#i am going as the riddler on my mom's party
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
#i mean show me the lie#the riddler#alex turner#batman forever#i am going as the riddler on my mom's party#i hope i feel good by then#alexturner#thelastshadowpuppets#the last shadow puppets#arctic monkeys am#am arctic monkeys#am: alex turner#am : alex#al#al turner#jim carrey#humbug#tranquilty base hotel and casino#arcticmonkeysedits#amedits#arctic monkeys#taylor bagley#matt helders#i want a brick by brick#iwantabrickbybrick#brick by brick#suck it and see#jamehcook#jame cook#nick o'malley
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I'm that one prev tags guy and gotta say your tags are killing me XD
Like don't get me wrong, I am into Sanders Sides but out of all the nerdy shit I'm into that's what you're focusing on? Seriously? Right after going into a Riddler themed reblog spree? Where did you even get it, was it my tags? Genuinely curious here, I'm not offended, just incredibly amused.
do you think it's my job to search your blog or something? i don't care about what "nerdy" shit you're into. you're into a blatantly antisemetic & ableist media and you're making fun of a fucking ice age blog for.... what reason again? because they made a funny post? people are being rude on that post and it's upsetting to the moderators, who are mostly minors, so i've taken it upon myself to reply to any rude tags so maybe people won't be such assholes for no fucking reason anymore. as for a "riddler themed reblog spree" Can i fucking help you? you mean the like 8 posts i made about my friend making a super fucked up looking balloon because their mom based xer birthday party off the riddler for some reason? is that really what you're going to try and make fun of me about when you literally post about sanders sides? are you REALLY going to send me a fucking ask getting upset for making fun of your antisemetic ableist interest when you made fun of a fucking ice age post first? get the fuck out of my inbox. what the fuck made you send this like we're friends or something?
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Don’t Tell Me Final Part
A/N: And…here’s the final part. I originally wanted a smut in here but it just…didn’t happen and I’m sorry about that. I hate ending great stories, so I tried my best, and I hope you all enjoyed the ride. I’ll definitely keep writing for the Batfamily, so you haven’t seen the last of me. And I would like to thank everyone for their encouraging words and their full support for this series. You all mean a lot to me!
Warnings: Language and the fluffiest of fluffs.
It’s as if everything was a dream. The last three months of my pregnancy went by surprisingly smoothly, and with Jason’s constant support, I knew I was ready to become a mom. And before I knew it, I was tossed back into the Batfamily.
They were more than happy to have me back, and it was like I never left.
Dick became more than obsessed with being our baby’s uncle and Godfather, despite Jason and I already deciding that his longtime friend Roy Harper being named our baby’s Godfather.
Dick ended up finding out, became so upset (he literally threw himself down and had a temper tantrum and breakdown) and felt so betrayed that Bruce asked us to allow our child to have two Godfathers just to stop Dick from crying.
So now our child has two Godfathers, and I was proud to announce Barbara as the Godmother.
Bruce had finally accepted that he was becoming a grandpa, so he did what any rich-to-be grandpa would do: use some of his property to build a small, comfy home for us near the manor. Jason was initially offended because he had thought his penthouse was enough for us, but Bruce wouldn’t have any of it, and was even okay for us to live in the manor until the home was complete.
In the end, Jason and I agreed the small home would be better since the family would be really close by if we needed any help.
By the last month of my pregnancy, Damian still accompanied us to my birthing classes, because he believed he knew more about childbirth than Jason. Well, in Damian’s defense, he had read every childbirth book he could get his hands on.
But I was proud of Jason for just being there. It was enough for me.
It was time for our child to be born late at night. I was in the Batcave with Barbara, helping the guys while they were on patrol. While everyone initially panicked, I was somehow calm because I knew what was to be expected, and I was beyond anxious to meet our child. Alfred and Barbara helped me into a medical bed in the cave because Jason and I agreed on a homebirth, just to protect our child from any suspicious and evil watchful eye.
When the boys came home, they surrounded me to await the newest bat boy in the world. Alfred, Bruce, Tim, and Barbara were so helpful to me, and before everyone knew it, the bat boy arrived at exact four in the morning.
Jason Damian Todd.
Yes, I insisted ‘Damian’ to be our son’s middle name, because Damian stood with me every step of the way. And just when I thought Jason would have disagreed, he ended up shocking everyone with how he was proud with the decision and couldn’t be happier.
Jason was even surprised with me for naming our son after him, and I told him the truth: I love him, and I love our son.
So, J.J (Jason Jr.) became the nickname we all stuck with, and everyone in the family and league loved him.
And who wouldn’t love J.J? With his little messy dark hair and hypnotizing blue eyes, J.J was a little handsome man who melts every heart he’s come across. The only thing he got from me is my smile.
Jason even says he loves J.J’s smile, because it’s exactly like mine.
“You two are so perfect,” Jason whispers, and sits beside me while I hold J.J against my chest. “I can’t imagine life could be so kind to me and give me this.”
And after everything that’s happened, the family seemed whole again. But what I wouldn’t know is how everything would go from here.
4 Years Later
“I still don’t know why you want a whole weekend without J.J,” I complain, tossing J.J’s pajamas into an overnight bag. Jason had planned an entire weekend alone for us and assumed I would be okay with it.
J.J is my fucking baby boy, and even though he’s literally going next door to the manor for a weekend slumber party, the thought of him being gone just leaves me into a million pieces of broken glass.
And that shit fucking hurts when you step on it.
Jason grins, and throws himself on J.J’s twin bed. “Are you as mad as when I tricked you to go to Las Vegas for Roy’s wedding to Donna?” he asks chuckles.
“You mean the wedding that didn’t happen because it became OUR wedding?” I correct him, and I slightly smile at the memory.
Yes, Jason and Roy devised a plan to get the family and I to Vegas three years ago. It was supposed to be Roy’s wedding to Donna Troy, and suddenly the elopement turned to mine and Jason’s wedding, when he proposed to me while holding J.J in a little black suit.
And how could I say no to that? I said yes, and we got married right then and there…with no alcohol involved.
Our small family was perfect, even when we have the occasional arguments, the ups and downs, and the fun times like when J.J and I would ambush Jason when he would get home late and shoot him with nerf bullets with our nerf guns.
I just couldn’t imagine my life being like this…and I still wonder if I’m really dreaming.
“I wasn’t mad about your secret plan to marry me. It’s just…you,” I say. “You do things spontaneously when you’re being irrational, or just…romantic.”
“You know me, doll. Why wait six months to a year to get married when I could just marry you in twenty minutes?” Jason asks smugly. “And babe, the fact that Roy got ordained just to marry us was fucking perfect. He just knew how to make me look good when I read you my vows, remember?”
“Oh yes, because nothing is more romantic than to tell our family and friends that, ‘And I vow to always, always let you finish before I do,’” I say laughing. Just remembering Jason being a goofball on our wedding day just reminds me of how scared he was of fucking up our wedding.
Jason pulls me to the small bed and kisses me hard. “Hey, you know I was…nervous as fuck that day. I just…wanted to surprise you and show you how much I love you and J.J,” Jason confesses.
“I know, I just love hearing you say how much we mean to you,” I whisper and kiss him harder than before.
We hear footsteps running to J.J’s bedroom. J.J, who is completely dressed in a newer and improved red and black Robin suit, with older teenaged Damian behind him. J.J’s blue eyes were hidden behind his black mask, and he runs to the bed and jumps high to land on Jason, crushing his balls in the process.
“Oh fuck!” Jason groans loudly.
“I’m Robin! The new boy wonder! I work alongside the Batman, and I’ll kick all of you bad guys in the balls until you cannot get women pregnant!” J.J declares.
“J.J! Who told you about that?” I ask curiously.
“Uncle Damian, because he is my superior, Mom,” J.J answers.
Damian nods his head and smiles. “He learns well, Todd. Oh, my good fuck, I still cannot believe I have to call you Todd, like…that Todd…” Damian whines. “T-t.”
“Language!” I point out.
“Oh please, Todd. The child’s first word was ‘fuck’ if I remember correctly,” Damian mentions.
“No, it was ‘Mama’, then ‘Dada’, and then ‘fuck’, I believe,” Jason corrects him.
I roll my eyes. I slip the overnight bag onto Damian’s shoulder. Jason stands up while holding J.J into a flying position in the air.
“Just try to watch the language, okay? He doesn’t need to be cussing in preschool,” I say strongly.
“Blame your husband for the constant profanity, Y/N. He’s a bad influence on us,” Damian says. Ever since J.J was born, he was always around enough to eventually swear daily. “Cursing is much fun.”
“Get used to it demon spawn. I have to watch my mouth, too,” Jason teases. He lifts J.J in the air and puts him in Damian’s arms. “Now isn’t it time for you guys go play Batman and Robin back in the Batcave?”
“Yes!” J.J shouts excitedly and tries to wiggle out from Damian’s grip.
“Of course,” Damian agrees. “Pennyworth, Drake, and I don’t want our six months work on J.J’s Robin costume to go to waste. And since I am the blood son and next in line for Batman, I request J.J to be my Robin.”
“Isn’t Dick next in line to be Batman?” I ask.
“No, of course not. I intend to break Grayson’s ankles before he’s even thought of. Trust me, Todd. I am next to be Batman, and J.J will most definitely be my Robin.”
The thought of J.J being Robin terrifies me and excites me. I lean in and kiss J.J on the cheek. “I love you, J.J.” I whisper.
“I love you too, Mom. Now stop embarrassing me!” J.J says laughing.
Jason smiles, and ruffles J.J’s hair, while Dick and Tim rush in. Dick is dressed as the Riddler, while Tim is dressed as Penguin.
“Well, well, well…look who we have here. Robin’s family? Well, what do you say we go find the Batcave and steal the Batmobile?!” Dick impersonates Riddler.
“And while we’re at it, let’s steal the Robin cycle!” Tim chuckles during his penguin impression.
J.J makes an angry face and pushes Damian to drop him. “Not so fast, you bastards! Batman and I will stop you both, and you two will be locked up behind bars forever or my name isn’t Robin!” J.J shouts.
Damian smiles, and points to the door, while Dick (Riddler) and Tim (Penguin) make a run for it.
“Let’s go Robin!” Damian uses his Batman voice.
“Okay Batman!” J.J yells. “Bye Mom! Bye Dad!”
We say our good-byes, as Jason and I wave them off by the front door. He wraps an arm around my waist, while I lean my head against his chest.
“You know, I constantly wonder why life just keeps giving me more and more when I thought my time was done with surprises,” Jason says after a while of comfortable silence.
“Why wonder when you can just accept it, and keep looking forward and see what else life gives you?” I ask.
Jason turns me around so he can look down into my eyes. I can feel my heart beat fast when he grins and holds me.
“I love you more than anything I have ever loved before, Y/N. You and J.J…you both mean the world to me, and I’m swear I’m going to love, care, and protect you both for the rest of my life,” Jason admits, and rubs my lower back. “You know, I honestly thought I’d never get a happy ending…after everything.”
