#i am so inspired to see this beautiful family with goals for the future including education for the children after all they have suffered
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Interview #495: Quince Pan
q: Give a short introduction of yourself: a: I am Quince Pan, a documentary photographer born in 2000, currently based in Singapore. I am now waiting to enter university to study Philosophy, Politics and Economics.
q: What is your series "JBM" about? What was the process of making the series? a: “JBM”, my family’s abbreviation of “Jalan Bukit Merah”, is a documentary photo project centred on my maternal grandmother, Lau Giok Niu, her cultural heritage and her HDB flat where I spent my childhood under her care. It is my first exhibited series and also my first serious long-term documentary project.
In 2015, I followed my grandmother to visit her hometown in Fengwei, Quangang District, Quanzhou City, Fujian, China. Bringing my camera along on the trip, I noticed that instead of shooting purely for fun or beauty, I would include certain objects (for example, a calendar on the wall) in my frames because they had historical significance. I submitted those Fengwei photos as my portfolio for the 2016 Noise Art Mentorship (Photography and Moving Images). I got selected, and my mentor, Jean Qingwen Loo, urged me to pursue a project which I could speak authentically about. Through her criticism, I learnt to further prioritise meaning over style. My grandmother and my childhood were topics close to my heart, especially as she cared for me during my childhood and gave me the gift of the 头北 Thâu-pak dialect, a unique variant of Hokkien from the Quangang District. Eventually, “JBM” was born as my mentorship capstone, and was exhibited at the “Between Home and Home” Noise Art Mentorship Showcase at Objectifs in 2017. I haven’t stopped shooting; that’s why it’s an ongoing long-term project!
“JBM” contains a range of visual styles, ranging from photojournalistic fly-on-the-wall documentations of heated family discussions and visits by distant relatives from China to more tender images of sunlight at the void deck where my late grandfather’s wake was held in 2006. Rituals and festivities are anthropologically significant, so I pay particular attention to Chinese New Year, the Qing Ming Festival and the Winter Solstice, which my family celebrates. I also look at how other photographers document their families: Bob Lee, Nicky Loh, Bernice Wong, Brian Teo and Nancy Borowick.
More broadly, “JBM'' extends beyond photography and is a family history project. Since 2013, I have been researching the Quangang district, 头北 Thâu-pak dialect and my grandmother’s clan. I discovered that other descendants from her clan established an ancestral temple in Singapore, which initially stood on Craig Road but is now housed in a flat in Telok Blangah. I already did some fieldwork, interviews and preliminary documentation, which led to an article I published in April 2021 in Daojia: Revista Eletrônica de Taoismo e Cultura Chinesa. Maybe I will explore this in greater depth in future photo projects!
q: How did you get into photography? a: When I was around seven years old, I loved to play with my father’s Fujifilm compact. As a young student, I hadn’t heard of terms such as “light painting”, “Dutch angle” and “rule of thirds”, but those were the techniques I subconsciously used in my photographs.
I entered the Noise Art Mentorship, as previously mentioned. During the school holidays, I worked as a media intern at Logue and as an assistant at Objectifs for the “Passing Time” exhibition and book by Lui Hock Seng. Through these work experiences, I learnt so much from Jean Loo, Yang Huiwen, Ryan Chua, Lim Mingrui and Chris Yap: news angles, editorial writing, scanning and touching up negatives and slides, colour management for print, liaising with clients and issuing invoices, among other skills. As part of the Noise Art Mentorship, I was given a copy of “+50” by the PLATFORM collective, which opened my eyes to diverse approaches within the documentary genre. I started to regularly attend talks at Objectifs and DECK, where I got to know people in the local photography scene, particularly in the documentary tradition.
q: You also do videography. How do you see it in relation to your photography? a: Videography requires a different way of seeing and thinking compared to photography, because video has additional temporal and auditory dimensions. With photography, I don’t have to think about how long I want a scene to be, what foley and B-roll I want to overlay, or have a storyboard in my head before heading out to shoot. In that sense, photography is more reactive to and receptive of situational contingencies because it requires less pre-planning.
Also, photography can be a solitary endeavour, but it is quite difficult to make films alone, and the schoolmates I used to make films with have since embarked on separate paths in life. However, photography and videography share the same basics as visual media: composition and sequencing.
Fundamentally, I see myself as a documentarian, and this applies to any medium I work in, be it photography or videography, or even writing. The end goal is to record and share history by telling stories from lesser-known perspectives. Thus, the topics of my video projects are similar to the topics of my photo projects; sometimes I do both side by side! The films I made were all documentary shorts of places which do not exist anymore, such as the Hup Lee coffee shop at 114 Jalan Besar and the old Sembawang Hot Spring before NParks took over the site from MINDEF and redeveloped it.
Currently, I am working as a videographer for Sing Lit Station’s poetry.sg archive. Thankfully, this job can be done solo!
q: What or who is inspiring you right now? a: Bob Lee, for being an amazing father and spreading hope and joy to others through his images. Alex and Rebecca Webb, for pairing literature with photography. Tom Brenner, for approaching photojournalism like street photography. Sim Chi Yin, for her international achievements and being both an academic and a practitioner. Brian Teo, for being an eminent contemporary. Last but not least, Kevin WY Lee’s advice, “CPR: Craft, Point, Rigour”, which I try to benchmark my work against.
q: Upcoming projects or ideas? a: Nothing concrete on my mind so far. I am just going to see where life takes me and what topics life makes me want to explore or talk about.
q: Any music to recommend? a: First and foremost, my fight song: “倔强 Stubborn” by Mayday. A close second, Queen’s 1986 “Under Pressure” live performance at Wembley is a transformative experience. The catchy “他夏���夏天 He Summered Summer” by Sodagreen brings out the grandeur in the mundane. “Silhouette” by KANA-BOON and “Everybody’s Changing” by Keane remind me of the fragility of life and time. I also like The Fray, Kings of Leon, Last Dinosaurs, Stephanie Sun, Tanya Chua, and the Taiwanese indie band DSPS.
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The Bones (Reid Series) Part 2
Summary: After doing an even deeper dive on Valerie’s past, Spencer finally meets her, but his invasiveness isn’t the worst part ... the worst part is he might actually like her.
Playlist: “The Bones” by Maren Morris & Hozier (BONUS: song includes major foreshadowing) Category: Series, Fluff, Soft Angst, Eventual smut and *NSFW content Pairing: Spencer Reid POV x Fem!OC - Valerie Content Warning: invasion of privacy, allusions to Maeve’s death, arrhythmia Word Count: 3.4k
Part 1 |
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
After firmly deciding not to weave Penelope into my tangled web, I was met with the arduous burden of conducting my own research.
Firstly, I would need a computer - yeah ... a computer. That’s how far I was willing to go for this pursuit. I once vowed never to fall victim to modern technology’s clutches, and yet here I was, doing my research on a public library’s computer. To my credit, I hadn’t gone out and bought one, I was merely using my resources.
With the need for a device out of the way, all that was left was the knowledge of what to look for. But that didn’t pose a problem either.
Funny enough, with as many rules and restrictions as there are regarding patient privacy and confidentiality, all it took was matching dates of news stories with hospital records to complete my research. I was fairly certain I was only scratching the surface of information about Valerie as opposed to the sea of things I could’ve uncovered if I asked for Garcia’s help, but there are only so many lines a person can cross in one week.
This was my limit.
Call me naive, but I was actually quite surprised with just how expansive the internet is. To an almost relentless degree, I would open an article and it would lead me to ten more about the same topic. It was this never ending rabbit hole that seemed to spiral on forever. I kept digging deeper and deeper until I could no longer dig.
I’d officially hit rock bottom.
It took me a grand total of just two hours to unearth all the ‘dirt’ I could on a young Valerie Bishop.
Local 16-year-old Wins Nevada’s Statewide Art Contest! Published by Henderson Press.
Valerie, just a sophomore in high school at the time, was donning what any experimental teen girl would’ve worn in the early 2000s - bootcut jeans and a sequin blouse over top of a plain camisole. And if I zoomed in close enough, I could spot the evidence of a sparkly blue shadow coating her eyelids. Surprisingly, though, that wasn’t the first thing I noticed.
It was that smile. That tooth-achingly sweet smile.
Though I never got the chance to see Maeve truly smile, that’s what I imagined it would look like.
The photographer must’ve caught her midway through a laugh, at least that’s what the image of her slightly open-mouthed grin told me. Meanwhile, her two tiny hands were clenching her overbearingly large trophy while her artwork stood behind her as the background.
It didn’t take me long to figure out why her painting won. Simply put, there was no need to see anyone else’s art to know that they couldn’t possibly compete with hers.
Hers was an abstract rendition of what I believe to be a forest of some sort. The detail is what I was most drawn to. It would’ve been unbelievable on its own but the fact that she was 16 when she painted it? That’s what was unbelievable to me.
If that’s how talented she was at that age, I could only imagine how much more talented she became with time. However, I lost the chance to investigate the current state of her skill before a related article from The Cleveland Gazette about Valerie succeeded this one.
From Award-Winning Artist to Henderson’s Hero
Read my interview with 17-year-old Valerie Bishop to find out more about her struggle with arrhythmia and how she turned her pain into a project!
By Kelli Gallagher from the Cleveland Gazette.
Gallagher: Thank you so much for letting me interview you, Valerie.
Bishop: Of course! I’m happy to.
Gallagher: You’ve become somewhat of a hero in Henderson, Nevada, haven’t you?
Bishop: I wouldn’t call myself a hero ... but if everyone else wants to - I’m fine with that. (laughs)
Gallagher: Don’t be so modest! I mean, what you’ve done is so incredible, and you’re only what? Seventeen?
Bishop: Yes, ma’am. I just turned seventeen this past August.
Gallagher: Wow, I can’t believe how young you are and yet you’ve already accomplished so much. I saw that you won a statewide art contest last year. Tell me more about that.
Bishop: That’s a funny story actually. My Grandma Sheila was the one who entered me in that contest. I didn’t even know about it until I won it. She’s always surprising me, though. In fact, she’s the one that surprised me with my first ever art supplies, when I was about eight or so. They were these super expensive oil paints, and I knew she couldn’t afford them, so I told her we should return them and get something cheaper, but she said, “Nonsense. When the bones are good the rest don’t matter. A house don’t fall when the bones are good.” That was kind of her saying.
A house don’t fall when the bones are good.
The bones.
Gallagher: I’m interested to know more about your relationship with your grandma. If I’m remembering correctly, she was also diagnosed with arrhythmia a while back too, right?
Bishop: Yes, she was, but that’s never slowed her down. And as for our relationship, my grandma and I have always been close, but arrhythmia, in a weird way, has brought us even closer. She has always been my biggest supporter and the fact that we’re both on this journey together makes her my biggest supporter even more so.
Gallagher: Absolutely. Now, I also heard that you’ve started a fundraising program to possibly start a gallery and studio in Virginia Beach. If you don’t mind me asking, why Virginia Beach? Is there any special significance?
Bishop: Actually, that’s where my grandma met my grandpa, and they got married and started a family there, too. So if Grandma Sheila hadn’t been there to meet him, she wouldn’t have had my mom, and that would mean I wouldn’t have been here either. I like to think Virginia Beach is where it all started. In a way, it’s where my bones are. That solid foundation in Virginia gave me everything I have today.
Gallagher: That is just incredible. I’m so glad to see your fundraising project is thriving, but I can’t imagine any of this has been particularly easy for you. You were diagnosed right around the time your senior year was starting right?
Bishop: Yes ma’am.
Gallagher: So what brought you from Henderson to Cleveland?
Bishop: Well, actually, I didn’t want to move, especially not before I graduated, but Cleveland has the best cardiovascular hospital in the country and my health is far more important than graduating in the same state I grew up in. So when my parents were willing to move me and my sister out here, I saw it as a privilege rather than something to be sad about.
Gallagher: I am so inspired by you, Valerie.
Bishop: (laughs) Really, why?
Gallagher: Despite everything that’d been thrown at you, you are still so grateful. I hope you never lose that.
Bishop: I promise you I won’t.
Gallagher: So one last thing before I go, what is one hope you have for your future self?
Bishop: I hope, future self, that your ‘bones’ are still strong.
Gallagher: Beautiful. Thank you so much again for doing this, Valerie. I sincerely hope you reach your goal and you get to open up that gallery and studio in Virginia Beach.
At the bottom of the article, there was a footnote from Kelli Gallagher.
Exactly 10 years later, Bishop was able to move to Virginia Beach and open up her gallery and studio.
By the end of the article, I felt a genuine sense of pride for Valerie, and I know I had virtually no right to know these things about her, but I could still be proud of her for them right?
I would never fully get my answer to this question before I crossed the final boundary.
After exhausting all that I could gather from the internet without Penelope’s assistance, the only thing left for me to do was actually meet her in person. However, this would prove to be a bigger obstacle that it seemed. I decided to delay the daunting task until the next day. A decision partially influenced by the phrase, ‘sleep on it.’ I prayed I’d gain clarity on what to do when I woke up the next morning, but even with a night’s rest, I was still undecided as I drove to Virginia Beach once more.
To sit in my car that was conveniently parked right in front of the gallery was a poor choice. Because with every passing second, the temptation to walk in grew, but the fear of regret dampened those impulses. The more I thought about it, the more I psyched myself out. Between my two choices, to freeze or to fight, I should’ve taken the third - to flee. But I was here now and I couldn’t leave empty-handed for a second time.
After a moment’s indecision, adrenaline coursed through my veins to give me the courage to get out of my car. When I felt an outdoor breeze blow over me, I knew there was no going back now. Right when I walked in, the little bell above the door rang, solidifying that I was officially crossing the threshold, and whether I liked it or not, she was going to see me after hearing me walk in.
“I’ll be right with you!” A small voice called out from somewhere in the back. She was hidden from my immediate sight, and somehow that made it so much worse. It was now I that was waiting for her, instead of her unknowingly waiting for me.
As though I were prey getting ready to escape a predator, I stayed put by the door. It gave me a full view of the entire place anyway.
Scoping out my surroundings, I spotted the paintings that were carefully measured and placed on the walls, almost to perfection. I had no time to notice anything more before the person in the back walked out.
Immediately when I saw her, I knew.
“You’re … not Valerie.” I couldn’t help sounding so disappointed but luckily, the woman that came out took no offense to my observation.
“No, I’m not,” She laughed. “But I can get her for you-”
“No wait!” I uselessly leapt forward to stop her from saying, “Vee! There’s someone out here to see you!” But that’s precisely what she did anyway. Evidently oblivious of my previous protests, she politely smiled back at me. “She’ll be right out.”
For the second time that day, I waited with bated breath, anxiously anticipating the arrival of Valerie. And I was almost too focused on subduing the pounding of my heart to realize that she was actually walking out of the back right now.
“Hi, sorry about that!” A new voice chirped.
Valerie.
The moment I laid eyes on her, it became clear to me that the pictures in her files hardly did her justice. Nothing could compare to the real sight of her. I was only able to catch the profile of her face when I saw her in the cafe, but in her entirety, I began to wax nostalgic. Though her face and hair and body had transformed into that of a grown woman’s features, I could still identify the same tooth-achingly sweet smile that a younger Valerie once wore on the front page of the Henderson Press. She was no beast to conquer, she was just a girl, smiling at me in that same gentle way.
Her expression just as well showed no indication of recognition, not that she would recognize me, considering my letter was anonymous and unless she pulled the same stunt I did, she wouldn’t ever recognize who I was.
“I’m Val,” She made her greeting to me while untying her dirtied waist apron, and it was merely the action that caused my gaze to fall to her hips, but when she shed the apron, I was still staring. There was something sort of mesmerizing about the way they swayed as she approached. It wasn’t until they stopped swaying completely that I realized they did so because there was no more distance to advance - she was already right there in front of me, patiently watching me stare.
“Val?” I blinked hard to revert my gaze while also playing into the part that I had no idea who she was.
“Mhm. Short for Valerie,” She confirmed happily. “Like the Amy Winehouse song.”
This time, I genuinely didn’t know what she was referring to, and my confused countenance prompted her to clarify, “You don’t know that song?”
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she began to playfully sing, “Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water ...”
While she watched my face and waited for the recitation of the song to jog my memory, I was just as much studying her face. I could tell she was only kidding when she sang, evidenced by the laugh that followed her rendition, but it sounded so unironically good that I had to question what other talents she possessed.
“Um, I was actually thinking more like Valerie, the martyred medieval saint, whose name stood for strength and health.” No sooner than the words spilled from my mouth did I recognize the freudian slip - the simultaneous coincidence and confession. The coincidence was that, now, with Maeve’s heart beating in her chest, she lived up to her name - she was newly strong and healthy. But I worried, she would see the correlation I drew between her name and her successful transplant and would realize that I knew more about her than I let on. Did I just give away too much?
“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name earlier. What was it?” Her casual dismissiveness of my previous statement did nothing to ease my worries. Was she beginning to piece everything together?
“Oh, right!” I said dumbly. “S-Spencer. I’m Spencer.” I was such a blubbering bundle of nerves that I actually reached out to shake her hand - a stranger’s hand.
“Nice to meet you, Spencer,” She softly laughed, which was hopefully not out of the enjoyment of seeing me squirm. “What can I do for you?”
A loaded question, don’t you think? What can you do for me, Valerie? Well, for one thing, you could’ve answered my letter, but to say something as bold as that would require me to admit the real reason I was here, and how could I do that without mentioning how I found you in the first place?
“Um ...” Whose birthday is the soonest? “My friend Emily’s birthday is coming up and I was wondering if I could possibly buy a painting from you as a birthday present.”
There was the faintest perceptible skepticism in her expression, but that could’ve just been my paranoia talking because in the next breath, she didn’t suggest a proclivity to my deceit. “Yeah, of course! Do you know what her favorite medium is? Or her favorite artist? Or her favorite style of art?”
For every addition to the question, I wordlessly shook my head no. Was my lie already unraveling? Could she see right through me?
“No worries. If you want, you can walk around the gallery and tell me if you see anything you think she’d like.” She made her offer to me sweetly, then disappeared into the back room again. I tried to follow her with my eyes for as long as I could, but from where I was standing, I couldn’t see very far into it. I wandered a little further into the center of the gallery to possibly catch a glimpse of what was occupying her time back there, but when I heard the chattering of two voices, Valerie and the other woman, coming from the same general direction, I realized I was completely alone in this part of the studio.
With no one around to bear witness but these portraits, I could’ve easily slipped out and made my escape, and I might’ve even done it had it not been for the unmistakable gravitational pull forcing me to stay here and walk about the room.
Making my way throughout the gallery, I would pause every now and then when a painting would stand out to me, which was often, considering each picture was impressive.
But there was one painting in particular that piqued my interest. It made me feel something I’d never felt before.
It wasn’t special by any means. By rights, I shouldn’t have even noticed it, for it wasn’t the largest painting, nor the smallest one - it wasn’t even the most average painting. But it felt exceptionally ... Valerie. I had no doubt in my mind that she painted this one - in fact, I had a good bet that she painted most of these portraits, if not all of them - but this one. There was just something about it that I couldn’t put my finger on.
“So,” A draft was created from where Valerie swiftly and unexpectedly joined me at my side. “What do you think?”
“Um, there’s definitely something,” I struggled to find the word. “appealing about this one.” Almost as soon as the word came out of my mouth, I knew it was only a matter of time before she called out the inadequacy of my answer.
“Appealing?” She repeated in mockery. “That’s the best you got? Come on, you’ve been standing here for like ten minutes. There must be something about it you like.”
“I’m not sure.” I honestly admitted with a shrug.
“There’s no wrong answer.” She assured me, but I found that hard to believe.
“So if I said I see a grizzly bear attacking a UFO, that wouldn’t be wrong?”
“Nope,” She popped the p. “If that’s how you interpret it then that’s how you interpret it. Just because someone else sees it differently, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.” It would’ve sounded like complete bullshit or nauseatingly cheesy coming out of someone else’s mouth, but her delivery felt so genuine. It actually moved me.
As she said this, she turned her head in my direction to look up at me, causing her shoulder to brush my upper arm, sending a wave of goosebumps all over my body.
She was so close.
But I was so unbothered by her proximity that I didn’t even notice exactly how close she really was. If someone else had invaded my personal space like that, I would’ve moved in the opposite direction just on instinct, but I didn’t even think to do that with Valerie. I was so comfortable with her being there.
But was that just because a part of her was once Maeve’s? Was the entire foundation of my likening to Valerie built upon that single attribute?
Was that my bones?
“Um,” I began fidgeting with my hands to self-soothe. “I like it. I don’t know why. But I like it. How’s that for an answer?”
There was a pause before her response that compelled me to look at her, but when I did so, she was already looking at me. “I’ll take it,” She nodded. “It’s the biggest compliment to me if my art can make you feel something.”
Was it the art that made me feel something ... or you?
“I’ll tell you what,” She walked over to grab something from the front desk. She came back with a small piece of cardstock. “I’m going to an art exhibition next weekend. Why don’t you come with me and see if you can’t find something for Emily there?”
She handed me the paper, which was actually her business card. “You don’t have to have an answer for me today, but call me when you do.” She seemed to think that was the end of the conversation, but I still had more questions.
“You’re inviting me?” was the first question that came to mind, albeit the dumbest one.
“Yeah, you can be my plus one.”
I gulped to dislodge the lump in my throat. “Like-like your date?”
She furrowed her brows with mild confusion. “Um ... sure, if that’s what you wanna call it,” which was the last thing she said to me before vanishing within the back room again.
I peered back down at the card and tapped it gently on the palm on my hand as though to register its presence really being there.
For all intents and purposes, this card was meaningless. But to me, it was the formal consenting - nay, invitation - to reach out to her again. She was willingly extending this line of contact to me.
No more public library computers. No more files. No more ‘research.’ Just her number - a way to reach her without veering off my moral compass.
Despite this, I still had no clue whether or not I was going to accept her offer.
All that I did know was that I wanted to see her again.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
PART 3 COMING SOON!
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looking back at you - part i
Summary: Everybody talks about the terror, the calm, the longing in staring in the abyss. But nobody talks what happens when the abyss starts staring right back at you. Or, you’ve love him all your life and now you don’t know what to do.
Pairing: Seokjin x reader
Warnings: This scene is heavily inspired by the scene between Laurie and Amy in Little Women (2019) although this story will veer off its course as we go on. Notes: Short chapters for quicker updates is my jam. I love Seokjin and I’m finally writing for hiiiim. Word Count: 1k *ish*
Everybody talks about the terror, the calm, the longing in staring in the abyss. But nobody talks what happens when the abyss starts staring right back at you.
You’ve loved Seokjin all your life. Have looked for, at, and after him ever since you’ve known him. You’ve looked at him with a sheer of innocence in your youth that eventually fell away when you grew older and learn how to desire. And your eyes began to stray from just his beautiful face but down to his chest, to the way his arm flexes when he lifts books for your mother, and to the way his thick thighs fills his breeches.
You’ve looked at him with naked desire and longing for more than a decade, it’s impossible he doesn’t know. And yet, he’s never looked at you with anything other than a passing glance, all his sight consumed by your brighter, whirlwind of a woman sister.
And for so long, you were angry. Angry at the world, at your sister, at the universe for making you less and putting you beside someone who makes you look even lesser. As a child, jealousy is your greatest flaw but it was negligible as many children’s flaws are but when nobody’s looking - and when had anyone ever bothered to look? - between your elder sister’s departure to Seoul, and your younger sister’s death, you’ve turned into a woman.
A woman with responsibilities. To secure a husband, to secure a future for the good of the family. And a woman with that lofty of a goal cannot afford to carry anymore of her childhood flaws. And so you’ve changed.
Away from the family that never saw you, from the sister that outshone you, and from a man who didn’t love you - you’ve changed, grown into your cheeks and filled out your dresses. Learned how banter with wit, flirt with your eyes, keep them hooked enough to come back, give enough push to tease but never to be admonished for it.
And with your own charms, wit, and beauty, now, you’re on the precipice of achieving your goal in the form of a proposal from another Mr. Kim. (“You’ve always known you’re going to be a Mrs. Kim,” your mother wrote, “you just never specified which one.” - ah but you did, in your prayers, every night, in every temple visit and in every coined toss in every fountain but that’s all for naught isn’t it?)
So, like everything else, of course, Seokjin comes to ruin it all. As he always does for you, and you, stupid girl you are - the one you revert to for him, with just one glance, one smile - allowed him.
“You’re being mean, Seokjin.” Childhood bleeds into your words and you completely miss the way his eyes flit to your mouth back to your eyes, and the sheer despair in what he sees in them. Your words a deflection to his earlier command (a plea, he wishes you could see) of “Don’t marry him.”
“Mean? How am I being mean?” he asks, his heart aching at the complete distrust in your eyes even when it’s not laid upon him but at his clavicle, as if you fear even just looking into his eyes.
When you were younger, you never thought of Seokjin to be capable of being anything other than perfect. He’s light, wit, beauty and charm made alive with every gesture of his beautiful hands, with every theatrical delivery of his woes.
But you know better now. After all, hadn’t it even been a month since your disastrous argument at the ball? Where he showed up drunk, heartbroken from a long-coming rejection from your sister, with two equally beautiful and bold women draped on his shoulders like ermine fur. Where he stared at you, surprised, as if he hadn’t made you wait for an hour. Surprised, perhaps, that you even showed up at all.
Younger Y/N would’ve cowered and wept at home, but you’re older now. Wiser. You know your worth and even if you love him - and you do, quite desperately, the type of love that consumes and threatens everything - you will not compromise on this.
“You— you can’t do this to me,” you say, and you allow yourself one small reprieve, a reminder of youth long gone and clutch the sides of your dress like a petulant child trying to keep their crying at bay, “Not now.”
Seokjin advances on you, purposeful steps eating away the distance between your heart and his and wills you to understand and allows a bit of his gentlemanly wiles fade away, “If not now, when? When you’re married to Namjoon? Is that when? Would you rather I stand witness at your wedding and protest in front of hundreds of people—“
“You wouldn’t—“
“I would,” Seokjin interrupts, his hands on yours pulling it to his chest, “I would for you.”
His heart cracks yet again at the distrust and suspicion in your eyes as you pull back your delicate hands, stepping back looking every bit of a woman you’ve turned into. “You lie.”
You turn away, and suddenly your dress is too tight and you heave out heavy breaths, stepping out of the shadow of the courtyard to where the sun lays its rays heavily. Underneath it, you are brilliant, shining and beautiful in Seokjin’s eyes, and he wonders how he’s missed it — how you’ve missed it.
You’re beautiful. So, so beautiful.
Enamored as he was, he’s not prepared for you to eat up the distance between the two of you, your very presence suddenly so big and undeniable in his life.
“I…” you begin, eyes dry and voice steady, your aunt would’ve been proud. “I have been second to my sister my whole life. Second-born, second place, the spare daughter — what have you. But I will not be someone you settle for just because you cannot have her.”
If your sister is a whirlwind, then you are the sea, Seokjin thinks. And the two are incomparable, forces of nature but while he is nothing but swept into your sister’s world, you— you make him want to sail, and dive, and drown in you.
“Not when I’ve spent my whole life loving you.”
He wants to tell you, but as you turn away, hair glinting in the sunlight, steps sure and back straight, he fears that he has lost his chance.
End Notes: I think this will be a short series, maybe 5 parts! Hearts are appreciated but comments are gold. Let me know what you think and if you want to be included in a tag list!
#bangtanarmynet#seokjin x reader#period piece#little women au ??#seokjin as laurie#yn as amy#kim seokjin#kim seokjin x reader#BTS Fanfiction#seokjin fanfiction#seokjin fic#more love for our worldwide handsome
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Why I didn’t hate the season finale
Am I aware this is an unpopular opinion? Very much so.
Read the manga. And remember that while the ending may have been disappointing, it was the best it could be under the circumstances. Several fics coming soon.
Full explanation under the cut
I went into it expecting to be disappointed
When you expect to be utterly disappointed, any good moment comes as a surprise.
Honestly, I don’t see much of the season making sense without reading the manga. The rushed pace, the things that were cut or explained with words rather than seeing them. The manga is better. But I did like the final episode.
Two words: Isabella’s Lullaby
Three different versions of it played in the final two episodes. An upbeat, happy one as the kids reached the elevator, a dramatic one that played as all the kids said they would be like Minerva, and the one that played during the montage at the end.
I just really loved how they used the song. The different versions of it depending on the tone of the scene. It made me emotional.
It was the best ending we could get given the circumstances
With everything they cut out of the anime, there was a lot they would not be able to cover. (Goldy Pond, Seven Walls, etc.)
With one episode left, they needed to address the royalty, Promise, what happens to the other cattle children, Peter Ratri, and Mujika taking over.
Could they have just waited to see about getting a third season instead of doing that montage? Yes. Could they make another season anyways where they expand what happened during that gap? Yes.
It was rushed but I honestly enjoyed the montage. I’m a sucker for seeing found family travel gangs walking in beautiful mountain scenery.
That being said, the montage (while disappointing) opened up a lot of possibilities.
Did the montage at the end show Mister, Lucas, and Goldy Pond? No.
Can they prove it didn’t happen? Also no.
I cannot see the montage making sense to anyone who did not read the manga. However, as someone with manga context, I really liked it. The idea that the kids went around liberating farms (including the mass production ones) and were sending kids to the human world as they went.
Plus them not having a 2 year time limit meaning they aren’t in as big a rush to succeed. How long were they there? What were they doing?
They accomplished their goals, but how? There’s still plenty to be explored, either in a future season, fics, or just me thinking about it a bunch.
Deviations from the Manga
RAY TELLING ISABELLA THAT THE BEST WAY TO ATONE ISN’T TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF, IT’S TO HELP MAKE THINGS BETTER! As someone who is a firm believer that death≠redemption I really liked this. I loved the scene where Isabella apologizes to Ray, but I really love her getting to go to the human world. Ray was in a similar position to the mama’s and sister’s and getting to see him tell them that just because you did horrible things in a horrible situation doesn’t make you a bad person. That you should keep living and that it’s worth it.
Emma made a new Promise but got to keep her memories. Maybe the Promise Emma made was that the Second Season would not be allowed to cover Goldy Pond.
The group staying behind to finish fixing things. Vincent going to help the other children who were experimented on while the rest of the Lambda crew helps the Trio, Sonju, and Mujika.
The fic potential
A few ideas I have been inspired to write since finishing the episode:
The people who escaped adjusting to the human world and helping new arrivals adjust.
Isabella and Ray talking after Ray comes to the human world
The group working together to free cattle children farm by farm
The group bonding
How they defeated the royalty
Yuugo has actually been in a different bunker this entire time. They find him and Goldy Pond happens.
Them not having a 2 year time limit meaning they aren’t in as big a rush to succeed
Emma making a new Promise (and what the Promise was). Since they have already liberated the majority, if not all, of the cattle children the Promise is not for their liberation but continued freedom. How does this change the price that needs to be paid?
Just because Mujika is in charge does not mean everything is perfect. But if the Promise is different that means Emma could maybe go visit her.
Thoma and Lanion get a pet fish.
For some reason, the kids in the human world end up in the village with the old man that helped Emma after she lost her memory.
That manga-inspired fic I’ve had floating in my brain for quite some time about Emma not remembering things and her family trying to find her.
In Conclusion
I might prefer the anime ending to the manga ending. When I finished the manga I wanted to write fix-it fic. Now I want to write canon compliant ones.
#the promised neverland#tpn#the promised neverland spoilers#the promised neverland manga#tpn manga#tpn spoilers#yakusoku no neverland#yakusoku no neverland spoilers#yakusoku no neverland manga
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Blog #1: The Beginning
05/25/2021
Welcome to my, I have no clue what I’m doing so bare with me, travel blog!! For these next few weeks, I will be driving across the country and back, hitting around 19 states in 8-weeks.
Post grad life is a strange in between stage of: YES I DID IT and oh fuck I think I’m supposed to be an adult now. That comes with the constant question circling like a gnat on a hot summer day... So what’s next?
Honestly Grandma, Aunt Karen, Uncle John and Kyle’s mom’s lesbian partner, I have no fucking clue so please stop asking!!!!
But my actions are an answer to that question. I chose to postpone that whole adult career thing for a little longer. So I’m traveling for two months and I will avoid that question “What’s Next?”
COVID-19 really messed up the picture perfect ending of college, nevertheless, I still managed to have a blast every night in a “socially distant” manner ;)
Traveling has always been a dream of mine, and I always assumed it would be there when I was ready and I would be ready when it got here. Sheeshhh was I wrong... who would have imagined a pandemic closing down not only our borders to other countries, but state borders as well.
It’s now been over a year since I have left New York State, and quite frankly, I am ready to explore. So naturally I got home from college a week ago and now I am off...
Who
Who cares...
Three girls, one car... How bad could it be? No, really, if we come back with bruises and cuts all over, I didn’t “fall down the stairs” or “walk into a door”...it’s official, our cycles have linked and we have gone mad.
The goal is to meet new people along the way, people that touch our lives and make this trip more spectacular. And maybe we will touch some lives as well.
I can only imagine that who we are now will change and evolve throughout our journey, having only started this trip with hopes and dreams. When reality sets in, things will change, and discoveries about ourselves will begin to happen.
Self-discovery is such an important aspect of this trip for all three of us. Personally, by not having any clue what I want to do for the rest of my life, I hope the open mindedness of my current state will help me find joy in the simple life and give me insight into my future.
What
Whatever man...
Eight weeks of sight seeing, connecting to ourselves and trying new hobbies.
I hate jumping the gun and announcing any new hobbies because, 10 out of 10 times, I do one for a week and give up on that bullshit.
And sorry in advance if this blog takes a back seat... My plan is to prioritize life's natural beauties and learning.
I’ve always wanted to start writing but was never inspired, and fiction isn't up my ally... I have the imagination of a 12-year-old boy, so go about that as you please :)
While trying to disconnect myself to the social world as best as I can, this new digital age is not going anywhere and as a Communications major, I am not escaping its black hole effect anytime soon.
Blogging makes this feel less Gen Z and more “intellectual” if you will.
I hope to keep this blog updated once at the end of every week, including the stops made within the week and the Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How’s of that weeks adventures. With some room for special surprises:)
Overtime this blog will hopefully shape into what it needs to be. I researched many ways to blog and nothing caught my attention, so why would it catch yours? Here I am trying out my own version of this, so feedback is greatly appreciated in finding new fun ways to keep y’all entertained!
