#i am giving u a biiiig hug!!!!

[inkykeiji]

you dont have to reply to this if this is too personal a question! but would you consider your childhood + upbringing more toxic than others? my dad also has addictions along with a mental health diagnoses and its hard to talk about it to people, even my friends, who think addiction is like the show Euphoria (this show on hbo) but like some parts of youre writing is like a mirror image of situations ive been in with my family! it just feels real reading your stuff in an amazing way

tw: trauma + clari overshares!

absolutely, 100%. my father was and still is extremely abusive on top of all of his other issues, and my mother also has a severe mental illness. my house was constant turmoil and i used to cry when the school day would end because i didn’t want to go home. it was extremely unstable and i grew up walking on eggshells trying not to trigger one or both of my parents, as well as acted as an emotional punching bag often. i had to do things and witness things no child should ever have to go through, and i cannot express to you how utterly alone i felt, growing up in a small town where it seemed as though everyone else had these wonderful home lives and loving parents and just an overall great childhood. none of my friends understood anything and for a long time, when i was very young, i couldn’t figure out why everything was so much worse at my house than it was for anyone else around me.

so i totally and completely understand where you’re coming from. it’s really rough and it feels incredibly isolating. even now, i don’t have any in real life friends who can understand even in the slightest what i had to go through as a child, and while they’re fantastic listeners and so sweet and so sympathetic, they cannot and will never get it (and i’m glad about that obv! i’d never wish what i went through as a kid on anyone). please know that you are not at all alone in feeling like no one else can truly understand.

i’m so happy and so grateful that i have this little community where i can share some of my work and provide comfort or catharsis or whatever they need etc for people like me, whether they experienced trauma as children or as adults or both. that’s so so special to me and it genuinely means the whole world to me <3 it makes me feel less alone and it brings me a ton of comfort!! so thank you for sharing this with me!!! i’m so sorry you’ve had to go through similar experiences :(( we did and do deserve so so so much better.

i am sending you bunches and bunches of love anon!!! <333 please take good care of yourself <3

[wri0thesley]

Giving you all the pats!! You are not a content machine and I love seeing your posts on my dash regardless of whether they are fics or not! 🖤

Sending you a biiiig hug and lot of love! 🖤

i am taking ur hug and this tubby little cat and i am squishing it SO hard. thank u loni i love n care about u!!! <3333

[saetoshis]

Moshi! Darling! I miss you!! How have you been?

OH YKFKAKAAKA HELLO MY SWEET THING ! i am so excited to see u in my notifs again 🥲🥲 ive missed u !! HOW ARE U !! im doin okay the best i can !! I WILL GIVE U BIIIIG SNUGGLES N HUGS

[ye-xiu]

my alloved whomstve I adore with my whole entire heart I love you so much happy birthday thank u for being born and thank u always for being here alive at the same time !!! you’re everything I hope your day is going so well and u remember to come on when it’s over so I can give u a biiiig birthday kithy !!!

my bewoved aweks !!! this message is so wonderful and i am cherishing every word of it. seeing you always share your joy and being so genuine makes me always want to do the same, even if just in this space, and it’s always so much better to have people who are a little like yourself around while still helping you learn and love new things. you are a gem, thanks for making last year so much better !!! i love you i am hugging you virtually 💖💘💞💕

[cancerbiophd]

hey julia, im really sad because after a year or so of writing for a published paper, the prof analyzing the data found an inconsistency in my database and when he fixed it the new results he got changed the outline of our paper in a big way. i'm still getting primary authorship because i did all the data collecting and initial writing, but pretty much all i wrote is gonna have to be scrapped :( i was really proud of what i wrote and having it go through editing because it was mine (1/2)

(2/2)I feel so disappointed with everything though and i know it’s my first ever real writing experience but i was hoping it would work out a bit better :c im still gonna have access to see how the paper evolves and be invited to the talks about it, but it just isn’t mine anymore and i kind of feel like i failed, i was banking on this paper to apply for grad school because being published gives me an edge but it doesn’t feel like its my work anymore :( what do u do when u have a sad science day?

Oh maria /biiiig hug/ i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed because i know it’s tough to watch something you’ve worked so hard on get scrapped like that. but you know what? you’re tougher! and i know you’ll get through this. 

Firstly, give yourself a warm hug for completing the monumental task that is writing a manuscript, regardless of what ended up happening. Finishing something so challenging is not trivial! And you know what, all those experience points you gained by going through this journey are yours to keep. So when it comes to writing another manuscript in grad school, you’ll know exactly what to do! And that’s pretty great, yeah?

Secondly, I know you feel bad, and that’s ok, but I want to slip a note into your thoughts that you have not failed, my friend. You have not failed. Mistakes happen, even to seasoned professionals, because mistakes are a part of life. I guarantee you that every single research lab in existence right now (and have existed) has had to go back to square one or two and start over at some point. And they did, and fixed what needed to be fixed, and then carried on to do great things. Sometimes you gotta erase what’s already on the paper to make room for something more beautiful. 

If you feel this paper doesn’t feel like your baby anymore, that’s ok. I totally understand why you would feel that way, and if squishing and squeezing your emotions into accepting the paper like it was before is adding to the bad feels, then you don’t have to. You can just focus on and own the black and white facts of the paper: the experimental design, the science behind the data, the major conclusions, the impact on society, etc. There doesn’t have to be an emotional attachment to go with it if you don’t want to. 

And you know what, the changes to this paper doesn’t change who you are. Maria: you are still the smart, funny, caring, kind, and passionate person that I’ve gotten to know you as. You’re still the awesome person who took the time to put together the most in-depth and hilaaarious powerpoint of fish and fauna to see while snorkeling in the Bahamas for me. You’re still the brilliant marine biologist who has a (really impressive!) CV that 100% reflects your passion and commitment to your work. You’re still a person who will leave the world a better place, and I know this because you’ve already made my world a better place. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. 

I hope you’re starting to feel better now :) If not, here are some things I do if I have a Bad Science Day:

Cry it out. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes after a good cry. So sometimes if I feel like I’ve been holding back, I exhale softly and let it all out. It doesn’t solve anything, I know, but I do feel a teeny bit better and a teeny bit more whole. 

Write it out. Something I’ve learned about myself is that my brain tends to over-exaggerate things when it’s just swirling thoughts. But when I write it out and everything gets organized, it turns out things aren’t so bad after all. So give it a go, either in a word doc, an actual journal, or even a tumblr post (that you don’t have to publish, of course). 

Talk it out. Related, going on a verbal rant (or even written rant to someone) helps in a similar way. Even if it’s in private to my favorite stuffed animal or a pet. Just anything to get the thoughts out!

Listen to “comfort” music. I have a playlist of my all-time favorite songs and I listen to it on the drive home and I always feel a lil better. It’s hard to not feel a little happy and carefree when your favorite jam comes on. 

Sleep it off. Sometimes all I need is a good night’s sleep (or even a nap) to clear my head. Also I love sleeping, so it always feels good no matter what. 

Do something comforting. Anything to release those sweet sweet endorphins. My ideas of comforting routines are: eating whatever I’m craving at the moment, watching a favorite TV show or movie (usually something I’ve already seen), curling up with a good book or magazine, scrolling through Tumblr, doing my nails, hugging my dog and/or husband until I feel better, and walking around Homegoods, my favorite store (I’d honestly live there if I could). Doing these things also helps in that it takes my mind off whatever’s bothering me, even temporarily. 

Give myself a pep talk. Ok, oddly enough, the pep-talk-voice in my head is Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know how it manifested as him, but when he’s not yelling at chefs to get their shit together, he has a really encouraging and soothing voice! Anyway, sometimes he sits me down and tells me that everything is going to be ok, and here’s what we do next alright? Just one step at a time ok? That’s it. Good job. Good job. 

Just keep working. Sometimes my Bad Science Day starts at 9 AM in the morning, or it’s just a continuous Bad Science Week/Month/Year. So I put those feelings on hold and just stick to my schedule and try to be as productive as I can. Because even if Experiment 1 didn’t work, Experiment 2 might, and if it does, I’ll feel a little better! And if Experiment 2 doesn’t work, well, at least I finished it, and I’ll still feel a little better! And in any case, my projects aren’t gonna do themselves, no matter how I feel. So in the wise words of Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

I talk to my PI. I’m super lucky to have an understanding PI, and I’ve talked to her about my frustrations on more than one occasion and she’s worked with me to come up with good solutions, or have said things to make me feel better. PIs are full of wisdom from experiencing their own fair share of Bad Science Days so they have lots of advice on how to feel better, such as looking at my results a different way so it goes form :( to :)

I let the passing of time lessen the hurt. Time doesn’t always heal, but it does make things that were terrible at the moment not so bad anymore. So if nothing else makes me feel better, at least I know “this too shall pass”. 

