefly before clasping her hands together in prayer. “Surely, he’s caught in traffic.”

Although at the last minute, they were able to gather at Kun’s apartment at the designated time. Kun was originally worried if he could host this many people in his small apartment but he’s never been thankful for signing the lease for the one bedroom apartment over the studio type.

He’s even more thankful he believed the feng shui expert who told him to prioritize having a bigger dining area than lounge space so almost everyone tonight could be seated. He is, however, a bit embarrassed he only had movie snacks in his pantry instead to offer as they waited for Jaehyun, hence Yebin and Johnny sharing a bowl of freshly popped popcorn. Luckily, Minkyung had brought some rice cakes and chicken with her — saying it’s her cheat day and wanted to share her cravings with them.

Doyoung had finished swallowing a rice cake that was way too chewy for his liking before making a comment about Kun’s apartment. “As a doctor, I’d expected you to have a healthier food selection.”

“I don’t have guests over often and I haven’t had time to go get groceries.” He sheepishly admitted, placing the bottle of makgeolli he had received from a former patient. “I live off hospital cafeteria food most days.”

“What a mood.” Minkyung quipped, “I respect it. I used to take home leftovers from the food spreads at photoshoots to save money.”

“You always brought home the good stuff when you had small gigs back in college.” Yebin mused, flicking another butter-less popcorn over to Johnny’s side. “[Y/N] and I would always fight for the bougiest one.”

“Speaking of [Y/N],” Minkyung snapped her fingers and pursed her lips, “I haven’t heard from her in awhile. She hasn’t responded to my messages.”

“I was gonna ask the same thing.” Doyoung said before picking up another rice cake from the plate. He glanced at Kun, “I was surprised that you called me over instead of her.”

“Oh! Are we planning a surprise for her or something?”

Johnny and Kun looked at each other, then turned their attention to Yebin, who shut her eyes in annoyance when they did so.

Minkyung gasped, “Did you see that?” She asked Doyoung, “They shared a look!”

“I did.” He narrowed his eyes, aiming them at Kun. “Is there something we don’t know? Is something wrong with [Y/N]?”

“We should really wait for Jaehyun—” Kun cleared his throat, glancing back and forth from Johnny and Yebin for support.

“If something’s wrong and you guys know about it, then what’s the point of waiting for Jaehyun to tell us? We’re all equally her friends here.” Doyoung’s tone made Kun wince.

“We know that!” Yebin butted in, throwing her hands up in frustration. “But we barely know anything as well! Only Jaehyun does and this motherfucker is late—”

On cue, there was a knock on the door and Kun promptly walked over to open the door after checking who was outside through the peephole.

“About time!” Yebin hissed, crossing her arms and glaring up at him.

“I’m sorry. There was a meeting held on the case that I was allowed to listen in to.” Jaehyun said, coolly, no trace of joy or bashfulness his voice usually had when he was with them.

“Is it about [Y/N]? What happened to her?” Minkyung sat up on her seat, brows furrowed in worry.

Kun offered the last seat at the table to Jaehyun, who nodded but remained standing.

“[Y/N] has been missing for over a week now. She’s probably been kidnapped.”

“By who?” Minkyung gasped, “Her college stalker?”

Johnny scoffed, “That dude’s still after her?”

Jaehyun caught Doyoung’s gaze flickering over to him, eyes twitching briefly before he closed them and rubbed his fingers over them to pinch the bridge of his nose. He’s always been the protective brother figure in your life and being one of the last ones to find out about your current situation must be making him feel like shit.

“We don’t know yet. However,” He coughed, clearing his throat. “We have reason to believe that [Y/N]’s case is related to the string of missing women around Seoul.”

“So…” Johnny drew out, “It’s not a targeted type of situation? It’s not the creep from college?”

Jaehyun inhaled deeply and sighed, finally taking the seat that was offered to him. “From the findings of the police — the meeting I had joined earlier — it seems that the suspect does have a target… and it’s me.”

“What?” Yebin spat, “How are the other missing women related to you?”

He cupped his face, massaging in awkward circles to avoid their gazes. “As the police have uncovered, all the missing women have either worked for me, interacted with me, or… participated in an online thread about me back in high school.”

He said the last bit hurriedly, almost embarrassed about that fact.

Yebin’s face was painted with pure disgust, “You’re telling me that women are missing — most are reported to be presumably dead — because they were your fangirls back in high school? And our precious little [Y/N] has been kidnapped… because she’s your fiancée?”

Even Yebin bit her tongue when she said the last word, looking a bit apologetic when Jaehyun hung his head low. She knew calling you his fiancee dug the knife deeper into him than she had meant to. With the lack of reaction from the room, she could tell that only she knew the state of your current relationship.

“I don’t…” Jaehyun mumbled, “I don’t even know what I did to deserve this.”

“You weren’t in the best crowd in high school, but you were an angel compared to them.” Johnny spoke up, being the only one who came from Kyeonggi’s despite only attending for a year. “Who could possibly go through these lengths to get back at you?”

Jaehyun pulled his hands away from his face, expression grim and jaw tight. “I already know who it is. I don’t have enough concrete evidence, but I just know it’s him. He’s got the money to do what he wants, he’s smart, manipulative and he’s cunning and deceiving behind that fucking smile of his—”

“Smile?” Yebin cut him off, “Ooh, I knew that Japanese man was trouble! I’m canceling that fucking deal—”

“Don’t.” Jaehyun stopped her from taking her phone, “Unless you have a good reason as to why you’re breaking off a seemingly good contract with his company. Or any of you who had signed with him, for that matter.”

“Wait, wait,” Minkyung waved her hands in front of her to catch their attention, her perfectly shaped brows perpetually burrowed between her forehead, “Japanese man? Do you mean that Nakamoto guy? He’s your suspect?”

“I’ve always been suspicious of him. Everything started when he came into the picture: the number of missing women increasing… the stalking… this monopoly of their tech company in the country — especially in the security industry — that he’s offered to people around me and [Y/N]... He’s smart, yes, but like the snake he is, he’s leaving behind his skin.”

“Why aren’t you telling this to the police?” Doyoung inquired, taking everything Jaehyun had said. “You just said that the police are already investigating the case.”

“And they are. The commissioner general himself is heading the case.” He nodded, “But as I said, there’s no concrete evidence for me to pin this on Yuta.”

“Wait,” Kun interjected, “Nakamoto… Yuta? I think… he accompanied a patient of mine a while back.”

“Aren’t you a gynecologist?” Yebin scowled, “That man is not allowed to procreate— wait, he knocked someone up? Could it be one of the missing women?”

The thought of Yuta possibly touching you, consensually or not, hadn’t crossed his mind (or maybe he just didn’t want it to) and it made him seethe, balling his fists tightly until his nails dug into his palms.

“I’m not one to break doctor-patient confidentiality but if I remember correctly, he presented himself as a potential father despite what my patient was claiming.”

“What an asshole.” Yebin remarked, lips still downturned.

Kun continued, “He also seemed withdrawn from the whole ordeal — physically present, mentally absent.”

“Do you remember when this was?”

The doctor licked his lips, thinking hard about it. “Probably a few months ago? Barely a year. She was one of my first patients. She had come into the clinic with her arms around his arm, practically dragging him in. I can search for her name tomorrow at the clinic if we want to track her down.”

Minkyung gasped, “Oh my gosh, Kyungwon! We should check up on her. What if she’s been missing too?”

“Didn’t she say she broke it off with him? I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check up on her, she’s one of [Y/N]’s closest colleagues.” Yebin picked up her phone from the table and scrolled through her contacts, “Good thing I got her number last time so I could set her up with a cousin.”

“If there’s a way you can do it inconspicuously, then please do.” Jaehyun implored, “For now, I just need everyone to be on high alert. Act like you don’t know anything if you come across him.”

He sighed, cradling his jaw with his hand after propping his elbow against the table.

“Hey,” Johnny called from across the table, “[Y/N]’s a feisty girl. She’s not going down without a fight. I’m sure she’s okay.”

“I know she is. I’m just trying to figure out this fucking psychopath’s motive and plan.” He mumbled, “I’ve been wracking my brain out how it ended up this way. Did I step over his pride? Did I come off the wrong way on him when he was having a shitty day? I just don’t understand.”

“We can mull about it when we find out more things about him. My family has close connections to a prominent family in Japan, I can have someone get intel on Nakamoto from his home country.” Yebin offered, standing up from her seat. “This sicko is going to pay hell for even touching a single hair on [Y/N]’s head. I’d love to stay and plan out the ways we’re going to torture the fuck out of this guy when we catch him, but I have to handle an ingress of a museum exhibit down in Busan over the weekend. Keep me posted, yeah?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun started to rise from his seat but Yebin waved him off, “Yebin, thank you.”

“Don’t be gross, Jung. I’m doing this for her.”

“I’ll be heading out as well with Yebs. I have a photoshoot tomorrow at Daegu. I haven’t interacted with Yuta at all, and I’m hoping I don’t have to, but I’ll be vigilant.”

They saw the girls off and Kun offered the boys the case of beer he had in the back of his freezer.

“He seemed like such a cool dude. It’s rare to see guys who know the shit they work on, you know?” Johnny was the first one to break the silence between the four men quietly breaking open their respective beer cans and sipping the foam. “But I’m somehow not surprised about it either.”

“I barely interacted with him at the housewarming.” Doyoung confessed, “Even when our security system was replaced with his tech, I didn’t handle it personally.”

Jaehyun somberly acknowledged them, gently pushing the soft aluminum of the beer can that made a soft popping sound every time he let go. With their friends knowing the situation, he felt a little relieved to know he’s not alone in trying to save you.

If he could save you.

“Hey,” Kun nudged his arm and as if he had just heard his thought, said, “Don’t take it too hard on yourself. He’s playing a game that only he wants to play.”

“A game?” Jaehyun repeated.

“Well, that’s how I see it. The way I see it from what I know — which isn’t much — it seems like he’s learning about you to bait you out. Why take the time to find all these people from your past? People you don’t even know? If he’s got all this money and power to do virtually anything he wants, why waste it on them when he could’ve gone straight to people you actually care for?”

Kun shrugged, “Think of it like chess. He’s taken the rooks and the pawns — and even your queen. And the only advice I can offer now is for you to be careful and walk right into his trap.”

Just as the hour hand passed midnight, the boys called it a night. Kun saw them off at the entrance of his apartment building. Johnny had parked all the way down the street while Jaehyun was lucky to have gotten a spot nearby, offering Doyoung a ride after finding out he had commuted.

“I’m sorry, by the way.” Jaehyun said just as they buckled themselves into his car. Before Doyoung could respond, he continued, “You should be one of the first people I should tell about anything related to [Y/N]. I guess a part of me had always seen you as her older brother and I was ashamed to admit I couldn’t protect her.”

He nodded his head in acknowledgement, lips pursed in contemplation.

“You…” His voice trailed off, “You were her college stalker, right?”

Jaehyun’s fingers gripped the steering wheel, “I was.”

“Are you surprised that I know?”

“I had a feeling when it was brought up a while ago. Although as I said, you’re practically her brother. You two know everything about each other.”

“Apparently not everything.” Doyoung bitterly grumbled, slapping his forehead afterwards. “I’ve been so caught up in my own shit that I haven’t checked up on her at all even when she mentioned she had to go home to her parents because she was sick.”

Silence came over them inside the car that seemed louder than the late night city life they were passing by.

“How did you react when she told you about what I did?”

“I told her she was crazy for coming back to you. I’ve urged her multiple times to break it off again.”

Jaehyun is oddly calm. He knew he would have been thinking about all the ways to make Doyoung eat his words, but now he’s just accepting all of it. Maybe because it was over between the two of you.

“But she fought for you.” Doyoung brought him out of his reverie. “Like her life depended on it. It made her look like an idiot, for sure, but she defended you. She gave you a second chance and begged me to do the same. So I did.”

“That means a lot to me. Thank you.” Jaehyun responded once he pulled over in front of Doyoung’s building. “But… I have to apologize again. Before she disappeared, she broke up with me.”

He looked at him like he had grown a second head. “I don’t believe you. I literally just told you she fought to be with you.”

“People… change their minds.” Jaehyun turned the engine off, but didn’t unlock the car. “And I’m starting to think it’s better that way. I never considered this situation before… someone is using her against me, but then again, I’m not entirely a good person for her.”

“But you’re good to her and that was enough for her.”

Jaehyun chuckled morosely, thinking, “If only you really knew everything, man.”

“So what? After we save her, you’re just… going to let her go?”

The response weighed heavy on Jaehyun’s tongue, refusing to be spoken and heard by someone else other than his thoughts. Every fiber of his being didn’t want to let you go, he wanted to fight for your relationship — but he knew he didn’t have the right to.

“Yeah,” He eventually said, “That’s the plan.”

You woke up to a muffled noise and a soft, rhythmic thumping on the adjacent wall of your bed. You groaned, a bit annoyed that your slumber was interrupted, but shook the grogginess away to figure out what was making the noise.

Sitting up, you didn’t bother to rub at the dryness of your eyes and pressed your ear onto the wall, only to gasp and pull away with cheeks flaring up.

Was that… a moan?

You put a hand to your mouth, pressing yourself back up on the wall to hear.

That’s definitely a woman moaning in pleasure and despite not being able to make out the words, the male voice accompanying the woman’s moans was Yuta. Shame overcame you once you realized overhearing their private moment had started to make you press your thighs closer.

You scooted away, jumped off your bed and sat at the table on the other side of the room. You could still hear the soft thumps, but at least you couldn’t hear the moans. Crossing your arms, you sat back on your seat and closed your eyes.

He’s doing this on purpose, you thought. For some twisted reason, you know he wants you to hear that.

Looking out the window, you tried to gauge what time it was. Around midnight, perhaps? What was Jaehyun doing? Is he even getting enough sleep? Is he eating properly? You slapped yourself.

“For someone who broke up with him, you’re pretty concerned about him.” You murmured, but bit your lip when it began to tremble. You should be mad at him. For all that he’s done. You’re in this situation because of him. But why does a part of you want him to leave it to the police? You hoped deep in your heart that he’s not going to come here himself like Yuta is anticipating because you don’t know what this psycho is planning — what his end goal is.

But why do you care? Why does it matter? You laid your head on the table and sobbed, “I still love him.”

“Please, please if there’s any higher being listening to me right now.” You prayed, voice shaky and strained, “Please don’t let him come here. Please.”

After some time, you jolted in your seat at the sound of the door knob rustling. Had you cried yourself to sleep?

The door opened and Yuta sauntered in wearing nothing but a pair of baggy sweats that hung low on his hips, smirking at the sight of your face that’s red and puffy from crying. “Aw, did you miss Jaehyun after hearing all that? Did you enjoy the show? I’ll let you watch next time~”

This man has an innate ability to fill you with rage within seconds.

Before you could think it through, you stood up and pushed his body with all your might, running at the door he hadn’t closed yet. You were able to swing it wider, but couldn’t get a foot out when you felt your hair being yanked back. You felt a few strands snap as you yelped in pain, trying to grab at Yuta’s fist around your head.

“That’s cute.” He laughed in your ear, kicking the door with his foot. He tossed you towards the bed like a rag doll, your body just hitting the edge of it before crumbling to the floor. “Don’t do that again. I’ll forgive you this time, but if you insist on taking a little stroll outside, I don’t mind trading a few minutes of freedom for some head.”

“Fuck you.” You spat, visibly shuddering at the offer.

He just laughed again, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t have to fuck myself. Your friend is a great fuck and leaves me happy every time.”

“What?” You massaged the part of your scalp that had been strained. When realization hit you, you gasped in horror, “Kyungwon?!”

You called out to her, scrambling onto your feet and running towards the wall. You pounded on the surface, “Kyung? Kyungwon, it’s me, [Y/N]!”

Yuta merely chuckled behind you, “Do you really think I would let her stay here overnight and discover you’re here?”

Somehow the thought of Kyungwon still being able to go home comforted you.

“That’s risky of you to bring her here in the first place.”

“It’s a gamble, but someone has to bring the prince to the damsel in distress, no?” Yuta dragged the chair you had sat on towards him and sat down.

“What do you plan on doing when Jaehyun gets here?” You heaved, keeping your emotions in check. “Do you honestly think he’s going to go here alone?”

He gave you a wicked smile, the type that made you shiver.

“I know he is.”

Yuta reached into the pocket of his pants, leading your gaze to the prominent tent between his legs that made you want to vomit. Does this type of scenario excite him? You averted your gaze to the television that turned on.

“As expected, Jaehyun had contacted your friends. Presumably to recruit them in saving you.”

A CCTV footage on what seems to be the front entrance of an apartment building appeared on screen. It didn’t look familiar to you, but then you see a familiar mop of head in the corner.

“Kun?”

“He graciously hosted everyone in his apartment. Smart move on Jaehyun since my company failed to convince the building owner’s to switch to my tech — but I doubt Jaehyun knows that. Good thing there’s a bunch of free streams of city’s CCTV on the net, huh? With a little nudge here, the camera is focused more on the apartment.”

Yuta tapped his phone and the video sped up. He only slowed it down to show you who was entering — first, it was Doyoung. Johnny followed, and Yebin and Minkyung came together.

“And last, but not the least,” Yuta sang, tapping his phone once more to show Jaehyun, even zooming into the video to get a better look at his face.

Your heart sank. He looked so sullen, it hasn’t been long, but he looked like he lost weight and aged a few years.

“Oh! I would have loved to hear what they were talking about.” He sighed, “Don’t you?”

“I don’t get what your end goal here is.” You hissed, balling your fists at your sides. “Kill Jaehyun?”

“Kill him? Heavens, no.” He laughed, “He can do that himself.”

Your nails almost pierced your palm at how much you balled your fists tighter upon hearing that.

“I want to break him — mentally and emotionally. I’ve already started to unravel him since I got the single thread that was keeping him together.” Yuta tipped his head at you, “I want to drive him insane until he loses himself — be that monster he really is.”

“He’s not a monster—”

“[Y/N], [Y/N],” He clicked his tongue in disappointment, “Should I give you another copy of his journal for you to read to pass time here? Did you forget already just because you saw him all mopey and sad just now? [Y/N], that man invaded your privacy from when you were younger! He had personally sent people to the hospital because of anger issues AND did not feel an ounce of remorse for doing so. Does that not bother you at all?”

You refused to comment, opting to control your breathing to stop yourself from hyperventilating at the reminder of the things you’ve read in the files.

“Aw, [Y/N], it’s okay. We all make mistakes. Yours was giving him that second chance.”

“No.” Your voice cracked.

Yuta’s brow rose up at your response.

“Giving him that second chance wasn’t a mistake. I don’t regret it.”

“I hope you don’t eat your words, [Y/N].” He sighed, “You haven’t read everything yet.”

“It doesn’t matter.” You snapped, defiant and curt. “I hope he kills you.”

Yuta chuckled, nonchalantly with a nod as he slowly stepped towards the door.

Your brows burrowed ever so slightly, what did he mean by that? Did he really just want Jaehyun to kill him? For what reason?

“By the way,” He said as he opened the door, the tone of his voice dropped lower and you’re mortified at how it sends pure fear shooting through you. “Try to escape again and there will be consequences. Don’t ruin the fun, [Y/N].”

