#i am scared though. how will we handle this
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we had this um discussion today with the girls i'm doing the next social psych presentation with (i know right TWO presentations?? get off our asses) and well. i am not optimistic
#they're. they're nice. i just knew this would be difficult. and it has been‚ difficult that is#and this was just the first conversation#we need to actually finish it by sunday and present on tuesday. and we just don't even understand the topics in the same way#one girl is super quiet and never does much. the other two are confused but they don't seem to know it..#and i am usually not the person who's like ouogh i'm too smart for this lot#i swear i never do that.... but that was painful. i love these girls on a personal level but that was not pleasant for me. i'm sorry#😭#one of them had that misogynistic comment the last time that made my jaw drop btw. but that's behind us#i am scared though. how will we handle this#like. even if i could do it on my own and have an idea of what we should do they don't like. want to do that.#so...... tee hee!#i think i might be fucked i feel fucked. sorry for not putting more trust in them#kata.txt
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okay so as a gen 5 stan who does adore the story in bw and bw2, and now that gen 5 has experienced both a vicious hatedom that wouldnt hear a single positive thing about the games, and now a super protective fandom that insists they were perfect and had zero flaws... can we admit now that the bw1 story at least was. a little mid.
#just a little. just a little.#i am saying this as someone who adores it and loves the characters a lot#...... but good god team plasma kinda sucks ass as an evil organization#bw2 is sorta better about them with the split factions but in the first game theyre so obnoxious and come across as strawmen#the game talks about how the world is nuanced and not black and white and its not good to take extreme sides#but then. it sorta does that with the protagonists? by refusing to talk about abused pokemon that werent hurt by team plasma?#obviously they are wrong. the game hammers it in with a mallet. but is it really nuanced if our stance is ''ha ha thats silly''#and yeah groups like plasma exist irl but like. as someone who cares abt animal rights and stuff a lot. i feel like they fumbled it here#the answer shouldnt have been ''well ig some pokemon get hurt. we wont talk about them though. watch the grunt kick a munna''#it shouldve been about animal welfare. like maybe instead of becoming assistant professor; bianca couldve become a nurse joy#or she couldve joined some organization that rescues and rehabilitates pokemon from abusive trainers. maybe the reformed plasma from bw2#and before someone goes ''erm its a kids game they cant do that :/ thats too complicated'' first of all- the anime showed a malnourished te#tepig#kids can handle a bit of text next to a skittish lillipup thats like ''its scared of humans'' or something and its being cared for by someo#someone''#plus the side games were tackling much heavier shit at this point#also again they were apparently fine with a grunt kicking a munna and bragging about how he loves doing that so.#like even as a kid i felt like that scene was really over the top and stupid#team plasma feels less like an attempt to do commentary on harmful animal rights ideas that lead to ecofascism and dont care abt the animal#true needs#and more like gamefreak read a lot of obnoxious critical pokemon posts like ''lmao training is like dogfighting'' and ''this promotes anima#abuse!'' and just made a strawman out of those people. and like i agree thats all stupid but it sorta hurts the message of the game#that the world is very nuanced and taking extremes is bad and reductive.#and this isnt getting into poor story and gameplay integration and other stuff like underutilized characters (you know exactly who i mean)#idk. again i still adore the story and have a huge soft spot for it. but i think the only reason people say its perfect is out of defensive#defensiveness and not having engaged with a ton of video game stories. and pokemon stories not being fantastic in general#like i think pla is better put together story wise than this game and its got less going on than this#echoed voice
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i legit love when a character's gender is so integral to their personality (and perception obviously.) like so concrete that if genderbent their whole shtick would just be absolute dookie. anyways i'm just writing this text so i can talk in the tags (My beautiful safe haven)
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this 14 minute song is soooooooooooo FYRE
#text#actually i'm thinkinbg about this only cus i'm drawing female neloff and i'm just like#Elder dookies fans already hate females..... imagine them tryign to handle a woman with NPD that is reaching toxic waste levels#old decaying female with NPD.#but i'm also drawing female neloff for fun cus i have an idea for a look; i don't think it's a good idea#and he is just one of those characters that feel very good in the strict cismale box.#i also feel silly talking about gender-anything in any fiction because that's a topic only Am*ricans with no real problems sweat about#if that makes sense#just not something that interests me in the slightest#actually this might jsut be fascinating 2me because it is interesting indeed to see the different ways narcissism is treated. in characters#if i keep saying females instead of women it's bc i legit love that word. Sorry#and el*nwen+ulfr*c too are those female+male respectively perfectly fitting characters too#but notice how i didn't say cis. exactly. i'm thinking about the person that said elly did his top surgery in the torture basement. 4 free#or maybe i said that and they jsut said they're both t4t. Mmmaybe#the absolute W we copped with elly being the ' ' Big Bad ' ' th*lmor as a woman who is just obsessed with the luxuries of life.#stereotypical high society woman#she's so cute#i might just be obsessed with exploring very traditional dynamics too. i love keeping it grounded yk#Me after reading too many geriatric centuries old novels and huffing copium on sk*rim#i think i legit hate having fun with wilder character personality-morphism (because it is useless) that's not working with what u have#i'm just saying things that will make sense only 2 me now. Bye#why did i develop interest-related nihilism that extends to me hating fantasy franchises and anything that isn't non-fiction#i love it tho makes me feel so sophisticated#this is what happens when nobody humbles you while you draw regurgitated glorified studentXteacher (with a medieval twist) for a year.#i'm so excited for the year to be over not bc it's bad for me but bc i wanna see what all of the n*lvas art i drew looks like together#i wanna compile it like i did with eltl in 2023#n*lvas been treating me so well though liek i've been at such an artistic Peak especially after may#i'm always at my artistic peak tho.#i have a picture of n*relion on my mspaint canvas and it keeps looking at me while i'm drawing . he scares me because who gave him -#- the t*lvas hairstyle and the n*loth beard Bro.
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Ben Solo is baby (honk honk), Daenerys Targaryen is the rightful queen of Westeros, Anders was right (bombing the Catholic Church is always morally correct), and Eridan has never done a single thing wrong thing in his life.
#ven talks#this fine 4 am I imagined how funny it would be to wrap up all of my most controversial character preferences into a single sentence#god. my vibes will seem so goddamn rancid after this one#idc though they’re all hot shit and yall can’t handle them cry about it#don’t take it too seriously some of these statements are hyperbolic because we got sick of nobody wanting to have a nuanced conversation#ONLY SOME WILL UNDERSTAND#If you are all four of these lets kiss#haha jk… unless?#I was going to include solas in this but I fucking gave up my ass is sleeby#I also have mtmte daddy megatron thoughts but alas#I envy people who like the straight up villains because this shit is complicated and far more cancellabe especially with my chosen blorbos#might delete later I DONT want this reaching the wrong people LMAO#homestuck#eridan ampora#got#game of thrones#asoiaf#daenerys targaryen#anders#dragon age#ben solo#Star Wars#still scared to tag as *** but real ones will know who what when where why how etc etc 🚬🐺#might delete
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I was pretty proud of myself for getting through this day so well (first time one of our cats had to have surgery), BUT it's 4am and it's really hitting me now 🙃
#feel like I would be sobbing if my anxiety meds didn't make that.. not harder exactly just. less likely#and I also remembered that I did take lorazepam before going to bed last night specifically because I knew I'd be a mess otherwise...#but yeaaah I just wanna cry now#it's been so hard. the cat is fine. but he's got 20 fewer teeth now and it feels bad#he's in pain and he's grumpy because he doesn't understand why we did that to him and also his brother wouldn't stop hissing at him all day#because he smells wrong and that's been stupidly hard on me#like. those are my babies. they can't be mad at each other??? it scares me. it's not the way it is. it's wrong and I don't like it#also... if I'm being honest I was also quite unsettled by how different he smells so I can understand that. I don't like it but I get it#that's still your brother though you big dumb guy 😭 be nice to him he has barely any teeth left 😭😭😭#I don't liiiike this#I hope they'll get along better again tomorrow bc seriously I can't take this. it's breaking my heart#well I wasn't a mess today but now I definitely am#AND I've got a fucking doctors appointment tomorrow 😭 so I can't even stay on the couch mindlessly watching YouTube all day#life is too hard and I am a big baby and I can't handle it#personal
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i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do
#i was supposed to have someone review my resume and i was banking on the fact that maybe talking to someone instead of being alone in my roo#would help me out but the whole appointment system maker thing was messed up so we couldnt even meet#so i literally hvae nothing better to do than wait the next few days to get back to campus#and i was soooo excited to go back to school and i still am cuz i know itll make me feel better being around people#but im just a lot less excited than i was#cuz i just really really hate the idea of having to spend another fall semester getting over someone#like i couldve probably handled spring semester. but fall semester???? when theres already enough desolateness as it is???#like i just hate hate htae the idea of being on buses and starting to cry again and its midnight at 4pm when im crying#and theres people everywhere and the wrost part is shes literally on the same campus as me!!! so now i might actually see her!!!#and i dont want to!!!#i want to be friends but right now i know if i see her again ill just start sobbing on the spot#i was so excited for thsi fall sem but now im just notttt#and i know ill be busier (hopefully) this sem so im sure ill be better off than last year#but still like. idfk i dont know what to do. i think i just need to hear someone elses voice#im supposed to talk to my friend later today so maybe thatll help#cuz im kinda ready to tell someone about it but what if she telsl me she cant call what am i suppsoed to doooo#cuz last year the person iw as getting over lived a bajillion miles from me so it was easier!!! but she and I live 5 mins from each other#AND SHES FREINDS WITH LIKE ALL MY ROOMMATES#THEYRE ALL HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS !!!!#GODDDD.#i mean there are def upsides to this . for example its good we broke up now#cuz imagine if we broke up cuz of a fight and then thered be a big issue in the friend group#but it ended well and i dont think our friends / roommates will be 'picking sides'#as long as i just dont do anything drastic lol#adn who knows maybe our friendship will bounce back and i really hope it does!!#but she and i didnt start off as friends we kinda went into this knowing we were into each other to begin with#so like how do i be friends with her you know???#and friendship is soo important to me so its not like i dont want to be friends with her. i really really do. i just dont know how itll wor#like i value friendship over romantic relationships any day but also our relationship felt so deep to me#which is why im scared that we wont be friends even though i know we both want to be
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#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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I've been... Absolutely normal? After this breakup with the person that I really genuinely wanted to spend my life with.
It happened Friday night, I cried most of the night and a little on Saturday but then something just shifted and I've been like 99% fine and normally and happy since then? The only time the sadness has really hit me since has been thinking about how upset my (dying) grandma will be that she won't be able to know my partner. But otherwise? I got horrendously drunk on Saturday night, had tons of fun and was fine with a guy low-key flirting with me. Since I got thru the handover and sleepiness on Sunday I've been utterly normal, getting on with work, reading romance and enjoying it rather than being sad or jealous etc. The main stressor has been the number of deadlines I've had this week and trying to manage my parents' reaction and reassure them I'm fine.
It's not that I'm complaining I've not been truly and utterly crushed by the heartbreak, but I'm just weirded out by this reaction. I'm worried I'm bottling it all up and it'll explode later or that this is me sliding back into depression, but I'm still enjoying things and it doesn't feel like depression? Like have I actually reached that level of emotional maturity that I've dealt with everything (or most things) already?
