#i am happy in my delusions but also my math is p good i think im right here

[crithaus]

man I am thinking about it but Zephrah is but one of the Ashari homelands, thus Keyleth is the heiress apparent of the air ashari people, the princess, and she was chosen which is cool according to the wiki even if Vilya was her mother she still had to be chosen to go on the aramente, which I wonder if she failed would her nobility pass on to the next person? Does her princesshood come from her mother or her position as tempest-incumbent? I would imagine the second one And I wonder how this stacks up legitimacy wise to the rest of Tal'dorei and Exandria proper cuz Syldor only seems super impressed by Percy even tho Syldor sucks and is a shit metric so nvm but inside her domain, her small but significant section of people, she is a la Germany during the 1700-1800s, a princess amongst the 3 other leaders of the Ashari, now it seems the Ashari governmental system is at least a little less centralized than say Tal'dorei but it still technically has Kiki as their princess now I'm making a point with this so bear with me,

And Percy, in much the same position, is, or was the second he stepped back into Whitestone, and especially showcased in TLOVM, the Big Man on Campus, the top authority, in fact he says in EP 64 to Syldor that he is of the Royal House of Whitestone, before his lil responsibility shirking ass defected to Cassandra he was the boss here, and if Whitestone is a Royal House and yet outside of Uriel's jurisdiction and his line of succession too, and Whitestone has had a Duke and a Count within it's borders as well and Percy being able to title people higher than he is, or being lower ranked than the people of those houses when they are not the main and royal House of Whitestone, is just silly and commensensically incorrect so he's higher here than duke, count, and baron, that's like principality status, one rung below Uriel's deal, a little Monaco in the Europe that is Tal'dorei. so he's a Prince, was probably the Grand Prince in the wee moments before he gave it to Cass, he's a Prince which is so cool, prince of a similarly insular people to Shepard, just like Keyleth

Keyleth is a little more involved in, to borrow from kerrick's letter, the 'gardening' of Zephrah post campaign but still she and Percy are on a very level field here which thrills the Me because it's two stressed out, very lonely and burdened babies, too young for this shit, with surprisingly good leadership skills and without either of the parents that knew how to do all this ruling stuff trying their very best to get through it all intact, Percy might took a hard left into evil demon territory for a second, but no wonder honestly that those two latched onto each other so hard, they had one other person who knew intimately the pressure the other was under, and I mean it goes even deeper truly,

They would have only began preparing Keyleth for her aramente when it became clear Vilya failed hers, years after she left, and Percy might not have been Julius or Vesper but after the massacre in the back of his mind he had to have known that when he went back he'd be in Charge for however long it took him to kill himself revenging his family, so by the time the two of them met they really were side by side with the wide gulf of Responsibility they Weren't Ready For in front of them, which makes it cuter to me that this was how Percy attempted to bond with Kiki at first prestream but like

Man, my little Royal Duo, kicking ass and taking names, Percy mighta broken the mold a little with this council but y'know I think if it were really a big deal despite Keyleth taking BH to him directly they would have had to talk to Cass and the rest of the Council first upon meeting them all so 😌 council served it's narrative purpose now my lord and lady can rule as they please, or at least Vex can which I will take to the Bank, I mean Lady De Rolo Coinmistress of Tal'dorei and her trophy husband? Absolutely (also this makes vex a princess by marriage and also it'll make Vax a PRINCE by marriage when they get him back (cuz they're gonna I choose to believe, it's what Vex deserves damnit, I refuse to be pulled from this fantasy) and he'll hate that it'll be so cute and funny)

But man this friendship, forged under the stoop of backs bowed by such responsibility set on them both far far far too young but bearing it flawlessly anyway, really is so... Percy's going to freak the fuck out when he finds out what Otohan did to her, it's gonna be so good