And just like that, he left you once again in the room. The loud click of the lock signaled that you’re once again alone with your thoughts, drowning endlessly in questions that suffocated you to sleep every night since you’ve been here.

A/N: and it's finally here!! if anybody is still notif gang, thank you for being so patient 🥹 i hope it wasn't too fast paced, but i literally just wrote out what i typed out in the outline thats been rotting in my notes.

i hope it's not too much to ask, but please share my uncle's getfunding link for his chemo therapy 🙏

support me by reblogging with the same tags! i would also really appreciate leaving your thoughts in my inbox as it would help me become a better writer and prepare me to write my own book 👀

for extra support, you can check here on ways to send me a tip ~

#nct scenarios #nct smut #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x reader #devoted au #nct jaehyun #nct jaehyun smut

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yuseirra · 25 days ago

Text

A Family Bigger than Four (Postscript)

↑This piece was the longest comic I ever drawn, it took months,

I really did think a lot about it during the times I updated it almost daily, and I wanted to write some of my thoughts upon having created it! I did express some of it during when I was still creating it, (these are mostly about the subjects I'd been tackling within the piece itself) but... here's what I wanted to accomplish as a whole!

Looking back, I realized I finished that manga on Valentine’s Day. :) (the last episode was released then, the title page was drawn on the day after.)

Somehow, it felt fitting—after all, it’s a day to express love.

After finishing the manga... for a while, I just couldn't bring myself to write any kind of postscript.

That feeling of being a little dazed after completing something? I had drawn that manga almost every single day, and it's probably the longest one I’ve ever worked on.

Rather than planning out the storyline episode by episode, I mostly just drew things I wanted to see—small everyday moments and such. Fundamentally, I don’t think there was much difference in theme from what I usually draw.

Regardless of the genre or work, when I create fanworks, I tend to focus on the relationship between two people with a tight bond—what words they exchange, and what they wish to convey to one another. I think about that a lot.

Of course, it’s not always that deep—sometimes, I just want to draw something cute or explore different ideas—but at the core, it always comes back to that.

So in that sense, this manga aligns with what I usually create.

But as for the original work... emotionally speaking, the ending wasn’t just cruel—it went beyond that, merely presenting the characters’ wounds without addressing or resolving them. That’s why, more than anything, I felt like I wanted to do something about that.

Did I come up with the smartest, most optimal solution? I can’t say for sure.

But I did put a lot of thought into it, considering the original work’s events and character traits, and I tried my best to resolve things in my own way.

So, if you look closely, everything each of the characters wishes for comes true in this story!

I treated Ai and Hikaru as the main characters. In fact... in this manga, I saw Ai as the protagonist and Hikaru as a co-protagonist with a more observer-like role. Ai was the core. That was my mindset while drawing.

To be honest, isn’t this the story that Oshi no Ko should have told?

In Episode 1, Ai says she wants to be both an idol and a mother—that she’s greedy. She built her life around lies, but she wished that the words “I’m happy” weren’t a lie. More than anything, she wanted to truly love and to express her love with certainty.

She really did love her boyfriend. She wanted to live happily with him and their children. At the same time, she wanted to continue her idol career and share love with everyone.

So I gave her that.

Saying, “That’s impossible,” or, “That’s something that shouldn’t happen”—that’s exactly the kind of statement this story shouldn’t make.

Of course, I’m not saying teenage pregnancies should be encouraged, but an idol can have a relationship. And no one should ever be murdered just because they have children.

I truly believe that this is the message the story should have conveyed—not that vague and insubstantial conclusion it ended on.

Ai and Aqua’s deaths were supposed to pave the way for Ruby’s future? Future, my foot. I have my suspicions about what the author was trying to say with that, and honestly, I think I do understand what they were going for. But even so, from an objective standpoint, it’s just not a good story.

Here. Ai lives. She was able to reveal her truth to the world, and the world ended up accepting it. Her relationships—with her children and with her boyfriend—are publicly acknowledged. She declares her love with certainty and does just that in the final scene of this comic.

She is able to continue her idol career, exchanging love with her fans, and realizes that her love wasn’t a lie. That’s the story this manga tells. It’s foreshadowed and already proposed as early as the 4th episode of this fan comic.

Even if you say this version is unrealistic, I think the original manga is even more unrealistic.

Sure, reality can be cruel. But if Ai’s story had been revealed in a documentary-style format, I think the public could have sympathized with her. The masses can be harsh, but they’re not always that way. Ai and her boyfriend’s circumstances were genuinely heartbreaking. Rather than throwing stones at them, I believe people would have eventually come to accept them—it just would have taken time. People adjust. They get used to things.

And Ai is “Ame-no-Uzume.” She does stand for that particular god in so many ways, if not in a literal sense.

In her own song IDOL, she literally declares, I’m going to have it all. If she had survived, I believe she could have made that a reality. That goddess has that kind of personality. She has the power to shift perspectives and to pioneer new paths. She was always meant to be the ultimate idol.

Her title is The Great Persuader. That’s her epithet.

As for what Ai had with her mother and her relationship with Nino, I resolved it in the healthiest way possible within my own interpretation of what Ai would have wanted.

In the original work… that part was depicted in such an incomplete and unhealthy way. I really thought hard while writing the dialogue for those respective episodes, trying to keep it natural while staying true to the context.

It’s always harder to resolve a problem than to create one.

The original work depicted suffering, but it didn’t mend any of it—not even a little! That really hurt to see

I won’t claim that my solution was the best possible one.

But at the very least, I wanted to heal things.

Because only then can we truly move forward to the future. That was what was supposed to happen, I'm looking at you Aqua. No, it's not your fault, what could you have done, you were just written that way and you suffered too but it was one of the worst ways I've ever seen to resolve something! Aqua needed help. He needed to visit a psychiatrist and receive mental support...

Moving on,

This fan comic is about Ai having a new baby, right? Why that event, of all things? Well, 'Oshi no Ko' starts with an idol giving birth. But that was something the world rejected, wasn’t it? That idol had to hide it, but at the same time, she also wanted to reveal it. And in the end, she was murdered because she had children.

The situation is similar (an idol having a child), but I wanted to give Ai the happiness they didn't have regarding that same event. I don’t think that’s impossible. To love and be loved meaningfully by others, to receive support, to not have to keep it a secret, to live with the person they love in the way they wish, at the time they wish—that should be possible.

I think that’s what I wanted to show through this fan manga.

Hikaru, whom I called a double protagonist, wanted to live happily with Ai. And he got that here. I think I’ve written about this before, but...

For me, I felt that unless I depict this character coming to terms with what happened to him—realizing that it wasn’t his fault and finding some resolution for the wounds tied to it—I don’t think I’ll ever be able to free myself from the painful feelings this manga gave me. That’s why I wanted to address it at least once through this fan manga.

The way the original manga handled this theme wasn’t the absolute worst (there are always worse ways to do things, and this story could have been handled in an even lazier, more careless, and more horrifying way). But that doesn’t mean it was handled well either. It just presented the issue and left it at that. And because the subject matter itself is so painful, just seeing it really hurt. But the story just moves on with him carrying and blaming himself for the wounds of what's been taking place. It does nothing about it. When I think about it, it’s agonizing.

No matter how much I think about it, I can’t shake the feeling that Kamiki was originally someone with an inherently good personality. If my guess is correct, he actually looked out for Aqua’s sake a lot. If he had truly been completely insane, he could have harmed Aqua, Ruby, and everyone around them at any time. The fact that things ended at this level means that he didn’t harbor much malice toward Aqua. I believe his abilities must be extraordinary. It was that he lost his mind. He lost it, but I think it was about when it came to Ai. It’s like a fuse blew out in that regard. He became extreme because of something he wanted to do related to her, but outside of that, I think he was actually kind. If Ai had been alive, he would have been an incredibly decent person. We don't ever see him being angry or retaliating at anyone or accusing, blaming, or fighting others at all. But he is insane because he wishes to bring the dead back to him.

Considering the environment he grew up in, it’s pretty remarkable that he was able to maintain that attitude at all. That side of him is what’s real. If there’s one thing about him that’s a lie, it’s that he became a master at pretending he was okay when he really wasn’t. That’s the same as Ai. Even in the original manga, this was something that was presented. That's the lie when it comes to this guy.

Ai’s death could be blamed on him in the sense that his abuse, leading him to become a black star entity, caused his abilities to go out of control, leading to the misfortunes that followed. If Ai had become the black star, then the problems would have surfaced concerning love. But because Kamiki was the one bound to it, the disasters manifested concerning the future. That’s just how the domains of the gods they were tied to work.

But I don’t think it was intentional.

He said he forgot, didn’t he? Forgot who he was (Mephisto). At the time he was singing that song, Ai was already dead, so he was in a state of wanting to bring her back. At least until that point, he didn’t know he was a god in essence. And once he realized it, he started searching for a white star imbued with Ai (love), thinking, "If you can’t come back to life, then I want to become you." Because without her, he simply couldn’t go on.

Just like how Ai dreamed in Chapter 154, in this story, the two of them live happily together with their children.

Honestly… I think if he had actually reached out to Ai in those moments when they were in contact, things could have worked out. But since his ability involves interfering with the future, the moment it became distorted and flawed, he ended up making choices that only led him further into misfortune.

This story also touches on his thoughts about the situation him and AI's in, the kind of things someone who became a parent at a very young age might think about.

With all that being said, I wanted to convey that even people who find themselves in such situations can still find happiness.

The original story should have done that. But it didn’t.

And that’s why it was painful to watch… Just because someone goes through something tragic, does that mean it has to end there? Even if a person finds themselves in an unbearable situation—no, Kamiki believed that as long as Ai was with him, he could endure it. And I think he really could have. Even after everything he went through, he was someone who could smile so brightly just because Ai was there.

If they had stayed together, I believe they would have been able to overcome everything in the end.

Here and there, I also included hints about the Aratate Shrine’s backstory and mythology.

If his circumstances had been good, if he had been in a healthy state, he would have had the power to lead everything toward a better path.

Just like how Ai had the power to convey love and persuade others.

And so, in this piece of comic, they will always live happily.

Gorou wanted to help Ai give birth to healthy children in the manga, and he wished for Sarina’s happiness.

Both wishes come true, and he gets to witness it all up close. He even gets to help directly and becomes one of the people who contributed the most to Ai’s happiness. At the same time, he becomes a close friend of Ai’s family and even officiates the wedding.

Sarina is alive and becomes Ai’s closest idol friend.

Nino realizes that Ai is just like any other person and takes her to Hikaru, allowing them to become friends. (This is an homage to how Nino, in the main story, seemingly played a role in Ai-related matters regarding Hikaru, whatever that was)

Aqua and Ruby are born as normal children, though their talents and personalities remain somewhat intact.

They grow up without experiencing sorrow, acting like proper children—seeking and showing affection openly, and growing up well under the care of their parents.

I did get to draw Aqua’s close relationship with Gorou to some extent, but Sarina and Ruby’s relationship wasn’t explored in as much depth... Still, Sarina loves Ai so much that she even says she wants to be born as Ai’s child here too (which aligns with the original story), and she adores Ruby as well. You see her take Ruby along with Ai at the wedding. The words she says to Kamiki at the wedding carry a similar tone—something along the lines of “Thanks for making cute kids who resemble Ai.” That’s how she looks at the family.

This part is mentioned briefly, but Aqua’s dream here is to become both an actor and a doctor, influenced by Gorou. There are scenes where he reads related books or sticks close to Gorou. The two share an unspoken understanding.

There’s an episode where he mentions Akane and Kana, feeling discouraged thinking he lacks the talent to be an actor like them or his father. But after receiving encouragement from his dad, he regains his motivation. This was a variation of a scene from the original story (the Tokyo Blade arc, and what Kamiki tells him is an arrange of what he tells his son and daughter. He does praise them when he sees them).

Akane and Kana have a future with Aqua. The three of them will get along well, and how their relationship will be in the future remains open-ended. They will all be happy.

At the end, we have Ruby dance and the baby comes along, right? This was actually a throwback-reversal of the Amaterasu-Ame-no-Uzume myth! Ai(Amenouzume) brought Ruby(Amaterasu) into the light. This time, it's Ruby that brings her baby out into the world. I bet nobody got this reference, hehe

Ruby makes a wish at Aratate Shrine, saying she will become an idol who shines more than any other like her mother—and she will.

Every line of dialogue in that particular episode(Aratate Shrine visit) is foreshadowing and a reference to something.

Ichigo Productions, having secured the incarnations of both gods of entertainment, will likely dominate the industry! The B-Komachi members also learn Ai’s story, and they stick together, sharing the spotlight and thriving together.

Actually, considering the original deity Kamiki’s ability is based on, there's no way things can turn out bad once he's in his best shape.

If the “god who guides everything in a good direction” functions properly, then failure isn’t even an option.

The third child is born with Ai's beautiful violet hair which Hikaru mentioned of in the very first episode! This child will have twin-star eyes.

In fact, I had an idea of what the third child would look like from the very beginning when I first thought of this story.

Here, it’s just one child—I pictured them as a daughter who inherits her mother’s hair and her father’s eyes. But… getting too attached to a character who doesn’t exist in the original story would be heartbreaking, so I never finalized their name or details.

That said, when I started drawing this, someone suggested the name Citrine. I was thinking, that, or maybe Amber would work. Amber is commonly used as a person’s name too. Yes, I imagined her eyes as golden.

I still firmly believe Kamiki’s eyes are yellow/golden. Seriously, his eye color looks too murky. It seems like they’re stained because of the black star. His name literally means “god of light,” so why are his eyes that color? I believe they were originally golden.

I’ve mentioned my thoughts and concerns about the topics I tackled and what I felt about them in various posts and other writings, so I’ll skip that part this time.

I just wanted to make sure everyone got what they wished for—and that it would feel convincing!

And above all, I just wanted to see them all doing well.

That’s the thought I kept in mind while drawing this.

The final chapter, in particular, is packed with references to mythology, songs related to this work, and previous episodes. If you look closely, you might notice a lot. It's very wordy, but I squished it all in last-minute and I like what I did!

When I create fanworks, I aim to make them more enjoyable for those who have read the original story—filled with recognizable details and variations of scenes and dialogues. There are a lot of it hidden throughout, so it might be fun to look for them~

Thank you for reading!

I hope it was an enjoyable ride for all of you who followed!

#oshi no ko #hikaai #hikaru kamiki #ai hoshino #aqua hoshino #ruby hoshino #oshi no ko spoilers #oshi no theories #spoilers #long post

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lilgarbitch · 2 months ago

Text

Running In Circles - Two

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: suggestive scenes, alcohol

Word Count: 8.5k

Author’s Note: (Original note) I won’t base Y/N or her band on any specific artist or band, but I will use certain artists multiple times purely because I either want the lyrics/ genre of song to fit a theme or for particular surprises. (New note) I’m not sure if it’s dumb or not to upload these fast, but since these were already written, the first 7 chapters will be going up in quick succession. After that, the chapters will be uploaded as I work on writing them.

Part One

Noah

A loud groan escapes my lips as I run a hand over my face. She looks so much different than she did all those years back. Yet, the exact same. And she was going to kill me. I had to hide it, but everything she did had such a substantial impact on me. From her personality, to her tattoos, her voice, and her absolutely beating my ass in Mario Kart. I don’t care what anyone says, she was the most perfect person I had ever met.

Being reminded, I look down at the switch in front of me and pull out my phone to take a quick picture of our score. I open Instagram and go to post it on my story, about to tag her, before remembering I haven’t actually followed her on my main account yet. I’ve followed her on my secret account for years, so easily remembering it, I type in her username, hit follow, and then go back to posting the picture.

It wasn’t until it was fully uploaded and I looked over at the boys that I felt the giant smile I had on my face. After catching some looks from them, I played it off, trying to let it falter, but a small smile still stayed.

“Yeah… That’s her. For sure. I- I felt it again the second she introduced herself to me. I don’t know if I wanted to believe it, even after seeing those pictures. But seeing her in person again today just… sealed the deal.” I answered them, throwing my head back onto the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

I just couldn’t help but think of all the memories I’ll get to make this tour. Don’t get me wrong, every tour was exciting, from traveling to beautiful places, trying new restaurants, and spending it with my brothers. But this tour would definitely be one to remember. I didn’t even care if she felt the same way, as long as we could become close and I could spend time with her. I’m just happy I finally found the girl that has plagued my mind for the longest time.

The boys and I were about to play our first festival. We managed to catch a bit of Erra’s set but had to run back to our stage to finish setting everything up and doing our warmups to get ready. I was more nervous than I’d ever been, but I knew that if I just got through this set, I would feel like I could perform anywhere. Plus, we’ve had technical difficulties in the past, but everything worked out well, and none of them were our fault. I practiced enough this week that I could probably do the whole show in my sleep. So there was nothing that could go wrong, right?

We got the signal that we were going on any moment now, and did our best to hype each other up. We all gave Folio a quick high five before he ran out on stage. Instantly, I could hear the entire crowd cheering, and that was all I needed to be ready for this show.

Jolly and Nick ran out a few moments later, and now I just had to wait for my signal. Shaking out my hands and feet, ensuring every last drop of my nerves were gone, I heard the music start. The crowd was louder than ever, and I felt my confidence building more and more every second. With one last exhale, my cue to run on stage was now.

I walk around the stage and get a good view of the crowd's size as I start singing Mercy. The passion I felt in this moment was unlike anything else. The crowd cheering and singing along with every word, trying to reach and carry every note as I do. The hands in the air. The range of age and style. These people all came together to hear me, or at least wanted to hear me for the first time. I felt like a fucking king in this moment.

Over the next few songs, I really started to get into the zone. I felt connected with each of my brothers on stage with me, every person in the crowd in front of me, and especially the lyrics as I sang them. I sang the last line of Malice and let the arm that held my mic fall, letting my breathing relax. Turning to my brothers on stage with me, I gave them all a proud smile. They all returned it in their own way as they set up for our next song. Jolly gave me a laughing smile, and Nick gave me a smirk. I walked towards Folio behind me and reached out my hand, him grasping it over his drums and giving me the brightest smile. We’ve come so far and nothing was stopping us now.

Stepping away and back towards the front of the stage, Jolly and Nick start the first notes of The Worst In Me, Folio immediately following their lead. Putting back on a more serious demeanor, I get closer to the people in front.

Is there nothing left to keep myself awake?

To keep these walls from caving in?

When all they ever do is try to bend and break?

Is there forgiveness in the end?

I lower to a crouch as I sing the lyrics, scanning my eyes over the people at the barricade. Their faces light up as I look at each of them and try my hardest not to smile at the reaction.

I had you in my grip, but you’re starting to slip

Bring out the worst in me

And now it’s come to end, I think I’m giving in

You set my demons free

I watch as everyone sings along with me. I hold out my hand to them, and a few reach out, but they’re all just too far to touch. I stand and move more to my left to see more faces, not wanting to prioritize the ones right in front of me.

I need relief, a failure’s coming on

Just breathe in deep, It’s taking far too long

I need relief, this weakness carries on

Please be a dream, or was it all along?

I stand back up and let my eyes roam over the ones standing behind those before as I continue to sing along, making eye contact with everyone I can.

It’s better when you’re with me

My eyes trail across their faces.

But it’s better left unsaid

I see them all singing along.

It’s better when I’m empty

I even catch a few tears falling down some of their faces. Matching those that fell down mine as I wrote some of these songs.

