#i am so obsessed with the progression of the relationship between character and the reader in between the cards

[crystallizsch]

these valentines day cards for scarabia got me blushing, giggling, and kicking my feet fr (also featuring me unnecessarily analyzing them) (i really hope the cards are in the right order i think they are or else everything that i say here will look incredibly silly)

━━━━━━━━━━━━✦ kalim al-asim:

To my dear friend— Thanks for the present! What colorful and sparkly sweets. They look delicious! I just had an idea! How about we eat them together after school? Gifts like this taste better when shared, after all. I'll pick out a good tea to go with them. Can't wait to see you later! ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

To my dear friend— Thanks for the gift! It's flattering to know you picked this out for me! I'll treat you to anything you like in return—food, live entertainment, an item you've been pining after... You just say the word. ...On second thought, no. I'll come up with something myself! Just like you came up with this gift to give me. ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

Hey love, Thank you for that wonderful gift! Getting something like this from you just put a smile on my face! Let me throw you a feast to show my gratitude! After that, I'll take you on a magic carpet ride, it'll be really fun! ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

SO LET ME TALK ABOUT THE PROGRESSION BETWEEN THE CARDS???

on kalim's first card, it's really cute but it also feels just like his usual demeanor where he treats everyone as a friend.

but on to the second card, it looks like he's definitely feeling more strongly enough about you to think "hey let me get you something too!! let me be your genie of the lamp!" at least right before realizing it would be more meaningful to give you a surprise gift as well like you did.

his "dear friend" on the second card is more real this time.

BUT OMG THE WHIPLASH TO THE THIRD CARD

"HEY LOVE" ???? KALIM WHAT WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEART JUST WENT HFDSNSFHDJFDK PLSS HE CANT DO THIS TO ME 💀💀💀 THE "MY DEAR FRIEND" -> "HEY LOVE" PROGRESSION YOUR HONOR HE IS IN LOVE(???) NO IT’S PROBABLY JUST A REALLY AFFECTIONATE TERM OF ENDEARMENT CONSIDERING THAT IT’S KALIM (*denial* *denial* *denial*)

the closest ones (that are available) to doing something similar is jade who goes from "my good friend" -> "my dearest" and vil who goes from "dearest friend" to "my dear"

anyways, the third card is kalim finally wanting to go ALL OUT as a way to show you how he feels about you and how thankful he is. he's literally all about having fun with the person he cares about. making every moment memorable.

kalim's love language is also very much extravagant gifts since he's raised in a wealthy family where everything has been handed to him. that's probably how he got the mindset that gifts are the way to show love and affection because that's how his family did it for him. so the bigger the gift the better he can show you how he feels.

━━━━━━━━━━━━✦ jamil viper:

Hello— I was surprised to see you gifted me sweets. At first I wondered if you were hinting for me to make you something similar... But when I pulled the gift out of the bag, I saw all the details you put into it, right down to the ribbon. It's clear this was a heartfelt gesture. I'll treasure these treats as I eat them. Thank you. ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

Hello— I'll admit it. I'm beyond surprised. I suppose a heartfelt "thank you" is in order. In fact, why don't we meet at the school store after class tomorrow? Hopefully I'll be able to find you something to return the favor. ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

Dear friend, Thank you for the gift. To think I would receive something from you... Well, it caught me off guard. I'd like to give you something in return. Hmm... What should it be? What might you like? Why don't you come down to Scarabia sometime and we'll discuss over a cup of tea. ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

jamillll;;;

on the first card, he was suspicious of receiving a gift. at first he's like "are you just giving me something so i could give you something as well?" until he realized "oh this is legit" and that you’re not expecting anything back. and then he just enjoys it which is hella cute.

on the second card (unlike the last one) he's now like "let me get you something in return because i really appreciate the gesture". here i think he's still genuinely confused that you still decided to give him a gift. but at this point it feels like he's only offering to get you something in return because he feels like he has to just to show his gratitude. kinda like a fair transaction.

it seems that jamil is still like "why me". like, you cared enough to see and acknowledge him to even consider getting him a gift. which i believe is something he's not used to. so he just wants to "return the favor" by offering you to go find something you like :)

and the third card;;;

"DEAR FRIEND" GOT. MEEE. YOUR HONOR I LOVE HIMMMMM

i know for other people "friend" is not on the same level as the romantic "love" but i personally feel as strong with platonic relationships as with romantic ones (if not more) and this hit me HARD.

for the third one he's finally comfortable enough to consider you a friend. but he still sounds flabbergasted that you still even thought of him (and **you** specifically) (like he didn't imagine that you'd even give him a gift).

and now this is less of a transaction but more of like he *wants* to make sure that he gets you something that you'd really like. it's not simply just "hey let's go to the school store and see what's available as a thanks", this time it's "hey i really appreciate that you got me something so let's discuss what i can get you as well. i'll be your genie of the lamp, anything is possible (within reason)"

(original twitter thread with these cards)

[xpao-bearx]

"Like A Virgin"

Steven Grant x Fem!Reader/Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader/Marc Spector x Fem!Reader

Read Part 1 HERE

Read Part 2 HERE

Read Part 3 HERE

NOTES: I literally put my whole heart and pussy into the previous part and it's just so THRILLING to see all the immense love and support!! 🥺❤️❤️❤️

I'm reeeally hoping y'all will like this part, too! Steven has an extremely special place in my heart, but this time we're shifting focus and giving our lovably murderous Moon Boy JAKE his time to shine!! \(^o^)/

Now as we all know, Jake unfortunately hasn't had a lot of screen time yet. I also watched Moon Knight for the third time and besides his confirmed appearance in the post-credits, there are some other more subtle scenes that I'm PRETTY sure Jake was in and it was a lot of fun for me to think so and obsess over!

But I digress! Anywhore, as I was saying, since Jake hasn't been on a lot the way I write him is PURELY made up. Of course, I try my best to capture the vibes I personally get from him, but until Season 2 drops (because I am NOT giving up on that) we don't know for certain what his personality's actually like (and I haven't read the comics please don't shoot me). It was a little challenging, but I really enjoyed getting to explore Jake and his perspective quite a bit! Though he ended up being a bit sadder than I intended CUZ THIS BOI JUST NEEDS AND DESERVES A WHOLE LOTTA LOVIN'❣️

Furthermore, I am not a Spanish speaker. Jake obviously is and I wanna stay as true as possible to the character by having him speak some (*cough* S E X Y *cough*) Spanish throughout, but if I made any mistakes at all then please kindly correct me as I mainly just use Google Translate and/or search up Spanish terms! For example, I was made aware that "ese" means "that" in Spanish. However, it's also Spanish slang for "dude", "man", etc. and I just find it fitting for Jake to call the boys that 😅

Also, Jake is...rough ��� Don't worry, he loves and cares about you a LOT, but this is a fair WARNING in case you're not into that! And this part got pretty long, IDK I probs blacked out somewhere in the middle and this is le horny result~

Additionally, do y'all think the relationship between reader x Steven/the boys is going too fast? I really try to make it as natural as possible, but hey this is only fiction after all and I think Steven, for one, falls in love FAST since in the show he was already simping for Layla the first time they met 😂 But I can't judge Steven cuz I'd be the same if I ever met Oscar Isaac I mean, I'm already simping now but YOU GET IT

And a lil funny coincidoink, Like A Virgin came on the radio which I guess was your guys' universal push for me to continue this ASAP!

I truly am sorry for the wait!! Life is hard but I simp harder xD

TAGS: @autismsupermusicalassassin @ungracefularchimedes @pimosworld @ababynova @sweatyroadcowboyjudge @anapnovo-blog @am-3-thyst @harrys-tittie @zukoisbabee @wiltedwonderland @the-ginger-draws @bitchyglitterfox @readingfan @spidey-3 @minigirl87 @wandasupremacy @simba-will-live-on @wavychelle @thepowerthismanhasoverme @blackholegladiator @kittytiddywinks @literalfkinsimp @valen-yamyam16 @shaunalouie @howellatme @aleat0ri0 @bean-is-reading @indigxjunipxr

Part 4: Gonna give you all my love, boy

Your chest rose and fell with each soft, blissful snore. Your face void of any burden, open and peaceful; plump lips parted slightly, looking so kissable. And that's exactly what Steven did, lonely lips descending to meet yours--his slumbering goddess.

An insatiable part of him longed for you to awaken, to spend more time fumbling around in the sheets until sunrise. But he knew, more than anyone else, that sleep was important. And he had no doubt that after all the...unique events that progressed your relationship, you deserved all the rest you can get.

Like the proper gentleman he was, he had cleaned you up before snuggling in bed together until dreams inevitably consumed you. And now here you were, using one of his arms that he can't feel anymore as your pillow and your bodies exchanging heat.

Then his mouth lowered, down your chin, to your throat, and to the delicate dip between your neck and shoulder. Planting butterfly kisses on your skin, lips tracing and eyes memorizing every perfect imperfection that dotted your body like constellations.

He noticed your breathing slowly growing uneven, your nipples salaciously peaking through your tank top. He knew he had to stop. He had to, but...

He lifted his free hand, inching towards your breasts before freezing, clenching into a tight fist that had his nails digging into his palm.

His cheeks bloomed red, pulling away and laying on his back as he stared up blankly at the ceiling. What the fuck was he doing?

"Jake, mate... I know you're there, might as well say something, yeah?" Steven whispered.

'Your senses are improving, ese.' Jake snickered. 'Is that why you stopped? No need to be shy, it's just the same as watching porn.'

Steven turned redder, clearing his throat. "Jake, you know you can meet Y/N too, right?"

Silence greeted him. Steven waited patiently, giving his alter all the time he needed. As rough around the edges as they may be, the boys all cared about each other and Steven knew that all Jake needed--deserved--was time. Hell, he and Marc didn't even know Jake existed for a while until he finally felt comfortable enough to reveal himself.

'Nah, ese.' Jake snorted, though his voice held a certain heaviness to it. 'She's all yours. You deserve her, Steven.'

"You're a part of me, Jake. You deserve her, too."

'Don't think your little cariño would appreciate it so much that you're wanting to hand her off to some other asshole.' Jake scoffed.

"I'm not 'handing her off', you git. I wanna...share." Steven mumbled the latter, gulping thickly.

'Steven...' Jake sighed, but Steven sensed intrigue in his tone. 'I don't know what the fuck you expect from this talk, ese. We only share the same body, that's it.'

"You're lying and you know it. Two months working with Y/N, I never said anything, but I knew you were always there. This damn body isn't the only thing we share, 'cause I know your feelings are just the same as mine."

It was then that you mewled softly, shifting and wrapping an arm around Steven's waist and cuddling close to his side with a content little smile on your lips as you slept.

Steven melted and he felt Jake do so, too.

"I'm not giving you an out, mate." Steven chuckled, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head. "I'm absolutely buggered and so are you."

♡•••🌙•••♡

Steven, that absolute fucking puta.

As soon as Jake opened his eyes, dread filled him. Slowly turning his head and seeing your back to him, he knew Steven gave up control at some point and forced Jake to come out from the shadows.

He's tried multiple times to drag that pendejo back out, but Steven has obviously put up a block between them. Jake sighed frustratedly, his gaze lingering on you once more.

His heart ached. And fuck it hurts.

He wasn't Steven.

He did not deserve you.

He was dirty--rotten. He was only good for causing pain; even the ways in which he protected the boys were brutal, inhumane.

And he loved the chaos. Thrived in it.

When Steven met you for the first time, two months ago, that was what Jake intended to cause as well. Pain. Heartbreak.

Nothing more than another pretty notch to add to his belt.

But you...surprised him. You actually cared about Steven, gave him basic human respect and the time of day when no one else did and just fucking listened. Accepted him with open arms and such a kind, blinding smile. And pretty soon, Jake yearned for that, too. From you. Just you.

You didn't even know he existed--you didn't fucking care about him--and yet you smashed his glass heart into a thousand pieces, leaving him to find the sharpest shard and continuously stab himself as punishment.

That's what he deserved. Not you.

But oh... You looked so cold. Why were you so far away? What the hell were you thinking, pulling away from him?

Like a lion stalking its prey, Jake crawled towards you until he was on top of you. His dark eyes trailed down your sleeping form, so beautiful, so vulnerable. He didn't realize his hand was shaking slightly as it reached up to caress your face, breath hitching as his thumb glided across your bottom lip before slowly slipping it inside your mouth.

He watched, completely entranced, as your saliva coated his thumb and the way in which you squirmed so that you were now laying on your back, facing him. You were still asleep, though your brows creased together and your breathing grew shallow.

What were you dreaming about, Jake wondered? Were you dreaming about last night? Steven didn't feel him then, but Jake was there and it was the best torture he's ever endured.

