#i am emotional over this chapter too holy fuck

[padfootastic]

fully sobbing at the comments i’m getting on this chapter 🥺🥺

[mountainsandmayhem]

BDSMaid - Chapter 7

Series Summary: After recently graduating you take what is supposed to be a job to save money before you go back to university to get your law degree. Your best friend offers you a job cleaning luxury homes for clients you’ll never know. Easy. Simple. Mundane. Until one of your clients is home and everything you felt was missing in your life starts to fall into place. This goes against the NDA you signed and you could get fired. Or worse, you could fall in love. 

CW: 18+ MDNI. In order to avoid spoilers, all tags are under the cut in small red lettering. Reader does have some body descriptions so more of an oc than female reader.

AN: I am not the least bit sorry for the ending 😉

Word Count: 8k

Series Masterlist | My Masterlist | AO3

TW: open door smut scenes, unprotected P in V. Cream pie. Squirting. Use of nipple clamps. Oral (female receiving). Fingering (anal and vaginal). Ass play. Use of nicknames (good girl, sweet girl). Pussy and dick pronouns. Joel having a filthy mouth.

You

Holy shit, I just fucked Joel Miller. 

The thought rattles around your brain over and over, as if the more you say the more real it will feel, but you’re still floating, still up in the clouds even though you’re firmly tucked against Joel's side. Your head rests in his chest, rising and falling with the quick rhythm of this breathing. Your eyes flick down to his beautiful cock; it’s standing straight up, ready whenever you are, as you both try to slow your heartbeats and breathing. You nestle your body tighter to the warm, solid wall of a man beside you, wrapping a leg around his. He slides his fingers up and down your spine. As you lay in silence your mind races. 

“Just call me Joel”. 

There are almost too many things bouncing around your head, making it hard to focus on only one. Does he love me? When I tell him what I've decided with college, will he think I’m staying in Austin because of this? Aren’t I staying in Austin because of this? How else do I explain it? What about my friends? I don’t want to keep this a secret anymore; is this worth losing my job over? What if this is all part of his plan? Sleep with me and then use it as a reason to end our dom/sub relationship? Is this even a dom/sub relationship anymore? 

Anxiety and worry start to buzz through your veins. The sight of soft belly and rock hard cock blurs. You slam your eyes shut, the unknown starting to overwhelm you. Sucking in a big breath, you try to break the vice grip that’s starting to tighten around on your lungs and throat. 

“Are you ok?” Joel says softly. 

“Ya,” you nod as his free hand that's been tucked under his head comes to your chin and tilts it up. The moment you’re engulfed by his soft chocolate brown eyes, your brain stops. Quiet washes over you. You’re safe here, you’ve always been safe here. Rolling over, you perch yourself on his leg and hip, chin resting on the tops of your hands as they lay on his chest. You can feel his heart beating strong and steady under your hands. That’s what you need: consistent stability. No, not need, deserve.

Joel removes the golden clip from your hair. “Freckles, I probably should have said this before, but this isn’t what I normally do with my subs, and I’m…”

His eyes dance around yours as he pauses. You can see a million emotions happening at once, all of them mirrored in yours. Fear. Happiness. Confusion. Anxiety. Vulnerability. But mostly, love. You finish the sentence for him.

“I’m pretty sure we aren’t just a dom and a sub, Joel. I don’t know if we ever have been.”

I love you.

 With that, he pulls himself up, stuffing some pillows so he can lean comfortably against the headboard. You follow, and he guides you to straddle his lap, his cock pressed between your bodies. The air between you feels thick with emotion. Both of you look at the other, your shallow breaths in sync before both of you snap and dive in. The kiss is hungry and desperate. There’s probably a million things you both could say, but in this moment, the kiss is enough. 

“I’m never going to get enough of you,” he moans as your lips trail his jawline. 

“Good,” you hum, sliding your hips up to drag your pussy along his length. You’ve slept with a handful of men before Joel, but it’s never been this passionate with anyone else. You just had each other, yet here you both are, acting like it’s been years since you’ve touched. His head falls back, a sigh passing his parted lips as you kiss down his neck. 

“Fuck that feels good, sweet girl.” His hands tighten along your hips. Joel is always so concerned with your pleasure and needs, so for now, or for as long as he’ll let you, you spend time focusing on him. You kiss every inch of him that you can reach: his neck and shoulders, his collarbone and ear lobes, all while softly grinding against his cock. Every moan and gasp from his lips has you growing wetter. 

You drag your slippery pussy up his cock, both of you completely coated in your arousal. Joel lifts you to hover above his cock. “Need to feel you wrapped around me again. Please, sweet girl.”

You capture the sound of him begging with your lips, snake a hand in between your bodies, and guide the tip of his bare cock inside of yourself. You shudder and whimper at the delicious stretch of him. “Oh god.”

“This pussy,” he coos, and the sound of his weakness at the feel of you has the muscles behind your navel tightening. Your lips find his again as you slowly work yourself down his cock. “That’s my girl, nice and slow.”

You rock and grind, sliding him in further, your body writhing as you take inch by tortuous inch. As your hips finally come into contact with his, you still your movements and relax into the feeling of him at this new angle. Joel is definitely big, not in a scary romance novel kind of way, but bigger and thicker than you’ve been with. “Joel,” you mew, the vowels of his name lasting longer than they should and you tuck your head into his neck. 

“It’s all you, baby girl. Just sit on him if you need to, fuck.” He kisses your shoulder, hands moving to the globes of your ass. “Tell me how it feels.”

“F-full,” you whine into his skin. 

“What else, my sweet girl?”

“You’re so big, J-Joel. I can feel you everywhere. I - I need, oh my god.” You grind your hips forward slightly, the cool metal of his piercing sending a shockwave through your clit and up your spine. “More. I need more.”

“Just take it, baby. I’m yours.” He rasps between kisses along your shoulder and neck. 

You pull back, your face mere inches from him. He’s everywhere all at once and the painful stretch of your cunt around his cock starts to become an intense burning pleasure with each flick of your hips. 

“Suck on my nipples,” you gasp, leaning back slightly. The shiny silver ring in his pelvis presses harder against your clit, and now, not only are you madly in love with Joel Miller, you’re also so fucking addicted that not even a twelve step program could fix you. 

He obeys your wishes, sucking your right nipple into his warm mouth roughly and swirling his tongue as your hips grind back and forth once, twice, three times. He moans against your skin, moving his hands up your body to cup both your breasts. “Harder, please Joel, harder.”

Your movements become less fluid; your clit aches with every brush against his piercing. The muscles behind your navel start to feel like they’re going to snap. He moves to the other nipple, meeting it with his teeth, but it’s still not enough.

“Harder,” you beg.

“Do you need clamps, baby?” Of course this man would know what you need; he’s never not known what you need. 

“Yes, god yes. I need more.”

“Can you reach the top drawer of the nightstand?” You nod, then push his sweaty curls away from his forehead. He raises an eyebrow and you reach into the drawer, pulling out a small set of gold nipple clamps. “Good girl. Now, can you reach my hat at the end of the bed?”

You press your lips into a thin line to stop your smile and nod excitedly. He winks and you turn your upper body the other way and stretch to reach his hat. As soon as you place it on his head you feel the sharp pressure of the clamp on your left nipple. The pain heightens the feeling of him inside of you and a high pitched whine leaves your throat. 

“Fuck, please, Joel. Please.”

As he places the second clamp he says, “You don’t even know what you’re begging for, do you?” 

A mix between a whimper and a whine passes your lips in response and your lashes flutter shut. “That’s what I thought. Just as long as I keep myself deep in this tight little pussy, you’ll be happy. Won’t you?”

The second clamp evens out the pain and sends a wave of adrenaline through your system. You pick up the speed of your hips. His piercing bumps against your clit, the pleasure coursing through your veins mixed with the burning pinch on your nipples is almost all the ingredients you need to fall over the edge. 

“You’re doing so well for me, sweet girl. Wish you could see how good you look right now.” Joel moves his hands back to your ass, pulling you forward in time with the pace you’ve set. 

“I love - Joel, oh my god.” You want to tell him how much you love the feeling of him inside of you, how much you love the words he says and the praise he gives, but you aren’t capable of forming sentences with the way his piercing teases at your clit. All you can do is let your forehead fall to his shoulder, your eyes squeezing tighter. 

“Love what, huh?” He whispers deeply into your ear. “The feeling of my bare cock so deep inside of you that you can feel it in your stomach? Or the way my piercing feels against your swollen clit? Or maybe you love the pain of the clamps on your nipples as you ride me? Huh? Is that what you love, baby?” You make a gasping whining sound of agreement.

“Look at me,” he adds. It takes all of your strength to sit back up and open your eyes. When he comes into focus you’re overcome with desire. He’s so much more than you could ever imagine in his new black cowboy hat, pupils blown wide with passion, and cheeks flushed a light pink. “Good girl, keep your eyes on me. I want to see it in your eyes when you come on my cock.”

 Your hips slow, but you push your clit harder against his pelvis, and you blurt the first thought you have. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Joel.”

A smile tug of his cheek reveals the boyish dimple you love so much. You slide your hands from his shoulders to the short hair at the nape of his neck. You’re close, so very close. “Come with me, I’m so close,” you whimper.

“I know, Freckles. Fuck, I can feel it.” He doesn’t take his eyes off yours, but the flex of his jaw tells you he’s holding back for you. “Squeezin’ me so tight. Fuck, can feel her fluttering, listen to how wet you are.” 

You reach back and grab his wrist, squeezing it gently, “Spank me.”

“Christ, sweet girl.” 

You release his wrist, and without looking away he spanks you hard and you are launched into your orgasm. His face lights up with admiration as you chant a mixture of his name and ‘oh god’. You grind frantically into his piercing, your clit practically vibrating at the attention. 

“That’s it baby. Good, fuck, I’m gonna, good girl. Don’t stop, fuck, don’t stop.” He slaps your ass again and that same familiar pooling of liquid starts to build. 

“More,” you cry and he spanks you again. 

You feel the gush of your cum, and Joel takes over as you’re consumed by pleasure. His strong hands grip your hips, moving you at a slower pace. “There she goes, such a messy little pussy.”

You peel your eyes away from him, looking down at the way his piercing presses against your clit when your bodies meet. “Fill me,” you moan.

“Fuck - oh fuck, sweet girl.” Your orgasm starts to fade and you tug at the hair you can reach.

“Fill me, Joel. I want to feel you leaking out of me for days.” You aren’t sure where this version of yourself has come from. Just weeks ago you wandered around JMKink all wide-eyed and nervous, and now you’re saying words that you never thought you could. 

Joel lets out a mix between a growl and a moan and you feel his cock harden before it jerks inside of you, hot ropes of his cum filling you like you asked. He moans your name, stilling your hips in his hands as his orgasm washes over him. “God, you feel so good.”

The two of you gasp for breath, your head falls back and you close your eyes, trying to slow your heart beat. Joel removes the nipple clamps and you cry out just as he places light kisses along them. “Ouch,” you whimper. 

“I know,” he says, moving to kiss the other one. “Taking them off is the worst part. I’m sorry, sweet girl.”

When he pulls back to look at you again your body goes limp and you fall into his chest, head tucked into the crook of his neck. “Need a minute,” you murmur.

He pulls the blanket from the other side of the bed and wraps it around the two of you. “Good, because I’m not ready to let you go yet.” His lips caress your hairline softly, one hand on your back under the blanket, the other playing with your hair.

I love you.

After a few moments of blissfully content silence you wince at the pinch in your hip. “I gotta get up, I’m sorry.”

He laughs gently into your hair, and pulls back the blanket before helping you slide off his softened cock. You both look at the mess you’ve made on his lap and you let out a mischievous giggle. 

“Don’t even think about it, Freckles. I need nourishment before you take advantage of me again.” He says jokingly.

“Well, I guess this is what I get for fucking around with an old man,” you laugh, flopping down on the bed beside him. 

Joel moves quickly, slipping two thick fingers inside of you easily and you squirm at the feeling. You suck in a huge breath, like you’re about to swim to the bottom of a deep pool. Tears start to burn behind your eyes as overstimulation makes it almost impossible to breathe, nevermind being able to tell him to stop. 

His voice is a gravel filled growl, “That right, little girl? Because from what I can tell, you’re about to beg me to stop, so be careful who you call old.”

Heat flushes your skin, pleasure building, yet when your tired pussy flutters around his strong digits a loud, pained cry fills the room. You’re not willing to admit defeat as you force your lungs to suck in a breath. 

“I’m not.” 

“No?” He pumps his fingers harder against your sensitive g-spot. “Don’t wanna use that safe word?” 

Can’t. Fuck, I might actually die if I come again again. You never imagined yourself debating if you wanted another orgasm. A cold sweat coats your lower back as you arch off the bed, a sob leaving your throat. 

“How’s that feel? Wanna come again?” 

You shake your head and moan in disagreement. 

“You sure? She wants to, I can feel it.” He pumps his fingers forward again. 

“M-mister Miller. No.” As you swallow down the scream that’s inching its way up from your lungs he watches your throat like a starved wolf. 

“Safeword,” he commands. 

“Steg-“ you don’t even say the full word and he’s slipping his fingers out of you with a lewd squelching sound. “Thank you.” 

“Are you okay?” He says softly, his dom mask gone as his eyebrows knit in concern. 

“Yes,” you say with a quiet laugh. “I was close to coming again, but….”

He gives you a thigh lipped smile, “Sore?” 

You nod as he continues, “Food, then shower, then we can come back here,” he says deeply before he slips his two fingers in his mouth, cleaning off the mixture of the two of you. 

I fucking love you, Joel Miller. 

Joel 

The small crack of light in the curtains wakes him. His alarm clock shows 7:18 am; he can’t remember the last time he slept past six am, but he also can’t remember the last time he stayed up until two in the morning. He rolls slowly, careful not to disturb you in the cocoon of blankets you’ve created in the night. The top of your head and one foot is the only thing visible, your slow, quiet breathing filling the room. 

So fucking cute.

He pulls on a pair of black pajama pants and adjusts the curtains to keep the room dark before slipping downstairs. The morning sun reflects off the gold in the marble, basking his kitchen in warm fire light. His eyes glance around the kitchen, a dirty frying pan sits in the sink from the grilled cheese sandwiches he made you both last night, the kitchen stool still pulled out from where you sat. A smile pulls at his cheeks, his cock stirring as he remembers the rest of the evening. 

The two of you ate your sandwiches; all you had on was one of his t-shirts, and he was wearing the pants he’s in now. After you both finished eating, he grunted as he came over to help you off the stool. You made another joke about him being old. Slipping in and out of dom mode is almost too easy around you. Without missing a beat, he made you clean the cum that had leaked out of you off the stool with your tongue, then spanked you until more cum dripped down your legs and onto the floor. He didn’t even have to tell you what to do, all he did was glance at the floor then at you with a raised brow. His sweet girl got down on her hands and knees and cleaned up. He praised you the entire time and then took you upstairs to shower; not that it did much good, because he fucked you from behind the moment the two of you got back into his bed. Joel hasn’t fucked someone back-to-back like that in years, but you have him feeling like he’s in his twenties again. 

He pulls the jar of imported coffee beans from the cupboard and grinds them, reflecting upon how easy it was to just sit with you. As you ate, you both laughed and joked about whatever came to mind. He made fun of you for asking for ketchup to dip your sandwich in, then you poked fun back by eating the sandwich with one pinky up once you realized it wasn’t just processed bread and cheese. 

As he tamps the freshly ground beans into the basket he realizes just how lonely he has been. He’s always been surrounded by people and enjoyed coming home to his quiet solitude of a house, but now? He smiles sadly to himself. This is really going to hurt.

He places the basket in the machine and as it brews he gets your beans in the grinder and then grabs the milk to steam and froth. He adds the milk to his cup and then starts on yours just as he hears a very soft ‘Good Morning’ from behind him. 

He looks over his shoulder as you wrap your arms around his middle, placing a kiss on his bare spine. It shoots right to his heart and he holds it there, desperate to keep this love he’s feeling, love he knows is on a timeline. 

“Good morning, sweet girl. Coffee?”

“Mmm, yes please.”

He rubs at your arms around his stomach. “How does bacon and eggs sound?”

The soft warmth of your cheek rests on his back as he steams your milk, your espresso almost done. “You actually use the kitchen?”

“Used it last night, didn’t I?”

“Yea,” you reply, “but I’ve never seen you have actual food in your fridge. Cleaning it is always on your list, but aside from milk there’s never been anything in it.”

“That’s not entirely true,” he says. 

“You’re right, once there was just a single long stemmed red rose.” The rose he got you for your birthday. 

“So you’re saying you don’t want surprise long stemmed roses?”

You gasp dramatically behind him and then wiggle under his arm. He laughs, adjusting his grip on the milk and coffee cup to pour the milk just right, creating a heart on the top of your latte and then holding it in front of you. He watches the little smile that curves your lips. “Thank you, Joel.”

He kisses your forehead before you both part. His eyes trail from your face, down your body that’s draped in one of his black t-shirts brushing the top of your bare thighs. “Breakfast?”

You nod, wrapping both your hands around your coffee cup and inhaling. “What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. Get that cute little ass on one of those stools,” he spins you and pats at your butt gently, a giggle escaping your throat as you wander around the island to sit. 

Joel gathers what he needs for breakfast, and after a few heartbeats you break the silence. “Can I ask you a question?”

He glances over at you, “We’ve been through this. You don’t need to ask permission, just ask.”

“Well, it’s about the hat.”

“Ah,” he says softly, starting one of the gas burners to heat the cast iron pan for the bacon. “You can ask anything you’d like, baby.”

“I just wasn’t expecting that sort of reaction.”

“That’s not a question,” he says jokingly. 

You let out an amused sound that’s part giggle, part snort. “What’s the history behind the black cowboy hat?” 

He clears his throat, moving around the kitchen the entire time he speaks. “I grew up on a small ranch outside of Austin. My grandparents’ ranch. Me and Tommy lived there with our mom. My grandma gave us both our first cowboy hats; mine was a black Stetson with a black satin liner. I wore that hat all the time. It brought me comfort for whatever reason, or maybe it was confidence in those awkward adolescent years. Whatever it was, it sort of became a part of who I was as a teenager. One night, in my senior year, after winning our baseball state championship I went to a party, with my hat on, of course…that’s, umm, that’s where I met her.”

He watches you take a sip of your coffee, eyes soft. “Tiffany, my…my wife. That’s where I met her. My grandpa always said that I’d feel a tug, like a pull behind my belly button, and it did. When I went to talk to her she took my hat and put it on her head and…I just knew. That hat, well, I wore it for her from then on.”

“Where’s the hat now?” You say, looking shyly up at him. 

He turns back the stove, swallowing the dry lump in his throat and flips the bacon before cracking the eggs in the second pan. His voice is low. “When she passed away it just felt right to send the hat with her. I couldn’t let her go alone.” 

The eggs sizzle as he flips them. “How old were you when that happened?” 

“Young,” he says, then looks back over at you. “About twenty three or twenty four.” 

He scoops two eggs and a few pieces of bacon on each plate and then walks around to the stool beside you. “I’m sorry that happened, Joel.” 

He places a light kiss on your forehead, sliding the plate in front of you. “Me too, baby. Thank you.” 

Joel sits on the stool next to yours but that still isn’t close enough for him. He grabs the leg of your stool and pulls you tight to his side. The moment your shoulder makes contact with his arm he feels more at ease. Talking about Tiffany isn’t so painful anymore. 

“So it’s just been you and your daughter since then? You didn’t want to remarry?” He watched the way your lips purse to blow on your fork full of eggs before he answers. 

“I wasn’t opposed to remarrying. Sarah used to try to set me up with her friends' moms when she was kid. But, I never felt that pull like I did with Tiff. I focused all of my time on Sarah and building my construction firm.“

It feels almost too comfortable to talk to you as he continues between bites. “I just kept waiting for that pull again. Then my career took off; I went from building homes to mansions, and then eventually apartment complexes. I didn’t have time to even look for a partner.” 

“Is that when you got into BDSM?” You ask, nibbling on your bacon. 

“Ya, I met Cap…”

“Cap?” You interrupt, looking at him with wide eyes. “Like the sweet man with the grey hair and kind blue eyes who drives me around?” 

“Yes, same Cap. He taught me almost everything about being a Dom.”

You shake your head in disbelief. “He’s so soft and kind.” 

“Am I not soft and kind?” He says, placing a hand on his chest. You press a kiss to his cheek and he raises an eyebrow at you. “As I was saying, I met Cap through one of the trades we hired to run cable through a large apartment building. Spent a lot of hours with him and he eventually brought up how being a dom might be a good option for me and wouldn’t risk Sarah getting hurt through a break up.” 

“Sarah is older than me, isn’t she?” You put your fork down and look up at him with concern. 

He nods, “She is. Not by much, but she is. However, I recently learned that I was the campus DILF while she was in university.” 

You snort a laugh beside him. 

“She just wants me to be happy. I don’t know what I did right with that kid. She’s a doctor and just got accepted to a surgery fellowship in New York.” 

As he finishes his last few bites, your soft, warm palm traces up and down his bare back slowly. “I’m sure you were, or are, an amazing dad.” 

He smiles over at you as reality slams into him. You’re younger than his daughter. You’re going to want things that he’s already done and is too old to do again. And quite frankly, he doesn’t want to do it again. Biologically he cannot have any more kids, and he’s not looking to adopt. He’s done that part of his life.  

One of his hands wraps around the back of your neck and his mind races as he lowers his face to yours. He’s sure you’re going to go to Berkeley, which will break his heart, but also means he can keep that pesky little secret he’s been keeping from you hidden. You finding out about that will ruin him.

You

Something shifts in Joel’s eyes before he kisses you, his tongue swiping against your lips, asking to let him in. You tilt your head, deepening the kiss, as the urge to show him just how much you need him takes over. You spin your body towards him, kissing him back at the pace he’s set. You could sit like this for hours, your lips fused to his, his tongue flicking sweetly against yours. Your hands roam along the muscle-lined skin of his arms, pressing your lips happily to his without any plans to break the kiss first.

After a few minutes, Joel pulls back, cupping your chin, his thumb caressing your bottom lip. “Speaking of university,” he prompts. 

You take a slow deep breath in through your nose, trying to keep your face a neutral mask as all of your thoughts around school and Joel scream in your mind. He squeezes your hand reassuringly, “Come with me.” 

As he leads you towards the stairs to the basement you say, “We should clean up.” 

“Nah,” he starts leading you down the stairs, his voice light, “I have a cleaner coming this week.” 

You jokingly hit his shoulder with a laugh as he walks down the stairs in front of you. The two of you settle into the plush couch. You cozy up into the corner of the sectional, him beside you. He pulls your feet onto his lap and then flips a blanket from the back of the couch over you. 

“It’s gonna be Berkeley, right?” Joel’s voice is excited and curious, not disappointed. For a second you think he might not care in the way you think he does, until your eyes meet his. His eyes tell a whole damn story right now, more honey flecks than onyx shine your direction. They seem sad almost, or longing.  

“Maybe. That was sort of my dream school but I don’t know anymore.” 

His thumbs press into the arches of your feet and after wearing those ridiculous heels last night it feels delicious. “Your phone screen, which, by the way, I’m getting you a new phone. That screen is a hazard, and don’t bother arguing with me. But your Lock Screen is the beach.” 

“I know,” you look down at your hands, picking at the pearly white polish. 

“I want you to follow your dreams, sweet girl.” 

“But that’s the thing, Joel. Becoming a lawyer is the dream. Either way, I will graduate as a lawyer, so…” The words die on your tongue and hang heavy between the two of you.

“Don’t pick based on me.” He says softly. 

You scoff, immediately annoyed by his ego. Is that really what he thinks of you? That some man would come along and change everything you had planned. Didn’t he though? 

You pull your feet from his lap, bending your knees up as if you’re building a wall between the two of you. “I’m not. I’m a grown woman who can, and does, make decisions for herself.” 

“So then what’s the reason for giving up what was always your dream school for a law school here?” 

You feel sick to your stomach. His singing last night, that wasn’t a proclamation of love to you. He was just singing a song that he knows and you almost changed your entire life’s trajectory for him.

No, you remind yourself, these are valid points. Joel or not, it makes sense to stay.  

It doesn’t matter how you justify it to yourself in your mind, the annoyance that anyone would think you’d make a decision this huge for anyone but yourself doesn’t ease. You didn’t even consider your parents when you left for university, so why would he think you’d consider him when you’ve only known him a few weeks? 

You try to keep the edge of frustration out of your voice as you respond. “It’s cheaper, for one. I also have a job that I could do once or twice a week if I stay here. I have a chosen family of friends who support and love me. There’s lots of reasons. And at the end of it all, I come out with a law degree.” 

“Sweetheart,” he says softly, his fingers toying with the hem of the blanket. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to defend yourself or your decisions.” 

“You assumed I’d choose my future based on you.” You say, and it comes out a lot angrier than you intend. You rush an apology, “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry,” his voice stays soft as he moves to rub the top of your foot under the blanket. You let him pull it back onto his lap, shortly followed by the other foot. “You’re making a big decision and I could see you working through your thoughts in the car last night. I just don’t want you to think you have to figure this out on your own. I’m here for you. I’m sorry, sweet girl. I was trying to let you know I’m here. I should have worded that differently to begin with.” 

