#i am so tired it hurts. this is like those russian tortures where they sleep deprived you w/ wbright light or sound

[that-wildwolf]

we've reached the point of singularity I think: it is physically too hot to fall asleep

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Bent, not broken 2

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape; violence; injury; blood; drugging, tags to be added throughout series.

This is a dark!fic and features the winter soldier and Captain Hydra x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: An attack leads to the uncovering of decades old secrets when you are taken by the deadliest assassin in the world

Note: Thank you all for your patience with this :) So happy to get part 2 out!

Thanks to everyone for reading and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 As usual, I’d appreciate if you let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

The man with the metal arm brought you a set of plain grey clothes. It was the type of shapeless linen given to patients in a long-term facility or inmates at a prison. When you struggled to lift your right shoulder over your head and winced as your ribs throbbed, he helped you get into the long-sleeved shirt, pulling the fabric down gruffly and backing away.

You shoved your feet into the rubber shoes, and held your arm across your middle, as you stood with shoulders curled forward pathetically. You hobbled to the door as he beckoned to you. You were reluctant to leave the room, fearful of a worse prison ahead. You didn’t have much choice in the matter; resistance was a ridiculous idea given your injuries. 

As it was, you were still too hazy with shock and pain to even think of doing anything other than what you were told. You only hoped that you would have a moment to lay down again. Standing up was torture, even just breathing, and those fleeting moments of sleep were your only relief.

The halls stretched on and on. The twists and turns seemed counterintuitive as he led you along and when you didn’t walk fast enough, he grabbed your arm and dragged you along. You limped and tripped several times but he hardly noticed as he kept his eyes forward.

He brought you out into the sombre grey evening and the gulp of cold air was like a slap in the face. You didn’t know how long it was since you last felt the outside, but it made you tear up. The subtle chill tickled your nose and sent a shiver up your neck. It didn’t feel real, not after the stifling stillness of that white room.

He ushered you over to the boxy black vehicle and opened the backdoor. He nudged you and pointed inside. You looked at him and then around at the barren dirt. You braced the side of the doorframe and grunted as you tried to climb up into the backseat. You gasped and dropped back onto the ground and touched your ribs.

He sniffed and you flinched as his hand came up under your ass and he pushed you up and into the car. You groaned and landed heavily across the seat and kept yourself from sliding onto the floor. You turned back just as he slammed the door.

You coughed and reclined against the seat. You watched him climb in the front, a clear barrier between the front and back of the vehicle. The engine turned and hummed as he played with the controls. A screen above the dash lit up and showed coordinates on a map as several switches lit up below.

The jeep began to move as he steered mechanically away from the building. You peeked back at the grey brick and stretched your legs out as you leaned on the door. You rocked with the motion of the wheels but each jolt made you whimper. You closed your eyes and quelled the panic bubbling in your stomach.

You knew it couldn’t be good. None of it was. Waking up in that closet, being locked up in that white room, and now, your unknown destination hardly meant a mysterious fate. The Captain’s leer returned to you and his ominous words. The way he ordered the masked man around like a dog worried you more.

When you next opened your eyes, just about to doze off, you heard a subtle buzz through the barrier. Next to the screen, a phone was propped up and the timer counted up the minutes in the call. You couldn’t read what you assumed was Russian Cyrillic and you couldn’t quite hear the words coming from the speaker.

You sighed and it caused a stab in your ribs. You closed your eyes again and opted to try to cling onto your fatigue. It wouldn’t matter if you could hear the conversation, likely one-sided as it was, or if you could figure out where that little blinking tag on the map was. None of it made a difference. You could be certain you would not escape those men.

★

Mountains rose with sun through the slits of your eyelids. You batted away the sleepiness and shifted as you looked around at the rocky landscape, the road ahead steep and winding as the tires gripped the dirt. The angle of your ascent made your stomach flip and you leaned into the corner more heavily.

When the terrain plateaued, the mist thick around you, you dared to move and craned to peer around at the obscured lands below. The man drove on along the trail, just wide enough for the wide military vehicle and steered into the open mouth of a cave hidden between tall rocks jutting out from the mountain face.

The darkness consumed all but the glowing screen and symbols in the front of the vehicle and when the tires crunched to a halt, you sat up cautiously. The lights all went out and the front door opened and closed. The door behind you swung open and the rigid metal grip pulled you out. 

Your feet hit the ground harshly and you stumbled against the man’s unwavering posture. The door shut and he sidled you ahead of him between the metal and stone. You couldn’t see in the suffocating blackness of the cave but he walked on without hesitation. His hold on your arm was the only guide you had.

He stopped as the air grew sharp and startlingly cold. Your teeth chattered and you heard the shift of rock against rock. A glowing blue oval appeared, as if floating, and he covered it with his thumb. A low rumble came from deep in the mountain and suddenly the slate before you shifted and a wall of light shone over you.

He shoved you through the door and followed, the metal door sliding closed as the rock wall on the other side clattered back into place. You looked up and down the hallway. The walls were constructed of metal sheets and the atmosphere was just as sterile as that before. Each door was thick and firmly shut, a keypad set into the wall by every frame.

The metal finger pointed you ahead of the masked man and you staggered down the long hall. He led you from behind, a right turn and then to the end. The only open door led to a peculiarly cozy room. The walls were made of rippled wood and lent the air of a cabin as the fireplace burned with artificial flames. There was a long sofa and two plaid armchairs, and the place was decorated like a real home.

Your eyes were drawn to the walnut bar in the corner where the lone figure stood. The Captain no longer sported his helmet or combat suit but wore a pale blue cable knit sweater. He smirked at you as he swirled the dark liquor in a round-bellied bottle and sniffed the neck.

“About time,” he said to the man behind you.

The masked man poked you and grabbed your elbow. He brought you to the bar and pulled a stool close to you. You couldn’t climb up on your own and so he lifted you and plunked you down. He perched on another as the Captain ordered him to.

