#i am fucking tired of these people who arent even aware that they are ruining everyones lives

[jazd801]

Let’s talk about why artists who have their works published in Lezhin Comics refer people to ONLY read it from Lezhin website:

This is originally posted from my Twitter, and is only copy/pasting it here. I am too lazy to edit shit.

I SAW SOMETHING TODAY IN MY TL THAT IS WORTH DISCUSSING AND SHOULD BE ACKNOWLEDGED OF. This is for everyone who are maybe planning to read or are reading #LoveIsAnIllusion by Fargo (yes, they have twitter but I will not mention them because there's even the slightest possibility that Fargo may also be following the #LoveIsAnIllusion hashtag, coz why not, and also can see this post of mine; I honestly won't even mind if Fargo can actually see this post.) 

This is a message to remind everyone.

Thing is, I saw a post that Fargo had replied to (which the OP had deleted after for various reasons) today, because I am following the creator's twitter as well (coz y’know im such a stalker and because Fargo posts a lot of Dojin's sexiness in their TL, haha)

(I decided to delete the OP’s username and even their profile pic to “protect them”)

This OP had asked where else to read the #LoveIsAnIllusion webtoon, aside from Lezhin Comics, which is the official legal site you can, frankly, should only read the webtoon from. You know, asking a question like this is ab-so-lute-ly fine.

However, please remember that Fargo and every creator and artists who have their works published in Lezhin Comics, that these comics they pour every bit of their sweat, effort and time (and honestly, even their physical health), are their other "source" of income in real life.

I am sure these creators/artists are aware that there are other sources where people can even read the webtoon outside of the Lezhin website. And yes, there are a lot generous people who can afford to purchase the chapters and even share them to others who cannot afford to buy each chapters from Lezhin (and even all the Japanese manga out there.) This is the exact reason why scanlation groups exists, because a shit-ton (probably a million, thrillion, quadrillion) of people cannot afford because they are either broke students or unemployed.

My point is, YES, you can read them for free (go thank these generous people who buys the chapters in Lezhin and shares them to you broke doods) but DO NOT forget that Fargo and every comic artists who has their works published legally (like in Lezhin website) and are up for sale, depends on us, people, their supporters and fans, to place food on their tables and pay their monthly bills. If you genuinely enjoy their works, and if you finally managed to land a well-paying job, go and support these wonderful artists and creators!!!

You should also respect all the scanlation groups when they tell you to “please not share their releases outside their Discord/community/website, etc., because in the end, you are only going to make yourself cry. Why? There’s a fuck-ton of reasons why I could think of that you couldn’t but let’s list down the three main possibilities what would happen that would make you cry and for people to hate you, and eventually yourself because fuck what have I done???:

POSSIBILITY #ONE: Let’s assume the original creators of these webtoon already know that scanlation groups exists. They can’t do anything about it (coz they only have themselves) so they acknowledge it as long as there are other people who reads their work and still support them by BUYING EACH CHAPTERS FROM LEZHIN.

POSSIBILITY #TWO: If the original creators of these webtoon start to consider the possibility of “threat” of scanlation groups, they will ask Lezhin or some legit legal company that protects the comic artists from people who illegally do stuff with their comics, coz yeah, scanlating is illegal. These scanlation groups you are reading free webtoons from will take the blame, and they will get scared if they get those scary cease-or-desist letters from legit companies, and they will either stop scanlating altogether or go waaaaay underground, and away from people’s greedy selves. ***Some scanlation groups actually experienced this scary shit because they were working on some licensed titles by Libre Shuppan. This is why scanlation groups never work on any licensed manga and are asking people to stop sharing them when they have become licensed. You don’t want that to happen, right??

POSSIBILITY #THREE (in which you ignore the other two possibilities above): These original creators of these webtoon can always decide by their selves to stop whatever they are doing. They can. But they won’t. How then would they pay whatever bills they need to pay every month or place food on their tables if they stop this other source of income they could think of, because they maybe cannot work outside like normal people do, because maybe they would then jeopardize their physical health???

I hope you all understand whatever I am trying to say... 

Honestly, you can and are freely to gush and fangirl over whatever webtoon you like, you can even message the original creators of these webtoon and let them know how you genuinely enjoy their work. Comments like these fuel each artists’ motivation and inspiration. 

BUT never make a post with the word “scanlation” or even ask where else you can read the webtoon when it is only available in Lezhin, and mention the artists’ username in one message. 

