#i appreciate and cherish all of them
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artilite · 8 months ago
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the sloops got me. they got me bad
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satorisoup · 5 months ago
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
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tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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stormyoceans · 4 months ago
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(i'm afraid it's me again, the au genre anon. i loved your answer abt the regency we are au so much i had to write a little something based on what you said. it's nothing worth posting on ao3 and i don't think i can write further, but i had to share it since you were so inspiring!! i hope it's not annoying of me.)
//FIRST IMPRESSIONS//
After dodging several eager Mamas throwing their eligible offspring at him, Phum found Fang hiding in the back, pretending to examine some unremarkable painting as if it contained the secrets of the universe.
“Will you tell me finally what is the matter with you?” Phum demanded, doing his best to keep his voice from floating over the happy crowd of assembly-goers. But after watching his brother mingle with the noble and common families, all with a false smile and a tightness around his eyes, Phum had neared the end of his patience. Fang might be able to fool most people with his charm and good looks, but Phum knew something had deeply upset his brother since almost the moment they’d stepped foot in the assembly hall.
“Nothing’s wrong,” said Fang through a smile arranged as perfectly as his cravat. “Aside from me feeling somewhat over-warm. I didn’t expect it to be so crowded in here. Why are you wasting your time here with me? Go, dance! Try to have fun – though I know how loathe you are to do so.”
Phum rolled his eyes. As if this blatant attempt at distraction could work on him so easily! Fang pointedly turned away, going back to the painting he’d been using as a cover for his brooding. Apparently, the assembly hall patrons had had the idea to display artwork throughout the rooms to liven the evening, which Phum thought was an immensely silly contrivance. People didn’t come to these balls and assemblies and gatherings to enjoy art. They came to hunt for spouses, to brag about their houses or carriages or fashionable coats and dresses, and to get away from their families for a night. It was all part of an elaborate game that everyone had been playing for years and where Phum had, as always, stood on the outside looking in.
It was why he felt almost sorry for the artists themselves, who'd been invited to attend tonight's assembly. Almost being key. They were a small group, floating around the assembly, looking uncomfortable and keeping to themselves. Poor fools must be intimidated by the vicious Marriage Mart. Lady Fai, Fang’s fiancee, clearly felt sorry for them. Phum had spotted her chatting with a few of the painters earlier, her bright cheer putting everyone around her at ease. He wished she’d forget about them and pay more attention to Fang, who needed her more right now.
A nudge at his elbow startled Phum, and he realized he’d been glaring at the painting before him. It was Fang, staring at him curiously.
“Rather remarkable piece of art, don’t you think?” Fang asked.
“I don’t want to talk about the damn art,” Phum said crossly. “I’m here to find out why you’ve been upset this whole evening. Did somebody say anything to you? Do I need to second you in another duel at dawn?”
Fang smiled beatifically. “Beautiful brushwork.”
Phum made a harsh noise of frustration. He glanced once again at the painting, which he didn’t think he’d seen properly the whole time he’d been looking at it. It was just a seascape, nothing special, and he refused to examine it further. “Why you waste your time in front of this particular painting, I can’t understand. Do you really expect me to believe you’re so enamored of this trite, dull piece of art that you’ll stay here the whole time? As if anybody put any sort of real thought into this aside from ‘la, I suppose I’ll draw a pretty little sea and get to go to the ball!’ Please, brother!”
Fang’s unimpressed stare changed into a look of utter horror so sharply that Phum became uneasy. When the voice cut in behind him, the shock felt like he’d plunged into the cold waters of the painting.
“I assure you, I didn’t drag your brother in front of my painting.”
Phum whirled around – and came face-to-face with the most handsome man he’d seen in his life. Feline dark eyes set in a fine-boned face glared at him, then cut away. Phum was forced to step aside as the stranger walked past him to address Fang, ignoring Phum with the grace of a knife.
