#i am struggling to maintain my npc status on my main i am having so many thoughts that are [redacted]

[fraternum-momentum]

[perksofbeingahalfie]

the Kollok Radar + their enneagram types: Em

Embeth Pegg

Type One - The Reformer, The Perfectionist

Basic Fear: Being evil or corrupted

Basic Desire: To be good, to have integrity

Core Belief: I must be good to be worthy

Key Motivations: To be right, to hold strong to their ideals, to justify their actions

(the rest is under the cut so as to not clog up your dash)

Basics of the Enneagram: The Enneagram is personality inventory with nine different personality types(types 1-9). Like any other personality test or inventory, it explains the reasoning behind why people act the way they do and their general personalities. All you need to know is that each type has an associated name, basic fear, basic desires, and key motivations, as well as more in depth information about the ways a certain type tends to act and feel. The wording of these will differ depending on what website, book, or source you’re looking at, but they all say essentially the same things. There are also ‘wings’, which are basically sub-types. I’ll explain those as we go along. There’s some other interesting stuff to the enneagram as well, but for the most part, this is all you need to know to understand these posts. (If you wanna know more about the enneagram, I’d recommend checking out enneagram institute or enneagram worldwide, both good websites! They’re super interesting, and can teach you a lot about yourself, as well as they go more in depth than I do here.) 

    As a One, Em’s core belief tends towards the idea that in order to be worthy of love, she must be good. Because of that, she has a strong sense of what’s right and wrong, and she holds herself and others to this high standard. She’s strong willed and ethical, aware of the state of the world around her and always focused on improving herself and others. She also can be a bit of a perfectionist and have trouble with impatience and being judgemental. 

When Em is at her best, her integrity encourages her to do good in the world. She works hard to protect her friends and make morally sound decisions. Thinking about her at the very beginning of season two, she protests against the fracking at the lake with her family and sticks to her beliefs by drinking bottled water and not swimming. As a One, Em is one of the mom friends, not afraid to scold others when they’re doing wrong. She’s also probably one of the most responsible and dependable members of the Radar as well, keeping a level head even when she is under duress. She genuinely tries to stick to Jay’s SLAP method at the beginning of season two, and she does her best to keep her parents out of the Radar stuff. In Prime A, she consistently uses her powers and sacrifices herself to kill the monsters and save the rest of the group, always willing to do what’s right despite the negative repercussions she has to suffer through. A lot of her journal entries reflect these ideals. Even the main NPCs closest to Em-Jay, Tiff, and Bucket-all encourage her One qualities! Jay asks her to do things the “right” way, rather than taking the easy way out and using her powers. Tiff’s main goal as a therapist is to help others be their best. And Bucket stands as the primary moral compass for the Radar, a beacon of all that is good in Kollok.

However, when she’s under stress(which is most of the time), Em’s basic fear kicks. Ones are afraid of being “evil”, of losing their morals or acting contrary to what they believe is right. In Kollok, this means letting the “bad guys” get away with everything that goes on under the surface(Mammon, the contracts, fracking, Synchroneity, the Stonemasons, etc). As her life gets crazier and she becomes complacent with the violence and destruction around her, Em begins to struggle to hold onto her sense of right and wrong. When this happens, Ones tend to become impatient and overly critical, holding themselves and the people around them to an unattainable standard. The most obvious example of this is her relationship with Mallory. When he messes up(which is a lot), Em becomes obsessed with his wrongdoings and is judgmental, often to the extreme. However, this sort of exists in a double standard, as she rejects any criticism from others, Mallory in particular. This is because it threatens her own status as someone who is morally sound. If she isn’t a good person, then she must not be worthy, right? So, Em holds tight to the image that she has built up around her. Ones also become very hypocritical when they are at a low point. They are self-righteous and criticize others, but turn around and act in opposition to what they believe is right. To rationalize this, they tend to justify their own actions however they can. While stuck in the 40s, Em willingly works with the Claritys and even helps Dr. Oppenheimer with the Manhattan Project to some degree. She tries to justify it, but in the end is still guilty for aiding in the resulting hundreds of thousands of deaths. 

