#i am frozen between staying or leaving and am forced to choose whichever least threatens my dignity
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being in my 20s is so weird sometimes because i can feel my pre-frontal cortex developing
#i was just…stream of consciousness journaling and stumbled upon an event from when i was like four that has warped every relationship#i’ve ever had with anyone#and made me realize exactly what is both traumatic and familiar to me#that i keep inviting into my life#if you’re curious it’s people who try and get a reaction out of me even if it’s one given in abject pain and put me in a position where#i am frozen between staying or leaving and am forced to choose whichever least threatens my dignity#and me running from this attention seeking behaviour reinforces it because no contact = more of an addiction to a reaction#and then that turns into malice#and the person WILL try and hurt me to get a reaction#🤡#like WHAT
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