“Sorry,” you murmur, looking back down at your hands. You feel about two feet tall all of a sudden. 

“Hey,” he squeezes at your calves and you look back up at him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. C’mere.” 

You slide across the couch and he pulls you close, draping your legs over his and wrapping you in his arms. “I know Berkeley is more expensive, but you’d have more opportunities there, wouldn’t you?” 

You shrug and lean into his touch. “Maybe, but I’d finish top of the class here, I don’t know where I’ll fit there. Plus, my friends. It’s weird, I’ve never been scared to leave somewhere before; not even when I was freshly eighteen and left my parents, but now I am.” 

His strong hands rub along skin, desire beginning to flicker at your core. It’s only further ignited when he speaks again. 

“Those are all very valid reasons and fears, sweet girl. We all feel that way about big change. Your friends will always be there for you, regardless of what state you decide to go to school in. I’ve only known you for a short time, and I can see how much this means to you. They’ve known you a lot longer, I can only imagine how proud of you they must be. You’re an amazing person and an incredibly hard worker. If anyone can do this, it’s you.” 

“I’ll be in debt forever,” you say with a sigh, leaning back so you can see his face. 

“You don’t have to be…”

“No, I’ll accept the phone, albeit begrudgingly, but I will not accept that.” 

“We’ll see about that,” he says with a wink and a laugh as you roll your eyes.

Joel

The rest of the morning was spent laughing and talking. He asked about your first kiss, your favourite song, what you were most proud of so far. He filed away every single answer. 

As the two of you cleaned up from breakfast he said, “So you never saw yourself having kids?” 

“No. I saw myself fighting for others. I think based on my past that I’d be a great mother, just do the opposite of what my parents did, but that never interested me.” 

His fears from earlier started to ease knowing that you didn’t want kids, and your views on marriage were so mature compared to what he usually heard.

He oiled the cast iron as you spoke. “I just need a partner. Someone who is on my side. I’ve been alone almost my entire life, and I can be happy alone. It’s not the company I need - it’s the support. Someone who can shut the world off. You know?” 

He knew the moment he saw you that he could turn you into the perfect little submissive, his perfect submissive. 

“Sounds like you need a partner who knows how to be a Dom,” he says with a wink, eyes roaming over your body in just that thin black t-shirt he gave you. He sees the switch in your eyes, desire blows your pupils wide, darkening your usually sparkling orbs. “Does my sweet girl need something?” 

He watches your thighs squeeze together as you stand beside him. You hum a yes and nod your head. 

“Are you sore?” 

“Yes, Mister Miller. But I still need it.” 

He leans in closely, tracking the shiver that runs up your body as his lips ghost along the shell of your ear. In a deep whispered command he says, “Give me that shirt, and then go wait upstairs for me.” 

He pulls back and watches as your arms cross in front of your body and grab the hem of the soft cotton shirt. Time slows as you reveal your naked body to him, his heart catching in his throat along with his breath. So utterly perfect. 

“Good girl,” he hums, extending his hand for the shirt. “Upstairs, on your hands and knees at the foot of the bed.” 

He watches you the entire way up the stairs. You only glance over your shoulder once, and he knows the wink he sends you is the reassurance you need. Granted, the little smile and the slight skip in your step afterwards were a dead giveaway that you’re excited for whatever he has planned. 

He waits in the kitchen, forcing himself to keep his eye on the digital clock of the microwave. Three minutes, he tells himself. His dick has other plans, throbbing behind his loose, low hanging pajama pants. Wait three minutes, you weak and pathetic little man. 

He palms himself through the fabric to relieve some of the ache, picturing your ass up in the air on the end of his bed. When the three minutes pass, he practically sprints up the stairs until he reaches his bedroom. He takes a breath to compose himself before stepping over the threshold. Looking to his left, you’re exactly how he wanted you. Knees on the edge of the bed, hands planted on the mattress, eyes glued to the fluffy sheets below you. 

“Remind me, sweet girl,” he fights the smile as you startle at his voice, wide eyes looking over your shoulder. He leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms. “Did you mark off that you’re interested in exploring aspects of anal sex?” 

“Yes, Mister Miller.” You say shyly. 

“Here’s what we are going to do,” he starts to walk towards you, eyes roaming along every inch of you. “Look at the mattress, please.” 

He smiles as you obey, always his good girl. 

“You’re going to stay very still. I am going to tease your beautiful pussy and ass with my tongue and fingers.” He stops right behind you, running his fingertips along the back of your thighs. “I’m going to go slow. I want you to close your eyes and just breathe. Focus on my tongue. Can you do that?” 

“Yes, Mister Miller.” 

“Good girl. Before we start, grab a pillow and put your chest on the bed. I need you to arch your back for me.” He slips his pajama pants off as you crawl forward to grab the pillow and licks his lips as your ass scoots back down the bed before you get into his desired position. 

“So beautiful,” he coos, kneeling on the small bench at the foot of his bed. “I’m going to start by drawing long lines of my tongue from here,” his finger lightly presses on your clit, he collects your arousal as he runs it up the soft folds of your cunt, stopping when he reaches your asshole, “To here”.

“I’m going to do that a few times, and then start applying more and more pressure. Once you start to shake, and you will start, sweet girl, so please, don’t hold back. But once you start to shake, I’m going to swirl my thumb along that tight little ring of muscle while I eat your pussy.” 

You let out a moan, he hasn’t even touched you yet and he can see you growing wetter. “Think you like the idea of that. Already so wet for me.” 

“What else?” You ask with a moan. 

“I’m going to tease your ass with my tongue and fingers until you let me in. And then fuck you with my fingers, all while continuing to suck on your clit until you come for me. Do I have your consent?” 

He can hear the smile on your face as you say, “Yes, Mister Miller.” 

“No, no, baby. I want you to say ‘Yes, Mister Miller, you have my consent to play with my ass’.” 

He sees your cheeks flush crimson, he brings his hands to your waist, holding you firmly as his cock rubs against your thighs. “Y-yes, Mister Miller. You have my consent….”

“You can say it, sweet girl. Come on.” 

“To….”

He leans over you, placing a kiss on your shoulder. “Good girl, keep going.” 

“To play with my ass.” 

He sinks his teeth into the meat of one of your cheeks and then runs his tongue over the sharp pain before he does exactly as he said he was going to. 

You 

Your whimpers of pleasure fill the room as two of Joel’s thick fingers slide easily into your ass. You have no concept of how long he’s been teasing you. Since he took the lube out, you’ve been nothing but a vibrating ball of pleasure. His tongue flicks your clit with perfect precision, his fingers stretching and caressing you at the same time. 

“I wanna come, Mister Miller,” you whine. 

He pulls his face away from your centre. “That right?” 

“Please. It feels so good.” 

“You know you don’t have to ask, sweet girl. You can come as many times as you want.” 

“Need more,” you manage to gasp as he curls his fingers slightly inside of you. 

“What do you need?” 

“Fuck me - fuck me while you do that with your fingers.” 

“‘Manners!” He growls. 

“Please, Mister Miller,” you half whine, half cry. “I need to come. Please.” 

He slips his fingers from you and you whimper in protest. “I know, sweet girl.” 

He urges you to move forward and then you feel the mattress dip as he kneels behind you. The click of the cap of the lube sounds behind you, the cool liquid hitting your ass. The warm tip of his cock slides from your ass to clit, back and forth, spreading your slick along with the lube. You push back into the soft top of his cock every time it teases your ass. 

“Needy little thing, aren’t you?” 

“It’s been hours, please, Mister Miller.” 

“That’s a bit dramatic, baby,” he says, focusing his attention on that tight ring of muscle that you’ve never explored before. “It hasn’t even been an hour.“

You push back again, feeling intense pressure. You hiss as the sensation but don’t pull away. “Easy, sweet girl. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

The slippery tip of his cock slides towards your entrance. He pauses, and then as he finally pushes inside of you, his thumb enters you at the same time. You cry out, “Oh my god.”

The usual pinch of the stretch of him filling you isn’t there this time. You don’t need to adjust to his size, you just need him to fuck you.

“Harder, Mister Miller.” 

He obliges, keeping his thumb firmly inside of you as he slides his hips back and thrusts forward. He repeats this motion, setting a quick pace, his hips slamming against your ass over and over. You bury your face into the pillow and scream; deja vu washes over you. The darkness, the way his cock kisses your g-spot, the heat of his body behind you. This is the recurring dream you used to have about Joel, and it’s so much better in real life. 

“Play with your pretty clit, sweet girl. Wanna feel you.” 

You bring your hand to your clit. You’re so wet that your fingers easily slip along your most sensitive part. You rub fast, tight circles, moaning and somehow arching your back even further. “Atta girl. Make yourself come for me.” 

Your orgasm slams through you and you scream his preferred dom name into the pillow. Your entire body is vibrating, your pussy clenches hard around his cock. You feel him growing harder before he’s calling your name along with praise and then spills inside of you. 

His forehead meets your back, the sweat of his forehead mixing with your own as you both try to catch your breath. Your heart races. I love you. 

Joel

When his alarm goes off Monday morning, it’s the first time in a long time that he’s not looking forward to work. He spent the better part of his weekend with you. The rest of your Saturday was spent in a bubble bath before ordering take out and watching movies. He reluctantly dropped you off at home on Sunday morning in a pair of his sweatpants, a hoodie and wool socks. Even while carrying your dress and heels and doing a proverbial walk of shame, you were undeniably gorgeous. 

Now, he sits in his office, the heat of the afternoon spring sun causing the air conditioner to whirl. In the past few weeks, his feelings towards being in a relationship has mirrored the weather. When he met you in February, he was cold and isolated towards the idea, but now just weeks later as March turns to April, he’s warm and soft towards it, opening up to someone when he didn’t think he ever would. He opens a brown folder, a proposal for a new building that JMConstriction is going to take on. Tommy has already done the real work; at this point, Joel is just the figurehead for the construction side. He grabs his pen, looping a J and an M neatly. 

He places his glass on the table and pinches the bridge of his nose. He knows he should have read that before signing, if only he could focus on the words. Somehow the letters on the page transformed into you. Smiling as the movie played, laughing as the two of you tried to toss popcorn across the couch and into the other person's mouth. 

He’s all in, for as long as you’ll let him. He woke up Sunday morning to his cock in your mouth. You whispered asking if it was ok and after his hum of approval he watched your lips slide up and down his shaft. Simply put, he is mesmerized by you. He stopped you before he came, pulling you onto your side, your back against his front and slipped inside of you. He made you come three times before he let himself fall over the edge. 

As he held you, you confirmed that you were staying here for law school. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes. For lots of reasons. But yes, I’m happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been happy. I’m staying here.”

Guilt and excitement swirled in his stomach at your decision. He has to tell you what he did. He should tell you regardless of your decision, but it’s going to be so much harder now. He picks up his phone and texts you. 

Joel: Hi, sweet girl. Before we celebrate at the club on Tuesday, can I take you out for dinner? 

You: I would love that, Mister Miller. But this super rich man has me scheduled to clean his house from 12-4, so what time are you thinking? 

Joel: Get ready at my place, Freckles. We’ll have a drink and then go for dinner, then I’m going to teach you all about the St. Andrew’s Cross.  

He wants you to stay. More than wants, he needs you to stay. The thought of you leaving now makes him feel like his lungs are in a vice grip. Wrong, Joel. That vice grip is actually that thing you did. You know this is going to hurt her, he scolds himself loudly. The imaginary iron fist squeezes tighter and he fights to suck in a full breath. 

He has to tell you. He will tell you. At dinner tomorrow night, he will explain everything from the beginning. You can’t find out any other way or you’ll likely never forgive him. His heart starts to deflate at the thought of not being able to wake up beside you again; seeing you in a cocoon of down-filled sheets, just the top of your head and one foot giving away your identity. 

He stands from his desk and walks towards his office door, clicking the lock and resting his forehead against the wood. He closes his eyes, resting one hand on his chest. I can’t lose her. 

[cressidagrey]

Holy Ground - Chapter 3

Summary:

Nobody knew that Azriel found his mate. Until she nearly died. This is the aftermath.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), Inner Circle Bashing (kinda), Referenced/Implied Sexual Assault, Referenced/Implied Domestic Violence, Discussion of Religion(?), Chronic Injury/Pain/Illness, Minor Character Death (It's probably nobody you love), Magical Work Accidents, Explosions, Injuries

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

The library was supposed to be a safe space. The priestesses were supposed to be sheltered there.

A place far away from the terrors of the world. A place where they could study and learn far from the grasp of those who would harm them.

But clearly today that peace had been destroyed, Rhys reflected weakly. 

