#i am feeling griddlehark emotions tonight

[syl-stormblessed]

God. The thought process that led to Harrow doing a back alley diy lobotomy with Ianthe operating. Her cavalier died and her solution was to make herself have a seizure and throw up on god's floor whenever she hears Gideon's name. She must have known going into it that there would be side effects like that, that she would no longer be 100% herself. Harrowhark Nonagesimus willingly lobotomized herself because she would rather lose her mind, which she prided herself on and was a major factor in her survival growing up, than live with the loss and guilt of Gideon. She gave up her entire sense of self because she couldn't kill Gideon. Gideon gave Harrow her entire life and she didn't even want it. Because she truly could not conceive of a universe without Gideon in it. If you need me I'm crying in the corner.