“I thought so, too. Maybe happy endings happen for people when they work to be the best they can be,” I say softly. “Make better choices and to think things through before they do them.”
Jason lowers his head down to kiss me. Our kiss is deep and becomes passionate until he pulls away to breathe.
“Oh, fuck doll, you know…I’ve been meaning to tell you that…I think we’re ready.”
“Ready for what?” I ask. I wonder what Jason’s talking about.
“Another baby…”
“Another baby?” I repeat slowly.
Jason picks me up and carries me back inside our home. He uses his foot to slam the door shut before he drops me onto the couch. He settles between my legs and smiles wickedly.
“The fam told me they could use a new Batgirl so…let’s get started on it, baby girl.”
“Oh, Jaybird.”
And just like that, a happy ending was made into the Batfamily, but it certainly isn’t the last one, either.
#dc comics#batman#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#damian wayne#tim drake#dick grayson
89 notes
·
View notes
Text
minutes after midnight taz liveshow liveblog! woohoo! *\_^o^_/*
i've been watching the entire lotr trilogy while i'm home with my mom on spring break (i actually started listening to this in the morning and had to stop midway through to watch return of the king with her lol) and oh boy it is whiplash to suddenly go from super high fantasy to taz
i love the amnesty opening but god damn does the balance opening kick me right in the nostalgia
wtf is a marty gridler??? oh it's clint's costume
"so catch us up" "uh, no"
multiple apocoli, fun
jumping right into it then, yikes this sounds bad
taako my baby omg
MAGNUS NO
merle gained an additional 3001 party points during stolen century lmao
magnus that is not how you call down your all powerful goddess
YAY ISTUS!!! MY DARLING!!!!!
"if you didn't know any butter" griffin ilu
oh my god this is extremely cute
is istus fucking hungover???
solo chalices
yuh-oh indeed
that figures lol
g o d c a l e n d e r
justin the character voice cop strikes again lmao
clint mcelroy the plane walking god
"now i have to give you a godhood" bless you justin
there we go, there's the merle voice
yes you did clint i am proud of you!!!
who?????
god of parties, reggie fitzpatrick
joe yo the yo-yo god
god i missed these silly boys
totally shad-racked
aww istus my baby
"hey ya'll? she sick" taako my baby
jesus magnus why
looks like we’re back to wonderland rules with merle’s magic on the fritz
i love you justin holy shit
OH MY GOD IS PAN JOINING US AS AN NPC
kitting on the square??? what does that mean griffin?????
griffin what the fuck my boy
OH MARDI GRA RIDDLER I JUST GOT THAT
magnus no you tried this in refuge and it didn't work then
jesus christ magnus my dumb boy
MERLE DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR GOD MERLE WHAT THE FUCK
god i love you taako
magnus as taako's personal announcer is so good, bffs
woohoo! go taako!
yes you did trav and it was wonderful
another jerry are you kidding me
"it's a heaven crystal elevator, my greatest creation to date" ilu so much griffin
r e g g i e t o w n
i love how absurd these liveshows are
"SHUT UP PAUL"
god i love you so much taako you crafty fucker
OH NO OMG
welp, their arms are gone lmao
discrete streams
this is where garyl lives when taako isn't summoning him lmao
so it's an irish wake then lol
oh like ambrosia, fun
love ya there clint
"magnus doesn't drink" magnus you literally bought a tankard of potent drink that made drinks more alcoholic at one point
taako what are you doing, what is the long game here
yes merle get it
DO FISCHER AND JR HAVE STONES OF FARSPEECH?????
nice lmao
oh shit that sounds lit as hell
REGGIE
DID PAN BLOW REGGIE???
IS TAAKO GOING TO KIDNAP REGGIE INTO THE POCKET SPA?????
wait so if it wasn't reggie who did it?
OH THAT AIN'T GOOD
TAAKO THIS NEVER FUCKING ENDS WELL FOR YOU STOP TRYING TO GET HIRED BY SINISTER ELECTRONICA PARTIES
"i'm a hungy boy" ilu travis
TAAKO WHAT THE FUCK
MERLE NO!
"they look so bad guys" this is such a good mental image
ilu clint omg
NICE! GO MAGGIE!
oh the robot dudes are behind it!
"and merle gives him a backrub"
OH MY FUCKING GOD ITS LYDIA AND EDWARD HOLY FUCK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
oh my god i can't wait to listen to honeyheist, i need to find my maxfun password
sick burn there magnus
i love this so much omg just keep dunking on them
i would prefer garfield to them lmao
T H E H A N G R Y
so i guess they just slipped out while krav was dealing with legion
TAAKO WHAT THE FUCK
aww reggie :'(
god that was the best fucking line
OH NO THAT'S VERY NOT GOOD
SAVE THEM MERLE
CAPER DAMMIT!
holy shit i love you taako my boy
taking one from lup's playbook! nice!!!
no you don't lmao
i'm just imagining like... taako macarena-ing in place
PFFFFFF THIS IS SO GOOD OMG
OH NO MERLE
IT'S THAT BAD GRIFFIN
STILL NECROTIC THO
aww reggie, you tried
ARE YOU GOING TO FUCKING TRY TO TEAR THEIR ARMS OFF???
NICE! NICE! I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PUMPED FOR THE FLAMING RAGING POISONING SWORD OF DOOM!!!
is it possible to poison a lich? are they still liches???
sweet! go taako!!!
oh mood, my laptop won't recognize me when my bangs are swept back
love you merle lol
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SEND HER TO REFUGE MERLE?????
i'm honestly kind of glad that saved lol
PAN NOOOOO
i love this omg
WELP, THEY'RE FUCKING DEAD
magnus what the flying fuck
MAGNUS NO
YAY! GO TAAKO!
NICE!!! :D
NOT NICE!!! D:
YOU'RE INSIDE IT MERLE!!!!!
oh merle my sweet boy
beefy o'burley
wait what the fuck
OH NO WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
WHO CLAPPED FOR TAAKO NEARLY DYING
OH NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PULL THE IT WAS ALL A DREAM ANGLE I SWEAR TO GOD
MAGNUS AND LUP BROTP
I NEED ANGSTY FIC OF THIS STAT HOLY SHIT
YEEEEEAH BOY!!!!!
REGGIE NO
welp, no more magic for merle :|
WHAT TAAKO
IT'S A 6TH LEVEL NECROMANCY SPELL TAAKO THEY ARE LICHES
the crowd chanting along is so good
taako getting his revenge on edward and lydia is making me cry from happiness, my sweet boy :')))
♪♫♬ sail away sail away sail away ♪♫♬
deity message
this is so good omg
"the rythum took him over, travis!" love this
aww reggie :'(
god i would kill for that power holy shit
wait what the fuck
OH NO ISN'T THAT WHERE THE NEW FANTASY COSTCO IS
CALLED IT!!!!!
holy shit that was so good, so chaotic and amazing and awesome. i think this has actually given me enough emotional closure to finish the relisten i started in october and never completed because i was dreading having to get through suffering game. good god i love these boys and as much as i can't wait for the next amnesty episode this was just pure hilarious goodness and i loved it
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
TEAM LAZARUS 1001 NAMES
40 pages you crazies, it’s been a fun year as record keeper.
Let’s try and reach 2,000 for next year!
Note: There are some spots where the emojis just didn’t register for me in the chat title.
1) Team Lazarus
2) Team Adorable
3) Team Laz-R-Us
4) a FUCKING glass
5) SHEER MASTERMINDS
6) THE ANSWER IS NUN (STRIKE 2? WE’RE HAVING NUN OF THAT!)
7) FUCK CHUCK
8) Dream Team Lazy-R-Us
9) Dream Team Meme Team Laz👏R👏Us
10) Dream Team Meme Team Laz👏R👏Us Groupies
11) Hello welcome to Lazarus how can we cry with you
12) WHATS NEW LAZAROO (WOOOAH WOAH WOAH WWWWWOOAH)
13) Team Lazarus Team Mom
14) Team Lazarus Team Mom Team Rosebush
15) Team Lazarus - Thorn Edition
16) Team Lazarus - Thorn Mom Edition
17) “Take that funky butt and shake it all around…” - Edward Nygma
18) Jonathan Crane brutally murders a bitch
19) Jonathan Crane is our Murder Senpai
20) The Monarch returns to haunt us
21) un Patrol team Lazarus
22) Two Pun or not Two pun, that is the question
23) Hi my name is jim ichabod fear stork rance and i have short stork borwn hair
24) FUCK MONARCH
25) FUCK MONARCH (He’s fine…yup)
26) Jonathan Crane is totally fine there is aboslutly nothing wrong
27) Great Googly Moogly Everything’s Gone to Shit
28) @SkypeOfficial please remove this group there’s been a terrible mispunderstanding
29) endgame: jonathan slapping edward’s ass
30) Team Lazarus, Weakpoint: Hydration
31) Team Lazarus Momobile Beep Beep
32) Team Firewood
33) 847-bOI
34) The Doctor is In!
35) Mom Squad Roll Out
36) The Nyma Sass
37) The Nygma Sass
38) Sass Machine
39) CRANE LIVES HROO HRAA
40) CRANE LIVES CALLOOH CALLAY
41) Mission: Save Riddler’s sassy ass
42) Dr. Crane, master of Hardcore self medical treament
43) Dr. Crane, master of Hardcore self medical treatment
44) Dr. Crane, Master of Hardcore Self Medical Treatment ™
45) *football team chant* G👏C👏P👏D
46) Beep Beep here comes spooky
47) doot doot here comes spooky
48) Beep Beep here comes spooky
49) NOOT NOOT HERE COMES SPOOPY
50) Beepy Boopy here comes the spoop lord
51) here comes a sexy spooky
52) Our Lord and Saviour Jonathan Crane, hallowed be thine burlap,
53) Cult of Burlap and Riddles
54) DJ JC as the lead show with Rapper E.Nygma as backup
55) 55
56) Codot don’t do it oH MY GOD
57) Brb pizza
58) I wanted a turn to change the title sorry guys
59) SO IT IS TO BE WAR BETWEEN US
60) You don’t control me
61) You never leave. Not really.
62) Save the pupper
63) Save the Riddler
64) Be there in a sec sanna
65) Ya’ll are horrible
66) STOP THIS MADNESS
67) NEVER
68) Please don’t go
69) boys with fractured femurs who break into asylums for you 😍😍😭😭💋💋💦💦👏👏👏👌👌👌👀👀👀👅👅👅
70) Great googly moogly it’s all gone to shit… AGAIN
71) Trust a GCPD officer who makes bad puns in high stress times
72) Blessed by Scarepai
73) Welcome back
74) DID SOMEONE SAY MONARCH
75) I imagine when Jonathan saves Edward and the rogues see him again Jonathan’ll grab Edward, pull him in front of him, look dead ahead, and then someone’ll put on the opening theme of lion king while a lone spotlight shines down on edward
76) wE’rE aLl MaD HeRe
77) scarecrow the science bro (CRANE CRANE CRANE CRANE)
78) #PrayForCodotChords2k16
79) Rip GCPD 2k16 never forget 🙏🙏🙏
80) Crane deserves better than this
81) Pish Posh you’ve turned the Hatter into a Hater!
