#i am trying to SLEEP and i dont need to be worrying about being bitten by a spider in the night because i roll over onto it

[i-like-gay-books]

little pieces of fuzz should not be allowed to look so much like bugs

[mrdixon]

sorry, i still love you

pairing: established daryl dixon x f!reader

wc: 1.8k

summary: soft apologies and kisses, or alt; your boyfriend is quite cute in a poncho.

warnings: slight angst…?

A/N: love daryl, love poncho daryl. need him to wrap me up in his big strong arms under his poncho…….. short fic SURPRISINGLY it being under 3k words shakes my bones but its okay because not all my fics have to be astronomically long………. also 100% not proofread im sorry i literally dont have the patience to read over my own work

masterlist!

It was a late night and you couldn’t sleep like usual. Sighing as you turned your head over to the window, slightly cracked open and letting a breeze through, the faint smell of wet grass from the rain filling your nostrils. The sky was dark, save for the twinkle of the stars and moon. You turned your head over to the nightstand, the clock reading 2:24 am, your gaze then travelling over to an empty picture frame that had a polaroid of you and Daryl wedged between the glass and frame. Picking it up and taking the polaroid between your fingers, it was during your stay at the Greene’s farm a few years ago.

You two didn’t know it yet but there was mutual feelings stirring up between you two, the photo capturing the moment you convinced Daryl to be in a photo with you. His grumpy expression didn’t hide the small smirk tugging at his lips as you wrapped your arms around him. You smiled fondly at the memory, still hearing his irritated grunt as you ushered him over to steal a picture. Tucking the photo back into the frame and setting it down on the nightstand you stared up at the ceiling, wondering where your boyfriend could be.

It wasn’t out of character for him to be out this late but it still worried you. It was normal for you to be unable to sleep without his warmth next to you, worrying about the worst. You tried really hard not to think about him getting bit but you couldn’t help it, he was capable of taking care of himself so why did you worry so much?

Sighing once again, you sat up, grabbing your necklace that held his initial. Biting at the small piece of metal, a thing you did when you were anxious, tasting the metallic tang. It wasn’t usually this hard for you to fall asleep without him, most nights you’d fall asleep at around 12 am. You were scared mostly.

You and Daryl had been going through a rough patch, most your time together was full of meaningless banter and arguments and you regretted it. It was hard to stay mad at him but you were stubborn, you both were. That fact alone was enough to drive you crazy because one day you’d argue and he wouldn’t return home, either because he got bitten or just got fed up with you. Nevertheless you were trying to change, you didn’t want either of you to die thinking you hated him because you didn’t. God you loved him so much, more than you thought was possible. More than those stupid pair of socks he got you on a random supply run, more than your morning cup of tea, even more than yourself.

You groaned, falling back onto the bed and closing your eyes. There was so much you wanted to say to him, to apologize for being an asshole, to tell him you really did love him. You opened your eyes slightly to look at the bedroom door, still closed�� still waiting for him to walk through at any moment…. nope, still not home. You grumbled while placing your hands over your face and kicking your feet, taking a deep breath and rolling over onto your side. Okay, try to sleep… we can sleep… you’re sleeping… your eyes are closed… right?

You groaned again, almost frustrated at yourself for not being able to sleep. Finding yourself quite annoying at how dependent you are of Daryl. You sighed quietly, looking over at his side of the bed and running your hand across it. Empty and cold, the last time you saw him there was in the morning. Right after you argued about something so stupid you couldn’t even remember what it was, still seeing his bare back adorned with scars and tattoos as he got up and left to go out again. You swallowed thickly as you remembered how harsh you were earlier, now deciding to just stay up until he comes home. Wanting to apologize and just kiss him because when was the last time your lips felt his?

Suddenly you heard the door open, sitting up immediately and locking your eyes with the man who occupied your mind at all times. Daryl stood there at the door for a moment, his poncho draped over his body. A cute sight, he looked so small contrary to the fact that he was in fact, not. He stared at you skeptically as he placed his bag down on the floor next to the laundry bin.

“Wha’ are ya doin’ up?” He grumbled, slowly walking over to you and standing next to the bed where you sat. You couldn’t help but look up at him with a giddy smile, feeling relieved and happy that your boyfriend was finally here.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you replied simply as you looked him up and down, “you look so cute.” Daryl raised a brow, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took in your words. He didn’t really know how to respond to compliments from you, especially after your argument this morning.

He scoffed lightly, a tiny smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Cute? Really?” he murmured, his voice laced with amusement, “ain’ tha’ somethin’.” You giggled, reaching out to take his gloved hand in yours, his fingertips exposed as you ran your nails over them.

“C’mere,” you whispered, holding your arms out. He hesitated for a moment before kicking his boots off and moving into your arms, the two of you falling back onto the bed. His arms wrapped around your waist and held you close, his face buried in your shoulder while your own arms wrapped around his back.

The two of you lay like this in silence, it was rare for you two to share moments like these. Often times you were too scared to touch him, afraid he’d push you away. It was never like that for him, he craved your touch as much as you craved his. You both were just too worried about what the other might think that neither of you decided to make any moves. Tonight was different though, you lay there enjoying each other’s company without saying a word.

You heard him breathe in, nuzzling his nose against your shoulder. Finally he broke the comfortable silence. “You really don’ sleep much, do ya?” he asked, his voice low and gentle.

“Nope,” you whispered, nuzzling your face into his neck. “I miss you when you’re gone.” He hummed in response, squeezing you tighter as his body relaxed in exhaustion. You giggled before moving yourself under his poncho, poking your head out from where his was, you two sharing the poncho now.