But I still let you in

Then, there it was. There she was. I had never seen her before, yet something in me knew her. I tried to move my eyes past her, but they stayed glued to hers.

It’s better when you’re with me

She wasn’t moving or singing along with the others. It was like we were both locked in a trance. I felt electricity flow through my entire body. I felt like I had been transported to a different world.

But that’s better left unsaid

When she blinked, the movement reminded my brain where I was. Reminding itself what was happening

It’s better when I’m empty

But I’ll still let you in

I was thankful a part of my brain kept working, singing on complete autopilot. Because nothing else wanted to work. I couldn’t move my eyes. My legs stayed glued to the floor. I had to try to fully rip myself away from the moment to even regain control of my body.

Blinking a few times, I finally move from my entranced state and finish the song, keeping my eyes on anyone but her. As the song ended, I turned my back to the crowd, closed my eyes, and let out the biggest exhale. I had to refocus. We still had half a setlist to get through.

I looked up at my band, and Nick gave me a weird look, silently asking what was wrong. I completely ignored him as I turned back around and got ready for Said & Done.

With my mind almost on full autopilot, I managed to push through and finish the rest of the set. Cheers roared through the crowd. I pulled out one earpiece to listen to them, hoping they bring me back to reality. The boys and I all walked to the front of the stage, bowed, and said our thanks, to the people in the crowd and to the festival for having us before tossing random shit out to the crowd and saying our goodbyes.

As we were heading off the stage, it was almost like I could no longer fight it as what felt like a magnet pulled my eyes back to hers. She was still looking at me, and a shiver ran through my body. I almost think I saw the same happen to her, but I forced myself to pull away and off the stage before I got completely stuck to her again. I did my best to shake off the feeling and push it to the back of my mind as we walked back to our tour bus. The boys were eerily quiet as we walked back, or maybe my brain was just so overwhelmed with emotions that I was blocking everything out. All I knew was that I needed to sit down.

Finally reaching the bus, I sit on one of the couches in the lounge and throw my head back, shutting my eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to replay the moment or force everything out of my brain. All I knew was that the only thing I could see in my head was her eyes. And I couldn’t stop wondering what the hell that was. Who was she? What was that feeling? Why did it truly feel as if my body was being pulled towards her? Wh-

“Noah!”

My eyes shot open as I quickly sat up and looked at the boys all sitting around me.

“What?” I blandly ask, trying to play it off. I got a few odd stares in response.

“What the hell was that?” Ruffilo asked.

Shaking my head, I replied weakly, “ I don’t know what you’re talking about,” which caused him to raise an eyebrow at me.

“Well, first of all, something distracted you during one of the songs, and then you looked completely out of it the rest of the set, and then you ignored all of us on the walk back.” He gave me a stern look, telling me there was no lying or getting out of this. I let out a sigh and ran my hand over my face, trying to collect my thoughts.

“I..really don’t know. I can’t even explain without sounding stupid.” Then Jolly sat beside me and put a hand on my shoulder.

“Come on, you say stupid shit all the time; I think we’ll understand some of it,” Jolly said, causing me to give him a weak smile.

With another sigh, I started talking. I tried my best to explain the weird trance I got put under. About how I got locked in her eyes until I literally had to rip myself away. That caused Jolly to ask if she was just really hot, to which I responded with a smack to his chest. I explained how, for the rest of the show, it was like there was a magnet I was fighting against. One that finally pulled me back in before we left the stage, and that time it felt even harder to rip away from. I did my absolute best to explain the feelings that shot through my body the entire time, but since they were nothing like I had ever felt before, I had nothing to compare them to. By the end of the venting, I had my face in my hands, trying to reground myself.

I sat up and ran my hand through my hair as I looked back up at them all. Each more confused than the last.

“I really don’t know how to help you here, bro. I mean, it sounds like some divine intervention shit.” Folio finally said. That caused a groan to erupt from my throat. If it really was, why now? To a person I will probably never see again? I’ll never be able to find her again. What the fuck is even happening.

2 Years Later

The thought comes and goes. It’s more like a dull yet burning yearning in my chest that hasn’t left since that day. It’s been so long that I’m starting to get convinced that I’m just going to be stuck, thinking of those eyes, until the day I die.

I pull out my phone and look at the time, groaning when I see that it’s now two in the morning and I am just lying here, stuck in this endless cycle of thought once again. Then my eyes land on the date, causing an even larger groan. It’s been over two years since that show. It’s been over two years of the same ruminating thoughts. I roll over in my bed and open my phone, knowing that just sitting here in my thoughts will keep me up all night anyway, so I might as well try to distract myself.

I open Instagram and switch over to my alternative account, one that can actually follow interesting things without fans speculating on why I follow so many people. I scroll through the timeline, liking a post here and there, seeing a few bands posting news or a few memes that actually put a smile on my face. Getting stuck in the endless doomscroll, I finally landed on a post that genuinely piqued my interest. It was one of Bryan’s photography friends who liked to travel and find new bands to help out with pictures. I always loved discovering new bands to listen to, so just seeing his username caught my attention, but then I finally looked at the pictures he posted.

Oh, fuck. It was her. It was her. I could recognize the face anywhere. Even though I caught it for barely a minute, it was so engraved into the folds of my brain; seeing it every single time I closed my eyes, there was no way I couldn’t recognize it. I noticed she now had a neck tattoo that she hadn’t before, peeking over her crew neck shirt from the first picture. I scrolled through the photos, almost burning a hole through my phone as I eyed up each one with her in it. She looked utterly beautiful as she performed. I finally let my eyes fall on the caption.

‘So incredibly thankful to have found this amazing band while traveling around the East Coast. Check them out at @ Praisingdeities and definitely check out their music. It was unlike anything I have ever heard.”

Praising Deities. Now, that’s something I could absolutely do now that I finally found her. I click on their username, it sending me to their page, before instantly following them. I scrolled through their pictures, not getting enough of finally seeing her again. I saw that there were people tagged in one of their posts, so I clicked on it and saw that one tag was right on her. @ PraisingY/N. Clicking on that, I got sent to her personal page. God, she was fucking beautiful. I was glued to every picture of her face. I almost had to force myself to scroll to the next post, my eyes not wanting to leave the last.

Finally realizing I had spent way too long staring at her, I exited the picture and scrolled back up to the top of her page, ready to tell someone that I had found her, when I saw her bio.

“Goddess’ out now!”

Fumbling with my phone, I hurriedly opened Spotify and typed in their name, instantly getting results. I clicked on the song ‘Goddess.’ Within seconds, my ears were filled with the most beautiful voice I had ever heard.

You’re like a goddess in disguise

I’m drowning slowly in your eyes

It’s like you kill me by design

You’re all I desire.

Fucking tell me about it. I wouldn’t blame anyone if they wrote this song about her. With a surge of energy running through me, I bolt up out of bed and out of my room. I peek into the hallway, seeing that both of the Nicks’ doors were closed, but Jolly’s was open. Glancing into his room, seeing that he wasn’t there, I ran down the stairs, searching everywhere for him. Finally, I make it to our studio and practically burst through the door. Jolly and Folio are sitting in there, chatting, as Jolly held his guitar. They both look up at me in shock the second I come through the door, and I almost run to them, holding out my phone, Y/N’s Instagram account pulled up on it. Jolly’s hand reached out first, so I handed the phone to him as he looked at it confused.

“IT’S HER! THAT’S HER!” I say, not trying to yell but accidentally doing so. Nick leaned over in his chair towards Jolly as Jolly pulled the phone closer to his face to get a better look.

“Her? Like..her her? The one from the show?” Nick asked, still looking over at my phone in Jolly’s hands.

“Yes! I found her! She’s in a band. Oh my god, guys. She sings, and it’s like heaven. She’s like heaven. I can’t believe I fucking found her.” I say, practically pacing around the room. Nick pulls his phone out and pulls her band up on Spotify, hitting a random song, and instantly, her beautiful voice plays through the speakers.

Petrichor on the floor of your mind

I’m sorry for the pain that I caused

The rain I left behind

Petrichor, we’re left paralyzed

A battlefield of vortex we shattered from the fight

I stopped and stared at them as they stared at her profile on my phone, waiting for any reaction from them. They hear this, right? As I watch them scroll on my phone, looking over her selfies and group pictures of the band, one of them occasionally pointing out a tattoo or an instrument, suddenly, her voice changes, causing us to immediately stare at Nick’s phone as she starts screaming.

I’ve got an ache in my heart

Can’t fix this hole in my head

Didn’t think we could restart

Maybe we’re better off dead

We all look at each other, Jolly with amazement, me with shock, and Nick with a smug look.

“I think you found your perfect match, Noah,” Nick said with a chuckle. I felt heat rise to my cheeks. She was perfect, wasn’t she?

We talked about it until we all decided it was too late and should head to bed. I’m not sure whether it was finally finding her, or if the amount of energy I just let out finally wore me down, but I was able to get some sleep. The next day, Jolly mentioned that he followed the guitarist of their band and reached out, telling him that he loved their sound, which came with the response from their guitarist, Finn, fangirling a little bit from the recognition. Jolly said that they had a lot in common and had been chatting about music and other interests, which was fucking fantastic.

I get brought out of my daydreaming to the sound of her voice floating through the air as they do their soundcheck. I sit up and look at the boys whose attention was also caught by the noise. I stand up and go to walk towards the stage, not so far that I’m within their view, but just enough that I can watch her as she sings a few lines of a song with her eyes on the front of stage crew, looking for confirmation that everything sounds good. Each member tests out their instruments, and then they do a small run-through of a song before heading off stage. I turn around and walk back to the boys, or try to, before realizing they were all standing behind me, watching as well.

I give Ruffilo a small smack on the arm, laughing as we hurry back so we don’t get caught. Sitting back down in random seats, trying to play off that anything suspicious happened, her band came into the room, with the stage manager trailing behind them.

“Alright, boys, you’re up.” the stage manager commanded, making us all stand and follow her.

“You guys sounded amazing. I can’t wait to see your full set,” I heard Folio tell the other band from behind me as we passed them. I turned and went to give them a proud smile as a way of agreeing, but I instantly caught Y/N’s gaze, getting locked in. Within a split second, I got lost in them, only being able to break out when Jolly patted my shoulder to keep me moving. With a few blinks, I finally sent them a warm smile, quickly turned my head, and returned to heading towards the stage.

Y/N

Bad Omens does their soundcheck as my band and I plan out our set, going over if our setlist was exactly how we wanted it to be, what we wanted to add in, where the best break would be, and what surprises we should add, as it’s something we loved doing to connect with the crowd. The next hour was a bit of a rush as the crew ensured everything was perfect, and both bands checked to ensure everything was ready. The next thing we knew, we were about to head on stage.

I peek around the side of the stage and see the massive crowd, all either chatting with each other, hyping themselves up, or singing along with the pre-show playlist. This was it. We’ve had large shows in the past, but this was our biggest yet. Bad Omens being the first well known band to let us tour with them. I jumped up and down a bit, shaking off my nerves as my band and I got ready. Suddenly, the venue's lights darken, and the stage lights turn green, our signature color.

“You ready?” I hear in my ear. I turn and see Damien looking down at me with a huge smile, causing me to instantly return it and give him a nod. He pats my back a few times before running on stage, waving to the crowd as they all start cheering. I watch as he sits behind his drum set and spins his sticks a few times, both putting on a show and letting out some nerves. Finn and Cal follow lead, each giving me another pat on the back as they pass me and head to their designated sides of the stage, earning more cheers and screaming from the crowd.

All three make a little noise to get the crowd even crazier, Cal strumming loudly, followed by Finn playing a little riff, then Damien playing a few beats. My face was starting to hurt from the smile on my face as I watched it all play out in front of me.

They all started the beginning of our first song, causing the crowd to quiet down and signaling that it was now my turn. After a few moments, I wait until the vocals start and walk on stage. I sing the first few lines of our first song, and the crowd goes insane and starts singing along. I had to force myself to keep my composure and not smile too wide. Over the next few songs, singing along with Cal in some of them, and having a chorus of fans in front of me join in on the ones they know, I felt so connected to everyone. I occasionally glanced at my band and felt so proud of us. It felt like being on top of the world, with my best friends standing with me the whole time.

We finished the fourth song of our set, and I mentally prepared for our next one. It was ‘Goddess.’ I wrote this one after Finn forced me to start journaling my feelings when I wouldn’t talk to anyone about why I was always so stuck in my head. I took all the least heartbreaking feelings out of my entries and then quickly wrote down some of the things I said and tried to make them sound as good as they could as lyrics. After the band looked over it, we made some changes, making it flow better, and then Cal mentioned that maybe we could gender-bend it to make it make more sense and cause less confusion about who I could be singing about. I won’t lie; most of our newer songs were about Noah, or at least he was in mind when writing them, but this one was probably our most blunt song, the words being my exact thoughts and feelings.

With a cue from the band, I began singing, them joining in later.

You’re like a goddess in disguise

I’m drowning slowly in your eyes

It’s like you kill me by design

You’re all I desire

Cal and Finn join in as we sing the next few lines.

You’re like a goddess in disguise

I’m drowning slowly in your eyes

I could cross the great divide

But only you decide

Then the music finally starts, and I get a moment to breathe before continuing, knowing that the person I wrote this about was nearby, and I honestly didn’t know how to handle it. I look forward and see everyone having an amazing time, some acting as if this was their favorite song with how they even mimicked the guitar. My eyes continued to trail over the people and then towards my bandmates as they played. Then something caught my eye. On the side stage, I saw Noah and Jolly rocking out to the music. Who knows how long they’ve been there, but now I didn’t know what to do, Noah’s presence throwing me off. With a deep exhale, I began to sing the next part, trying to rip my eyes away from Noah.

Tell me you love me

He was singing along.

Tell me you need me

He knew the words. He was staring right at me, singing along, and I couldn’t help but stare back.

Tell me you’ll never ever think about wanting to leave me

It was almost like we were singing to each other. If only he knew that I genuinely was singing to him and had been since I wrote the song.

You’re Aphrodite

God I’m in love

I tried breaking away from his gaze, but between the magnetism forcing it together and my deep desire of wanting to sing this to him for the longest time, I just couldn’t.

It’s time you ascend to your rightful place perched on your throne up above

He actually knew every word. It caught me so off guard.

Go and take your seat at Mount Olympus

I’ll do anything for you my temptress

Even if I’m innocent, I’d confess

Kill to watch you undress

Feel your body close pressed up

The dark look in his eyes sent fire straight to my core.

Against mine

He stood there, crossing his arms against his chest, staring at me with a look I couldn’t explain.

Heart beats

In Time

Feel your chest rise

You’re all I desire

A look I could explain. A look I absolutely mirrored as I continued singing the song. A look full of desire. One that could part the Red Sea just so we could meet in the middle. I knew my feelings when I wrote this song. I knew the feelings I had when I’d stare at new pictures or videos of him at night. My eyes trailed down from his eyes to his lips as he sang along, ones I needed to feel on mine, then his neck, covered in a tattoo I so desperately wanted to touch, down to his muscular arms that have caused unspeakable thoughts to cross my mind many many times, but before I let them move down further, even though I so badly wanted to, I brought my eyes go back up to his, before finally getting the power to pull them away and look back towards the crowd as I finished the song.

Everyone cheered as the song ended, and I did everything in my power not to look back at Noah to see his reaction. I refused to falter, especially while on stage.

We played the rest of our set, even a random song that someone in the crowd requested as it was a part of our show. At one point, while looking at my bandmates, my eyes glanced at where Jolly and Noah once stood, but they were no longer there, probably getting ready to go on stage themselves. Thank god. Hopefully, I wouldn’t run into any of them until the show was over, and I could let myself cool down in the meantime.

We said our thanks to the crowd and hyped them up for the band they were mainly here to see before leaving the stage. The boys all ran to me, and we had a small group hug as we made our way backstage. They talked about how amazing our show was and how fun it was to have such a large crowd, especially with people singing along. I laughed and agreed, letting them take my mind off everything until we finally reached the room and sat down. Jolly and Nick were still there, chatting and messing around until we joined them. They both stood up and ran to us, giving us their praise. I looked around and let out a sigh of relief when I saw that Noah wasn’t there and I just let the boys talk until Bad Omens had to head on stage.

Eventually, Ruffilo joined us, also sending compliments before chatting with Folio and Jolly.

“Yeah, I don’t know where he went. He was with me watching their set for a while, but after a few songs, he just left, and I haven’t seen him since,” Jolly responded after Ruffilo asked if anyone had seen Noah.

“We go on in less than ten minutes, so whatever the hell he’s doing, he better be quick,” Folio said as he pointed the drumsticks in his hand toward the stage.

“If he’s not here in the next few minutes, I’m sending out a search party,” Ruffilo groaned out.

I hope he’s okay. But depending on which song he left after, I have a slight idea on where he could be. I immediately shook that thought out of my head, unable to handle if it went any further, and turned to my boys and tried letting them be my distraction from my mind as we all waited to see if we had to help search for the missing boy.

Noah

I stood in the bathroom, washing my hands and trying to collect my thoughts. God, that fucking girl.

Night after night, after finally finding her and hearing that exact song for the first time, not once did I have control over myself. I don’t know what I was expecting when I knew I would finally hear it live for the first time, but I wasn’t expecting her to practically serenade me in front of thousands of people as if the words were meant for me. If only she knew the effect she had on me.

Finally feeling like my hands were clean enough, I glanced up at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed a bright red, either from thinking of her or my previous actions. I quickly bent down and splashed my face with cold water, hoping it would help, before drying myself and leaving the bathroom. I made my way back to where everyone was and let out a few deep breaths, breathing in through my nose and out my mouth, hoping to feel a little more grounded.

“There he is!” I hear as I step into the room, making me give Ruffilo a sheepish smile.

“Alright, let’s head over, we start any minute now,” and with that, I get pushed towards the side stage. As I moved, I happened to glance over at the other band, who were looking back at me. I gave them a smile and a quick “You guys were amazing” before I continued to be pushed. My eyes were met with Y/N’s for a split second, but I quickly shut them and turned away. I couldn’t handle that right now. I can’t let any thoughts fill my head when I need to be completely mentally on stage.

Somehow getting my brain working again, the band and I had a blast on stage. I let myself live in the moment, not caring about anything other than singing and having the crowd sing with me. The screams and cheering were even heard through my earpiece, which was absolutely insane. We made it through most of the set, only having our two encore songs left. But that was when I was brought back to reality. As much as I tried to play it off, the boys knew who was on my mind when I wrote ‘The Death of Peace of Mind’ and ‘Just Pretend’. One getting more shit than the other, as they knew there wasn’t anyone else on my mind when they were written. Especially when she was all I ever spoke about. Actually, many of the songs on this album were written with her in mind, just with some help, or should I say arguing, from the boys, so we didn’t make this whole album dedicated to my feelings for her. But these were the two that I had fully written out while thinking of her, and the boys liked them so much that they just went with it. But I did have to lie and tell fans that I wrote ‘Just Pretend’ as a joke to not cause any suspicion. And surprisingly, they became fan favorites, so now I had to play them every night.

I had to do everything I could to not think about her while singing. I knew this would be a problem when the talk of touring with them was simply a subject, but with the emotions I went through not even an hour ago, I absolutely could not get lost in my thoughts while in front of thousands of people.