82) The Mad Hater Needs His Fucking Alice
83) The Mad Hater Needs A Fucking Life
84) Y'all need a fucking life more
85) Stop being mean to Jervis
86) being mean to jervis gives me life
87) Y u hatin on Jervis
88) leave my mad bby alone
89) Jervis did nothing wrong
90) Jervis did EVERYTHING WRONG WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT
91) JERVIS DID NOTHING WRONG
92) RIDDLE 9 BOI
93) Half-Past Alfred
94) SPOOKY SCARY sceletus
95) Y'all need help
96) RIP Codot
97) Too Smart for the Plans to Find the Smartest 98) BREAK A LEG JON
99) BREAK BOLTON’S LEG JON
100) FUZZ IS A TEACHER’S PET (AND PROUD)
101) We befriended murder sempai
102) We befriended murder sempai
103) Make a bff bracelet with murder senpai
104) “Shake the Box to See if it Complains
105) "What a SPOOKtacular occasion” - Jonathan Crane at some point
106) Ra’s League of Legends
107) Riddler’s Label Pen
108) Can THEY get Edward’s cup of hot cocoa right???
109) Have fun storming the castle
110) GET 👏 OUR 👏 BBYS 👏 THERAPY 👏 PETS 👏
111) clayface!hannah confirmed 2k16
112) SQUAD WITH TAX BENEFITS
113) More annoying and pretentious than Edward
114) MOON MOON
115) Oh. My. God.
116) DAMMIT HANNAH
117) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
118) Hannah Killed Crane!!
119) “tgis chat changes names faster than the captor changes his rules”
120) Moon Moon, Prince of Prose
121) Books-R-Us 2k16
122) angst, puns and ocs
123) Codot as Theo Saurus 2k16"
124) Ready for pain
125) #kingtheo2k16
126) A-TEAM BADA BING BADA BOOM
127) *faux french accent* A-TEAM BADA BING BADA BOOM
128) YOU GET A CAT, YOU GET A CAT, EVERYBODY GETS A CAT!!!
129) Story Planners Inc.
130) M O N A R C H
131) E D W A R D ’ S A S S
132) What the heckle deckle did you just diddly done say about me, you little nerd? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meme Team, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The Captor, and I have over 3 confirmed riddle solves. I am trained in online research and I’m the top blogger in the entire codot army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you clean out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my diddly words. You think you can get away with saying that lie to me over the Internet? Think again, meanie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Team Lazarus and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your riddleS. You’re dead, Hush. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out meme you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in internrt combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Google and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable hints off the face of the continent, you little twerp. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” kidnapping was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your undank memes.. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you snake. I will rain puns all over you and you will drown in it. You’re dead, you viper.
133) Hello Arkham, I have 23 more patients to be admitted
134) Team Lazarus
135) Good 👏 Luck 👏 Brown 👏
136) Morals What Morals
137) Crane confirmed Pyro main in TF2
138) INTO THE KILN
139) SAVE JONATHAN CRANE 2K16
140) Thomas more like ThomASS
141) INTO THE KILN
142) doting ignorami
143) LET JON USE HIS SCYTHE 2K16
144) Spoopy Scary Skeletor 💀
145) HROO HRAA 🎃👻💀
146) TEAM CRANE 2K16
147) TEAM MEME 2K16
148) FREE EDWARD NYGMA 2K16
149) FREE EDWARD NYGMA’S UNGRATEFUL ASS 2K16
150) Meaningful
151) Murder Sempai and the Ungrateful Kid in Time-Out
152) What the heckle deckle did you just diddly done say about me, you little nerd? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meme Team, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The Captor, and I have over 3 confirmed riddle solves. I am trained in online research and I’m the top blogger in the entire rids army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you clean out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my diddly words. You think you can get away with saying that lie to me over the Internet? Think again, meanie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Team Lazarus and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your riddleS. You’re dead, Hush. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out meme you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in internrt combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Google and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable hints off the face of the continent, you little twerp. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” kidnapping was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your undank memes.. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you snake. I will rain puns all over you and you will drown in it. You’re dead, you viper.
153) Thank you, Codot
154) AFTER PARTY
155) AFTER PARTY (Thank you, Codot)
156) Hush: I finally have it, the brightest of minds…. *taps into followers minds* // Followers: nEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWNNNN // Hush: what the f-
157) 4311791161/174743432/17237911/974773/7353
158) Happy Birthday, Bill!
159) #GiveCrocaDuckling2k16
160) Password: M O N A R C H
161) #GiveJonathanCraneHisRingBack2k17
162) #GiveAllTheRougesBetterChildhoods2kforver
163) SaveZsasz2k16
164) #ChangeTheEducationSystem2k16
165) #IbelieveinZsazs
166) Clayface is at it again
167) Team Blanket Fort
168) Sionis’s Poor Mini Golf Score
169) Recollective Music Box
170) TEAM BERET
171) #TeamMimikyu
172) FUCK U TEAM BOARDGAME HAT
173) wow
174) screw you guys i’m going home
175) MASQUERADE PAPER FACES ON PARADE
176) a disaster beyond imagination
177) BRING DOWN THE CHANDELIER
178) paaaast the point of no return
179) Riddler’s butt club
180) IM NOT CLAYFACE OMF
181) Riddler’s peanut gallery
182) And how does that make you feel?
183) Codot save us from the math
184) Codot, Challenger Of Trig 2k16
185) THE MIDDLE FINGET
186) Monarch
187) How to train your fly trap by Pamela Isley
188) How to train your fly trap by Pamela Isley (Illustrated by Harley)
189) How to train your fly trap by Pamela Isley (Illustrated by Harley) And brought to life by Edward Nygma (narrator) and Jonathan Crane (fly trap)
190) Team Lazarus: Study Group
191) Riddle me this
192) It’s Sad O’ Clock
193) FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
194) Team Lazarus is breaking down Arkham’s door!
195) Monarch
196) New Title
197) Bookworm did nothing wrong and is precious
198) Asshole McAsshole Nashton: Edward’s father
199) Ashton Nashton Strikes Again
200) Team Lazarus: So extra
201) Protect Query from gross men
202) ANARCHY
203) “I am vengeance. I am the night. I AM MONARCH OF MENACE!
204) COME ON AND SLAM! AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!
205) Hannah’s at it again
206) Roman mcasshole Sionis
207) LetAlfredoBeHappy2k16
208) Pasta Shame
209) Team Lazarus’s Civil War: Don’t Cry Over Spilled Spaghetti
210) MASS SEND HROO HRAA
211) Hroo Hraa Secured
212) Operation: Make Edward Trust Us
213) #MakeEddieTrustUs2k17
214) Team Tiny Hroos
215) Detective Wayne- it’s me, Edward!
216) Indy’s Cane Thighs 👀
217) Nightmares and hell spawn
218) Leo got that dank fear toxin 👀👀👀
219) Den of Snakes
220) Den of Snakes
221) Den of Sneks (and one fox)
222) Dat Snort Tho
223) Haroo haraa
224) Snek snek snek snek snek
225) Get that stanky broken bond stuff away from me
226) Brown my lord and savior
227) Meet Zsaszarus Pit in the Lazarus Pit where its Lazarus Lit
228) MEET ME IN THE COURT, THOMAS
229) Sinister Memes
239) Hannah is Clayface. Must elminate Hannah.
240) I AM NOT CLAYFACE
241) ProtectStrawChild2k16
242) Don’t talk to me or my children about that 3D Batman cartoon EVER AGAIN
243) Alfredo Pennyworth 2k16
244) IT’S RAINING FURRIES
245) Mom Squad
246) Crane Spank
247) Crane Spank - Rated G for everyone
248) I will not embrace that man - Jonathan Crane
249) Swiggity swooty comin’ for that booty
250) Jervis is a smol bun bun
251) I AM NAUGHT CLAYFACE
252) I AM NAUGHT CLAYFACE (She lies)
253) I AM NAUGHT CLAYFACE (She lies) SO, NEGATIVE CLAYFACE?
254) CodotisaGift2k16
245) [7:15:18 AM] Make like a Crane and burn him down
246) #Rogues!LittleShopOfHorrors
247) Dig Dug Dimmadome
248) Jello Crane
249) Support Sanna 2k16
250) Jon Crane the Science Train
251) The Scarecrow and his Tiny Hroos
252) The Scarecrow and his Tiny Hroos
253) Crane save us from the angry cheeto man
254) Alpacutie255) #KingCodot
256) Francesco the tap dancing cocktail shrimp
257) LetVictorAndNoraBeHappy2k16
258) Indy the cutest (snek)
259) 🎉Happy Birthday, Indy the cutest (snek) 🎉
260) Support Bookworm 2k16
261) Codot Is Our King, He Should V/O Everything
262) Jon, Jon, Jon, TITS, cats
263) #KingSkeletor
264) Give your bae the FLIPPER
265) Ahem... TITTYSPRINKLES AWAAAAAAAAAAY!
266) Zsasz vs Codot meme battle
267) Jonathan Crane's Rent is Too Damn High
268) "IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE FOR REAL
269) FUCKING DOUSE ME IN FEAR TOXIN IDGAF I AM WILLING I AM READY
270) Aesthetic: Edward paired with Que Sera Sera
271) Aesthetic: Edward Nygma Kinkshaming Jonathan Crane
272) Jonathan Crane Loves The Sideboob
273) Lego Batman Voice: I'M BATMAN
274) Zsasz will fight your bullies for free
275) Drumpf The Sith Lord
276) Please no political stuff thank you
277) Oh my god Codot (TM)
278) "Oh my Godot
279) RIP Leo the Viper, October 2016-November 2016 🙏🙏🙏
280) RIP Leo the PENGUIN, October 2016-November 2016 🙏🙏🙏
281) #IBelieveInBookworm
282) #ICan'tBelieveZsazsisBookworm
283) _removed conversation name_
284) BLANK
285) SIX MILLION TONS OF WHITE BULLSHIT ON MY DRIVEWAY
286) Everyone Boop Zsasz's nose
287) Psyche
288) Hannah's teachers are crazy
289) CODOT: QUEEN OF FRANCE
290) Spats on Cats
291) The Great Gaysby
292) Alfredo is the parent they deserve #SaveThem
293) Scarecrows Long Leggies
294) Give Edward His Glasses Back 2K16
295) Never Forget
296) Zsasz your local gentle farmerer just wants to tend to her goats
297) Zsasz your local gentle farmemer just wants to tend to her goats
298) Jonathan Crane: The Point Hoarder
299) Spats Over Spandex, Fashions By Leo
300) "Riddle meme this, Batman!"
