#i am sure there are trans girls who have gotten this too to some extent maybe in a different form though

[peridyke]

ok. life defining early lesbian experience: when you're a shy and awkward little nerd kid in middle/high school and other more feminine and extroverted girls in your class take notice of you and tell you how they want to try putting makeup on you and see how pretty you would look. the sensation of another girl getting so close to your face. the intimacy as they gently stroked their lipstick across your lips. the cold sensation as they brushed liquid eyeliner over your lids. their gentle voice telling you to blink as they held the mascara wand under your eyelashes. their breath warm on your face and their lips up close to yours as they smiled and told you how pretty you looked with makeup on. all the while the last thing you cared about was what your face would look like when it was over

[bonemarroww]

Something Else - Trans!(O) Amajiki Tamaki x (A) F!Reader

Summary :  “You’ll get there someday!” Mirio always says. “You’ll do better next time.“  Tamaki doesn’t want to get there someday. And if every Alpha always does, well, maybe he’s something else then.

Warnings: None.

(I do not own the picture)

AO3

Prologue |  Chapter 1

————— Chapter 2

“Look at that! Tamaki smiling! If it isn’t a good day!” Mirio grinned as he walked with his friend to the place where they were supposed to meet with Nejire and their new friend.

The Omega had quickly taken to the Alpha girl. Though a bit jealous of the time the two spent together, Mirio and, to a lesser extent, Tamaki, were happy to see them getting along. She was an honorable Alpha, Mirio had made sure to know before letting her hang out alone with his Omega, and a nice friend.  

Though she mostly hung around the bubbly Omega, her favorite member of the Big Three was without a doubt Tamaki. As much as she kept her distance physically from Nejire, to avoid a scene with the girl’s mate, Tamaki seemed to have the opposite effect, and it was not rare for her to sit just a bit closer to him than she would anyone else. Weirdly enough, it did not bother him so much, and in the few weeks of getting to know her, he had not yet gotten used to how her scent made his head spin.

Though he was a bit jealous from all the time she and Nejire spent together, most of all because he knew the Omega could probably smell how amazing the Alpha’s scent was, at least, he had the proximity.

In the few times when they would eat without the couple, she often shared a bit of her food with him, asking him to manifest it in front of her. She was curious and amazed by his quirk, in a way that made him nervous in a good way.

It did help that her food was always so good. She always prepared it herself in the kitchen of the dorms, often in large portions to make sure to send off her friends in UA with a good meal. When he had asked how come she knew how to cook that well, she had shrugged, unimpressed with her own skills.

“We’re a lot of Alphas in my family, so every summer, the elders gather to teach the youngers how to best take care of our Omega.” Her eyes had twinkled when she had mechanically placed another portion of Takoyaki in his plate. “Cooking, cleaning around the house, gifts, showing affection, all that stuff.”

Tamaki blushed when he remembered how the Takoyaki had tasted like a special treat made just for him. She had a way of making him feel... special. She shielded him from what he did not like about himself. Her nature made her act around him like he had seen her do a lot of her friends, from the other side of a hallway; taking care of them.

He had dared ask her, blushing terribly and looking at his feet, if she was putting all this knowledge to use with an Omega that would be dear to her heart. She had laughed and said she had not yet found the one for her. At her answer, a lot of tension had left his body; tension he did not know he had.

Right now, as Tamaki was heading towards the girls sitting under a tree a few meters ahead of him and Mirio, he was keeping the memory of her tenderness towards him close to his heart.

“I’m serious, you seem happier these days.” Mirio insisted as they neared the girls.

Tamaki shrugged, but he could not help the tiny smile on his lips.

“I-I guess I am happy.”

He could see Mirio was about to ask something, when another voice cut them.

“Amajiki! Come sit here, I have something new for you to taste!” The Alpha girl was grinning, patting the spot to her left as Nejire was already sitting a little far off on her right.

The blonde immediately sat down next to his mate, nuzzling into her hair for affection. Tamaki complied, joining his new friend on the ground.

As he knew she would, she subconsciously moved a little closer to him, and as she bent towards her bag to pull out his extra lunch, exposed her unmarked neck. The shy boy uncontrollably salivated, and it was not from the good smell of the food.

Looking away ashamed and confused, he accepted the box when it was extended his way, opening it to reveal tasty looking strips of meat.

“It’s goat meat! I don’t know if you have ever eaten some, but it’s pretty tasty. I wonder what you could manifest from it...”

The meat was tender, somehow still warm, and Tamaki closed his eyes to savor it. He did not immediately activate his quirk, preferring to enjoy it a little bit longer. The Alpha had made this food for him .

“I want to taste it too!” He vaguely heard his friend comment enthusiastically.

It was almost as if he was her Omega.

A low growl interrupted his thoughts, and he opened his eyes in a start. In the time he had closed his eyes, the blonde Alpha had gotten closer, leaning over him to take a strip of meat for himself, coming into his personal space in the process.

His gaze turned to the Alpha on his side, as if in slow motion, and he saw the flash of her canines, her steely gaze set on Mirio; until the next second, when her hand flew to her mouth to cover it, and her eyes grew distressed.

“I’m so sorry!” There was still a trace of the growl in her voice, though she tried her best to muffle it.

Faster than any of them could react, she was on her feet, putting some distance between them as she walked away.

“What happened?” Nejire asked, concerned, as Mirio leaned back on his heels, equally as confused.

Tamaki quickly got up, before following his friend. She hadn’t gone very far, simply leaning on the other side of a nearby tree, taking deep breaths with a hand resting on her clavicle.

She immediately noticed his presence. Her cheeks looked warm with obvious embarrassment.

“A-are you okay?” He timidly asked, looking into her eyes in search of a deeper sign of her being upset.

The girl smiled to reassure him; even in her state.

“I’m fine, I’m sorry you had to witness that. Why don’t you go back to the others and I’ll join you in a minute?”

Tamaki nodded, feeling powerless as to how to cheer her up. One of his hands shyly found her shoulder, the way Mirio would often pat his when he was upset. It felt weird, as his inner Omega cried at the distance between them. He should be wrapping his arms around her, nuzzling her neck, not awkwardly standing so far from her.  

“You-you’re not leaving, are you?”

She shook her head, and even chuckled a little.

“If I was leaving, I’d take my stuff with me.” Her voice was meant to be comforting, yet Tamaki couldn't help but doubt.

“Do you- Do you want me to b-bring you your stuff?” His voice was meek at the thought of already saying goodbye for the day.

Her hands finally left her chest and she pulled him in for a quick hug, and Tamaki stopped breathing. He had never been this close to her in their acquaintance; in fact, he had rarely ever been this close to anyone else.

Her scent of fresh verbena flooded his nose, and it took every bit of control in him not to purr or chirp happily at the sensation. It was so much better than cradling her scarf... Alpha smells so good. Never let go.  

“Oh, no, honey. I’m fine, really.”

The embrace was gone as quickly as it had started, and Tamaki went back to his friends with his cheeks red but a tiny smile on his lips. It disappeared as soon as he saw the worry in his friends’ expressions, and he sat back awkwardly with them.

“She’s coming back.”

True to her words, the Alpha walked up to them a couple of minutes later, making sure to sit a bit further away from all of them this time, especially Mirio. Her cheeks had found their natural color again, though she still appeared embarrassed.

“I’m sorry... My inner Alpha’s a bit overzealous. It has nothing to do with you, Togata.”

Both the males’ eyes lit up in understanding, while Nejire cocked her head to the side. Alpha overzealousness was not a foreign condition to them, and was in fact pretty common in families who fell a lot on that side of the spectrum, like that of their new friend.  

Alphas of this condition were more territorial, more attached to their nature. They would often live among Betas and Omegas, as they felt a strong need to protect and care for both, but in return, found interacting with other Alphas difficult, if not entirely unpleasant.

It suddenly appeared to Tamaki that he had never seen the sweet-scented Alpha in company of any other of her kind, except for... him. Even Mirio; She always sat opposite him whenever they ate together, and never seemed too interested in hanging around him alone. Though the shy boy had never met her friend group, she had mentioned several times that they were mostly Betas and Omegas.  

There was no doubt she liked his company, though, and Tamaki felt his ears grow hot at the thought.

“It’s no problem.” The good-natured blonde waved her apologies away.  

Nejire blinked, looking at Tamaki, and their Alpha friend, and Tamaki again, eyes wide and round with confusion.

“I’m just surprised you’re so close to our Chicken-heart, if your Alpha is so... potent.”

Their friend chuckled awkwardly, having one of her hands come and rub the back of her neck.

“Oh, my Alpha is very attached to Amajiki. It may be because of how we met, but I’m feeling quite protective over him.” Her eyes widened. “Not that I don’t think you can protect yourself! You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

Tamaki’s entire face felt like burning; but the little smile he hid behind his next mouthful of food betrayed the way he was preening at the compliment. She seemed to relax at his reaction; many an Alpha would have been vexed or ashamed to have another one feeling the need to protect them.

The boy couldn’t understand why; knowing she felt that way about him made him feel covered and cared for.

And if that made him Omega, then... He was fine with it.

Tamaki knew it not to be the best idea to nest again in his dorm room; but after spending an entire afternoon with the verbena-scented Alpha, he couldn’t stop himself. They had walked around town, had a late lunch, and spent some time just resting in a park. The air had been cold, and Tamaki had scolded himself for not bringing warmer clothes than his usual attire; that is, until the Alpha had smiled knowingly and pulled another scarf from her bag.  

She always carried one more pair of gloves and a scarf, at this season, she had told him; so that if one of her classmates forgot, she might lend them. The feeling of her scent surrounding him had felt familiar. He had not talked for the next twenty minutes, too flustered to think of anything to say except a quiet word of thanks.