He decided about a week ago that he didn't want to go through his early twenties having to factor someone else into his life plans. I understand it, I respect his decision, acknowledge that there's no use in trying to talk him out of it, appreciate the fact he told me as soon as he could in person so we ended the relationship still loving each other rather than growing apart and resentment building. I really can't stress how I've never loved or been loved by anyone like with him before and that he has been the most important person in my life for four years. Accepting that the life we were planning together has gone has seemed to happen so easily and it feels like something must therefore be wrong. It's helped that we haven't seen each other in person and haven't currently got plans to I guess because I think it's going to really hit when I can't be physically affectionate like before. But even with the distance I still just can't understand why I'm feeling so nothing about this. He brought up that he might want to break up in March and I cried far more than this. Have I been emotionally checked out of the relationship since then without realising? Am I just bottling stuff up without realising? I just wish I knew
#im very used to being alone#even during the relationship we were long distance for most of it and i was living by myself or with emotionally distant family#and last month i moved in with 3 friends and with uni starting I'm able to socialise more even though i still prefer to be alone a lot#so maybe its the fact that i dont feel so isolated that's helping?#even when we lived together i only really had my now ex around to turn to for friendship#also with university im so so overworked but it gives me structure#so im with friends and have a purpose#which is maybe whats holding me together#i think i did process a lot of this after we nearly broke up in march#i said to him months ago that I ultimately want him to be happy and if he decides that its not with me then ill hate it but accept it#i am also on a lot of adderall lmao#switched prescriptions today#anyway even if im slightly scared everything is going to explode out of me one day#i am still proud with how im handling this#i could have been so vindictive during the break up but i knew thatd only hurt him and that i dont want him to be upset#so i wasnt#there were a couple of times i said stuff that i could have left unsaid like how i had our anniversary card already written and in our desk#and i think part of me did want him to hurt at that but mostly because i wanted him to see how much i was? still petty I know#but also i think I'm allowed a bit of pettiness when im being dumped pretty much out of nowhere#idk man#its not bad necessarily its just weird#we said we'd talk on the weekend so the first convo post break up wouldnt become a Thing of who would blink first or whatever#and i want him to know im alright but i don't want it to seem like im bragging or that it means the relationship meant nothing to me#like hey I've lost the most precious thing we had together and actually it seems im fine without it#i really really hope hes feeling a similar way#our friend and my housemate went to visit him yesterday so hopefully hes let him know im coping fine so he doesnt have to feel guilty#i dont want him to be alone in a new house full of strangers and heartbroken#ive been telling our mutual friends to look after him and saying they really really really shouldnt take sides or anything in this#and i dont like thinking of him being sad and knowing there's absolutely nothing i can do rn to help other than giving him space#rambles
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Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over
#miranda talking shit#Autism tag#I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them#As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot#But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao#The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived#Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed#Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him#But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you#I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things#As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people...#I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just#Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle#Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it#Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im#Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way#Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')
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#forgot i had one more uhhhh idk personal update post?#lemme give you a quick meaningless rant to bury the tags i want to be less visible#i think my mom's finally over the dementia hump and i am worried about how to handle that since i'm apparently#the designated problem solver for this family#but idk how to solve that problem idk what you do when someone has dementia and refuses to see it#like i have no problem financially taking care of it for her i just don't know how to social part of it works#anyway we had our monthly team meeting today#and my boss kept bringing me up!#he was very nice but also i'm easy to embarrass!#and it's setting off my weird neuroses where i convince myself everyone's gonna hate me#as soon as i stop being perfect#IN MY DEFENSE this truly happened a year ago!#so that is not me being paranoid...#my true goal in life is to find that ideal level where like...#i outperform your average person enough to be noticed#but not so much that i eventually burn out#and i fear it is unrealistic :(#BUT for now my two main projects at work are both department expo projects for our organization-wide presentation coming up#and they are watching far too closely to see if my proposal wins for my external project#so i am scared of crashing and burning#even though i've gotten almost nothing but positive feedback in my entire time here
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Bruh
#the way . I am crying over a pizza delivery driver dumping my pharmD ass#he was sooooo stinky i miss him 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i knew he was going to end it i knew he would#be the one to end things I was head over heels but he was like 🧍#I want him to bleed lowkey but i'm normal. He was a good guy just immature at times and i think he saw i'm a#cold stone bitch with her life together making 4x he does. so he was like Ok ur future is bright i dont#want to waste your time im not good enough. but its whatever I'm pretty cool and normal#Just been crying a lot#Its cool though. seriously.#I mightve posted about him once or twice Yes i hated him at first bc i was scared once i realized he isnt#scared of me being a bitch to him i was like Ok he seems to actually want to break down my emotional barriers Ok and i#fell in love... then he's like Nah. and Ii'm like Oh Yayyyyy#I serioisly dont know how anyone handles anything#it was literally only 5 months i met him via bumble and we just dated since then but like. Bruh if#it was 12 mknths? 2 years? 10 years? I would actually kill myself no joke#anyway Fuck my life i'm good tho I'll continue slinging norco and percocet and adderall XR and#he'll keep slinging out those amazing fuckimg breadsticks witht he homemade ranch 🥲🥲🥲🥲 I will miss the#pizza from.his job where he'd get 50% off for me equally as much as i will miss him Fr FR.
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Mix Up (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Summary: Spencer sends the wrong note.
TW: adult themes, embarrassment
Word Count: 1499
Masterlist
Everyone in the BAU contributed something to make the team feel like a family. Rossi opened his house and cooked for the team. Morgan and Hotch were always quick to praise a member for their accomplishments. Penelope always made sure that she had treats for anyone who might be having a bad day. You left notes for everyone. After each case, someone got a note, telling them how much you appreciated them and their contributions.
Last week, Hotch got a note. He tucked it into his bag with a smile before making sure to thank you and tell you how much you are appreciated on the team.
Today, it was Spencer’s turn to receive a note. The two of you had roomed together for this case, and you saw how much of a toll it took on him. He shouldn’t say he is surprised to see a note on his desk, but he is.
Spencer,
I can’t imagine how difficult this case was for you. You don’t have to be brave all the time, y’know. It’s okay for you to be scared. You are human, even if you know more than a computer. I am so proud of the work you accomplished and more than grateful for it. Know that I am proud of you, always.
You are the person I can trust with anything. You are the only member of the team who I worry about, even when we’re not out on a case. Not because I think you can’t handle yourself but because I know you’re worrying about all of us. Please, don’t let me be the cause of any of your stress.
I wish I could keep writing, but I can barely keep my eyes open.
With love,
(Y/N).
He smiles widely at the note, tucking it into his bag before anyone else has a chance to see it. After all, you didn’t write it for anyone else. You wrote it for him. You thought of him outside the case, and you thought that you wanted to make him feel good. The more he thinks about it, the more light-headed he becomes. He heads to the kitchenette, eager to get a cup of coffee and hide his growing blush.
You’ve left him five notes in the last year. Even if he didn’t have an eidetic memory, he is certain he would have each word memorized. He’s memorized every interaction you’ve had with them. Though, he knows these memories aren’t quite perfect. Every time a memory is retrieved, it becomes altered, and he has replayed every memory more times than he can count. He’s replayed them, he’s altered them, he’s even added to them.
If he could bring you just a fraction of the joy that you bring him, he would be able to rest easy. The way his heart flips every time he gets a note from you gives him the perfect idea of how to please you.
When he gets home, he sits at his desk, trying to come up with something to say to you, but nothing feels right. How is he supposed to tell you how much you mean to him without telling you just how much you mean to him? Finally, he picks up his pen, deciding that if he writes a draft of what he wants to say first, he’ll be able to write what he should say.
(Y/N),
You are more appreciated than you know. I love you more than you know. Yes, this case was hard for me, but the biggest challenge was sharing a room with you. It’s always tough to sleep on cases, but how am I supposed to get any sleep when I’m only a few feet from you? When, if you’d let me, I’d be able to sleep in your arms? When I’d be able to touch you, kiss you, fuck you?
God, it’s all I could think about. I shouldn’t even tell you what I was thinking. It’s not even just what I was thinking when we were on the case. I think about you constantly. I think of how kind you are, how much praise you give. I can’t help but wonder if you would receive praise just as well. If, when I tell you that you were made for my cock, you would fall apart. If I could, I would give you all the praise in the world just to see you break, watch you come undone, on my cock, on my fingers, on my tongue.
I know you would taste incredible. What I wouldn’t give to get even a taste. Though, I know I wouldn’t be able to stop at just a taste. I’d have to be selfish, and I know you wouldn’t complain.