He can make you feel good--better. And if there was any room in your heart (and legs) for him, he'd more than happily prove it to you.

But you were so kind, so sweet... Surely you'd accept him, too, right?

Surely you'd relieve him of his huge fucking hard-on, right?

He found himself lowering, lowering, lowering--then stopped just as his lips were about to meet yours.

No...

You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve him.

As if he was just burnt, he sprang away from you and sat at the foot of the bed, keeping as much distance as possible. His head hung low, hands scrubbing his face in frustration before turning into self-loathing slaps.

He quickly got a hold of himself, lest you have a cruel awakening to him. Not Steven.

He looked over his shoulder. You really did look cold. He unchained the ankle restraint then stood up, walking over to your side and tucking the blanket over your unfairly scantily clad body.

God... How he wished he was the one keeping you warm.

He then shook his head, glancing towards the wall clock. 5:40 a.m.

He can sneak out and do some business for Khonshu. And by the time he returns, hopefully Steven does, too.

He has to.

♡•••🌙•••♡

You rolled over in bed, expecting to cuddle up next to something much more solid than a pillow. Your brows furrowed, a hand flying out to pat the bed and not finding what--who--it was seeking.

Your eyes snapped open and you bolted upright. You looked around in a frenzy, eyes still bleary with sleep and finding the apartment completely empty.

You then noticed the time on the wall clock. 7:20 a.m.

You were off work today, but you weren't sure if Steven had a shift. But even if he did, it was still too early for the museum to open.

So...

Where the hell was Steven?

He couldn't have ditched you...could he? No, that wasn't possible, this was his flat.

But wait... What if this was his subtle way of telling you to get lost? That he didn't want to see you still here when he comes back from wherever the fuck he went to?

You overstayed your welcome, didn't you? This was what it was about, isn't it? This was all your fault, right?

You were on the verge of hyperventilating when, at the corner of your eye, you spotted a bright yellow sticky note on top of the books on the bedside table. You quickly ripped it off, reading the messy, rushed handwriting.

Don't know when I'll be back. Just relax. Food for you is in the kitchen, amor.

You blinked away tears you didn't realize were forming once, twice, then bursted into laughter.

"Fuck, seriously, what is wrong with me?" You berated yourself, still laughing.

This was Steven. Of course he would never abandon you, and you would never abandon him.

He proved it to you, after all. The memories of last night terrorizing your brain once more, making you blush like a virgin (which you were--for now).

You wanted to prove yourself to him, too. And you're sure you'll think of something, but at the moment you became distracted as your eyes landed on Steven's black sweatshirt sprawled carelessly across the floor.

You put on your glasses then hopped off of the bed and picked up the sweatshirt, tugging it on and letting out a giggle as it drooped over your thighs, turning the sleeves into little hand mittens and your body and heart just feeling so warm.

You ambled over to the kitchen, seeing a plate of slightly burnt toast and scrambled eggs clumsily covered in plastic wrap on the small dining table. You chuckled softly, taking the plastic off before sitting down and having breakfast.

As you chewed, once again your brain couldn't help but wander off.

It was only a little thing. Such a stupid thing, really. But still, it just would not stop nagging you.

Amor. It was French for 'love'.

But... Steven didn't spell it with a U. It was supposed to be amour.

Amor, no U, was the Spanish spelling. And Steven, who seemed fluent in French, should know that.

But people make mistakes, and who were you to judge such a minuscule, silly mistake?

Before you could entertain yourself by ruminating over such nonsense some more, your ears perked up when you heard the lock click and the door opening and shutting close. You kept quiet, watching as Steven slowly trudged in.

He was wearing a flat cap and a trench coat, and from your spot in the kitchen he hasn't noticed you yet. But he looked...different.

You couldn't quite explain it, but he seemed...tense. On edge. An air of agitation surrounding him, stiff in his movements yet carrying a sense of confidence at the same time.

Wild.

You then swallowed, standing up from your chair and silently making your way over to Steven with his back turned to you as he busied himself with stripping off his coat and hanging it on the coat rack.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, feeling him jolt. But before he could react, you spoke up.

"I missed you..." You murmured, embracing him more tightly as you pressed your cheek to his back. "Don't do that again, please. At least wake me up if you're leaving."

Steven didn't say anything, completely rigid and gloved hands balled into tight fists.

Then it clicked.

"You're not Steven...are you?"

His shoulders jerked, and you pulled your face away to look up at him. But you never removed your arms, keeping them in place around his waist.

Then his shoulders drooped, hearing him take a sharp intake of breath before ever so slowly turning his head over his shoulder.

"Caught red-handed." His lips curled up into a smirk, dark eyes gleaming down at you. "You're much more observant than I thought, princesa."

Your breath hitched, mouth agape and eyes blown wide as you gawked at him. You didn't know what to feel. Well, there was definitely excitement, but you weren't sure if it was appropriate for you to feel such a way.

Regardless, you were glad Steven was open and honest with you from the get-go. You knew, at some point, it was inevitable that you'd meet the two other men he's mentioned. So, you weren't too taken aback to be experiencing this right now.

"Judging from your accent and what you called me just now... You must be Jake?" You queried, cocking your head to the side as you stared up at him. Funny, he shared the exact same body as Steven, but he was still...different. The way he held himself, the little quirk to his lips, the look in his eyes--it was all very distinct.

"Don't see why you gotta keep asking me questions, princesa. Seems like ya got it all figured out." Jake scoffed, amusement in his tone.

"Well... You certainly made an...impression when you asked me out." You spoke slowly, carefully, as if not daring to spook some wild animal. You wanted Jake to feel safe, welcomed; because it felt like Jake hasn't at all expected to be here right now, but you wanted to let him know that you didn't mind him. You were happy to be meeting him.

But Jake took it the wrong way. He read your body language as aloof, like you were just trying to be polite. And why wouldn't you be? You were naturally kind, but he knew better.

He was absolutely not supposed to be here. He was never supposed to meet you, never planned to. After all, you preferred Steven.

...Didn't you?

His jaw ticked, his hands untangling your arms around his waist before he spun on his heel to fully face you. You gasped as he did, paling at the sight of blood on his shirt.

"What happened?!" You panicked, your hands immediately touching his body, eyes frantically searching for any injuries. "Did someone hurt you?! Oh my god, who did this to you?!"

"It's not my blood."

You froze, a chill coursing through your veins. Slowly, your head tilted up, meeting his gaze. It was much darker than before, flecks of savagery brewing within. And yet, you also saw...loneliness.

Longing.

"Are you scared, Y/N?"

You held your breath, his voice cracking as he uttered your name for the first time. It was a simple question that had a painfully simple answer.

"I am."

Jake shut his eyes, inhaling deeply and letting it out in a wavering breath.

He fucking knew it.

"Jake..." His eyes snapped open at your voice, so soft, so unexpectedly calm. "Will you...hurt me?"

"I would never." He whispered--promised--holding your gaze sincerely. "I couldn't."

"I'm scared of the...things you can do, Jake." You admitted, noticing his Adam's apple bob as he gulped. His gaze fell to the floor, but you reached up, gently cupping the side of his face. "But...I'm not scared of you."

Jake met your eyes once more, his hardened expression softening as he sighed, nuzzling into your comforting hand. For the first time in a long time, he felt...safe. He was not one of Khonshu's pawns, he was not Steven or Marc's ruthless protector, he was simply...

Jake Lockley.

"I'm sorry..." He murmured, trembling hand reaching out and caressing your cheek; tenderly, fondly, lovingly. "I...was never supposed to meet you. I was fine watching you quietly. But last night, Steven said he wanted us to meet. For me to be a...part of what you have with him."

A deafening silence rang in your ears. Jake watched you with those intense, soulful eyes, brows furrowed and jaw clenched as he waited with bated breath for your reaction. Any reaction.

"Jake..." You have no idea how you even managed to speak, your volatile heartbeat replacing the silence. "Take a shower first, we'll talk after."

♡•••🌙•••♡

Water dripped from Jake's hair, his hands pressed against the wall with his head tilted down as he watched the pristine white tiles of the shower's floor stain red.

This was an all too familiar situation for him. Washing off blood that didn't belong to him, his body getting cleaned though never his damned soul. But it never bothered him before...until now.

He knew there was a chance you'd be awake when he returned, but he figured that he can just pretend to be Steven at least until that idiot takes control of the body again. Jake's done it convincingly enough a few times before back when Steven and Marc were still unaware of his existence, acting as one of them whenever something triggered them and he suddenly had to front.

But when you hugged him, he just...froze. It felt as if he was struck by lightning because this was real--you were real. Your heart-wrenching kindness and beauty were all directed towards him, and he was no longer just a pathetic fly on the wall through Steven's eyes.

But how could he be so fucking dumb? He never should've shown himself, he should've stayed away from the apartment even if it took all day and just let Steven deal with the consequences. And yet...he came back.

Because, the absolute truth is, he wanted to meet you. At his very core, he was a selfish bastard who wanted to be with you, no matter the punishment inflicted on him--he inflicts on himself.

But was he really being selfish?

As drastically different as they were, Steven and Marc managed to control their own separate lives. Steven had his job that he despised, but also the comfort of regularly getting a paycheck that provided for his daily needs. Marc was Khonshu's (main) Avatar and as draining as it was, he could still unwind after a long day with a pack of beer and a Chicago Cubs game playing on TV.

And then, of course, there were Moon Knight and Mr. Knight that ultimately tied them together.

But what about Jake? Was he nothing more than a punching bag for Marc and Steven, only seizing command and handling whatever shitshow they got themselves into that they were too weak to finish?

Jake knew that was his job--his purpose. And honestly, it was okay. He cared about the boys, and keeping them safe meant the same for him as well.

...Until you came along. And for the first fucking time, he actually wanted something. Yearned for someone. Just for himself, and not because of anyone else's expectations or demands of him.

He didn't realize it until you came crashing into Steven's--and his--life like some fucking meteorite, but he was empty. And on the extremely rare occasions that Jake was entitled to the body all for himself, he grew tired of being tired from aimlessly hopping bar to bar. Nearly wiping all his fucking memories out with heavy drinks and the need--the desperation--to forget about the problems he deliberately ignores, hides, even for one single measly night through fucking some random stranger he didn't and won't ever care about.

But you weren't a stranger, that was perfectly clear. Days bled into weeks, and weeks into months; and here you were now, looking all cute--tempting--wearing Steven's sweatshirt, eating breakfast in his home, as his girlfriend.

Steven's girlfriend. Not Jake's girlfriend.

"Jake, you know you can meet Y/N too, right?"

Steven's words from last night echoed in Jake's head, taunting him. And the ridiculous proposition that followed afterwards, of the two of them sharing you.

"You're a part of me, Jake. You deserve her, too."

And maybe, just maybe...Steven's right.

Maybe Jake did deserve you.

But did you deserve him?

"What's got you looking all emo?" Jake's head abruptly whipped around, seeing you with one hand holding the shower curtain open while the other clutched onto a towel covering your body.

Your naked body.

Jake's mouth went dry, completely paralyzed. All he could do was let his eyes scan you from head to toe, undressing you in his mind. He's already seen you last night and he thought he'd be fine just basking you in from Steven's point of view, but oh...he thought dead wrong.

Because now he really wanted to touch you. Feel you. Make you come undone, all because of him. All for him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" His question came out sharper than he intended it to, eyes narrowing as he watched your gaze drop, shifting on your feet uncertainly along with the tantalizing way you bit your lip.

You seemed to be engaging in a silent war with yourself before you shook your head, straightening up as you dared to meet his eyes and slowly dropped the towel to the floor.

"I told Steven this before, but I prefer to get things over with." You smiled a bit sheepishly, stepping into the shower; the warm drizzle of water helped to thaw the ice cold sensation anxiety gripped you with. "I'm a very impatient woman, Mr. Lockley."

"And you think jumping into the shower completely naked with a man you barely know is the answer to your impatience, señorita?" Jake arched a brow, an amused smirk playing on his lips.

"Well, it's not like I can get into the shower with clothes on, right? That's just fucking stupid." You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes. "Besides... It's because I want to get to know you that I'm here."

"This is a dangerous game you're playing, princesa." Jake murmured, his smirk instantly vanishing; that furrowed brows, clenched jaw sternness once more overtaking his striking features as he regarded you. "I'm not your sweet, sensitive little boyfriend. I'm not Steven." He practically hissed out the name, though there was more sadness to it than venom.

"This isn't a game to me, Jake." You stated firmly, standing your ground as you held your chin high and levelled your gaze with his. "None of this is. I take Steven very seriously--I take our relationship very seriously." You paused, taking a deep, shaky breath. "And I know, maybe I'm moving too fast, and I totally understand your doubts about this--about me. But I'm not a fucking dumbass. I know you're not Steven and I like you, anyway."