Merrill was dead. 

Neither Cassian or Rhys had let Gwyn see the…carnage of that, Nesta and Emerie bracketing her away from…her fellow priestesses’ corpse…and Irena…

Rhys had to keep repeating the words to himself, over and over again. Like a litany, a prayer, desperately trying to make them stick. 

Irena was alive. Irena would be fine.

 She would be alright, even though she looked so, so pale, deathly pale in Azriel's arms.

Irena.

Irena, who Azriel had saved around two centuries ago…

Not from the horrors of the war but from her husband.

The daughter of a merchant, married off young, to one of the richest men in the midlands…she had been raised to run an estate…had excelled at it in fact. And her husband had excelled in killing young girls.

The things he had put her through... The things he had done... 

Azriel, who had found her and brought her to Velaris had been shocked that she'd stayed in one piece to be honest. Rhys had been shocked too.

And once she had been in the library…she had excelled once more.

Rhys had gotten long used to see her handwriting, not long suffering Clotho’s, fill out the sheets with expenditures and acquisitions.

She had cut the fat, made sure that the House of Wind was self sufficient, thanks to research requests being able to be submitted, thanks to patents and the gardens…

Irena had been a godssend. Literally. 

Rhys wasn't quite sure how they had survived before her.

But the last fucking thing he had expected was that…her and Azriel were…mates.

Rhysand had not seen that coming in a million years

But there was no question about it.

If Irena's thoughts, an utter mess of shock and pain and grief and agony...with the only thing that ran through it the whole time was her thread to Azriel wouldn't have been a dead giveaway...then it would have been Azriel's behaviour.

Azriel who had gone on his knees next to the priestess, his hands slick with her blood and had simply clung to her. He had begged her, his voice broken.

Rhys would never forget the sound of his brother's voice, the pure desperation bleeding from every single letter. Please. We haven't had enough time. I am going to be so furious with you if you die. We may have our first fight. Don't you dare. Open your eyes. Look at me, love. You can't go. Fight.

That look on Azriel's face as he had held her close, refusing to let go as he tried to will her back from death's clutches. The words he had kept murmuring like a prayer. A desperate mantra to the Mother, the Cauldron, anyone who would listen.

Azriel was never the most expressive of them. He rarely even showed a flicker of emotion for most things. To see him lose so much control, to beg. To see tears in his eyes. None of them had ever seen him like that before, had ever even considered the possibility of him acting like that.

He was always composed. Always calm, collected, in control. To see him on his knees next to Irena, begging her not to leave as he pressed kisses to her forehead and kept telling her to stay with him…

For a moment, it had felt like he had forgotten the others even existed. That nothing had mattered except her pulse, the slight rise and fall of her chest. The only thing that had mattered to him in that moment was that she was still with him, still alive.

She was important to him. There was no question about it. 

Sometime during the last few years, that Priestess had become the Shadowsinger’s whole focus. 

Sometime in the past, Irena had become Azriel's whole world.

And Rhys hadn't known. Had known nothing about this.

He could feel the guilt clawing up inside him. 

Rhys had had no fucking clue this was happening, right underneath his nose. 

That he had never noticed that Azriel's eyes lingered on Irena…had never noticed that Azriel sought her company…hadn’t known that Azriel had spent time with her… 

Rhys hadn't known. Hadn't...hadn't even thought about it.

Azriel had pulled back from them after that catastrophic solstice and Rhys had let him. Had thought that Azriel needed to lick his wounds...that maybe then he would see it Rhysand's way...but none of this happened.

Azriel had kept his anger tightly leashed, even though Rhys had gotten a taste of it every time he badgered him. But Azriel hadn’t exploded. 

Instead, he had been vicious in throwing Rhysan’ own words back into his face. 

There didn’t pass one day where Rhys didn’t regret that one sentence, because Azriel was clearly… furious about it. 

Azriel had grown distant...cold...unfeeling. And Rhys had badgered him and got on his nerves and figured that if Azriel would just get it out of his system… but he didn't. Didn't get angry. Didn't fight. Didn't scream...Rhys would have preferred it if he did.

What wouldn't he give to have that old Azriel back, the one who actually got mad? Who didn't just accept everything with a nod and a word of acknowledgment. Who talked to Rhysand, who told him when he'd done something wrong. Who fought with him if he went too far, who made his opinion known. Who told him to his face when he was being an arrogant prick, who didn't just accept his commands with a quiet nod.

But now it made sense. Azriel hadn't fucking cared what Rhys did, what any of the did, because his priorities had been rearranged completely. As long as he could get home to his priestess...he hadn't cared.

He did all the missions Rhys had for him and then went home to the House of Wind and found one quiet corner or another to romance his mate, out of the view from everybody else. 

And that was the worst part. That Rhys had been such a prick to Azriel, so wrapped up in his own worries, his own fears, that he hadn't even noticed that something had shifted so fundamentally in his brother. Had pushed him so far away.

Rhys had thought that they were simply…in a rought spot. That in a few years, Azriel would be over Elain and it would be done. But now Rhys realised that…that it wasn’t about Elain. Not really.  

Rhys had never realized how deep this was, how close to the breaking point he'd taken his brother.

Deep enough that the fact that Azriel had found his mate...that was something that Azriel didn't share with any of them. Something that happy... Azriel had just kept silent.

Azriel hadn’t trusted them with the most treasured and precious thing in his life. 

And that hurt. Hurt more than he could put into words. 

That Azriel had found the one person who he was destined for, the only one who was perfect for him in the entire world. The one person who would love and cherish him, who would complete him, who would accept him as he was, who would understand him...and he hadn't told Rhys. Hadn't told any of them.

Azriel hadn't told anyone that he had found his mate. 

Had kept that to himself for who knew how long. Just how long had it been? When had he figured out they were mated? 

“Bring her to her room,” Madja said at the moment. And Rhys watched as seemingly some colour went back into Irena's cheeks, her eyes closed, her breathing still laboured…her mind filled with Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. and Safe, Safe, Safe. 

“My room,” Azriel corrected, his voice fierce. The mating instincts must have gone completely haywire at that very moment, not soothed at all, even when he had pressed a kiss against her forehead moments before.

.“Your room?” Gwyn asked sharply, staring at Azriel, then at still, quiet Irena. She seemed to be utterly shell-shocked, not that Rhys could fault her. 

"Gwyn," Rhys said carefully. It was best if none of them...interfered right now. This was between Azriel and his mate.

"Az, how long have the two of you..." Cassian asked, clearly having come to the same conclusion, but Rhys interrupted him. *Leave him be,* he warned their brother.

*Leave him be?! I had no idea that he and Irena are...whatever the fuck they are!*

“Two years. She’s my mate,” Azriel answered, not even looking at any of them, completely concentrated on said mate. 

"Mate," Irena agreed weakly. "Mine."

"Yours," Azriel agreed, his voice hoarse, as he picked her up carefully like his mate was made out of spun glass. "Let's tuck you into bed, Love," he told her softly. 

And off his spymaster went carrying the priestess that was his mate.

Rhys could just stare after them. 

"Did you know?" Cassian demanded sharply.

"I had absolutely no fucking clue," Rhys admitted weakly.

He felt the guilt swirling inside him, deep and bitter and vicious. He should have known. He should have realized and supported Azriel.

But it had been Rhys who had pushed him so far away that he hadn't told him. That he didn't even think that he could tell Rhys that he had found his mate.

And it hurt. Gods, it hurt. To know that Azriel had kept something that he should have been so happy about to himself just so he wouldn't have to deal with Rhys's bullshit.

Cassian started barking orders...About a stretcher and about Merrill's body...It would be taken away and prepared for the last rites. 

It wasn't often that one of the priestesses died. It wasn't...They were safe here. They were supposed to be safe here...but whatever happened in this room…

“What even happened?” Rhys asked, as he turned around to surview the carnage. 

It was bad. Really bad. 

“Irena went to talk to Merill, because Merrill got…angry with one of the newer acolytes…” Gwyn said, her voice shaky. “Merrill was in a bad mood because Irena forbid her newest research project.”

Her newest research project? It was well known that Merrill was brilliant. So for Irena to…

"Why did she forbid it?" Rhys asked curiously.

"It involved some form of spell crafting. Irena wanted Merrill to have supervision from a spellcrafter, because it was a language that none of us actually understood and we didn’t eve know about what kind of spell it was…Merill didn't think that was needed," Gwyn said weakly, wiping away tears. "And now look where that got us. God, how could Merrill be this stupid?"

"It wasn't stupidity, it was probably arrogance," Cassian said with a sigh. "It's dumb luck that only...that only Irena got hurt.

Rhys couldn't but agree with Cassian's assessment. It was a miracle that Irena was alive. That she'd survived when Merrill’s body was…near unrecognisable….clearly it had been closer to whatever had blown up in their faces

Merrill had probably thought she knew what she was doing, but she didn't have the skill or training to work on advanced spell work. I

rena wasn’t the type of person who would deny research on a whim either. If she believed that Merrill needed supervision then Merrill had needed supervision.

Irena was clever. And cautious. 

Azriel's mate was a damn good judge of character after all.

Gods, Azriel's mate. What a thought…

The spymaster and the priestess. Rhys’ near silent brother and…and gentle, caring Irena, the beating heart of the library. 

Rhys would need to wrap his mind around that in private. 

“I’ll seal…this room,” Rhys said quietly. So nobody could enter. And then he would probably turn Amren loose in it, to turn around every fucking stone, so that they figured out what that spell had been that had reacted like it. The last thing they needed was for the spell to have any sort of consequences that involved Irena. 

"Clotho," he greeted the priestess as she arrived, inclining his head. 

What happened? she demanded, holding out her usual piece of paper. 

Rhys felt his stomach churn at that question.  

How the hell were they supposed to tell Clotho that not only one of the priestesses had tragically died…but one of the others was currently holed up in an Illyrian warrior's room, recovering from injuries that should have killed her, and that said Illyrian warrior was said priestess's mate, so was probably not going to leave her alone anytime soon?

And that was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the absolute clusterfuck this whole situation was. There was nothing to do except to simply tell Clotho the truth and hope that she didn't have a breakdown.

"There was an...accident. Merrill is dead," he told her bluntly.

For a moment Clotho was just frozen in place. But he could tell that his words had hit her hard. That she was shocked, horrified, stunned beyond belief. HOW?!

And Rhys took a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain what had happened. 

To explain how one of her charges had been killed in a room where she was supposed to be safe…How her own experimentation, her own research had killed her…

And how no one had even noticed that a priestess had been mated. 

No...how the shadowsinger had mated to a Priestess and hadn't even thought to tell them because Rhys had acted like such as bastard to his brotherthat Azriel had actually thought it preferable to keep his mating bond a secret.

"Merill didn't listen when Irena turned down her research proposal," Gwyn said suddenly with a shaky voice. "Irena went to talk to her this afternoon, because Merill made Meera cry...It looks like the spell that she was taking apart went...haywire. Merill was killed in the backlash...Irena was hurt.”

Rhys just nodded. It was a reasonable explanation, even if it didn't cover everything that had gone on. At this point in time, he was almost more concerned about Clotho than anything else. The poor female looked ready to collapse.

I told Merill to keep away from that spellbook. We still don’t know what it even contained, Clotho agreed, even her handwriting looking shaky. 

He could tell that she was in shock and grief. Could imagine how she must be feeling. Clotho protected the Priestesses with all she had. They were her flock. To lose one of her charges...There was no way that Clotho would not blame herself.

She was going to blame herself for something that wasn't her fault at all. And the thought made Rhys feel sick to his stomach.

Clotho had enough weight on her shoulders already, the last thing she needed was guilt over something that was not even her fault.

IRENA?! Clotho demanded sharply.

"Alive, if just barely," Rhys informed her, trying to push down his own guilt at the thought. "Madja is with her."

In the dormitory?

"No, in Azriel's room," Cassian said bluntly. "Apparently they have been mates for... two years.”

Clotho's head snapped around, facing Cassian, her eyes wide. 

Nobody had seen that coming, not even one of Irena’s closest friends. 

It seemed like both of them had kept it quiet. Azriel must have so badly wanted to protect his mate from…from him, that…

The thought made Rhys feel sick. Azriel would rather keep his mate a secret than reveal to Rhys that he had found her. 

Than tell him that he had found his perfect match, that there was a female in this world that loved him above all others, who understood him, who supported him.

And it was all Rhys' own fault. 

He didn't have any other thought. There was no other explanation. If a friend didn't trust him enough to confide in him that he had found his mate, it was because he had done something wrong. So wrong that Azriel hadn't felt like he could tell him.

She wanted to be with him? Clotho demanded.

"From the look of it, she was barely conscious, but still claimed him as hers. And Azriel certainly seemed to think that she would want to be with him," Rhys told Clotho. 

