#i am so enamored with all the little details throughout the scene

[diyasgarden]

live recording of me reading this except all you're going to see is me swooning repeatedly

A Life of Our Own

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

pairing: knight!patrick x princess!reader

word count: 5k

warnings: smut, p in v, mentions of god and oppressive societal structures, fem!reader

a/n: long awaited part 3 (“official” final part) of the knight patrick au!! I’ve literally been writing and rewriting this for over a month so I feel really accomplished in finishing it. I feel like this mini series has really been a labor of love and is the type of writing I really love doing, so I hope you all love it!! (Also I’ll openly admit, this was very hastily proofread so there’s a chance there’s mistakes and whatnot)

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

After that night, you and Patrick became inseparable. Of course, he was meant to follow you at all times, so by order, you were inseparable, but you both made certain to take full advantage of that. You spent days in the garden chatting away as he tried to stand stoic, obeying his orders but ultimately failing when you would place a woven flower crown onto his head or flick water from the fountain onto him. And there was many a night where he would sneak into your chambers when the rest of the castle wasn’t listening, sometimes to fuck, sometimes to talk into the wee hours of the night, and other times to just to be held. Your attraction was more than just sexual or lustful or something simple of that nature. You were in love.

On a particularly cool night in the castle, in which you and Patrick found yourselves wrapped in each other’s embrace in your bed, a plan was hatched.

"I wish we could be married..." you muse mindlessly as you trace the toned muscles on his bicep.

"Why can't we," he asks softly, turning towards you just a bit more to gauge your reaction. The smile painting his face is boyish and charming, purposely oblivious to the great divide between the two of you.

"Patrick... you know why," you sigh sorrowfully. He sees in your eyes that you long to be his in every sense of the word, in the eyes of the law and the kingdom and God. He frowns, then.

Letting out a thoughtful hum, Patrick thinks. "What if I were to speak to your father...?"

"My father? He would never allow it... he'd find it... preposterous. He'd likely banish you even for thinking it." You thought for a moment, the silence between the two of you tense, but not uncomfortable. “Perhaps,” you faltered for a moment, “we could run away..." Slowly, you move to lock your gaze on him, hope dancing behind your irises.

He smiles, but it feels as if his warmth is masking a sort of grimace. “I couldn’t ask that of you. To leave your life, your world, behind all for me. I would never think to take you away from your life here.” It was simple, straightforward, almost even cold, but he was honest.

“What life can I have if I must love you in secret?” Your response was so plain yet so true. “Patrick, my life is yours. My life is in your hands here, why should that change anywhere else? I am already stifled in my station here as a woman and, at the same time, unfairly lauded for the circumstantial chance I was born into. With you I am equal. In you I find my freedom, my salvation, my devotion. You would not be taking me away from anything here, but instead offering me the life I truly desire.” He sat momentarily in awe, chest pounding as your words lingered in his head. You two had exchanged many a sweet nothing, but these were no longer sweet nothings. These were sacred vows.

Continuing, you sat up, taking his hands in yours to ground yourself as well as find your strength in being together with him. “It would not be a sin, a crime, none of it would be a fault. To love as we do, how we do, that is the holiest thing, is it not?” You searched his face for an answer, longing to hear him relent and give in. The way his eyes scanned your features, a deep line growing between his brows as he was deep in thought, left you feeling bare in a way you’d never felt before. This was how he was, he could see you, all of you, through the layers of petticoats and lavish fabrics, he could see through the makeup and intricately done hair. And you wanted nothing more than to feel seen like that for the rest of eternity. His eyes flitted away quickly, as if he could no longer bear to face his feelings so boldly as you did.

With a shaky sigh, his eyes returned to yours, softening. “It is…” he affirmed. “You are the holiest thing, my dear.” A gleeful smile spread across your features and you leaned in, kissing him gently on the cheek. Your hands roamed his body, his face, through his hair. It is like you were trying to trace his form, memorize it (as if you hadn’t already done so long ago) and prove to yourself that this was real.

“When shall we leave,” you asked in a hushed voice, eager to begin your life -a real life- with him as soon as possible.

“Is tomorrow night too soon,” he returns, his desire to be your husband just as strong as yours to be his wife. Every second you two are just another secret in the palace walls breaks him. He wants to give you more, even if that means leaving the world you have always known behind.

“I would leave this minute if we could,” you whisper, close enough now that you can feel his warm breath dancing along your skin.

“I will fetch my steed tomorrow and tie him up around the back of the castle. By nightfall, once everyone has gone to sleep, we can take our leave.” He pauses, a look of fear crossing his features, but it appears to be mixed with something much warmer… enthusiasm perhaps? “A friend of mine lives in the neighboring town and we can sleep in his cottage for the night,” he continues. “We should be gone by sunrise, though. The moment they find you missing they will be searching all surrounding areas, and we don’t want to be found, do we?”

“No,” you shake your head.

He looks away from you yet again, the same conflicted look washing over him. “Please,” he begins, stopping again to catch his breath, though he has hardly spoken enough to be breathless. “Please, if you change your mind, do not hesitate to tell me, darling. Once we are gone we cannot return, but if you call it off I will obey your wish.” It is clear he is ridden with guilt, feeling as if he has made up your mind for you; as if he is some venomous force pulling you from your true life.

“I won’t change my mind, Patrick, I assure you.” Your hand traces his face, following his cheekbones down to his jaw. “I wish to spend the rest of my life with you… I cannot dream of calling that off.” Gently, your thumb brushes over his lower lip, a bit chapped from the cool temperature, but yours nonetheless. “I only ask, if I leave behind the crown, will I still be your princess?” Your eyes meet his, wide and pleading.

“Always, my princess. Always.”

The two of you fall asleep in each other's arms, Patrick waking up early in the morning to take his position again at your door like always. When you woke, you felt a nervous pit in your stomach. To think that this would be your last day in the palace you had spent your entire life in, grown up in, stirred an unexpected fear in you facing the reality of the secret promise you and Patrick had made. Those same walls that raised you, though, consumed you, leaving you powerless, unknowing, and trapped. You reminded yourself that while the palace had offered you warmth through your nurse, your ladies in waiting, and of course Patrick, it also represented an institution that would never see you win. Already, you had heard talks from the King and Queen of marrying you off to the warring kingdom’s young, arrogant prince, and the thought was sickening. You knew you were not a political pawn, not a mere princess, but a woman, a human, flesh and blood, a beating heart that held more power than any monarch. And you knew above all that Sir Patrick, your knight in shining armor, saw all of that and more in you.

The day passed with menial succession, similar to most of your days. Patrick followed closely, as usual, though the air between the two of you felt tense –not with any sort of malice, but with a mutual concern for the risk you two were soon to take. “M’lady, if I may,” he begins, pulling your focus from the book you held. Truthfully, the words in the book passed you by, your thoughts too crowded to focus on the pages. Upon your attention, he continued cautiously. “Should something,” he paused again, regaining his composure, “should something go wrong… can you promise me you will allow me to take the blame? If we are found out–”

Not wanting to hear any more, you interrupted, bringing your soft hands to cup his stubley face. “We won’t be. We’re careful, we’ve thought it out… Please, have faith, and put these worries aside. I shan’t leave you, even if the worst may come.” Your fingers played with the curls at the nape of his neck as you offered him the softest gaze imaginable, like a warm sheet of silk or cashmere washing over him.

“Of course, my love.” He brings a chaste kiss to your lips, speaking yet again in defense of his concern. “I only want what’s best for you…” The words rolled off his tongue quietly, as if it was a secret. As if he had not already devoted his post, his life, to protecting yours.

At nightfall, while you ate supper, Patrick excused himself to ready his horse for your departure. You found great difficulty in smiling and feigning merriment at a grand dining table surrounded by those who had kept you in your gilded cage. More upsetting, those who would shrink and take disgust in the love you share with a humble night. As if nobility and royalty are so distinct anyways. It is all a joke like those told by a court jester, though, in this instance you felt like the court jester and the audience wasn’t laughing. Patiently, you waited until the table had cleared, save your parents, the King and Queen.

“Dearest, is something wrong,” the rich voice of your mother calls from across the table. Panic rushes through every fiber of your being, afraid you have been much too obvious with your disdain for your present situation. As you were trained to do, though, you conduct yourself calmly and cautiously, as though your heart were not pounding at the seemingly simple question.

“Only tired, Mother,” you assure with a calculated smile, just sweet enough but clearly forced in an attempt to back up your claims of tiredness.

“Why? You can rest easy now that we have appointed Sir Patrick as your knight. Of course, you could rest easier if you were to be wed, as that is the greatest security a woman can have. And if you married we could dismiss Sir Patrick back to his original post.” Your father’s booming voice yet again reminded you why your only option was to escape. Even Patrick being your personal knight was meant to be temporary, and how could you go on if you lost him in your life for good. Would you be doomed to stealing glances and chance encounters like that of your first? It was not worth thinking of. You shouldn’t even consider it, because you knew tonight would change everything. Or, God rest your soul, you hoped.

Cutting your father off (you had tuned out his ramblings long ago), you stood. “Might I be excused? I’d like to adjourn to bed if it is agreeable.” You could take no more of the royal foolishness. Thankfully, you were dismissed, allowing you to return to the safe haven of your room. As you sped through the hall, you lost your footing when a hand reached out from an alcove, grabbing your wrist and pulling you in. Before you could react, Patrick clasped a hand over your mouth, smiling down at you and bringing a finger up to his mouth in a shushing motion.

“It’s only me, my love,” he whispers softly, tenderly. In the low light of the candles illuminating the hall, he looks breathtaking. Bathed in hues of gold and orange, the shadowy contours of his face are only further deepened, emphasizing his angular features in a way more romantic, you think, than even the finest poets could describe. “The servants won’t retire until roughly midnight, maybe later, but they linger about, so we need to be sure they see you enter your chambers before we take our leave.” You nod, understanding and appreciating the caution he has taken to ensure your safe passage.

As he guides you to your chambers, a strong hand subtly held on the small of your back, you think of just how close to freedom you truly are. How soon enough, you and Patrick could truly live and love freely. How you could have a chance at a real future together; marriage; children. Your nerves were shot, both excitement and fear thrumming through your entire body in a way that was hard to contain. When you reached your room, Patrick took his post outside your door, nodding in quiet reassurance. Inside, however, alone with your thoughts, you felt like a mad woman.

It was impossible to rest, let alone sleep for the few hours before you would take your leave. All you could manage was pacing your room, back and forth, endlessly. You felt consumed by your overwhelming love for the man right outside your door, but equally consumed by woe and anxieties that rolled and swelled like waves through your mind. Selfishly, your fear that a terrible fate would befall Patrick outweighed your fear of God. After all, sin was the last thing you were concerned with anymore. Busying your mind to distract from your nerves, you decided to try to memorize every detail of your room, the room you had lived in your entire life. As you looked to the walls, the windows, the patterns of the window panes, you realized that the room had never truly felt alive until you let Patrick into it. Before, the moonlight felt cold, like a distant observer of your solitude, but now the moon reminded you of him. That first night in your room, where the blue-ish light shone down through the glass and onto him, was the first time it felt warm, as light is supposed to feel. It was then you realized that you would not miss the room at all, though it brought you many great memories, as a room full of love is still only a room, but the love inside transcends.

Before long, you had calmed yourself enough to drift off, if only for a couple hours. The feeling of warmth against your skin caused you to stir, realizing that Patrick was at your bedside calling softly to you. “Princess, it is time,” his voice was hushed but excitement clearly rang through in his tone. You followed him, grabbing the satchel you had packed a few garments (and your circlet, figuring you could sell it) in. Without any light, the two of you crept out of your room and through the dark corridors of the palace, finally reaching the back stables where his horse waited readily.

Patrick was sure to help you up onto the horse. “My apologies that there isn’t more time for introductions. I’m sure you two will become fast friends later.” He mounted the horse, giving him a quick pet before taking hold of the reins and calling out a soft ‘ya’, the steed racing into action upon its cue. You held tightly to him as you watched the castle grow smaller and smaller in the distance, until you could no longer make it out under the cover of darkness. You rode until dawn, thankfully reaching the nearing kingdom’s town and finding Patrick’s companion, Arthur –Art for short, who had previously offered you shelter before daybreak.

“It’s not much, but it can offer you security for the day,” his friend croaked, his voice cold, but kind in an odd sort of way. His cottage in the village was small and a little further from the main town, but that was better under these circumstances. The room you would be in, luckily, did not have any windows but as he said, it was small and simple, though you didn’t mind in the slightest. After a life of luxury, simple was all you truly desired. “I would advise you two get further away as soon as possible, though. Once they realize your gone,” he fixed his gaze on you, “if they haven’t already, this is the next place they’d look after your town.” It didn’t exactly quell your anxieties, but Patrick wrapped an arm around your shoulder, offering you much more comfort than one may think, and you nodded in acknowledgement.