Where
Where are we...
Give or take, there will be 19 states we will stay in. Starting in New York, we will slowly move down south and wrap back around. I won’t be revealing the locations until the following week's blogs, or on my Instagram and Facebook.
We have secured 75% of the locations we will be staying at, and the rest is a fuck it. Hopefully finding some first come first serve campgrounds, or we’ll just sleep in the car.
When in these locations, we will either be camping or staying in motels/hotels in cities. Trying to do this the cheapest way we can think of, my glizzy art might just have to make a reappearance (If you don’t know what glizzy is, hop off this blog right now and go to Urban Dictionary. And if you are not familiar with my glizzy art, well you probably should have followed me on snapchat during the last month of college in a pandemic).
When
When in Rome...
Tomorrow people, it’s happening...
If you are reading this today, its tomorrow!!! If you are reading this tomorrow it’s today!!! And if you are reading this a week from today, go fuck yourself, now you have to catch up... don’t be late again mister!
Why
Why the fuck not...
There is some serious independence when it comes to taking off for two months in a car with friends.
I still remember when my mom had to drive me to my friends houses, and would talk to their parents to make sure I was safe.
Going away to college was a leap in the direction of being an independent young woman. But I also went to a small town college and had roommates, making it a great step to the adult world of being fully responsible for my own actions.
Next level right now. I will be living out of a car, buying my own food and supplies, and not having the security of my family being a simple three hour drive away... not that I ever took advantage of that (sorry mom).
Why the blogging...
Not knowing what I am good at is quite frustrating, four years of college later... so I am going to just try new things until I find my passion. And this blog is a great place to reflect.
Spending two months out of the job force is already a weird concept to me. I've had a job for the majority of college waitressing at a local joint (shout out to Sloan’s NY Grill!). I worked all throughout high school as well.
Not having any job obligation now seems strange, so let's hope this becomes self-discovery into multiple opportunities or it will be the most publicly awkward diary ever:/
How
How did you make it this far...
This came about one night drunk at a bar... simply expressing how weird it is COVID can take almost everything away from us so quickly.
Maya and Mary both have a direction in their life as to “What’s Next.” Both having spent their last semesters of college pursuing opportunities for their future, they have become idols to me.
I was lucky enough to bring this idea up before they left me for their full adult lives... getting an opportunity to travel with my two best friends.
Mary is pursuing a teaching degree and spent her last semester as a student teach back home. Maya spent the last few months doing an in-person internship in the city to further her connections in the fashion industry.
They both have this responsible adult thing going on, and I’m over here saying some dumb shit like “Hey let's take two months off of life and travel!” Weirdly enough, alcohol might have had an influential factor here, but they said hell yessss!!
The next morning, waking up with a classic hangover, we all texted each other and reiterated the idea of this whole cross country, two-month excursion.
And now look where we are :)
Bottom Line
Sooooo, this is a temporary blog that may or may not last. Don’t get your hopes up too high! I want to share this experience with everyone who has supported us through this crazy idea, and give a shout out to everyone who has reached out and wished us the best!
I am fully winging this and hope it's not too illiterate for you smarty pants out there... I’m just trying to have fun with it. This is not meant to be a job, but a start to finding the answer to everyone's question...
What’s Next?
#travel#beginners guide#fuck it#cross country#post grad#fuck covid#blogging for beginners#we are young#jubilation
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ON by BTS - Religious links~
(Song)
Once again I am researching a bts song, ON has a lot of Biblical imagery in it so I wanted to analyse this because it linked to the constellations/parallel universe and cultural theme of this project.
BTS has a storyline which is like another Universe, they create their storyline by putting many deep meanings into their music videos and lyrics, they have been carrying on with this storyline for around 7 years and nearly every bts song/mv links to this storyline and they all connect somehow. I have been listening to bts for 4 years and over these years I have dived deep into this massive storyline, I hope one day they turn this whole story into a film because it would take me weeks if I ever tried to analyse the WHOLE storyline, however people have created many YouTube videos explaining theories and analysing music videos.
At the start of the video we see a scene that looks like an aftermath of a war, a member is seen kneeling down at a white bird that had been shot with an arrow. This bird looks like a dove, doves symbolise love and peace. This scene shows that love and peace has been “destroyed” since the dove has been shot and this scene is a literal war. A lot of the scenes in ON reference scenes in Fake Love, this is another bts song with deep meaning and this is where the parallel universe theory comes in. Fake Love appears more modern because of the clothing and scenes, ON looks the opposite and looks like it’s in the past because of the old looking clothing, however it could even represent the future but in a different universe.
There’s a scene where a member is standing near a pile of drums, this could mean music is no longer used in that world and was discarded, but the drums were also used on the battlefield to communicate from officers to soldiers.
The member at the start of the video is shown again but he is holding the dead dove in the cage, more of this will come throughout the video.
It then goes to a scene of a different member standing in a setting similar to Noah’s Ark because of the broken ship and the animals. This scene could represent:
“The flood as the collective society falling into the unconscious. Being swallowed by divine/archetypical modes of thoughts, by through a modern lens”- Carl Jung
BTS’ current concept was heavily inspired by Carl Jung’s ‘Map Of The Soul’, which is a book where he writes about his theories on psychology and believed that the human psyche had three parts: the ego, personal unconscious and collective unconscious. BTS even have albums called Map Of The Soul: Persona and Map Of The Soul:7 (MOTS:7), ON is included in MOTS:7. Below is a picture showing Carl Jung’s theory:
Carl Jung’s theory of the animals in Noah’s Ark represent beings that possess almost no free will, Noah and his family represent the more “conscious” and transcend, or see through the human tendency to war amongst themselves. This meaning that BTS in the music video could possibly represent Noah and his family as they are aware and conscious about their surroundings.
The next scene shows a member reaching to the sky, he does the same action in many older music videos and this could mean he is reaching for hope, he also reaches out to the child sitting with a drum and this could mean he’s trying to reach out to the youth. BTS’ whole goal of creating music and meaningful lyrics is to reach out to youth.
This scene shows a member standing in front of a beautiful setting, however there is another member laying unconscious on the ground with what looks like a Raven pecking at his body. Raven’s are tied to BTS’ storyline and also to Carl Jung’s theories. Jung teamed Raven symbolism to represent the shadow itself or with the dark side of the psyche, in the picture I showed of Carl Jung’s theory, Shadow was also an element included in the ‘SELF’. The members see this Raven constantly during their ‘WINGS’ Era (album). Not only do Ravens represent the shadow itself, but many cultures associate them with healing, renewal and rebirth, so that could be why the Raven is on his unconscious body.
A member sees a girl with a blindfold standing and facing towards a huge wall with doors, he looks behind him and the doors start opening. He removes the blindfold in order to help her move forward, the blindfold represents ignorance, this is similar to Jimin (a member) in the storyline and he is sometimes shown having his eyes covered and also blindfolded in Blood Sweat and Tears, he wears this blindfold in order to prevent himself from accepting the truth. Now together him and the girl walk forward. A drum is played by the little drum boy and the member that was unconscious with the Raven wakes up, it’s as if the child played the drums as a signal. When he wakes up the doors are fully open and these doors remind me of the film The Maze Runner.
The once unconscious member is now conscious and he goes to a lake, he walks into the shallow lake. This whole music video he has been running away from somewhere like he was being held captive, his hands were cuffed together with thorns around his wrists. These thorns are similar to the crown of thorns that were placed on Jesus’ head during the events prior to his crucifixion. It was one of the instruments of the passion employd by Jesus’ captors, both to cause him pain and to mock his claim of authority. The thorns also link to bts’ past when they experienced hardships.
Then all the members, except the one at the lake, join together with many other people with them. In the storyline Jin (the member with the bird) is known to be a time traveler and he travels back in time multiple times to try and save all of his friends (the other members) from hardships and death. We started off the music video seeing all the dead bodies and dead dove after a war, however now the music video is ending with EVERYONE gathered together as if he had travelled back and saved the ones who had died in the war and now they are all gathered together. He then opens the cage and sets the dove free:
White doves also symbolise a new beginning.
Then we are back at the member at the lake with the thorns around his wrists. He dips his wrists underwater and then takes out a conch shell and the thorns disappear. The conch shell is a spiritual symbol used in many cultures throughout history. The Ancients adapted the practical use to associate the conch shell with spiritual awakening and symbolism. According to mainstream Hinduism and Buddhism the conch shell is also associated with truthful speech and strength.
The next scene is a dance break, this scene has a dark atmosphere and the members are wearing cloaks, Jungkook (the one that was at the lake) stands with the members while holding the conch shell. There is a volcano behind them and at the end of the dance scene this volcano erupts and destroys everything. In the Fake Love music video in order for the members to move forward they destroyed their masks and in ON it seems as if they were destroying their establishment, so they could re-grow everything and start a new. Their WINGS era was heavily influenced by the book ‘Demian’ by Herman Hesse, where Abraxas represents a bird that must destroy its own world, which is its egg in order to live.
“The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God is Abraxas.”- Hermann Hesse
For the process of individuation the Ego and the Shadow is no longer divided but brought together in unity and their Persona is now balanced with their shadows.
Jungkook (the one at the lake) was the last to join all the members at the wall, so it seems as though he was the last to go through it and complete the process of individuation, the process of individuation is in the picture of Carl Jung’s theory with the ‘SELF’, ‘SHADOW’, ‘EGO’, ‘PERSONA’, and ‘ANIMA/ANIMUS’. Individuation means the realisation of self, which is what BTS was going through at the time ON was released in the storyline. Individuation begins with becoming conscious of the Persona, the mask we take off in our everyday lives. After we become conscious of the Shadow, the repressed characteristics of the Ego, then we become conscious of the Anima (the inner woman in each man). After that the experiences with Self happens, BTS have passed through the Persona, Shadow, Ego and Anima in their storyline and they also have songs named Persona, Shadow and Ego where they talk about each stage in their lyrics, however they have not gone over the Self yet.
Behind the wall is a mountain/rock, this reminds me a lot of Pride Rock in Lion King. The dove that was released flies over the members who have started walking up the mountain, however this time there are 7 doves (7 members in bts). Then it shows Jungkook (member from the lake) running up the mountain, this scene is similar to another scene in a different music video called ‘Not Today’ where all the members are running together, however the members except Jungkook are being shot down and he looks worried, in ON Jungkook is smiling while running and this time they all run together without being shot down. In Noah’s Ark a Dove flies out to find land, the Dove brings back an olive tree branch to signify that it found land. When the gates first opened, the land on the other side was destroyed and there were no trees, when Jungkook joined all the members at the wall and the dove was released, millions of trees grew. It was as if on the other side of the wall there was hope, love and peace, whereas before it was a war zone.
This music video showcased the members’ battles, representing their hardships and the boys who once had ‘No More Dream’ now has a ‘Dream’ and their dream is to reach out and connect everyone through music and Art, and this music video symbolised Hope. They’ve succeeded by finding themselves and they’ve helped us by leading us on the same path, so the crowd that stood with the members at the wall could’ve represented the fandom and those that they’ve helped. BTS’ whole storyline is based on loving yourself, working to find yourself and doing that by looking towards your own shadows and accepting it, so it is like a path to self love. This music video was an amazing representation of that and the song follows the same kind of theme as the music video:
“Look at my feet, look down
The shadow resembles me
Is it the shadow that's shaking
Or is it my feet that are trembling
Of course I‘m not unafraid
Of course it's not all okay
But I know
Awkwardly I flow
I fly together with that black wind”
Here it talks about looking down at your shadow, like I talked about above, he’s accepting his shadow because it’s a part of him.
“Hey na-na-na
Gotta go insane to stay sane
Hey na-na-na
Throw myself whole into both worlds
Hey na-na-na
Can't hold me down 'cuz you know I'm a fighter
Carried myself into this beautiful prison
Find me and I'm gonna live with ya”
This talks about how nothing can hold him down because he will fight it, it’s like the hardships throughout his career that he has gotten through to reach to the top. “Find me and I’m gonna live with ya” meaning that he will live with the struggles and his shadow.
“Come on up, bring the pain, on yeah
Rain be pourin'
Sky keep fallin'
Everyday oh na-na-na”
“Bring the pain
It'll become my blood and flesh
Bring the pain
No fear, now that I know the way
Breathe on the small things
My air and my light in the dark
The power of the things that make me, “me”
Even if I fall, I come right up”
“Even if I fall, I come right up, scream
That's how we've always been
Even if my knees drop to the ground
As long as they don't get buried
It won't matter
Win no matter what
Whatever you say, whatever they say
I don't give a uhh”
These lines mean that even if the rain is pouring and the sky is falling bring the pain on because it doesn’t bother him, he comes back up. Remember how Jungkook was knocked unconscious at one point in the music video but he got back up and fought.
Overall this song is very motivating and the music video is cinematic and meaningful, I enjoyed researching this song because ever since it was released last year I’ve wanted to analyse it.
Here is the link to the music video:
youtube
3/3
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Week 10: How Nature Interpretation Shaped my Life
Hey guys!
I can’t believe our semester is already coming to an end. It has been such a pleasure chatting and sharing personal experiences with you guys within this course! I cannot wait to read your posts and see how this course has shaped each of you as nature interpreters.
I feel as if I have developed a more profound understanding of nature interpretation, especially within the luminosity it brings to life. I also feel as though many of us need to be held accountable for our privilege and the beauty we have surrounding us that goes unrecognized and gets mistreated. Privilege represents itself in many forms, but most cannot recognize it when they have it; most carry it in an ‘invisible backpack’ (Hookyaas, Unit 3). I believe that recognizing that privilege within yourself and representing it through a positive light is very important. From personal experience, when I catch myself acting privileged, I usually have a moment of reflection or “awe.” Awe defines being “elicited especially by nature, art, and impressive individuals or feats” (Beck et al. 2018). In other words, I usually take a moment to reflect on how poorly I acted in a situation and how I can be kinder towards myself, others and nature in the future. In regards to respect for the future of nature, reducing one’s ecological footprint is vital (i.e. not littering, not leaving the water running, not leaving the car running when not in use, etc.). All of these situations are acts of privilege, and if I have learned anything from this course, it is to recognize privilege so nature can benefit. If I want to continue enjoying beautiful sunsets by the beach with my family and adventurous hikes with my friends, I need to be a part of the world’s change as a nature interpreter.
(GIF OF SUNSET/ COPYRIGHT OF TUMBLR)
From a general aspect, many of us have access to tools via nature interpretation, whether that be through music, history, science, scenario-planning, and the list goes on. However, in my opinion, before taking this course, I do not believe that I was able to grasp the efficiency when using these tools to help interpret nature in independent aspects. Anyone else feel a similar way?
As a nature interpreter, my beliefs involve continuing to be kind to nature, the same way it is to us. I want to emphasize how important it is to be a part of the movements towards creating systems for a sustainable earth. A few examples (as I have previously mentioned some already) include minor things like recycling, saving electricity and/or water. However, some movements are slightly more prominent. Such as educating yourself on the earth’s global climate change and how things such as the physics of greenhouse gases affect our climate. I believe that consistent upkeep with worldwide trends is essential for practical help. Therefore I have posted a link below to a fantastic book I came across - the material covers many philosophical ideas regarding the fields of the Earth’s system and action towards global sustainability (Turner, 2018).
LINK → http://web.a.ebscohost.com.subzero.lib.uoguelph.ca/ehost/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=cddcafe2-79ed-4e1f-b11d-0e3687bde43d%40sessionmgr4008&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#AN=1801551&db=e000xna (Turner, 2018)
(GIF OF ANIMATED EARTH/ COPYRIGHT OF TUMBLR)
My responsibility as a nature interpreter is to respect nature’s boundaries while growing my enthusiasm and admiration. According to Beck et al. (2018), one must strive to embrace the wonder and beauty of life and then share that with others. Whether the experiences be your own or others, sharing nature experiences is an essential part of nature interpretation. The beauty that comes from sharing experiences is two things. The first is to share your experiences with others, meaning you embarked upon an exciting moment in which you felt amused. The second is to listen to others’ experiences and learn from their moments and the beauty behind them. Interpretation is all about the involvement of people and their experiences (Beck et al. 2018).
I believe my most assertive approaches as a nature interpreter are nature within music and scenario-planning. To me, music is nature, and nature is music - there is no more straightforward way for me to word that (Hookyaas, Unit 7). When I am listening to music, and when I am nature, I figure out who I am. Therefore placing those both together feels as though I am in complete serenity. Whether I am in the company of myself or others, the vibes I feel in nature are immaculate, and the energy is unmatched to anything else I have felt in my life. Now, as for scenario-planning, that is the approach of recognizing nature as art. It’s about the appreciation for the gift of beauty and everyone’s life as a form of art - mine, yours, the trees, the bugs, everything (Hookyaas, Unit 4). I relate to scenario-planning because I believe that life is a form of art and that nature can paint beautiful paintings within it.
After taking this course, as an individual, I want to live life as an environmental activist. The main goal of eco-activists is to raise public awareness of demanding and critical governmental and corporate responses to ongoing environmental damage (Heyes & King, 2018). This course has helped me educate myself within nature and has hit me with the brutal reality check of many ways to improve my own routine to support the planet actively. I am sure I cannot be the only one looking to educate themselves regarding nature activism further. Therefore, I have also posted a second link below to a news website called “The Conversation.” This link leads to several news articles related to environmental activism - if anyone wanted to read a bit about the world’s needs (The Conversation, 2021)! :)
LINK → https://theconversation.com/ca/topics/environmental-activism-3496 (The Conversation, 2021)
QUESTION:
My question for you guys → Have any of you ever felt utterly inspired by a moment in nature that has ever had you in a moment of “awe?” I would love to hear from you guys one last time! Thanks in advance :)
(GIF OF THE MOUNTAINS// COPYRIGHT OF TUMBLR)
Overall, I feel I have gained some inspiration from this course, as I am sure many others have. Our reflections regarding nature interpreters are all going to be different. However, it excites me to know how many different young minds and perspectives are out there looking at nature in a new way, with a new light. I want to say thank you to all of you once again for interacting and sharing your thoughts and experiences with me over the semester. You guys have really helped make this one great course and fun in terms of blogging!
I wish you all the best in your futures!
- Sanchi
Reference(s):
Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage (First Edition). Sagamore-Venture Publishing LLC.
The Conversation. (2021). Articles on Environmental activism. URL: https://theconversation.com/ca/topics/environmental-activism-3496
Heyes, A., & King, B. (2018). Understanding the Organization of Green Activism: Sociological and Economic Perspectives. Sage Journals, 33(1), https://doi.org/10.1177/1086026618788859
Hooykaas, A. (2020). ENVS* 3000 Nature Interpretation Unit 4: Nature Interpretation through Art and Planning for “All” Scenarios. University of Guelph. URL: https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/666945/viewContent/2591221/View
Hooykaas, A. (2020). ENVS* 3000 Nature Interpretation Unit 3: Risk versus Reward in Nature Interpretation. University of Guelph. URL: https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/666945/viewContent/2590559/View
Hooykaas, A. (2020). ENVS* 3000 Nature Interpretation Unit 7: Nature Interpretation through Music. University of Guelph. URL: https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/666945/viewContent/2593375/View
Turner, D. (2018). The Green Marble: Earth System Science and Global Sustainability. Columbia University Press.
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@mad-madam-m tagged me in the “list 5 OTPs from 5 fandoms” meme a couple days ago, which I laughed at her for because (a) she knows my otps FULL WELL (b) our lists are very nearly an exact match (which i am by the way delighted about because half my list right now is full of rare pairs, and I have never before known the hell of treading that landscape alone)
but!
I’m gonna do the meme and double it up as an announcement of what I am currently into and what you’re likely to see on this blog if I start picking up my activity levels a little.
I honestly have no idea how active tumblr is at this point - how many of you are still around, and how many of you I might lose if I start reblogging my other fandoms in addition to Sterek - but after doing a Pillowfort experiment for a while, I think I’ve finally figured out how to use social media again in a way that works better for me.
My old method, before tumblr kinda imploded and fandom got weird (filled with antis and ship hate and constant infighting, ugh why), was to create a separate blog for everything I was into, which is why I have appreciatederek, appreciateshiro, appreciatejack, and...is that it? See, this is why I need to stop scattering myself into a zillion different pieces.
So I’m going to consolidate more (like I do on twitter and now Pillowfort), and also hopefully get back to my fandom roots: digging into more meta, like I did 8 years ago when I first fell in love with Sterek, and posting fic recs, like I also did thanks to Sterek. (And sharing my own fics as I write them. Guess which fandom pushed me down that path, too.)
So it’s fitting that the first ship on this list is...well, an obvious one.
1. STEREK (Teen Wolf)
Y’all know this one. Sterek will always, always be the OTP of my heart. I love their dynamic. I love the creativity and passion of the fandom. I love that they brought my writing back to me and introduced me to so many of you.
I still have dozens of Sterek fic ideas; quite a few of them are partially written or have significant outlines, so at some point I will still be writing them. Life is just, as you know, very busy and very tiring and it’s so hard to fit everything into my days. I’m working on it, I promise.
I’d like to start doing more updates with snippets of my upcoming fics, maybe a lil Q&A if anyone wants to chat about what I’m working on/my thought process behind what I’ve already written/what you’d like to see from me, etc. Interactive fun stuff! Sterek fandom is still the best and most supportive fandom I’ve ever been a part of, and it makes me happy every time I’m reminded we’re all still around and thriving.
And here’s some of the other stuff I’m into right now...
2. XANATOWEN (Gargoyles)
I have been sailing this ship entirely by myself since January, recently joined by the aforementioned M, who also created this gif for me while she was still in the patient “I’m your friend, I will listen to you yelling about this show” stage. (ha ha ha look at her now, that’s what you get)
I’ve been genuinely holding myself back from spamming tumblr with my thoughts about this show and this ship, which I’m beginning to realize is...maybe silly. I’ll still try to keep it a little bit balanced, but you can definitely look forward to more Gargoyles on the horizon, including:
Fics - 30k so far, with another 4.6k that I’m hoping to post this afternoon, after I look over it and decide if I still like it (ha ha fic writing amirite). I also have a fairy tale AU that I’ve done a substantial outline for, so I’d really like to get that underway.
Episode recaps/meta posts - these are currently being posted over on Pillowfort. The goal is to get the last two episodes of Season 1 up there, then to start crossposting them here.
As long as it’s not a gigantic hassle to paste over all the screencaps, because I uh. I have a lot of them. And a lot of thoughts about the show as a whole, but particularly about the relationship between David Xanatos and Owen Burnett: the meta’s currently averaging from about 1.5k to 2.5k per episode, whoooops.
I love them. I love them a LOT. See my meta posts for very detailed explanations as to why.
3. TREVORCARD (Castlevania)
I honestly did not expect to get this deeply invested in this ship. I watched and liked the first two seasons of Castlevania and really enjoyed the dynamic between Trevor and Alucard, but it wasn’t until the lead-up to Season 3 (and then the devastation of how absolutely terrible that season was) that I realized how much I loved these two together.
So now I’m having a very Sterek Fandom moment of “eff you canon, they’re ours now” in regards to Trevorcard.
I’ve written one fic for them - it’s a 20k coffee shop/modern/college/artist/musician AU because they deserve all the fandom tropes and so much happiness together..
I don’t currently have plans to write any more, although if I do, it’ll likely be some sort of neighbors AU with wolf!Alucard, since my vast experience with Sterek fandom has taught me the absolute joys of exploring characters who can canonically turn into a beautiful giant effing wolf.
I’ve also been steadily reading my way through every single Trevorcard fic in the AO3 tag, which unfortunately is only ~200. (HOW is this a rare pair. I will never ever understand it, they’re perfect together, and the animators literally said they intentionally storyboarded moments like the one above with the knowledge that people would start shipping them.)
Once I’ve finished up my AO3 tour, I’m going to compile the ones I enjoyed into rec lists. There are some really wonderful fics in there, and I’m excited to see what the rest are like.
4. TAIBANI (Tiger & Bunny)
I really don’t talk about this ship much, but it’s so immensely close to my heart. I have...so much...official merch of Kotetsu and Barnaby; it makes me happy every single time I see it. If I used my Tiger & Bunny stuff as the standard for what sparks joy during a konmari, the rest of my apartment would probably wind up empty.
The show (which is finally getting a second season in 2022 - Kotetsu & Barnaby had better be getting married) is wonderful. I genuinely can’t recommend it enough. Great writing, wonderful character development, beautiful animation, and Kotetsu and Barnaby are absolutely perfect together. Here’s an old post where I talk about that a little bit.
I’ve only written one fic so far: a canon compliant established relationship future fic that focuses more on their family dynamic as Kotetsu’s daughter adapts to turning 18, becoming a hero, and living with her frustratingly affectionate dad & his new husband.
I have ideas for two AUs: a single dad mature student/young professor one and a sorta weird circus/steve irwin-inspired one. We’ll...we’ll see if I ever get around to either. What I end up writing always surprises me, so I sorta give up on planning what words will come out.
And oh wait! I totally forgot about the third idea, which will be roughly canon compliant, with “Kotetsu sets Barnaby up on a series of blind dates that Barnaby initially thinks will be with HIM” angsty/funny fic. Hrm. I should get back to that one, I’ve outlined part of it.
I haven’t actually read a ton of fic for this pairing, because the more I like canon material, the less I seek out fandom content to “fix” it, but I would like to start going through the AO3 tag after I finish my Trevorcard project. I did an initial rec list ages ago and would like to follow up with another.
5. SHEITH (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
Here’s the last pairing I write fics for. I have several more in progress that I’d really like to finish - including a dragon AU that I wish someone else would just finish for me so I can read it, hahhhhhhh sigh. I wrote 15k, did a ton of research, and basically intimidated myself out of continuing, because it’s one of my Big Projects. Not gonna be like, PDIW length or anything, but it should be a pretty hefty fic once it’s done.
Then there’s the roommates AU, the burrito shop AU, the....wow. I really need to get back to these, don’t I. A couple of them are super close to being finished, too.
I’ve also compiled a few fic rec lists, although I haven’t updated those (or my Sheith blog) in a while.
This fandom has been...interesting. Rough sometimes. Sliding into some of the other pairings on this list has provided a good break for me, particularly since they’re all such small fandoms that they’re relatively free from drama and hate. Once I’m fully refreshed and re-inspired, I’d love to get back into writing Sheith. They’re such a perfect, feel-good, extraordinarily balanced and supportive ship, and I am disappointed every single day I remember that Voltron didn’t stick the landing with making them canon.
Look at that almost-kiss. Just...look at it. And tell me they aren’t in love.
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Translation of Destination of Asia (February 2016)
So, tell us a little about yourself?
- Hello everyone, we are Ninety One! Why Ninety One, you ask? For Kazakhstan, this is a very important numeral, because on December 16, 1991, our country became independent. By this we want to say that our art and movement are also independent, we want to show the spirit of free youth - this is the concept of our group. The team came together thanks to the k-top idols project, where A.Z. and ZaQ were among the finalists. Then there was the second season, Alem and Bala passed there, and then Ace joined us. We trained together for about an year.
Is it true that the group was based on Korean boy band model? If so, what traits did you adopt, and what did you decide to make unique?
- No, not really. We took only the system itself, adopted in Korea. In terms of the plan, we have a clear concept, everything is staged and rehearsed many times. After all, we all gathered from different regions of the country, each has its own specialty, but when we are together, we give a single concept and idea. Actually, this is what we adopted from our colleagues from Korea.
What inspires you?
All in chorus: EAGLEZ!
- There is a lot to say about our fans. This is the first fandom formed in Kazakhstan, and we were very surprised and glad that there were people who really love us. They show their support to us every day, every minute, every second. And you know, this greatly inspires us to do something, to write new songs. We feel this support behind our backs and receive a great boost of energy from it.
Do you write the songs yourself?
Alem: Of course! We have a fairly large team engaged in this part of the work. Before recording, we definitely consult about music and words, and only after that we start practicing in the studio. Lyrics are mainly written by our rappers A.Z. and ZaQ, and we participate in the composition of the tune, as co-authors. I think that in every song all the members include something of their own.
What is the relationship between the members within the group?
Ace: You can probably say that since the band was formed, we became very, very close, almost like brothers. We deal with problems together and, despite the fact that I joined the guys later than everyone else, now I can say for sure that we are one friendly family.
Alem: Yes, even more! We gathered from different parts of Kazakhstan, each had his own idea, his own views, but when we met, we approached each other like pieces of a correctly assembled puzzle! We have what we need, that's for sure!
- Do you listen to any music from Southeast Asia (K-Pop, K-Rock, J-Rock, J-Pop and so on)?
Ace: Well, personally, from the list of the above, I only listen to K-Pop. This is a great opportunity to gain experience and maybe even get some inspiration for your own new songs.
ZaQ: I listened to J-Rock for a while and I liked it. As for K-Pop, we still watch more from a professional point of view - this music is very different from Western music, and we can learn a lot from Korean artists. In general, you yourself understand, there are a lot of groups in different countries, and they are all different, but K-Pop teams are the closest to us in terms of concept.
- Is there a group that interests you?
ZaQ: Actually, it is very difficult to answer this question, since we are interested this direction as a whole, as I mentioned earlier.
Alem: Hyukoh! Although, in my opinion, it is difficult to call them a group, rather, they are artists, but this does not make them less cool. Especially their main soloist, who writes all the music himself.
- Find a word to describe the concept of your debut video? Was it difficult to work on the camera during his filming?
Everyone: Ayiptama or Don’t judge me?
ZaQ: The funny thing is that in the song we say Ayiptama “Don't judge me” to the girl, sort of like “Don't blame me”. If now we take and choose a word for our concept, then it is simply " Ayiptama ", do not judge us for the fact that we started it like this.
Alem: With dyed hair ...
Ace: The first time was, of course, difficult to shoot, since this is our first video. There were some problems, but, to be honest, there weren't any particular difficulties.
Alem: Actually, for everyone in different ways, we have Ace who is just talented.
Ace: Well it happened that we were preparing for filming both physically and mentally. We looked from what angle we look better, prepared ourselves, worked a lot with the mirror. And largely due to this, the shooting itself is wasn’t much, but it became easier for us.
Alem: We had a kind of warm-up, in plan, each one was filmed separately in the outdoors. They just found interesting places in the city, and even if there was a crowd of people, it worked anyway. Thanks to this, by the way, the feeling of embarrassment went away, began to see better angles from the side. But it's still difficult on the set, especially when there is a professional cameraman and directors who require more movement, and so on. This is not to say that it is absolutely horrible, but that it’s not easy - that’s for sure.
Do you have any idols on whom you would like to be equal?
Alem: I like Will Smith, but not as an artist or singer, but as a person. Well, of course you know, he is a very cool pop singer, rapper and writes the songs himself. Why do I consider him my idol? Probably because he always defends his point of view to the end and lives doing what he loves, completely surrendering to him. I remember he once talked about how if you start building a wall, then you need to build everything brick by brick. This is exactly what we all need to always achieve our goals and not be distracted by anything, even if something is not going as fast as we would like.
Ace: I agree with him. If you take on something, then you have to do everything to the end. Well, you know my idol for sure - is Arnold Schwarzenegger. At first he was just a bodybuilder, but he became the best bodybuilder, then he wanted to become an actor and became one of the best, then he went into politics and became the best governor, as many say in the United States. Where I am leading - everything he undertook, he did at the highest level.
A.Z: Eminem has been my idol since childhood. I really like both his personality and creativity. He always shows skill in his music and has a special, unique style.
Bala: I don't have a specific idol - I usually like one thing in different peoples, and I try to take the good from each of them.
ZaQ: I look up to my grandfather. Seriously, he is like Will Smith and Schwarzenegger combined, and indeed a very versatile person who constantly surprises me.
What is your ideal girl type?
Alem: I like active ladies. I can't even pinpoint exactly what is is, because it is always different. But what catches me the most about girls - their eccentricity and charisma, they always stand out against the general background. She may be …
Other members: Ugly?
Alem: Hey, no, no! Girls can’t be ugly, because there are no ugly women. I also like it when a girl is a good at speaking and is able to show her emotions.
Ace: Well, my ideal type of girl ... Actually, it doesn’t exist yet. I am attracted by calm, homely and well-mannered girls, I would call this type a "good wife".
A.Z: As for me, a girl should be, first of all, smart, friendly, polite and, I think, calm. To summarize - my complete opposite.
Bala: Before falling in love with someone's inner world, in any way looks at the appearance ...
The rest of the members: Maybe you can tell right away that you like beautiful ones?
Bala: All the girls are beautiful! And because of that, I like them all. But, to be honest, I prefer smart ones, those who are good at reasoning, are wise in their thoughts and also, perhaps, shy. Well. In general, shy cuties, here!
ZaQ: I don't have a specific type, but I like girls... such a, let’s face it, real. Who aren’t ashamed of their own opinion and simply aren’t ashamed of anything, well, you know, such extraordinary personalities. You can say, a little freaks, these are the ones that attract me. Those who don’t even care what people think of them, something like that.
Would you like to move forward not only at home, but also in Russia (with the CIS countries)?
Of course we do, why not? But first, we would like to create a certain starting base in Kazakhstan, and then, if our activity here is successful, we will try to work in the CIS as well! We can say that this is our main goal in the future, but everything has its time.
Do you have any plans to release a song in Russian?
- Not in the near future, but in the future - of course. And not only in Russian, in English, too. But at the moment we want to consolidate our position in our native country and for now release music only with words in Kazakh.
What is your current goal (both as a group and individually)?
- The overall goal is to create a subculture like Q-pop. There are K-pop, J-Pop, etc., and we should have Q-pop (qazaq pop). We want this direction to settle down in Kazakhstan and beyond. To become the founders of this movement and perhaps even create a subculture so that people in other countries, listening to our songs, think: "Oh, this is Q-pop." Our main desire - to develop the music industry and give it a second wind, and, of course, show our country from its best side. We also want to draw people's attention to the beauty of our language. And, of course, another goal is to enter the big stage and receive a national vocation. But in fact, we thought about these issues for a long time, and what personal goals we can have when we now have everything in common, including aspirations and plans. But still, of course, there are individual ones.
Alem: You know, there are so many languages in which jazz is performed all over the world. These songs become soundtracks for films, everyone knows them and hums them in everyday life. I would really like to create a project in which we could translate and perform all these compositions in our native language. I think this is quite achievable and the other members have even agreed to help me!
Ace: Most of all I want to fulfill myself, become successful and help your loved ones with full dedication, support them so that they do not need anything. Well, I guess that's a pretty good goal, right?
A.Z: Perhaps I have similar goals as the group - to promote Kazakhstan and our language around the world!
Bala: During the time that we are together, I have become very attached to the group. Since I’mm the youngest, I’m often spoiled by the rest of the members, and to be honest, I did not even think about anything other than "Ninety One". I always wanted to sing, and my goal, in fact, has already been fulfilled - I can do what I love with wonderful people. But as A.Z. said I really want to go to the world level.
ZaQ: I, alas, have not been able to finish my studies as a linguist, and my goal is directly related to our national language. I would like to show its beauty and versatility and prove that it can sound not only within the country, but also abroad.
Everyone: And we also plan to learn English at a good level, for example, like ZaQ and A.Z. They sometimes walk around the dorm, communicate with each other in English and even in Korean. Our immediate goal now is to understand what they are talking about.
There is also an individual question for Azamat: why did you decide to return back to Kazakhstan?
Ace: I had my own personal reasons, which I pondered for a long time and which I would not particularly like to spread. About a year before I returned, I already thought about it, but all the time I put off this difficult decision. At some point, the move still had to be made, I made a choice in favor of my home country. I am very grateful to everyone who was next to me in Seoul, who helped me and taught me, passing on invaluable experience. But now I'm at Ninety One and a new path is just beginning!
What, in your opinion, is lacking in the Kazakh show business at the moment and what are its strengths?
- The strongest side is that the Kazakh show business is just developing. This positive trend can be seen with the naked eye, which is good news. Plus, there are now many new bands and genres emerging so that people can finally choose what to listen to. What's missing? Perhaps systematic, practical and consistent. As well as special programs for the formation of artists and their promotion. However, this deficiency is now gradually disappearing.
Now for a fun question: Did you know that fans write fanfiction about you, and how do you feel about it?
Everyone: We learned about what fanfics are from our fans and decided to read it. In fact, it’s not only very strange, but also funny to realize that you are the main character of someone’s story. Plus, it helps us analyze how our fans see us from the outside. And, of course, it's nice that we inspire someone to be creative, so undoubtedly this aspect of our contact with fans also deserves special attention.
Alem: I once read about myself, about other members, and there were both normal stories and very strange ones. At first we were very surprised at this and didn’t believe that it was about us at all. And I also read a work where I am downright a bad boy, and I wondered if they really see me like that? Because I never had negative intentions and I am generally a kind guy.
What wishes would you like to leave to our readers and your fans?
- Smile always and everywhere, no matter what! Always be in a good mood and never lose faith in the future! And, of course, listen to our music! We also want to express our huge gratitude to our fans. What can we promise on our part? We will only make high-quality music, give the best that we can create! The main thing is that we believe in your support and love, and we will give it to you with great return! We also hope that you will support our first mini-album and our further work! Give good and good mood to others! We love you madly, we are very pleased that you support us! In any incomprehensible situation you have us, and we have you, and together we can overcome a lot. Eaglez, be always healthy and happy, because if we are happy, you should be doubly happy. Baqytta Bolnizdar! ("Be happy"). And, of course, we wish all the best to all Destination Asia readers!
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Stone Soup 2020
This reflection was written for the Washington Ethical Society by Lyn Cox, November 22, 2020.
In the story of Stone Soup, we learn we are more powerful and resilient together than we are alone, and that however small we think our gifts are, they are a beautiful and necessary ingredient in the larger whole. Liz James makes a good point that we often miss opportunities because we haven’t noticed the beauty of our own gifts. It is also true that sometimes we hold back out of a feeling of scarcity, or because we’re not sure what else will be asked of us once we open up. We can tell by how many different versions of this folk tale are in existence that the legend of Stone Soup is rich with meaning. Just like a soup with many ingredients, a tale with many tellers has subtle notes and surprising flavors that we can keep discovering year after year. Today, I’d like to talk about appreciation and abundance.
Felix Adler knew that recognizing human worth is part of the project of moral uplift. He said, "May the humanity that is within every human being be held precious. The vice that underlies all vices is that we are held cheap by others, and far worse, that in our innermost soul we think cheaply of ourselves."
Adler exhorts us to appreciate each other and ourselves.
The Washington Ethical Society Community Relations Pact includes a commitment to “express gratitude readily and accept appreciation graciously.” You already know that appreciating one another and the staff is an act that lifts everyone up, and helps us to bring out the best in each other by reinforcing what is joyful, beautiful, and supportive of our shared mission. In a community as large as WES, especially when we’re mainly a virtual community, it can be hard to figure out how to participate, how to be part of the interactions and responses that help shape this poetry in motion. Positive feedback is an extremely effective way to do that. Appreciation increases energy and resilience. You know that. You voted on it.
What might be less obvious is the part about accepting appreciation graciously. When someone offers positive feedback, or even a simple greeting, take a moment and allow yourself to be known. We can’t always see each other face to face, even when we’re on video it’s tricky to figure out eye contact. An email, a chat message, an emoji, these small acts of kindness are worth noticing and celebrating. And when messages go out to the whole community, it may not feel personal, but the appreciation expressed for your dedication, your care, your simply being -- those sentiments are sincere. Thank you for being part of WES. Yes, I mean you.
Even less obvious is appreciating yourself. Please know that you are a precious creature of worth. Even before we get into what different people bring to this community or the world, you don’t have to earn your designation as a human being. I think it is easier to be part of something larger than ourselves when we start with the knowledge that we reach out from a place of inherent worth.
We’ve just been through Transgender Day of Remembrance, and I am reminded all over again that there are beloveds who don’t know that they are valued, who are shown by state-sanctioned violence and discrimination that they don’t matter, and the results are deadly. We have to do better at protecting our most marginalized beloveds, particularly Trans women of color, and we have to do better at building a world where every person knows that they are beautiful, valued, and loved. Here, we do our best to create a community where every person can be their whole selves, with all of who they are in terms of culture, race, gender, family shape, language, and ability.
People do not have to “contribute” to have inherent worth, and it’s still lovely to notice when people do offer gifts to the community. It is not mutually exclusive to appreciate people for simply being and to appreciate the time, talent, creativity, and resources that someone has intentionally made available to benefit others. In some retellings of Stone Soup, people bring things to the table that are unusual, things their neighbors would not have thought to add to soup. Maybe it’s some tart fruit that ends up adding tantalizing acidity to the soup, or something briny like capers that gives a surprise spark of salt, or some chickpeas to add body to the broth. Sometimes, but not often, Stone Soup retellings take place in a community where different families have different food traditions, and the resulting fusion creates a soup that is an entirely new culinary snapshot of that community in that place and time. Each person’s presence makes a difference.
Appreciation of others requires a certain amount of humility, recognizing that none of us can do and be all of the things that our communities need at the same time. We are each of us always learning, there are things we have not experienced and do not know. Humility does not necessarily mean self-deprecation. We can know that we are people of worth, and that the things we are in the process of learning are valuable talents to offer, while still admiring and appreciating others. You being your whole self, making mistakes so that you can keep learning to draw out your best talents, combines with your neighbor being their whole selves and being allowed to learn and grow in their talents, until we have a learning and growing community where works-in-progress are appreciated and encouraged.
Felix Adler spoke about how ethics is a cooperative endeavor, that we need each other in our uniqueness. He said, "People may be said to resemble not the bricks of which a house is built, but the pieces of a picture puzzle, each differing in shape, but matching the rest, and thus bringing out the picture."
Let’s go on appreciating the unique shapes of our neighbors, and the bit of the puzzle that we each bring, remembering that this puzzle is a living thing with constantly shifting pictures and shapes. Let’s find ways to affirm the shapes and pictures and flavors that are present in each fleeting moment.
Another value that Stone Soup reminds us of is abundance. In a scarcity mentality, we anticipate dividing up the resources that are apparently before us, with the expectation that it will not be enough. In an abundance mentality, we imagine what could be, and open our minds to the possibility that there may be resources we have not yet noticed. In an abundance framework, we use our time and our resources creatively, we find new applications for items and knowledge available among us, we remember what we are here to do.
Something I wonder about the village in the Stone Soup story is about their purpose for being a village. Why are their homes gathered together? Is it for convenience? Safety in numbers? Is it because political forces have pushed them together? Have they gathered to share a resource like fresh water or good soil? Are they in that area as stewards, caring for a sacred place? It is possible that part of the reason the villagers have stopped valuing their gifts and channeling them together is because they don’t know what their shared purpose might be.
The Stone Soup experience suggests that, whatever brought them together originally, the villagers might find new purpose as a result of this shift in perspective. Having a “why” can unleash energy, creativity, and unity. As the soup begins to cook, the villagers find a temporary purpose in curiosity. This is enough of a goal to help them to see their individual carrots and solitary noodles with new eyes. It is enough of a purpose to inspire action.
Abundance, coupled with purpose, helps us to overcome feelings of helplessness or despair. The people of the village didn’t seem happy at the beginning, or very active. Maybe hunger had made it more difficult to think, or maybe fear of scarcity was driving them apart. Coming together for a common goal reminds us that, even when we are individually limited, collectively we have power.
As we retell Stone Soup in these socially distant times, it is natural to long for the days when we can again safely gather in person. In a moment, we’ll see a video montage that includes photos of past celebrations. It’s OK to be happy about the memories and also sad that we can’t celebrate the same way today. But let’s also appreciate the gifts we have now, and those we have discovered as we have been forced to come up with new solutions. WES is more accessible than ever to those who live at a distance, or who have trouble with mobility. There are people who have never before been able to be part of a vibrant, humanistic congregation, and who now are just as much a part of the Platform experience as someone who lives in Shepherd Park. Let’s not lose our renewed purpose of inclusivity as we re-imagine a post-COVID future.
Given the challenges of planning a virtual Stone Soup, I wonder if one of the reasons the villagers fell into scarcity is because the world changed around them, and they weren’t sure how to adapt. They would have needed a new source of motivation when they couldn’t keep doing things the way they had always been done. They would have needed a new way to apply the talents they had developed under an old paradigm. They would have needed a way to encourage each other to try new things for this new world, to learn and grow imperfectly, with appreciation and acceptance.
Our experience of the last eight months tells us that none of that is easy. I know many of us are tired. Some of us have had economic and health challenges that need not have affected us as deeply in a society with a stronger safety net. Learning how to navigate a new world, even a temporary world when we don’t know how long it will last, is exhausting.
Yet here you are, seeking ways to practice abundance. You sent pictures of food and stones. You sent recipes, over 30 last I heard, which will be emailed to members in a PDF recipe book later today. Some of our Middle School families offered their talent for the story. Maybe there are days when you can’t focus on creating something, but you can begin with appreciating someone; that makes room for abundance, too. This community, collectively, has resources and skills and curiosity and creativity that can carry you into the future. There is abundance here, ready to be coupled with purpose.
The Washington Ethical Society is a precious and valuable community, comprised of beloved people. You are worthy just as you are. If you have gifts you want to share, skills you want to develop, a heart for caring, WES and the world will be made better by your generosity of spirit. We make room by appreciating each other as well as honoring our own gifts. We make way for the future with abundance and purpose. May it be so.
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Alex Recommends: May and June Books
I must apologise for the late arrival of this post. It should have been up days ago but I’ve been struggling to read much for the last month or so. My head has been very foggy and dark with all of the confusion, anxiety and hate that has been filling my news feeds and I’ve been filled with a desire to combat it. Before this month, I’d have run in the opposite direction from any kind of confrontation but recent events have given me the kick up the butt to actively do better. I’ve been calling out bigotry when I come across it and I’ve noticed that some people, notably my older relatives, haven’t necessarily reacted favorably to the changed, more outspoken Alex. It has been pretty daunting and I’ve worked myself up into fits of rage and tears several times over the last couple of months.
A lot of things have changed for me since my last Alex Recommends post. I’m currently temporarily living in Staffordshire with my boyfriend because my depression got too bad for me to stay at home for much longer. I missed him unbelievably much and I knew that spending some prolonged time with him would help -and it has. Both him and I have spent 12 weeks religiously following all of the rules, so we’re both extremely low-risk for catching and spreading COVID-19 and being together was something that we simply really needed to do. Please don’t hate me for it! In other news, I have also started writing again, which feels amazing. I’m now a few thousand words into a queer Rapunzel retelling that I have lots of ideas for. Maybe I’ll even post an extract or two, when I feel it’s ready to show you.
In the centre of the renewed energy of Black Lives Matter and the undeniable exposure of the horrors that is police brutality, the book blogging and BookTube worlds vowed to uplift Black voices. I wrote a very long, in-depth blog post full of Black-written books and Black book influencers. Please check it out to diversify your TBR and educate yourself on Black issues, which is what every white person should be doing now and always.
June was Pride Month and I tried my best to compile a series of recommendation posts in honour of it. These included gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, ace, pansexual and intersex lists. I’ve had some great feedback on this, so I hope you find some fantastic new reads. It felt especially poignant to put them together the same year that one of my childhood heroes came out as an ignorant trans-exclusive feminist. As a lifelong Harry Potter superfan and someone who has repeatedly publicly supported Rowling in the past, I feel the need to clarify where I now stand. I do not support or agree with a single thing that she has said in recent times with regard to transgender people. I’ve never felt my own status as a cisgender female threatened by trans people wanting more rights or believed that children or women were at risk due to their existence.
I read her words more than once and struggled to find any semblance of the woman who wrote the books that have most defined my life. I’m hesitant to say that we can always successfully separate the art from the artist but I will say that it makes sense to me that the Rowling of 2020 is not the same Rowling that wrote Harry Potter. She was a destitute single mother when Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997 and of course, she is now a million worlds away from that lifestyle. It breaks my heart but it makes sense to me that she has changed beyond belief because her life has changed beyond belief. I’m not and never would make any excuses for her recent behaviour and I have stopped supporting her personally but I will not be getting rid of my Harry Potter books and I will undoubtedly re-read them several more times. However, I am now hugely reluctant to buy any more merchandise or special editions of the books, which saddens me but at the moment, it feels right. There is no coming back for her from this and I will make a conscious effort to keep Harry Potter and Rowling away from my future content. It can be really tough to admit that the people you once really admired aren’t great humans but it’s something that we all have to acknowledge in this case, in order to move forward with our own quests to become our best selves.
It didn’t feel right to post my May recommendations last month as I didn’t feel comfortable promoting my own content in the midst of boosting Black voices. So today I’m bringing you a bumper edition of Alex Recommends. Here are 10 books that I’ve enjoyed since the start of May that I’d love to share with you. Enjoy! -Love, Alex x
FICTION: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
Set in the affluent neighbourhood of Shaker Heights, Ohio in the 1990s, two families are brought together and pulled apart by the most intense, devastating circumstances. Dealing with issues of race, class, coming-of-age, motherhood and the dangers of perfection, Little Fires Everywhere is highly addictive and effecting. With characters who are so heartbreakingly real and a story that weaves its way to your very core, I couldn’t put it down and I’m still thinking about it over a month after finishing it.
FICTION: Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert
When coding nerd Chloe Brown almost dies, she makes a list of goals and vows to finally Get A Life. So she enlists tattooed redhead handyman and biker Red to teach her how. Cute, funny and ultimately life-affirming, this enemies-to-lovers rom-com was exactly the brand of light relief that I needed this month. The follow-up Take A Hint, Dani Brown focuses on a fake-dating situation with Chloe’s over-achieving academic sister and I can’t wait to get my hands on that.
FICTION: The Rearranged Life of Oona Lockhart by Margarita Montimore
Just before her 19th birthday at midnight on New Year’s Eve 1983, Oona Lockhart finds herself inexplicably in 2015 inside her 51-year-old body. She soon learns that every year on New Year’s Day, she will now find herself inside a random year of her life and she has no control over it. Seeing her through relationships, friendships and extreme wealth, this strange novel has echoes of Back To The Future and 13 Going On 30 with a final revelation that I certainly never saw coming.
NON-FICTION: The Five by Hallie Rubenhold
Atmospheric and engaging, The Five details the previously untold stories of Polly, Annie, Elisabeth, Kate and Mary-Jane -the women who lost their lives at the hands of Jack the Ripper. Full of fascinating research and heartbreaking accounts of what these women’s lives may have been like, Rubenhold paints a dark immersive portrait of Victorian London and gives voice to these tragic silenced lives. Although we can’t know for certain if these accounts are entirely accurate, they feel very plausible and in some ways, The Five exposes how little time has moved on, when it comes to the public portrayal of single, troubled women.
NON-FICTION: Unicorn by Amrou Al-Kadhi
From a childhood crush on Macaulay Culkin to how a teenage obsession with marine biology helped them realise their non-binary identity, Unicorn tells the story of how the obsessive perfectionist son of a strict Muslim Iraqi family became the gorgeous drag queen Glamrou. Packed full of humour, honesty and heart, this book will give you the strength and inspiration to harness what you were born with and be who you were always meant to be.
MIDDLE-GRADE: The Super Miraculous Journey of Freddie Yates by Jenny Pearson
When fact-obsessed Freddie’s grandmother dies, he discovers that the father he has never met may actually be alive and living in Wales. So he has no choice but to grab his best friends Ben and Charlie, leave his home in Andover and go to find his dad! I laughed so many times during this madcap adventure and I know the slapstick crazy humour will hit the middle-grade target audience just right. It’s also a wonderful depiction of small town Britain with a focus on the true meaning of family.
MIDDLE-GRADE: A Kind Of Spark by Elle McNicoll
When Addie learns about her hometown’s history of witch trials, she campaigns tirelessly to get a memorial for the women who lost their lives through it. This wonderfully beautiful novel gives a unique insight into the mind of an 11-year-old autistic girl with a huge heart. Busting myths about neurodiversity while tackling typical pre-teen drama, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry but most of all, you’ll close the book with a huge smile on your face.
HISTORICAL FICTION: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell
In 16th century Warwickshire, Agnes is a woman with a unique gift whose relationship with a young Latin tutor produces three children and a legacy that lasts for centuries. This enchanting, all-consuming account of the tragic story of Shakespeare’s lost son, the effects that rippled through the family and the play that was born from their pain will send a bullet straight through your heart. Wonderfully researched and beautifully written, Hamnet is worth all of the hype.
HISTORICAL FICTION: The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave
When a vicious storm kills most of the men of Vardø, Norway, it’s up to the women to keep things going but a man with a murderous past is about to come down with an iron fist. At the heart of this dark tale of witch trials, grief and feminism, two women find something they’ve each been searching for within each other. Gorgeously written with a fantastically slow-burning queer romance, Kiran Millwood Hargrave’s first adult novel is an addictive, atmospheric read with a poignant, tearjerker of an ending.
SCI-FI: Q by Christina Dalcher
When one of Elena’s daughters manages to drop below the country’s desired Q number, she is sent away to one of the new state schools and Elena is about to find out something she’d really rather not know about the new system. Packed full of real social commentary and critique of life as we know it while painting a picture of how things could be even worse (yes, really!), this pulse-racing, horrifying sci-fi dystopian gripped me from the first page and refused to let me go.
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Approaching Sun (25)
Author’s Note:The first day of SasuSaku month?! Yeah, I’ve been working my fingers to the bone to get this out tonight. Surprise! Summer has officially ended for me, so this will be my last chapter for a few months as I get back into the swing of teaching. So sadddd…. BUT I typed 12 pages for you guys and typed two chapters worth in one. And it’s a good one ;) Have a good rest of the summer. OUT.
Pairing: SasuSaku
Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24
Chapter 25: Without a Heart
Speaking with Satou was one of the most difficult things Sakura had ever done. Satou was angry at the world; angry at his Kazekage for involving their village in the war, angry at Konoha because of their relationship with Suna; angry at Sakura for not having been able to see his wife before she died and save her life. Everything Isao had told her about his father was true. Satou blamed everyone he could and detested his only child because of the constant memory he represented of Rina.
The man’s eyes had turned glassy once as he screamed and pointed a finger at the Kazekage who remained emotionless. But then Isao walked down the stairs, already ducking his head and cringing at his father’s voice. When Satou made eye contact with his son, the tears vanished, and he shot out of his seat and glared icily at the boy. “You—” he began, but then Gaara stood, reminding Satou of his presence.
The Kazekage decided that it would be best if Satou was removed from the children’s mental health clinic. He was sent across the street to the hospital where Sakura felt like it would be beneficial for the man to be attended to. Sakura was starting to realize that maybe children weren’t the only ones that benefited from a mental health clinic. How was there supposed to be hope for the next generation if the previous one passed on their grievance to their children?
She expressed this concern to Gaara as they walked together towards the Sunagakure entrance. The Kazekage had received the news about Isao from Kankuro before his brother left and when hearing that Satou had returned, Gaara knew he would most likely be seeking out the child. Gaara hadn’t been a moment too late when he, too, decided to make a trip to the children’s clinic. After reasoning with Satou, Gaara turned to Sakura and expressed his desire to take her to watch the sunset—something Kankuro had told him their guest had yet to do for herself. The Kazekage felt like the event would be a good respite for the both of them.
“To assume that peace would be enough for this generation has been our error in thinking,” Gaara responded thoughtfully, “However, peace has always been the ultimate goal to prevent more pain in the future. It will have to be enough for them.”
Sakura contemplated his response for a minute as they strode down the main street towards the western exit of the village. The ninja of the last war fought for this dream, but when a few took account of their losses and sacrifices, some believed that very dream to be a lie now that they suffered personally from unhappiness. Satou was not the first that Sakura had encountered to feel this way, but he was the only person that Sakura knew of to be taking it out on his own child, which in turn, without help might be damaged himself and angry later on. The steps that Sakura had already taken towards this epidemic were the right ones, but what more could she be doing now that she knew there was moreto do?
“It has been an inaccuracy,” she agreed as Gaara peered over at her change in facial expressions, “to think that only children could suffer. What if we included adults in our mental health program too?”
Gaara’s eyes tightened a fraction in thought as he considered her words, so she added, “It would be harder, but maybe somebody could help these people.”
Without even a second of hesitation, the sand-wielder commented, “Somebody like Naruto.”
Naruto. Somebody like Naruto who could reach down into someone’s soul and find the light there. Naruto, who had a permanent effect on everyone who he came in contact with. Naruto Uzumaki had been able to stir the hearts of Zabuza, Nagato, and Obito, inspiring them to fight for his dream. He was the ninja who never gave up on his friend and brought Sasuke back from the darkness. Even this very Kage, who walked casually beside her, had once been considered a demon before Naruto had gotten to him.
“Like youLord Kazekage.” Gaara’s expression of shock was what made Sakura giggle. Gaara had not been expecting anyone to ever compare him to the ninja he admired most.
He didn’t say anything, so Sakura decided to elaborate as they finally reached the canyon opening at the back of the village. “You remind me of him a lot, actually. Whenever you lead us to war after your speech, I had thought at the time that not even Naruto could have inspired so many people at one time. You have a gift.”
She could see that the words moved Gaara. His face lightened slightly as he nodded a thanks in her direction.
When the two of them finally made it through the rocky break in the walls, Sakura stopped dead on her feet at the long-awaited sight. The sunset was just how Kankuro had said it would be: absolutely beautiful. The sand dunes were high in the horizon, a dark, uneven backdrop for the sun to fall behind. The sun was currently balanced on the knife’s edge of the farthest peak, trailing a woven blanket of every color of orange behind it.
“Oh wow,” Sakura exclaimed as soon as she stepped out of the shadow and the auburn light illuminated her features. As she said it, Sakura began to hover suddenly as Gaara summoned up the sand at their feet, a compact disc suddenly materializing beneath them. Sakura had never been afraid of heights before, but when the floor shifted, her stomach almost came up her throat. Before she could even ask what was going on, Gaara was stepping off the sand cloud and onto the lowest of the two ridges of the jagged end of the north-west wall. The kunoichi tailed him quickly as the sand began to crumble, and Gaara walked ahead of her like he wasn’t quite aware of how unusual it was to fly people around on sand.
“You do this often?” Sakura called out as the sand platform blew away in the wind and she stood staring out at the vast expanse of desert that rolled in amber waves before her. She had never been this high up in her lifetime. Sakura felt like she was on top of the world as the evening breeze ruffled her hair and she turned to look over the tops of the stucco houses belonging to Suna.
“Sometimes when I need to get away and think, I come up here,” he announced, taking a seat a little down from where she stood, an arm propped on his knee as he too gazed out at the place that shared his name sake “Gaara of the Desert.” Even though Gaara was the Kazekage and had an official office, Sakura suddenly realized that she was beholding at a king who was sitting on his real throne. Sakura took that as her cue to do the same, so she plopped down too, choosing to dangle her legs over the edge of this giant seat.
“Thanks for bringing me up here,” she said after a second, realizing suddenly that he might not share this with many people.
Gaara offered her a small grin, “I never got to really thank you for what you did for my brother; what your team did for me.”
Ah. So that was it. When the Akatsuki came and abducted Gaara, Kankuro had been attacked and poisoned by Sasori. After developing an antidote that saved Kankuro’s life, Sakura had joined the rest of her team to help rescue the Kazekage. Even though Chiyo had been the one to technically revive Gaara by giving him her life, it seemed that the Kazekage still felt indebted to Team 7 and other leaf shinobi involved. That was why Gaara was being especially kind during this visit.
Sakura had seen Gaara several times before over the last couple of years and had met mostly with him during conferences or when he was around several advisors and council members. The last time she had convened with only him and his siblings, it was because Gaara had concerns about Sasuke (or rather unbeknownst to them at the time, it was actually a double of Sasuke.) Sakura supposed this was why she met with Gaara’s official and down-to-business persona more often than this normal, approachable version of him. It was so strange, Sakura thought as she observed the ninja a few feet away from her, how this leader with a heart had once been the monster Sakura had stared in the face as she stood guard over Sasuke. How different he was now in contrast to who he used to be. The Kazekage had a bigger love for this village now than he had ever possessed in hatred, and it was a vision that gave Sakura hope for her own goal to restore happiness to this generation and the one before. If Gaara and Sasuke could come back from such darkness, why couldn’t everyone else?
“You’re a friend,” Sakura told him, “and to be honest,” she confessed, “Naruto considers you one of his closest companions and your support of him and our village has been payback enough.”
And then Sakura told him about Naruto, how he was doing, what he had been up to recently, and what he was doing currently. Of course, Sakura couldn’t contain the news that had only been recently shared with Sakura, herself. Gaara was surprised and overjoyed to hear about the new member that Naruto and Hinata would soon welcome to their family.
And then the Kazekage admitted something to her that he had been thinking about doing in regards to family. “I wouldn’t be against adoption, myself. It’s something new I am considering.”
“Really?” Sakura beamed, delighted too for this man who would make any child an excellent father figure despite having a bad past with his own.
“The children’s clinic has had its own impact on me, you could say.”
Sakura smiled again at such a compliment and the Kazekage added rapidly, “I think I’ll wait a while yet to make an official decision. Something that big needs a lot of thought.”
Sakura couldn’t help but agree. Gaara was the Kazekage after all, and a very young one at that. His responsibilities grew by day and a child would definitely complicate things. Sakura also imagined that the council probably pressured him when it came to marriage and other long-term commitments. Everything would probably be filtered through his advisors, first.
Sakura sighed, thinking of her own future. She was on such unlevel ground with Sasuke, who knew if she would ever marry or have children with the love of her life. If not with him, would she ever find that sort of happiness with someone that lead to building a family? She had told Sasuke she wouldn’t move on, and maybe in her heart, she never would. If this was to be her outcome, then she could always adopt like Gaara. Maybe someone like Isao, who needed a mother desperately in their life, would be the child to make Sakura a mother.
It seemed Gaara’s main purpose of visiting was because he needed to talk to her about some intel, because he announced to her, “I’m afraid I’ll be rather occupied during the next few days; Kankuro too. We have had some trouble along the border between Sunagakure and the neighboring counties.”
Sakura’s ears pricked, and her eyes widened at the information. Her thoughts immediately jumped to Sasuke, who she imagined to be in the desert surrounding Suna this very minute. What if something had happened? Before her overanalytical brain could begin creating imaginary scenarios, Sakura asked, “What sort of trouble?”
He clarified by saying, “Rumors mostly about travelers. A few have been stirring up trouble as they pass through local towns. Kankuro has gone to investigate these reports.”
Sakura sincerely hoped this had nothing to do with the masked ninja that had attacked her and Sasuke during their passage through Tanigakure. She quickly relayed the story to Gaara, recalling all the details as if it had only occurred yesterday. The Kazekage listened patiently and even asked her to illustrate the strangers several times so he could commit the description to memory.
“I should have mentioned it earlier,” she apologized once she finished conveying the distressing event.
“I’m just glad you did,” the Kazekage solaced positively. “I’ll inform Kankuro immediately.”
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sasuke Uchiha had been stuck in that damn core dimension for three nights straight. After his failed attempt to circumvent it completely by transporting directly to Kaguya’s connected sand dimension, Sasuke had spent the night laying on his back in the dirt. As he rested immobilized in the sand, Sasuke remembered how Kakashi used to get physically after overusing his sharingan; his former sensei, not being an Uchiha, would be bedridden for days as the result of depleted chakra levels. Sasuke knew that the same thing was happening to him. According to Hogoromo, Sasuke was the reincarnation of Indra, and an Uchiha at that, and was therefore a natural candidate for the Rinnegan once Hogoromo’s chakra had been introduced. In other words, it wasn’t an issue of heritage that was causing this fatigue, but he knew it was similar to Kakashi’s situation in the matter that Sasuke was overusing a power that had not once belonged to him. More simply, it was like overusing the Mangekyo once gained; that is until one achieved the Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan through transplant of a relative’s eyes and then no longer experienced the negative side effects.
In any case, Sasuke hadn’t been able to hardly move the first night after the attempt and had contemplated just how he would be able to achieve the next step in this dimension traveling process. First, he desperately needed more chakra. Granted, he had never been able to do what he had done before, and Sasuke believed that his theory of being in the dimension’s double (the desert) was what had made summoning its portal even possible. He needed more chakra; had to have it despite his efforts around it. It was the only way to pull this off.
On the second and third nights, Sasuke had managed to walk over and find a small incline of rock and took shelter under the ledge while he rested. Sasuke had thought that if he recovered quickly enough, he might try teleporting to the sand dimension a second time at the same spot where the rift in time-space might be weaker now. Maybe thatwas his next step. But when the next morning came, and Sasuke could manage heavy walking, he found himself stumbling slowly across the vast red dune dimension in the opposite direction—back south towards Sunagakure. While his body worked up enough chakra to teleport back into his own realm, Sasuke had decided to hike the distance in this dimension, so that when he teleported, he wouldn’t have much travel time left towards the village.
Sasuke didn’t admit to himself at first that it was his reoccurring thoughts of Sakura that had him calling it quits early. The Uchiha had dreamt another delusion again where Sakura needed his protection from an unknown enemy and when Sasuke woke, he had reasoned with himself that it was all imaginary and there was no need to worry. Regardless, Sasuke found himself on his feet soon afterwards. He knew without a doubt that his female companion was more than capable of taking care of herself and was probably focused on her own work without a second thought about him, but his worry still persisted. Sasuke felt that he at least needed to check on her just to make sure that she was being careful, cautious, and of course, not overworking herself. Naruto and Kakashi would want him to while she was in his care, right?
What Sasuke also told himself as he neared the end of his journey, was that he needed time to contemplate his current issue with chakra reserves and recover completely anyway. Maybe Sakura could advise him in this entire situation, being one of the world’s leading experts in medical science.
When the tomoes finally reappeared on his Rinnegan, Sasuke breathed in and ripped a hole in space, a black vortex spiraling in the air before him. When Sasuke stepped through the portal, he reappeared on the dunes bordering the northern wall of the Sand Village. Sasuke breathed in the sudden surge of oxygen blown to him from the western wind and noticed that the sun had almost completely set. It was dusk now and a purple sky greeted his return. A few minutes more and darkness would completely settle on the Sand Village. Sasuke thought it would be best if he headed straight to his lodgings since that was where Sakura would soon be heading if she was leaving the hospital. Or at least, he hoped so.
When Sasuke made his way along the wall towards the western opening—the same path he had taken on his way out of the village—he soon realized his assumption about Sakura’s current location had been wrong. Her voice rang like a familiar hailing bell somewhere in the air above him, and when he located it as he rounded the corner, his relief was a palpable weight off his shoulders. His pink-haired teammate was sitting up on top of a bluff near the exit, unhurt and completely unaware of his presence as she watched the sun sink below the mountains of sand at his right. The very next second Sasuke realized that she was talking to a person sitting next to her and Sasuke’s relief turned acid as he narrowed his eyes at Gaara, the Kazekage who was apparently partaking in the sunset view with her.
So, he thought to himself, Sakura had been fine all along. The entire trek here he had been thinking of her, and it made Sasuke a little bitter to see her free from the same type of thinking. From the looks of it, she was morethan fine.
Sasuke checked his unmasked glare then, because he was suddenly peering up into the scrutinizing assessment of the silent Kazekage, who had been observing every emotion that Sasuke had let slip onto his face. In the second that Sasuke’s eyes had fallen on Sakura, Gaara must have sensed the Uchiha’s presence and had focused on him before Sasuke had even registered the sand-wielder. Sasuke wiped his expression immediately with embarrassment of being caught, inclining a respectful nod towards the ninja who was currently their host. Sasuke should be grateful to the man for looking after her, not showing him disrespect.
Gaara turned to Sakura then, mumbling something quietly that not even Sasuke could register. He assumed it was a farewell because the Kazekage stood as Sakura gazed up at him, still oblivious to the eyes that watched her from below. Gaara picked a kunai out of his pocket and stuck it into the ground beside her before stepping out onto a platform of sand that materialized before him. With a gesture towards Sakura, Gaara lowered himself on the other side of the wall and disappeared over the tops of the village buildings.
Just as Gaara had anticipated, Sasuke summoned the small amount of chakra it possessed to switch places with the kunai that Gaara had put in place for him; the simple act made Sasuke feel even more guilty for the look he gave him seconds earlier. The Uchiha’s guilt changed to shame when he appeared on his feet beside his travelling companion and Sakura jumped up with joy at seeing him suddenly beside her.
“Sasuke?” she exclaimed, walking up to him and beaming up at him. “I didn’t know you were back!”
“Just arrived,” he grunted tiredly, instantly relaxing by taking Gaara’s seat on the ledge. “Why are you up here?”
“To watch the sunset,” she innocently gestured outward towards the sky. “I hadn’t done so yet, so Gaara brought me. Isn’t it beautiful?”
Sasuke tried not to be annoyed at that statement. In what circumstances had the Kazekage or Sakura thought it a good idea to bring up sunset viewing? Sasuke supposed he still wasa little bothered because before he could stop them, the words came out. “And what did the Kazekage say?”
Sakura crouched down on her knees beside him and began explaining their entire conversation. Sasuke’s irritation was replaced with intrigue as Sakura educated Sasuke about the reports of criminal-like activity on the outskirts of the village. Gaara had made the effort to talk to her about this because it would help explain his and Kankuro’s upcoming absence over the next few days as they investigated the rumors. Sakura had also informed the Kazekage about their most recent encounter with strange ninja. At the mention of it, Sasuke was just relieved to hear that ninja hadn’t made an appearance here while he was away. Sasuke also felt relieved that the entire situation was now in the Kazekage’s hands. Perhaps the encounter with their attackers had been a random occurrence after all and Sasuke wouldn’t have to hear anything more about it.
As she continued to catch him up, Sasuke leaned wearily against the wall of rock behind him and watched her talk from the corner of his eye. Sasuke noticed abruptly that she was wearing the clothes that he had bought for her before he left. Despite the plainness of the style, she made them work wonderfully and Sasuke was thankful that he had guessed the fit right. The looser, more modest top had been intentionally picked and swayed around her agreeably. The light was fading now as stars began to prickle the dark purple horizon and a large rosy moon, too, made an appearance on the skyline. Sakura’s braided hair was a shade darker in the dimness and Sasuke recognized that it was longer now, just below her shoulders.
Soft fingers suddenly brushing his had Sasuke refocusing on Sakura’s words. Her expression was one of concern as she assessed him for any signs of injury, a lifelong habit. As Sakura leaned forward with fretful assessment, Sasuke pressed the fingertips reassuringly that dangled over his palm. “Just a little tired is all,” he admitted.
Sakura didn’t take her hand away as she scooted back against the wall beside him. Sasuke didn’t move his either, even though he tried desperately to convince himself to. He really shouldn’t have grasped her fingers, Sasuke told himself. But this wasn’t bad, was it? Their hands were just grazing one another; that didn’t mean they were holding hands. He wasn’t violating a boundary by resting his knuckles against hers.
“Tell me,” she spoke evenly, seemingly unaffected by their sudden nearness, “what you’ve been doing for the past three days.”
And so he did. All of it. Her face changed to one of uneasiness again as he explained why his absence was so long. He had run out of chakra and spent two days waiting for enough of it to return before he could make the voyage back. He enlightened her about his plan for the next attempt, trying it twice in succession, the first to open the door, and the second effort a day later while using the same door to see if that would get him further.
When Sakura pulled away her hand abruptly and placed it on her leg, Sasuke frowned and fisted his own in response. He backtracked, trying desperately to remember what he might have said that would make her upset. Sasuke instantly knew something was wrong and wanted to ask her about it, but Sasuke had a sinking feeling that it was related to him.
He was saved the trouble of asking as Sakura beheld the sky again and said quietly, “You didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t know that you had left.”
Sasuke looked down into his lap, fisted hand now resting on his knee. The Sasuke a few years ago would have instantly responded with “I don’t have to tell you anything” but he wasn’t that Sasuke anymore. He wanted to tell her that he had tried to go to her but had lost his nerve when Kankuro came out of the greenhouse and caught him looking for her. The reality was that he didn’t have enough steel to stray from the comfort zone of his reserved behavior in front of others. Maybe privately, just between them, Sasuke could have found her and told her he was leaving. But how could he explain that to her without looking like a total coward?
When he hesitated to reply, Sakura whispered in the darkness. “I thought we had a ‘partnership.’”
He returned his gaze to her then, recalling their conversation on the way here about a trust that involved the both of them working together. That’s what he had wanted. A partnership where he wasn’t the sole receiver. But how could a partnership work while they were away on separate missions? He had his own mission and she had hers. Sasuke couldn’t help but feel annoyed about this entire circumstance. Hadn’t he just come back to check on her? Wasn’t he getting distracted from the one goal that the entire world depended on him for?
“I’m sorry,” he admitted quietly. Then he added, “This is how it is for me. I have to leave when I can—”
“You can at least tell me you’re leaving,” Sakura interrupted, still not making eye contact with him. It unnerved him for her to do so. She alwaysmade eye contact with him. “I understand that you have to leave; I don’t expect any different. But a part of a partnership is communication.”
Communication? Between two people who couldn’t ever really be together? He cared about Sakura; he really did. If all she wanted was communication, couldn’t Sasuke give her that? Isn’t that what she had asked of him back in the Leaf too? “Stop dodging me,” she had tried to bargain. More of her words rang in his memory: "We don't have to be together to love each other, Sasuke.” So, maybe they didn’t, but communication alone wasn’t a relationship that Sakura deserved.
She added again at his silence, “Remember when I had run off to bathe in the woods and you came to find me?” Sasuke instantly wanted to say ‘no’ just out of mortification but Sakura finished by saying, “You had asked me to tell you where I was going before I ran off. How you felt in that moment is how I felt when I realized that you weren’t coming back to our room. I need you to do at least that—to tell me you’re leaving.”
Sasuke’s heart softened and his resolved wavered. It was the imagining of her in that equal amount of distress that had the Uchiha fessing up. “I meant to say goodbye. I went to the greenhouse, but…you were talking to people—so.”
Sakura turned to meet his eyes then and Sasuke felt both shyness and instant relief at the action. To the Uchiha, it was a sign that Sakura’s resentment was passing. Sasuke thought that he might personally prefer the animated angry Sakura that gave him a black eye to this silent one.
“You did?” she asked, her voice lightening considerably. She searched his face for more information that Sasuke didn’t want to give her. The whole point was that he didn’t right?
Sasuke’s smirk was a reaction that his body didn’t make often. “I’ll leave a note next time.” He would do at least that for her—say goodbye in some way.
“I’ll take it,” she smiled in response, elbowing him in the chest and leaning her side fully against his own despite his surprised expression. She ignored him and watched the moon’s progression as it turned into a snowy white, all color gone from the atmosphere now. Her warmth was a comfort that Sasuke hadn’t realized he’d missed while he was away. When they had parted, Sasuke had felt like he had lost his arm again, and now, it felt like a limb had been given back to him. No, he realized, not a limb. An organ. She was one of several pieces of his heart, a valve that Sasuke knew he couldn’t live without—didn’t want to live without. But he had to. Like Itachi had for the world, Sasuke would have to cut out his heart and learn to live without it.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sakura found herself incredibly nervous as they made their way through the dim alleyways of Sunagakure towards their housing. Unlike Konoha, whose evening streets were alive with activity and lights, only the occasional lantern lit a window in the Sand Village. Sakura theorized that perhaps it was a fire risk to brighten the streets with firelight being that heavy winds traveled between buildings and rushed houses. The wind was especially strong at this very moment as she and Sasuke strode up the path towards the little inn adjacent to the hospital. It didn’t seem to be bothering Sasuke much; the only thing that flapped around him was his poncho. Sakura, on the other hand, clung desperately to her unravelling hair that was a perfect metaphorical illustration for her unraveling nerves.
“Welcome back sir!” Chie exclaimed as the two of them entered, her eyes quickly assessing Sasuke’s unexpected return. Sakura couldn’t help but notice how recurrently dead the place seemed despite the inn-keeper’s claim of full capacity four days ago.
Sakura expressed her thoughts to Sasuke as they made the climb together up the two flights of stairs. She only spoke because there wasn’t anything else she could think to say. “Don’t you feel something off about this place? All the doors are shut like they’re full, but I haven’t met a single soul while here.”
Sasuke answered emotionlessly with, “That’s because no one else is here; at least not on our floor. I think it’s intentional.”
Sakura blinked at that statement. “Our host seemed certain that we had one of the last remaining rooms. What do you mean by intentional?”
“Gaara vacated the place. I thought at first he did it because of safety measures, but I’m not sure.”
Safety from what? Sakura frowned when she quickly realized Sasuke was talking about himself. Did the Kazekage really think that lowly of the ex-convict Uchiha that he would actually evacuate an inn? Sakura chose to give Gaara, the man who had taken her to see the sunset, the benefit of the doubt. It seemed Sasuke was doing the same. She blushed as she considered the other possibility. The only other conclusion she could make was that Kankuro and Gaara had taken the time to ensure their safety… or privacy. That thought did not help her tangled anxiety.
When Sasuke opened the door to their room and walked in, Sakura couldn’t help but hesitate. He glanced back at her, reading her as easily as a book, and in response, Sakura giggled awkwardly/apprehensively before crossing the threshold and closing the door behind her.
After a few minutes of mutual silence, Sakura suggested hurriedly, “How about you take a seat and I’ll check on you really quick before you go to sleep. Just to make sure you’re okay.”
He nodded, possibly too tired to argue with her. The Uchiha was practically dead on his feet and it was hard to tell if he was experiencing even a fraction of the turmoil that was currently taking place inside of Sakura’s stomach. It hadbeen more obvious when they first stayed together; she was the collected one and Sasuke had tossed on the floor all night. Now, it seemed it was reversed.
Her bed, she noticed was messily ruffled from two nights ago; she hadn’t been able to tidy it that morning because she was late and then had stayed at the hospital last night with Isao. Sasuke turned to his own bed instead, seating himself and beginning to remove his shoes. He reached behind him and pulled the poncho over his head, leaving behind the black high-necked long sleeve. Slipping a thumb up under his hair wrap, he removed the firm binding and sand showered from his hair. He shook it all loose and then dusted the loose sand off his pants and quilt.
Taking a panicky breath, Sakura made her way over to him and Sasuke stared indifferently off into space as she touched his forehead with her glowing fingers. He sighed unexpectedly and closed his eyes at her attempt to soothe the pulsing behind his forehead.
“Does that feel better?” she asked him, taking the palm of her hand and closing his eyelids with it. The green light of her jutsu flared again, and Sakura focused her energy to the back of Sasuke’s Rinnegan, soothing the optic nerve and the pathways connected to the brain.
She got an exhausted mumble in response to her question, which made Sakura grin. “I think I have a solution for your chakra depletion, too,” the kunoichi announced as she pulled forward Sasuke’s left shoulder. “It’s been a while. Let’s have a quick look at this arm.”
“You do?” he responded to her first statement, a small spike of energy returning as Sasuke shrugged off his undershirt, giving her easy access to the firm bandaging around what remained of his bicep.
“They’re not the best tasting, but I can make you my own version of the Military Ration Pills, or food pills, if you’d rather,” she offered, simultaneously stripping the dressings and placing a hand under his arm and raising it so she could easily observe the scar tissue. Sakura was pleased with the overall healing of this injury, but she still hoped that she might be able to rid Sasuke of the brutal scarring one day if he ever let her.
“The purpose of the food pills is to supply you with chakra for several days in succession. You’ll experience the same exhaustion afterwards, but these will help you get the chakra you need for a short period of time. You’ll have to eat many, but they should do the trick.” She explained all this while rewrapping the dismembered limb. “I first made them for Naruto back when he was trying to master chakra shape transformation while using shadowclones.”
Sasuke “tsk”ed at their headstrong friend and Sakura smiled again. “You can come with me tomorrow to the greenhouse, and I’ll cook you up a batch.”
. . . . . . . . .
Sasuke nodded sleepily at her offer. He had been correct in his theory that if anyone could help him figure out a solution to his current circumstances, it would be Sakura. Sasuke was knowledgeable about the use of food pills, but they weren’t the easiest things to come by; in fact, Konoha’s medics only made so many a year and Sasuke honestly hadn’t even took them into consideration. He supposed situations changed when you had a medic as a friend and she just happened to make a special recipe of food pills.
“There,” she nodded while tying off the end of his new bandage. Sasuke lulled at the feeling of her fingers dancing over his skin with such professional practice. He did a poor job of the wrappings with one arm, so it was nice to have someone else do it for once.
Sasuke’s fatigue rapidly faded as the pink-haired medic leaned forward to release his arm and her shirt slid slightly to the left across her collarbone. Spotting the dark discoloration of a bruise just beneath the bone, Sasuke’s eyes widened and his right hand shot out and grabbed Sakura’s elbow before she could turn completely around.
“What is that?” Sasuke scowled, standing as he rotated Sakura’s body to fully face him again.
“What?” she asked unknowingly, disquiet jumping to the planes of her face at his sudden forcefulness.
“This,” he growled, releasing her elbow and using the end of his fingers to move the fabric away from her skin. As Sasuke placed his fingertips next to the mark, he couldn’t help but compare the size of them to the spot, and he made the connection almost instantly.
“Oh,” Sakura frowned down at the purple blotch, suddenly realizing the bruise was there herself. “That’s— I didn’t realize—” she began, moving away from his touch, then stopped her words when she saw the murderous stare he was giving the miniscule injury.
“Who did that to you?” he breathed, red beginning to stain his vision. There was an electricity forming beneath his skin and Sasuke couldn’t breathe. Somebody had shovedtheir fingers into her chest. Bruised her. In that moment, Sasuke knew instantly that he’d find and mutilate that person, whoever it was, accident or not, for even daring to lay their hands on her.
“Sasuke,” Sakura was saying, trying to reach him despite the ringing in his ears. “I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me you’re not going to overrea—”
Making eye contact with her again, Sasuke stepped up to her and requested a second time for the name he was wanting, “Who was it?”
There was a moment of frigid silence between them as they stood searching each other’s eyes. And then Sakura’s hands found his waist and she slid them across his sides and buried her head in his chest. She clutched his bare back and spoke into his skin. “Stop. Let me explain.”
She clung to him like a stubborn leach as Sasuke tried remove her from his body. He tried reaching his arm down between them to pry her off, but her forearms remained secure around him. Damn her inhuman strength. His anger began to ebb as she awkwardly mumbled the story into his ribcage. During their skirmish, they had somehow ended up on the ground, and Sakura pinned his good arm to his side, pissing the Uchiha off because he knew that she was taking advantage of his one-arm-ness. The entire time Sakura described her experience with an unnamed patient’sunnamed father, Sasuke was crossly forced to listen to the episode via wrestling. Their tussle-talk ended when the Uchiha finally was made to agree with: “I promise I won’t do anything, just get off me.”
When her weight suddenly removed from his back and Sasuke flipped over with a huge breath of air, he shot her a glare. “Don’t ever do that again,” he hissed in the kunoichi’s direction as she grinned embarrassingly down at him.
She reached down for his hand and he reluctantly gave it to her. She was just fortunate that Sasuke was too tired to knock her hand away. As she helped him to his feet, she said, “I’m flattered at your concern, but I can’t have you going chunin-exam psycho right now—”
“What?!” he growled, and she dropped his hand. Stalking over to his bed, Sasuke sat firmly down and propped his pouty chin into his palm, feeling suddenly even more tired than before. “I don’t go psycho,” he grumbled despite the fact that they both knew thatwas an obvious lie. He’d gone crazyplenty of times. “And I’m not concerned,” he spit out angrily, tossing a pillow down on his bed and flipping onto his stomach. “Naruto and Kakashi would be—”
“Yeah, yeah,” she waved off his excuse and Sasuke stopped speaking; he still grumpily narrowed his eyes at her over the rim of his pillow before turning on his side completely, cutting off all conversation.
She didn’t take the hint, because seconds later she announced that she was showering and then going to bed.
“Hn,” he responded with more force and exasperation than he really needed to.
Okay, so, maybe he had gone just a little pre-psycho to this whole bruise situation. Sakura referenced the chunin exams and Sasuke recalled the incident she specified. When Sasuke had woken from his slumber, it was the effects of the cursemark that had the Uchiha turning his wrath on their enemies with fierce brutality. It was the rush of dark power that had turned Sasuke into a murderous “psycho.” So what was his problem now? A year ago, he wouldn’t have displayed something even close to the same reaction. He would have blamed Sakura for getting herself into the situation to begin with, and at the most, may have even told her to be more careful who she pissed off. But just a few minutes ago, Sasuke had felt like he did back in the Forest of Death, and yet he no longer had the cursemark. So why?
Sasuke had once always felt the desire to protect Sakura and maybe his reaction was just that feeling returning again now that they were friends again. It’s not just that, his own voice enlightened him.
Sasuke had in fact gone after Sakura when he heard about Kido kidnapping her, but the worst he had done in retaliation was surround ninja with fire and use genjutsu on one of them. But a few minutes ago… he was contemplating just how he’d stab more than fingers into the person’s chest who’d touched her.
Sasuke breathed out his anger again, hoping it would help him stop being so intense about it.
Sasuke couldn’t fall asleep as he tried to contemplate any other reason that would explain his actions besides the obvious answer. It had been obvious for some time now honestly, but Sasuke had denied it up until this point. Sasuke was in love with Sakura, and an Uchiha didn’t need to have a cursemark to be irrational when someone threatened his loved one. It had been a slow progression, but Sasuke had been slowly allowing himself to believe and accept the truth he’d always known. But what could he do about it now?
When Sakura finished showering, Sasuke pretended to doze heavily, so she put out the lights and padded lightly across the moonlit floor to her own bed. Despite how exhausted Sasuke was, he would never forget the night where he listened to the sound of Sakura’s even breathing as his heart ached, knowing that what he wanted, Sasuke could never have.
#approachingsun#approaching sun#sasusakumonth#sasusaku#ssfanfiction#sasusakufanfiction#naruto#Naruto Shippuden#postshinobiworldwar#sasusakutravel#sasusakumonth2019#Sakura Haruno#Sasuke Uchiha#sasuke and sakura#sakura uchiha#sakura hiden#sasukeshinden#sasuke shinden
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WHAT’S BLOCKING YOU FROM ACHIEVING YOUR GOAL?
Concentrate on this goal and pick the deck which calls you. Answers under the cut <3
If this reading resonated with you, please leave feedback. It helps me grow and learn, and it feels nice xD
DECK ONE
You have a lot of creative energy, and a clear vision in mind. The Love card suggests a union or partnership, but the wheel of fortune turns regardless of what you want. I’m sensing some fear here; how will it turn out? Will my fortune be good or bad? Remember that the wheel of fortune places you where you need to be in that moment, and it will continue to turn.
The knight of cups and king of swords are both strong masculine figures, perhaps father/brother figures. The Moon represents things untold, a mystery or hidden things. Is there something that you need to say to someone? Or is it something that you’re hiding from yourself?
The Dog is a figure that represents loyalty and unconditional love, but his message for you is “Your loyalty and faithfulness is misplaced by serving too many masters.” You need to learn to set your own boundaries and decisions, rather than be swayed by the opinions of those around you.
The angel Zikiel brings a message of oneness and unity, again representing some form of union. They are the angel of inspiration and will guide you if you let them.
The fairie card of Miracle Healing is answering your call (whether conscious or not) for guidance. Someone is listening, and this card is their reply. Your affirmation from the fairies is “in truth, everything and everyone, including myself, is healed right now. I focus on this truth instead of the illusion of fear.”
DECK TWO
There is an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety in this deck. You are afraid of being judged harshly, especially by those closest to you. The queen of wands suggests an overbearing mother figure, someone you may be afraid to disappoint.
The two of pentacles here suggests that you have a vibrant love of life, but the seven of pentacles and eight of staffs makes me think that you now feel trapped, and are afraid of being seen as a fool.
The angel energy is that of Eth, the angel of time. They remind us that time is fluid, but also that we must live in the now. While this energy can facilitate the healing of past hurts, the message I am getting is to focus on your present, rather than being weighed down by past hurts or fear of the future.
The unicorn here is telling you to “indulge your creative, imaginative, and magical side through some form of artistic expression,” both as self expression and self healing.
Finally the inner power card reminds you that you have the strength within you to achieve your goals. The affirmation associated with this card is “it is safe for me to be powerful! I have all the power of the universe flowing through me and supporting me.”
DECK THREE
This deck has a similar energy to deck two, but rather than fear I get a sense of being controlled. Not necessarily by someone else or an outside force, but by your own anxiety. You may be very tight with money, for fear of not having enough. I get the sense that you have a constant need to be in control, and are unable to relinquish that control even when it hurts you. There’s a very RIGID energy here - but remember that strength is not fixed. Sometimes you must bend or else you will break.
The three of cups suggests to me that you have a supportive group of friends or family amongst whom you find happiness. However, there is still residual fear, and a feeling of being trapped. You may be afraid of being hurt, but if you don’t allow your guard to lower you will drive others away.
The angel Ramiel brings you clarifying light. This angel’s energy will help you burn away the fog of fear and allow you to see your path clearly.
The cardinal brings a message of balance. “The polarities of your spiritual pursuits and physical pleasures are out of balance, so do whatever is necessary to bring them back into equilibrium.” Focus on your goal, rather than falling prey to the negative “what-ifs” that are anxiety’s favourite weapon.
The fairies want to remind you of your inner beauty, and the affirmation associated with this card is “my inner and outer selves are radiantly attractive right now. I love my beautiful self.”
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Final Destination
What makes me unique?: My Personality Traits
What makes me unique is my personality. Over high school I feel I have changed for the better. Before high school I was insecure and shy. My state of mind has definitely changed as well. I learned that everyone is born with pure joy and innocence but the experiences we face in life, struggles we go through and how we handle situations is what shapes us into the people we are. I really enjoy learning new things and like to seek new learning opportunities. This demonstrates that I am focused and unafraid of new challenges. Four years ago I would have never thought I would be the person I am today.
I always try to see the best in people, I’m a good listener, and I have an open heart. I make others feel welcomed with my positivity and I feel I overall bring a good vibe to people. I know when I make choices they’re always for a reason even if they don't end in positive outcomes, I know deep down everything happens for a reason and I know what’s best for myself. I’m a good listener by always being there for the people I care about and listening to others when they tell me their problems. I tend to have an open heart towards others because I've grown up that way and I take it after my mom.
The people at Salesian that I have met I know have shaped me into the person I am now. Coming to Salesian I feel I have made the friends that will last the rest of my life since they are a big part of who I am today. A lot of people see me as unique because of the way I present myself. A lot of my friends and family have told me I have a welcoming aroma and I never judge a book by its cover. I’m always interested in meeting new people and jumping at new opportunities that are given to me.
What is good citizenship?: My love for the Community
To me good citizenship is when one properly fulfills their role as a citizen. One must respect the institutions of the country, respect the laws of the state, and not commit crimes. At school some good qualities in being a good citizen include being respectful to property, following rules, presenting good character, and by giving back to the community. Obeying the laws, working and contributing to society and being positive towards others.
Since we are in a pandemic it has caused many schools to close down for the rest of the year and to enforce online schooling. To be a good citizen at school means that you are actively participating in class, doing your work on time and asking questions. In other ways, I think service day at Salesian and having to do personal service hours is a great way to serve the community and others. Service I have contributed to was handing sandwiches out to the homeless at People’s Park in Berkeley. I was positive towards others during this service project by taking into consideration their living conditions. Growing up I knew helping others was super important and this service project that I did since freshman year made me feel super good about my well being towards the homeless community.
I believe being a hard worker is part of being a good citizen. When you work hard you are able to provide services for others and earn money which contribute to a stronger economy. Practicing good citizenship is something everyone should do because it makes the community stronger.
Quote: Laughter is the Best Medicine
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” This quote was said by Audrey Hepburn and I find it very inspirational especially for women.
The part of this quote that I really liked the most is where she says, “I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.” When a girl looks genuinely happy with herself and has confidence you can tell and that’s what makes the person much more beautiful. The part of the quote I felt like I could relate to was when she says, “laughing is the best calorie burner.” Having fun and enjoying life is the best way to live. Sometimes when you're sad and you don’t think you will be able to be happy again laughter I think is what takes over the soul and revives it. Even at the hardest times in life, laughing when you're sad is the best medicine.
Overall I think this is a very powerful quote and shows that there is always a light at the end of a dark tunnel. There is a song by Bruno Mars and it relates to this quote because he says, “Behind every storm and cloudy day there is a sky full of lighters. For you and me both that will help us live out our dreams exactly the way it should be.” God has a plan for all of us and I believe that even if things don’t go our way or the way we want it to there is a miracle waiting for us at the other end.
Empowerment: Confidence & Self Love
Empowerment means authority or power given to someone to do something. To me it means to become stronger and more confident as a person. The first step into empowerment is self love. In other words, I believe If you can’t learn to love yourself first you can’t have a kind heart and love towards others. I believe I empower my own life because I set meaningful and personal goals for myself in life. If I have a goal I reach for it and take action to achieve those goals.
Someone who empowers me and that I look up to is my Mom. At a young age I have always looked up to my mom and we have always been super close. She has taught me to never give up on anything and that I can do anything I set my mind to. My mother is such an inspiration to me and is super hard working. She always listens to me and helps me solve problems. She has helped me get through a lot and has impacted my life greatly. Whenever I am down or sad she always gives me a shoulder to cry on. I learned from my mom to stand up for myself and to not care what negative things people have to say. Alongside her job she comes home after a long day and still cooks and cleans. My mom has always pushed me to work hard at my goals and always makes me feel special.
In conclusion with everything you have going on now in life even if it may drive you to sadness, we need to realize that we shouldn’t dwell on the past but instead look into the future and realize that a lot of our problems won’t matter. There have been many situations that I have dwelled on about and later realized and asked myself why I was so upset about it. After knowing what I know, instead of worrying about what I was upset about I learned to be more focused on what will consume my head space in the near future. This relates to empowerment because I have watched myself sprout into the wonderful being I am today.
My life: My biggest struggles and how I overcame them
Sophomore year Is when I began to break out really bad on my face. I was insecure and shy and I felt it was all anyone looked at when they talked to me. I tried every prescription my doctor gave me but nothing worked. They then told me about Accutane which is a harsh medication which dries out every part of your body. After about a month my skin took a turn for the best, I felt more confident in my own skin and my overall mental health was much better.
My friends and family are the people who have shaped who I am today. At a young age I was always kind and a lot of the friends that I had took advantage of it. I was bullied and I feel like this is what made me distance myself from certain people. I began to distance myself from people because I was always afraid I would be treated the same way again. Looking back at this point in my life it’s where I realized I became shy. I didn’t realize then how to handle a situation such as the one I was in, but now that I’m older I look back and realize I would have handled things differently.
Once I got to high school that all changed for me. My friends and family have made me stronger, feel more confident in myself and are always motivating me to always do my best. I have learned a lot from past friendships and relationships that I know how I want to be treated and how to treat my peers. Through high school I learned to not care what people think of me and have definitely been able to be more myself. I’m excited for the next chapter in my life being college because I know I can take what experiences I’ve had in high school and take them with me through the rest of my life.
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Meeting Dead Sisters
~By Shawn Gibson~
Two years ago, a mysterious trio called DEAD SISTERS emerged upon the New England scene, capturing our attention forthwith. A year later, they were playing Maryland Doom Festival. It was high time that Doomed & Stoned followed the trail of holy hell to meet them.
☩
Let's do introductions! Who's who in the band and what do you play?
C: Sister Catherine, I play guitar and whatever else is needed.
M: Sister Meredeth, I worship with my voice and percussion instruments.
K: Sister Kerr, I play guitar and sing.
What is the inspiration and origin of Dead Sisters?
C: We are like-minded in that we wish to guide vibrations to their fullest potential of beauty with the utmost of patience.
M: The inspiration for DS is the beginning of time itself. The origin is the collision of time, place, judgement and reckoning.
K: We are longtime sisters and collaborators; we started by writing and recording our first piece (Sermon) using markers and poster paper. We wanted to react to a prominent and powerful death cult by plugging in as many amplifiers as possible.
How would you describe your music?
C: The pieces are reflections of every path we choose to take under the oppression of a strangling society with temporal experiences of the confusion and excitement that comes with commitment.
M: Our music is pure and divine and moving. It is wholly dedicated to our worshipers.
K: Meditative and cathartic. Wrathful, violent, and fun.
What drives your music?
C: Sorrow and Joy.
M: Our music is driven by ignorance, inequality and hate of today’s society. Hail Hartley.
K: Our connection to one another (we live in different states) and our commitment to spreading the truth.
Please explain the artwork for 'Dead Sisters' (2018) and 'All Your Eyes' (2019).
C: I am very pleased with the depiction.
M: The artwork for our first releases come from a family heirloom. To be preserved before its eminent decay.
K: Animal flesh is often arranged in pleasing shapes so children find it more palatable to eat. Bibles are often presented with illustrations for the same purpose.
Will there be Dead Sisters patches in the future?
C: Patches are the stepping stones to tapestries. Very soon.
M: Soon we will have patches and treasures beyond any dream.
K: We have many ideas for more effective and eye-catching paraphernalia in the future. Remain alert.
What music has influenced your own? Bands like Buried At Sea?
C: La Monte Young, Meth Drinker.
M: Musical influences include Pentagram, Grief, Electric Wizard, Wayne Shorter, Noothgrush, Ahab, Toadliquor, Daughters, Miles Davis, Anal Cunt, Dopethrone, Bongripper, Bill Evans, Pig Destroyer, Napalm Death, Coffinworm, Elvin Jones, John Luther Adams and many others.
K: The Body, Khanate, Lingua Ignota, Morton Feldman, Swans, and the wrongful deaths of innumerable women and children at the hands of pious men.
I ordered a Dead Sisters shirt and cassette from your Bandcamp page. Do the cassettes come with lyrics? I am curious to know the lyrics to your songs!
K: Our lyrics are available to read on our Bandcamp page. We include them with every song. The cassette does not have lyrics.
On your Bandcamp page, one of your tags for your music says anti-Christian? Could you talk about that a little bit?
C: Christianity is an illusion that has been shoved upon the residents of our society as a way to keep Feudalism alive. We choose not to turn a blind eye to true sin by addressing hypocrisy instigated by the bourgeoisie. If there is any confusion, I will clear it up now: Nazism has NO place in any world.
M: Anti-Christian tags are for clarity, yet occasionally remain unnoticed. Society is an illusion.
K: Child-threatening death cults have no place in a healthy society. Abuse apologists and master manipulators should not hold power. Is a book which promotes violence and othering an appropriate rulebook? Much so-called Christian art is very beautiful. People and life are beautiful. Some ideas are not.
What is a fantastic book that has blown your mind?
C: Wisconsin Death Trip is my favorite picture book.
M: No comment.
K: I enjoy reading utopian science fiction. I just finished The Dispossessed by Ursula K. LeGuin (more of an anarchist perspective and very moving, LeGuin’s short stories are wonderful too). My favorite book of this type is Island by Aldous Huxley.
What makes the Sisters laugh?
M: My sisters bring me much humor.
ALL YOUR EYES by Dead Sisters
What bands are Dead Sisters listening to these days?
C: Iggy Pop, Curtis Mayfield, The Body.
M: dim, Angel Morgue, Greylock, The Cult, Spectral Voice, Blood Incantation, Thou, cttboto, Thin Lizzy, Fistula and Churchburn.
K: Kali Malone, Blackwater Holylight, Body Void, Dreamcrusher, Low, Malevich.
I saw a flyer on your Instagram that you played with Chained To The Bottom Of The Ocean! I love them! I'm glad to have seen them at New Brookland Tavern in Columbia, South Carolina. How was that show? I wish I could have been at that show seeing both of you live!
C: We did great. I made one new friend.
M: Our inaugural ceremony was a cataclysm of divine tools and true worshipers. DUSK-Providence, RI is a genuine temple.
K: Playing with Chained was a great experience, and extremely loud. We hope to gather our amps with them again soon. They are touring in November to support their new album; everyone should endeavor to see them. We share a mutual love of Thou’s music.
I was just four minutes and forty seconds into 'All Your Eyes' (2019) and holy fuck! I was almost knocked out when it got heavier.
M: A holy fuck indeed.
K: Thank you. One of our goals is to reward the patient and attentive listener with a powerful experience.
'All Your Eyes' (2019), which inspires me to get a tattoo of that song somehow, is twenty-one minutes and fifty seconds long. 'Dead Sisters' (2018) has "Call To Worship" which is fifteen minutes and fifty seconds. "Sermon" is thirty-seven and fourteen seconds long. "Benediction" twenty-one minutes and thirty-six seconds long. Very heavy slabs to consume!
C: The TABs are rather light.
M: Temporal matters of our recorded worships are required for true enlightenment.
K: Getting the tattoo may likely take less time than listening to our cassette. You might try doing both simultaneously. Why would you mark up your beautiful body like that? You should be ashamed.
What has been an awkward situation for Dead Sisters?
C: Every time a worship musician gives us a misinformed shoutout.
M: An awkward moment for my sisters and I occurs when places of worship cannot support our holy current.
Do you play in other bands? Would you tell us if you did?
C: I would never.
M: Other projects include choir, our badminton team and heavy seasonal gardening.
What is in the future for Dead Sisters?
C: Many drink tickets and blown fuses.
M: The future of DS is terrifying and certain.
K: Stay with us. Without you we are nothing. Several releases are imminent, one of which will be very substantial.
Dead Sisters by Dead Sisters
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Hey I just read the last chapter of upper west side and may I say I was just absolutely beautiful (tho I am kinda angry that you made me cry tbh) also since it's a series now, can you give us a bit of what the next book's gonna be like. I am SOOOO EXCITED.
Hey girl!!!! I was so excited to see an ask from you! I was hoping you liked the ending!
I have gotten a lot of threats and fuck you and "you made me cry" in the last 48 hours, but it's all in good fun. It means I made you feel something! And that's the goal!
As for what to look forward to in the series: do you mean the next story or the next book Adora will write? I have to decide how much I still want to incorporate canon beyond the story she writes itself and then I have to figure out what events (past, present, and future) would motivate/inspire adora to write what we know to be canon. Besides canon, I really, really want to explore their families- because we know Adora's keeping secrets and then catra's had secrets kept from her ;) like... What else are in those boxes under their beds?
But on the drawing board right now include a pool party, catra and adora trying to out do each other on dates, sick fics, art school shenigans and maybe a road trip?
What would you guys like to see?
#upper west side#THANK YOU LOVE#💜💛💜💛💜💜💛💜💛💜💛#posts about 'she's god and I found her' will be coming in a couple days#:)
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