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ilcaeryx · 4 years ago

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Cultist [Sukuna/Reader] - NSFW

Summary: You have one god on this earth.

Tags: Sukuna/Reader, NSFW, Smut, Humor, Size kink, Cock Warming, Body Worship,

Words: Cirka 2k

Author’s Note: What’s up, sluts? I’m back. This is NSFW, so beware.

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Sukuna did regularly mention that domination and conquest were his pastime hobbies and you would tentatively add that he adhered to them with slave-like zealotry. Whenever he insulted Itadori Yuji by calling him simple-minded, your heart ached with the desire to tell him that he was not any greater regarding his obsessions with strength. However, your self-preservation kept you alive, since a bitch that talks back to Sukuna is a bitch that gets their head separated from their body, after all.

Having sex with Sukuna is somehow leagues safer than speaking to him, you thought, gaze surveying how the apex of his back muscles cast shades upon the trenches of his spine. Inhalation, the shadows grew and deepened. Exhalation, the light re-conquered its territory. You suspected he never slept, even though he physically seemed in deep slumber. His arms were splayed on his pillow, face turned away from you.

You had self-preservation to save your ass 99 percent of the time – this time was probably that one percent where he would snap.

“Sukuna,” you called out, very lightly stroking his biceps with your nails. No answer, but his arm muscles flexed subtly as he moved his arm. “I want my side of the bed back. I can’t sleep on this side.”

You let out a shriek when his hand shot out at you, palm plastered over your lips. The sharp edge of his index nail hovered uncomfortably close to your eye, the thumb nail piercing your cheek. Out of reflex, your dug your fingertips into his upper arm and attempted to pull away from his show of force.

Sukuna turned his head to face you. His eyes glared with disinterest, though his grasp weakened slightly.

“You’ve been plenty loud during the night; why must you continue now?” he asked, squeezing your cheeks together to allow you to speak.

“I’ve slept like three hours max,” you said, ignoring his question.

“That is not my problem.” He let go of your face to return to his original position. “Go find somewhere else to sleep and I shall wake you whenever I have need of you.”

What an absolute dickhead. This was your bed, not his domination playground.

You released him and patted your face with your fingers carefully. There were no stinging scratches left behind, which was good considering his reasoning that if ‘you weren’t bleeding out, you didn’t need help’ would leave you with annoying scabs everywhere. Why you were even fucking this guy was beyond you, honestly. This was one of the top 3 worst life choices you had ever made.

You slid towards him beneath the covers and supported your upper body with your ribcage on his lower back and elbows on his upper back. His body heat intermingling with yours gave you a dull ache, from behind your breastbone flowing into a tidepool in the pit of your stomach. After pushing your hair to one side of your neck, you lowered yourself onto him. Your lips wet and breath hot across his skin, you blew softly before planting a kiss below his shoulder blade. Had it been another person under you, you would have had the gratification of seeing goosebumps forming across the area.

“Sukuna…” you said, barely audible between his skin and your lips.

The King of Curses arose from his relaxed position. “Did you not listen or are you an idiot?”

“Bit of both, to be perfectly honest.” You pinched a tuft of his hair strands between two fingers, pulling gently. “You don’t need to do anything – I just want your attention.”

He issued you a warning glare, daring you to pull some weird shit on him.

You shrugged one of your shoulders and gave him a lopsided smile. “It’s not like I can hurt you, right? I don’t have sharp claws.” To testify, you released his hair, buried your nails below his neck and dragged them down his back in one stroke. Four faint lines were left behind, a stylistic contrast to his dark markings. “I don’t have superhuman strength or speed.” You felt the muscular ridges above his ribs, your fingers travelling up and down each rib. “At my worst, I’m just very obnoxious.”

“How self-aware,” he mocked and laughed half-heartedly. He seemed to enjoy your tiny monologue, judging by the slight raise of his eyebrows. “Continue.”

His approval increased your confidence. While you scoured your brain for whatever concept that might amuse or interest him, you broke eye contact and directed your thumb to pad the black line running along his back. You followed it up to the crest of his shoulders and pulled yourself up over his torso. A low growl hummed beneath you, indicating that perhaps you were pushing your luck. When you brought your left hand down his chest the sound reverberated through your being, reminding you that you were not the apex predator in here. His eagerness showed as he willingly moved his hand into your range when you struggled to reach it.

“Look,” you said, just as eager to sate his curiosity, “at the difference.”

With his attention on your hand enveloping his, you settled your head on his shoulder, finally eye to eye with the King of Curses. You shifted so that your palms met. Even when ignoring his nails, his long fingers and thick wrist eclipsed yours. Finger pads with rough callouses created in combat, the evidence of a reign of lasting a millennium. You could feel the wisdom beneath your soft pads; you could’ve devoted your entire life to warfare and your hands would still not understand it the way his do.

“You know, I never used to consider myself a small person,” you lied, your voice perfectly stable, “but now I am not so sure anymore. It is quite overwhelming.”

Sukuna’s head tilted towards yours, almost tenderly grazing his cheek against your jawline. The movement gave you shivers, causing your toes to curl. You had no option but trusting his self-control when he dove below your jaw and put his lips to your neck. He sucked the flesh between his lips, occasionally tasting with his tongue.

You sighed, content for the brief attention you had earned. Sukuna’s heartbeat rate did not increase nor decrease beneath your hand, his chest just as firm. He detached from your neck, his saliva cooling down that particular spot. You were on the brink of complaining when the world swirled around and your back hit the mattress, your chest and stomach feeling the room’s chill without Sukuna’s body heat.

Sukuna was not playing around anymore; he aligned his forearms beside your face and blocked off whatever else existed outside with his mere presence, lips taut and eyes alert. He situated his torso on top of yours and separated your thighs with his knee. Not close enough to grind on.

“Tell me more,” he stared you down. “What does being completely outmatched feel like?”

You wondered if he meant how it physically felt or how the emotional part of being outmanned and outgunned felt like. Considering how his empathic ability was low-functioning to non-existing, you wanted to bet your money on a physical description… Yet, your tongue prepared to tell him about the terror and the uncertainty. It was not wise to divulge such details to Sukuna.

Scheherazade’s silver tongue might have saved her life a thousand and one times but not everyone’s talent was located in their mouth cavity. Like always, your hands bought you more time to think, to evaluate your words. You tentatively reached for his collarbones before changing your mind and guiding one hand to his lips. Perhaps he had meant to kiss your fingertips, perhaps he had yet another inquiry but his lower lip separated from his upper one and you cautiously pulled it downwards. A predator’s teeth greeted you.

“I can’t say it without sounding lame,” you said and crossed your arms across your chest. “Don’t laugh.”

Almost immediately, Sukuna leaned his weight on one forearm, allowing him to use the other to restrain your hand against the mattress. “I assure you,” he said, his eyes staring lazily at you, lids half-down, “you are not that funny.”

Suddenly, you wished Itadori Yuji would regain his consciousness to not have to deal with this asshole. Kind, encouraging Yuji would worship your existence. Perhaps you would eventually have learned to worship him in turn. ‘Learning’ being the key word, of course. You would fumble in the dark while attempting to appreciate him. This seemed like a good idea for about three seconds and then you returned to your occult god.

“I want to be inside you.” Sukuna, no longer interested in your thoughts, showed more interest in your body. He seldomly spoke of his wants, rousing your curiosity and – honestly – your arousal. The thigh between your leg shifted closer to your mound, touching your nether lips softly.

“You’re so demanding,” you complained, ending your sentence with a deep sigh. “You want me to be quiet, you want me to talk, you want to be inside me – will you ever be satisfied?”

You rolled your hips upwards in a slow movement, enjoying yourself as your lips parted against his flesh. It did not please you enough, so you continued to alleviate yourself.

“No.” His voice was unusually quiet. His lower lip brushed yours as he spoke. “Do you think you deserve it?”

You moved your chin downwards, the movement nearly imperceptible for someone who was not expecting it.

“I agree… if it’ll keep you quiet,” he said, releasing your arm to steady himself above you.

And you did keep quiet. Although he remained stone-faced, Sukuna seemed attentive to the way you opened your mouth and frowned in frustration, his crimson gaze traversing across your face.

He angled his hips downwards, pressuring your clit as you ground against him. You had never been more thankful for the things he did than when he let you use his body as a tool to get off. Each upwards motion elected a pang of pleasure, a beach in ebb and flow.