Now in his small nest, he breathed in his shirt; which still held the faintest trace of her scent from where the scarf was tucked under his coat.

Would he die before ever telling her how her scent made him feel? Probably.  

Would he still steal these moments to himself, indulging in the fantasy of her knowing how he felt and taking care of him all the same? Yes.

Tamaki did not entertain the idea that the girl would ever truly be interested in him; she knew him as a peer, his scent was that of an Alpha, and so were his pheromones. Made to keep other Alphas at a distance...

While he did not think she considered him a potential mate, Tamaki had, in the weeks of knowing her, come to terms with the fact that he did. What little Alpha instincts that remained in him were itching to impress her, show her he would be good. He was now in the uncomfortable situation of wanting nothing more than to court her discreetly, but not knowing how to, and not sure if he was willing to jeopardize their current friendship.  

She liked him as the shy Alpha she had met, but, would she like him if he presented to her as something else? As an Omega ? Would she accept it if he let his experimental tendencies show?

The sound of a door closing in the next room pulled Tamaki from his thoughts. Mirio must have come back from his internship duties at Night Eye’s agency a bit earlier than Tamaki had anticipated. Good. At this hour, there weren’t too many of their classmates present yet in the dorms, and the shy boy had an important discussion to have with his best friend.  

After a lot of anxious thoughts, sleepless nights and timid bursts of confidence, Tamaki had come to the conclusion that he wanted to tell Mirio. He really did. He knew the blonde to care a lot about him, and it would be overall much easier to be himself if the closest friend he had knew. Tamaki was even kind of excited to talk about it to Mirio, whom he knew to be very much involved in his Omega’s life.

Next step would be to tell Nejire. He knew she would be overexcited to have one more thing in common with him. Tamaki could already hear her blabbering about showing him the best way to arrange a room to reveal the bet nest spots, or some other thing her eager mind would want to share with him.

He had decided he would tell them, and soon, starting by the Alpha. Even though he could not help the nervousness from making his hands all sweaty and his cheeks all red, he was looking forward to the time when he would not have to choose between his best friend and his real self.

That thought was what led him to put on a clean shirt, tidy his nest a little, and leave his room to knock on Mirio’s door.

“Oh, hi Tamaki! What’s up?” the blonde smiled at him with his usual liveliness.

The dark-haired boy gulped, and his hands found each other to keep his fingers occupied.

“There’s, hm, there’s s-something I wanted to t-tell you, and... Hm, show you? I-if you have the t-time. It’s, hm, p-pretty important.”

The blonde lifted an eyebrow, and Tamaki blushed, before nodding to the door of his own room.  

“Of course!”

The part of the shy boy that was half-hoping his friend would not have the time shuddered in uneasiness, but Tamaki was determined. He had lived long enough as someone he was not. Mirio deserved to know, and he, Tamaki Amajiki, deserved to be himself around the people he loved.

The elf boy let his inner pep talk guide them to the door of his dorm room, and after a deep breath, he entered. Before he could find words and the will to tell them, Mirio beat him to it.

“Wow, sick nest, Tamaki!” Mirio’s face broke into a confused grin.

A sigh of relief left the shy boy –his friend seemed in good spirits about this– as he mindlessly took a nearby plush in his arms. It was one his Alpha had gotten him a few weeks before. She had seen the little octopus in the plush store as she was looking for a gift for her youngest sister, and couldn’t help buying it for him. Tamaki had kept it close since, sleeping with a stuffed animal for the first time since he was a child. Alpha can provide.  

He dreamt of being bold enough to ask her to scent it for him, so that he could openly cuddle into her smell and not feel like a creep sniffing the leftovers of their hanging out. Maybe she would accept, out of friendship; or maybe she would refuse to fuel his crush and leave him to die of embarrassment and heartbreak.

Seeing his best friend’s confused good humor did make him feel a bit better, though he was still lost on where to start.

“So, is this about–”

“No!” The shy boy flushed bright red, knowing from Mirio’s look who he was referring to. “N-not really.”

He squeezed the plush further against him.  

“It’s- It’s just... Everything feels m-more intense with her. N-natural. I l-like who I am when I’m... when...” He did not dare mumble the rest of his thoughts, afraid of rambling too much.

Mirio nodded in understanding. “I felt the same when I started courting Nejire. Like all these things we read about suddenly make sense!”

Tamaki looked down into his arms, shaking his head slightly.

“Except you’re an A-alpha, and she-she's an Omega, so it’s n-normal it makes sense to you.” His last words felt just a bit too bitter, and the shy boy immediately slapped his mouth in remorse. It wasn’t a nice thing to say, he figured, to his friend who was trying to understand. “Sorry...”

To his surprise, Mirio let out a little laugh, rubbing his neck in what seemed to be guilt.

“No, I’m sorry. You’re right, I probably can’t understand. Have you felt this way for a long time?”

God, he would resent him for keeping “it” a secret for so long. Should he lie? How could he explain?

“I- I n-never r-really felt like... like an Alpha ...”

Tamaki really wished his admission didn’t have to bring guilt to his blonde friend. When Mirio hung his head slightly, the Manifest user didn’t know how to feel. Congratulations, Tamaki. Way to make your best friend feel like shit. Still, in the way the blonde relaxed slightly, the shy boy read relief.

“I’m glad, then. I was a bit afraid you were trying to change yourself because of your crush.” Mirio let out a light-hearted laugh, and Tamaki’s pointy ears felt like burning at the mention. “But you’re just asserting your own person, and it’s amazing! I’m just sorry for pushing you in the wrong direction for so long. It’s really brave of you to have tried so hard to be someone you were not, when you shouldn’t have had to.”

Tamaki smiled timidly.

“I-it’s okay.”

Mirio took in the nest in the corner of the room, arranged in a fashion they had both seen Nejire do hers.  

“So, you identify as an Omega?”

To have this discussion, on Mirio’s usual light but determined tone, Tamaki was surprised he didn’t feel the need to face the nearest wall. His friend’s eagerness to know all about him was... pleasant.  

“I’m... n-not a hundred percent sure yet, but... I think so.”

Mirio chuckled light heartedly, almost as a second thought.

“That’s great. If I may make a suggestion, though?”

It was Tamaki’s time to be confused, as his blonde friend pointed to the scented shirt he had obviously been cuddling before leaving his room.

“You should really ask her to scent you something officially, a mate could skin you for what you’re doing.”

Cue Tamaki burying his face in the plushie, muttering an indistinct and embarrassed mess of words, much to Mirio’s amusement.

[connan-l]

Flower Person

Fandom: The House in Fata Morgana

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationship: Maria Campanella/Iméon

Summary: Iméon wasn’t the kind of person to care about flowers and she never liked receiving these as gifts, but could she really refuses it when a pretty blond woman she doesn’t know show up on her doorstep with a bouquet of lilies? [Femslash February 2021 Day 24: Lily]

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Link on Archive of Our Own

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Notes: So, I admit I actually tend to headcanon Iméon as being nonbinary/trans masc, which wouldn’t really fit a femslash event, but well as far we know in FataMoru canon she still identifies as a woman. Another headcanon of mine is that Iméon does remember her past life even after being reincarnated (which is what happens in the short story ‘Tír na nÓg’), and I wrote the fic with that in mind. Also I know Iméon likely just goes by ‘Noémi’ in the modern era, but… weh, I’m too used to refer to her as ‘Iméon’ lol.

This takes place after Reincarnation so spoilers for all the games, and there are also brief references to the short story ‘Girl Hunt Girl.’ (If you don’t know about it, it’s just a very short post-Reincarnation story where Iméon meets Ceren in Paris by saving her from a conman.) And warning for slight drinking/alcohol, I guess.

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Iméon had never been a flower person.

It wasn’t like she hated them or anything, but she couldn’t really unsderstand what people found so captivating or pretty about these plants. They smelled nice, sometimes, she supposed — but that was the extent of the qualities she’d gave them.

She had told as much to Michel once when they stopped by a flower shop so he could buy a few roses for his wife — the fact this guy ended up getting married was still mind-boggling to her even months after she’d learned that fact — and he laughed, saying he used to think the same ‘back then’ but that now he couldn’t help but love them. He hadn’t explained to her how this change of heart happened, but Iméon could guess pretty easily it was also a courtesy of Giselle.

In any case, that was also why people never offered her flowers as gifts, either — the only time she could remember this happened was when she was maybe eight or so and her grandma had given her a bouquet of hydrangeas. Iméon had never been able to tell the absentminded sweet old lady that she couldn’t care less about those flecks of blue-purplish petals and she’d unfortunately had to keep them in her room against her will until they withered.

Tonight, however, would mark the second time of flower-offering she’d received in her life, because the first thing she saw upon opening the door after it rang twice was a huge bouquet of lilies, followed by a turf of messy, short blond hair and a pair of clear green eyes that popped out just barely above the white bell-shaped plants.

“So, okay, here’s the thing,” her visitor started, trying to speak clearly in spite of the enormous gift in her arms that was camouflaging almost all of her upper body. “That’s kind of a long story, but bear with me. There’s this dude where I work — a client — who sort of got a crush on me. Not, like, the creepy kind, but still pretty annoying. He hit on me a few times, and despite me trying to fucking tell him subtly, ‘Hey, dude, not interested, let it go,’ he brought me this tonight upon seeing me. I thought at first about throwing it away in the trash cause flowers are not my thing, you see? But then my boss — I mean Giselle, you know her too, right? — threw a damn fit, ‘bout how it wasn’t nice for him and those were such beautiful flowers or something, so I was like ‘then take them cause I don’t want this’ but she refused cause Michel is allergic to lilies or something and — who the fuck even is allergenic to goddamn lilies? Anyway, after that I—”

Iméon blinked incredulously, trying to makes sense of why there was a short irritated blond woman with a thick Italian accent she didn’t know in front of her who kept rambling on and on at her at eight in the evening. She seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t recall why — where had she seen her before?