Their friendship man, it is so important to me. They see each other, they understand, through thick and thin and they are both broken and and a little fucked up but they still stick by each other, Keyleth rails at Percy whenever his bloodlust during the Briarwood arc gets outta control, and Percy's always there to shore Keyleth up when her charisma falls a little flat, it's a friendship built on being seen so deeply and understood in a way that only they can, even if it still isn't quite enough to mend their worse habits, even if it isn't enough to convince Percy to forgive himself then and it isn't enough for Keyleth to acknowledge that the past did happen and was horrible but the bright future is still being written. And they mirror each other sometimes, look at Percy during the Briarwood Arc vs Keyleth and Raishan, look at Keyleth seeing how poorly revenge treats Percy and yet committing to it anyway, they are so similar in so many ways. But it is enough, to be seen by each other.

also please look at this sketchingsparrow knows what I'm putting down

[silkkpopbonnet]

Dilemma

Back in her room, Yeon told Marcella what her friend already knew to be true. Marcella shook her head and listened. Marcella’s hanbok had been delivered while Yeon was gone, and she held the dress in her lap running her fingers over the fabric.

“What if he’s not so bad?” It was just like Marcella to look on the bright side of things. She ran her hand over her box braids, fingering the bands on some of them.

“Please, don’t find a bright side in this. My dad is trying to arrange me into a marriage.” Yeon put her head down on her vanity, wondering where her life was going. She couldn’t be a complacent, quiet wife, by her husband's side, doing his bidding.

Holding up a hand Marcella stopped her from saying more. “He never said that, a possible marriage. Look at it this way. Dating was never really great for you in Atlanta.”

Yeon opened her mouth to say more, but Marcella stopped her. “It was not, so don’t try to make something up, I’m your best friend. You never dated long, you didn’t like the guys. Maybe, just maybe this isn’t so bad. What if you meet him, he’s attractive, he’s a pretty nice guy. You fall in love.”

Yeon had to admit what if Marcella was right. Her normal upbeat attitude about things did keep her sane. Yeon sighed, propping her head on her hand. “Why, do you have to be so positive and helpful? This isn’t a fairy tale, either. It could go exactly as I predict, and he could be a self-righteous asshole.”

“He could be, but we don’t know yet, so we have to see.” Marcella stood up, placing her dress on the bed. “If it doesn’t work out, your dad has to back off, right? there’s no way he’s going to let his daughter date multiple dudes in his company. Looks bad.” Marcella stood in front of Yeon, poking her cheek. “Smile.”

Several pokes later, Yeon slapped her friend's hand away. “Whatever, we will see if you’re right.”

Later that night, Yeon sat at the table her hands in her lap, her hanbok freshly pressed and she waited for her father to bring in this Jun Seo. Marcella was all smiles sitting on the opposite side of the table.

“Yeon, stop scowling.” Her mother said, fixing a napkin in front of her.

Yeon sighed. ‘Ma, please.”

“Stop scowling, smile, and be polite. Look at Marcella, she’s ready for action.” Leaning her head towards, Marcella.

“I really don’t want to get in the middle of this, I’m just supporting Yeon.” Marcella put her hands up in defense.

Just as Yeon was about to say something, her father entered the room again. The man that followed him was taller than her father. He had to be at least 6′0″, his face was chiseled, a strong jaw, hair cut short, he wore a light gray suit, with a red shirt matching her hanbok. As Marcella and her mother stood, Yeon almost forgot too, and she scrambled up, bowing saying hello.

“I suppose, that means you find him attractive?” Her mother whispered.

Yeon ignored her mother, as her father made introductions, saving Yeon for last. “This is my daughter, I’ve told you about. Hyo Park Yeon.”

He bowed towards Yeon before taking her hand, kissing it lightly. “It’s a pleasure actually meeting you, I’ve only seen your pictures in your father’s office. Call me Jun Seo.”

She bowed back, her face heating up as he kissed her hand. Marcella gave her the ‘yes, girl take him’ face, as she smiled at Jun Seo. “Yeon is what everyone usually calls me.”