You don’t know for how long he tolerated your grinding but your lower body ached and his thigh was slick with your fluid when he removed his leg from you, its absence pulsating throughout your stomach. Despite your fear that he would push you away, you grabbed onto his neck to heave yourself against him, anything to regain that comfort. The relief that accompanied the heartbeat after he brought you up with him to sit upright lightened your entire being. His hands felt excruciatingly hot, almost unbearably so, on your ribcage.

Although you felt ready for him, your grip on his neck remained hard as he lifted you up above his cock. Sukuna descended you slightly, his tip bulging at your entrance. You knew your limit and didn’t hesitate to sink onto him, a movement less gentle than you wished due to your legs being wrapped around his waist. Your breath was uneven, hitching up whenever you strained against him. Avoiding getting your insides impaled by a guy’s dick was surprisingly hard labour. Eventually you settled at his base, a sense of completion glowing off you.

There were no comforting touches or encouraging words from Sukuna, whose tranquil expression made him seem more like Yuji than himself. His eyes almost shut, jaw relaxed... This was the alternate universe version of Sukuna, a man who did not lust for domination and who would settle down with his loved ones for an eventless life.

Hearing your dumb fantasies echo in your head, you rubbed your eyes with your knuckles until you saw stars. What idiocy. You had to cease these daydream scenarios or you’d be in deep shit in the future. You were an atrocious cultist.

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I hope everyone enjoyed this. If you liked this, please give a comment/like/reblog. I listened to the Professor Tox remix of LOONA’s Girl Front and Ariana Grande’s Love Me Harder while writing this.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #sukuna #jjk #jjk reader insert

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mokutone · 4 years ago

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sorry if this is random but i was just curious about your thoughts on sai? i know you have a lot of thoughts on yamato fhdjdlfn and his and yamato’s relationship always seemed so interesting and really underdeveloped :[ theyre both really similar but yamato was able to get out of ROOT before sai was, and i was just wondering if you had any thoughts on that/him to share. sorry if this is weird or out of the blue djshfkfj love your art!!

that's not weird at all!!! actually the day u sent this question in i had finalized the thumbnails (and started on the pencils!) for a comic wherein Yamato comments on how Sai is handling his transition out of ROOT differently than Yamato himself did! I don't want to lay all my thoughts on that out here, because I think i'm much more clumsy with textposts than with comics, but I appreciate the question and I will share some thoughts!

under a readmore tho bc. this got Long...comics force me to be concise but w/ a keyboard under my hands i just chatter

here's something I've been thinking abt! I think they had fundamentally different experiences in ROOT, and this is reflected in their attitudes towards Danzō, as well as the way they interact with the people outside of ROOT.

Sai seems to have no real loyalty to Danzō. He does what Danzō says because Danzō gives him his orders, when he practices his fake smile in front of Danzō, Danzō immediately tells him to cut that shit out. I don't think there's a lot of love lost there—when team Kakashi catches up to him in orochimaru's hideout, and they kind of confront him, and. also kind of. "give him the option" of abandoning his mission (and ROOT along with it) or. you know. facing shinobi consequences. he doesn't really seem to think much of it? honestly. i imagine he was probably a little more relieved than anything else. Add to that him remembering how he wanted to finish the drawing of his brother—

actually wait hang on thats another point I want to talk about. Sai was pitted against the person he was closest to in order to traumatize him into numbness! wack! I think that's kind of at the root (help.) of why I see him as a fundamentally angrier character than I see Yamato—and why I interpret some of his behavior not just as Not Knowing How People Work (although he does have trouble with this! it's a very different vibe. like. him trying to comfort Naruto and Naruto thinking Sai was coming onto him was an entirely different kind of situation) but as like. intentionally inflammatory sometimes...like. he's insulted the bodies of most of the people around him in one way or another, he knows it pisses them off, he does keep doing it. I think him Causing Problems On Purpose is sometimes just a way for him to try and experience catharsis for a fury he doesn't really know he's repressing. Like. idk. it's one thing to be forced to hurt yourself, that's deeply upsetting, disembodying, traumatizing, but it's another to be forced into a situation where you're to hurt somebody you love (regardless of the outcome) like. idk. its a kind of powerlessness that hits different at least ime, and frustration and resentment are extremely normal reactions to a situation like that. i think. a number of things could be appealing to him abt trying to get others to get angry at him—whether it's Him being the one to Cause another persons anger (which could confer a kind of. feeling of control) or him seeing himself reflected in their anger (like a "boy howdy i recognize this emotion. it's very clear. very understandable") or even seeing how they handle the anger. kishimoto definitely doesn't care nearly as much about Sai's anger. but i found the implication of it compelling as a kid, and I find it more compelling as an adult! anger can be an incredibly healing and protective force sometimes when dealing w/ trauma...and I wish kishimoto knew what he was writing about or that we got to see it explored more!!! ack!

yamato (as kinoe) had a wildly different experience when he was in ROOT.

we know he knew how to fight against sharingan, which. I think implies he was training in combat with Danzō, or that he worked closely with Danzō, or at the very least that Danzō used his sharingan on him. We also saw that (unlike Sai, who was rebuked for even fake-smiling) that Kinoe (at first) was not told to feel nothing, but instead instructed on how to feel by Danzō specifically. Like, mostly telling him to Feel Grateful etc, but I think him being told to experience specific feelings according to what Danzō thought was appropriate would lead to a different relationship with his emotions than Sai, who was told explicitly to repress them all at all times, and to not even attempt to preform them.

He also like. Thought. Highly. of Danzō, not just as a leader but as a person...it's kind of undeniable that Kinoe saw him as right, was willing to brand his own feelings and intuition wrong if it crossed Danzō's, openly sought Danzō's approval, when he fails his mission to secure Kakashi's eye, his reaction is. essentially immediately to return himself to Danzō to face whatever new dehumanization Danzō's got for him— even when Kakashi and Hiruzen drag him out of there he thanks Danzō for everything, and he seems genuine about it, despite. everything. He's more expressive than Sai for sure, He had like. a moment of anger, when he said that he wanted to be Tenzō, and Danzō denied him that basic self identification...but it's quickly squashed. Messy. Messy. I think. I think he has a little more trouble getting in touch w/ his anger than Sai bc of his emotional closeness to Danzō.

i think. because yamato knows that he was something more like Danzō's favorite, and that conveyed a vastly different experience than Sai's, he might feel a little complicated about being like "So...ROOT trauma, huh? Hell of a thing!" but. i also like to think that he's very quietly kind of trying to observe and support in a way which mostly allows Sai to figure himself out—I think when they are older they would probably talk about it more (also because then their tongue-seals will have finally disappeared. Thanks sasuke!), once Sai has close friends in the village and everything

Just a lot of like. "I have friendships down. I have teammates down, easily—but what am I to the old woman I buy my cabbages from. What degree of friendliness do I exhibit to her."

"I think...whatever you're comfortable with is fine. I know neither of us had particularly normal upbringings, but you don't have to execute every interaction perfectly for people to care about and respect you."

anyway god this is so long and soooo based in my own personal HCs. I hope there was something in here that was interesting to you!

#artagans #yamswers #sai #sai yamanaka #he was my favorite character as a kid and the only character i actually remember #as a ND kid i obviously definitely related to the social issues. also he had a crop top and was a bit of an asshole #so i was like fuck yeah this guy rules and he DOES and i still love him a lot #also. sakura and naruto are really good influences on him i think and contribute to him learning quickly #both of them have such BIG feelings #and also are quick to say ''HEY the way I'm being treated SUCKS and I've HAD IT!!!!''#which is really good for sai to witness and experience #they both also like. are quick to express anger but its very healthy...they set boundaries #and they also like. clearly know he's having trouble with some things and forgive him the small stuff #idk i have a lot of feelings abt his relationship to the other team seven kids. its nice...#all of this under the disclaimer that like. this is only my experience of sai and naruto #even if kishimoto WERENT an incredibly inconsistent writer (which he is) my interpretation is not gonna be to everyones taste

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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 2 years ago

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i am sorry if this is invasive! please don't answer if so. i completely respect you have emotional causes to feel sad (traumas, alienation, lesbian community fractured with a lot of negativity and denial of lesbianism even being real, lack of love and friendship so loneliness, lack of confidence in self). it is just i am wondering during acute loneliness and despair do you lack food or water? are you able to get yourself to eat something? if so it may really help. even when decent blood sugar can't FIX what's wrong it sure can fix the kind of emotional pit low blood sugar causes.

finding a physical outlet that works for you also may really help again on that biological level to put yourself in the best frame of mind you can be to face the difficulties and maybe have a good day in spite of them. for me i like to dance and do a stretching routine then walk around outside. i am not a very sporty person so that's the best i can do. every so often i shoot hoops in the park, badly. it got me through some really rough stuff though. it did not lessen the pain but it gave me (my body) the best foundation and stopped the worst spiraling.