If you don’t know all this, then I am sure you do not know or is not aware, by ignoring these possibilities, how you can ruin a creator or artists of these webtoons’ every day lives. And even the lives of the broke students who are busy studying their majors to hopefully get a job of their own in the future, and the unemployed fans.

Always think before you act.

BY THE WAY, this is also for all the manga you are reading for free in mangago, mangafox, mangareader, mangahere, and any other manga reading sites that is illegal.

Scanlation is illegal. But there are people who are part of these scanlation groups who actually purchase their own manga/manwha/doujinshi and JFC, everything else they can fucking scan that isn’t in English and scan them for the scanlation team they are a member of. So these scanlation groups, even though it is illegal shit/business/hobby/fucking whatever, still have their own rights to be mad when someone decides to fuck them over :)

Again, always think before you act.

Thank you for reading.

[glowstickhaloboy]

part 2 of that au where lance is a night vision mermaid

hi im back

link to part 1

the next night, keith is waiting when lance sneaks up to the surface. who knows how long hes been sitting on that rock, but he looks massively bored as lance comes out of the water. then he all but lights up. “you came back.”

lance tilts his head to the side. “stop saying things that will ruin my reputation.”

“i didnt know if you would. i thought i might have been c-”

“did you tell anyone about this?” asks lance.

keith shakes his head, shuffles to the very edge of the rock. “no one. please tell me your name.”

“first,” says lance, “i need to know something. why are you out here? you said you were after knowledge, but for what purposes?”

“what do you mean?”

“what kind of knowledge?”

“anything,” keith breathes, leaning closer. the moonlight shines in his eyes and hair. hes so dry, yet he glows. “everything.”

“and what do you plan to do with it?”

again, that question stumps keith. he sits back on his feet. “i...”

so far, this is going well.

“i’ll tell you,” lance asserts, puffing himself up to his full impressiveness. “nothing. youre going to do nothing with this knowledge except keep it for yourself. any secret i trust you with is meant for you, not your animalistic human world. no publications, no research teams, no clamoring for more evidence to build an arsenal of strategy against my people. and, as always, i decide that if i no longer trust you, i get to drown you.”

keith’s throat bobs at that last statement, but it seems bravery has a furnished home inside his chest. he nods. “i wont betray you,” he says. “not even to my team, if you dont want.”

“no, not even your team. you’ll have to come up with excuses for them.”

keith nods again.

“and one more thing,” lance continues. “i dont think its fair that these secrets are free. youre cute, but youre not that cute. so, heres how itll work: you tell me something about you, and i’ll tell you something about me, and when you get tired or the sun starts to come up, i’ll go back under the surface and we’ll meet again when it gets dark. does midnight sound fair?”

keith begins to nod another time, but stops himself. “hold on,” he says. “will you tell me the truth? i have no way of knowing.”

“of course,” says lance. “mermaids cant lie.”

skeptical, keith narrows his eyes, the cogs visibly turning in his head.

lance snorts. “yeah, that wasnt true. but,” he says, drawing close enough that he could drop his voice to a murmur, “i have no reason to lie to you if i know you arent going to tell anyone else.”

keith accepts this. “can i ask questions if i want to know something specific?”

“yes.”

“okay,” says keith. “you said i go first, so what do you want to know about me?”

“what,” says lance, “is it like to walk on those ungodly tools you call legs???”

keith pulls his knee up to his chest. “this? it’s like... well, its different from swimming. ive been swimming before but, uh,, still had to use these to do it, so i dont really know how to describe it. its like... walking?”

“you,” lance says flatly, “are not the most intellectually evolved of your species, are you?”

“i hunt mermaids for a living because i cant get a real job.”

“can i feel it?”

“what?”

“can i feel your leg?”

if this is a weird request, it cannot possibly be weirder than the event of meeting a mermaid, so keith is unfazed by it. “yeah, sure.”

he sticks his leg out over the water. lance is, at first, a little intimidated by the straightness and inflexibility of it, but eventually he decides that it is basically like a bigger, stronger arm and that humans are very weird. satisfied, he and keith both withdraw.

“okay,” says keith, with the air of somebody about to do something very important after an absurdly long amount of waiting. “what is your name?”

lance smiles. “lance.”

it’s like lance has applied salve to a wound. keith closes his eyes and breathes out through his nose. his shoulders relax. “youre real,” he says, like he just found this out.

“gee, you sure know how to flatter a fish.”

but it starts the conversation. keith tells lance about the practice of cryptozoology and lance tells keith about ocean-bottom culture. keith talks about growing up and going to school, and lance talks about being raised by a family bigger than keith could imagine and learning to provide for each other. keith explains war and lance explains peace.

from there, they go on to ask more personal questions. who is hunk and why would he be upset if he knew you were here? what made you so fascinated with mermaids that you decided to vacation on a rock? keiths eyelids start to droop. lance is getting a little fatigued himself. this conversation is putting even his talking skills to the test, and keiths throat has gone scratchy. its nice. theyre both relaxed. lance becomes aware of how completely comfortable he is.

“its late,” lance says at last. “you dont want your friends to wake and catch you out of your reef. er, bed?”

keith has this look in his eye like hes worried to let lance go in case he doesnt come back.

lance yawns and says, “midnight.”

then he dives under the water.

its strange to think about, but being fully submerged again feels weird after having his head sticking out into the air for four hours. the water is warm on his face. he cant wait to get back to his reef and crash.

except hunk is waiting for him there.

“dude,” he says. “where’ve you been?”

lance’s heart does backflips. WHAT DOES HE SAY?

“hunk,” he says. “you’re here!”

“yeah,” says hunk.

lance tries again for better wording. “what are you doing here?”

“looking for you?? at your house????”

and lance is like, well im fucked.

“i was out,” he hedges. “with, uh, someone.”

“lance, if that were true, you would be over the moon right now and i would have known about it for days because you would never have shut up about it!”

“thats not true! and besides, i wasnt with him like that. well, maybe i was, i dont know... im kind of confused about it.”

“really? you wanna talk about it?”

no.

he doesnt have to fake a yawn. “actually, buddy, i would, but i am super beat. i’ll tell you all about him when i know whats going on. oh, was there something you wanted?”

“just checking in on you. you havent tried sneaking back up to the surface have you?”

“why would you ask me that?”

“because your brain is the ocean’s strongest magnet for horrible ideas.”

“well thanks,” says lance, a little colder than he otherwise would have been. “and i’ll have you know that i have not been to the surface. it’s totally overrated. who’d want to be walking up there on a pair of lame, clunky legs? goodnight, buddy.”

hunk leaves lance to his rest.

and the next night, keith looks different. hes in shorts, the lunatic, with no shirt on and a towel draped around his shoulders.

“what are you doing?” asks lance.

keith merely grunts and slides into the water. he takes a few shuddering breaths and paddles closer to lance.

“i wanted to,” says keith. he holds out an arm. under the waves, lance can feel his clumsy feet kicking and kicking and kicking.

“you know how far down the sea floor is, dont you?” asks lance.

keith says, “im not stupid. i’ll get back on the rock if my legs get tired.”

Legs, Lance thinks with contempt.

“well,” he says, “if youre getting that close, i want to be able to touch you.”

“why do you think i did this?”

and its a great idea until it isnt. it starts off with lance feeling like someone is taking a big risk to be close to him, and his heart tries for a complicated swelling motion before lance manually tamps it down again. he looks at keith’s face and instead of seeing a face which happens to be clearly human, he sees all the fragile features that make it human, and an overwhelming need to protect their delicacy suddenly rises in him.

what simultaneously rises is a wave so strong that it folds over keith and drags him under the water. 

lance’s instincts take control. like lightning, he dives under the water, snatches keith’s arm, and drags him back up to his rock, where he sets him and retreats. keith coughs up water, shaking, and reaches for his towel.

“are you alright?” asks lance.

“you saved me,” says keith, like he cant believe it.

“well, yeah.”

unexpectedly, keith grins at him. “i thought i was just a boring human,” he says. “thought you didnt care if i drowned.”

lance feels an alien heat rise in his cheeks. is the above-surface air getting to him?

“i said i would be the one to drown you,” he argues. “i think thats enough for tonight. i’ll see you tomorrow.”

keiths mouth falls open in protest, but before he can say anything else, lance disappears. he doesnt stop swimming until hes back down at his reef, and even then he feels like the whole ocean can hear his heart hammering. he had saved keith. why had he done that? because he wasnt a bad person, obviously. he wasnt going to just stand by and watch an innocent man die.

but there was something deeper. something that he could not explain and therefore elected to ignore.