301) Spoopy Jono
302) Save me from the bad sci-fi
303) Scarebeast vs. Riddlebot
304) _removed conversation name_
305) 1 v 1 me mate
306) Fight Club: Team Lazarus Edition
307) Law and Order: Team Lazarus edition
308) FUZZ WILL RISE AGAIN
309) It's your local Scarebro and his spooky sales
310) All hail Brown, Keeper of the Lazarus Records
311) All hail Sanna, keeper of the AUs
312) Wayne!Rouges headcanon HQ
313) Do not let the dank city fall
314) DO IIIIIT
315) Crane: They're so goddamn stupid
316) Team Lazarus Is Torn Apart By Overwatch
317) Team Lazarus: a bunch of gleeful homewreckers.
318) Pyro marries Team Lazarus
319) Short people vs tall people: The Codot Wars
320) Question Mark Codpiece. Yep.
321) Yes Glitter
322) NO GLITTER
323) Things heating up in the glitter fandom
324) Pray for Zsasz
325) We are all Tesla
326) *FIGHT HANNAH'S TEACHER*
327) *FIGHT HANNAH'S TEACHER AND CLASSMATES*
328) Law and Order: Team Lazarus Edition episode 2
329) The Fashion Police: Team Lazarus Edition
330) "Emerald colored - he's so pretentious. It's GREEN." - Jonathan about Edward @ some point
331) Jon's crows and various corvids
332) Wanna know how I got these scars?
333) probably got them scars from a drunk dare dude
334) AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A CODOT PARTY 'CAUSE A CODOT PARTY DON'T STOP
335) codot pls voice morgan freeman in gotham. not as lucius, just morgan freeman.
336) leo vs edward nygma
337) Hello Naughty Children It's Sad Time)
338) Hi Diddle Diddle It's Dr Riddle
339) Codot was here, but he was sent to bed. YOLO.
340) Smol Rids in Space *NYOOM*
341) RAH RAH RAH MASTER OF FEAR)
342) HRAA HRAA HRAA MASTER OF FEAR
343) Au central
344) Don't mention Edward's 500+ issues to him or he'll have a meltdown and likely recluse to a shell of his former self
345) Sanna go to bed
346) Sanna went to bed
347) Sanna went to bed (at last)
348) N E V E R F O R G E T
349) Waiting For Alfredo to snatch us
350) No One Expects the Boop-quisition
351) PIANO IS MY PARAMOUR
352) Cause he's a primadonna girl, yeah /all he ever wanted was batmans id
353) Happy Birthday Spoopy
354) Doctor Crane and His Horde of Interns
355) Doctor Crane and His Horde of Interns (Also Molly is my #queen support her 2k16)
356) Do Not Send Crane Bee Movie Quotes
357) According to all known laws of aviation...
358) Alex no. You're grounded.
359) there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
360) Go home, Alex.
361) Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
362) COME ON AND SLAM
363) IF I GO OUT IT'S GOING TO BE BY FEAR TOXIN NOT SOME ORANGE CHEETO MAN
364) okay but have you seen trump's caterpillar
365) Killer croc is awesome
366) PROFESSOR CRANE MY KING (emojis removed)
367) LET RALPH HAVE HIS PEN 2k16
368) Let scarecrow have his classic origin in rebirth 2016
369) Let Jon have a scythe again 2k16
370) Hannah is still Clayface, BEWARE
371) Ban Lindsey 5ever
372) #LetIvySing2k16
373) Harvey Dent: Matchmaker Extraordinaire. :D
374) Our Lord and Saviour Jonathan Crane can handle trashy students. Unfortunately, Thomas Elliot is a SUPER trashy student
375) Ferret Lord Jonathan Crane 2k16
376) Jon is no longer ferret lord worthy
377) Make Crane love ferrets 2k16
378) Slenderman Only Fears Jonathan Crane
379) Me, banging my cooking pots outside of DC headquarters: LET FEMALE VILLAINS BE VILLAINOUS
380) CONFIRMED
381) Promote the garbage man to garbage boss
382) Everything Changed When the Boop Nation Attacked
383) Blessed by the spoopy presence of detective
384) ProtectIkky2k16
385) rip doctor spooky
386) DON'T HATE ON OTHERS BECAUSE YOU MADE A POOR GUESS
387) RIP HANNAH
388) Trigonometry more like trigoNOmetry
389) Mother Nature can take her frozen tears and throw them into the sun
390) A Rainbow of Bullshit
391) Ames deserves better 2k16
392) Bolton confirmed republican
393) Dollar Store Bane
394) Indy still needs to fight me in the pit
395) Ames V Indy: FIGHT ACROSS CANADA
396) Here I go, here I go, here I go again! Gotham, What's my weakness? Riddles!
397) fuck you
398) The power of puns compels you!
399) i've ascended good and evil fuck you all
400) Lego my fuckin eggo
401) Leo's corner
402) CONFIRMED
403) NOT CONFIRMED
404) C ON F I R M E D
405) DOUBLE C ON F I R M E D
406) DOUBLE C O N F I R M E D
407) FIGHTFIGHT
408) The coin says you're a punk-ass bitch -Harvey Dent, 2016
409) Becky deserves better 2k16
410) Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow
411) Who wants to date this Riddle Cutie?
412) DO YOUR HOMEWORK, TEAM LAZARUS
413) Eddie, you're one clever S.O.B.
414) Codot is the Spanish Inquisition
415) Home work more like n o.
416) FEARBREEZE
417) Gotta go spray the room with my fearbreeze
418) Why is Codot ass deep in medical notes?
419) codoot did the noot noot
420) Leo & Codot Sitting in a Tree…
421) Team Lazarus > Codot
422) eam Lazarus = Codot
423) ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
424) Leo is pretty cool
425) Hickory Dickory Doc
426) You can't just marry everyone Pyro
427) Jervis is a weeb, Edward is a weeb, hell, we're all weebs
428) “Retreat, retreat! It’s all a part of my cunning plan, really!”
429) #LetEdwardPlayPiano2k16
430) Im gonna name my mimikkyu "Eddie" because they both just want to be loved
431) Professional Chicken Holder
432) _removed conversation name_
433) http://lankybrunettepartdeux.tumblr.com/private/153587955220/tumblr_oh4qhizCiE1u7xkfs
434) (turkey) (turkey) (turkey)
435) #codootdoot
436) Jon didn't do anything wrong
437) Jon did a lot fo things wrong but not all of them
438) Riddler does not get drunk, children. The Riddler just has fun.
439) STUCK IN THE FEAR JEANS FOREVER
440) Fear Jeans
441) STUCK IN THE FEAR JEANS FOREVERZ
442) rankled
443) rankled fear jeans
444) WRITING IDEAS FUCK YEAH
445) They are all here...in the Twilight Zone *doo doo doo doo doo doo doo*
446) RIDDLER'S LABEL PEN RETURNS
447) Clayface is my hero
448) King COdot
449) King Codot
450)King Codootdoot
451) KINGshame Codoot
452) Tea Time w Hannah
453) Cake Wars
454) This chat title will now change every one minute
455) Hello mtv welcome to my crib *points at sinkhole in ground*
456) HUMPSUIT
457) END OF DAYS: A Telltale Games Series
458) "THANKS DAD" IM SCREAMINF
459) Jonathan Cr-EH-ne
460) TWO F-EH-CE
461) Memeobile, Codotcycle, and 2013 toyota corolla
462) FEED ME
463) what the frick frack paddywhack is this fucking cat
464) YOU'RE UNDER ARREST CUTIE
465) HANNAH'S SISTER CONFIRMS, HANNAH IS CLAYFACE
467) HANNAH IS THE ALPHA TWIN
468) HANNAH IS THE ALPHA TWIN
469) Hannah is Clayface, sister confirms
470) THE DAD MOM
471) s top with monarch i am tIRED
472) ikky licky his dicky
473) ikky licky his sTICKY NOTES JOKES
474) “jack call me jackie nashton”
475) KATIE WON THE HUNGER GAMES
476) SO PROUD OF LEO WINNING THE HUNGER GAMES
477) WAYLON DESERVES TO WIN THE HUNGRY GAMES
478) WAYLON WON THE HUNGER GAMES IN MY HEART
479) The coin says you're a punk ass bitch
480) KILLER COCK
481) hi diddle, cockzilla fucked my riddle
482) hi diddle diddle, cockzilla fucked my riddle
483) Ames and Indy official OTP
484) Codot dies from thirst
485) Indy dies from Programmer Dad Thirst
486) Gotham Thugs: The Musical!
487) This is discrimination against farmers and i have several pages of objections ranging from hatred on hay to blasphemy against my beans
488) Zsasz vs Zsasz Dad
489) Go to bed Sanna
490) Zsasz Vs the 21 other people in this chat pt 2
491) "We talked, we drowned people, we told our life stories!!!" -Emma 2016
492) Batman is judging you
493) Team Lazarus: Fire and friendship
494) CROC WITH PUPPIES
495) #Let DCCharactersHaveNiceThings2KForever
496) Almost 500 tittles
497) C'mon guys, we can make it! :D
498) My hotline isn't bling rn -Zsasz
499) Team Lazarus, blasting off again!
500) FIVE HUNDRED 500NER THAN EXPECTED
501) HAMBURGER MAN CONFIRMED TWO FACE
502) Codot is the oldest twin #Confirmed
503) Crane (singing and prepping a fear toxin injection): Granny got run over by a reindeer…
504) Crane (singing and prepping fear toxin): Granny got run over by a reindeer...
505) Batdad would like to have a word in the Batcave
506) endgame: edward kinkshaming jonathan for slapping his ass
507) CODOR
508) CODOR (Translation: "YOU SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP IN A CAGE WITHOUT A KEY!")
509) 2016: so bad the waynes might as well be murdered again
510) MITHRA MEOW
511) Knock Ivy and Jervis out with Dr. Spoop
512) HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL
513) AMES QUEEN OF KICKASS OCS
514) Hi my name is ethan darkness dementia raven cobblepot and i have peroxide blonde hair and blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me i look like dick grayson
515) RIP Jonathan Crane was fucking destroyed by Becky Albright
516) Tempting Fate
517) Pray 4 Leo
518) Pray That Leo’s Tablet Clears Customs
519) THE JELLO CUP STRIKES BACK
520) KING CODOT STRIKES AGAIN
521) Codot is a peach
522) time to shove a scythe up hIS ASS
523) Codot is a strange mutant adult child #Confirmed
524) LetRiddlerCry#2k16
525) The Riddler People Vs Codot
526) Codot's Cross-Ocean Speedo
527) We are assholes team lazarus
528) We are (assholes) team lazarus
529) Sarah's explosive flatulence
530) Codot the mediocre skype god
531) Codot the magnificent skype god
532) Riddler's Depressed Combat Bots
533) LetJonathanSayWhoopAss2k17
534) Give us the Red Hood/Rogues Kill Bill Joker hunt
535) Pray circle for Indy
536) SEXY LEXI LUTHOR
537) GOTHAM PRINCESS BRIDE GOTHAM PRINCESS BRIDE
538) Deathstroke the Strokedeath
539) Team Lazarus is breaking down, that's it. Nothing new here.
540) CODOT IS THE NUMBER ONE FOLKS
541) you got 2 leggies get walkin
542) WHERE'S MY MONEY YOU DIRTY BAGUETTE
543) LEO'S GOT A TABLET AGAIN
544) Leo and Ames: Defenders of the Gecko
545) Spoopy Birb
546) GIVE ME JESTER HARLEY OR GIVE ME DEATH
547) "I'll LEAF you to your thoughts."
548) because uncly Clayface is my friend
549) lizards are magic fuck you steve
550) Team Lazarus calls are magic
551) Happy Holidays ya memer
552) england sucks
553) MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS!!
554) well i just listened and my icy heart is now a furnace
555) Sad oclock is always on the horizon
556) Shine bright like dick graysons 90's suit
557) INDY MADE A PUNNY
558) CODOT RUINS CHRISTMAS 2016
559) CODOT RUINS BOXING DAY
560) FUCK 2016 SIDEWAYS WITH A CROWBAR
561) Death Titties
562) Codot's Pointy Death Titties
563) Indy was a Canadian before it was cool
564) ZSAZS PARLE LE FUCKING FRANÇAIS
565) CANADIAN DEATH MATCH
566) Is the sun a giant space heater
567) the fresh thane of scotland
568) Indy is a meme
569) FAREWELL 2016
570) Better step up your game the bis are your greatest hurdle
571) We are all sned
572) #LetEddiebe5'1 2k17
573) TOLS VS SMOLS 2K17
574) Dear Sylvester: Please don't kill clayface
575) Oops
576) Is that a challenge?
577) Purple Cauliflower is beautiful and should not be hated on 2k17
578) OSCAR ISAAC AS HARVEY DENT 2k17
579) MARK HAMILL MVP
580) KING DRURY MOTHMAN CONFIRMED
581) LEOOOOOOOOOOOOO
582) Ivy and the horrible baguette
583) Zsasz failed
584) #IBelieveInZsasz
585) Lep
586) EXPOSE ZSASZ 2K17
587) Tis I, the frenchiest fry
588) I will keep this title until Leo returns to symbolize how much I miss his absence
589) Riddler can't grow a beard so he just grows everything else instead
590) "Riddler can't grow a beard so he just grows everything else instead" - Indy, 01/13/2017
591) Operation: Leo Punches All The Riddlers
592) Operation: Leo Punches All The Riddlers, starting with Ames
593) YOOOOOU'RE HERE, THE FRENCHIEST FRY IS NEEEEAR,
594) ROGUES MUSICAL
595) "It's Gotham, reasonably wears spandex" -Hayden Ayala
596) SWEET SMELL OF SUCC
597) There's no 'I' in team but there is an 'I' in pizza
598) #IbelieveinHannah
599) Operation: "Fight Shitty Teachers" is underway
600) My brain is an intricate ecosystem which is on fire
601) DREAM TEAM MEME TEAM- RALPH, HAYDEN, AND AMIR
602) SYLVESTER SURPRISE
603) THERE'S A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND DEATH IN HIS EYES
604) CLUB PENGUIN
605) Sucant Dehydrogenase more like SUCCant dehydrogenase
606) George Orwell can fight me
607) Mr Freeze studies CRY-ogenics
608) CODOT'S A DORK
609) MONARCH THEATRE
610) The perfume is a lie
611) We're never going to make it to 1,000 names at this rate
612) WE CAN DAMN WELL TRY
613) An epic quest of name-changing begins
614) WE GOTTA
615) Forgive my memeing sins
616) Chat name that's the entirety of the Bee Movie script
617) Chat name that's- NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
618) the size of riddler size of riddler's mASSIVE EGO
620) his peen's much smaller than his ego
621) Team flirt with almost all mols and their bosses
622) HROO HRAA SECURED
623) LICKY
624) Reasonably Priced Sarcasm
625) Reasonably Priced Sarcasm (Roll back on that attitude)
636) Whomst'd've'lu'yaint'nt'ed'ies's'y'es'nt't're'ing'able'tic'ive'al'nt'ne'm'll'ble'al'ny'less'w'ck'k'ly'py'nd'idy'ety'st'ged'ful'ish'ng'my'ous
637) Explain your misery in terms of how much you hate chem and fuck yous
638) Crazy Quilt is our new mascot sorry jon
639) Ta-dah! Sard broken
640) Team Lazarus goes to McDonald's
641) (งಠ_ಠ)ง
642) YAINT
643) BLOCKED DELETED UNFOLLOWED
644) Hannan
645) Arkham's newest inmate: The Monarch Theater
646) Codot is a teasing bastard
647) THE MEMEWORM STRIKES
648) STOPHENCHMENBULLYING2K17
649) STOPHENCHMENBULLYING2K17 (ALSO STOPSNAKESNAMEDKATIE2K17)
650) TEAM LAZARUS IN A TRENCHCOAT
651) Zsasz is the meme snake
652) #TEAMLAZARUSFIGHTSTHEEDUCATIONALSYSTEM
653) #memesoutfotzsasz
654) In this house we appreciate Codot
655) AMES IS A CUTE, DISCUSS
656) BROWN IS A CUTE, DISCUSS
657) Team Lazarus is filled with cuties: Discuss
658) Eddie and Ozzie: BrOTP For Life
659) Beware the Ides of March.
660) -pation
661) What is human
662) #IBelieveInLeo
663) BUTTS, GEORGIA
664) YAY EMMA
665) fuckin ninja nibs
666) Schemer is Poison Ivy! Spread the word!!!
667) Spoopy Dorito
668) Professor Spoopy Dorito PhD-MD
669) SNES
670) WAYLON MY BOY
671) Time for Jon to be a Major Asshole™
672) We Are All Clayface
673) I want you and your windows xp level memes out of my h OUSE
674) GIVE ME ALL YOUR SNOW
675) All's fair in love and mario kart
676) Happy Ides of March
677) KLARION THE BITCH BOY
678) Do you wanna kink or the fic -Zsasz
679) Katie Unwittingly Interrupts Serious Time in the Chat With Stupid Link
680) Leo needs to go to the SHAME CUBE
681) Ames is a beautiful Canadian princess and I love her
682) Lemme just jot that down in my "Big List Of Manipulative Dick Moves For Jon To Make"
683) Zsasz, please do not fight the Penguin. For your own safety.
684) Zsasz, please do not fight the Penguin. For your own safety. -Amie, 2017
685) The Great Soprano-Alto War
686) We Do Not, Leo.
687) i aint capullo
688) leo is capullo
689) Leo's art is dank
690) either cannibal or gay -Leo 2k17
691) My what a guy that Baaaaaaane
692) dark katies blog show me the hidden memes
693) uncovers batman's chest, revealing dem nipples behold
694) Tobias Whale can eat from the bag of infinite dicks.
695) AMES IS A CUTE
696) Codot could be lured to his death by Ames
697) Ames, please just visit the poor man!
698) Ames will visit the poor man when she gets the motivation and chance
699) 👀
700) Ames is the dankest meme
701) Ames is banned from 1v1-ing people
702) Edward Nygma is Nerd: discuss
703) Like 'I just mixed meth with crack and a splash of heroin and drank the thing like it was water in a desert'
704) We are drowning in the bred. Lik the bred.
705) I refuse to get verbally frisky with myself
706) I refuse to get verbally frisky with myself -Codot, 2017
707) I Believe in Jonathan Crane
708) And the SAD RP AWARD goes to ... Slyv
709) And the SAD RP AWARD goes to ... Sylvester stallone
710) OUR LORD AND SAVIOR DORITO CRANE
711) Leo gonna roast clayface so hard clayface'll become pottery
712) 19v1 everyone in this chat v ames
713) Zsasz 👏 Did 👏 No 👏 Wrong
714) #StopZsaszBullying2K17 715) #StopZsaszBullying2K17 (katie is innocent)
716) #StopKatieBullying2K17
717) http://lankybrunettepartdeux.tumblr.com/post/158985611430/when-theres-trouble-who-you-gonna-call-not
718) when there's trouble, who you gonna call? not edward because he's probably there anyway
719) President OSWALD 2020
720) leo and codot sITTIN IN A TREE
721) UKK YSE CREATIVITEA
722) I pray at my altar of sluts
723) ames more like aMESS
724) ProtectAmes2k17
725) Leo's Career Pseudonym: Not Greg Capullo
726) You gotta keep up to date on all the hot Team Lazarus memes
727) #TeamCondimentKing
728) #TeamCrazyQuilt
729) #TeamKiteMan
730) #TeamEgghead
731) #TeamKillerMoth
732) #TeamKingCobra
733) #TeamKillerCroc
734) #TeamKingCodot
735) #TeamLazarus
736) E G G
737) PYRO'S PROFESSOR IS CRANE #CONFIRMED
738) ALL CANADIANS ARE VIPERS
739) ALL CANADIANS (except amy ofc what an angel) ARE VIPERS
740) ALL CANADIANS (specially amy ofc) ARE VIPERS
741) Go the fuck to sleep, Brown! - Samuel L. Jackson
742) Think on your sins Lindsey
743) aH FUCMED IP
744) Leo stop looking @ the skype group and go nap gdi
745) HANZO IS TITTY ARCHER MAN
746) AMES NO
747) "Birds have nipples!"
748) oswald: imma suck the ornithonipnops
749) Katie the cyberbully
750) Katie n the Heelies sounds like a great band name
751) Chungus Humongous
752) Draw me like one of your sexy Jim Gordon's
753) Someone cure Katie's thirst for Jim Gordon
754) Judge Leo is now in court
755) Let Leo use a british accent 2k17
756) AMES' EMBARASSING PAST
757) y'all'd've g'dabbed
758) Rip amy killed by leo 2k17
759) I never stop. I MUST NEVER STOP. -Codot 2k17
760) #IkkyProtectionSquad
761) Leo spreads fake informaion like butter 2k17
762) Scaring Ames 2k17
763) why do you son
764) special memes for special ppl
765) Team Lazarus: Obsessed with the Zsaszarus
766) Zsasz is the new young god confirmed
767) *record scratch* so you're probably wondering how i became a cult idol 768) The Riddler Who Can't Solve Riddles
769) M'AIDER Stranded Frisk
770) BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL
771) Ames, please explain WTF Canada is.
772) War of the heights
773) Little oyster
774) Amie has done nothing wrong.
775) #giveamescoffee2k17
776) Wow I can't believe Leo is the fucking pope
777) Wow I can't believe (amy) is the fucking pope
778) Wow can't believe Leo is actually Cthulhu
779) Leo should go to bed instead of eating doritos on a burger :):):)
780) Ames was an scene kid, discuss.