“—asked my stupid childhood friend cause of course she’s the kind of gal who’s into flowers and stuff, except I forgot she was in Amsterdam to introduce her creepy boyfriend to her parents, but as a result the only person left was fucking Jacopo and I sure as hell wasn’t going to show up to this dumbass’ door to give him some lilies — and then it hit me; ‘Oh, there’s this chick who’s friends with Michel and Ceren and doesn’t live far away, so why not check her out!’ And so here I am.” She finally stopped and breathed in deeply. “So. Yeah. Want some lilies?”

The names of Michel and Ceren awakened Iméon’s memories and she realized it was, indeed, because of these two that this woman was familiar to her. More than a year ago, she had met Ceren by coincidence and helped her out of some trouble and since then they’d become good friends, and she managed to meet Michel again a few months later. Seeing her old friend from a past life neither of them should remember had been quite a shock — though a pleasant one — but discovering that somehow he’d gotten married to a bubbly lady and now lived in the same building as the goddamn little witch who’d messed around with them had been quite confusing. And to top it off, apparently Michel also knew Ceren because she herself was friends with said little witch. Fate really was a funny thing.

In any case, about three weeks ago she’d briefly gotten introduced to this woman by Giselle, but it had been a five minutes meeting so the encounter had quickly left her mind. If she recalled her name was… Martha? Marianne…? Mar—

“Oh, Maria,” she suddenly said out loud, snapping her fingers, and the woman frowned at her.

“What?”

“Your name. It’s Maria. Right?”

“Wait, you only now remembered who I was?”

“Yep.”

“Maria is like, the less forgettable name in the world? How did you do to forget that?”

“Sorry. I’m just not good with names. And faces. And people.”

A big silence propagated between the two of them, and then Iméon cleared her throat.

“You know… if you wanted to ask me out on a date, you could’ve just… said that. Or ask Michel my number or something.”

Maria arched an eyebrow at her, looking genuinely surprised. “What? Wait, no, that wasn’t… it’s not what it’s about.”

“No?”

“If I wanted to ask you out, I’d just do that. I’m not the kind of person to make excuse or beat around the bush.”

Iméon literally knew nothing about this woman, but somehow she could believe that.

“Oh. Okay. So it’s… really just about the lilies.”

“Yeah.” Maria marked a pause. “It did sounds less weird in my head when I thought about coming here. But I’m just, uh… a bit desperate to get rid of these.”

Iméon hummed thoughtfully and crossed her arms. Desperate was indeed quite an apt descriptor — her hair was all disheveled, her clothes unkempt and she appeared out of breath, as if she had run left and right for a long time to try to get someone who’d agree to take in the huge bouquet.

Iméon wasn’t a flower person, but… she didn’t mind accepting a few lilies for this one time.

“All right. I’ll take it,” she conceded, and Maria seemed so relieved to hear that it was almost comical.

Iméon gathered the flowers into her arms, the soft perfume tickling her nostrils and the petals brushing her cheeks, and then she turned around towards Maria once again. She was clearly about to leave and go down the stairs, but somehow Iméon felt a tinge of pity for her to have to yet again hurry to go home, so she grasped her wrist.

“Hey, no need to rush out of here. I was just about to eat something, so… Wanna have dinner with me?”

“What? Really?”

Iméon flashed her a smile. “Sure. I mean, you’re a friend of Michel, so I’d feel bad to just let you go home like that.”

Maria stared at her in silence for a while, as if hesitating, then returned her smile. “Oh well. Not like I had anything else to do anyway.”

And so the both of them stepped into the small two-room apartment together — the inside was a mess, to be honest, with various clothes and papers laying around, but Iméon didn’t care in the least and neither did Maria apparently as she threw herself on the couch without eve asking. Iméon somehow managed to install the lilies in an empty jar on the table, then tranquilly started to prepare their meal. The dinner only consisted of a quick reheat from yesterday’s leftovers and Iméon had always been far from being a super good cook, but it didn’t matter much as the room quickly got filled with cheerful chats and laughters. They talked about their common friends and then their jobs and movies and Maria’s home country, and while Iméon wouldn’t reveal too much about herself and was careful to keep her walls up even once they added a few beers in the mix, she had to admit she felt quite comfortable with this woman whom she couldn’t even remember the name a few hours prior.

Maria was a fun and easygoing person to talk to and despite her crude words and rough attitude she had a smile as bright as the sun, and it just felt nice to be around her.

“So you’ve only moved in here recently?” Maria asked.

“I don’t like to stay in a same place for too long. That’s just not in my blood. I travel a lot too, went to a bunch of different countries…”

“Hmm. I get that. I traveled around quite a bit too before coming to Paris.” She sighed, then stared vacantly at her beer. “I wonder if I should try going moving somewhere else again. I mean, I like it here, but…”

Maria fell silent, suddenly looking surprisingly melancholic. But in a way, Iméon felt she could understand that. She herself had spent most of her life jumping from a place to another ever since her parents kicked her out of the family house, and she liked living that way, but occasionally she wondered if it wouldn’t be best to find somewhere to truly settle in and call home. Maybe she envied Michel’s stable life a little bit for having this, or Ceren’s airheadness for never even questioning what the future might held in for her.

In that sense, she got the feeling Maria was more similar to her because of that. Weird, given she’d basically been a stranger to her only a few hours ago.

As Iméon was still lost in her thought, Maria abruptly rose up from her chair, almost knocking over the lilies from the table. “Oh, wow, fuck! I didn’t realize it had so damn gotten so late! I should go now.”

Iméon looked at the clock, and it was indeed already past three AM. She also had not noticed the time flee at all.

“You sure you don’t want to spend the night here?” Iméon asked while Maria hurriedly put on her coat. “I mean, we did drink quite a bit, and there’s no metro at this time…”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll call a taxi or something. Ugh, and tomorrow I have to work… I’m going to be a fucking mess and Giselle’s gonna have my head.”

“Giselle?” Iméon repeated, because she didn’t know Michel’s wife all that well but somehow she couldn’t picture her as the kind of employer who’d got angry at anyone.

“Yeah, she seems all cute and sweet like that, but she’s actually fucking scary and ultra perfectionist at work. Don’t let her fool you.”

“Huh… I’ll remember that.”

Maria grabbed her last beer and gobbled up all that was left of it in one shot, before quickly heading towards the door. She stopped her pace on the doorstep, however, and turned around towards Iméon.

“Thanks for tonight,” she said, smirking. “It was fun. Let’s do this again.”

“Sure. No problem.”

Maria stared at her, seemed to hesitate, then finally leaned forward and kissed her. It was a pretty brief kiss, lips only brushing against each other, but Iméon still hadn’t really expected it and she blinked back at her when she pulled back.

“I thought the bouquet wasn’t an excuse?”

“It wasn’t,” Maria argued. “That was just as thanks for the meal. Now, I really have to go, so see ya!”

She waved at her with a smug smirk, as if she was quite proud of herself for what she had just done, and then disappeared in the stairs. Iméon still felt pretty confused, but she was much too tired to try to think more about it.

So she got back inside her place, locked the door, and found herself face to face alone with the big bouquet of lilies.

For a brief second, she felt kind of bad for the guy who’d bought it for Maria in the first place, and it was kind of annoying she’d have to keep that bouquet until it wither away like her grandmother’s hydrangeas, but…

If it meant she’d get to have a fun evening dinner and a kiss from a hot Italian woman, maybe it had been worth it.

[eldritchsurveys]

209.

Are you a mean drunk? >> Not unless I also happen to have sensory overload or something else that overrides my ability to be sanguine.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music? >> Sure, I suppose. To be honest, I’m not sure what qualifies as “mainstream” anymore; I feel like it used to be a lot easier to make that divide.

Do you think you're pretty? >> That’s not the word I’d use, personally.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? >> Yes.

Do you go clubbing? >> No.

Are you a hopeless romantic? >> Not unless it’s on behalf of fictional characters.

When do you have to wake up tomorrow? >> Whenever I damn well please.

Do you think Ludacris is ugly? >> No.

Do you fit any stereotype? >> Yeah, probably. Shoving people into stereotypes is kind of an art form amongst us as people, so I imagine it wouldn’t be difficult to do it to me.

Do you associate songs with memories? >> Yeah, the things I remember best usually have songs attached to them to help the memory persist.

What's the weather like where you live? >> Right now? Snowy. :|

What's your opinion of Lady Gaga? >> I like her music.

Do you appreciate raunchy humor? >> Sometimes.

Do you ever listen to Lily Allen? >> No.

Have you ever been racist? >> I’m sure I have.

Have you ever added someone you don't know on Facebook? >> No.

Do you make playlists? >> I have a couple on Spotify but I rarely do anything with them. Except for the Shower playlist, because obviously I use that when I shower.

What's your worst feature? >> *shrug*

Have you ever kept a diary? >> I’ve kept quite a few.

Do you actually use your calendar? >> I don’t have a [paper] calendar.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone? >> No.

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet? >> Yes.

Are you an angry person? >> Yeah, I’m pretty angry about some things. Mostly it manifests as depression, because I’m not really aggressive by nature.

Are you close with your family? >> ---

What kind of music do you listen to when you're sad? >> Usually just stuff I like. I don’t necessarily gravitate towards sad-sounding music.

Do you like hippie jewlery? >> Uh.

Have you ever used the word "groovy"? >> Probably.