Daryl felt a sense of contentment as he watched you snuggle closer to him under the poncho, your body heat filling him with love and desire. Wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer, using his other hand to stroke your hair gently and tilt your head up slightly to look into your eyes.

“Yeah, well I guess tha’s fair. We both got used to havin’ each other around,” he admitted softly, looking down at your lips and then back at your eyes while running his fingers through your hair affectionately. “It’s kinda hard ta go back ta bein’ alone after all the time we spent together.”

You nodded, letting him pull you closer to him. Your chest pressing against his as you both stared into each others eyes, his gaze wandering over your face as he tucked strand of hair behind your ear. He sighed, feeling his breath against your face. Despite everything you’d been through together—the fights, disagreements, banter—he knew he still cared for you, he still loved you. And right this moment he couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else by his side more than he wanted you.

“’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

You both murmured at the same time, shock evident in your expressions. He nibbled his lip, rubbing your chin with his thumb, eventually grazing the pad of it over your bottom lip. “Guess we’ll jus’ have ta make sure we never lose sight of each other again,” he mumbled, voice thick with regret.

You looked up at him, meeting his eyes as you reached up to comb your fingers through his hair. His gaze immediately softened and he let out a small huff while admiring your features up close, his fingers tracing over your jaw. He seemed to melt under your touch, slouching over which caused his face to lean closer to yours. He looked so cute like that, his bottom lip jutted out into a slight pout, his expression resembled a puppy.

Your hand stilled in his hair, pulling him closer and diminishing that small gap between you two and pressing your lips against his. If even possible, he seemed to melt even more, closing his eyes and kissing you back with equal need and affection. His hands gripped your waist tight but gentle under the poncho covering both your bodies, one hand holding the back of your head. He kissed you fervently, fingers digging into your hair as he swiped his tongue over your bottom lip before reluctantly pulling away. Looking down at you, his expression one of affection and vulnerability.

“Sorry, I still love you.” You whispered, your noses rubbing together, “I love you.” You repeated, the words hanging in the air like a weighty secret, heavy with adoration. He stared at you before slowly closing his eyes and pressing his lips against yours once again, the kiss gentle but passionate. Your fingertips held his jaw, your thumbs absentmindedly caressing the stubble on his chin.

“I love ya too,” he mumbled against your lips, his voice hoarse and raw with emotion. “More than anythin’ in this world.” His eyes graced over your face, still having that slight pout as he encased your face in his hands, kissing you again. Your eyes fell closed while your fingers ran through his hair, finally pulling him flush against your body. He kissed you slow and gentle, a hand rubbing up and down your back which sent shivers down your spine, his other hand occupied at the base of your neck.

Eventually, you both had to pull away for air, but your eyes remained closed as he pressed his forehead together with yours. Exhaustion rushed through your body and he could tell, pressing a kiss to your forehead before holding onto your waist and the back of your head, flipping you both over gently so he lay on his back. Your cheek pressed between his chest and collarbone as you lay on top of him, still under his poncho. He caressed your head gently, kissing the top of your head while the smell of him invaded your senses. It was a comforting smell, tobacco and the woods, tiring you further. He let out a deep breath, wrapping your arms around your waist loosely as you lay on him, your eyes still closed as you slowly succumbed to sleep.

“Love ya so much (Y/N).” He mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. The only thing you heard before finally, falling asleep.

[wolfs-hunt1]

Soaking secrets

Heavily taken from the bathtub scene with Andy, except it's the reader, and Damon gets a surprise twist.

Damon x reader

----------------------------------------------------

The warm soapy water sloshes a bit around you when you move closer to Damon, kissing him while he pulls you closer.

"I can't believe you called me. I thought I was being too forward when I gave you my number at the bar."

"I like a woman who knows what she wants," Damon says looking at you in the eye. You giggle and move your hand across his arm, caressing him softly.

"Thank you. So what do you want? Mr tall, dark and handsome?"

"I'm not that tall." he prompts making you let out a chuckle, kissing you before he leans back against the tub again. He sighs.

"I need a distraction."

"You can booty call me anytime you want."

"See the thing is," he reaches for a wine glass on the floor," miss sexy librarian." he winks, making you giddy at the compliment. "I have a problem I need help with that is really messing with my mind." this worries you a bit, he seems really down.

"Tell me about it." he shrugs, splashing some water around with his movements.

"I'm in love with a woman I can never have." he's looking off to the side, not finding your gaze, while he takes a sip from his glass.

"I knew it." you say disappointed, reaching out for his glass and taking a small sip. "I know how to pick them. So why can't you have her? She's with another man I assume."

"Yeah, but that's..." he frowns, and takes back the glass from you "That's not the point. The point is that I'm in love with her and that's driving me crazy. I'm not in control." he downs the remaining wine in the glass and puts it back on the floor.

"You dont trust yourself around her?"

"I dont trust myself around anyone (Y/N)." you look at him raising your eyebrow, prompting him to go on. "I'm bad, (Y/N), I do things." you raise your fingers our of the water and roll your eyes, a soft 'uhh' leaving your lips. "I kill people."

"So what?" you say it without thinking, smile falling from your lips the second after, his eyes widening, and looking at you with a curious look. "I mean that's terrible...." you were getting agitated and ready to cover your slip up when we reaches under the water for your leg and pulls you closer to him, looking you straight in the eye.

"Dont be afraid. okay?" he says with a soft voice, making you feel all your muscles relax again, his eyes transfixed in yours, never leaving contact. He caresses your shoulder before sighing and reclining back on the tub. "What did you mean?" he questions again. His interest picked up, all thoughts of Elena out of his mind. For now.

"Killing doesn't bother me. I've done it before, that's why I fled from the last town to here, people were starting to get nosy. Why do you kill people?" you ask innocently, all traces of fear and embarrassment gone from your system.

