#i am sooo comfy laying on my stomach

[perilegs]

all this time i've thought getting top surgery was the best decision i ever made but nothing's solidified how happy i am quite as well as just existing, gaming shirtless in a shitty chair on a nice summer day with the window open and feeling a gentle breeze on your bare skin. how could you not love your body! and the world

[ididntwantthiss]

I messed up!

On 4/20 I went and took advantage of all the deals to get myself some new edibles I hadn’t tried before. I got myself some Chinese food, took an edible, and got comfy. Had a good time! Noticed that this strain made me hungry though. Not a problem, I have no issues with food and I have a lot of snacks. Then I fell asleep without meaning to. The next day I got up, disappointed that I’d slept through most of my high, and figured since it was still the weekend I might as well just try again.

Had a great time! These edibles felt great. But I mentioned they made me hungry.

Backstory 1) I am historically terrible at feeding myself. It’s a little funny how bad a girl with a stuffing kink can be at keeping herself fed. I just have adhd and low appetite, and that leads to many single meal days, snacking and feeling like it’s enough, ect. Unbelievably low caloric input most of the time. I’m trying to work on it. Because of this, my reaction to actually having an appetite is to feed it, immediately, with whatever I’m craving. I am not mentally equipped to deny my own hunger.

Backstory 2) I am asexual. I don’t like the idea of ME engaging in any sort of sexual anything. This includes belly stuffing. I don’t want to take part in either feeding or being fed. It squicks me out and my brain really doesn’t like even engaging with thoughts at all relating me or my body to sexual things. I just enjoy thinking about fictional people without any of the complexities of real humanity and I’m fine. Being high apparently eroded some of that need for a barrier too.

Guys I ate so much. I was just consistently hungry, and I was enjoying the high so I kept taking more when it started to wear off, and I think I was basically eating consistently for 12+ hours. It felt fake, the way the desire for food literally never went away. It was like I was in a kink story that previously I would have written off as unrealistic. I could see my stomach when I pulled my shirt up. I was so full I couldn’t lay down. And I was getting turned on by it too, a bit. I didn’t actually get off until the end but again, my brain does not vibe with my body being involved in sexy things. Me being turned on at all was wild on it’s own.

None of the above is the problem. The problem is it’s two days later and I basically have not eaten since. I’ve had water, some juice, and a handful of nuts today. I may have had a single piece of toast yesterday, but I’m not sure. I can feel that my body is probably hungry by now. But my appetite? Gone. Not a whisper. Even the idea of eating is sooo off putting. It’s so unfair! I had a fun time, got to experiment a little, played with a kink I’ve had for years in an all new way, and now I’m worse off instead and can’t even tempt myself to eat a normal meal. Ughhhhh. If anyone has any food suggestions, please reply to this with them, I’d really like to eat again before I go to bed tonight!

[mismagieus]

Chronic fatigue sure is fun! I’m pretty sure it’s caused by [possible?] sleep apnea… but my last sleep test came back normal -_- which I’m pretttty sure is inaccurate because it was a shitty at-home test (which are known for being unreliable) because my ~wonderful~ insurance refuses to pay for a lab study (and the last time I had a lab study I was 19). and also because I slept on my stomach which might’ve lessened my symptoms. maybe if I had slept on my back, the test would’ve shown I have sleep apnea. who knows. (although it’s really painful to sleep on my back because I have a herniated disc). but I am almost constantly exhausted and sleepy… it doesn’t help that I love my comfy cozy bed so sooo much and that I love my pillows and Squishmallow sloth HugMee 🦥 and my blankets…and that I love to lay in it and just relax and listen to asmr and guided meditations and stuff lmao. I’m already a chillax person by default and the [probable] sleep apnea is just making it worse!

here’s the sloth Squishmallow I was talking about btw!!! his name is Grouper :) everyone say hiii Grouper!!!

…at least I’m not that tired rn I suppose ^_^

[kirausamaria]

Preening Time (Stolitz’ Fanfiction)

This is why I can’t never sleep early. Finally finished this fanfic I started writing weeks ago. Hope you’ll like the sillinesss.

Blitzo woke up just in time to find Stolas sitting at the very corner or the bed humming some unknown tune he didn’t know. They were staying in a hotel for the weekend, which was much fancier than a regular motel. Stolas had chosen this one not only because of the romantic atmosphere, but because both the bathtub and the bed were big enough for him to rest properly and have a good time with his partner.

Stolas was still humming his song, but he was also brushing the feathers of his head with a shinny, elegant brush. The first sunshines from the day reaching him from the window made his feathers look like they were shining, almost changing to a white color. Blitzo would never admit it, but the view of this overwhelmed him for how beautiful it was. Holding the urge to hold Stolas once again he crawled to the end of the bed in order to talk to him:

‘Hey, what are you doing now?’, Blitzo asked him bluntly.

‘Oh, Blitzy, awake already? I tried not to wake you up this early but I needed to preen my feathers’.

‘WTF is preening?’, Blitzo asked while yawning and stretching out.

‘Oh, right, you don’t do that yourself. Every couple of days I must clean and straighten up my feathers with a brush’.

‘Well, that’s weird, it seems annoying as f* to do it all the time.’

‘It’s not that bad...at least when you don’t have to do it all by yourself...usually a partner helps you to do it quicker as a sign of affection with her beak…’ Blitzo noticed Stolas suddenly making a sad face. ‘Not that I know how that feels though’.