I hope this helps. I know things are ugh right now, but you’re going to be ok. And I’m here for you, ok? Feel free to reach out via chat or email. I would very much like to help you feel better

[kittiekitz]

This December, I am celebrating my 1st year anniversary as a JUMP fan. I have never felt anything like this for any artist ever in my life, let alone a group with 9 people in it. They are amazing. I probably have a hundred adjectives to describe JUMP but I can sum it up in one word: GRATEFUL.

I am grateful for their existence, for always bringing a smile to my face. Kind of cheesy yeah, but I love these boys very much it's stupid lol. I don't know, they just make me so happy ^_^ They're a lifeline I hold on to.. They keep me sane, and they drive me crazy too! But mostly, i am truly grateful because not only did I fall in love with these 9 people, i also met some of the best people in the world that I now call my dear friends...

To @luna-kis, thank you for your generosity and your thoughtfulness.. If we ever meet in person, i will give you biiiig hug! i love you!!

To @musicfeedsthesoul, for being one of the first JUMP centered blogs i followed... You were a constant source of joy and excitement when I was still new to the fandom.. thanks for tagging me when I was dying to see JUMP perform Give Me Love in concert during the Dear. release.. Love you! *huggles*

To @ryoosukeyamada fansub team, for being awesome and for sharing all your subbed content of JUMP.. thanks to your subbed VS嵐 episode featuring the Grasshopper cast, I came to know of a boy named Yamada Ryosuke who walks back and forth a tightrope like he does it everyday.. You guys are my savior! Love you all!

To the people who share my love for Keito and OkaJima: @camilla-89, @keito-okamoto, @keitygram, @gellai and @thegirl-u-left-behind, thank you for appreciating my craziness when it comes to anything Keito/Okajima related lol. Love you guys!

To @okamoto-keito-love, for creating a blog dedicated to our shy English gentleman.. Thank you for loving Keito! Love you too!

To @hsjscans, for all the wonderful magazine scanlations and con reports.. thank you for allowing us to live vicariously through you! i Love you!

To @superdelikeito, for sharing JUMP’s J-Web entries... It’s awesome to get a peek at what the boys are doing and thinking about during their free time.. Thanks a bunch & love you too!

To @jumping-girl-juliet, for having the wildest imagination when it comes to JUMP fanfics.. you are the JK Rowling of the JUMP fandom! Yup, i called it lol. Thank you for the stories!! Love you!

To @kentojun, for sharing your love of Arashi, Yamazaki Kento and your hilarious rants XD and of course for bonding over the weirdness that is Pink and Gray hahaha.. You were one of my first tumblr friends! Thanks for talking to me! <3 We will never look at Yuto the same way again lol! Love you too ^_^

To @dairyoyu, you became my instant little sister and i couldn't be any happier! I finally did my anniversary tribute haha.. took me long enough lol! Please come on tumblr more! It's nice here :D and i Love you! <3

and last but not the least to dear @writeroftheskies and @mamochie, hmm where to begin.. Our friendship started with fan-girling and buying goods for Jump but this has evolved into something more.. I treasure you both and I've said it loads of times already, i love you  very much!!! *huuuuuugs* Bowling and karaoke next time alright?? :D

Not once did I ever feel unwelcome in this fandom.. I feel so lucky everybody is so nice, friendly, helpful and crazy *sometimes lol* but it's all good! haha.. I'm happy to be here and again, thank you for sharing all your love for JUMP... This video edit is like blah lol, i just wanted to make something for my anniversary as a JUMP fan. This is all my sleep deprived mind can come up with hahaha..

Ohmygosh, thanks for reading this was long!!! I hope 2018 will be kind to all of us and to JUMP...

あけましておめでとうございます！！

P.S. - I especially chose this song because it conveys how I feel towards JUMP. ILOVETHEMSOBAD. UGH. and I love you too! :-*