"Because I like it." he was still dumbstruck with your answer. Not because he wasn't used to humans killing. But because you looked so innocent and shy just a couple of minutes before. He prided himself for being able to read people, but you? You were being a little mystery box for him. Full of surprises. "It's in my nature. It's who I am." you nod in understanding.

"Changing one's nature isn't easy. And if it pains you in any way, are you even changing for the better? Is it even worth it in the long run? Is it worth it, to destroy yourself, your identity, for someone who isn't even looking at you?" your words make him think. But his conflicted eyes tell you all you needed to know.

"But then I have to stay together to protect her, and she wants me to be the better man, which means I can't be who I am." he's snarling at the end, but he tries to keep his voice calm. "See the problem I'm having (Y/N)?"

"Well, maybe that is who you are now. Love does that Damon, it changes us." your words make a pained expression bloom on his features.

"Just stop talking. Just kiss me. Be my distraction." He leans in, taking your face between his strong hands and kissing you fervently. He moves from your lips to your jaw, and soon to your neck. He nips and licks, sucking on your soft skin until you feel a sharp pain, warm liquid rushing out and across your back. He keeps sucking on your blood, your strength to push him away soon vanishing, black spots swimming in your vision, until it all finally fades to black, your body going limp on the vampire's arms.

---

You start to feel your mind returning to your body, stirring in the soft cold sheets but a heavy weight on top of you prevents you from moving much. Your eyes flutter open to a dark room, the only light getting in was the moon through the drawn curtains. You try to move onto your left, but a solid chest prevents you, and when you try to look back, a sharp pain on your neck reminds you of what happened. Damon had bitten you and drank from your blood. But if you were awake then he hadn't killed you.

"Stop moving around, pet. It's late and I want to sleep." the sleep laced voice behind you says, pulling you closer to his chest and nuzzling his nose on the tender skin of your neck. "You smell delicious."

"You didn't kill me?" he tightens his hold on you and inhales from your pulse point for a few seconds before he just sighs and answers.

"No. What you said made me think. So I decided to spare you. For a while longer at least. Maybe you can be a good enough distraction and go out to kill with me once in a while." his voice his soothing, not matching the words he's saying at all. But in a way, you feel even more relaxed to hear them. Maybe this was the distraction he really needed. Someone who understood him, and his nature. Someone with the same urges, and cravings. Even if it was a human.

[missjackil]

The Not-So-Bitter Sam Girl

Let me first establish that I love Sam Winchester with everything in me. I eat, sleep, drink,and dream Sam Winchester. Often times, like many Sam girls, I feel like he is treated unfairly, and that makes me bitter, but I read a lot of the meta from other Sam girls, but I don’t agree with a lot of what you all are bitter about. Let me also say, that I love Dean too. The brother’s relationship is the only reason I am addicted to this show. I couldn't care less about the monsters and most side characters to be honest, but I definitely favor Sam. I have only been watching the show, via Netflix, for just under a year, but I am a CHRONIC re-watcher. There isn’t an episode or season I havent watched at least 15 times, and some more than 40 times (yes its a sickness) the only episodes I dont watch much are Bitten and Bloodlines.  I will try to explain my view on some of the most common things I see bitter Sam girls write about, and hopefully give a new perspective. WARNING: This is indeed long, you may scroll through and read topics of interest, and feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you would like to debate or discuss further :)

