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throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 4 years ago

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Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot. but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :( -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

#half valid anon

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writer-w-magic · 8 years ago

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Left - Part 1 - Min Yoongi

Word count: 1701

Genre: angst (maybe a lil fluff, okay? I’m trash) Warnings: terminal diseases (cancer), major character death, minor character death, u r maybe gonna cry, idk, swearing, lots of it, man, mentions of past abuse and mental illnesses, mentions of sex, lots of whiskey and leather jackets, so drinking I guess??!? I guess it just abt covers this chap This is my first chaptered thing so b kind guys! It’s very personal for me, and it’s also for the beautiful, nurturing Unnie @angstsuga

(1.1.2013)

“3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!” Everybody’s shouting to the ceiling hugging, and some even kissing each other. (Y/N) feels Yoongi’s fluffy, pillowy lips meshing together with hers, taking her air and throwing it away. He parts maybe a minute afterwards, when his lungs are screaming for oxygen, and when a calm hand is guiding her forehead to his. “Happy New Year, (Y/N).” It’s softly whispered in the crook of her neck, making it inaudible to the rest of the future boyband, hopefully a sucessfull one, Bangtan Sonyeondan. “Happy New Year, Yoongi,” her lips collide with his nose, and then she hugs him harder then ever; because she knows that she maybe loses him afterward. That the next New Year she will spend alone, most certainly, and she makes her peace with it. It was only ever safe to hope, but never to trust in something as mysterious as future. They part when Hobi, one of the best dancers she’s ever seen, goofs his way on top of the table, to make a toast. There’s a little bit of beer shimmering in the glass, Hoseok’s lively eyes getting a new hue, for the lights have maybe been too dim, or he has just drunk more than he should? (Y/N) doesn’t mind. Anyway, she always liked Hoseok and honoured his presence in ways she can’t explain. “Well guys,” it’s a wide smile, blinding everybody. “For this New Year, we want a lot of things. First, for our group to be the most sucessfull one ever!” Claps, nods, whistles and ‘yeah’s’ go through before Hoseok continues. “We want health, good life, and every loved one to be safe and sound. We want love to continue growing, and for new one to create… And we want all our dreams to come true. For Bangtan, and its debut!” Hoseok finishes, raising his beer, albeit a little sloppily, so some is spilt on the crisp tablecloth. “For Bangtan!” Everybody agrees, and that’s it for the night.

* It’s yet not reqired for Yoongi to sleep strictly in the dorms yet. He allows himself, that after all other boys have left, to have a heated night with his girlfriend. It was a perfect, perfect mix of pleasure; her toes have curled all the while he let her scream her release in the form of his name in the pillows. When they are finished, they lay intwined, soft sheets curling around their frames. She wishes that this will never end. The bliss that she feels when she’s with him. But, music is his first love, and she thinks, I can’t compete with that. Sometimes she wishes, that like Yoongi says, there were just a tad more badassness in her than it already does. “But you’re perfect,” Yoongi would then say. “Different and all so sweetly mine…” She wishes that this will never end.

But everybody knows all good things must come to an end.