What are your grades like? >> ---

Have you ever watched the original british skins? >> No.

Do you like oreos? >> No. I do like crushed-up Oreo (the cookie part) in like McFlurries and shit. I like the texture.

Have you ever had a sex dream about someone you barely know? >> Most of my sex dreams have been about either celebrities or some NPC my brain made up for the purpose of the dream.

Were you a cute baby? >> I don’t know, probably.

Do you ever listen to angry girl music? >> Uh...

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? >> Probably not.

Have you ever sold drugs? >> No. I mean, let’s be real, even if I had I probably wouldn’t tell the internet.

What color are your headphones? >> Black.

What are you like first thing in the morning? >> It depends on how I woke up.

Do you get crazy sex hair? >> No.

Do you download your music illegaly? >> Not anymore, I just use Spotify now. It’s easier.

Have you ever crashed a wedding? >> No.

Were you a blink 182 fan back in the day? >> No, I just liked a couple of songs.

Were you ugly in middle school? >> To me, I was.

Have you ever been to Boulder Colorado? >> No.

Do you rage against conformity? >> Not necessarily.

Have you ever yelled at a self check out machine? >> No. Sparrow does that sometimes, but they don’t really frustrate me.

Have you ever been shot? >> No.

Is everything going to be okay? >> I mean, yeah. Eventually we’ll be dead, which automatically means we’ll not have anything else to worry about, so.

Are you stoned right now? >> No.

Do you listen to Sublime? >> I listen to two Sublime songs.

Has someone ever understood you more than your understood yourself? >> I don’t think so.

Are you on good terms with your parents? >> ---

Have you ever written a letter to Santa just for kicks? >> No.

What's your opinion on border control? >> I avoid forming yes/no opinions about complicated issues that I know I don’t understand the full extent of.

Do some people have way too much time on their hands? >> I don’t know, maybe. Depends on how they feel about it.

Do you ever drink 5 hour energy shots? >> I drank this ONCE and it was the most disgusting thing I’d ever tasted. ...It did work, though, I’ll say that much. But it really ain’t worth it for me.

Does country music ever make you cry? >> I don’t listen to enough of it to have had that experience.

Have you ever had a moment so wonderful it felt like magic? >> Yeah.

Have you ever snorted pixie sticks? >> Yeah, lmao.

Are you okay on your own? >> I am, generally.

Does your face twitch when you're about to cry? >> I don’t think so.

If heaven and hell are real, which one are you going to? >> Well, I don’t know. Because some doctrine says that if you’ve ever at all said the words “I accept Christ as lord and saviour”, then you’re perma-covered like some divinely good health insurance, and all your sins past present and future are forgiven and so on. And I did say those words as a child, because I was raised Christian... so even though I don’t consider myself Christian now, I wonder if there’s like a “no-takebacksies” kind of thing going on and St Peter would have to let me in the pearly gates regardless because of what I said when I was like eight. Or maybe another sect is right, and I’m going to Hell because [I’m a heathen/I’m queer/I don’t go to church/I say “goddamn” and “fuck” a lot]. Seems to me like it’s a crapshoot regardless.

Have you ever had a premonition? >> I don’t know, maybe.

Did you ever try cutting yourself? >> Yeah. Succeeded, too.

Do empty streets creep you out? >> Sometimes.

Have you ever seen your dad cry? >> No.

What's the last concert you went to? >> Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Have you ever gotten sick of taking about yourself? >> No. Hence why I’m still taking these 10+ years later.

Could you ever be a therapist? >> No.

Have you ever made yourself throw up? >> Yeah.

Do you know someone who looks like one of the beach boys? >> I don’t know, I’m not sure what the Beach Boys even look like.

Are your nails currently painted pink or purple? >> No.

Do you adore mini sticky notes? >> Uh, no. I mean, they’re convenient and all, but I’m not in love with them or anything.

Do you have bad short term memory? >> Not spectacularly.

What's a song that will always give you the chills? >> I don’t know.

Have you had any major tragedies in your life? >> No.

What do you think of open casket funerals? >> I think they’re creepy as all hell-- not the “looking at a dead body” part, that makes sense to me, it’s just the painting-up of the dead body so they look... like they’re sleeping??? How does that help? I thought the point of viewing the body was to come to terms with the fact that said person is in fact dead and aid the grieving process. What purpose does the makeup serve? (I’m not terribly fond of the funeral industry in general, if that’s any indication.)

Are you bad at spelling? >> No.

Have you ever had a pet rat? >> No.

What do you binge on? >> Uh... nothing? I guess?

Do you want a cigarette right now? >> Nope.

Can you shake your ass? >> A bit.

Do you know someone named Dick? >> No.

Do you have a childish sense of humor? >> I don’t think so? I mean, maybe. I would laugh at silly things kids laugh at, but I don’t think that makes my humour childish, per se.

Do you like free samples? >> I mean, sure.

Are you a coupon fiend? >> No.

Who would you love to be with right now? >> Hm.

Could you go a year without sex? >> Yes, and longer besides.

Are you wearing any rings? >> No.

Are you homophobic? >> No, but I’ve done things that would be considered homophobic because I didn’t know any better at the time.

Do spiders make you jump around and squeal like a little girl? >> No.

Are you a sexist pig? >> No, but see the homophobia answer.

Have you screamed at anyone in the past week? >> No.

Do you have road rage? >> No.

Have you ever made yourself look like a fool for love? >> I don’t know, probably.

Did you ever see the harry potter movies on opening night? >> No.

Could you ever eat a worm? >> If I had a compelling enough reason to, sure.

Do you have low self esteem? >> Sometimes.

When you hang out with someone a lot do you start to pick up their habits? >> Some of them, yeah. It’s part of the whole masking thing-- mirroring is a masking cheat code.

Have you ever called your mom a bitch? >> ---

Do you have a cute laugh? >> I don’t know???

Do you write on your arms/hands? >> I used to, but I don’t have much reason to anymore.

Do you believe that you can get ink poisoning from that? >> No.

Do you think you're gonna sleep okay tonight? >> All one can do is hope.

[totallylesbians]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?Lately it’s been, in no particular order…-There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes -Curious by Hayley Kiyoko -Follow You by Bring Me The Horizon-Fuck You by Sleeping With Sirens (pop goes punk cover)-Perfect by Ed Sheeran -Just the Girl by The Click Five (All but Hayley are on my drag list, which is what I’ve mostly been listening to…)

2. If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Probably Alycia Debnam-Carey, honestly

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. Charlie bit Alex’s shoulder through her coat. “Just admit you love the…” line continues to “city in winter.” From KL Hughes’ The Art of Us

4. What do you think about most?I don’t even know, dude. My mind is so fucking random and scattered. It’s probably not good stuff if I really think about it.

5. What does your latest tattoo from someone else say?“Still”

6. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?I sleep with my boxer briefs on. That’s it though. Unless I’m on my period or sleeping with someone else or at someone else’s house.

7. What’s your strangest talent?I don’t know really. I can manipulate my voice a bit. It usually makes people laugh or be like “what the fuck?” I can bend backwards and make my feet touch my head too. So there’s that.

8. Girls…(finish the sentence); Boys…(finish the sentence). Girls…are strong and beautiful and need to realize they need someone to tell them that for it to be true. Boys…are strong and beautiful, too. Both need positivity and to be kinder to themselves and others.

9. Ever had a poem or a song written about you?No. My first girlfriend said she wrote a poem about me, but what she read me was actually what she wrote about her ex. That was kind of awkward.

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?Earlier today. So like…3-4ish hours ago

11. Do you have any strange phobias?Not that I know of

12. Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?Not that that I can recall. Maybe chopsticks or a pencil when I was a kid but that’s about it. And I’m not even sure I did that.

13. What’s your religion?I don’t have one

14. If you’re outside what are you most likely doing? Walking. Or going for a run, if it’s nice out.

15. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?Behind it. Definitely.

16. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?I’m going to have to go with Pvris. They saved my life. Other bands have too. But I have to say them.

17. What was the last lie you told?Probably “I’m okay.”

18. Do you believe in karma?Something like that, yes. For sure.

19. What does your URL mean?Essentially, that is blog is gay as fuck and contains anything lesbian related.

20. What’s your greatest weakness? Greatest strength?Weakness: stubbornness Strength: loyalty

21. Who is your celebrity crush?I have so many dude. Ryan Ashley, Eliza Taylor, Alycia Debnam-Carey, Kristen Stewart, Anna Kendrick, etc

22. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?Not that I know of

23. How do you vent your anger?Usually through violence and aggression. I yell. I scream. I throw things. I hit things. It’s the only thing that truly helps me. I can write and draw but it doesn’t help much at all.

24. Do you have a collection of anything? Movies. That’s the only thing that comes to mind.

25. Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither honestly. But if I had to choose…maybe talking on the phone.

26. Are you happy with the person you’ve become?No. But I hope to be someday.

27. What’s a sound you hate? Sound you love?Hate: high pitches like nails on a chalkboard and similar sounds Love: the sound of rain

28. What’s your biggest “what if?”What if I had been there when he died? What if I had gotten to say goodbye to him? Would I still be mourning him the way I do? Would it have made a difference in how/who I am now? I’ll never know. And it kills me.

29. Do you believe in ghosts? What about aliens?Yes to both. I’m not sure I’d call either of them that. But I definitely believe in both. I’ve had experiences that I can’t explain. And I find it hard to believe that out of the entire universe, we are on the only planet that has life.

30. Stick out your right arm, what’s the first thing you touch? Do the same to your left. Right: the arm of the couch. Left: the folded body pillow that we keep on the couch

31. Smell the air. What do you smell?The candle during. Lilacs.

32. What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?The only place that comes to mind immediately was my ex’s mom’s house.