And why wouldn't she? He was her mate. Her mate. 

"He won't do anything to her," Cassian said fiercely. "She's his mate."

Rhys agreed with that. Of all the males in existence, Azriel was by far the least likely to do anything that Irena would not like. Hell, he wouldn't do anything that might make her even feel mildly uncomfortable. And if she told him to back off, he would give her as much space as she needed.

"Mor, whatever Clotho needs," he told his cousin, who had brought Madja there, who just inclined her head, seemingly shaken. "I'll seal of this room...we'll need to...figure out what to do with it," he said softly. "Clotho, whatever form of memorial you would like to hold...take all the time you need and then let me know."

Clotho looked at him sharply before nodding weakly. She probably wouldn't need his help when it came to something like this. She knew how to handle something like this. How to give her fallen a last farewell.

"I want to check on Irena," Gwyn said, her hands shaking as she crossed her arms.

Rhys nodded. That was fair. Of course Gwyn wanted to check on her friend. And at this point all anyone could really do was wait anyway. "Let me seal the room and then we can go," he said softly. "But I need to warn you, Azriel will be...overprotective," he told her. "Chances are, he won't let you get close to her at all."

"I don't have any doubt about that," Gwyn said dryly. "But she's my friend. I should at least be allowed to check on her."

***

He cleaned the blood of her skin...The shadows procured one of Irena's nightgowns. She didn't protest when he held her up and Madja pulled the soiled, ruined dress from her body...didn't even flinch away from his touch on her naked skin.

They had never gone further than some heated...kisses...further than his hands slipping under her nightgown and pressing against her soft skin. He had never wanted to push. Azriel had been willing to give her all the time in the world. 

It had taken months until she had been ready for a hug…longer for a kiss. And he had waited. Gladly. He had gladly waited, because it was worth the wait. She was worth the wait. 

Her marriage wasn't something that she was just going to get over, and Azriel was never ever going to push her for more than she willingly offered him. 

He had never wanted to undress her under these circumstances. So he closed his eyes, and pressed a kiss to her head, not looking at all. 

Irena didn't make a sound, didn't even really respond...just stared into the distance. He wasn't even sure she really noticed what was happening to her. Wasn't sure she even noticed Madja cleaning the wounds…cleaning thin, silver lines, scars of her past, mostly hidden by her clothing, but still visible. 

This was also when they saw the rest of the wounds...and the fact that her bad leg was broken.

Madja bandaged it carefully, stuffing pillows underneath it to keep it elevated, wrapped the rest of her bruises and scrapes with a tincture.

Still, once she was clean, no more debris in her hair, her skin as clean as he could get it...and the new nightgown was fitted over her skin, he tugged her underneath the thick goose feather stuffed duvet and then the furs.

There was no resistance on Irena’s part. She just let him do as he pleased, let herself be maneuvered and tucked in with the patience of a parent settling a little girl into bed. She didn't say anything. Didn't protest at all, even when he curled his own large body around her smaller frame, even when his wings came around her, shielding her from the outside world.

But she didn't move to snuggle up to him either. Didn't reach for him, didn't try to press her body into his. Just...allowed him to pull her close and hold her as tightly as he wanted. Her body was limp and unmoving, the only emotion on her face a sort of...emptiness. A blank expression that...it was terrifying.

He wrapped his arms around her with a sigh, running a gentle hand through her hair with a sigh. He knew that she was in shock. That she had just survived something terrible, something traumatic. So it wasn't surprising that she wasn't really responsive at the moment, that her skin felt like ice to him and that she was shaking slightly, trembling…

But the instinct to comfort her, to protect her from everything that might hurt her was roaring in his chest. He couldn't pull away from her, even though he knew he should. Even though he knew he should just be thankful that he had her, that she was here, in his hands, breathing.

She felt so thin in his hands. So fragile. Like she might break if he didn't hold her close. And that feeling, the knowledge of how vulnerable his mate was, it was almost too much for him to bear.

“I have pain potions and a sleeping draught,” Madja said quietly.

Azriel felt his jaw clench at the mention of a sleeping draught. He wanted Irena to rest, needed her to sleep away some of the horrors, but there was also some instinct in him that revolted at the idea of making her vulnerable like that. That revolted at the thought of knocking his mate out when she couldn't protect herself.

“Is that alright, love?” He asked her softly.

She didn't answer. Didn't even stir. The only sign that she had heard his question at all was the way her fingers clenched more tightly in his shirt. The only outward sign that she even understood that he was there at all. That she could even hear him. "Love?" He asked again, his voice a gentle murmur. "Do you want the sleeping draught, love?"

“Sleep?” She repeated weakly. 

“Sleep.” He promised her.

She simply opened her mouth in response, letting him pour it down her throat and swallowed.

He ran gentle fingers through her hair as the potion began to take effect. As her eyelids drooped and her limbs went loose and he could almost watch the tension leaving her body. He couldn't help but press a soft, tender kiss to the crown of her head.

Azriel couldn't put into words how good it felt to have her in his arms like this. To have her safe and protected and healing.

Madja left with the promise to be back soon…and as soon as she left there was a knock at the door. He didn’t want to deal with his brothers. 

*We could bar the door, master,* the shadows offered.

Azriel considered that for a long moment. It was tempting. Really, really tempting to just let the shadows seal the door and tell everyone to fuck off. That they could deal with the rest of the world later and he could just focus on Irena for now.

He knew that he couldn't though. Knew that he couldn't keep the world away from Irena. For all that he would like to protect her from all the harm in this world and lock her away into the safety of his arms, he knew that he couldn't do that. And that Rhys would throw a fit if he didn't let them in immediately.

He sighed softly, his arms tightening around his mate. He didn't want to deal with his brothers right now. Didn't want to deal with Rhys lecturing him about his decisions. Didn't want the pity and understanding in Cassian's eyes, his careful kindness. He didn't want to have to hold up the strong facade when his brother pushed and pushed and pushed.

“Come in,” he said flatly.

Azriel sighed softly as the door was opened and his brothers entered, both looking at him with concern. There was something else in Rhys' eyes, something that he wasn't sure how to name. The High Lord had an indecipherable look on his face as he moved to come stand next to the bed.

But it was Gwyn that shouldered both Rhys and Cassian out of the way, that immediately went to Irena’s bedside.

“She’s asleep,” he warned her softly. “Madja gave her a sleeping draught.”

The Valkyrie moved in silence, but Azriel could tell that she desperately wanted to reach out and touch her friend. Could tell that there was some instinct in her to touch Irena, to comfort her, that she was fighting against. He almost felt bad for her, knowing how hard it must have been to hold back that urge to offer comfort, knowing how desperately she had to want to soothe her friend's pain.

He knew that the two of them were close. That Irena was well liked by practically every priestess…That Roslin was her very best friend, but that she also got along with seemingly everybody else, including Gwyn. 

 And he wanted to let her get close to his mate. He really did. But the need to keep his mate safe was too strong. Was something that he couldn't fight against. So he just pulled Irena more firmly into his chest.

His only saving grace was that Gwyn seemed to understand. Didn't even try to argue with him or demand to get close to his mate. She just stayed at a respectable distance and didn't protest when he pulled Irena closer to his chest.

He could tell that she recognized his possessive nature for what it was. Just a desperate instinct to hold and protect his mate from further harm. And she didn't argue with him. 

“You are the one who gets her the tea and the cookies, aren’t you?” She asked him suddenly. “I was wondering where she got them from. They were always good but the tea has definitely gotten better the last two years.” 

*See, Master?!* the shadows cooed, seemingly heaving and then coming to blanket Irena in their very presence too. *We are getting her the best tea!*

They seemed very pleased with themselves. 

Azriel knew that when he wasn’t in Velaris, some of the shadows even kept Irena company through the night, cuddling themselves beneath her blankets with her. He also knew that Irena loved it.

Knew better than anyone even his shadows that those moments of comfort, those little gestures, mattered more to his mate than any large gifts ever could. Irena had never cared about large gestures, about pricy gifts, didn’t care about gifts or public displays of  affection. 

But those little things…she loved those little things. Loved her shadows coming to spend time with her…loved it when he gave her a back rub to ease the pain in her back, or when the shadows brought her the tea that she liked or her favourite cookies.

And Azriel…he loved giving her that.  He was happy to provide each and every one of them. He would do anything for her at this point. Would bring her anything that she asked for with enthusiasm. Because he loved it when her face lit up or when she smiled when he brought her something she didn't expect to get. That was something that he would never get tired of.

Azriel would never get tired of watching her face light up with happiness at the smallest of gifts that he gave her. Would never tire of feeling those little gestures bring her even a small moment of happiness. It brought him somuch joy to see her delighted by something so small. Made something inside of him fill with warmth.

“I’ll let her sleep,” Gwyn said softly. “Tell her when she’s awake that she owes us all the gossip. None of us had a clue that the two of you were seeing each other.”

Azriel inclined his head in response, a soft grin pulling at his lips despite everything. "I'll be sure to tell her." Not that he thought that there was anything to gossip about.

Gwyn left with another smile. Which left him with his brothers. 

“Az.” Cassian said with a weary sigh. ”What the fuck.”

Azriel frowned sharply, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he looked at his brother. His arms tightened around Irena unconsciously, the protective instinct coming into play.

He knew Cassian, knew all too well that his brother liked to be a pain in his ass, liked to push him further than he wanted to be pushed. "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit, Cassian," he warned his brother in a low growl. "Say whatever it is that you feel the need to say, and then get out."

He knew that he probably looked completely insane. Knew that he looked like a madman clutching onto Irena with an iron grip and growling at anyone who dared get too close. But he couldn't help it. Couldn't help the instincts that seemed to be pulling at every muscle in his body, couldn't stop the tension that was coiling tight as a spring.

“How long has… this been going on?“ Rhys asked delicately. 

“Two years at next Starfall,“ Azriel answered flatly.

Cassian whistled softly at that. "Two years?!" He asked incredulously. "And you didn't think to tell us?"

Azriel's jaw clenched automatically at the words. 

He had thought to tell them. Numerous times. 

He had just never wanted to. 

First he had wanted to let things settle and solidify before announcing it to his family and letting them come swarming in to analyse their relationship…Later…later he just hadn’t wanted to. 

They were completely happy when nobody knew. Why change it? 

Azriel knew that he probably should have anticipated this reaction. Probably should have expected his brothers to be confused and annoyed, probably should have anticipated them wanting to know more. But he just hadn't wanted to deal with the questions and inquiries and curiosity and judgement. 

So he had kept his relationship with Irena a secret.

“It was none of your business,” he said simply.

Cassian stared at him, dark eyes pained.  “We are your brothers,” he said quietly.  

“Quite frankly, I just didn’t want to deal with whatever opinion you cook up about us,” Azriel said flatly.  His brothers were way too nosy and curious for their own good. Always had been. “We are happy. I didn’t want you to ruin that.”

They would have never respected his privacy or any boundary he had tried to set up. 

He knew that Cassianwas probably annoyed that he hadn’t told him about his relationship with Irena. Knew that he was probably feeling left out and...excluded. That he was hurt that Azriel had kept this from him. But he just couldn’t find it within himself to feel any sympathy at the moment. Not when his patience was already wearing thin. Not when he could still feel the fear of almost losing Irena thrumming under his skin.

He couldn’t deal with this right now. Couldn’t handle whatever pity or lecturing his brother would give him. Just wanted to hold his mate and try to keep the fear of losing her at bay.

That fear was already too much, already consuming him and threatening to swallow him whole. The only thing that kept him sane, the only thing that kept him from falling apart was the knowledge that his mate, his Irena, was safe in his arms. And he needed to focus on that if he wanted to keep it together.

“Azriel.” Rhys’ choice was choked.

Azriel stiffened at the sound, his attention flicking to his brother automatically. There was something in Rhys’ voice, some emotion in his eyes that Azriel couldn’t quite discern right now.

He had heard his brother choked or emotional or desperate before, but this was something else. This was emotion in his brother that he had never seen before: raw, unfiltered, and painful.

The tone of Rhys’ voice, the almost anguished look in his eyes had Azriel holding his breath for a moment. Had his heartbeat picking up speed as he waited for his brother to speak.

The tension was heavy and thick as he waited, his muscles coiled tight as he waited for Rhys to speak. His whole body tense like a tightly wound spring.

“I am sorry,” Rhys whispered quietly.

Azriel stiffened slightly at that, his eyes widening almost imperceptibly. His muscles were still tense, still ready for a fight, but the raw apology in Rhys' words, the emotion in his voice...it surprised him.

It was unexpected. He had expected the anger and the hurt and the bitterness, not the raw emotion in his brother’s voice. Not the apology.

