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dont-look-me-in-the-eye · 1 year ago

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first, let me tell you something- i don't know how to write poems.

yeah. really.

'cause all everyone ever talks about is fucking sunsets and trees and water and death and you can pick em apart tryna figure out what they're really saying but-

i don't know how to write poems.

honestly, everything i say is just what i feel. when i say my anger burns like fire and claws at my bones i'm not being poetic.

i'm saying that because when i'm angry my bones ache, my hands shake, and my muscles feel like they're on fire. they're's no poetry in how i speak, you feel me? it's just how it is.

that's why whenever i try to write i poem i end up writing more of a conversation than of a poem.

i don't know how to explain any of it. i don't know how to write poems.

it's like- there's this chaos inside. and it's so loud, and i need to say something but i can't. i can't. i need someone to listen but nobody wants to hear the ill-worded speech of someone who's so emotionally blank it doesn't know how to fucking express it.

actually, i just stared at a wall for a few minutes, and someone who was made for this, made to make beautiful things, would probably say something, they'd spout some shit, and i wouldn't understand it but it would make me feel something, even if i can't fucking figure it out.

they'd probably say something about nature and chaos and the soul and love and

i don't know much about love.

i guess. maybe that's my problem. all the poets are so in love with the world. they see all the beauty in it, despite everything.

anyways, that's not really what i was made for. it's just- it's just so beautiful, and i guess i thought i could make something beautiful.

i'm not good at this shit. i mean- i haven't written even one poem without swearing in it.

and yeah, fuck the puritanical ideas that words can be tainted with an f-bomb but sometimes it's just-

fuck. i don't know.

see there? i'm trying so say something poetic but i can't. because i don't know what i want to say.

sometimes it's just like, damn, they have something amazing going on there. and they don't even need to say it directly, yknow?

they can turn feelings into words and put them on a page.

i can't fucking do that.

and this isn't just me being pessimistic, it's just how it is. how i am.

yeah, sometimes i don't think i was made to make pretty things.

the other week, i put together the whole plumbing system for the basement sink 'cause we're renovating and it's easy enough.

i told my uncle it was just like putting legos together. he seemed impressed. i didn't tell him it was too easy to require congratulation.

it's like - like i'm a wolf. except instead, they're forcing me to be a lapdog.

and it's - it's nice, i guess. i don't really mind it? but - it's not right. the real lapdogs are good at it. they're cute, they're comforting, they love it. i hate it. i don't. i don't know.

(hey look, i used a metaphor.)

it's just... off. look, i'm trying but it's off. i'm big and i have teeth and honestly i never really got the 'love' thing to begin with. i want to kill them all but i love them too. i haven't eaten something i killed in years.

let me put it this way - i practice my bass a lot. i'm pretty good too - but mostly because i practice when i think i'm gonna punch a fucking wall, which is pretty often if you're me. i can play really fast but people don't know that it's the adrenaline that gets me through it at first.

it's just that i'm not good at it. it's not a practice thing either, because i've been writing and talking my whole life, and you'd think that a decade and then some would be enough to at least be able to express myself but it's not.

and - i'm all over the place. what is this "poem" even about? because i don't know. i don't write to make it be beautiful - i don't create for any other reason that i need to say something and if i don't i'm gonna kill myself or someone else.

and that's not a metaphor. because i'm not a real poet. i do this because i have to, or someone is going to get hurt. i hate having to write poems.

i'm just blowing my brains out my head; it's not my fault it made a pretty fucking pattern.

maybe one day i'll see a beautiful sunset and then i'll feel something that'll make me rush to write it.

maybe one day i'll write a poem because i'm happy.

fuck, not to be depressing or some shit, but i don't think i've ever actually been anything other than angry.

it's all a ruse, you see? underneath the numbness there is apathy and below that is anger that burns so hot that i choke on it as it comes up my throat.

that's not a metaphor, either. that's just what it feels like.

so yeah, i'm a fraud. sorry. i'm not in love with anything. i don't hate anything either.

the problem is, i can't feel anything good. i can't feel happy and i can't feel that i'm in love and i can't feel hopeful.

fuck, i can't even feel scared because all i feel is that adrenaline rush every time i wake up. i don't know what it is.

so, judgement, yeah? i don't think i really have that. good calculations, good predictions, but not good judgement. there's a difference, even if they mean the same thing.

judgement is more emotional, i guess. exposing myself like this is weak. and maybe it's not, but it fucking feels weak.

i was shaking when i first wrote this. i couldn't feel anything but i was shaking. i'm not shaking right now. i guess i just don't care(?). i don't know how to name these feelings. i don't know how to feel these feelings.

sorry i let you all believe that i was actually, you know, creating. the truth is i'm alone and pissed and good at making people believe that i'm someone i'm not.

Did you make good judgment?

#I FOUND THIS IS MY DRAFTS HOLY SHIT??? PAST ME YOU OKAY THERE BOY #YOU HAVE NO BUISNESS BEING THIS REAL TF #POSTING THIS THO BC I KNEW YOU WANTED IT #poetry

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halloweenhoneylover · 4 years ago

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the window

summary: reader gives spencer a really cute holiday gift, and he really, really appreciates it (spencer reid x gn!reader)

word count: 2.7k

author’s note: this was supposed to be a blurb lmao. also anon, u did not specify gender, so this is gender neutral!!! also, this is for the holiday season and isn’t specific to christmas (aside from mentions of secret santa gift exchange). also also, spencer knits canonically.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

Rolling your eyes, you closed the seemingly menacing pop-up on your screen and continued to finish up your paperwork. A few seconds passed before a second pop-up appeared.

DO NOT CLOSE MY MESSAGES!!!

You heaved a sigh and stood, making your way to Garcia’s lair. Pushing the door open, you skipped a greeting entirely and chided, “Dude, you gotta stop sending scary pop-ups to my computer. People are gonna start thinking that unsubs are hacking the FBI and threatening agents.”

From beneath her horn-rimmed glasses, Penelope tutted and chewed the end of her pen. “You are no fun. Besides, you are forgetting my immensely cool and mysterious origin story. ‘The Black Queen’ was not one of the good guys!”

“That’s true,” you admitted, “but you’re one of us now, so that means no more suspicious messages unless you want to be fired.”

She gave you a contemptuous glare, “Not gonna happen. Also, I’m really shocked that you thought you could distract me from the matter at hand.”

Furrowing your brow, you replied, “I don’t even know what the matter at hand is.”

Garcia’s smirk curled devilishly. “You and Reid.”

Further confusion ensued. “And what about us?”

She groaned and threw her head back, “Oh my god, you really are dragging this out. I know that you did not get him for Secret Santa, but you still got him a present.” The quirking of her eyebrows was enough to indicate that she meant more than what she was saying, and you were hesitant to explore the implications.

“Okay, first of all, it is illegal to look at my credit card history, and secondly, he is my best friend, so yes, I got him a present. Is that a crime?”

“Certainly not...but this does solidify the fact that you’re in love with him.”

“Dear god, Garcia, I am not in love with Spencer Reid.”

The look she gave you was one of utter incredulity. Her disbelief was so strong in fact that she did not deign your statement worthy of verbal response. Instead, she sat there. Staring. And under her rather unnerving gaze, you began to fidget, your resolve slowly dissolving. Squeezing your eyes shut, you relented.

“Okay, maybe I am the littlest, tiniest bit in love with Spencer Reid.”

“Well, duh, but what I really need to know is when you’re gonna tell him.”

“When? Garcia, this is not a ‘when’ question. Actually, it’s not a question at all because never in a million years would I ever tell him.”

“Why not?” she exclaimed, gesturing with her pen still in hand. “You spend almost all of your time together, at work and at home! You guys go to bookstores and museums and cafes. He talks about his silly little statistics, and you listen, and you make your silly little jokes, and he laughs; you’re a match made in heaven! And he’s so obviously into you! That boy writes the definition of heart eyes every time he looks at you.”

Steeling your jaw, you rebutted, “That’s just not true.” Your voice faltered. “Sure, I’ve noticed a certain...affection, but he does not love me in the same way I love him.” You let out a shaky breath before deciding to continue. “Did you know that in all of our years of friendship he’s never touched me? I mean sure, it’s happened once or twice in the field, but that was always an accident. And yeah, I know he has his thing with germs, but don’t you think if he liked me as anything more than a friend, he would have done something by now? A pinky promise, a teasing elbow jab—I don’t know—something?”

Penelope’s face softened, and she tried to recover your confidence. “He’s like that with everyone! He likes his space. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him initiate contact with anyone on the team.”

“But isn’t that the point, Garcia? I’m just like everyone else to him. He wants space from me.” Bitterness roiled in your stomach and dripped from your tongue. “Not very romantic, huh?”

Trying to piece together a counterargument, she stumbled slightly, “No, I will give you that.” She paused. “But I think he’s just scared. Not of germs, not of you, but of his feelings for you. He’s not the most well-adjusted person I know.”

You chuckled lightly, gradually resuming your normally light-hearted disposition, “I would agree.”

“Well, I hope he likes his present.”

The semblance of a tired smile graced your face. “Yeah, me too.”

You turned to walk out and had almost made it out the door when her voice stopped you. “Also, I will stop sending suspicious pop-ups to your computer.”

Peeking back through the doorway, you grinned.“I think it’d be for the best. Texting does exist for a reason.”

———

It had been a really good day. It wasn’t often where an entire day in the bullpen passed only with friends and laughter and love and light, but today was one of them. Snow fell silently outside the windows, but everything inside felt warm like laughing so hard that your cheeks ache and your stomach hurts.

By now, a sort of daze had befallen the team as the giddiness wore on and the alcohol set in, fuzzing eyes and minds. Most everyone had paired off after the gift exchange a few minutes prior, but no one had drifted too far. (Maybe it was the team instinct: never stray too far from the pack, but it was also likely that everyone just enjoyed the proximity to their loved ones, their family.) Garcia seemed to be in heaven, tucked into Morgan’s side on a couch that had been dragged haphazardly into the bullpen, and murmured conversation stretched on with intermittent peals of laughter. Predictably, Hotch and Rossi had sequestered themselves to a nearby desk, their scotch glasses never dry and grins never fading. (Hotch during the holidays was something special. His often frigid demeanor thawed, and out from the ice peeked his former self who wasn’t so serious. (His rare giggles were quite the surprise though.)) Emily and JJ sat on the latter’s desk, discussing anything and everything (except for psychopathic murderers), while you had pulled your chair up to sit beside Spencer at his desk.

“So are you pleased about your gift from Rossi?” you asked, a faint grin playing at your lips.

“I am,” he replied, clearly enthused. “But I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he managed to get an authentic TARDIS key.” His finger traced the edge of the authenticity certificate Rossi had bestowed on him that sat on his desk; the key was already hanging around his neck.

You raised your eyebrows and nodded. “Well, money is a powerful thing.”

“True,” he mused before furrowing his brow. “But that’s another thing, the expense limit is not a suggestion, but he always treats it like it is. Puts all the rest of us to shame.”

“There’s no shame in an inexpensive gift!” you argued. “As long as time or thought was put in, it doesn’t matter.”

“Penelope surely didn’t skimp on time spent for yours,” he said, pointing to the homemade knitted hat and glove set on the desk beside you.

“No, I did not!” she yelled from her spot on the couch, somehow having managed to pick up on your conversation, and you laughed. “Lots and lots of time and love was poured into those!” Her speech was slightly slurred as her eggnog intake began to infringe on her lucidity.

“I know this, and I love you for it,” you beamed at her.

“I love you too.” She proceeded to bury her face in Derek’s shoulder who could only chuckle at her antics.

You picked up a glove and inspected it. “I truly cannot comprehend how she made these. Circular knitting needles are my living hell.”

Sitting up with renewed interest, Spencer said, “If you need help with them, I could lend a hand. I knit my mom a sweater this year, and I think I finally understand how they work if you ever wanted me to show you.”

“I’d love that.” Hopefully, the flush of your cheeks could be blamed on the wine you had had. “Speaking of your mom, how is she? Are you excited to see her?”

The corners of his mouth turned up, and he nodded. “She’s good; her nurse said she’s been doing really well lately. She’s less paranoid, more alert, so I’m really excited. I think this will be a good trip.”

“I’m so glad!” You sat there with a dumb smile for a moment, your mind lagging for a moment (damn wine) before realization crashed onto you. “Wait, speaking of your mom, I have something for you!” He cocked his head to the side as you stood up and went to your desk, rifling through one of the drawers. Pulling out a neatly wrapped gift, you trotted back over and offered it to him. “This is for you.”

He took it, running a hand over the wrapping paper (it was the one with cowboys wearing Santa hats that you had found when shopping together a couple weeks before, his favorite). “(Y/N), you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Shrugging lightly, you said, “Yeah, I know we did the whole gift exchange thing, but I saw it, and I thought of you and had to get it.” And you definitely did not actively seek this out for him in the search for his perfect present. Which is something somebody who is definitely not in love with him would do.

He looked up at you, eyes already glassy and searching your face for something. You weren’t sure what he was looking for, but then he met your gaze with unwavering certainty. “Thank you, (Y/N/N).”

“No problem, ya big sap, now open it already.”

Ever the cautious one, he opened it carefully, sliding a finger under the edge of the paper and gently easing the tape up. The small action of unwrapping a present so attentively was just so Spencer your heart swelled as you suppressed the growing grin. From the paper emerged a book.