Jake was rarely speechless, but even as his mouth parted to say something--anything--nothing came out. He felt something fall down his cheek, and he wasn't too sure if it was water or the strange liquid that suddenly made his vision all blurry.

But he didn't have much time to ponder on it when your hand gently pressed against his cheek, your eyes kind and full of adoration, the same adoration you always bless Steven with and something Jake believed was only a far-off miracle for him.

"Y/N..." He choked out, glossy dark eyes intently set on you. "I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster, Jake." You were quick to counter, taking a step closer, now being chest to chest with Jake. "You're a part of Steven, and anything--anyone--that's a part of him is beautiful. And you sure as hell deserve to live your own life, too. And, well, if you'll have me..." You blushed, looking down. "...I would really, really like to get to know you better, Jake Lockley."

Silence smothered you, wrapping its invisible claws around your neck, and you now fully understood what people meant when they say something takes forever. You thought it would be easier and much less frightening if the ground actually opened up and swallowed you whole, but Jake finally put you out of your misery, his hand turning off the shower and a low chuckle bubbling out of him.

"Well... Damn." He smirked, cocking his head down at you, though his smug demeanour couldn't mask the rosiness that dusted his cheeks. "You really do like me and Steven, huh, querida? Or maybe it's just your boobs up against me that's convincing me."

"Well, if it's helping you to believe me, then I'm not complaining." You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck, pushing your breasts against him. Both of your breaths stuttered at the close, intimate contact, and you whimpered as his hands landed on your hips, callused fingers squeezing your soft flesh.

"Dios mío..." He growled lowly, his hands slowly, reverently travelling up the curves of your body, leaving a burning wake, before dipping once more and giving your ass a hard smack.

"Ah..!" You gasped, lurching forward, your face bumping against his solid chest. You felt his chest vibrate as a deep laugh rumbled out of him, one hand fisting your hair and pulling your head back.

"I ain't lying when I said I'm not your sweet, sensitive boyfriend." There was mania in his eyes, baring shiny white teeth as he grinned widely at you; like a shark who's smelled blood--your blood--from a mile away, he's set his target and can't be satisfied by anything, anyone else. "Then again, if you could see Steven's thoughts like I can, 'sweet and sensitive' aren't completely accurate for him."

You gulped, but not from fear. You squeezed your thighs together, pupils dilating as you stared up at Jake. "I-I don't mind if you or Steven aren't sweet and sensitive. I wanna be treated nice, but there are plenty of ways 'nice' can be translated to..." You placed a hand on his abs, lips parting as you traced along his taut muscles, looking like some fucking Greek sculpture--a god--with the way his wet body shimmered a divine bronze. "Don't you think so...Papi?"

With no warning, you felt the air get knocked out of you as his lips collided with yours, attacking you; tongues intertwining with a clash of teeth, the moist smack of your lips harmonizing with the vulgar moans Jake drew out of you.

You felt Jake's neediness, the desperation underlying his roughness--as if this was not just the first, but the only time he'd get to kiss you and have you for himself.

As if you'd ever allow for this to be the only time.

Your hands fell to his shoulders, nails breaking his skin and marking him with crescent indents. He groaned as you did, kissing you with even more fervour, fiery passion never ceasing as you both chased after that hellish ecstasy; seizing, bruising, suffocating you.

More, more, more. Giving and taking, taking, taking.

You just could never have enough, clueless as to where you started and Jake ended, Jake's tongue practically down your throat now. You know you needed air, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, but your body refused.

If this was how you died, then you'd die an elated woman.

But Jake suddenly pulled away from you, making you whine loudly. Your hands pawed at his chest, tears springing to your eyes and your ears couldn't even register the pitiful pleas that tumbled out of your mouth for more, more, more.

"You're such a fucking slut, aren't you, mi amor?" Jake snickered, one hand wrapping around your neck, thumb stroking the column of your throat, squeezing just enough to feel as if your head was floating. "Steven always saw you as this pure, innocent angel. But you're not, aren't you? You wanna be corrupted, don't you? You wanna be my pretty little devil, slut?"

"I'll be anything for you, Papi." You replied breathlessly, tears staining your scarlet cheeks. "Just be my everything."

"I'll be whatever--do whatever--for you, mi vida." His voice was low, barely above a whisper, but you heard him loud and clear, his earnesty and sweetness cloying. His other hand caressed your face before he leaned down, his tongue licking away your salty tears, a reprieve from the rapturous flames that engulfed him. "Now... What do you want Papi to do?" He purred, smirking wolfishly down at you. "You want me to fuck you? Spread your little virgin pussy, fill you up with my cock? Wanna see how much you can take, cariño. Take all my cum, don't waste a single fucking drop."

As tempting as his filthy words were, as much as you wanted to, you remembered how Steven refused to have sex with you last night. Of his promise that he'll make love to you another time, when he was better prepared with condoms. And fuck, you wanted him--them--so badly. Steven and Jake. But you respected Steven and his decision, and you did also want for your lovemaking to be special.

"Can I taste your cock, Papi?" You asked, biting your lip as you met Jake's gaze shyly. You felt like a mouse and he was the lion, yet you held the power in whatever was going to happen. "I-I promise I'll take it all... Take all your cum, like a good girl."

Jake knew that you chose not to have sex with him out of respect for Steven, and that only made him love you more. He felt a pang in his heart and a smile tugged up the corners of his lips, eyes locking with yours, full of tenderness and affection.

Right then and there, he knew that you were "the one". For him and Steven.

"Get on your knees like a good fucking girl, then." He breathed, and you didn't hesitate as you instantly dropped to your knees, breasts jiggling slightly as you did. Your eyes widened as his cock stood proudly, mere inches away from your face.

"I...I'm sorry if I'm...bad." Your voice came out as a squeak, mentally slapping yourself before clearing your throat. "I-I've never done this before!"

"You better have not or else I'll hunt down and kill all the fuckers you've ever been with." He barked out a laugh, but his eyes were dark and serious.

Murder was not something Jake Lockley ever joked about, after all.

Strangely enough, you found his possessiveness...sexy. Which only meant that Jake was already corrupting you.

But was that really such a bad thing?

You shook your head, focusing on the cock--erm, task--at hand. Your hand wrapped around his shaft, hearing Jake breathe sharply through his nose as you did. You licked your lips as you watched the pre-cum drip out of the tip, so curious, so transfixed like a moth to a flame.

Your tongue then darted out, experimentally licking the milky fluid. Jake threw his head back with a guttural groan; you've barely even started, and it made you fucking giddy that he reacted like this.

"Jake..." You murmured, giggling softly. You peered up at him through your long lashes, flashing him a dazzling smile. "You're so beautiful, Jake."

"That ain't something you should call a man, mi vida." Jake scoffed, but the crimson tint on his cheeks have spread like wildfire to the tips of his ears and neck. "Especially not when you're the beautiful one."

"Going soft on me now, Jakey?" You teased lightheartedly, slowly beginning to stroke his length.

Jake's breath hitched, brows furrowing as he watched you intently, attentively. "You really are a little devil, Y/N." He chuckled deeply, and you knew that meant trouble. "You think I'm going soft? Looks like you really have a lot you need to know about me."

Like before, his hand fisted your hair, pulling your head back and making you look up at him. "Open up, slut." And you did, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out. You flinched slightly as his cock hit your tongue, his other hand grabbing his member and moving it around on your tongue, painting it white.

"Now you're gonna be a good cocksucker, got it?" He grinned down devilishly at you, eyes twinkling with sheer, wicked glee. "You're gonna make Papi cum, like the good whore that you are."

You nodded hastily, eagerly. And you just couldn't fucking take it anymore, jostling forward and burying his cock in your wet, hot mouth.

"That's. Fucking. It." Jake hissed, his grip on your hair tightening ever so slightly. Slowly, you began to bob your head, your mouth accommodating his size. You briefly wondered how anyone could ever even compare this to a banana or a popsicle stick; it was much bigger and your jaw started to hurt, which Jake quickly noticed as you tensed.

"Hey, relax." He cooed, reaching down to tenderly wipe away the tears you didn't realize were flowing down your cheeks. "Easy, Y/N. Relax your mouth, loosen up your throat... Fuck, yeah, that's it. Keep going, hermosa."

With newfound confidence and assurance, you gradually increased your pace. You hollowed your cheeks, your tongue sliding along the underside of his cock with each rhythmic bop of your head. Up, down, up, down--Jake's sinful groans bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, never breaking eye contact as you burned all of him into memory.

Then your surprised gasp was muffled as his foot pressed against your clit, only offering you a cocky smirk in return.

He began to move his foot, his toes budging your clit and stroking along your pussy. You moaned around his cock, grinding against his foot for more friction. Then his other hand grabbed onto your hair, both of his hands now pushing and pulling your head up, down, up, down--drool spilling down the sides of your mouth, resisting the urge to gag as the tip of Jake's cock pounded your throat, your hands floundering to his thighs as you clung on for dear life.

"Fuck, look at you... Una putita tan bonita solo para mí." He laughed, the thrusts of his hips growing fiercer, more rabid as he mercilessly fucked your throat. "Wanna taste me, mi vida? Think you've earned it?"

All you could do was nod, nod, nod--looking up at him pleadingly as you continued to desperately grind yourself against his foot, your own orgasm fast approaching.

Jake's jeering laughter soon stuttered into a heavy, gasping moan; his eyes squeezing shut as his head fell back, hitting the wall. You felt his cock twitch, releasing his seed, shooting down your throat and his balls slamming against your chin.

Your own release coated Jake's foot, your entire body shuddering from the intensity of it all and coughing as Jake finally withdrew his cock out of your mouth. But you didn't have time to revel in the afterglow as Jake's hand wrapped around your neck once more, dragging you up and crashing his lips with yours. You swapped spit and cum, but neither of you cared; the two of you groping, squeezing, clinging onto each other any which way your needy hands could fumble.

You didn't keep track anymore of who pulled away first, laughter ringing in your ears as you both grinned at each other; spent, happy.

The dawn of something new, exciting, promising shining between the two of you.

Wordlessly, Jake turned on the shower again. Then he grabbed the soap, his hands gliding along your smooth skin, his lips attaching to the crook of your neck where he could see the faint pinpricks of his handprint slowly materializing.

"Did I hurt you, mi vida?" As rough of a lover as Jake was, none of his pleasure mattered if you didn't enjoy yourself.

"A little bit." You admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing the top of his head. "But it's okay. I...liked it." You blushed furiously.

"Fuck..." He grumbled, pulling away and looking very much like a kicked puppy, something that you thought only Steven was a pro at. "As cute as you are blushing like that, princesa, I'm so fucking sorry. I know I should know when to stop, when to be gentle...but those are not really what I'm good at." His eyes drifted down, and you can tell that he had a lot more to say. A lot more to regret. "I'm sorry, Y/N."

"I forgive you, Jake. Now please... Stop beating yourself up, okay?" You cupped his face, pecking his nose and meeting his gaze. "I'm not lying when I said I liked it, but don't blame yourself too much. I also should've done something, spoken up if it was too painful for me." Your fingers ran through his hair, smiling softly, lovingly at him. "All of this is new for me--for us. But it's okay, 'cause we can learn together, yeah? And if you'd like, we can come up with a safe word if things get too rough."

Jake hesitated, wondering if you were really telling the truth and not just trying to comfort him. But one look at your sweet, loving smile was more than enough for his worries and doubts to fade away, his own smile gracing his lips and his hands holding your own that were so gently, kindly cupping his face.

"I think that would be great. Any idea what the safe word should be?"

"I was thinking 'Khonshu'." Your answer made Jake snort before he bursted into laughter, you joining shortly after.

"Mi vida, if you say that bastardo's name while we're fucking, you really are gonna make me go soft." He chuckled, pinching your cheek and kissing your forehead.

"Fine, fine! Clearly coming up with a safe word is what I'm not good at. Let's figure it out together." You playfully rolled your eyes, giggling and kissing his cheek. "Anyway, I'll head out first. But don't take too long or else I'll jump in the shower with you again and for the sake of Steven's water expenses, you do not want that happening."

"On one condition, señorita. You have to wear my clothes when you get out, not Steven's." He hummed to which you laughed and nodded, but just as you were about to step out of the shower, Jake suddenly grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to his chest.

He leaned down to your ear, voice a low purr as he spoke; like it was a secret, a sacred oath between only the two of you.

"El amor de mi vida, mi salvavidas... Nunca te dejaré ir."

Your lips curled up into a smile, your heart swelling achingly within your chest. You turned around and leaned up on your tiptoes, your lips melting perfectly together with Jake's, becoming one.

"I love you, Jake Lockley." You whispered, sealing your oath. "Now... Don't keep me waiting. You know I'm an impatient woman."

Jake watched with a dumb, lovestruck grin as you pulled away giggling, finally stepping out of the shower and closing the bathroom door behind you. And as soon as you were gone, Jake piped up to the other occupant in the bathroom.

"Steven, ese... I know you're there, might as well say something, huh?"

'Bloody HELL, mate...' Steven's words stumbled out in a rushed, breathless breath. 'That was MENTAL.'

"You're welcome for the free show, ese." Jake chuckled, standing under the spray of the shower as he washed himself off.

Although Jake couldn't see Steven, he knew that the poor, flustered English man was having a damn heart attack at this very moment.

'That was...that was...' Steven was completely at a loss for words, making Jake smirk.

"The hottest fucking thing you've ever seen? Yeah, I know. Y/N's our sexy girlfriend, after all." Jake turned off the shower, hopping out and drying himself off with a towel. "You're right, by the way. We're both absolutely fucked."

'I'm just glad it all worked out, mate.' Steven replied, relief and happiness flooding his voice. 'You deserve her. WE deserve her. It's just...' He trailed off, sighing deeply. 'Now that I think about it, I'm worried about Marc.'

"Fuck Marc." Jake snapped, his eyes settling on the mirror, Steven's reflection staring back at him with an anxious crease between his brows and lips downturned. "We deserve to live our own lives, too, Steven. That cabrón's just gonna have to deal with it."

And deal with it, Marc will. But...

You'll have to deal with Marc, too.

[theharrowing]

White Lies

Yoongi is everything you could ask for. He is attractive, confident, and smart. And his partner Taehyung is as possessive as he is beautiful. Too bad a relationship would be a major conflict of interest.

You need to have them, at all costs.

🤍 Yoongi x Female Reader x Taehyung

🤍 word count: work in progress (currently 10.5k words) + images of social media posts & text conversations

🤍 college au, partial social media au with a lot of written story, strangers to lovers & established relationship, yandere, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, angst, slash, poly, minor character injury & death, graphic violence, nsfw, 21+.

🤍 warnings: 🕊 dead dove 🕊. toxic relationships (dishonesty, jealousy, yandere behavior); ACAB includes our MC, sorry you found out this way; corrupt policing. more specific warnings coming soon, pending the release of each chapter.

🤍 part 2 of the Rose-Tinted Obsessions series

🤍 this is a sequel to Boy Blue! i highly recommend that you start at the beginning to fully understand the the dynamic & history between Yoongi & Taehyung. there will be a lot of references to Boy Blue; this fic will spoil the shit out of it. this includes some major character deaths!!! this MC/reader character is not the same MC/reader character from Boy Blue.

🤍 note: all detective work and cop jargon in this fic is either made up on the spot or comes from years of watching/listening to true crime media. i have no credentials in this field and i do not claim to know what i am talking about. for the sake of simplicity & also my sanity, all dialogue that is written and spoken is going to be in English. characters are from Korea and living/working in the US, and we can fill in the gaps between what language they are speaking in which context. also, although i try to keep the mc's physical description vague, i will refer to her as having curves and having hair that can be gripped onto. length and texture will be left vague. places mentioned are completely made up. i may be using actual city and neighborhood names to make it feel real, but every school, bar, etc. is fake and any similarities they have to real places is coincidence.

🤍 also note: this fic is going to be extremely contrived and dramatic, just like its predecessor was. we are not here for award winning story telling; think of it like a trashy daytime soap opera and a gore porn horror film had a baby. obviously, i do not condone the behaviors in this story; it is a work of fiction.

🤍 written parts beta read by @neoneunnajimin

🤍 check out the playlist!

🤍 posted nov. 2023 - present | read on ao3

INDEX

0: Introductions | 0 words + screencaps

1: Do not, under any circumstances, become emotionally attached to either of these men | 2.9k words + screencaps

— TaeGi POV 1: What the fuck is this??? | 0 words + screencaps

2: Sleep sweet, pretty | 7.4k words + screencaps

UPDATES ARE CURRENTLY PAUSED!!!

i have been struggling with mental health stuff, grief stuff, and writer's block, and so i am going to lessen how many fics i juggle at once. hopefully it won't be on hiatus for too long. 💜

tag list: @aidam9911 @andrea613 @bangtan-tee-86 @ffion451 @fluffybuns69 @here4kpopfics @icedtaericano @iloverubberduckiez-blog @kiki-zb @lovemeforeternity @mgthecat @moonleeai @mother2monsters @neoneunnajimin @oceansmerchild @unsureofwhathappens 🤍 by asking to join this tag list, you are agreeing that you are at least 18 or older and that you are comfortable engaging in dead dove content. please tell me at any time if you would like to be removed and i will be happy to pull you off.

White Lies copyright 2021-2023 theharrowing, all rights reserved. No translations or reposts are allowed!

[aerequets]

I really liked the scene you drew for the fanfic Once more with feeling. Do you have other fanfics recommandations? PS. I love your art :3

thank you! :D and yes of course i do 😎 i have this list (twiyor) from a while ago but i have amassed more than enough new faves to make a new one!

i will try to get a mix of fics w/ different vibes, and different lengths, as well as those that you may not have heard of before. most if not all of them will be twiyor tho, bc that's what i read most.

i'll put them under the cut!

FUN FACT i spent like 45 mins writing a list and SOMEHOW DELETED IT ALL. so this is take 2 😭😭😭😭 ANYWAYS

The Woman in Red by @nightofnyx8

rated M, 7/7 chaps, 47.9k words

this fic feels like a book to me if i was already invested in the characters. it revolves around yor, who gets an assignment to find out where a bunch of trafficked girls are being kept by the asshole of the millenium, vito cohen. it is also post reveal, post relationship twiyor. this fic has dark moments just by virtue of the subject matter, but none of it feels gratuitous if that makes sense? like every bit of violence lends to the whole picture. there are also some Steamy ™ twiyor moments, which are easily skippable if that's not your thing, but their whole relationship here is just written so well. the trust is there and the protective loid vibes are 👌 i m m a c u l a t e

Smoldering by @julphines

rated G, 1/1 chaps, 2.1k words

i freaking love the look into post reveal, pre relationship twiyor we get here. it's not overtly romantic but instead them getting to know each other. i especially love the details of them having to make themselves be vulnerable in some ways because they just aren't used to it. a really nice, in-between sort of fic :)

In Love With the Distance by Newt on ao3

rated T, 37/37 chaps, 21.5k words

this one is formatted as a collection of letters and i am OBSESSED. i think the author does a very good job getting the character voices down, and the fact that the progression in their relationship is clear despite being in this letter format will never cease to amaze me. it's also incredibly consistent and has cute 'ciphers' at the top that are used to disguise the letters. this one is also post reveal, and kinda follows what happens immediately after. some bits are outside the letter format, but for the most part, it's loid and yor writing to each other. love

La Vie En Rose by @jubileen

rated T, 1/1 chaps, 3.7k words

i love me a good ol 5+1 fic, and this one did not disappoint 😌 i especially liked how the thing that is being counted here (you know, the "five times x and one time x") is not explicitly stated each time. it's something that is as slowly revealed to the reader as it is to the characters, which is a nice touch. and there are more things you catch after a reread, which i am also a great fan of!

An Ever Fixed Mark by Spiraling (Stormwind13) on ao3

rated T, 3/3 chaps, 3.8k words

soulmates that share wounds!!!!!! need i say more?? ALSO, there's some GORJUS artwork in this fic! actually, the first "chapter" is just the cover page, and then in the third chapter is another illustration which is so well done! so that's a plus :) this fic has the nice ol heartwrenching mix of backstory and present for the characters, another plus!

this fic is restricted tho, so u gotta be logged into ao3 to read it 🙏

Love, He was Certain by toteally on ao3

rated M, 1/1 chaps, 3.2k words

this one is so funny and good to me bc loid goes head empty seeing fruit juice dribble down yor's chin KJFDHSJ i love when overthinking characters suddenly can't form a thought at the most mundane of happenings. ALSO the thing fics/books do when the title comes up and you're like OHHHH THERE IT IS!!! yeah that as well

Macabre Theme and Variations by @piracytheorist

rated T, 15/15 chaps, 66.6k words (lol)

WOOOO TIME LOOP FIC! yet another thing that i am a fan of :DD although HEED THE WARNING because there IS violence but there is also a happy ending. this fic follows twilight as he goes through the same day over and over again and tries not to die a horrific death forever. mans gets more trauma, BUT he also gets character progression and a happy ending so fair trade off right 🤔 (yes. the answer is yes)

anyways, this list is hardly even the tip of the iceberg. there's also my bookmarks which, at the time of writing this post, are at 354... most of which are sxf/twiyor.... so yeah LMAO obviously i couldnt put all of them into this post but definitely check those out. i've also got my own works if you're interested but hopefully this list contains fics you have not yet read, and that you will like 🙏🙏

(if your fic is on this list and you haven't been tagged + would like to be, pls let me know!)

[lilbeanz]

Hello! Not an ask, just wanted to say I adore your content; you're so skilled. I came across your art first, and the drama of even the smallest panel; I'd been eyeing JoDT & sequels for awhile because it was a WIP, but I caved and binged bks1-4 in about three days. I reread the "Eat your heart out Pureblood society" scene at least once a day, thank you for that, superb execution. I also really liked, in the first book, the interactions between Malfoy & Harry, and the very gradual "well, he's our friend now." The development of their friendship has done a great job of re-defining the characters and their relationships. The series feels like its own thing, and the fact that Ginny never even had the diary in book 2 only cemented that. I've really appreciated the deviation from Draco-the-tortured-hero/Draco-making-amends (which I also love to read). Horrors of the Heir was a great twist and really put the whole series in another tier, tbh. CoS was like, my least favorite of the series as a kid (alongside GoF, which has grown on me as I read fanfic) and your version of bk 2 easily established the micro-obsession of your series for me. Also, Crabbe & Goyle?? "They're actually really good friends"?? "Just to see if we feel anything"?? Adorable. Obsessed.

tldr; Your rewrite of the series is incredibly unique, and I admire how you've really taken the series and made it something completely fun and new and modern 💜💜💜

Looking forward to the rest. Thank you for sharing!

AaaAaaAaaHhhHhhHh?!??!?!

This is such a lovely comment, I can't even -- I -- I'm --

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying the series so far! It really has been such a challenging, fun project!

I adored writing the "Eat Your Heart Out" scene. People tend to forget that Draco Malfoy is canonically *very* dramatic when he wants to be. Yes, he can be sulky and scheming, but he also shouts taunts across the courtyard, and puts on scenes to make older students laugh at Harry’s expense, even going so far as to dress up as a Dementor to make his "rival" lose in Quidditch.

The Horror of the Heir was such an experience for me as the author, because CoS is my favourite book from the series (weird, ik) and looking back, I sort of realise I could’ve squeezed in so much more. But last May, 45k was a HUGE amount of words for me! And now I'm churning out 100k like nobody's business 💀

✨️Growth✨️

And speaking of growth, the reason I had Draco take Tom Riddle’s diary was purely because of growth. It would've taken him far longer to change as a person if he hadn't taken Ginny's place. A pivotal character development moment, as he reflects on his upbringing etc...

Crabbe and Goyle generally get overlooked in the fandom, and it really bugs me. Vince dies canonically, yes, but I absolutely love it when fic writers incorporate Greg as an actual character in post-war fics, and acknowledge that Vince was Draco’s friend.

It's always Blaise, Pansy, and Theo because they're intelligent and societies definition of "attractive." I mean, each to their own of course, but I could write an entire essay on the injustice I feel for Crabbe and Goyle!

And then, of course, the development of Draco’s relationship with the Golden Trio, specifically Harry. Just -- Ugh-- these silly kids make me so unhinged!😂

It wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows to begin with. Of course it wouldn't. It's a rocky start, with bumps along the way (and more big bumps to come), but I really do love the way I have progressed their relationship, and I'm not even gonna be humble about it! I really do love my own fic!!!

All this to say, thank you so much!!! I realise fix-its are a very popular type of fic to write, but I really do try to keep it as fresh and unique as possible, so the fact that I really am able to give my readers an experience means the world to me💖

[emilyzipps]

how do you build up the tension between two characters without dragging it out or jumping the gun by rushing it?

This is a great question! I mostly write romance/romcoms so I'm going to answer this about building romantic tension, but I'm guessing it works for other kinds as well.

As always, please feel free to reblog or comment with your thoughts, suggestions, disagreements!

The first thing that comes to mind for me is to think about all of the ways they're going to show their progression into the romance--their relationship milestones--and make sure they're spread out in a way that feels balanced and good.

In a romance, the things you're aiming for as relationship milestones will vary depending on what type of book you're writing. If it's a steamy enemies to lovers story, the sex will start pretty early into the book, so the will-they-or-won't-they isn't about sex, it's about feelings. The big milestones in that case might be things like

admitting attraction

hooking up

sex

first feelings of romance (you shove them under a rug)

first feelings of romance (you admit to yourself you have them)

first time testing out if they like you as more than an sex partner

first time admitting you liiiiike them

first time them admitting they liiiiike you

love confession/happily ever after

On the flip side, a slow burn friends to lovers (no steam), it may be things like

noticing she's pretty

touching hands by accident on the bus

touching hands ON PURPOSE on the bus

lingering stares

staying up all night talking

picking her up from a date with someone else and being so sad

trying to date someone else

spending the night together AS FRIENDS

erotic hair braiding

happily ever after

Once you think through what some of those milestones will be for your story and your characters, then you can figure out how you want to spread those out throughout your story. Tension comes in the spaces between those milestones and in yearning for the next one, so you need to give space for each milestone to (a) be exciting! (b) be celebrated (or feared or repressed or whatever) and (c) get old enough that we're pining for the next one. That's why you go from touching hands by accident to being brave and terrified and anxious when you decide to do it on purpose.

With the right build up--the pining for the feel of her smooth skin against yours, the noticing how her hands look, day dreaming about her fingers, picturing yourself touching her hand a million times, barely breathing--finally touching her hand on the bus can be as emotionally resonant as sex or a love confession.

consider each milestone as a small emotional climax (sex jokes are welcome and frankly appropriate), and treat it in the way you'd treat the big story climax.

The other thing I'm thinking about is the disconnect between what they say/show and what they think. In my debut novel, the first time Alice sees Van, her inner monologue is immediately like OMG GIRL HOT!!!! THIS BUTCH IS STUNNING AND SMELLS SO GOOD I WANT HER TO TOUCH MEEEEEEEEE. What she actually says out loud is more along the lines of "hi, nice to meet you, i'm your brother's formerly secret girlfriend."

That creates tension because the reader then (hopefully!) thinks, oh wow, how long can Alice keep it together when she's such a bisexual disaster? How long can she go without revealing how badly she wants Van to jump her?

Here's a little map of our milestones and interior/exterior:

first meeting. Alice thinks: GIRL HOT. Alice says: hi i am dating your brother??

first flirt. Alice thinks: if she touches me i'm going to fucking lose it (complementary). Alice says: thanks for the ride home, your dog is cute.

first admit you like each other. Alice thinks: i want to never leave her house or her presence. Alice says: you should be really proud of the life you've built here.

first cuddle. Alice thinks: i'm going to die. i'm actually, physically going to die under this snuggie. this girl is so hot and kind and i'm obsessed with her oh my GOD. Alice says: your mom seems nice.

Those are kind of silly examples, but I hope it helps to be able to see that we're waiting for her inner monologue to match her actions, and the stakes for both get higher and higher as they move through the milestones until the moment when she (a) says what she's thinking, and (b) gets what she wants. Aka, HAPPILY EVER AFTER, BABY.

thoughts, feedback, other suggestions, questions? bring them!

[asumofwords]

Smoke, Fire and Ash

AEMOND POV

Warnings: This fic includes noncon, dubcon, manipulation, violence, death and inc3st. Tags will be added as the fic goes on. Thoughts of manipulation and hurt, violence and assault. Obsessive themes and possessiveness.

This is a dark!fic. 18+ only. Read at your own discretion. Please read the warnings before continuing.

Summary: You are the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra and Daemon Targaryen. You are forced to navigate the difficult surroundings of your upbringing and the eventual disintegration between your family and the Hightower's relationship. What will happen when your older and estranged uncle suddenly takes a more sinister interest in you? (Dark!Aemond x Reader)

Masterlist

Characters: AEMOND!POV, Aemond Targaryen X Reader, HOTD characters.

Word count: 4k

Note: Two posts in one day? I am spoiling you all... but only because I love you hehe. This is Aemond's POV from Chapters 16 and 17, where the feast of celebrations for Helaena and Aegon's union is taking place. I did have to split this into two parts as it ran over 10k words lol, so here is Chapter's 16-17 and I will be posting Chapters 18-19 very soon. Anyway, enough of me talking !!! ENJOY! <3

AEMOND POV: Chapters 16 & 17

He sat at the table, lined with his family, whilst awaiting for the other half, eye roaming over the empty seats, that would soon be filled by the Blacks. 

And how he anticipated their arrival. 

More specifically, yours. 

Aegon had been sitting nearby, downing cups of wine and ale faster than he should have, becoming red in the face and drunker by the minute. 

Aemond was loyal to his older brother, though this did not mean that he had to particularly like him. Despite some brotherly love he had for the eldest, there was the suffocating disgust, and hatred that boiled into his very core.

His childhood tormentor. 

His brother.

A man who cared very little for the crown and its duties, or his duty as a Prince to the realm. A man who whored and drank himself into a stupor, and abused the kindness of their sister. 

That was something to Aemond that was unforgivable.

Aemond noted that his mother looked anxious, and although her hands found themselves busy amongst the cups upon the table, or holding themselves in her lap, there was the undeniable fidgeting that was there too.

King Viserys sat at the table silently, his son believing it due to the mans ailment, more than his distaste for his other children. In fact, Viserys was never too interested in Aemond, nor Daeron, but showed love regardless, however, more towards Aegon until he had become more, and more drunk, and a love for Helaena that had never dwindled. 

Though as his illness progressed, his ability to be present for his children lessened. In fact, his ability to be present at all had declined until soon, Aemond’s mother and grandfather held the realm for him in his absence.

When would the old bastard die?

By the looks of it, the One-Eyed Prince surmised that his father did not have much longer to live. His skin grew paler by the day, and it was a rare occurrence, that had not been seen, for the man to not be placated by milk of the poppy. 

Aemond’s distaste for his father did not come from nowhere. 

It was years of neglect, no dragon egg in his crib as was tradition, no interception of the bullying that he endured, and no sympathy for the eye that was lost, that led to the rift of their relationship, if any was there at all.

Aemond remembered that fateful night clearly. 

He remembered how instead of his father coming to console his son for the loss of his eye at the age of only ten, instead threatened the young boy with removing his tongue for a truth that was spoken by most people in court, and most importantly, his wife.

And eye for an eye, his mother had said. 

He supposed the Gods had come late when they had taken Viserys’ for his place in that evening. 

But soon he would pass, and a new nightmare would begin. His brother would take the throne and rule over the Kingdom, and once again, Aemond would have to bend to his brothers will.

And as he waited amongst the sea of sounds, Lords and Ladies of the realm laughing and speaking loudly, music playing amongst the sides of the garden, and quiet chatter at his own table between Otto and Alicent, he impatiently asked the Gods to hurry the day along and deliver you to him.

The Gods answered Aemond’s prayers.

At first he saw the silver hair of his half-sister and uncle, both dressed in black as per usual, and both with their heads held high in an almost dangerously proud fashion.

Behind them, were your two bastard brothers, hair as dark as Ser Harwin Strong’s, and eyes as brown as the bark of the Godswood. Beside them their betrothed, and together, a vision of the evening his eye had been taken from him.

Then there was you. 

Trailing along at the back, taking your time, with the same posture as your parents.

Dangerously prideful, boastful even.

He was not sure what he had been expecting, but as you walked through the garden, through the sea of tables and Lords and Ladies of the realm, and as their eyes turned to stare upon your form, he could not help but feel a sense of pride and anger. 

Another Dornish dress. 

You were teasing him.

It looked to him to be two pieces, and those two pieces were fit to your form perfectly, almost painted on. And how he wished to rip it off of you. 

The top was of the finest leather, folded perfectly to your frame, with a high neck and a cut out space were the soft, pillowy flesh of your breasts were visible. A black skirt with red peeking through drew his attention to your legs and hips, swaying with each step as you sauntered up to the table to join them for the celebrations.

Each step you took, each breath you inhaled, caused your breasts to push against the soft leather, only tempting the young Prince further. He wished to run his tongue along the supple skin showing, in front of all the men and women, and the King be damned.

Aemond used all of his restraint to not jump up from the table and pull you away from the crowd, to fuck you roughly against the castle walls, his bed chambers, your bed chambers, in the dragon pit even. He would fuck you in the garden, and in the roots of the Godswood to show them that you were meant to be his, and under their eyes you would be.

But then as the closer you got to him, the more time he had to let his lone eye gaze at the people who were also watching you. And the bitter rage and disgust flooded him faster than the lust did. 

Those mens eyes, even married Lord’s, watched you hungrily, and you did not even care for it.

In fact, he was sure that you enjoyed it. 

That you lived for the attention that you were getting from the scandalous outfit. From the way the bodice hugged your form and waist, to how your breasts were softly teased to the garden. And what it made it all worse, was that you were not promised to anyone. 

And that made you fair game.

As you came to sit by him and Helaena, and the rest of your family and bastard brothers sat and observed him with wary eyes, he found jealousy in having you greet everyone but him.

Even his drunken brother.

“Princess Helaena, you look beautiful. Gold is a wonderful colour on you.” You had complimented his sister, and oh how sweet your voice sounded. 

Those lips which could spout such poison, such vitriol and discontent, which could rip and tear at you easily, were so syrupy with his sister. 

And he envied it.

He wished that you would acknowledge him, tell him that he looked good that afternoon. That you had noticed that he had spent time and effort on himself, and had noticed that his maids had brushed gentle scented oils into his long hair, braiding half behind his head. 

But you didn’t.

Nor did you spare him a glance. 

A short snort came from the pursed lips of Aegon, who’s goblet had not seemed to move from his face. Aegon these days, as closer as their father got to death, had become closer to drinking himself into his own cups. 

He had watched as you held your tongue and instead smiled at Aegon, and Aemond wished to launch himself across the table and squeeze the life out of his brother for ever having the privilege of having such a smile given to him.

No matter how insincere.

And then the sweet, syrupy tone of your voice was quickly exchanged with the sour bite of your disdain as Aegon continued to push you to fight, push you to react, and the more Aemond watched the interaction, the more concerned he became. 

Aemond was not the only man who had noticed you that evening, nor the Lords of the realm. Instead, Aegon had set his sights onto you, and once again, Aemond was left to feel as though his brother would swoop in to take what was his. 

“Has anyone told you how delightful you look today?”

Aemond imagined what it would be like to slip a blade into the throat of his brother and yank it swiftly to the side, pulling his flesh from his bones, to watch the thick blood pour from the wound he would create.

Alicent cringed, and Aemond felt all the more incensed. 

How many times did his brother have to cause his mother’s distress? How many times did they both have to pick up after him? To constantly watch over him him? A man grown, and older than he?

Aemond almost sighed in relief as you dodged his brothers crude comment, instead directing the positive attention back to Helaena. 

How you always doted on her. 

You would be such a good mother.

He could not wait to give you his seed.

As the evening wore on, you had pulled your favourite fruit from in front of you. And he watched, as he always did, your delicate hands begin to pull the juicy flesh apart.

The nectar ran down from your fingers, dripping to your wrist slowly, the afternoon light glinting against it. He watched as you placed chunks of the fruit into your mouth and chewed with half shut eyes in delight of the taste, listening to those around you conversing. 

Aemond found that he could not pay attention to the low tones of his grandfather and mother, nor the whispers of Daemon and Rhaenyra. He could only focus on you, and the sounds you made as you chewed.

Sounds you were not even aware of. 

Tiny contented sighs and moans fell from your plush lips, so quiet that anyone would have to strain to hear it, and Aemond was straining to hear anything that left your pretty mouth. 

What would it feel like for him to brush his thumb against the bottom of your lip, sticky with star fruit? Would you suck his thumb into your mouth crudely? Would you kiss at the tip? Or lick at it gently as you looked at him with your violet eyes. 

The thought went straight to his cock, and he felt himself hardening inside his breaches.

And then you began to lick at your fingers, soft, pink tongue coming out to chase the nectar as it dripped from the fruit and made a mess of you, and it took everything within him to not kiss you then and there. 

Would you lick his cum from your fingers like that? After to bringing him to release with your hand or mouth? Or perhaps you had scooped his seed from within you, drawing it up to your lips to taste your combined essence? 

He knew you would be insatiable.

Or perhaps you would lick at the juices from your own cunt? Tongue wet with your own slick that you would drag from your fluttering hole, up to your waiting lips. 

Would he fuck you with his hand, feeling you tighten around his digits and your release coat his palm? Would he bring those fingers up to your mouth to clean? And would you lick them so diligently like the dutiful wife he would make you?

Aemond wished to feel your tongue sliding up his shaft before licking and sucking at the tip of his cock. He wanted to see your hands and mouth coated with his seed, not the nectar of the star fruit.