‘Sooo, are you telling me that in almost 20 years you were together, didn’t you get preened by your wife, not even once? How pathetic!’

‘Yes, it is’.

Blitzo suddenly realized the sadness in Stolas’ voice. For one moment he thought about how lonely those years may have been for him: not receiving any affection from anyone, feeling always alone, unable to leave the arranged marriage in order to keep the throne and to be at his child’s side...that’s why Stolas was so clingy at him, asking him to kiss him and hug him so hastily, moaning with every caress he received from him like it was his first time experiencing love...and maybe it was. 

Blitzo acted as composed as possible before asking him:

‘Hey big bird, would you let me try brushing you instead?’

Stolas’ eyes widened in surprise at first, but then he put a very enthusiastic face that took Blitzo unguarded. ‘Would you do that for me?’ He asked.

‘Yeah, why not? I mean, don’t get it wrong, I just don’t have anything else to do inside this hotel room’, Blitzo answered, trying to hide his intentions of cheering Stolas up.

Stolas happily sat on the bed looking at Blitzo’s direction, offering him the brush. Blitzo took it and slowly started brushing Stolas’ head. His hands were shaking a little for getting flustered while looking at his face. Stolas was utterly smiling with closed eyes and making happy bird purring noises when his cheeks and chin were getting preened. He was so cute, and that was driving Blitzo nuts.

Stolas squirmed and giggled a little when his neck was being brushed, but he didn’t try to move away and instead was doing his best to stay still and enjoy the attention. When Blitzo moved on to his chest he started to moan a little. 

‘Ohh nope! Stop moaning or I’ll leave the room!’ Blitzo complained. 

‘But you’re so good at it, my dear Blitzy’, Stolas replied in a sexy voice.

‘You know what? Just look the opposite way! I’ll just preen your back now!’, Blitzo said while turning Stolas’ body around so he wouldn’t see him blushing out at the innuendo.

Blitzo then started brushing Stolas’ shoulders and arms, he could feel his body getting more and more relaxed from the soft strokes. However, when he started brushing his back he heard some giggles from Stolas and he was also arching his back at every stroke of the brush.

‘Hey, why are you squirming so much? I thought you were enjoying this’.

‘I am!’Stolas struggled to say with a clear voice. ‘It’s just that it feels a little funny, that’s all’.

Blitzo then brushed Stolas’ low back with a little more pressure, making him squirm and let out a little laugh.

‘Oh, I see what’s going on’, Blitzo said while showing an evil grin that Stolas was unable to see from behind, ‘You know what? This f*ing small brush works too slow for me, I’d rather use my claws instead!’

‘Huh? No Blitzy, just with the brush is ok! I…’ Blitzo suddenly raked his claws on Stolas’ back all the way down and wiggled his fingers when they reached his lower back. Stolas just jumped letting out a burst of giggles. ‘Blitzy, dohohohon’t do that!’

‘Why not? This is much more effective! Also, I’m bored!’. Blitzo started scratching Stolas’ sides, making him fall completely into the bed and curl up on himself.

  ‘Nohohohohoho! No my sides! It ticklehehes!’

‘I knew it! This is tickling you!’ Blitzo answered. ‘Ohh, this is going to be good…’. He then scratched Stolas’s ribs in an unbearably slow pace, looking for loose feathers, from the lower to the higher ribs, making him laugh harder and harder.

‘Ahahaha! Nohohoho! *hic* Nohohohot there! *hic*’. It seemed Stolas’s upper ribs were too ticklish for his own good.

‘Not there? Why not? Is this too much for you?’, Blitzo teased while suudenly pinching Stolas’ upper ribs, making him let out a high pitch hoot, followed by louder giggles. Blitzo was determined to have fun torturing his poor bird partner.

To be fair, Stolas wasn’t suffering or anything. He was kind of flustered and very squirmy, but he wasn’t really fighting back or begging Blitzo to stop. Blitzo was himself amazed that Stolas didn’t seem bothered at all, and his laugh sounded so genuine and happy it was really flustering him.

He tried to keep it together and proceeded to ‘preen’ his stomach. Stolas left out a belly laugh and tried to grab Blitzo’s hands while laying to one side of his body.

‘Ahahaha! Don’t scratch me like that! It’s too much!’

‘Aw, c’mon! Nothing is too much for you! You can’t also lie to me, you’re enjoying the attention!’, Blitzo said while squeezing Stolas’ hips. Stolas just hooted in laughter while getting closer to him, actually making Blitzo’s job much easier. When he stopped for a while allowing him to get some air Stolas looked at him with playful and smiling eyes, with a ‘I’m having fun’ expression. Blitzo tried not to blush at the sight.

‘Oh, I just forgot!’ Blitzo said, trying to snap out of the owl’s charming eyes, ‘I still need to work on those legs and hips!’. Stolas’ eyes widened when watching Blitzo wiggling his fingers over him with a mischievous smile, proceeding to show a wide smile that gave him away.

‘Nohohhohoho, please! I won’t be able to take it!’, Stolas said with a nervous laugher and half heartedly putting his hands in front of him.

‘Sorry, I must do it now! I don’t do half-assed work!’ Blitzo then holded one of Stolas’ legs and started scratching the inner thighs, and he literally jumped from the waist down. He grabbed the sheets trying to stay still while laughing loudly. Blitzo wasn’t only scratching his thighs, he also started digging his fingers on them, making him go crazy.