“‘A Collection of Poems by Geoffrey Chaucer,’” he murmured, smoothing a hand over the cover.

When he didn’t immediately react, seemingly frozen, nerves crept up the back of your neck, and you sputtered out some sort of reasoning. “I know your mom used to read Chaucer to you; you mentioned ‘The Parliament of Fowls’ when we worked the Fisher King case, and it’s in this collection, and I thought it’d be fun for you to take it to Vegas and read it together and—”

Your explanation came to an abrupt halt as Spencer threw his arms around you, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. Immediately melting into it, you embraced him with a similar intensity and buried your face in his neck. Something in his touch allowed you to let go, and it felt like the moment you could finally exhale.

A breath you’d been holding for longer than you could remember.

You could smell the cologne that he wore for ‘special occasions’ and his shampoo and something so faint but so undeniably him, and his hand slid up to the back of your head, cradling it in the most tender fashion, and you felt like you could cry. So you pulled him closer, and he did the same.

The hug definitely lasted longer than what most people would find comfortable, but neither of you could be convinced to retreat until you became aware of the silence that had settled over the bullpen. You felt the many pairs of eyes on you, and it pained you to pry yourself off of Spencer. Breathless, you looked around at the shocked faces of your co-workers who sat with mouths agape and eyes wide. You coughed slightly to try to ease the tension and then for some reason beyond your knowledge, you decided to wave at them in the most awkward fashion. Sitting back down, you could feel stares lingering as conversation resumed, and you looked up at Reid who looked like a deer in headlights. You laughed quietly, tugging his sleeve until he received the memo and sat down again.

He cleared his throat and avoided eye contact, glancing at his present. “Thank you for the book, (Y/N/N).”

“You’re welcome,” you replied, your tone earnest as ever. Still reeling from the hug, you faintly became aware of the speed of your heartbeat and unconsciously brought a hand to your chest. You attempted fruitlessly to sort through your raging thoughts, while across from you, Spencer tried to think of something, anything to say now.

He couldn’t really believe he’d done it. His germaphobia remained everpresent, but somehow the emotion welling in his chest at your sincerity and benevolence had overridden it, and he felt helpless in stopping himself. His heart had lurched in his chest as if it was suddenly struck with the need to be in your hands, propelling him forward. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t wanted to. He had wanted to for so long, but he’d never mustered the courage before. There was something so special, so intimate about touch, and so many people gave it so freely, and he just didn’t understand how they could allow themselves the indulgence. The absolute luxury of giving and receiving love. Spencer often felt like he sat by a window, watching his life pass by outside of it, and he had always wanted to open it, to really experience all the joy and all the grief and all the love that was waiting for him, but it was scary to open himself up to those feelings and the hurt that could ensue. So, he usually sat discontented by his window. But today, it was like he’d grabbed a hammer and smashed the glass completely and stepped through to be able to return the love you had offered him.

It felt so good.

But now, he had no idea what to do. He stood there in the midst of the shattered glass, and deep down, he knew had to take the last couple steps to get to you, but he didn’t know how.

His fingers fidgeted in his lap as he analyzed your blank face, trying to find something to give him the next direction when a realization hit him. “I didn’t get you anything!”

Drawn back from the depths of whatever thought you had been stuck in, you met his gaze and shook your head. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I broke the gift exchange rules to get you something, so you had no way of knowing.”

“But I feel terrible.” His eyebrows drew together, and he frantically tried to think of some way to repay you. “You get me an incredibly lovely and wonderfully thoughtful gift, and I’m the loser who didn’t get his best friend a present!”

“Spencer—”

“Wait!” he interrupted, a revelation arriving. (He knew how to take the last steps.) “When I get back after the holidays, do you want to get dinner with me? Then, we can go to the bookstore on 10th that you love, and you can pick out a book, and I’ll pay.”

Your eyes widened further than you thought possible, and your heart which had only partially recovered was off to the races once again. You decided to take the plunge and ask the burning question. “Do you—um, do you mean like a date?”

“Yeah,” he answered, beaming so brightly. “Yes. Like a date. If you want to.”

You held each other’s gaze, and the warmth that had filled the bullpen all day filled your chests, and you smiled so hard your faces hurt.

So silly, you thought, to have wasted all this time boarding up my affection and keeping it tucked away, safe and useless.

So ridiculous, he thought, to have sat by that stupid window for so many years when the real thing feels so sweet.

“I think I’d like that a lot.”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #anon i hope u enjoy!!!!#this was only written between the hours of 1 and 3 am so if that impacts the quality i am terribly sorry #but i like some of the end of it so we'll see #:)#<3 #also am i legally allowed to post a fic that doesn't have a bsf garcia scene? no #all the homies liking this at 3:26 am? i love u

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glassartpeasants · 4 years ago

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Ó̶͕̂̉̏͐̎͗̕ũ̷͓̺͖̺͖͍͈͉̝̫̬̗̂̒̽͂r̶͉̱̺̩̫̝̤̙͍̗̜̲̭̝̋̆̈̀͜ ̷̨̩̫͈̱̤̬̲̺͍̣͔̉̈́͋̀̀̈́̃̎̈́́͘͘͠L̷̢̡̳̟̺̣̙̦͖̩̝͉̘͎͙̔̅͒͘ì̸̡̛͔͖̙̥̝̂͛͋̇͋̓̓̈͜͠ͅt̸̢͇͓̩̙͐̒̀͊̇̑̐̏͗́̍̒͘e̵̩̎̅̆͂͝r̸̡̡̫̱̼̼̤̠͙͖͙̙͓̼̦̐̈́̓̌́̀̓̑̑̊͑̿ą̴̦̦͉̩̞̲̙̹͎̃͋̇́̈̋͌̓́͐̅̀̄͌t̴̟̻̯̘͖̪͍̥̯͙͚̔͛͛͋̕͜͠ư̸̧̙̳̺̩͑̕͘r̸̪̖͆̔̀̓̈́̃̈̓e̸̡̢͉̣͍̺̟̣̹͈̬͊̊͜͝ ̴̩̫̮͚̘͌̂̋̋̓̓̂̊́͛́͠C̴̡̓̇̌́̈͛̓̊́̒̓̚͝ͅl̵̡͇̲̔͜ứ̵̥̟̟̤̯̲̙̺̍̈́̏́͗̏̀̓̍͒̇̓͝ḃ̸̥̭̉̂͛͋̃̈́̊͗̉̈͑̚͝

SPOILERS FOR MHA AND DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB

Characters:

Kai Chisaki-Monika

Tomura Shigaraki-Natsuki

Dabi-Sayori

Hari Kurono-Yuri

Reader-MC

Warnings: cursing

A/N: Also i’m going off Zuffer’s headcannon that Hari is older then Kai. Sorry if its Kinda weird I was fading in and out of sleep writing this.

!Feedback is much appreciated, knowing people likes it makes me want to write more!

~~~

Chapter 2: First Impressions

~~~

You never knew you were holding in your breath until you sat down in the chair next to Dabi. All eyes were on you and you swore you felt like you were gonna melt by all the stare’s these men were giving you.

“Dude why did you bring a girl? It's all weird now.” You looked at the boy with ruby red eyes while he crossed his arms and huffed at you. His fingers tapping against his arm while he stared at you, most likely judging you without even knowing you. What was his problem?

“Please excuse that sour idiot over here. We welcome you into the Literature with open arms. It’ll be nice to have a girl to reread our poems and give us a womanly perspective of things.” You turn your attention to the brown haired male, otherwise known as Kai. He looked at you and you just now noticed the mask and gloves he was wearing. DId he have a cold or something? What was with that?

“Oh, thank you I suppose. Before we start anything, may I ask all of your names? It would be quite awkward joining and not knowing anyone.” You laugh nervously as you look at Kai. You could feel your soul leave you body everytime he looked at your direction. You don’t know why but something about him gave you a weird vibe.

“Oh, where are my manners. I am Kai Chisaki, President of the Literature club. The man with red eyes is named Tomura Shigaraki. Please do not talk what he says to take to face value. He sometimes is just sour. The one with silver eyes is known as Hari Kurono. If we’re being honest probably the only one that has actually read every book in the school library.” Tomura eh? He seems a little bit of what you would describe a moody teen. He was still a cutie though so you’ll give him a pass this time.

Now Hari was another story, you knew this man was smart but you didn’t think this man had read the entire library! No wonder he was always the top of the class. Man was top tier Einstein. It didn’t help that he gave off a timid type of aurora. That’s probably why so many girls confessed to him. They had thought he was a sweet gentleman. I mean hell you would have confessed if you weren’t too busy with school. He’s a good looking guy but you decided not to act on this little crush since he also seemed busy with school.

“Oh hey I think I remember you Hari. Last year you were in my writing class if I’m correct?” You say as you hoped he remembered you so you didn’t look stupid.

“Yes I do remember you. You were the girl that slept through most of the class right?” Your eyes widen as the last sentence. So this man is just gonna call you out? This isn’t what you signed up for...

“Y-yeah that was me.” You say as you nervously laugh and rub the back of your neck.

“Well know since you know our names, care to tell us why you decided to join our little club?”

“Dabi asked me to, I didn’t really have anything to do and I’m not really in any clubs so this seemed fun." You say truthfully. Hoping that was enough to let you stay.

“Well thats better then how Tomura joined. Dabi had a better reason then Tomura.”

“HEY! Not cool Kai!” You move your head to look at Tomura only to see him blushing as he turned his head away from everyone else to look at the other direction. Not wanting to give Kai the satisfaction of knowing he embarrassed him.

“Really? I mean Dabi’s mom made him join, what did he do?” You ask giving Tomura a smirk when he whipped his head back to look at you with a glare. You wanted to snicker at the face he was making. His ears were almost as red as his eyes.

“Don’t you dare tell her! It’s embarrassing!” Shigaraki yelled, his face red as can be. You giggle a little bit watching him try and hide his face.

“He heard that his crush was going to join, so he did in order to get closer to her. He only found out that she changed her mind after he had signed up. His mom also makes him stay after school because of it now.” Hari said from behind Kai. The tiny smile that formed on Hari’s face was enough to show that he enjoyed picking on Tomura, who seemed to be the youngest out of the 4 boys.

“Aw! That’s so cute! I think it’s really sweet.” You say smiling at Tomura. He seemed to have calmed down a bit but his cheeks were still as red as ever.

“Yeah whatever.”

“Well now since that is said and done, how about we start hmm?” Kai said as he looked around the class, looking at Tomura and Hari.

“I’ll go make some tea, probably be good for us. Especially for Dabi.” Hari got up from his seat and went into the back of the room. You turned his head along with him, watching him.

“I’ll go get the cupcakes-” Dabi said before he was interrupted by Tomura.

“No! I made them! I’ll get them!” Tomura stomped towards the table before opening up the box which revealed cupcakes that he had decorated to look like gaming controllers. Every one had moved to the big table that was in front of the class. You had sat by Dabi and Tomura decided to take a seat next to you since you were the closest to the

“Wow, you made these Tomura? They’re so cool!” You said as you look at him. He tried to find the words to say only to resort to look away before grabbing a cupcake and shoving his face in it.

Not wasting another moment, you grab a cupcake of your own and slowly begin to take a bite. Your eyes widen at the taste of it. Turning your head at Tomura you give him a thumbs up, signalling you enjoyed it.

“Here’s the tea. All I had was green tea at the moment, I’ll have to buy some more tonight.” Hari said before giving one tea cup to each member. You thank him before pouring yourself a cup of tea.

You look to your right and see Kai pulling off his own mask to take a sip of the tea Hari had made. You finally got a chance to see his face and boy you were not disappointed. He was literally gorgeous. Why were all the men in this club so cute! It wasn’t fair at all.

“Thank you for the tea Hari. Now, we’re going to start to read and evaluate ‘The Tragedy of Macbeth’. I was able to grab some extra copies from the school library. But I’m well aware that Hari has already read it.”

“Oh I’ve read it too! When I was in writing class with Hari last year, that was a book we had to write an essay on! I remember it being made by William Shakespeare.” You say as you look at Kai and Hari. Hari gave you a small nod while Kai looked at you in question.

“It’s a good book honestly. One of my favorites from him.” You look at Kai, watching him let out a little chuckle.

“Hmm guess we learn something new every day.”

~~~

Later

“Good job everyone, we managed to get past act one today. I want you guys to go home and write 2 paragraphs or more on a summary of what we read so far, along with a poem. Other the that there’s nothing you need to do. So now that you know what we do in the literature club, are you still interested in joining (y/n)?” You attention was dragged towards Kai as he asked you that simple question. Your head moves in his direction before you smile and nod your head.

“I would Love to join the literature club. It sounds more fun than sitting in my room all day.” You laugh while looking at Kai. You could see a smile under that black mask he wore.

“Good to know you’ll be joining us tomorrow. Dabi talks a lot about you so its nice to see who he’s always talking about. But don’t worry he always says good things about you though.” You turn around to look at Dabi who seems a little embarrassed to be exposed out in front of you like that.

“Aw you talk about me!”

“Shut up.”

“I have a question though, if you don’t mind me asking Kai.”

“Ask away.”

“How come I haven’t heard of this club before Dabi told me? You would think that people with a passion for writing would join such a club.”

“I understand your question. This club is actually fairly new. I started just close to 2 months ago, Hari was a close friend of mine so I have him to thank for helping me set it up.” Well that actually makes sense. Dabi must have gotten into this club before the wreck or after it. It’s crazy to think that he’s willing to go to a club even though it probably hurts his still healing body. You have to give him credit for that.

“Aw that’s so sweet of you Hari to help him.” You smile at him. Hari’s eyes widen a bit before going to normal. His cheeks turning the slightest pink.

“W-well he’s a friend so I had to help him.” He was stumbling over his words over a little sentence how cute!

“Yes, he has my gratitude. But I do believe that after the festival, more people would join.”

“Festival?”

“Ah I see you don’t know what it is. The festival is where all the clubs in the school show what they’re about and try to get more people to join them. I hope that we can get more club members before the time that all of us graduate.”

“Well I hope we can! That sounds pretty cool!” Kai smiled before getting up to go tak to Dabi about something you couldn’t hear.

“What kind of stories do you like to read?” You slightly jumped from the sudden sound of Hari’s voice besides you. You haven’t read anything in a hot minute before just reading the Tragedy of Macbeth so you pop the first thing that comes into your head.

“..Manga..” You see Tomura’s head pop up from the corner of your eye but quickly turns back down to finish eating his cupcake.

“Not much of a reader I see.” You could hear a bit of disappointment inside Hari’s voice.

“But that can change! I just haven’t read anything in awhile hehe.” You say trying to defend yourself.

“Hmm, it’s interesting to see you want to read something other than manga. But I must admire you will to do it.” He says drinking his tea before he looks up at you.

“My favorite types of books are ones with mysteries, thriller and sometimes fantasy. I like them to be more complex, I find them to be more interesting that way.” Hari said as he took another sip of his tea.

“Well that’s cool that you enjoy books like that! You must love reading the current book we started right? Its kinda like a thriller.”

“I suppose you could say that. The Tragedy of Macbeth was always my favorite from Shakespeare. But I suppose everyone has there favorite things they like to read. Kai is more interested in on books about history with doctors and such. He’s studying to become one so it doesn’t surprise me that he does. Dabi is a sucker for horror. All kinds I believe but he once said his favorite was psychological if i remember correctly. Then there’s Tomura. He tends to read more...cartoon pages then books-”

“Hey! Manga is an actual book Hari! I don’t judge you for what you read!” You both turn your head to see Tomura glaring at Hari. You spot a single book on his desk. He’s actually reading a manga right now, its kinda cute how he defends himself. You’ll have to ask what he’s reading later.

“Now now you two, there all sorts of differences between books. Besides Hari, Tomura does read books about technology and gaming history, so you might as well give him credit for that.” Kai spoke to the two males. Hari let out a sigh before turning back to you.

“I suppose your right Kai.” You turn your attention to the ruby eyed boy.

“Whats your favorite game then Tomura?” Your question caught him off guard before he thought for a moment.

“I like PvP games, like Rainbow and CoD...” He seemed a little bit embarrassed to talk about such topics, like no one has asked him about it before.

“I heard those are hard games to master, you must be really good at them then.” You smile at him causing his eyes to perk up and a small smile form on his face before it left quickly and he turned his face away, hiding a little blush that if you didn’t look hard enough you wouldn’t have seen it.

“Y-yeah whatever.”

“Just to let you know that we do share our poems with other club members (y/n). So please try to make it appropriate. Had to yell at Dabi once for doing something so immature.”

“Oh come on Kai! That was funny! Even Hari laughed!”

RRRRIIIIIINNNNGGGG

“Oh, that's the bell. Well, I suppose we should all be heading home.” Everyone seemed to be grabbing there things and placing them in there bags which you soon follow. Everyone made a single file line out of the classroom door and started walking towards the front doors of the school. Hari and Kai walked in front of you and Dabi while Tomura was trailing behind you two.

“Hey Tomura, come up here and walk with me and Dabi. You don’t have to be lonely behind us.” You say turning back to look at him. His eyes look surprised at your request for a moment before shuffling faster to stand by your side. His face covered by his hair. You really hoped that you would get to learn more about him i the future.

~~~

Walking home

“So what did you think? Did you actually enjoy it?” Dabi asked you while you two walked down the sidewalk. His voice seemed to be wavering, as if he was insecure if you thought he was weird or that his club was dumb.

“I actually enjoyed it! I can’t wait for tomorrow!” The sound of both of your footsteps on the concrete drowned out the relieved sigh that escaped past Dabi’s lips. He looks at you smiling as you continue to talk about what you thought about the rest of his club members. You didn’t even know how happy he was that you agreed to join. He really wanted you to join so he could hang out with you more. He really did miss you, you were his childhood friend and he was worried that you two were drifting apart so to see that you were so worried and still cared about him made his heart do flips in his chest. He always had a thing for you. Kinda cliche, childhood friends become lovers. You only see that shit in movies.

“So Dabi, what is your poem gonna be about? Mines gonna be about the people I met today. Each describing them in the way I see them! Your gonna be in it too!” You say as you jump up and down while you tugged on his sleeve. His heart fluttered hearing that he was gonna be in your poem.

“Your gonna know tomorrow.”

“Hey that’s not fair! I told you what i was gonna write!” You pout while crossing your arms.

“You use to love surprises. What did that change on me now?” He laughed as he looked at your face.

“Fine then! I was gonna let you read it first but now I’ll just ask Kai!” You were bluffing of course but Dabi didn’t have to know that.

“Fine, Its gonna be about the car accident, happy?” You froze in your spot. Now you just felt like shit. You bothered him to that point, jesus some friend you were.

“Don’t worry (y/n) I’m not mad at you. Sorry sometimes I just sound like an asshole.”

“You are one.”

“Pfft like your any better man.”

Taglist

@zuffer-weird-girl @thotsforvillainrights @bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love @hello-lucky-luka @turningmad @franko-pop

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athela-3 · 4 years ago

Text

crushing defeat

1.7k words; gen/comedy; hints of shipping if you blink, look here, and look away again; if everyone gives aspec vibes that’s my bad, I have no idea how allos work; 3 am nonsense is practically its own genre; mild language (canon-typical); no content warnings.

Yuki’s never had a crush before. Normally that’s not a problem, but now that he really needs to know what it’s like, nobody else in Mankai can seem to give him a straight answer. And what does cake have to do with anything?

“You. Elite Swindler. What's it like to have a crush?”

Itaru looks up from his phone and finds himself face-to-face with Yuki's inquisitive eyes. “Um.” He blinks, stalling for time while he forces his brain to take a U-turn from his game. “Why do you ask?”

Yuki sighs, swatting aside a strand of hair and tucking it behind his ear. “My character's supposed to be in love, but no matter how many times I try saying my lines it never sounds right. The Director said I should try asking around to get an idea what it's supposed to feel like, and you're sitting right here. So are you going to tell me or not?”

“Huh.” Well, that sounds like something she would do, Itaru concedes. He sits up, placing his phone face down on the sofa next to him. “If I have to describe it, I'd say it's inconvenient. Just because you like someone doesn't mean you'd like liking them. It's kind of like pulling a gacha and getting an SSR. If it's your favourite character, cool, but if it's a character you don't like and you already have three other copies of the exact same card, and now you have to grind all over again… not cool.”

Yuki rolls his eyes, and for a second Itaru thinks he's about to be on the business end of his trademark sarcastic zingers again. “But what is it like? It can't be as sappy as it looks like in Muku's manga.” Beat. Slowly, with dread creeping into his voice: “Is it?”

Itaru opens his mouth to answer, only for a better idea to spring into mind. He cranes his head to look into the kitchen, where Homare is nursing a cup of some fragrant tea blend with a complicated, bougie name. “Hey, Homare? How would you describe the feeling of falling in love?”

There's a brief pause, filled only with Yuki's wide-eyed Oh-No-You-Didn't stare, which Itaru diligently avoids. Then Homare places his teacup on the saucer with a gentle plink and replies, with the absolute certainty of an astronomer looking at the night sky: “Devotion astride with every doki doki… a sugary somnambulism, nefelibata's mazurka of watchfulness, feather-light fingertips painting patient litanies!”

“Exactly.” Itaru grins. “See? It's not that hard.”

Yuki's expression is flat, but Itaru thinks he can see the gears turning inside his head. Eventually he sighs. “Fine. You've made your point.”

“Look, that's all I've got,” Itaru shrugs. “Besides, why don't you ask someone who definitely knows what it's like? Have you tried asking Muku?”

“Duh. He tried to hand me a bunch of romance manga for reference. But that's fiction. If I want my acting to be realistic, I need to look at real life examples.”

“Why not ask Masumi then?”

“And listen to him babble about the Director for the next three hours?”

“Mm. Kazunari?”

“I'm not an idiot. I already asked everyone in my troupe.”

“Tsumugi?”

“I would, but he's not home. Tasuku says he's out tutoring. And before you start, I already asked the Muscle Freak. He mumbled something about high expectations and ran off.”

“Citron?”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“Taichi?”

“The Dumb Dog? That's… a good idea. Plus I needed to check on his sewing anyway, he's supposed to finish them this—”

“Yo, Taruchi, where are you? Don't just go AFK on me like that!”

They turn to see Banri emerging from the stairwell, phone in hand and an annoyed look in his face. Itaru waves him over at once, relieved to find a potential back-up partner. “Banri! You gotta help me out, man. I need you to describe what having a crush is like.”

Banri stares slack-jawed, caught totally off-guard. “A crush? It's distracting, that's what. I mean, they're all you can think about, right? No matter what you're doing or where you go, you just keep thinkin' about 'em.”

Itaru snaps his fingers. “Right! And you know you've got it bad when you keep finding excuses to be around them. Or when you do weird stuff to get their attention, like giving them things or teasing them or picking fights with them—”

“Why would you pick a fight with someone you like?” Yuki squints, thoroughly unimpressed. “You can't expect them to fight with you and then magically like you back afterwards. That's just stupid.”

“Well,” Itaru grins, “it is.”

“Ah, but such is love!” rejoins Homare, his sentence punctuated by a neat clink as he places his drained teacup in the sink. “Even the greatest of geniuses are fools when it comes to love. Perhaps I should write a poem about that… the overripe ache of tenderness, rotting one's mind even as it enriches the soul…”

Banri shakes his head sharply. “Yeah, whatever. Just get the interrogation done with so we can start the next match.” With that, he marches off into the kitchen, brushing past Homare without a word to fetch a glass of water.

As the poet leaves, still murmuring fancy thesaurus words under his breath, Itaru turns to Yuki and raises his eyebrows. “So? Think you got a better idea now?”

“A little,” Yuki admits. “You're not so useless after all.”

“Huh. I don't know what I expected. Guess I'll take what I can get.”

At that moment, the front door swings open, and in walks Juza, carrying a bag full of groceries in each hand. Behind him is the Director, bearing an identical bag in her arms and pulling the door shut behind her with her foot. “We're home!” she shouts.

“Welcome home, Director, Juza. Whoa, that's a lot of loot today.”

She laughs. “Turned out there was a sale, and since it's important that we save money I thought we might as well stock up ahead. I was lucky Juza came along to help, otherwise I couldn't have carried all of this back alone.”

While she stops by to talk, Juza keeps heading for the kitchen to unpack his groceries, only stopping when he realises his roommate is blocking the way. When it becomes apparent Banri has no intention to step aside, a scowl clouds over his face. “Move.”

A corner of Banri's mouth quirks upward. “Or what? You can't touch me, your hands are full.”

“Don't have to. You can stand there if you want, but the Director won't like it.”

Begrudgingly, Banri inches aside just enough for Juza to squeeze through. When he sees the topmost layer of groceries, he makes a small wolf-whistle. “Three bottles of strawberry milk? What d'you think this is, Hyodo, a damn onsen?”

“Ya gonna stand there babblin', or ya gonna make yourself useful?”

“Nah, I'm good.”

“Oh, Banri? Since you're already in the kitchen, and you're not doing anything,” the Director chimes in, industrial-grade cheerfulness dripping from her every word, “why don't you help me make dinner?”

Itaru snorts. “Curry duty? Ouch. I'll press F for you later.”

“Actually, tonight is sweet and sour pork. I got a deal on bell peppers, but they have to be eaten quickly,” she tells him, before calling out to Banri: “You can start by washing and chopping them, by the way.”

“The Currian chooses not to make curry?” If Yuki's eyebrows rose any higher, they'd completely disappear behind his fringe. “Did you hit your head on the door coming in?”

“I'm sorry, we can have curry tomorrow if that's what you want,” the Director smiles sweetly, and Itaru wonders if this is what she's like in the office. He tries picturing her giving instructions to her juniors and suggestions to her superiors, all in that inhumanly saccharine tone of voice. The mental image alone gives him the chills. “Oh! How's your role study, Yuki?”

“Eh, it's a work in progress.” He pauses, eyeing her with a slight squint. Oh, no, Itaru thinks, here we go again. “But now that you're here, why don't you tell me what you think a crush is like?”

“Me? I haven't had a crush since…” her voice trails off. She walks to the kitchen, places her groceries on the counter, and starts unpacking them alongside Juza. “I don't remember. What I do remember is that when you've fallen in love with someone, you want them to be happy. You remember the little things they like and don't like, because there's no feeling like seeing them smile and knowing it's because of you, or something you did. If they're happy, you're happy. But if they're upset about something, then you feel bad too, even if it wasn't your fault.”

Yuki hums a wordless acknowledgement, face scrunched in thought. “And you?”

Silence. After a few seconds, Juza looks up from the cabinet he is currently stuffing with raw pasta. “…Me?”

“Yeah, dumbass. Who else?” Banri snorts. “Oi, gimme the pineapple. I can't find it in this mess.”

“Didn't get any.”

“What, so we're making sweet and sour pork without pineapple? Who eats sweet and sour pork without—” Realisation dawns in his eyes. He blinks, as if startled, glances at the Director, and looks away again. “Oh. Huh. Well, that's interesting.”

“Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Settsu?”

“None of your business. Now answer the damn question already so we can cook in peace.”

“We ain't cooking, you are,” Juza points out. “An' I dunno.”

“You don't know?” Yuki presses impatiently. “Or you're not telling?”

“Dunno. Never had a crush.”

“Tch. Of course you've never liked anyone. All you like is cake.”

Itaru nods comprehendingly, shooting up in his seat. ”Banri's got a point, you know, the cake does kind of give it away. Bet you also like dragons.”

“Wait,” Yuki interjects, “what's cake got to do with anything?”

“You don't know?” Itaru twists to face the boy completely. “Aw, man. I thought you of all people would know. Do you like cake?”

“What does it matter?”

“C'mon, it's just a yes or no question!”

“They're OK? I'm not that big on sweets, but I like the really pretty cakes. Especially the ones with edible flowers on top.”

“The real question is,” Banri looks up from the cutting board and points the knife at Yuki, “would you rather fall in love or eat cake?”

“What kinda stupid question is that?” Juza mutters, still playing grocery Tetris with the cabinet and therefore completely missing the death glare Banri sends his way.

“Shut your cakehole, nobody asked you.”

Yuki's brows furrow, and Itaru notices his eyes flickering to Juza before he settles on a reply. “If I had to choose, I guess I'd choose cake. Having a crush sounds so exhausting. Besides, I know what cake's like, so I know what I'm getting myself into.”

Itaru claps his hands together, triumphant. “See? Congratulations, you're Team Cake! Don't worry about the dragons, we'll get there when you’re ready.”

“But what does any of it have to do with—you know what, forget it.” Yuki throws his hands into the air, mere millimetres away from clocking Itaru's head. “I should've asked someone who knows what they're talking about. You guys are hopeless.” With that, he turns on his heels and makes his exit, presumably off to interview the next hapless sap to cross his path.

“Good luck!” the Director calls out.

Itaru shakes his head. “And here I thought we'd get more affinity points than that,” he mutters. “Talk about being hard to please.”

“Don't blame him, it is a tough subject to crack,” she points out. “Oh, does that mean you're free right now? In that case, can you please make some rice while I get the pork ready?”

“Welp. Is this a mandatory quest?” She nods, and he sighs, slowly stretching to his feet and pocketing his phone. “All right. But you owe me cake. All this talk's got me craving a slice.”

“I'll grab you some tomorrow, how's that sound?”

Banri's head snaps up again. “Hey, if he gets cake for helping, then how come I don't?”

“You don't even like cake,” Juza grumbles.

“I’m just sayin’, it ain’t fair. And don’t pretend you don’t want some.”

She reaches past them to grab the packet of pork on the table and laughs. “All you had to do was ask. You know what? I'll get you cake. Both of you.” She pauses to scratch her chin. “Come to think about it, maybe I should just get a nice big cake for everyone to share. I've got a feeling we're all gonna need it come tomorrow.”

#a3!#yuki rurikawa #itaru chigasaki #homare arisugawa #banri settsu #juza hyodo #izumi tachibana #sort of. it's actually my kyoko but i kept her unnamed here #you can tell she's a liiiittle different from canon tachibana #but it doesn't matter here i guess #did. did i just write and post my first a3! fic.#...it's 2020. lots of weirder stuff happened.#happy asexual awareness week folks #that's what i was thinking about last night when this... happened #ari's stuff #ari writes #(imagine being so hyped about your writing you forgot to tag it as your writing)#kyoko tachibana #might as well i guess

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chronicallylatetotheparty · 4 years ago

Text

Unideal Circumstances

AO3, LoganLight

Marinette manages to sign the love poem she wrote for Adrien.

But it doesn't turn out the way she expects.

"Can you believe all the horrible, thoughtless things you said to Ladybug!" Plagg laughed before swallowing his Camembert.

"You think it's funny, huh?" Adrien groaned, letting himself fall face-first onto his bed.

"What's the big deal? You've got so many cards from all these lady fans of yours, take your pick!" So saying, Plagg rifled through the pile of valentines. Grabbing a heart shaped card he threw it towards his holder.

Fluttering gently beside Adrien, he opened it. Eyes widening in surprise Adrien sat upright quickly. "Whoa, hold up. Someone answered my poem? But I threw it away!"

"Your hair shines like the sun, your eyes are gorgeous green.

I look at you and wonder your innermost thoughts and dreams.

Yes, your valentine I will be. Our love will be so true.

Together for eternity, my heart belongs to you."

A gasp escaped him as Adrien finished reading.

Plagg sighed in slight annoyance. "Well, anyone who writes as sickeningly sweet as you must be your soulmate."

"It's signed... Marinette!?" It was like a jolt of electricity shot through Adrien. The pleasant feelings elicited from reading her poem mixed confusingly in his gut with... something else.

"The baker girl?" Plagg thought she acted weirder than human adolescents usually did but he couldn't put his paw on why. Until just now. "Well, there you go. You can just date her and-"

"I can't date Marinette!" Adrien cried out. His hands went to his hair as he started pacing. The adrenaline coursing through him demanding that he do something.

"Why not? She obviously likes you and it's not like you're not available." Plagg pointed out.

"I'm in love with Ladybug!" Adrien could feel his heartbeat speeding up in a familiar and unwelcome manner.

Plagg snickered. "And how's that working out for you?"

Adrien shot a half-hearted glare at his kwami. He knew it was Plagg's nature to be contrary and that romance was a genuine mystery to the little being (even more than it was to Adrien). But sometimes Adrien wished he could talk to someone who didn't encourage a cheese centric hedonistic lifestyle.

... Wait. Adrien rushed for his phone, the act of searching for it calming him somewhat.

"What're you doing?"

"Aha!" Adrien pressed the only number in his favorites and held it to his ear. "Calling Nino."

"Hey, dude!"

"Nino!" Relief rushed through Adrien as his best friend answered immediately. "I need your help!"

"Whoa, what's wrong bro?" The joy in Nino's voice fading to concern.

"I-" The words stuck in Adrien's throat as his thoughts caught up to his emotions. He dropped onto his bed. "Marinette gave me a valentine..."

"Wait, really? That's great dude!"

His heart tried to jump out of his chest at Nino's enthusiasm. "No, it's not!" Adrien's voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "It means I'm going to have to give her an answer tomorrow!"

"Uh, yeah? That's how it works? She tells you how she feels and you do the same. Then you date and..." Nino's voice slowed as a thought came into his head. Alya said Marinette was always thinking about the worst case scenario. But he never seriously considered it. "Adrien? Are you... going to reject Mari?"

"..."

Nino felt the last of his excitement shift to growing unease. "But... I mean... The dudette's awesome, right? You could, I dunno, give her a chance?"

"... I'm not in love with her, Nino..." Adrien's voice was a whisper.

"That-" Nino swallowed. "Okay. Okay, so what're you gonna say to her?"

Adrien looked to Plagg, possibly hoping for some deeply buried wisdom to come out just when he needed it. Plagg shrugged, he still didn't seem to understand but he didn't tease Adrien further. Taking a deep breath Adrien made the only reply he could. "The truth."

"A-Adrien! Morning good! I-I mean, good morning!" Marinette groaned at her slip-up but resisted the urge to hide behind Alya.

"Hi, Marinette." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to smile naturally. Not quite successfully. "Um, can we talk?" His eyes flickered to Alya.

"Don't mind me! I'll just catch up with Nino." Alya gave a discreet thumbs up to Marinette before making her way towards her boyfriend.

Adrien felt a pang of guilt as Marinette's too large smile softened.

"S-so! What d-did you want to talk about?" Marinette knew it was probably her valentine but she didn't remember if she signed it and wasn't going to bring it up first. Still, the expectation had her heart soaring.

Adrien licked his dry lips, eyes downcast. "Marinette, your an incredible girl and... I don't want to play around with your feelings. It'd be the same as lying to you. I don't want to do that. You... Your friendship means too much to me. I... I'm sorry but I don't feel the same."

As Adrien continued Marinette felt her stomach drop. Her brief, fleeting hope now a cold, empty space instead. "But... why do you think it'd be lying?"

Biting his lip, Adrien hesitated. "Because... Because there's someone else."

Marinette's eyes widened as her breath left her. "Who... Who is it?" she asked mechanically.

Adrien's hand went from his neck to his other arm, shoulders hunching. "I can't tell you."

The cold place within her seemed to spread its frost around her heart, every beat painful to endure. "I-I see." Marinette swallowed the lump in her throat. "W-well, um, thanks f-for telling me. I guess..." Turning, Marinette started walking away.

Instinctively, Adrien's arm reached out to her, mouth opening to call out Marinette's name. He wanted to apologize, to make it better, make sure she was okay. Make sure they were okay.

But he didn't have the words.

So, his arm fell to his side as she made her way to her best friend. Alya's glare and Nino hiding guiltily under his cap told Adrien she already knew.

Her discontent was an added burden on Adrien's shoulders. Even as the heat of Alya's stare softened as she pulled Marinette into a hug.

Nino walked up to Adrien and patted him on the shoulder. Taking his arm and steering him away from the girls.

"I messed up, Nino." Adrien gazed dejectedly at the floor.

"Nah, bro." Nino wrapped his arm around Adrien's shoulders. "You did the right thing."

"... Didn't you want me to ask her out?"

"I thought Mari would make you happy," Nino admitted. "But you told her the truth. Better that than a lie."

Intellectually, Adrien knew Nino was right and he held on to that knowledge. But it didn't make him feel better.

Alya showed up in homeroom just before the bell rang... Without Marinette. Ignoring Adrien's gaze she walked to her seat.

"... Alya-"

"Don't," she snapped and Adrien shrank back. Eyes softening, Alya replied in a gentler tone. "Just... don't okay? She needs time. She just needs time."

Adrien nodded and faced forward as class started. Marinette didn't show up that day.

On a secluded rooftop a crying Ladybug purified an akuma. Her heart may be broken but it was still hers. Her pain, not his. And Papillon would not have it.

Marinette stayed transformed despite her desire to hear Tikki's voice. Yo-yo at the ready.

But Papillon sent no more akuma.

Adrien crashed face-first onto his bed. He was so tired.

Plagg glanced at his Camembert before zooming close to Adrien's head. "Kid, if it bothers you so much why not give dating the baker girl a shot?"

Groaning, Adrien pushed his face deeper into the bed. He was so tired of answering that question. Or rather, ones like it.

During lunch his classmates wondered where Marinette was since they remembered seeing her in the courtyard. And Max, intelligent, helpful, oblivious Max pointed out it was the day after Valentine's. Suddenly, Adrien was the center of attention because apparently Marinette's crush was obvious to everyone except him.

With everyone being even more incredulous of Adrien not wanting to date Marinette than Nino was.

"Because," Adrien turned his head to level a look at Plagg. "I'm in love with someone else."

Plagg sighed and Adrien thought it sounded slightly less exasperated than usual. "Yeah, I know." Swooping for his cheese, Plagg offered it to Adrien. "Camembert? Nothing is better at taking your mind off your problems!"

Despite himself Adrien smiled softly at the gesture. "No, thanks."

Shrugging, Plagg swallowed it in one bite.

Letting out a sigh of his own Adrien flopped over and stared at the ceiling. "What am I gonna do about Marinette?" he asked no-one in particular.

"Eh, nothing you can do, is there?" Plagg grabbed the valentine that caused his holder so much worry and threw it with the others. He knew Adrien wouldn't, the kid was too sensitive about it. "It's like the blogger said, it just takes time."

Adrien wouldn't say that comforted him exactly. But it reinforced the knowledge that he'd done everything he could. "Thanks, Plagg... Do you think we'll still be friends after this?"

"I don't know much about human girls. But I don't see why not." Satisfied with himself Plagg went back to his cheese.

"Yeah..."

Adrien decided to call Nino once his thoughts were a bit more sorted. He was still new to this whole 'having friends' thing and they didn't really get a chance to talk after class. Adrien could really use his friend right now.

Since he might have lost more than one.

#adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml angst #unrequited love #plagg #nino lahiffe #adrien and nino #ml fanfic #ml fanfiction #alya cesaire #what if #ml au #dark cupid #ao3 fic #ao3 fanfic

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disaster-bay-leaf · 4 years ago

Note

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

#smadhuman being pure af #bay answers #long post #very long post #ask #asks

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12housescorpio · 6 years ago

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What are your favorite placements of all time, and why?

Oop this might take me awhile to do, sorry anon if this is like a week late. It’s especially hard because most of these placements have the potential to be really good but also really bad. Spoiler alert you’re gonna see a lot of Sagittarius and Aquarius because they’re my favorite signs ahaha. Also you said placements and not aspects so I won’t be including them in this list. And as a final note I will only be talking about the developed versions of these signs, undeveloped will not be mentioned.

