#i am on the 'ditching emotionally damaged person will not heal them' team

[katyspersonal]

Now that I think about it, it is bizarre how speaking about good things like how "broken" people deserve love, acceptance and healing can give you a label of "hurr durr this person says we should put up with emotional manipulators instead of keeping them accountable!!!!! >:(" these days. I mean, this is not a far stretch to how saying that only communication and good interactions can change society to the better apparently leads to assumptions from CERTAIN people that they are demanded to talk with those hostile to them. (All coincidences with real life events are accidental source dude trust me!!!! XD)

I just think this is absurd how it is not painfully obvious in general, that voicing your own perspective doesn't impose obligation on everyone to do the same. It depends on an INDIVIDUAL. Those devastating emotional manipulators deserve someone to carry on and accept them - as well as people who are not up for the task better off quit and save themselves. There is no rule that applies to everyone and there is no right way to act besides what you decide - there are only advices. It is like this in many things. Humans are complicated, in our interactions - very close or not so much - we always balance between "You should extend EFFORT if you want a change" and "Back off and do not extend effort if it breaks you". Either decision can be a good call, either decision can be your worst mistake, and either decision is okay to propose. Life and people are hard to predict, that's why it is fun!

Additionally, people make TOO big of a deal over morality of a choice. So what if X throwing Y away when Y was healing and barely started to trust X broke Y, thus making what X did not really nice? Would X really have to perform emotional gymnastics to prove that Y was just evil and irredeemable and probably was full of shit and didn't deserve anything etc? Like... making mistakes is fine, as well as making a choice that's good for you but is bad for someone else. So what if someone DID give up on another person easily? So what if someone DID choose the worst moment to quit possible? This can happen too, not every unhealthy bond is textbook example abuse, sometimes you literally just befriended a person with emotional baggage and decided they were not worth effort. There is not always a huge underlying reason about how that person is totally inherently bad and a monster. No need to fret so much about having decisions record perfectly clean of anything wrong, we all are cringe anyway.

But since I said there are no rules, only advices, here is an ADVICE from me: you should be very wary of people who feel attacked when you propose extending an effort instead of throwing a person away (whatever is the context). It is a no-brainer that you proposing something doesn't mean they have to think the same! We are people with autonomy! So why certain people get so butthurt about someone suggesting a course they personally don't want to take?

Because they are unwittingly projecting their OWN attitude. Because THEY are the categorical people who express their propositions as orders and not as advices or choices. As result, they think you have the same control freakery in mind. But trust me bro/sis/sib, you had good intention and it's not your fault THEY are defensive and vindictive.

Be wary of people that get defensive over an ADVICE instead of just not taking it if they don't wanna.