‘AHAHAHAHA *hoot*! HAHAHAHA *hoot*!! Plehehehehehease, it tihihihihihihickles so much!’

‘I know, isn’t that great?’, Blitzo replied, trying not to laugh at Stolas’ contagious laughter. ‘Now I can torture you like this any time I want!’ Then he held his leg tighter and scratched over and behind his knees, making him laugh so much his face was really red.

Blitzo did the same thing with his other leg, and tears started building up in  Stolas’ eyes. When he started to whine and wheeze constantly Blitzo knew he had to stop soon. ‘I was having so much fun though’, he said to himself.

‘Ok, just a quick whole body’s revision for good measure!’ Blitzo suddenly skittered his fingers all over Stolas’s body, making him squirm all over the bed while squealing with joy.

‘Plehehehehehease, I cahahahn’t take anymore! *hic* *hic* Enough!’

Blitzo finally stopped, letting him rest while laying in bed. It took a long time for Stolas to regain his composure, until he could calmly breathe and stop giggling.

‘Hey, you look so overjoyed after all that torture! I would have passed out a long time ago!’, Blitzo pointed out.

‘Hehehe, sorry, I was having so much fun right now.’ Stolas replied with a soft smile, ‘I had never been tickled like this before’.

‘Even as a child?’

‘No, I was always surrounded by nothing but adults when I was growing up. I didn’t spend time with other children nor played with anyone. My mother would sometimes hug me, but that was all’.

Blitzo again felt bad for him. Even when he belonged to royal family he barely got any attention or any touch from anyone his whole life. Not receiving any caring physical affection was painful, and he knew that too.

‘You know what, if you ever need me for another preening, I wouldn’t oppose the idea’, Blitzo said in a lower voice.

‘Really Blitzy? That would be lovely! I will let you know then!’ Stolas then hugged Blitzo’s waist while still laying down his stomach on the bed. ‘Can we stay little this for a little longer’, he whispered, becoming sleepy.

‘Alright, but at the moment I get hungry, I’m out this room’, Blitzo answered while laying down on a pillow making himself comfy.

‘I want to stay like this forever though’, Stolas said in a weak voice before falling asleep from exhaustion.

Blitzo made sure Stolas was completely out before starting to caress his head while staring at the ceiling.

‘You silly childlike owl prince…’

THANKS FOR READING GUYS! IF YOU ENJOY MY ART OR SILLY FANFICS FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A LITTLE TIP TO www.streamlabs.com/kirausamaria . HUGS!

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

SAFE

Marcus Álvarez x Reader

Anon asked: Hi! I'm sooo in love with ur writing!! Anyway I'm wondering if I can have an Alvarez one were the reader gets jumped and beaten by some guys and shes found by him but he thinks shes dead the whole time on the way to the hospital and super super fluffy and the reader gets out and he goes on a man hunt to kill them? I'm sorry if it makes no sense it's a rough idea I had of my own XD

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford​  ✨

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: NSFW, smut

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

The only thing you can feel besides the pain running up your spine, focusing in your head through your neck, is two hands holding your left tightly. A soft kiss on the back of it and some tickles because of the facial hair. You’re trying to open your eyes, turning the gesture into an agony. His voice sounds so far that you’re not sure what he’s trying to tell you, but at least, knowing that he’s there calms all the nerves that were consuming you seconds before. And you don’t know how much time passes when your throat begins to work again. Babbling word with no sense, stirring slightly above the mattress you notice that the edge sinks a little more.

“Whe— Where I am…?”

Taking your time, you’re finally able to talk only opening your right eye. The left seems like it’s covered by a cotton patch and hurt like hell. You don't need to be a genius, looking around you, to figure out that you're at the hospital. Some flashes about last night squeeze your mind. You just closed the bar, outside of Santo Padre, guiding your walk towards your car after a long Saturday dawn. And everything you wanted was coming home faster than other days and lie down on bed. You weren't even in the mood for take off your clothes. But you remember a hand tangling your hair in his fingers, before you could open the automobile, pushing you to the ground. Your head hit it, feeling how the asphalt and your neck got wetted by the blood. Disoriented, you didn't know where the kicks came from straight to your stomach, your back, your arms and your face.

“You know… who I am, chamaca?”

Your gaze quickly reach Marcus, with a worried look on his face and two dark shadows under his eyes. Your orbs tour the largest fingers caressing yours, laying your head above the pillow needing to be more comfortable. You're supposing, because of the pain and the punts, doctors could think that maybe you could need some time to also remember your name. But they're wrong. You can feel the fright wrapping the mexican when there's no answer from your lips, narrowing your hand a little more hoping that the gesture can help you.

“Ma— Marc… us Álvarez”. Muttering for a second, you provoke a soft laugh full of happiness pouring out a tear whilst leaning to you, so he can leave a kiss on your temple.

“You're thirsty, mi niña? Do you want water?”

You nod as you can, moving your chin for one second, trying to get up by your palms. The man helps you after pressing a button on a side of the bed, so it can lift up the headrest. Serving some water in a plastic cup and guiding it close to your lips, he places his free hand on your nape making it easier for you to drink from it. Your throat feels somewhat better, even if the liquid forces you to cough two times.