Oh no this isn’t invasive at all 💕💕 I really appreciate your kindness ☺️

I guess I’m just going to put a trigger warning here. I don’t know what I’ll say lol but if it involves mental health and is triggering it’s probably there. So only read if you feel comfortable

I think sometimes I do! At least definitely water if not food. I have a horrible habit of not drinking enough. I’m trying to get better at it but it’s a slow process. I do also have an eating disorder, realistically I’m probably currently in an “okay” space for it. Like I’m not at my worst by fair. Not to discredit the effect that can have! Because you are certainly right I’m sure there are times when that heavily impacts it.

I’m not a doctor or a psychologist so I could be completely misunderstanding this, but from what my psychologist has explained to me I’m just super prone to have philosophical reactions to my mental illnesses. My whole body reacts to it. The tingles, the dizziness, my ears not working , headaches , tightness etc etc. I know lots of people are like that though. I think what doesn’t help is I’ve long last physical health problems that have steamed from those feelings. So I guess sometimes when I’m really upset it can almost feel like a flare up of sorts because I’m so extra hyper aware of my body. Like I’m always grinding and clenching my teeth so that adds to neck and jaw pain. And I have whatever the heck is going on with my arms, joints and back lol. And those pains make it harder to do things sometimes.

But in saying that!! I have pretty low iron and vitamin d. So I think you might be onto something with the sugar drop!! I’ll definitely try and think of a way to incorporate that into things and see if it helps ☺️ Genuinely thank you so much for the suggestion I really appreciate it 💕

Honestly I couldn’t agree more! I really need to find a good physical outlet. I’m honestly just so lazy that I haven’t really properly dedicated myself to anything yet. My support worker is maybe going to try and help me go to a local pilates group. So if I do get around that maybe that might help!

I’m so glad you were able to find something that helped you and gave you the physical outlet you needed. That can take a lot of strength and tenacity - though in saying that I’m sorry you had to be so strong and I hope you are in place in life now where you have people you can be soft and vulnerable around - and if not I hope with all my heart you find it 💕💕

Thank you again so much popping in with your lovely advice!! It means a lot. And you have a big heart 💖 I hope you have a wonderful day 🌸🌸

#asks #anon #answered #tw #trigger warning

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omniscientreaderr · 3 years ago

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hi! need input lol i found out about the villain wrangler au and got so inspired :) haven't actually written in a hot 5 years but apparently i can bang out 1.1k words for a story but not my homework :" i actually wanted to write more but didn't know if it be offensive in any way. so yes input thank you - be kind djfkdkke I'm scared but I'm really open to feedback :)) ok dankes to whoever actually sees this! have a great day

- (this is after the VW gets saved, and the one that saved him is meeting to give the girl a pep talk) -

The villain shuffles into the hospital, meeting with the eyes of the VW as he glances up from his clipboard.

VW: “hey! Thanks for saving me the other day :) appreciate it! You ready to meet the girl?”

B: “yeah…as ready as I’ll ever be, I guess? What am i suppose to say? I don’t do fancy motivational speeches like that captain, I don’t know how i’m supposed to encourage and help her…she’s going to be insecure, she’s going to be wallowing in a pit of uncertainty over whether she’s ever going to be…accepted. How am i supposed to help a girl with that?!”

The VW looks over at him with a gentle smile, steering B into a nearby seat, setting his clipboard on the nurse’s tray next to them.

“Hey. Hey. The fact that you know how she will feel, the fact that you worry about whether you can help her, is all that matters. You don’t need fancy words designed to psychologically rouse the masses - i personally have always found them pretentious - you just need to tell her what you’ve always wished to hear. Speak from the heart. Words really don’t come easy, but the rawest, most truthful and touching ones are those that come from the place of absolute vulnerability. Words from the mind, touch the mind. But words from your heart? They touch the heart.” He laughs, taking a pause. “Honestly, I could go on a whole spiel about why is it the speeches of villain appeal to the masses, and how they always gain so much support. You’ve got this.”

B simply nods, giving the VW a small smile, before resuming chewing on his bottom lip. Standing outside the girl’s door, he lifts his hand to knock on the door, before dropping it again. He pauses, leaning backwards against the adjacent wall. “What am I doing? Me? A fuckin pyromaniac helping a little girl? Heck, I can do fighting that obnoxious righteous moral spewing jackass in tightey-whiteys. I can do getting dropped from 10 stories. I could even do pickin up ladies with just my words. But this? No. No way in hell am i walking in there, just to disappoint that kid.”

He walks away, ready to tell the VW that sorry to disappoint, but he couldn’t do this.

The door to the room swings open, a nurse bustling out with her cart. He presses himself against the corner, hiding from the view of the nurse. He glances over, catching sight of a tiny, fragile girl in that all-too-big white sterile room, sitting up on her bed with a sad smile on her face. The door closes all too soon, but that sparks something inside him. He walks towards her door and knocks, as if guided by some impulse, a duty towards this little child.

“Come in! Did you forget something, R? I promise you that if it’s your stethoscope it’s gone!”

He takes a step in, still shrouded in the darkness that the entryway is covered in.

“OH! Hello! Are you lost? Do you need help getting somewhere?”

She beams at him, turning her body slightly to see him, and he sees it. He’s struck by the image of a child scarred across half her body, snaking past her uncovered arms and legs…and across her face, where a pure, warm and joyful smile sits.

He brushes his long fringe back and finds himself rolling up his long sleeves, almost unconsciously. For the first time, in possibly his whole life, he was willing to let someone see him. See him, with his scars on display, not hidden behind a mask, or his hair, or the long sleeves he always wore. He wanted someone to see him. He…wanted to let this girl know she was not alone, that she was not broken.

He stepped forward into the light, quirking his lips into an awkward, unsure smile.

“Hi, Emilia, I’m B, and a little birdie told me you wanted to meet me, so here I am.”

The child shoots upright, nearly clambering out of bed to rush to him.

(Ok she becomes quieter because the dialogue is meant to be poignant. The atmosphere is quiet. It’s two people reflecting, basking in the presence of the only person who understands their pain. There’s no need for pretences, to push the traits that make you likeable.)

Alarmed, he takes large strides to her bedside, catching her before she topples over, having gotten tangled in her blankets. He lifts her back up, before scratching his head, taking a seat next to her bed.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to touch you without your permission.”

The child says nothing, simply nodding her head excitedly, grinning at him. She reaches for his arm, and he places it in her open hand. It’s so tiny. She’s so small. She’s adorable.

She traces his scars, and he waits for the wave of insecurity to hit him. For the voice that urges him to pull back his sleeve and not let anyone see his wounds. But today, it stays quiet. She points to her own healing wounds from the grafting surgery, saying, “Same.”

Now that he’s near her, he’s hit by the full brightness of her smile, the enthusiasm at seeing him, the anticipation of what he would do or say, and something pulls at his heartstrings, and loosens the string of tension and worry that has been restricting his tongue.

“Sorry. I’m not very good at this, haha.”

He pauses. The child offers another encouraging smile, holding his calloused hands with both of her hands.

“I guess…I wanted to let you know that these scars don’t matter. They don’t. They don’t take away the warmth of your smile, the fact that you brighten up the day of everyone around you. They don’t…they don’t…take away your worth. Or any of your beauty. Fu- AHahah don’t listen to anyone who tells you this. It’s a long road, but you’re not alone.”

“Not alone”, the kid repeats. “Not alone”. He notices tears in her eyes, tears that he doesn’t realise are reflected in his own eyes, and he is struck by the comfort that he finds in them. He isn’t alone.

He wills his tears back, giving her a brighter grin. “Did you know that in some cultures, scars are actually seen as signs of bravery? The more you had, the more brave you were among the tribes. They were warriors, feared, esteemed, respected for their wounds. You must be a mighty fine warrior. I bow in your presence, my lady.”

Their peals of laughter reverberates through the ward, ringing in the ears of concerned nurses, hiding watery smiles, in the ears of the kid’s anxious parents, sobbing into each other. She’s laughing. She’s happy. Not those calculated smiles and calculated giggles that hide a lot of pain and insecurity, full of the desire to be…desirable, but one of pure joy. One, of a child rediscovering their youth.