Dean gets more air time! From my point of view, I will agree this is the case, but not throughout the whole series. A prime example is the S4 episode In The Beginning, when Sam is only in the first 45 seconds of the episode. I dont consider this the show favoring Dean, but the knowledge that it was in a time when no one was sure if Jared could continue do to his mental health. He had a breakdown during the filming of Mystery Spot, and things were rocky for a while. I don’t know what was going on during the time of In The Beginning, but it’s quite possible that Jared needed time off. Granted there are no episodes were Dean is only in 45 seconds of, but they probably don’t like do episodes that the boys dont share time, after all, the show is about them both.  The Panic Room! Yes, definitely the panic room! It might be the first time I felt my bitter Sam girl come out. How DARE they lock him in a room to detox alone??? It tore my heart out! But on one hand, it was an extremely Sam heavy episode. We got to see inside his head through his hallucinations, which up till then, we’d only see glimpses. It was hard for me to piece together what exactly was going on with Sam in S4 until this episode. It was confusing. On one hand he had been his normal, cute, nerdy, sensitive self, but hiding his baddass, sexy, dark side. Up till then i thought he just didn’t want Dean to be angry with him for what he was doing, but then I realized, he was genuinely addicted to the demon blood, and didn’t want Dean to know because he’d want him (make him) stop, and he also feared Dean would hate him like a monster. He felt like he disappointed everyone he loved, even himself, and coming off felt like torture. (hence the Alistair hallucination) So story wise, we needed for him to be alone this time so WE the viewers would see what all he felt, which he may not have, if Dean sat with him to comfort him. And having dealt with addicted people personally, I know that sometimes, an addict will use their addiction for the sole purpose of having someone sit and suffer with them, which sometimes makes the addiction worse. However, the second time Sam was left to suffer alone in the panic room was 100% uncalled for (S5 My Bloody Valentine) If the writers wanted to show how bad Sam’s problem was affecting Dean, which Im sure it was... he could have prayed that prayer while holding Sam through the detox, and it would have been 1000 times more powerful. So this one, I am bitter as well.  Soulless Sam wasn’t that bad!! No, he wasn’t. I actually really enjoyed him! He was definitely hornier than our normal Sam, less inhibited,  snarkier, funnier, but still, not quite Sam. Why would Dean be so freaked out? Well, we’ll overlook Sam allowing him to be turned by the vamps, because Dean felt creeped out before then. So consider the fact that dozens of years, Sam and Dean were glued to each others hips for the most part. Especially when John left them alone as children, and since Sam was back from Stanford, and now, he was back from Hell, no one knew how, and not his normal self at all. Dean, being Sam’s soulmate, knew something was wrong, and at first was scared that maybe it was still Lucifer in Sam’s vessel. That to me, sounds like it could be scary. Think just for a moment, if the person you love the most, that you thought was dead, is suddenly back but not anything like they used to be. This would be terrible, especially if you thought there was a good chance they were actually Satan wearing their body.  Once Dean knew it was actually Sam, but without a soul, he could have lightened up a bit. Yes, I think so too, BUT Sam was still not anything like what Dean loved about his brother. Sam didnt love him back, didnt even care about him, he was Sam otherwise, but i dont blame Dean for wanting to get Sam’s soul back, especially with the knowledge that he could be fine, so long as he doesn’t regain the memories. And even if he did, there’s a good chance he could fix him.  Dean did act irrationally, wont argue, but we know they are both irrationally co dependent on each other, and if the tables were turned, Sam would have done something equally irrational to get Dean back. (As we see in About a Boy when Sam wasnt in favor of Dean being 14 so that the Mark was gone. He’d be willing to take Dean back, Mark included, so long as Dean was the Dean he knew and loved today) The narrative is heavily in Dean’s Favor! No, I dont think so. Occasionally yes, but for the most part no. When bitter Sam girls see Dean scolding or berating Sam for being wrong about something, most of the time Sam isn’t wrong about the thing. We see it, and most people see it, so the narrative makes Dean look like a douche. Yes, there are Dean girls that throw Sam hate all the time, but they’re not the majority. They’re just loud on Tumblr. Honestly, in real life, Dean girls, just like Dean’s looks, or personality better than Sam’s and thats simply taste. Tall, long haired, sweet, intelligent, badass, nerds arent everyone’s favorite flavor (dont know how that’s possible but....) thats fine, but ive yet to come across a real life Sam hater.  Theres some on tumblr and occasionally some might give Jared grief at a conference, but again, thats not the majority. And I see bitter Sam girls also throw the same hate Dean’s way too. But anyway, getting off point. Dean has always been “its not what you do but who you are” and Sam has always been “its not who you are but what you do” from early on. And we all know Sam’s view is better. Sam is always willing to talk, and give people/monsters a chance to choose good. Dean has only recently agreed to go that route too, but will still think “monster” first and then bend Sam’s direction. killing Sam’s friend Amy in S7 just because she was a monster, was a huge douche move on Dean’s part and everyone thought so Im sure. It was also the last time Dean killed someone for just that reason. Sam’s view of situations like that have always been to give the monster the benefit of the doubt if they wanted to be good, from the beginning, so that narrative has always been in Sam’s favor.  Dean was mad that Sam’s happy memories didn’t include him!! Not true. Dean may have been disappointed that Sam’s happy Thanksgiving memory was at someone elses house, but after that, Sam’s best memories were Deans worst. That’s what upset him. Not that Dean wasnt in them, but they were terrible times for him. When Sam was alone in Flagstaff with his dog, Dean was home worried sick that Sam was dead because he ran off while he was watching him. “And when Dad got home....” Dean probably got his ass beat. When Sam went off to Stanford, Dean says it was one of the worst nights of his life. Zachariah was manipulating their memories so it could appear they were happier without each other. Sam didnt get to see the part when he and Dean shot off the fireworks, only the part of Dean’s life when he was happy with Mom. I am sure that if they got to explore more of their heaven, they would have found plenty of memories that were just those two.  The writers feminize Sam and make him the Damsel in Distress!! Lord, I have seen HUGE meta on this and I disagree with so much. The male/female formula when there are two protagonists is a common formula to use. This is true, but it is not the only formula to use and its not always Sam that is feminized. Other formulas are the classic comedic/tragic, the big one/the small one, the smart one/the dumb one, light/dark, good cop/ bad cop and so on. The brother have fallen into all these formulas at different times. Sam has a few feminine qualities, it’s true, he cries sometimes and he’s generally nicer than Dean, he has long hair, compassionate and empathetic, he isnt as “butch” as Dean and is conscious of his diet. Dean also has feminine qualities, he cooks, cleans, and irons their clothes. He is very much a nurturer, not only to Sam but to Kevin, Garth and Charlie as well. Dean is much more physical than Sam is. Dean is usually the one initiating the bro hugs, and its not likely that the “Dean is bisexual” thing, would be a thing, if he initiated as many manhugs as Sam has. He cries more than Sam does, he admitted to have enjoyed wearing women’s underwear, loves chick flicks, and said “All women lie about their age” and Sam said “Wait, you told our waitress you’re 29″ and Dean said “Yes”. Often times Sam and Dean are paralleled with married couples, but not always, sometimes its siblings, sometimes best friends, sometimes Rocky and Bullwinkle LOL... but not always male/female, in fact, in the parallel of John and Mary Winchester, Sam is John and Dean is mom. Sam was named after their grandfather, and Dean after their grandmother.