“I'm so sorry, (Y/N). This is my fault”. Álvarez says leaving away the cup, sitting down on the edge of the bed caressing gentle your bruised cheek with his fingertips. He looks disappointed, upset, sad. His gaze over your hand between his again, but you can't understand why he's blaming himself. “Those perros... are Mayans enemies. They should heard me talking about you”.

“Did you…”

“Bishop”. He doesn't need to listen the whole question. “I brought you there. I thought you were dead, and I didn't care anything else. You're safe now”.

That's enough for you, closing your eye nodding as wrapping his arm to pull him closer until your nose touches his chest. He was just another client of the bar you were working in, but with time he became a friend. You started to assist to Mayans parties, helping them when you were free. And El Padrino was always jumping around you, even when you couldn't notice him. His eyes are always on you, controlling everything surrounding you just to work on making you feel comfortable. Last night was like a blind point.

The days pass between some visits by cops trying to get something out of you about that night, Mayans watching the place and the amazing care of Marcus, until they get you on medical discharge. And even if you would like to go home, as a club decision you're going to stay at the clubhouse till the mexicans find the men who assaulted you.

You're falling asleep under the soft blankets with your gaze on the big window covered by the wooden blind, when the door gets opened. Marcus walks inside without turning on the light, sitting on the edge of the bed. There are no words. Just a heavy sigh escaping from his lips, rubbing his face with both hands and giving you his back. Every night since you're staying there, he comes after being outside all day long to know how you feel, how you are and what you need. But now it's different. You can notice that his whole body is too tense. His breathing is somewhat shaky as his heart beating. Crawling with your knees above the bed, you reach him in silence. You don't need a single word to know that they already found those guys who almost killed you. Marcus is tense because you're going to leave the clubhouse by morning, coming back to your house, so he will not able to see you as much as he would like.

With your fingertips touring his shoulder blades slow, going up to both sides of his neck, you leave your arms falls down on his chest feeling how your skin get wet slightly for what you know it's blood. But you don't care. Not even a little.

“What if I don' feel safe?”

You mutter on his ear, touching it with your nose in a smooth caress. You have never felt insecure, because your father taught you pretty well. That night they just caught you off guard. And Marcus knows that right now you're just pretending because you also want to stay with him. But neither of you are too good expressing yourselves.

“You would have to stay here, till you do”. He just replies, lying his back on your chest as you sit on your heels.

“And you would come every night?”

“I would do anything you want”.

His eyes are closed when your lips reach his left cheek, trailing down every mild kiss towards his jaw, till them find his neck. The simple fact of having his scent so close flooding your lungs, provokes a soft chill going up over your thighs. Your fingers sliding under the kutte the enough to take it off and leave it on a corner. You know how tired Marcus is, so you're good if he doesn't move yet, enjoying every touch of yours. And what you have inside your mind it's not to thank him for taking care of you, but because you truly feel things for him, as he does for you. While your mouth and your tongue are focused on his neck, biting, sucking and tasting it taking your time to memorize every inch of him, your fingers unbutton one by one every button his shirt, playing and trying to desperate him just a little.

“Come here”. He demands with a soft growl on air, grabbing your waist as good as he can, to push you on top of him.

His legs between yours, sitting on his lap and facing each other. When his lips almost touch yours, you feel like you could die right then and there. You both have waited for this too long, so when he kisses you taking away your breath, you don't care about anything else. Getting comfy above him with both hands placed on his head, your lips conform to his and every move they made. You're feeling as if you were on top of the world. Marcus nails his fingers on your thighs, dragging them up under the fabric of your shirt. You know that he wants to be careful, being a little convalescent yet, but if you can't even keep your calm, how are you going to ask him to?

Taking off and throwing his black shirt away, his hands travel over your skin up by your sides so soon as your shirt can fly off from your body running the same fate. Your hips begin to dance over him, noticing the lump under his jeans, listening in the background how his boots falls down too. The friction of the rough fabric rubbing your panties with some delicious pressure provokes you a moan sinked on his mouth. You need him more than you could need anyone, letting your hands travel as if they had a life of their own to unbuckle his belt with trembling fingers, unzipping the jeans faster than he can even think. Helping you to slide them right to the floor beside his boxers, you lick your lips having a quick look of his hard cock touching your abdomen. Latent lust burning in your eyes, getting up of Marcus the enough seconds to pull down your panties by the waistband being grabbed by your hands. You're not going to lose more time, you want to feel him inside you, filling you completely.

Tangling his fingers with yours, pushing you slow to him and touring your whole body with his dark eyes wanting to lease it from memory, you crawl above him attacking his lips again. One of your hands go among your skins holding his hardness, stroking him with necessity while the kiss becomes impure and naughty, with your tongues colliding and tangling with each other. Marcus' breathing starts to be more frenetic and wild, stopping just for a second when you tuck his dick between your legs sinking it in your wetness without expecting. It's fucking delirious. His hugeness breaking through inside you, no waiting for your body to amold wrapping his heat, your hips bounce on top of the mexican whilst your lips being unable to separate from the others.

“Fuck, chamaca…” He growls satisfied with every touch, every move and every sensation you give him.

Forcing you to spread your legs a little more and his dick digging inside you deeper, your uncontrollable moans becomes somewhat louder. You don't care if someone can hear you, because everybody knows that this would happen sooner or later. And even if you have to wait too much, no one could stop you now. Marcus is all you want, not needing to go into details, and you are all he needs to keep his feet on the ground. Like the two pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly.

Turning you above the bed, pushing you to the middle of it without pulling himself out of your inland, the man roams his mouth over the skin of your throat biting it so gentle that ends up bristling it. Every delicious thrust with his abdomen hitting yours, makes you beg for more and he absolutely loves it, pounding you somewhat faster nailing his cock and playing with your body. One of his hands pinches your nipple, touring them with his tongue and tasting every inch of your breasts, whilst the free arm is surrounding your waist completely. Marcus needs to have you close, letting him do whatever he wants with your anatomy ready to please him, even if the only thing he wishes at this moment is show you every damn thing he can feel for you without using more words than necessary.

Your legs get tangled in his when the man lies down on top of you, looking for your mouth with somekind of filthy desperation devouring them as soon as he reaches them. You can't describe every sensation that it's running through your body ending up concentrating on your lower abdomen, giving you delectable tickles on it.

“Cum insid' me, please, Marcus…” You beg throaty against his face, while he bites your inner lip hitting your body more anxious.

You don't need a nod, nor an agreement, to know that he's going to do it. And even if you aren't using a condom, having left that idea more than discarded for your first time, you don't care about the risk. There are no hazards when you're together and both are conscious about that fact. You can't help but arching your back as soon as he filled you up with his heat and his teeth biting your lips to silence the way that he has to fall apart under your warmth. The ecstasy finds you after some hard thrusts that almost hit your soul, with his hungry tongue tasting yours. Your hands placed on Marcus' head, being easier to drown his full name wrapping by the undeniable pleasure he provokes you, even when his moves become slowly and leisurely, going rough at least till your bodies can't handle it.

You can feel his seed spilling down by your thighs, when the mexican falls exhausted by your side with a fleeting smirk on his face and a hand lying on his chest. Turning his head to yours, he doesn't waste any more time, wrapping you into his arms whilst you two are trying to recover yourselves.

“Maybe… I could feel more safe sleeping with you”. You mutter sinking your nose on his sweated skin, like yours is.

“Then, I will have to stay”.

[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Chapter 8/?

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Word Count: 2,083

Warnings: Swearing, fluffy goodness, flirting, depression and sadness

Rating: PG-13

Summary: After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans.  Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

 While you were out getting groceries with Eric, he found out he was actually going to be leaving tonight instead of tomorrow with Frank; so you finished up your shopping, unpacked the groceries in your kitchen, and said your goodbyes.  

It would be a lonely week without your brother here, especially in a brand new city, but at the same time, you kind of liked being by yourself to figure things out.  No distractions around really helped you to clear out your mind and that’s exactly why you moved out here in the first place anyways.

Deciding you didn’t want to make cookies quite yet, you paced over to your couch and lay down, hoping to get a little nap in.  The events of the last few days catching up to you and you were exhausted.  

The incident at the party; you and Chris discussing what might become between the two of you.  You were seriously frightened by your relationship with Chris.  Sure, you were just friends for now, but you only knew the guy for a day.  Things like that just didn’t happen; did they?  Of course you’ve heard the phrase “love at first sight”, but come on that was just a myth wasn’t it?  

You had never felt such strong feelings towards someone upon meeting them.  You already felt emotions and feelings more strongly than the normal person; being sensitive and all.  But did you really want to add to all that?  Your mind screaming no, don’t do it you idiot, your heart pleading yes, take the plunge, you need someone who will be good to you.

Ugh, now a headache was forming just thinking about all of this.  Closing your eyes, you drift to sleep, hoping to wake up to a clearer mind.

Looking into Chris’ eyes, you just become lost in them.  Lost in the sea of blue, as blue as the ocean you are currently at, nestled between his legs, lounging on the beach.  You are relaxed in his strong grip as you keep gazing into his eyes.  

Chris gives you that boyish grin you can’t help but love.  He licks his lips as his eyes gaze down towards yours.  Feeling slightly shy and nervous you start biting your lip, a tick you’ve always had when you became nervous.

“You need to stop doing that Emilia” he says in his husky voice, making your heart flutter and your stomach clench at the sound.

“Why don’t you make me” you banter back with your eyes quirked up.  

He gives you an “oh really” look, and you know you’re done for.

He slowly, ever so slowly, starts leaning towards you; a look of pure lust on his face.  His forehead reaches yours and rests there for a moment.  Your lips are so close; you wanted him, all of him.

Your lips touch for the briefest of seconds before the noise jolts you two back.  Was that a hurricane warning?

You lurch awake and almost fall off the couch as your phone chiming wakes you.  Fuck, if your nap was supposed to clear your mind, that dream clearly made it worse.  

You rose from your comfy couch to find your phone sitting on the kitchen counter, a text from Chris waiting for you.

Chris: Wheres maaahhh cooookkkiiieeesss???

You can’t help but double over laughing hysterically at the text.

Emilia: Sooo should I stop calling you Chris now and start calling you Cookie Monster??

Chris: I give you permission to call me whatever you want as long as I get some home baked cookies.  Eric tells me they’re amazing

Emilia: I just woke up from a nap.  Gonna start baking now.  You know where to find me ;)

Chris: A nap?  Slacker

Emilia: don’t make me lock my door on you Evans!!!