He almost couldn’t believe his ears, almost wanted to ask his brother to repeat himself. But he just stayed quiet instead, just tensed and listened and waited for his brother to continue speaking.

He couldn't even blink as he waited, as he hung on every slight movement or small change in expression on his brothers face. The tension was so thick, so heavy he could almost taste it. But he still didn't move an inch. Just waited, every muscle still as a statue as he watched his brother with an almost desperate intensity.

“I am sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t want to hurt you,” Rhys said quietly. “I…we would have been happy for you,” Rhys promised him fiercely. 

Azriel felt his throat go dry at the words. The apology, the admission of his brother's intent to protect him, it was so unexpected that he almost couldn’t comprehend it. He felt some of the tension drain from his body, some of the tightness in his muscles loosening slightly.

Azriel's eyes widened almost imperceptibly, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he almost couldn't hear anything else over the sound. The raw emotion in his brother's voice, the sincerity in those simple words...it was overwhelming.

“You were hurt,” Rhys said softly. “I understand. But you could have come to us any time over the last two years and told us and we would have been a happy for you,” he promised him fiercely.

"Would you have really?" Azriel asked softly. "Would you really have been happy for us and not made a problem out of nothing?"

He wanted to believe his brother, truly he did. But there was still a small part of him, the small part that had been hurt and mistreated and rejected so many times before, that was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The part of him that was looking for a catch, looking for the sign that this was just another manipulation.

He didn't want to feel this way, didn't want to look for the betrayal and rejection that had been written into his very soul. But he couldn't help it. Couldn't help the small part of him that was constantly looking for the next blow, bracing for rejection and hurt.

“We would have,” Cassian said fiercely. “You found your mate, Az.”

Azriel nodded slowly.

“How did you even hide it?” Cassian demanded, crossing his arms.

“I do know how to use a sound shield,” Azriel gave back flatly. 

Cassian let out a low chuckle at that, shaking his head as he grinned. "Well, you've always been more adept at keeping secrets than I am," he teased, a sly grin pulling at his lips. “ Since when do you sleep surrounded by furs by the way?” Cassian muttered.

“Irena gets cold,” he said simply.

“Wait, she spend the nights here with you?” Cassian suddenly realised.

"None of your business," Azriel replied flatly, not even trying to hide his annoyance with the nosy question. "Just focus on keeping your own mate happy, brother."

“How do you even sneak her up here?!”

"None of your business," Azriel repeated flatly. "My relationship with my mate is my own business, not yours."

He knew that he was being stubborn, that he was probably being unreasonable right now. But he couldn't help it. His emotions were too raw, too overwhelming for him to handle the intrusion into his personal life. He just wanted to focus on Irena and making sure she was okay, not on his brother's questions and prodding into the details of his relationship.

It was none of their business how he and Irena spent their time together, how they snuck around the house without being caught. That was something private, something sacred between them. And he wasn't going to share it with anyone, not even his own brothers.

He just wanted to protect that intimacy between him and his mate, wanted to keep it safely guarded from prying eyes that might not understand. He knew that his brothers cared about him, but he also knew that they could be too nosy for their own good sometimes. 

“…is she aware what these furs mean?” Cassian asked him pointedly. 

Was she aware that Azriel was laying claim to her with every single one of those furs that he hunted for her? Aware that he was following Illyrian tradition, regardless of how much…of how fucked up it was in many senses? 

“Yes,” he said simply. Kinda. A little bit. 

"So it's...serious?" Cassian asked him.

"She's my mate," he snapped back.

Cassian held up his hands in a pacifying gesture, a sheepish expression on his face.

Azriel let out a low groan, rubbing a hand over his face. "Just…leave it alone," he said tiredly. "Please. I'm not in the mood for any more questions right now."

He just wanted to be alone with Irena, wanted to hold her close and let the warmth of her body soothe his frayed nerves. He didn't want to deal with his brothers and their incessant questioning. Didn't want to talk about his relationship with Irena or how serious it was. He just wanted to be with her and that was it.

. His emotions were just too raw, too close to the surface for him to hold back. He just wanted a moment of peace, of quiet, with his mate.

He just wanted to hold her close and breathe in the scent of her skin, wanted to feel her warmth against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. He just wanted to know that she was safe, that she was still here with him. Was that really too much to ask?

He let out a long breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. He didn't want to be angry, didn't want to be frustrated. But he couldn't help it, couldn't help the surge of protective instincts that came over him every time he thought about how close he had come to losing his mate.

"If you need anything, let us know," Rhys said quietly.

Azriel stiffened at the words, his hands curling into fists at his sides automatically. He knew that Rhys was only trying to be supportive, that he was only trying to offer his help. But Azriel didn't want that. Didn't want his brother's help or sympathy. He just wanted to be left alone with his mate.

He wanted to protect her himself, to take care of her and keep her safe without his brothers' interference. He knew that Rhys only meant well, but that knowledge did nothing to calm his instincts. All he could think about was how close he had come to losing his mate, how close he had come to never seeing her again. And the thought terrified him.

It made his heart clench and his gut twist in fear and pain, his hands clenching tight as he struggled to keep his emotions under control. He didn't want to be vulnerable, didn't want to let his brothers see how much this had affected him. But he knew that it was pointless to try and hide it, that his brothers could probably see the rawness of his emotions written all over his face.

Azriel didn't try to argue with his brother, didn't try to explain himself. He just nodded.

[satcrvz]

CHAPTER SIX: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG

navi

"what do i wear?" you ask holding up two sweatshirts that nearly looked identical.

nobara huffs before responding, "please just pick one, they look the same babe"

"i can't! am i overthinking? i'm definitely overthinking". you decide to go with the sweatshirt you were holding in your right hand. nobara calls out to you from her room, "he's literally seen you at your worst!"

you assume that she's referring to when you first saw him, when you found out that he existed. that wasn't my worst moment i was cute for a girl in pajamas.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

you and yuuji are almost to your destination, "you know you sounded like rapunzel asking to see the lanterns when you asked me to drive you"

"oh my god shut up i did not" you say in between giggles. he makes the final turn and there you are, yuta's house.

"oh you're just going to drop me off on the curb like i'm a whore" you say while unbuckling your seatbelt.

only his left hand is on the steering wheel and his head turns very slowly to look at you, "you want me to walk you to the door like i'm dropping you off for a playdate?"

"yeah kinda," you pause to open your door and hop out "it'd be rude if you didn't stop and say hi". the minute you heard him sigh, you knew you'd won.

you greeting yuta was a blur, you can't even remember what stupid shit you did because of your nerves. all you remember was a holy shit you muttered when you saw the entry way, to call it nice was an understatement.

currently, you were sitting criss crossed on the floor with yuta to the left of you. "so wait, you have all the games?"

"yeah! you could play the resident evil 4 remake since it's still kind of trending?" he stares at you and there's a short moment of silence before he continues, "only if you want to though, you'll have the controller, not me".

you give him a reassuring smile, "yeah that's fine! beware I am going to die though". he laughs and you swear its the cutest thing you've ever heard "it's okay, i can walk you through it" shutupshutup oh my god i'm going to scream.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"wait why are they jumping him. just make friends with them duh”

“yn, you have to fight back” the stress was very adamant in his tone. "i can't. i wasn't paying attention when they gave instructions. . ." you glance over to the chat to see a mix of yours and yuta's fans laughing at you.

he reaches over to grab the controller from your hands, but not without "accidentally" ghosting over both of your hands holding the controller.

you watched the screen and took an occasional glance at the stream. you figured you should probably figure out what buttons he's pressing, so you look down at his hands which were actually quite nice. no dirt under them, hang nails, or anything else, it almost made you forget why you looked over at them.

"there", he says while handing the controller back to you. "dude where the fuck did you go?" you'd ended up in a completely different spot from where you initially were. "hey, i put you on the right path. you ran like, too far from where you were actually supposed to be"

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"okay guys! i think that's it for today my back is starting to hurt, and i'm sick of someone criticizing me" you're staring directly at the chat while you say this.

"i wasn't criticizing! i mean i was, but it was helpful" he continues, "this is our first time hanging out and you're already trying to get rid of me"

"whatever. anyways bye guys!" you say while ending the stream. you bring both hands up and behind your head to stretch

"i'm hungry, i think i'm going to text yuuji to come get me"

"you don't have to, i can take you back and stop and get something, if thats okay with you?"

teehee... do we like?

my brain was cooking but my fingers were not. do y'all fw ihop? i might make ihop the stop.

didn’t proofread this 😭

tags: @saesofficialwife @k4romis @soy-garbage @sakyira @dreamxiing @swissy23 @shnzies @captaincyberqueen @fantasycantasy @chuyasthighs0 @mixzimi @milza12 @nahoye @spookyrule @4phskingdom @sad-darksoul @morgyyyyyy @smashingdollz @bubbles-the-ghost @lunavixia @gaychaosgremlin @jayathelostdragon

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 93)

Uzi wasn't expecting the welcome she got when she stepped back in the outdoor workshop, several hours later. Almost immediately she was wrapped up in another pair of warm conical arms.

V.

“Holy fuck do not ever do that shit again.” Came tumbling out of the dissasembly drones mouth, arms holding her so tight it was almost crushing. Uzi laughed a little, almost sarcastically, but instead of teasing her, she just buried her face into V's jacket fur and hugged her tight.

Her internals screamed Sister, Safe, Warm

Arguing with it seemed futile.

Lizzy and Thad were next, wrapping around her in a group hug that beat back any nipping cold that found it's way into the rickety workshop.

“Nearly made us blue-screen Zi… got us worried sick.” Thad mumbled, he was the second most affectionate, grumbling as he ran fingers through her hair and pressed himself against her like he wanted to shield her from everything.

Even Lizzy was hugging her, though not as tightly and more wrapping herself around V, but she did have something to say. “Next time you nearly die, please don't throw a whole ass baby at me! I am not built for that!”

Uzi chuckled at that, closing her eyes and enjoying the company for just a fleeting moment before backing up out of the hug with a smile. “I have something to show you guys.”

It was V's turn first, since she was the one Uzi felt the most comfortable with touching her (How that had happened she genuinely couldn't tell you.) She grabbed her hand and placed it on her; now clothed, midsection.

“Uh what are you-uh!” She abruptly stopped when she felt the movement underneath her hand, blinking rapidly with a completely unreadable expression. “Oh…”

“They're moving!?” Thad exclaimed, looking excited, “And your core’s purple!”

“Mmhm. I think J’s little ice bath forced them into the body…” Uzi explained as V fought back a smile, feeling the baby react to her hand.

“You good V?” Uzi asked after a moment and V pulled her hand away like it was burned,

“Yeah! Yeah I just… wasn't expecting that.”

Weather she was talking about the baby moving or her own feelings about it she wasn't sure, she wasn't expecting to feel as connected to this moment as she did, another wave of fierce protectiveness washed over her. Something that she'd been feeling a lot lately…

“Thad?” Uzi hummed, and he too looked nervous, but lightly rested his hand where V's was, his grin multiplied when he felt it too.

“Oooh my god…that is… really weird and really cool…” He admitted, taking his hand off quickly and respectfully. “Seriously.”

Uzi laughed at his reaction, it was only when she got to Lizzy that she hesitated… she wasn't sure how comfortable she was letting the former bully touch her.

Which was completely baffling, considering she'd thrown Tera at her in a panic several hours before, but this felt… different, more personal.

“Lizzy, do you wanna?”

The girl looked taken aback that she'd even been asked.

“You'd let me…?” She asked quietly, looking a bit nervous for the first time in… ever for Uzi. “After… all the shit I put you through?”

Uzi just shrugged. “Do you wanna or not?”

“P-please.” Lizzy replied, gingerly placing her hand where the other two had.

At first there was nothing, which Lizzy took as some form of karmic justice for the genuine hell she'd put the kids mom through, she had long figured they'd never be freinds, at most, she figured that they'd end up being those pair of inlaws that were cordial to each other cause they were married to siblings

But then.

Kick

Kick

Kick

Oh… there they were.

Lizzy felt tears spring to her eyes that she immediately had to hide. No way was she being caught getting emotional over something like this. Nope.

She removed her hand without another word, only a brisk nod before she gripped V's hand like a vice.

She wasn't jealous.

Not of Uzi.

Not because Uzi was actually a great parent

And not because Lizzy's mother was genuinely terrible.

Not because she had so many half-siblings she'd lost count.

Nope.

Nope.

And definitely, definitely not because she wanted to be a mom one day…

She gulped down that horrible feeling, of envy and anger and spite because, news flash; that's what landed her in this freindless mess in the first place. Now she had something… maybe not freinds yet, but something to work on.