Also, Sam is NOT a Damsel in Distress! My friend went through S1 thru 11 and counted how many times each saved the other, and Dean only beats Sam by 3 saves. Ahead by 3 out of 240 (some episodes have more than one salvation scene, some have none or they save each other) episodes is well within the margin of error and it means neither one is a damsel in distress. HOWEVER Tumblr makes Sam overly feminine! But that’s a whole other rant.  Season 8 was a horror fest of Sam hate! Omg is so was NOT! i felt there was more love from Dean towards Sam than any season before it. This season was an emotional roller coaster between the boys, its by far one of my favorite seasons (5 and 11 are my other faves) but i think all the meta written about being a Carver catastrophe and trying to explain WHY it wasnt OOC for Sam to not look for Dean, made some of you not watch the season, or at least, not all of the season, or watched it after reading the meta and thus missed the whole point. However I will agree, like even Jared did, that Sam not looking for Dean definitely was OOC for Sam, especially only knowing what we knew in the beginning. Sam went right away to the promise the boys made not to look for each other, even though he knew Dean looked for him when he went to Hell. It was very OOC for Sam to at least try to make sure Dean was dead first, he had no idea where he was, there was no blood or body, just black goo. Take into consideration that 1) It has been said that S8 was going a different route, but the producers decided to change it, so it’s likely there was more to that story than we actually got. 2) it was the beginning of the season and neither we, nor Jared knew that Sam would later say “I lost my brother a few months back, and my world imploded and everything rained down on me, and i ran” None of us knew that before hand, and Dean was never even told. All he was really told was that Sam was alone, and didnt know what to do so he fixed up the Impala, and just drove. Took time to enjoy the good things, and get a dog and a girlfriend and a home in Texas. Will I will agree that Dean didnt have the right to berate Sam, but he had every right to be hurt and feel betrayed. Sam later turned the table and berated Dean for having Benny. Again, Sam had the right to feel hurt and betrayed, but had no right to berate him, but since they both griefed each other about how they spent the last year, Ill call them both even. This fight that was nothing less than watching a married couple fighting over each other cheating, but once Sam decides to stay with Dean, and Dean cuts ties with Benny, the boys relationship is beautiful again. I say there was so much love shown even in their fighting because we learned part of the depth in which they love each other. Not unlike a married couple.” Don’t ever let someone be more important than me” And though I know, at the end of S8 when Sam was reminded of his “failure” by Dean, Sam was ready to die, but in the middle when the trails are about to start, Dean recalls what kind of life Sam wanted, and was ready to die so Sam could have it. Watch Trial and Error, I think its a great place to see where the boy’s heads are at, at that point in the season.  Dean had no right to trick Sam into letting Gadreel possess him! Absolutely true, he had no right to do that, but Dean knew it too. He knew Sam would never agree to such a thing, and he would rather die. But Dean JUST saved his life back at the church, despite that good that would come of if it Sam finished the trials. This didnt matter to Dean anymore if he didn’t have Sam beside him. It wasn’t like Swan Song... now he KNEW what life without Sam was like and didnt want to do it again. Now he sees that Sam is moments from dying, and has an option... a bad option, but an option. He acted in sheer panic. I cant honestly say I wouldnt do that either. But immediately after, Dean had regrets and fears. Did he make the right call? Was this angel gonna take Sam over or tear him apart? Dean wrestled with this every episode till they finally got Gadreel out. He knew Gadreel taking over and killing Kevin was his own fault and whatever backlash was coming from Sam, he deserved. Now after this I fully understand Sam’s hurt 100% and I think he was even hurt that Dean chose to leave afterwards, but his words at the end of The Purge hurt me for Dean’s sake. Not “Same circumstances, I wouldnt” because of course he wouldnt do the same thing. But telling Dean theres no upside to him being alive, and how Dean tells himself that he does more good than bad, but he doesnt, and “Ill hand it you, you;re willing to do the sacrificing, as long as you’re not the one being hurt” was crushing. Dean has always been hurt in his sacrificing, it was like Sam forgot Dean sacrificing his soul for Sam to live and spending 40 years in hell. So, where I will agree Dean says some crappy things, Sam has been guilty of that too. Both have every right to feel what they feel, but that doesnt give them the right to do or say whatever they want.  Dean always gets friends and Sam doesnt! Now this I think is basically their make up, not a narrative bias. Sam learned in S1, Skin that friends are a liability and having them in their line of work, puts them in danger. Sam is kind and compassionate and the one who talks to the victims and witnesses with care so they trust him, but he doesnt try to pull them closer, to be friends, because he knows its dangerous for them, as he explained to Adam in Jump the Shark. Dean knows this too, but he needs people. He makes friends and tried to have a family outside the job... it never works out, but he still tries. I think Jody is more drawn to Sam, and probably even Rowena, it also looks like Mary is more drawn to Sam,  but Sam is still leary of being close to people. I dont think this has anything to do with the writers wanting us to think Dean is more likable, but to see that the boys need different things. Like Dean has a lot of sex, he needs physical, Sam doesn’t he needs verbal. This is why he has conversations with everyone.  Dean has more dialogue than Sam! He does, often times, I guess if its measured, Dean has probably had more onscreen lines than Sam, but I think they make up for that by giving Sam the bigger story arcs. They give Jared the harder roles to act. Dean’s arcs are almost always the same, he is either more violent, or less violent, whereas Sam has been possessed numerous times, went through addiction and withdrawal, Soullessness, fighting against himself, and acting along side his own different personas, insanity, twice, hallucinations,severe physical illness, loss of loved ones,  sexual assault, and torture, torture, and more torture. He’s been as weak as a child and yet the biggest badass on the show ever. Dont think because Dean says more that Sam doesnt impact the show just as much, if not more. If both shared the same character arcs, it would be monotonous, if Dean didnt have more dialogue than Sam, compared to Sam’s story lines, Dean would look like the antagonist. Oh trust me, I wish every episode was Sam centric, but its not, thats not how the show works, and I have accepted that.  I know I missed many more, but I tried to hit all the ones I see the most meta on. i just want all you Sam girls (Bitter or not) to know that not every Sam girl has gotten as negative of a view as many of you have. Feel free to add to this if you want to, I welcome opposing view points too :)

[cyclinglegs]

I’ve doe it, after years of thinking about it, and talking about it, I’ve finally bitten the bullet. I’ve signed up for a French cyclotour in June with local outfit Unique Cycling Tours

I don’t think I’ve quite gotten my head around it yet, but having the opportunity to ride some of the climbs we see on TV is mind blowing. How about these apples.