Pushing through, I managed to get through The Death of Peace of Mind with a straight face and complete composure, pushing her face out of my mind every time it popped up, no matter how much the look in her eyes as she sang to me flashed through my head. But now, the one that held all of my emotions would be the hardest to perform without cracking.

The song began, and as I sang, I tried my hardest to think of anything but her. I put on the best performance I could, knowing I had to show a little emotion while singing it but doing everything I could not to feel it too much, knowing the one I wanted so desperately was just backstage. I did the best I could, but the second I hit the chorus, emotion came crashing through my body.

I can wait for you at the bottom

My eyes started to get drawn to the side of the stage, not wanting to do what she did, I only looked through my peripheral.

I can stay away if you want me to

She was there, watching.

I can wait for years if I gotta

And I have. God, I’ve waited years and years to even see her again. And I’ll wait more if it means I could get closer to her.

Heaven knows I ain’t getting over you

As much as I didn’t want to, I sang that line to her. My eyes locked on hers as I did. I hope it wasn’t as obvious to her as it was to me, but those words were for her 110%. I moved as far from her as I could, pretending like I wanted to get closer to the crowd, but it was so that I could break away from her as I continued the song.

Finally, the song ended, and as much as I wanted to run off stage, the boys and I said our thanks and goodbyes like we always did. We tossed some memorabilia to the crowd before we could finally leave. We filed off the stage, and I let out a long sigh as the boys all high-fived each other. All I could think was how I hope these shows would get easier.

Y/N

I honestly don’t know why I decided to watch their show with all the thoughts running through my head. Noah looked utterly mesmerizing up there in front of everyone. He was meant to be on stage. He put on the most amazing performance and sounded absolutely beautiful. The problem was that this was the first time I had seen him perform since that day. Thankfully, I was paying attention this time, but that didn’t change the tension I created when I sang to him earlier.

Everyone was now back together after the boys stepped off stage. Once again, all chatted as Noah and I just kept to ourselves, paying attention to their conversation but not really adding anything. At one point, Nick mentioned that we should do something together to celebrate our first night, which got a mix of replies, from a few people saying that we had to head out soon for our next show tomorrow, to some being more than happy to party a little to start off the tour. Damien checked the time on his phone and said that we had a few hours to do something, we just probably shouldn’t go anywhere and just hang out here before we had to hit the road. That got a lot of good reactions, so I guess that’s what we’ll be doing.

I started walking towards the door, letting the boys know that I was going to change quickly and just meet them out there, and headed towards the bus.

Stepping on, I walked to the back and opened up my bags, trying to find something comfy to wear, hoping I had something that wasn’t embarrassing since most of my sleep shirts weren’t the most appealing. Rummaging around, even through the other boys’ clothes, the best thing I could find was leggings and a tank top, only wearing pants because it was still a little chilly out. Tossing them on, then throwing on my slippers, I took a look in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look insane.

I wiped under my eyes to get any mascara that had smudged over the day, fixing a few of my piercings, making sure my septum wasn’t crooked, and none of the others had anything on them, and glanced over my outfit one last time. Many of my tattoos were showing because of the tank top, and I couldn’t wait to see what the other band had to say about them, knowing they were covered all day with my now dirty sweater. After one final once-over, I figured I looked good enough and walked off the bus to see the boys talking outside.

Finn, Cal, Jolly, and Ruffilo were all standing outside the Bad Omens’ tour bus chatting, and I assume Damien, Nick, and Noah were inside doing who the hell knows. I walk towards the group of boys outside, standing between Finn and Ruffilo, and give Finn’s arm a squeeze to let him know I was there, to which he turned slightly to see me and smiled as he continued to talk to Jolly about a guitar shop in one of the places we toured. I smiled at the rest of the boys, earning some back before Ruffilo’s eyes trailed to my arms. He made an exaggerated face, creating an ‘O’ with his mouth.

“Dude, those are sick,” he said as he reached a hand out to grab my right forearm and slowly twisted my arm to check out the sleeve I had. I laughed as he looked at it in amazement. I stepped closer to him and held out both arms so he could get a better look. He eyed up the black ink sleeve I had on my right arm, the one that had cybersigilism print flowing throughout some of the pieces, connecting them all into a full sleeve. Then he looked at my left arm, which made him gasp, catching Jolly’s attention. My left was full of American Traditional pieces that all collectively came together. Jolly stepped closer to me to look at them all before his eyes caught my chest piece, a large bat with flowers around it. Finn and Cal laughed at their reactions, knowing this was a common thing when people into tattoos saw me. I just smiled at them as they moved my arms. All of a sudden, Jolly pulled away and walked towards the door of the tour bus.

“Yo, guys! You have to check this out!” he shouted in, causing the three boys to eventually trickle their way out, confused. I looked over and laughed when my eyes met Damien’s, who was also laughing when he saw them inspect me like I was some crazy art piece they found. Nick and Noah walked closer, not understanding, until they got close enough to see what their friends were freaking out about. Folio joined the rest of them as Noah just stood back and watched as they pointed out specific artworks.

“You guys wanna see something cool?” Cal asked them while laughing, making them all look over at him. That’s when he grabbed me and turned me around, which I immediately understood so I pulled my hair off my back and onto my shoulder, showing off my upper back tattoo of Baphomet that I got a few years back. It was one that was usually hidden because of my hair, but I did love showing it off.

The second I turned away from the boys to show them, I heard a soft groan in the distance, which caused a snicker from a few of the other guys. I didn’t understand what was so funny, so I kept showing off the tattoo.

“Dude, your tattoos are crazy.” I heard Folio say as I fixed my hair and turned back around.

“Thank you. I honestly just wanted to get covered as fast as I could, so I only have a few meaningful ones, but most are either in areas always covered or on my legs,” I replied with a smile. I earned a few more compliments before they all returned to talking about their own thing. I noticed Noah glancing at me occasionally, so I shot him a smile, trying to play off the tension I know he also felt. He gave me one back, just not a full one, almost like he was too distracted in his own head. That’s when Damien chose to get our attention.

“So, we drinking, or what?” he asked us, clapping his hands together, causing a groan from the boys in my band, knowing how hard Damien wants us to go, and cheers from the other band. Damien jogged to our bus as the rest of us piled into the other since we were going to be hanging out there.

“Don’t touch my Fireball!” I shouted at him with a teasing smile, knowing he hated drinking Fireball; well, all the boys did, which is why it was mine. He, and multiple other buys, made a chorus of disgusted noises in response, making me laugh hard.

“Of course you like Fireball, you’re the most insane girl I’ve met,” Ruffilo said to me teasingly as I walked on the bus, causing me to laugh harder.

“I’m honored,” I replied with a sweet smile before taking my seat next to Cal. Damien came in a minute later holding three bottles that he packed the day before when we got on the bus, and even though I gave him a little shit for it, I’m beginning to think he had the right idea as Jolly set an equal amount of bottles on the table next to his.

Finn asked where the cups were, and Jolly started looking at the bottles, thinking about which would be the best to start off with. Finn set some solo cups down, understandably the only option we had, as Jolly started pouring us all shots of tequila. Great. Well, let’s hope I don’t embarrass myself.

We all toast to the tour and take our shot, the liquid fire going down painfully. I exhale as I feel the fumes in my throat, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I breathed fire, not having tequila in at least a year. Thankfully, it settled in my stomach fine, even though I hadn’t eaten anything since the drive here.

We all chat about anything and everything as a few more shots get poured. We all sat cramped in the lounge of their bus, The Bad Omens boys sitting behind the driver's seat, Jolly the closest to it and Noah the farthest, and me and my boys sat on the other side, Damien across from Noah and me across from Jolly. So I was the closest to the door, that was still open, and even though my body was heating up from the alcohol, the occasional breeze still caused goosebumps. I rubbed my arms a little bit, hoping that the alcohol would heat me some more.

I held my cup out to Jolly across from me, signaling that I wanted a refill, and he took it, asking if I wanted anything in particular, to which I responded by shaking my head no. He poured a little vodka into my cup and handed it back, which I accepted with a smile. I guess that’s when my goosebump-covered arms caught his attention.

“You cold?”

“No, just a small chill from the breeze; I’m okay,” I replied

“Hun, let me run to our bus and grab you a hoodie,” Finn offered, giving me a slightly concerned look.

“I promise I’m okay. I’ll warm up after I take this,” I said with a giggle, lifting my refilled cup. Suddenly, Noah stood up and reached his long arms around into one of the bunks and grabbed a hoodie, handing it out to me.

“Just wear this until you warm up.” He said. I was about to protest again, but he almost seemed annoyed, or maybe that was my drunk ears playing tricks on me, so I didn’t want to argue. I reached out and took it, giving him a smile and a small ‘thank you’ to which he responded with a slight nod and returned to talking with the boys. I put my arms through the hoodie, pulled it over my head, and slid it down, the bottom being a tighter fit, so I had to put a little extra effort into getting it over my chest, but once it was on, it was the most comfortable thing ever. It was definitely the alcohol affecting it, but going from chilly to warm with a soft hoodie felt like heaven.

I turn my attention back to the multiple conversations happening at once. My eyes caught with Noah’s, as he was staring right at me. He cleared his throat and tried to turn away like he hadn’t been caught staring, but I just flashed him a bright drunken smile. He did a small double-take before looking back at me and laughing a little as he gave me one back.

I mouthed the words ‘it’s so comfy’ at him as I hugged the hoodie closer to my body, and he responded with a small chuckle and mouthed a ‘good’ back. I giggled as I reached into my pocket, wanting to be on my phone for a while as I wasn’t as interested in the boy’s conversations. I clicked on the power button to turn on my phone and saw that I had a bunch of notifications, a lot more than usual, which confused me. Thinking maybe it was just me being tagged in photos from tonight’s show, I clicked on them and got taken straight to Instagram. I click on my notifications and see that they're all comments on my last post, talking about Noah once again, but this time saying how it was either cute that I kicked his ass at Mario Kart or how he went easy on me, which made me laugh, knowing how it actually played out. But I was still confused on how they knew, before I scrolled enough and saw that I was tagged in a story.

I let out a loud laugh as I clicked on it, catching a few of the boy's attention, but I waved them off as I tried silencing my giggles. I liked Noah’s story before replying to it.

“That’s what cheaters deserve ;)”

I saw Noah shift as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out, and I watched as he clicked on the notification and chuckle to himself before looking up at me with a smirk and then typing on his phone.

Noah- Me? The cheater? Who was the one who smacked the controller out of my hand?

I giggled before replying.

Y/N- Says the one who picked the hardest map of the whole game!

Noah- You literally got first place. you didn’t struggle that bad.

Y/N- You’re still an ass

I heard him let out a huff which made me giggle more.

Noah- Whatever you say, sweetheart

My heart skipped a beat, but I did my best to play it off. I look over at my cup I had forgotten about and take my shot, it going down a lot easier than before, but I still made a face while shaking my head. I heard a laugh and looked up to see Noah watching me. I give him a scrunched up face to exaggerate the disgust, which he continued to laugh at.

“What are you two giggle-fucks laughing about?” Damien asked us, making me us laugh harder. “Come on, we still have a while to party, let’s get some more rounds going!” he suggested, resulting in some groans and chuckles. This tour is gonna be the death of me.

After a few more rounds of shots, me trying to deny most of them, it was finally 3 A.M. and we had to hit the road. We said our goodbyes and headed to our bus, Finn having to hold me as I walked up the stairs. I really should wash my face, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.

I fell into my bunk, ready for sleep to take over as I was utterly exhausted from our first night. I pull my arm up under my head and face the wall of the bunk, closing my eyes. That’s when the smell of a citrussy amber and musk filled my nose. I lifted my head and looked down at my arm, and realized I was still wearing Noah’s hoodie. I let out a soft giggle before burying my head into the sleeve and letting sleep take over me. I fell asleep before I could see a new notification coming from my chat with Noah.

Noah- Here’s my number incase you need it ***-***-****

Noah- or to let me know when you wanna give that hoodie back ;) See you tomorrow

Part Three

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #running in circles #Spotify

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devilmen-collector · 1 year ago

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The Pope is Dead

Ft. M!MC, the Devil Kings (only the five who have been released), Gamigin and other nobles (only nobles who have appeared stories, except Astaroth, I don't have any story part with Astaroth in my account), the Seraphim

C/W: religious theme, reader's death (natural cause)

This is a revamp of my own fic in OM with similar theme

It has been 72 years...

It has been 72 years since you last saw them. Back then, you were a young man with many lustful desires of the youth. Yet you remember the time you spent with them... It went by in an instant but you were happy.

When did it start to go wrong? When did the conflict start to appear? Maybe because your got into conflict with them when you saw or heard them blaspheme God. After all, you were raised a cradle Catholic, seeing them blaspheme God never sat right with you. Or maybe it was because you saw the danger if devils continued to have influence on humanity. After all, we and they are two different races, with different views towards things. And you knew that many things applied to devils and their society can't be applied to human society, regarding how the society works, government, laws, etc. You foresaw what you believed to be the inevitable destruction if you continued to let human have contact with devils. Or maybe some other reasons. It was very complicated. Sometimes, you don't even know what ultimately led to the rift.

That day 72 years ago, you used the devils' power to pull the strings behind the scene to get yourself elected to the most powerful spiritual position in the world, the Pope. The devils were unhappy but they followed your wish anyway, even though your office is totally opposed to them. They loved you too much for their own good to go against your will.

Right after your election, you exposed the existence of angels and devils to the world. With concreate evidence, even the most convinced atheists and agnostics before had to believe in the existence in the supernatural. Then you made sure the idea that the human society was incompatible in every way to devils became the mainstream and most accepted opinion. You also made sure that people never believed that inventions came from devils, but devils only claimed that to be the case to control human society. Leaders of the world soon declared they would be cutting ties with the devils. You didn't believe them completely, of course, which was why you waged a Crusade. The Crusade was fueled by either the faith or the wrath of 8 billion normal citizen and it was so effective that it's believed that all ties between Earth and Hell were cut off. At least, no concrete evidence or sign or any report sent to you supported a remaining connection between earth and Hell.

You also used the powers that you inherited from your ancestor, Solomon, to make a shield around papal residence, which prevents any devil from coming in.

As for the angels, you tricked the Seraphim that you were on their side now. With what you had done, they believed in you. But you trapped them and turned them into energy sources to sustain the shield around your residence. With their infinite life forces God has given them, they are still alive and curse you every day from under the Vatican basilica, where they are imprisoned.

Even though you did manage to cut off Hell's influence on humanity and make the Church's influence stronger, world peace has never been achieved as you have hoped, many people still live in poverty and starvation. Technology is more advanced, but the world is still the same now when you are at death's door as it was 72 years ago.

*cough cough*

"Holy Father" your secretary uses a piece of tissue to wipe the blood that is flowing from your mouth after the coughing.

"We have little time left." You say, almost like a whisper, but all of those cardinals, bishops, priests and doctors around you understand what you said. Your priest secretary can't even hold back his tears.

"We are the longest-reigning Pope ever, with 72 yeats occupying the Chair of St. Peter, but We have not achieved anything noteworthy, except pushing all devils back to Hell."

"No, Holy Father, you have achieved something we couldn't for more than 20 centuries. God will reward His faithful servant." A cardinal says.

"You are a faithful laborer of the Lord." Says another cardinal.

Suddenly, a Swiss guard runs into the room, his face terrified.

"T-the Devil Kings, t-they are here..." The guard says as he pants.

Ah, the shield protecting the papal residence must have been weakening as I lay dying. You say to yourself. That must be the reason why the Devil Kings can break in now.

"Leave." You say calmly. All the clergy and the guard turn to look at you, surprised by your order.

"Leave." You order again, your tone more firm this time. It's time for you to face them, alone. The children God has committed to your care have nothing to do with this.

Some of them start to cry but all of them leave, but not before whispering among themselves to alert all the exorcists and papal guards. However, the Swiss guard stay.

"Holy Father, I have sworn to protect you, even if I have to sacrifice myself." The Swiss guard says. You know he won't leave so you agree to let him stay.

The doors to your room bursts open, as four devil kings, no, three devil kings and a hundreds of flies step or fly into the room. You can see the young guard standing by your side shudder but he stands firm, determining to protect you, whatever the cost he may have to pay.

"You have changed so much." Beelzebub is the first one to speak as his handsome appearance emerge from hundreds of flies. He doesn't smile.

"We- I see that you guys are still the same." You look at the four devil kings. There's Beelzebub, Mammon, Leviathan, and Lucifer.

So Satan, Asmodeus and Belphegor aren't here. They must be so mad at me that they don't want to see me again. You say within yourself. You aren't surprised that the nobles aren't here. The shield may be weakened because you are dying, allowing the kings to pass through, but you are still breathing and sustaining it with your powers, and it's strong enough to prevent the nobles.

"Not the same ever since you left, Master." Mammon says with a sad voice.

You are surprised to hear Mammon still calling you Master, but you no longer have the strength to point it out.

"I must have hurt you guys a lot."

"Yes, you did." Leviathan says with an angry expression. "You said you would stay in Hell but you betrayed us." However, the scowl is quickly replaced by an expression that looks like Leviathan is holding back his emotions.

Lucifer is the first one to come over to your bed. The guard beside you raises his weapon but he's knocked unconscious soon enough.

"Don't kill him." You say weakly.

Lucifer nods as he takes your hand. He checks your weakening pulse. You can see his eyes sadden. "Oh the fate of all children of Adam." You can hear him whispering, like talking to himself. Other kings also come over and stand beside your bed.

Ah, that's my cue. You close your eyes, awaiting your cruel death, after all, you are on your death bed, you have no regrets.

However, nothing comes.

"Aren't you going to kill me?" You open your eyes and ask.

"No, we're here to take you home." Beelzebub answers.

"Even after my betrayal?"

"We have never gotten over that. But knowing you are dying, we want to take you back first, Master. We will talk about this over in Hell."

"I'm dying, Mammon. I can't be there for the talk."

"That's why we have created a plan."

"We will wait for you to die, so that the office of the Pope will leave you. Then we will have Gamigin revive you."

"And I'll have Orias feed you angel's soul to make you young again."

"It won't work." You say calmly. "It's the sentence on all children of Adam. Gamigin's revival ability won't work. Just as your healing ability won't work on me, Lucifer, because I'm dying of natural cause."

The kings go silent. They know you could be right. Lucifer, more than anyone, knows you are right because none of the healing he is doing works. He only clings to some hope. You know you are crushing their hope, but you have accepted your fate long ago. At least you know they still love you. Thinking about that, tears start to flow from your eyes

"Where are Satan and the others?" You ask.

"Gehenna nobles are here. But Satan...he's very depressed after you left."

"It will be...too...late..."

The vision you start to see changes. The images of yourself and your memories, be it happy or sad, start to flash through your eyes. With each moment of you with the devils, your tears start to shed more as you can't help but say "sorry", "I miss you" and "I love you" in your mind. Your breathing becomes harder and you can't feel your body anymore.

Lord, forgive me, I wish I could have served you more faithfully.

I love you all and I'm sorry.

Is that Leamas and Nina waving at me?

Is that you... Minhyeok? It has been so long.

"You have done what you think is best. Now rest." The young man with long purple hair says and smiles. "With you, my bloodline is extinct, but I won't hold it against you." You can even hear a little bit mischief toward the end.

Outside the papal residence, the devil nobles, led by Sitri, Bimet, Foras and Bael, are engaged in a mostly glaring contest at the guards and exorcists and clergy who have arrived to aid the Pope. There are a few guards lying on the ground, but they are only knocked unconscious.

"No." Sitri suddenly laments as the shield around the palace disintegrated.

"That means..."

"Let's go inside."

As the devils rush inside, the clergy, exorcists and guards follow suit.

As they come into the room, they see the devil kings surrounding you, who are clearly dead.

"Holy Father!" All of Catholics in the room kneel down and weep.

"Who is the Camerlengo?" Lucifer asks and one cardinal stands up in response to his question. The Camerlengo knows what he has to do. He comes over to check your body to confirm if you are dead or not.

"I need a doctor. But all doctors left for safety. Only us clergy returned."

Lucifer turns and nods at Morax, who comes over to check on you. After finishing, he tells the Camerlengo his conclusion. The Camerlengo turns to all in the room and says.

"The Pope is dead."

The Camerlengo turns back to you. He kisses the golden ring on your right hand and takes it out and destroys it in the presence of all, signifying the end of your papacy. The Catholics make the sign of the Cross and say the prayers for the dead. A priest leaves for the adjacent room to say Mass for the deceased pontiff.

Even with the plan, the devil kings don't plan to stop the piety of the Catholics.

"Gamigin."

"Yes, hyung."

Satan arrives when the bells of the Vatican basilica are being rung. Hundreds of people in the square immediately get into prayers as they know what those bells signify. Satan doesn't care and speeds up his vehicle pass them.

Many thoughts are going through Satan's head: anger, depression, the feeling of betrayed, sadness, etc. But the biggest thought in his head is that he wants to meet you again. Everything else, let's sort out later. He speeds up the Akira into the papal residence. The Akira runs through the corridors until it arrives at the room of the Pope. Satan only stops because he can't go in further with the motorcycle. He can't wait to see his beloved alive and well because he believes in the plan. He did feel his bond with the human got broken earlier but he believes in Gamigin's ability to bring his human back.

"Where's MC?" Satan runs in the room and shouts.

"He's right there." Mammon says with a sad voice and points at the bed.

No. Satan rushed over to your bed. No, it can't be.

"Gamigin, why haven't you brought him back yet?" Satan shouts his question at Gamigin, who is holding his staff and stands behind Lucifer.

"Your Majesty, it didn't work. MC's heart will no longer beat." Sitri tries to stay composed as much as possible as he reports to Satan but the hand holding the tea cup is shaking.

Satan turns to the remains of you on the bed.

"OPEN YOUR EYES AND TELL ME THIS IS A CRUEL JOKE, MC!!!" Satan shouts and punches the wall on the side of the bed, making it crack.

All of the human in the room flinch at Satan's wrathful action, however, your lifeless body makes no move.

"I want to take MC's remains back to Gehenna." Satan says as he crunches his teeth.

"No, you can't do that. A Catholic must be buried on consecrated ground." A bunch of clergy react and state the Church's teaching.

"I will kill all of you." Satan crunches his teeth again. The clergy flinch but don't have any intention to back down.

"Your Majesty Satan," Paimon intervenes, "if you kill them, MC will be sad. After all, they are MC's spiritual children.

"I can let you consecrate a plot of land in Paradise Lost." Lucifer says.

"We have to see what he has written in his will." The Camerlengo says. "But his will can only be opened at the meeting of cardinals after the mourning period, but before the next conclave."

"How long before the next conclave?" Leviathan asks.

"15 days, the Canon Law doesn't allow anytime sooner." The Camerlengo answers.

Leviathan scowls but Beelzebub intervenes.

"Then let's wait for 2 weeks. If MC has a clause in his will to be buried in Hell, can you promise you will accept that and give his body to us?"

"Only with the condition of burial on consecrated ground and we can build a chapel around it."

"You have only mentioned the consecrated ground before, now you include a chapel. You human just keep asking more and more." Leviathan scowls again.

Before anyone can say another thing, the ground begins to shake like there is an earthquake. But it soon stops.

"They are here." Lucifer mumbles. "But they won't have any strength left to fight if we are here."

The devils all look outside the window and they see three shadows emerge from underground. They are the three Seraphim, finally released from their bondage after the death of their captor.

The Devil Kings immediately surround the bed to protect the remains of their beloved.

"Where is he? I'm going to cut off his head." Michael growls, he's so angry that blood vessel can be seen on his face.

Sensing the Devil Kings, the Seraphim all look at the papal residence, which is right beside the Vatican basilica.

"He-he's dead." Gabriel says as he looks at the remains on the bed through the window.

Seeing that you're dead, Raphael begins to laugh maniacally non-stop, so much that he has to hug his stomach mid-air.

"The kings are here. Let's...retreat for today." Michael says as his wings soar toward the sky. Gabriel follows suit.

"Remember to send funeral invitation." Raphael says finally before following his two brothers.

"Let continue our discussion later." The Camerlengo says after the commotion has subsided.

Some other people enter the room and walk toward the remains of the Pope.

"What are you doing?" Satan crunches his teeth as the newcomers.

"Calm down, Satan. They are here to take the body away for bathing and vesting."

All the devils don't want to leave you but they all back down to let people do their job.

...

"You really are so beautiful, Master, it's like all the precious things in this world are created to adorn you." Mammon says as he looks at the papal remains put on display inside the Vatican basilica of St. Peter.

You lying there, on a dark green catafalque. You are vested with red vestments, your hands are vested with red gloves embroidered with the Holy Name of the Savior, your legs wear traditional red papal shoes embroidered with a golden cross on each one. On each shoe is also adorned a ruby, which came from Mammon's treasury. A golden cross and a rosary were also put in your hands. The golden cross was from Lucifer, an accessory from the time he was still a Seraph. On your head, a golden mitre, with two folds, representing the Old Testament and the New Testament, the two "horns" of a bishop. Surrounding the catafalque are 72 candles made from pure beeswax, each represents a year of your pontificate.

The kings and their nobles stand on the upper floor of the basilica, looking at thousands of mourners paying respect to you. Each cardinal who comes over sprinkles holy water on your remains and kisses your hand. Priests and religious gather around your remains to pray for your soul.

At an occasion like this, Bimet would have already gone to collect funeral money. However, this time, he doesn't want to do that, but only to look at your "sleeping" face. Eligos standing next to him can't stop his sniffles. Valefor standing behind Mammon looking at your remains, now that nothing can be done to bring you back to them, he wishes he could stand guard beside your body as the last thing he could do for you.

Foras doesn't say anything but his heart is broken, even his beautiful horns seem to be darker than normal. Barbatos looks at the withered rose in his hand. In his heart currently there is a complete solar eclipse that has covered the sun of his life, the sun which he knows will never shine its light on him again. Glasyalabolas can't help but get angry with you, with Leviathan, with everyone, and with himself. Angry with you for being a traitor to his love. Angry with Leviathan for his bad decision of not pursuing you when the problem starts and only meet you when you are dying. Angry with everyone who separate you from him, including God. And angry with himself for failing the promise to create a kingdom with only you two. Orias drops the angel's soul in his hand. It was the angel's soul that was supposed to be used to make you young again. But what use is it when you are dead?

Bael is the only one staying in the basilica of Abyss camp, beside Beelzebub, closing his eyes remembering your smile and each moment you called his name sweetly. Stolas has gone somewhere to shoot his guns to his heart's content, calling it the last salute for you, who are "a fool". Naberius and Amon are staying with him, not speaking a word.

"It doesn't come true." Leraye remembers he once said he saw you both walking together on the streets of Gehenna, enjoying your time together for many years to come. But that never comes true. He's wondering of the only target he has missed is your heart, he fails in convincing you to stay in Hell. Paimon tries to console Leraye, but his heart is also breaking apart. Zagan doesn't say a word but he has lost an important person he must protect. Belial tries not to shed any tear, he has to stay strong for Jjyu. Sitri couldn't hold his tea cup anymore and it is dropped to the ground, shattering into countless pieces.

Andrealphus holds tight to his scythe, as if he needs something to hold tight to after he lost you. They say twins share a soul. He lost half of his souls when his brother was killed. But your death breaks to pieces the remaining half.

"It's my fault. I can't bring him back." Gamigin blames himself.

"No, it's not your fault." Each time Gamigin blames himself, a brother of his in Paradise Lost will reject that. They don't say anything more comforting because they have no strength to do that right now.

Each of the kings' heart is broken but each of them knows they have to stay strong, as for their nobles and people. They will only mourn your death in private.

Lucifer is the only one walking in the lower floor. He doesn't join the line of mourners but wandering around aimlessly, no one stops him either. Finally, he stops to look at the mosaic of the Eternal Father stretching his hand out on the dome of the basilica.

Why? Father, why? I have served you faithfully since the beginning of time, I had one source of happiness, and you took him away from me. Why? SAY SOMETHING! ANSWER ME!

...

In a graveyard in Korea, where almost no one comes on such a mourning day for the whole world, there is a little lump floating above a grave. He poured a glass of soju on the ground of the grave.

"Minhyeok, the son of Solomon...went over to meet you. Have you two...reunited? I hope you did. Please...send my regards to him." Ppyong says even though he can't stop his sniffles.

The end.

...

I have an epilogue but decided to not write it and let you guys decide the final burial place :)

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clouds-by-me · 2 years ago

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𝓞𝓱 𝓽𝓸 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱, 𝓾𝓹𝓸𝓷 𝓪 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻

Chapters; [Nav] Part 1[Clear skies] [Next] Warnings; Cult themes{if you squint}, mentioned abandonment An|This lil series is based on my idea for sagau which you may find here

High above the sky, a being descends into the world. From a golden star they fly, everyone across Teyvat can see the shining glow the star makes. And everyone stops and stares in awe as they began to realize what this could mean for their world.

Joy, absolute joy fills every human and humanoid soul in Teyvat.

"The creator! They have returned! May our creator bless our souls and being of the day!" Excited cheers and chants course throughout the land as they watch the star that was believed to be their beloved creator who textbooks and stories told of.

One of the many upon millions of souls who caught a sight of the marvelous glow was a bond traveler and their short white haired traveling companion.

"Look Traveler! The creator has descended!" The shorter flying friend cheered as she pointed to t he star. The traveler looks to their friend with a raised brow and a clearly confused expression on their face.

"The creator?" They ask "Paimon how come I’m just now hearing of this creator person?" The traveler asks as the two walk on a grassy path. Paimon looks to her traveling friend with such a disrespected face and looks as if she could strangle her clueless friend on the spot.

"Paimon has told you about The Creator! Remember? All the stories about our Creator ascending from our world and it's prophesied for them to return on a bright glowing star that will brighten Teyvats sky the same way the Sun would? Have you not been paying attention to Paimon?" A sense a guilt washes over the traveler as they look over their friends pain stricken face.

"Of course I've been listening to you, Paimon. I just...forgot. Yeah...I forgot." The obvious lie satisfied Paimon enough for her to believe her companion as she sighed.

"Paimon just doesn't understand how you don't know who The Creator is! Paimon hasn't been the only one to talk about them... " The Traveler just shrugged their shoulders stepping over a fallen branch that more likely than not, fell from a large tree.

"Well then Paimon will tell you about them again, what kind of travel guide would Paimon be if Paimon knowingly let you not know who The Creator is? " she paused for a moment looking to see in which direction the star was landing. The star was going East, while they were moving West, and deeper into a grassy land.

Long, long ago a being floated in the sky, all alone and with no one to share any company with. They were something that most would assume was lonely. So to fill the whole that the emptiness left they made somewhere to call home, a land that was large and vast, one that had its own design and could make its own destiny. They made elements that would reside in the world, each of which would reflect a different emotion and feeling of theirs. However, though they made many, they knew that only some would last the longest. Content. Wrath. calm. Loyalty. Happy. Wretched. Tired.

They lived on the world they made with their own feelings beside them, but for some reason they still could feel that empty feeling that wouldn't be hugged away. So they thought to make something else. Something that wouldn't be entirely like them. They would make humans that would be similar to them, but none would look like them. And so that's how the people of Teyvat was made. From there they lived on Teyvat with their creations, everything was peaceful. They were loved and worshipped. The people of Teyvat built them their own sanctuary with a throne made of Gold and and other shiny or prized items. Shrines and statues of them were made and regulatory were prayed at. Offerings were left for the Creator aswell. Their own emotions had chosen successors which would be known as Archons. The world was at peace. Then, on a day that seemed too dark and gloomy to be true, the oh so great Creator disappeared. Seeming to have been wiped from the face of Teyvat. The only thing left from them was a hand written note that said; To my dear world, one that I will always be with. I will return soon. Please do not miss me to much for I won't be gone forever. When I return, I will come from the sky, on a bright star. And a week exactly from my return it will be my birthday, so please be well prepared. This is not goodbye for I as your Creator will always be watching over you. All of you, my darling creations. With much love, Creator After they left the world became something anew. Became something so different from when they were here. The change caused wars to brake out, Teyvat to shift. Now no more then seven centuries pasted to make Teyvat into what it is known as now...

"And so the land of Teyvat grew independent, longing for the day our Creator would return..." Paimon concluded the story. The took a few seconds to process all the information they'd just been given. Just as the traveler opened their mouth to speak their ears twitched at the sound of a soft yet raspy voice. The voice gave the traveler a greeting without introducing themselves and calling the Traveler by their name. This made the blond quite confused. Hearing their own name after had been called by their title for so long felt foreign to them.

"Who are you? Show yourself." The Traveler demanded. Paimon looked at the Traveler with questioning gaze. "Uh, Traveler?... Who are you talking to? Did you hear something?" Panic began to course through both of their bodies. Who was this Traveler hearing?

Were they even hearing anybody?

#sagau cult au #x reader #gn reader #genshin impact #reader insert #tw yandere #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #sagau x reader #imposter au #sagau impostor au #sagau #sagau genshin #poc reader #creator reader #Oh to wish series

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blue-disco-lights · 3 months ago

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✨ AO3 Wrapped 2024 ✨

I can't believe we've reached the end of the year. It's been a beautiful treasure trove of fics and art this year, thank you to all the creators! And thank you for tagging me in this trip down '24 memory lane @energievie @mybrainismelted @jrooc @suzy-queued @sgtmickeyslaughter.

1. How many words have you written this year? About 35,000 total fic words + 5,200 @galladrabbles ones for every week of the year!

2. How many works did you publish this year? 9 including my currently-cloaked Masquerade fic.

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits) Might be Groceries that I wrote for last year’s Masquerade, where Mickey wanders the grocery store thinking about the history of their relationship.

4. What work of yours has the most hits? 100-Word One-Shots which is my drabbles collection. But fic-wise, it’s Camp is a Battlefield, co-written for Gallavich Summer Camp.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? The Night Shift probably, since it was just a shorty fic I tried for AUgust.

6. Favorite title you used. Camp is a Battlefield since it’s a funny play on words with our favorite Bon Jovi anthem that also spoke to the whole theme of the story.

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist's songs did you pull from the most? I’m not great about using song lyrics, so it’s always a fun challenge when they’re our Galladrabble prompts. Two of my favorites this year were “Do You Wanna Dance” and "Crash Into Me".

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Ian & Mickey

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Ian and Mickey… of course

10. What work was the quickest to write? And one of the most fun - The Housewarming Party written as a gift for @runawaybrainsc (for the @gallavich-fic-club Secret Santa).

11. What work took you the longest to write? Maybe Breathing Underwater (for Gallavich Gift Exchange) since I had to do some research on how aquariums work lol.

12. How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? I just have my Parent-Teacher Conference galladrabbles WIP that I hope to pick up again. Otherwise, I’m just hanging out waiting for my next prompt

13. What's your longest work of the year? Camp is a Battlefield!

14. What's your shortest work of the year? The Hall Monitors (764 words)

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Let us say ... The Parent-Teacher Conference hopefully

16. What's your most common "Additional Tags" tag? Just like my AU hero Suzy-queued it’s gotta be Alternative Universe. But also surprising (to me) Canon-Divergent.

17. Your favorite character to write this year? Mickey is my forever favorite. I also really love writing a Meddling Matchmaker Mandy!

18. The character who gave you the most trouble writing this year? I only ever write a tiny line here and there for Lip, but he can be a challenge to try to get just right.

19. What's one pairing you want to explore next year? I honestly can’t imagine stepping out of the Gallavich zone but who knows!

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most? Probably Groceries

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year? 1,004 (thank you!)

22. Which work has the most comments? Camp is a Battlefield (thanks again!)

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year? Yes! Camp is a Battlefield was co-written with my summer camp bunkmates mybrainismelted and jrooc with illustrations by @creepkinginc

Chasing Waves, another summer camp collaboration, co-written with @sandrashaine @shippergirl121fic mybrainismelted with illustrations by @doshiart

24. Did you write any gifts this year? Yes! The Housewarming Party :) and Breathing Underwater for @dynamic-power for Gallavich Gift Exchange.

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

Yes! From such lovely people too: - Coming Attraction by the wonderful Suzy-queued - Flights of Fancy by Jrooc, & Mybrainismelted - The Soft Places by @nozenfordaddy

26. What's your most common category/trope? Between fics and drabbles, it’s probably Flirting & Fluff lol

27. What do you listen to while writing? Usually need complete silence.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year? Cross between Groceries and The Night Shift

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? Hard to choose, so I just picked a random drabble line that made me laugh. Prompt: “Blur” (or… Mickey needs glasses) “Mick, how many fingers am I holding up?�� “Fuck OFF! 10! Now leave it alone forever.” Mickey storms off down the hall, and -surprise to know one- nearly trips over their cat. “Sorry Turbo,” he mutters.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? It is absolutely a surprise every single time I type the last line of a story and realize I’ve actually done it.

Happy New Year everyone! 🥂I'd like to especially like to toast the Galladrabbles team Energievie & @look-i-love-u for running an amazing event that inspires me every week. And @gallavichthings who manages a whole calendar of events (2025's list is here). And of course to the Gallavich-fic-club. All of the writing I manage to get done is because of you all!

Tagging everyone I tagged 👆 and all of you if you'd like to play @sam-loves-seb @palepinkgoat @ian-galagher @wehangout @solitarycreaturesthey @notherenewjersey @callivich @darlingian @katicusdramaticus @irishkitty-23 @runninonemptyy @jessij1997 @mmmichyyy @spacerockwriting @lazystargazy @thepupperino @deedala @starry-nights-17 @atthedugouts @gallawitchxx @ms-moonlight-inn @whatthebodygraspsnot @firendeavor @echotrees @roryonic @catgrassplantdad @thisdivorce @michellemisfit @crossmydna @nymacron @redwiccanrobin @gallavichsuperfan @annisefreya @bawlbrayker @rayrayor @lingy910y @sweetbee78 @em-harlsnow @sickness-health-all-that-shit and anyone I may have missed. Sending 💕💕

#ao3 wrapped #gallavich fanfic #gallavich fandom #happy new year!

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girlacticrailroad · 20 days ago

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the top five GLs of 2024

2024 is maybe the first year in human history you could conceivably have a Top Ten list for GLs. That in itself is momentous. I’m not going to actually do a Top Ten because, although I probably watched ten shows released last year (it is my duty and my curse to consume all things GL-related), I certainly wouldn’t recommend them all. I do however recommend all of these! With caveats of course.