(Unfin.)

#villain wrangler #villain wrangler au #one shot #beniceiscared #enjoy

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theweasleysredhair · 4 years ago

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Me Being a Soppy Git As Per ❤️

as 2020 comes to a close, i just wanna say a few words of thanks to everyone who has ever interacted with me and my blog. i’m so so grateful for how far my blog has come and for all the amazing support and feedback i’ve received on my work. i adore each and every one of you, i see you all in my notifs and with every like, comment and reblog, my love grows even more ❤️

in particular, i want to thank a few people who have made this year amazing for me in one way or another. now i’m writing this quickly so i do apologise if i miss anyone out!! and please remember that i adore every single one of you. thank you so so much for everything you’ve done for me! 🥰

(okay so firstly most of these guys are people i talk to/interact with on nearly a daily basis, or people who have really really made this year so wonderful for me!! i can never thank you all enough!!)

@loony-loopy-lupinn soph, you are possibly very literally the sweetest angel i’ve ever had the privilege of speaking to. you’re an absolute ray of sunshine, i adore you so so much, much more than you could ever know. thank you so much for everything, for always being there for me, for talking about literally anything and everything. you’re amazing, i can’t imagine my life without you in it!! ❤️❤️

@wand3ringr0s3 haley, i don’t even know where to begin. i know you only joined tumblr a few months ago but in that time you’ve become such an important person to me. you’re absolutely amazing, i love you more than words can say. thank you for being such a wonderful friend! i don’t know what i did to deserve you but i’m so glad you’re in my life. keep doing what you’re doing. you are, and correct me if i used this word wrong bc i am as far away from a gamer as can be, poggers 🥰❤️

@ickle-ronniekins ericaa, what a queen. you’re literally one of the sweetest, kindest people and i’m so so grateful to be able to call you my friend!! thank you for just always being there and being you, and chatting absolute rubbish with me and talking about our lil weasley twinnies and yet also talking about serious life stuff™️. i love you so so much!! literally an irreplaceable person in my life! also i love that you love impractical jokers like i do, such a revelation to our friendship, it’s so great ❤️

@harrysweasleys alexa you are a goddess, i love you sm. genuinely couldn’t ask for a nicer, lovelier person. you’re always there to support me and talk about anything and everything and i can’t thank you enough!! you’re one of the people i talk to most on here and i can’t believe it’s only been a few months, literally feels like i’ve known you for years!! but anyways, thank you so so much for being you, you’re such a wonderful person and i adore you 🥰❤️

@diary-of-an-onliner thea i literally adore you. you make me laugh so so much and can put a smile on my face within seconds!! i love sharing shoe pics w you, they’re always so so stunning. thank you for being you, you’re amazing, you’re talented, you’re beautiful. idk what more i could want in a friend 🥺❤️

@harrypotter-and-the-onering babe, you are one of the loveliest people i’ve ever spoken to. you’re so incredibly amazing, and i’m so grateful we’ve been able to speak so much over over the last few months!! honestly i could not ask for a better friend, you’re so wonderful, so amazing, thank you so so much for being you ❤️

@pit-and-the-pen kaylah, you’re one of the sweetest people ever!! and you’re so so talented, you blow me away with everything you do. thank you for being so supportive and just such an amazing friend!! keep being you and i hope 2021 is just as fabulous as you are!! ☺️❤️

@princesse-de-ravenclaw juliet, i don’t even have enough words to express how much i adore you. it’s been like what, 4 years?? since i met you and honestly i’m just so grateful to be able to call you a friend!! you’re so talented and so so sweet, i absolutely adore you angel!! 🥰❤️

@izzytheninja you’re so so sweet my love!! thank you so much for talking about anything and everything with me!! i’m so so happy you started up posting writing this year, you are so talented!! i hope your 2021 is as amazing as you are!! ❤️

@girl-next-door-writes thank you so much for talking twins with me!! it’s always amazing to bounce ideas off someone and i love the fic we discussed a few weeks back, i can’t wait to write it!! thank you for being so amazing and so sweet!! ilysm!! ☺️❤️

@acciotwinz where do i begin?? you’ve been such a light in my life this year!! keep on being you, you’re absolutely amazing and i love you so so much!! 🥰❤️

@theweirdsideofstuff babee, you’re one of the sweetest people ever!! you (and your pets!!) always put a smile on my face, thank you so so much for being so amazing!! ☺️❤️

@elf-punk you’re so so amazing, i adore you so much!! thank you for everything you’ve done for me, whether it’s a simple message checking up on me, helping co-create freb or just overall being one of the most supportive people ever!! ❤️

@gryffindors-weasley sophieee!! thank you so so much for all your sweet messages!! i love seeing your asks in my inbox, you’re so so lovely!! i can’t wait to read more of your work and get to know you better in 2021!! keep being your amazing self, i love you so much!! 🥰❤️

@pigwidgexn your comments on my work literally make my day, i honestly can’t stop smiling when i read them!! thank you so so much for being so sweet and for liking and taking the time to read my work!! i love and appreciate everything you’ve done for me!! ❤️

@vogueweasley mere, you’re one of the kindest people i’ve spoken to on here, and always hype me up and i adore you for that!! thank you so much for all your kind words on my fics and for being so absolutely wonderful!! ilysm!! 🥰❤️

@starlightweasley zahra, thank you so much for being so so lovely to me this year!! i’ve loved every single conversation we’ve had, you’re so so sweet, so funny and i adore you sm!! thank you for being you!! i love youu ☺️❤️

@whiz-bangs78 jess, thank you so much for being so sweet and so supportive!! i always love your feedback comments on my fics, thank you for taking the time to read!! you never fail to make me smile when i see you on my dash, keep being your wonderful self!! ❤️

@thisismysketchbook thank you so so much for all your kind words on my fics!! i always look forward to reading your feedback, it just makes me so so happy!! you’re so lovely, and from the times we’ve spoken i know you’re such an amazing person too!! thank you so much for all your support!! 🥰❤️

and she’s not on tumblr anymore but i’m also gonna include the amazing dee (who was @/obsessedwithrandomthings and then @/deehereforabit). dee was (and still is) my go-to person for literally everything. i love her more than anything, can literally talk to her about anything and everything, and no matter where she is i can promise i will always take the time to annoy her 😁😁 i promise ily really dee ❤️

~*~

in addition to these guys, i want to thank the following blogs for being so amazing, for leaving feedback on my work, for being so so lovely to talk to, for creating amazing fics and for overall just making this year so amazing for me on here!! (i’m only allowed 50 mentions per post so i apologise that i couldn’t fit everyone on here but please know i very much love and appreciate every single one of you, i hope you have an amazing new year, i can’t thank you enough for everything!!) ❤️❤️

@valwritesx @vivianweasley @iliveiloveiwrite @immobulusmalfoy @kashishwrites @rekrappeter @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @kalimagik @with-love-anu @lenalxvegood @stupxfy @emcchi @heloisedaphnebrightmore @marvelettesassemble @oh-for-merlins-sake @awritingtree @cappsikle @durmstrange @chaoticgirl04 @boxofbadaddiction @manic-creator @thisismynerdyself @badfvith @wandsandwheezes @holdupwhat @fleurho @gcdric @hufflepuff5972 @rosaliepostsstuff @plant-flwrs @thatfuckingliardavidtennant

here’s to 2021 guys!! i hope it brings amazing things for everyone and thank you again for everything!! 🥰❤️❤️

#me being a wet wipe #i’m in my feels #ily guys #i love everyone #thank you for everything!! <3

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novantinuum · 4 years ago

Link

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (TW: language)

Words: ~3K

Summary: Lars has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him in the middle of the night to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

Set mid SUF.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to write Lars’ POV before this, but it was really fun! If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

____

Besides the quiet lull of the TV and the electric hum of the attic’s rickety old heater, all is silent in the Barriga household. The nighttime streets outside are vacant. Not a soul roams through his section of town, not even the newer Gem arrivals, who thankfully have been informed of humanity’s biologically mandated curfew by now. Sheesh, it’s about time.

After all, silence is peace. And in this day and age, in a world where the barriers between human and intergalactic politics are becoming increasingly blurred by the hour, peace is a gift.

Which is why having free time to play whatever old video games he wants in complete and total solitude at one AM is probably the single thing keeping him sane at this moment.

Lars’ fingers expertly flick at the joysticks of the controller as if by innate memory. It genuinely feels like forever since he’s been able to lose himself for hours in a solo campaign like this, and quite honestly, if given a choice he prefers it to any other leisurely activity. Chatting with his online friends or with that Gem gang of his is fun, sure, and working the counter at his bake shop can often be emotionally satisfying, but pushed too long and any kind of social interaction feels draining. He shifts on his bed, paying little to no attention to the slight chill against his bare chest. He’s pretty sure it’s like, near freezing outside and yet somehow it’s no more an annoyance to him than having to pause to reload an ammo clip in this game. It’s weird. Really weird. But then, at this point everything about his dumb life is.

It’s the Steven effect, he thinks with a soft scoff. Weird practically orbits him and his moms, and inevitably, every person he comes in contact with is brought into the fold. He’s a good kid, though. Don’t get him wrong. Steven always tries his best to be thoughtful when dealing with people he doesn’t understand— even when initially those people just act like dicks in return— and he for one is grateful for that, for the gift of a... a second chance. He knows full well he didn’t deserve it, (he still doesn’t), but he’s grateful.

The kid’s still on his mind when his phone lights up on the nightstand beside him, like the now familiar glow of Gems synchronizing to fuse.

(And goddamnit, does a part of him still balk almost two years later that it’s so normal to be casually relating everyday things to outer space Gem stuff anyways. What is he, with his pink hair and alien friends, the main character of an anime?)

Eyes skirt away from the grainy television set he’s been playing his favorite Immortal Combat on, and glance at the new notification.

Steven, the name at the top of the text reads. Well, lo and behold. The true shounen protagonist himself. Somebody’s ears must have been burning. Though, hmm. Come to think of it, that’s actually unusual. They pass bullshit memes back and forth sometimes, yes, but he never sends him anything this late at night.

Lars frowns, failing to obscure that annoying, instinctual worry that seizes him like the long lost sensation of hunger rising from the pit of his stomach, and scoots forward on his bed to grab his phone. What’s he want at this hour, anyways?

Steven: hey, sorry i know its late but can i come over ?

His frown deepens as he glances down at himself, clad in only a pair of boxers. He doesn’t mind having an unexpected visitor— after all, it’s not like he requires sleep anymore— but he’s not exactly dressed for company, here.

yeah but gimme a mo, he types back. kinda need to put on a shirt

Steven: k

Yawning out of sheer habit, he leans over the other side of the bed and grabs the first decent smelling tee he can find off the floor. It’s got an overlapping triangular emblem on it, a symbol from one of the game series he used to be obsessed with as a kid. He quickly shrugs it and a stray pair of sweatpants on, then returns to his phone.

decent now, he updates him.

The response is almost immediate.

Steven: be there soon

With a heavy inhale, he leans back against the headboard and begins to mentally prepare himself for the passage of One Whole Teenage Boy through the portal in his hair. For the most part he’s grown used to the changes caused by Steven’s literal magic resurrection, but not this. Who the hell knows how his pet lion puts up with it all the time. Quite frankly, how that creature has remained so docile and patient after years of interloping within Steven’s chaotic world of Gems eludes him, ‘cause it sure as hell isn’t a side effect of all the death-defying space voodoo.

Also, he’s like, 97% sure that “docile” and “patient” aren’t words anyone would pick to describe him at any stage of his life, ever.

And yet, yawning in his boredom, Lars waits.

And he waits.

And when eventually he breaks his stubborn streak and dares to check the time on his phone to see how many minutes have elapsed, how many minutes of his thrice-damned maybe infinite lifespan he’s wasted sitting up against the far wall of his room waiting for that kid to tumble right out of the literal inter-dimensional door hidden amidst the curls atop his head, he’s mildly surprised that his first emotional response to this delay is... dare he admits... disappointment.

It’s been nearly fifteen minutes. For whatever unknown reason, it seems as if Steven may not be coming over after all. Huh. He wonders what changed his mind. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Lars decides to check his texts. It’s possible the guy wrote something else and he just didn’t see it. But when he pulls up his latest conversation, all that comes up are the last messages they sent to each other. Be there soon, he said.

He hovers hesitant fingers over the keyboard, caught in the midst of trying to decide whether or not it’s too invasive and prying to send some sort of casual check-in, when he picks up on a very timid knock on the front door downstairs. And given the lateness of the hour, there’s really only one person it could be. He blinks for a moment, his mind still doing somersaults in order to process the mere concept of Steven not gleefully taking the opportunity to explode out of his hair for once in his life, and then drags himself up to his feet. Walks out of his attic room and down the stairs, being careful not to disturb his slumbering parents. Unlatches the locks on the door.

Truth be told he has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him at one fucking AM to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

He struggles not to stumble backwards at the initial force of the teen’s silent yet yearning embrace, eventually regaining his stability and... slowly, delicately... hugging him back. Honestly, he’s never been much of a hugger himself, but eh. He’ll give the guy this one. After a brief moment Lars gives him a few awkward pats, clearing his throat.

“Uh, Steven? You good to let go, now?” he asks quietly, still keeping his voice in a whisper for his parents’ benefit.

“Oh! Y-yeah, yeah,” his younger friend stammers, immediately pulling himself away. His eyes are drawn to the floor as he wrings his hands together. Timid. “Sorry, I just— I just needed somewhere I could clear my head tonight. Thank you, by the way.”

“No problem,” he throws back, gesturing for him to follow up the stairs. “‘S not like I ever sleep a wink now anyways. So I might as well have company.”

The two of them tiptoe towards the attic, a familiar setting for both. Steven’s been in here quite a few times before, so— already knowing the lay of the land— he plops himself down in the beanbag chair Lars keeps at the foot of his bed. They don’t talk about much of anything at first, merely passing back and forth brief updates about their lives. Small talk, nothing more. As expected though, Steven’s update is infinitely more interesting than his. Apparently he went on some mission to an alien planet with that Lapis friend of his the other day and had to deal with the attitude of some stubborn terraformers who didn’t want to stop working on their shitty old Homeworld assignment. (Meanwhile, the only update he has to offer is how he’s teaching Blue Lace Agate the art of bad baking puns while at work. Gotta leave behind some sort of legacy before he leaves with his fellow Off-Colors, of course.)

When the small talk finally dries up, (which seems... uncharacteristic, given the typical enthusiasm of his current visitor), Lars offers him a second controller.

“We can play the go-kart one, if you want,” he says, knowing full well that his friend isn’t a huge fan of all his war-themed combat games. Still, he figures the guy could probably stand to blow off a little steam. He looks super stressed, with his brow all creased and his stare unnervingly glassy.

The sixteen-year-old nods, adjusting his hands around the grips of the controller as Lars switches out the disk.

They race a few rounds in relative quiet, wholly insulated by the reassuring stillness of the night all around them, before Steven decides to open up again.

“Where do you think the line is?” he asks when they finish their current course.

His whole face scrunches in confusion. “Huh?”

“Between like, doing bad things, and outright being bad?” he continues, seemingly unaware of the comedic pulse of Lars’ initial response.

Lars blinks.

Considers these words deeply and thoroughly for a moment, as any good friend should.

And then...

“Where the heck did you pull that question from?”

Steven merely shrugs, his shoulders drooping a bit lower than they had been when he first entered his house a while back. “I dunno, just musing, ‘s all.”

The edges of his mouth curl downwards as he lets this corker of a conversation starter wash over him, not so much intended as a frown at Steven, but a frown at... whatever force of this universe would lead his friend to start musing about such depressing philosophical quandaries in the first place. Acting numb and brooding at the rest of the world is supposed to be his job, not this kid’s! And sure, yes, yes, yes, he knows he can’t exactly call him a kid anymore— at least not to his face— and that he’s been a teenager for a good three years now. It’s just that... well. For all his complaints about it earlier in life, Lars kinda grew to respect and feel uplifted by his cheery, upbeat, never-give-up-hope outlook. Dare he says, he kinda misses it.

(And for Steven’s sake, he kinda hoped he’d never discover the burnout and cynicism waiting on the other side. Alas, he fears that ship has probably sailed.)

“Sorry,” the sixteen-year-old mumbles upon noting his extended silence, his cheeks flushed with shame. “Probably not something anyone wants to think about at two in the morning. Just- forget I said anything, okay? Let’s play one more round, and then I can lea—“

Eyes widening, he holds up a hand to intercept that train of thought. “No, that’s— you asked an interesting question. Deep, but interesting. It’s fine, I don’t mind. I...”