She felt V squeeze back and she loosened her crushing grip slightly. Venting out hot air deeply, stabilizing her internals and calming herself down from a minor panic attack. That's what V had taught her…

“Did everyone make it back okay?” N asked, holding a wrapped up toddler in his arms that was chewing on her own sleeve.

“Pod and all. Khan’s looking for you, wants to know if you're alright, Uzi.” V said, pointedly using her name this time.

“Least J didn't fuck that up…” Uzi mumbled, before looking up. “Where is he?”

“Dismantling the pod with the rest of the team.” Thad chimed in, and Uzi nodded sighing.

“Guess I should find him… N, you got Tera for a minute?” She turned to her boyfriend, who in response, gave her forehead a kiss.

“I got it hun.” He hummed, and she jolted a bit at the term of endearment, she was getting better, but it still sometimes caught her off gaurd.

“I'll be right back!” She announced before going off to find her Dad in the sea of engineers.

“We're gonna go take a long nap after that… hope you don't mind buddy.” Thad hummed, looking exhausted as each member of the group filed out of workshop, V's tail hanging low and lethargic.

“Nah, you guys rest! It's been a long day.” He replied, watching as each member of his pack filed into the bunker to get warm and cozy.

Leaving him with his daughter, who looked up at him expectantly, he smiled down at her, brushing some black hair out of her visor and sighing.

“Let's get some food in you, hm?”

He trekked off into the bunker, trying to settle his fraying nerves as he thought about what happened to him…

It was like he'd been possessed… rage hitting him so hard it was almost painful. Making J hurt was the only thought in his head, he wasn't even trying to kill her, just inflict as much pain as possible, it was both euphoric and outright terrifying.

It wasn't him that was in control. But he didn't make any effort to fight back against the feeling either…

He tried to shake it off, to not think about the sound of J's tail snapping off or the disgusting taste of her oil in his mouth.

“Mr. Doorman?” Came from in front of him somewhere, at first he didn't even respond, not registering that the voice was referencing him. “N?”

He looked up, torn out of his thoughts by none other then Delilah, who was standing in front of him, Kiara held against her shoulder and visor full of concern.

“O-oh! Yeah?” He stopped, giving her the best smile he could muster while he was tired and worried.

“I'm Delilah, I've talked to your wife, but I'm not sure we've ever spoken… are you alright?” She asked, Kiara fussing a little into her shoulder, so she adjusted the toddler, who still looked moderately upset.

“I'm… yeah. I'm fine, just… had a long day is all.” He replied slowly, Tera grumbled at him, pointing to her mouth and chomping the air.

“I know, we're going to get you food, just be patient Jellybean…” He hummed, smiling a little.

“I uh… heard what happened with Uzi, is she?” Delilah asked, stepping forward slightly, it was then that the girls seemed to notice each other, Tera grinning and beginning to vibrate like she had a tail to wag. And Kiara stopping her fussing to stare blankly at the girl for a moment.

“She's alright, everyone's okay. She's just talking to her dad right now.” Kiara giggled, a small smile on her face as Tera made faces at her, scrunching up her eyelights and making chirps and hums just to make the other girl laugh.

Delilah’s face broke into a relived smile. “Oh thank god… I thought for a second…” She trailed off when she caught Kiara trying to wave back at Tera.

She laughed, and N smiled when Tera waved back encredibly enthusiastically. “I think they like each other.” He laughed as well, and Delilah smiled. “We could set up a playdate. My little doughball definitely needs a freind…”

“Aww, that's cute.” He smiled. “Yeah! That sounds great. Uhm…” He connected to general short range, sending her his contact information. “Just tell me what time, Tera needs a freind too.”

“Absolutely!” She grinned, before something appeared on her visor. “Ah… that's Jason, asking where I am.” She waved goodbye, Kiara waving as well.

“Bye Kia!” Tera belted, before looking back up at her dad with a grin.

“Okay, food time, let's not keep you waiting.”

Next ->

[plussizefantasia]

Broken Together

BlackCat!reader x Bucky Barnes

Chapter 5/6 : <Prev/ Next>

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Talks of violence, suggestive language

A/N: okay so I fully planned to do a smut scene but then I chickened out because I've never written one before so.... sorry. ALSO: keep your eyes peeled for the kickoff post of my 300-follower (holy shit) celebration along with chapter 3 of the Fluttering Hearts series, both will be coming out before the end of the day!

You nod a solitary nod and reach for the door handle.

“I love you.”

 That stops you cold in your tracks.

“Don’t say that.”

“That’s not really the reaction I was looking for if I’m honest.”

“Well what did you want me to say James?”

“I don’t know, really anything but don’t say that. I tell you how I’m feeling and you know that I’m not good with that feeling shit and your reaction is to tell me not to say it?”

“Jesus Bucky, I can’t ever tell with you! Two minutes ago you were giving me the silent treatment and being all pissy and now you tell me you love me? What am I supposed to do with that?!”

“I- just… I spent the whole night worrying about you, you were back there in that room all alone with those bastards and I couldn’t get to you. I just had to listen through comms and hope and pray to whatever God there is that you come out the other side.”

“Bucky, I can take care of myself.”

“I know that, really I do. I have never ever doubted that you could handle yourself but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying when you go somewhere I can’t reach you. It’s bad enough I had to watch you hanging off that asshole all night. Watching him touch you in the way I’d wanted to all night.” Bucky’s hands tighten around the wheel. You watch as he swallows something caught in his throat.“I watched and stood there like an idiot while he held you close and made you laugh and did everything I’d been dreaming about. I couldn’t look away though, as much as I wanted to becuase even a glimpse of your smile is enough to make all that shit worth it. But then I hear you being threatened, I watch you walk away with the target and not even five minutes later he pulls a gun on you? It took everyhting in me not to run to you, not to burst in and protect you with all I have.”

“I don’t need your protection-”

“I know that! Goddamn it I know that! I know that your amazing, that’s the only thing that kept me from running in there, knowing how good you are. How good my girl is at her job, she doesn’t need me, but I really fucking wish she did.”

“You’re girl? I’m not your girl James I- you don’t even like me?” 

“What?! Why the hell do you think I don’t like you?”

You scoff, “You give me shit all the time. You call me Fury’s pet and you never fail to let everyone know just how much you don’t trust me.”

“I trust you, I trust you with my whole life, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” 

“You have a funny fuckign way of showing it.” You cross your arms over your chest, this whole night scratch that day has been a total fucking emotional rollercoaster, you almost died and now here you are. The man who you love to hate and hate to love is spouting all kinds of heartfult shit and you’re reeling, I mean… what are you supposed to say to that?!

Bucky takes your silence harshly, he tries to fill the space with as many words as he can. He knows that he’s not good at this shit. He isn’t James Barnes the ladies man from the forties anymore, he’s too broken for that. But he can tell your broken too, and maybe you can be broken together? 

“When I say that I love you, I mean it. I mean that I can’t stop thinking about you, when youre not next to me it’s like i can’t breathe. When I hear you laugh or see you smile my whole world lights up. God even when you’re yelling at me an throwing pillows and shit I can’t help but feel like a goddamn wire. I don’t know when I realized it was love, if it was months ago or minutes ago but I’m not taking it back. I don’t think I can ever take it back.” Bucky ends his rant with several big breaths. The whole time he was talking, his eyes never left the road, his hands never left the wheel. 

“James, I- God fuck. I’m not a good person. I don’t deserve good things. Anyone i’ve ever been close to has told me the same shit, i’m too broken to be good to anyone.”

“Yeah. You’re broken. You’re a smart-mouth little piece of shit who doesn’t lok after herself and can’t follow a sleep schedule for the life of her and I love you.” He finally looks into your eyes.

“I don’t need a perfect girl, I don’t want a perfect girl, someone to hang off my arm and laugh at my jokes and just stand there looking pretty? I’ve had that and it gets boring really fucking fast. But you? I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure you out and I really really want to.” 

“I’m not easy, and I don’t think I ever will be.”

“I like a challenge.”

“Well,-”

“Jesus, Stop trying to talk me out of this, I want you. I want you and all the messy shit that come’s with that.”

“I’m running out of reasons anyway.”

“What does that mean… for us I guess?” 

“It means that if you can get us back to the hotel within the next five minutes I’m gonna let you see the pretty little number I have on underneath this dress.”

Bucky slammed on the gas.

_____

It took the two of you four minutes to get to the hotel, the entire time people were honking at your car weaving through traffic. You’re really fucking surprised that the two of you didn’t get pulled over. 

Four minutes is a lot of time though, especially when your nervous as hell and have a penchant for self-sabatage. You don’t know how this is going to go. This is brand new territory for you and honestly your shitting bricks right now with how nervous you are.

It’s not like you’ve never been with anyone, but Bucky is the first guy that you’ll genuinely care what happens when it’s over. Most of the guys you’ve been with before have been the type to only want something physical from you, not that you were complaining, you had needs and they were willing to fuffil them. They just didn’t want to date you, and never once had any of them used the L-word. 

You’re still reeling from Bucky’s confession. You have no idea how long he’s felt this way but the more you think about it the more it makes sense. For as long as you’ve known the man he’s been difficult to read, he build walls as easily as you do and he uses them to block out 99.99% of people in his life. 

Now that you’re really thinking about it you’re astonished at how much he told you tonight. You guess having a gun pulled on the person you care about really makes you want to tell them everything you’d been holding back.

You’d be lying if you thought that there wasn’t something you also wanted to tell Bucky when you heard the safety click off. You don’t know if love is the right word, not yet but you do know that he means just about the world to you. The only person in your life who really seems to see you and understand what you’re thinking. You’ve always liked working with Barnes, it was easy, but now you think there might be something else to it. 

Bucky pulls into a parking spot right at the front of the building and within seconds he’s by your door opening it and offering you a hand to step out.

“Eager?”

“Very.”

He pulls you out of the car but doesn’t step back, he crowds you in every sense of the word. You see and smell and think nothing but him. This close you notice the little things that you hadn’t before, like the little piece of hair that keeps falling onto his forehead, escaping the gel holding the rest of his locks back. Or the way small scars he has, one above his eyebrow, a line to the right of his lip, a little triangle under his eyes. You could spend hours studying him, he doesn’t give you that long tough,

“Can I kiss you?” He asks, moving closer to your mouth. You don’t answer, just push yourself into him. You practically melt at the little groan that falls past his lips. 

His hands fall to your hips almost instintually, the grab ahold of you firmly not willing to let you move even an inch from his hold.

His mouth moves passionalty against yours, he takes his time really trying to get to feel you, to taste you. The pulls away only enough to get air into his lungs, resting his forehead agaisnt yours. God he could kiss you for a lifetime and even a bit longer than that.

“That was…” you start.

“Yeah.” The corners of his lips turn up into a genuine smile. You love his smile even if you don’t get to see it that often. 

“James?” 

“Yeah Kitty?” He giggles… this grown ass man giggles into you.

“Take me upstairs, these people don’t need a show.” You nod your head at the gathering of people outside, trying and failing to make it look like they weren’t just staring.

“Gladly.” 

[fategoflatass]

I used to be so against the slow burn trope. Not because I thought it was shit; it's just, I usually don't have the patience to wait whatever-amount-superior-to-three damn chapters for my dear ship to finally be able to look at each other without blushing and/or hold hands. Thus why you often times see me reading oneshots or fics with the "Established Relationship" tag on them.

So you can imagine just how surprised—or maybe not, maybe I just didn't think enough about it—I was when I realized my newest fixation's main pairing is—canonically—the embodiment of slow burn. Because holy shit they're taking their time.

Nothing against how Kusuriya develops its love story—quite the opposite, actually. The relationship between Jinshi and Maomao, two characters that are written as beautifully as their romance, is a rather realistic approach as to how the same or a similar dynamic would developed in real life. In such a complicated situation, with such complex feelings about emotions—both external and their own—and attachment, makes sense that it takes so long for the relationship to finally sail.

The problem is, I didn't know I was signing with the Devil the moment I decided to pick up the light novel. Ten volumes and nothing has happened. Nothing.

And you can say that technically things have happened, because they have. I mean, Jinshi is just so desperate for Maomao to give him the time of day, you know what I mean? And even that isn't enough anymore and thus he has committed some of the craziest shit I've seen in any romance. Which okay, I don't usually read these type of romances but still.

What I mean by "nothing" is just, their relationship hasn't changed status. I could also say that it seems to go nowhere, but that'd be lying. Since, you know, it has changed quite a lot—just not in the way my impatient ass wanted it to. Because he can be as honest with his feelings as he pleases, and those around them might be heavely conscious of the tension and thus constantly tease those lovebirds (as they should), but babygirl's not helping, you know?