*also there is a link to a more in depth explanation on each placement*

Rising Cancer - these people make me smile and my heart warm when I think about them. They’re the sweet old man buying flowers for his wife while she’s in the hospital. They’re the tough biker guy helping a kitten to safety. They really see the world in a kind, nurturing, empathetic way. They always make people feel equal to, and included. They are just genuinely kind hearted.

Rising Sagittarius - rising Sagittarius have the “optimistic nihilism” energy that I fuck with and try to exhibit in my daily life. That big lets go on an escapism adventure that I stan. Big sunglasses finger gunning on a skate board energy. Very “you think I won’t?” Type of people. I love y’all crazy asses. We are the SAME I don’t care what my chart says lol

Rising Aquarius - please marry me because I’m in love with you. The way rising Aquarius sees the world makes my venus in Scorpio melt. I love how unique you see situations and perspectives, the way you’re patient and perceptive. You don’t react, you watch and you add a point of view to the situation that no one throught about. You have a detached yet open way about you that makes me wanna chase y’all asses just so I can figure out what you’re thinking.

sun Sagittarius - I love y’alls optimism, how bubbly you are, how funny and pleasant your energy is to be around. I love how blunt and honest you are.

sun Aquarius - I love your weird way of being, existing. Everything about you is different, quirky, eccentric. And I love that. You’re also so funny and intuitive

moon Gemini - ok here I am.... BACK ON MY GEMINI MOON FANCLUB BULLSHIT. I love the way you think. The way you analyze, and intellectualize your emotions. You feel anxious, but you don’t like to let your emotions get the best of you in social situations. You try to be logical instead of emotional. You’re a fucking super human.

moon Leo - you’re so fun, humorous, preformative. You always make people laugh and feel comfortable and good about themselves. Self deprecating and always willing to help others. Attention seeking in an enjoyable way.

moon Libra - diplomatic, caring, generous, can be push overs but mostly is just self sacrificing. Wants to help people, genuinely loves and cares about others, extremely sentimental, loves memories and moments.

moon Sagittarius - adventurous, playful, goofy, innocent, not really thinking abt how they’re acting, very authentic. Honest with how they’re feeling but also afraid to be a burden. Won’t bring up how they’re feeling but if asked will tell the truth. Can have unhealthy escapism habits. Always down to party. Issues with sex. But I love y’all tho

Moon Capricorn - my babies. So amusing, sarcastic, cynical, but in the most entertaining and adorable way. Because they’re genuinely moral and wonderfully funny people. But they are really hard on themselves and when it comes to “bothering other people” with their emotions, I wish they would let me help them :/ bc they deserve it

moon Aquarius - deep thinkers, dreamers, constantly fantasizing, stuck in their head, always has something profound to say, Philosophical, wants everyone to be happy and get along.

mercury Libra - the BEST at communication hands down. the most honest, caring, diplomatic sign of all time. Good at being perfectly objective and fair, making others play nicely. Kind, understanding, gentle. Always tells people exactly what they’re thinking.

Mercury Sagittarius - doesn’t say anything unless asked, but never lies. And if they do lie it has to do with something else in their chart. Bubbly communication, always gives things to people on a silver platter, it seems like sugar coating but it’s really just giving it to you as optimistically as possible so you don’t think of it negatively. Always the one saying “but-“ followed by the good side of things. Mercury Sagittarius are curious, always asking questions out of genuine curiosity.

Mercury Scorpio - can come across as harsh but they literally aren’t harsh at all. They’re just very “tell it like it is” people, sometimes can be slightly negative but they’re like crows: they warn people. They want to warn others. They’re deep thinkers, constantly thinking about the unknown, solving problems, reading between lies, they’re truth seekers. They’re the same as Sagittarius but Sagittarius wants the light truth, and Scorpio wants the dark truth. Scorpio mercuries are the best hands down this isn’t a debate ok next!

Mercury Aquarius - intuitive, knows what to say and what not to say to people, the best at keeping secrets, never in drama because they know how to stay out of it, smarter than any other placement hands down.

Venus Gemini - wants to talk to the person they have feelings for, wants to explore, communicate, get to know, and gushes over them. Most likely to write a love letter or poems to their s/o

Venus Cancer - cuddly, homey, least likely to cheat imo. Faithful, emotional, you are their everything. They love with the moon, you might not know how much you mean to them and then one day they make you pancakes and kiss your nose and you’re like oh word??????

Venus Scorpio - HI HELLO my time to fucking SHINE we’re the best okay. We love with our soul, gravity, world, body, heart, brain, everything we have to offer. We put EVERYTHING into the relationship, we give the other person everything we possibly can. Our energy, love, physical existence, we would literally die for the people we love. We love intensely and expect the same. Strap in!

Venus Capricorn - hard workers in relationships, wants to see that the other person will put in the work before deciding to invest but then you’re stuck with them once they’ve decided. WILL NOT LEAVE. Will stay until it’s fixed. Practical in love. Giving, always so so giving. Doesn’t want to admit it but loves to spoil.

and no mars placements are really my favorite so imma just skip that bad boy

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sunwoork · 4 years ago

Text

mila & sunwoo reporting for duty !! okay so true story i’m writing this as my acceptance is getting posted ... and you guys’ welcome messages are popping in like crazy ?? you guys are fast ... i’m shook ! anyways, it’s so nice to meet you all ! i am mila, and i was here for a v v short time before w another muse but it was so uneventful we’re gonna skip over it lmao ? anywho !

the star of the show is mr. kim sunwoo, our film student at k-arts who eats food and gets scared in his free time ! if i’m being honest he .... doesn’t know what he’s doing at all, literally at all, but that’s what character development’s for !! i’m gonna put some info about him down below, and click for his profile, bio, socials, and the saddest plots page i have ever seen in life ( i had 5 minutes ok it’s a wip .... more is coming i promise >.< ) but anywho i’m excited to meet all of you and i will stop talking all of your ears off !! oh yeah ... and like this to plot with me !

i’m gonna quite literally skip over all his backstory because it sums it all up in the bio and if i start then i’ll never stop !!

but as a VERY short summary, sunwoo’s mom gave him up almost immediately after he was born because she was young & didn’t think she could care for him, sunwoo bounced through the system before eventually being placed with his permanent home & now adoptive mother, kim hyejin !!

and him being left as a kid & getting bounced from foster home to foster home really left a toll on him, and now he really craves clear acceptance and affection ?

sidenote kim hyejin is actually quite older, in her mid-60′s, so she looks more like his grandma than mom ?? which is ... confusing to a lot of people a lot of the time, and he gets tired of the questions but loves her to death ! i’m also so making it canon she looks like moon sook the actress because .... a BEAUTY ?? we stan aging gracefully !!!

he’s also hesitant to call her mom bc he has this undying faith he’ll reunite w his mother, even now so you’ll see him bounce between calling her mom & ms. kim !!

but not to spoil anything sunwoo will discover later but uh ... his relationship w his mom won’t be restored, at least not in the way he wants :((

but onto general sunwoo things !!

( and as a general note, if i refer to his “mom”, i’m referring to his adoptive mom, hyejin kim, unless stated otherwise ! i don’t want to confuse you guys ! )

creator of the channel “scream cuisine”, where he eats food while telling scary stories / conspiracy theories, and gives commentary !! definitely a paranormal enthusiast, with the unbothered energy of shane from buzzfeed unsolved w the hyperactivity of ryan ?? starting his channel def got him into making videos & he’s loved it ever since !

but more than anything, his biggest love is writing ! has a little personal blog where he writes random things spanning from poems to kpop album reviews lmao !! he wanted to be a journalist, but got into k-arts on the biggest whim ever after they apparently liked his video submission ?? so was like ok ... for now we’ll go with that !!

so currently he’s attending k-arts, and honestly finds it quite weird because he doesn’t really fit in w the passion a lot of the other students have for film ?? some of them are like v intense about it while he just sort of does it bc it’s fun ??

inherited a variety of skills from his mom ! these include painting, gardening, cooking, and a love for music ! so he can dabble a bit in all of them ! he’s honestly an overgrown grandma if we’re being honest, it’s what he gets for being raised a generation behind everyone else his age

he actually does love to sing !! ballads more than anything in terms of things he sings himself, but loves jamming to upbeat pop songs more than most things in this world !! he has a softer / higher voice, and though he has a really nice tone he has no professional training so he’s sort of just ... out here doing him ??

and see !!! this is the problem ! if you couldn’t tell already sunwoo literally has a thousand interests, and small talents, but none that really are screaming out at him ?? so his lack of intense passion for something is really frustrating ! he hasn’t been able to find himself yet and is constantly upset at himself for it.

if he knows you, sunwoo KNOWS you - he’ll be super friendly, always talking, etc !! though surprisingly, if sunwoo doesn’t know you he can become super introverted ? not because he doesn’t want to talk, but he is just more conscious of how he presents himself to you !

sunwoo def has chaotic tik tok boy energy ... he has been left with his phone for too long and his brand deteriorated bc of it ... i apologize if he just starts doing tik tok dances or makes weird references in the middle of serious convos it’s his coping mechanism

he does have a rbf but it’s so misleading ?? like this man is SUCH a soft boy and yet when he is zoning out he’s like 😡 but then u talk to him and he’s like 😊

also romance wise, he loves tsundere boys and strong-minded girls that are older than him ?? do i know why ?? i do not !! it just happened this way

he’s honestly so supportive, will stan everyone ?? and when i mean everyone, i mean yes even your random muse who walks past him one time without saying anything ?? he just has developed a v empathetic and loving personality despite his circumstance, and honestly kinda because of it ??

he loves video games, but unfortunately, he’s literally terrible on them ?? tried being a twitch gaming streamer before being gifted $1 by someone, only to have them send a message being like “u suck” so he was like ok wrong choice !!!

if i had to say the chance of sunwoo realizing his potential to be an idol, i would say 3.21%!!!! lmAO listen as much as he likes singing, and he likes attention, he just ... hasn’t really connected the dots ? he’d be the type to audition for fun but like ? he also does a lot of other things for fun he’s really not considering it as a thing for real yet ??

but !! he is about to start taking dance classes because he’s trying to lose this college weight so if anyone wants to help him or join him on this journey be our guest !!

oh !!! right he has a pomeranian named banana, but he calls her nana, and when i tell you this dog is his pride and joy he will never be prouder of anything more than he will be the day he adopted her ??? she’s 2, a diva, and bites him at least a few times a day but if you ask him he’ll say that’s her love language !!!

speaking of love ... phew this man is a lovebug !! goes though crushes like the flu - it comes fast, it hits him hard, and then goes away just like that. chances are if you know him he’s had a crush on you at some point of time or still do ? don’t worry i promise he won’t make it awkward !

anyway i feel like this was an overload of very chaotic information but sunwoo’s an incredibly chaotic overload of energy so !! very in character of me if i do say so myself ... i’m gonna let sunwoo speak for himself and hopefully we can get something going !! i’ve been so excited to bring him here & have been doing a lot of work so i hope he’s taken to well here !! i can’t wait to meet your muses :’))

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hamanuelton · 4 years ago

Text

my favorite parts of hamilton:

- “I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.”

- every time Leslie Odom Jr. as aaron burr begins another part with “how did a bastard, orphan-“ or like in that same way ‘cause he doesn’t always start it that way but you know what I mean

- the way Leslie Odom Jr. as My Boi Burr™️ says “well, the world got around, they said, ‘this kid is insane, man!’”

- also when Leslie Odom Jr. as A. Burr says

“WHAT’S YOUR NAME, MAN?!”

- “our man saw his future drip-dripping down the drain, a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain”

- “Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton. And there’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait, just you wait...”

- background “just you wait, just you wait”’s as hammy’s putting on a new jacket and ensemble is praising nyc

- “and me? i’m the damn fool that shot him.”

- “Burr, sir” + the continuation of this all throughout

- “If you talk you’re gonna get shot” / FORESHADOWING WOOOEEEEWOOOOO

- “i’m John Laurens in the place to be”

- Lafayette’s fuckinf accent

- “BRRRAH! BRRAAAH! HERCULES MULLIGAN UP IN IT LOVIN IT”

- “if you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you fall for”

- “‘Onarchy?”

- hey, yo, i’m just like my country, i’m young, scrappy, and hungry—

- the way Odom Leslie Jr. as The Hamburrglar™️ says ‘shot’ and they all take a shot

- this ⤵️

- Hammy getting //flustered// about friendship

- WHEN ARE THESE COLONIES GONNA RISE UP

- Angelica’s face when Burr is tryna tell her bout herself and she shows him up and ships him out

- Act 1: 6. Farmer Refuted

- honorable mention: “my dog speaks more eloquently than thee!" "but strangely, your mange is the same." "is he in jersey?”

- King George pouting

- Jonathan Groff’s overarticulation of each syllable as King George is a work of art

- “♪ Da-da-da-dat-da-dat-da-da-da-dai-ah-da! ♪ Da-da-da-da-dai-ah-da! ♪

- “Everybody! —“

- “We keep meeting.”

- “i imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. when’s it gonna get me? in my sleep? seven feet ahead of me?”

- “See, I never thought I’d live past twenty.”

- “this is not a moment, it’s the movement”

- “I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow, for the first time, I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow!”

- “dying is easy, young man, living is harder!”

- “i’m being honest. i’m working with a third of what our Congress promised.”

- “you need all the help you can get. i have some friends. Laurens, Mulligan, Marquis de Lafayette, okay, what else?” — “we’ll need some spies on the inside, some king’s men who might let some things slide.”

- “watch this obnoxious, arrogant, loudmouth bother be seated at the right hand of the father.”

- “Martha Washington named her feral tomcat after him” — “That’s true.”

- “Yo, if your marry a sister, you’re rich, son!” — “Is it a question of ‘if’, Burr, or which one?” and then the little ‘hey’ ‘hey’ thing they do gets me every time

- literally the use of yo throughout the production fucking gets me every single fucking time

- “i’m writin’ a letter nightly. now my life gets better, every letter that you write me. — THE PURE UNBRIDLED SENSE OF FORESHADOWING IN “laughin’ at my sister, cuz she wants to form a harem” — ft. “i’m just sayin’, if you really loved me, you would share him!”

- the irony in “Eliza, i don’t have a dollar to my name”, you’ll be on the $10 bill, my man

- top-notch brain

- Angelica TRIED TO TAKE A BITE OF ME

- the way Anthony Ramos as John Laurens says “alright, alright. that’s what i’m talkin’ about!” and also the face that he makes

- hunger-pang frame

- “You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied.” — “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. You forget yourself.” — “You’re like me. I’m never satisfied.” — “Is that right?” — “I have never been satisfied.” — “My name is Angelica Schuyler.” — “Alexander Hamilton.” — “Where’s your fam’ly from?” — “Unimportant. There’s a million things I haven’t done but just you wait, just you wait...”

- tbh the way ‘Schuyler’ is spelled is oddly satisfying to me

- honestly just the way LMM says Alexander Hamilton+/ my name is Alexander Hamilton, and there’s a million things i haven’t done, ‘just you wait, just you wait...’ throughout the production

- “i’m the oldest and the wittiest and the gossip in new york city is insidious”

- “You are the worst, Burr.”

- Act 1: 12. The Story of Tonight (Reprise)

- “love doesn’t discriminate, between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes”

- “love doesn’t discriminate, between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes and we keep living anyway. we rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. and if there’s a reason i’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died—“

- “Chick-a-plao!”

- the way they say ‘raise a glass’ is both elegant and (appropriately) reverent

- “i go back to new york and my apprenticeship” — i shouted MY BOI HERCULES MULLIGAN UP IN IT LOVIN IT DID NOT JUST SAY THAT, IF HE ACTUALLY LEFT AND ISN’T JUST UNDERCOVER OR SOME SHIT IMMA WRITE LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER

- the minute General Charles Les came into the picture i hated him so hard, even though his literal first word was ‘Whee!!!!’, though i can appreciate the sentiment and what LMM was tryna do there

- “Washington cannot be left to his devices indescisive, from crisis to crisis” — sweet baby jesus that alliteration, and jon rua totally pulled it off (i hate General Charles Lee not the person who played him, i can also appreciate the fact that as an actor it takes a lot of talent to be able to make you hate a character so easily, also shoutout to Jonathan Groff as King Georgey-Boy™️, Sydney James Harcourt as james reynolds, and the general way LMM somehow made me fed up/turn on Alexander with the whole scene with him and Maria Reynolds — and not only that but somehow redeemed himself to me which is easier said than done for characters and people alike.. i’ve been hurt too much to play like that.

- Act 1: 15. Ten Duel Commandments

- honorable mention: “if you don’t reach peace, that’s alright. time to get some pistols and a doctor on site. you pay him in advance, you treat him with civility. you have him turn around so he can have deniability.”

- Act 1: 17. That Would Be Enough

- honorable mention: the melody that LMM went with for that turn of phraseis a truly beautiful thing

- “Immigrants:” — “We get the job done.”

- THE FACT THAT MY MAIN MAN HERCULE MULLIGAN WAS ON THE INSIDE NOT ONLY DID I CALL IT BUT DAMN HE REALLY GOT THAT GOOD HOT TRIBUTE HE DESERVED

- “To my brother’s a revolutionary covenant! I’m runnin’ with the sons of liberty and I am lovin’ it! See, that’s what happens when you up against the ruffians. We’re in the shit now, somebody gotta shovel it! Hercules Mulligan, I need no introduction, when you knock me down I get the fuck back up again!”

- Act 1: 21. What Comes Next

- honorable mention: “i’m so blue” — the little squat that Groffsauce does as the light turns blue really got to me

- Act 1: 22. Dear Theodosia

- Leslie Odom Jr.’s voice is so ding dang delightfully airy

- honorable mention: “You have my eyes. You have your mother’s name. When you came into the world, you cried and it broke my heart.”

- Act 1: 23. Non-Stop

- as someone with siblings i can appreciate that they’re bickering like that’s just what they are

- “I was chosen for the constitutional convention! *squeal*”

- “Burr, we studied and we fought and we killed for the notion of a nation we now get to build. For once in your life, take a stand with pride. I don’t understand how you stand to the side.”

- Act 2: 1. What’d I Miss?

- honorable mention: “But the sun comes up and the world still spins.”

- Act 2: 2. Cabinet Battle #1

- honorable mention: “DOIN’ WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU DO IN MONTICELLO!”

- tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

- “Daddy, daddy, look.... My name is Philip. I am a poet. I wrote this poem just to show it. And I just turned nine. You can write rhymes but you can’t write mine.” - “What!” - “I practice French and play piano with my mother.” — “Uh-huh!” — “I have a sister but I want a little brother.” — “Okay!” — “My daddy’s trying to start America’s bank. Un deux trois quatre cinq!” — “Bravo!” — “Hey, our kid is pretty great.”

- as much as i hate Act 2: 4. Say No To This (because for some reason i though Alexander Hamilton was better than that) Jasmine Cephas Jones sings in it is like a hot knife through butter — namely; “My husband’s doin’ me wrong beatin’ me, cheatin’ me, mistreatin’ me...”... I guess maybe I understand it ‘cause damn Jasmine Cephas Jones is so ding dang pretty and ding dang talented and wow what a remarkable person

- the way that Lin says “And her body’s saying, ‘hell, yes’ is um.. 😓

- “You see, that was my wife you decided to” — “Fuuuu—“

- Act 2: 5. The Room Where It Happens

- honorable mention: “Bros.”

- “Talk less. Smile more.” LMM being a dramatic bastard

- Act 2: 6. Schuyler Defeated

- Act 2: 7. Cabinet Battle #2

- “revolution is messy but now is the time to stand."

- honorable mention: “Ooh!!”

- “We signed a treaty with a King whose head is now in a basket. Would you like to take it out and ask it? ‘Should we honor our treaty, King Louis’ head?’ ‘Uh... do whatever you want, I’m super dead.’”

- Thomas Jefferson all like “but sir do we not fight for freedom” MY BAD SIR YOU ARE A SLAVE-OWNER HOW ABOUT YOU NOT

- mentioning Lafayette because apparently LMM has no problem with breaking the fourth wall

- “Daddy’s calling.”

- “I’m in the cabinet. I am complicit in watching him grabbin’ at power and kiss it. If Washington isn’t gon’ listen to disciplined dissidents, this is the difference. This kid is out!”

- “Southern motherfuckin’ Democratic-Republicans!”

- “The emperor has no clothes.”

- “Sir, I don’t know what you heard but whatever it is Jefferson started it.” — “Thomas Jefferson resigned this morning.” — “You’re kidding.” — “I need a favor.” — “Whatever you say, sir, Jefferson will pay for his behavior.” — “I’ll use the press. I’ll write under a pseudonym, you’ll see what I can do to him—“ — “Yes! He resigned you can finally speak your mind!” — “Ha. Good luck defeating you, sir.” - “I’m sorry, what?”

- Act 2: 10. I Know Him

- “—Vice President.” — “— No more Mr. Nice President.”

- “Sit down, John, you fat motherf—“

- Act 2: 12. We Know

- honorable mention: “You see that was my wife you decided to—“ — “WHAT—“

- Act 2: 13. Hurricane

- Act 2: 14. The Reynolds Pamphlet

- honorable mention: *DEEP VOICE* “DAMN”

- Act 2: 15. Burn

- i’ll be the first to say i wasn’t a huge fan of Eliza at first aside from Phillipa Soo’s killer voice

- this gave me a lot of respect for her

- honorable mention: “You have married an Icarus. He has flown too close to the sun.”

- Act 2: 16. Blow Us All Away

- i would like to point out that tweet where someone @‘s LMM about not mentioning Philip’s hot and he responds “I’M FAIRLY F**CKING SURE I DID”, y’know ⤵️

- “The ladies say my brain’s not where the resemblance stops.”

- “God, you’re a fox.”

- Act 2: 17. Stay Alive (Reprise)

- The ‘I know, I know. Shh.’ and the full circle back to his mom teaching him french on the piano really got to me for the beautiful artistry in it but also damn them feels

- Act 2: 18. It’s Quiet Uptown

- “I spend hours in the garden. I walk alone to the store and it’s quiet uptown. I never liked the quiet before. I take the children to church on Sunday, a sign of the cross at the door, and I pray. That never used to happen before.”

- “Philip, you would like it uptown. It’s quiet uptown.”

- “You knock me out, I fall apart.”

- “Eliza, do you like it uptown? It’s quiet uptown.”

- “There are moments that the words don’t reach. There is suffering too terrible to name. You hold your child as tight as you can and push away the unimaginable. The moments when you’re in so deep it feels easier to just swim down.”

- “There are moments that the words don’t reach. There is a grace too powerful to name. We push away what we can never understand. We push away the unimaginable.”

- “Can you imagine?”

- Act 2: 19. The Election of 1800

- honorable mention: “And they say I’m a Francophile: at least they know I know where France is!”

- “You used to work on the same staff” — “Whaaaat.”

- “Honestly, it’s kind of draining.” — “Burr...” — “Sir!” — “Is there anything you wouldn’t do?” — “No. I’m chasing what I want. And you know what?” — “What?” — “I learned that from you.” / this moment made the blow that he voted for Jefferson like a damn hole in my chest and i actually really felt for Burr. i get Hammy’s reluctance, i think if anything he was hoping voting for Jefferson would give Burr the chance to have experience as VP and then the next election he might vote for him then depending

- Act 2: 20. Your Obedient Servant

- A. Burr

- A. Ham

- “I just need to write something down.” / really resonated as one of the last things they showed him doing before going off to the duel, his life really was writing and that was the perfect way to say that in a very subtle sort of way. i really appreciate it artistically, whether it was intentionally so or not.

- Act 2: 22. The World Was Wide Enough

- okay but first of all i would like to comment on the fact that Ariana DeBose PLAYS THE GODDAMN BULLET, I JUST

- THE FACT THAT THE BULLET HAS A PART

- “This man will not make an orphan of my daughter.” / this made me really sympathize with Burr, as well as when he tries to go towards Hamilton (at least in the play but I sincerely hope that was historically accurate) / but also that fact that Theodosia Burr was lost at sea at 29 makes me sad because Hamilton’s life was taken to give her one and then she just up and disappears in a freak accident

- Act 2: 23. Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

- the orphanage got to me

- i loved that he (LMM) didn’t end it with himself or anything

- he let Phillipa Soo tear my heart out

- it killed me but i died quite happily

- and really what more could you ask for.

#okay so #i know thw subheaders are probably grossly uneven #but like #i had to space manually #and this already took a lot of time to do #so i couldn’t give two fucks #lin manuel miranda #hamilton #hamilton film #daveed diggs #jonathan groff #anthony ramos #christopher jackson #jasmine cephas jones #leslie odom jr #leslie odom junior #ariana debose #jon rua #hamilfilm #shit i lost steam to tag cast members #you know and if you don’t look it up so you do #that’s how you learn shit like that the bullet had its own fucking role #the orphanage part also hurt because i was disowned by my father and then disowned by my mother (again) and then my father just decided he #wanted back in on my life #my shit family life has cast me out of my family #i feel like an orphan except i can’t be adopted #even though i want more than anything to have parents or parental figures #sadly my dad just isn’t #he kind of ruined that for me when he screamed me into a panic attack that almost killed me and then left the front door open to tell me to #get out

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doodle-scrapyard · 5 years ago

Note

i am knocking on your window PLEASE do tell us more abt the demon au it looks so epic,,

watch out bro u hav unlocked: a lot of talking (stolen directly from me rambling to andy in dms w/some additions & edits)

Basic concept behind it is that demons will form pacts w/people to get stuff/favors/stronger/just for fun/really depends on who you're asking

There's 3 main distinctions of demon with a bunch of subclasses that are self explanatory once u hear em so I won't really elaborate on individual powers w/exceptions. ANYWAYS 3 main distinctions are elementals(your lights, your fires, your waters, your winds etc), animalistics(birds, dogs, cats, sheep, etc) and our lovely exception, the Unmentionable(who's only got 2 subtypes: void, who are unstable and usually violent, and undead, who are bad to be around bc they're breaking nature more than everyone else). Generally labelled as unmentionables bc you're Not Supposed To Make Pacts With Them, reason being that they usually have dangerous tradeoffs no matter what you're looking for.

That's not to say that animalistics and elementals are exempt from asking for some serious stuffs in their pacts, it's just that unmentionables have a high kill rate on whatever human they make deals with.

Then??? The benefits??? You get to borrow powers from your pacted demon (and take on some of their characteristics temporarily) nd go wild. I'll figure out the logistics of this later just know it's a thing mostly fr me going hoghgoghgohgo design....

OKAY NOW FOR HERMITS. I haven't written about everyone but so far so far, stress is an ice elemental who partially wanted a bestie and partially wanted to get stronger so she traded iskall an literal eye-for-an-eye so they could travel together and do sparring w/hermits. They're like the model elemental example djvdksbdkdg

Mumbo is a birdie animalistic boyo. Grian won't say why he pacted w/mumbo but says mumbo is a big fat liar bc mumbo always says it's bc grian needed a smart person around. Grian doesn't call up mumbo often to use his abilities but when he does it's for flying. We love these idiots.

REN. Ren. First problem child. He found Doc one day on the verge of turning into stardust and made an impulse decision pact. Here's the catch: Doc is an unmentionable. Specifically a voidy* boy. Doc wasn't always an unmentionable, he was caught up in a whole mess and (of course it's nho backstory) lost the rest of his friends. Doc asked ren to help him find the nho again, and ren gets to have cursed forbidden powers. Hooray for severely unfair trade offs! *void unmentionables are extremely unstable and prone just, falling apart completely. v powerful but basically held together by duct tape & staples without an anchor point (like how doc has ren)

Joe is also a problem child. He likes collecting things and undead unmentionables tend to bind themselves to objects and spring a pact on whoever picks them up. So of course Joe finds cleo in a shipwreck and she's like "pact motherfucker" expecting him to be japed into doing crazy shit and he's like "only if you help me with writing" and so now Joe just casually has access to one of the most dangerous form of demon magic and uses it to make narrative poems.

now onto new stuffs I didn't ramble about to andy!

zedaph is fully aware that youre not supposed to pact w/2 demons at once bc uh, the toll it takes on ur body in relation to energy output+having to deal with 2 promises hanging over you is Kind Of A Thing. zedaph said “okay but now I have TWO friends” and he only regularly passes out. impulse is an elemental electic boyo & tango is a fire elemental. impulse has cool dragon wings and zedaph borrows that OFTEN for funsies. zedaph is barred from formal sparring because he double dipped on pacts and is frankly kind of op

wels… welsy also double dipped on pacts . its rly funny tho? for him its actually hilarious. he wants to become this really epic fighter who has a bunch of power & clout but hes more like a glass cannon who immediately just drops the moment a fight is over. it also doesn't help that jevin(who is a lovely water elemental) is viciously apathetic abt fighting. like yeah sure dude I will lend u my power but ur not gonna be able to do anything cool about it. biffa on the other hand wels almost never wants to ask for bc 1 biffa b koala animalistic & is asleep 90% of the time and 2 he goes ham cazy cazy and tends to destroy everyone in a 5 meter radius even if they were an ally. of course this isn't biffas default but how would YOU feel if you were sleeping and someone was loudly shouting for you to start being violent . I would make wels go sicko mode as a revenge. that's what you get for not letting me nap motherfucker

xisuma. xisuma never pacted with any demon according to everyone, but false kinda knew a bit more? xisuma was obsessed with trying to CREATE a demon. of course, what ended up happening was him doing a lot of dangerous deals with unmentionables, before disappearing completely. falsie kinda watched him spiral into nothing but a demon himself. who knows where he is now

anyways false is pacted w/python and theyre an exploring duo & false always comes back to home base w/a bunch of cool shit to trade with the others

uhhhhhh (does a lil dance) yeah yhats what I got

#hc demon au #hermitcraft #im not taggin every1 fuck you #clownjay #friend tag #THIS IS A LOT OF WORDS.

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whats-the-story-tc · 5 years ago

Text

20th of December, 2019

"The One with the Last Straw"

[LONG POST AND TRIGGER WARNINGS]

If heavy, emotional stuff/crying/mentions of mental health issues are in any way triggering for you, please, stop reading now, for your own sake.

-------------------------------------------------------

Another day, another flannel.

This morning, my mum handed me two gifts. "One for your homeroom teacher, one for whoever that substitute of hers is", she said. I was absolutely over the moon. I'd have an excuse to talk to her. It would be fine. It wouldn't just be some stupid makeshift reason.

It took me a while to find her, but trotted up to her quite happy when I finally did. I was scared she wouldn't come. She smiled, a bit positively confused, when she saw me showing up, her look was something I could only describe as okay, hello, there you are, what got you so excited? I was both excited and nervous at the same time, the nervousness on the second power because of the Geography test I was to write in about 10 minutes after that. I handed her the gift, and told her "It's from my class, for all that you've helped us." From the look on her face, it was evident she wasn't at all expecting to get anything. Then along came another girl from my class, with a box of chocolates also meant for V. For a second there, I thought she was actually gonna cry from the way she brought her hand to her mouth. The girl asked her "You don't like it?" I've never heard anyone say "I do" so fast, followed by "but my boyfriend likes it even more." She must really love him, if he's the first thing that came to her mind. She thanked the girl in first person plural, which I found absolutely adorable. God, I wish it had ended there. Then I opened up my mouth.

It wasn't the thing I was meant to say, but my mind was in complete autopilot mode from nerves and I had no control over my socially awkward mouth, so I said "And thank you, personally, for still talking to me, even though I run to you with every little thing." She was surprised. Like, actually had no clue why I was saying that. Now, 12-ish hours later, I have no clue why I said it either. IT'S HER GODDAMN JOB, SPECS. She just gestured towards me with this smile of 'can you believe this' and said something I can only really translate as "These kind of "I am sorry" (as in I'm the one who's sorry) people..." as she genuinely didn't understand why I was saying that. Of course, I automatically said "I'm sorry", as you do, to which the answer was "There we go..."

When I told one of my internet friends about this, she told me V was being rude, but no. She wasn't. It might not have been the best way of communicating this, but there's no denying that she's right. She is, and I'm not only saying that because of my feelings, or because I'm scared to disagree. I've been called out on this before, and it's an issue I'm aware of, and trying to fix. And there's another reason why I know there wasn't any ill intent behind it.

When her conversation with the girl, and a boy from the other class who joined us ended, she turned to me, and her gentle, smiling expression, like the kind I described on Wednesday, didn't change. I like to think I looked at her in a similar way. We held eye contact briefly, and said what needed to be said without words. For me, it meant something like this: 'Chin up, kid.' 'I'm trying.' 'Conversation over? Do you have anything else you want to tell me or can we both leave?' 'Yeah.' So we did. And I nearly broke down crying in Geography a couple times, typing everything up so I wouldn't forget it after I handed my test in.

Until I actually broke down crying, in the break, trying to tell my friend (from here on: Pocketwatch Friend) what happened. I cried all break long, and tried to figure out what was wrong with me, and why this made me cry so much. When I turned back, and saw V with a senior a bit away, well out of earshot, I actually said "Oh come on, don't be here when I'm talking about you!" I didn't know then that the problem wasn't V at all.

We held a Class Christmas today, it being the last day of school. Beforehand, I was outside, looking for someone, and saw her with some seniors reciting poems (the way we do, for a grade). I wanted to speak to her. I wanted to tell her that what I said isn't actually what I was meaning to say. But when she passed me by and we locked eyes, I only gave her a sad smile. I figured it would be best if I said nothing. It could only make my situation worse.

During this Class Christmas, my homeroom teacher came up to Pocketwatch Friend and I, as we were discussing everything that happened today, and she asked us what we were talking about. Even me saying we were discussing deep psychology didn't make her want to leave. I like her, but I really didn't need her there now. So I just said "I was thinking about how I don't get along with people who are like me." And she immediately said "Because they show you a mirror." It smacked me in the gut. Mirror. Of course she was my mirror again. If one of my training kids came up to me thanking me for something very basic that comes natural for me to do, I'd be confused, too, and would've given an awkward answer that may have come out wrong. The problem wasn't her. It was me. I'd been bottling up anxiety, exhaustion, stress and depression for so long, I couldn't hold it in anymore. The bottle burst into pieces. And our little unintentional miscommunication, which is just so typically us, was the last straw.

Cut to the church service about an hour later. I saw her, black coat and skirt and checkered scarf and just overall her being beautiful and I panicked. Both in a gay and in an anxiety way. I hate services because of the sheer amount of fucking people around makes me suffocate, and remembering my woes made it worse. When we got there, she was sitting with the other class—right next to the girl I used to be best friends with in middle school, but it got really toxic. My past and my present. Fuck.

I broke again. And again. And again. And I honestly thanked God I was not in the choir, facing everyone who was there, but hidden away, sitting to the side, so no one could really see me crying my makeup off. I decided it would be better if I distanced myself from V, come January. I was straining what we had by chasing her approval, because I genuinely couldn't believe she already likes me as I am. I genuinely couldn't believe how anyone could like me. More tears. And at the end of the service, me and Pocketwatch Friend bolted out of the church so fast through one of the side doors that we actually got back before anyone else. I didn't want to be there anymore. I just wanted to go home and cry. And I did.

Something I actually said to myself about her at home was "I don't hate you. God, how could I? I just... wish you weren't so much like me."

Though it says a lot, that when we were talking teachers with my older girls (12 year olds) at training, and they asked me who my English teacher was, the first thing I said about "Miss V" was that "she looks a little like me..."

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris. / Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

(^ even this epigram has a story with V and I, from last year. If anyone's curious, I might talk about it sometime.)

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years ago

Photo

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Eight → in which the Baudelaires raid the fridge

IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR TODAY'S CHAPTER

TRIGGER WARNING - In the final section of this chapter, self-harm via scratching, brought on by a panic attack, is described. It does not go past scratching, and skin is not broken, but if that is triggering for you, please be cautioned or skip the final segment. Thank you, and stay safe!

“Are you ready?” Violet said, standing under the waterfall.

“If we wait until we’re ready…” Quigley began, staring up at the slope.

“We’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” Violet finished. They shared a significant glance, and then she said, “Let’s go.”

They moved forwards, and it took a few moments for them to get their forks into the ice far enough to hold. Then Violet reached up and tapped the ice to find a solid spot. For the first few steps, the two children feared that they might never reach the top of the waterfall at the rate they were going, but as time passed, climbing got a bit easier. They couldn’t find the strength or time to stop and talk, but they both sent each other encouraging smiles as they kept on.

“They’re taking too long.” Lilac said. “I can invent some shoes and go after them.”

“Lilac, chill. They’re climbing up a giant-ass waterfall.” Nick said. “Help us with the books.”

Solitude was scouring the bottom shelves, climbing through and looking for some books or pages that may be intact. Klaus and Nick were climbing ladders, while Lilac glanced up and down the middle shelves and sulked.

“Yeah, Li, let them have their date.” Klaus said.

“It’s not a date!” Lilac said.

Solitude looked up. “Sure, hon.”

“They’re rescuing Sunny. That’s all they’re doing.” Lilac said sharply. “And if you all don’t shut up, you’re grounded.”

“Ground us from what?” Nick asked, grabbing a book. “We haven’t got shit.”

“I’ll make a preemptive ground.” Lilac said. “Soon as we have things, you’re grounded from them.”

“You could ground Nick from Soli.” Klaus suggested, giggling. “Only Lilac can hold her for a week.”

“Fuck that.” Nick said.

“Grounded from frogs.” Solitude suggested.

“Yeah, your frog’s already frozen over,” Klaus said, “So we can’t ground you from them for a while.”

“I could push you into the empty swimming pool a few rooms over.” Lilac said, gesturing, “And leave you there until we get everyone back. No rescue missions for you.”

“You’re the worst.” Klaus said, smiling slightly.

Nick pulled a book from the shelf, and then he said, “Hey, guys? This one’s intact.”

“Oh, hell yeah!” Solitude cheered, rolling out from under a shelf and running towards him.

“Hmm, still not sure I like Solitude swearing.” Lilac said, walking over with Klaus.

“You don’t get a say in it.” Nick said. “Thank fuck, this looks like a codebook- unless the ‘Codes’ on the front somehow means something else.”

“Better than the cookbook we found last.” Klaus said, picking up Solitude so she could see.

“Look for Verbal Fridge Dialogue.” Lilac said.

“Yeah, no shit, Li.” Nick said, flipping through pages. “Looks like the index got burned out, but I can skim. Let’s see… shit, there’s a lot of codes here.”

“Might be an interesting read when we’re not pressed for time.” Klaus said.

“Okay, dingus,” Nick said, “Now shut up- here! I found it! I found it!”

He looked ecstatic, his face lighting up as he looked down at the large title font that read Verbal Fridge Dialogue. He immediately spun on his heel and ran back to the fridge before his siblings could even move.

“Hey! Wait up!” Lilac called as she and Klaus took off after him.

Nick threw open the fridge door, holding the book in one hand and digging through with the other. “Okay, so, this book seems super fragile, so, Klaus, after this, we’re gonna have to copy it real quick.”

“Okay, dude, what does it say?” Klaus asked.

“Read it!” Solitude cheered.

“The code is started with Very Fresh Dill; Quigley’s right. It then says, ‘The receiver of the message should find their own initials, as noted by one of our poet volunteers-”

He tossed the book to Lilac, who jumped back in shock, only barely managing to catch it. She glanced down, and then read, “The darkest of the jams of three / Contain within the addressee. That’s a couplet, like Isadora writes.”

“Are couplets a code?” Klaus asked. “Was Isadora a Volunteer?”

Nick shot his head around, giving Klaus a glare that sent him stumbling backwards. “No!” he shouted, suddenly very angry, and Solitude let out a yelp. “Isadora is not one of them and she never will be!”

Klaus gasped. “Nick! What the fuck?”

Nick shut his eyes tight, taking a deep breath, and then he said, “Nevermind. We have to find the code, we’ll talk later.” he turned back to the fridge, and before anyone could say anything else, he said, “Boysenberry jam’s the darkest.”

He handed the jar to Solitude, who quickly bit open the lid and looked inside. “JS.” she read. “Jacques Snicket?”

“Jacques Snicket is dead, the message can’t have been for him.” Lilac said.

“Maybe the sender didn’t know that.” Klaus said.

“It doesn’t matter who was supposed to get the message.” Nick snapped. “It then said in the book that if necessary, the dialogue uses a fruit-based calendar for days of the week in order to announce a gathering. Sunday is represented by a lone olive, Monday by two, et cetera. Does anyone see the olives?”

“There!” Solitude pointed to the top shelf of the fridge.

Nick reached up and grabbed the olives, and then opened it, saying, “I see five, but we better make sure…”

When the jar opened, the olive stench burst out, and Klaus threw his hand over his mouth, saying, “Crud! I hate that smell.”

“I think it’s fine-” Lilac said.

Nick dropped the jar and stepped back, throwing his hands over his face. The jar shattered onto the ground, five olives spilling onto the dirty floor.

“Nick!” Lilac dropped the book, leapt over the jar and grabbed him by the shoulders, spinning him so he could see her face. “Nick, holy shit, what happened? What was it?”

“I…” Nick shut his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just… I’m sorry.”

“Nick, it’s okay.” Lilac said, reaching up to put a comforting hand on his face, but he flinched back, so she put her hand back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. What happened?”

“It’s… it’s just, the… the olives.” Nick said. “I forgot… they just remind me of the aqueous martinis, which remind me of- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Klaus said, also moving forwards; Soli hugged his arm, and Klaus put his other arm around him. “Don’t be sorry. Do you need a second?”

“No, no.” Nick shook his head. “No, I…” he leaned his head onto Lilac’s shoulder, and then said, “There’s five. Five olives. That’s… Thursday. There’s a meeting on Thursday.”

“How… how do we know where this meeting is?” Lilac asked.

Nick shut his eyes, and started to recite; he found that recounting things he read sometimes helped calm him. “Any spice-based condiment should have a coded label referring volunteers to encoded poems.”

Klaus handed Solitude over to Nick, watching as she gave him a quick hug, and then he and Lilac moved to the fridge. “Um, Mustard is a spice-based condiment.”

Lilac took the jar of mustard. “Maybe there’s something on the wrapping?”

“There’s nothing but the label and list of ingredients.” Klaus said.

“Maybe it’s in the ingredients.” Lilac said. She gave a glance from Nick to the shattered puddle beneath them, and then she said, “Let’s go to the table.”

Violet let out a gasp as her fork almost fell from the ice; it wobbled a little, and she lost her grip, holding on with one hand. Quigley looked over at her, terrified. They were so high up, halfway up the waterfall, and if she fell…

“I can… I’ll-” Quigley began.

Violet let out a groan and a cry as she managed to hoist herself back up, grabbing back onto her fork. She shut her eyes, breathing a second, trying to calm herself down. Quigley glanced down at her to make sure she had a good enough grip, and then he looked up.

“Violet!” he called. “There’s a ledge a few feet up! We can rest there, can you make it?”

“Definitely!” cried Violet. “Can you?”

He nodded, and they stumbled up.

After a few minutes, Quigley made it to the ledge, and shoved his forks into his pocket, reaching out a hand for Violet. She gave him a smile as she tossed her fork to the ledge and took his palm, letting him help her up.

“Thank you.” she said.

“It’s not a problem.” Quigley said, watching her stuff her forks into her pockets. “We’ve got a long way to go, and we don’t want to tire ourselves out. Oh, uh, I have some carrot bags. I packed snacks for the trip before I left with the Snow Scouts, they should still be good.”

“Thank you again.” Violet said. “You didn’t have to do that, and you didn’t have to offer to share.”

“What? Am I just gonna eat carrots by myself halfway up a frozen waterfall?” Quigley smirked, passing her a small bag.

“We’ve still got a long way to go.” Violet said, glancing up as she struggled to open the bag, eventually taking her gloves off to make it easier. “Hopefully there won’t be an ambush up there.”

“What’ll we do if there is one?”

“I stole this from the caravan before it fell.” Violet said, showing off her knife. “I can stab someone.”

“Good plan.” Quigley said. “I think I actually have a pocketknife somewhere, but it’ll take a while to find.”

“Don’t worry, then. I’ll cover you til you find it.” Violet giggled.

They laughed a second, and then Quigley said, “Do you really think we can make it up there?”

“We made it this far.” Violet said.

“Celebrate when you’re half done / And the finish won’t be half as fun.” Quigley said, his smile fading. “My sister wrote that.”

“We’ll find her, and Duncan.” Violet promised. “And then we’ll all be together. We’ll solve all our mysteries, and find someplace to stay.” she smiled. “Duncan and I were talking about making a printing press and starting a newspaper.”

“Of course you did.” Quigley grinned. “He’s wanted to be a journalist since our father decided it’d be funny to use the newspaper to help teach him to read. And Isadora’s wanted to be a poet since…” he trailed off.

“What?”

“Since our parents gave her a poetry instructor.” Quigley said. “They taught her all kinds of poems, and… and I had a cartography instructor, who came to our house and showed me how to make maps and… and hide things in them.” He turned to Violet, eyes wide. “It’s almost like they… they were training us. For this. For codes and secrets and… and VFD.”

Violet thought hard. Had she ever had an engineering instructor? No, her parents had shown her and Lilac all they knew, and then helped them find books to learn more. In fact, with the exception of Prufrock Prep, she didn’t think she’d ever had a teacher past Kindergarten, where her and Lilac had gotten kicked out for taking apart the speaker system. But… Anna Karenina. How many books had they been given that were secret codes? Maybe there was a code she had been taught that she didn’t yet realize.

“That’s a strange thought.” she finally said. “A bit worrying.”

Quigley curled up, staring down at his snackbag. “There’s so much we didn’t learn about them. And so much they didn’t learn about us… I never told them a lot of things that I wanted to.”

“I know the feeling.” Violet sighed. “I was learning how to make cake for Mother’s birthday, and I never got to try and bake it.”

“I was making them an anniversary present- a map of all the places they’d traveled.” Quigley sighed. “And I never got to tell them that I don’t…” he hesitated, and then said, “I mean, Duncan and Isadora came out to them, but I never told them that whenever I was doing astronomy class and called myself a space ace…”

Violet laughed, and Quigley flinched. “No, no, I’m not making fun of you, it’s a good pun, I’ll have to make sure Nick knows it.”

Quigley’s face it up. “Really?” He paused, and then said, “I think they knew I… I’ve had crushes on more than one gender, but I don’t…”

“I think my parents found out when I told them I wanted to marry both Elizabeth and Darcy.” Violet smiled. “Lilac and Nick teased me about that for years. I don’t even know if they remember now.”

Quigley stared at her. “Holy shit. Vi… I said the same thing.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Oh my God.”

“Nice to know we read the same books.” Violet said.

They laughed, but as Violet moved back, one of her gloves fell from the ledge, falling down the waterfall.

“Oh! Your glove!” Quigley said.

Violet leaned over, looking down, and she said, “We’ll get it when we go back.”

“Your hand will be cold.”

“I’ll manage.” Violet pulled her other glove back on, so she wouldn’t lose that, too. “Worst case scenario, I’ll rip my jacket and wrap it around.”

“Still…” hesitantly, Quigley reached out and took her ungloved hand, holding it between his gloved ones. “Maybe we can… keep it warm a bit longer.”

Violet glanced down to hide the fact that her face had gone a bit red. “Um, yes.” She sighed. “You know, it was… very impressive that you got this way all on your own.”

“Your inventions are more impressive.”

“Just as impressive.”

“Alright, we’ll settle for that.”

They laughed again, and Violet turned her head to look across from the waterfall, out onto the mountains across from them.

“You know,” she said, “If you have to build a secret headquarters, this is a good place to do it. It’s a very lovely view.”

Quigley followed her gaze, and then turned to stare at Violet instead. “Very lovely indeed.” he said.

She turned over to him, realizing where he was looking, and she smiled more brightly than she had in a while.

Klaus sat on the edge of the table, flipping over the mustard bottle. “Okay,” he said, as Nick sat across from him, placing Solitude on his lap, and Lilac perched herself on the edge of the table, “So this should refer us to a poem?”

“What does it say, first of all?” Lilac asked.

Klaus read aloud. “Vinegar, mustard seed, salt, tumeric, the final quatrain of the eleventh stanza of ‘The Garden of Proserpine’ by Algernon Charles Swinburne, and calcium disodium- an allegedly natural preservative.”

“Screw the natural preservative,” Lilac said, “Nick, Klaus, have you read The Garden of Proserpine?”

Klaus shook his head, and then Nick quietly said, “I did.” he was staring very hard at the table. “Mom gave it to me. A collection of poems for our eighth birthday.” Soli put her small hand over his, and then he said, “I… I hate-” he cut himself off, and then said. “But I remember the poem. It’s very long.”

“Skip to the eleventh stanza.” Lilac said.

Nick shut his eyes. “Let’s see… Here, where the world is quiet…”

“What?”

“I am tired of tears and laughter…” he counted on his fingers, the first line of each stanza. “Here life has death for neighbor… No growth of moor or coppice… Pale, without name or number… Though one were strong as seven… Pale, beyond porch and portal… She waits for each and other… There go the loves that wither… We are not sure of sorrow…”

“Cheery.” Solitude commented.

“Yep.” Nick nodded. “Okay, eleventh stanza…”

From too much love of living, From hope and fear set free, We thank with brief thanksgiving Whatever gods may be That no life lives for ever; That dead men rise up never; That even the weariest river Winds somewhere safe to sea.

“The last quatrain is the last four lines.” Klaus said. “Maybe the clue is ‘even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.’ Maybe the place we’re supposed to meet is at the end of the river.”

“Or the end of the sea.” Lilac said.

Solitude crawled off of Nick’s lap, wandering back over to the fridge. Nick watched her go, and then said, “The poem’s not a happy one at all, you know. You know Proserpine is-”

“The Roman form of Persephone.” Lilac nodded. “I had a Greek Myth phase too, Nick, we all did.”

“Well, then you’ll remember she was the Queen of the Underworld.” Nick said.

“She didn’t really want to be.” Klaus said.

“Nah, I think she was into it.” Lilac said.

“Don’t project onto a greek goddess, Li.”

“If you’re quite done,” Nick interrupted, “The poem’s all about a garden that traps you, ensnares you, and leaves you for dead.” He let out a cynical laugh. “You know, in a way, it’s sort of like-”

“Found something!” Solitude called, running back over.

They looked over, to see her waving the codebook over her head. She climbed back onto Nick’s lap, tossed the book on the table, and then hoisted herself up after it. She flipped back to the page on Verbal Fridge Dialogue, and after making sure her siblings were looking, she flipped the page.

On the back, above some other code instructions, was a word, very lightly penciled in.

Sugar Bowl.

Nick glared at the page as if he intended to set it on fire with his mind.

“Sugar Bowl.” Lilac said. “Esme said something about finding that, she-”

“Mom stole it from her.” Nick said.

Lilac jumped. “What?”

Nick got to his feet, not meeting their eyes. “Mom stole her fucking sugar bowl.” he said. “Because it’s important and she didn’t want her to have it. I don’t know much else, but…” he inhaled sharply, reaching to scratch his arm, and then he said, “I’m sorry. I need to be alone for a moment.”

He ran off, and his siblings sadly watched him go.

“Just give him a minute.” Lilac said quietly. “We don’t want to crowd him.”

“But…” Solitude began.

“He’ll be fine.” Lilac said. “I promise.”

Nick slid against a half-collapsed wall, screaming into his lap, hot tears springing to the edge of his eyes and streaming down his face.

Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop…

He had to tell them. He had to tell Lilac. He had to tell them everything, they were getting closer to them, to VFD, they had to know, they had…

He kept scratching his arm, kept screaming into his clothes so that his siblings wouldn’t have to hear. His arm was getting red, but he didn’t care. He had to stay alert. If he thought about how it felt, how his arm felt, how his nails were digging into his skin, he would at least know where he was, what he was feeling now. His mind wouldn’t drift to what he’d felt then. What he’d heard, what he’d seen, what had happened to him.

Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop…

Why wouldn’t he just stop crying? His siblings needed him! He needed to tell them, but every time he tried, he just remembered the pain that came with the information, as if it was happening again. The grips on his arm as he heard secrets screamed at him, the kicks and punches and…

STOP IT!

Nick turned around, shoving his face into the wall, and screaming into that.

He suspected, deep down, that he wouldn’t ever be okay again, that something had happened to him that had changed him completely.

But that didn’t make accepting that fact any easier.

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