#i am trying to be better about stressing over small details so I can just finish things!

[cheeseceli]

When your parents don't like them

Pairing: Ot8!skz × Gn!Reader (individually)

Genre: reverse hurt/comfort? Angst? A little bit of fluff perhaps; reaction

Description: their reaction to not having the approval of your parents in their first meeting (established relationship)

Warnings: not proofread; a lot of overthinking and self doubt in most of the scenarios; the length of each story is not favouritsm!! It's just that some scenarios required more details than others

A/n: I should have posted this one a long time ago... Oh well. And I am literally the mix of Han and Lee Know, this would 100% happen to me if I were in their shoes

Bang Chan

‌HE'S SO SHOCKED

‌Parents always love him, so why didn't yours?

‌He believes he took it for granted

‌But he was so sure your family would love him

‌Rethinks everything he said and did

‌And thinks about what he could've done

‌He'll be up all night because of it, you better believe me

"Maybe it's the outfit I was wearing?"

"Chan, for God's sake, go to sleep."

"Seriously though, do you think my clothes weren't appropriate?"

"There was nothing wrong with how you looked baby."

"... So maybe I didn't introduce myself properly?"

"Chan."

Lee Know

‌ He knew he had to talk

‌ But it turns out he was too scared

‌And your parents just aggravated his problem

‌ He'd give only short answers and would only speak when spoken with

‌ Because of that your parents didn't see him as a really charismatic guy

‌ But I swear he was trying his best

"I swear it wasn't as bad as it seemed."

"It was horrible. I doubt any of your parents even know what my voice sounds like."

"You were nervous. I'm sure they'll understand. If you'd like I can talk to them about it."

"Please, don't. The last thing I want is for your parents to think that besides being awkward I'm a coward as well."

"They don't think either of those things. You'll see, you guys just need to know each other a little bit more. They'll love you."

Even with his worried expression, he gave you a small smile "I hope so".

Changbin

‌ You warned him he was getting too close

‌ He was holding your hand, caressing your thigh, hugging you too tight, kissing you a lot...

‌ All the time

‌ And yes, you both were dating for a while now

‌ But your parents didn't really appreciate the attitude

‌ And truly, he thought that by doing that he was showing how much he treasured and loved you

‌ Sadly your parents didn't understand his actions like he planned

"But what was I supposed to do? Stay away from you?"

"Ideally, yes"

Changbin pouted, not even realising it "but I'm your boyfriend"

"They are not used to this fact just yet. Don't worry though, they still have a lot of time to like you. Just wait and see"

Hyunjin

‌ Similar to Chan, Hyunjin didn't expect to be rejected by your parents

‌of course, he wasn't expecting to make the fall in love immediately, but he knew he had some charms

‌and he actually put a lot of effort into impressing them so when it doesn't work he's like

‌genuinely sad

‌And he's scared your relationship might change now that he doesn't have your family approval right away.

"So... About the dinner"

"They are always like this, don't worry"

"How come?"

"I knew they were gonna play hard to get. But don't you stress over it, sooner or later they will realise there is no need to act like it"

"So I can still convince them into not hating me?"

"Why would they hate you? You were really boyfriend material if you ask me"

He laughed, a little bit more relieved "They were kinda... aggressive back there, y'know?"

"Ugh, sorry about that. I swear things will get better"

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not. Why would I be?"

"I thought you'd get sad or something like that since the meeting didn't go that well"

"I'm a bit sad, yeah. But it's not your fault. You did your best. Besides, it won't last that long. It's kinda hard to hate on the Hwang Hyunjin for too long"

He laughed again, openly this time as he replied "I hope you are right"

Han

‌The problem wasn't exactly what he did

‌The problem was that he didn't do anything

‌Literally anything

‌ He'd excuse himself to go to the bathroom to avoid any questions

‌He barely moved besides that

‌After a while your dad even forgot he was there

‌And Han wished he could disappear

"I'm so, so sorry"

"Ji, it's okay"

"I was gonna answer your mother, I swear. But she was looking at me with daggers in her eyes"

"You were just fine"

"Fine? Y/n, your dad sighed in relief after I left the room. They must see me as a loser"

"I'm sure they don't. Besides, you still have a lot of time left to win them over. I know they'll love you"

Felix

‌Your parents loved him actually

‌They just don't think he is fit to be your boyfriend

‌They think that his angel face and sweet personality wouldn't give you enough security throughout your life

‌And Felix wants to prove himself to your parents so badly now

‌He will use his deep voice privilege to try to prove his point

‌He will go to the gym with Changbin until he's "intimidating" enough

‌And he won't fail on reminding them how he has over 60 medals on taekwondo

"How do I look?"

"Great, as always"

"But do I look intimidating? Scary?"

"Lix..."

"But not too scary. I need to look threatening to others but reliable to you"

"You look like someone my parents will like"

"They already like me, but not enough to like our relationship"

"They will though. Soon enough they will appreciate everything that comes along with you, trust me."

Felix smiled and nodded, feeling a certain comfort into your words as you headed to the door

"Just for the record, you do look threatening but reliable"

"Oh thank you. I was going crazy over this"

Seungmin

‌If your parents don't like Seungmin then the problem is on them

‌just kidding

‌Seriously though, I can't imagine why they wouldn't like him

‌And neither can Seungmin himself

‌So he truly thinks that everything was a misunderstanding and that it's only a matter of time until your whole family falls in love with him

‌He will face it like a challenge

"What about we invite your parents to our apartment this weekend?"

"We just saw them less than an hour ago"

"I think we should see them again"

"Did you like them that much?"

"They seem cool. But they also seem to hate me. I need to change their minds"

"What? They didn't hate you at all"

"Your father's glare would disagree. But that doesn't matter that much because by the end of this week they will love me"

"You seem certain"

"Of course I am. I can't have them hating me for the rest of our lives, can I?"

"They don't hate you. They are just... hard to please"

"I'll change this" he faced you with a confident smile "I give you my word"

I.N

‌Kinda clueless

‌Totally clueless actually

‌He can't understand what he did wrong but apparently he did something awful considering your parents disliked him that much

‌Will try to find ways to apologise

‌Will gift them and try to keep a conversation even when you're not around

"Does your mother like flowers? She does, right? Every mother does"

"What are you doing?"

"You said that she invited us to lunch this Friday. I don't want to go see her with empty hands again. Maybe that's what made her hate me so much the first time"

"She doesn't care about those things, Innie"

"No? Then why doesn't she like me?"

"She's just hard to satisfy, you know. But I bet she'll like you in no time. She just needs to get to know you better"

"You keep saying that but I don't know, I feel like that won't happen any time soon. I really want her to approve me"

He had that hopeless expression again, that one that really wanted to change the situation but didn't know how to. You really hated seeing him disappointed on himself.

"Lilies" you said

"What?"

"Those are my mother's favourites. Lilies"

"Oh my God, thank you" he got up and kissed the top of your head lightly, before going to the door of your shared apartment "I'll be right back"

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Reblogs and feedback are always appreciated! | masterlist

[all-about-kyu]

𝕽𝖊𝖉 𝕮𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 𝕭𝖊𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝕻𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 (𝖒𝖞 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖘)

Summary: Being in a polyamorous relationship can take a toll on a person; Jongho just happened to be the one to uncork the bottle. Pairing: Seonghwa x San x fem!reader x Yeosang x Jongho Tropes: hybrid au, poly au, established relationship au Genre: fluff, angst, suggestive Rating: PG 13 Warnings: language, anxiety, stress, mentions of unhealthy self-care habits, reader described as smaller than all members and has blue eyes (bunny quality), minor injury, mentions of sex, kissing Word Count: 6,164 Note: your favorite Thunder is back! <3 thank you to @mejuii and @downtoamagicalland for beta reading as always <3

Listen to: Put It Straight by (G)-Idle ♡ As I Am (feat. Khalid) by Justin Bieber ♡ I GUESS I’M IN LOVE by Clinton Kane

Series Masterlist

You’ve been holed up in your workspace almost all day. You have been for a few days now. The only times you ever emerge are to shower and get some form of nourishment in your body. The influx of orders you had for your shop came out of nowhere, and you’re struggling to keep up with what needs to be done. All three of your boyfriends are worried about you, to say the least. San hasn’t been around much due to a merger he’s been working on, and Yeosang has been running around like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to get everything arranged for a new project that could make or break a lot of things for him. Seonghwa has been around, though. Just yesterday, he decided to stay home from the shop and sketch while you worked on crafting a rather detailed necklace. 

You’re so lost in what you’re creating that you hardly register the knock on your door. So when it pops open, you drop your half-done chain making the individual links scatter across the desk. Despite the urge to break down right then and there, you take a deep breath and recollect yourself. When you look up, you’re met with a very concerned-looking purple dragon.

“Treasure, you’ve been in here all day… have you eaten anything?” San asks with a worried tone.

“I’m fine.” You give him a tight-lipped smile, “I need to finish this bracelet by tomorrow and get it shipped out.”

San steps closer and squats down beside you. Even with him squatting, he’s barely below your eye level. It only serves to remind you how much smaller you are than them. Your silver-eyed boyfriend reaches to take your hands in his. At first, he doesn’t think anything of the tension rings along your fingers. He knows it helps you from cramping up too quickly. Then he takes in the small pinches and cuts on your fingertips and palms.

“Treasure, you should take a break. I’m worried about you. We all are.” He tries to reason with you.

“I’ll come to eat after this project is done, promise.” You offer, taking your hand to run over some of his scales along his cheekbone.

“You better have eaten a well-balanced meal and drank at least three glasses of water by the time I get back from my meeting,” He bluntly reminds you.

“I’ll do my best to do that.” You chuckle while playfully saluting him.

He stands back up to his full height, “I love you, and I hate to see you so overworked.” He sighs, placing a kiss against the base of one of your bunny ears.

“I love you too. I promise I’ll leave this room at some point.”

Some point becomes hours later when Seonghwa forces you out of the room even though the bracelet is still incomplete. San walks back in the door, Yeosang beside him, as you’re nibbling on a veggie wrap. Seonghwa is sitting beside you eating as well to make you feel less alone in your activity. San has a small bit of smoke curling out of his lip that he tries to stop you from seeing. It doesn’t work, though. Yeosang whispers something that seems to soothe the purple dragon before they both walk over to you. 

“How’s your project coming?” Yeosang asks innocently.

“Still not done….” You sigh, bunny ears falling back against your hair, “It was supposed to be done today so I could ship it out tomorrow….”

“And it’s okay that you didn’t finish it today.” Seonghwa offers, “You own your own business, and sometimes you need to know your limits on what can be done.”

“But-”

“No buts,” San adds, “you did what you could today. That’s all that matters.”

You nod silently and take another small bite out of your wrap before placing it down on the plate again. When you get stressed like this, you hardly want to eat anything. You know it’s an unhealthy habit, but it’s just how you function. Despite your quiet state, your three boyfriends seem to easily flow through conversation. Some sort of ugly jealousy curls through your stomach. The way they seem to fit together easily without any seams makes you feel almost out of place in a way. You’re not willing to address that with your current state of mind, though.

“Hops,” Yeosang calls quietly; you look up at him, “You didn’t hear me, did you?” He chuckles sweetly, “Who do you want to crash with tonight?”

You nibble at your lower lip, “I think I’ll stay in my nest tonight.”

“Do you want one or more of us to–” You cut Seonghwa off before he can finish his question.

“No!” You blurt out, “I want to sketch out some more projects, and I’d hate to keep you up.”

“You know that won’t bother us, treasure.” San reminds you, “I’d much rather you get some good rest than workshop more projects.”

“I’ll be fine, San, I promise.” You stand up abruptly, ignoring the (barely) half-eaten wrap. “Good night boys. Love you!”

You bolt to the room your nest and work area are in. The moment you firmly shut the door, you sit down at your desk and hunch over the same bracelet you’ve been working on all day.

Even after slaving over projects for the next two days, it feels like you’ve made no progress. You’re pacing back and forth in your studio and nest space, hoping that inspiration strikes you to at least finish one project. A soft knock sounds on your door again. This time Yeosang is the one who pops his head through the doorway. You’re worrying on the edge of your ear and continue pacing even though you feel your boyfriend’s worried eyes on you. 

“Hops,” His low voice sounds through the space, “Sannie and Hwa already headed out for the day. They thought you were still sleeping when they were leaving.” He explains.

“I’ve been up for a while.” You respond flatly, “I need to get this shit done.”

Yeosang is slightly taken aback. You’ve never been one to curse. So to hear you say such a word was not what he was expecting to come from your mouth. He steps closer and grabs you gently to stop you from pacing anymore. You look up at him and see the worry swirling in his green eyes. He pulls you into a hug. You’ve come to learn that he’s not very physically affectionate outside your heat. So the fact that he has you wrapped in a hug, your face buried in his chest, means a lot. His minty scent invades your senses, giving you a momentary feeling of peace. That lingering panic and fear creeps back into you when he pulls away.

“Take a break from your projects, Hops.” He reminds you, “Stepping away from a project can do wonders sometimes.”

You nod, “I will.”

It may be a half-truth, but you don’t want to worry him if you don’t need to. He places a soft kiss against the top of your head and takes another step back.

“I have to go meet a client. Unfortunately, all three of us are out of the house for the rest of the day.” He sighs, “I should be back around dinner time. San said he has a business dinner tonight, and Seonghwa is closing the shop today since Yun is off.”

“I’m a big bunny,” You try to joke, “I can take care of myself.”

“I know, little one,” He smiles softly, “Just giving you the rundown for the day. I’ll see you at dinner, okay?”

“Okay.” You nod, your snow-white ears twitching slightly when he gently scratches the base of them.