And I get it, Maomao's not the best at expressing and understanding herself, and she's also way too busy worrying about going as unnoticed as possible (she should give up on that one already, tbh) while keeping her head where it should be. But like, I can't help feeling frustrated over it like ‼‼

GIRL, FUCK THE RULES. TAKE THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN AND RUNAWAY SOMEWHERE NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY YOU. YOU THEN CARRY THAT BITCH BRIDESTYLE TO THE CLOSEST CHURCH AND MAKE HIM YOUR WIFE. PROCEED TO FROG AROUND, EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR UTERUS AS MUCH AS YOU'D LIKE, AND THEN TEACH THE PRODUCTS OF YOUR PRACTICES AS YOUR OWN GUINEA PIG THE WAYS OF HERBAL MEDICINE. AS EASY AS THAT.

But she won't. She'll take her sweet ass time being in denial about both Jinshi's and her own feelings, then maybe she'll proceed to analize herself and find out that maybe, just maybe, that affection that she'd been feeling for that loser became something else. Did said affection also become something more complicated? Absolutely. Does she know how to deal with it? Hell no, but fuck it. If I learned something from school is that you always leave the hardest parts for later.

Now you see why I was so against reading slow burn?

And you wanna know the worst part? I loved it—I loved every second of it, every word, every page. Every scene that seemed to help the relationship advance, only for Maomao to say nope and leave like she owns the place, which at this point she fucking might.

It feels like I, as the reader, am in the middle of a heatwave and some sadistic bastard won't stop teasing me with ice cream—they put it in front of my face, close enough that I can smell the cold. Then take a spoon and eat little by little while staring directly to my eyes. At times they seem to show mercy and feed me a spoon, only for it to be a rather small quantity of serving—serving that tastes so damn good at first, only for it to have such a bitter aftertaste. But if I gotta have something in common with Jinshi is that I'll never be able to beat the masochist allegations, so I'll wait patiently for the next spoon and its corresponding and seemingly enless teasing from that faceless being.

So yeah, I'm still against it, only that now I understand the appeal—even if I have yet to find out about the whereabouts of my sanity while still mananing with the little I've left.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 48

chapter 74:

1. NOT SIRIUS TELLING REMUS TO FUCK HIM AND THEN FINDING OUT HIS DAD IS ON THE PHONE. ID DIE- 💀💀

2. not remus going from: FUCK ME PLEASE to never touch me again, i am unworthy and but an evil temptress

he just went from one shade of dramatic to the next

3. “Remus likes that he can leave doors open and come and go as he pleases. He likes that he can just randomly take a walk whenever he wants, going anywhere and as far as he wants to, hearing the birds sing and letting his new home leave a lasting imprint in his mind, taking shape, something to settle in. He likes that he has the freedom to do anything, and really, all he ever wants to do is just—exist. Just be”

crying when i literally have an exam tomorrow at eight am. 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

4. wolfstar is living my dream. i can’t even begin to tell you. they’re living my dream. i’m so unwell knowing that they get everything i want. i’ve never wanted to be sirius more in my life at this point

5. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA SIRIUS PROPOSES WITH A SPOON i- that’s the faggotiest thing i’ve ever seen

6. awwwwwwwww remus said yes!! this is the cutest proposal i have ever seen in my life

7. they.. they are making out on the dirt ground of the market surrounded by people

8. “"Was it at least a nice spoon?"

"Worst spoon I've ever seen."”

LMAOOO

9. god i love sapphics. lily has the most dramatic proposal planned for mary. i love lily

10. awwww lily’s gonna have a baby with mary sometime in the near future. they have their own little family!!! i get so happy thinking about it

11. “In Alice's story, he may be the villain, but in his? In his, there was no villain, just pain, and now peace.” yes yes yes YES

12. awww it’s both sad that sirius leaves his mind during his wedding but also so sweet that remus stops the wedding so sirius can remember every bit of it

13. i cried at how happy sirius was to find out that remus waited for him at their wedding

14. pandora has no shame oh my god

15. but also!!!! canon polyam couple 💃🏼💃🏼

16. FHSHDJSJSKJDKDKSJKSKD REMUS AND SIRIUS ARE GONNA BE FOSTER PARENTS OH MY GOD

17. remus being there for lily during the pregnancy test is so special to me. what if i gnawed plastic or mulch or chomped glass? huh? huh???

18. holy shit. regulus babysits for one afternoon and suddenly he’s adopted two more kids. jesus he works fast

19. HARRY!!

20. domestic jegulus raising kids!!!!!!!!!! AND LILY ISNT SURROGATE!! SHES RAISING HARRY WITH MARY!!! 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

21. oh gosh they’re gonna adopt teddy, huh? i can’t wait for this oh my god

22. uhhh i was so invested in the story that i literally don’t have anything else to say about the end of this chapter. i was so fixated on this i swear

chapter 75: FINAL ONE OMG

1. remus is being so gay over sirius in a dress. and bud, me too. me toooo

2. “”You want to know something?"

"What?"

Regulus watches the rain come down, his lips still curled up as he murmurs, "I would have volunteered for you, too."”

i’m crying so bad over here. tbh i think my period is about to begin because i also cried over the episode in my little pony where they all tell the stories of how they got their cutie marks and then the mane six find out they were all connected by rainbow dashes sonic rain boom.

3. i finally recovered then got emotional over the horcrux hornet

4. shdjsjjsjsjs the hat made a full circle

5. EVAN!!! look every time i forget about him, his presence comes back to smack me in the face and hurt me

6. 😟 that’s it? i’m done? i’ve been reading this for months, and i finally finished. i feel both so completed and so very incomplete.

7. it’s over. huh. it’s really over. well. yeah.

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 03 - Freundschaft]

• Freundschaft (German; noun: friendship)

Focus on Pairing: platonic!Yoongi x Taehyung

Warnings: so many fluffy sweet moments, they finally fucking talk it out, they're actually best friends i'm sorry i don't make the rules, no but seriously they both needed this moment, this is also very emotional actually, i'm sobbing i love them SO MUCH

Wordcount: 9.5k

a/n: *cries* i love them so much holy fuck

Yoongi and your grandparents stay downstairs for another hour before sleepiness starts to take a hold of them as well.

“Oh, I’m tired”, your grandmother says in a yawn.

“Me too”, your grandfather agrees, having to yawn as well.

Yoongi yawns with them, rubbing his eyes. He didn’t even realise how tired they were from using them all day. He never really gets tired eyes in the real world.

“Will you still stay up?”

“I think I wanna finish the chapter, yeah.”

“Alright”, your grandparents stands up.

“Well then, sleep tight my boy.”

“Oh, uhm, sleep tight too, H-Harald”, Yoongi stutters, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Sweet dreams, dear.”

“You too, Agatha.”

They leave holding hands while Yoongi is left gawking at the empty room with a racing heart. They like him. Something inside him finally clicked which made him realise that he is actually liked by them.

Yoongi lowers his head, scrunching his face in giddiness. They like him. He continues reading with his mind going back to the interaction over and over again. It never loses its spark and maybe he plans on telling you about it tomorrow.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi lifts his eyes from the book. He already finished another chapter before being called. Taehyung is in front of him, wearing a jacket. He seems to come from outside as he smells like the night.

“Do you have some time?” he asks shyly.

“For what?”

“To spend it with me.”

Yoongi checks the clock.

“It’s half past eleven.”

“I know, but I wondered if perhaps we could go for a walk in the garden.”

“Did you ask the others?”

“Huh? Aren’t they sleeping already?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

“Fine”, Yoongi gives up and stands up with a sigh, “you’re not gonna leave me alone either way.”

“Thank you so much. Oh, how happy I am”, Taehyung says and hurries to the coat stand to pick up Yoongi’s jacket, “let me help you.”

“I can put on my own jacket”, Yoongi says and snatches it away, “I’m not gonna act like a lovedrunk idiot with you, just so you know.”

“So you won’t even hold my hand?”

“Don’t make this weird or I’ll leave.”

“Oh, I was merely joking with you”, Taehyung says, nudging his arm, “I am very well aware that you cannot seem to like me, which is very hurtful if I may mention it.”

“It’s nothing personal”, Yoongi says and puts on his shoes. He finishes his look with a headband which he pulls over his ears then goes to open the door, “let’s go. I wanna be done with it.”

Taehyung follows him outside, joining his side. Yoongi inhales deeply and exhales, sticking his hands into the pocket of his jacket to make sure Taehyung can’t hold them.

“Now we’re outside. It’s cold and dark. Is that what you wanted?”

“Please can you at least attempt to meet me with less hatred?” Taehyung asks.

Yoongi studies his features, “yeah, I’ll try. Where should we walk? It’s dark”, he mumbles with slight embarrassment in his voice.

“Follow me, I know the way”, Taehyung says and takes off.

Yoongi follows behind him. Fireflies guide their way. Taehyung seems to lead him to the animal shed. There is the faint red shine of the warming lamp in the distance.

“It’s peculiar isn’t it? To think that we lived centuries being able to see in the dark and now we are helpless.”

“Yeah, it’s weird.”

“We became so used to the conveniences.”

“Yeah.”

Lights flicker on just as they pass the lavender beds. Your grandfather installed motion sensor controlled garden lights along the path. They guide their steps, making it a lot easier to see.

“That’s better”, Taehyung says to which Yoongi agrees with a hum.

The two men walk a few steps and then Taehyung talks again.

“How have you accustomed to being human again?”

“It’s alright.”

“Truly?” Taehyung stops to turn and look at Yoongi, “you spent thousands of years wishing to be human and now that you are, you think it is merely alright?”

Yoongi touches the side of his neck, “it’s good”, he confesses, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t feel comfortable with you.”

“You’re so cold to me”, Taehyung says and touches his heart, “it breaks my heart. Oh, why am I still trying to make you like me?”

Yoongi knows that he is joking. He lets a small scoff escape, reaching out to push at Taehyung’s chest gently.

“Walk, you brat”, he says and joins his side.

Taehyung glances at him, feeling happy. Yoongi is like a stray cat. One must be patient and give him space to make him comfortable. Only then will one be rewarded with warm moments.

The two men reach the animal shed.

“Here”, Taehyung says and tugs Yoongi to the right.

“Where are we going? The path’s that way.”

“I know, but I want to go this way.”

The automatic light flicker on. They pass them and disappear in the darkness again. New lights flicker on, showing them the way. At the end of the path a burning fire waits for them. There is a blanket and some pillows next to it.

“Are we going to the bonfire?”

“Yes indeed”, Taehyung says.

“Did you prepare a picnic?”

“Yes.”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung.

“I told you that I don’t wanna be romanced by you.”

“I am not trying to romance you, hyung. I am trying to bromance you.”

Yoongi scoffs at the silly wordplay, following Taehyung down the path despite his complaints.

“Fine. Any sign of you trying to make a move on me though and I’m gone.”

“I won’t make a move on you”, Taehyung promises and stops by the fire. He points at the blanket, “get comfortable.”

Yoongi follows even when he pretends to sulk. Taehyung takes off his shoes and gets on the blanket as well. Yoongi, who watched him, also takes off his shoes, stretching his feet to the fire afterwards. The warmth is intense, but he likes it. The night is really chilly here. Despite how warm the days are.

“What are you doing?”

“Preparing you a drink”, Taehyung answers him, “I also made a few snacks if you get hungry.”

“That’s what you were making behind me? Where I couldn’t look?”

“Indeed.”

“And you didn’t set the whole kitchen on fire?”

“As a matter of fact, I didn’t. You should trust me more, hyung. I am a very skilled cook.”

“Yeah sure”, Yoongi laughs.

“You offend me, hyung. I put a lot of effort into tonight”, Taehyung says as he pours red wine into a glass. He hands it to Yoongi, who accepts it. Once Taehyung filled his own glass, the two men clink glasses, avoiding eye contact. At least Yoongi does, Taehyung is very much staring at his face.

“To a lovely night.”

“Yeah.”

They drink the wine.

“And?”

“It’s good. It’d be better to let it breathe for a bit.”

“I agree, but it’s still very delicious. The richness of the grapes truly coats the entire tongue.”

“Mhm yeah.”

“Eat some cheese to it, hyung. I cut it myself”, Taehyung offers, pointing at a prettily done cheese board. He decorated it with flowers from the garden and cut some baguette to go with it.

“Thanks”, Yoongi says and picks up some brie.

“Here. Pair it with baguette and fig. It tastes wonderful this way.”

Yoongi allows Taehyung to prepare the perfect bite, but flinches back when he attempts to feed it to him.

“I’ll do it myself, don’t make it weird”, he mumbles.

“Very well”, Taehyung says, “you are such an anti-romantic.”

“I can be romantic.”

“Of course. How does it taste?”

“Good.”

“Oh how wonderful”, Taehyung giggles happily, “eat as much as you want, hyung. I made it just for this occasion.”

“Mhm.”

The two men share silence for a while. