#i am going to literally eat ice cream and everyone else is powerless to stop me

[paulthebukkit]

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY

that’s the whole post, thanks for listening

[justalittlebluetiefling]

i CANNOT believe we haven’t talked about the moment yet what is happening please tell me the things you need to get off your chest like how ‘i’ll see you in the morning’ haunts you

HOW have we not talked about this yet?!?! Oh my gosh there’s so much. I have so many feelings about this conversation.

Uh oh, this needs a cut. Didn’t mean to turn this into an entire analysis of that conversation, but apparently I had a lot I needed to get off my chest.

How are YOU holding up with all this?!?!

I was really worried about you... when you fell. ... This suddenly feels far more serious than I thought it might be.

UMMMMM. His voice?! This whole time. His voice is like... unsteady and rough and he’s quiet the entire time. Fjord tends to be pretty subtle anyway, so quiet isn’t exactly rare for him, but this actually shook him to his core AND YOU COULD HEAR IT. It messed him up so bad that he threw all of his plans to wait out of the window?!

It felt like hell. It felt like torment.

And we have to stop it, right?

I’m emotional about THIS because JESTER?! She lost FIVE YEARS. Not only did she have to see this again, feel it, but she lost five years. And it’s clearly hurting her, but she’s not letting herself worry about it, because there are bigger things to worry about. It’s just the way both of them push their own emotions to the side to be dealt with later in favor of the larger problems at hand. It’s so admirable.

AND HE’S NOT EVEN... okay wait.

I... I may have a... a... a problem.

THE WAY HE CAN’T EVEN SAY IT. He’s so NERVOUS. Because he KNOWS why he’s THERE.

And JESTER. What is it? So fast! She’s so worried! She probably thinks it’s Uk’otoa or Kotho contacted Fjord about Sabian again or something.

I saw you standing on that pillar. It was the first time where I kept myself from... trying to... stop something that was happening TO you and... I didn’t do anything and it’s bothered me.

He has a problem. His problem is that he can’t focus past the fact that something might happen to Jester. THE THING HERE. IS THE EMPHASIS ON THE WORD ‘TO’. “Stop something that was happening TO you”. Like, all of the times throughout this campaign that we weren’t overanalyzing. We’ve made the list a thousand times and I don’t need to repeat them. here

ALSO. Think about how many things in Fjord’s life have happened TO him. He doesn’t WANT that to happen to anyone else. Especially not Jester.

But wait. Like. He didn’t say it, but he really CAN’T focus past the idea that Jester specifically might not make it out of this. The guilt he’s been carrying after the Iron Shepherds. He took all the responsibility of that onto his shoulders and I don’t think anyone realizes that he’s still hanging onto that.

It seems to have exacted a pretty serious toll.

It’s just... his voice! And the way Jester’s face falls!! I’ve been pretty worried about how Jester still seems to be putting up the ‘happy’ facade for everyone and you can truly see in this moment how much it bothers her that she’s lost time.

I want to come out of this and be able to go back to the sea and go back to Nicodranas and go back to where it’s warm and not fucking freezing and...

Me too.

They miss HOME. The poor Coast Kids miss their home. They’re both so sad. But okay. The hilarious thing here? Is that Fjord? Is talking about how he wants to go back. To THEIR home. With HER. And it hasn’t HIT HER yet, because she’s distracted! She has no idea what’s about to happen.

I just don’t know if that’s... I don’t feel as optimistic now.

Me neither. But... I’ll try to be safe. And you should, too. But if it comes down to it, if it means stopping that thing? I want to stop that thing.

AND HERE. What was it he said to her at Travelercon? And you care about people you know, about people you don't know. You cause chaos, but in the end, you don't want to hurt people. You care. This is something that he LOVES about her, but right now, it’s just... okay I’m trying to put this into the right words.

*sharp inhale* I told your mother I would look after you.

Yeah. I’ll be fine, Fjord. We always are.

Continued from the previous thought. HERE’S THE DEAL. Fjord knows he can’t protect Jester from this, no matter how much he wants to. His voice is breaking over that. And Jester’s is, too. They’re saying all these words here, but they’re also NOT. I don’t know. I’m watching the video again while I’m typing this, so this moment is breaking my heart in slow motion.

It’s not even just on Fjord’s side. Jester’s doing that thing right now where she deflects, because that’s what she does and trying to reassure Fjord because he’s never been so worried about her and she doesn’t know what else do to while Fjord is sitting here like we’re running out of time we’re running out of time we’re running out of time. Like, that’s the whole thing. He can see that they’re running out of time on Jester’s face. Literally. It was one thing for him to wait to tell her until after he sorted out his life when they felt invincible. But... out of all the danger they’ve been in before, he’s always been able to follow her. She’s never had to be alone in it, because he was one step behind her. And this time? There was literally nothing to do. He was powerless. He is powerless.

This part of the exchange is so loaded. You can FEEL Fjord about to break. It is tangible on the screen because his voice keeps shaking and he takes that huge breath.

IT’S JUST. He’s trying SO HARD. I always talk about this, but this one specific  time Travis was on Talks lives in my head rent free. The time when he talks about how much Jester’s unconditional and unrelenting support has meant to Fjord and how much Fjord wants to be able to return that. ALL he wants to do is be there for her and she’s still not opening up to him and he has NO IDEA if what he’s about to do is going to work. He has no idea if she’s going to be okay with what he’s about to tell her.

I care very much for you.

Really?

JESTER’S VOICE IS SO SOFT. SO SOFT. AND HE’S LOOKING AT HER. AND SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM.

I’m melting over this moment.

*huge sigh*

Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?

It’s the longer horns.

Yeah, it really does it, doesn’t it?