But then Daemon had cleared his throat, and you had turned to witness Aemond staring at you, devouring the star fruit, and you had become oh so meek, so demure, so pure, and discontinued your ravaging of the Dornish delicacy. Aemond cursed his uncle in his head, and made a note that he was being watched.

You still had not acknowledged him.

Still had not greeted his presence despite being so close. Still had not met him with your usual snark, or attitude, or disgust filled eyes. It was as if he did not exist. 

And he hated it.

You had even made conversation with his own grandfather, Otto, who you had made very clear, from your return, of your disdain for. But even still, you met his questions with answers and returned them in kind.

It incensed him. 

Why were you ignoring him?

“You look lovely, Princess Y/n.” As the words left his mouth, the young man thought to himself, let the games begin.

You had straightened your back and taken a deep breath in, before you had finally met his own eye. Violet met violet, and suddenly you were facing each other, and he fell straight into your eyes. 

A dangerous trap they were, and oh so tempting for any mortal man.

“Thank you, Prince Aemond. You are far too kind.” 

The syrup was back.

Was it strengthened by the nectar of the fruit you had made love to?

“I don’t believe I’ve seen such a dress before, at least not in this court.” 

Aemond fought to not lean forward to get a closer look, and instead, pushed himself back into his chair to restrain himself.

“It was made specially for an occasion such as this, a tailor in Dorne creates the most wonderful pieces.”

Such a boastful little thing. 

So much pride.

“Hmm. Dorne does have many exotic things….”

To his disappointment, at the topic of Dorne you had turned excitedly to talk to Helaena about the exotic fruits and spices there. Animatedly telling short tales, and making promises to your aunt that you would go together.

He felt himself relax as he watched Helaena smile, a rare occurrence these days, and Aemond felt gladdened for it, but then Aegon snickered loudly, and wrapped his rough hand around Helaena, and Aemond watched the sickly sweet air around you turn sour, in a blink of an eye. 

“Our niece does know how to talk, doesn’t she?” Aegon breathed into Helaena's face, and Aemond wished to hit the man in the mouth, lest it ever be opened again. 

He did not know how his mother allowed for him to treat her in such a manner. He did not know how he could abuse her, and use her, and treat her worse than a commoner. 

Than a whore. 

How Helaena had sought comfort from Aemond many times after Aegon’s drunken attacks. How Helaena would sob in his arms at first, but eventually as time turned, and the abuse did not stop, she turned silent, and instead of sobs, there would be blinks and small words exchanged, until nothing at all. 

Not quite present, not quite absent. 

She was simply there.

“And you know how to drink brother.” 

Aemond’s eye never left Helaena’s shoulder where Aegon’s hand dug roughly into her flesh.

His gaze was a warning, and Aegon heeded it.

Aegon's grip left your aunt, and reached out in show to grab at his goblet, before lifting it to his lips, challenging his brother as he emptied the cup, before thrusting it behind him for a server to come fill it up once more. 

“And you know how to ruin the fun.” Aegon sulked.

The afternoon carried on and he watched as Helaena snatched you up from the table, declaring the both of you would dance, before she dragged you down into the sea of people, celebrating a disastrous marriage.

Even with one eye, even from afar, amongst a sea of dancing and moving people, he could spot you from a mile away. It was not the silver head of hair that gave you away, it was you. The way you smiled, lips pulling apart as your teeth showed to the room, the way your eyes would light up as you grinned and laughed. 

It was the way your skin looked so soft, softer than all present. Like you had been made of silk and velvet, but carved from marble and stone. How he wished to touch you, all of you, to feel the soft skin of your flesh against him, to press you harder against him. 

To press himself harder into you, rutting against you viciously, feeling the tip of his cock meet the end of your cunt, as you curled beneath him.

All those around you looked dull, and common in comparison. 

Plain featured women and men who dared to sometimes grasp his own attention, as if their commonly features would lure him into an allyship, friendship or the warm bed of another. 

A bed that was not yours. 

Watching both you and Helaena smile was addictive. To see you so carefree, so relaxed and happy in his sisters presence, made him wish to be the one to bring you such happiness. Such elation.

And it soured him to know that he would never be able to, despite his efforts.

The stale yellow hair of Jason Lannister flitted into his view, a man who had no doubt, also been bewitched by the Princess. And Aemond watched in anger as the man was drawn to you like a moth to flame, his feet carrying him hurriedly, yet not too hurriedly under the watchful eyes of his wife, as he made his way to you.

When Jason interrupted you and Helaena, Aemond noted that you too looked disgusted and put off by the mans presence, and as the Lannister leant his face towards you, Aemond shot up from his seat, ignoring the sudden watchful gaze of all at the table, most importantly his own mother, who watched him knowingly as he stalked down to where you where.

The bodies parted for Aemond, like a ship parts the rough waves of the sea, and all he could do was set his sight on you, as you desperately glanced at Helaena for an out.

And Aemond would give you one.

“A union of House Targaryen and House Lannister would be a formidable force.” The slimy Lion suggested, and Aemond took a sharp breath through his nose to prevent himself from declaring treason that this man would even dare to think that he was worthy of you, to even be in your presence, let alone warm your bed.

“I'm sure it would be.” You had spoke bluntly, disgusted by the proposal, and Aemond felt pride, “I think I remember my mother telling me of your offer to her when she was-“ 

He stood behind you now, and watched as you moved to turn away, lips open to land the last verbal blow at the man before you, but all halted as you collided with him. The young prince felt the softness of your skin, and smelt the sweet oils in your hair as you lifted your gaze to look into his eye. 

Your face was either flushed from dancing, or flushed from being so close to him. He could not decide. 

But the wild look in your eye, and the way that your lips snapped shut, and your chest rose and fell more rapidly, as though readying yourself for him, gave him all the confirmation he needed. 

Aemond lifted his hand and held it out to you, wishing you would put your small little hand in his so he could dwarf it in size, so that he could hold you and squeeze you, and feel you for once in a way that was not sacrilegious.

Aemond did not bother to take his eye from you, nor did he bother to turn to acknowledge the distasteful man beside him, whose gaze felt warm on the side of Aemond’s face. 

Pestilent cunt.

“Apologies for the interruption My Lord, but my niece had promised me a dance.” 

Aemond delighted in how your face screwed up, in confusion, in anger, in defiance. And as your lips parted to deny him of what he sought out, you were interrupted by the grating voice of the man beside you both.

The pissant Lord of Casterly Rock bowed down to him as a good dog would, and conceded to the Princes uncourtly interruption. 

For a man with so much pride, such arrogance, and little intelligence but the knowledge that money held power, and the Lannisters had plenty, the man simply walked away, submissively back to the arms of his wife, and sulked.

It made Aemond feel powerful, and his cock jumped at-

“I don’t recall promising you a dance, uncle.” You spoke lowly, hoping for the music and voices of others around you to drown out your sour tone. But it didn’t, and Aemond had heard you, and Helaena had disappeared back towards the table, noting his presence with their niece. 

She knew.

Words were exchanged, and he had purred in your ear and felt your body shiver, and watches as your eyes dilated, and lips wet themselves with your tongue.

He had called you ravishing, and you had accepted it. And it was the truth, you were ravishing. You were what all gazed upon that evening, and all that people whispered about. 

The Realm’s Delight had birthed the Realm’s Pleasure.

Pride and jealousy chased themselves in circles around Aemond, as he caught people watch the both of you dance. And how well you had danced, so graceful, so soft and so flowing, like a body of water. 

So perfect for him.

“I expected you to be in green for such an event.” You had snipped, and he had not bothered to give you a response. 

It would not have been dignified. 

He had thought about making a comment about your dress, about the tartiness of it all. Of how you showed far more skin than anyone else in the court, despite being above all else. But he held his tongue in his mouth as it began to feel bitter and sharp.

It would do well to not stir you. He had made a promise to his mother to behave.

Both he and Aegon had.

‘Let them show their depravity to all. Let them be the ones to land the first blow against themselves. Do not give in to their beastly ways.’

But how was he to resist? 

He was a man, and there was your fire. 

It made him want to hit you and kiss you all at once.

And as you slowed to a stop, you had looked up at him and given him a small smile, which he had prayed for all evening to see. A smile in which he had wished for all day, and craved like a man starved. 

For in the Red Keep, Aemond was alone in a desert, walking amongst the sandy hills, heat beating down upon him, and then you had smiled. And it was as if he had tasted the cool, wet of water on his tongue for the first time in years.

Like that smile, such a small one at that, where your lips pulled gently to the side and your cheeks rose, gave him all that was needed to sustain him for life.

“Thank you for the dance, uncle.” 

And he knew then, that he would need it again, and again, and again, lest he succumb to the dry desert wasteland and die.

Aemond watched you courtesy and race away back to the table, where he trailed slowly, watching your hips sway through the crowd of people, who also looked on.

They should have their eyes plucked from their skulls. 

He committed their faces to his memory for this purpose alone.

The young Prince watched you excuse yourself to the garden. And he thought that if he sat at the table, he could resist the urge to chase after you. He had sat back down, his mothers eyes watching him curiously, and the heat of Daemon’s gaze violating his person. 

And he had done such a good job of sitting, he had even pulled his goblet to his lips to sip, before his urges won over, and he stood from the table, excusing himself, to look for you.

Thanks so much for reading along with me, if you wish to be added to the tag list please let me know :) Likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated ! Enjoy <3

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[transimailisa]

“bushi made lisa too obsessed with yukina”

this is a statement that i commonly saw around when entering the fandom and bc i am so normal i wrote about this and also bc it is something i wanted to write about for a while. have fun reading thru.

First of all I want to clear something off because it is just something that ticks me off personally. Bushi has no weight in the writing and the card art in Garupa. Or it must be really limited. (Thankfully Yours, a Professional Creative)

So we can reformulate, Craftegg made Lisa too obsessed with Yukina. Which we shall now explore.

I think it’s important to start with which kind of character is Lisa. One of the common descriptors being used ingame and outside of the game for her is that she is friendly, and lots of adjectives that go with this (true) declaration : lively, kind, caring etc.

This friendliness most often and most importantly comes with a lot of affection, no matter the friend. It is most often verbal, but also can be physical and Lisa absolutely does not shy away from showing it. A non exhaustive list of examples shall follow.

Moca Aoba - Detour on the Way Home (card episode 1)

Kasumi Toyama - Colorful Rocks (card episode 1)

Lisa Imai - Together Always (card episode 2) (talking about all of roselia)

And many more but we’re trying to be concise here.

Lisa’s affection for Yukina being the most obvious one, which I won't bother to show examples here because of how recurring it is. As seen previously it is not a Yukina only occurrence, but the different kind of affection be it by Quantity or Things that are Being Said, such as I quote “And I still want to be there for you. Whenever you feel lost or worried, I'll be sure to lend a hand.” ( Lisa Imai - Inevitable Bond - Card Episode 1)

That affection can definitely be explained by the sense of familiarity between the two. Literally childhood best friends ! So isn’t it normal for Lisa to be all that affectionate with her BEST friend, which she has now known for over a decade.

All of this to me proves more that Lisa truthfully loves Yukina, which is not a question of being “obsessed” with her. Extremely affectionate at most and yes, in the worst of cases, overbearing but we shall come back to that.

But now we know that said time and friendship wasn’t all rosy either and that it came from a long way, which we shall now discuss in the second part of that essay.

Lisa’s self worth and being on the edge of abandonment (or so she believes).

Abandonment might be a strong word here, but hear me out. 

As all good readers and rereaders of Roselia BS1 know, Lisa and Yukina’s relationship was tense in many aspects. Many things fell apart throughout the years between them after Yukina’s dad quit music, and one of them being their love for music which in part tied them together.

Lisa gave up on it, by fear of being an obstacle to Yukina progress.

4koma Lisa and Music

Story 1: Bloom Of The Blue Rose 

Chapter 10: Blue Rose                

That fear makes it that at no moment Lisa seriously reconsidered picking up music. Which makes that when Yukina finally found Sayo to form a band :

Story 1: Bloom Of The Blue Rose

Chapter 4: Tattered Sheet Music

(I always knew this day would come... and now, here it is.) To me this quote specifically indicates that Lisa always expected at some point for Yukina to properly walk away from her. She doesn’t play music anymore and can’t be useful to her, in Lisa’s twisted vision of her self worth, and Yukina now found one person who can exactly do that. 

What does she bring to Yukina that would stop her from walking away completely ?

If we take all of that in consideration then, for a good part before the story and even ! During the story we get to see later on, as their relationship does not immediately get fixed after BS1, Lisa views each moment with Yukina being possibly the last one with her, as she views herself being a liability for Roselia as well.