“You look confused,” the Captain said coolly, “why wouldn’t you be? I can only assume the breadth of explanation offered by my companion.” He winked at the other man who only glared back above his black mask, “he doesn’t say much but you can call him Bucky, he might answer to it.”

He took a slender shot glass and filled it with the nearly black liquid. He turned it slowly and tilted his head as he eyed it. He put the bottle down and leaned an arm on the bar as he watched you.

“Soldat, maybe,” he offered, “he’s a good soldier. And you already know who I am, but sir will suffice.”

You frowned and glanced between him and the other man; Bucky, soldat, whatever he was. Steve chuckled and lifted the shot. He held it up until you looked at it and just as quickly, knocked it back and hissed as he slammed the glass back down.

“You see, me and him, we have different variants of the serum. Similar enough, one of the things we have in common being our tolerance for alcohol. But this…” he flicked the top of the bottle, “a couple shots and the edge starts to blur. If someone like you were to take just a sip, well, you’d be on your ass.”

You shook your head, not quite catching his point. He inhaled and poured another shot. He put it in front of the soldat.

“Loosen up, will ya?” he chided.

The dark-haired man squinted and stared at the glass. He reached up with one hand and took off the mask. He revealed a square jaw and chiseled cheekbones. He drained the shot in a single robotic motion but when he brought the glass back down, it shattered against the bar.

“He has issues with… restraint,” Steve said, “to him, a knock in the head is like a peck on the lips. He doesn’t feel it. If he can’t feel, how can he know what others can?”

“I don’t…” you sniffed.

“He could’ve killed you. He almost did by the looks of it, but he didn’t,” he continued, “there are flickers in him… little things left behind from who he once was, but I don’t think it was mercy.”

You chewed your lip and stayed silent. You took a breath and once more wracked your tender ribs. You folded your arms around you and grimaced.

“Yeah, hurts, doesn’t it?” he taunted, “unfortunately for us, you’ll need lots of rest if you don’t wanna puncture a lung.”

“What do you… mean?” you regretted asking the moment the question was out. It was a dumb question.

He raised his brows and the scar across his eye paled. He rubbed his forehead and chuckled. His blue eyes wandered for just a moment to the plain gray cotton along your shoulders and he shrugged.

“Look, you don’t wanna do this now,” he said, “so I suggest…” he reached under the bar and revealed a bottle of wine then a stemmed glass, “you get comfortable,” he turned and searched the slim drawer at the top, “and try not to think too much.”

He put an orange bottle of pills down beside the glass and filled the crystal. He pushed the wine towards you and uncapped the bottle. He placed two tablets beside the base and popped the lid back on. 

“It will help with the pain,” he assured you, “and it will make it easier to get settled in.”

“I… I don’t what these are,” you scoffed as you pointed at the pills.

“I wouldn’t poison you. I could end it a lot quicker than that,” he tisked, “so, accept my generosity or I’ll shove it down your throat.”

You blanched and stared at him. The other man, Bucky, stood and stopped you from reaching for the wine. Steve looked at him in amusement and watched him jab a finger towards his chest.

“I’m helping her,” Steve said flatly, “but if you have an easier way, by all means.”

Bucky lowered his chin and closed his eyes. He sat and turned to you. He took the pills and held them out to you. You scooped them up shakily and he swiped up the wine, hovering it just before you. You shoved the pills in your mouth and accepted the wine.

His eyes focused on your lips as you sipped and he glanced back at Steve. He put his hand flat in the air, a blunt gesture. The blond laughed and raised his palms defensively.

“He wants me to leave you alone now,” he snickered, “go on then, Buck, find her a bed.”

The soldier stood and waited for you to do the same. You left the wine half-finished and he ushered you back to the door. As he reached it, Steve’s voice rose again.

“Shouldn’t worry so much about me hurting her, soldat,” he called mockingly, “you do that well enough.”

He prodded you through the door and growled under his breath. He directed you down to the corner and pressed his thumb to the keypad. The door slid up suddenly and you flinched. He blocked the doorway behind you as you entered and looked around at the bedroom. Everything you needed awaited you within those walls and if you weren’t in the middle of a mountain, it would seem an entirely ordinary place.

You turned back but all you saw was the metal descend and close you in. You stared at it for a moment then went to the bed. You sat and rubbed your temples. You could feel the pills dredging up your mind and the wine curdling in your stomach. Sleep was tempting as it was your only choice.

★

When you woke next, you felt an odd presence. The room was dark but it was that feeling you got as a child when you left the closet door open and conjured monstrous creatures watching from within. 

You groaned as you propped yourself up on one elbow and reached to the switch above the headboard that turned on the lamps on the side table. The room lit up and you crooked as you found a visitor in your corner. 

It was the soldat, his mask back in place as he stood and watched you. You blinked and looked at the door. It was firmly shut. You kept the blanket over you like a shield as you sat up and tried not to show your fear.

“Hi,” you said softly, “are you… okay?”

His blue eyes searched you but gave nothing away. The mask and the curtain of his hair shrouded his emotion. You just stared back in silence as his lashes flicked subtly, his irises moving up and down the bed. He took a step closer and you winced, squeezing the edge of the blankets.

He neared and lowered himself onto the edge of the bed. He grabbed the top of the blanket and tugged until you let them go. You quivered as he pushed your shoulders down and you were forced flat with your head on the pillows. You gulped and the movement of your throat caught his gaze.

His metal fingers tickled along your neck and sent a chill down your spine. His hand continued down the front of your shirt and he pushed the hem up as the blanket bunched beneath your stomach. You latched onto it in a panic and he tore your hands away. He pressed them to the bed beside you until you went limp.

He raised your shirt higher and framed your ribs with his hands, feeling carefully along your bruised torso. When you exclaimed he retracted his hands and pulled your shirt back down roughly. He shook his head and his brows slanted.