(13.06.2013) The Day Of The Debut

Bangtan Sonyeondan, Bulletproof Boyscouts, Bangtan Boys, or just simply BTS, debuted today with a song “No More Dream”, and members Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Kim Taehyung, Jung Hoseok, Jeon Jeongguk, Park Jimin and Min Yoongi. A little hell went to tow when (Y/N) saw Yoongi under the heavy makeup, a dangerous look, and the silly snapback on. But he had an other name, much more known than Yoongi. He was now recognized as Suga. But it’s still him, she thinks, under the stylist’s work, hard choreography and false aegyo. He’s still Yoongi, the underground rapper, the one who fights so hard for his dreams… Nevermind they debuted him as an idol, he’s still happy. He’s still okay with that. A selfish creature gnaws at the edge of a thought, gnaws and thriwes, and she cuts it out before it can grow further; but the thought remains. But, if he had been the producer, we would see each other more often. * It’s the middle of the day when she visits the dorm, knocking heavily, about to congratulate the boys for their bombastic results, and it was only the first day. BTS worked hard, and now, they have to work only harder. Jimin opens the door, makeup still on, clinging to his cute baby fat on his cheeks. The eyeliner is curved around his small eyes, making them even smaller and more curved. (Y/N) deems it unnecessary. “(Y/N) noona!” His voice is high pitched, like always, she senses the hyperactive note and ignores it, and hugs him harder than she would her older brother. “Jimin, congratulations! You were awesome! I-I-you were just- ugh, you were just… awesome,” althrough a little shaky, the confession is sincere and brings a blush to Jimin’s cheeks. “Aww, bless you (Y/N) noona! Thank you! But I wasn’t that good…” the boy begins to slip into self-depreciation, but she cuts him off. “Jimin. You were awesome. End of discussion.” The elder’s firm glare makes Jimin comply. She hugs him once more (because people need 8 hugs a day to keep being positive, even if they have a lot of insecurities, and Jimin is all of the above), and goes to the Yoongi’s room. He’s beautifully perched upon the bed, cuddled in the sheets like a small exausted potato. She nearly sobs at the sight. PMS can really do wonders to anxiety. She has a slight tremble in herself when she climbs into the bed with him; and bless Yoongi, because somehow his mattresses are always soft, and his fingers trap hers, arms caging them within each other. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” A slightly cold shiver races down her spine at his rugged and unused voice. “I wanted to surprise you.” “But we haven’t seen each other in three days.” “Exactly.” “Smartass.” “Your ass.” “You’re right there.” He lost the mini fight so he conforms, jutting slightly the curve of his nose to her jaw. Everything will be just fine. Yoongi stirs and unzips his jacket, trying to get a comfy position. “You were sleeping in your jacket?” “Yeah, why not.” “Yoongi… were you too tired to get it off?” “No, I just-” “Just because I have anxiety doesn’t mean you should shield me from a fact you are tired. It’s normal for people with your job. I love you. Don’t forget that. You’re supposed to tell me everything, and I am to you too. Okay?” A large, sincere, gummy smile spreads from the edge of his teeth to his cheeks. His pale skin looks a bit gaunt and the circles under his eyes have become darker. She kisses his eyelids, and his nose, covers his cheeks and forehead in pecks, and affectionate kisses, and Yoongi clenches their hands together just a bit tighter. “I love you. So, so much.” “I know Yoongi. I know.” They kiss patiently, for seemingly moments, and she realizes the length of her happiness. Threading her fingers through his dark hair, it’s a delight. He will have thousands of fangirls, but I am the only one he’ll love. I don’t doubt his love for a second. “Your debut was awesome. You were awesome. Althrough-” “I know. The wardrobe was suffocating me a bit.” They laugh at each other and how they finish one another’s sentences. “God, I miss you.” Yoongi’s lips are moving slowly in her hair, a beautiful, harmonious movement that is appreciating her very being, intimate and yet so small. “So…” Her words don’t even reach Yoongi properly when he’s asking her to pick some of her stuff over and put all his good grey shirts to her use. They don’t speak about the finality of his leave, and the hushed whispers of the six other boys, finally die down as they drift to soft sleep. * (Present Day) “Fuck. These are so uncomfortable.” Yoongi’s kind of moody today, and (Y/N) wants to weep at it.

“It will get better babe, just you watch. We will win this fight. Together!” Tears in her eyes, lying to herself, she clenches the pale hands in hers as hard as she can.

He absently rearranges the medication on the table, waiting for a miracle. * (14.06.2013)

“It’s a "Music Bank” debut show, we can’t fuck up.“ "Yoongi, of course you won’t.”

“But-”

“No buts. No go out there and set the stage on fire!” She nearly pushes him into a vase.

“I will. For you.”

“Aw, shucks. Why are you shaking up my heart? Huh?” He plays it cool, but blushes slightly.

“Dunno. You are just too cute, it’s difficult not to play with you.” Shrugs with the silly beanie he has on from the debut, ready and caked with make-up for the battlefield. The staff has allowed her behind the scenes, as an undercover make-up noona, as long as their relationship is secret.

“A good-luck kiss, please.” He taps his cheek impatiently, as a child would.

“Yeah, yeah.” She leans into his soft, baby scented skin and kisses it innocently, one would think platonically if it weren’t for the flame in their eyes.

“Good luck. Show them who’s Suga.”

“I will.”

The taste of his skin is still rich on her slightly chapped lips, even as he comes soaked in sweat off the debut stage. She’s fighting herself, she knows she is. Because it never ends - this life - this love - this song.

(Present Day) “Hyung.” Jungkook’s tall as always, but his stature is slightly slumped, he’s slightly scared of saying a wrong thing, his hyung laying near broken. So pale and so… lifeless. Jungkook offers something, a small sign of remembrance. “Hyung… would you please eat some lamb skewers with me?”

#min yoongi #yoongi #yoongi x reader #my writing #bts #angstsuga #angst #tw: cancer #tw: mild depression #agust d

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