That culmination makes Lisa end up being overbearing with Yukina, which is a common complaint I have seen since the MOMENT I stepped into the fandom. Problem being that people do not realize that it is framed to be a flaw to overcome and has now been overcome since Noble Story 1. Lisa’s story is about mending her friendship with Yukina, not feeling like an impostor within Roselia and accepting that she loves music all the same as the other members of her band.

Overcoming all of that comes hand in hand with not being overbearing with Yukina, or anyone truly, due to her fear of being left behind. The newest Australia Event is also another good example of how when she is under Severe Stress, Lisa’s coping induce being extremely overbearing with EVERYONE in the group. (Which is why btw do not refer to Imai Lisa as the Mom Friend as it is a Sign of Clear Distress when she is.)

So to me Lisa’s love and overbearingness being framed as “craftegg making Lisa obsessed with Yukina” is a clear miss in her character and in her story.

Now this could have been the end of that Already long rant but Ohoho. Isn’t a relationship made out of two people ? What about Yukina in all of that ?

The Yukina who immediately wrote a song calling Lisa her sun, her moon, her home, and declared that Lisa was essential to her and Roselia, when Lisa was away for three hours ? (Hidamari Rhodonite lyrics/ Don’t Leave Me Lisa Chapter 7/ Lisa Imai - Indispensable - Card Episode 1)

The Yukina who said that, no matter the choices they made and what would have happened, Lisa would have ended up, by her side, in Roselia ?  ( Lisa Imai - Her Wavering Feelings - Card Episode 1)

The Yukina who said I quote “ If there's ever a time when it seems like you're about to make the wrong choice, I'll stop you. Just like you've guided me this whole time, I want to be able to do the same for you.” ? ( Lisa Imai - Inevitable Bond - Card Episode 1)

And so so many more. Weirdly enough, people tend to forget how often and how strongly Yukina responds to Lisa’s affection. Not even shying all that much from it, apart from the first few stories, and yet none of it is framed in a “obsessed” with Lisa way. Yukina loves and is as affectionate as Lisa, if only in a different way.

So to conclude for good this time : To me Lisa’s love and overbearingness being framed as “craftegg making Lisa obsessed with Yukina” is a clear miss in her character and in her story. But it also discards a lot of Yukina’s character that reflects in that love and affection that she bears for Lisa and her friends too.

[yahoodarling]

So here I am just explaining some of the reasoning I had regarding the fic. (!Spoilers for 'Perseveration'!)

Why is the readers emotions and thoughts so flippant? The reader has put an impossible task on themself: trying to exist without affecting the world around them. The stress of this has developed into paranoia and has left them vulnerable to their own emotions and outside influences. Over the period of 2 years the severity has grown and has left them so anxious over fulfilling this rule that when it is challenged it easily induces pain attacks and destructive thinking but they crave to ‘live’ and have the things they deny themself and so switch between thoughts easily. This is also why they are so easily swayed by other people.

For the affections of both characters: Thoma genuinely loves the reader, they have shared enough time and experiences over the months of their friendship for Thoma to truly appreciate the reader, however, he is aware of the feeling of ‘obsession’ that started his interest (he doesnt know the cause but he knows it exists) and is afraid of labeling such untruth as love. He hopes to feel genuine love grow between him and the reader over time but for that to happen he needs the reader to stay with him. Thomas love is inspired by his vision of fire, it is passionate but not in the terms of destructive. He is warm, comforting, a soft ease of embers with the desire to grow. His style is progressive.

Ayato does not truly love the reader, not yet at any point in the fic. Ayato knows he is obsessed but does not have the leeway to enact on these feelings, he is dedicated to his position and cannot allow himself to be obsessed over someone when he has his duties and people relying on him, to counter this he uses ‘love’. It is easier to manage love then it is obsession. Ayato states he loves the reader when he doesn't in a plan to delude both himself and the reader until it is real, until eventually it does become love. Ayato's style is inspired by his vision of water, it is a smooth, calculative flow but it is not calm or soothing. He is blunt and uses ‘reality’ to sway the reader. Like being submerged in cold water, Ayato uses shock to get the reader to agree with him. It is destructive but he has the hope for it to become progressive.

Both are manipulative. Thoma uses his personality, play on words and acts of comfort to ensure the reader stays near him, he creates the atmosphere of comfort so that the reader feels guilty when they are not with him. He uses his genuine emotions as a tool to sway the reader. Ayato is clearly manipulative in his wording and making the reader reliant on him. He creates the situation that the reader can only have a normal life with his help. He creates emotionally distressing situations to then provide comfort. (No he did not sway the reader to commit suicide, the reader decided that from their own paranoia.)

In short, I hate yandere fics where the yandere is instantly in love only based off their obsession, that is not what happens here. Both Ayato and Thoma may have a ‘healthy’ relationship with the reader in the future after time and sharing experiences for true love to develop. Yes the beginning is toxic but it may develop into something more stable. The ending is meant to be either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ depending on the reader, you can choose. Both characters have the potential of it being good or the manipulation and loss of hope could be seen as too much and you determine it can only ever be bad, neither are wrong. Thank you for reading, I had a lot of fun creating this and will answer any further questions people may ask.

[littlerequiem]

I binge-read we all bleed red until 5 am this morning and I genuinely have not been so captivated by a fic to sacrifice sleep over it in years, so thank you! I'm absolutely enamored by the OC as well as Levi. Their banter is so well-written, and I love the spunk and grit that OC has. I always love a resilient female lead, and given the time period her defiance is even more admirable

So much love and research has been put into writing this fic and I can tell just from reading it. The plot goes crazy too. There are still so many mysteries—how Levi turned into a vampire, where tf Erwin and Miche are, what tf is up with Zachary's obsession to marry into the Clary household despite the fact that they're broke… I find Zachary to be one of the most suspicious people, even though it might also just be a red herring

I also can’t emphasize how obsessed I am with OC and Levi’s relationship. I’m sorry but the progression was insanely written—from them just being mildly fascinated with each other to full-blown I want you and need you but we fucking can’t—HOLY SHIT. I find their dynamic so heart-aching thinking about it in the long run as well. If OC never turns into a vampire, she’ll be not more than half a second in Levi’s timeline :( If I were immortal I’d refuse to get attached to anyone again so I 100% understood Levi’s hesitation to become fond of OC. And ALSO just the way Levi treats OC oh GOD. I didn’t realize how feral I’d go for a bodyguard au but here I am going absolutely feral LOL. One line that BURNS into my mind—when Levi asks “Are you decent?” before walking into the room and helping her with her dress LIKE GOD HE HAS MANNERS THAT’S SEXY. I also didn’t realize how hot the feeding scenes would be… The first time he feeds from her and she sees her reflection in the mirror but not him!! Such an amazing (and hot) detail. I’m TERRIFIED of vampires and blood normally but this fic is single-handedly making me thirst for them too LOL

One thing I’m a little curious about, which you don’t have to answer if it’s not pertinent to the plot, is the main characters’ ages. I know it was mentioned that Zachary’s in his 50s but I imagine Levi might be technically just as old…? Unless he was turned recently; that would change things. There are still moments when OC calls him an old man so I imagine she’s on the younger side (since they also marry off women so young during those times). I’ve been imaging her as someone in her early 20s (I hope I’m not too far off), and I haven’t really dared to imagine an age for Levi bc I could be hundreds of years off

Anyways! Sorry this turned out so long. I can go on and on about every line I adored and every character I would LOVE to meet irl but then you’d be sitting here all day reading so! Thank you for writing this absolute gem of a fic FOR FREE might I add??? And I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!

P.S. I’ve never been so grateful to have taken 4 years of French class LMAO

I can't even begin to tell you what your message has done to me. I feel like I'm on cloud nine so excuse my incoherent answer lmao.

Thank YOU for taking the time and writing such a thoughtful message! Seriously. I'm so glad you've enjoyed the world I've built, that you've discovered new tropes to enjoy, and that you like the characters and their dynamic - especially Levi & the OC. You know, when I started writing this fic, I had no idea if any of it would resonate with anyone, so that it's touched even ONE person makes me just......... so so so happy.

To answer your question, the ages are purposefully vague. Originally, I did have a specific age in mind for Levi, but I know age gaps between immortal creatures & humans aren't everyone's cup of tea, so I scrapped it. With the way the story is going to unfold, Levi could be anywhere between 35 to a 100 years old, but I leave that decision up to the reader. As for the OC, I envisioned her to be between 25 to 29, since she's stated to be older than the average woman that married (24 at the time, sorry that the source is in French) BUT, having said that, I also leave this to reader preference. I hope this somewhat answered your question :D

All this to say - THANK YOU for coming into my inbox and showering me with all these words. I hope you have a superb start of the week, and just know you just injected me with a boost of serotonin that's making me want to write right now <3

[umemiyan]

Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?

hi romy!!!! ❤️

tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!

i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol

there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.

i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof

toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.

i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.

suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao

katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad

ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are

[getosbigballsack]

Hello great author! I love your one shots and stories. They are all like 😳😩👌 I love your ideas and all your writing. I would love to see more son Gojo x stepmother reader and also If Only He Wasn't, If Only I were on Ao3 because I love it so much. I don't impose, you can do what you want, because you are the author. I just love it. Are there any extra scenes for this? Or more to this storyline? I'd like to read more about this idea because it's one of the best stories I've read.

I believe that because of the perfection of what you write, you probably also have great taste in other authors. Are there any kind authors you recommend? Fluff, smut, angst, it could be anything. And also Au. I'm looking for someone who writes these things and is also open to readers.

I would like to read the works of the people you read because I would like to meet somebody who are friends or authors of fics that one of my favorite writers reads.

Your works are always fire 🔥. I love it with all my heart and was always happy when something new appeared.

You can ignore me if you want. Sorry for my English. I wish you good luck in continuing to create beautiful works like all the ones you have, and that you have wonderful days ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Another Toniann answers curious anon questions.

Hello there, anon!  😊 Thank you for reading and enjoying my stories/one shots. It means a lot to me, honestly. It makes me happy that you enjoy them. Big hearts 💕to you. 

Ok so let’s just jump into the meat of the matter here. First and foremost, I just want to let you know that there will be more Stepson! Gojo x Stepmom! Reader story coming up in the future. I actually have chapter two sitting in my draft, I’m just not comfortable with releasing it as yet. 

Here's a draft

Now, as for If Only He wasn’t, If Only I were, there won’t be a continuation of that story and I have a few reasons I won’t continue with it. The first reason is due to the fact that when I first published the story and I realise that I was getting a lot of support and being the people pleaser that I am, I began to rush the story and because I rush the story I fucked up the story line. There was no fixing it without deleting the whole entire story. 

My second reason ties back to the first one and that is I made a lot of mistakes when writing. I created a lot of plot holes and questions, more than answers to questions like (where are the parents? How did Gojo and Y/N keep their relationship hidden from them for so long? How would they react to it?) and many other questions. Once again I wouldn't have been able to fix that without deleting the whole story. 

My third reason is that Gojo didn’t really have much of a character or character personality (if that makes sense) he has no reason to become a yandere. I just felt like him hoping into yandere mode that quickly just felt rushed and I didn’t like that.

My fourth reason had to be the age gap between Gojo and the reader and lastly, I made a huge mistake when I made Gojo being to one who is manipulating the sister. So instead of deleting the story, I kept it and rewrote an entirely different story, correcting the mistakes that I’ve made and that story is now called, Loving you is my Obsession. 

The age gap is the first thing that I’ve addressed. The reader is 11 and Gojo is 17. And there’s a reason for that. I wanted her to be that young because it would give Gojo more reasons to want to be in her presence, protect her innocence and so on. This age gap actually ties into Gojo now having a character personality/character. I gave him a backstory, a change in attitude towards women (he hates them) and so on. 

Now remember when I said that the biggest mistake that I’ve made was making Gojo be the manipulator. Well the sister is now the one manipulating Gojo. This made perfect sense to me because I would allow the reader (like you) to see a progression in Gojo’s behaviour towards his sister. It’ll allow readers to see how Gojo suddenly changed from wanting to protect and just have a healthy sibling relationship with his step sister to an unhealthy love and obsessive relationship (yandere). 

The sister being the manipulator is perfect because with her being so young, and being the only one or the only woman who is allowed to even touch Gojo give her an advantage to make it easier for him to love her and only her. So she’ll use her innocence against him to make him do things like kissing, inappropriate touching and you know the rest. She’ll use his words against him, like if you’ve read chapter two then you’ll see where she used his words against him to get him to kiss her. 

Megumi also had a big role to play in If Only He Wasn’t, If Only I Were. I made a mistake spoiling his whole character in that story, so in the new one, I fixed him. But I won’t tell you that one (lol) no spoilers. I could go on and on about the changes and the plans that I have for the new version of the story, but I won’t. 