His metal fingertips tapped on his thigh as he thought. You laid frozen on the mattress as his forehead wrinkled and he angled his head as if arguing with himself. His hand shifted suddenly and closed around yours. You let him lift it, terrified to anger him.

He reached to unhook his mask and set it in his lap. He brought your hand to his cheek and leaned his face into your palm as he bent over you. You felt the short stubble stabbing your palm. He took your hand away and swung it back towards him sharply so that you smacked him stiffly. 

You stared at him in confusion and he did it again. Then he let your hand go and pointed at his cheek and nodded. You dropped your hand and did nothing. His blue eyes turned to daggers and his jaw squared. He balled his hand and punched his leg in frustration.

He huffed and picked up his mask. He stood and put it back on. He waved his fingers at you dismissively and stomped to the door. He pressed his thumb to the small indent and it slid open before him. When the door shut, you left the lights on. 

Even with the drugs still coursing through you, sleep didn’t seem likely.

[stray-kids-react]

S/O being fluent in German/Russian/English.

Masterlist

@callmedead

...

Bang Chan

° Wants to learn the languages you are fluent in, he already is fluent in English so he just needs to practice on German and Russian.

° Will become flustered and laugh nervously when you ask him a question in Russian or German. He tries his best, but he can't help but slip up sometimes since it is hard to learn a fresh new language.

° His first goal is to learn compliments in either or both languages, wanting to impress you with his words but also make you a flustered mess. Chan is whipped for you when you become shy and blushy.

° Since he practices so hard to learn, he will sometimes accidently reply to the members in either language. Once said 'klingt gut für mich' instead of 'Sounds good to me' to Felix. The younger aussie in mass confusion.

° Likes to flirt with you in German while the members are around, knowing they won't know what he says no matter how dirty or cheesy it was. But they get what the scenario is due to your blushing cheeks.

"Channie, do you think I look okay?"

"Du siehst absolut umwerfend aus. (You look absolutely stunning.)"

Lee Know

° Is a tease and has teased you before while you were learning Korean, so you see this as the perfect opportunity for revenge.

° Will learn the language after you begin to show him your skills in it, showing you the new words he's learned. But you still find new sentences and words to tease him back, knowing he knows that it is payback.

° Probably learned swear words straight after he leaned the basics, wanting to secretly swear at JYP himself without JYP knowing. And also to tease the members, but you soon explain to them what he said.

° An easy way for him to leant the new languages, is to learn them from singing his lines in those languages. Since he'd know what those words would say, but he once sang his lines in Russian during practice.

° Wants to learn the languages as fast as he can so you won't tease him anymore, he finds it cute when you are being a brat. But will become a bit annoyed when you are trying to be a smart ass with him.

"So I was thinking of supp-"

"Давайте пиццу, мы слишком устали готовить. (Let's have pizza, we are both too tired to cook.)"

Changbin

° For your anniversary you wanted to visit Amsterdam. Changbin pretty much relied on you for the language barrier during the trip.

° Would ask you for a translation for quite a few things, unless there was a Korean version or it was basic German. He usually needed your help the most when ordering food or finding something on the menu.

° Is happy you don't tease or trick him even though you have many opportunities to. You just think it'd be unfair to tease him on that, since he never teased you for only knowing basic Korean when he first met you.

° You like to teach him German words that could be used as nicknames, you always call him Süße which means cutie in German. He likes seeing how giddy and excited you become when he learns one of the words.

° You find his accent adorable when he's speaking German, you can't help but smile even if he's trying to be serious. He knows you love his accent, so he'll purposely make it seem stronger for more cuddles.

"Süße, do you want to order for us?"

"Ich bin ziemlich zuversichtlich, dass ich es kann (I'm pretty confident I can.)"

Hyunjin

° Hyunjin liked to do Vlogs with you, posting them to the stray kids channel. And he got a very special idea when you mentioned food.

° He decided to make a Russian mukbang where you'd eat Russian cuisine and you'd teach him new words. You loved that idea, but you were slightly worried that the fans wouldn't want to see you.

° Some crazy fans have threatened you for dating Hyunjin, who was one of the more popular members in Stray kids. But you weren't about to drop an amazing guy like him just because of some crazy fans.

° During the live mukbang, he would ask you flirtatious and slightly cheesy questions. Asking how to call you beautiful in Russian or how to declare his love for you in Russian. He just loves how bashful you get.

° Hyunjin has seen the comments and letters some fans have sent, and he wanted to show everyone including you that he wasn't going to stop this relationship. You are more important than anything else.

"Baby how do you, you look very cute when you blush?"

"Ты выглядишь очень мило, когда краснешь."

Han

° You taught Han some basic German, nothing to specific but enough for him to survive if he ever visits Germany with you.

° Han showed off his new skills to his members, all of them impressed and some asking for him to teach it to them. Of course their admiration made his confidence rise high, but he wasn't annoying with it.

° Han is a tease and likes to joke around with you, usually happening when he ends up being right on something or if he beats you in a game. But he should've known not to try and out smart you in German.

° He teased saying that you now had stuff to learn from him, you just nodded trying to contain your chuckling. You knew he wasn't serious, and you were glad that he had some confidence in himself.

° But you couldn't help but seize the opportunity of showing off your skills, plus he looks absolutely adorable when he is confused. So you decided to show off one more sentence up your sleeve.

"Du denkst also, du kannst mich in einer Sprache schlagen, die ich sehr liebe?"

"I am sorry babe but all I understood was, 'so you think.'"

Felix

° You were visiting your relatives for your mom's birthday, Felix becoming a nervous at the realization that they don't know English.

° Felix brought cue cards with everywhere before the trip, and barely getting sleep on the plane ride there as he was too busy practicing Russian. Even though you assured him that you could translate for him.

° His whole mindset was to impress your family, and he didn't want to seem like he just wouldn't try to learn their culture or language. And since it came to you, he'd practice 10× harder to master Russian.

° When you finally arrived, he swarmed with warm hugs and excited squeals of your family. He was glad that they weren't cold or harsh with him, it took some pressure off of him. Showing his calmness with his smile.

° Your family all grinned at you with approval as he pulled out some cue cards while eating supper, they were taken a back by how determined he was to impress them. That alone showed how much he cared.

"Спасибо за эту вкусную еду и за то, что благословили меня таким замечательным человеком.(thank you for this delicious meal and for blessing me with this amazing person.)"

"You're welcome Felix." your mother replied in broken but sweet english.

Seungmin

° Seungmin only ever heard you speak English and Korean, he knew you were fluent in many different languages.

° You were so use to your mother tongue and usually seared only in German, but you didn't swear often. Unless someone or yourself got hurt, and even still it is sometimes in English.

° You were making dinner for you and Seungmin, surprising him after he gets home from a long day of practice. But you were also tired from work, and got clumsy when you were sleep deprived.

° Which led to you burning two fingers on a hot pan that was burning hot, you let out a long yelp in pain as you mumbled swear words under your breath. Seungmin arrived just as you yelped in pain.

° Seungmin bandaged your blistered fingers along with lathering the bandages with lotion and some cold water. He looked up with the a very concerned and soft gaze, knowing you must be very exhausted.

"Heiliger Fick, der weh tat. (Holy fuck that hurt)"

"I have no clue what you just said, but let's get you to bed sweetheart."

Jeongin

° Jeongin was practicing some songs for the upcoming album, as you napped on the couch curled under his jacket.

° That's when he noticed you mumbling unfamiliar words, an accent with each one. You wriggle and rolled around on the couch, having a nightmare far too realistic for your liking. But you were also very hard to wake up.

° Your ex boyfriend was Russian so you learned the entire language fluently just for him, but your efforts were nothing important to him as he ignored your love and mentally tortured you for years on end.

° Jeongin knew about your ex and helped you build your confidence day by day, comforting you through each patch of depression you faced. And he wasn't going to let you suffer in your sleep either.

° Jeongin got out of his seat, sitting next to you as he tickled your sides and shook your body awake. Engulfing you in a hug as you gasped for air, reminding you that you are in the arms who loves you very much.

"Я тебя люблю. (I love you.)"

"I know baby, I know. And I love you too, more than anything."

[cryhardanddanceharder]

Andy’s headcanons because we need to talk more about her:

She’s 6732 years old. She says she doesn’t remember her age, and it might be true, maybe she forgot to keep counting, but she thinks she’s somewhere between 6500 - 7000.

She’s a warrior since she’s a teenager, because the time she was borned was the “eye for eye, teeth for teeth” period.

She’s more an action person than a word person, because her first language was everything related to gestual actions. She can read body language better than anyone, so she can make you feel the more comfortable or uncomfortable you ever felt in your life depends the situation. She does little actions to show her love.

She’s ambidextrous. She can use her weapons perfectly with each one of her hands. (and later write too)

She’s been worshipped as a goddess at least in two or threes comunities she’s been part of. She actually thought she was a goddess at the beginning, because she was the only one who couldn’t die. But then, when years passes and she’s the only one not dying, but she loses all the people she loves and trascend generation after generation, she stops thinking it like a goddess thing and starts seeing it as a curse.

She used to wear clothes made of extinct animals skin, necklaces made with teeth, flowers and horns crowns.

When she was a goddess she had slaves, but once she overcome her goddess complex and realises how wrong it is (because all humans are equal, they all die no matter their social status, their nationality, their religion, skin color, gender, sexual preferences) she stops it. She starts fighting against it, every time she can. She still fight against it in the present time (human trafficking). 

I feel like she could also been a slave or prisoner in some period time. Maybe as a punnish from her inmortality? Because mortals see her as a threat?

She loves storytelling and stargazing. That’s why in present time she loves to go camping, she loves sleeping outside. She’s so old that even she had seen the sky change. The stars constellations changes but she learns those changes. There is something comforting about stargazing, so she keeps doing it.

She has very good location sense. She can always find the way to get to where she wants to go.

She’s been there when the first language was created, that’s why it’s easy for her to learn new languages. 

She was there when the pyramids of Egypt were built, maybe she worked in the construiction of one of them (?

She’s gender fluid and bisexual (or could be pansexual).

She knew the Sahara dessert before it becomes a dessert. She knew it with trees and vegetation.

She loves horses more than (most) people. 

 She was the lider of the scythians.

Her name “Andromache” comes from all the legends, that actually are true. She’s the amazon who defeated Heracles and once upon a time she was married to Hector of Troy.

She was the one who trained the amazon warriors on how to be warriors.

She was a gladiator for some time and had fights in the roman colliseum.

She writes mixing languages, because why not? That’s how her thoughts are anyway, in mixing languages. “Let’s put this word in scythian, and that one in greek, and the other in saumerian or tamil, and let’s finish in italian because italy it’s actually the country i am at the moment”.

When she starts dreaming about Quynh she thinks she’s crazy, untill she starts dreaming about Lykon too. She tried to indentify wich languages they speak in the dreams, so she could learn them before meeting them. 

She met Jesus once. She doesn’t find him that special. He didn’t come back to life, at least not in the way inmortals do.

Lykon, Quynh and her have a chaotic dynamic. They always die to save the others, to save them from the pain; wich in some way it’s ridiculous because they are all inmortal. But they always fight about it like children.

She can speak all the languages (even those that are extinct), only she sometimes forget how to speak in some of them, but remembers once she hears someone speaking it.

She knows more way to kill than entire armies will ever learn. 

She can use any kind and type of weapon. She’s as good as archer as Quynh and as good as a sniper as Nicky, but if she can choose another weapon she will do because she prefers hand and hand combat. 

She feels every death. She might have been a warrior all her life, but she doesn’t take pleassure on killing. We can see that in the church scene, her face tells us all how much it takes from her to be that lethal.

She’s very protective of the others inmortals. They are her family. And she feels like she has to protect them, because she has been alone for so long that she doesn’t want to take chances on that ever happening again. 

She’s become more protective after Lykon’s death, because now they know even them don’t last forever. She wants to protect the time she has with the other and thinks the best way to do it is to be the one who always goes first. 

She hates to dream about Nicolo and Yusuf at the begining because it hurts her to see them killing each other. For someone who has been alone for so long, it hurts to see that. Because for her they are lucky to have started their inmortality together.

Lots of deaths and trauma. She probably been raped at least once. 

She died from dehydratation and hunger more times that she can count. That’s why she’s not picky with food, she’s happy as long there is something in front of her to eat. She can cook good enough, but she’s not fan of doing it.

She died from every tipe of weapon: spears, swords, arrows, axes, throwing stones, daggers, knives, cannons, guns, grenades, bombs. Also she died from being dismembered, from being hanged and burn alive.

Once Quynh’s is taken to her ocean prison, Andy was tortured and burned alive. They chose water methods for Quynh and fire methods for Andy.

She have tried to kill herself sometimes when she was depressed. They way i see it probably three times: one when she found out her inmortality and wanted to see how it worked, two when she lose her goddess complex and was tired of being alone for so long, and three after she realised that finding Quynh was impossible.

She spent lot of years looking for Quynh with Joe and Nicky, untill they realised it’s an impossible mission. She still checks new technological inventions and andvances to see if they have a chance. But as long as she knows it’s impossible and technology doesn’t help, even the marines and ocean experts says it would be easier to find something in the moon than in the bottom of the ocean.

The only time she prayed in her life was to ask for Quynh’s death, so she would stop suffering from constantly drowning. And for hers, because she doesn’t want to keep living without Quynh.

She keeps Quynh’s belongings saved in one of her fav caves.

She likes wearing things from the other inmortals because it gives her comfort and help her feel ground. She always wears Quynh’s necklace. And sometimes she wears Joe’s cap, Nicky’s hoodie, Booker’s jackets. She also shares t-shirts with them, or more like stole t-shirts from them.

Wars she probably fighted in: Achaemenid conquest of the Indus Valley, Corsica civil war, war between Corinth and Corzira, Expedition of the Ten Thousand, Latin wars, First Peloponnesian War, First medical war, Thasos Rebellion, Roman-Etruscan wars, Samos War, Second medical war, Wars of Veii, Trojan war, Sicilian wars, Alexander The Great  conquest of Persia, An Lushan Rebellion,  Mongol Conquests, Conquests of Tamerlane, Qing dynasty conquest of Ming dynasty, Dungan revolt, Hundred Years’ War, World War I, Russian Civil War, Ten Years’ War, World War II, Vietnam War, Afghanistan War.

Some modern revolutions and independence processes she possibly was/could be: French Revolution, Haitian independence, USA independence, Russian Revolution, Cuba revolution, LATAM independences, India independence, Australia independence, New Zeland Independence, Africans independences.

She died from electrocution, trying to find out how electricity works.

She died learning to drive a car and learning to pilot a plain. 

In World War II she was a pilot of the night witches.

Baklava and really anything that is sweet are her comfort food.

The first time she had ice cream she became a fan and only eat ice cream for like an entire year.

She likes percussion music: all types of drums, cymballs, tambourine, maracas, bongos, castanets.  

She likes theater more than cinema. 

She likes tea more than coffee. 

She can sleep everywhere. A chair? Good. The floor? Good. The earth and grass in the middle of nowhere? Good. A cave? Good. A tree? Good. The train. Good. A Car? Good. The bus? Good. A plain? Good. The couch? Good. An armchair? Good. All is good. Sleep when you can moto is big on her, because beds are a modern concept she still can’t fully incorporate. And without Quynh doesn’t feel like doing it. 

She’s very good on learning new things because she’s used to everything constantly changing. And when she finds something hard to learn she is patient, after all she has all the time on the world to learn it and master it (she’s kinda perfectionist).

She’s okay with technology, she could understand more if she wanted to. But she let’s Booker have that place and handle it, because she sense he needs to have something as his responsability to feel he’s useful to the team.

There’s personal things (clothes, weapons, paintings) of her in lot of museums. Joe and Nicky would try to recover some things of her (and them) from time to time.

Hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Ironic and dark humor.

She’s the best at dissapearing when the team takes time out of their missions, if she doesn’t want to be found there is no way you could find her.

She’s been nomad most of her life. She can’t stop moving. She loves traveling with no destination in mind, just for the act of it.

She gives up sometimes because she’s old and she’s tired, but if you give her a good reason to keep fighting she’s all in. 

She has the biggest heart (even if she tries to hide it) and actually loves humanity, if not she wouldn’t have fight for so long… and still does. 

(if you want to read more headcanons: here are the ones i have for Quynh)

[greekowl87]

Fic: Remember, You’re Still Alive

A/N: I’m struggling with my smut entry for the exchange as smut is something I don’t think I do particularly well. So I tried to exercise those writing muscles with this fic. First, it was just going to be a quick post-ep for “Pusher,” then “Kitsunegari,” and then it just found itself mixed into this fic into something resembling a story. Apologies for typos, no beta. P.S. Smutty so yeah.

Tagging the regulars and the those for the WIP post I did if they’re interested: @suitablyaggrieved @today-in-fic @improlificinsarcasm @baronessblixen @msrheadcanon @monikafilefan @sarie-fairy

As Mulder rested in the dark of his apartment on his leather couch, he could feel his lower back beginning to ache from the indent of the middle cushion. But that was okay. He deserved the pain. At least it was some form of punishment.

The nightmare always started the same way. He could still hear the spinning of the cylinder of the revolver with the single bullet, reminding him of the Wild West. Except it was Russian Roulette. Would the bullet kill him? But then the nightmare was true to his memory. He saw Scully in the doorway. The bulletproof vest was too large for her. Everything always seemed too large for her. In his dream, there were never any words spoken between them but he imagined she could hear her thoughts. Her pleas were crushing, heart-wrenching...but the tears were all real. The tears were something he could never unsee. But he would always wake up before taking the shot. 

Sometimes though, the nightmare would continue and he would see Scully, via Linda...Modell’s twin sister and the nightmare of killing 

In his waking, logical mind, he knew he shot Modell (and now his twin sister). He would resist, with every cell in his body, not to hurt Scully. But the thoughts, the memory kept playing over and over in mind and it lingered…

There was a light knocking at the door and he glimpsed at his VCR clock; it was 3:07 am. “Mulder, it’s me.”

Scully was right outside of his door. Why was she here? He would be just better to suffer in his loneliness and depression.“Go away, Scully.”

He heard a key slipping into the lock and gently being nudged open. “No.” The door shut behind her, locked, and she didn’t bother turning on any lights. “I know you can’t sleep.”

“I just want to be left alone, Scully.”

“And what? Wallow in your depression and self-pity?”

“Astute as always. You hit it on the head, Scully.”

“Why are you behaving like this?” She sat on the edge of his coffee table, facing him. “Mulder, answer me.”

“I can’t sleep.” He blinked lethargically. “I guess neither can you.”

“I keep having nightmares,” she admitted softly. Something was set on his coffee table next to her. “I suspect you do as well.”

“I almost killed you. Again. How many times will it take to convince you, Scully, that I am bad for you?”

“You didn’t. You didn’t,” she said. Ignoring every FBI protocol, she bent forward to take his face in her hands. “You showed how strong you are. Mulder, what happened in the hospital was two years ago. And there was no one else who could have spotted the differences in this case but you.”

“I almost shot you.” His voice was broken. “I almost hurt you, Scully.”

“But you didn’t. Or are you talking about the warehouse?”

He nodded. “Everything. Including the cancer. I am just going to hurt and get you killed.”

“No, you won’t. How many times do I have to tell you?”

Scully was quiet and watched him as he turned his face away to stare at the wall behind the couch. His eyes traced the pictures above him, avoiding her. He turned his back to her. “You thought you beat the cancer, but you didn’t, not really.”Scully forced him to look at her in the light of the fish tank. He blinked and she kneeled next to him by the couch. “I’m the cancer.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Why are you here?”

“Because I’m tired, Mulder. Tonight, if anything...let it show…” Her words failed her. “Mulder, you have done nothing wrong. I have…”

“I saw your body, Scully. I saw your dead body, bleeding out all over the warehouse floor. I can’t unsee that. I can’t undo that.”

“It wasn’t me though.”

“It could have been.”

Scully sighed loudly and grasped the edge of the coffee table. “Why do you continue to do this to yourself, Mulder? How many years have you continuously tortured yourself and offered yourself up to punishment? You are worse than those who used to flay themselves during the Black Death as punishment for their sins because they thought the plague was their fault.”

Mulder snorted and turned to look at her slightly. “Black Death? Really, Scully?”

“I remember that from some college history class.” In the dark, she could sense his smirk. “Shut up, Mulder. But seriously, none of this is your fault. If anything you stopped Linda Bowman. You were the only one to see the pattern when everyone else was focused on Modell.”

“But you’ve suffered both times.”

“I wasn’t the only victim.”

She reached out to touch him but he flinched away. Scully hesitated and reached out to him again. He didn’t pull away. She gently touched his forehead and pushed away from the long strands of his hair. “I still can’t get the image out of my mind, Scully.”

“I know, Mulder,” she whispered. “During my cancer, I used to have nightmares about you.”

“About what?” The question tugged at his heartstrings. “Scully?”

“I worried about you. It was always the worse when I was stuck in the hospital, especially towards the end, it was always the worst.” She leaned forward to brush away a stray lock of hair from him. “I know you would come to my room every night.”

“You were asleep.”

“I pretended but I still knew you were always there, Mulder.” She was unsure of what to do next. “Do you want to know what I dreamed?”

“Do I want to know?”

“I think, under these circumstances, it would be good. I saw you defeated,” she whispered. Scully bent forward to touch his hair lovingly. “I also saw you lost. Defeated. You were so consumed by your guilt that you killed yourself. I can’t live with that, Mulder.”

“For not being a profiler,” he tapped his nose sarcastically, “you’re pretty damn good.”

“Well, I learned from the best.”

He huffed sarcastically. “The best.”

“Mulder, please stop beating yourself up. For me.”

“I failed you twice with the same situation, Scully.”

“But you also saved me.” She grabbed his wrist forcefully so he couldn’t pull away and brought his fingertips to trace the back of her neck. He could feel the raised skin from the chip and her goosebumps from his touch. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, Mulder. Your faith kept me alive.”

“Are you trying to cheer me up?”

“Is it working?”

He smiled faintly but he realized Scully couldn’t see it. “A bit.” He sighed. “How much have we suffered, Scully?”

“Mulder, I haven’t tried to put a number on it, nor do I want to this morning. I came over to see you and not wallow in what-ifs.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, for being a top reputed profiler, you can be so dense sometimes.”

Scully leaned back on the coffee table. This particular case has brought out something in her that she had been battling with since her cancer remission. The dynamic had changed between her and Mulder. She hinted around the topic when she brought a make-do wine and cheese down at that stupid team seminar in Florida; he had been more interested in chasing mothmen. But that raining sleeping bag comment...it stuck with her.

“I think this case has affected both of us. The first time, I almost lost you and this time, you almost lost me.” 

“Where are you going with this, Scully?”

He was right; where exactly was she going with this? Her blood had been simmering since they concluded this case and she had come home that night. Something had changed in the air and shifted. “I’m not sure entirely myself, Mulder. Do you remember Florida? When I brought in the wine and cheese plate?”

“Were you sending me secret signals?”

“That you were too thick to catch onto. Then that comment about sleeping bags.”

“We cuddled that night.”

“You call that cuddling?”

Mulder needed the distraction from the nightmare memory replay in his head.  Scully’s blood warmed into a relaxing warmth at the prospective. “No, I wouldn’t.”

Mulder held out his hand and she licked her lips at possibility. Just like Mulder, she knew she was eager to put those foul memories behind her. But there was also something else at work: a fear of loss. The Pusher case, both times, brought out their worst fears. That, combined with Scully’s miraculous cancer recovery, only added fuel to the burning fire. Slowly, she took his rough hand, taking the time to admire the beauty of it. 

“You have marvelous hands, Mulder.”

“I can say othewise. I like yours better.”

She smirked. “Why?”

“You can do so much.” Mulder reached behind him with his long arm and flicked on the fish tank light. She winced momentarily as he studied her hand. “You give the dead voices, you have a crack shot, and most of all, you can heal with these hands. You’ve healed me more than once. And saved my ass.”

He kissed her palms and then the inside of her wrists. She bent over and cupped his face and gazed at it lovingly. She bent forwards slightly and, before she knew it, she gently kissed him softly. Mulder felt her lean into him and bite his lower lip enticingly. It was like a spark lighting a gunpowder barrel. He reached effortlessly and managed to have her straddle his hips on the couch with him still laying down. Scully yelped in surprise but she saw his heated gaze in the fish tank light and she was lost.

“Well,” Mulder whispered, his hands snaking up under her shirt and expanding against her toned lower back. “'This certainly isn’t a sleeping bag.”

“What are we doing, Mulder? Before we go any further.”

“I think you’ve been trying to hint at something, right?” Mulder was desperate to get those thoughts out of his head. He could still himself aiming his weapon at Scully’s doppelgänger. But this was the real Scully. She bent forward to kiss him again, snaking her tongue inwards as if to breathe life into him. “Scully…”

“What?” She asked hastily. “Is something wrong?”

“Not at all.”

Scully moved slightly, trying to adjust to this position. This was different. Very different she clenched her thighs reflexively and Mulder moaned slightly. “What? It's it something?”

“No, no, no.” He breathed. “It’s just been so long, Scully. And this…” He cupped her cheek. “This is the stuff of dreams.”

“Except this is real.” She felt him beneath her. “Oh, this is very real.”

“Are we doing this, Scully?”

“I want to,” she whispered huskily. She felt him beneath her even more, prominent and large. “Fuck, I want you to.”

“I can.”

“This isn’t a one-time thing,” she whispered. Scully forced him to look at her in the dim light. She repeated it like a mantra, “This isn’t a one-time thing.”

“What do you want, Scully?”

“You. Only you.”

He let his free hands roam nervously. He pushed beneath her tighter jean’s waist at the small of her back and sighed like he had been burned; his long fingers gently massaging the top of her buttocks. She leaned forwards, surprised how electrical it felt. “What?” 

“It’s just been a hot minute,” she breathed. “Since you know…” She looked down at him. “Are we sure about this, Mulder?” As certain as she was, Scully was also equally nervous. “I’m just…”

Mulder remembered how happy he had been when Scully first gave him the news of her remission, how he hugged her, unwilling to let her go. “I’m positive, Scully.”

His hands traveled upwards and gently undid a few buttons of her cardigan. He sighed as his fingertips touched the silken bra. Eager for more, he slipped his hand to cup her breast. He smiled like a kid on Christmas morning. “You know, I could make that easier for you.”

“How would you do that, Agent Scully.”

She clenched her thighs and whispered, “Well, Agent Mulder, I may need some help with that.”

“With your permission?”

She nodded and licked her lips again. “I’ve always dreamed of this. You know that?” He spoke to her in a low, husky voice and she found herself getting wetter. “I have a lot of fantasies about us.”

“You do?”

He hummed yes. His fingers gently popped the rest of her buttons on her sweater and he expanded his chest with a deep breath of reverence. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. It’s just like I said, it’s been a second. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s perfect, well, except that bra of yours. It’s actually a bit of a hindrance. Do you mind? I’m not quite an expert in it.” She obliged and undid her bra. Mulder sighed happily and palmed both of her breasts. “Oh, Scully, you are so beautiful.”

Hearing those words uttered from his lips made her feel alive. His hands gently expanded, squeezed, pinched, and teased. It was driving her mad and she wanted more. Scully leaned forward and kissed him crushingly. Mulder’s arms wrapped around her and sighed. Her own hands pushed up his shirt and he sat up slightly to let her pull it off. Her well-manicured nails scratched teasingly at his chest like mapping a new discovery. She leaned forward, pressing herself against him, eager to feel what it was like with their skin pressed together.

It was like what Scully imagined the splitting of an atom had created, something indescribable and otherworldly but at the same time, still very real.

“Mulder…”

He sat up with her, still in his lap, and switched their positions so they would be reversed. Scully suddenly felt exposed but Mulder gently peppered feather-like kisses down her lips to her throat, her sternum, her abdomen like bread crumbs before stopping at the button of her jeans. “Scully, these have to go.”

She breathed deeply and nodded. Her eyes were dilated as she stared at him hungrily. Very gently he popped the button and pulled down the zipper slowly. The sound gave her goosebumps. Slowly, he pulled away from her jeans and she lifted her hips to help. “Oh, Scully, you are so beautiful.”

She didn’t know how she was suddenly so aroused. “Mulder, if you were cancer, I wouldn’t feel so alive as I do now.”

He arched an eyebrow. “What?”

“I haven’t felt this alive in ages, Mulder.”

He smiled proudly and leaned forward to kiss her. The jeans fell on the floor and, with a shaking hand, cupped her lower mons over her underwear. “You are so wet, Scully.”

He leaned forward again to kiss her as his hand sunk beneath the elastic and she sighed in ecstasy into his mouth. His long fingers arched inwards and she arched her hips upward at the initial contact. “Slow,” she commanded.

He met her gaze and held it as his nimble fingers found their way, and judging by Scully’s sharp intake of breath and panting, he was doing something right. “I only want to protect you,” he whispered. He let his hand work as he kissed her lovingly, his tongue delving into her mouth, and dueling her. “I almost lost myself with your abduction. If I had lost you to the cancer, it would have been even worse.”

She pulled back and cupped his face. “What do you mean? Mulder?”

“Let’s not talk about it,” he whispered.

“I would have nightmares of you doing something reckless or killing yourself if I had died from the cancer.” He nodded silently. She brought him back down to her, pressing her body against him. “We’re alive, Mulder. We are very much alive. Do you feel that?”

“What?”

 He was too distracted feeling her breasts against his chest. This was the stuff of his dreams. She smiled and took his other hand and placed it against her chest. “My heart. Can you felt my heartbeat?”

He nodded.

“Do you feel how fast it is beating, Mulder? That’s because of you. I have not felt this good or alive in a very, very long time. It’s all because of you.” She kissed him. “You aren’t a cancer. You never were.”

Feeling emboldened, Mulder broke away and whispered, “I’m just getting started.”

Mulder pulled his hand away from her and she was about to protest it, he ripped away the rest of her underwear and he smiled deviously. “Mulder?”

“Watch me,” he ordered. 

She clenched her inward muscles. “Mulder.”

“Watch. Me.” He paused. “Let me show you how much I love you.”

Did he really just say that? She watched him devour her. At one point, she must have experienced what Mulder called missing time with her. He was calling her name and she was breathing like she had run a marathon. “Scully? Still with me?”

“Um yeah.” She licked her lips. Her entire body was still tingling. “I just...I just didn’t expect it to be so much.”

Mulder smiled smugly. “Do you want a minute or two?”

She nodded and added, “But I don’t want to be the online one naked.”

“We can go to the bedroom,” he said in afterthought.

“You have a bed?”

“Yes, more like a rarely used one but the sheets are clean, I promise.”  

She licked her lips and shook her head. The thought of them staying on the couch seemed far more arousing to her than the rarely used bed. “No, let’s stay here. I’m sure between us, we can make this work. Think of it as an overdue team-building exercise.”

Mulder grinned like a fool and bent down to nuzzle her. “You really aren’t rushing with this, are you?”

“As you aptly put, we’re both alive,” he whispered.

“And I want to feel you. This is a two-way street, Mulder.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Her hand easily undid his jeans and he groaned at her touch. “Scully…”

“Only fair.”

“Fine, fine.” 

She sat up and hurriedly stripped him down until he was standing in front of her, all exposed. He watched her bite her lip to keep from grinning. “All I say is this,” she whispered, “we’ll have time to explore later. Right now, I want you.”

The first time was supposed to be special, but in all honesty, it could be rushed or just plain awkward, Scully mused. This was likely the former than the latter. She pulled everything away and gasped. Mulder grinned, excited he could produce such a reaction for her. “How do you want it?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she whispered. “I just want you in me.”

It was like an awkward wrestling match that ended Mulder back on the couch and Scully straddling him. They chuckled at the awkwardness. “We’re both very much alive.”

“Yes, we are.”

After some repositioning, Mulder guided himself to her entrance and slowly moved inward. He rolled her beneath him and she wrapped her legs tightly around Scully released a breath she did not realize that she was holding as he buried himself to the hilt. “Fuck,” she breathed. 

“Okay?”

She nodded. It was like the missing piece of a puzzle she had been trying to construct for years. They moved together, as they often did with everything, this coming (surprisingly) naturally. She wanted fast but Mulder drew it out. She could imagine their movements as a growing crescendo. It felt so good; they were alive. Very much alive. 

She clenched around him and he moaned. “Fuck, Scully,” he murmured.

“Is that good? Are you okay?” 

“I just asked you that,” he chuckled. “Perfect. Does that answer your question?”

He continued to move in sync with her and she melted at the sensations. She reached to hold him closer. Time melted and seemed forgotten. There was only here and now. There was only them. Taking a moment to like down between them, she watched him move in and out of her and it seemed unreal. She thought about how perfect he felt, how perfect he was. “I can’t think of any other word other than perfect.”

“For once, you’re speechless?” He laughed and kissed her lovingly. “Let’s hurry along. I’m so close, Scully.”

“I’m almost there,” she admitted. She had been too lost in the moment to focus on anything else. “It’s okay if…”

“No. Together.”

He reached between them and she hissed sensually, feeling his thumb begin to rub her clit hard and vigorously. “Shit, Mulder.” Her entire body coiled around him like a strong. “Just like that.”

“You got it. Shit, Scully, you feel so good.” He bit her shoulder gently and moaned. “So perfect. So alive.”

“Both alive,” she panted.

After he added to her ministrations, all it took was a few quick strokes and they were gone. She screamed his name and he howled into her shoulder. Still, on the couch, he moved wearily to the side. He was panting like he had been running forever. “I’ll get up in a sec.” They were both spent and sated. Mulder chuckled as they spooned against each other and he pulled her closer. “And get us something to clean up. But right now, I just want to hold you.”

“Blanket,” she murmured.

He pulled the old brown Aztec blanket around them. “And Scully?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re right.”

“About what?”

“Us. I have never felt more alive than when I am with you.”

“See? Not a cancer.” She turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I hope for more of this in our future, Mulder.”

“Think that is highly likely,” he smiled, sneaking another kiss.

She smiled at him. In the blue light of his fish tank, coiled up on the leather green couch together, Mulder and Scully continued to smile at each other, their nightmares momentarily forgotten in the ecstasy of each other.