There are a few shows I haven’t seen yet that might deserve a spot on this list. Brazilian GL Xeque-Mate came out last year but I haven’t gotten around to it. Although the first season ran in 2022, the second season of She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat aired in 2024. I’m sure there are others I missed.

The huge wave of GL releases on the horizon makes me hopeful that 2025 will bring us enough quality to do a proper Top Ten. Until then you’ll have to settle for this Top Five...plus a lil extra.

Honorable Mention: Apple My Love

If you’re a gay loser and your friend group isn’t this iconic, what are you doing with your life?

By my count there were six Chao Planoy adaptations released in 2024 (six!!), of which Apple My Love had by far the best opening credits and theme song. Other distinguishing features include the cute friend group and the mind-boggling ten-minute love scene, which I cannot believe was actually filmed and aired. Overall I like Apple My Love for its scrappy underdog “little rom-com that could” energy. It’s like a nice little speedrun of every GL trope. (Except for the aforementioned love scene, which feels like being trapped in lesbian purgatory. Was the editor on holiday perhaps? Were they trying to set some sort of record?)

5. Ayaka Is in Love with Hiroko!

The colors are very good.

Ayaka Is in Love with Hiroko! is by far the best Japanese GL I’ve seen. It’s also short, sweet, and to the point—just eight half-hour episodes. Despite being an over-the-top workplace comedy, it’s refreshingly grounded in actual LGBTQ experience and culture (at least compared to something like Gap). Hiroko has known she’s into women since high school. She frequents a lesbian bar where she rants about oblivious straight girls who act flirty without realizing it. Authentic details like these make the characters feel real. The series addresses the challenges faced by queer women in the workplace while keeping the tone mostly light and sweet.

4. Reverse 4 You

That height difference tho.

I’m sorry but there’s a four in the title. I couldn’t resist. Reverse 4 You is the first Thai GL series to prominently feature time travel. And also murder, probably. And it’s surprisingly not bad! The characters are good, the romance is cute, the tropes are troping, as they say. And the plot, while it’s not the deepest or most original, is a nice change of pace from the typical relationship drama. Oh and Vivi, the little sister, is adorable! The only major problem is the rushed ending, an unfortunate consequence of trying to cram a 700-page novel into 8 episodes. (A sort-of sequel, Reverse With Me, based on another book in the same series, is currently airing, but I haven’t watched it.)

3. Affair

Gals being pals.

Affair requires the longest string of disclaimers of any show on this list. So uhh let’s get this out of the way: If you’re looking for healthy relationship dynamics, Affair is not the show for you. Wan and Pleng share exactly one horny brain cell, and they don’t share it nicely. If you’re looking for thoughtful and nuanced writing...Affair is definitely not for you. The characters are pretty one-note—Wan is jealous and possessive, Pleng is guilty and repressed—and the plot is bizonkos. If you’re looking for something well-made in an aesthetic sense, well, Affair looks pretty good at least, by GL standards, though a bit sterile for my taste. But there is really only one reason to watch Affair, at the end of the day, and that is the mesmerizing set-your-screen-on-fire chemistry of Lookmhee Wangpongsathaporn and Sonya Saranphat Pedersen. They are a force of nature. And while the script might be objectively bad, it is very good at engineering situations where Wan looks at Pleng like she’s a big steamy bowl of noodles while their lips hover two inches apart. The tension is unreal. If you can surrender to the silly sexy fantasy of it all (and ignore the fact that, if this were real life, these characters should be seeking psychological help), Affair is a fun romp.

2. Pluto

I literally just noticed that the blurry thing in the foreground is an armillary sphere. Symbolism...?!?

As I discuss at length in my full review, Pluto is a mess. But the highs are high indeed, and I can’t help but admire its ambition, in spite of everything. Worth watching for the chance to see what everyone’s raving about so you can make up your own mind about it.

1. 23.5

ViewJune...gone but not forgotten.

23.5 is the anime you show to your non-anime-watching friends when you don’t want to scare them off. But the Thai GL version of that. It’s not a masterpiece by any means, but it’s not trying to be one. What it is trying to be is a heartwarming high school slice-of-life rom-com—and it’s a really good one of those, with a well-rounded cast full of charm and personality. The side characters, from the bookish devout Buddhist girl Charoen to our neurodivergent queen Aylin, all leave a lasting impression. And while other GLs might reach greater heights of unintentional hilarity, 23.5 is actually funny on purpose! It’s also one of precious few shows to do right by its trans characters. They’re funny because of their personality quirks, and because they play off each other well, not because ha ha trans people; for once they are allowed to have their own lives and story.

Overall, in a banner year for the GL industry, its modest aims and unassuming confidence help 23.5 rise above the rest. If what you want is some damn good comfort food, Ongsa and Sun and crew have got you covered.

Less Honorable Mentions

I’m putting these shows here to say that I have watched them, I just didn’t enjoy them as much as others did, so they didn’t make the cut.

Blank: I’m Blank-neutral. I don’t think anyone is evil for liking the age gap thing (it’s fiction, people!), but the character dynamics weren’t my fave.

The Loyal Pin: I’m sorry, it’s bad. Read my full review here.

Chaser Game W: I haven’t seen Season 2, but Season 1 was bad and racist, so I’m not eager to continue.

Mate: I am slightly ashamed of myself for watching this to the end. It was very bad.

My Marvellous Dream Is You: Okay I lied I haven’t actually watched this one. Everyone seems to agree it was not great though.

Petrichor: Okay I haven’t seen this one either (I don’t have the right streaming service), but ACAB includes the gays, sadly.

The Secret of Us: “It’s cute” is the highest praise I can muster for this series. It’s far from the worst show out there but I don’t get the hype. Recommended if Dr. Wanviva wasn’t enough hot doctor for you.

Unlock Your Love: Unlock Your Love is almost worth watching for Pat. I would protect Pat with my life. Girl pretty brain go vroonm

#gl drama #gl series #thai gl #girls love #wlw #sapphic #lesbianism #apple my love #apple the series #ayaka is in love with hiroko #reverse 4 you #affair the series #affair #pluto the series #23.5 the series #gmmtv series #gmmtv #year in review

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inkedtae · 3 months ago

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ᥫ᭡bee's tumblr wrapped (2024)ᥫ᭡

it took me embarrassingly long to make this banner.... anyway a special thanks to dia ( @yoonia ) for tagging me to do this ! i didn't do much writing this year but i wanna do this so imma do it lol

this year kinda fucked me sideways multiple times. it took months of therapy and lots of courage to sit myself down and reconnect with not only my writing, but myself. i have been feeling so lost but diving back into passions like writing has given me the confidence i needed to find my direction again. i still have no idea where i am supposed to be or what i am meant to do. but, right now, it feels like at least i know which way i am going, and that's forward.

thank you so much to everyone who has continued to read, comment, reblog, like, and interact with me and my work. i don't think i deserve any of it and it's incredibly surreal that i still got asks about my fics and series. i can't believe that a lot of these fics were not only read once, but twice. like that's fucking insane to me. so thank you so much. and thank you to everyone behind the scene who has supported me from banners to reading things over. jen ( @anobodyslove ) is the most wonderful, sweet, beautiful person i have ever had the pleasure of connecting with. from late night editing to long walks talking about every and any thing, you are my favourite human and i love you!

okay, okay, enough sappiness!! let's dive in!

₊˚✧ OVERALL STATS ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ fics published: 9 : ̗̀➛ series completed: 1 : ̗̀➛ series ongoing: 4 : ̗̀➛ words written: 122,258 : ̗̀➛ fics to be published: 24 (i don't wanna talk about it...)

‎‧₊˚✧ FIRST FIC OF 2024 | published : february 17 ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ xi. rotten angelcake ⇾ kth. | s2l, ceo au, sugar daddy au | 16.5k

retrospection: ahh my first attempt at returning to tumblr after a long unplanned hiatus. if you were ever curious on what kind of headspace i was in, this fic is the perfect explanation. the rotten angelcake series has been my form of self-indulgence and journaling since the very first chapter. however, i completely threw myself into this chapter of the series. all my anger, frustration, regret, confusion, sadness was poured into this chapter. it's so emotionally charged and personal, i almost didn't post it. i haven't even looked at it again before this moment and that was just to retrieve the link lol it's just carrying a very dark part of my life that i have been trying to pull myself out of. but, while it does hold so much for me, i do not regret writing or publishing it. it's all part of the self-healing process ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

‎‧₊˚✧ LONGEST FIC OF 2024 | published : october 3 ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ the underground ⇾ bgc. | strangers to lovers, boxer au, dark themes | 29.1 k |

retrospection: oof this fic! so i wrote this for channie's b-day and one of my favourite chantober rituals, especially for his b-day, is to write the most unhinged, dark story. i have never been able to get the idea of boxer, mafia boss!chan ruining me in front of his friends out of my head, so i wrote about it. i lowkey wish i could make it a series or add an epilogue but i vowed to finish my ongoing series first before starting another one. it's just such a fun fic with a lot of grittiness. i don't think the nearly 30k words was enough either tbh but it will have to do for now ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

‎‧₊˚✧ PERSONAL FAVOURITE FIC OF 2024 | published : october 17 ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ between roar and whisper ⇾ bgc. | hogwarts au, pwp, e2l | 9.4k |

retrospection: this was probably the easiest to write because there was very little worldbuilding required and i got to focus on the sexual tension between these two "enemies". it was short, sweet, to the point, and the smut was so fucking hot—ugh! i need slytherin!chan to make me cockdumb too! i don't think i will ever be over this fic and i kinda wanna write an epilogue for it too but i will stop myself because i am already overcommitted ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆｡☆

‎‧₊˚✧ LAST FIC OF 2024 | published : december 31 ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ marked by krampus ⇾ kth. | twisted christmas au, monster kink, s2l | 11.1k |

retrospection: okay i just finished this fic yesterday so i don't know how much real introspection i can truly muster but i will do my best. as the last fic of taecember, as well as the year, i decided to indulge in my very big, very embarrassing monster kink. i was kind of focused on that which meant that the worldbuilding for this fic was not my best. i could have done better...anyway! this may be the final fic for 2024 but it will not be the final monster au i write ᡣ • . • 𐭩 ♡

‎‧₊˚✧ HONOURABLE MENTION | published : november 1 ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ elixir of the damned ⇾ bgc. | vampire au, s2l | 19.5k |

retrospection: this fic was written as the last fic of chantober, but it had been in my drafts for about two years. now i obviously do not know bang chan in real life, but he seems to wear his heart on his sleeve and is very forthcoming about his struggles on camera. so this fic was heavily inspired but the sentiments of sadness and wistfulness, about missing his family in australia. i remembered this v-live where he was back home and he was doing his chan's room (which omg i miss so much) in his old room. and the room had become his little brothers. and i just couldn't stop thinking about what that must feel like. just imagine walking back into a familiar room and it looks the same, like the layout is exactly how you left it, but all the stuff in there does not belong to you. how uncanny must that have felt? to tiptoe around a room that was once yours? idk it just inspired his character in this fic and i hope that i was able to capture that well enough ૮₍´˶• . • ⑅ ₎ა

‧₊˚✧ SPECIAL EVENTS OF 2024 | published : november 1 ✧˚₊‧

: ̗̀➛ chantober 2024 & taecember 2024

retrospection: god, i love bias months so much—even though they wreck me by the end. being able to fully express my love and devotion to my biases just makes me feel so full and happy. it's like even if my day might be shitty, it's okay because i have something to work towards and look forward to. i also have the chance to celebrate both chan, and taehyung with you, which is always so exciting and fun! i literally cannot wait to do it all over again in 2025 ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

‧₊˚✧ TOP TRACKS OF 2024 ✧˚₊‧

𐙚 hurt — newjeans 𐙚 espresso — sabrina carpenter 𐙚 i like it — stray kids 𐙚 red lights (bang chan, hyunjin) — stray kids 𐙚 venus fly trap — marina 𐙚 work — ateez 𐙚 perfect night — le sserafim 𐙚 chk chk boom — stray kids 𐙚 mon amour — gemini 𐙚 na — hwasa

‧₊˚✧ GOALS FOR 2025 ✧˚₊‧

𐙚 stick to my posting schedule !! (writing two fics a month) 𐙚 properly plan ahead for bias months (i'm literally the worst at this) 𐙚 finish the rotten angelcake series 𐙚 breathe... (sometimes i forget that i just need to take a minute and breathe)

many thanks again to dia for tagging me, this was really fun ♡︎ i wanna tag jen ( @anobodyslove ) , dee (@awrkives ) , ghost ( @ghxstwrites ) , lixie ( @bunnliix ) , minerva ( @yourlocaljonghoe ) , and stardust ( @skzdust ). there's no pressure to do this !!

♡¸.•' happy new year lovelies '•.¸♡

#2024 tumblr wrapped #buzzing bee thoughts #the fellowship

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yourmomsgranddad · 2 years ago

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— 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

— CHAPTER TWO: We can stay at home and watch the sunset but I can't help but asking are you bored yet

— SUMMARY: Kate and Y/n's reunion isn't what Kate expects.

— WARNINGS: two curse words i believe, sexual themes but no smut, mention of blood

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

That was all that was going through Kate's mind right now. Her brain was still trying to comprehend what her mom said but at the time was feeling at the emotions all at once. She wanted to cry, she wanted to rejoice and she definitely wanted to go to the bathroom.

"What do you mean 'she's coming back'?" Kate was trying to make sure she heard her mom right before she flew off the handle.

"Well I guess her and her mom wanted to see New York and she found out we lived here so they are hopping on the first plane and they will be here by tomorrow."

Yup, she heard her completely correctly. Now she could commence her freakout.

She laid on the floor. She wanted to burst into tears but instead her brain was seeing everything, everywhere, all at once. All of her memories of you were rising to the top.

That creaky swing that used to be in your backyard, the way you used to dress, the bright purple you insisted on painting Kate's bedroom by yourselves and ended up being purple for a few months.

She missed you so much. She didn't know what she was worrying about, she was excited to see you again.

"I'm having a party tomorrow night and they're going to be there if you want to come."

Not that excited! She couldn't see you so soon.

"I don't know why I said it like it was your decision. You're coming, I cannot handle Claire by myself."

Claire was your mother and she was like Godzilla and the Boogeyman mixed together. She always enjoyed having Kate in her home but something in her just absolutely couldn't find it to pretend to be nice to Kate's mom.

Kate never understood why she could be so nice to her but not her mom, it didn't make sense. Nevertheless, she definitely could chill things down if she was there.

"Fine. I'll be there." She rolled her eyes. But her mom didn't care, this was a win in her book. She was going to celebrate.

And Kate was about to do something brash, maybe a tattoo?

Could she pull off a bob?

Both answers were a no so she just went to bed. Today was kind of draining even if she barely did anything.

Next day, Kate woke up determined. She was going to dominate this party and see you, and have the best time ever.

Yeah, no, none of that happened.

The moment she got inside the building, all of bodily functions started to act against her. First, her bladder attacked. She had to take the longest piss known to man. She was in the bathroom for like 18 minutes.

No one had seen her in while.

Next, she got a cramp in her knee. That doesn't seem like a problem but this event had no chairs so she had to sit on the floor, not being able to stand up.

And lastly, her nose started bleeding. Like gushing blood. It's like her nose was having a period.

Trying to fish for tissues, she banged her knee against the table. "Ow." Like her night could get any worse.

"Katie?! Why are you on the floor?"

She looked up and it's like someone was just cackling at her, they did not want her to succeed. Surely enough, you were standing above, looking more beautiful than when she last saw you.

Well the last time she saw you, you were like 10 but that doesn't matter because you were here.

"I cwamped my leg and can't stand. And I'm bweeding from the nose." Her words sounded funny since she was full of tissues and a whole lot of blood. You couldn't help but giggle.

"Well either way, it's great to see you." You got down to her level and pulled her into your arms, completely not thinking about the blood.

"Sorry. I got blood on your clothes."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

You situated yourself to sit next to her, getting as close to her as possible. She missed having you this close. She almost thought it was a dream but then you touched her.

She hadn't felt your touch in years. Feeling it again was like eating your favorite food again after a while and finding out you still love it.

"So how are you? Besides having everything happen to you at once."

"The best. Now that you're here." You smiled. You reached forward, helping her release her hand from the blood. Instead, you held them for her.

"Why do I feel like I've seen this before?" Kate's mom popped up, crossing her arms at the two of you. "Our girl's always hurting herself, isn't she?" You scrambled off the floor, going over to her mom for your hug.

Kate couldn't hide the blush that was spreading from hearing you call her 'your girl'. Maybe it was the blood. Who knows?

"So Miss Bishop, how's life? Kate still giving you trouble?" You chuckle, looking back at Kate for a second, who just seemed to be trying to hide her face.

"Always. And I told you, you can call me Eleanor. I've known you for a while." She tried, your hands still in hers.

"I know but you're like my mom, Miss B. And I wouldn't call my mom by her first name." You shrugged.

Kate's brain was making sure to remember every part of this moment, she never wanted to forget when you walked back into your life. (although she was gonna keep out the part where she was laying on the floor and bleeding)

But her thoughts got disrupted when she noticed your mom walking right over to the two of you. Oh no. That brought Kate to her feet, even if she wanted to scream in agony.

"Claire! So lovely to see you!" Kate greeted first. She saw the look on your mom's face, she was unhappy. Kate figured hop on it before she could.

"Katherine! Always a pleasure!" She went in for a hug but then looked down, noticing the way Kate was trying so hard to hop on her other leg. "Oh no! Kate, what happened?" A sudden worry washed over her.

"My body doesn't like me. How are you?" She tried to shift the conversation to her, hoping to forget about her pain.

"Normally fine but this one over here is giving me a run for my money." She gestured to you, looking like something was definitely bothering the two of you. She wanted to ask, but figured she could hear when the two ladies walked away.

And it was like they heard her brain since they walked away, going to talk to someone else, leaving the two of you alone.

"So what was that about?"

You rolled your eyes, not taking your eyes off of your mom, making sure she was far away.

"She is so worried about me. I dropped out of college a few months ago and she thinks I don't have any 'prospects'. She brought me here, hoping your mom could give me a job. She's so annoying."

This was new territory for Kate. She had never heard you speak anything but highly about your mom.

"Well she's right about one thing. My mom will definitely give you that job, she loves you." You smiled and all of a sudden, the pain from her leg vanished. There was something about your smile, it could make the clouds disappear.

"Well I do love your mom."

And there was that shift, that shift that Kate was afraid of, the shift that haunted her dreams. The shift that let her know, things were going to be different now.

She knew once she saw you, it wasn't going to all shiny and rainbows and you would go back into your old routine. You were like 12! You were adults now, things were going to change and she definitely didn't want to them to.

So she tried her hardest to bring the past the present.

"Remember when you glued my hair to my bedroom door?" You looked down, chuckling, you remembered the moment exactly.

"Well it wasn't my fault. You said you were going to tell Jake Faraday that I had a crush on him and you wake up earlier than me. I had to do something to stop you."

"Glue? Really, Y/n? That was your first option." She furrowed her eyebrows, till this day she was still confused about your choice.

"In my defense, it was either glue or attach you to the ceiling and I knew you had a fear of heights. I wanted to send a message, not scare you half-to-death."

Her heart swelled. You remembered her fear after all these years, maybe there was hope for you yet.