I do have an extra scene. Actually, it’s titled The Upset Dinner. Here's a draft that I have stored on my Wattpad😊

And the story originally wasn’t tilted If Only He Wasn’t, If Only I were. It was actually called: Because you are my brother, I can not love you. Before I came up with the concept of Loving You Is My Obsession, the first rewritten version of the story was called, More than Siblings (this one had Geto in the mix) but I scrapped it when I realised that I didn’t like it very much. 

Now moving on - 

Ok I don’t necessarily have favourite authors, I just have authors that I respect and love their works. I can recommend a few. You can check out:

VioletSaffron on Ao3 

Lilaestheticsnhope on Ao3 

Tawus on Ao3 

Agent_cupcake on Ao3

Zamaza on ao3 

@noroi1000 on ao3 and Tumblr - really nice and super friendly. 

@mari-the-bimbo on Tumblr

@fuwushiguro on Tumblr 

These are just the ones with the most memorable stories that I love and adore very much and I’ll reread their stories anytime.

Thank you again for your support💕💖

Lots of love: Toniann💖

[theotherpacman]

hellooooo!!! do you have anything you’re working on besides bitter rivalry? or anything you’re thinking about writing after bitter rivalry?

I love br <3 the way you develop the character relationships is beautiful :)

hi!!!! thank you so much <3 I'm quite proud of bitter rivalry and I am TRYING to write the next chapter, it's hard, but I'm trying because I know that all the effort I've already put in has resonated with people and it's very important to me that there are readers who think highly of it and want to see how it ends

I do have a couple other things I'm working on!! right now there's only one other bnha work in progress for me...

one thing I didn't really get the chance to get into in bitter rivalry is how much it would truly, deeply torment izuku that hitoshi hates him so much. between the guilt complex about having betrayed his fellow quirkless, and the unresolved desperation to earn katsuki's love back, and the self-loathing that's been ingrained into him his whole life that he's always dealt with by doing everything he can not to actively deserve the vitriol he received... he would be completely and totally unable to accept shinsou's hatred. (the way I write him, anyway.) and in bitter rivalry that was totally the situation but I couldn't really get into it from izuku's perspective.

so I started a time loop fic about izuku living the same day over and over, where he beats shinsou too easily in a sparring match and shinsou's hatred of him becomes cemented, seemingly irrevocably. and izuku tries over and over to make friends with him before it happens, or smooth things over after it happens, or avoid the sparring match altogether, but no matter what he does, shinsou always, always ends up despising him.

I haven't written much yet but I want it to be about obsession over old traumas and how the inability to move on can lead us to drag past pain into our present life over and over and over again. and cognitive dissonance and self-deception and how desperation can make us less empathetic. I have a lot of feelings about these two anime boys and I also love time loops

thank you for sending asks <3

[wondereads]

Weekly Reading Update (11/27/23)

Reviews and thoughts under the cut

Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare (6/10)

This book was just way too long for the story it was telling. It easily could have been 100 pages shorter. I did like a lot of the emotional moments concerning the romantic relationships, but there is so much filler that it just go incredibly boring at the end. Also, Cassandra Clare does this thing I like to call "no romance left behind" which is when everyone in a book is paired off by the end, even ones that don't really make sense or seem rushed, such as Gabriel and Cecily. The plot in this book was just overall lacking, coming off as extremely simplistic and far too convenient. Luckily, Tessa and her romantic relationships sort of saved the day; the epilogue did make me tear up, hence why this book is not dropping to a 4 or even 3.

Beneath the Sugar Sky by Seanan McGuire (9/10)

Continuing my Wayward Children run, Beneath the Sugar Sky is a really good installment. I love that we got the return of Kade and Christopher, who I missed, and the new characters, Cora and Nadya, are quite fun. Nancy was also there for a short time, and I loved seeing her in her element. I really liked Cora, who is great plus size representation and really addressed how being fat affects everything in our world and can worm into your brain. I am obsessed with the worldbuilding of Confection and the foray into how all the worlds are built and how they're laid out. I really hope there are more stories that involve visiting multiple worlds and exploring how they work.

Lodestar by Shannon Messenger (9/10)

This was an amazing installment in Keeper of the Lost Cities. It feels like something has truly changed for the first time in a while, instead of the back-and-forth that usually happens between the Black Swan and the Neverseen. Major developments occurred with terrible consequences for both sides, and we got what I would consider the first major character death as Calla in Neverseen had only been introduced that book. The relationship between Sophie and Keefe also developed quite a bit, and we got some real conflict within the group since the Alden debacle in Exile. Finally, there is some progress in the romance department. They're still, you know, like fourteen/fifteen, but considering how much this series hints at it, I'm glad we're starting to see concrete development. Finally, that ending had me gagged. Not only was the climax ridiculously tense but there is a twist at the end that made me immediately want to start Nightfall.

In an Absent Dream by Seanan McGuire (16%)

This book is hitting a little too close to home...as a goody-two-shoes reader who had like two friends growing up, Lundy feels like a callout. I am so excited to see a Goblin Market-based world, as I've read other books like that and they're always incredibly fun.

Cinder Ella by S. T. Lynn (8%)

This is part of a little project I'm doing, and I can't say much about it so far. I'm a little hesitant about the writing, as it has been clunky in a few places, but I'm really interested to see the story of Cinderella under a trans lens.

Rising Storm by Erin Hunter (7%)

I'm back on that Warriors grind, you guys. I swear I am going to read this entire series, even the later ones I never got to that are supposedly terrible. I also might be working on a project concerning them... Anyway, gotta love the Tigerclaw/ShadowClan foreshadowing.

Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett (3%)

It's always thieves in high fantasy novels. I'm not sure what the obsession with them is, but I feel like 60% of high fantasy protagonists are thieves. Anyway, I'm loving the magic system so far, so hopefully the plot and characters will hold up!

[marjaystuff]

Interview with Peggy Townsend

The Beautiful and the Wild by Peggy Townsend is a riveting suspenseful mystery. There are secrets, the haunting terrain of Alaska, as well as hope.  It is a fight for survival by a mother who dearly loves her son.

Liv Russo thought she was happily married until one day she became a hero.  This opened knowledge of her past where she was shunned by all.  Then her husband leaves to supposedly go on an outing and never returns.  A detective informs Liv that her husband committed suicide.  But this was also not true when she finds clues that he was alive and living in Alaska. She travels to a compound there with her developmentally disabled seven-year-old son Xander.  

But her return is not a happy reunion.  Mark has been shacking up with a young woman, Angela, and another woman, Diana who had a son with him, Rudy, ten years ago. Liv feels betrayed and angry and threatens to leave and go to the police to tell them he faked his death.  Mark, her husband, locks her in a shipping container for weeks until she appears to acquiesce and agree to his lifestyle of an open relationship. But in truth she is biding her time until she can escape with her son. She must learn how to survive and navigate the Alaskan wilderness of extreme weather, possible starvation, and dangerous wildlife.  

This is an exciting book that might remind readers of a “lock room” story that takes place in the Alaskan wild. There are some twists and turns with each character having secrets revealed as the story progresses. 

Elise Cooper:  How did you get the idea for the story?

Peggy Townsend: I am a journalist and have written about secrets:  those who tried to conceal and those who tried to reveal. I was in our cabin and listening to a podcast about a guy who was a former Marine who stopped the assassination of Gerald Ford, someone in the “closet.” He was outted by the media with the result that his family shunned him. I thought how secrets can be so damaging.  It spurred me to think what if someone did something heroic and it caused the darkest secrets to be revealed. 

EC: Why the Alaska setting?

PT:  I love Alaska.  My husband and I spent seven weeks in our van traveling in Alaska.  I was thinking how Alaska is the perfect place because it is so remote.  If someone was to hide secrets that is where they would go. Having spent a lot of time in the wilderness and the back country.  What I learned it to be in tune with nature and be aware of the surroundings. As the main character, Liv, develops she became more attuned with nature. 

EC:  How would you describe Liv?

PT:  She is wounded and flawed.  Liv is determined, resourceful, and gritty.  All of this comes from her tough childhood. At times she felt humiliated, trapped, isolated, anxious, and yet was able to find her strength. Hardship was good for her because she discovered her true self. I was like that.  

EC:  How would you describe Mark?

PT:  He is based on someone I once met. Someone I did not like very much.  He was super handsome, charismatic, but had a hubris that brought him down.  Mark is very manipulative and has the women bend to his will. He is aggressive, dark, obsessed, a loner, selfish, uncaring, chauvinistic, cocky, paranoid, and conceited. Yet, he was such a good dad and very creative. 

EC:  How would you describe the relationship between Liv and Mark?

PT:  She felt betrayal, anger, and thought of him as a liar and cheater. He berated her. He liked to make her jealous.  When they were first married, she was a follower.  She did love him. Although he was flawed, he did have some good qualities. She made excuses for him at first.  Later she saw how wrong she was.  

EC: Role of the fox?

PT:  I liked the idea that a vixen is used to describe a woman in unflattering terms, hard to manage.  A fox is a beautiful creature.  After Liv sees this fox, it gives her hope and inspiration.

EC:  Role of the prison?

PT: I wanted her to have been in prison because of what happened to her mom, inspired by a true story.  I wanted her to be able to survive being imprisoned in a container.  Having been in prison she learned the terrible lesson, but this enabled her to find ways to cope, make a routine, avoid confrontations, and to figure out how to escape. 

EC:  Diana versus Angela?

PT: These two women and Liv are very different in how they approached the world. Angela is naïve, needy, young, and insecure.  Diana is very independent.  Liv is a caring mom. These women never became a sisterhood. I did a lot of research regarding open relationships. There was always a tension and jealousy underneath because of the open relationship.  Diana did not care, Liv felt betrayal and would not go along, and Angela would do anything to get Mark’s approval and love.

EC:  What about the book Mind, Self, Love by Kai Huang?

PT:  I made this book up but did do research and reading on self-help books. Mark manipulated the women to seek his pleasure.  He enjoyed having the power. 

EC:  Next book?

PT:  It is also set in the wilderness.  A young runaway meets a female recluse in the woods.  Both are being hunted for different reasons. They are both trying to survive.  My working title is Nobody is Missing. It will be released next year some time.

THANK YOU!!

[straycatboogie]

2023/04/27 English

BGM: Depeche Mode - I Feel You

"Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov has a style of the main character Humbert Humbert's monologue. We Japanese have learned the "lolita complex" (or "lolicon") by this novel, and it actually tells us the deep and passionate thoughts of Humbert Humbert to an innocent girl Lolita nakedly, and it also does their strange days about love. It is really awful, but also I can feel some sad and funny, profound truths of humanity. Humbert Humbert is now arrested and confesses himself, and the situation seems like he is a powerless person. Because he is now actually arrested. But the story he tells (writes or confesses) blows us seriously. Then we can say that he is in a way controlling us. This strange and important dealing relationship makes "Lolita" a vivid and marvelous literature. It is beyond a pornography, and I say it tells us about the relationship between a writer and a reader.

Although I wrote this yesterday clearly... I have an opposite obsession of "lolicon", which goes to any mature women. We call it "milf". And it actually can end as "every woman is not your mama so give up" by real women. I know it... but I want to tell a little more. I had been hated by girls since I was a kid. I have never experienced the first love. "Don't stand closer because you have plague!", and also they said to me as "cringe"... so I couldn't breed normal love or real knowledge about female people. I know I have distorted knowledge or image about women. Ah, could I be saved if I wrote it nakedly? But if I did so, if I opened the awful or almost beasty desire on this internet, then I would lose something actually even though I could be saved a little. I am afraid of what I would lose if I see both fairly. I want to save or keep a pride as a pierrot as Ango Sakaguchi says.

But now... what would this confession bring to me? I can't go back to my childhood to live this life again. I don't think it is clever to think this life badly because I could have an ideal childhood. Or I don't want to be soaked into the delusion as a victim. I remember the past. I exactly thought I was a miserable person because I had been bullied, or had to shoulder huge trauma of female people... now I am trying to cure that trauma. I am trying to do an "exorcism" as Natsuhiko Kyogoku's novels or Wittgenstein's philosophy... or it is like a trial of writing by Franz Kafka. He had done it during his life. I have read once that he wrote "I am the end, or am I the beginning". This graffiti of mine is the beginning of something?

Today I worked early. This evening I attended the meeting I always do. We learned about ChatGPT at there. I have used it a little once, but I tried to ask about "Who did God born in this world?" or "How would this world be after 1000 years later?", and I got really "square" answers (of course!) so I lost any interest. So I could learn it again therefore it was a good lesson. We talked about the progress of technology, and about what we will lose with synchronizing that (the importance of personal information, and also the skill of thinking individually). I was really impressed by the deep knowledge of the members, and thought I shouldn't be loose. My time of presentation is coming, so I decided to do about Discord I always use (or I am now deeply "addicted").