Spencer slides his chair away from his desk. He quickly folds the paper and sets it aside. Now that that’s done, he gets to work on his actual letter. A much tamer, much safer for work, much friendlier letter that lets you know that you are appreciated.
Again, he folds the note, writing your name on the outside, and sets it aside.
When he leaves in the morning, he grabs the note off his desk, tucking it into his bag. He frowns, noticing that your car is already in the garage. He had hoped that he could leave the note on your desk as a surprise, but there’s no doubt that you’re already working on your files. He decides that he’ll drop it on your desk as he walks by then hide in the breakroom while you read it.
It’s not that he’s embarrassed by what he said, and he meant every word. It just feels like an invasion of privacy to watch you, and he’s not sure how he would be able to carry on with the day if he saw even the hint of a frown on your face.
The elevator opens, and he sets his plan into motion. He unpacks his bag, sliding the note into his hand before walking past your desk.
“Spencer, you dropped something,” you call, but he keeps walking, and out of the corner of his eye, he watches you open the note. That’s when he realizes his mistake. Your name is nowhere on the back of the paper. He panics but keeps walking. What is he supposed to say? “Sorry, that actually isn’t meant for you, I mean it is, but you definitely should not be reading that, in a completely normal not creepy way.”?
He focuses on his coffee, He wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. If hwatching the sugar dissolve. He’s lucky, he’ll be able to hide in here all day and never have to look at you again.
Spencer Reid is very rarely at a loss for words. He can almost always come up with something to say. Now, as he walks back into the bullpen, he has no clue what he can say to you.
It appears that he doesn’t have to. You aren’t at your desk anymore, much to Spencer’s relief. He turns his focus to the papers in front of him. Files that normally wouldn’t take him more than ten minutes are taking almost an hour. He doesn’t look up until he hears a door open.
Hotch’s office door.
He closes his eyes, praying there isn’t a case already. He doesn’t hear Hotch. Instead, he hears footsteps walk down the stairs and into the bullpen. Hesitantly, he opens his eyes. You are getting settled at your desk.
No, no, no, no, no.
You did not go to Hotch after reading his note. You couldn’t have. You would have talked to him before you got him fired, right?
“What was that about?” Emily asks you. You turn to answer, and Spencer is trying to listen, but Morgan grabs his attention first.
“What’s with you?”
“What do you mean?”
Morgan rolls his eyes. “I’m finishing these files faster than you.”
Spencer shrugs. “I’m just distracted, that’s all.”
“Hey, you know we’re here for you, right?”
“I know,” he answers, looking back at the file.
The day continues without you talking to him, and he sure as hell isn’t going to talk to you. Since Hotch hasn’t come down to fire him, Spencer assumes that his job is safe.
You get up around noon, stretching as you do. You grab your bag, a piece of paper between your fingers. You let it fall as you walk passed his desk. Spencer quickly picks it up, unfolding it.
Spencer,
Buy me dinner, and I’ll make sure you get something sweet.
He rereads the sentence over and over again. He’s convinced it’s some sort of joke, but he holds onto the hope that it isn’t and that he actually hasn’t fucked this up beyond belief.
When you come back, you glance at him. If he wasn’t a profiler, he’s not sure he would’ve caught it, but you seem nervous. He smiles to himself.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x you#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds x reader
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Since your requests are open I'll help myself 😋 Gojo's wife starts to have morning sicknesses, so she suspects that she's pregnant. She takes a test and finds out that she actually is pregnant. Would u please write gojo's reaction when his wife tells his that he's gonna be a daddy? 🥺💕 thanks you, please feed us with your delicious writing!!!
Also if you're not feeling well then please ignore this. Take care! Mwah^•^♡
weight — gojo satoru x f!reader
a/n: I hope you like this, luv 🥺💕 thank you so much for your kind words and take care of yourself as well! many kisses and hugs 🫶
“shoko, I need a place to hide!” you say, bursting into the infirmary. you take the small moment of shock that shoko is in to take a much needed breath.
“what did you do this time?”
you wordlessly raise the pregnancy test with slightly shaky hands and upon seeing it, shoko drops the poor sandwich she was eating. you close the door behind you before sitting down next her.
she smiles, “nice, I am going to be an aunt,” then she looks at you confused, “why are you hiding though?”
“I need time to figure out how I will tell him or more like—“ you look at the ceiling, “face him. he will probably figure everything out with his six eyes, but I don’t know how he will react,” you wrap your arms around yourself and shoko sighs.
“you guys didn’t talk about it yet?” she stands up and goes to get you a warm drink.
you gently rock yourself, “satoru already…has so much on his shoulders,” you bury your face in your arms, “I don’t want to add to that.”
she places the mug in front of you, “you do know that he got into this relationship willingly, right? you didn’t hold him at gunpoint or anything…or did you?”
you lightly punch her shoulders, but you take the mug, muttering a small thanks, “if anyone was held at gunpoint then it would be me.”
shoko chuckles and pats your head, “you need to be able to face him, y/n. he will find out anyway, and personally, I think you should have faith in his reaction more than that,” you lock eyes, “you know him more than anyone else, after all.”
your gaze falls to your drink. its surface is so still until you softly blow and it ripples, calm the chaos.
what if you don’t know satoru as much as you thought? what if having a kid will scare him away? as the strongest, your husband has so much on his mind 24/7. will he be able to handle a baby as well?
while a part of you tells you that your husband is no coward nor is he so fragile, the other can’t help but think that perhaps this love story of 12 years will reach its end, a very tragic end even.
with the creation of a new life, ends a lifetime of feelings and events.
you snap out of your thoughts when you notice shoko shooing you into the closet room.
you hear the door open and you have a guess who it is. he makes himself known anyway, “shoko, have you seen y/n?”
shoko quirks an eyebrow and gojo huffs, “okay, fine, I know she is here, but is she mad at me? did I do something?”
you have a feeling that he is looking directly at your eyes even through the closet’s door as he speaks, “y/n, I will take you out anywhere. I don’t know what I did, but let me make it up to you. I hate when you’re upset with me, sweets.”
he is frowning lightly as he stares at the closet with hope. shoko sighs before walking out of the room, but not without patting his shoulder.
the door closes and satoru speaks up again, “can you please come out so we can at least talk about it?”
he hears your sigh and beams when you finally get out of the room, “there is my pretty girl.”
he has a flower bouquet in hand and he is looking at you so intently, but you don’t think he noticed the life growing inside of you now. he is far too focused on making you forgive him for whatever he did. you take a deep breath and look him in the eyes.
your hand moves and finally rests on your stomach.