So all night, you stayed dormant, reminiscing about everything that the two of you ever did.

The time you crashed the cool kids' party and they called your moms. The day you both went around the arcade, putting your high score on every game. Even the time you both almost met Justin Timberlake.

"Remember when we both got mono from each other?"

Her eyes went wide. Some part of her definitely wanted you to bring it up but something told her it was a bad idea. But here it was. Whether she liked it or not.

"Yeah. Do you know how hard it is to explain to your mother how you and your best friend both have the kissing disease but 'didn't kiss each other'?" You let out a wry chuckle.

"I gotta say Kate, even if you did give me a disease, still one of the best kisses I've ever had."

She froze. The kiss that she was cursing herself for having, the kiss she stayed awake thinking about, the kiss that changed her life, it was the best you had ever had. She didn't know how to process.

But before she could get you to add on, you had to go. Not from the party, just to the bathroom and you would be right back.

She was ask when you came back.

It had been almost 30 minutes and you hadn't came back.

Kate's bleeding stopped and her cramp was retreating. But she was now completely worried about you and she didn't know what to do.

She still saw her mom and yours so you were definitely still here but you could be having issues in the bathroom, something could be wrong and you might need help. She needed to find you.

So she started running around, looking in every bathroom in the building, hoping to find you in one. Even the men's!

Little note, you were not in the men's. I don't know why she thought you would be.

But she had checked every bathroom on the floor the party was on and not one of them had you in them. Maybe you were on a different floor. Maybe you weren't in the bathroom at all. Maybe you were dead!

Kate was thinking about too hard.

You probably went home and couldn't text her since you didn't have her number anymore. Yeah.

She was about to quit her search and go tell her mom she was going home, she served her purpose. If you were gone, chances are your mom was right behind you.

But something stopped her.

She heard moans and groans coming from the closet she was standing next to. At first, she figured someone must be hurt and she was about to burst in there and become Captain Save A Ho.

But as soon as the door swung open, she knew it was the complete opposite. And she looked on with fear.

You were inside the closet with some boy's lips on your neck.

Holy shit.

#help lol #marvel #marvel imagine #kate bishop #show #kate bishop x y/n #kate bishop imagine #kate bishop fanfiction #kate bishop x female reader #kate bishop x reader #kate bishop x you

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okuberlik · 2 months ago

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My first approach to David Lynch’s world was at the age of 13, when I watched Twin Peaks for the first time, which immediately became my favorite tv show. Part of it I believe was because I was thirteen, an age were being weird is not welcomed, were it feels like if you are branded an outcast you’re are doomed for life.

And I was a pretty weird girl, (still am, thank the Gods) and for the longest time I had tried to like what most people my age liked, trying to cast away any sign of difference between them and me. Thankfully, the Lynchian world arrived before I was too far gone.

David Lynch’s art made me embrace my weirdness, for it’s what makes me different from anybody else. Through his female characters he assures me that everyone is flawed and that there is beauty in that. And it gave me hope that there is a place for us weird writers in the film industry, a place to be rightfully recognized for our work.

I grew a strong sense of belonging in his films, but specifically in Twin Peaks. It was a kind of dreamland I could escape to. I’ve rewatched the show multiple times, and the opening theme of the pilot episode never fails to make me teary eyed, a symbol of everything it means to me. But today, as I rewatch I still cry, but now, there are two reasons as to why.

I owe you a lot David, and the Gods know how many times I wished to meet you. As a last promise, know that every script I complete will be in your honor, because if it wasn’t for you I would have never had the courage to do it.

Hope there are as many chocolate milkshakes, cokes, cookies and cigarettes wherever you are. And that you reunited with many old friends, maybe even Laura.

-Oli

#david lynch #twin peaks

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my-own-walker · 2 years ago

Note

the jpm angst i'd like would have to be something about the reader leaving him ORRRRR james ( or the reader ) cheating? idk just some ideas!! <3

Not Strong Enough

note: sorry this took a sec! i am So Sleepy all the time rn

warnings: angst, talks of death and dying, feeling trapped in a relationship, JPM abandonment issues, sad themes of breaking up/leaving someone

+++

In the midst of life, we are in death. We see all who pass into the dwelling of death, never believing that we too, one day, will follow. We will all go with them and we have no control over when it may happen. But in special cases, we do.

We make small and big decisions every day that prolong our lives. We eat and drink because we choose to live. There are rules against driving under the influence and certain drugs because we want to live. Entire studies are done trying to find the secret to the longest life possible. We, at any time, have the power to make ourselves follow the others into the shadowy realm of death, yet we don't.

Why? It's uncertainty. We don't know what comes next. Life is far too precious to simply throw away, right? No one knows what comes next. Or if anything comes next. But I did.

I did. At least for the ghosts of the Hotel Cortez. The long-term residents, as they sometimes called themselves. They got to live on. And for some time, it gave me a strange sense of home.

When James and I began our relationship, he kept me on a short leash. I knew the truth all along. He was dead, eternally living in his state, bound to the very place he built. It seemed lonely. He wanted me to be in the hotel as much as humanly possible so that I could be with him. I moved into his suite.

All of this, though, to get me used to the place. I was kept from seeing the world so that I wouldn't miss it when he decided to finally kill me. Bound to him forever. Mates until our souls float off.

I knew what death would be for me. And I wanted so badly to do it for him. I loved him so much that I was willing to decide to shuffle off this mortal coil and into the forever purgatory of the hotel. But it simply became too much to bear. For, I had a family. A life before James. A love for meadows and trees and fresh-picked tulips. Running my hands along sun-bathed painted wood and cute wild animals.

In my time away from the hotel, that is where I would go. Anywhere with nature, untouched by man, touched by the beauty of flora and fauna staking their claim.

I couldn't make that decision. I couldn't die for him. I was not strong enough to be able to live, but not fully. See the world but through musty windows and the stories of passing guests.

James and I had dinner together every night. I sat across from him and dreamed of our life together. That began to fade, though. Rationality kicked in. The rose-colored glasses I had been seeing him through shattered. He loved me, but he wanted to control me. It was too much to bear.

I looked at him through the flames of the candles in the center of the table. He was looking down, eyes focused intensely on the task at hand. His brow was furrowed. He held a cigarette between his teeth and his silver lighter in his hand. It reflected the flickering lights of the flames onto the ceiling as he wielded it.

It made me sad to think that this would be the last time I would be doing this with him. I still loved him. But it made me even more sad to remember why it all had to stop. James took his first drag and puffed the smoke up into the air.

'You look unwell, dear,' he spoke, looking at me through his brow. 'Is everything alright?'

'Not exactly,' I muttered, casting my gaze down.

'Whatever is the matter?' he pried, sitting forward slightly in his chair.

'I'm not entirely sure how to say this,' I began, 'but, I'll be forthright with it. This is no longer working for me, James.'

'What isn't working for you?' he asked in reply.

'This,' I gestured grandly. 'All of this. I know what you want from me, and I love you, I do. But, I can't live like this. I need to leave.'

A dark expression came over his face. Then, one of sadness. He sat back in his chair and looked down at the table, flipping his lighter in his fingers, then tapping the table with it.

'I know you can make me stay,' I continued. 'You make this problem go away by killing me right now, but that's not what I want. And I have to trust that you'll respect my wishes.' I wasn't scared of him. He had told me time and time again that he only wanted what was best for me.

James looked like he was weighing his options. He didn't speak for a while, didn't even look up to meet my eyes.

'You are the love of my life, Y/N,' he said, finally. His voice cracked, and when he looked up at me, there were tears in his eyes. 'You cannot leave me.'

I stood and walked to his side of the table. James' eyes tracked me as I walked across the space. I stood just next to him, looking down at his crying form. I had never seen him like this. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him into my chest. It was an embrace we both needed.

He sniffled into me, burying his head into my dress.

'My love,' I cooed.

'I know what I need to do, but I can't do it,' he cried.

My stomach dropped. His intent was to kill me. My mind raced with ideas of ways to escape without him finding me. I separated myself from him and began to back away calmly.

'I need to let you go,' he uttered up at me. He stood and smoothed the front of his suit, then rubbed his eyes. 'I don't know why I am the way I am.

'Wh-what?' I stammered, steeling myself where I was standing. Was this a trick?

He stepped toward me and placed a hand on my cheek. 'I have a sick need to kill, and a sick need to control people. I love you too much to hurt you,' he explained lowly. 'I can't condemn you to a life like mine.'

Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening. I wanted him. I wanted to be with him and love him forever. But that simply wasn't in the cards for the dead man and the girl who loved life and living.

'James,' I whispered. He pulled me into a tight embrace. The cradling kind that enveloped me in his warmth. 'I'm sorry,' I spoke into his chest.

'There is no need for apologies, dearest. I understand,' he murmured. He pulled back and held me at arm's length, taking me in one last time. 'Go.' He placed a kiss on my forehead and let go of me.

'I love you,' I said before turning away to walk out.

'I love you too,' he replied, his voice breaking yet again. 'And, Y/N?' I spun on my heel to face him. 'Don't ever come back here. I won't be able to control myself. Just, don't forget about me.'

I didn't answer. instead, I walked out of his suite's door, into the hallway, then into the elevator, and out of the lobby. As I stepped into the sunlight, I couldn't help but feel like I made the right decision. But a nagging feeling missed James more than I could handle.

+++

Don't you love when I wax poetic in my posts? I get so silly goofy talking about life and death all deep-like. LOLZ

#evan peters #evan peters fic #ahs #evan peters x female reader #james patrick march #evan peters oneshot #evan peters x reader #jpm #james patrick march x reader #james patrick march x you #ahs hotel #jpm x reader

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romanarose · 1 year ago

Text

For the Longest Time: Scenes (From an Italian Restaurant)

Santiago Garcia x Lacina Dumas Francisco Morales x Jana Fernandez William Miller x Lorelei Giang Benjamin Miller x Alice McCarthy Special Guest: Cameron MacDonald

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

Join my taglist!

Summary: Individual scenes from the perspectives of all the characters with a sneak peak to someone yet to be introduced.

Warnings: Mentions of domestic violence, pregnancy, potential for miscarriage but it doesn't happen. Mentions of sexual abuse, hinting of bulimia. Usual themes.

A/N BONUS CHAPPY. I tried by very best with vietnamese but I don't have any vietnamese friends so ask, but i took a good amount of googling and tried to make it sound natural.

Once again, Romana's fics do not pass the Bechel test. I need help. I am a horrible feminist.

Santi

When Santi reached the ER, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around Laci's waist. She was wearing a short pink skirt, and he knew she wouldn't want her underwear out for everyone to see. Laci hadn't said anything the whole ride, nor the whole doctors visit, and that was expected. She was so checked out, in shock... it had been a long time since Santi saw her like this. The 1000 mile, dead-eye stare and the blood on her pretty face reminded him so much of the day he found her that he found himself having flashbacks.

Santi could not believe he let this happen. All the times he promised her he'd never let anyone hurt her again, and yet he had. It was who he had least expected, a member of his own family laid a hand on his wife, and Santi was going to make him pay. Will and Lorelei couldn't protect him forever.

The hospital was especially hard. Santi was reminded, as he stood by the bedside holding her hand of when they first took her to the embassy, how she had to endured interview after interview and exam after exam, retraumatizing her over and over.

To his extreme relief, it seemed she and the baby were okay.

"You here that, Lacina?" Santi spoke gently, squeezing her hand. "He's alright, our son is okay... everything is alright...." He caressed her soft hair. Laci didn't speak, but her eyes began to fill with tears, and soon Santi's did too "I'm sorry for everything, princess. I'm sorry for how it's been, but babygirl" He kiss her forehead, right on the scar she always tried to hide. "Nothing matters more than you, nothing matters more than our family. Last name, baptism, everything, it's yours."

They had to answer a few questions with a police officer, given the nature of what happened. Once it was clear Santi hadn't hurt Laci, Laci giving her statement via notes app, the officer asked if she wanted to press charges against Ben. Santi assured her she could, that he'd support her the whole way. He loved Ben, hell he still did. That was his brother. But he hurt Laci. Laci, of all goddamn people while she was in the stage of pregnancy most venerable to miscarriages from falls, and he knew, he fucking knew she miscarried before. After Santi, Ben knew the most of what she endured, outside of her therapist.

But Santi knew before she ever answered that she wouldn't press charges.

When they got home, Santi carried her to bed, and went to get her some water and food. He knew she didn't really want to eat, anxiety always surprising her appetite, but he knew she'd try for their baby, sweet thing that she was. She's already such a good mom.

He brought her pizza rolls, and climbed into bed with her, keeping the lights on. She didn't like the darkness when she was triggered.

Laci's small hand grabbed, and he turned to see her pale blue eyes pleading.

"What is it, baby?"

It was then she explained. Laci signed, and where she couldn't she typed. Ben didn't hurt her. Alice did. This, of course, made a lot more sense than Ben slapping Laci, but the other part of what she saw was far more shocking. Alice was abusing Ben. Santi had to admit, he was in a little disbelief at first. Ben was 6'2, strong as hell and well... a man. Alice was short and...

But slowly it started to make sense, all the pieces. Of course, she wouldn't start out hitting him, she'd have broken him down like they saw her do over and over again until he was at the point where he wouldn't fight back. It all became more and more clear... and more and more painful.

Their family was in shambles, and Santi felt embarrassed for threatening Ben when he was already going through so much... but fuck, how could he just let Alice do that to Laci? And how could he tell Laci he doesn't want to be at their wedding, the wedding of two people who were his best friends. This wasn't the Ben he knew, the Benny that would die for Laci...

Santi held her close and fed her pizza rolls until he finally saw her smile again.

When she fell asleep, he went to call Will.

Will

Ben was pouting on his couch, and Will was now wishing he'd let Lore join, but he didn't want to give her the added stress this far in to her pregnancy. She was sitting in the car right now, on the phone with her sister who she was trying her damndest to rebuild a relationship with. Rene would be the only aunt Chloe had biologically, and she wanted them to have a relationship, even if she was a pain. Lorelei had offered to come with Will, she wanted too, but Will said he needed to do this by himself. So, they compromised with Lorelei in the car.

Will and Ben are no strangers to physical altercations with each other. He wasn't sure why he was yelling at his brother who he just found out was being abused by his girlfriend and frankly, he didn't get it. At all. It wasn't because Ben was a man, it was because he didn't understand how Ben could stay with her. Hadn't he been through enough? Hadn't he seen how much their mom suffered with Paul, why would he put himself through that?

Couldn't he see how loved he was by their family? He lost Laci, and for what? Getting his ass beat?

Ben argued he didn't know what he was talking about, that Lac was unreliable and 'always was overdramatic', which made Will yell more. Laci was emotional, yes. She was also very sensitive, but Will refused to treat those as bad things. The implication of her being 'dramatic' about the things that happened didn't sit right when talking about a girl who until recently, her entire life had been defined by nonstop tragedy.

Will heard Lorelei yelling outside the front door.

Quickly, he went to open it to find Lorelei, face to face with Alice. He had never moved so fast in his entire life, placing himself in front of his pregnant girlfriends. They were a few feet above the ground on the wide front step, and after learning what Alice did to Laci, he wasn't letting Lorelei take a fall again.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Will seethed at the much smaller woman glaring up at him. He wanted to hit her, he wanted to hurt her so goddamn damn for what she's done to his brother and to the woman who is no different than a sister to him. For the anger and fighting that her actions have caused with everyone in their family. But Will didn't hit women. He didn't care if it wasn't equal treatment, it wasn't who he was. It wasn't who Ben was either, which she probably knew. Someone who wouldn't fight back.

Alice scoffed. "I live here, Jackass."

Will knew Ben wanted her to move in, he told Will, Pope and Fish 2 months back. They all said he was insane, moving his girlfriend in after 3 months but Ben said he didn't want to here it from Will and Santi. Will said his living situation with Lorelei and Santi with Laci was completely different than Ben and Alice, but Ben wasn't listening. What didn't know was she already lived there.

"Well, not anymore, get the fuck out." Behind his back, Will tried to nudge Lorelei to move down the stairs, but instead she moved towards the house. No doubt ready to protect Ben like she had before. It made him worry, but he also knew Lorelei did not have Laci's softness. She would throw hands right back, 8 month belly and all. He'd make sure it never got to that point, but goddamn did the idea of it make him love her even more, and he didn't think that was possible.

Benny

He couldn't sleep. The night was long anyway, Alice and him arguing back and forth. He wasn't his best, he yelled at her, she said he scared her... that broke his heart. He was becoming his dad. He watched Laci fall to the floor 5 months pregnant and did nothing about it. He let Alice tell Jana, the best mom he's known since his grandma, the woman who saved Franks life that was a bad mom and girlfriend.

His face hurt, but more importantly he felt disgusted in his skin. Nothing felt like his. His face felt numb from the ice pack Alice put on his lip. She was good like that. Everything ached. He didn't want to get undressed, he didn't like the way his body looked, but when he wanted to just go to bed, Alice accused him of not being attracted to her. She said withholding affection was an abuse tactic, so Ben made love to her, hoping to god he could prove to her he wasn't gay. He wasn't. He wasn't. None of that in the past was real.

So now, she was lying next to him, both were naked and all he wanted was to get redressed... but first, he needs a release. Pulling on his sweats again, Ben headed to the fridge.

Frankie

"And then, and THEN!" Frankie shouts, raising his hands in frustration as he washed the dishes. "Kyle said 'per my last email' can you fucking believe that! He said that, OUT LOUD, not in an email, not in a meeting, but at the fucking water cooler!"

When Jana, who was laying on the couch after eating too much and watching Blipi with Rosie, didn't respond, Frankie turned to look at her, scrubby in one hand, and plate in the other and his tan shirt sleeves rolled up. Rosie was on the carpet, half-watching and half playing with GI-Joe dolls, but if you tried to touch the TV she'd scream. Normally, Jana loved listening to his work gossip. She had no skin in the game, and since it didn't really cause Frankie any genuine stress she liked listening. Frankie could quit anytime.

The money from Lorea paid for the house, their cars, a good savings and a college fund for Rosie as well as 10 year CD's. Those were Jana's idea when it was clear how much Frankie was spending on coke. Frankie didn't have as much left as Will or Santi, but they were stable. Jana moving back in back in March and her recent promotion left them in a good spot. They'd be able to start a college fund for this new baby and provide a life that Frankie never had for their children. If work became too stressful, Frankie could leave, and he probably would when the baby was born, but right now it provided him stability and a sense of normalcy he had craved. He also found out that off coke and booze, he was pleasant as hell and was highly liked at work. He liked it.

When he turned, he knew immediately something was wrong. Jana was laying on the couch in her bonnet, having just gotten her hair done for Laci's wedding. Bohemian box braids, mostly her real hair since it was so long but had some fake blue locks. Jana's bridesmaid dress was blue, so she wanted to match.

"Hey mama." He said down the dishes, drying his hands as he walks over, "What's wrong? Nausea?" Alfredo usually made her stomach hurt, but she was craving it so Frankie was happy to cook for her. Between that and early pregnancy, it could be a lot of things.

She shook her head.

"Is it your braids?" He knew how much fresh braids could hurt.

She shook her head again.

Frankie frown, kneeling beside her. "Well, what's wrong then?" Whatever it was, he'd fix it. Can't have his precious girlfriend crying, especially not while pregnant with his baby.