33. Choose: east coast or west coast?I’ve only ever been on the west coast

34. Most attractive singer of the opposite gender?I’m not sure exactly. But my favorite male singer would have to be M. Shadows from Avenged Sevenfold. I love his voice. He’s got nice tattoos and a great smile.

35. To you, what’s the meaning of life?I’m not sure I’ve found it yet

36. Define art. I don’t think I can. Art is subjective. Describing it depends on the piece. It depends on the person viewing the piece. I believe art is meant to make someone feel something though. It’s meant to express what the artist feels in some way. Whether it’s pain or beauty and anything and all in between.

37. Do you believe in luck?Something like that

38. What’s the weather like right now?Calm. Somewhat cloudy skies. Maybe a slight breeze.

39. What time is it?Currently, as I reach this question, 12:08am

40. Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Not legally, yet. But I have crashed. Just about everything I’ve ever rode/driven. At least once.

41. What was the last book you read?Published book: The Art of Us by KL Hughes

42. Do you like the smell of gasoline?Not really

43. Do you have any nicknames?Spiffy is my most popular one. A few call me Midget. And family members call me one too, but I’m not saying that one.

44. What was the last film you saw?I’m currently watching Salt. But the last one I watched through and through was The House

45. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Probably whatever happened to my wrist. Considering it still hurts over a year later

46. Have you ever caught a butterfly?No. But I remember raising one from a caterpillar in elementary school and releasing them as butterflies.

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?Not that I know of

48. What’s your sexuality?Gay/lesbian

49. Ever had a rumor spread about you?I’ve had quite a few spread about me. I think the ones that effected my life at the time the most was that I was pregnant or that I was trans.

50. Do you believe in magic?I’m not sure

51. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yes. Absolutely.

52. What’s your astrological sign?Taurus

53. Do you save money or spend it?A bit of both, but more so save it. I spend it on necessities for the most part and save the rest.

54. What’s the last thing you purchased?A smoothie, a lemonade, two bags of chips, and two boxes of donuts.

55. Love or lust?I’d rather have love

56. In a relationship?No

57. How many relationships have you had?4, technically. One only lasted like two weeks and was long distance so I don’t count it. One with a boy, 3 with girls.

58. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?Nope

59. Where were you yesterday?I know it’s technically past midnight but I haven’t slept yet so I’m going to say that it’s from the 9th. And I was at work.

60. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Yes. My stuffed dog I’ve had for as long as I can remember

61. Are you wearing socks right now?No

62. What’s your favorite animal?Probably otters

63. What’s is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?I don’t know. I don’t think I have one. I don’t care if people like me or not.

64. Where is your best friend?Probably in bed at home. I don’t know.

65. Give me your top 5 blogs on tumblr.Some that come to mind are @eatmeoutnowbabe@ericajonorris@perksofbeingalesbian@yourgaydarisonpoint@youknow-me-not-my-story

66. What is your heritage?I’m Native American

67. What were you doing last night at 12am?Laying in bed

68. What do you think is Satan’s last name?Probably something cheesy and harmless sounding

69. Be honest. Have you ever gotten yourself off?Never

70. Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?Kind of. To an extent

71. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?Save the dog. Fuck my boss. I can find a different job. That said, my actual boss, wouldn’t do that to me

72. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. A) do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? B) what do you do with your remaining days? C) would you be afraid?A. Maybe a few people, but not everyoneB. Live my life to the fullest that I canC. I don’t think so

73. You can only have one of these things: trust or love?I think this is a trick question. I think they go hand in hand a bit. But I choose trust over love.

74. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Not sure really. Maybe Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks. It reminds me of some good times in my childhood

75. What are the last 4 digits of your cell phone number?7260

76. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Open communication. Trust. Honesty.

77. How can I win your heart?Can’t win what I don’t have

78. Can insanity bring more creativity?Maybe to an extent

79. What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Getting Dexter

80. What size shoes do you wear?Depends on the brand and style. But anywhere from 5-7

81. What do you want to be written on your tombstone?“I’m not easy to kill…fuck”

82. What is your favorite word?Fuck

83. Give me the first word that comes to your mind when you hear the word; heart?Less

84. What is a saying you say a lot?“It is what it is”

85. What’s the last song you listened to?Follow Me by Uncle Kracker

86. Basic question: what is your favorite color/colors?Black

87. What is your current desktop picture?I’ll reblog a picture of it. I posted it before

88. If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?My mom’s ex-boyfriend’s son

89. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?I’m not sure, honestly

90. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find out you are surrounded by mummies. The mummies aren’t doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Tell them to fuck off. Or kill them. Depends I guess

91. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with a superpower of your choice. What is that power?Transfiguration/shapeshifting

92. You can relive any point of time in your life. The timespan can only be a half hour, though. What half hour of your life would you like to experience again?Any time I had with my best friend before he died. I don’t care if it’s us playing. Or sleeping. I just want one more moment with him

93. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Nothing. My past has made me who I am. I am a product of all that I have been through. I may not like myself, but this is who I am. If something hadn’t happened, I may not be the me I am now. It’s up to me to change and become the person I want to be with everything that’s happened.

94. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice. Who will it be?Probably Lynn Gunn. Maybe Lauren Jauregui

95. You just got a free plane ticket to go anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you going to go?I don’t know specifics. Somewhere where no one knows my name or my story. Somewhere where I’m free to be whoever I want to be 96. Do you have any relatives in jail?Probably. I think my cousin is in prison. Looking at like 25 years I think.

97. Have you ever thrown up in a car?Not that I remember. But I heard that I did when I was black out drunk a few years back

98. Ever been on a plane?Yes. Quite a few times. But only for visits to two places.

99. Answered

[lynfantasy]

Soul-Shifted

For Lotor Week 2017 @voltronweeks Day 3: Hiding AO3 link

Shipfic, Keith/Lotor, Keitor Features Blade of Marmora Keith and Blade of Marmora Lotor, Trans Keith

Rated for general audiences

Warning: discussion of periods, discussion of systemic transphobia and the fears associated with coming out as trans

Lotor was on break. He enjoyed his rest time as a way to unwind from the stressful work in the Blade of Marmora, but that did not mean that he was planning to simply lie down. Unfortunately, that left him without many other options. He aimlessly made his way into the barracks and over to the bunk he shared with Keith (only because Keith was the only person who was willing to sleep directly below the former prince), idly wondering what he was going to do, when a small sound, a groan, caught his attention. Lotor looked down to see Keith on his side, clutching his abdomen.

Keith did not seem to be aware of Lotor’s presence at first, so Lotor spoke softly, hoping not to startle him. “Are you alright?”

Violet eyes shot wide open and met Lotor’s with an intense gaze for a moment, but Keith’s entire expression quickly scrunched up in pain for a long moment before he managed to relax again somewhat. “I’m fine,” Keith muttered.

Lotor was unconvinced. “If you are ill, you should see a healer,” he prompted.

Keith shook his head before Lotor was even done speaking. “No, no, I’m fine,” he insisted with forced casualness. “They wouldn’t be able to do anything about this. It’s just a normal human thing. I’ll be fine in a couple days.”

Leaning a little closer to investigate, Lotor caught a scent that was familiar to him – blood mixed with something almost sweet yet very repulsive – and he quickly realized what ‘normal human thing’ Keith was talking about. “Ah, I see,” he said gently. “I was… unaware that human males also went through menstruation.”

The human male in question looked utterly shocked and horrified at Lotor’s statement. “H-how… how did you know?!” he asked in an accusatory tone.

Hesitating, afraid he had crossed some kind of unstated boundary, Lotor ventured, “As I told you before, Acxa is half-human, and she underwent this process 10-15 times per decapheobe. She told me that, as far as she was aware, it was something that only happened to females, and it occurs in very few species other than humans.”

Keith looked… resigned. “Well, I’m not just a normal human male, so… yeah, I also go through this.”

“Do any of the others know?” Lotor asked, trying to be as tactful as possible.

“No.” Keith’s voice held a note of near-panic at the mere suggestion. “Don’t mention this to anyone else, especially any of the oth���of the paladins.”

Lotor pondered this for a moment, trying to piece everything together. Acxa had said that this had to do with the female reproductive system in humans, yet Keith was male. Additionally, Keith wanted to make sure that no one knew about this, and Lotor suspected that this was for reasons a lot deeper than simply not wanting to admit to some bleeding and pain. The only conclusion was…

“On Altea, they called your kind the Soul-Shifted,” Lotor stated, watching for Keith’s reaction.

Keith looked up with confusion and suspicion. “What do you mean, ‘my kind’? Acxa and I are the only human-Galra hybrids in the history of the universe as far as anyone knows.”

Lotor offered a gentle hint of a smile. “Alteans could shift their physical forms, of course, but they believed that the soul remained the same. The soul did not shift even when the body changed.”

“Okay…?”

“I do not know how much you have seen of Altean shapeshifting, but it can be taken to an extent that would make one… appear to be of the opposite sex.” Again, Lotor watched for a reaction.

Now Keith looked wary and defensive. “And your point is?”

“Shifts were seen to be skin-deep only, but some would maintain a shift almost indefinitely to attempt to integrate into society as a member of the opposite sex. They insisted that the shift went down to the level of their soul, hence the name Soul-Shifted.”

Keith’s eyes unfocused as he realized what Lotor was saying. “Oh,” he finally murmured. “On earth we just call it…” He hesitated, swallowing hard, before coming out with it, “We call it transgender. I’m… trans-male.”

Lotor offered Keith a supportive smile. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

With a wry chuckle, Keith said, “You were the one who figured it out. I just confirmed what you already knew.”

“You could have tried to lie to me,” Lotor pointed out with a casual gesture of indifference.

“I doubt that would have worked,” Keith scoffed. His eyes still held some vulnerability and many questions. “So, this… doesn’t bother you?” he ventured.

Lotor shook his head without hesitation. “It does not bother me at all,” he answered without hesitation. “I do not necessarily believe that the Alteans were better than the Galra on all accounts, but I certainly find their view, and especially the policies friendly towards the Soul-Shifted that King Alfor’s father put into place, to be a much better take on the situation than the Galra way.”

Keith froze for a moment. “What’s the… Galra way?”

Lotor grimaced and looked away from Keith, unable to meet the latter’s eyes as he explained, “For those insistent on going through with the transition, there is a… procedure, but few survive, and even those who do are banned from many rights and privileges. Their lives afterwards are unpleasant and often short. Most are too afraid to express their feelings in the first place. For those who will not suppress their identity but do not want to attempt the procedure, the only other option is death, unless the druids take them for experimentation.”

“Oh.”

“‘Oh’ indeed. I attempted to change the policies, but change was too slow, and I was rather preoccupied with trying to manage the colonies without the fear tactics they had been conditioned to respond to. I simply could not do everything at once. And now…”

“Now Zarkon is back in power.”

“Exactly.”

Silence hung between the two of them for a few moments, the only change in it being the shifting cadence of Keith’s breathing as he suffered through a few waves of cramps, before he spoke up, “On earth, it varies from country to country. In mine, there is a procedure, and most do survive it, but it’s really difficult to sort through all of the legal stuff and have the change be recognized by the government, and even then…” He trailed off. “Well, I’ll never really be ‘done’ transitioning. The laws have gotten better than, say, just over a hundred years ago back when I wouldn’t have been able to even use the correct bathroom, but they still aren’t perfect.”

Lotor nodded sympathetically. “I see… does anyone else know about this?”

“Shiro does,” Keith admitted as he fidgeted with the edge of his blanket, “but I haven’t told the others. I don’t know how they’d react. I mean, they were fine with Pidge, but she still somewhat identifies as a girl. Her situation is a little different from mine.”

Humming thoughtfully, Lotor considered his next words before asking, “What is the worst reaction you could reasonably expect? Pushing aside the irrational scenarios, what are you afraid of?”

Keith was silent for a moment – partly because he had to brace himself to endure another wave of cramps – before he answered, “I think they might find it bizarre. I’m already weird enough as an alien hybrid and a loner type. I also don’t know if they might have cultural or moral objections to it. I doubt they’d try to hurt me or do anything to me on purpose, but I’m afraid that they’ll pull away and become more distant, maybe even encourage me to spend more time with the Blade of Marmora.”

“I think the Blade of Marmora might be your more pressing concern,” Lotor advised. It was harsh, he knew, but Keith needed to know. “As I said, Galra society is… less than accepting of this. Does Kolivan know, at least?”

Keith made a non-committal sound and gesture, only clarifying with, “I had to tell him about the periods, but I passed it off as just a normal human thing. He might suspect, but he hasn’t said anything.”

“I see,” Lotor sympathized. “I imagine that the Blade of Marmora will likely be accepting, since they already go against the laws and traditions of the empire, but perhaps I could subtly ask them to be sure? I would certainly not mention you.”

“Hmm…” Keith considered this for a moment. “I suppose that’d be good to know. Thanks.”

Lotor smiled. “Not a problem.”

“If only you could do the same with the paladins…” Keith half-joked.

“It would not be hard to bring it up to Allura, at least.” Lotor watched for Keith’s reaction, which displayed some interest, before continuing, “I could simply mention it in the context of politics and what laws she intends to enforce on the planets in the Coalition. If I bring it up in front of everyone and explain the concept of the Soul-Shifted to the humans, I could read their reactions and determine how they might feel about the matter.”

Keith was silent for a short while before he answered, “I guess that would be good, but I don’t want to risk them finding out.”

“You deserve to know whether or not you even need to hide,” Lotor insisted.

“True,” Keith admitted. “Alright, go ahead.”

“Thank you for allowing me to help. I’ll be careful.” Then, without even properly thinking about it, Lotor bent down and kissed Keith’s forehead in a comforting and affectionate gesture. As soon as he realized what he’d just done, Lotor pulled away and began to apologize. “I’m so sorry! I-I overstepped. I simply… I forgot what was proper. I am so sorry…”

Keith actually began to laugh, which caused Lotor to freeze mid-sentence. “That was pretty weird, but… not bad? Just, you know, give me some warning next time, okay?”

“…next time?” Lotor looked at Keith, trying to read in Keith’s eyes what was left unsaid.

Shrugging, Keith replied, “Yeah, I mean, I usually don’t really like being touched, but… I guess that just kind of… felt okay?”

Lotor sank to his knees beside the bed, coming a little closer to Keith. “Then… perhaps I could stay with you? Until I need to go back on duty, that is?”

Violet eyes met Lotor’s, sparkling with amusement and softened by… affection? Keith smiled a little as he answered, “Sure, sounds good to me.”

[theaspiescribe]

Trans Pride (content warning)

The 28th of December marked the 5th anniversary of Leelah Alcorn’s death. 

Since it’s pride month I wanted to write a few words for Leelah, who if not for a transphobic world would still be here and living as she was always meant to be. When Leelah died, I wrote about her and how things needed to change.

If you’re unfamiliar, Leelah was a trans girl who lived with parents that harboured transphobic and regressive views. Her parents wouldn’t allow her to transition and instead sent her through the excruciating ordeal of conversion therapy. They made her life a living hell, merely because they couldn’t accept her true gender. Leelah felt desperately alone and struggled to see that things could get better for her. She knew exactly who she was and did find some love from her friends when she expressed to them who she was and when they respected her pronouns, but the rejection and hate from her family was so overwhelming that it no doubt would have been a tortuous existence to live every day. 

Leelah would often post on trans subreddits on Reddit. The internet was like a sanctuary for her at a time when it must have felt there was no escape from her transphobic parents, but it wasn’t enough, she needed this love in her real life and it was sorely lacking. It could have been different if she was given the love she deserved.

Leelah had a tremendous talent and she loved to sketch. Her potential was plain to see in the detailed drawings she posted on Reddit. I am convinced that if we lived in a world full of love she would now be a successful artist. 

Some of Leelah’s work:

I was deeply affected by Leelah’s story because I myself felt closeted and reading of how painful her life was, even after she embraced who she was, it was extremely demoralising. The sense of fear I had about being true to who I am had always been acute, but reading of how much Leelah suffered, it convinced me that it would be safer to keep how I felt private.

Leelah’s death sent me into a deep depression for the first few months of 2015. I became obsessed about trans issues, the scourge of prejudice we face and so angry about the injustice of being trans and living in a world where at best you were shown a few crumbs of acceptance and at worst you were abused, ignored, bullied and even killed. I felt so helpless and of course there was a part of me that doubted it would get better. When it’s dark, you desperately cling onto the hope that it can get better, but when you’re surrounded by the darkness each and every day, that voice gets a little weaker and weaker. 

I will always feel a close connection to Leelah, because it was through remembering her that I found my first internet friend, who was at a vigil in London. We have remained very close since and she is super supportive of trans people. I love her so very much and wouldn’t have made it to this point without her.

source

I want to pay tribute to the two black trans women, Riah Milton and Dominique Rem'mie Fells who were killed in the last two weeks. Riah was a home health aide and studied at the university of Cincinnati, she loved her family and the photos she shared of them. She had a love of traveling and wanted to see so many more places in the world. Dominique was very close to her mother and her close friend said of her ““She lived her truth so loud that you could hear her a mile away.” She had dreams of becoming a fashion designer and she loved to dance. 

The black trans community have suffered to an extent few of us will ever know of. They need our love not tomorrow, but today. The LGBTQ movement needs to ensure that trans people of colour are being recognised and listened to. 

My favourite trans author is Janet Mock, her impactful book Redefining Realness was incredibly meaningful to me during a time in my life when I was struggling to see many signs of hope. I read her book a few months after Leelah’s death and it was very therapeutic to read from an incredibly powerful trans woman who was telling her story to the world. It gave me cause to nurse the dream that things could be different. 

Words and actions matter. Transphobia like any prejudice is sustained by silence, I have faith that most cis people will stand up to love trans people and non-binary people but there’s always been a tendency for people to avoid standing up for marginalised communities because for a lot of people, they’re just not a priority and other things often take precedence.

Anytime that I see a cis person show their vehement passion for trans rights it makes me warm, because it helps me to see a world where trans people are valued and cared for, and where any hate is drowned out by the stronger force of love. When you have people so open in their love for trans and non-binary people it makes you believe that you will be loved for who you are. 

Since today, the 18th of June is autistic pride day I want to talk about my gender too. Over the last few months I have been working as hard as ever on my self-esteem in the hope that I can finally live as who I want to be. I have made mistakes, and there have been setbacks, but I have tried as hard as I can to get a little stronger every day. I have found the strength to write about my trauma, my mental illness and my pain and through that I feel as if I’ve emerged a much tougher and loving person. 

When I was in school I got called names like “f**”, “bender”, “girly” and a “wimp”. I wouldn’t describe it as bullying because it was never persistent but anytime I was true to myself it would inevitably invite scrutiny and hurtful remarks. I have always been quite feminine but I became so ashamed of that side of me that I would conceal it. 

I now feel enough love to say proudly that I am trans. I’ve known for a long time that I’m not a man. Part of the reason adolescence was so rough for me was because I was developing physical features that I didn’t want. I hated the powerlessness of it and being so lonely to have no one to tell. My BDD made me believe that I could never be my true self because how could I do makeup/hair and develop my own style if I hated to look at myself in the mirror. For a long time I became resigned to the idea that this would be life. 

But in the last two years, something within in me has changed. I have found my love for life again and the love for myself, I’m starting to really believe in a way that I haven’t before. This pandemic has been a time of intense worry for me because it feels as if the three rocks in my life, my Mam, Dad & dog Jack are all running out of time. Mam & Dad are in the at risk group and Jack’s age is starting to show. I have used this time to try and make something positive come from something incredibly scary and I’m starting to really believe that I can make it happen.

I am a strong person but I am afraid and I also am extremely fragile. My trauma has made me feel like I’m broken at the worst of times. But I don’t want to be trapped by it anymore. I want to be true to who I am, so, so badly. What I have discovered is that trying to get my life back on track will not work unless I embrace every aspect of myself. I don’t know when quarantine will end, but when it does, I will be ready; there is no turning back now.

This was a big step for me, but I couldn’t have made it this far without the help of some very special people. I need to say a few words because I’m so thankful:

To Aisling: We have become so very close in the last year. You have helped me become more open and hopeful. Few things bring me more joy than seeing you and your bros together and happy. 

To Ellie: You always know what to say. I am one hundred percent sure that I couldn’t have gotten this far without your kindness and compassion. You know how things were so you’ll understand why our friendship means everything. Could talk about anything anytime.

To Jordanne: Having an autistic friend that I can confide in about my worries and challenges means a lot. You are strong and your friendship makes me feel stronger. I will always be rooting for you.

To the precious two that have a splendid and ascendant radio show, thank you for making me see that I can be who I want to be. Love your style, sense of justice and how you’re both so strong & soft. Everything feels right when you’re together every Monday.

Somewhere out there, I hope Leelah is proud of me today. I hope someday we can make the world the place she wanted it to be. For trans people and non-binary everywhere.

https://marshap.org/about-mpji/

https://www.theokraproject.com/

[elspethsunschampion]

Gifts

Rating: T

Summary:  Billy Kaplan wakes up to a surprise one morning--maybe his powers aren't just lightning-based after all?

A/N: I just have a LOT OF FEELS about trans Billy Kaplan okay

         Billy woke up feeling weirdly refreshed. Considering he’d cried himself to sleep the night before, he hadn’t been expecting to feel too amazing, especially since he was probably PMSing and liable to start his period within the next day or two, which was Grade A Suck, in his opinion. He checked his sheets, which at least turned out not to be a murder scene, so that was a good sign.

           Sleepily, he headed into the bathroom and flipped on the light switch. His face was itching some, which might mean more acne—oh, joy. With a sigh, he grabbed his washcloth and rinsed his face before reaching for his toothbrush.

           Something was different. He hadn’t had a cup of coffee, so it was hard for him to put a finger on what it was, but there was definitely something different. Yawning, he squinted into the mirror. Weird, his chin looked almost fuzzy. But he wasn’t even on T yet, and not likely to be for a few years if he couldn’t even manage to come out to his parents, who were, seriously, the most harmless, accepting people in the world. Except—Billy frowned and ran his hands down his front. He’d managed to get a binder by ordering it from a pretty discreet online source, but he didn’t wear it to sleep in, since that wasn’t good for your breathing, and, again, there was the potential concern of Mom and Dad noticing. So how come his chest was so flat?

           “No way,” Billy said out loud, and his voice came out pitched half-a-tone lower than it usually sounded. “But I have lightning magic, I don’t—” He swallowed. He was dreaming. He had to be dreaming. With trembling hands, he stripped off the Thor t-shirt he always wore to bed and ran his hands down a smooth, skinny chest. “No way,” he whispered again, and then he pulled down the boxers covering his skinny thighs and actually squealed. “Oh my god! I have a dick!”

           For the entire day, Billy oscillated wildly between ecstatic and fucking terrified. He felt right, he looked right, and after desperately digging out the razor he used to use to shave his legs and armpits, he managed to scrape off the fuzz on his chin. His face looked different, but it didn’t look different enough that he thought anyone would actually notice. Firstly because they’d have to look at him instead of looking through him and secondly because it was such an insane thing to happen that no one would ever, ever believe it. No one was going to come to the conclusion that “that weird Kaplan girl (ugh) grew a dick last night and is really excited about it!”

           But he wasn’t a girl and now he had goddamn proof of it, even if he couldn’t exactly show it to anyone. And that was fantastic! Less fantastic was the fear of how the other Young Avengers would take it, because it seemed really likely that Billy wasn’t just a lightning-user after all, unless they’d skipped some really crazy shit in Earth Science. And—there was Teddy.

           Teddy, who’d been so great about it when Billy came out to him, who’d never fucked up Billy’s pronouns, not even once. Who’d given him the most breathtaking smile and said that he wished they could swap powers for just a little while so that Billy could feel more at home in his own skin. Who, Billy had to admit, he kind of sort of definitely had a crush on, and he thought Teddy might feel the same way, but how would this change things? In principal, it shouldn’t change anything, but Billy couldn’t stop worrying about various different ways Teddy might react. He could be weirded out, or it might turn out that he was straight and he’d only been interested in Billy because Billy still looked enough like a girl. Maybe that was why he’d never made a move. Because Teddy was definitely one of the nicest people Billy knew, and if he was attracted to women, Billy was pretty sure he’d never put the moves on him, because he respected Billy’s identity too much for that.

           And, yeah, that wasn’t the worst thing in the world, definitely not. But it was such a depressing thought—having somebody attracted to you but attracted to you in a way you didn’t want to be. That would suck.

           He spent his lunch hour trying to figure out how this had happened, in the hopes of being able to report something more concrete to Nate and the others than, “my tits vanished overnight, I’m overjoyed, none of this makes any sense.” What had happened the night before? He’d wrestled with his precalc homework, mostly finished it, read one of his Thor comics, and then gotten hit with a wave of dysphoria. And he’d gone to bed and cried. That was it. Wasn’t it?

           It wasn’t until he was trudging out of school that he remembered the last thing. I am a boy, he’d said, when he was crying, when he was curled up in bed. I am. I am a boy. I am a boy. And he’d gone to sleep whispering it.

           Just like the day he’d said, I want to stop Kesler.

           Maybe his habit of verbalizing the spell he was about to cast wasn’t just a habit…Billy swallowed as his entire world seemed to shake on its axis. If he wasn’t just a lightning mage—what was he?

           Freak, whispered a voice in the back of his mind, and he shivered, pushing the thought to the side. Maybe the rest of the Young Avengers would have some ideas.

           “All right, before we go home for the night, does anyone have any news?” Iron Lad asked them, the way he always did, although it didn’t look as if he was going to wait for an answer, and he probably meant news about Kang the Conqueror. But Billy hadn’t managed to get anything out until now, and this was basically the perfect opportunity. And if he didn’t say anything now, he didn’t know if he’d ever manage to get it out.

           “So…” he said slowly. “You know how we thought I had lightning powers?”

           “Yes, and you’ve been doing a remarkably good job at learning to control—thought?”

           “Um.” Billy looked nervously from Iron Lad to Patriot to—Hulkling. “Um. So. I—” He couldn’t figure out how to say it. “Last night, I—you know how I told you I, um, don’t like the way I look?”

           “Oh, spit it out,” Patriot said, although he sounded more impatient than unkind.

           But Billy couldn’t. “Look. Last night I went to bed—the way I usually do—and this morning I woke up and—” He took a deep breath, reached down and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and hoody, yanking them up and over his head. He had to fight the absurd urge to cross his arms over his chest. “I was saying last night before I went to sleep that I—that I was a boy, y’know, because I was feeling kind of shitty, and—and—” Fuck. There were tears prickling at the backs of his eyes. That was stupid.

           A soft hand was laid on his shoulder, and he glanced to the side to see that Teddy was regarding him with a kind of wonder in his round blue eyes. Billy flushed to the roots of his hair.

           “That’s definitely something we’ll need to test,” Iron Lad agreed, and the matter-of-fact way he said it soothed part of the terror that had been gnawing at Billy’s innards all day. Patriot’s eyebrows went up, but all he said was, “Huh. Well. Congrats, man.”

           “Uh, thanks. I, uh, I guess I better put my shirt back on, huh.”

           “Here.” Teddy handed it back to him. “Um. You look good, Billy.”

           Billy’s cheeks chose that moment to go from slightly warm to approximately the temperature of the surface of the sun. “Uh, um, th-thanks,” he stammered, attempting to yank his shirt back on and getting tangled in it. “I guess, uh, we can talk more about it at our next training session?”

           “Good plan,” Iron Lad told him briskly. “Maybe if we can figure out the extent of your powers, we can figure out why you were listed on the Avengers Failsafe.”

           Billy tried to nod through the all-encompassing layers of shirt. It didn’t work terribly well. “Argh,” he groaned. “Can someone—”

           A pair of gentle hands took the hem of his shirt and tugged it down carefully. “You good?” Teddy asked.

           “Yeah, I th—” Billy’s voice was arrested as he finally managed to get the offending article of clothing straightened out and found himself staring straight into Teddy’s eyes. Apparently Teddy hadn’t been pulling from behind the way he’d assumed. Billy stared, trying to move his limbs, trying to do anything other than just let Teddy’s warm breath ghost across his mouth. And Teddy wasn’t moving away either, but—

           It was a fucking perfect moment, so of course Billy’s mouth opened and said exactly the thing most guaranteed to screw it all up. “Look—I’m flattered, Teddy, but, uh, if you weren’t attracted to me before—I don’t know if—” Yes, you do! screamed a voice in the back of his head. You know exactly what you want! You want to make out with his perfect face, right now! His brain couldn’t even use the you’re just a straight girl faking it anymore, but somehow he was still—afraid. “I mean. What if it’s temporary? I don’t really know how I did it, and—and—I’d rather not have you than just lose you again because, uh, my breasts came back.” Which, of course, was the point at which he realized that Teddy hadn’t said anything, so Billy had just assumed that he was thinking about kissing Billy the way Billy had been thinking about kissing him, and he might’ve just opened his mouth and shoved his foot so far down his throat he was kicking himself in the kidneys. “I mean, um.”