Yeosang is out the door, and a few moments later, you hear the front door of the penthouse close too. You debate your options for a few moments before deciding to get a drink before returning to work. You aren’t fully sure who’s home right now. At least you know Yunho is home. You’re about ninety percent sure Mingi is at his university lecturing right now. It’s likely that Wooyoung is at his dance studio, and you haven’t seen Hongjoong in about three days. When you get to the kitchen, you find that Jongho is home too. He’s sitting at the small breakfast bar sipping on a mug of tea. You shuffle behind him, being sure not to knock into his deep blue tail. You reach up into the cabinet to get a glass when you feel a hand on your shoulder. You nearly jump out of your skin and end up dropping the glass, causing it to shatter on the counter. Immediately, Yunho moves to make sure you’re okay and explains he wasn’t trying to scare you. Your fight-or-flight instincts kick in, and you’re already down the hall and back in your nest. The first thing you can think to do is grab the duffle bag and start stuffing clothing into it. Tears are threatening to fall from your eyes, but you hold them back for now. You can smell the two men that are home. They’re still down the hallway. However, your senses are out of sorts due to your panicked state. 

Again, a knocking sounds on the door frame. You whip your head around, and your ears twitch around, trying to find one sound to focus on. Your nose twitches even more as you take in the dark blue dragon standing in the doorway. Jongho steps into the space when you don’t speak, knowing you need someone to calm you down. He would have never breached your space without your permission had you been more stable mentally. 

“Where are you off to?” He asks gently.

That’s when your tears burst through fully. You start sobbing and find yourself face-first in Jongho’s sweater before you can stop yourself. He awkwardly wraps his arms around you and tries to soothe you. The room is only filled with sniffles and loud sobs as you stand there in the golden-eyed dragon’s arms. You’re completely unaware of how long you cry in his arms, but when you finally slow to a sniffle, you pull your face away from his sweater. There’s a large wet spot from the amount of crying you just did. There’s a bit of snot, too, which you cringe at and immediately try to wipe off with your own sweater. You can feel his strong chest beneath the fluffy material, but your mental state is hardly focused on the dragon’s physique. Your head is pounding from crying, which doesn’t help the situation at all. Jongho still has his arms wrapped around you, securing you in your spot.

“You need to talk about anything?” He offers quietly.

“Are you sure you want to hear all of that?” You chuckle, trying to downplay your emotions.

“You need it. We both know that.” He sighs, not letting you divert anything.

Suddenly you’re very aware of his arms wrapped around you and how comforting it feels. You find yourself nodding at him.

“Do you want to go to a neutral space, or are you comfortable right here?” He searches your pale blue eyes for any discomfort as he asks.

You appreciate how respectful of your boundaries he’s being. You know you need this, and he does too. Damn him and his phenomenal therapist skills. 

“We can stay here…” You bite your lip, debating whether or not you want to ask him a specific question or not. You decide to throw caution to the wind and ask. “Do- do you um… could we-”

“What’s up Hops?”

“Well… I’m kind of all over the place, and… do you care if we cuddle while I vent?”

“Would that make you feel more comfortable?” he asked again.

You nod, “It would…”

“In your nest?”

“Yeah… if that’s okay.”

“Lead the way.”

Jongho releases you from his hold and allows you to get comfortable in bed where your nest is before he approaches it. You shift a little bit allowing Jongho to climb in beside you. The dragon is slightly stiff as he gets semi-comfortable. You snuggle close to him, which makes him melt beneath you. He wraps an arm around you and sighs with a small smile on his face.

“What’s on that mind of yours, Hops?” He asks once you’re both comfortable. 

“A lot of things… where should I start?”

“Wherever you want to.” He offers, small vines wrapping around his fingers as you get more comfortable.

“I feel like an outsider.” You admit, “And like a failure…”

“What makes you say that? You have your fluffle, and you’re part of the Thunder now. You have a successful business making jewelry.”

“I haven’t been able to finish a single project for days now, and I feel horrible. These people are waiting for me to finish these pieces for them and-” You start crying again. 

“Take your time.” He reminds you, “Do you wanna hear my two cents on this, or do you want to continue what you were saying.”

“You can talk.” You sniffle, burying your face against his sweater.

He wraps his arm around you tighter. The small vines tickle against your jaw lightly as his fingers hold your shoulder. You find yourself sinking further into his touch subconsciously.

“Here’s what I think.” He starts, “Everyone has their own threshold. When you reach that threshold, you can’t do it anymore. You need a break. Your limit is different from mine and different from the others in the Thunder. You need to give yourself breaks, Hops.”

“I know, but-”

“No buts, bunny.”

“But, Jongho…” You pout, “You’re super successful in your career, San owns a whole monopoly, Seonghwa and Yunho own a tattoo shop-”

“And you have a very successful jewelry business.” He stops you mid-sentence, “Just cause we have more income doesn’t mean that you’re unsuccessful.”

You nod and nibble at your lip. You feel a thumb against your lip, gently pulling it from between your teeth. When you look up at Jongho, you see him giving you a gentle, borderline endearing look. It steals your breath away for a moment. Your ears go lax as you maintain eye contact with the navy dragon. You take note of how his navy scales frame his face perfectly and how they contrast against his bright red hair. Suddenly, you snap back to reality and shake your head slightly to ground yourself.

“I know that but still…”

“Still what?” He prods lightly.

“You guys seem actually to get work done, and I’m still fighting with this same necklace that I’ve been working on all week. I have a damn sketch of the thing, and I can’t even do it.” You groan.

“What’s on paper doesn’t always convey in practice. Have you tried looking at it or approaching it a new way?” He asks, his thumb gently caressing your arm as he speaks.

“... No…” You admit, gaze dropping down to your fingers,  “I’ve been very set on the style, and my customer really likes the design I sketched…”

“And it’s your business.” He reminds you, “If you need to rework things because it’s impossible to do in practice, they need to understand that or lose their deposit on the art.”

You nod silently. Jongho notices you remain quiet after providing his two cents on your situation. There’s far more to your issue, and he knows it. He moves his navy blue tail to be draped over his thigh and, by proxy, wrap around yours. The tip of it rests against your lower back. And while you’re used to dragon tails resting against you, Jongho’s tail feels almost foreign to you but absolutely not unwelcomed. 

“I know that’s not all, bun.” He sighs, letting the arm wrapped around you hold you just a bit tighter, “What else is going through that mind of yours?”

You look up at him and see his golden eyes fixated on you, “I don’t think you want to hear about my relationship right now.”

“I want you to feel better.” He assures, “Tell me what’s going on.”

You find yourself curling closer to the dragon and tucking your head just below his chin. You feel a few scales along his jaw, but it’s nothing that bothers you. After all, you live here with them almost all the time now; you’re no stranger to scales touching you. Your ears are pushed back and lying flat against your hair overtop Jongho’s arm. You feel him relax further after his initial tensing. 

“Well… about a week ago, we were, um…” You didn’t know how to phrase it to him.

“You were having sex, okay. What went wrong to make you feel so uncomfortable and try to run away today?”

“How did you know I was gonna say that?” You try to deflect.

Jongho chuckles airily, “You're going to tell me I’m wrong?” You don’t answer, “So, what happened that got you to this point.”

You sigh and debate whether you want to let it all out or tell him just to forget about it. It wasn’t that big a deal, right? Jealously happens in relationships. Jealousy looks different in yours because instead of two people, there are five. 

“Smells like burnt cookies.” Jongho points out, “Just say it before you end up smelling like a burnt kitchen rather than overbaked cookies.” He teases lightly.

“I feel like an outsider in my own relationship.”

“Okay, why do you feel like that? You know San, Seonghwa, and Yeosang would burn the world to the ground if you asked them.”

You feel the tears well up in your eyes again. One escapes and lands on Jongho’s barely damp sweater. Though you know, Jongho can’t see your eyes with your face tucked under his chin. He does seem to know you’re having an emotional hurricane internally. You feel his tail press a bit harder against your body as if to mock some weighted blanket to help you relax.

“They just seem so happy together. I felt like after that very awkward sex that I was just a hookup again.”

“That bad?” He sighs, “I know you know how the Thunder functioned before San and Seonghwa brought you home. Hell, Yunho, and Mingi are worse than you’re polycule sometimes.” He lightens the air, “Remember, you’re the glue that holds those boys together. Yes, they would casually hook up with each other before you were introduced to us, but the dates, talking about how they feel, regulating their schedules… Hops, that’s all thanks to your influence on this Thunder. It feels like I’ve tried to have interventions more often with them than with my clients. Something about you made it click, though.”

“Jongho?”

“Yeah?”

You don’t know what overtakes you, but you untuck your face from his chest and kiss his cheek. You realize what you’ve done after you see Jongho’s slightly shocked expression. Your nose starts to twitch as panic rises in your throat again. Jongho’s strong hold keeps you in your place, along with his tail still lying across your legs and along your back. 

“It’s okay, bun.” He assures, “You just surprised me. If you want to ask something when you’re in the right headspace, you can do so. You’re not in a completely clear or stable mental place right now, though.”

You nod, “Sorry,”

“Nothing to apologize for. Come back here and get comfy again.” He offers, “You rant, and I’ll listen.”

You tuck yourself back against the dark blue dragon and almost feel like you’re at home in his arms. A tug in your heart makes itself known. Of course, it would now, when you’re in the midst of emotional and relational turmoil. Jongho smooths a hand over your hair and ears as you start rambling about everything that’s been bothering you. From missing your fluffle to work to your boyfriends’ dynamic. You feel small amounts of weight press against your hair.

“What’s in my hair?” You ask, “I feel something.”

“I’m weaving flowers in.” He says casually, “Do you want me to take them out?” 

“N-no,” You feel the heat of a blush rush to your face, “Tell me about the flowers.”

“There’s a few red carnations, that’s all. Some are full blooms, others are half-blooms. They look nice against your hair. I like the contrast from how pure white your ears are too.”

You pull your body to be sitting up. Jongho is still lying down, and his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

“You can put them and more flowers in my hair all you want. I’m giving you more space to work with while I talk.” You explain, “I like that you’re playing with my hair.”

A smile graces his lips, and you barely see his fangs peek out. He conjures a small bouquet of little dainty pink and white flowers. One moment there was nothing there, and the next, the flowers were in his hand.

“So, as I was saying, I love my boyfriends, but it’s hard not to feel excluded when they know each other like their favorite things in the world. It really hurt me when I saw San and Yeosang cuddling while Seonghwa tossed the wet wipes at me. I know I’m newest to whatever dynamics were happening here before, but…” You interrupt yourself with a sigh, “I’m still their girlfriend, and it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

Jongho accidentally tugs at your hair while braiding a flower into it, making you yelp slightly.

“Sorry,” He quickly apologizes, “I know it hurts to just feel like a side piece in your relationship. You also need to communicate how you’re feeling, though. I know, ironic when you have three emotionally constipated dragon boyfriends, but it’s true.”

“I just don’t want to make them mad at me…”

“If they get mad at you for having normal emotions, then I’ll personally make them each a batch of poison ivy tea when I refill the tea satchels.”

You giggle lightly and feel Jongho move your hair over your shoulder, signifying that he’s done meticulously intertwining each flower with your hair. You turn around and face him. He’s sitting criss-cross in your nest still. His golden eyes practically melt you as he gives you an affectionate look. Those tugs at your heart return, this time accompanied by a tornado of butterflies in your stomach.

“You feel better now?” He asks softly.

You nod, “I needed that a lot more than I realized.”

He opens his arms, “You still look like you need some comforting before you talk to your boys.”

You climb into his lap, slotting your legs around his hips, and feel his strong arms wrap around your waist in a tight hug. You bury your face in the crook of his neck. Your nose fills with his book scent, and it instantly relaxes you. You don’t break away even when you hear the penthouse door open and click shut again. You’re so engulfed in his scent you don’t even know who’s returning to the lair. Jongho’s arms tighten around you even more. Then, you process the sniffles you’re letting out. You’re not even sure if you’re feeling the emotional aftermath of the day or if you’re nervous about the confrontation later, but you’re sniffling back tears again. Your tears slide down Jongho’s neck and along the snake tattoo that looks as if it’s curling around his collarbone. He doesn’t say anything about it. He doesn’t question why you’re crying or make any comment to stop you from feeling what you do. He lets you feel. It’s just what you need right now. 

“What’s this?” You hear San snarl.

You tense in Jongho’s hold. Fight or flight instincts beg you to bolt for the door, even if San grabs you in the process. The only thing stopping you is Jongho’s arms holding you in place. Suddenly, Jongho rips a flower out of your hair. You yelp at the sudden movement and then see the navy dragon shaking out a singed red carnation. You know San didn’t mean any harm to you. When he was pissed, he tended to lose complete control of what he did with his magic.

“Hops.” He snarls, “I need to talk to you. Alone. Now.”

He hasn’t called you that since you officially started dating him. Hearing the neutral nickname sounds foreign to your ears in the worst way possible. You’ve never seen him direct his anger at you, either. Your heart rate spikes again, and your nose twitches at the speed of light. Subconsciously you grip onto Jongho, maybe to try to soothe yourself. You don’t want to think too hard about why it was comforting to you.

“Talk to him. It’ll be okay. If not, remember what I told you.” He ends his sentence with a slight chuckle.

You nod and climb out of Jongho’s lap. Your eyes linger on his golden eyes, noticing how his pupils dilate as he looks back at you. While you’d love to think it’s out of affection toward you, you decide to believe it’s simply to help calm you further. Jongho gets out of your nest and dismisses himself from the space. You watch as a vine curls around the door nob and pulls the white wood door shut. The tension is tangible enough as it is, but when the therapist dragon leaves, it becomes almost suffocating. San’s silver eyes are slit so thinly you can hardly see his pupils at all. It’s as if they don’t exist at all. 

“I-it wasn’t what it looked like…” You say, trying to ease a bit of the tension.