MONT VENTOUX

ALPE D’HUEZ

COL DU GLANDON

CROIX DE FER

TELEGRAPHE

GALIBIER.

http://www.uniquecyclingtours.com/provence-and-french-alps/

There’s still some available spots if you’re interested.

Indian Pacific Wheel Race

They got off to a flying start on Saturday morning over in Freo, and as I sit here on Tuesday evening, there are 10 riders already in South Australia.  The front runner Kristof Allagaert is setting an incredible pace, having ridden 1,829km since Saturday morning.  Thats something like 82 hours somewhere around the 22 km/hr, thats not even allowing for any stoppage. Incredible stuff.

One of brilliant features of this race is the use and spread of social media covering this race. The event organiser , Jesse Carlsson, who unfortunately had to withdraw from the race on Sunday, in partnership with some prominent players in Aistralia including Cycling Tips and Curve Cycling, have been huge supports of social media around this event. Some of the features include:

Rider tracking – you can sit at your phone and watch the riders track across Australia, live. I’m not sure of the accuracy, but the tracking shows the riders barely metres apart, all withing the “No-Drafting” rules of course, incing their way across Australia. You can see when they stop, where they stop, and who’s sleeping with who. Have a look here. Indian Pacific Wheel Race Map Progress

Status Updates – Regular updates and photos on the IPWR Facebook Site Facebook – IndianPacificWheelRace

Rider interviews – Regular spot interviews by IPWR on their Facebook site. This feature really brings to the fore the character of the riders, their humor, the trials and tribulations as the days slowly go by.

And then there’s this one from South Australian Davin Harding. His character and dry wit shine through.

Rider Facebook and Instagram sites. Riders are regularly posting either themselves when they get a chance or have a support team posting on their behalf.

James Raison

Mike Hall

Kristof Allegaert

Sarah Hammond

Jackie Bernardi

The rider social edia sites can be accessed through the rider profile on the tracking tool.  Click on the rider name and the profile will pop up, giving sponsor names, social media addresses etc

Rider Sponsor Facebook and Instagram updates such as

Curve Cycling

Sportful

Rapha

Ben Rides

Apologise for the many I’ve missed.

It would be good to see mainstream media get behind these hard core athletes, the nation needs to see what these guys are doing.

And us, we should be doing everything we can to support the riders as they pass through our hometown, so track them as they come in and get out there and give them some moral support.

3 Peaks

Funny thing about the Peaks Challenge Falls Creek. After the months and months of training (remembering i only went for the weekend, i didn’t ride the bloody thing), planning, donuts, coffee and the like, the weekend went by so bloody quickly it almost feels as if it didn’t happen. But happen it did. Its an extraordinary weekend, a lads weekend away, but when you peel away the layers, its much much more. Each rider taking part has a books worth of stories in their personal struggles to get to the line, let alone ride it.

I mentioned a few posts back a gentlemen called Paul, a strong rider who last year was found bent over his bike with 2 km’s to go, suffering stroke like symptoms and unable to finish.  Unfortunately, and fortunately at the same time, he recognised the same symptoms again and chose to withdraw from the ride. Sorry to hear this news Paul, but very glad you made the right decision.

I’ve been to Falls Creek 5 times now, helped with the training for each, and am happy to report that of the 25 attempts over these 5 years, attempts where the rider actually crossed the start line, we’ve had 25 completions. There were some doubts we would achieve that, particularly as there was doubt over JK’s hamstring, something he tore about 5 weeks out, something which curtailed an already compromised training program.  Bugger us all, he did it. This guy has an  unbelievable ability to push through the mental barriers and finish against the odds.

Sitting back as a casual observer for the 3rd time this year, I was ecstatic not only seeing each of the riders in our group cross the line, but standing down at the finish line the emotions etched across the faces of each and every rider crossing the line gave only a hint if what was going through their minds, but I felt an outsider walking through finishers on the other side of the line. The looks of euphoria, pain banished, exultation, relief, disbelief scrawled across the faces was something to behold.  That was an extraordinarily hard ride to finish. I rode down to Anglers rest with a mate on the Saturday. I’d forgotten how painful that ride back up is.  My mate was tackling it for the first time.  He’s in awe of the 3peakers finishing that ride with 200km in their legs. Same here. Well done to all who completed.

On a finishing note, a couple of successes at both ends of the spectrum.

John C  was a welcome blow-in to the group, a friends friend who had set himself a sub-9 target.  JC had put the training in and was confident, but also very focused, quiet and a little withdrawn. JC rode a sub 9 ride and was understandably wrapped with the result.  At dinner on Sunday night we almost couldn’t shut him up.  Well done JC.

At the other end, Hack, who similarly came in as a friend of a friend last year but with an interrupted training regime last year, came in this year with with a few more laps under the belt, hit WTF approx before the cutoff time, beat the Trap Yard gate closure, but struggled across the top, ended up with flat batteries on his from light, and ended up getting the support of a motorcycled marshal who shone his headlights in front of Hack and another rider to help them cross the line, albeit after the 13 hour cutoff. Suffering hypothermia, Hack was taken to the medical centre for an hour or so before being released. He ended up crossing the apartments threshold to the supporting appreciative roar of our group, wide smile on his dial, pretty much summed up the weekend.

