#i asked my dad what the opposite of cloistered nun was and he said free range.

[queerprayers]

I'm actively discerning & struggling with clarity; what would you say, for you, is the "gut" difference between "actually becoming a nun" & "just needing fellowship, space to pray, & freedom?" Like what's the key aspect that makes it Not a call to literal vocation? If I am understanding you correctly! Thank you nevertheless & I hope God gives & guides you to exactly what you need. 🙏

(re: this post)

Great question, beloved! First, I'll remind you I'm not Catholic, so my understanding/associations of monastic life may be differently informed than yours. If anything I say doesn't match up with your understanding/beliefs about the topic, while I always encourage an open mind, you'll probably get more specific/relevant answers from a member of your denomination/community.

Alright, so, I wrote that post deciding that I probably didn't want to be a nun, but I did want community, time and space to practice my religion, and freedom from capitalism. There are limited options for someone who wants those things, especially in the US, so monastic life has been very appealing to me in recent years. And I do think I could be happy and create a fulfilling life as a nun! But I don't think it's what I'm meant for, at least right now, and I'll try to explain why.

I will say that for some people, there might not be a difference? Like in a perfect world everyone would have community/prayer/freedom, but we're not there, and I'm sure there are people who have turned to monastic life as a way to find those things. And that's not a bad thing at all! If you desire/are fulfilled by certain things, and monastic life is the only/easiest/best way in this world to receive them, then by all means, pursue that life. Historically, those have been some of the reasons people (especially women) enter monasteries/convents—besides it being the best option in a lot of cases for unmarried people, of course. But marriage and being a nun aren't the only two main options for women anymore (thankfully), and I pray every day for a world in which people can find community/prayer/freedom in all walks of life.

Confession: I made that post after watching The Sound of Music, because I've always loved Maria and really connect with her. Spoiler alert, but she doesn't end up a nun. She tries really hard, though! Honestly, that's kind of the dream? Be a nun for a while, then meet a perfect, handsome, put together, rich person who comes with children, and marry them, while making Nazis' lives harder.

I'm really interested in getting married in the future, and while that doesn't rule out monastic life as a Protestant, it is something I have to be conscious of. Maybe that can be our retirement plan? If my future wife is Christian, perhaps we can join an order once we're a bit done with normal society. (I think if I was born anytime before this century, I would already be a nun. If I couldn't have a human wife I'd marry Jesus immediately.)

The main difference for me is when I'm craving monastic life, it's because I want a break. Because the world is too much, and I'm not finding the space/time to pray, and I'm lonely. Now these aren't bad reasons to become a nun, and I don't want to diminish those factors, but for me those feelings are temporary, and a sign that I need to reach out to more people, and talk to my therapist, and put time in my schedule to worship.

Because of this, it seems like in my life the desire to become a nun is a kind of escapism, an impulsive alternative to more destructive ways to give up on life. This is absolutely NOT the case for everyone, and I don't want to imply that, but that's how it is for me (at least right now), and I'm proud of myself for (and thank God that) I'm realizing and honoring this. There may come a day when that desire is a recognition of where I would be most fulfilled, though, you never know.

I'm not sure I have a definite way for someone to tell what they're called to do. I do believe that there isn't one thing we were made for. If an angel came to you and gave you a mission, by all means go do that, but if that were the case you probably wouldn't be asking me for advice. As for the rest of us, God has given us so many diverse gifts, and how we use them is (amazingly but also terrifyingly) up to us! There isn't one path you need to find and all others would be abandoning God's will. There are many ways for you to have a beautiful life.

I don't blame anyone who runs away and joins a convent to escape from life, but ideally we learn about ourselves and participate in general society, deciding what kind of life we'll create—and perhaps end up in a convent somewhere down the line.

What relationships do you seek? Do you want to get married/have children? Who do you want to live with in the future? What gifts do you have? Do you write, sing, draw, run, speak, cook, work, comfort, heal? You don't have to be a genius at anything, and maybe your gift right now is resting and having lunch with your friends—that absolutely counts. How have you brought love/God's will into the world? How do you want to in the future? How would becoming a nun/monk help you fulfill these things? How would it limit you?

Monastic life gives you community/relationships, but may also ask you to forgo certain other community/relationships. It gives you a set purpose and duties, but there will be other purposes/duties you have to give up. Just like any job, relationship, or home, there are sacrifices you have to make, and beautiful things you can fulfill—and this would be all three!

I'm sure you know this stuff, but just in case: Many religious orders offer retreats/temporary stays, and this could be a great option for you! It could let you know whether you just need some time, or whether this is the life you want to follow. Also, keep in mind that there are usually multiple years when joining an order before you commit/take vows. There is no shame in realizing it's not a life you're made for. (Watch The Sound of Music if you need that affirmation.) And every community is different, so make sure you know your options! Cloistered vs. un-cloistered, for instance, is a huge difference.

We all need community, and time, and freedom. But we need those things and find fulfillment in so many different ways. I don't know if I've given you the answers you're looking for, but I pray that you make your decisions with honesty, caring for yourself and the world, and dedicating yourself to God every day, whether in or out of an official religious order.

<3 Johanna