his brows furrow lightly before his eyes widen. satoru’s breath hitches just like it did during your wedding. he places the bouquet aside before looking quickly between your eyes and stomach, “you are…”
you grip your own hands, nodding. tears start forming in your eyes till they finally fall and cries are what he sees now. your knees give out on you and you fall to the ground, now sobbing.
you are looking at the ground as you cry and hug yourself tighter, bracing yourself for whatever is coming.
satoru, almost instantly, finds himself on his knees in front of you.
his arms, like it’s second nature, pull you close into a warm and secure hug, “hey, hey,” he pats your back, a little clumsily, “if you don’t want it then it’s fine. you know I care about you the most,” his voice shakes a bit, “don’t cry please, you’re breaking my heart—“
“I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry,” you repeat a mantra of the same phrase as you pull him even closer. satoru cups your face and the moment you’re met with the pair of blue eyes you love so much, you break down more, “I know you—probably don’t want it but—“
he tilts his head, utterly confused and maybe even offended, “what are you talking about? of course, I want it!”
the room is silent for a moment as you process what he says. it’s like a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders. you let out a shaky breath as you look down at your hands.
satoru rests his forehead on your own. his voice is soft and barely above a whisper as he speaks, “it’s our baby.”
the content smile on his face is almost unreal, “why in the world would you think that I wouldn’t want it anyway?” and somehow the pout on his face assures you even more.
your arms wrap themselves around his torso and you rest your head on his shoulder, “it’s just—I thought it would be burdening you with yet another responsibility. you have the world on top of your shoulders. how am I better than anyone if I weigh down even if it’s a different type of weight.”
“is it a weight for you?” he asks, voice hushed.
“of course not! I want—“ you answer immediately.
“there is your answer,” he chuckles and you look at his face once again.
you notice that he is tearing up. your satoru is tearing up, and the blindfold isn’t there to hide it nor are the glasses.
his eyes never leave yours as he says, with no waver on his voice, “I would pick you over everything else, every single time and in every single universe, silly girl.”
“you should know that already,” he flicks your forehead but the smile never leaves his face.
a soft laugh tumbles out of his lips as he pulls you in for a big bear hug, his form completely engulfing your own.
he fills tears stain his shirt, but he can only focus on your smile he feels on his skin and the fact that he voice out loud, “I will be a dad,” he sighs with contentment.
“and it’s all because of you,” he raises your face and nuzzles your noses together making you giggle, “we're going to be parents, you sweet pretty thing.”
satoru’s lips find themselves on your own in one very sweet and loving kiss. it’s soft, light, and gentle. yet it conveys all the words that he can’t get out at the moment.
when you pull away slightly, he quickly pulls you back for another, “I love you so much.”
he places a hand on your stomach, “and you too.”
“but don’t think I will share mama with you,” he sticks his tongue out at it, “she is mine!”
the baby is not even out of the womb, and yet he is already bickering with it.
you laugh and your chest feel so light. you kiss his cheek and his pout turns into a grin almost immediately. you hum, “infinity and beyond?”
his hand holds your own and he caresses your ring, “infinity and beyond.”
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do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo imagine#jjk x reader#gojou satoru x reader#jjk imagines#gojo x reader#gojou satoru x you#jjk gojo x you#jjk gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo fluff#jjk fanfic#jjk x you#jjk gojo x y/n#jjk x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru imagine
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I love bombshell!reader omg they’re so cutie. Im in an angst mood so imagine reader finally being hit emotionally hard on a case and asking spencer to stay with her in the hotel?? The rest of the team tries so hard to help but only Spencer can help her omg 🥹
thank you for your request ♡ fem!reader
Morgan has an arm around you. It's the first thing Spencer notices, and he thinks, Thank fuck. Thank fuck someone's holding you together. And then he thinks, Maybe I should be that someone.
He's never seen you shaking that hard. Your usual easy air, not unlike Penelope's, has shrunk to nought. There's no flirty smile sent his way as he approaches, no dramatic throw of Moran's arm. I'd never cheat on my baby, you'd say, though you and Spencer aren't really dating.
"You okay?" he asks.
Spencer feels powerless in the face of your despair. You're obviously not fine. Kids always hit you the worst, and so many? Your reaction is warranted if uncharacteristic.
You don't answer him. Morgan squeezes your arm and stands with a kiss to the top of your head. "I'll leave you in the best hands," he says in way of farewell.
Spencer sits in the space Morgan vacates, hand behind your shoulder, his fingers curling between your side and your upper arm. You've had blood wiped out of your eyes haphazard, crusting of crimson on your lashes like a morbid mascara. He feels like crying for you.
"Hey," he says, giving your back a slow, heavy handed rub, "Sorry I wasn't here."
"That's okay." Your voice is all shudders like a trapped moth. "I'm okay."
He steers your face to his with a cautious hand to look at you properly. With want of a better method, he takes your untouched water bottle and holds it to his sleeve, pulling it over his fingers while the fabric is still saturated to wipe away the missed blood.
You follow his touch, eyes closing with a quick, pained sigh. Like he's pricked you with a knifepoint.
"I know you think you have to be perfect," Spencer says, sleeve turning a dirty orange, "but this is enough to affect anybody."
"I am perfect," you say quietly. It falls flat.
Spencer cups both sides of your face. Your eyes flutter open at the feeling. "You're perfect. And a perfect person would handle this badly."
His hands look rigid compared to the soft slopes of your cheeks, but they're gentle.
Tears like silver line your eyes. You wear grief like everything else until suddenly you don't, a crack, a sniffle and you're turning your face into one of his hands desperately. Spencer knows what you need before you're moving, pulling you into his chest with a hand braced behind your neck.
"It's okay," he says, hoping that if he says it with enough conviction it'll be true. "It's not your fault. There was nothing else we could do."
You shake your head from side to side against his shoulder. "I should've been quicker. I knew what was going to happen, I knew. And I couldn't do anything about it, I couldn't–" Your sob is pulled from you on a hook, hard and sudden enough to end in a wheeze.
Spencer doesn't know what else to do but hug you and hope it calms you down. He's not used to being the most composed of the two of you, a disconnect between the salacious woman who hounds him relentlessly and the one who's falling apart in the circle of his arms.
You shake. Spencer rubs your back, shielding you from the cold weather until Hotch shouts for the BAU to fall in and get ready to leave.
"Will you stay with me?" you ask, pulling away from his chest reluctantly. "I don't want to be alone. The hotel's too…"
Spencer frowns, eyes closed, his face crushed to the side of your head. "Of course I will."
He knows what you were going to say. It's too quiet after all of tonight's noise. And alone, blaming yourself, he knows you'll scare yourself. Tear yourself to pieces. So Spencer sticks to you like glue from the SUV to the hotel to the jet the next morning. He'd do anything you asked him to do no matter how hard.