Yeah. It gives you an intimidating look.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS?! Jester saw that Fjord was nervous and she immediately tries to defuse the tension with a joke. And he jokes back. Because that’s what they do together. They’re goofy and silly and they comfort each other and Fjord LIKES that she’s strong.

Listen I’ve got clips saved up from my last rewatch because I want to make a gifset of the times Fjord has been openly appreciative of strong Jester and one day I’m gonna do it.

I mean they’re joking around, but Fjord is like, super attracted to Jester and I really love that for her. But it’s MORE than that, because he’s attracted to her, but the thing that won him over was who she is so every time he talks about how attractive he finds her, it’s just icing on the cake. He doesn’t just want to see her, he wants to know her and I don’t know how I got to this point from this section but here I am, I’m not going back.

C A N I K I S S Y O U

OKAY.

I’m gonna hyperventilate again for a sec.

It caught Jester SO OFF GUARD. AND THEN SHE’S NODDING AND THEY’RE SMILING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE AND IT’S JUST BEAUTIFUL HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THIS

HOW.

Kissing is a lot more fun when you’re not dying.

Jester!!! She brought up the kiss! THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER AFTER THIS. LIKE. They both acknowledge the “kiss that wasn’t a kiss” AS A KISS. I never thought we’d hear about this again! But Jester’s been thinking about it THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

I love this though. The first time, he kisses her to save her life so she can get them out of that temple. This time, he kisses her, because he can’t stand the idea of losing her.

BUT ALSO. KISSING IS FUN. Jester!!! Liked!! Being kissed! By Fjord!!!

I want them to have downtime so bad. I want them to be able to spend time walking around Nicodranas and kissing and going on little dates and eating ice cream at the Lavish Chateau and hanging out at the beach with Luc. I WANT THEM TO HAVE QUIET MOMENTS.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

This was so cute! This last part might be my favorite part of the conversation. Because Jester got all flustered and FOR ONCE Fjord didn’t get awkward! He was just so RELIEVED to have told her! And she was so HAPPY?! The CUTEST grin on her face! EVER.

I’VE WANTED TO DO IT FOR A WHILE.

JESTER’S GIGGLE HERE!!!!!!!!!!! I love this for her so much. I just do. She’s been SO into him for SO long and she didn’t think he liked her back and here he is TELLING HER HE’S WANTED TO KISS HER FOR A WHILE. Her giddiness is contagious!

And FJORD! How LONG have you wanted to kiss her?! For some reason, this isn’t something I’ve considered when trying to figure out the timeline of Fjord’s feelings. When is the first time he wanted to kiss her? I think I need to go watch all their big conversations again to see if I think it’s any of them. For some reason, I feel like it’s going to be in one of those silly little moments they have together and I’m going to miss it. Do I rewatch the entire campaign for a third time???? Is that what I have to do?

I’m kind of a big coward.

No, Fjord, you’re very brave.

I am very brave, aren’t I?

You are.

Jester FULLY believes this. She’s just smiling over at him this whole time. But he looks down. Because he still doesn’t think he’s brave. Or he’s brave enough for most things, but there’s ONE THING he knows he can’t do and that’s let her go and I’M. 

Is this all just speculation and guessing and me making stuff up? Yes. Do I care? No. That’s what his face says to me in that moment.

ALL WHILE JESTER IS JUST SO HAPPY. She DOES think he’s brave and she thinks he’s amazing and he just kissed her and it’s not how she thought it would happen, but IT DID and it was so meaningful.

We could get cats and just flee.

I need to get the whole dialogue for this, but I’m tired tbh and I need to sleep, so I’m gonna focus on this last part. How they’re talking over each other to joke around, but it’s really smooth and flows really well between them. But right before this you can still see how heavily the upcoming trials are weighing on them. They feel a little better about EACH OTHER, but there’s a very real possibility that they’re about to lose each other, but they can take this ONE moment of hope?!

And I just love it when they joke around with each other to try to make each other feel better. They’re so good to each other. 

I’ll see you in the morning.

God, the way his voice is just ROUGH and small and quiet and he DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE and they just SMILE AT EACH OTHER and they’re scared of what’s coming but THEY KNOW THEY LIKE EACH OTHER and they’re SO HAPPY FOR THIS MOMENT. 

And the soft way they say goodnight to each other!!!

THEY!!!!!!!!! make me want to walk into the ocean. In a good way. I SWEAR I CAN’T WITH THIS.

And then the way Jester sighed and giggled after Fjord left! And I can see her leaning back against her door and sighing and looking up at the ceiling and just..... SO. HAPPY.

She doesn’t even ask for a cat cuddle pile!!!! She just stares at her unicorn until she falls asleep. SHE DOESN’T ASK FOR A CAT CUDDLE PILE! 

And then there’s Fjord! Who doesn’t sleep much!

That part makes me a little more angsty. There’s lots of reasons he might be awake most of the night. There are some really cute ones. Like he’s thinking holy shit I just kissed Jester and she kissed me back and she said it was fun that’s good right? And then there are the angsty ones where he could have been laying there thinking about how he doesn’t have any control over the situation and how scared he is. But he did something and he made her smile and that’s all he ever really wants to do. Is make Jester happy. And maybe he made Jester happy in this moment where she was trying to hide that she’s sad. AND THE THING IS THAT HE DID! 

And I’ll leave you with a very short list of random things I expect them to say to one another at one point with no context:

I can’t stand the thought of losing you.

Are you sure you don’t miss the longer horns?

You don’t always have to be fine.

OH. ALSO. 

Get ready for casual intimacy. I’m ready for hand holding. Shoulder touching. brushing someone’s hair out of their face. GET READY BECAUSE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN.