#i am so incredibly unnormal about this man thanks for asking

[chujellies]

for no reason other than because i could... Privaron Espada Akon 💞

[oneshotsinlife]

I Will Always Be With You Chapter 7: Paint

Severus woke up early in the morning, he was tired but also weirdly excited, he thought that it may have something to do with being officially the father of a little brilliant boy who was sleeping on the other room, he let himself smile before standing up to cook some breakfast. Today was going to be a busy one, they needed to meet with Dumbledore, just to tell him about the adoption and how everything went, he also wanted to introduce Madame Pomphrey and Hagrid to Harry, he knew that the half-giant was going to be really happy to see the little one, after all he had been counting down the years for Harry to attend Hogwarts. Once the breakfast was ready he went to wake up the little boy. It was incredible how his life and his hopes for a future had changed in such a little time before Harry irrupted in his life his only motivation to get by the day was to wait until his death doing productive things... Harry woke up the same way as the day before, with his dad shaking him awake gently, at first, he flinched slightly, the habits that eight years of being treated badly had built in Harry weren’t going to leave in a day, but right after he realized that his dad was the one waking him up he smiled and sat up. “good morning dad…” he said while he started to stretch, Severus led Harry to the bathroom like he had done the day before, with a small but genuine smile on his face. After breakfast and all the routinely affairs were dealt with they walked outside, adventuring the castle, they climbed the eternal staircase from the dungeons, where their quarters were, to Dumbledore’s office, where the old Headmaster was already waiting for them. “Very good morning, my boys” Dumbledore said in his grandfatherly voice when they entered his office, “good morning headmaster” The first thing that Dumbledore noticed about the little child was his eyes, proving to him how serious was Severus about kipping the child “oh… I see you performed the ritual, you look like the perfect blend of all of your parents Harry, my boy” Harry smiled shyly towards the grandfather figure of Hogwarts “thank you Sir” he mumbled before hiding slightly behind his father’s robes. “We just came here to let you know that the ritual was a success Headmaster, and also to ask you if Hagrid and Madam Pomphrey are available” Severus said in an unthreatening manner, which was unnormal for him “Madam Pomphrey had to leave for the morning, there was a problem in St. Mungos that needed to be addressed, they called most of the mediwitches and mediwizards on England, she should be back by lunchtime, Hagrid on the other hand is with Remus on his hut, they are trying to combine Christmas and Yule, to make the entire affair easy for the muggle-borns…” Severus was startled for a second, his nightmare was back in the castle, and near his son, he would not expose his son to that beast, how is that the Headmaster is letting him near the castle? Oh, yes, Gryffindor favoritism… Severus snapped back to reality when his son touched his hand lightly “dad… are you ok?” he heard his son ask “yes… I am fine… I just… didn’t expect Lupin to be around…” he mumbled to himself more than to the little boy “Severus… my boy, you should talk to him, I know I was not fair, or it seemed like I wasn’t… but believe me, he is sorry” Severus swallowed the bump on his throat in order to try and not be too rude towards Dumbledore, he knew that the Headmaster was right, he always was… well, most of the time, and Lupin probably was sorry, but Severus was not ready to see the man that holds the beat that almost killed him inside him. “I will think about it… we will be in our quarters until Lupin is out of the castle…” he said trying to appear calmed ‘or until I am ready to talk to him’ was implied, after all he would not take Christmas away from his son. Severus and Harry walked back to the dungeon, once they were inside their rooms Severus relaxed considerably and smiled slightly towards the little boy “let’s decorate your bedroom before lunch, then we can go outside and visit Madam Pomphrey” Harry nodded and followed his dad towards the newly added bedroom thinking that he would need to ask about said ‘Lupin’ later at lunch. The child’s bedroom consisted on a queen size bed, a little wooden desk with a matching wooden chair, an old closet that was slightly darker wood color and a couple of shelves where Harry had already arranged his toys “so, my son, what color would you like your room to be?” Severus asked while crouching down to Harry’s size so he would not look intimidating “you can pick any color or pattern” Harry thought for a moment if he could paint the walls any color he would paint them blue, but he also liked green, and red, and yellow, because they were the color of nature and freedom and they, were pretty “can I have a Hogwarts themed room? Like… there!” He said pointing at the wall across from the door where the bed was resting his headboard “I would like to have green, like the snake house… Slee…Slytherin!” Severus smiled widely and with a whispered “Colovaria” he changed the color of the first wall, adding some snakes into it. Then Harry pointed to the wall on the right, were the windows towards the lake were situated “Raven…claw?” he said unsure at the name receiving a smile and a nod from his dad who charmed the wall accordingly, they went on with Gryffindor, in front of the bed, and Hufflepuff, which held the shelves with the toys, it fitted perfectly. Harry nodded along and at the end, he stood up from his seat and hugged the man who immediately picked him up “there is nothing to fear dad… I will be there with you” Severus heart warmed and smiled at the beautiful child on his hands, he was so lucky to have him “you are right my son, and you do not have anything to fear either, I will always be with you to protect you and guide you” he kissed his son’s forehead and cuddled him close. Once they had finished eating Severus picked the little boy up and started their journey towards the hospital wing where Madam Pomphrey, already told about the situation by Dumbledore, was waiting for them to check on the child. Severus sat the boy, who was now shaking out of fear, on one of the little mattress “d-dad…” Severus squished his hand lovingly “everything will be fine my son, Poppy is a friend of mine and I will be here.” Madam Pomphrey introduced herself to the little boy who looked at her warily, normal behavior of a child towards a doctor, once the scanner was completed, achieved by demonstrating every single one of the charms in Dante the rabbit that Severus remembered to pick up before living, knowing that, even if Harry was too old for that kind of comfort, after the abuse, he would need some reassurance that often worked on younger children, the scanner showed how the main physical abuse involved burns and starvation which were easily cured with some cream and a proper diet. Even though the physical abuse was not too harsh, counting on any kind of physical or psychological abuse is harsh and completely unacceptable, the psychological abuse was the worst part, Severus would have to reassure the child about many things that a normal child make take for granted. Overall, the visit to the Hospital wing was a success, Harry had not been sexually abused which was enormous relieve for Severus, but he also had a diet plan and a potion plan for the little one to grow healthy. They were living in the Hospital wing, Harry eating a little sugar quill and talking softly with Dante while his dad took him back to the dungeons, when Severus saw the wolf, he tried to stay as calm as possible when he started to approach “Severus, we need to talk· Lupin said, looking at Harry softly and sadly, Severus, on the other hand, was trying to find a way to politely decline the offer so they could get back to the safety of their quarters.

[thekingsparty]

//also, this has been bothering me for a few days. i missed mark’s birthday this year by a few hours, then i felt like i shouldn’t acknowledge it late and then i was too tired to write about it. then again, i felt bad for missing it. 

mark sheppard is so incredibly special to me. not as a friend, duh, but as someone i watch from afar, someone who taught me things nobody else felt the need to. for all my life i was the nerd, the geek, the gamer - the one who’d teach others in class how to use computers. to me it felt normal, but to everybody else (including my parents) it wasn’t. i was an eyesore, the weird one - unnormal, but when i met mark at my first convention (i was like 15), he changed my life. 

he showed me that you can’t plan life. you can’t become someone you aren’t meant to be, someone you don’t want to be. when the opportunity to do what you’re meant to do arrises, you’ll know, it’ll feel normal - you’ll know it’s what you’re supposed to be doing. at the time we’d barely seen crowley enough in germany, so i didn’t know him and he waltzed into that room and my world as i knew it was done for. 

everybody was nice, don’t get me wrong. (matt cohen bear-hugged me because i was nervous and then danced on our table ok) but mark has this .. understanding. he sits down with you and he asks somewhat personal questions. he also lets you ask, but he actively tries to get to know you, no matter how short the time. he doesn’t have to. he could let time pass talking about himself like all the others, but he doesn’t. 

my convention was planned around misha at the time, before i met mark, so i got to spend way too little time with him but i came back for more next year. he always made sure to tell us that he doesn’t like the term fan cause it implied fanatic and he’s not comfortable with the negative association, so he preferred to call us family. but he also showed us that he, too, is a “fan” of things and that he’d rather people understood that being passionate about something isn’t fanatic, it’s a good thing. if we don’t feel passion for things, life is a lot less enjoyable.

he made me feel like it’s okay to be different and that it’s okay to like things the majority doesn’t. it doesn’t make you wrong. and it’s not just me. he did this to many, many people - i can only assume so many more over the years.. i just .. i want to thank him for being this amazing man, thoughtful and caring even with strangers. he takes extra time to make you happy at conventions just by doing small talk. 

it meant the world to me (and most likely many many others as well) and it’s part of the reason why i was/am so incredibly angry at the SPN fiasco, because i know how much he cares and i know (we all did, he wasn’t exactly hiding) how much it hurt him. he didn’t deserve any of it. he didn’t deserve betrayal and hurt. he always told us how hard he was fighting to try and get crowley to get the scenes he deserved and how thick the wall he ran into was and it just hurt to hear. it still bothers me some days even now. 

i guess all i wanted to get at was happy birthday mark sheppard and bless you for being this incredible man. i will forever cherish meeting you and while i hope you’ll never see this blog (haha), i do hope that my love and vibes reach your heart nevertheless. 

thank you. <3