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kakusu-shipping · 3 years ago

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Tonight I am Pokemon self-insert dumping because I am feeling cringe at little me’s old self insert stories, and felt like drawing some Pokemon Teams

Lots of text under the cut

We’ll start with my cringiest one, aka the first Self-Insert I ever sat down and wrote; Pokemon Black and White

I was born in Sinnoh, left as a sacrifice to appease an erupting volcano as an infant. It both worked, and didn’t work. It worked because, yes, it did keep the volcano from erupting, and didn’t work because instead of becoming a sacrifice to some legendary Pokemon, she actually adopted me.

The Heatran within the volcano did her best to be a mother, but being made of molten metal and having your baby be a frail meat lump made that very difficult. Her husband, an Entei who’d been roaming at the time, returned and was promptly unamused by the human baby.

After a lot of debate, Entei convinced Heatran to allow him to return me to my own kind; other humans. With the promise it would not be the village that originally threw the child away.

Finding the right town to leave the baby proved more difficult than Entei imagined (mostly because he was growing attached, and refusing to admit it), and took a few years of travel across regions, looking for just the right parent at just the right moment.

Eventually, Entei and I found ourselves in the wilderness in Unova, with very alike company. A Darmanitan and a little boy simply called N.

N and I were both little, convinced we were like our fathers, fire type Pokemon. We spent days on days trying to use the most basic of fire type moves, to no luck. We “battled” and played all sorts of games. Entei and Darmanitan talked about our future.

One day, while playing hide and seek with N, I wandered a bit too far, to the edge of the woods, near Nuvema town. A little girl named Bianca and her friend Cheren where just entering the woods at the same time. I didn’t understand their words, they spoke the human language. But they took me back with them to their town, and I never saw Entei again.

The rest of the self insert is heavily built into the story line of Pokemon Black and White. Bianca, Cheren, and I are childhood friends, we go on a journy together, grow, change, and stop Team Plasma along the way.

Face offs with N are tense, I’m trying so desperately to reach him, to save him from this wicked man that took him away from his father the day I disappeared from our shared home. In the end I do punch Ghetsis right in his face. Mostly because he hit N and called him a monster, and I’m not letting that stand.

This SI also has a lot of violence, as I tend to throw myself physically at Pokemon, especially Ghetsis’ Hydreigion, which we see for the first time in Castelia City when Bianca’s Pokemon gets stolen. That fight lands me in the hospital for a few days. It pushes Cheren to become stronger even harder, it makes Bianca take a step back. I’d love to write it as a fic someday, it’s a big turning point in the story.

The team:

Weavile - Frostbite - He/Him - My first Pokemon, a friend I made while visiting Lacunosa Town as a child. He’s sharp and quick, typically the ace of the team. Loves to run into a fight, be it with Pokemon or Person.

Stoutland - Rusty - He/Him - My family’s Pokemon, originally my mother’s husband’s, a man I never met as he was gone before I was adopted, he’s watched over me sense the day I arrived to live with him and my mom. Very old, very wise, very chill.

Trubbish - Dumplin - She/Her - Bubbly, cuddly, baby of the group. Hatched from an egg found abandoned in the trash in Castelia. She doesn’t do a lot of fighting, and is scared of confrontation, but is a great cheerleader

Maractus - Marachi - He/Him - The smallest Maractus you ever did see. Completely blind as well, uses sound and echolocation from his own maraca like arms to move around. Amazing battler, and extremely loud.

Victini - He/Him - Not an official part of the team, another childhood friend of mine, locked up in Liberty Garden for his own protection. Cheren, Bianca, and I allow him free, and he decides to follow the three of us, for the fun of it.

Golurk - They/Them - Also not an offical member of the team, a large Golurk sent to protect Dragon Spiral Castle who helped us scale the castle to find N and the legendary dragon type Pokemon at the top. Afterwards, the Golurk decided to come along, flying us wherever we needed to go, to make sure I could acquire the legendary Pokemon

Self Shipped with: N

Oof.... Okay that was a lot. The other two are less! I think.

Pokemon Sun and Moon

This is another one I wrote as a kid, and it also basically follows the plot of Sun and Moon anyway with a few smaller, fun differences.

I’m Molyane’s little brother, same age and childhood friend of Hau, thus we decided to do the Trials together. We also drag Lillie along with us, we like to do that to her a lot.