As a One, Em achieves great things when she’s at her best. She has a strong sense of right and wrong and will do whatever it takes to effect positive change on the world around her. However, she also does bad things when she’s at her worst. She becomes self critical and judgemental and lashes out to maintain her own sense of self worth. It’s in Em’s nature to take action, and thus she takes it. She’s capable of good, but she’s also capable of bad in the name of good. I think Em’s journal entry from 2x16 sums it up well: “In survival there must be sacrifice...But I don’t know at what point the value of what I’m giving up will outweigh the value of what I’ve put upon my own survival…I am unrecognizable, even to myself, but I need to hope that the good selfless parts of me that I loved so much three years ago are still intact and functioning the the face of the next decision...all I can hope is to swim towards shore...at least I tried.” (This journal entry is right after the entire Radar leaves the 40s and makes it back to present day, after Em has been stuck there for three years). She attempts to justify her actions, rationalizing so that she is not the bad guy. However, her sense of right and wrong will not let her ignore the damage she’s done in the name of her own survival. As Em is at a relatively healthy point in her mental state at this time, she recognizes that she is a different person than before, but refuses to succumb to being a bad one. She amends to do better, and even if she’s lost some of who she used to be, she tries. And, she hopes. She resolves to do good and have integrity, so that she may be worth the sacrifice she’s made, a trend that’s present in basically the entirety of season two. 

[benes-diction]

Character Profile - Celia Benes

Server: Mateus

((UPDATED JUNE 6, 2020))

the basics ––––

NAME: Celia bas (formerly ‘kir’) Benes

AGE: 20 (nearly 21)

RACE: Garlean Hyur

GENDER: Female

ALIGNMENT:  Anyone’s guess at this point. Leans towards Neutral/Chaotic Good.

SEXUALITY: Demisexual / Panromantic

MARITAL STATUS: In a committed relatiionship with Arduro tol Vocitus

physical appearance ––––

HAIR: White-blonde and long. Fairly straight, but curls slightly at the ends. (Currently cropped short and dyed a deep, jet black for her current plot.)

EYES: Pale blue (appears violet in most lighting)

HEIGHT: 4 fulms, 10 ilms

BUILD: Petite and waifish. Celia struggles to maintain a healthy weight and often looks ‘too skinny’ if she is stressed or her mind has been occupied.

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Small birthmarks beneath her left eye and at the right corner of her mouth; a large horizontal scar stretching across her nose and onto her right cheek; Garlean third eye (always hidden in public, usually with a circlet or her hair)

COMMON ACCESSORIES: A circlet to cover her third eye; a zircon signet ring on her right index finger

personal ––––

PROFESSION: Insubordinate/Troublesome Medicus, Novice Adventurer, Self-Proclaimed Freedom Fighter

HOBBIES: Reading romance novels and poetry, watching theatrical performances (see also: people watching), playing violin

LANGUAGES: Eorzean, Garlean, Sign Language (mainly uses Ala Mhigan sign while in Eorzea, but knows Garlean sign as well), a few Doman words and phrases

RESIDENCE: Various inn rooms across the Eorzean city-states; an apartment in Shirogane when she’s overseas

BIRTHPLACE: Garlemald, in the capital.

PATRON DEITY: None (will lie and claim Althyk the Keeper if pressed)

FEARS: Forgetting the people she cares about, imprisonment, death, her older brother Caius.

relationships –––-

SPOUSE: None

CHILDREN: None

PARENTS: Lucius mal Benes (Father, NPC), Theodosia cen Benes (Mother, NPC)

SIBLINGS: Cato rem Benes (Eldest brother, NPC, deceased), Solina — Benes (Older sister, NPC, disowned), Caius rem Benes (Older brother)

OTHER RELATIVES: Caelia bas (formerly ‘van’) Ursus (Paternal Aunt); various other paternal/maternal aunts, uncles, and cousins; some half-Garlean cousins she is unaware of scattered throughout the provinces

PETS: A rambunctious Canis Pugnax puppy she’s named ‘Rem Canis’; an ill-tempered chocobo dubbed ‘Caius zos Chocobo’

traits –––-

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unemphatic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / un-cultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

additional information ––– –

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

DRUGS: never / sometimes /frequently / to excess / medicinal purposes only.

ALCOHOL: never / very rarely / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

possible hooks ––– –

THE BENES BLOODLINE: The Benes family is an upper-class, fairly prominent family in Garlemald, with several members occupying high-ranking positions in the military and government. Her father Lucius is a Primus Medicus researching the application of magitek to prostheses. Someone from a similar Garlean upper-class background might recognize the signature Benes Blue eyes.

MUSICAL MOTHER: Theodosia cen Benes is a somewhat famous pianist and patron of the theatrical arts. When she was a child and young teen, Celia and her mother performed at several venues together. Fans of the theater might also recognize Celia from performances she attended.

POPULARES: While the Benes side of her family avoids voicing their political views, Theodosia and the rest of the maternal side of Celia’s family are staunch and outspoken supporters of the Populares. Celia resembles her mother enough that anyone who knows Theodosia could probably deduce that Celia is related.

MEDICUS, MIA: Celia interned at a training facility overseen by her aunt and then briefly served at a castrum in Ilsabard before being transferred to Eorzea, where her transport was attacked and she ultimately made her escape during the chaos. She has been reported as Missing in Action. People privy to this information might be curious to know why she’s obviously not.

A GARLEAN IN EORZEA: Celia tends to eavesdrop on conversations while relaxing around Ul’dah, especially when she hears about the Empire or places still under Garlean control. She thinks she’s being sneaky, but she really is not. She and her significant other are currently seeking a way to return to Garlemald with the intent to restore the republic and bring reform.

NOVICE ADVENTURER: These days, Celia spends most of her time doing adventurer work throughout Eorzea (with a preference toward Ul’dah) in the company of a red-eyed “Elezen” obsessed with chocolate ans sweets, a Hingan Miqo’te who normally has at least one magitek bauble on his person at all times, and/or a tall, broad-shouldered Hyur man who carries himself like a seasoned commander. She may lack the ability to use magic or manipulate aether, but when she’s not with her companions, she’s usually willing to lend a hand to other adventurers in need.

INSERT OTHER HOOK HERE: I’m not picky about hooks! I am very open to other possible routes, and I’m extremely open to pre-established relationships. If you have an idea, by all means let me know!

ooc information ––– –

I’m mainly looking for friendly contacts with Celia, but she’s bound to butt heads with people so enemies are also welcome!

I don’t do ERP. I will not budge on this. NSFW content is a-okay, but I refuse to write out characters actually doing the deed.

I’m on Eastern Standard Time, and will usually be online in the evening and late afternoon. Because I help take care of my grandparents, this may fluctuate depending on their needs and any emergencies that pop up.

I am extremely shy and have terrible anxiety. I can almost guarantee that I am more afraid of you than you are of me! It shouldn’t affect Celia and how I write her, but it will most certainly affect OOC interactions. I know it can be tough to deal with, but I ask that you be patient with me.

I’ve come to prefer RPing over Discord, but I have no issue RPing in-game or through Tumblr.

I mirror the writing length of who I’m writing with to the best of my ability!

I’ve come to prefer plot-driven, Mature RP and have no issue with darker themes, but am more than willing--and even eager!--to adapt to the comfort levels of who I’m writing with!

That said, you can mainly get my attention here on Tumblr or in-game on Celia Benes or my main Shizuko Sato, both on Mateus. 

(Please note that I’m a shy af mouse and it takes a lot of effort for me to combat anxieties to respond. I guarantee that if I don’t, it’s not because of something you’ve done! <3 Please don’t be discouraged!)

But if you’d prefer Discord, I’m willing to privately give you my info.

[kcnko-blog]

A REALLY LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY. RULES.  repost , don’t  reblog  ! tag  10  ! good  luck  ! TAGGED. @nuagcnfant TAGGING.  anybody idc

FULL NAME :  Oda, Haruhide NICKNAME // ALIAS: Hide AGE :   24 BIRTHDAY :  3 March ETHNIC GROUP : Asian NATIONALITY : Japanese LANGUAGE / S : Japanese, English ( VERY LITTLE ) SEXUAL ORIENTATION : ??? ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : ???          ( note, these two are up in the air currently ) RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Single CLASS : High Class HOME TOWN / AREA :  Tokyo, Shibuya Ward CURRENT HOME : A small flat in the Shinjuku district of Shibuya PROFESSION :  Judo instructor. Often acts as a confidant of NOBUICHI on clan and family matters.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Bleached blond, bangs hang down in the right side of his face, while the left side is tucked behind his ear. His hair is curled at the ends. EYES : Dark brown in color, often compared to “cat like” in shape FACE : Sort of rounded, but not completely LIPS : Soft and plump, not typical of “masculine” facial features COMPLEXION : Very pale BLEMISHES : Skin is rather soft, but, has scars and regular bruises all over his arms and legs. Has a mole on the base of his neck that is often hidden by his clothing SCARS :  small scars here and there, not many are too prominent  TATTOOS : Nope HEIGHT : 4′10″ WEIGHT : 90 lbs. BUILD : Average, sort of on the skinny side, but, has slightly toned muscles from his lifestyle FEATURES : his face has a permanent grumpy look on it ALLERGIES : allergic to dogs USUAL HAIR STYLE : messy and unbrushed. usually doesn’t care for it much USUAL FACE LOOK : grumpy  USUAL CLOTHING : If he’s not working, he usually wears a mixture of oversized sweatshirts and hoodies, with jeans or shorts. he does’t care much about his appearance

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : being alone, being abandoned, spiders ASPIRATION / S : None POSITIVE TRAITS : Careful, calculating, strong, persistent, organized, bright NEGATIVE TRAITS : Cold - hearted, grumpy, sarcastic, insecure, distant ZODIAC : pisces TEMPERAMENT : choleric SOUL TYPE / S :  Warrior  VICE HABIT / S :  Pushes people away before they can push him away VIRTUES / VICES: Though he struggles with it, he does nice things for his friends and family, even if it’s like pulling teeth to get him to admit to it. FAITH : Shintoism GHOSTS ? : Yes AFTERLIFE ? : Yes REINCARNATION ? :Yes ALIENS ? : No POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : None EDUCATION LEVEL : College. Majored in international business to help Nobuichi out, as well as maintain his own Judo related business.

FAMILY.

FATHER : Oda Nobunari ( DECEASED ) MOTHER : Oda Iwahime SIBLINGS : honestly he has like 5 siblings and most of their abouts are on haru’s blog found in her navigation. It’s too much work trying to paste them all here. EXTENDED FAMILY : tons of cousins. NAME MEANING / S : 陽 英 ( haruhide ) fine sun. 陽  ( haru ) meaning light or sun  英  ( hide ) meaning fine or excellent. HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : None

FAVORITES.

BOOK : hates reading MOVIE : doesn’t watch much ( last movie he watched was Crows Zero ) 5 SONGS : fxxk it, bang bang, sukiyaki, all i wanna do, my eyes adored you. ( i literally just used my shuffle ; ) HOLIDAY : christmas MONTH : December ( bc of christmas ) SEASON : winter  PLACE : Dojo WEATHER : Snowy weather SOUND : The sound of bamboo swords hitting each other SCENT / S : Sweat ( thats rlly gross hide wtf ) TASTE / S : Salty foods FEEL / S : Warm skin ANIMAL / S : Rabbits NUMBER : None COLORS : Pink

EXTRA.

TALENTS : pissing people off naturally BAD AT : keeping relationships TURN ONS : muscles, not being in charge, tight hugs, soft touching TURN OFFS : flab, being put in charge, coldness, being ignored HOBBIES : Training TROPES : Badass Adorable;  Cute Bruiser;  Pint-Sized Powerhouse; ( literally just ... his whole trope his hime being cute and young but really a fucking asshole that’ll kick everyones ass even his own ) AESTHETIC TAGS : Pink, soft aesthetic, but also judo, martial arts, kendo GPOY QUOTES :   “Don’t fuck with people who have lost everything, because they have nothing left to lose.” ( what the fuck is gpoy ??? am i missing smthn here ?? )

FC INFO.

MAIN FC / S : Hirono Keita & Hanao ( Nise x Koi Boyfriend ) ALT FC / S : Kento Yamazaki OLDER FC / S : ;;;; YOUNGER FC / S : Souma Momiji ( Fruits Basket ) VOICE CLAIM / S : tba GENDERBENT  FC / S : tba

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?          

A1 :  Loli Zero; meaning he gives zero fucks and kicks everyones ass ( this is sarcasm this was a hard question and idk the answer ;; )

Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?          

A2 : It’d start out with a soft, almost lullaby - like melody at the beginning ( mainly it’d have an “entrance” from Trumpets n high brass but after it’ll be mostly high winds with the melody carried by the clarinets n an oboe solo in there ), it slowly builds up into a melancholic, dark - ish undertone melody with loads of minor chords to signify the darkest time in his life ( being bullied relentlessly and being “abandoned” by his brothers ). it end big, but melancholic, almost like there’s something missing. (( can you guys tell i was a music student ? ))

Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?        

A3 :  Well kizcku ( haru, his little sister ) was my main blog for so long and i heavily started developing the npcs in her life and i just really .... like the “boy lolita that is actually an asshole” trope i gave him and i really wanted to write it

Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?          

A4 : just all the development ive been putting into the family

Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.          

A5 : god hes a really big asshole? like seriously i dont care how cute he is i just want someone to make him cry and change his fucking WAYS

Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?          

A6 :  ;;;;;; we’re short. thats it.

Q7 : how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?          

A7 : he hates me bc i hate him

Q8 :  what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?        

A8 : other assholes. put this little shit in his place.

Q9 : what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?        

A9 :  fuck idk i just get random things and feelings. im a fickle person

Q10 : how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?          

A10 : HOURS. THANKS AIDEN