Chris: ;) see you soon beautiful

You don’t know how long you just stood there staring at the last text he sent you.  You knew Chris was a flirtatious person by just talking to him.  You knew you guys were just friends for the time being, maybe taking it to the next step; when you were ready of course.  But for him to tell you you’re beautiful; you just didn’t know how to handle it.  You weren’t used to compliments; you never accepted them with ease.  But this felt different to you.  It felt easier to accept, it felt like he meant it.  

Not wanting to continue with the thought any longer, you wander into the kitchen and start pulling out everything you need for your cookies.  You also needed some music, so you put your playlist on shuffle and plugged it into the Bluetooth speaker.

Baking was another one of your distractions t use to relieve the pressure and stress of your emotions and feelings.  While it was way safer than the alternative you had, there wasn’t always a kitchen, or time, to just bake your feelings away.  

You were hard at work, mixing up all your ingredients when there was a knock on your door.

“It’s open” you yell over the sound of your music.

“Honey I’m home” Chris says as he opens the door and walks in.

You give a sound somewhere between a snort and a chuckle, “Cute, real cute.”

“I thought so” he exclaimed, give you a wink.

When he came closer, your heart immediately started pounding; your mind racing back to the dream you had.  Chris was a damn fine man, and you wouldn’t mind kissing those lips.  You were actually a bit peeved your dream was cut short.

“Anything I can help you with?” he asks, breaking you from your thoughts.

“Not right now.  But you can help with the sprinkles in a little bit.  So just park your ass on the chair right there” you point, gesturing to one of the stools at the island counter you were working at.  

“Yes Ma’am.”

You get back to mixing your ingredients into your bowl.  Missio’s “Middle Fingers” song starts to play in the background and you can’t help but sing lightly to the song.  You sort of deemed the song your new anthem with the way your life was going.

I am tired of seeing pretty people everywhere

I am not a model middle fingers in the air.

I used to drink whiskey now I’m stuck with Perrier

I’m an alcoholic middle fingers in the air.

I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!

I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!

I don’t like the music other people tend to share

Hate your loser lyrics middle fingers in the air

I’m a starving artist, nowhere close to millionaire

I prefer my kia middle fingers in the air

I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!

I’ll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air!

I’m a simple loner who the hell thinks that I care

I am not the party middle fingers in the air

The song fades and you stop singing and shaking your hips to the song.  You were so lost in the lyrics of the song that you completely forgot Chris was sitting right there, watching you the entire time.  

“Oops, got a bit carried away with the song, sorry” you mention as you duck your head in embarrassment.

“I didn’t mind, especially the view.”

“Of course you didn’t” you say to him, sticking your tongue out afterwards.  “Are you ready for some sprinkles?”

“Am I ready for sprinkles?? That’s the best part!!” he says, rubbing his hands together as he walks over to your side of the kitchen.

He takes the sprinkles in his hands, and starts decorating the cookies with them.  You can’t help but slip a small smile to your lips, loving the way Chris looks domestic standing here baking cookies with you. Your mind starts to drift, thinking what a relationship with Chris would really be like.  You know it can’t be easy being in the spotlight, and having your relationship out in the public.  Chris was a pretty private person when it came to his relationships, but you knew at some point in time it would get out to the public.

You’re also still battling with whether or not to tell him about what Eric mentioned.  Even if you and Chris remain just friends, he has a right to know, being in the public eye and all.  

“Penny for your thoughts” Chris asks, breaking you free from your thoughts for what felt like the millionth time.  “You seem distracted.  You ok Ems?”

“Umm yeah. Sorry about that. Ahh, did-did Eric men-mention anything to you.  About me? And my past maybe?” you stammer a bit, a little nervous about the whole ordeal.

“Just about what happened with Charlie, and about you guys growing up.”  He turns to face you, placing his hands on your slightly trembling shoulders, a strained look upon his face.  “Ems, what’s wrong?”

You notice your eyes are starting to blur.  Fuck, why is it every time you are around Chris, you can’t keep your emotions in check? You are always stoic and mask your emotions perfectly, but when you’re around Chris, your walls break down and your become vulnerable.  

“There’s something I have to tell you.  About my past.  But I don’t know if-if I’m ready to tell you yet Chris.  I’m not ready for the repercussions.”

Chris pulls you into his arms, trapping you with them.  You let out shaky, uneven breaths, tears starting to blur your vision even more.

He rubs his hands up and down your back in a soothing way as you hiccup into his chest.  

You shakily take your arms out from around yourself and grab onto his back, gripping his shirt.

“Sshhh whatever it is I’m here for you Ems.  You know that.  I know we’ve talked about this yesterday, and I’m still standing behind it.  I have never, not once, felt an instant connection with someone like I did with you.  Remember that you are setting the pace Ems.  This may sound cheesy as fuck, but I’ll wait for you.”  

He kisses the top of your head and just holds his lips there.  

Safe.  You feel safe again, in his arms.  

“Thank you” you mutter out quietly, afraid of what your voice would do at this point.

“It’s not a problem sweetie” a smile appearing on his face.

You hear your phone go off with a text.  You don’t want to leave Chris’ arms, but you know it might be Eric and you want to make sure he made it to the airport safely.

“I’m sorry, it might be Eric” you say grabbing your phone.

Looking at the text, you let you a deep sigh.  “Great, just great” you say, throwing your phone onto the couch and walking outside, needing some fresh air.

You go to your favorite part of the yard, the spot overlooking the hills and bluffs of LA.  