“Are you sure, Hops?” He practically growls, “It sure looked like you were getting too cozy with someone who isn’t one of your boyfriends. We said you could cuddle with the others if you needed it. That was crossing a line, though.”

Normally seeing your deep purple scaled boyfriend dressed for the office sends you into a mood that you would put in a similar category to your heat. Now, though, it only strikes fear in you. You so desperately wish to crumble under his stare and submit to your prey tendencies. You swallow that urge and hold your head high, remembering Jongho’s words. 

I know it hurts to just feel like a side piece in your relationship. You also need to communicate how you’re feeling, though.

“Would you have rather me run away back to my fluffle without a word to any of you?” You bite back, throwing your arm in the direction of your half-packed duffle bag, “You, Seonghwa, and Yeosang have been making me feel like I’m not even part of our relationship anymore. Had Jongho not stopped me, I would’ve been gone for hours by now. Yes, the cuddling could be seen as crossing a line, but he’s the reason I didn’t go running out mere moments after Yeosang left.”

“Treasure…” San starts, trying to step closer to you.

You put your hand up, and it’s as if you put up an invisible block in front of him.

“Let me speak.” You sigh, “You three communicate without words. You’ve been involved with each other in many different ways long before I was brought to the Thunder. After last week’s events… seeing how easily you knew how to take care of Yeosang while you three practically ignored me and let me handle myself hurt. I’m your girlfriend, but the longer I’m here, the more I feel like just a hookup you brought in with your two boyfriends for some extra fun.”

You let out a shaky breath. You don’t want to cry telling him all of that, but you feel your eyes fill with tears. There’s no way you’ll be able to stop them from falling. You sniffle and let your gaze fall down to your feet rather than looking at your boyfriend. He doesn’t move. That invisible block is still fixated in front of him.

As if the timing couldn’t be worse, you smell Seonghwa’s sweet strawberry jam scent enter the home accompanied by Yeosang’s peppermint tea. It’s as if he knows there’s tension, too. You know your scent is burnt, and San’s is far stormier than his typical calm sea breeze scent. Your eldest boyfriend doesn’t even knock. He invites himself and Yeosang into your bedroom and is greeted by your crying figure and San a few steps away with tendrils of smoke escaping the corners of his lips. Yeosang is the first to step closer, placing a kiss on San’s cheek, only solidifying your emotions. Comforting San before stepping closer to you.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Yeosang asks quietly, wrapping his arms around your frame.

You try to break out of his hold, but you’re no match for his strength. Angry tears keep rolling down your cheeks as you stay trapped in his hold.

“Look at me.” Authority rings in his tone. 

This time, you look at him.

“Am I that unloveable?” You snap.

“Treasure, please.” San says weakly. 

“Yeosang.” You say flatly, “Let me go.”

Your bronze boyfriend backs off. All three of them are clearly concerned about you and trying to figure out why you just asked the question you did. Your nose is still twitching, and tears are still staining your cheeks.

“We need to have a long talk. All four of us.” You huff.

You settle in your nest, wrapping yourself in a throw blanket that smells much more like Jongho than any of your boyfriends. You see the jealousy in San’s eyes as you do so. Yeosang is on your work stool, Seonghwa is sitting in your reading chair, and San is still brooding, leaning against your closed bedroom door. You can’t escape. It’s probably for the best; you need to say this.

“I kinda yelled this at San already, but… you three have been neglecting me.”

You watch as the confusion etches in Seonghwa’s face. He had been spending the most time with you compared to your other two boyfriends. Yeosang’s reaction isn’t as visible, but you know he’s just as confused. San knows, though. He hates that you’re saying it again. 

“I feel like a hookup again. You three are so seamless with each other and don’t seem to give me any care. Last week, Seonghwa… you just threw the wet wipes at me while San took care of Yeosang with so much care… that fucking hurt. I almost ran away today. Jongho stopped me.”

“Treasure… we love you so much. I’m sorry I did that. I wasn’t even thinking about it-” Seonghwa tries to explain.

���I know… it doesn’t change that it hurt… still hurts worse than hell. San came home and found me cuddling with Jongho in a way that was a bit compromising. There was nothing inappropriate happening. I promise. And–” You stop yourself.

“What is it, Hops?” Yeosang asks quietly, “We need to know everything.”

“I kissed him.” You admit, “I was on such an emotional rollercoaster, and he made me feel safe and loved… I didn’t think about what I did until after it happened.”

None of them speak. It scares the hell out of you. Your pale blue eyes flit between all three of them. Their expressions are unreadable. Well, San’s isn’t. A fresh curl of smoke escapes his nose as he wills his flames back down his throat.

“Did you like it?” Yeosang asks again.

You hadn’t thought about that. Did you? It was so spur of the moment you didn’t actually think about how it made you feel. Your heart feels like it’s on fire. It aches. 

“I did.” You admit.

“What do you want that to mean for us?” Seonghwa adds.

“I know we’re on delicate grounds right now…” You sigh, wrapping the blanket tighter around yourself, “I feel the same pull toward him that I do towards you three.”

“Transparency, right?” San finally speaks, “I’m so fucking jealous, but you’re right… we haven’t been caring for you the way we’ve been caring for each other. We should all make an effort to meet each other where we are. All four of us. And–” he stops himself, “If you want Jongho, we can invite him.”

“Seonghwa? Yeosang?” You ask, ears shifting towards them.

“Honestly…” Yeosang sighs, “I miss being with Jongho. We also knew in this Thunder we have a tendency to share, even with San’s jealous streak.” He pokes fun at his purple boyfriend.

“I’m always happy to do anything that helps our relationship and ultimately you, Treasure. I love all my Thunder, and I love you.”

A smile breaks out on your lips, and tears start streaming again. San is the first to approach you. He wraps his arms around you, tail curling protectively around your waist. You feel both of your other boyfriends join moments later.

“I love you, Treasure.” San whispers against your bunny ear.

“I love you.” You sniffle back.

“We all love you.” Yeosang kisses your other ear.

After a long discussion about what each of you needed from each other, you begin discussing who should approach Jongho about joining. It’s out of the question for San to do so. The last time San and Jongho interacted was when he walked in on you, cuddling with the dark blue dragon. Ultimately, Yeosang is chosen. He’s the closest to him, and they think the same way. Their history together before Yeosang started dating you just adds to why he should be the one to ask. Yeosang is also the newest boyfriend. Having Seonghwa go to the youngest dragon could end badly, given that Seonghwa has been dating you longer than Yeosang has.

You go with Yeosang down the hall toward Jongho’s bedroom. You stay outside the door as Yeosang gets permission to enter the space. Instantly, you hear laughter and feel how light the atmosphere is in the room. You see a few hanging plants through the small crack in the door. You haven’t seen many of their bedrooms in great detail, but seeing greenery in Jongho’s room makes warmth spread in your chest.

“Treasure,”

You’re taken aback when you hear the pet name. It’s not Yeosang’s voice. It’s Jongho’s. You step closer to the door. Popping your head through the door, white ears tall on your head, you see Jongho’s golden eyes giving you that same adoring look he had earlier. Yeosang has a soft, comfortable smile on his lips. His hand is outstretched, and you find yourself curling into his side.

Jongho’s room is exactly how you expected it to be. Plants are everywhere, not so much that it’s crowded, but it adds a comforting and homey touch to the space. He has a desk against the far wall, framed by bookshelves. His bed has a wall of vines behind it with purple flowers randomly throughout them. There’s something about the space that is so shamelessly Jongho.

“Is there something you wanted to ask me, Treasure?” Jongho asks with a soft smirk on his lips.

You nod, and your eyes shift up to your green-eyed boyfriend. He just nods slightly at you and gives you a comforting smile.

“Jongho… would you like to be my boyfriend?” You ask.

Yeosang removes his arm from around you as Jongho steps closer to you. The gold-eyed dragon hybrid takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger, making you look up at him. You want so desperately to melt at the touch but you hold your ground somehow. Your ears instantly fall back against your head as your chin tilts up. The flowers are still woven into your hair and tickle against your ears, making them twitch slightly. Jongho takes his other hand to pluck some flowers from your hair.

“Red carnations: admiration, devotion,” he states, twirling it in between his fingers. He shifts his hold on the flowers to show the small white and pink flowers. “Aster: faith, love. Does that answer your question, Treasure?”

“Jongho?” You ask, dazed by his words.

“Yes, Treasure. I’d love to date you.” He smiles a bright, gummy smile, “May I kiss you?”

“Yes.” You practically breathe out.

His lips are on yours a moment later, and you feel an explosion of emotion. The hand that was previously holding the flowers wraps around your waist and pulls you closer to his body. It’s almost as if you’re the only two in the world. When he pulls away, you see his heavily dilated gold eyes. Your hand reaches up to brush against a few scales by his hairline before carding into his hair behind his ear. Before you can get lost in the moment again, Yeosang swoops in and kisses your cheek before leaning over to Jongho and kissing his cheek as well. He wraps his arms around both of you. You turn your head to see your two other boyfriends in the doorway with sweet smiles on their faces. They come into the room and join the hug. Yeah, everything felt better now. They felt like home, and your heart aches out of pure love for your four boyfriends.

COPYRIGHT STARLITMARK 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

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[screampied]

miss vegas. how do u survive in college. please give me some tips. i am barely hanging on by a thread and it's only my first year. how do u do it. also ilysm.

hi nonnie 🌞. omg ofc! i used to live on campus, i don’t anymore which is way easier for me— also, don’t stress. first year can always be a lot and extremely overwhelming but i got uuuuu !!!!!! love u too

it's a lot of things i wish i knew as my first year LOL. i guess one thing that is probably super basic, don’t procrastinate. just get your stuff done so you don’t have to worry about it later ☝️ it’s easier said than done, but trust you’ll feel a lot better once you finish your assignments / projects early n on time !!! also, staying up late while working on stuff — don’t do that. it’s not good for you, and i always did that eheh. waiting ‘till the last minute of 11:59 to finish essays nuh uh. do your stuff as soon as it get assigned, DONT PROCRASTINATE 🫵 also, go to all your orientations. do nawt skip them

sleeeeeep. you need lots of sleep, regardless of what year you’re in it’s very important. i wish i knew that as a freshman 😀😀😀. i would stay up all night doin work, especially on the weekends. certified loser nerd. also, set an alarm !!!! if you’re a heavy sleeper like me, set a fuck ton of them !!!! or uh… have someone wake you up. i used to oversleep a lot, a way to prevent this is to usually go to sleep earlier than you usually do ( from my experience )

if you’re on campus, have some sort of map / guide so you know where you’re going !!!!! on my first day i literally got lost right away and i barely knew much english so it was even more embarrassing LOL. beeeee prepared !!!! ☝️ do research on ur school, they should provide those things — also, try to get those things ahead of time before your courses start so you aren’t askin random ppl where one of your rooms are. of course, its okay to still get lost anyway. it happens. ask for help if needed but make sure you’re prepared !!!

you don’t necessarily need friends to “survive” in college. everyone’s experience is different, but i found my experience easier by just keepin my circle small 🫂. IM NOT SAYING TO BE A LONER, you can have / make friends throughout your years ofc !!! in college, you’ll meet the best and worst people of your life. your main priorities should be yourself and your studies — but you come first at the end of the day. friends will always come & go, but eventually you’ll stumble across some nice ppl who share the same interests as you !!!

there’s prob super more important details but for the last thing i’ll say this— don’t let your grades define you 💓. it sucks majorly to get bad marks on something, especially if you stayed up countless hours on it, givin it your all. i personally have / had a habit of doing that, but never let it define you. if you truly think you didn’t get the right grade for any number of reasons, you can always talk to your prof about it in private. but don’t stress ab it !!! always remember you matter first over some exam 🫵

[trevorsturnioloappreciator]

Crush

Matt Sturniolo x Fem!reader

— Reader tries harder than most to keep herself from falling behind in college, when another student makes her more aware than she already is of it, her boyfriend unexpectedly shows up to take care of her.

cw: hurt and comfort, pure unadulterated fluff, pet names, reader basically gets called stupid, feelings of inadequacy, Matt makes it better

a/n: this was requested and i thought it was so sweet i had to do it. there’s an oc in this, she’s readers friend who is kind of a bitch to her, really no warnings needed this is a very sweet one and it’s definitely shorter than the rest of my works but idk if i’d call it a blurb

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Lately school has been crushing you, between your professors having no regard for your work schedule, sending you about four emails a day concerning your absences despite you completing the work and turning it in (with time to spare) and your parents constant checking in with their probing questions, always requesting more detail than your tired brain can produce.

You know they mean well, just excited for you, and they make it abundantly clear every time they call. Being the first in your family to attend college should’ve been something you take pride in, but for some reason it just makes you feel… disheartened. Everything was piling up faster than you could grasp it, deadlines flying by as you bury yourself in work and school, the only thing keeping you sane is your families consistent support and your boyfriend’s unending encouragement.

Matt had been your boyfriend since your sophomore year of highschool, you met in gym class when you tripped over your feet running the mile and the teacher sent Matt to walk you to the nurses office while you nursed your bloody nose with a tissue. It was definitely pretty embarrassing at the time, he’d been your “hallway crush” for a while, you totally thought he wouldn’t look twice at you, that is until he started checking up on you after the trip to the nurse.

That’s just the kind of guy you learned he was; always attentive and respectful, so sweet you’d think he was trying to get something from you, but he never was. Which is why you’re so giddy now that its finally Friday, all you had today was one lecture at 8 AM, leaving you totally free til Monday. Since it’s the first time in what feels like forever that you actually have a weekend off, Matt has taken it upon himself to drive up to your school and spend some time with you.

The promise of having two days open for Matt is keeping you motivated as you send out your last two essays you’d been simultaneously working on, checking the time to see it’s almost five o’clock. Your suite-mate, Tamara, had been asking you to help tutor her in organic chem, knowing she’d gotten out of her last class an hour ago, you shoot her a text to meet you at the library.

Slipping on some baggy jeans, your favorite wool sweater and a thick scarf, you grab your backpack and head off to the campus library. Tamara ends up meeting you just outside the door, seemingly in a hurry to get your study session over with. She’s very…in a word: intense, in a way she might not even be aware of, if the way her brothers and dad acted on move-in day was anything to go off of, you would have to guess they were the “trophies on the mantle, framed accolades and immense academic pressure” kind of family.

The way all your stress about being the best student came from within you, Tamara was surrounded by it, grew up in it; it was her baseline. She could be a bit abrasive but she was a good friend, never left you alone at the frats she dragged you out to the couple times you begrudgingly agreed to go with her, always knocked softly on your door with a hot chamomile (two honeys, one lemon slice) when you had a hangover after, so the small slights and jabs at your effort to keep your head above water could be easily overlooked.

That is until you’re back in your bed alone, internalizing it all. The both of you settle into a table tucked away in the corner as you pull out your notes and she plops her humongous textbook in between you two. All was going smoothly until you started to notice small cues that your student was getting frustrated, you slowed down your lesson and tried to really make it make sense for her but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“Okay I understand I asked you for help but you’re really not good at this, I mean how are you passing this class and I’m not?”, this is just how Tamara is, it doesn’t bother you much. “Well, it is confusing, I stay up all night to get these notes to stick. Let’s try the diagrams-“, you’re quickly cut off by her sharp voice, “Alright stop with the condescension. It’s really pissing me off, honestly, I wanted to give you a chance to help me out, thought it’d help your confidence or something.”

She stands up swiftly, almost knocking her chair over as she shoves her things in her tote bag. “Clearly that was a mistake and a massive waste of my time; I should’ve just asked my actually smart friends in one of my upper-division courses. And please, don’t compare yourself to me.” Before you can even respond she’s out the door in a swirl of anger.

“Wh-“, you’re so dumbfounded, still seated, mouth dropped open like a cartoon. The sting of embarrassment hits you like a chunk of snow to your face, you need to get out of here before you really embarrass yourself. Haphazardly you pack up your back, pulling your headphones out of the mess of crumpled notes and blasting your playlist as you almost run out of the building.

As always, you’re loyal to a fault, already rationalizing Tamara’s outburst, she was just frustrated, I mean it has to be hard when you’re told your whole life you must be the best and then not being able to grasp what you see as a “simple” concept. It’s colder out now that it’s nearing dusk, trying to breathe normally becomes more difficult as her words twist and turn uglier in your head.

You just need to get back to your dorm, you will Not be seen crying in public.

Lungs burning as you pick up your pace, cheeks still burning in shame, nose tingling with the familiar feeling of tears building up behind your eyes. Finally you’re outside your door and there is nothing you can do to stop the fat, hot tears rolling down your cheeks, vision blurring as you fumble trying to fit your key in the lock, the second your door opens you let out a shuttering sob, but on top of your pitiful sound, there’s another noise…

“Surprise, baby…”, the voice goes from celebratory to a faltering confusion, trailing off softly. It’s Matt. He’s standing up from your bed and stepping closer to you, “Are you cryin’?”, he whispers out, nearly a foot away from you. Now you’re really sobbing, shrugging off your book bag and throwing yourself into Matt’s welcoming arms, “Matt…”, tucking your face tightly into his neck as your hands clasp desperately at the back of his crew neck.

Your boyfriend wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow morning and you absentmindedly remember giving him a key to your dorm at his request— “Just in case anything happens and I need to come get you.” —his scent, a mix of clean laundry and spiced cologne, his big hands rubbing your back, the warm hug; it’s all too much for you right now.

“Hey… what’s wrong, honey?”, Matt coos out, wrapping you tighter in his arms as he hears your breathing tighten as you work yourself up. “Baby.”, grabbing you around the shoulders, he pulls you away from him by a couple inches, tilting your chin up so you’ll look at him, “Need you to breathe so you can let me know what’s wrong…”

The guiding words are enough to help you breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth, tears are still running down your face but you are definitely feeling yourself calm down. Matt then drapes an arm around your waist, his opposite hand coming around your front to wipe at your cheeks and smooth down your hair. “Let’s sit ya down ‘n get you into some comfy clothes, hm?”

Still working on grounding yourself, you nod along to his words, it’s a good idea now that you’re thinking about it, your sweater feeling scratchy, pants too tight and the thick knotted scarf is starting to feel suffocating. Matt starts by unwinding it from your neck, tossing it over the back of your desk chair as you settle at the foot of your bed.

He then kneels before you, untying and popping off your shoes, leaving his hands to lightly massage up your feet to your ankles, standing up and giving you a soft peck before moving to your small wardrobe. “No…”, you call out softly, “Wan’ your clothes, please?” Turning to you, your boyfriend gives a warm smile at your meek voice and pouty face. “Awe~ of course, doll, what was I thinkin’”, he says teasingly, walking back over to your desk where his bag was, rifling through and pulling out a faded tee and some large, thick sweatpants.

You’re still feeling upset, heart squeezing, replaying the harsh words and the way your friend left you alone in that library, the humiliating walk home. The only thing keeping you present is the way Matt dotes on you, totally unperturbed by your big emotions, immediately slipping into the caregiver role he plays so well.

Coming to stand in front of you again, he bends to give you a kiss on the forehead, pulling away and letting your hair down from the clip it was held back with. Running his hand through your hair, gently massaging your scalp. The way he looks down at you has you blushing, so full of adoration and affection, it pulls you that much more from your dark thoughts.

“Let’s get this sweater off, arms up, sweetie.”, following his orders as he grabs at the hem of the top, pulling it up over your head, leaving you in just a loose tank top. After removing your undershirt, he replaces it with the soft cotton of his own shirt, reaching out for your hands to stand you up and repeat the process for your pants.

Once you’re all cozy in Matt’s clothes he maneuvers you to sit in his lap as he settles to lean into your abundance of pillows. “You feel better now, sweetheart?”, his hands are holding you by your lower back, fingers rubbing against the dimples there as his thumbs press softly into the crease of your hips.

“Mhm…”, you nod lethargically against his chest, “Wanna tell me what happened?”, he speaks against your hair before placing a kiss to the top of your head. “M-my friend, she asked for help with her class, ‘n I w-was trying my best… thought I was doin’ a good job teaching her…”, your voice cracks as the tears begin rolling again, Matt’s hands on your waist pull you closer to him, locking his arms tightly around your back while he listens intently.

“She basically called me stupid, said she should’ve asked one of her “actually smart friends”, ‘n then she left me- at the library, was humiliating, Matt… I know she was f-frustrated but it- she really hurt my feelings…”, you’re now completely sobbing again, breath picking up as you crush your face into Matt’s chest. “My poor girl. ‘M so sorry, sweetie, you’re the smartest person I know, y’work so hard to stay on top of work and school, making your parents so proud, d’you know how much they talk about you? Anywhere they go, anytime I talk to them, they always brag about you and they remember everything you tell ‘em about your classes ‘n projects.”

This shocks you a bit, of course you knew they were happy for you, but to think about everyone from your hometown getting updated on your scholastic endeavors brings a warmth to your heart. “R-really?”, you sniffle as you extricate yourself from where you were hiding in Matt’s sweatshirt, tilting back to look up at him. “Yeah, baby, everyone knows how much you care about school ‘n your high marks, don’t listen to that girl, she’s not your friend if she’s willing to take out her frustrations on you, ‘s not your fault she couldn’t understand. Remember when you taught me an entire section of calculus in two days and helped me pass the class? You’re not a bad teacher and you are absolutely not stupid. I mean it.”

He’s wiping at your face with the sleeve of his sweater, looking at you like you’re the only other person in the world and it brings a watery smile to your face, now the slow tears rolling down your face aren’t from sadness, but a contented gratefulness for your boyfriend. “T-thank you… Don’t know where I’d be without you, Matthew… I love you more than you could know.”, Matt kisses the tears from your cheek, lacing a hand through your hair to pull you back into his embrace and resting his cheek over the crown of your head.

“I think you’d be just fine, sweet girl, you’re a tough cookie.”, you could hear the smile in his voice and it brings a glowing blush to your face, “I love you. Always, my girl.”

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Perfect 10 day! I do appreciate how most of my shows are actually spread out right now, rather than the Fri/Sat tsunami that we were getting at one point.

Ah, ok, so we did not get episode 5 sex. Just some mild foreplay.

To give him credit, considering where Arm is emotionally right now, it's not a terrible idea to still give things time.

Side note - Force being able to handle Book's jump on him without losing balance is hella impressive, Book is not a small boy!

Aw, Arc wanting to help Arm have better memories of the ocean is actually very sweet.

Lol, the robes with the sneakers.

Hmm, it's interesting the way they are both talking about the bracelet. Clearly they would both be really upset if the other didn't want to keep it going, but there's also this dancing around it, because Arm doesn't want to go there emotionally yet, and Arc doesn't want to scare Arm with the depth of his feelings.

Heh, not the text immediately reinforcing what I just said.

Arm coming in and doing the equivalent of "we need to talk about meeeeee"

which is why I love shows like this, because the friendship stuff is always A+. Po and Sand are immediately, "tell us all about it poor baby".

These little idiots. They already knew Arc liked Arm!

Oh these thirsty bitches fishing for details.

Gawin, if you are going to keep showing up looking so saucy, I'm gonna need your series right now, k thnx bye.

(Seriously, anyone else increasingly losing their mind over the idea of watching this man get chomped on by vampire Joss?)

Ha, Pond immediately getting what Arc is trying to do because of his own flirtation.

Omg, please tell me this is a Chekhov's gun for Warm clicking with someone at some point!

Also did Copp sound a little pointed in his criticism there to anyone else? Or just wishful thinking?

Hmm, bringing in these "buddies". I'm sure this will lead to no drama whatsoever.

Well, from the size of him, probably a lot of super nourishing food!

Haha, I do love those moments where you can tell Arm wants to act annoyed, but can't help being pleased.

There is no logical reason for Arm to have taken the assignment out of his bag in Arc's car, but I love it anyway. College fantasy romance is adorable.

A-ngun has Arm's number. Love that she is 1) super cool about him and Arc, and 2) being a cute teasing friend to Arm.

Look at our smitten baby!

Oh, Po. We've all been there baby. Some of us quite a lot.

Not Sand backing up Po about how nice his house walls are. I love this dork so much.

Ahhh, more PondSand flirting, pleeeeeease.

Ok, which GMMTV star is going to be our mysterious player?

Why do I feel like the director had trouble reining in Book, Poon, and JJ sometimes, lol? These little chaos monkeys.

Ok, I knew it was coming and the cut still made me laugh.

I do appreciate that Arc is not mad. I feel like an old school college BL would have him drag Arm home. Here he's just emphasizing he wants him safe, but there's no anger or manipulation to it.

Oh Arm, you little dummy. But you know Arc is living for this.

But also where is Pond?! I need him to do some Sand caretaking.

I am such a sucker for these sweet little moments.

All of them are such dummies, but such cute ones.

Lol, Po out here speaking truth, we appreciate our boy.

Ha, and once again, Po being super relatable.

Huh, I never noticed before that Force and Gawin are pretty much the exact same size. It's so clear in their uniforms next to one another.

Ugh, not the hashtags. People need better hobbies.

Omg, the noise I just made out loud!

I love that Arc is immediately like "well, fuck". Yep, that is one pretty, pretty man.

This is all very typical college BL stuff, but I'm still having a good time. It's light and silly, and doesn't stress me out. Comfort tv has its place.

[cup1dt3a]

Wanna Doodle With Me?

Summary: In the middle of another long lecture from your teacher the infamous Leech twin Floyd notices you drawing in your sketchbook and now wants you to draw more so he can watch. So will you keep the big scary eel entertained?💖

“ As for what happened yesterday with the sub I am very disappointed in this class and embarrassed that….” Your teacher stressed to the class. 

For yesterday everyone hadn’t been on their “ best behavior” while the teacher was out and so a bad note from the sub was left. So now as your upset teacher rants on about respect and some other things you just draw in your sketchbook. You were and weren’t really listening, but thankfully your seat was far in the back. With no one to bother you while you drew in your sketchbook. No one except the infamous Leech twin. Floyd Leech. For some reason instead of sitting near his brother he decided to sit right next to you. Not that you minded that much but with his unpredictable mood swings you feared for what his moody self would do. 

Soon forgetting about the moody twin as you hovered over your drawing. Now peaking holes into the thick paper as you anxiously traced your lines shading in any of the smaller or more detailed places you hadn’t noticed. Along with  the heterochromia eyes peering down right at your drawing. With very much peaked interest in every stroke of your pen. As your pen danced along the guidelines you placed a sudden raspy voice whispered. Along with a sudden tapping on your cheek.

“ Hey….Hey…Shrimpy…Shrimp-chan~.” The recognizable voice called out with an undeniable hint of mischief in it. 

Looking up from your project Floyd with his head laid right next your elbow and his gemed pens tip now tapping onto your nose from your head turning.

“ Whatcha doin?” His now honeyed voice questioned. With a tilt to his head and signature wide grim. 

“ Nothing” you sighed softly pushing his pen down to the desk. 

“ That’s nothing?” He questioned again now pointing his finger at your rough drafted sketch.

Sighing as he was now starting to pout with his bottom lip out. Acting like you had just told him he had told him he had to eat his vegetables before dessert. 

Now flatly commenting “ Your being so boring right now! I just wanted to be nice.” 

He now sat up with a slight slouch crossing his arms on the wooden desk. Now only bearing short annoyed glances at you for being so “ mean” to him when all he wanted to do was socialize. What a hard life for the poor menacing eel. 

“What do you want Floyd?” You sighed out in defeat as he now grinned wildly holding up a messy drawing of many shrimp. 

Some of them were either big, small, or vey disfigured. He proudly displayed his masterpiece as if it was better than the Mona Lisa. But other than the many-many shrimp there were also a few octopus and eels. But what mostly caught your attention was the eel and shrimp at the bottom. It looked as if the poorly drawn eel was either strangling,hugging , or the twin’s favorite thing to do squeezing its poor captive shrimp. A mystery that will never be solved. But the poorly drawn sea creatures were oddly very cute. 

“ Cute…let me guess I’m the little shrimp over here huh?” You joked pointing to the eel’s captive shrimp in the corner. 

The mans smile only got wider as he happily grinned from ear to ear nodding. Happy that you guessed his drawing right.

“ And that must be you…strangling me?” you chuckled pointing at the eel.

The artist quietly scoffed looking sad and offended you would even say that. With a fake sad face and even a fake single tear running down his pale skin.

“ Shrimpy I would never!” He gasped throwing an arm over his head while dramatically turning away from you. 

You both giggled at the each other for a little trying to keep your volume in check. Almost failing as the teacher snapped his head over to the two of you while you tried to not burst out laughing at him. The teacher only quirked an eyebrow as he went back to his exaggerated rant towards the class. Leaving you and the eel to go back to clowning around. He then sighed with his laughter coming to an end. Making your laughs of joy soon calm down into a few short chuckles of awkwardness as he stared you right in the eye. He then slowly moved closer to you popping your personal space bubble faster than a Karen. Only to start  scaring you as he then quietly spoke up into your ear. Fanning your sensitive ear with his hot shallow breaths tickling it. 

“Besides what fun would it be to strangle you when I could just squeeze you everywhere I want to~?” He questioned with a tilt to his head now backing away from you seeing that the lecture was finally over.

Along with whatever the hell just happened in that short timespan of 30 seconds. As it settled into your mind on reply along with your heart’s constant rapid beating he finally yawned stretching out looking over at you.

“ I’m bored now…”

“ Wanna doodle with me? Come on we were just having so much fun~ ❤︎”

Hope you’re all having a good day/night and enjoyed this!

Sincerely ~ Cup1dT3a༺♥︎༻

[1eoness]

Could you make a Dom!Leon x trans ftm reader NSFW fic with some fluff thrown into there?

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ author rambling; HI i am eating pineapple rn and i never forgot this request. just to clarify and for some context, i dont have experience of writing !reader anything out of sub afab so im sorry if this is super inaccurate or inapplicable or unsatisfying and im open to criticism on this :( :) idk im so sorry aghdfhdsfhdj i really need to work on this. oh and i read some ftm smut for this so ty to those writers :> pls criticize anything off (with reason ofc). [btw i feel like this is super bad im sorry im not feeling creative rn i have writers block :((( ]

anyway 'DOM!LEON KENNEDY X TRANS FTM READER NSFW WITH SOME FLUFF THROWN IN THERE' COMING UP. i'm sorry this took so long for such short content too :(

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

cw: fluffy dom!leon kennedy, trans ftm!reader (w/ bottom surgery) [i can always redo this if you don't like me mentioning top/bottom surgery]. praise, oral (reader receiving)

synopsis : re4r leon and he loves u and ur worried little face and he's gonna kiss it better (and fuck it better, maybe).

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

leon loves you. he knows you're constantly worried over him being troubled over his trauma but he wants you to know, between every crevice of his clouded thoughts, that he loves you and it's the surest thing he knows. it's hard to admit but even when he loses himself, it will always, and forever be clear to him that you have his heart and there's a reason why.

you were about to get under the covers to go to sleep (after a day that felt longer than it should be.). though, you lowered your headphones to the lower end of the volume once you saw leon through the bedroom doorway.

"baby, i wanna tell you something." leon said, his quiet and soft voice only going a decibel higher as he crawls to you on your bed. he hated seeing you about to sleep with such a worried look on your handsome face.

you thought he didn't notice? even if you're his neutral-faced boy, he knows when the air around you feels more somber than usual. "do you ever feel.."

"like a plastic bag?" you quipped quickly. (i'm sorry if you don't get it)

"no, damn it." leon's mutter-reply followed with a quiet chuckle that you echoed. he likes that about you, your incessant annoying humor (but you'll never beat him in that). he sighs, and tries again. "you know, like... you're kind of.. stressed over someone else's troubles?"

to be honest, he doesn't really know how to go about it. he doesn't want you to think you're burdening him—though, you could never ever make him feel like that. leon nears you, hovering above you and adoring your face wherever his mind runs. for some reason, before you guys go to sleep he just does this. he also likes talking to you before you both go to sleep ♡.

you hum, just a little bit sleepy. "what do you meann?" you ask quaintly, and leon's heart melts at the tone of your slightly languid voice. you sounded so cute. a rather random yet soft laugh escapes before he dips down to give you a small kiss on your cheek.

"...y/n, i'll just be straight—i don't want you going to bed looking so.. upset." leon mutters softly, rubbing over the skin of your cheekbone with his thumb. maybe he shouldn't have gone into detail how heavy his mission felt. because when he was done talking, you gave him some short comfort and impulsively stood up and said that you needed to wash the dishes (and the dishwasher was literally running when you said that).

at first he thought he did something wrong and upset you, and the guilt immediately seeped in. naturally, he didn't want it to go undiscussed, that would murder him! so he went to find you ASAP. but when he went to check on you in that dim kitchen, he saw you with your back turned and trying to silence your tears. apparently, you felt so bad for him it was enough to hurt you, too. you were just too sweet—leon also felt bad. he gave you some space for a bit, though he's sorry because he really wants to be there for you and he can't afford to leave you by yourself sometimes :(

you looked a little to the side from his forward words. you didn't really know what to say in response, you were just.. tired, and also worried. leon understands this, picking up on it and showing it by giving you a reassuring, subtle smile. he wants to see you smiling, too, and he knows just how to do it. it's his favorite thing about his little boy ♡.

"..come, baby." he coos quietly as he began to take a hold on either sides of your face, knowing you don't need discussion right now. maybe loving is enough. and loving you is a way of reassuring himself, you just need to accept that :( so you be good for him and let him give you the praise you deserve (and so much more).

he kisses you on the forehead first. he loves cradling your handsome little face, placing safe pecks all over it. especially on that spot a little adjacent from under your eyes. leon hums when his lips reach your jaw, peppering it with innocent love. but will it really only go that far? "because you're the most perfect boy ever." he reasons hushedly, his left hand holding the side of your neck and caressing it gently.

oh, it's going to be one of those nights where he kisses you all over and doesn't leave you alone.. but you know better than to complain.

"y're so clingy..." you decided to joke, though you both knew you loved it. while you giggled at his antics, you can feel him smiling into the skin of your neck. he's so ready to spoil you rotten.. and you had no idea:( ♡

he moves his broad hands under your shirt, handling your being with tutelage. the fuss of the sheets make hush noise as he moves downwards, worshipping your body along the way by placing kisses over your clothed stomach. "...so?" he laughs softly against the skin of your lower inner thigh, the fluttery feeling of his lips planting a kiss on it making you shudder. he sees you, and how you turn so bashful all of a sudden.

"..tickles?" leon mumbles amusedly.

"yeah-" you mutter in response before he abruptly did it again on your stomach this time, which made you giggle. you were just too precious to him!

he holds your thighs in his hands for a minute, resting his head against your left thigh. you see the muscles on his arm flex subtly while he does so, your stomach tumbling at witnessing his strength at such a mild moment. for a minute he just gazes at you fondly, a hinting coyness hiding beneath his expression.

you were making it so tough for him. he just wants to kiss you all over . hell, he might even want to merge corporealities with you.

he doesn't speak, his eyes trailing down to your pelvic area while unnoticeably smirking to himself. you were so cute to him, so what else can he do but lift your thighs over his broad shoulders?

but he looks up at you, immediately. his fingertips are teasing at the hem of your bottom clothing, insinuating what he wants to do for you as he lightly taps at your skin. "baby, may i?" he asks with a sudden comforting tone. he'll never make you do something you don't wanna do. but like said, if you accepted, there's no promise that he's going soft on you.. but that's because he just wants you to be all nice and happy! a very innocent motive ♡

"mhm.." you hummed lowly, willingly giving him your greenlight. and has leon said he loves you?

"thank you, love.." he mutters shortly in reply before pulling your pajama bottoms just a little down. down enough for him to free your pretty shaft. he sees you blushing, covering the bottom half of your face with your sleepy hands.

and this man.. was so hard to predict!

the soft hunk of a man wants to wrap his right arm around your abdomen, pull your hips up to his face. "leon!-" you gasp abruptly with that same low voice.

"shhh, baby." leon mumbled while his left hand snaked around to cage your right thigh firmly to his shoulder. his knees dip on the comforters, pulling his boy's lower body up like he was challenged to lift a feather.

you quickly brought your hands up to take your headphones off, but leon suddenly spoke when you pried the muffs off your ears.

"keep them on." he cuts your actions off. the subtle demand of his tone says you're going to keep them on. he, somehow, reaches to turn the volume up on your headphones. you were puzzled, not knowing what he was aiming to do with such-

"a-aah!-" you yelped in utter surprise. a dribble of spit threads from his pretty lips and down onto your length..

he's hunched over as he takes your tip, then more in his mouth. he glances at your dumbfounded eyes, and you swear you could see him smirking to himself. but before you could think further, he was suddenly suckling onto your cock so firmly you started to squirm.

but that's why leon's holding you so tightly, so you can take it the way he needs you to~

you felt restricted. leon wants to steal your senses, inject pleasure in your veins like he were trying to fucking save you. he's beginning to get so hard that it makes him whine against your shaft, and he's so hard that you're making it difficult for him to think rationally.

"l-leonn! slow down!~" you cried without sense, which only urged his fingers pressing into your skin as he held you in place. he takes an inch further, his mouth working eagerly, making sure you can understand his carnal urge of making you cum with his mouth. "uh-uhh!-.... nghhh-hh..."

"mhmm..mmmm..." he hummed roughly, following with a soft growl as he slurped you up stupid. you kept moving. why were you moving so much? you were so sleepy just a minute ago.. oh, well; leon thinks. but is this man really oblivious to the fact that he can make you feel so, so good?

of course he wasn't. your erotic whines got louder and louder by the minute as your headphones disabled you from being conscious of your tone at all. your voice fell muffled upon your ears but leon was devouring it, using your moans and sobs as a motive to eat you up until you're heart-eyed. you couldn't even make sense of the music anymore as leon's mouth clouded your empty mind.

i'm gonna drown you in pleasure, baby.. leon thinks to himself while he's busy adoring you and the way your cock twitches onto his tongue :(

you were flailing slightly while leon went down on you, seeing you and your eyes struggling to keep open. he trails his left hand up and down your thigh, the sensation feeling a little ticklish. your chest rose and fell warmly, trying to reach out to stop him with a weak hand but he wouldn't let you and he feels (mildly) sorry. but it doesn't make him halt— he looks at you with sweet eyes that say 'please cum for me~'

you whined weakly at this, voice going raspy as you full on started to cry. you felt so vulnerable and so good at the same time and you trusted leon so much. you could feel it, could feel him about to siphon your orgasm out of you. just the way he wanted it..

the faucet began to spill and you were crying, the tears trickling down your cheeks messily and around your headphones, too. leon looked at you with mostly with affection, but also with a bit of sympathy. you must've had such a hard time, huh? he's so happy he can make you feel better..

"u-uhh, f-fuck, leon!! n-nno- nggh..a-ahh!-" you didn't even know what you were blabbering or retorting for anymore, but your hips twitched in his grip as you began to tremble within the fuzzy feeling of your orgasm. you were being such a pretty boy for him like this, all sensitive and crying after one minor blowjob. how were you going to handle the rest of the night like this?

it was hard to ignore his boner at this point. "mm..mhh, fuck- such a good boy f'me, huh?" he groans while he sucks on you at a slower pace, trying not to overwhelm you too hard (but still overwhelming you :( he's sorry, he swears.). "god, you're so cute.. but you have him so horny and frustrated now, what did you just do to this boy? he isn't frustrated at you.. but..

he isn't letting go of your thighs any time soon.

[gastersans]

Hey guys!

I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. It’s not fair to people I care very much about to be silent! The long story short is that life hits you very fast and all at once sometimes on many levels, and my unfortunate tendency in hectic mode is to shut out and focus on just getting to the next day. It’s no excuse, of course, but I do hope you understand—and I hope you all are hanging in there as well.

I’m not sure when I can return to writing again, but I hope to. It always seems like I’m waiting to have some time and energy, but I think I’m just going to have to intentionally build a block for the creative things important to me among everything. Even if I’m not publishing anything, I am always thinking about it in one part of my mind. I love those stories, and I’m so glad to share them with you.

Thank you to anyone who was checking in! I love you all always, even if I don’t have the words to reply—and I’m always going to try to better show that.

Tl;dr below the cut: details of life been going on.

:read more:

Thanks for being curious! I’ll try to be as brief as I can, but I have traditionally failed at every attempt at that in these posts. To be honest, the past year or two has been a bit of a blur, so I’ll just talk in generalities rather than a specific timeline.

Everything at work changed at the organizational level. Unfortunately I can’t say much about it—for personal reasons, which I know is odd to say. My work is mixed in with family ties, justices and beliefs I advocate for, etc, so I can’t talk too much about it—but boy is that lasagna layered. That dynamic alone is both a hugely important but often very stressful to navigate in of itself.

Among the organizational change, my position drastically changed—I went from clinician to a manager of the sizeable department I worked for—and then a couple months later inherited a second, nearly double the size department to manage on top of it when my fellow manager left.

Right as my position was changing for the first time, my dad—living states away—got sick with some still undiagnosed illness. Bizarre body movements, signs of a stroke but no evidence found—not Parkinson’s, though the symptoms seem somewhere between it and a slow rolling dementia. If you’d like to read a small loving rant about my dad: My father is the most wonderful, kindest, politest, humblest human who is also a literal unrecognized hero twice over—he dedicated his entire life his two jobs. One was his role as an assistant Harbormaster—not infrequently rescuing people, lost in dark seas in the dead winter nights (among much grimmer tales)—a job which got paid pennies for, with decades-old resources and, if he was lucky, his name might be pages deep in the local paper. The second job was as a teacher in the worst school in the city next door—and he taught the “behavioral needs” kids. He was stabbed multiple times—the final time was in the stomach, shortly after he had come back from his leave after battling prostate cancer. He understood the kids were sick, or needed help. In addition to being a great teacher (I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but my dad often help walk us through homework to ensure we knew it—requested or not), my dad would take his students to different places— the beach for a wildlife lesson, or the local laser tag place just for fun they often couldn’t afford)—on his own dime. He tried to give them an education about the world and life, and not just books they had given up trying to read. Jeeze, sorry, I need to be able to do a cut under this cut. I could go on for days.

After that attack, my dad has had much random issues, landing him in the hospital and my family in crisis mode one time after another. We find (but never confirm) that the neurological attack might be from an infection in his knee—a botched or failing knee replacement (his third—standing on a choppy boat or at a chalkboard all day is murder on your knees). The infection has spread terribly. We nearly lose him. He continues to show cognitive decline. He improves. He gets pneumonia, we nearly lose him again. He comes back to us for a while. A random night a few weeks later, the mesh in his stomach from his prostate cancer a decade ago has failed and is suddenly twisted around his intestine (they guess related to the coughing/pneumonia). We nearly lose him again. He survives. He needs a knee replacement surgery now, but they don’t know if he can handle it or the risk of infection. He survives. Theyve noticed something wrong with his heart. He has heart surgery, survives. Another heart surgery, survives again. All the while continuing to cognitively decline. He’s a brilliant man—it’s heartbreaking to see, but I know he’s still in there all the while.

I know I missed some things above. As all of this is going on, I’m flying back and forth between states, trying to manage two departments that were previously handled by two incredibly competent, incredibly busy people that is now just me. The work is important, there’s pressures of family legacy involved, it’s nonprofit and clinical and complex and often dealing with very serious physical, mental health, ethical or even legal matters.

And, of course, trying to balance the normal things of life—making time for friends and family, trying to maintain (and sustain) my home, dating and now maintaining a beloved partnership… These things are also important. And then my parents were here for just the summer, so I’m trying to spend each moment I can stand to spare with them, in that horrid phase where it’s in your face of how little time may be left. And of course, there are the other things—other loved ones lost, trying to do what you can and pay attention to the important things in the world, trying to enjoy sitting holding my cat’s paw while marathoning YouTube and a phone game after a long day at work.

Again, I hope to be back to things someday. In my free time I write snippets, dream scenarios. I miss the writing—and the people—and it’s hard to find a pinhole to carve out for any time for myself. I’m trying, I’m trying, and I love you all.

Hope to talk more soon.

[6leggedhorse]

Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

I haven’t posted all week like I should’ve and I’m here to say why. I want to start this off by saying that Uni isn’t easy for some people, for me it’s easy usually. However with an internship twice a week sandwiched in between that makes it a little harder, and that’s okay, I can do it. Now that I’m taking a personal day on Fridays, this will improve my mental health and only working twice a week may not be what I wanted but it’s what I needed. However school has gotten harder, I am in a group for one of my classes and they’re involved in sports. That’s great, nothing wrong with that at all, but the issue is that they’re doing everything last minute and giving me very little time to do my part as well as very little information.

There’s no consistency in our communication; I wanted to get a head start and complete the first project early, all things considered, I considered everyone’s schedules and thought if we got this done early, it’s gonna be less stress for everyone. But unfortunately, they don’t think the same way, and putting me in a time crunch to get stuff done isn’t something I’m comfortable and okay with. For the first project, I got one set of notes for a bit and then the other two and I didn’t perspectives or any more details so my ability to write, which I know I’m good at, wasn’t put to good use and potential. So for this project they were doing the same thing, and quite frankly I was and still not happy about it. At this time a bit before I began to take Fridays off, I began to get stressed out even more. I put off studying a midterm and paper for a social work class.

I felt so overwhelmed and loaded, I got so stressed out and angry, I felt like I was being put into a position where I didn’t matter and neither did my mental health. So I found a last minute solution to our project, we needed to go to a specific event for our class project. And they waited until and I mean UNTIL the very last minute on last week, no one communicated. I didn’t say anything for this project because I wanted to be flexible and allow them to address it because last time on the first day of school, I sent the first text in our group chat asking when to get the first project started and shocker, no said anything until it was due the last possible second. So for this project I crowd sourced more events and information on social media, they wanted to play last minute bull crap again and I was not having it.

I feel as though my boundaries have been crossed soon after the post, I got comments on events AND I emailed my professor letting him know what was going on. He told me not to work with them this one time and submit it on my own which I will be doing in parts today (ADHD-I makes it difficult to focus.) hence why I NEED to get a head start on things to not get to this point. I don’t mind small assignments but this is big, and when I get overwhelmed I procrastinate because an amalgamation of unfinished projects is incredibly overwhelming and scary I just avoid it. So they began to complain over the group text and I unplugged from it to take time to think and care for myself. I have yet to open the texts, for now, my sanity matters, they don’t get to ruin how my day goes.

So, you may not hear from me for a hot second so please try to be patient, and on top of all this I have a shitty mentor in the place I intern at. She is just so rude and talks down to me and my fellow interns, and my mentor herself increases my anxiety, it’s getting to a point where I’m ✨depressed✨. Next seminar I will be talking to my Liaison and finding a new group to work with. This sucks because I love writing on here, I love writing in general, it’s so therapeutic to me but school comes first. I will let yall know when I come back. Which hopefully by next Monday I will be, things get worse before they get better I need to roll with the punches and chaos, if there is any I trust, it’s Loki that’s for damn sure.

[not-quite-there-myself]

STUDY BUDDIES !

A small scenario collection in which Master Attendant stresses over their studies... Worriedly, a Food Soul close to them offers their assistance.

Feat. Raindrop Cake, Brownie, & Beer.

A/N: Trying a new format style—please enjoy ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ~☆ can you tell I love writing for favourites?

Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Raindrop Cake

He's not quite sure why he'd come knocking on your door. Perhaps it was your loud groaning that brought him to you, or perhaps it was the decreasing amount of breaks you took outside. Whatever the case, Raindrop Cake knocked. Once, then twice.

You spoke through the door, telling him to come in. Raindrop hesitated before turning the knob.

You turned to see the pink haired Food Soul, sitting in his wheelchair at the door. "Am I bothering you?" Raindrop Cake asked, unsure. You shook your head.

You walked over and opened the door wider. Letting him in, you asked Raindrop Cake what was wrong. "...I would ask you the same thing, Master Attendant," Raindrop replied. You closed the door, slow, and with a sigh. You hesitated slightly, telling him that the reason behind your miserable state is rather silly.

"I'm not so sure I can agree with that." Raindrop Cake frowned. "Something silly shouldn't stress you out so much." You supposed he could be right, but was it so wrong to think that maybe you should be worrying for a better reason? No matter how hard you studied, you felt so unprepared, like all the work you did was for nothing. Your expression worsened at the thought.

Raindrop Cake was patient when you eventually told him about your studies. He listened as you ranted and rambled as much as your heart desired. Afterwards, he said, "That sounds like a lot." It's true, because it was. At least, that's what it felt like.

"How about you teach me?" He said.

You perked up at his suggestion; you asked what he meant by that. Raindrop Cake seemed to fiddle with his hands for a moment, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. "Someone told me once that when you want to get better at learning something, teaching someone else can help you understand it better," he explained. "It was just an idea, you don't actually have to do that if you don't want to."

Whether you've heard about that technique before or not, you thought it was an excellent idea. You decided to take him up on that offer, asking him if he was sure about it. Raindrop Cake looked surprised. "If it helps you, I... I wouldn't mind being taught by you."

If he was being honest, he didn't think you'd find his suggestion all that helpful. But now, whenever the two of you had the time, you began teaching Raindrop Cake all about whatever it was you were studying. Any notes you'd made previously were also helpful: as Raindrop Cake read over your notes, you explained what exactly was on the paper in more detail. There would sometimes be a back and forth discussion. You did stumble sometimes, but with Raindrop Cake to help learn along with you, you were able to better your already existing knowledge.

To your surprise, Raindrop Cake was quite good at asking questions for you to answer. Sometimes there were days where he took the initiative, taking you by surprise.

"Master Attendant, could you teach me about this?" Raindrop Cake had one of your note papers in his hand. You quickly recognized it and explained the material the best way you could. You had gotten more confident about the things you studied. Noticing this, Raindrop Cake seemed to smile at your answer.

Brownie

Your head slammed onto your desk, catching the attention of a certain dark haired butler. He practically jumped at the sound, his blue eyes quickly spotting your slumped over figure. Taken aback, he asked, "Master Attendant, are you alright?!"

When you told him "no," he was all over you. Not overbearingly so, but the amount of questions he asked right out of the gate was a little... a lot. You told him you were just upset because of your studies, telling him about your frustration: how difficult you found it to be and how dumb you felt for not knowing it as well as you felt you should.

It comes as a surprise to you when he could, admittedly, relate to the feeling of inadequacy. As a butler, Brownie strives to assist his master to the best of his ability. Having said that, there are times where he still has trouble knowing exactly how to help certain situations, what the best remedies are, how to deal with a few instances. There is a mist of uncertainty, a worry that he might not be doing the best he could be.

"May I see what it is you're studying?" Brownie asked. You obliged and showed him your material, any textbooks or handwritten notes would do. You pulled up another chair for him so he could sit down as he skimmed through.

With a myriad of skills and talents at his disposal, Brownie is also well organized and diligent. If you asked, he could probably figure out a system or schedule for you to follow. But instead, you asked him if he could help alongside you, one on one. "Like a sort of studying partner?" He asked, to which you replied with a nod. Brownie looked through the material some more before nodding himself. "Alright, I can do that."

The thought of being study buddies with Brownie made you feel relieved.

"Rest assured, Master Attendant. Even if things don't work out on the first try, I still have a few ideas that might be able to help you. It all depends on the kind of style you study best in. And, ah, I will try to be the best 'study buddy' to you, as you put it." You smiled, giggling with a hand over your mouth. Brownie tilted his head at that. "Is something funny, Master Attendant?"

You shook your head; you refrained from telling Brownie that the way he said "study buddy" was only funny to you because it came out of his mouth, which was so serious in contrast to the silliness of what he said. Seeing as you had no further comments, Brownie began to organize himself accordingly. "In that case, are you ready to start?"

Beer

It had been raining all week and the work never seemed to lessen, nevermind stop. You normally didn't mind the rain, but as the days passed you began to feel more weary. Your energy had also begun to slip as if being washed away by the rain.

It didn't take long for Beer to take notice of your weariness. Whether you liked it or not, it wasn't exactly something you could hide. And so he began to pester you about it like there was no tomorrow. You had insisted Beer that you were fine for what had to be more than the tenth time that hour.

"You can tell me you've never felt better, Master. Please just let me help you out!" Seeing you pout, he added, "I promise whatever you're stressing about isn't stupid."

He was right, it wasn't stupid. Studying for tests is a very normal thing. Doing homework is a very normal thing. It wasn't stupid. But you felt stupid, and you didn't want to trouble anyone further.

You had done drills upon drills of memorization, spent hours upon hours reading, rereading, writing, and thinking... Stars above, just the thinking seemed to make your head spin. You practically did every trick in the book on how to be a good student, even going so far as to test yourself out loud.

You were sure your studying sessions had to be an annoyance to somebody, because there was no way no one overheard you after just how loud your stressed state seemed to make you vocalize. You honestly hoped that wasn't the reason Beer decided to pester you now.

You eventually confessed your feelings of frustration, no longer running away from Beer's badgering. You explained what you were studying for, what made you so stressed, and maybe a little more. He had stopped, surprised at first, but happy to listen as you kept talking.

Beer put a hand on your shoulder, sitting you down. "And you say you've done everything you can, but you're still feeling unprepared?" You nodded. He sat down beside you. "It sounds to me like you're scaring yourself, Attendant."

You looked up at him, your expression unsure.

Beer gave you a smile, something that seemed playful yet reassuring. "From what I hear, you've gone and tried and done everything you possibly could have- well, maybe except for one thing." He noticed a spark flash in your eyes, but you held your tongue and let him continue. "All I'm saying is that maybe you should be giving yourself more credit... and maybe some more breaks too, hehe."

"...To backtrack on what I said earlier though, it seems like you want to know what else you could've done, right?" It was true. Even with all this reassurance, you still wanted to exhaust all your study options. He seemed to know that just as well as you.

Living for so many years, Beer had become knowledgeable in many aspects of human culture. Along with his love for recording information in ballads and poems, he learned various ways of doing things—ways of studying was no exception.

"Why don't we try studying together?" He suggested. "You've done everything in your power to study alone, but what about trying to work with a friend?"

So that's how you got here: sitting with Beer, books and pencils and papers scattered everywhere on your desk. After forcing you to take a long deserved break, you reviewed everything you needed to know. With Beer alongside you, he encouragingly gave you pointers on things you could improve, as well as praising your determination and knowledge.

"See? You're doing so well already! With my help, I'm sure you'll have this solidified in no time!"

When you're satisfied, he suggested the two of you go and get something to drink. You've worked hard, and that deserves some reward, wouldn't you agree?