“Thank you,” you spoke gently. “We can never repay the kindness you have shown us, truly.” But his friend only shook his head, chuckling in response.

“Nonsense. I owe my life to your knight, here. ‘Tis the least I could do for you, your majesty.”

Holed up inside the room, now, you and Patrick could finally relax, at least to some degree. He sighed heavily as he sat on the end of the bed, leaning hunched over his knees in exhaustion. You were so grateful to him. He had borne the brunt of the hardship that came with this plan, leading strong and unwavering to help reassure you, but you could see now in his physicality just how scared he was too. Crawling behind him on the bed, you massaged his shoulders tenderly, longing to be his relief.

“You don’t have to do that…” he murmurs quietly. “You’ve hardly slept at all.”

“You haven’t slept at all,” you remind him. He doesn’t say another word, but from the way he allows his tense, muscular shoulders to relax with your touch, you could tell he had relented.

The two of you slept through a majority of the day, the lack of windows certainly helping, before rising when called by Art. “The coast is clear. Some knights came into town asking questions but to my knowledge they have no leads and think you were both taken by rivals,” he reported, straight to the point. It was a relief to hear that they had no real idea where you had gone. “I suggest you two get going then,” he urged, fixing a pointed eye on Patrick. Patrick agreed, of course, thanking his friend several times over and insisting he would repay him someday.

Within the following night and into the day, we had made it further, to a point that we didn’t have to fear suspicion. It’s not like news ever reached these far off forest villages, anyways. After a few days of travel, the two of you seeking sanctuary in a local cathedral in your current town, you elected to marry. A priest did so, his witness one of the nuns. Patrick was clad in his finest tunic (which, truly speaking needed restitching in certain places) and pants, while you wore your white, velvet gown (notably, the only full gown you had packed, packing chemises and underdresses the rest of the way for their ease and lighter storage). The vows, though traditional, were beautiful and the two of you could not have been happier than when you were finally, really permitted to kiss under the eyes of God.

On the move again, you and Patrick finally reached your destination, a stout little cottage tucked away deep into the woods hundreds of miles from your kingdom. “My mother’s cousin lived here,” Patrick explains. The two of you observe the ivy grown walls and the foggy, circular windows. “He’ll either be home, or he’s died.” Though morbid, you understood, the plague claiming many lives over the years. To neither of your surprise really, the door opens easily and the home appears long abandoned. You enter, taking in the dusty interior. It’s quaint in a comfortable way. Patrick turns to you after setting down the few things you had brought, an unfamiliar look on his face. “Can you be happy here,” he asked plainly, eyes hopeful but a wash of embarrassment apparent in his voice.

Your brows knitted together. “My dearest,” you utter, coming closer and resting your arms around his shoulders as you look into his eyes. “Wherever you are is where I am happiest. And I know here we can share a long, beautiful life.” You brought a hand up to cup his face, rubbing your thumb along his jaw, the familiar scratch of his stubble playing against your fingertips. You lean in, slightly tip toed, kissing him sweetly. When you pull away, you fix your gaze on him again, humming as you think. “We are free from the confines of the palace walls. Please, do not put up walls now in the name of ‘protecting me’.” He sighs, leaning his forehead against you as if he were trying to melt into you.

“Okay…” he whispers softly.

After resting, working to clean up the place, and making it more of a real home, you and Patrick are finally able to settle into your new life. He travels into the village, not far from the cottage, some days to sell things, some days to buy things. Together, you start a garden, something you had always wanted to do, though your family would not let you at the castle. You find peace in wearing less opulent, constricting clothing, enjoying the freedom lighter fabrics and less layers offer. But what you enjoy the most is waking up next to Patrick every morning, seeing him finally in the morning sunlight, as opposed to the secretive moonlight.

“Mmph… ‘morning,” he mumbles as he rolls over, slinging an arm around you. He pulls you in closer to him, his bare chest warm like a furnace as you nuzzle against him. You pepper chaste kisses along his jaw, trying to wake him up a bit more. Though he once followed the rigid regimen of the King’s guard, rising early and resting late, he now reverted to his nature, able to sleep deep into the afternoon.

“I had the most wonderful dream…” you spoke, carding your fingers through his curls and tracing along the winding patterns they made. When he hummed in acknowledgment, eyes flitting open (though still hanging heavy), you continued. “We were in the garden, just out back, and we had children. Children, Pat!” You sat up slightly. “A little girl, with dark curly hair like yours was running around picking daisies,” you gushed, not realizing how thrilling an idea it truly was until you divulged. “And we had a son, too. He looked to be older than our girl, only by a little bit though. His eyes were just like yours and his freckles too.”

“Imagine that…” he commented, sitting up a bit to match you. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, yawning before turning to face you. “Is that something you want? Children, I mean?” You blushed at that, a grin you couldn’t hide making its way onto your face without even trying. You nodded then, enthusiasm clearly apparent. “Well what are we waiting for,” a smirk grew on his face as he turned to you.

Patrick rolls over so that he is now on top of you, placing sloppy kisses all over your face. “I love you, my angel,” he mumbles against the skin of your ear as he nibbles at it lightly. He moves his hands to pull your sleeping gown up and over your head, revealing your breasts. Returning to kiss your neck, he palmed at your breasts, adoring the little mewls and breaths you let out. “You’re divine, love. Like some mythic goddess or an angel fallen to our Earth.” You can already feel his hard length straining in his trousers against your leg, reaching a hand down to offer him some relief too.

He sighs, melting against you like wax to your flame. His eyes flutter shut and you take in the details of his face; the way his eyelashes sit heavily like a curtain over his under eyes, his freckles scattered about his face as if God himself had flicked a paintbrush on his skin, the fine little wrinkles in his lips, so memorized in your head that you could likely recognize him from his lips alone. Then, he sat up, untying the drawstring of his trousers and revealing himself to you. The image of his taut abs, winding hairs scattered about and leading down to his hardened member would linger in your mind for the rest of your life, you thought. Though you had his body memorized, every time you saw him you were still in awe of how statuesque he was. No artist could ever truly capture the beauty of your husband.

Climbing back in the sheets, Patrick swirled his fingers gently around your opening, ensuring you were ready for him before moving to line himself up. As he looked down at you, he had never felt more sure of anything in his life. After all the turmoil, anxieties, and fear, he knew together you had made the best decision, the right decision, and hearing you speak so hopefully for your future together only cemented how much he yearned for that. He sheathed himself inside of you slowly, allowing you the time to adjust while you left out quiet gasping breaths. He reached out, cupping your jaw and kissing you deeply, passionately, before slowly rocking his hips. You felt so safe in his arms, so loved, and that was the most alluring feeling you could imagine. Knowing he wanted you, all of you, the good and the bad, for better or worse… it made your heart skip a beat. Even just thinking of how much you loved him, you clenched around him, causing him to groan into your hair.

“You’re too good to be true…” he huffed as his hips quickened in pace. He laid a flattened palm against your lower stomach, pushing ever so slightly while he gave you deeper, longer thrusts. The sounds you were making now were even prettier, leaving him powerless against his desire for you. As his strokes grow rapid, more desperate –messier, even– he brings his face in line with yours, not kissing you just yet but halting so close that you could feel his hot breath against your lips with each exhale. “I love you,” he grunts, he was lost in his motions but his tone remained as meaningful as when he had uttered those same words at the altar when you were wed. Hearing the tenderness, the raw honesty of those three words, you spasmed around him, chest heaving as you reached your high. As he continued thrusting into you, he finally closed the space between you, your lips slotting together like they had been made for each other. You could feel him spilling inside of you, filling you up with his seed exactly as you had desired. He refrained from moving immediately, merely remaining inside of you, motionless, and lazily mouthing at your shoulder. “Finally mine…” you could make out of his mumbling. “My lovely bride… my beautiful wife…” And you just held him.

Five years later…

“Arthur, fetch you sister, dear,” you instructed your son while continuing your stitching. The curly haired boy ran out of the room, returning quickly with your daughter in tow. “Delphine,” you started. “Come here, darling.” She toddled over to you and you held up your cloth work to her little body, trying to gauge if it would fit. “I think that’ll do…” you mumble, more to yourself than to either of them. “Go play, children. Your father should return home soon.” Patrick had taken a job at a stable, caring for the horses and ensuring they were ridden while their owners boarded them. You now spend most of your days tending to the garden, reading, and caring for your children. You were so proud of them. Arthur, named after Patrick’s kindest friend, was brave like Patrick, and Delphine was remarkably intelligent for her age, already doing well with the simple reading lessons you were giving them.

You could hear the whinnying of Patrick’s horse and the cheers from your children outside and knew in an instant that he had returned. Eagerly, you abandoned your work to greet him. Watching him hop off the horse and scoop your children into his arms, you couldn’t help but smile. Walking over to him, you couldn’t help but notice how he needed to shave, his salt and pepper beard actually starting to form a beard, but honestly you didn’t really mind. In tiny little spots, strands of hair had started greying ever so slightly, something you joked was because of the stress of your kids, though in reality they were the best you two could have asked for. “I missed you,” you confessed as he pulled you flush against him in a tight hug.

He laughed at that, handsome smile fully on display. “I only left this morning,” he chimed in response. Your family had set off, trailing inside to start preparing supper. “How are you feeling? How’s the baby?” He came closer to where you rested against the carved wooden table, placing a gentle palm against your stomach, only a small bump thus far.

“I think the sickness has finally passed,” you muse. “I’m feeling good.” You reach up, clutching his jaw then to keep his focus on you. “This is the last one, though,” you insist, playfully but with an undertone of seriousness.

“You say that now…” he replies smoothly.

“Now and forever,” you reaffirm, fixing him with a serious eye.

“Alright. Whatever you desire, my princess, it will be done… Or, I suppose in this case, it won’t be done.” A soft laugh leaves him, like music to your ears. You are glad to hear him laugh, something you didn’t hear from him often when you were still a princess.

“What have I said about calling me that?”

“I told you then and I will tell you now, you will always be my princess, royal or not.”

[meganshinsou-tm]

Sugarcoated. (m)

↳ chapter six: strategy

❧ genre: pro-hero hitoshi, adoptive siblings, happy ending

❧ chapter warnings: none

[multi-chap masterlist] [previous chapter - next chapter]

A pair of (e/c) and ruby eyes stared intensely at Hitoshi over a hand of colorful cards. The man wasn't worried at all, he had just called UNO and you had three cards left, there was no way he was going to lose. He could see you whispering quietly to his little sister that stayed glued to your hip since meeting. Your fingers larger in size to Eri's pointed to each card in a different order, making him quirk a brow and wonder what the two of you were planning. 

The card on the top of the deck was a green 6 and his last card was a wild card, so no matter what was thrown down he would be able to win.

"Okay Sou-Sou, first we 'skip' you, then we then 'skip' you again -"

"UNO!" You blurted out before she forgot.

"Oh yeah, thank you (Y/N), and lastly we use our wild card."

Hitoshi blinked at the green and blue 'skip' cards and the wild card. He wasn't exactly sure if that was how it was supposed to go. 

The hero was baffled by how quickly we was defeated. Looking up he saw Eri with arms crossed and a smug grin and you sucking in your bottom lip trying to contain your laughter at his humiliation. He threw down his last card and pointed a strong finger in your direction.

"You brats! You were stockpiling all your weapons until the last minute!"

"It's called 'strategy' Toshi, didn't you learn that in hero school?"

"Apparently not. Let's all hope a villain doesn't challenge him to UNO any time soon," Aizawa's voice suddenly interjected as he shook his head and rose from the couch, walking to the kitchen.

Hitoshi rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck accepting his defeat and leaned back against the couch behind him. You and Eri were in your own world talking to each other. The lavenderette crossed his arms and watched as you interacted. It was as if Eri had known you her entire life, her little hands held yours tightly and her ruby eyes sparkled. His heart fluttered at the scene and he could tell that by the end of tonight he wouldn't be Eri's personal favorite anymore. 

Your eyes looked in his direction and your lips moved, shaking his head he asked you to repeat yourself since he was so lost in a trance.

"Geez Toshi, stop daydreaming. I was asking where the bathroom is."

Before Hitoshi could point you in the right direction, Eri was up and dragging you. Passing him you smiled and winked. Shinsou smiled back and started to gather up the card game, a few seconds later he could hear little feet running back into the living room. Soon Eri had flung herself at his back, wrapping her arms around his neck. The man coughed as she nearly knocked the wind out of him. 