You hear Chris come up behind you and decide to keep your focus straight ahead of you.

“Everything ok?” he asks concerned.

“Turns out Eric won’t be gone for a week, but for the rest of the month.  He won’t be returning until the end of October.  He feels really bad leaving me here by myself, but I know it’s his job.”  You turn to face Chris, sadness in your face knowing you were going to be alone for an entire month, not just a week.  “I’m not mad at him at all, I’m angry at myself thinking him and I would have all the time in the world to catch up when I move out here.”

“If it’s any consolation, you got me!” Chris says, the cheeky grin on his face immediately putting a smile onto yours.  “I needed a break so I made sure not to pick up any projects.  I have a few interviews and photoshoots here and there, but other than that, I don’t have any projects lined up March of next year.”  He lifts your chin to meet his gaze.  “You won’t be alone Ems, you have me.”

Your heart melts at the intensity of the gaze he gives you.  You can’t help but looked pleased.

“Come on beautiful, let’s go eat some cookies.”

He extends his hand for you to take, and you graciously place your smaller hand into his.  The two of you stroll back into your house, all traces of sadness and anger gone; replaced with joy and peacefulness.

Tag List: @evansfanficweekly @always-an-evans-addict @ssweet-empowerment @patzammit @tacohead13

[wadatsumi-no-suigyoku]

03142019 _ 10:50PM

Happy Pi Day! Another questions thing ‘cause I’m bored :D 

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed? I don’t have a closet where I sleep :’) 

(2) Do You Have Freckles? nope

(3) Can You Whistle? yeppp

(4) Last Song You Listened To. Rewrite the Stars - Zac Efron & Zendaya vers. from The Greatest Showman 

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour? black or blue

(6) Relationship Status. taken

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now? 42 degrees Fahrenheit outside 

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky? always.

(9) How Many Followers? 0. we gon’ keep it that way on this side blog

(10) Zodiac Sign. eastern - dog  western - aquarius 

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour? brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? nahh. not yet lol 

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? sometimes

(14) What Books Are You Reading? none right now. I should definitely get back into that

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14. literally too lazy to do this rn lol maybe i’ll come back to this question later

(16) Favourite Anime? aaahhh I can’t decide... probably banana fish 

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? Nick

(18) Do You Collect Anything? pokemon on pogo :D 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch? banana, honey-roasted cashews, & cheezits

(20) Do You Dance In The Car? no way that is so dangerous while driving lol 

(21) Favourite Animal? right now, probably jellyfish 

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics? depends on the event. 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? like 2AM

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? nope

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? pool. the ocean is scary :O 

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog? mine, obviously. lol 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water? bottled! water can definitely taste different! 

(28) What Makes You Happy? food, anime merch, and the people I love :D 

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now. insert bored.gif here 

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? with! I need some sort of chill music in the background. silence becomes distracting with the thoughts swimming around my head 

(31) Dogs Or Cats? honestly, both. 

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? black or some shade of ocean blue 

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. PC bitchessss. I will never understand xbox controls for my life. 

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? neither!! deep water is scary no matter where. 

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? nope. there is always a trick underneath. 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? beige 

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? noooo. I don’t know how people do it 

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? both. I save a majority of my paycheck & gotta spend the rest on necessities ;) 

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? uhhh.... a french cookie wrapper (unopened, cuz i’m not a slob like that who just leaves wrappers lying around) 

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? SHEITH. uhhh... that’s pretty much it. lol 

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? nahhh. we took care of some in first grade tho. 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? depends on what the event is, but I’d hope not. 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? oh yes. I can’t remember most of the details when I wake up, but the details I do remember, they are fcking weeeeird. 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? The idea of the adventure & traveling is fun, but I hate planes just for the popping of my ears ;~; and the landing. I hate that feeling of my stomach lurching. 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. ohmygod. KIMI NO NA WA. ;~; 

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds? uhhhh... peanuts? I guess? I don’t really like either though... 

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? OLDCODEX <3 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? I wouldn’t say so. As long as it doesn’t smell repulsive, I’ll try anything once. 

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? if I don’t have any responsibilities in the morning 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? nahh. I love watching & hearing storms from inside. they’re pretty calming. 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write? oh yeaaah. I should do both more often. I used to a lot back in middle school, but I still enjoy them. 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? only when I’m doing chores xD 

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? oooh carve pumpkins! I’ve never carved one before in my life. 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up? Kaze to Hoshi ni Dakarete - Kuribayashi Minami

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) still winter~ spring is coming up next week though! 

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now? panda express, korean fried chicken, cajun shrimp, pasta, any food. LOL 

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed. it’s just all gay anime porn & memes lol 

(58) What Is Your Gender? female 

(59) Coffee Or Tea? tea! <3 

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? nahhh.. life of an adult, dude. 

(61) What Is Your Sexuality? ima dirty hetero lmao 

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? hayll nah. 

(63) Favourite Pokemon? milotic! sobble is coming in hot tho LOL 

(64) Favourite Social Media? twitter 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories? dumbbbb. tried too hard to be like snapchat 

(66) Do You Get Homesick? nopee since I’m here everyday. lol 

(67) Are You A Virgin? nah

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now? suave - the cheap drug store brand :D 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? i’ll rent that crappy motel room. why not? 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? yaaa

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? detective pikachu! 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex? fuck no. I don’t wish the best for him either. 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? “Let justice be done, though the heavens fall.” 