781) Believe in the nipple priest
782) Believe in the Nipple Priests
783) Clayface stop changing this without context or I will rip off your eye
784) Clayface stop changing this without context or I will rip off your eyelids
785) LONG LIVE THE NIPPLE PRIESTS
786) GO BACK TO BE POTTERY, CLAYFACE
787) Que sera sera, binch
788) Ikky is best birb
789) Everybody sue leo
790) I’ll fight you, strawman
791) There is a Strawman waiting in the sky
792) I <3 Amie
793) I LOVE ALPACA
794) I swim with dolphins at my own pace - Alpaca for president 2020
795) ames is a cute, confirmed
796) The things this chat makes me read
797) IM A CTUALLY CALLING THE RCMP
798) Jonathan and Oswald attend furrycon together
799) Jonathan, Oswald, and Selina attend furrycon together
800) hello my name is ebony darkness dementia raven way I have long black f
801) hello my name is ebony darkness dementia raven way I have long black fur and blood red eyes and i n'ya a lot
802) I can't believe Cluemaster is from Ames' town
803) Y'ALL'RE DIRTY SINNERS
804) ZSASZ WE'RE SORRY PLEASE COME BACK
805) Katie hecked up so badly we are gonna see a shitpost of the shitpost
806) KATIE IS PURE AND IS VOID OF LEO'S SIN
807) Leo is my confirmed memer in crime
808) PYGMALION MORE LIKE PYGMALINO
809) ames wants a trudeau body pillow, don't believe her lies
810) cant believe katie encourages leos bad habits smh dead 2 me
811) #GiveCraneAYellowRing2k17
812) Katie 4 president (of my ❤ if i have one)
813) ames secretly loves the pyg
814) MY QUEEN AMES
815) Are you a chouchou person or a moonmoon person
816) we are Bros or Foes no inbetween
817) Wow I can't believe the dirty baguette is responsible for Jon's Arkham asylum outfit
818) Leo is a snek #confirmed
819) HES A FILTHY FEAR BOY
820) I prefer my clowns without legs
821) Thou hath me shooketh
822) MIEF
823) A DEN OF MIEFS
824) When u gotta carve that pig bc bae is coming but u feed ur victims to ur pigs???? (Emojies removed bc they fucked with the document)
825) When bae says he didnt poison ur wine 😍😍😍❤❤❤❤👅👅👅👅👅👅✊✊✊✊💦💦💦💦💦
826)Can't believe Katie wants to marry Lucenzo Daddy-tino 😧😧😧
827) Katie just wants to live with Harvey Bullock and his cats, thank u very much
828) LET 👏 DADDY-TINO 👏 LIVE 👏
829) Katie cheated Luncenzo with Bullock and thats why Bullock is dead
830)Can't believe Bullock got decked my Katies THOT 😭😭😭😭
831) Can't believe Katies THOT tried to seduce Jonathan Crane via pork dinner and expensive wine 😭📞🚔🚔🚔🚔
832) i can't believe oswald cobblepot is taller than ames (insert a million emoji's here)
833) i can't believe oswald cobblepot is taller than ames 😭😭😭✊✊✊💦💦💦👅👅👅👀👀👀
834) Famemely of Meifs
835) Memebers of the Mief Famemely
836) EVERYTHING THREATENS TO GO TO SHIT...AGAIN
837) LET EDWARD NYGMA HAVE A THICC BOOTY 2K17
838) RIDDLER HAS NO BUTT
839) ur'e
840) B O I
841) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..
842) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're 👏gonna👏 take👏 him 👏up👏. Really? 👏Feeling..
843) CRASHIN MY SKYPE YA GODLESS HEATHEN
844) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..
845) NOOOOOOOO
846) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..
847) IM PUTTIN MY FOOT DOWN
848) According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign..
849) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
850) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1Think it's in there? MAN2All right. Let's get it! MAN1Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREKYes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MENNo! SHREKThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREKThis is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAYThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARDAll right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARDNext! GUARD(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARDThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARDGet up! Come on! HEAD GUARDTwenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR(crying) This cage is too small. DONKEYPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMANOh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEYOh! HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got? GIPETTOThis little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIOI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARDFive shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIOFather, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got? OLD WOMANWell, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARDRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMANOh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARDWell? OLD WOMANOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARDThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMANNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARDGet her out of my sight. OLD WOMANNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEYHey! I can fly! PETER PANHe can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGSHe can fly! HEAD GUARDHe can talk! DONKEYHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARDSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDSHe's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARDYou there. Ogre! SHREKAye? HEAD GUARDBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREKOh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEYCan I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREKAre you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEYYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREKOh, that's great. Really. DONKEYMan, it's good to be free. �� SHREKNow, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEYBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly..
851) SCREAMS OUT OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
852) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1Think it's in there? MAN2All right. Let's get it! MAN1Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREKYes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MENNo! SHREKThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREKThis is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAYThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARDAll right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARDNext! GUARD(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARDThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARDGet up! Come on! HEAD GUARDTwenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR(crying) This cage is too small. DONKEYPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMANOh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEYOh! HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got? GIPETTOThis little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIOI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARDFive shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIOFather, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got? OLD WOMANWell, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARDRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMANOh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARDWell? OLD WOMANOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARDThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMANNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARDGet her out of my sight. OLD WOMANNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEYHey! I can fly! PETER PANHe can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGSHe can fly! HEAD GUARDHe can talk! DONKEYHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARDSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDSHe's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARDYou there. Ogre! SHREKAye? HEAD GUARDBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREKOh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEYCan I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREKAre you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEYYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREKOh, that's great. Really. DONKEYMan, it's good to be free. SHREKNow, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEYBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly.." ***
853) jESUS CHRIST ON A CROSS
854) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1Think it's in there? MAN2All right. Let's get it! MAN1Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREKYes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MENNo! SHREKThey'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREKThis is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAYThere is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARDAll right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARDNext! GUARD(taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARDThat's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARDGet up! Come on! HEAD GUARDTwenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR(crying) This cage is too small. DONKEYPlease, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMANOh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEYOh! HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got? GIPETTOThis little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIOI'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARDFive shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIOFather, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARDNext! What have you got? OLD WOMANWell, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARDRight. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMANOh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARDWell? OLD WOMANOh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARDThat's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMANNo, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARDGet her out of my sight. OLD WOMANNo, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEYHey! I can fly! PETER PANHe can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGSHe can fly! HEAD GUARDHe can talk! DONKEYHa, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARDSeize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDSHe's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARDYou there. Ogre! SHREKAye? HEAD GUARDBy the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREKOh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEYCan I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREKAre you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEYYes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREKOh, that's great. Really. DONKEYMan, it's good to be free. SHREKNow, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEYBut, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly..
855) CHAOS IS THE NATURAL STATE OF THE UNIVERSE
856) hannah is ruining amys meme
857) AMES I RUINING BROWN'S GOOGLE DOC
858) Ames how the fuck did I miss that script mess how dare you not keep it
859) my professor is jonathan crane aND I ASKED HIM TO TEACH PSYCHOLOGY NEXT WEEK I HOPE I DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE -pyro sea
860) "It's like a cape, but for my legs!" -Hannah, talking about her skirt
861) "You can't just quote me on everything!" -Lexi, 2017
862) 2472
863) canya pawnya yer anya
864) ames is a babe, confirmed
865) Schemer confirmed Two-Face
866) Disco Crane will haunt your dreams
867) Some Katies just want to watch the world burn
868) Schemer is a pure bean
869) Rip Jervi Colony 2k17
870) Dark Leo show us the forbidden pimp oswald
871) COTTON EYE JONNO
872) sameo leo - Ames, definitely
873) S K I N R I M
874) Team Lazarus; The Support group that came out of nowhere
875) Team Lazarus; Support Group
876) Lame Senior Pranks
877) why are cats meow so small
878) GET RIGGETY RIGGETY REKT, SPOOP LORD
879) Team Lazarus, Home of the Mysterious Cryptidrew
880) Green Man Yells at Drop Bears
881) #freethetiddy
882) YELLOW LANTERN DISCO CRANE
883) HE SQUEAK
884) MOTHERFUCKING DUCKLINGS
885) One Gay Family
886) We Are All Shook
887) Everyones moving to Earth 24 to join the JLC sorry
888) LET ME ADOPT UR CATS BROWN OR @ LEAST TELL EM I LOVE EM
889) SEVEN NATION AMY
890) SPLOOTING
891) WHERE'S OS-WALDO
892) Avacado Bears
893) Avacado Bears or Thunder Whales
894) o canada, our home and native land, true patriot love, w fear gas in our hand
895) "It's tiptoe time bicth"
886) "Feels good feels organic"
887) Ralph The Hero We Need But Don't Deserve
888) Team Lazarus Team Mom
889) Ames, this is an intervention
890) When your alter ego calls you daddy 🤔🤔🤔🤔👅?👅?👀👀👀👀👊👊👊💦💦💦¿¿¿¿
891) KNOCK KNOC FUCKERS EGGHEAD IS HERE
892) PROTECT RIDDLER AT ALL COST
893) Episode 3 of Season 9 - Zsasz Accidentally Joins A Cult
894) sppok
895) FUCK FATHER
896) Team Dank Meh-mehs
897) Frying Pan Padre
898) frying pan pa
899) frying pan pad
900) frying pan padre
901) Running Start
902) Media Murderer
903) Nut of the Tree
904) Time to Kinkshame Canada
905) Team Lazarus Contemplate Dating
906) Eleka Nahmen Nahmen Ah Tum Ah Tum Eleka Nahmen
907) ILLUMINABEE CONFIRMED
908) dream daddy has ruined my life.
909) sure thing Brown
910) EGG BABE
911) Dorkham Asylum
912) Just Gods, being Bros
913) take a goddamn bath, Sylvester
914) no
915) the gang
916) "On April 19th, I made bread."
917) Leeroy Jyingkins
918) bllaahhhh
919) #ProtectFemaleCharactersInDraculaAndItsAdaptations2K17
920) And then we see Lindsey screaming because this is so fucking awesome
921) What the heckle deckle did you just diddly done say about me, you little nerd? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Meme Team, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on The Captor, and I have over 3 confirmed riddle solves. I am trained in online research and I’m the top blogger in the entire codot army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you clean out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my diddly words. You think you can get away with saying that lie to me over the Internet? Think again, meanie. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Team Lazarus and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your riddleS. You’re dead, Hush. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can out meme you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in internrt combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Google and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable hints off the face of the continent, you little twerp. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” kidnapping was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your undank memes.. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you snake. I will rain puns all over you and you will drown in it. You’re dead, you viper.
922) Y'ALL'RE KILLIN' MY POOR PHONE
923) Are we at tittle 1000 yet?
924) Plz watch young pope so i can talk abt it
925) *OFFENDED BAND KID NOISES*
926) *OFFENDED BAND KID NOISES AND CLARINET SQUEAKING*
927) *OFFENDED BAND KID NOISES AND CLARINET SQUEAKING AND SPIT VALVE GURGLING*
928) 'My room smells like fresh linens and Jesus' - My sister, 2k17
929)The question for some fucking Tim Hortons
930) The quest for some fucking Tim Hortons
931) Send a healer to Ames b4 she dies
932) Education Conversion Class
933) Shhhh he's sleeping
934) "Murder probably"
935) orf chumps
936) orc chumps
937) Protect the Orcs, their doing their best
938) Protect the Orc chumps, their doing their best
939) Protect the Orc chumps, they're doing their best
940) Team Lazarus; The Fellowship of the Riddle
941) awkward potato club
942) WORSHIP HIM FOOLS
943) Puzzle Me Like One of You French Boys
944) Puzzle Me Like One of Your French Boys
945) Make Amy the Wine Aunt 2k17
946) The Homeowners Guide to Homicide by Zsasz
947) Fre Sha Vaca Drew
948) all i want is pizza and tea
949) diggy dig
950) rip NON's teeth
951) IT's thE FINAL COUNTDOWNNN
952) Spooky Scary Kaitons
953) Aardvark v Anteater: Battle of the Cute
954) Compromise: Red Panda
955) WOOHOO YEAH EMMA LOOK AT THIS TALENTED BEAN
956) What the fuck are vampire laws?
957) AMES IS A CRYPTID BORN IN A FIELD
958) SHIA SURPRISE
959) TODAY NON WAS BORN
960) Everyone check put Emma's art!
961) Everyone check out Emma's art!
962) We all Love Ames
963) It's The Scarecrow, not The Grim Dino Bunny!!!
964) Let Jon be what he wnats 2k17
965) Jonathan can do better than reaping bunny dinosaur! 2k17
966) If Jonathan wants to be a reaping bunny dinosaur he can
967) Jonathan can't be both the God of Fear and a Reaping Bunny Raptor!
968) LET HIM DREAM
969) THIS AIN'T A DREAM!!!
970) Remember! Reality's an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold!
971) Let's make it 9 closer, shall we!
972) 👀👀👀👀
973) Teacher Ames
974) Hello darkness my old friend
975) 🙏🏼🙏🏼 Bless this mess 🙏🏼🙏🏼
976) Friskuella 4 lyfe
977) Young just ass
978) time for tea
979) Happy Spooptober!
980) Codot is back at it again 👀👀
981) It's October and shit's bout to go down, but I want to scream about DuckTales
982) Update: Ames is as cute as ever! 👌
983) Ames expands her meme kingdom
984) Ames the hallowmeme queen
985) Meme Queen Amemes
986) Jon and Sylv #goals 😍
987) T^T Emma fails Jervis - 10/6
988) Canada is a cult #confirmed
989) Nasty Boys™
990) Celery
991) World War Tea
992) Farmer Ames vs. Poison Ivy
993) Canada is already clean
994) Frisk, liberate us from the assignments
995) I snort the gas so I can pass
996) Brown breaks down over a deleted art folder but by magic gets it back
997) #GiveScarecrowHugs2k17
998) PLEASE SAVE AMY
999) How close are we, Sassy??
1000) Operation recover pom pom
1001) TEAM LAZARUS 1001 NAMES
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
2020 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them
The 92nd Oscars are here and it’s time yet again for all of us to lord over one year’s worth of millions of people’s passions with the certainty of a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (which ironically takes places one day later) and say aloud, “This art is and forever shall be known as better than that other art!”
Throw the notion that expression through the medium of film can exist simply to reflect a myriad of emotions and varied experiences right into the wind. We gotta know what that BEST art is, son!
So with mere hours left before Sunday’s spectacle, you’re probably asking yourself one question. “Brian, why do you keep doing this?” No, not that one. “Brian, Tumblr? Really? Does that still exist? Why don’t you spend the slightest amount of time to find a better medium for this?” No, not that one either. “But Brian, I haven’t actually watched any of these films. What am I going to do?!” Ah, now that’s the one. But fear not. I’ve got you covered. For the 6th time, I’m here to give you a rundown of what I think all of these movies are about without actually seeing them, along with some pithy little talking points to take into your Oscar parties to sound like a goddamn genius.
Ford V Ferrari
In this epic clash of man vs. nature set in the den of Harrison Ford’s summer home in Plano, Texas, the extremely hungry aging star has just had a large pie from Ferrari’s Pizzeria, located at 3949 Legacy Drive, delivered…and now it is time for battle. On the About Us section of their website, Ferrari’s Pizzeria makes a “promise to our customers to provide the best Italian food using recipes handed down from our Italian grandmothers.” Hold on to your Italian grandmothers, kids - that promise is about to be put to the test. (Yeah, it’s real.)
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
That cameo by Mater from Cars is really what pushed this film into Oscar contention.
Christian Bale's car in Ford V Ferrari is also an unwavering method actor and remained in character as a car for the entirety of production.
Who won? I'll give you a hint, in the long run, it was not the quality of life for the American working class!
The Irishman
In this gritty thriller, Lucky the Leprechaun’s father, Frank Leprechaun, an immigrant who worked as a farrier making horseshoes in Ireland before coming to America, wishes on a shooting star for a way to make a better life for his family. He finds that chance by doing hits for the mob and we see his first job take place under a pale moon, when he shoots a diamond store clerk in the heart, blood red ballooning out onto the green grass, like crimson and clover. Later, an aging Frank Leprechaun kills union leader Jimmy Hoffa and as he dies, he divulges the secret that Hoffa’s body is buried on a plantation in Lexington to Lucky. The young boy looks back and makes a firm promise to his dying father. “They’ll never get Kentucky farm.”
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
The de-aging technology used in The Irishman was so advanced that, while you can’t see it, De Niro's testicles are actually two inches higher in the first half of the movie.
The run time of the movie is 3 hours and 30 minutes which is also the average amount of time Netflix users scroll through options before deciding to just watch the same episode of The Office again.
In Ireland, this movie is known as The Man.
JoJo Rabbit
From M. Night Shyamalan comes the story of a scared young boy who claims to see Jewish people. While adults around him are trying very hard to see them too, it’s Adolf Hitler who helps the boy to overcome his fear and actually communicate with the Jews to understand them and realize that the reason that he can see them is because he can help them. And then at the end we realize that Hitler was actually a Jew himself THE WHOLE TIME!
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
I thought it was just a bit on the nose that Taika Waititi chose to have JoJo sing her hit “Leave (Get Out)” at all the Nazis during the Allied occupation of Germany.
While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to cut Sam Rockwell’s hair in a bathtub.
Of all the nominated films, when it comes to winning Best Picture, this is…Nazi one! (Cough. Look around. Place your drink on the table. Slowly collect your coat, walk to the door, pause as if to turn, sigh, leave.)
Joker
It’s 1964 and Cesar Romero has established himself as a force in Hollywood. A multi-talented performer and veteran of WWII, Romero has amassed an impressive body of work playing roles as a versatile character actor, when he gets a call from his agent.
Agent: Cesar, I’ve got something that I think you’d be perfect for.
Cesar Romero: Is it a complex villain in a new Western? A dark turn as a gangster in a noir? A comedic foil in a Sinatra vehicle?
Agent: No. Better.
Cesar Romero: What is it?
Agent: Get this. An evil clown Batman nemesis…on TV!
(Silence.)
Cesar Romero: Um.
Agent: You’ll be kind of like a sidekick to Burgess Meredith! And guess what he is?
Cesar Romero: (Deep breath.) What is he?
Agent: Like a half-man, half-penguin sort of thing…I think. But he’s also evil! Oh, and you’ll also get to star alongside Julie Newmar!
Cesar Romero: Oh, well that may have legs. So, do we have a “will they, won’t they” dynamic?
Agent: Not at all! But she is evil too. And also part cat!
Cesar Romero: I do not understand any of what you are saying.
Agent: And it’s got Frank Gorshin!
Cesar Romero: And what is he? Let me guess. Like an evil frog person?
Agent: No, no! He’s The Riddler. It’s sort of the same exact deal as your character, only he doesn’t wear any makeup. Isn’t this wonderful?!
Cesar Romero: (Pause.) You have to be joking.
Agent: No, Cesar. YOU have…to be joking.
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
We still have a little bit of time for Joaquin Phoenix to die and win a posthumous Oscar for this role and keep with tradition. Then in 11 more years, a woman will win Best Supporting Actress for playing the Joker role and then in another 11 years the actual Joker will direct Joe Kerr in a reboot co-starring the Impractical Jokers…and win an Oscar.
I found the end scene touching when Arthur’s wife delivers his child and asks, “Arthur, what do you want to name your son?” And he replies, “Béla.”
Todd Phillips only made this big flashy blockbuster for the studio so that they’d let him do his deeply personal, intimate art house project, The Hangover IV.
Little Women
In a fresh take on a movie that I think is about some nuns living in a cottage during, fuck, I dunno like 1845? 1912? Aught 5? but there’s like a mean one, and a smart-and-sort-of-pretty-but-not-too-pretty one, and they probably have a dog, oh and a horse, and they have fights about vying for the love of the same boy they grew up with who is now some hot stud with poofy hair and poofy shirts and a nasally British accent, oh and there’s 2-3 other sisters that really just serve to further the main sister’s plot, and there is like fucking grass everywhere and how is all that grass not staining the shit out of those long flowy dresses that they always wear on their farm – or is it a glen? can you live ON a glen? – but later the guy marries the right one and he’s a strong man but is totally cool with her writing about some bullshit about being like a female doctor pioneer or something – oh and she’s wearing a straw hat with like a ribbon that’s always flapping the fuck around behind her – I forgot also that they only have one parent, the other is definitely dead and that comes up a little too often, and my mom and two sisters have to have tissues near the goddamn couch while they watch this seemingly 14 hour fucking miniseries or movie or Hallmark marathon because even though each of them could goddamn recite the dialogue from memory they still cry every…single…time…and OH MY GOD, CAN THIS ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, SOUND OF MUSIC, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE OR WHATEVER THIS GIRL STUFF IS PLEASE BE OVER SO I CAN HAVE THE LIVING ROOM TV BACK TO WATCH BOY STUFF!
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
Not many people know this fact but on her death bed, Louisa May Alcott’s final request was that if a woman ever directed a film adaptation of Little Women they would absolutely under no circumstances be nominated for a Best Director Oscar. So, really, that’s on her.
To ants, these are very big women.
Alan Dershowitz and Prince Andrew's favorite film.
Marriage Story
Dr. Ellie Sattler has established her second career as a divorce attorney after years as a paleobotanist and now fights so that “woman inherits the earth”...or at least gets primary custody and more than half of the assets.
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
The roommates of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig have become increasingly annoyed listening to several minutes of the two repeating, “No I hope YOU are recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with the Academy Award for Best Picture…and hang up first,” before ending their long phone calls every night.
While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to hide Robert Smigel in the attic.
Variety reports that a remake of Marriage Story is now slated for fall of 2026 with Colin Jost in the role originated by Adam Driver in a version of the story that will be produced by real life.
1917
The seventh and final installment of the 1910's saga follows the previous successful box office hits 1911: The First One, 1912: Now There's Two, 1913: Why Not Three, 1914: Get It? Years Are Sequential. That’s Really All This Joke Is, 1915: This Is The Fifth One (But Fourth Sequel), and 1916: 19 Fast 16 Furious.