When you're ready, you'll fall back into your flirtatious routines. For now, Spencer takes your twitching hands under the table and holds them.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x reader
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red - 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰
summary: you and matt have been dating for a month, the most you've ever done is made out, one night things turn, which results in you and matt both losing your virginity.
warnings: smut, virgin!matt, virgin!reader, swearing, fluff.
------------------... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ..------------------
i'm 19, and still a virgin. my boyfriend matt doesnt know, i'm too scared to tell him even though i know he would never judge me. nothing sexual has ever happened between us, but its bound to happen at some point, right?
matt and i are laying in his bed together, the house is empty for once as we cuddle close, watching a movie. i take a deep breath through my nose, anxiety rushing through me as my thoughts race
what if it hurts? what if matt won't think of me the same if i tell him? am i even ready?
"y/n, are you okay sweetheart, you're tensing like crazy." matt rubs my back, reasurringly.
"matt." i whisper, my voice hoarse.
"yeah?" he says, sitting up, his back pressing against the headboard as i lay on his chest.
what do i even say? i cant just say- "i want to have sex with you."
shit. the words came out like word vomit.
i throw my hand over my mouth, sitting up off matts chest and leaping off the bed. an awkward silence floods through the room as i reach for the door handle.
"come back." he says calmly, patting the spot next to him.
i nod like a guilty kid as i walk back over to his bed, sitting down next to him. "did you mean what you said sweetheart?" he says, interlocking our fingers. "possibly.." i mumble, my cheeks flushing.
matt laughs
"what!!" i say, slapping him softly.
"you're so red." he giggles,
"god shut up." i mumble, a smile spreading across my face.
another silence grows in the room as we decide what to say next. i clear my throat, "matt i need to say something." i whisper, looking everywhere but at him. he nods, squeezing my hand.
"i'm uh.. a virgin.?" i say, barely audible as i rub my eyes. "but like, i know its weird from my age but its just, i really love you, and everything about you.. i think i want you to take my virginity.."
"me too." he says, his cheeks red.
"you too?" i repeat, my eyebrows furrowing.
the room goes quiet, i'm quite frankly in shock.
its no secret matt's had mutiple girlfriends before me, but im finding it hard to wrap my head around how hes never done anything.
"look who's red now." i smile, staring at matts face.
"shush," he says, pressing a finger to my lips.
i pull off my shirt, revealing my white lacy bra.
matt's eyes widen. "oh." he coughs, his eyes fixated on my chest.
"too soon?" i ask, reaching for my shirt, starting to put it back on. "no no-.." he says grabbing the shirt from my hands and throwing it across the room. "is it really that good that you had to throw it across the room?" i laugh
"well don't want to risk you putting it back on!" he shrugs before pulling off his crewneck. i swallow hard, "i don't know what i'm doing if i'm being honest." i sigh, matt sits up, pressing a kiss to my forehead, "me neither, we'll figure it out." matt smiles.
i lay back on the bed as matt stands up, spreading my legs apart and stepping between them, he places a hand on the side of my face as he leans down, kissing from my neck.. to my chest.. to my belly button.
my breathing intensifies. pure nerves flooding through my body.
"are you nervous..?" he asks, pausing his pecks at my waistband.
"no." i lie through my teeth.
"mm yes you are..." he says teasingly.
"fine, i just don't want it to hurt, my friends all say it is the most uncomfortable thing the first time.." i mumble, running a hand through my hair.
"i know, you're stressing me out now!" he laughs, yanking down his sweatpants leaving him in his boxers. i follow his lead, unclasping my bra, matt stares at me shamelessly "fuck." he mumbles "you're so pretty.." he whispers.
“you okay?” he asks, reaching for the waistband of my shorts. i nod, looking him in the eyes.
“can i take these two off?” he asks, referring to my panties and shorts,
“y-yeah.. yep.” i mumble, he pauses.
“please don’t be nervous, just try to relax and i promise you it won’t hurt okay?” he says leaning down and kissing the tip of my nose.
“i’ll try to relax.” i say to matt, he slowly pulls down my panties, leaving me revealed in-front of him
“oh my god- okay, this might be a weird question but do you ever touch yourself..” matt says, staring at me
i burst into giggles, my face going red. matt slams a hand over his face “stupid question?” he smiles.
“no no.. it’s a good question but yeah i do. why?” i smirk
“oh thank god, i was worried about you.. being too tight and if i’m too big it won’t fit.” he says with a sigh
“mr. big dick over here everyone!” I joke, resulting in him rubbing his eyes “i didnt mean it like that.”
“you’re cute matt.” i say spreading my legs apart.
matt’s breath hitches in his throat as he stares at me, it’s probably the first naked woman that he’s been with in person.
“i have condoms..” he mumbled quietly
“oh.” i say with a disappointed tone
“babe i am not making you pregnant at 19.” he scoffs, opening his bedside table.
“i’m on the pill dumbass.” i smile, reaching for him
“i thought you were a virgin?” he asks his eyebrows furrowing
“matt i am, it’s just for other reaso-.. fuck it i’ll explain later”
matt’s boxers have a noticeable bulge pressing from the inside.
“you can take those off..” i whisper.
“yeah yup uhm of course!” he says shakily.
“why are you nervous now??” i laugh and he groans
“what if i’m bad..” he sighs
“where’s my clit.” i say bluntly, he points to it exactly.
“where the hole.” i say again, again he points to it with accuracy
“there you go, you’ll be fine, and i cant even judge you cause i don’t know better either!” i say assuring him
he slowly pulls off his boxers, his erection sprinting out tapping his bellybutton. “oh my god.” i whisper to myself.
“we need a towel matt..” i say standing up off the bed.
“for what?” he says quietly
“blood?” i say casually, he turns white. “what.”
he looks around nervously “you’re on your period?”
i laugh, “i’m on birth control sweetheart, remember?”
“then why the fuck will you bleed..”
“look at you, that dick will rip my hymen.” i say, he hands me his shirt,
“i don’t know what the fuck that means but here’s a shirt you can put under you.” he says nervously, his hand shaking as he passes me the shirt.
“you’re okay if it gets blood on it?”
“mhm i just wanna start..” he says quietly.
“jesus okay.” i say laying back on the bed, the shirt under me.
he grabs his base as he stands between my legs, he rubs his tip over my folds, sending goosebumps around my body. i let out a desperate moan.
“just tap me if you want me to stop and i will instantly okay..?” matt says, his tone less shaky then before. “i’ll go so slow.”
he lines himself up with my hole, pushing himself toward slightly, nothing happens.