“Ah, it’s Peem, yes?” Fang said hastily, summoning his smoothest smile. “You seem to have come upon me teasing my brother most frightfully. The fault is entirely mine, I’m afraid. Is this your painting? I had heard from… from others that you were most talented. You must tell me more about this particular piece.”
Oh. Oh, no. Phum inhaled sharply and audibly. The strange man – Peem – shot him a disdainful glance, then turned back to Fang with a jagged smile.
“I wouldn’t dream of wasting your time further, my lord, with my meager thoughts,” said Peem. “You must have heard of me from my friend, Tan. He mentioned to me that you both had a prior acquaintance from town. I must say, from what I heard tell, I believed you to keep more gentlemanly company than present.”
His words dripped like honeyed poison. Without another look in Phum’s direction, as if he’d already gained an estimate of Phum and found him unworthy of further consideration, Peem bowed and marched off.
Fang had gone pale and his hands were trembling slightly. But Phum couldn’t focus on anything besides his own nausea and racing heart. What had he just done?
‘I must go after him and apologize,’ said a small voice inside Phum’s head, quiet and ashamed. Then he felt a rush of anger, the anger of being humiliated, of being so thoroughly misunderstood and cast aside. Cast aside if Phum was nothing.
“Well,” said Phum coldly, hearing himself as if from a distance. “It appears my small misstep has offended that young man. He could have waited for my apology instead of trying to humiliate me in front of this crowd. Don’t be too furious with him, brother. I hope it doesn’t get back to your friend. Who is Tan, anyway? You’ve never mentioned him before.”
There was a beat of silence. And then:
“No one,” said Fang softly. “He’s no one at all.”
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SCREAMING AND HOWLING AND YELLING AND SHOUTING AND SHRIEKING AND SCREECHING AND RUNNING LAPS ON THE CEILING WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SPINNING COUNTERCLOCKWISE ON THE FLOOR FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND ENGAGING IN FITS OF FEMALE HYSTERIA
I RESPECTFULLY BUT FIRMLY VERY MUCH DISAGREE ON THIS NOT BEING WORTH OF BEING POSTED ON AO3 ANON THIS IS SOSOSOS OSOSSO SOOOOOOOOOOOOO PERFECT OH MY GODDDDDDDSDSJKGSF
im not good with coherent comments and there are SO MANY GOOD PARTS in this that im not quite sure where to start but i love love LOVE your phum's voice, you were able to capture him so well!!!!!! his thoughts about the ball!!!!!! the way he knows that something's off with fang!!!!!! how he ends up being so harsh with his words about peem's painting partly because of the frustration he feels at fang avoiding his questions!!!!!! his first instinct being to apologize to peem right away but then getting angry at being so unfairly treated!!!!!! and then there's peem with his cutting politeness and graceful disapproval!!!!!! and fang with his quiet yearning and pain and regret still trying to shield phum from reproach!!!!!!
Lady Fai, Fang’s fiancee, clearly felt sorry for them. Phum had spotted her chatting with a few of the painters earlier, her bright cheer putting everyone around her at ease. <<< I LOVE THIS DETAIL OF FAI TALKING WITH PEEM AND THE OTHERS!!!!!!!! they're gonna be friends!!!!!!!!!
“Did somebody say anything to you? Do I need to second you in another duel at dawn?” <<< PHUM HAVING TO BE FANG'S SECOND IN A DUEL LITERALLY THE MOST IN-CHARACTER THING EVER
“Is this your painting? I had heard from… from others that you were most talented.” <<< fang not wanting to give away the fact that he knows tan but also FANG NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN SPEAK TAN'S NAME OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“No one,” said Fang softly. “He’s no one at all.” <<< WHAT IF I WALKED INTO TRAFFIC
........anyway. sorry i kinda got carried away with this ;;;;;;; i know you said you probably can't write further anon, but if you ever feel inspired to do so JUST PLEASE KNOW I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO GET MORE OF IT!!!!!!!!! AND IN THE MEAN TIME THANK YOU SOSOSOSO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS!!!!!!!!!!