He inhales deep, collecting his wits and whatever years of wisdom he may or may not have accumulated ever since dying and coming back to life.

“I suppose in my mind, people aren’t truly bad unless they intend to cause harm, y’know?” he begins, meeting Steven’s eyes. “You can still hurt others without meaning it, and like... that’s still not great, and you should still try and make up for it however you can, but... life’s complicated. People are complicated. It’s all a huge mess of emotions and ethics and beliefs all the time.”

He pauses, a twinge of melancholy rising within his chest as he catches a glimpse of a photograph hung on one of the wooden support beams at the far wall. It’s a selfie of him and Sadie he printed out a few years back when they were still low-key dating, one that— for the life of him— he can’t bear to take down. She’s kissing his cheek. He’s caught in the middle of laughter, playfully trying to nudge her away. They look... so young.

So naive.

(So human.)

“And sometimes it can be so, so easy to convince yourself that you’re always in the right,” he continues, quieter, “that people feeling hurt because of something you did is just their problem. In that case, it’s not that you wanted to harm anyone, it’s just... that you were blind to it, I guess.”

(And he was blind for a long, long time.)

“Like I said, it’s messy.”

Lars sighs, willfully averting his glance from the photographic reminder of all the ways he ignorantly fucked up with Sadie as a friend and partner, and with everyone in his life, making the same stupid mistakes over and over with nearly no improvement until he literally died to his old self.

“So, yeah. There. I guess that’s my opinion,” he mumbles, absentmindedly fiddling with the collar of his graphic tee. “Everyone makes bad choices sometimes, but you’re not actually a bad person unless you literally want to harm others. I don’t think people are bad once and bad forever, though,” he adds, pulling his hand away from his shirt.

Inhaling deep, he splays his palm wide, admiring those same old loops and whorls at the tips of his fingers, identical in every detail to his old, living, human self... but now pink. It's haunting, sometimes.

“People can change, y’know? If they make the effort to.”

When he finally glances back at Steven, he seems thoroughly spaced out by all his impassioned rambling, his gaze walleyed and void of any identifiable emotion. He scowls, unsure whether or not he should feel offended, and gives an exaggerated shrug to defuse the sickeningly earnest atmosphere out of this room.

“But hey, I’m biased,” he mutters, letting that instinctual, age-old self-depreciation coat his tone once more. “For all I know, everything I said could be absolute bunk, and I’m still just an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole, Lars,” Steven finally speaks up, his expression still perplexingly unreadable.

“I—“ His eyes blow wider, the sheer frankness of this comment catching him entirely off guard, overturning all of his once-impenetrable defenses. “...Thank you. I’m trying not to be.”

The conversation doesn’t advance any further from there, both parties content to fade back into the understated comfort of silent companionship. They play a few more rounds of their racing game, Lars beating Steven handily each time. (Truth be told, he’s not confident he’s bringing his A-game, though.) Then, sometime around three AM, his friend drags himself out of the beanbag chair and announces that he should probably head home and get some rest. Apparently he’s got a lot of planning to do for Little Homeschool's graduation ceremony that’s happening in a few days, or whatever. Which, is fair. Not everyone is blessed enough to be a sleepless zombie like him.

“Y’know, it’s been nice, getting to hang out, just us,” Steven says— quiet, but genuine— as Lars leads him back down the stairs. “We should do this more often.”

Purposefully, given the unusual emotional atmosphere of this whole visit, he decides not to mention the fact that he's planning to leave Earth again when his all Gem friends finally graduate. Later, he thinks, when everyone's in a better place.

“Well, if you’re ever bored, you know where to reach me,” he replies as they reach the bottom step, fondly rolling his eyes. “The good ol’ inter-hair-mensional express. Just, y’know— text me. And not during work hours.”

The teen gives his thanks once again, and then exits out the front, making sure to be extra gentle shutting the door on his way out for his parents’ sake. Huh. Seems that even when he’s (seemingly) in a funk, he’s capable of being uber courteous like that. Goodness, how does he do it?

Lars stands motionless at the entryway for a few moments after he’s gone, staring blankly at the now empty space the sixteen-year-old just occupied. His brow furrows, his fingers curling in perplexion at his side. He doesn’t have enough insight into Steven’s inner life to claim anything for sure, but he can’t help but feel like something with that boy was... off, tonight. Like, beyond your standard teenage moodiness. His demeanor, his bizarre and specific question, his relative silence... it all seems to be pointing towards something, lurking in the background. Still, there’s little he can do for a person who’s not volunteering information. And it ain’t his job to drag it out of him, either. He always hated when his parents tried to do that when he was younger, and it almost ruined their relationship entirely. That’s the last sorta scenario he’d want to force upon Steven. He’ll open up when he’s ready, in the end.

And until then... well.

He just hopes that the kid knows that— beyond the bizarre magic portal in that pink lion’s mane— he’s always got a brother on the other side who’s willing to at least listen. To be but a small source of support.

If he wants him to be.

#su #su future #lars barriga #steven universe #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

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nadohunter · 4 years ago

Text

Im so tired ya’ll

I worked more hours than ever this month and its still not enough to catch up on the debt I’m in. I had to overdraft my bank account again to make sure I could still keep internet. I worked enough so I can cover rent and pull my bank account out of the negative.

However I have to find some way to cough up $480 to pay off my drawing tablet which I had to get to school, and I’m really glad I have.They’ve already been pretty damn patient with me and given me until November to pay it off or it’ll be referred to collections... which would really really suck because I was good and already paid $1,200 on it over the course of a year. And despite working my ass off its still not enough.

That’s not even taking into account the fact I need to find the funds to A. Get groceries and kitty food because I’m running out of everything, and B. I’m getting constant calls from the phone and credit card companies because they’ve also been patient with me for a while but they want their money. I haven’t been able to get meds, and I have to cancel my appointment with my psychiatrist. On top of all that my computer is on the fritz and beginning to limit what I can do even further. So that’s another kick in the teeth that has me super super stressed.

I’m super scared and exhausted. I haven't been able to get any other work since being dropped by that client, she really did fuck me up hardcore. I was getting by okay before she pulled that bullshit and I’m still super angry about it. I’ve cut costs everywhere that I possibly can. I want to make art work, I want to be able to make comics and tell interesting stories bc tbh that’s the only thing keeping me sane right now outside of pure distracts when I’m not given projects by my job to work on... and honestly my only long-shot possibility of getting back on my feet. I went to school for that, its the only thing I’m really trained in, so I have to make it work.

It is sort of at a point where if you like the art I make, follow my fan comic, want me to do more in the future... it’s really all going to have to be shut down if I can’t overcome this massive debt I’m in. At least if I get back down to zero somehow I’ll actually have a chance to rebuild and find financial independence. I’ve tried apply for a few loans and another credit card too, but I’m in that sort of weird limbo bracket where I’m not in quite enough debt to get a credit rebuilding loan, but I’m in debt enough to where i’m rejected by your average companies.

I know also everyone is kind of in the pits right now. So I feel horrendous whenever I get desperate enough to try and ask for help on this platform -> But if you can spare even the tiniest little bit: You can donate to my Paypal using the address: [email protected]

I’m super scared and stressed and I know its only going to be harder for me without my Meds but I really really want to make it work. I’ve been trying so so hard to keep myself calm by being like “this will be the month I can catch up“ and trying to play it off as no big deal to others because I don’t want to worry them or make them feel bad when I know everyone is super stressed and kind of in limbo right now. And I always kind of feel like I’m not worth making someone worry and I struggle with feeling super pathetic. The other reason I want to stabilize is because my dad and his GF who I honestly really love and appreciate now that I know her is also going through a really hard time mentally and just had to go in for an MRI scan. So her and my dad are also really scared, and she hasn’t been able to work and they have a pretty large family to support... so I want to be able to support them too.They’ve been nothing but kind and supportive of me so I really want to be able to give back and idk, at least do a run to sams club and buy some food in bulk to split up between us.

With all that out of the way, I’m going to get over my fear of being judged and scrutinized for a second and just admit it. I’m desperate. I’m super scared. For those of you that have helped me out before. I am so so grateful for you and I’m sorry I’m still struggling because when I am it feels like I’m letting you down. I’m going to make it up to you if my life depends on it.