He finished with the cards and ask the child to sit on his knee. She did so and looked up at him curiously.

"You seem to really like (Y/N)."

"I do, she's special."

"What do you mean about that Eri," he questioned and tilted his head.

"(Y/N) has been hurt recently, when I was healing her I could feel that her mind and body were uneasy."

Hitoshi rubbed his sisters back and looked at her concerned face. Eri's quirk allowed her to do more than heal, she could sense people's emotions and well-being making her very in-tune and perceptive to others. Still she was too young to be given exact details about what you were dealing with and how you came to be hurt. But he knew how much she wanted to help you feel better and so did he.

"Yeah, you're not wrong there little one. We can help her out though!"

You sat at a massive dining table, Eri right next to you and Hitoshi sat across from you. Shouta happened to make a warm and spicy curry, it was perfect since the weather outside was getting colder and colder. It was also nice to have a home cooked meal that wasn't your own usual three dishes that you cooked over and over again. 

Aizawa questioned you of course, about your education, previous jobs and previous child caring experience. Besides working at the café you only ever worked at your colleges book store in your free time. You came from a decently sized family and had various cousins you'd babysit, along with your own four year old niece and seven month old nephew.

"I didn't know you had siblings." Hitoshi stated, crossing his arms on the table and leaning in.

"Well you've never asked. I only have an older brother, I also have a step-brother but he isn't exactly part of the family, hasn't been for years now. To be honest my older brother and his wife are like parents to me. My own were always occupied with their multiple businesses as we grew up and we were left to fend for ourselves most of the time. I had to grow up fast at a young age. Once him and my sister-in-law got their own place I practically lived there because I hated being in that big house all alone, I went everywhere with them and they would care for me when I needed someone to run to or was running low on food."

"Well it's nice to know you seem very close with some of your family. What businesses do your parents own?" Aizawa asked.

"They own various ones. One is a property development in the inner city, another is a restaurant, and one is a convenient store. They're both very smart and know how to run things well and are well known throughout the city. Every one in school always assumed I was this snooty rich girl but I wasn't. I've earned everything I have now all on my own. My parents taught me the value of hard work and that nothing in this world is just given to you without it."

Hitoshi quirked a brow and hummed. He was learning more and more about you than usual. At work the two of you would just generally flirt and not hold legit conversations about your personal lives. It was admirable to him that you were such a hard worker but he hated what you happened to put yourself through just to reach your goals.

"You know, if you had a quirk, I'm sure you would've made a great hero. It takes me years to instill that kind of thinking into those wild animals I teach."

You smiled and nodded at Aizawa, genuinely flattered by the compliment.

"Can I have an apple now?" Eri chimed in, bored with the adult talk.

You smiled and pinched her cheek, Aizawa sighed and rose from the table, grabbing everyone's empty dishes and Hitoshi got up to get the platter of treats. Eri did an anxious and giddy dance while licking her lips as her brother brought over the apples. Once they were sat down he told her to pick one out, she chose one of the smaller ones you made intentionally for her. 

Before biting into it Aizawa cleared his throat, crossing his arms and looking at the little girl.

"Oh yeah, thank you (Y/N) for making these!"

"It's no problem cutie. Next time I bake something maybe you can help me out."

The little girl had already started eating her apple, sticky red candy covered her lips and cheeks as she happily nodded at your suggestion. Hitoshi crouched down next to her and took a bite of her apple while she was looking away. When she looked back he acted as if nothing happened while he obviously chewed. He couldn't help but hum himself at how good it was.

"Oh my god, if you end up making more junk like this I'm gonna end up gaining a few pounds." The purple haired hero confessed with a smile. 

He then kissed the top of Eri's head and ruffled her hair and walked back over to Aizawa to help him clean up.

"Eri when you get done I want you to go upstairs and get ready for bed, I'll be up there shortly to run your bath," Shouta had ordered over his shoulder.

"Can (Y/N) do it?" She asked, mouth full of sticky the sticky treat.

You awed and Hitoshi chuckled, nudging his sensei with his elbow while joking about joining the club of the forgotten. He rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulder while rolling up his sleeves.

"Only if she wants to though, she technically isn't obliged to do so just yet."

Eri turned to look at you with her wide and shimmering ruby eyes, a messy smile on her face. "Will you (Y/N)? Please!"

"Of course Eri!"

With that the little girl finished her apple and took your hand, leading you out of the kitchen. Hitoshi looked at you with a smile and wave, you returned the gestures and off the two of you went. Once upstairs you went to Eri's room where she dug out her pj's and took you to her own little bathroom. As you ran the water for her you sat on the edge of the tub as she stood between your legs and you brushed her long hair up into a ponytail. As she bathed she talked a lot, asking random questions about you. You helped to wash her face clean of the sticky red candy and happily answered. Until she asked one question that threw you off guard.

"Are you happy right now (Y/N)?"

"Uh – yes I am Eri. How could I not be?"

"I was just wondering. Would it make you happy to see me and Sou-Sou more?"

You titled your head with a half-smile and thought about her question. That day was really the best day you've had in months, especially after the numb weekend you had. Thinking back to all the frequent visits Hitoshi made to the café, you couldn't exactly remember ever being unhappy when he was around. Granted he got under your skin a few times, but you had a quick recovery time when it came to him. Either you'd go groveling back or he would. His earlier confession ran through your head and you could feel his kiss to your forehead again and the way his hand grabbed yours in a protective and possessive manner.

You looked to the little girl before you as she played with a pink rubber duck that looked like a unicorn. You've only known the child for a few hours but she felt like your own little sister and your own tiny best friend. She seemed to be enamored with you herself, probably because among her elders, you were the only female. You couldn't really imagine going back home after today and not seeing her again, it was heart breaking to think about honestly. With a smile you dried off her face and pet the top of her hair.

"You know, I think that would make me more than happy."

"So, you'll stay with us while daddy is gone?"

"If you truly want me too Eri."

Downstairs after cleaning up Shouta and Hitoshi talked, about you obviously. Aizawa was more than comfortable knowing you were the person asked to do the job. He could tell Eri already adored you to bits and that she wasn't the only one.

"Hey - no inappropriate stuff while the kid is around, got it?" 

He spoke to Hitoshi, the boy wasn't paying attention though as he looked down at his cup of coffee. Rolling his eyes the elder smacked him on the back of the head, making him come back down to earth and glare with violet hues.

"The fuck? What?"

"I said no inappropriate shit while Eri is around!"

"What are you talking about Shouta?" Hitoshi casually said with a smirk and sipped his drink.

"Don't play dumb Hitoshi. I can tell you're falling for that girl, I'm not against it or anything. To tell you the truth I think she's a very sweet person and has a good head on her shoulders. Why she likes you in return though, I don't know."

"Ouch?"

"I'm just saying, you can come off as cruel and blunt sometimes. Which tells me a lot about her. Either way, what you two do together is your own business and I know with her moving in things will just escalate between you. Just - try to keep it PG when the kid is around or awake. Keep the physical stuff in the bedroom."

Hitoshi laughed, rubbing the back of his head and agreed while looking at the time on his watch and decided that it was nearing time for you to leave, he was aware you probably had to work the next day and he would need to be making a call to work himself. Aizawa informed him that he would be leaving for his trip that coming up Friday, so Eri would need to be picked up from school by him. As they discussed more about certain classes or functions the child had during the next three months, you and Eri were heard coming down the stairs chanting in unison.

"Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!"

Both the tired looking men glanced over to see Eri in your arms as you chanted with your fists and smiled walking into the kitchen. You placed the little girl on the ground and she ran to Hitoshi. He bent over and picked her up with a dramatic grunt.

"We're gonna have to get going now kid, it's your bedtime and we got a good drive to make."

"Already," the little girl whined.

"Yes, already. I'll be seeing you again though Friday when I pick you up from school then I'll be stuck with you for three whole months!" 

Hitoshi teased and tickled Eri's sides. She laughed and squirmed until he stopped. Her eyes turned to glance at you.

"You'll be there too, right?"

"Yup, I promise!" You nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

Hitoshi smiled, hearing those words let him know that you would in fact be accepting the job. You looked at him and stuck out your tongue, trying to get him to stop staring, he chuckled and went back to saying goodbye to his sister. You thanked Shouta for the dinner and bid him farewell before you all switched people. Hitoshi and his father talking again as you walked to the front door and he grabbed your coats. You crouched down to Eri's level and she flung into your arms hugging you tightly.

"Goodbye (Y/N). I can't wait for Friday!"

"Me either cutie. I'll see you then!"

Eri took Aizawa's hand and Hitoshi ruffled her hair before they took off upstairs. The lavenderette helped put your coat on along with your shoes before doing his own. He made sure to button up your coat tightly all the way to the top and pull your collar up to cover your face and cheeks, once satisfied he smiled and pinched one of the soft pieces of flesh making you smile back.

"Alright sweetness, let's get you home!"

The two of you made a mad dash through the cold air to the jeep. Your nose and cheeks instantly turned pink once nipped by the wind. Quickly, Hitoshi opened the door for you and hoisted you up and into the seat. Once inside the cold vehicle you rubbed your hands together as your teeth chattered and he tried his best to get in as well. He shivered dramatically once a gust of wind flew in while he shut the door and put the key in the ignition to start the vehicle. His hand turned the heat nob all the way up and he leaned over to turn your seat warmers on. You put your hands to your face, trying to blow warm arm into them and rub them together as you trembled.

"Here, give me those!"

Hitoshi turned to face you over the console, grabbing your hands and cupping them in his. He leaned forward and blew warm air into them and vigorously rubbed your hands between his. Repeating the process over and over until both your appendages weren't ice cold anymore. You watched him closely as he performed the sweet and intimate act, cheeks still pink but not from the cold. 

His violet hues looked up at you from under his lashes and your heart stopped. He smirked and placed a soft kiss to the insides of both your palms. Your stomach did flips and you sniffled. He sat back up and used a hand to cup around the back of your head, pulling you closer to his face, your noses brushed together and he chuckled at how ice cold the tip of yours was. 

"So fucking close, I can't think," you screamed internally and licked your drying lips.

"You don't fair so well in the cold huh?" His deep and monotone voice said, breaking the silence.

All you could do was shake your head, paralyzed by the drop in temperature, except your insides were on fire. Hitoshi looked so smug and was obviously relishing in the effect he had on you. His hand released your head and cupped your cheek, a warm thumb brushing over it. Nexr, his lips parted and once again your eyes screwed shut as you prepared for what was next. A warm kiss enveloped the tip of your nose making your eyes open as you groaned, shoving the man away from you. He let out a hearty laugh as you tried to hide your now red face.

"You fucking play too much Toshi!"

"I'm sorry, you're just so fun to tease sweetness!"

Rolling your eyes you aggressively put your seat belt on, crossed your arms and balled up into the seat looking anywhere but at him. His long arm reached over and ruffled your hair before he secured his own belt and pulled out into the street driving to get you home.

After only ten minutes, the warmth inside the vehicle combined with only the dim glow of the dash buttons and features and quiet music had you passing out in no time. You had managed to slump over onto the center console, still balled up and with your head on your arms. For the longest time Hitoshi was conflicted on whether he could touch you or not, he yearned to. 

A soft sigh left your lips as you nuzzled your face deeper into your coated arm, your other one stretched out and your hand landed on his thigh. His eyes widened as it was a little to close for his comfort right now with you being unconscious. Gently he grabbed your hand and moved your arm back over to your body. Once he let go, his own arm was tugged back as yours wrapped around it and cuddled it like a stuffed animal. Your cheek brushed against him with a satisfied hum and one of your hands intertwined with his. His own heart soared and he smiled, brushing his thumb against your skin.

Quietly he spoke to himself, "Once again, you're going to be the end of me."

[hellogoodbye741]

All the book reviews I should have been doing in real time, but imma piece of garbage(tm)

Please ignore this second (or possibly more if i don’t have enough space) long ass post

Reading Lolita in Tehran:

I really enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of nonfiction writing because of how monotonous they can be, but this wasn’t like that. She really told a story about her (the author) and a bunch of young woman in Tehran reading Lolita and other banned books, and it really resonated with me.

:)

Hidden Figures:

I had been told several times that this book was not going to be what I expected and that I should read the children’s version of it instead because that was more like the movie. Should have listened. I enjoyed the book, but it focused way more on the scientific side of things instead of the more story-line aspect of history. Not saying that it wasn’t great and a fascinating read into such pivotal people in America’s timeline, it just wasn’t my thing.

:/

Virals:

I had been putting off reading this series by Kathy Reichs because it wasn’t the Tempe Brennan character, and therefore I did not care. BOY WAS THAT A WRONG OPINION. This book (and the subsequent ones I have since read) are amazing! They were written with teens in mind, but you can enjoy them at any level. They are chocked full of sci-fi fun that keeps you begging for more and more. I say this about very few novels, but I would totally read again.

:)

Noir:

I absolutely adore Christopher Moore books. I have read several of his, and have never found any at fault. This one, however, wasn’t up to par. It was okay, but not like his other works. I couldn’t get into as much, and it wasn’t as funny. The story is written very much like a noir-style movie, so I could find no fault in that, but the twist at the middle/end was very unexpected and left me confused. I think I would have to give it a read and more pay attention to more finite details to make sense of it.

:/

Number One Chinese Restaurant:

I was expecting to really enjoy this book, but honestly, it kinda sucked. I didn’t really like any of the characters, and never felt any sympathy for any of them even when they were going through struggles. The writing was a little choppy, and the constant POV change was jarring. It was a little bit of a struggle to get through, not gonna lie.

:/

The House That Lou Built:

I know this book is meant for younger audiences, but I absolutely adored it. Like I have nothing else to say, it was adorable and I will protect it with my life.

:)

Crazy Rich Asians:

I enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of multiple POVs, but the way they did it in this book wasn’t bad at all. I really want to see the movie and see how it compares.

:)

Da Vinci Code:

Tis a classic I have read several times over. Dan Brown got it going on.

:)

Post Mordem:

I love the Kathy Reichs books and have read several of them (unfortunately not in order).  This is the first book in the series, and I really liked seeing how it all got started. Kathy Reichs tries to make sure to make the science aspect of the book both for the idiots and the people who know their shit, which is great. Gotta represent my North Carolina ladiesss

:)

77 Shadow Street:

This book was all kinds of fucked up. Every time I thought I got the plot and what was going on, they fucked me over again. I said “what the fuck” at least once every chapter.

:(

Raisin in the Sun:

Don’t know how it took me so long to read this play. Absolutely adored the characters and the storyline, and the resolution at the end was bittersweet. Would love to see it performed and get the true experience and emotion.

:)

House on Mango Street:

I have read this book a handful of times too, and I enjoy it every single time. The book is short and sweet, and the poetry graceful and moving. Will probably read again and again in the future.

:)

Whipping Boy:

I first read this in the 4th grade and it has resonated with me ever since. It takes like an hour to read, but it is filled with so much in the meantime. All about dat bourgeoise bullshitttttt and how it can be rectified.

:)

In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson:

Haven’t read this since elementary school, and had forgotten how sweet this story is. The trials the young girl goes through and how she triumphs, in the end, leaves me with the biggest smile on my face.

:)

Red Scarf Girl:

Also been a while since last reading this book. It’s a beautiful and tragic story about the rise of communism and the struggles that everyone in their country faced. I think it was based on a true story but honestly can’t remember. Would definitely read again.

:)

Journey of Little Charles:

This was an endearing ‘growing up’ historical novel. I enjoyed it.

:)

Ivy Aberdeen’s Letters to the World:

This was absolutely GREAT. Such a beautiful way to explore and introduce the LGBTQIA+ community to younger audiences.

:)

Children of Blood and Bone:

I really enjoyed this book, and want to read the rest of the series too. It was a very immersive story that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole story.

:)

Chaos/Code/Exposure:

I’m just going to do these three as one since they’re all part of the same series. I really enjoy the Virals series, and each time you think there’s nowhere else to go, Reichs and her son introduce something you would have never expected.

:)

Sing, unburied, sing:

Thought I was gonna like this one more than I did. It just kinda lagged for me and was hard to get into.

:/

Lucky Broken Girl:

I thought this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book (and true story) about a girl who is confined to her bed practically paralyzed. It was nice to watch her get through her struggles and come out on top in the end.

:)

Finding Langston:

This was a very cute story about a poc country boy going to the city and discovering himself through a love of books, and though it is meant for younger audiences, I enjoyed it immensely.

:)

The Dollar Kids:

Another cute story meant for kids about finding one's self and working through trauma in a way that children can understand.

:)

Winnie’s Great War:

It’s the absolutely true story of the English army adopting a bear in the 40s told through the POV of the bear. I do not need to say more.

:)

Ballet Shoes:

I’m a sucker for three young girls following their dreams and one of them being ballet. Yaas queen.

:)

Song for a Whale:

An absolutely stunning tale of following your dreams and fighting through all adversities to get there. Also, the main character is deaf, and being HOH myself, loved having the representation (even if the story if for younger children).

:)

It’s Not a Perfect World, but I’ll take It:

Told from the perspective and real-life story of a girl living with autism, and some things that can help others learn how to accept that they are just like anyone else, and some things on how to make life a bit easier. Loved seeing life through that perspective, even if it was only for a little while.

:)

Rapunzel’s Revenge:

Loved this comic’s twist on the classic tale of Rapunzel. Rapunzel takes her life into her own hands and kicks ass

:)

Ghost Doll and Jasper:

This was a perfect mix between cute and creepy. A combination most would find weird, but I loved it!

:)

Color Purple:

I’ve been hearing about this book for as long as I could remember, but never at any point had anyone ever talked about the plot?? It wasn’t what I expected at all, but it really made me feel something,

:)

We Will Not Be Silent:

NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW, NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW

:)

The Woman Who Smashed Codes:

A fascinating read, but on par with Hidden Figures where there was a lot that I just didn’t understand.

:/

The Lowlands:

It took me almost 3/4 of the way into the book to actually get into the plot and understand what was going on. Maybe another read-through might help, but eh.

:/

1776:

I love history, but the sheer length of this book and the unending quality about it was #strugglebus

:/

Born a Crime:

Nobody should be born illegal, nobody should be illegal period. Trevor Noah, I’m sorry a rude ass country did that to you.

:)

Stalking Jack the Ripper:

Yooooooo, read this shit!

:)

Winnie the Pooh:

You already know who it is

:)

Eragon:

It has been so long since I have read this series. I had forgotten how long the books were, but #worthit

:)

Titus Andronicus:

Did not understand it while I was reading it. Saw it performed the next day and was like “ohhhhhhh, i get it now”

:/

How to Train Your Dragon:

Nothing like the movie, at all. Still cute tho.

:)

Howl’s Moving Castle:

Was just like the movie, except even more. There was a whole other plot point that just added to the concept of Howl that made it even better.

:)

Other Words from Home:

Beautiful story of a young girl moving halfway across the world and dealing with the hardships that come with it.

:)

Hunting Prince Dracula:

Do you like UST between two dork scientist badasses??? READ DAT SHIT

:)

Sweep:

This was both incredibly sweet, and absolutely sad, while also throwing in some kill the capitalist bourgeoise and I loved it.

:)

Errant Prince:

Four words-

Gay.

Trans.

Wizard.

Knight.

:)

Diary of Anne Frank:

You get so enamored with the girl she was, that you forget that she never got to the be the girl she could have been.

:’(

The Help:

EAT

MY

SHIT

:)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf:

Not a big fan of the random and multiple rape scenes, and the plot was hard to follow.

:/

Hunger Makes me a Modern Girl:

It was a good, short read.

:)

In Another time:

I got straight and happy couple baited and I was denied but in a beautiful way so #allowed.

:)

A Place For Us:

Another one where the plot was a little hard to follow, but I actually enjoyed it nonetheless.

:)

Sun is Also a Star:

Thought I was gonna be denied my happy ending, turned it around on the last page. Hell yuss.

:)

Prodigal Summer:

Thought I was gonna enjoy it more since I too am from rural Appalachia. Nah

:/

Zombie:

Alright, okay, a little fucked up, okay, okay, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, the end.

:/

Fox8:

I cried at work reading this????

:)

Fire and Fury:

Not my thing, nice to see what’s up tho

:/

Song of Achilles:

GAAAAAAY

and

TRAGGGGIICCC

:)

Genesis Begins Again:

No matter what anyone says, you’re beautiful

:)

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Writer’s Questionnaire

tagged by @galadrieljones! Thanks! :)

Short stories, novels, or poems? I write a lot of short scenes, but I prefer reading novels as well as writing them. It’s so fun to see how your character grows and changes, how they develop, and how things you thought would happen don’t, or happen in a way different from what you imagined. It’s wonderful, though difficult. (Constantly I have to ask myself have I used this turn of phrase in the story before?)

What genre do you prefer reading? Looking at the books that caught my interest of late, (and in general) the stuff I read has some sort of family dynamic present. More often than not, there’s also a love story. Typically my favorite books are sagas that take place over different generations. (thorn birds one of them, and when I was younger and read a lot of Sidney Sheldon, one of my favorites of his was Master of the game, which took place over fifty years of family. my older self though now really likes Rage of Angels...I would love to like modernize that story...) My dream is to write a long family saga one day.

What genre do you prefer writing? there’s no contest: Romance. I was once very adamant about not using that word due to the stigma behind the romance genre, very keen on...a story about two people who happen to be in love! But you know..it’s romance. I’m just endlessly fascinated by the different ways people can fall in love, and how their love manifests and effects others. 

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person? Hmmmm.....a little of both. With Our Immortal longings I made an outline of events, but things changed, shifted around, or flat out didn’t happen. Back in the day I was very strict on following the outline I wrote, but now I’ve finally found the happy medium of following it but understanding the story is going in a different direction. I think one of the reasons my modern AU is stagnant right now is because I didn’t make an outline.

What music do you listen to while writing? Usually I don’t. However, there are a few scenes I have written throughout my resume where there was a song I replayed over and over again, because it just fit the mood. So now when I listen to one of those songs, all I can think about is the scene. :)

Fave books/movies? Hmmm I have books that have meant a lot to me over the years. East by Edith Pattou (which now has a sequel. Like..wha?) The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCoullogh, Phantom by Susan Kay. I also love so many plays. Of course Shakespeare, but also Anton Chekhov. 

Movies: Howl’s Moving Castle is arguably my biggest inspiration. And when I watched gone with the wind when I was 12 I swear it changed me. I wasn’t used to seeing female characters being so unapologetic, and while I certainly don’t idolize Scarlett O’hara, I find her endlessly interesting as a character. Some other favorites are The Sound of Music, That Hamilton Woman, Wuthering Heights(1939), Bridesmaids. And I saw the new A Star is Born and it’s on my eternal favorites list.

Any current WIPs? My DBH fic has become my main focus, Our Immortal Longings. (Which I would really love to shorten to Immortal Longings but hey what can you do.) I also have a post blight fic with cullen, that details the relationship he develops with one of the chantry sisters. I also have a modern AU with Cullen and Lydia. I like the fic in theory, and I was experimenting away from the romantic feel of my previous work to something blunter and more realistic (for lack of a better word.) But I just feel for Connor’s character when I played DBH, and I really wanted to tackle how he would deal with falling in love. In the process I seriously became enamored with my own OC and the dynamic she has with him. Odd because I was never interested in robots or stories about robots before...but now...well....look at all the possibilities! 

also I had a MGIT story about a Shakespearean actress. I’m sorry to those who liked the story, but I’m not going to continue with it.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be? A pink colored sundress decorated with flowers, and ballet flats. My hair is big and curly.

Create a character description for yourself: She was alive. That was always good, though perhaps not in the best of her appearances with her glasses on, face unmade and hair in a messy bun. She was also wearing one of her dumpy nightshirts. But again, she was alive, and she was writing. Every single word she wrote was a victory. 

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing? Bits of them sure, not blatant insertions to where people I know would know. Maybe just a wink.

Are you kill-happy with characters? Well, people do die IRL and in my writing. But I wouldn’t say I’m kill happy. IWD had two causalities. Will OIL have any? Well....I can’t answer that. Some of my favorite movies/books have poignant deaths, and I will admit the one major death scene that happened on screen in IWD was very cathartic and powerful for me. 

Am I George RR Martin kill happy though? no. 

Coffee or tea while writing? Morning: coffee. Night: Tea.

Slow or fast writer? I’m reasonably fast, though it certainly depends. sometimes it takes me a while to start. 

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from? Everything and anything. I always have my eyes peeled. When I was in Disney I came up with so many scenarios for Connor and Sophie, and yesterday doing sparklers and fireworks with my family I imagined a Cophie new year, lol. 

mainly though? Music. Definitely music.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be? In my best life I’m a bard that follows along an adventurer and becomes their companion as they travel the the world. 