I’d say, a lot like Hau, I’m very lax in this one. The journey isn’t rushed, there’s no running from objective to objective. It’s a very chill romp though Alola. A growing-pains/coming of age story for sure, as it’s mostly just Hau, Lillie, and I, being kids doing kid things.

The team is just as lax, as the only one I have a good personality and name for is my Castform; Teruteru - he/him - My first Pokemon, a very anxious and tired little guy who’s always worried about the weather, my lax nature, and the possible dangers we could get in. He’s very high strung.

In the Anime version of this Self-Insert, I’m older, only have the Shiitonic, and end up tagging along with team rocket a lot, being an unofficial member due to my crush on James.

Self Shipped with: Lillie, James

Pokemon Sword and Shield

This was the first Pokemon game I felt disjointed from the main story, so it’s not built in as taking the player character’s place, and instead being an addition to the pre-existing tale.

I’m an author living in Ballonlea, who was practically raised by Ms. Opal, and is now doing the same to Bede. We’re a found family of white haired trans people and I think that’s great. Allister is also there sometimes.

I write mainly horror and mystery novels, with my most recent Grimwood Detective series being picked up for a TV show, which has brought me much more attention than I sighed up for.

The team:

Minccino - Nezu - He/Him - My first Pokemon, a cocky little shit full of rage and ready to throw down. He absolutely hates that the series where the main character is based on him isn’t the one that got off the ground. He puts a lot of his rage twords Intelleon. The two of them fight a lot

Clobbopus - Zucker - Hatched from an egg, just a very lazy little dude. He likes to sit on my lap while I’m writing. He makes an amazing pillow.

Raboot - Ruby - She/Her - Not my Pokemon - A trans Raboot actress who was cast to play a little boy. She asked me (very violently) to change the script to allow her character to better fit her chosen gender. She’s yet been able to thank me for making the change properly, mostly being passive aggressive or hostile on accident. She has a crush on Intelleon

Scrafty - Iggy - She/Her - Not my Pokemon, Ruby’s best friend both on an off the set, trying to both help her thank me and get her together with Intelleon.

Intelleon - They/Them - Not my Pokemon, the lead actor or the television version of my book. They are constantly bothering me about the script, wanting revisions or edits to help their character appear more swauve and charming. They think they’re hot shit, and unfortunately they’re correct. Nezu absolutely hates them, and the two of them have spats all the time.

Self Shipped with: Milo, Gordie, Intelleon

#Emile's Arts #Self insert #Self ship #Two of these are really really old #Oh little baby me really really really liked Lillie #you all need to understand this self insert was so important to little me he LOVED Lillie and wanted nothing more than to hold her hand #The BW one is very violent because it was written in my obsessed with horror blood and gore phase #Very very dark and edgy younger me #Then you have the Sun/Moon one which is just a growing pains romp and I love that for me #The Swsh one is the most recent and the least story driven I feel #I liked swsh just felt hard to play the role of the plucky young protaganist when I first played it I guess #The Pokemon SUMO Anime Self Insert is newer as well technically #Sumo is my favorite part of the anime mind you it was really really good #One day I might clean these up and actually add the F/Os involved who knows #I may also one day re-write my BW self insert fics #Not change them plot wise just. Clean up the horrid writting I did back them #Mostly that Castelia scene oof #Good angst little dude #pkmn selfship

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mytherapistthinksimfunny · 5 years ago

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The Endless Thirst of Grace Michaud

It’s almost 11 pm, and in the four hours that I have been home from work, I’ve been reading articles about Adam Driver. Alone in my apartment, I snort to myself as I read The Cut’s “I Want to Be Adam Driver’s Baby” and “21 Things I Would Like to Do With Adam Driver” which I relate to a little too well. I, too, want to “peruse real-estate listings” with Adam Driver.

In my nearly 26 years of living, Adam Driver is this month’s Grace Michaud’s “It Boy.” Last month it was Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Next month? Who knows, but Henry Cavill is looking mighty fine in The Witcher.

For anyone who has ever known me, this causes little concern. To everyone joining the Grace Michaud journey: welcome. You are about to experience an everyday occurrence.

New friends, or people who only interact with me via social media: I suffer from being infinitely thirsty. My thirst can never be quenched. Usually the thirst comes at a normal level, like any thirst, and starts out as a simple tickle in the throat. If offered a drink I wouldn’t say no. But I don’t actively do anything about it. I could go for a drink, but I’m not about to get up and get one. Then the thought becomes nagging, that maybe I really should get up and get a drink right now. I’ll crave water, a simple free drink that comes from the tap. Soon my thirst becomes more distinct. I’m craving an Arnold Palmer and I need that Arnold Palmer now. I drink and drink and still I’m thirsty, drinking like I’m in the desert, about to die unless I drink the world’s entire water supply right now.

I am, of course, not talking about liquids. I’m talking about men.

An attractive male on a film or show catches my eye, and I make note. Soon I’m watching every movie they’ve ever made until I’m in a downward spiral of interviews in the trenches of YouTube and Google.

I’ve been attracted to the male species since before I could form a concrete memory. The evidence is in a video of my dad teasing me at three about a crush I have on a boy named Ricardo. Wracking my memory, the name sounds familiar, and I’m aware I had crushes when I was in preschool.

How in the world did my tiny brain comprehend the very idea of crushes? That one could feel something more than just friendship with someone? That I, a mere three-year-old just learning how to not urinate my pants, was able to identify that? I’ve dated 30-year-old men who are nowhere near that level of emotionally intelligent.

Who were you, Ricardo? Why was I fascinated with you? Was I attracted to you? Do three-year- olds recognize attraction? Where are you now Ricardo? Have you met your metaphorical Lucy?

So we begin, reader, towards an agonizing life of never-ending attraction to men. Now, I am absolutely not going to go into my dating life. That is just one long humiliating and questionable series of life decisions that even I don’t want to get into. Let’s just say, at 11, there was an entire diary entry of pictures from my yearbook of a kid named Kyle who once took a pinecone out of my hair. I shudder at the thought. And don’t get me started about junior year of high school.

I mention Ricardo to show you that my thirst for men was always there, whether I knew it or not. To me, it seems, it was just a normal feeling that was a part of me. Nothing unusual. My karate teacher was a hottie and probably why I loved going to karate. I loved men so much that I wanted to be them. I dressed in boy’s clothes, even boy’s underwear, and occasionally asked my parents to call me Michael. Now, you’re probably thinking: “Wow there is a lot to unpack here.” But this was 1997 and my parents just went along with it, not really caring as long as I went to bed when they told me to. While others may think something entirely different, I just chalk this up to being that boy crazy. I didn’t start wearing dresses until I hit puberty….but I’m already getting off topic and I don’t want this to turn into an episode of Big Mouth. Let’s try and remain focused here: I’m an obsessive person.

This is my Kindle library as of March 20, 2020:

There is a home movie of my two-year-old self pointing to my Tweedy Bird hat excitedly. “I have Tweedy Bird on my hat!” I repeat over and over with a lisp, clearly very excited I had something I loved on an item of clothing. Even then, when I loved something, I was all in.

Combine my obsessive personality with my attraction to the male species? We descend into madness, my friends. From cartoon characters, to television shows, to actors, to rock stars, to actors again. I obsess most over men I don’t personally know. Think 25 years of pictures covering walls. Merchandise. Staying up till 3 am diving into the corners of the internet for every last drop of information I could get.

And it all started with Bugs Bunny.

Bugs Bunny was my first foray into fangirl territory. It was that episode when Bugs Bunny dressed as a Viking woman that drew me into the Bugs Bunny portal of obsession. I wasn’t attracted to Bugs Bunny in drag, necessarily; I was more fascinated by the idea of Elmer Fudd falling in love with Bugs Bunny. That Bugs was a character that could be loved romantically. I know this sounds really bizarre and heavy, but I fully believe that I was fascinated by romantic love that early in my life.

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Soon I didn’t stop talking about Bugs Bunny. I had an entire Bugs Bunny tracksuit, slippers, and a doll. There’s a picture of me in my entire ensemble while holding the doll, ecstatic. For my fourth birthday my mom made me a homemade Bugs Bunny Halloween costume. Bugs Bunny was even my imaginary friend for a bit there. I must have worn out the Space Jam VHS tape.

Note the Bugs Bunny watch.

That’s childhood obsession for you. When I loved Pokemon all I would do was talk about it and dream about it.

Then it was Digimon. In twenty six years, it hasn’t stopped. Up until December of 2019, it’s been one TV show after the other, examples being Avatar the Last Airbender, Total Drama Island, The Office, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Mr. Robot, Fleabag, Frasier, and most recently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Harry Potter has always been a love for me, and I’ve been obsessed with two different book series: the comic books The Umbrella Academy (the show is a DISASTER compared to how good the comics are), and The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (a book series about a vampire; as a bonus, see how many vampires you can count). A common theme for all of these things was the fact that I was attracted to a singular male character and their relationship to others.

In preparing to write this I wrote about 6 pages worth of notes, all ranging in obsession. To completely write about every single one would take a novel with each of my multiple obsessions being individual chapters. For example, during the Total Drama Island years I was constantly up till 3 am on the weekends making YouTube videos for the show. If you can find them...I’d be impressed. (But actually, please don’t.) I’ll try to provide a list and a little comment, as I split my obsessions into various categories.

At 11, I discovered the Sprouse twins and my object of desire went from cartoon characters to actors. I was known as “the Sprouse twins” girl, specifically Cole, during sixth grade. This was the first time I covered my room and locker in posters.

A year later, we jumped dramatically and came to my obsessive emo phase. While I listened to a lot of bands, my attention was turned mostly to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. (The latter I would later meet after MCR broke up when I was about 20 years old after his solo show, and it was just as awkward as I could imagine). That’s when my room was completely covered in Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance posters. I wore a lot of black and those years were honestly my cringiest moments. Hey, we were all 13.

I started to shift more from short, skinny, guyliner-wearing men and noticing tall, muscular, and handsome ones. I can pinpoint when I started to first feel sexually attracted to a man (at an appropriate age! I was going through puberty!) when I saw the trailer for Fantastic Four, and Chris Evans came out shirtless in a towel. Oh GOD what an ICONIC moment. Goodbye Sprouse Twins, hello six packs.

The summer going into high school, I saw The Dark Knight 3 times because of Christian Bale as Batman. He walked in wearing that tight black shirt and my expectations for men from there on out would never match up to Batman. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast seemed hotter now (you all know what scene I’m talking about), That attraction became the strangest when I remarked to my friend that Ultron was pretty hot for a robot.

Maybe that’s why I love Kylo Ren so much. He’s the combination of two of my great loves: a buff emo.

The high school years followed a somewhat similar pattern, but mostly actors more so than musicians. To be fair, in high school Fall Out Boy broke up and didn’t get back together till I was in college, and My Chemical Romance only released one album in my four years. So during high school and college there weren't really any “emo” guys or musicians to lust over.

Now in 2020 I live in Brooklyn where every man and their mother is a “musician” so the whole idea turns me off. It was fun while it lasted though, and I’ll always be an emo kid at heart. I’ve seen Fall Out Boy 7 times in the last 10 years, and I paid an insane amount of money for My Chemical Romance reunion tour tickets.

High school was a time where everyone was entering a more mature phase of their puberty journey, and for me, that was lusting after men over the age of 30. I had a hella crush on Zachary Quinto (who I saw walk past me once in the Village and I almost pooped my pants) even though I knew he was gay. I went through a Freddie Mercury phase for a bit too, I mean, come on, that chest hair.

I had a few months lusting after Colin Farrell after seeing him in Fright Night (which I recently found out was written by my favorite Buffy writer! seventeen-year-old me foreshadowing the present). In The Phantom of the Opera I sided with the Phantom the entire time, wishing that I could be seduced through opera in a hidden Parisian cave. My mom introduced me to Ryan Gosling who became my dream man. While reading Great Gatsby I had a huge crush on Seth Meyers who I would imagine Nick Carraway as. He does sort of look like Toby McGuire? He was the first of many goofy men that would lead to John Mulaney, Rob Delaney, Nathan Fielder, Ben Wyatt, and Niles Crane. Chris Pratt still fits into that category, though he’s the perfect combination of goofy and buff. When The Avengers came out my senior year of high school, I saw it 4 times in the theater.

The British invasion didn’t happen until my senior year and defined my college years, with posters of Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender, Eddie Redmayne, and James Norton. My feet ache thinking about the times I waited in line at a movie premiere or a film set to get a glimpse of any of these gents. When I saw Benedict Cumberbatch on set in Boston my knees gave out. Domhnall Gleeson is also in that group of fine British men despite being Irish. It’s why I always have a moral dilemma whenever General Hux comes on screen in Star Wars. Twice I had a hardcore crush on Seth MacFarlane, going to the Ted 2 set living in Boston, waving to him as he got into his car. I would meet him again 3 years later when I worked on Harry, looking like a total disaster. But he said “hi” to me which sent me to cloud 9. I once waited in a lobby of a show to meet Lee Pace even though I didn’t see the show.

All of these men at one point adorned my room, desktop background, dorm room (which was covered in posters, no wonder I rarely ever had a boy in there), and phone background. Today my phone background is the throne room scene of Rey and Kylo in The Last Jedi. Why do you think I had Tweedy Bird on my hat? I need my obsession with me at all times and I want the world to see.

(Thank God tattoos are expensive and I was too young to get them during my hardcore obsessions. Imagine if I had a giant Total Drama Island tattoo on my back? I shudder.)

While a lot of the attraction for these men was based on personality, looks, and accents, I also have a tendency to become enamoured with villains and dark characters. In 1999 I was in the movie theater seeing The Phantom Menace. Up until that point, there were virtually no children featured in Star Wars films, so when a young Anakin Skywalker graced the screen, my five-year-old heart would not stop beating. I loved him so much, I carried a Pepsi bottle with his image on it everywhere I went. I slept with it. My comfort blanket was a Pepsi bottle with a picture of a nine-year-old boy.

I had the famous Phantom Menace poster with young Anakin Skywalker with the shadow of Darth Vader behind him. I distinctly remember my dad telling me in the theater, “That’s Darth Vader as a little boy.” When I saw Return of the Jedi my favorite scene was when Luke took off Vader’s mask, because you got to see Vader’s real face for the first time. That Vader actually was a human and not a monster fascinated me to the point of obsession which, as you probably have figured out, still carries over to the sequel trilogy.

Bugs Bunny established my fanaticism, but Anakin Skywalker determined my type: men presented as villains but actually are redeemed over time. Through the years I think I’ve enjoyed getting to figure out someone. Their character is presented as one dimensional, and then even the tiniest thing that strays from that is seen as fascinating. There’s a great quote from an Adam Driver profile in the New York Times that I think encapsulates it:

“A manner so resolute that when some emotion does manage to escape - whether through a glint in his eyes or the unpredictable undulations of his voice - that transgression can’t help but take you by surprise.”

Now my therapist says that probably comes with my need to help and fix the real boys in my life. We both joked that our favorite character in A Haunting of Hill House was the drug-addicted little brother.

I think it is totally unfair, because I know that I can’t personally help them... though ok, she may be a little right.

While I enjoy “complicated” from afar, it does subconsciously fulfill the need for what I can’t do in reality, which is being someone’s reason to change. Mostly through love. Turns out, in real life, it is far less romantic to be dating someone with a lot of emotional issues! Who knew!

You decide for yourself. Here are all the fictional characters I’ve obsessed over who fit this category:

-Kylo Ren (I mean, duh)

-Prince Zuko (the original Kylo Ren)

-The Phantom of the Opera (Thank you, Leslie Knope)

-Damon from Vampire Diaries

-Hot Priest from Fleabag (ok not a villain but he’s supposed to be a holy man and you think aw he’s never gonna...AND THEN HE DOES!)

-Mr. Darcy (again not a villain but he was to Elizabeth at first!!!!)

-Duncan from Total Drama Island

-Draco Malfoy (that bleached blonde hair attraction still hasn’t gone away, oops)

-Spock in JJ Abrams’s last good movie Star Trek

-Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (oh if my heart could beat it would break my chest, how many times have I cried over that sweet platinum blonde baby?)

Look, I know this is all fictional and in no way real. None of these men exist and are all a fantasy. Hey, I watch You and am extremely creeped out by Joe! I don’t root for him! I also hope I don’t stay this way forever. I really don’t want to be a Twilight mom. I’ve calmed down in my old age, ok? I don’t wait in the cold for hours at a stage door anymore, and I go on real dates now. I’ve even had a few boyfriends in my days who were nothing like the men I lusted after nor did I even compare.

I completely agree that all these men would be horrible to date! Draco Malfoy was totally a bigot and bully. Kylo Ren killed his dad, and I have a good relationship with my dad, so I can’t really relate. And yes, Spike before he got his soul is nothing to wish for in a boyfriend, even if it was fun to watch him. Kylo Ren and Spike have killed multiple people. I’m not down to date a murderer.

One day I’ll be able to consume something I enjoy and move on after a week. Growing up, mundane suburban life was a little more interesting when you get lost in a fantasy for a while. To be focused on something other than school, work, or even your own anxieties. If anything, I think my obsessive personality towards men in particular just pushes me to look for more and to yearn for more instead of being depressed that I don’t get to live it. I don’t just settle for the first boy to like me back. I strive to one day not to marry a celebrity, a comedian, or an anthropomorphic cartoon character, but someone who makes me feel like I’m the heroine of my own show.

For now, I’ll just wait for the Phantom to spring me into his underground lair.

Taken 2 minutes before I published this.

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