Well done all, it was a pleasure to spend the weekend with you.

A few pictures from my trip below.

Sagan has ridden La Classicissima 7 times now, with two seconds, and two fourths. Saturday was his 78th second place of his career. Imagine if just a few of those had been victories

Lakes Cycling Shoes – Lake MX 237

Before Christmas i bought a pair of Lake MTB 237 shoes, the old road shoes were falling apart, and to be honest, I was looking at buying some cx/mt shoes for my gravel road riding, and the occasional possible cross race (tbc), and the thought of buying 2 pairs of shoes wasn’t sitting well. I wanted some decent shoes, but didn’t want to spend a bucket load on 2 pairs.

After much deliberation, i decided to buy the one pair, a good pair, and not really worrying about riding road with mountain bike shoes. Yes they are a little heavier, but hey, I’m 50+ years old, so a few extra grams at the bottom end of town wont hurt that much.  On the upside, i dont have to worry about slipping over on those bloody slippery cleats whilst walking back to the table with a cuppa in each hand.

So, i bis pretty much the same as the CX 237 road shoe, but comes in a MTB package. Carbon sole, full leather upper and double boa fastening system. My first in all 3 categories.

Apart from the looks, the feature that grabbed me initially was their reputation for being wider than usual, and trying them on certainly didn’t disappoint.

The Boa fastening system provided comfortable but firm tightening across the top of the foot which steps up the control of the tightening that you just don’t quite get with my old ratchet and velcro fasteners.

Out on the road, it took a while to get used t the new fit. The first three to four 4 hour+ rides had me finishing up with a numbing left foot. I couldn’t quite figure it out, and it got a little disturbing for a while there, but the numbing on the longer rides eventually disappeared.

Those longer rides were during some of the hotter days, and invariably I’d turn up at home soaked in sweat and salt encrusted kit. Taking the shoes off after these sweat fests ��would show black staining from the black leather. A little bit disturbing, however not permanent, the stains came out in the wash and after a while, the staining stopped happening.

Once the numbing stopped, I came to admire the shoes, they are nice and stiff when i needed them to be, but super comfortable due to their width, inside fit and the nice smooooooth supple leather. They now fit like a pair of old gloves, i hardly notice them any more, which can only be a good thing. It’s probably not surprising that I didn’t notice them at all when riding up the back of falls/WTF a few weekends back.

The upshot is that I found them well suited to flat and hilly rides either on the road and gravel. I haven’t tried them in a cx race yet, but i haven’t found any reason why they wouldnt suit. The carbon sole gives these shoes excellent power transfer characteristics, with a stiff feeling under even the hardest out-of-the-saddle pedaling efforts like WTF, whilst still maintaining a good amount of flex when off the bike walking around holding onto those coffees.

The rubber MTB sole is strong and looks like it will take a lot of punishment, providing plenty of clearance for those trail riding days.

All up, I would highly recommend you have a close look at the Lake shoes next time you are looking at replacing or upgrading. I’m glad i spent the little extra on some decent shoes, and also happy i chose the MTB sole, although I’m sure there would be many roadies out there that would be frowning on my choice, but hey, I just enjoy being out in the great outdoors.

Oh, I bought these shoes at the Bike Bug in Stepney, what is rapidly becoming one of my favourite lbs’s.  https://www.bikebug.com/index.php

Milan San Remo

A classic finish to this years Milan San Remo with Peter Sagan showing that he’s was the strongest rider of the day, jumping out with around a km to go, but Michal Kwiatkowski showed on the day he was a little smarter than Peter Sagan.

A brilliant finish right down to the line.

In his seventh attempt at La Classicissima, Sagan has finished second twice, and fourth twice. Sagan’s race statistics show he has ridden 558 races, won 92 races and finished on the podium 204 times. Saturday was his 78th second place of his career.

Rider of the Week – Lorne McLurg

Thats Lorne, bottom left

Lorne is a first generation Australian of Irish parents. Eldest of three children, he was born in 1971 and raised in Adelaide. He has lived and worked interstate and overseas for a few years before returning to settle down. He is married, with 3 primary school aged kids. Lorne completed an Arts degree in Geography, that never got any serious use other than in games of Trivial Pursuit.

Now, he jointly owns a Project Management Consulting business, Moto Projects, focused on larger commercial, retail and high rise residential construction projects.

Lornes first career beyond trivial pursuit was as an outdoor adventure guide, but realized the lifestyle, although fit, fun and challenging, had its limitations…mostly fiscal. He gave that away as a full time professional endeavor after 7 years and phased across into a second career as a full-time project manager.

Lorne has been riding bikes for as long as he can remember. He was one of the founding members of the FRA PowerOn team in early 2003 and has been riding ‘pretty’ consistently 2-4 times a week with the mob since then.

I can’t see myself ever stopping riding for any reason other than obviously, life and death ones! Not known for my hill climbing capability, but more so for my love of descending…. the real reason for why we climb the hills in the first place!!

How long have you been cycling?

About 44 years…. Got a trike when I was about 2 then my first real bike…a yellow dragster…when I was about 5. Not stopped riding since then.

Was a BMX bandit in the late 70’s & 80’s, as a founding member (with my siblings) of the Tea Tree Gully BMX club, raced every week from the age of 10 til about 16.

Tea Tree Gully BMX Facebook site

I discovered road bikes when I was 14 for fitness and commuting to school, then Uni and work. Got into Mountain biking after a trip to the USA in 1992 and a chance to ride the famous Slick Rock trail amongst others around Moab and the Colorado Rockies.

I got back into regular Road biking when I moved home to Adelaide in 1996 and have been riding around the beaches and hills 2-4 times a week since then.