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politemagic · 6 months ago
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slasher iii & slasher iv
oh geez oh boy oh god here it is. i had to strangle this thing out of my brain and she came out kicking and screaming. unedited, just some fun slasher iii & slasher iv content on this saturday evening. this is... something
there's a good bit of triggers in here, please proceed with caution.
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The two of them are just hardcore horror fans, right? They've seen all the classics a million times but as they're getting older it's just not enough. III is the first one to suggest it as he turns off the television after watching the newest horror box office flop. At first, IV thought it was a joke. An outlandish suggestion to throw him off his game. That was the kind of jokester that III was. But there was no humor in his voice when he said in a sinisterly quiet voice.
"We could just do that shit ourselves."
The thought caused excitement to pulse through IV's veins as III laid out the details of his fantasy. It was almost too perfect, he thought. Their calculus professor was a piece of shit who was always too hard on the class, so he made an obvious target. He had no family, which further eased IV's conscience. They'd be doing the world a favor.
It was an experience unlike anything he'd ever experienced before, the thrill of watching the light wink out of his horrified eyes as he clawed at the masks covering their faces, watching the fight leave his body as he fell limp to the floor. He found he didn't quite mind the feeling of his blood soaked jeans clinging to his legs.
III had done most of the dirty work, but who was IV to deprive him of the joy he received from plunging the knife into his victim's stomach? They tidied. up after themselves enough to erase their presence, and waited for someone to find him.
The discovery of the beloved professor’s body the next day came as a shock to the whole community, leaving the town a worried mess. Things only got worse as III and IV selected their next target. She was a young woman, engaged to be married, known for babysitting just about every kid in town– the two of them included. IV’s stomach soured at the thought, but the grin on III’s face stirred his excitement enough to quell his conscience. 
“Don’t worry mate, she’ll be perfect.” He clapped his friend on the shoulder and pulled him into his pickup truck, the bed loaded with enough hunting knives to butcher a stampede.
And perfect she was. They managed to slip into the garage undetected, slinking through the darkened hallways towards the illumination and chatter of the television in the living room. She had nodded off on the couch, her head tilted back and nestled into the corner, surrounded by blankets and pillows. III gave him a silent nod and IV walked around behind her, wrapping an arm around her neck and clamping his hand over her mouth. Her eyes shot open in fear, panic overtaking her body as her eyes raked down every intimidating inch of III as he knelt in front of her, sliding a knife out of his boot. 
IV could feel her gnashing at the flesh of his palm, and simply pressed the crook of his elbow further into her jugular. He could feel her resolve dwindling as she thrashed against his hold, trying to shove III’s towering figure away from her. But III only laughed and swatted away her comparatively small hands as he began tracing the tip of his blade up her pajama clad leg, the twinkle in his eye indicated to IV that he was thoroughly enjoying the muffled whimpers coming from behind IV’s hand, relishing in the way that her body lurched away from him.
When IV felt his hand dampening from her tears, he audibly groaned, looking down to see her beautiful eyes squeezed shut, tears running down her cheeks. If his mask wasn’t covering his mouth he would have leaned down and licked those tears off of her perfect skin himself. But instead, he managed to catch III’s attention, nodding down to her streaming tears and III laughed evilly.
He leaned over her, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, gently caressing her cheeks as he did so, despite IV’s hands covering most of her face. 
“Hey, no use for that,” III cooed. “No point of doing that at all, love.”
Her eyes opened, a bone-chilling fear shooting through her body as she saw the murderous glint in III’s eyes. The tears flowed faster, and as she tried again to break free III restrained her arms with ease, resting his body weight on top of her as he brought his knife up to her line of sight again. 
“We’re going to have a lovely time, the three of us.”