“i cant um.. go further.” he says, pushing at my entrance
“what.?” i ask
“i think you really need to relax your whole body, loosen up a little bit okay?” he says pressing a kiss to my cheek.
he holds out a hand infront of my mouth “spit.” he demands
“gross!” i say with a smirk painted across my face
“i know..” he says, his hand not moving away, i spit into his hand, matt quickly moves it down, using it as a lube.
“relax as much as you can okay?” he says, pressing slowly into me.
“fuck fuck fuck..” i moan, squeezing my eyes shut
i feel his tip slide into me, a loud whimper escapes matt’s mouth “oh my god..” he pushes further into me, a stretching burning sensation grows as i feel a tear fall down my cheek, he pushes the rest of the way in, stopping completely to look at me as he’s still buried inside me.
“hey hey, don’t cry your okay, you took it all!” he says caressing my cheek and rubbing the few tears that fell away. “tell me when to move, remember if you need a break tell me, if you want me to stop tap me.” he says.
i nod, looking him in the eyes “move.. please-“ i say, balling the sheets up with my fists, he nods, pulling almost out then thrusting back in, he’s going slowly.
matt is clearly trying to conceal his noises as he continues to pull out then push in. the burning sensation slowly disappears, and is replaced with pleasure
a strong smile spreads across my face, “feels good now?” he asks, his voice croaky.
“yes..” i manage to squeeze out “faster.. please” he picks up the pace slightly “i’m not gonna last long this time.” he warns
i clench around him, he twitches inside me then instantly fills me up, my jaw goes slack as i look up at him.
“shit i am so sorry..” he says pulling out with a slick sound, he grabs my hips and stands me up, i feel his cum start to leak down my leg as my leg shakes
“oh shit oh shit..” he says frantically looking around, he settles on his shirt, grabbing it and places it on me, collecting everything that is coming out of me. i laugh at the sight of him between my legs, wiping his orgasm off my thighs.
“was that okay for you, did it hurt?” he says picking me up.
“i think you just rearranged my organs.”
his cheeks go red.
------------------... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ..------------------
very much requested hope you guys liked it,
don’t be shy to spam my inbox btw i love talking to people
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic
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Logan x Reader pt.2
So I truly didn't think that many people would like this but thank y'all so much, genuinely
The reader is unfortunately no longer GN, they are referred to as 'mom' but otherwise fairly neutral
There is blood/sort of self harm imagery in this one but it ISNT SELF HARM I promise! Make sure you only read if you're comfortable though!!!
<< Part 1 Part 3 >> Masterlist
Waking up next to him was pretty surreal. Mostly because of how relaxing it actually was. His chest pillowed your head and one of his arms was around your back, playing with your hair. He smelt fucking amazing.
You lifted your head and looked down at him, images of last night flashing behind your eyes. It had actually been pretty funny to begin with, neither of you could work out how to get the other out of their suits, ending in you both giggling and undressing yourselves. He was out of his suit lightning quick - you're surprised it is still intact - and immediately found his way back to you. Kissing your neck and you struggled to remove your shoes.
“I promise this isn't some elaborate plot to turn you off.” You laughed as your foot was finally free of the blasted shoe.
He merely hummed, breath fanning your neck as he slowly bit down. Your brain short-circuited and it took a full shaky breath for you to be back in the room and removing the spandex.
His face was calm, relaxed, and he gifted you a small smile.
“Hey.”
You grinned back. “Hi.”
“It's still pretty early.” He wiggled his brows.
Your cheeks warmed and, in a move that probably wasn't wise, you hid your face in his chest. “No. We have to get ready.”
His chest rumbled with his chuckle and you groaned, placing playful kisses on his pecs.
“C’mon, baby.” He pulled you up to his lips and kissed you slow. Taking his time with a leisurely pace.
You kissed him back before nipping his bottom lip, knowing it would drive him crazy, and pulling back. “Stop." Kiss. "It's a big day." Kiss. "I gotta make sure Laura eats.”
Confusion splattered across his features but he slowly released you. A fact that you were grateful for because you don't think you could've rebuked him another time.
You eased yourself up, still a little sleepy and a little sore before stretching fully. His eyes watched your naked body shamelessly and you turned to locate your suit.
“What is that?” His expression was stony.
You turned around to catch what he had seen and couldn't find anything. “Was it a spider or something?”
“No, what is that?” He pointed at you.
There better not be a fucking spider on me. You looked down, scared, to see nothing. Just yourself, naked as the day you were born. “I'm still confused.”
“That fucking scar on your back."
Ah.
Shit.
He hadn't seen it last night because he had you laid on your back for the majority of it.
“Oh. That scar.” You played it off. “It's nothing real-”
“Did I do that?”
“No. It wasn't you.” You bit your cheek. “It was a version of you.”
“Wh-”
“Lo.” You stopped him before he could spiral, placing a hand on his cheek. “Nothing happened that I couldn't handle. He just got lucky and unlike you I can't heal everything so unfortunately I have claw marks. But I am alive and safe and you are not to blame.”
He looked like he was about to argue but a knock at the door stopped that.
“Guys, are ya decent?” Wade asked in a sing-song voice.
Not really. “You okay?” You called back.
“Yeah, I'm here to tell you to hurry up because Maya doesn't know how to end this part.”
Who the fuck was Maya? “O-okay?”
“See ya soon!”
Logan didn't look like he wanted to move. He was content with staying here and blaming himself for something that he didn't do.
“Look, Logan, if he is awake they all are. It's time to go.”
He had to agree with you there.
~~
Logan entered the main living space and was unsurprised to see everyone else there. Gambit was sitting with Elektra talking strategy, Blade was kneeling spinning his weapon and psyching himself up, Deadpool copying every move he made and you were braiding Laura's hair.
“At least they won't be able to grab your hair, lovely.” You kissed her crown as you finished, tying it off with a small piece of fabric. She smiled and scooped a handful of dry cereal into her mouth. “Make sure you have some fruit, please.” The girl rolled her eyes but did take a piece of fruit from the can by your feet. “Good girl.”
Laura would never tell anyone but she loved praise from you. You were her favourite person and for you to tell her she was doing good meant the world. She liked to be strong and fierce but secretly she loved when you babied her.
“You her mom or something?” Logan asked. He didn't mean for it to sound so insulting. Every set of eyes turned to him, their judgement sitting heavily on his shoulders.
Wade even piped up, “What in the ever loving fuck?”
You looked up shocked and a little embarrassed. “No, of course not. But it's good to keep her safe and s-she needs a balanced diet, so I try to... provide one.” Oh, god. You sounded crazy. Your gaze fell to Laura who was staring right back at you. “Sorry. I guess I have been acting like your.. I know you have parents and I know I'm not- I’m sorry.”
“I don't have any parents.” She clarified.
That didn't hurt, per se, but it didn't feel good.