           Teddy went red, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Billy, I’ve always been attracted to you,” he said, and Billy’s train of thought derailed with a screeching crash of phantom brakes.

           “You…have?”

           “I, uh, didn’t know if you wanted anyone to be attracted to you? I knew you had issues with your body, and I didn’t want to complicate things by making you think about them too hard, I guess. But—maybe I accidentally complicated shit anyway?”

           “Fuck me,” Billy said incredulously, and Teddy got a mischievous look on his face.

           “Maybe I should kiss you first,” he suggested, and Billy flailed his arms in the air.

           “Kill me now,” he moaned.

           “Your instructions are getting worse,” Teddy informed him, and Billy opened his mouth, having absolutely no idea what he was going to say this time, but before he could drive his foot further into his abdominal cavity, Teddy cupped his hand around Billy’s cheek, bent down, and pressed their lips together. Billy froze in shock, and then he had his arms wrapped around Teddy’s shoulders, and he was kissing him back.

           “Get a room, you two,” Patriot sighed.

           Billy flipped him off over Teddy’s shoulder as he brushed gingerly at Teddy’s mouth with his tongue. The screaming little voice in the back of his mind that had consistently insisted that he had definitely fucked something up lately had finally gone quiet.

           After a long moment, Teddy pulled back, but his hands were still resting on Billy’s waist. “So, um,” he said, awkwardly.

           “D’you want to get something to eat together? Tonight?” Billy asked him eagerly, and Teddy’s face broke into a wide smile.

           “I’d love to.”

           “Fuck yes!” Billy leaned forward into Teddy’s embrace, then had to lean up and kiss him again, on the cheek this time. “This is the best damn day of my life,” Billy told him, and Teddy’s smile got, if possible, even wider.

           “I’m glad,” he said, and he squeezed Billy tighter.

[pinkpeccary]

all the trans ask game asks !!!!!!!!!!! or any five, if that's too many !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^-^

under the cut bc long

1. How did you choose your name?i still use my birth name irl, because it’s familiar and i like it, but i use ollie on here bc it’s the name i would change to if i changed. i like it because it’s gender neutral, leaning masc, but could easily not be. it actually started as a name for characters i made up, and eventually i realized i liked it enough to use it for myself.

2. What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)probably when people assume me to be a girl and refer to me as such. like it bothers me less if the person knows it’s not totally accurate, and it depends on the circumstances and the person and the word they use (i’m pretty okay with girlfriend or sister), but that’s the big one.

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?i’d say more social, the physical stuff comes and goes and i can control for a lot of it with clothing

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?idk really, i think i just try to distract myself by being around people i trust and just doing something else to get my mind off it. if it’s a physical thing i might change clothes to something that makes it a little less strong.

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?junior year of high school, when my trans male friend was talking to our theater teacher about the complications of passing and being out and shit and mentioned demigenders as a complicating factor in that it’s not as black and white binary as people think

6. When did you realize you were transgender?probably a few months after i started thinking about it, the process was a little weird because i went from “i’m a girl” to “i’m a demigirl” to “i’m agender” and so on, but yeah

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?this isn’t true of every trans person, but personally i find it very freeing from gender roles and biases. because i’m fluid and have difficulty conceptualizing gender in the first place, i can kind of just respond to any “x gender does this” thing with either “that applies to me” or that it doesn’t, regardless of the gender they name. 

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?i think i’d self-describe as genderfluid. idk what between, but i think it is fluid and it feels different from day to day. i can’t easily conceptualize how gender works, so most of my descriptions are based of vague feelings. lately i’ve been leaning masc (gender-wise, not necessarily presentation-wise).

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?i talked to my mom about it a bunch during the process and that was fine. i didn’t really tell anyone in high school because it never came up and i didn’t know how to bring it up. at college it’s fairly straightforward, it’s customary to share pronouns when you meet people here, so i say i use whatever pronouns and that’s that. i’ve only really gotten into the details of it with [k tag].

10. What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?haven’t really tried it, i don’t really get bottom dysphoria

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?binding works somewhat. i don’t like that i have to wear a shirt over the binder to really get flat; if i just wear the binder it doesn’t look as smooth.

12. Do you pass?i mean the obvious response to this is “as what?” i don’t read male bc i’m smol, have a round face and a girl’s name, etc. in terms of dress i think i’m probably read as queer in some way, because of short hair and occasional “boy” clothes, but idk what people think my gender is by looking.

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?i want top surgery. idk how that’ll work, because i’ve been trying to get it arranged for this summer but being home is a bad experience so idk how that’s going to work. also i haven’t looked into this much but getting rid of the ability to be pregnant would be A+.

14. How long have you been out?since i got to college pretty much, so about 8 months or so

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?so the ones i can remember off the top of my head, in no particular order: demigirl, caedogirl, commogirl, agender, agenderflux, nonbinary girl, stargender

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?only microaggressions, like people using overly binary language or assuming me to be a girl, etc.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?my college has all gender neutral bathrooms. elsewise it depends on where i am, if i feel safe doing so i’ll use whichever bathroom is free/closer because i feel like i can identify with both binary genders to the same extent in that case

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?my mom’s supportive, so’s my dad as far as i can tell, idk if my sister knows and i don’t care, my brother definitely does not know bc i’ve never really explained it to him (and it would be hard bc he’s got some cognitive issues and is still kinda young so it would take a while) but he’s wonderful and i’m sure he would be fine with it

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?i wouldn’t. i don’t want to read as binary in either direction.

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?i wish i could’ve figured this out when i was like 10. i had major dysphoria all through puberty and ignored it on the basis that it was “probably just body image issues” and that i had “more important things to worry about.” i wish i could’ve known this was a possibility then so i maybe could’ve done something earlier.

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?i use it pronouns. i don’t like binary pronouns bc i’m not binary, and i don’t like neopronouns bc they’re too weird for me (not that they’re bad, i just don’t personally like them). singular they sits weird in my head because it uses verbs in plural tense, even as a singular word. it is my compromise for that, as a singular gender neutral pronoun. it also has the added benefit of feeling right for when i want to distance myself from personhood, which i do as a mentally ill / autistic thing sometimes.

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?absofuckinglutely. i can’t conceptualize it. i really like things to make sense bc #autism, and gender doesn’t make any fucking sense. 

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?i don’t really know. i guess maybe people not letting me be who i am? idk. i’m in a pretty good place wrt physical danger, bc i pass as my agab, live in a pretty liberal place, and am v white. so idk.

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?ignoring gendered clothing, stopped having periods, telling people i use any pronouns

25. What do you wish cis people understood?i want them to know what it’s like to not be certain in your gender. i can’t understand what that certainty feels like, but it seems really strong in most cis people (and some trans people as well) and i want them to understand that not everyone has that.

26. What impact has being trans affected your life?i mean it’s a major part of my identity, so probably a lot, but idk specifics. 

27. What do you do to validate yourself?i really like the phrase “i’m the prettiest boy.” i’ll usually say that in my head when i’m having a good day, or like when i’m getting dressed in the morning and i like my outfit (even if it’s a girly outfit). it’s not technically accurate, bc i’m not really a boy, but i would prefer to be read as a boy than a girl.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?it’s pretty shit. there’s a couple good reps, but mostly you don’t really see it. also nonbinary rep is absolutely terrible.

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?ngl the only one i know is laverne cox

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?idk

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?last semester i went to my college’s trans affinity space (this semester it conflicted with a class i’m taking). online i just kinda talk about my gender sometimes, i’m not really that involved.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?probably the same (autistic genderfluid), presenting boy-ish, etc.

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?i have no passions 

(this is a lie i have many SpIns)

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?whatever you id as and whatever you feel comfortable sharing is totally cool and you are rad

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?i mean i’d honestly say my gender identity is probably a symptom of my disability. aside from that i’ve got the thin white kid privilege in that i look like the stereotypical nonbinary. i’m fairly privileged in terms of trans stuff based on location, circumstances, appearance, etc, so yeah.

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?i wear what i feel like for the day. i like sundresses, and usually think of myself as more “boy in a dress” though it definitely doesn’t read that way. sometimes i wear more boys clothes, and i think i just read kind of butch rather than “boy”.

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?i lean masc on the basis of i’d rather err on that end of the spectrum. it’s like a balance between how i’m seen and how i feel, and the “girl” end already has a whole bunch of stuff, so i’m balancing it out by being more “boy”

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?in big words it’s grayromantic acespike. it’s connected to my gender in the sense that it’s probably also a result of being autistic. i’ve only really been attracted to one person (my current bf), and i guess the only comment i’ll make is sometimes there’s an implication that i’m not gay enough, not because of being a-spec but bc the only person i’ve demonstrated attraction towards is the opposite binary gender from my agab. so. that’s a thing.

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?i really don’t care. [d tag] isn’t, and he’s wonderful, so i don’t think it matters to me.

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?i just kind of distract myself. there’s only really one thing i want to do, and i’ve been living with dysphoria for long enough that i can kinda just wait it out until it happens.

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?tumblr

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?i have a bunch of trans friends (not so much in my immediate friend group) but yeah

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?no

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.i don’t have the spoons to come up with a question rn but this was fun