She screamed from behind IV’s hand, making one last attempt to bite at him and managed to find purchase on the meat of his palm, causing him to yelp. She sank her teeth in until she could taste his blood on her tongue, but she found his grip only tightened. When she dared a glance above her, she could see his eyes shut, breathing labored, but when he looked down at her, she realized what a mistake she had made. 
A mixture of her tears and IV’s blood dripped from her chin, and the sight sent a shockwave of excitement through III’s body. He was ecstatic to have a partner in all this, to get to experience his wildest fantasies with his best friend. To share this new side of him with his best friend. 
“Now for the fun part.” He whispered, more to IV than to her, but the words caused her heart to sink, she felt the resolve fly from her body– there was no salvation for her. The coppery tang of his blood on her tongue that had once tasted like victory now tasted of defeat. Not only would she die at their hands, she would die with their repulsive presence invading her every sense.
III felt the familiar rush of euphoria as the blade pierced through her belly, her muffled scream like a favorite song heard on the radio. He didn’t miss the way IV’s hip pressed slightly into the couch, spreading a wide grin across his lips.
This would be the fun part, indeed.
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Hours later, III laid down in his bed, resting an arm behind his head as he replayed the events of the day, that same grin still plastered on his face. He felt his eyes drifting closed, sleep ready to take his body when he heard the sound of his phone vibrating on his nightstand. His heart leaped at the sight of your name, and your sweet message.
i guess you turned in early tonight. sweet dreams, i love you <3
As he laid back down, his eyes falling shut one more time, his mind conjured up the most beautiful plan for you. 
A special surprise.
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musouie · 1 day ago
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hello and good morning, i've missed you all sobsob
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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Idk if your still thinking about the pig but I was and today while getting hair dye-
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Idk what to do now...
you Cherish her. that's what you do
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sunsetdesire · 15 days ago
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all of my heartbroken queer friends deserve everything in the world and I would do anything in my power to give them that. also we should have an orgy then marathon our favorite movies in a heap of cuddles and love tbh
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airbenderedacted · 1 year ago
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So who’s your favorite character in Wander Over Yonder? And what’s your fav ship(s)?
Oh, I love playing this guessing game!! ♡ ~('▽^人) ✨
Favorite character? Well...
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[🎨📺]
As for ships, I wouldn't exactlyy say I ship anything in this show tbch, but I'd say I'm especially fond of Sylava, in a strictly fanon kinda way.
#Wander Over Yonder#Lord Dominator#woy is funny bc the core four are all so shippable but nothing rlly does it for me. i think nearly all possible pairs there have some charm#when considering *all five* of the mains not a whole lot changes bc dominator's a lesbian and sylvia is the only other main who isn't a dud#(i'm not a pr.o.shi.pper so bigoted type stuff grosses me out when it comes to shipping. we don't go there eugyhgfghhs)#tbcch i'm of the firm belief that lord dominator shouldnt be shipped with anyone in a srs sense. like as far as staying true to canon goes#she's made it extremely clear that she's not into that kinda stuff *and* that she's wAy too horrible for any kinda relationships anyway#but when it comes to lighthearted silly fanon stuff (or any degree of au stuff where *GASP* D isn't a demon & they Work) sylava makea me :)#(in whatever way ppl wanna imagine them. i'm partial to ''yes homo no romo'' qpr type goodness w/ them but i love seeing Everyone's takes!!#partially bc it's nice to see people actually. care. about what dom is and is not about (sexuality-wise). which is THE BARE MINIMUM but wel#a lot of people Do Not do that! sadly sexism and homophobia exist and it seeps into a lotta things in a lotta small ways and *sobs*#SO YEAH IT'S NICE TO SEE. NOT THAT. it's nice to see as a light shining through the darkness that is the internet & 2010s show fandoms sks#ah & partially bc sylava is like. literally the only ship ever kinda-sorta-teased in the show in a way that wasn't just played for jokes#which i think gives us neat things to work with when it comes to the whole ''what if'' kinda stuff- so!!! yea i just think it's neat :]#in both an ''in another life...'' not-so-hypothetical chemistry kinda way AND in an 'im a real stickler for Canon Goodness' kinda way too#haha#as for other ships i'm especially partial to... mmmmm.. 🤔#deathglare in the context of hater learning to cherish & appreciate peepers and treat him RIGHT makes me happy. i like that :)#and skeleton dance is always fun!!!! a real delight both on and off the screen hehah#most everything else makes me go ''oh cool. yea that's cute.'' 👍#ships involving minor characters are pretty take it or leave it. i dont think there's any i have any strong feelings about#except ig that it was pretty sweet when people were shipping lord hater & ripov. tbh i like how many ships people came up with w/ her#that was really swag. she was a fun character!!
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taeyungie · 1 year ago
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😺
#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet#i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean#he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today#and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this#its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back#but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason#he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much.#he would want that for all of us right#but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus#the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months.#thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time#and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol#my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most#when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most.#but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway#i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit#i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody#because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right#and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated.#i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do.#to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him#nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it#anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓#please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓#we have esch other and we will be okay 💓#sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓
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unsettlingcreature · 1 year ago
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Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)
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leelreallylikespersona · 8 months ago
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I'm just going to say it
Dude Salmael is so fucking pretty like ?????????? If I was told to make a purse owner 5 demiurge he is exactly what I'd do, it's unreal how much of a me character he is
Angel
White hair
Black lipstick specifically
Real face is super creepy
Guns (both as a weapon and a clothing choice)
It's all there
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amatres · 10 months ago
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🌺 Layla loves receiving homemade gifts, but on the flip side expensive gifts make her nervous.
oh, interesting! layla is the sort of person who will appreciate any gift, no matter the cost, as long as the intent behind it was genuine. what doesn't matter so much is it's price or monetary value, but simply the person who gifted it to her did so because they cared for her. how she approaches being given one fully depends on the gift giver's demeanor!
if she thinks they did it just to buy her, she'd be much more flippant with it than say, someone did it because they were trying to give her a fun gift to make her laugh (how she at first interpreted daeran's gifts F) or because they're trying to make a romantic gesture of some kind and will go according to the situation
that was very long winded explanation Lmao. all that said however i am going to give this a 6/10, i won't lie and say expensive gifts dont get assumed to be more joke gifts (sorry daeran...) or someone trying to buy her off for one reason or another. the later definitely make it much harder for someone to approach her and continue to have a relationship with her after that point, as she'll get uncomfortable and perhaps even scared depending on the situation
either way, it's definitely not the best way of getting her attention if your intention is you're trying to court her lol
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loveforskekgra · 2 years ago
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I really wish I was one of those people who knew how to make like perfume oils and stuff because I spend a lot of time thinking about what a collection of perfumes themed after each Skeksis and Urru would smell like
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age-of-moonknight · 1 year ago
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Can I just say youre my favorite account on this app.
I really like your commentary on the tags, man <3
Shoot, favorite account on the whole of tumblr.com??? !!!! Thank you so much, anon, for saying that because I'm going to treasure this message 'till the end of time and you genuinely straight up made my week. 🤍🖤 Please excuse what may be repetition of a sentiment I have expressed here before, but I still can't get over how you (and the other individuals who have said as much and who I equally appreciate almost beyond words) also derive something from what all some random guy leaves in the tags and how novelly, indescribably happy it makes me, so thanks again! I'll keep on posting no matter what, but it is doubly, I guess, motivating??? energizing??? knowing that I'm sharing this with other people and there's the possibility of perhaps brightening their day a little as well. :D
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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you will never be too old to find someone for you. society puts a lot of emphasis on dating in high school or right after but in reality the number of people who stay in those relationships untill marriage is low. real life doesnt prioritize those years! you are never done meeting people who will love you and you will love too. there is no timer ticking down. 24 is not too old, i promise.
i know you’re right 😞😞😞 idk why i have issues abt this bc most of the ppl i spend time w / follow on inst*gram (where i saw that post 🥴) / etc are at least a couple yrs older than me if not decades and also in most cases didn’t meet their person until they were around my age or older so it’s like why not enjoy the ride and just trust that it’ll all fall into place bc ur teens and 20s are definitely not as stable or happy or whatever as they’re made out to be sometimes. i think i just need to stop looking at social media that isn’t tumblr and find a different counselor and learn how to drive 😭
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mrfoox · 2 years ago
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Talking with Fabian and whooooooooo boy that was an conversation and a half...
#miranda talking shit#Uuuh i was kinda rightfully anxious? I told him about how i am a little freak and i basically am down to date 90% of my friends#But i got told by Oliver that it could be i act that way bc i dont want to be abandoned/left so im willing to compromise however they want#Me to... So talked about that with him and yep. We finally got into the whole... 'what are we' business. Or well kinda not directly#He said he didn't want to bring it up but we basically are on the subject so... And how hes worried that i will think too much about him#'i worry the more time we spend together the more your life will revolve around me and you'll value me so much more than i do you'#'it doesnt seem fair to you so ive occasionally not talked with you because i worry about that. You're a great friend but I know how much#You think about people. And im worried if you think about me too much you'll develop feelings or I'll mean more to you than before' i... He#Isnt wrong? Thats kinda how i work. The more people prioritize me the more ill value them and cherish them? But also... Idk if he understod#That i dont actively think about kissing or dating my friends? Its just a thing i know that if anyone asked I'd be down for it. But i dont#Daydream about it or anything. But then again he said some cryptic fabian shit like 'i dont have anyone else to compare with so i assume#What we have is normal. I sometimes want to cross the line to see where i still stand with you after doing it' like bro... Im so sorry i am#I am so far from 'normal' and him having me as his biggest both friend and female/woman in his life is probably such a mess i am crying#Me: ok then cross the line and see how you feel. 'but thats the problem. You dont have a line you're so open and down with everything you#Dont really react badly' I know i... Probably am making things hard for him sometimes but this was an holy shit moment /: hes worried to#Spend too much time with me bc of how i can potentially feel? Meanwhile I'm basically 80%+ of all his social interactions 😭 at one hand i#Appreciate him thinking of me and worry i guess but... Yeah. I told him: listen Fabian. My life does not revolve around you and youre not#The only one i think about. You are safe.' his and mine relationship is my favorite but also i definitely worry bc i know how much what we#Have or talk about or act is his... Only reference for girls basically. I mean outside his mom. He's not had any other girl friends and no#Actual girlfriend. So his reference to whats... Okay and appropriate is basically dictated by me and im seeing that very clear now im kinda#Afraid. Like... Im not normal on any level. If he's basing his view on women on me hes going to have an awful time truly... Idk if i should#Be offended or flattered that he thinks he's the center of my world 😭 like hes not completely wrong. I talk with him multiple times per#Week. But i can also say hes not all i think about at all waking hours lol. I obviously love him and care so much about him but im not#In love with him. Not as far as i know anyway. I dont think of him how i do people i have crushes on for example so yeaah. It bothers me#More that he couldn't just say 'im not into you' bc thats fine. He added the whole element of 'im not sure' like buddy now im going to be#Anxious about that in the future. I guess he have no reference to crushes so he cant tell but like... How do you want me to act so you can#Tell? I want an solid answer putting in an maybe is cruel even to me. This is funny bc tbh i dont even know if i would be able to date him#Even if he said he wanted to. Bc i know his biggest wish is to be a dad and i have nog fully embraced that idea even /: 'i can feel how ego#Centered i am. Assuming im the center of your world like that' at least youre self aware sweetie. Sounded like he was at peace with all we#Said and im here like... Binch there's so much to think about i wish i could read your mind i need more information to understand all this
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