#help #long post #artist support #need help #signal boost if you can! I'd really really appreciate it #<3 #ily all #once I have a comp that can handle it my dream is to go the markiplier route and grow a commnuity that can #do a bunch of charity efforts #and support all my friends and send them nice things #thats literally all I want in life lol

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prettyboisteveharrington · 3 years ago

Text

Talk to you

Sequel to Line without a hook but it can probably be enjoyed even if you don’t read that.

Jotun!Loki. Fluff. Thor says the wrong things but he means well. Protective!reader

Inspired by @lucywrites02 ‘s ask to @buckyownsmylife Certain aspects were heavily inspired and used I hope that’s okay but creadit goes to @buckyownsmylife

Word count: 3597

You and Loki had been dating for a while now but hadn’t made it official yet. You were ready for that next step but you were unsure if Loki was.

At the end of the day it didn’t matter all that much to you as you knew where his loyalties lied and who his heart belonged to hell you knew everyone else in Stark tower knew too.

Most people had walked in on you and Loki cuddling on the couch or reading together in the library or baking together in the kitchen by now.

Everyone had been supportive too of both of your coupling and of Loki being an Avenger which warmed your heart and soul fully.

You had an upcoming training camp with some of the female Avengers for a female empowerment/training camp and while you were excited you did not want to leave Loki.

The people leading the training were Steve and Tony which was bound for it to end in chaos.Tony had insisted for you to come as you were ‘the newest member of the team despite the fact you had been an active menber for two years now which you found a little sad.

You were saying goodbye to Loki

‘I’m going to miss you’ you said holding on to Him tightly

‘I’ll miss you too. It will only be for a few weeks. You will be back in my arms before you know it’ Loki reassured you lovingly but holding you tightly against his chest not willing to let you go.

‘ i really don’t want to leave especially not with those two knuckleheads training us’ you murmered

Loki laughed a full on belly laugh

‘Think of all the fun you will have mocking them’

You nodded

‘Are you sure you will be okay without me?’ You questioned

Since the two of you had been together you had found such comfort in each other and this was the first time you had been apart for so long. It made you a little nervous. While people were warming up to Loki you knew some people still weren’t too fond of Him.

‘ i’ll be fine’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Absolutely. Go have fun’

You finally let go of him but stood next to him not quite ready to go.

Loki reached out of his bag and pulled out a dark green blanket.

An offering that brought memories back to that day on the couch that had started you two growing close.

Your eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning would have.

‘In case the longing for me is far too great i think this would suffice’

‘Oh Loki’ you stood on your toes and gave Him a peck on the lips

You were extremely touched by his gesture

You went through your dufflebag and found your favourite hoodie and gave it to Loki

‘If you ever miss me you can hold it close to your heart’

‘I will be holding it often while wishing it was you’

‘Alright Bright eyes we need to go’ Tony called over his shoulder

‘Help me’ you mouthed to Loki causing Him to laugh affectionately at you.

The training camp was not the same without Loki. You missed him an unbearable amount.

Tony and Steve were arguing for what had to be the fifth time today

‘Do you think they have like unresolved sexual tention?’ You asked Wanda and Natasha while watching Steve and Tony get up in each others faces

‘Oh definetly’ Natasha and Wanda agreed

You laughed but it felt empty and hollow

‘You miss him’

‘ so so much. I’ve never been away from Him for this long. Not since we started being together and if it wasn’t for the stupid no contact with your loved ones rule i could at least check in with him’

‘Think about how much sweeter your return will be’ Natasha said with her eyebrows raised in a suggestive look

You laughed.

The camp felt like it was never ending. Tony and Steve kept disagreeing about everything. You honestly just wished they would fuck and get over the sexual tension going on.

The majority of the time was spent with everyone training together in hand to hand combat. Then breaks in between to rest. Then training with weapons. A bit of military training was added to the camp.

You were tired and in a fowl mood because you missed your favourite god. You channeled all your frustration in your training always giving it a 120%.

You couldn’t wait to see Loki again and curl into his embrace.

Loki was missing you terribly, he had been wearing your favourite hoodie for days.

Not talking to you felt weird

Like would you usually spent hours talking or reading together side by side. He had never felt such a longing for anything or anyone

He was feeling something else too, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on

‘Brother! Your skin has turned colour’ Thor sald alarmed

Loki looked down at his hands in shock

How had he turned into his jotun form without even realising

‘You are quite fortunate Lady Y/n has not returned for what would she think if she saw you like that’

Loki opened his mouth to say something snarky at his brother only to realise Thor had a point

Loki tried changing back but nothing happened.

He sighed and walked off.

Days had passed and Loki was still in his Jotun form somehow he wasn’t able to change back.

He couldn’t let y/n see him like this.

He was hideous and a monster. What would you think of his real form?

What if you didn’t want to see him anymore after this?

He hadn’t left his headquaters in days now. You would be back tomorrow and he longed to see you, to feel your skin against his. To hold you in his arms but he couldn’t. Not looking like this.

How could you love him like this surely you would end it as soon as you saw him.

When the month was finally over you were counting Down the hours to until you got to see Loki again.

You wanted to be curled up in his arms, you desperately needed a shower when you came back as you were sweaty and muddy from your time in the Camp.

You had done a lot of training so you were worn out.

As you reached the headquarters your face fell as you realized Loki wasn’t there to greet you

You had a pit in your stomach. Something felt off. Wrong.

You spotted Thor in the kitchen and rushed over to him

‘Wheres Loki? Did something happen?’ You asked worriedly

‘I might have said something that upset him so much he hasn’t left his headquarters for days’Thor said but avoided your gaze

‘What did you say!’ You asked frustrated

‘I think you best go talk to Loki and see for yourself’

You shot him a dirty look in frustration.

‘This isn’t over Thor’ you warmed

You dropped your bag on the floor and ran over to Loki’s headquarters

‘Loki? can i come in?’ You asked

You were so worried about Him. You left for a month and then hell broke loose. You wished you hadn’t left in the first place.

No answe

‘Loki please let me in’ you pleaded desperately

The door opened and you walked in slowly

Loki was curled into a ball with his back turned against you.

You walked over to the other side and sat down on the floor

Blue hands were hiding his face.

Your breath hitched in surprise.

His jotun form.

your hand touched his gently

He removed his hands from his face but his eyes were closed

You held his hand and squeezed it in a reassuring maner.

This caused Him to look at you. He stayed silent.

You were staring at him with an unreadable look

‘You are so.. so’

‘Hideous?’

‘Beautiful’

‘What ‘ he asked confused.

‘ you are stunning’ you confirmed

You gently touched the intricate patterns on his face.

He leaned into the touch

‘ your lines on your face are so unique and special’

Your fingers traced his lips and you smiled a wide beautiful smile

‘ you’re not repulsed? ‘ Loki asked unsure

‘ No! Of course not! You are so incredibly beautiful like a painting or a masterpiece like i could stare at you all day’

He looked at you in disbelief.

You took in his larger farme suddenly feeling tiny in comparison

‘Your eyes are such a nice shade too’ you Said softly

‘ but.. but I’m so different than my glamour how can you possibly still find me attractive’

‘ my love i knew this was a part of you were before i joined the team. When we started hanging out i did more research so i could understand you better. I like you for you with or without glamour. I love you because of who you are not for what you look like’

Loki froze looking at you in surprise

‘You love me?’

‘ very much so ‘

Loki didn’t say the words back but you didn’t care. You thought that perhaps maybe he wasn’t ready

His skin turned into his usual skin colour.

‘Perhaps you just missed me’

Loki nodded his head in surprise

‘Terribly so’ he admitted and made room for you to join him on the bed. You took the invitation and curled up next to him and put your arms around his waist

‘My love I never want to leave you again’ you murmured as you curled into his chest. You had missed this. You had missed him.

‘You really do love me as I am don’t you?’

You looked up at him to find him staring back at you with such a raw and vulnerable expression on his face

Your heart hurt knowing this was probably a new experience for him. Had his own family not shown him any kindness? Surely someone had shown him love.

You leaned up and captured his lips in a kiss before leaning your forehead next to his

‘I was planning on yelling you in a much more romantic setting but I haven’t seen you in weeks and it’s been unbearable without you. I’ve been counting down the days and hours until I could see you again’

He relaxed a little more and leaned into your touch.

‘ likewise. It’s definitely not the same without you here. How did the training go?’

‘ it wasn’t bad. I did enjoy it at times. Also I’m pretty sure Tony and Steve lowkey wants to fuck one another’

Loki burst out laughing

‘I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out To be true’

‘How has things been here?’