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
Originally, the movie was supposed to have a ton of cuts between scenes but after saying, ���Action,” a producer whispered to Sam Mendes that they only had budget left for one single take after hiring every single recognizable British actor still alive – so Mendes started screaming, “Run! You there, start shooting at them. Keep rolling! Keep running! Jump down that waterfall! Let’s go, people, keep up! Hide in those trees now! Oh look, more bad guys! Pew pew! Duck! Run over that way! Do not…stop…shooting!”
If this movie was called 2017, Colin Firth would have just pulled out his Samsung Galaxy Note 8 and texted, “Call off attack,” with a GIF of Admiral Ackbar saying, “It’s A Trap!” Then, mere seconds later he would have received, “lol k thx”.
1917 earned Benedict Cumberbatch a nomination for “Most Distressingly Off-putting Mustache”.
Once Upon A Time In Hollywood
Once Upon A Time In Hollywood harkens back to a time long, long, long ago in Hollywood's history when the majority of top actors were white, the majority of directors were old men and individual parts of women's bodies were oddly objectified and sexualized. We’ve come so far since then!
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
Please don’t ruin the fun and let Brad Pitt know that a movie was actually being filmed around him from June to November 2018.
I didn’t think the film was particularly that great but every single person I know who lives in L.A. and is either in or adjacent to the entertainment industry corrected me that it actually is.
Oh, I’m sorry – I think you’re in the wrong place. This is the once upon a time where a man is burned alive with a blowtorch. If you’re looking for the once upon a time where a man’s eyes are drilled out of his face, well then, pal, you’re gonna want to go to Mexico.
Parasite
Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally put a Best For'n Language Film here at the end of this list of the best ‘Murican films.
3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:
Parasite was, by far, the best movie I read this year!
나는 기생충을 진심으로 감사 할 수 있도록 한국어를 배웠습니다.
Bong Joon-ho's Parasite might leave you asking who are the real bottom feeders in the black comedy about social structures. There's plenty of food for thought as this picture is deeper than than what it may seem like on the surface…is the word-for-word review from Rotten Tomatoes Super Reviewer Aldo G that I just read to you out loud after pulling it up on my phone here.
0 notes
Text
Tagged by @enygmass WHY AM I CONTRACTUALLY BOUND TO THIS (thank you tho that was surprising)
Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.
1. Nicknames: Vogel, JON, CLARK, Hush, Volatile, Marianne- OH one of my friend calls me Mawrimou and it’s utterly ridiculous (I think it’s the genuine first nickname I’ve ever been given so I’m keeping it, it’s ok he has an equally terrible nickname as well)
2. Gender: Dreadful
3. Star sign: Pisces
4. Height: 5′6″
5. Time: 23:58
6. Birthday: 16th March, 1994
7. Favourite Bands: Saint Motel, Oingo Boingo, Timber Timbre, Panic! at the disco, MCR(best for catharsis), The Hoosiers, Lemon Demon, Shakey Graves, Radiohead, Vitalics, Siames, Mystery Skulls, Caravan Palace, Diablo Swing Orchestra, Bon Iver, Sleep Party People
8. Favourite solo artists: mmmmmmm David Bowie, Tom Lehrer, Bruno Mars, Arianna Grande, Nicki Minaj, Lorde, Tim Curry(<3), Beth Ditto, NEIL CICIEREGA, Hawksley Workman
9. Song stuck in my head: I blame this one entirely on Quinn
10. Last movie I watched: RRRRRRRRRRROCK OF AGES
11. Last show I watched: buzzfeed on my phone
12. When did I create my blog: I don’t remember but it had to be close to April 2013
13. What do I Post/Reblog: Man I’m just here for a laugh. Lately either shitposts or DC stuff. and embarrassing stories about myself
14. Last Thing I Googled: "gif blinking man”
15. Other Blogs: That thing, also a few... inactive rp blogs...
16. Do I get asks: Not really? once in a blue moon. And then it turns out to be a bot.
17. Why I Chose My URL: It’s literally “Midnight Songbird/Songstress”, Which I am
18. Following: 163
19. Followers: 355
20. Average Hours of Sleep: 👀 There is the ongoing rumor that I don’t sleep, which is false. Even immortals sleep.
21. Lucky number: 1, 3, 5, 7, 21 (in that order)
22. Instruments: Classical Singing, very basic piano, ok clarinet, I whistle like a champ you hear someone whistle loud as heck in a crowd that is either me or my dad. (you hear a pretty haunting tune in the night it’s either me or my mom)
23. What am I wearing: a TSR t-shirt from my time working there, basically pjm.
24. Dream job: I’M HERE FOR A LAUGH
25. Dream Trip: I’ve been to a few places before, though it would be nice to go either to Ireland or Bavaria, meet the extended relatives.
26. Favourite Food: Anything sweet-tasting. Buy me food and I will adore you.
27. Nationality: My dad is from Bavaria and my mom is french-canadian of irish descent. So you know, Quebec.
28. Favourite Song RIGHT NOW: Sweet Talk by Saint Motel
29. Last Book Read: "Le Jazz vu de l’intérieur” for one of my classes (I SHOULD be studying for that)
30. Top Three Fictional Universes You’d Want to Join: hmmmmm. The ones I WOULD want to be part of, definitively Harry Potter, I wouldn’t mind joining DC if Neil Gaiman wrote me as a main character (don’t let Alan Moore touch me, he’s the Freud of DC comics), and... idk. Pokemon maybe.
Tagging? (I’m so sorry guys) @harveydont @hermannco @canadian-riddler @colorcitosofdooom @acapelladitty @charlimanderdragon @wikiwhale @northerngrail @sparklesmaug (idk who else to link but also feel free to ignore this if you’ve already done it or if you’re not really into those kind of posts)
#daily#do I have to tag all these people#eh you guys do as you wish#about me#I never get tag on those kind of posts
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
30+ Funny Tinder Bios That Will Crack You Up
When writing a bio on Tinder, there are many ways to catch somebody’s attention, but being funny is of the best among them. Marilyn Monroe said, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” I think that line goes for most people.
While Tinder is full of unfunny and unoriginal bios left and right, there are still quite a few gems. Here’s a list of over 30 funny tinder bios that will inspire you to spruce up your own profile.
I like my men like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer.
I like sticking my hands in towels. And I like smelling books.
I’m looking for a guy who is really trusting and healthy! You must have both kidneys, non smoker, and not be a big drinker or take any drugs that could damage the liver…Type O negative blood a plus! ESFP
Shit, I’d date me.
I feel as out of place on tinder as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
I take hot showers because I like practicing burning in hell.
I don’t have Ebola.
My ideal date? I pick you up in my car, and there’s candles gently licking the air on the dashboard ‘Rich, there’s candles on the dashboard’, I smile. ‘Yeah, I know.’ We take a drive, go to a restaurant, have a wonderful meal and talk about life, goals, and ideals. As we leave, you notice my car is ablaze. ‘Rich, your car is on fire!’. ‘It’s okay – it’s not mine’ – at which point I pull out marshmallows. We cook them & eat them. Then I kiss you passionately. In front of the burning car.
Let’s be honest I’m on Tinder and my first picture is of me in a bikini, I’m not looking for a relationship or a friend.
All men are pigs and I’m in the mood for bacon.
I do stuff, I also do things.
Roses are red, bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon.
Hello Ladies, Look at the last guy you matched, now back to me, now back to the last guy you matched, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped leaving his bio blank, and had better pictures, he could be like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on Tinder with the man of your dreams. What’s in your hand, back to me. I have it. It’s a pizza with your favourite toppings on it. Look again, the Pizza is now your favourite dog. Anything’s possible when you match me on Tinder.
I’m the kinda guy you can take home to meet your mom. She’ll think I’m super funny, and charming..and cute, but actually kind of sexy at the same time? She falls in love with me. I..think I feel the same way. We get married. I’m your dad now. I confront you, ‘young lady why are you on Tinder?’ You are now grounded.
Grandfather seeking companion for granddaughter. She suffers from poor choices.
Went to a party dressed as an egg, and got with a guy who was dressed as a chicken. A life long question was answered that night. It was the chicken…
Runner up for Time’s ‘Sexiest IT Man Alive’. Once rescued a fireman and a puppy from a burning building. And after mastering French, I became an international super spy. Right now, I’m sailing across the Pacific, stealing top-secret information, and sipping Moscow Mules…shaken, not stirred. Okay, okay. Perhaps I exaggerated *just* a tad. But I can fix your laptop, and puppies love me. Message me for more straight talk, and I’ll send you FB links, delicious cocktail recipes, and MUCH more.”
Threesome? No thanks…if I want to disappoint two people in the same room, I’d have dinner with my parents.
I accidentally (purposely) changed my name to Jeb Bush on Facebook in a 2AM burst of inspiration, not realizing you can’t change it for 60 days, so if that doesn’t tell you enough about me as a person then I don’t know what to tell you
I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
Two reasons to date me:
Because you’d be the good looking one
Please
My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home.
Professional Eugoogoolizer at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.
Aye wassup, I’m Clint, I like to take girls out for a massive plate of barbecue ribs on a first date. I judge them according to how many and how aggressively they consume them. Whoever defeats me in this porcine endeavor shall become my warrior bride. My Boudicca. I’ll set nations ablaze at her feet just to watch the flames dance in her eyes. Our love will be beautiful in its violence as a tempest hits the Bering Strait, and should it die; it dies as it began with a mount of bones between us.
I hope you like alpha males because I’m your guy. That’s right, I’m the whole package. I’ll defend your honor in public, won’t take shit from waiters, and I’ll even get you pregnant, leave, and then come back to eat the child.
I’m the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are and we’ll slowly phase you out.
I’m on tinder to make friends the same way I’m on Pornhub to see the plumber repair the sink.
I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realize I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy’s parking lot.
Don’t swipe right, just on here to catch my lying boyfriend.
Hey honey! If you’re seeing this its over youre caught. Oh another thing that girl Brittney youre seeing sunday at 7pm in charlottesville to catch a movie. She has showed me everything. Were besties now bye loser!
I’m look for a girl who is super mean. She also has to be really clingy and jealous. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for da bootyliciousness. In my free time I like to take off my shirt and take selfies. I’m super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and twizzlers. We’re a twizzler family, red vines have no place in my home. I work nights fighting crime. I’m not saying I’m Batman, but I am saying no one has seen the Riddler in Austin Texas.
Carolina V 2.0 Tinder Edition Updates -minor bug fixes -improved selection algorithm -new pictures (bikini pic added) -performance enhancements: summer tan -multilingual support
Actually several thousand years old idk why it says 21 lol Downside: I’ve only been nailed once Upside: I would die for you, so you know I’m committed… Also my dad is a pretty big deal. He always beats me in dreidel Swipe right if you need some Jesus in you.
I’m on here because I’m trying to date your dad.
The post 30+ Funny Tinder Bios That Will Crack You Up appeared first on The Date Mix.
from Meet Positives SMFeed 8 https://ift.tt/2Q7vy5x via IFTTT
0 notes