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche? I’m a sucker for a lot of romantic tropes. The dance of romance, forehead touches, died in your arms, (Is that morbid? lol I’m sorry I just find it so dramatically satisfying.)  I love broody guy, gentle girl and variations of that trope. Friends to lovers. in fact I view my two OtPS a variation of the above. I probably have more too. Bedsharing too. I did bedsharing back before I knew everyone else loved it too :)

I’m of the opinion that most things can work if done properly but least favorite is by far the whole liar revealed story arc. at best I tolerate it, but...no. Just no. I’m getting a little tired of “we can’t be together” story lines and love triangles too. I also have tropes that I think are okay but everyone else loves: fake dating. (I know, I know. I even have my own fake dating story too. mostly I wrote it because I wanted to see if I could grow to like it.) and dramatic height differences. but this is mostly because I’m tall, and when I read young adult fiction as a youth, the LI was always so much taller than the herione...and I’m salty ok? lol. 

OH on young adult books: I’m tired of the heroine that “isn’t like other girls because I’m tough and reclusive and I don’t like makeup or whatever” (BELLA SWAN) I would like 2019 to be the year that I say you can be a powerful female and still like things that are traditionally feminine, and there should be no shame in it. I love writing characters that draw their strength through their femininity, because guess what...it’s not inherently weak! 

Fave scenes to write? I love scenes where the characters just talk. I love grand romantic gestures. I love moments of reflection. And of course, I love a love scene. :p

Most productive time of day for writing? When the muse strikes. 

It’s also strange to me that I most want to write when I’m in a crowd of people. maybe sometimes I feel like people are talking without listening and I feel a bit lonely so I imagine my characters, because they make me feel less lonely. 

Reason for writing? I always have in some way. The simple reason? I like to. It’s my therapy and my art. I just do :)

this took a long time for some reason! tagging @bitchesofostwick @negotiator-on-site @inquisitorsmabari @fourletterepithet @whatsherfacewrites @laraslandlockedblues @out-of-the-embers @ladymdc

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam season 3, episode 5 reaction (1/2)

I don’t tend to think of Skam in episodes so much as clips, but this is easily one of the strongest overall episodes of the series, and it feels like a turning point in the season in terms of complexity. Watching it in real time was an emotional roller coaster. We also have the script for this episode with some of Julie’s comments so we can compare the two. I split this reaction into two parts because of the length, sorry if that’s annoying. It’s one of the longer episodes of the season. Second half will be up in a day or so.

SEASON THREE, EPISODE 5 - “At the same time in a completely different place”

Clip 1 - The softest scene you will see in your entire life

Lordag 15:15 for anyone keeping track 

I mentioned in my episode 4 recap that the pool scene was the first scene I got to see in real time. After that first kiss, I was dying to know what came next for Isak and Even. I thought it was likely that we’d get more relationship rockiness, because that’s usually what happens in TV shows, right? Isak was going to freak out, Even might run back to his girlfriend, and maybe they’d pretend it didn’t happen and it would get all awkward between them. Because that’s what I expect from most TV shows, more dramaaaa.

Instead, I slept in the day after the pool scene, woke up, immediately checked the Skam website to watch the pool scene again, and instead saw that there was a new clip. This clip, which is one of the most iconic moments in all of Skam, and which should be prescribed by doctors as a means of lowering blood pressure.

I mean this is the image that greeted me when I opened the Skam website that day. Julie Andem did a detox on my soul with this scene.

This scene is so special. It’s different thinking about it now because Skam went on to bless us with tons of Evak physical affection, but at the time I was stunned, because gay couples in media rarely get these types of blatantly romantic, lovey-dovey scenes. I’m pretty sure this clip is a huge part of why Skam suddenly took off internationally, because people saw gifs of this scene and had a similar reaction to all the cuddling. What the hell is that? I need to check it out. 

Frankly, I’d say romantic couples in media, regardless of orientation, rarely get these types of introspective, slow-paced scenes where the characters can just breathe and be together as long as Isak and Even do here. Typically if a TV show gives us a scene resembling this one, there’s some other reason it’s there; the scene is there to facilitate the plot, or usher in some drama, or carry some exposition. But rarely do we see couples just lying together and talking in this intimate way, with room for pauses, room for silence, room for the characters to just touch and look at each other. And we sure as hell don’t get them between LGBT pairings that often.

We saw long cuddle scenes with Noora and William last season, and a few with Jonas and Eva in S1, and I’m so glad that Julie didn’t have any reservations about showing Isak and Even in similar positions. Think of other shows you’ve seen with canon gay ships. A lot of them contain noticeable double standards as to the level of physical intimacy and affection the gay ships show versus the canon het ships. Sometimes the het couples can get full-on sex scenes while the gay couples can barely kiss. Granted, much of that discrepancy probably comes from people at the top, and showrunners may have to fight just to include gay characters in the first place if the network executives are cowards, let alone show them being affectionate. So I’m aware that Skam is in a unique position to depict these types of scenes between two boys. The format and distribution of the show also allows for the creative freedom to have these long quiet scenes without needing to account for commercial breaks or time restrictions or anything like that. But damn, this simple scene ends up feeling downright revolutionary because of how it commits to show these two boys falling in love with each other, without compromise.

The song choice of “I’m Not in Love” is perfect. I know some people took it literally (thinking that one or both of the boys were not in love and this wasn’t a very deep relationship, or it was evidence that Even was just messing around with Isak for fun rather than real feelings) (yes, I remember reading this) but the whole premise behind “I’m Not in Love” is that the speaker is in love, and all of the protestations he’s not in love are flimsy as hell. Oh, I call you and come to see you but don’t read too much into it. Oh, I have your picture on my wall but it’s just because it covers up a stain. NBD.

Here’s an explanation of the story behind the song from Wikipedia:

(Eric) Stewart came up with the idea for the song after his wife, to whom he had been married for eight years at that point, asked him why he didn't say "I love you" more often to her. Stewart said, "I had this crazy idea in my mind that repeating those words would somehow degrade the meaning, so I told her, 'Well, if I say every day "I love you, darling, I love you, blah, blah, blah", it's not gonna mean anything eventually'. That statement led me to try to figure out another way of saying it, and the result was that I chose to say 'I'm not in love with you', while subtly giving all the reasons throughout the song why I could never let go of this relationship."

Stewart’s description is a perfect fit for Skam’s depiction of Isak and Even’s relationship. I can name a ton of TV shows where the characters rush into saying “I love you” and throw it around in every scene even though the sentiment feels unearned. The words are just hollow and used as a shorthand for writers to say the characters feel deeply for each other, without coming up with creative, emotionally resonant ways to show these feelings of love. Skam is actually pretty restrained on having Isak and Even make a lot of dramatic statements of their feelings to each other. Instead of going for overwritten or showy speeches, Julie writes shorter lines that leave more to subtext and fit the context of the situation and characters better. There’s never a conventional “I love you” scene between Isak and Even and yet I didn’t need it because their actions constantly showed how much they loved each other.

And the lyrics can reflect Isak’s attitude at this point. He has feelings for Even but is still in the closet, still dealing with internalized homophobia. There’s still uncertainty around this relationship and where it’s headed. You can take “I’m Not in Love” as a layer of protection, downplaying this relationship to others and maybe to himself, but of course any protests from Isak are going to be as weak as the singer’s. Dude. We can see the way you’re looking at each other. 

Onto this montage of smoking, kissing, and cuddling. Dreamy sigh. Isn’t this how everyone wants to imagine being in love? Comfort and safety mixed with passion and affection. This is the exploratory period, where you’re with a new person, and you can see Isak and Even testing out new kisses, new cuddles, new affectionate gestures. They’re enamored with each other and there’s still so much more to learn about each other.

Even’s smile when Isak initiates the nose rub = murder me. I still think Isak did it to make the gesture theirs after seeing Even do it to Sonja at the neon pre-drink. Thinking about it from a directing standpoint, I am dying to know if Julie was giving the actors instructions on things to try or if they were told to improv and Tarjei did the nose rub and caught Henrik by surprise, basically how this little detail came to be. Because it’s not in the script and yet it became such an iconic Evak gesture, it was incorporated throughout their scenes as a way they not only express affection but show comfort and solidarity with each other. It is theirs. 

Evak having certain gestures they come back to, such as the nose rub, makes this relationship seem more real and textured. Their relationship is very specific, with its own history and inside jokes and consistencies throughout the series, and it’s one reason why it’s stuck with me so long.

The timeline is pretty ambiguous in this montage. We know that they obviously spent Saturday together, but this montage doesn’t designate a clear linear path, it jumps between their different positions and activities - smoking, laughing, making out, looking into each other’s eyes. There are also parts in some of the editing where we have Even or Isak talking but their mouths aren’t moving, giving this scene a dreamy feel. It’s almost like they’re outside of time, in their little bubble. “Can I stay in here with you forever?” seems like a real possibility.

In part of the opening montage you can see the same kiss from the end of the clip, which could just be Julie reusing footage for whatever reason, but I like it because it’s almost like a loop between the start and end of the clip. Time is irrelevant in their bubble. Everything that’s going to happen, will happen, and it’s happening now.

Tarjei and Henrik deserve so much praise for their acting in this scene. Not just because there’s no skittishness or #nohomo bullshit that you sometimes see from actors playing gay couples, but because they sell the utter adoration between their characters better than a lot of A-listers, honestly. The looks on their faces … wow. So much fond! So much love!

Henrik does a lot of fantastic physical acting throughout this scene, because Even never lets up touching Isak - tracing or rubbing his back, stroking his face. Expressing his feelings through touch. Can you imagine how much Isak is soaking all of this up?

Speaking of Isak, this is by far the softest, gentlest, and happiest we have seen Isak in this season so far, and the whole series to this point. He’s like a completely different person in this scene. Tarjei really lets down Isak’s walls.

Even is wearing the traveling Jesus shirt which is appropriate after a scene where he just played God. You can imagine Isak throwing it to him for that reason. Not because of complex Biblical symbolism and rebirth metaphors, more to be a little shit. Hey God, I found a shirt with your son on it!

I love how Even looks super charmed by Isak blowing smoke in his face.

By the way, I know I’ve said this before somewhere, but this scene always makes me think of a commercial for fabric softener, with that nice soapy clean clothes smell. In reality, though, Isak’s bedroom would have smelled like weed, boy farts, unwashed sheets, and possibly chlorine from the pool.

Eternal mysteries: What is the Nicolas Cage movie where he doesn’t overact??? Nicolas Cage has made some respectable movies, it’s not all The Wicker Man and the Kirk Cameron-less Left Behind, but I don’t know if he’s ever been subtle. What’s a movie that Isak would have seen and Even wouldn’t? Unless they have differing opinions on overacting. This is going to bug me for eternity. (On a non-Skam note: I fell into a Wikipedia hole and while I knew Nicolas Cage was related to the Coppolas, I didn’t know he was a cousin of Jason Schwartzman?)

On a similar note, this doesn’t bother me too much since I’m too enchanted with their acting and the writing, but yeah, that one strand of hair just chillin’ under Tarjei’s chin in this scene… once you see it, you can’t un-notice it. (There’s also the mic that’s visible in the opening montage.)

This scene has no pressing plot, no obvious “point” in terms of communicating exposition or advancing the storyline, but it turns out to be vitally important as a whole bunch of motifs and themes are established, we get insight into both characters, and there’s a ton of foreshadowing.

“I actually think life is like a movie. That you can be the director of your own life.” As we know, Even has a cinematic mind and sometimes takes his advice very literally, aka staging underwater kisses in random people’s houses. But it’s interesting that Even feels this way since bipolar disorder would seem to be something that makes him feel less in control. I feel like he tries to live this way deliberately as a way to handle his mental illness. 

Isak being impressed by infinity, thinking about the fact of being insignificant compared to all the universes out there, though - that’s kind of surprising! Even wants to maintain some control over his life, perhaps due to having this mental illness that makes him feel out of control, but Isak just thinks out there, everything is happening to him, and he’s OK with that. He’s more fascinated by the idea and not like ... struck down with existential dread. 

What’s lovely is that when Isak disagrees with Even’s point, Even is eager to hear what Isak says. They both look happy to be having debates like this. They can disagree on certain topics but it’s OK because they love to hear the other’s POV. This is such a great foundation for a relationship, that they’re not all about physical attraction and desire, but they genuinely enjoy having conversations with each other about big topics.

Have we heard Isak talk at all about Big Ideas like this, with anyone else? I can certainly believe he’s had conversations like this with Jonas, but there’s something really intimate about putting aside all the mundane topics of daily conversation and diving into the bigger, more abstract discussions, things that really reveal a lot about who you are as a person and how you process the world.

And I mean, yes, I know that they’re both stoned right now and that’s helping Isak to open up. Still!

Oh my God, do I love, LOVE, the shot of Even and Isak lying overhead as Isak says, “There’s probably a parallel universe where an Isak and an Even are lying like this…” Because that’s exactly what it is in that moment! A parallel universe! Well, maybe. You can also interpret it as a non-linear moment, since we have Isak’s voiceover (where he was clearly just talking on screen) over a shot where Isak’s mouth clearly is not moving, to a cut back to Isak talking. But I also like the idea that this shot of Isak and Even lying silently together, Even tracing Isak’s back, is from one of those parallel universes that Isak is referring to, and that’s what the AU Isak and Even are doing right at that moment.

Also, nice editing from Julie, because Even moves his head to look directly at Isak as a way to link the two shots and it’s happening in both universes, Isak talking and Isak not talking.

Plus apart from the time/parallel universe stuff, it’s honestly just a beautiful shot, where both Isak and Even are deep in contemplation, and you can imagine all that is on their minds, but they’re not voicing it at this time. Just Even rubbing Isak’s back. Just them lying together.

Both Isak and Even memorized this entire conversation, because it was that important to them, and ended up storing a whole bunch of its references in the Evak museum. Parallel universes, yellow curtains, the boy who couldn’t hold his breath underwater...

Uhhh, that soft little noise Even makes after talking about the yellow curtains? End me.

Even is pretty vulnerable during this part of the conversation, giving his thoughts on parallel universes. I guess this is heading into personal territory, but this is the scene where I first started to think Even might have depression, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it were the same for a lot of other viewers. Not just the bit where Even says the only way to escape your thoughts is by dying, though Even saying that was a huge red flag and made me think Even was suicidal, or had attempted suicide in the past. But also when he mentions how thinking about all the different universes feels lonely. And that might be a reach because surely non-depressed people can feel similarly overwhelmed by the idea of being small and insignificant in an infinite number of universes, but it just pinged me (as someone with depression) as immediately recognizable. I can’t even put it into words, it just resonated in an unsettling way. Being alone, with just you and your thoughts, is terrifying when you have depression, because your mind starts to come up with some scary things.

I think that also accounts for why Isak might not understand why Even is freaked out by the idea. While Isak’s mental health has suffered as a result of his family life and his internalized homophobia - the insomnia is a noticeable effect, for one - I don’t think he’s been suicidal, and I don’t think, even with all his stress and inner struggles, that he realizes how bad one’s thoughts can get.

The only time the camera strays from Isak and Even in bed, during this entire scene of almost seven minutes, is when Eskild knocks and talks to Isak through the door. Because that’s an interruption of the bubble. Eskild is the outside world at this point, Eskild is the reminder that people do exist beside Isak and Even. Bless Eskild, but he’s an intruder here. His sudden presence also causes Isak to come up with a lie, saying that Even’s shoes are Jonas’ shoes, reverting to his habit of lying because he’s not ready to state the truth.

By the way, if you were watching in real time and were in the fandom at the time, you’ll remember that there was a theory that actually it was Jonas talking to Isak through the door, and therefore he would catch on to those not being his shoes. Which seems kind of silly now, because Jonas and Eskild don’t sound the same, but fandom sure loved its wild theories. I miss the bonkers shit people would come up with when you’re getting canon in 3-4 minutes increments day by day and are in constant speculation mode.

I love how Even is so charmed by Isak being a brat to Eskild. And that he seems happy at Eskild’s mention of Isak staying in his room all day (because hell yeah, why not, stay in here with me, Isak). And his tightening grip on Isak’s shoulder? My heart.

Also, Even’s gaze is more on Isak’s reactions to Eskild than looking to the door toward the voice, like … he is so enamored of everything Isak does and can barely take his eyes away. (That’s the boy he’s noticed since the first day of school!!! And he’s here, he’s finally here!!)

Isak complaining that Eskild is a babysitter is totally borrowed from what Even said the night before, when he told Sonja to stop monitoring him. Isak absolutely absorbs a lot of what Even says and does and ends up imitating him.

So we finally get the explanation for how Isak met Eskild and came to live in the flat in this scene. I wasn’t watching from S2 but this would have been a dangling topic since the S2 finale, at least.

In the script it’s mentioned specifically that Isak had a fight with his father before going out and getting drunk, which breaks my heart. Isak’s dad really let all of them down. What kind of a father leaves his teenage son alone with a mentally ill mother he is not prepared to care for? All because the dad couldn’t deal with the mom’s mental illness? What the fuck is a 16/17-year-old supposed to do? Not to get too personal again, but I have been a caretaker to a mentally ill parent (and one who had some drastic issues but whose sense of reality mostly wasn’t impaired like with Isak’s mother) and I could not imagine doing it without the help of my other parent. It’s just outrageously selfish to bail like that. 

Isak not being able to remember whether Eskild tried to pick him up is … alarming. And sad. And it’s very good that Eskild found him when he was that out of it instead of someone else with less noble intentions.

Looking at Even’s POV, I doubt he thinks there’s anything going on between Isak and Eskild but Isak living on his own with another gay man, a non-relative, is a bag of unanswered questions, such as - is Isak out to anyone? Where’s Isak’s family? Was he kicked out for being gay? Like this is his way of prodding out some sensitive information. Later when he asks how Isak’s parents will react if they start dating, you can imagine this information is on his mind.

Again, Even’s eyes never leave Isak’s face during this conversation, and he keeps rubbing his thumb along Isak’s shoulder. And he doesn’t ask too many questions, he just lets Isak talk. Isak opens up more than we’ve seen him do in this season so far, but when stuff starts to get too heavy then he plays it off and Even allows it and doesn’t push.

As cute as it is, there’s something a little sad about Isak saying that Even can have his story and make a movie out of it? Like he’s clearly trying to play down how much it really affects him. Oh Even, just turn my sad family history into one of your tragic films, ha ha except not really.

“I am going to make a movie about you!” AHHHHHHHH. So glad we got our S4 YouTube masterpiece because when hearing this line mid-s3 I totally figured it would be foreshadowing and Even would like, confess some feelings to Isak via stop motion Barbie adventures. And I mean, the rest of S3 is so amazing that I didn’t miss not getting any Ken doll smooching, but I’m glad Julie came through with the promised cinematic ode to Isak Valtersen.

When Even’s phone starts ringing they both keep joking and laughing until they can no longer ignore it. Another intrusion to the bubble.

Even stroking back Isak’s hair and pressing his face to Isak’s forehead - some A+ intimacy.

I have to single out their acting again. Henrik is fantastic with all the touches and affection he’s giving, and Tarjei does such a lovely job with the slight shyness and sweetness from Isak. Like this is all new to Isak! It’s a ton of romantic attention and affection from a boy! You can see his curiosity and exploration. Then when they have to deal with the reality of what’s waiting for them outside the bubble, Even is so blatantly unhappy and Isak is just deflating in his subdued way. The actors manage these emotions so well.

Man, you can see how quietly happy Isak gets when Even asks to stay in there with him forever. He’s almost glowing. And it makes sense that this, specifically, is what Even asks him, because that’s what they want at the moment - not just to be together, but to stay inside the bubble away from all outside complications.

This final kiss as we close out the clip is just. The sweetest thing ever. With Isak lifting up his head to ask for it and Even kissing Isak’s forehead and cheek and their hands on the other’s face and neck. Imagine Isak’s growing confidence in asking for the kiss and Even’s generosity in giving Isak more than what he asks.

I don’t necessarily put a timeline as to when these two definitely fell in love (as opposed to liking each other/having a crush/whatever), or realized that they were in love, but tbh this feels like when it might have been it for Even. The act of breaking up with Sonja and asking Isak to be his boyfriend had to be huge for Even, in light of everything he had been through, and realizing he was in love with Isak here was big enough to take a chance, end his stifling but stable relationship, and pursue something new and unknown.

You know when you listen to a song you enjoy so much that you start to hear it and you don’t really love it anymore, it’s more like the memory of loving it? Or a book you read so many times that it’s more that you remember the emotions it used to provoke in you, rather than feeling them in the moment? Sometimes I fear that season three of Skam will get worn out for me like that. After all, I’ve seen it who knows how many times by now, and the show ended more than a year ago - eventually watching it will just be about the memories of how it felt to watch the first time, and not feeling scenes in themselves, right? 

Watching this scene again still feels like the first time.

Clip 2 - Morning after

There has been discussion over whether Isak and Even went further than makeouts during their cozy weekend and I’m 95% in the camp that they did not. I mean, by all means, headcanon otherwise, but I don’t think sex happened at this point for the following reasons:

Narratively it would have been a huge deal, both in the progress of their relationship and of Isak’s personal development, and I tend to think Julie would have shown it or hinted at it more strongly if anything sexual had happened. It seems too important not to make more obvious. If you think about it, the parallel universe conversation could have happened while they were in a state of undress (or something to indicate that they’d gone further than makeouts) but instead she had them talk while in oversized hoodies and sweats. So I think she wanted the main takeaway from this snuggly Saturday to be them talking about their lives and personal philosophies.

Like I said, it would have been a big deal for Isak, going from his first kiss with a boy to being sexual with a boy within a day or so, and since Isak is still dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia, I’d say he wouldn’t progress that fast? It’s true that he seems willing to jump into things with Even pretty quickly, but it also makes more sense to me as a step after he’d come out to his friends and gained a little more self-acceptance. “They’re teenagers and therefore driven by hormones” isn’t convincing enough of a reason enough for me to think they went that far. I mean, Noora and William are also shown waking up in bed in their underwear in the next clip after their first kiss, and it’s immediately established that they have not yet had sex. (Which is why I don’t think Isak waking up in his boxers is proof, either.)

Just personal preference but Even is already cheating on Sonja by making out and snuggling with Isak. I’d rather he didn’t do anything blatantly sexual with him on top of that.

The only thing that gives me some doubt is the crumpled tissue on Isak’s nightstand, because we all know Skam loves to be cheeky about Isak’s toilet paper, lmao.

We’ve seen Isak struggle with insomnia but here he appears to have slept pretty well, and we get the first hint that Even also has trouble sleeping. “I don’t sleep cuz sleep is the cousin to death” is waaaaay more loaded as a lyric than it might seem at first. It’s also quite ominous as we kept getting casual mentions of death around Even. Feels like the Grim Reaper is always trailing him.

Even frequently calling Isak hot/attractive, as he does on his sketch, is so good for Isak to hear. Isak has trouble vocalizing his attraction to men (well I GUESS that guy on Grindr is handsome, Eskild) but for Even, talking about his attraction to Isak is as normal as breathing. Even just does not give a fuck, in a lot of ways, about some of the hangups that Isak currently struggles with - talking about men being attractive, dealing with generalizations, liking “gay”/stereotypically un-masculine things. And that’s really good for Isak to be around, because he thinks the world of Even, and if Even can be like that or say this or do that, then maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world for Isak to admit he finds boys attractive. Even normalizes some of this behavior for him.

Also, it’s just so nice for Isak’s first real love (a boy!!!) to make him feel adored and shower him with compliments. Sincere ones, at that! Even isn’t faking any of this as some people predicted; he’s completely smitten with Isak.

I find it so endearing that cartoon Isak wears a snapback underwater.

I forgot, who did the drawings for Even? Some random on the production team? Julie? Imagine keeping that as a souvenir from the set.

Even has already internalized what Isak said about parallel universes. This one is just a silly joke comic, but later these sketches are going to be something like a coping mechanism for him.

Lmao, Eskild and Noora. Noora is randomly cleaning walls as a way to either alleviate William-related stress, satiate Isak-related curiosity, or both. Both? Both. Julie had to delete a William-related line in the script because it didn’t fit in right here, but by the Looks she gives Isak once Eskild steps in, she wants all the gossip.

You know, not that I condone turning Isak’s sexuality into a fun speculative game, but I so wonder how the girl squad side of Nissen was reacting to the developing Evak relationship from the outside? You know Noora was probably giving Eva updates on everything, Vilde was clueless for a while, Sana was just complaining about Isak forgetting his biology notes, and Chris was like, “Damn, the spirits weren’t smoking crack after all.”

Don’t you wish you could’ve seen the Even-Eskild interaction in the bathroom that morning? Especially when Eskild encounters a random dude in the flat wearing the Jesus shirt. Was Even still wearing the shirt when he left, or did he return Isak’s clothes and go home in his Halloween costume?

Eskild is just. The best. He knows that Isak is most likely gay, and he wants Isak to open up to him, and he’s probably like “it’s finally happening!!!” once he spies Even in the bathroom. But he’s trying to be “casual” and positive about it. Oh, that Even guy was super cool! It’s cool that you had a cool guy over, Isak, we’re all cool with it.

Alas, Isak was Not in the mood to talk about this. As soon as he steps out of his bubble, he gets confronted with questions about Even and has to retreat. But the bubble just isn’t the same alone.

Clip 3 - Isak on the outskirts of the boy squad

Poor Isak just wants to find out what’s going on with Even, to the point of waiting outside his classroom. But he has no idea that what Even’s going through is way more serious than he could have realized.

Isak doesn’t waste a single second in bailing from Emma, lmao.

This scene with the boys is so well done. The tension is evident. Tarjei’s acting is terrific. He rolls up to the boys ready to be bro Isak, friend Isak, and you can see him present a better mood (or faking a better mood) only for the shock to sink in when he realizes he fucked up by forgetting Magnus’ birthday.

When Isak strolls up to the boys, none of them pause to acknowledge his presence, they don’t even know he arrives until Isak starts apologizing. That’s how out of the loop he is.

To be fair, as much as I understand why Isak would lose track of anything except lying in Even’s arms - with someone looking at you and cuddling you like that, who wouldn’t - but he did blow off his friend’s birthday after talking about it with his friends and discussing tentative plans, and ignored their texts to alert him. That’s the problem with the bubble: you’re cut off from the outside world, both bad and good. Isak needs to learn how to bring his two worlds together and not aggressively shut them off from each other.

Not to mention that this is the third week in a row where Isak has lied or canceled plans, after the Emma pre-drink he randomly canceled and the kosegruppa pre-drink he didn’t tell the boys about. Isak’s lie about his family party is just half-hearted. Jonas and Mahdi see right through it and aren’t falling for this BS. Even Jonas, the best friend ever, is getting done with Isak’s shit.

Lol forever at Julie’s script being like “Isak gives (Magnus) a hug or high-five or whatever, how the fuck am I supposed to know what 17 year old boys do.” It’s hilarious but also indicates that she probably asked Tarjei and David what gesture would fit in the context of this scene for their characters, and they went with the hug. Awwww.

The other boys do some good acting in this scene, too. David does a nice job of being a little friendlier than the other two, but in a muted way. Magnus is the most cheerful and good-natured of the boys, the one who doesn’t really get upset, and so he doesn’t shut out Isak to the degree that Jonas and Mahdi do (they both seem mega-annoyed with him) but I think Magnus was actually hurt by Isak forgetting his birthday? I mean, I doubt he went home and cried in his pillow. But it would sting that Isak just completely bailed with no warning, no text message that he wasn’t going to make it. He just totally forgot. 

Isak tries to work his way back into the circle, being enthusiastic, wanting to know what happened, but he’s so blatantly on the outside. The other boys don’t even try to tell the story to him (and Jonas is the one who says this so you know it’s got an extra sting). You can see Isak visibly dim when he realizes he can’t just jump back into the squad - again, great acting from Tarjei.

Also, once the boys have made it clear that Isak can’t hop into their conversation like everything’s normal, we don’t get any more closeup shots of their faces. It’s all on Isak’s reaction. When the boys keep talking among each other, it’s like something happening at the edge of the frame, they move in and out of it, but we’re not able to engage with it fully … we the viewers don’t feel like we’re part of the discussion, either. We’re there with Isak.

So this story the boys tell, about the girl with the facial hair, was not in the script and must have been improvised by the actors or prompted by Julie later. However, it’s an example of how S3 was firing on all cylinders. The boys could have been talking about anything. They could be telling some wacky story about Magnus, a can of beer, and a saxophone. Any anecdote that’s complicated and something Isak can’t be part of, anything where you just had to be there to understand. But it’s not just any story. The incident they’re talking about involves a girl with a facial hair and Magnus almost kissing her. And how this was gross, you don’t want to kiss someone like your father. And what did Isak do on Saturday, instead of going to Magnus’ birthday party? He was kissing a boy. And lol, Even isn’t the most hirsute dude out there, but you have to imagine he has some stubble. But in any case, the message of what they’re saying is clear: kissing people with stubble is gross. Something I doubt a gay guy would think. These are straight dudes who don’t want to kiss girls who remind them of boys. Meanwhile Isak has been kissing an actual boy and found it to be pretty damn amazing, way more satisfying to him than kissing a girl. It’s just another way he’s locked out of the group - not only was he not there for this particular incident, he can’t even relate to the feelings behind the story at all. Julie and the cast are basically multi-tasking here by adding an extra layer of isolation that’s thematically relevant to Isak’s internal struggles. A ton of S3 is layered like this, which is part of why it’s lingered with its fans. And why I wanted to write tl;dr meta about it, lol.

[rewolfaekilerom]

thoughts on the beguiled.

I’ve wanted to watch The Beguiled since I saw the trailer for it in 2017, but I never ended up seeing it. I also didn’t hear much hype around it in the 19C US lit academic community, which I was definitely a part of at the time of its release. I saw–I think–a Vogue article on it, and a few articles came out about the costuming or historical setting. It was directed by Sophia Coppola, so that carries some weight–or it should have. I can’t speak much to the film’s popular success, but I can say that it wasn’t a thing in academia. That surprises me now, especially given how popular the recently released Green Knight movie has been in the medieval academic internet. Maybe The Beguiled didn’t get much buzz because it’s a remake, so anyone who would’ve hyped a movie in 2017 had already seen the original, or maybe it’s just that 19C US lit academia hasn’t come to fully appreciate films about that time period (I’m not sure I buy that because everyone had something to say about the most recent Little Women adaptation). Basically, I’m surprised the 2017 The Beguiled wasn’t required viewing for every PhD student in 19C US lit in the same way that literally any single one of the Little Women or Anne of Green Gables adaptations has proven to be. Is it because The Beguiled focuses on the South? Is it because it’s a remake? I don’t know, and now that I’m not in academia, I’m not sure I really care. It’s just a casual thought that prompted this post.

If you haven’t seen or heard of The Beguiled, it’s like Misery meets Little Women but set in the Civil War-era South. The recent adaptation stars Kirsten Dunst, Nicole Kidman, Elle Fanning, and Colin Farrell. The basic premise is that Colin Farrell’s character is a Union (Northern) soldier (originally of Irish descent) who is wounded in battle and hides in the woods to die or … recover? He’s found by a young Southern girl who’s attending an all-girl’s boarding school in the area; she’s out picking mushrooms, finds him, and brings him back to the school so the headmistress can care for him. The five or six other female students at the boarding school–and the headmistress–quickly become enamored with Colin Farrell and begin competing for his affections. They heal his leg, and he begins reciprocating everyone’s attention. He tells Kirsten Dunst he loves her, he shares a few heavy emotion moments with Nicole Kidman, and he flirts repeatedly with Elle Fanning–all while the other girls and women are in the room. It’s bold behavior, but what does he have to lose? Well, actually, a lot because Kirsten Dunst finds him one night in bed with Elle Fanning, and when he approaches her to apologize or explain (honestly, what is his goal????), she pushes him away from her–and down the gigantic plantation house’s stairs. He’s knocked unconscious and his sutured leg injury reopens, so Nicole Kidman decides to amputate because he’s losing a lot of blood (but actually because she’s jealous that he went to Elle Fanning’s bedroom). He awakens from the surgery and is BIG MAD. He calls everyone on their bullshit but also goes into a drunken rage because he only has one leg and the amputation was performed for, frankly, illegitimate reasons. Kirsten Dunst tries to calm him down by having sex with him, but the other women plot how to get rid of him (oh yeah, he grabbed a weapon–I missed how he got it. Did he already have it? I thought Nicole Kidman had one too?), and they decide to have Mushroom Girl go get the bad mushrooms. They feed them to him, he dies, and the leave his body outside the gate for whichever army to pick up as they pass. That’s it. That’s how the movie ends.

I liked this movie; it was fine. Was it what I’d hoped for from Coppola? Not at all. Marie Antoinette is one of my favorite movies and I always how Coppola will make films in that same style. The Virgin Suicides has a lot of that same energy, and I love that film too. The Beguiled definitely feels like a Coppola movie. It has a similar dreamy and ethereal quality, but here there’s a darkness and underlying tension that some of the (literally) brighter films don’t always have–visually, at least. Or, maybe a better way of putting it is that the true bright, dreamy, and ethereal scenes are fewer and further between in The Beguiled than they are in the other two films I mentioned. Whereas the dark, saturated tones appear pretty much throughout in The Beguiled (except in a few very key moments), Marie Antoinette and TVS are dominated by those bright, dreamy, ethereal tones, and the darker, saturated tones appear in very strategic moments to signal Serious Business happening. As a viewer, I don’t mind the difference, but I’m not sure if the dark, saturated tones in The Beguiled always accurately reflect other depths of the film–most notably, its plot. But more on that in a second.

To get the thing out of the way that I’m supposed to talk about as someone with a PhD in 19C US lit, the historical stuff in this film works. It’s not trying to be irreverent or fanciful with historical tropes like, say, Marie Antoinette. That’s not a value judgment; it’s just a comment. Frankly, I don’t really have too much to say about this film’s historical aspects. Whereas I usually have some opinion of costuming (the recent Little Women adaptation is wonderful but there are … things I don’t love) or how historical subject matter from the period gets treated in films, in this case, I really wasn’t distracted by any significant historical inaccuracies and there were only a few times that I was like “wait a second, is this right???” Honestly, the biggest cause for that question related to some of the evening wear, which looked a little cheap, but that’s whatever; also, Civil War-era garments aren’t something I know especially well, so who am I to judge?

I appreciated the film’s take on women’s–well, some women’s–concerns during the Civil War, including the threats posed by roving military troops on both sides of the conflict, the loss of loved ones (and the sense that their lives are halted but also must go on), the mindless regurgitation of stereotypes about enemy soldiers, etc. I also love the way the film portrays some of the more mundane aspects of these women’s lives–the monotony of sewing, housework, and learning French to speak … with one another–and some of the unique situations caused by wartime population changes, including middle- and upper-class women’s need to perform outdoor labor (I was surprised to see them using shovels, for instance).

I was, frankly, extraordinarily disappointed to see that the film pares the household economy down to a group of middle- and upper-class white women with a casual comment about how all of the enslaved workers left prior to the film’s opening. I understand that this detail further emphasizes how alone and isolated this group is, but for a film released in 2017, it frankly felt like a cop-out. It’s unfathomable to me that a Southern Gothic film set during the Civil War wouldn’t have one single Black character and could write an entire population off in a throw-away line at the beginning of the film. Black Americans played essential roles in the US economy during this period–in all periods, but I’m talking about this one specifically here–and they were pivotal figures in the Civil War itself. They held especially pivotal roles in the South’s (really, the nation’s) economy, and their relationships with domestic life in that region were so complex, rich, and, frankly, worthy of all the attention in the world. Did the film’s producers not want to hire more actors, or did they think a group of white people having old-timey white people problems was enough to bring in audiences? The 19C was full of a million different stories of how enslaved southerners responded to the war and how their lives changed–especially in the South–because of it, so to not depict even one of those stories strikes me as … well, representative of what’s wrong with this film.

Okay, so I lied when I said I didn’t have an opinion on the historical stuff in this film.

My big issue with the film–well, other than (or connected with) the fact that it completely ignores literally the most important population of society during the historical moment it depicts–is that this film’s content doesn’t seem to live up to its visual richness and depth. What I mean by this is that the film’s deep and rich visual style–the color saturation and tones mentioned above–don’t mesh with the plot and characters, which are collectively underdeveloped. I think the underdeveloped plot is fairly straightforward–I didn’t need to leave much out in my summary above, and that paragraph is shorter than most emails I send. This is a film without subplots, which has made me realize how important subplots actually are for fleshing out a fictional world–even a fictional world I know a lot about and am able to imagine my own depth for. The story is a love triangle (with a few extras) in the South during the Civil War. That love triangle could take place literally anywhere and anytime else and it’d have basically the same tension. I’m not even sure you really even need the enemy soldier dimension of Colin Farrell’s character because it’s barely an issue; the majority of the tension comes from the threat a man poses–even an injured one–to a group of women, and that’s timeless. We, as a society, are also obsessed with the idea of women fighting for a man, a storyline I’m getting a bit sick of because it’s just another way we pit women against one another. But that gets to something else, which is the lack of character development. The characters–all seven of them or whatever–are stereotypes. Kirsten Dunst is the shy one who underestimates her beauty, Colin Farrell is an undercover Casanova (a 19C fuckboy, shall we say?), Elle Fanning is a flirt, and Nicole Kidman is a stern (and vindictive) older unmarried woman. We also have the spoiled rich girl and the silly sweet (but also unexpectedly vicious) girl. And Mushroom Girl is the nature-lover, who we know will be expected to conform to societal expectations the second the war ends and she reaches a certain age.

Frankly, the most interesting part about this film is imagining what is happening and will happen outside of what it shows on screen. I spent the entire time I was watching it wondering what these girls’ families were doing, how the soldiers just beyond the camera shots were faring, what the home’s previous (enslaved) domestic laborers were up to and where they had gone (and what their lives were like here before the war), what would happen to the girls in the days and months following the events of the film, etc.

TL;DR: It’s a flawed film that wasn’t terrible to watch, but left me wanting more–a lot more, and not in a “oh, make a sequel!” kind of way but in a “what was left on the editing room’s floor?” kind of way.

xoxo, you know.

[rewolfaekilerom23]

thoughts on the beguiled.

I’ve wanted to watch The Beguiled since I saw the trailer for it in 2017, but I never ended up seeing it. I also didn’t hear much hype around it in the 19C US lit academic community, which I was definitely a part of at the time of its release. I saw–I think–a Vogue article on it, and a few articles came out about the costuming or historical setting. It was directed by Sophia Coppola, so that carries some weight–or it should have. I can’t speak much to the film’s popular success, but I can say that it wasn’t a thing in academia. That surprises me now, especially given how popular the recently released Green Knight movie has been in the medieval academic internet. Maybe The Beguiled didn’t get much buzz because it’s a remake, so anyone who would’ve hyped a movie in 2017 had already seen the original, or maybe it’s just that 19C US lit academia hasn’t come to fully appreciate films about that time period (I’m not sure I buy that because everyone had something to say about the most recent Little Women adaptation). Basically, I’m surprised the 2017 The Beguiled wasn’t required viewing for every PhD student in 19C US lit in the same way that literally any single one of the Little Women or Anne of Green Gables adaptations has proven to be. Is it because The Beguiled focuses on the South? Is it because it’s a remake? I don’t know, and now that I’m not in academia, I’m not sure I really care. It’s just a casual thought that prompted this post.

If you haven’t seen or heard of The Beguiled, it’s like Misery meets Little Women but set in the Civil War-era South. The recent adaptation stars Kirsten Dunst, Nicole Kidman, Elle Fanning, and Colin Farrell. The basic premise is that Colin Farrell’s character is a Union (Northern) soldier (originally of Irish descent) who is wounded in battle and hides in the woods to die or … recover? He’s found by a young Southern girl who’s attending an all-girl’s boarding school in the area; she’s out picking mushrooms, finds him, and brings him back to the school so the headmistress can care for him. The five or six other female students at the boarding school–and the headmistress–quickly become enamored with Colin Farrell and begin competing for his affections. They heal his leg, and he begins reciprocating everyone’s attention. He tells Kirsten Dunst he loves her, he shares a few heavy emotion moments with Nicole Kidman, and he flirts repeatedly with Elle Fanning–all while the other girls and women are in the room. It’s bold behavior, but what does he have to lose? Well, actually, a lot because Kirsten Dunst finds him one night in bed with Elle Fanning, and when he approaches her to apologize or explain (honestly, what is his goal????), she pushes him away from her–and down the gigantic plantation house’s stairs. He’s knocked unconscious and his sutured leg injury reopens, so Nicole Kidman decides to amputate because he’s losing a lot of blood (but actually because she’s jealous that he went to Elle Fanning’s bedroom). He awakens from the surgery and is BIG MAD. He calls everyone on their bullshit but also goes into a drunken rage because he only has one leg and the amputation was performed for, frankly, illegitimate reasons. Kirsten Dunst tries to calm him down by having sex with him, but the other women plot how to get rid of him (oh yeah, he grabbed a weapon–I missed how he got it. Did he already have it? I thought Nicole Kidman had one too?), and they decide to have Mushroom Girl go get the bad mushrooms. They feed them to him, he dies, and the leave his body outside the gate for whichever army to pick up as they pass. That’s it. That’s how the movie ends.

I liked this movie; it was fine. Was it what I’d hoped for from Coppola? Not at all. Marie Antoinette is one of my favorite movies and I always how Coppola will make films in that same style. The Virgin Suicides has a lot of that same energy, and I love that film too. The Beguiled definitely feels like a Coppola movie. It has a similar dreamy and ethereal quality, but here there’s a darkness and underlying tension that some of the (literally) brighter films don’t always have–visually, at least. Or, maybe a better way of putting it is that the true bright, dreamy, and ethereal scenes are fewer and further between in The Beguiled than they are in the other two films I mentioned. Whereas the dark, saturated tones appear pretty much throughout in The Beguiled (except in a few very key moments), Marie Antoinette and TVS are dominated by those bright, dreamy, ethereal tones, and the darker, saturated tones appear in very strategic moments to signal Serious Business happening. As a viewer, I don’t mind the difference, but I’m not sure if the dark, saturated tones in The Beguiled always accurately reflect other depths of the film–most notably, its plot. But more on that in a second.

To get the thing out of the way that I’m supposed to talk about as someone with a PhD in 19C US lit, the historical stuff in this film works. It’s not trying to be irreverent or fanciful with historical tropes like, say, Marie Antoinette. That’s not a value judgment; it’s just a comment. Frankly, I don’t really have too much to say about this film’s historical aspects. Whereas I usually have some opinion of costuming (the recent Little Women adaptation is wonderful but there are … things I don’t love) or how historical subject matter from the period gets treated in films, in this case, I really wasn’t distracted by any significant historical inaccuracies and there were only a few times that I was like “wait a second, is this right???” Honestly, the biggest cause for that question related to some of the evening wear, which looked a little cheap, but that’s whatever; also, Civil War-era garments aren’t something I know especially well, so who am I to judge?

I appreciated the film’s take on women’s–well, some women’s–concerns during the Civil War, including the threats posed by roving military troops on both sides of the conflict, the loss of loved ones (and the sense that their lives are halted but also must go on), the mindless regurgitation of stereotypes about enemy soldiers, etc. I also love the way the film portrays some of the more mundane aspects of these women’s lives–the monotony of sewing, housework, and learning French to speak … with one another–and some of the unique situations caused by wartime population changes, including middle- and upper-class women’s need to perform outdoor labor (I was surprised to see them using shovels, for instance).

I was, frankly, extraordinarily disappointed to see that the film pares the household economy down to a group of middle- and upper-class white women with a casual comment about how all of the enslaved workers left prior to the film’s opening. I understand that this detail further emphasizes how alone and isolated this group is, but for a film released in 2017, it frankly felt like a cop-out. It’s unfathomable to me that a Southern Gothic film set during the Civil War wouldn’t have one single Black character and could write an entire population off in a throw-away line at the beginning of the film. Black Americans played essential roles in the US economy during this period–in all periods, but I’m talking about this one specifically here–and they were pivotal figures in the Civil War itself. They held especially pivotal roles in the South’s (really, the nation’s) economy, and their relationships with domestic life in that region were so complex, rich, and, frankly, worthy of all the attention in the world. Did the film’s producers not want to hire more actors, or did they think a group of white people having old-timey white people problems was enough to bring in audiences? The 19C was full of a million different stories of how enslaved southerners responded to the war and how their lives changed–especially in the South–because of it, so to not depict even one of those stories strikes me as … well, representative of what’s wrong with this film.

Okay, so I lied when I said I didn’t have an opinion on the historical stuff in this film.

My big issue with the film–well, other than (or connected with) the fact that it completely ignores literally the most important population of society during the historical moment it depicts–is that this film’s content doesn’t seem to live up to its visual richness and depth. What I mean by this is that the film’s deep and rich visual style–the color saturation and tones mentioned above–don’t mesh with the plot and characters, which are collectively underdeveloped. I think the underdeveloped plot is fairly straightforward–I didn’t need to leave much out in my summary above, and that paragraph is shorter than most emails I send. This is a film without subplots, which has made me realize how important subplots actually are for fleshing out a fictional world–even a fictional world I know a lot about and am able to imagine my own depth for. The story is a love triangle (with a few extras) in the South during the Civil War. That love triangle could take place literally anywhere and anytime else and it’d have basically the same tension. I’m not even sure you really even need the enemy soldier dimension of Colin Farrell’s character because it’s barely an issue; the majority of the tension comes from the threat a man poses–even an injured one–to a group of women, and that’s timeless. We, as a society, are also obsessed with the idea of women fighting for a man, a storyline I’m getting a bit sick of because it’s just another way we pit women against one another. But that gets to something else, which is the lack of character development. The characters–all seven of them or whatever–are stereotypes. Kirsten Dunst is the shy one who underestimates her beauty, Colin Farrell is an undercover Casanova (a 19C fuckboy, shall we say?), Elle Fanning is a flirt, and Nicole Kidman is a stern (and vindictive) older unmarried woman. We also have the spoiled rich girl and the silly sweet (but also unexpectedly vicious) girl. And Mushroom Girl is the nature-lover, who we know will be expected to conform to societal expectations the second the war ends and she reaches a certain age.

Frankly, the most interesting part about this film is imagining what is happening and will happen outside of what it shows on screen. I spent the entire time I was watching it wondering what these girls’ families were doing, how the soldiers just beyond the camera shots were faring, what the home’s previous (enslaved) domestic laborers were up to and where they had gone (and what their lives were like here before the war), what would happen to the girls in the days and months following the events of the film, etc.

TL;DR: It’s a flawed film that wasn’t terrible to watch, but left me wanting more–a lot more, and not in a “oh, make a sequel!” kind of way but in a “what was left on the editing room’s floor?” kind of way.

xoxo, you know.

[allthingsgoodandlovely]

Photo Riding in a Group via lvsage 

Today, I want to share something that I saw last Saturday, on my way home from getting last weeks posts set up. I've been thinking about it all week. 

There was a group of about 10-11 motorcycles driving down the highway, merging onto an exchange when I came into their midst, well...next to their midst. They were in the most intriguing formation. It was like a zig zag of sorts, but even that fails to describe it entirely. See photo above for a better idea.

I grew up around motorcycle clubs. A family at the church I grew up going to were leaders in a motorcycle club and we hosted rallies quarterly for them on our church grounds. I took rides with them. They were always around. But I have never. ever. seen anything like this. I was enamored. 

As the front driver, with his partner on the seat behind him holding onto him while her blonde hair dashed in their wind, moved, so too moved his comrades. They filled out the lane entirely, as a car maintains the space in their own lane, they formed to create their own vehicle. I found out later that the lead driver actually acts as the pack-leader, watching for dangers, keeping track of the direction their group heads. But I didn't know this in fact, only in appearance at the time. 

What I loved about this, what was so good and lovely and pure about it, was the group-ness of it. The all-for-each-other practice. I noticed one of the riders fall behind. Maybe on purpose to talk to one of the other riders, but as soon as he was done, he hurried back to his spot -- filling the place in the body that was for him to fill. To occupy. Each has his purpose. I could see the purpose of the first rider. We all could imagine. But I thought of the mid-riders, they fill the space, keep each other safe from other cars, vans, 18-wheelers. The guy on the last bike at the end: he was there, for sure he was there, but he trailed just a little. And it seemed to me that in his trailing, he was watching. Watching his friends, keeping an eye on the whole scene. He was the big-picture viewer. I would imagine he saw the most out of the whole group.  I also found out later that these positions change throughout the ride. That the riders change throughout to stay fresh. When the leader needs a rest, another can take their place. Maybe this in more for-fun rider groups. I would imagine Hells Angels don't really rotate the lead. But who knows! Maybe they do ;) Maybe everyone involved would be terribly mad at me for all of these assumptions, but with my limited experience growing up, I am still a lay-man in terms of motorcycle clubs.

As the head moved, so too, the rest of the team. I thought of the personalities of each of the riders. What differences they may have had. And yet they ride together. They stay together. They help each other. You see the trope of the big biker dude with his toy poodle...maybe one of them filled that. Maybe one of them just lost his father-figure (like me). Maybe the couple in the middle just sent their youngest daughter off to college. Maybe one of them just likes the feeling of the sun on his leathers. Maybe they all do. They have a common interest, love. They found one another. Their people. They get together. It could be this was the only day for the year they could. It could be their once a week ride. It could be their "if it's sunny no matter what we're doing drop we everything and go ride" ride.  I like the idea of the last one. Haha. It draws out the spontaneity I so love and crave to find in my routine-set days.

There are very few examples of this kind of camaraderie that I see these days. The non-profit I used to be a part of, Boy With A Ball, the one that specialized in community outreach & development is about the only other time I can think of that I've seen this kind of we-are-all-in-this-together type of mentality. And I didn't really realize it until I saw this formation. It was a good season of life. And while it's done in the time and place and way that I knew it, it birthed in me some love of seeing a community thrive. 

In doing some more research on this type of formation riding, I found this really cool post explaining it in educated detail.