Her father instructed Jun Seo to sit next to her, and they began dinner. Of course, her father would make Jun Seo talk about his accomplishments while boasting of the things that Yeon did in college. He talked about her stellar GPA, volunteering at animal shelters, her proficiency in English, Korean and French. During the course of dinner, Jun Seo gradually scooted himself closer to her, until his thigh was touching her own under the table.

“You look beautiful, I must admit, much better than in your pictures.” Jun Seo whispered as he leaned over into her space, his breath touched her neck.

Silently, she damned Marcella as she shivered at the contact. He was handsome, funny, witty, accomplished, and he seemed to like her, but did they have anything in common? So far, besides speaking English and Korean, nothing. She nodded at what he said, determined to play hard to get. As dinner ended, and dessert began, her parents excused themselves to the kitchen to check on ‘the preparations’ they said, as Marcella excused herself to the bathroom. Yeon tried to give Marcella a face to stay, but her friend smiled leaving her in the room with Jun Seo.

“So, you’re 20, you were living in Atlanta, you’re still in college majoring in business economics and a minor in math. That’s boring stuff, I want to know you.” His voice was deep, the bass of it seemed to drum in her ears, and make her all the more aware of how long it had been since she was this close to a man.

“Like what? Be specific.” She turned towards him, willing herself not to smile.

He flashed his pearly whites at her, taking her fingers in his too warm hand. “Your hand is cold, are you nervous?”

She tried to remove her hand, but he held on tight. “No. It’s cold in here.”

Jun Seo moved her hand towards his mouth, blowing warm air on her fingers. “It’s warm to me.”

“You’re quite hands-on, aren’t you?” She asked him raising an eyebrow.

Immediately he let her hand go. “I’m sorry, does that bother you? I assumed since you are not Korean, it wouldn’t bother you to physically show affection.”

Ok, what? Yeon scrunched her nose up, sliding back from him. “I am Korean.” She felt irritation creep into her chest. “I am also black, I can be both. I don’t have to choose.”

Jun Seo smiled at her. “I simply meant, you are not full Korean. You don’t have the stigmas of a woman who grew up here. America is…more open to that sort of thing.”

“I am not full Korean. I’m a black woman. So, you would assume, I was ok with you touching me? You would think I was sexually open?” She put her balled fist under her chin, watching him search for what to say.

“I didn’t mean to offend you.” He put his hands up in defense. “I think what I said was wrong. We grew up in different households, perhaps what I know is not what you know. You spent a lot of time in America, and correct me if I am wrong, but if a man likes a woman there, it is acceptable for him to show physical affection. I simply thought you would be alright with this.”

She watched his face, he was trying to placate her. She decided to let it go, for now, turning away from him, taking a drink from her glass, saying nothing.

“Am I wrong?” His fingers gently brushed the curls on the back of her neck.

She shivered, mentally hating herself for not being immune to his charms. “When I don’t like it, I’ll be more than happy to let you know.”

He laughed, letting his hand fall down her back. “Your father said you had a tongue with fire on it.” Leaning in close to her, she could smell his cologne, he let his mouth graze near her ear, his arm settling in front of her, his hand covering her own. “I don’t think I mind getting burned.”

Yeon felt her heart damn near fall into her stomach, it had been so long since she even let a man touch her sexually. ‘You will not sleep with him, you will not kiss him.’  She chanted in her mind. Just as she was about to answer however, her parents came back into the room, her mother carrying dessert.

“I hope we weren’t gone too long.” She felt the absence of his heat near her, his thigh wasn’t even touching hers anymore, and she almost missed it.

Marcella came back into the room, not meeting her eyes, as she sat down. After dinner, Mr. Hyo and Jun Seo went to his office to talk, while the ladies went into the parlor.

“He’s very nice, isn’t he? And handsome too, your father wouldn’t disappoint you.” She stood next to the door of the parlor, holding onto Marcella’s arm. “We will leave you in here now, I think your father will bring Jun Seo in awhile.”

“Wait, what?” Before she could protest, both women left her in the parlor, standing in the middle of the room, looking like an idiot.

It wasn’t long before Jun Seo came in, closing the door behind him, he brought a glass of wine with him. “I bring a gift.” He settled himself on the couch, waiting for her.

“Look, Jun Seo.” He cut her off, putting the glass into her hand as she sat down.

“Drink, take the edge off your nerves.” He took a sip of his own, staring at her.

“No, I’m going to talk thank you. Don’t get any delusions of grandeur in your head. I’m 20, I’m not looking for marriage.” She took a sip of her wine, staring him down, accessing him.

“I realize. We can date a few years.” He smiled at her and continued to speak before she could protest. “You don’t know me well, I understand. We just met, but from what I can see, and what I know. I like you. Give me a chance. It wouldn’t kill you right?”

She sighed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at his attempt to look cute. “I can do that.”

“Good, I’d like to take you on a lunch date, tomorrow. I can bring a friend, for your friend. He likes brown women.” There goes that again, she thought, and she jumped to Marcella’s defense.

“He better not have a fetish. I don’t play that. She’s my best friend.” He shook his head at her.

“Not like that, I mean he prefers browner women, I don’t think it’s a bad thing or a good one. That’s just his preference.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’ll keep an eye on him, however, yes, you can take me out.”

“Good, now something else I’ve been waiting to do all night.” Jun Seo quickly took her glass from her, setting it on a low table in front of them. He moved his hand to the back of Yeon’s neck bringing her lips to his, kissing her.

She felt her lips soften as soon as he touched hers. The hand on the back of her neck, slowly left, trailing down her back, pushing her body into his. She moaned softly into the kiss, her lips opening, he didn’t take the opportunity instead he licked his tongue out trailing along her lower lip. She felt her resolve weaken, and just as she felt the need to attack him, he let her go, pulling her to a stand.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at noon.” Bowing at her, he opened the doors wide to the parlor, and walked out, leaving her in the room, dazed and wondering if that really just happened.

The whole night Marcella quizzed her on what happened. Asking the same questions in different ways, seeing if there was more to be picked at with this guy. She told her about the kiss, and Marcella nearly squealed, asking for an exact play by play of the story. When the girls parted for the night, Yeon laid in bed, thinking about his lips on hers. So maybe, he wasn’t so bad. She could definitely give him a try.

The next day, she prepared for her double date. Choosing a simple outfit of jeans, a V-neck shirt, keds, and a kimono wrap. She still had her American style. She drove one of her father cars, to the venue and met with Jun Seo and his friend. They had lunch of the veranda, and she learned more about him. She saw how open he was, outside of her fathers home. He greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the cheek, chaste.

She did still have a love of K-pop but she loved conscious hip-hop like Kendrick Lemar and Talib Kweli. He was a fan of Drake. She enjoyed science fiction movies, and he confessed there was no movie better than Predator. They both loved Star Trek, and Jun Seo admitted in his free time he played Call of Duty or League of Legends. She was more of a Metal Gear Solid or Final Fantasy kind of girl. The date ended, but he didn’t kiss her again, he hugged her whispering into her ear, that he couldn’t sate her appetite just yet for him. She rolled her eyes, departing with Marcella back towards home.

“So, are Y'all gonna date?” Yeon thought long and hard about her next words.

“Yes and no.” She looked down at her phone at a red light changing the song to one by SHINee.

“Ok, so what does that mean? You can’t do both.” Marcella sat back in her seat waiting to hear this gem of an explanation.

“We can date and he can take me out, but I’m not committing to anything just yet. I just got here, I still want to concentrate on school and have fun. My dad wants me to see if he’s ok and date. Fine, I’ll do that, but nothing serious.” She was confident in her answer.

“So, you're gonna hoe.” Marcella laughed as Yeon reached over, trying to hit her.

“Not gonna be fucking. I mean, I’d like to, but Korea is different than America in that aspect.” She smiled, giving Marcella, a side eye. “Maybe, he can taste the cookie, but that’s it for a sampler.”

Marcella bust out laughing. “Dirty bih!!”

The girls clubbed that night, sleeping in the next day, The following week was Marcella’s last week, and they shopped, saw movies that came out earlier in Asia, on that last Friday they decided to go to a new club in Seoul. Yeon let her hair go in a wash and go, she did up her makeup, applying a burgundy lipstick. She wore a short-sleeved, form-fitting club dress, that came mid-thigh, but had a low collared neck, a long gold necklace completed the accessories. Her gold calf high sandals adorned her newly pedicured feet, with her French tipped toes.

Marcella wore a long-sleeved, deep V-neck white dress. It was mid-thigh and she choose to accessorize in red, with red heels. Her thin chained silver necklace lay between her breasts, as both girls looked at themselves in the mirror.

“Walking sexbots.” Marcella purred, slapping Yeon’s ass playfully.

Yeon rubbed her ass. “I could go home with someone tonight.”

Marcella raised a skeptical eyebrow. “And have your parents pissed at me for not stopping you?”

“We can always say check into a hotel, say we were too drunk to come home.” Yeon grabbed a black clutch, opening her door.

“We’ll see.” Marcella walked past her, and down the stairs.

The girls drank, dancing the night away to a mix of American pop, rap, K-pop and K-rap. They danced with each other, and some group of guys, who had been following them half the night. Marcella was still on the floor grinding with some tall guy who thought, leopard print was the hottest thing; when Yeon went to sit down in their both, sobering up with water.

Jay didn’t really feel like going to the club tonight, but Gray was all about it. This new place had only been opened since last week, and people were already raving about it. Some Korean rappers, already said it could be their favorite spot, so they had to check it out.

“Come on, Jay, you’ve been in that studio for like two weeks. Besides, there could be some cuties out here, maybe take one or two home.” Simon-D smiled, at him as they got past the velvet ropes.

“You know that’s not my style.” Jay kept his shades, on following the waitress who was a little too happy to walk in front of them, letting her too tiny dress hike up on her thighs.

She wasn’t his type though, too eager. She leads them to a booth in the back, leaning back on the table to show them her enhanced goods. Jay looked around, putting his shades on top of his head. The spot was live, that much was true, and just as he was about to sit down, the lights flashed on a woman’s face, drinking a water bottle alone. He watched her lips around the bottle, his eyes moving to her face. She was beautiful. Gray, pulled him into the booth, and he didn’t hear what they said to him as he craned his neck around to see the woman. She had disappeared into the crowd. Jay stood up and looked for her again. There was another booth closer to her, he ran his hand through his hair, moving it away from his eyes.

“Let’s move to that booth. It’s still VIP, but I can see the club better.”

Gray and Simon-D groaned, protesting from moving from their spots, but when Jay had already started walking, they got up following him.

“What’s the rush? The waitress, was cute.” Gray called to him.

“Yea, if you like fake breasts,” Simon-D mumbled, earning an arm punch from his punch.

The two continued to talk, as Jay slid into the new booth, with a good vantage point on the woman he wanted to look at. She was mixed that much was obvious, she had thick curly hair, that framed her face, her eyes gave away her Korean heritage. She stood up waving to another woman, and he nearly choked on his tongue looking at her body, she was shapely, he wasn’t a breast man in the first place, but those hips. That ass. He was in love on looks alone.

“I see what he sees,” Gray said, pointing her out to Simon.

Simon gave him a nudge. “She’s cute, go say hi Jay, why you still sitting here?”

They both knew why. Jay loved giving his fans a show, he danced and played around, his videos were steamy, and yea he could make sex sound like an art form but in reality, he was private. He was shy and quiet. Only those close to him saw how he truly was. What fans saw, what they heard and who Jay Park really was, didn’t always correlate. He wasn’t really listening to them, all he knew was that the lyrics to his song solo were in his head now. ‘Please be single, be single, be single.’

“Naw, she probably got a man, woman like that.” He leaned back, watching as her friend, headed back to the dance floor. He ordered a drink, looking away from her, thinking if he should just nurse it for the night.

Yeon swiveled her neck around, now that the room wasn’t spinning anymore. She sighed, feeling the heat of eyes on her face. It was always a peculiar thing, thing, when in a room with hundreds of other people you could feel, one pair of eyes on you. It was like a creeping feeling, somewhere in your soul, that nagged at you. She looked around carefully, before settling on a face, that watched her. His eyes darted away from her face, and she watched his friends start to laugh at him, pushing him playfully. She grinned, so it was him. He was cute, his hair was longer on top, and kept falling into his face, making him push it away.

Were those tattoos? His whole left arm was covered in them it seemed, down to his hands. She looked away, finishing her water, but peeking out the side of her eye. He looked back at her, god licking his perfect lips, she seized the opportunity and snapped her face back towards him smiling, He nearly died, turning his whole body away, from her. Was he really about to sit here and play like she didn’t just catch him? Yeon rolled her eyes standing up, she fixed her dress, walking around the back of the booth, while he was looking away.

Jay felt his heart race, she caught him again. He should really just say something to her. Gray echoed his thoughts. He looked back towards her table, she was gone. Shit, had she left? Where did she go? Just as he wiped his jeans off, about to get up, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“So, you were gonna play cat and mouse with me all night and not say hi?” Even her voice was sexy, he turned on his best smile turning around to look at her.

“Naw, I was sending you mind waves, for you to come to me.” He stood up, holding his hand out to her. “I’m Jae-Beom Park.”

“First name, last name, you must be American, that and no accent.” She took his hand, shaking it. “Are you going to invite me to sit?”

Jay looked flustered. “I’m sorry, yea go ahead.” He let her slide into the booth, trying to not let her catch him, staring at her ass, as she did so.

“I”m Park Yeon Hyo, by the way, just call me Yeon.” She turned towards his friends in the booth. “You guys are?”

Gray and Simon-D introduced themselves quickly before excusing themselves.

“Your friends don’t wanna throw salt in your G-A-M-E huh?” She laughed lightly.

“If I have any,” Jay said, trying to look humble.

“Uh huh.” She smiled at him, and he licked his lips, looking away. “Why do you keep looking away?” She pushed at his arm lightly.

“I don’t know. Nervous. You’re beautiful, you’ve probably heard it all, I’m wondering what I could say that’s different, and would pique your interest.” He was honest, in that statement, he looked full on at her, and Yeon watched his mouth move as he talked.

He was way too good looking, to be some regular everyday guy. “For starters, that. I don’t think I’ve heard it all, but you’re welcome to try.”

“You got jokes,” Jay stated, laughing at what she said.

They traded banter back and forth, he didn’t feel like he was even talking to her long, before his friend found her, and came up to her. “I’m ready to go are you?”

She nodded her head at Marcella, before turning to Jay to apologize. “I’m sorry, we’ve been here awhile, and I’m ready to sleep as well.” She stood up, offering her hand to Jay, frowning on the inside that he hadn’t asked for her number.

As she turned to walk away, she felt his hand on her shoulder stopping her, he looked bashful, pulling out his phone. “I’m sorry, I’m gonna hate myself tomorrow, if I don’t get your number.”

Marcella let out an ‘ohhhh’ in the background as Yeon rolled her eyes at her friend.

“I can’t let you do that now can I?” She took his phone, putting her number in and calling it, once it rang she hung up and handed it back to him. “Guess, I’ll hear from you whenever, Jae-Beom.”

She turned quickly, holding onto her friend's arm walking out of the club. Jay stared down at his phone, looking at her number before adding her name. He wondered how soon, was too soon to text someone.

Chapter Three

[geminiswords]

Mr Q

First of all I am sorry I have not made any attempt to conceal your name. Everyone knows who you are. Your ‘gifted and talented’ scheme pisses me off. I don’t know if you still do the thing. I seriously don’t want to be trouble but hear me out and take it with a pinch of salt. I have anxiety about everything.

A few of the ‘promising’ ugly ducklings of year 7 were picked to join a group that somebody created. The blame always gets passed on doesn’t it? Seems like a good idea at the time and we all fall for it! Hooray!

Some people bloom into the swans you wanted to create. Man-made conformists to your manipulation. My friends in my tutor group half-resented me. Why should some people be labelled ‘gifted and talented’ and others aren’t? My friends are my friends because they are fun and they have talents you will never understand. My boyfriend is cool because he plays guitar but my dad gets him all his gigs. I love him still but that isn’t the point. Not in the romantic way anymore, but he is a lot stronger than I will ever be. He fell for your scheme and we all skipped core subjects because we felt we were ‘too good’ for our lessons. We discussed disney trips away but they never came to be, did they? I think you’ve been taking too many lessons from Mr P. He wanted us to wear suits but our year group knew the truth. Individuality doesn’t mean chaos. And now you’re putting the people who possibly could deviate from the norm into a box. I’m sure you don’t want to be a dick-potato. DICTATOR. Words are too flowery sometimes.

Oh haha that’s funny it’s like ‘g and t’ we all cried out in unison. We felt smart for getting the reference even though none of us bloody drank gin and tonic. I still think it’s a pretentious drink that people pretend to like just to feel like they aren’t alone. It eases our middle-class guilt. But I digress.

Remove the anger from this now. I was a 14 year old girl and my maths teacher constantly told me I had potential. I don’t like to talk about him because he disappointed me just like he told me I always disappointed him. People like having opinions on things they don’t understand. Put yourself in their shoes.

I didn’t care about the year 9 SATs. I definitely do not have any delusions of grandeur but with my literary mind I couldn’t help but feel it was a premonition that our year was the last year to ever take the stupid tests. Thank you God if there is one.

When I was bathing in ‘gin and tonic’ and completely blinded because of my youth and will to see the goodness in people, you didn’t know that my other friends stopped talking to me. They treated me differently. I was fifteen years old and upset. A new guy came to school and of course everyone is interested in the new guy. It was overwhelming for him because he came from a boarding school where he caused chaos into a realm where we were interested in WHY the chaos was created. Oh he’s amazing. So intelligent. I already had a boyfriend but needed to know who he really was behind the mask his parents and teachers had carefully moulded for him. We were together a week give or take. Call me heartless but I know who I love. I loved him in a way but my boyfriend was my rock and voice of reason.

I was a weirdo I’m not gonna lie. You need to be fake to fit people’s expectations. I am also deathly scared of change like you. Manipulating people makes you feel clever but really you do more damage than good. I mean that in the best way.

Needless to say, you took me out of ‘g and t’ because you knew I couldn’t fit the bill you wanted. My crazy alcoholic gin was detached from my calm tonic water and I turn into an enigma when that happens. I don’t like it myself but you have to admit it was fun arguing in the year base. I know you know the truth really. You were a good head of year and you kept our yearbase clean from rubbish. Literally and figuratively.

I’m on a roll here because I find this bit so funny. You asked me back in! Hell no. My friends are finally happy and my best friend is with her first love. It just took her longer than me to figure out he was messed up. He left school; did you know? Do any of you care where he is? That girl disappeared too. And her. Some of you are too caught up in your emotions. Gemini you’re hurting me. Some of them are too proud. I won’t talk to you for an entire year, let Gemini look after you. Wtf human race??? Some political anarchist. Interesting but not practical; you circle jerk together in your staff room, class room or whatever you want to label it. I love my friends because they bring me back down to earth. I don’t want to bask in the glory of my intuition and HUMAN common sense. I won’t take that gin and tonic with extra cucumber and lime and salt and... You can tell I was a strange bartender.

It must be a Gemini thing. Or I’m mentally ill. Or I’m just angry. I want to know what life is. We’re curious about why things work and that’s why you don’t like us. Hashtag student life.

- an old self