‘Fairly quiet and uneventful’ Loki shrugged

You hesitated before asking the next question

‘ Can i… when you are ready can i see your jotun form again? I never got a chance to appreciate it in all it’s beauty’

Loki swallowed a lump in his throat and sat up on the bed and changed into his Jotun form but this time he was looking at you with more confidence than before

You sat up next to him and started to trace the different lines on his skin. Loki was watching you facinated

‘All the lines are so different and you are such a beautiful shade of blue like a clear river or the sky on a sunny day. Can i see more?’ You asked shyly

Loki nodded and took off the hoodie you had given Him revealing his chest

You stared at him breathlessly

‘Can I touch your chest’

You realized this was the first time you had seen him without a shirt on. There had been heavy makeout sessions but you realized you two hadn’t been intimate yet but you weren’t rushing into that as far you were concerned Loki was stuck with you forever which you weren’t going to tell him yet as things between you were new and you knew this was probably be too overwhelming

‘Yes my love’

You softened at the nickname. It was the first time he had used one for you as you had called him love a few ones already.

You traced your hand over his chest before leaning in a kissing the different lines on his chest. You kissed his arms and his forehead, his cheeks before finally kissing him passionately on the lips

‘ How can one person be so beautiful’

‘You must be referring to yourself’ Loki said fiercely before kissing you again

After a heavy makeout session the two of you curled back up into his bed

‘I love you’ Loki murmered as he kissed the top of your head.

You feel asleep cuddled up against Loki who was still in his Jotun form.

‘LOKI I NEED TO TALK TO YOU’ Thor exclaimed loudly

You sighed and rolled your eyes

‘I swear he must have like a vendetta against me or at least me sleeping’ you muttered annoyed

Thor had a habit of waking you up

Loki chuckled and kissed your forehead

‘I’m sure if we ignore him he will go away’ Loki said reassuringly so you could go back to sleep

‘BROTHER!’

‘For fuck sake’

Loki Got up and opened the door just enough to poke his head out

‘Brother! You are still in your original State! ‘ Thor said surprised

‘Nothing ever truly gets past you’ Loki Said in a snarky voice

‘Do you need me to get help?’ Thor asked

‘I’m okay’ Loki said knowing your brother meant well

‘Look I am truly sorry for what i said about your appearance the other day. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings’

‘That’s okay. It worked out pretty well’ Loki said a smirk playing on his features

‘YES IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU BROTHER‘ Thor exclaimed and gave Him a wide grin.

You poked your head through the door.

‘You know, some of us were trying to sleep’ you said dryly giving Thor a look

Loki laughed

‘To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?’ You asked with raised eyebrows

‘I came to make amends’

You gave Him a smile before standing on your toes and giving Loki a peck on the lips

You left Loki’s room and walked past the brothers to give them some space and to get some coffee

You went into the kitchen were Natasha was cooking breakfast

You smiled at her.

‘See i told you seeing him would be worth it’ Natasha said raising her eyebrows suggestively

‘We just talked’ You said but your cheeks reddened slightly

‘Sure you did’

You bumped your elbow into hers and laughed before going over and putting the kettle on.

Loki joined you in the kitchen a while later and you handed him his usual cup of tea.

He smiled at you in appreciation, he was back in his ‘normal’ glamour much to your dismay. You missed his Jotun form already.

‘ you know’ Loki began pondering

You smirked

‘Go on’

‘We never actually went out on a date yet.. would you like to go on one tonight?’

‘Yeah absolutely I do’.

You were getting ready for your date with Loki. You wore a nice long mint coloured jumper dress with your hair put into a intricate and beautiful braid.

You had mascara on, and dark lipstick on. You had your usual moonstone pendant around your neck.

You had both agreed to wear something you were both comfortable in.

It was almost summertime and the air was warmer now.

You had planned to have a date on the rooftop as you were still tired from the training camp and you just wanted something nice and simple as a ‘first date’

You got to the rooftop and saw candles everywhere. In the middle of the rooftop there was a blanket and a picnic basket Loki sat on the blanket with his back turned towards you.

He turned around as he heard your footsteps.

He was in his Jotun form again. He was wearing a your favourite black hoodie and a pair of black jeans.

Your heart melted knowing he felt comfortable in your hoodie but also that he felt comfortable in his Jotun form at least around you

You sat Down next to Him.

‘You look good in my hoodie’ you commented your eyes scanning the way his broad shoulders filled it out.

‘I look even better out of it’ Loki said suggestively.

‘We might have to test that theory out later’ you flirted back

‘Do you want it back? Don’t you miss it?’ Loki asked hesitently

‘Keep it. It is yours’

Loki leaned over and pecked you on the lips.

You were still smiling up him

‘You know your face might get stuck like that if you keep smiling like that’Loki teased

But smiled back just as fiercely as you

‘It wouldn’t be the worst thing.. I’m just really happy’ you shrugged

‘You do seem heaps better than when I first met you ‘

You nodded in agreement

‘What changed? ‘

‘Joing the Avengers and meeting you has definetly all had a positive impact on my life.. life before that was…well chaotic to say at least’ you said and took a deep breath

‘Y/n you don’t have to talk about it if it’s too painful’

You looked at him teary eyed he instintly took your hand in his

‘I want to’ you insisted.

‘Okay’

‘ my up bringing wasn’t the healthiest. I wasn’t planned. My parents were abusive both mentally and physically. I still have scars all over my back from all the times they.. they’

Tears fell from your face.

‘ you’re safe with me. You’re safe now’

Loki wiped the tears from your face with his free hand.

‘At 12 my powers developed. It freaked me out. All I wanted was to be normal. To fit in. At one particular bad time when my parents tried to hurt me I fought back and almost killed them. I burned my childhood home to the ground and escaped. I ran to the only person who had ever loved me. My grandfather. Once he passed away it really tore me apart and I had a massive breakdown. I hurt a lot of people’

Loki realised he might have heard what happened next before.

‘You have probably heard about it but I was ‘the big threat of New York about seven years ago. I went to therapy and was kept under supervision. Nick Furry approached me and i got the proper training to control my powers. Joined the Avengers because i was desperately trying to find a home and somewhere to belong’

‘ do you feel at home here?’

‘ feel at home with you. That very first moment on the couch when you mentioned that i was anxious i felt seen and i knew you must have been through something traumatic too because trauma usually recoqnises trauma’

Loki looked into your eyes with a vunerable expression.

‘ i didn’t know exactly what you had been through but from that moment on i came to you because i knew i could trust myself around you and i was right. You were always so gentle and understanding with me even when i was a mere accuaintance. You always saw me. Thank you. It has been a big part of why I’ve gotten better’

‘ No need. If anything i should be thanking you.’

You looked at him confused so he continued.

‘ that day you reached out to me made me realize you saw me in a way no one ever had. I’ve never felt so seen in my life. I’ve always felt second best to Thor. Living in his shadow. Did you mean what you said that day?’

‘Yes. I always thought Thor was nice but you were always the person i preferred even before we started talking. You were so smart and your powers and the way you so effortlessly used them. It was intimidating’

Loki laughed at the last part

‘You were intimidated by me? You hid it well with all that snark you sent my way’

That made you giggle

‘Oh and thank you for being so accepting of my Jotun form.. i was scared it would change how you saw me’

‘Why were you scared?’

‘I was unable to change back and Thor ever so helpfully said it was good you weren’t here for what would you say and i thought what if he had a point’

‘ he had no right saying that. I should have threatened him with violence’

‘ oh believe me you might as well have. He seemed very scared of you this morning after you left ‘

‘Servers him right! I know he means well but to think so little of me is insulting.’

‘He said and i quote y/n is small but she is mighty. Good choice brother’

You laughed at that.

‘Thank you for trusting me with your Jotun form. You are beautiful in both forms. I wish you let the world see your true form more’

‘I’m not quite ready for that but i will be more ‘myself’ with you’

‘ The Avengers accept you, and i will dote on you in this form. I still can’t believe how beautiful you are’

‘ you are the beautiful one my dear. I’ve never met anyone like you, your kindness is out of this world. I feel so seen by you and it’s the best thing I’ve ever felt’

He leaned over and kissed you passionately and you ran your fingers through his hair while pulling him closer to you.

You spent the rest of the evening on the rooftop.

Best first date ever.

#loki laufeyson #loki x female reader #loki oneshot #loki x you #loki fluff #loki odinson #loki layfeyson imagine #marvel

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