[inenaffable]

*hungry tummy noises*

they read it and they ask me "what the fuck is wrong with you" and i just can cry and laugh a little bit cause its funny, you know? its funny when no one else exists besides you and you still cant do anything. youre so stupid, you know that, you know that? you cant do anything because youre caged inside yourself so you create fantasies to pretend your life is interesting and youre not a hollow of a person, a carbon copy of whoever is the closest, unable to survive without a partner, a disgusting parasyte. god, youre not even good enough to ruin people, to mark them in any way possible. you just bore them, then your thrashed to the side. its not even dramatic enough to be written about, its just logical. youre so bad at being anything, its pathetic. you cant be good, great, you cant be filthy, despairful, youre nothing, notghin nothign nothing notghin nogthing nothing nothgin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one can hate you if no one gives a fuck about you and you know that you know that the only one who hates yourself is you and you are the only fucking reason to all your problems because theyre all in your head and theyre fake, fucking fake, fake fake fake fake fake because you cant entertain yourself on your fucking life because everyone leaves you when they realize you are just a shell a copy a parasyte that sucks and sucks and sucks and doesnt give a fuck and is locked inside their own head and blames people for the crazy things your dumb fucking brain created fuck fuck fuck fuck

no one asks you what the fuck is wrong with you because no one cares, and everyone knows those things are only in your head, because you tell them, and you know, you fucking know, and thats the worst part of it

i dont know how to be a human being , even when imbeing the most disgusting one that exists - but im not, because its all in your head and youve never done anything

im perfect, its incredible, its amazing, really, you should look at me,look at me

i do bad things and dont feel guilty for them, i guilty myself  for things that arent bad, and then i blame people for my own judgement, but i dontknow how to live outside of this

its scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary,scary,scary so so scary outside of here, dont let me go, dont let me go, youre gona go back all over again

except you cant go back to something that never even existed

what am i going to tell my therapist tomorrow? lies, lies, unconscious lies that im very aware of, all over again, excuses after excuses

why dont you just fuck me, tell me, why? i dont have to think, i dont want to think,  im spending so much time alone and yet im doing absolutely nothign, im disgusting

but im perfect, so perfect, how can anyone ever hate me? everyone loves me, right? you love me, right? hey, are you reading this? hey, hey, wont you just fuck me? wont you make me forget i have a mind of my own? 

im so disgusting, how can you love me? you like it, dont you? how im so very fake, how i cant take no’s, how im just barely nothing but annoyment when striped down. what, what? you want to see me strip? silly, silly, if i do that, then youd want to go away. its just too bad i cant control myself, right? i just want to be seen oh so badly. 

theres no liquor in this house and i hate it, i hate it how i could just ask for it, but i wont, and ill still hate that theres none. thats me, thats me for you. dont you like it, love it? dont you just want to fuck me now?

i dont need to pretend in front of you, if you dont like it, just leave, im tired of you. i can say fuck and i can act like everything i do is coated with so much honey  its nauseating, annoying, because thats who i am. lousy, annoying, nasty, spoiled, a horrible liar and so much more. but im nothing you guys like, im nothing i like, so ill wear baggy clothing even though i want to show my tits to everyone. my room is just too hot. i must not forget, nobody cares about me, nobody remembers me, no one will come back for me, so i can tear it up. i can say fuck and i can lick every single inch of my mirror and i can be whatever i want to be, because, because-

she said i love myself, i said i loved myself, and thats why. but maybe that was a lie. see, how havent you seen through that? i actually hate myself. oh, i do, so very much. its funny. dont you find it funny? tell me, tell me you laughed, tell me you could tell from the start, and that its okay, that ill learn to love myself at somepoint. i want to have sex with so many people because i hate myself and i dont want to think

hey, look at me, arent i ugly? arent i destroying myself? say, dont you think no one will never apreciate me again?

i dont know if what im preteding is to believe or to doubt. do i love it, do i hate it? its so tangled, its funny. i cant remember what came first. does it really even matters?

im so very hungry. i want to drink and let people touch me and touch them back, i want to feel whole. dont you just want to fuck me? im perfect, see? i promise, i promise, you wont regret it! come, come, just fuck me already.

imagine it,, imagine me, miserably sitting down in my bed, sweating, hungry, and writing all this jumbled mess on my dumb little notebook, typing on this double keyboard, listening to dumb little rain sounds on my dumb little one-sided earphone cause im too scared of the silence but cant listen to music cause my brain is just dumb dumb dumb and cant concentrate on more than one dumb little thing at a time

im so hungry, and its not even a metaphor anymore

im not doing it on purpose, i promise, i could eat so so much but theres just nothing  to eat and most of the things are just icky

i could eat a whole hamburger if i could go out

dad, please, buy me a hamburger, please, please, im so hungry, wont you just buy me one

hey, dont you want to buy me things too? that would be nice, so very nice of you. say, give me your money, wont you? i could buy so much with it! i need it, i need you

fuck, fuck, tell me, how am i supposed to sleep now?

i sometimes wonder if i should take pills for it, but that would probably be a bad idea

i dont need any of it, and starting it would probably get me into something worse

think, wouldnt it be cool if i could stay up till 4am?

but i cant, and i need to sleep

wont you kiss me goodnight?

pretty, pretty please?

ah! thank you! thank you so much! i love you, i love you, i love you!

[ikkanrana]

it sort of scares me how often i need to remind myself that im twenty-four and have the right to tell people 'no' and not try to force myself to appear interested and engaged if im not like its so deeply rooted in my being that i need to be ~pleasant and interested~ in people to "deserve" any kind of attention and honestly i dont think i am very pleasant (which is another guilt/shame deal on its own where my logic brain fights my feelings and it would sidetrack this entire post whatever rip) and i dont find everything interesting and shouldnt have to feel guilty about it either because thats just how it works you dont have to have the same interests or taste in things to be pals and love each other its not deeper or bigger than that people like different things end of story but ive never had the privilege of getting away with being mediocre and have always been forced to over-compensate to, again, "deserve" any kind of attention and validation and honestly ive gotten to a point in my life where i dont much care for it either at least not from people who arent the like five best friends i have because ive got better shit to put energy in to than wondering of someone i dont even know the last name of think i seem boring online or not  and sometimes i need to just pull away harshly to slap myself awake and realize whats happening and that im falling back in to that submissive role when socializing where, despite having a bad gut feeling about the person/situation, i still force myself to stay or to laugh or to try because thats what i used to do thats how i was forced to act around the majority of people ive been hanging out with in the past its a learning experience of course i just dont want to feel like im 14 and lost again ten years later and that sort of what happens when it regresses back to that reaction.... 

 of course its /such a difference/ being a complete dick never caring about anyone elses interests ever and just steamrolling over everyone and simply just not caring about hearing anyone out vs telling someone that youre not really in to a certain game or fandom or music genre or w/e, im not saying that “god i wish we could talk about Me all the time” because thats just?? i mean good luck in life if you wish that was a thing lmao  my point (that i lost half way rip) is that im so used to feeling the need to stay tuned stay interested and stay alert and ready to do some Good Old Fashioned Emotional Labor For Free and not expect a single grain back or else im not worthy of the time because thats what had to be done in the past to know there was at least someplace to come back to, good or bad i mean you do clutch on to people when you dont really know your own boundaries and while finding your place and yourself among others its about finding some self-worth and confidence being able to feel alright without having someone constantly reminding you of it i guess, at least for me personally  idk im just tired of feeling like a villan for saying “no thanks” or not being in to a certain thing its always been like that, as soon as i said no i got cornered and told i was boring or stiff or unreasonable and annoying. like there comes a point where youre like fine i’ll play your stupid board game if you want to but im honestly not in to it and even when you try then your too shit at it despite warning everyone that “i dont enjoy this im not good at it im not in to it” there will be no surprises when you lose or dont put effort in, but you know thats like my life in a nutshell im like me: hello yes i cant do this/i dont like this im just telling you upfront   the world: OKI BUT WE LIKE IT AND YOURE SHIT IF YOU DONT AGREE/JUST TRY YOURE JUST WHINING me: fine i’ll try but i warned you----> see, it didnt end well the world: GOD UR RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE like??????????????????????????????????????? im not sure... how much clearer i can speak sometimes and still i end up in a situation where i must clean up a mess someone else created  and yeah im not always reasonable to be honest, im not, because im so used to being forced in to things that sometimes ive had enough and it can have a bad outlet in the wrong situation, absolutely.  and i need to be conscious about that but sometimes im just... so fucking tired of always being forced to be hyper vigilant about everything and everyone else especially in situations where no one seem to have any empathy to give back.  because to be honest when someone (both in a professional situation or in a friendship) shows some sort of willingness to make a deal or to put themselves somewhere outside their own mind im never slow to catch on to it because thats... how you do it?? you have to compensate and adapt and make deals thats not always YOUR ultimate ending, like thats life. and im well aware of this.  but when i get treated like im fucking dense or when i get pushed around especially knowing my own rights during i wont take it anymore ive had enough of it