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? heterochromia :D doesn’t matter which colors

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? LOVED swinging as a child. I don’t pass by many parks nowadays though. 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? sticky rice & broccoli :D 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone? too many. lol pogo is the major one, then a bunch of idle tapping games 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? no, because I am not certified 

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight? oh yeah. 

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network? lol i’ve definitely tried 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People? not really. I’m sooo antisocial and bad with people ;~;

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. not on a regular basis. for special occasions? yes. 

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed? I don’t have a bedroom door :’) 

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? went to work, ate, now I’m sitting on my ass. 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? t-shirt & shorts! 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now. pretty much all the basic stuff. I don’t use most of it though. au natural :D 

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person? definitely a night person xD 

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc. noo that’s too many D; 

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened. I don’t remember any of them 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink? canada dry ginger ale :P 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite? crunching leaves / crispy food 

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? jeans 

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? comfy xD ready for bed. 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You. laying in bed, in a warm pile of my blankets & pillows <3 

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want? I’ve only really contemplated two different ones..   first one is kinda nerdy - I want a blade of marmora insignia on the back of my neck  second one would be having cursive-calligraphy-written ‘agape’ on the inside of my left wrist 

(96) Favourite YouTuber? right now, it’s gotta be The Try Guys :D 

[perksofanxiousness]

a huge update after a decade

28 October 2017 Dear diary So im damn mad like you have no idea!!! so you know the mackbook I'm typing with is like 9.5m bucks but my dad is paying like 12m bucks. for it!!! Isn’t this just crazy? like what should i do? theres nothing i can do… I feel so bad, i feel crush and betrayed! Its not fair, but what is? it was my first time being this stupid and naive! i love my MacBook, i love everything about it, even know that I'm typing I'm having a time of my life! Srsly this is a dream come true! i never thought ill be here in my life Laying on a kind of couch in a comfy home, all fresh and good.. studying in some good collage and everything! But whats next? whats next with Farid crushing his dads money like blah blah blah there must be a limit here a huge weird limit thank god I'm safe with so many stuff how u ask? ive got sick, that was like a real shitty experience, i never thought Ill ever get in trouble with my stomach! but i did.. it got inflated… how u ask? All the fast-food and spices! + all the shit and stress I've been through with my ex and life… like that koorkor was a bitch! So, how much do u think i can spend on food daily? 10? Huda Rostami got 15, but she's all fine and can eat everything, yet not me! I cant eat any thing raw, any spices, cheese or fast-food and tea or soda… like i cant fucking live!!! Yet its okay, all the build vegetables and shit are delicious for me, yet so cheap so the food is covered! another thing is the internet bills! They're fucking crazy… the charges and stuff are crazy like even if u breath u have to pay! I don't wanna live like this! i rather live in jungle gathering seeds all day and fight with stupid bears! in other ways I've always been a fan of luxury life style, not the fake glam that Persians are into Kind a peace in a expensive beauty that others cant achieve! There is a way to fix that! W O R K there is a ton of things to do, so I'm going to start from my own apartment! like ill Clean the stairs and wont pay for the charge! this is some good shit to do! not paying and get paid a bit! Actually I'm going down there to talk to the manager now! yet its getting all better with the photography thing, lots of more people are knowing that I'm serious about it and they have to pay! im thinking about exploring a bit more in instagram, i might get huge and have brand deals, which is fucking goals and all i want! i can do it! the exact way that Ebi Sandi did it! i can start teaching some photography or photoshop! even learning how to do rhino and let that pass away for some cute bucks of money After all i always find writhing a pleasant thing, something that makes up your mind xx And can gives u some good resolutions! so i went down, i cant believe he did that.. he said 50 bucks it is, then he said he pays 40 every time, i said okay.. i didn't want to keep going with fact that i have to pay for this monthly charge thing, in other hand i love cleaning anyway, and the pressure is gone! dear MacBook im deeply sad… you're the best thing i ever had in my life, yet use brought a ton of fight and nerve raking experiences… i hate it when it happens, i hate money problems… its like it happens every time with me… i don't know how i wanna keep going on… losing stuff is so hard for me.. literally sooo hard! but why? Btw u know i was a mamas boy, since i don't know, a huge time ago… i felted like i hated my dad! yeah i don't how stupid i was, how blind.. the older i get i just realize everything fucking everything i am, have and will be is because my dad… Its funny.. no matter what kind of mess i make and happens.. he fixes it! like the time he fixed that 12m bucks thing for the MacBook! well its 9.9 now and I'm like pretty fucked but yet… Im making a change i know it Its hard It takes courage it takes dedication theres too much more than just bullshits and studying in life theres health! and not just physical health, but mental health too Dear future me, you are going to be freaking awesome! Pick and all that shit.. not so far by end of this fall! i always get what i want, but really? kinda yess, i don't know, i wanna believe in some kind of vibe.. or sense or the fucking law of attraction! but idk.. its like it works that way, when u want something, all always have that in mind.. and use every opportunity to get it! in some way i think its right! i wanna believe in extras… in parallel universes or aliens… cause seriously why not? how did i get to this point? funny, i made a wish board last year around this times.. guess what was on it? a partner, car, iPhone, MacBook Pro and a good trip! guess what! Ive fucking achieved all of it xx