What got you started in cycling?

Father Christmas and from there the love of the wind in my face and the freedom to cover distance and see beautiful places under my own steam and at my own pace

How many bikes do you own and what is your main go to bike?

3, a new Canyon Ultimate SLX 9.0 purchased in Feb 2017 is the go to at the moment. I have a Specialized SWorks Tarmac SL4 currently having some carbon repairs done on it and a Specialized Crave SL 29er MTB (Single Speed) that is my go to for rides with the kids and when the weather is crap.

What bike do you covet?

I’ve been lucky enough recently to build up the bike of my dreams. The Canyon with SRAM Etap, Zipp 303 NSW’s, Garmin Edge 820 is about as good as it gets I think.

How do you store your bikes?

Mostly in the house. The MTB lives in the shed with the wife and kids bikes and the roadies live in the house where I can get at them easily for the early morning before work rides!

  Do you do all your own maintenance or do you use a LBS? If so, which one?

I do most of my own simple stuff, but when time is limited or it’s a bit trickier then Anthony Mezzini at Elbows Akimbo or Pete at BMC are my go to gurus.

What cycling specific tools do you have in your “bike shed”?

I’ve accumulated lots of little gadgets over the years. My favorites currently are my ParkTools torque driver and ParkTools workstand.

What is your favourite piece of cycling kit or accessory?

My Garmin 820. Love how it uploads straight to Strava and does live segments to help keep me honest….and my new bright blue Shimano Sphyre RC9 shoes.

What do you love about cycling?

The camaraderie of cycling with my bunch. Politically incorrect banter and the gentle push to ride more and faster, that comes with riding with a bunch of mates… that and the beer! Ride Bikes, Drink Beer, PowerOn being one of our motto’s

What annoys most about cycling?

Idiot riders who don’t show simple understanding and respect to other road users, who antagonize drivers, chase fame through social media and thus give all cyclists a bad name. It shouldn’t be that hard to ‘treat others as you want them to treat you’

Other than yourself, who is your favourite cyclist?

Peter Sagan…he’s the all-round cyclist.

If you could have dinner with 3 people in the cycling world, who would they be and why?

With a biased agenda, because I have a strong and independent daughter who I want to see having access to equal and sustainable opportunity and income – Rochelle Gilmore to discuss the challenges and opportunities in Women’s cycling and strategize how to raise it to par with the men’s league, Rob Arnold to further the discussion on how to raise women’s cycling to par with the men’s league on the basis that it’s all in the media power to do so, and Nick Green to discuss the role Australia’s peak body needs to play in developing and supporting cycling and in particular Women’s Cycling.

Where would you take them to eat?

Chianti Classico – Can’t go past a good feed of Rabbit

What are your craziest/fondest cycling memories?

Riding the burbs for hours on end with my BMX bandit mates, jumping and skidding our way down the streets and through the parks and creek reserves, getting muddy, scraped and bruised, every weekend and loving it!

Have you had any nasty crashes? If so how did the worst occur and what was the consequence?

Had my fair share. Too many to remember them all. Used to average one car hit a month when I was a bike commuter in London in the mid 90’s. Most recent nasty was being hit from behind at the finish line of a Vets Crit, by some numpty who had their head down sprinting for 20th. I hit the pavement at about 45Kph and busted 3 ribs and punctured a lung. Put me off the bike for 6 weeks.

What is your favourite post ride coffee/tea spot, and what would you normally buy as a treat?

Cibo King William Road – Been going there since it opened. Grande Flat White being my usual. Sometimes accompanied by a piece of Banana Bread….not that my gut needs it!

Do you have a favourite overseas country in mind you’d love to take your bike to?

Would love to take the Roadie and MTB back to France. Did a lot of snowboarding, rock-climbing and mountaineering there, but didn’t have the space to take the bike so would love to go back just to ride. Such awesome terrain to adventure in and the descents…breathtaking for someone like me who loves going down.

What is your favourite local training route?

Windy point to Belair, then up through the National Park via Saddle Hill Rd and on up to Crafers and back into town via the old freeway. A perfect 1.5 hr outing for me and can be done before work and herding children begins in the morning.

What is the biggest cycling lie you have told a partner?

Probably the same one’s we all try to get away with…I’ve had that ‘new piece of kit’ for ages!

What cycling related thing would you like for your next birthday?

More dope socks as I need to keep on top of my games in that department.

Is there a local cycling outfit/company/cycling club/cycling group/person that you would like to plug?

Elbows Akimbo. Anthony is a very thorough bike fitter and mechanic and generously supports our team.

Do yourself a favour and get a bike fit from him. Amazing how it can help your comfort and power

From a non-cycling perspective, what do you love about Adelaide?

I love the small city / big Country town environment. Its something we need to learn to celebrate and not condemn. Having lived and visited many cities around the world, I know we have it good here. Naysayers should try living the same lifestyle they enjoy here in Europe or Asia…unless you have a few $Mill a year in income, you’ll be very sadly disappointed.

What is your go to place when interstaters come to Adelaide?

I think the go to ride for visitors to Adelaide has to be Old freeway, over Lofty, across through Uraidla to Deviation Rd, back along Loby Rd to Basket Range, Ashton then across to Marble Hill and down Montacute and back to the city for Coffee in Vardon Place.

Is there anything else you feel like talking about?

I think I’ll have bored everyone enough by now!

Not all all Lorne, a pleasure to hear from you, love the early day BMX bandit storys, although I can’t quite get the image of you with Nicole Kidman style hair out of my head.

  Till next time

tight spokes

iPib

Race Across Australia – IPWR I've doe it, after years of thinking about it, and talking about it, I've finally bitten the bullet.