________________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ Please do not copy, repost, or translate, thank you !

[echodrops]

The Promises I’m Making (2024)

Sheesh, this year it was even harder than last year to make promises. In particular, I really wanted to focus on promises that wouldn't cost as much money as in prior years, so I tried to steer clear of too many promises that would cost above the basic spending amounts... But it turns out it is really hard to make resolutions if you're broke. 😂

So here's what I'm going with:

2024 Promises

1) Step down from my administrative position and return to being a full-time faculty member. I literally cannot take the clown show that is admin at my work anymore. It is actually killing me.

2) Related to this, redecorate my new office as soon as they decide where they are going to move me.

3) Apply for new jobs!! APPLY FOR NEW JOBS!!!

4) Train my replacement in the chair position well so they are super prepared to take over in fall.

5) Put a new sink/vanity in the downstairs bathroom of the Utah house.

6) Get both bedroom floors sanded in the Utah house upstairs.

7) Finally get rid of the dirt pile in front of the Utah house.

8) Take down the remains of the wooden fence posts at the Utah house.

9) Fully clean out and prepare the Utah house to be rented out to new renters. Hopefully the next people won’t sneak in a parrot that poops all over the floor… RIP…

10) Clean off my back patio/car port area so I can park my car there again.

11) Call the plumber and replace the faucets. Even if I end up having to do it myself.

12) Get the dead tree removed from the Texas house yard and call the internet company to see about the cable around the tree root.

13) Plant roses where the old ones died in front of the Texas house. 

14) Replace my CPU fan; the bearings are going out and it’s making an annoying noise.

15) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them. 

16) Related to that, lose at least 20 pounds. 2020-2023 was not kind to me and the stress eating was real.

17) Do at least one artwork to actually use that paint program I bought. 

18) Pay my credit debt down by at least $2000. I’m still paying off the hell year, but I hope I can make progress on this.

19) Buy all the Noragami volumes I am missing and do a complete re-read of Noragami now that the series is finishing up.

20) This is super nerdy, but my bro got me the FFXIV cookbook and made me promise to actually use it, so I guess I’d better at least try to make something from it.

21) Finish at least five books this year.

22) Update HaaH at least once. Please, Echo???

23) Reach the new level cap with all jobs in FFXIV!

24) Go to the graduation ceremony for my family friend.

25) Catch up with hanging up all the charms/pins I’ve gotten recently on my corkboards; these are just sitting in boxes/bags around the house. D;

26) Fully deep clean and vacuum/detail my own car at home. No more of the “It doesn’t make sense to clean it out now; the dog is just going to go back in it.” The dog is always going to go back in it. Clean it, Echo.

27) Help my parents tear out the carpet in my old childhood bedroom.

28) See at least three new species of birds. Doesn’t matter where, just three new ones!

29) Reach 3500 followers. Can I do it? You should follow me if you’re not already; I’m pretty cool. Just sayin’!

30) Cancel all the subscriptions I don’t need. There’s literally no reason to sit around letting companies passively profit off me when I don’t even really use the services/the services keep getting worse while the costs keep going up.

31) Go out on at least a day trip to take pictures with my friend. We haven’t done this in quite some time. I need to touch grass.

32) Repair the lovely one-of-kind ceramic plate that my dog broke with kintsugi. I want to try it at least once!

33) Really look hard for my passport in my house. It’s been missing for like a year and a half now, and I don’t want to have to pay for a new one.

34) Put all the small prints, postcards, and stickers I have collected in my new mini-print books. I can even use up washi tape to decorate too. (Finally, a purpose for the washi tape…)

35) Shred the million pieces of old mail I have lying around the house. I finally got the shredder so it just makes sense to use it.

36) Have more follow-through with chores. It’s not enough to wash the clothes or do the dishes if I then procrastinate on folding the clean laundry and putting the dried dishes back in the cabinets…

37) Put reminders for birthdays and major events in my phone as well as set a monthly reminder to check these promises. Maybe I’ll be able to keep more promises if I look at the list more often throughout the year!

38) Since I can’t afford to go to the salon, spa, etc. too much this year, I should at least do some self-care days at home. Will this be the year I finally manage to use all the fancy scrubs and face masks and bath salts I keep getting from people?

39) Use up one whole notebook. It doesn’t matter what goes in the notebook, but I gotta use the whole thing from cover to cover. I have so many pretty notebooks that never get used just because they’re pretty.

40) Change the burned-out lightbulbs in the recessed lighting in the Texas house ceiling. It’s like twelve feet high and the lightbulb charger stick I bought didn’t work, so I’m going to have to find someone with a ladder. Save me, handyman. Save me.

41) Build the pretty koi paper lantern my brother got me, or the Korean temple model my coworker gave me after his trip to Korea.

42) Actually use the yoga mat I bought forever ago. At least a few times, please???

43) Finish watching the Fruits Basket remake with Kacchan. I think we stopped in the second season, RIP.

44) Spend more time with coworkers—go out to lunch more often.

45) See about removing the PMI from at least one of my house loans to try to save money. I’ve been paying on these loans long enough I shouldn’t need PMI anymore.

46) Practice my German skills (or I guess other language skills?) by translating something at least once a month.

47) Get a new bookshelf. The current ones in both my office and foyer are already overflowing. @_@

48) Make more time to call people and talk on the phone. Texting is not the same. D;

49) Get the new COVID vaccine to stay healthy.

50) I will keep my promises! 

Good luck, 2024’s me!

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

So with the forever falls apart au, I have a few questions. First off, what was the fight about, what was so bad that she asked for a break?Secondly, do Idris and Jack ever get back together at some point? I’m just curious

oh my gosh hi nonnie, you just made my day. I love when people ask about my lil' AU. I put a 'keep reading' on this because it ended up being a lot longer than I expected.

I'm going to go ahead and link the timeline I have for them posted on here. (now some information is retracted because some of it will be revealed in the chapters). But to answer your question, it's not necessarily one thing that happens for Iddy to be like 'I'm done peace out homeboy.'; It's a lot of little things over a very long period of time, the first being that they weren't dating until Idris was already pregnant and two semesters away from graduating college. So it's not like they had a relationship to fall back on like a 'us pre-kids' history. Which is fine but it is a small background factor to them breaking up. Although, they had known each other and been in a sort of messy friends with benefits situation for quite some time. In fact, when Idris told Jack she was pregnant, she made it very very clear to him that she was ready to raise the baby by herself if needed and didn't need him if he didn't want to be involved. Especially, since he was 20 when she got pregnant and he was really just starting to get settle into the NHL. (I can write a lil one-shot on this because it's a lot more detailed in my head than I am making it seem). But basically, Jack admits his feelings and that he wants her and the baby in his life.

They were the perfect little family till Zander was about 2 months old and Jack's hockey preseason was starting up again. Idris was by herself with a young baby, sleep deprived, a dog that Jack insisted on but was never around to help take care of, and the pressure of kick starting her own career since she graduated that past May. It's just a lot of emotions and hormones and then she immediately gets pregnant again. But it does get better even though she is literally running on fumes from basically October till May when the devils season ends. Thankfully Zola is born in May, so Jack is very much around and hands on and gets to experience a lot of things he had to miss with Zander. But the more he helps, the more it's obvious that something is wrong with Idris and she is really really struggling with postpartum depression and not feeling like she's a good mother especially to Zola who seems to only ever want Jack. Which as you can imagine makes roadies impossible and now Idris is home alone for days at a time with 2 babies and a dog and a cat. She doesn't really want to accept that something is wrong and Jack really does try at first to help her. But, the way that Idris went about fixing problem was throwing herself into her career which was taking off. So when they started fighting about how nothing is ever done. Plus Jack is stressed with not having the best season in 2024 starts with how she needs to be home. Idris was raised by a single mother for reference and the way Jack says it (well it isn't kind).

All that is sort of the beginning of the end for them. It only gets worse when last season Jack wasn't having the best season due to playing through an injury. By March 2024, they're sleeping in separate beds. But when it comes out that Jack can't finish his season and needs surgery. She is there for all of it, all the tears of frustration, all the PT, everything all while still being a mom and working remotely. Although, at the time they still aren't sleeping in the same room since no one is in the Michigan house with them. They do 'decide' for lack of a better term, that they will pretend to be a happy couple to Jack's family (basically his parents - because Luke lives with them and Quinn is her bestie so..). Plus they think if they pretend maybe they can make Quinn and Luke believe everything is okay. Let's just say, in July my sweet baby Zander 2nd birthday was not how it was suppose to go and shit very much hits in the fan. It't the first time Idris starts having serious doubts and immediately feels guilty for it but never voices any of them aloud. They are never really the same after that, and ultimately Idris asks for an out two months later in September.

So that in a nutshell is what makes them spilt. To answer your second question I was against answering if they ever got back together, because I felt like it spoiled the story. But I also was never planning on summarizing what happened to them splitting and wanted to originally write it. But fuck it I guess, they do eventually, it's not soon and it probably won't happen they way you guys think it will.

timeline

[inklore]

hi my love! do you have any writing tips? and words of encouragement when fics flop :(

hi darling <3 i feel like i always suck at giving writing tips but i'll try my very best for you ok. i hope some of these help! also very honored you'd even ask me 🤎

first and foremost: don't compare your writing to anyone else. everyone writes different, everyone has a certain style, a niche. if you're worried you don't have a 'style' don't, because you do. everyone does. it's not something you can make yourself have or take from others, it comes naturally with how your brain works and how it curates words and prose and scenes. that's why no book, no writing, is ever the same even if it's the same source material. it's a beautiful thing so don't stress about trying to make your writing sound or 'read' like other writers. it'll only ruin the enjoyment of how you write!

if you want to write more detailed just remember that not everything in a scene needs to be put down. the more you give the reader room to fill in the blanks and set the scene themselves the better experience for them (at least that's the case for my brain, others may feel different, but doing it this way makes me feel like i'm not adding too much detail or being repetitive). but visualizing, setting the scene for yourself through music or daydreaming is another great tip to write more detailed.

when it comes to smut i am a huge stan of you don't have to say the anatomically correct part they're using (like the p words or c word), and describing what it feels like to have that part touched, grazed, etc is really great. i struggle with fear of repeating myself so i try to find creative ways to describe body parts without actually calling them like flowery/nouns/different synonyms. i hope that made sense lmao.

don't worry about edits or making everything flow completely well in the first take. i highly rec everyone editing their own work and reading it back to themselves, yes it's tiring but it helps you find flow mistakes, add more detail, take something out that you thought fit in the moment but doesn't really. that's why i get everything out the first get go in a kind of fever dream manner and then when i go back to edit it then i buff out everything, add more, take away something, add more details that will make a scene pop off more.

now for the encouragement when it comes to flops: it's going to happen. there's no secret to making something do amazing or something failing. there really isn't and someone who says there is has just had a few lucky posts. because having a big following means nothing, writing a long fic, a short one, only using small font, being super aesthetic, really means nothing. i've seen writers with the most amazing aesthetic and beautiful prose with 100 followers write something and get 2k notes and then get 90 notes on their next post. same with someone who doesn't have a big aesthetic but a big following and writes short fics get 100 notes on their last ten posts but then that eleventh post randomly gets 1k. like it's really just up in the air on here if something is going to do good or not, unfortunately. so that's why i don't let it get to me when something i post gets 100 notes or 1k because i'm happy with both, less, or more. i don't expect anything anymore because that only leads to disappointment and i'm here to write and to have fun.

that's not to say i don't rec curating your own little community on here. make friends, block ppl with bad vibes, join discords of supportive friends. talk to writers who encourage and understand your feelings and discourse and who keep you going, give you inspo, etc etc. if only my friends ever rbed and read my stuff and there was only 10 of them? i'd say hell yeah and that'd encourage me to write more. having a good space of friends and community is amazing and can do a lot to fight off the writer scaries and the feelings of obsessing over numbers and success.

now this is just something i do but it always works for me; i post something and then force myself not to look at it for a day or two. i post it and move on to the next thing i want to work on. i do not dwell on how it's doing. i may q up some rbs for it but i don't even look at the notes when i do that. i deliberately never look at it because yes while it matters in the sense that we love encouragement, we love seeing people love something we spent hours on, we wrote this for ourselves but hello we want that validation too and that's okay, but like i said above and i'm going to say again notes mean nothing in regards to talent. these notes are not simon cowell judging you on your performance. so when i finally do go back to rb comments and reply to things, or if i just want to look at how it did, and the number is low i'm just like ok shrug at least those 20 people enjoyed it and that's better than 0. and if no one commented or rbed yeah that sucks and is disheartening but i can either dwell and be sad on it or i can continue to do what i love and write more. why let the annoying little brats on here who refuse to show their love on a work they read get you down? because there's a dozen of them out there and they're not going away. and you may have made someone's day for this little fic even if they didn't say something about it. it does suck that content creators on here don't get the rbs and comments and credit they deserve, and unfortunately if you want to keep doing what you love you gotta work around it and remind yourself why you're creating, continue to feel that joy. it's hard, believe me. but don't let your creativity be repressed because of it, because you'd be doing a disservice to yourself!

i'll say it again though: a high note count / following doesn't mean the fic is good or bad, neither does low notes / no following. no one's talent is ever in question here. we are here to write, have fun, fill the void of the rl scaries.

[nobodyexpectsthe]

anyway we're explaining writing methodologies today

my replies / asks one is best summed up as 'whatever sparks the highest muse goes first, my time on xyz days is extremely limited but once the rush is done i'm going through in chronological order of what is owed'.

i guess but i'm also gonna explain my approach to ooc communication. i am shy as fuck and talking to new people makes me incredibly nervous which is why if youve ever sent a thanks for following message i have never replied. i get locked in a 'how do i reply to this' mess and then two months have gone by and its weird to say something. even if its just plotting out a new thread. it didn't used to, i used to be way more social, and then i spent some years in a relationship irl that decimated my confidence. so i end up overthinking every little thing i say and usually i'll overthink it to the point where i won't actually say anything, or, worst nightmare, i'll overthink the thing i want to say so much it comes out completely wrong. it's bad, 0/10. don't be with someone who delights in making you feel small, because then you'll apologize for taking up space.

so i am, in general, very cognizant of how much space i take up and very much struggle with the idea that it's too much and i'm being annoying and people are too polite to say so. but that's a me problem & i don't want to put my insecurity on them, so i end up in a weird vibrating stasis. if i feel like i'm overstepping or being too much i'll pull back until i get a sign it's chill and you like my nonsense.

so i'm stressed at nice compliments, stressed at idle chitchat, generally just a big vibes of 'how much of an idiot do i sound right now' which makes for stilted or awkward replies until i get comfortable. and that doesn't go away for a good long while. it's nothing against anyone else and i don't expect people to have the patience to push through that, it's my problem & no one else's to work through. but what it does mean is it's easier for me to jump all over ic stuff and writing once i know how our styles mesh or i get a sense of what you also like from other threads and interactions?

i can and will drop novels into inboxes of people i barely know as a fun icebreaker if i think it's something they'll lie, i'll write lengthy & detailed starters & replies for strangers. i will absolutely sit and agonize in my drafts over things that don't sound just right until do they. i do think a lot about the early replies in an interaction with someone because i don't want someone to feel that it's... unbalanced? that all i'm bringing to the table is my muse's issues, their feelings, their reactions, and i'm not giving them anything to work with for theirs in turn. so that requires a little more fine-tuning and finesse.

and then once i'm more comfortable, i don't even think. i slap the keys and a symphony of words happen.

anyway all of this is to say i talk to like 2 people oocly and i'm trying to get better but oh boy that's hard.

[wander-wren]

i keep seeing shiver slander and as someone who has spent multiple years trying to get everyone i know to read that silly werewolf romance i NEED to list all the reasons i like it, thank you. out of context spoilers below the cut, if you care about that at all. this also devolved into whole series spoilers but it’s still mostly shiver

the text (in my paperback copy) is fucking blue. for the other books which are green/red/orange themed THE TEXT MATCHES this has nothing to do with the book i just think it slaps

speaking of design the og covers are better. color coded leaves and vines with a red blood spatter dot for the i. bc characters get shot a surprising amount. it’s cool sorry

grace is the first protag i ever read who was so relentlessly practical. she has her life plan. she’s very organized. she’s going to college. she doesn’t have time for parties. she’s me except she reads exclusively nonfiction and mystery

she’s like this bc her parents are artsy types and very neglectful, they never got past their college kid phases. actually this is super interesting taken next to something like the dreamer trilogy where art is literally magic. but childhood trauma count: 3

it’s 3 bc they’re so bad at being parents they let her get attacked by wolves as a kid and also she nearly died from being left in a car the following summer

sam is my baby boy. he loves books, he knows a ton of poetry but especially rilke, he bakes bread and makes origami birds to hang in his bedroom and he’s a musician

he was raised by a relentlessly practical but very caring werewolf dude after his parents tried to murder him for being a werewolf when he was seven. childhood trauma count: 4

do you see. do you see how they are each other’s opposites. except for the small detail that sam’s second dad loved him. fuck

beck is sam’s dad and he’s so fucking complicated but i adore him.

they both link their hands behind their head when they’re stressed. they make the same facial expressions. i. cannot. dad and son

cole st clair exists. he’s a canadian rockstar turned werewolf BY CHOICE and he and sam are incredibly at odds over this. cole is deeply suicidal and a genius and i am fascinated by him

i’m gonna get more unhinged. ready? small warning for a few gore mentions

shelby

just. shelby’s scar scene. torturing an alive bird by playing with it’s entrails. “it looked like hamburger when they bit me. it must be hell when we kill something. we must be the worst way to die”

but also: that blink and you miss it scene where she tries to tell sam pretending he can be normal is pointless and he should Accept his wolfishness and she’s fucking up his school papers and beck drags her out and tells her to remember where she came from, and if she ever says that to sam again he will send her back. and shes screaming. fuck. what the FUCK.

i’m gonna repeat that shelby

beck being the one who turned sam bc his wife died and he was selfish and stupid. goddamn

grace when she starts turning in linger. grace who just wants a nice apartment and a red coffee pot. it’s about holding onto the one inconsequential thing as a metaphor for stability/happiness

the first bathtub scene. fuck. FUCK. save your new boyfriend from turning wolf but you have to purposely trigger flashbacks to his childhood trauma. what the fuck

cole not believing in sam’s trauma and dragging him to the bathroom only for sam to have another flashback in front of him

fucking. jack’s death. he’s a dick but holy shit

the scene where sam plays his guitar in the bathtub and Is Okay. ohmygod my heart

beck talking to grace and telling her that sam is more human than the others and being a wolf is torture for him. he’s the best damn person beck knows and beck ruined him bc of his own selfishness and spent a decade trying to make up for it

FUCKING MR DARRIOS DOGS WHAT THE FUCK

childhood trauma count: 6 (i forgot to count shelby)

cole’s voicemails to isabel. dies

cole wants to die so so so much and all his internal monologues about it make me cry

grace and isabel reluctant friendship

i have no idea what book it is but that scene with isabel in the mexican restaurant trying to play normal with her family

that scene from i want to say linger where grace starts vomiting blood and when it’s over the first thing she says is “sam. my hair.” so sad and miserable and its not ABOUT her hair having gunk in it its. a metaphor. please

the fucking helicopter chase scene. it’s not even until book 3 but if there was an adaptation that is the one scene i would want to see

every scene with grace and her parents fucking breaks my heart bc they’re not breaking the law they’re just ignoring her. grace thinking that if she was less of a golden child they would pay attention to her and shes RIGHT bc as soon as she breaks the rules for sam….

isabel and her parents are also so. soo. no one has a healthy parental relationship not even beck and sam

SPEAKING OF WHEN BECK SHOWS UP WITH COLE AND VIKTOR AND SAM IS SO FUCKING BETRAYED? they chose this life but it’s hell for him, he can’t imagine forcing anyone into it

but also the fucking scene where jack kidnaps grace and she calls beck and pretends to have a normal conversation while he tries to get info about her location and jack’s intentions….that’s the scene that always makes me bawl idk why. beck is so reassuring

grace hating poetry until sam reads it to her

CHRISTA. NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT CHRISTA.

she exists in exactly one flashback where she and beck are fighting bc she killed someone (as a wolf) and beck is lecturing her and she’s like “this isn’t a life i’m a monster and i’ll cope how i damn well please” and beck tells her to leave and never come back. and he follows her into the backyard and shoots her.

grace in the mud pit in whatever book that was

to end on a happy note: sam and grace in the golden wood. sam and grace on their coffee/candy store date. grace crying when sam reads her poetry and finally understanding it/art for the first time. sam as a person in winter for the first time in a decade. i cry

[mqfx]

do you think feng xin has any way of getting over his fear of women. like. we see he's not afraid of lan chang but I'm currently wondering how the fuck that came to be since I don't see him passing by a brothel willingly at all. also asking since I have a fem martial god oc and trying to make them at least somewhat get along

by clicking below this readmore you accept the terms and conditions that i'm 1) going to skate dangerously close to extremely bullshit psychoanalysis, 2) pulling egregiously from headcanons, and 3) it's been 2 years since i read canon end to end. now let us begin

actually another disclaimer: no i'm not writing a nice essay for this i literally have work tomorrow so if it's disorganized mais oui pay me and i'll do better. also, some discussion of sexual assault (canonically happened to jian lan + implications and social mores around it)

i think feng xin's "fear of women" is more complicated than just, "he's afraid of women." phobias can stem from something barely or not at all directly related; in other words, what you react to may not really be the cause of the fear. here's what darian leader, a bri'ish psychoanalyst, has to say on the matter:

"Amnesia, for Freud, was not the only form of defence. There was also a repression that operated by displacement, moving the emotional charge of an event on to some small and contingent detail."

now you may be like "my liege where the fuck are we. why am i tied to this chair. what's freud doing here." shhhh baby i'm working up to it. the question we must first ask, before "how can we fix him" is "what is it that needs fixing?" that is, we need to find the "event" that creates that "emotional charge" that then gets "displaced" on some "detail". most of these we already know or can guess at

event: many possible canon answers, all of them easy. he was under so much stress during the xianle fall and during his time with jian lan (a relationship borne from that very stress to begin with), which of course ends in baby's first thematic heartbreak. if this is the seed, the "event" from which his present-day phobia comes from, then of course the later ju yang problem could have triggered and exacerbated what was once latent anxiety into full-blown neurosis.

before that, he was wary of women. why? because feng xin is a stickler for black and white morality--as such, he likely followed strict codes of conduct for virtuous men towards women. but it's likely that he wasn't so scared that he couldn't fall in love with and have sex with a woman--he simply hadn't developed that phobia yet. that means, so far: i believe feng xin did not have his phobia until later.

this is where we get into headcanon territory as additional support for above. we know that feng xin was raised with the role of guardianship and protection. we can assume that this is a society that values chastity as well, given how people reacted to jian lan's rape as her being defiled, with the rapist expecting that she would marry him to preserve her honor, and it is considered notable that she fought back and demanded justice instead. what does that tell you about the kind of society they all grew up in?

not to mention, this is the society that taught its own crown prince to follow an ascetic path of cultivation, knowing damn full well he was expected as a crown prince to have babies in the future. a massive contradiction (which may be oversight on the author's part but we can't assume that in lit analysis i'm afraid so roll with it we must), but not unheard of, especially in conservative societies. but let's not get caught up in that rabbit hole of purity culture, which does not apply to an eastern-inspired fantasy

back to the points: 1) xianle was a conservative society that valued chastity. 2) feng xin was raised in this society to protect. 3) feng xin has a black and white view of the world. what does this make?

a guy with issues that's what. pre-phobia feng xin was wary of women because, we can assume, society drilled this into his head: women can be defiled. as a protector, it is your job to make sure this does not happen. you, a man, are capable of defiling, so you must watch your conduct so that you don't bring ruin to yourself and others. and there's no nuance, it's all or nothing

i have a lot of problems with that statement too but please consult.... like, any feminist philosopher. i vaguely remember judith butler saying smth about how "possessing the instrument of violence does not make the person inherently a violator" or smth in gender trouble, but surely you can find so many other versions of this statement

is what feng xin learned a truth of the world? NO! is it gonna be the basis of his moral code anyway? YEAH! but this would have worked in theory (internally, the Woman is not treated with respect so much as condescended to, but in practice, ideally, the Chivalric Man would Do No Harm upon the Woman) if two things didn't happen.

ok so right now we've got The Basis of Feng Xin's Moral Code in our hands. falling in love challenges that theory, because here he goes falling for a defiled woman and seeing her as a Person and not an Object to be protected. oh it's going great, he's gonna unlearn the toxic masculinity, he's gonna heal and have a more well-rounded outlook--

and then he gets his heart broken. which REINFORCES THE LESSON, that if you fuck a woman and then you can't protect her (in marriage, the only sanctuary of honor) it will ruin both your lives. now we've got the EVENT that becomes the seed. from here it's easy to see how centuries of requests of a sexual and procreative nature would be reopening that wound over and over and how he gets worse

at this point i think we can now answer some things. "what is it that needs fixing?" feng xin's attitude about sex, which is ingrained into him by both society and reinforced by an unfortunate heartbreak. "what is he afraid of?" not women, but failing his role as a protector by becoming the very instrument of dishonor and violence.

sex for feng xin carries double the negative connotations. now he's like, "i'm never doing that shit again it hurts so bad it's not worth it." "that shit" in this case is intrinsically tied to sex because this was the only period of his life in which he had it. am i saying that slutting it up could save him? if he had other, more neutral sexual experiences, perhaps with people who are not women, could he finally disconnect sex from those flawed conceptions (aha)? moving on

now we get to the second question. if then we accept that feng xin's not afraid of women but of dishonor, all it would really take for him to be normal about a woman is to eliminate every possibility of them being susceptible to that dishonor. in other words, a woman only has to be completely divorced from the notion of sex, completely inaccessible in one form or another. i mean, he's not afraid of ling wen even though she's a woman. why? because ling wen cannot BE fucked, so she is "safe" from him and he can let down his guard.

look. we know that feng xin's not the type of guy to . well he's not pei ming let's just say that, and even pei ming has some honor to him (all his dalliances are consensual). feng xin doesn't have any real reason to be afraid of himself. but when has fear ever been reasonable?

so finally to get to YOUR question, and not just the ones i used to facilitate this yap sesh: i don't think it would be that hard. depending on when this happens in the timeline, either have him come to some realization or other (perhaps it happened before the scene you wish to imagine) that his existence alone is not tainted, or that women aren't clamoring to fuck him (hard to make him unlearn the ju yang prayers though). or make your OC competent enough that he sees this OC primarily as a martial god and not for her femininity

and finally, a coda:

"so if it's not womanhood that terrifies him but sex, specifically 'destroying' or 'defiling' someone via sex, does this mean he's also gonna have problems if such a situation would arise that sex with someone known to have an ascetic cultivation can occur?"

yes. yes it does. :)

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TLDR:

feng xin did not have his phobias yet before jian lan

bro was raised with chivalrous (or chauvinistic) views on women and sex, later reinforced by untimely heartbreak

he is not afraid of women; he is afraid of hurting others in very specific ways, which goes against his born protective "role"

hypothetical ways to ease his fear: give him more perspective or reassure him that a person will not be harmed by him

coda: it's gonna be hard for him to fuck someone with an ascetic cultivation background. on both sides. PLEASE consider this