Her lower lips quivered when she met his eyes and soon enough Jana was crying. Jana was not a cryer. Laci? Laci cries for everything, soft thing she was. Jana? The last time he saw Jana crying was when she was chewing him out for abandoning her and Rosie for a week.

"Oh, bebita, come here!" Frankie sat on the couch and pulled her into his arms, careful not to touch her tender head. "What's wrong?"

Jana sobbed into his shirt, making Rosie pause her play. Rosie stood up, rushing over to Jana and climbing up on her moms lap to give her a strong hug. "Mama don't be sad!" She put a little hand on Jana's face and kissed her cheek. "I love you! You're so pwetty!"

This made Jana chuckle, pulling her daughter tightly into her arms as she snuggled against her boyfriend. "I love you, and you're so pretty too." She kissed the crown of Rosie's puffy hair. "I love you so much, baby girl. Daddy and I ain't ever gonna let nothing happen to you, okay mami? Estás a salvo con nosotros. No dejes que nadie te haga daño, nena. Solo mereces amor suave."

Frankie understood what was hurting Jana so badly now. She was worried about Ben. Of course she was, Jana had known Benny since before he could legally drink, she loved him, often proclaiming he was her favorite. Since dating Alice, Ben pulled away from them all, not just Laci. It was subtle at first, but the damn if his presence wasn't missed. What Frankie failed to realize was how it affected Jana. Yes, Ben pulled away from Laci and everyone knew how badly it hurt her, but Jana missed Ben too. She just didn't have space to grieve.

Frankie had said that he'd fix whatever it was that was making her cry... but he didn't know how to fix this.

Lorelei

She rolled her eyes.

"Không, mẹ, chúng ta sẽ không kết hôn. Mẹ, con đã biết anh ấy một năm. Oh my god. MOM. Jesus- mom do you- moooooom. đéo. Oh, for fu- no, me, I wasn't swearing!."

Lorelei was on the couch, trying to explain to her mom that she was dating Will but they weren't getting married. Not right now anyway. Will was massaging her poor swollen feet, but smirking. He knew that Lorelei would get riled up and they'd end up fucking out that frustration here in a minute.

Lorelei sighed. "We don't know right now, but it's looking like we're going to work the harvest, then try to sell it after." She was talking about the farm. "Well no, I'm not gonna be a farmwife- well I could! Just because I like make-up- Okay, no, I don't want to deal with cows- oh my god."

Lorelei her phone on the swollen boobs and put it on speaker, looking to Will with an annoyed but over it expression, eyebrow raised. She was so exhausted from her mom, and wanted to make sure Will understood what it was like with her. Will was always empathetic, but now was a great chance for him to see the bullshit himself.

"I'm just saying, maybe if you put a little more effort into yourself you'd attract the right kind of man, instead of a farmer. Now, I know I know you said he isn't a farmer, military right? Does some motivational speaking? Well, I'm sorry, Yen but that's not a real job. Have you ever heard of keto? My friend Betty, remember her? Alex's friends mom? Well, she lost 40 pounds on it. I know your pregnant blah blah blah but I think if you start on the baby weight now, you can get a jump start. I saw your most recent picture on facebook honey. You know I never gained more than 15 pounds with you 3. You were my heaviest pregnancy. If you aren't careful, em bé is going to be-"

Will snatched the phone out off of Lorelei, taking it off speaker and away from Lorelei who was just sitting there listening to her mom rail on her very normal amount of weight gain.

"Hi, Mrs. Tran? This is William Miller, how are you? Yes, I'm so glad we could finally talk." He began to walk away, motioning for Lore to rest. He laughs. "Oh yes, that's so true!... We'd love for you to come visit-" Lorelei's eyes widened in panic, but Will understood her without even seeing her reaction. "But I think I'd love to visit where Lore grew up, so maybe we can plan a trip to Philly. Yeah? Wonderful, let's do that some time. Oh no, she didn't tell me about that, but I'd love to hear about how the book club meeting, I'm all ears... What, really?... Well that was rude... Yes, Pride and Prejudice is a classic... Debbie wouldn't know a good book if it hit her in the face..."

Lorelei heard her mom laugh over the phone, and Will winked at her. She rested.

Jana

"Listen, no to be gross." Lorelei started, watching Laci and Santi say bye. It was sickly sweet, but Lorelei was clearly over it wanting to get a move on. They had finished saying goodbye to Will and Frankie and Rose5 minutes ago, and they had to get checked in. Jana had long suspected Ben may not be in the wedding and he certainly wasn't doing any man of honor stuff with Laci so Jana stepped up, booking her, Laci and Ben a night away at a spa. Laci's wedding was going to be incredibly small, nonchalant. A cute little backyard wedding, something to not overwhelm her, but Jana thought she deserved nice things. When it was clear Ben wasn't coming, they had invited Lorelei. Luckily, Jana was able to switch the package to a prenatal one since all three were pregnant. It was well deserved on their parts, Jana thought, they all had been through a lot.

"Nothing is more gross than this." Jana replied but with no real edge. She was happy for not only Laci, but Santi too. As long as she'd known him, Santi had never been this happy, and after his mom and sister died within a few years... well, it was nice to see him at peace. Laci was good for him.

Lorelei leaned in, watching the mushy couple hug each other. "You ever wonder what their sex life is like?"

Jana laughed at that. "I know way more than I ever needed to." To be fair, Laci also knew Jana's sex life which involved whips and bondage. "You know she calls him daddy. It's his name on her phone."

Audibly gagging, Lorelei laughs. "That it does not surprise me that she's into that one bit, but I just don't see Santi as a daddy dom type."

"Oh it's not really a dom/sub situation. The actual sex is quite vanilla as you might imagine with her history. She just likes being taken care of, and Santi likes taking care of her.." She turned to Lorelei. "You don't call Will daddy?"

Lorelei laughed brightly at that. Goddamn she was pretty, a fucking sight to see. Lorelei was the kind of girl Jana would have perused when broken up with Frank if she hadn't remained so helplessly in love with the precious man. "I mostly call him annoying! Do you call Frankie daddy?"

"No," Jana giggled. "I mostly say sir in those scenario's. It's like I say." Jana pats her stomach, not yet showing. "I'm submissive and breedable."

"Are you?"

"Breedable? Obviously, neither thing 1 or thing 2 were planned, but those bad boy keep breaking through. And by bad boys I mean Frankie's jizz."

Grimacing, Lore continued to laugh while Santi and Laci talked to each other like talking to a baby. "Yeah, I got that! I meant the submissive part. You seem like a very... in control woman."

"Oh! Oh yeah, no, I am. Except in bed." Jana liked knowing her family was safe and in her hands. The burden of the day to day planning was in her hands, and it wasn't something she minded. It wasn't like she did everything physically; Frankie was a supportive partner and loving father, she was going to marry the fuck out of him some day. When they were separated, Jana could hand Rosie off to Frankie for a week or more and trust that her baby was safe, healthy, and on her normal routine (unless Santi was over). In fact, this night away all she had to tell Frankie was that Rosie's favorite stuffie was in the wash. Everything else, he was well prepared.

No, Francisco was capable, and if Jana was ever sick or needed him to take over more, he would, always. He cooked wonderful means for her to come home to and packed her lunch. In the end, it came down to want. She wanted to do this for her family, she wanted to take the stress of Frankie's pretty little head. She didn't want him to worry about Rosie's and his appointments, because and would tell him where to go and when. It was something Jana loved doing for her lover. And in return, Frankie would take over in bed, fucking her senseless with orgasm after orgasm and make her loose every single thought in her head that wasn't his mouth or cock or massive fucking hands.

Yeah, Jana liked control, and right now with Ben she felt out of fucking control and she hated it. She needed this weekend away.

"Alright, that's enough." Jana went over to the sappy pair. Normally, if neither were pregnant, Jana could just pick Laci up, but instead she settled for pulling her away. Laci pouted and playfully reached her arms out to Santi.

Joking, Santi glared at Jana as she dragged his fiancé out. "Awwww Jan Jan is so mean!"

With a "Shut the fuck up, Santito" they were out the door, all their luggage having been packed into the car by Will already.

As soon as they were out, Laci beamed and chatted excitedly about their 'getaway' on the other side of their town and hopped into her spot as passenger princess. Out of ear shot, Jana leaned into Lorelei before opening her car door. "Those two are just emo because this is the first time they've slept away from each other since Santi murdered her ex boyfriend."

She got in, leaving Lorelei standing outside the car when she closed her door. From through the windows, Jana laughs as she hears Lorelei shout "Aw, now, what the fuck!"

Laci

Laci sat nervously on the park bench waiting for Ben. Santi stood nearby, out of earshot but closely watching. Laci had reminded him that Ben didn't actually hurt her, so he didn't need to be worried and Santi said that Ben has made her cry repeatedly over the last new months, and he was going to be there to swoop in and rescue his princess. His words, words which she loved. Things were much better between them, and Laci was relieved. After the fighting but before she got hit, Laci was certain Santi would postpone the wedding and she thought maybe that would be a good idea too. She adored him, and she'd never let go as long as he loved her too, but maybe they needed to wait.

The morning after it all happened, Laci was worried Santi would treat her like he did when she first moved in. She loved that time in her life, she was allowed all the space and love and closeness and whatever she needed to get better, but that was the thing. She was better. The slap was extremely triggering and thinking she was miscarrying again was horrific but after being in therapy for over a year, she was equipped to handle it, with the reassurance and care Santi would always provide, she just didn't want to be treated like one of his porcelain dolls. She was stronger now.

But Santi knew her. He brought her breakfast, asked her how she felt, and they watched Friends reruns during the morning, cuddled up in their bed. It wasn't until after lunch Santi talked to her.

She explained everything, how Alice bullied her in that mean-girl way of subtle digs and jabs. She finally told him why she had been crying at the ball, something she previously refused to talk about knowing it would anger Santi. Laci had wanted to bad to fix things with Alice. She told him how she said that Santi was bored with her because they didn't have adventurous sex, how she bet he used to have threesomes with the guys and Laci couldn't give him any of that. Santi insisted he didn't want to have wild sex, as he had told her before. No part of him wanted to hurt her, especially during sex. Santi was explicitly clear he had never had a threesome with any of the guys, especially not with Jana like Alice implied, and although he had a threesome with two girls in the past, he had no desire for that with her. She fulfilled all his desires.

They talked about the baptism. Laci expressed that she had been wanting to start attending mass sometimes, and Santi agreed that he would join her, which made Laci smile.

"What about Leto?" She asked, voice small.

"Hm?"

"For his name"

Santi thought on it for a moment, but as he sounded it out, he started smiling.

"Leto Antonio... baby, I love it..."

Laci snuggled up to him. "Leto Antonio Garcia."

"Leto Antonio Garcia-Dumas"

In the evening, Ben texted her 'can we meet up?'

He sat on the bench, far on the other side away from her. Ben was looking over his shoulder in unrest, like he was on the look out. He spotted Santi from afar, and Santi gave him a little wave from where he stood. Ben waved back.

"I won't ask why you stay." Laci spoke, her high pitched voice already breaking. "I don't know why I always did either, really."

Ben sighed. "I love her, Lace."

Her lip quivered. "She doesn't deserve you. I know you don't think that now, you probably think you deserve what she does and what she says because I know you, I know how little you see yourself... but I love you so much, Benny! I love you and I think you are so amazing and you deserve someone who loves you as you are."

Ben turned away, looking back to the geese flying overhead. "You're, okay? Baby's okay?"

Laci sighed. She knew she wouldn't be able to simple love him out of abuse. It didn't work like that. "Yeah, everything was okay."

He nodded. "I'm really sorry, Lace. That I didn't try to stop her, that I didn't stand up for you-"

"Please don't be sorry, I know what it's like-"

"But that's just it!" He raised his voice, then out of the corner of his eye saw Santi stand from leaning against the tree. "Sorry. Sorry. It's just... You of all fucking people. I'd be ashamed if she did that to Lorelei or Jana, hell I owe her an apology for how Alice spoke to her... but you? I can't get the sight of you on the floor with on your mouth out of my head."

They talked about it a little longer, but there wasn't much to say. There wasn't much to do.

"Benny..." Laci fidgeted with her blue dress. "Listen Jana took over the maid of honor stuff already...."

"I figured. I assume Lorelei is replacing me?"

"No!" Laci practically jumped out of the bench. "I mean, no, no I love her so much and she's family but, that's not what I'm saying... I mean, Benny I don't want to get you in trouble or hurt or anything but... I need you to know I still want you to be my bridesman... but again, don't put yourself at risk for me, I just want you to know I, we, we both want you there. We both love you so much and if-" Her voice cracked, tears pooling in her eyes. "I know Will can be a lot sometimes so if you need somewhere safe to be, no prying questions or fighting or judgement, I swear to you our home is open for you as it always has been. I want you as much a part of our and Leto's lives as possible."

Ben's eyes were tearing up too, not letting them spill. "I'll make it work, okay? I'm gonna stand with you guys."

Laci's smile appeared suddenly. "REALY?! Are you sure? We could always switch you and Will if it's better for you to be on Santi's side."

Ben almost said no, but then he realized no matter what, Alice was going to lose her shit that he was back in. Maybe it would help. "Yeah, okay..."

She squealed, turning when Santi approached them. "Is that okay, baby? If Will stands with me and Ben with you."

Ben stood and extended a hand to his brother, wanting to shake on peace but Santi pulled him in for a hug. "We're gonna be here for, Ben. Whatever you need. You've always been there for us so we're gonna take care of you now."

Alice

He was hiding something.

He was always fucking hiding something. How was she supposed to trust what he said, what he wasn't gay when he's constantly lying. Alice knows he slept with that little ditz, even though everyone denied it. God, they were all blind, or maybe she slept with them all too. Just look at how she dresses, all those short skirts and lowcut dresses and crop tops, and constantly hanging off one of them, pretending like she can't go anywhere herself. She was so desperate for attention; that's probably how she got sex trafficked, supossedly.

She acts like it was this horrible thing, she sure loved to milk it but if it was that bad, why was she dating Santi? He looked like the men who abused her, spoke their language. She should hate him and Frankie, honestly. If she was really abused, she wouldn't have jumped into bed with Santi so fast.

"Where were you?" Alice asked when Ben walked in, the sun setting. He looked tired, avoiding her eyes and for a moment Alice felt bad. But then he took too long to answer.

"Just. Out. Walking."

He was lying. Alice stood up and the way Ben moved so quickly made her feel strong, like she had a hold on him. Ben was so much taller, stronger than her, and she still had control over him. "Tell me the truth."

He sighed, and right away Alice knew he was with that cunt, probably shoving his hands up her itty bitty skirt while sucking Santi's dick.

"You're with Laci, aren't you."

She watched Ben tense, avoiding her eyes. "Can we do this later? I gotta shower before dinner."

They were supossed to go to his grandpa's house for dinner. Gideon was nice enough, but Ben ruined her mood, and she wanted to punish him for seeing Laci.

"I don't think we're gonna go. I'm not feeling well."

Ben turned at that, looking at her in confusion. "What? No, babe it's an hour from now, we can't cancel again. I havn't seen him in months!"

Alice stepped back. "Don't raise your voice at me! I said I don't feel good, why would you want me to go somewhere when I feel sick? Are you trying to punish me? You're being manipulative."

He blinked at that, obviously confused by the turn around. "I- I'm sorry? Well, can I go at least?"

Alice forced the tears to come to her eyes. "You'd leave me alone I'm sick?"

There was a pause as Ben stammered over his words before sighing. "No, babe. I'll call him and cancel."

Alice went to lie down, asking Ben for some tea.

Cameron

"Goddamn it."

Springsteen songs didn't usually remind Cam of him, but this goddamn song about Bruce Springsteen songs did. Cam didn't listen to country if he could avoid it, but his phone died and the only station the tractor was country.

"When I think about you I think about 17 I think about my old Jeep I think about the stars in the sky Funny how a melody sounds like a memory Like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night Springsteen"

Yeah, actually, Cam did think about Ben, being 17, his jeep, staring at the stars in the sky as they lay on the roof of the barn... god fucking damn it.

Cam came home that night, he was exhausted from his 14 hour day but it was worth it. August to December he worked long hours and hard days on the field, then January to June had complete freedom to travel in and live out of his van, a hippie sort of lifestyle.

No drug tests.

It was technically his off season still but one of his connections had an old farmer who needed a bit of help spraying season. Cam was trying to put money away incase his van broke down. It was an old thing from the 60's, Cam was under no pretense that it was lasting forever.

Cam was bordered up in an old hunting lodge, and after cracking open a cold one he sat at the deck and lit a blunt, scratching his beard after taking a long drag. God that was nice.

The phone call irritating him, and he was going to ignore it just wanting his peace time but the area code stood out to him. Florida, middle Florida to be exact. Did Ben get a new number? He swiped right.

"Hello?"

"Hey, this Cameron MacDonald?"

"Um... yeah? Listen, if you're calling about my car's extended warranty, I drive a van from '69, it's way past-"

"No, Cam this is Will Miller."

Goddammit Bruce Springsteen, let this man go. "Hey Will... What's going on?”

If Will is calling, something gotta be wrong. Will... was not fond of him. Over the years, Ben and Cam went in and out of each other's lives for one reason or another, but never very long and understandably so Will was not happy about picking up the pieces. Cameron got it, he did. But Cameron also had to pick up every broken piece himself. Life and a rambling man left him with many friends but no one to call for a breakup.

"I uh, I got your phone number off Ben's phone, he don't know I'm calling you."

"Well, I'd think not, considering he'd pretty girlfriend." Cam chuckled good naturedly. He still had Ben on Facebook and saw his pictures on occasion when they popped up on his feed... or when he stalked Ben's page after a few bud lights too many. "Where you at right now? I hear music."

"You remember Pope? Or, I guess Santiago, who Ben and I served with? He's getting married."

"Oh shit, no way that's great!" He was genuine. Cam never met Santi, only Frankie and his lady a few times over the years Santi was always off somewhere. But Ben loved him dearly, and from Facebook stalking it looked like he was really close with the man's girlfriend- well, wife now. A win for Ben's family was a win for Ben, and that was a win for Cam. "Whadderya doing talking to me when you should be celebrating your friends and dancing with your girlfriend. Congratulations of her and the baby, by the way."

"Thanks. I called you now because I've had a few drinks and I had an idea, and it might be a bad one. Figured I'd better do it now because I chicken out."

A bad start. Was Will going to finally cuss Cam out for ditching Ben all those years ago?

"Oh. Uuuuuuh, okay?"

He heard Will sigh loudly over the phone, Stevie Nicks and Don Henly in the background. It was never good when he sighed like that.

"Ben's in trouble, and I need your help."

It didn't matter. His plans for the next harvest season, how far away he was. Cameron didn't even know what Will's plan was at all if there even was one. All Cam knew was that Ben needed help.

"What do you need, Miller."

*********************************

BENNY BOO WE'RE COMING TO SAVE YOU

Next chapter is the finale for FTLT!!!!! Laci and Santi get hitched <3 Happy day.

And we have a name for our little LaL baby!!!

Then, after the finale and after i finish up a few series, it onto my Ben series, No Surrender (after the bruce springsteen song bc duuuhhh)

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

#william miller #for the longest time #Santiago garcia #francisco morales #benjamin miller #lacina dumas #jana fernandez #lorelei giang #lal universe

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