“‘course you do.” El called over. “She just braided your hair.”
Laura smiled and leant further into you, you hugged her back and handed the can of fruit to her. “Have you packed your things?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. Her ‘things’ were her comics and a pair of sunglasses. The light was far too bright for her eyes and they were a blessing in this wasteland.
“That's good.” You smiled as she stood up and walked through Wolverine, clipping his shoulder with her own.
Gambit asked Laura to help him in the other room. Everyone in your party knew it was a distraction so that Blade could feed. It was your turn and you knew it would go over swimmingly with the man that just insulted you.
“I didn't mean-”
“It's fine.” You stood and made your way over to the Daywalker. “You ready?”
“I hate this.” He clasped your arm and you helped him to his feet.
Wade reached his arm out and you obliged, pulling him up too. He bounced happily on his toes and hugged you. “You can be my mom any time.”
“Sure thing.” You chuckled.
“Where are you going?” Logan asked. He was just stood awkwardly where he had stopped in front of you and Laura.
“To feed Blade.”
“Feed him?”
Blade sneered, revealing his fangs. “I used to have a friend that helped my hunger. Now I'm here.”
“We all pitch in.” Elektra continued. “Take turns.”
Wade fanned himself, “he bites you? Kinky bitch.”
“No,” You shook your head. “I cut myself and pour an amount into a glass, we have a measuring line. It's a very well thought out system.”
“Cut yourself.” Logan's stony expression hadn't quite left from earlier but was back in full force now.
“It might sound strange to you but it's a good system.” You defended it. “We try to shield little Laura, we all take turns, it's fair. The only victim is Blade! He hates it!”
Blade, who had stayed quiet, nodded. He was embarrassed to ask anything like this, he hated that he was a Dhampir. His mother had died because of a selfish Vampire and said being cursed him, he swore to rid the world of them and here he was. No better than those he hunted.
“I'll do it.” Logan volunteered. “I heal so I'll do it.”
“You don't have t-”
“I'll do it.” He was firm but then spoke lowly. “I don't want any more scars on you.”
You sighed but agreed, half hating and half loving him.
“Come on then.” You ushered them both into the makeshift kitchen.
Deadpool followed watching with wide eyes.
Blade hung back as you got the glass, it had been scratched halfway to indicate the measurement.
“That's a lot of blood.” Logan's tone was accusatory.
“Every other day.” Blade informed, emotionless.
Logan was quick to yank off a glove and cut a quick slice on his hand. The hand had so many veins that he was sure it would take seconds to fill the cup. Except, he healed before he could fill it a quarter of the way.
He repeated his actions and the cut seemed to heal faster.
“This is embarrassing.” Wade ‘whispered’.
“Shut up.” Logan growled as he did it again and finally got just under the mark. “Is that enough?”
“Not quite-”
Blade agreed to stop this painful display. “It'll do.”
“Blade, we have a big fight coming up, you'll need all your strength.”
“It's okay, I'll be good.” He picked the glass up and took long thick swallows, hating that the taste was good. That it itched the scratch in the back of his head.
“So if he's a Vampire why can he go out in sunlight?” Deadpool asked whilst Blade licked his lips.
“Daywalker.. he can handle light.” You recalled something, “actually did you know that Dracula could as well? Sunlight didn't kill him, it just weakened him.”
Blade set the glass down, “I killed that mother fucker.”
“Dracula?”
“Yeah.”
“He's real?”
“Real as the stake I shoved into his heart.”
You were in complete shock. “Are you being serious? For real life? This… this is mind-blowing.”
Wade shrugged. “I dunno, I'm pretty sure in that comic he comes back to life.”
“Comic?” Blade raised a brow.
“Yeah keep up, sweety, this is a bunch of nerd comics thrust together with you included.” Deadpool pointed at you.
~~
You'd never seen a fully grown man scream ‘shotgun’ and sprint to the side of a car. Yet, here he was, shoving Gambit to the side and opening the door of a beat up Honda.
Wade rolled down the window and explained, “I'm not driving but I am a passenger princess.”
“I guess, I'll drive.” Elektra shrugged and there were no objections. She was probably the most logical of all of you, she could handle his outbursts and tune him out. She had done that to Daredevil for years apparently.
Laura, Gambit and Blade were next in the car, the latter sandwiched in between the others, they say in the middle row as the back row had been destroyed. You smiled at Laura leaning against Blade.
“Y/N.” Logan gestured to the open boot. Oh, right. Yeah. You'd have to get in the boot. With Logan. The man that had been cold towards you today. Great.
You shuffled into the car and settled your backpack next to you, he got in behind you and you were both just sitting facing each other. Knees meeting.
You busied yourself with your backpack, handing Laura her sunglasses. She had them on her head and placed them down for a second, forgetting them. Luckily you picked them up for her.
“There you go, hun.”
She blushed and took them happily. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
After that there was nothing else to do. You had no distractions.
Wade had put the radio on as El had pulled away from your home. This might be the last time you ever saw it. It was actually a little bit sad. You all might never be back here. Or all but one could be, you hated that thought. It was bad enough Johnny being dead - and he was fairly annoying - you couldn't handle anyone else. Were you going to cry? No. You weren't. You were fine. Everyone would be fine.
You sniffed just as Britney Spears started singing and Gambit and Wade put on a terrific performance.
"I think I did it again."
“You look tired.” Logan whispered, the others wouldn't hear him over the duet.
“Do I?” You frowned. What had you done to him this morning? “Way to make a girl feel special.”
“No I mean.” He sighed. “Have a nap. It's a long journey.”
“There's not an abundance of space.” You gestured to each other.
Logan manoeuvred and motioned for you to move with him, you were wary but did as he asked and ended up in a very comfortable position. It mirrored how you had awoken this morning, resting on his chest, except you were both closer. If that was possible.
To be comfortable he pulled your leg over his, leaving the other straight, and wrapped both arms around your sides.
“I'm sorry I've been a dick.” He whispered against your hair. “I- The scar set me off this morning and everything I've done since I can't explain. I don't know why I've been an asshole. I jus-I haven't meant to be it's just come out like that.”
“It's alright.” You raised one shoulder in a half shrug. Your Logan had explained once that sometimes he says something and between his brain and his mouth it was as though it went through an 'asshole filter'. He truly didn't mean to be a dickhead but he couldn't help it. He usually felt horrible when it happened.
“No it isn't-”
You placed your hand on his lips, “yes it is. Now shush let me sleep. I was up practically all night.”
At least that got you an amused huff.
Part 3
#logan howlett#logan 2017#logan x reader#logan#james logan howlett#deadpool 3#deadpool#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine#the wolverine#wolverine x reader#xmen#logan xmen#wolverine x men
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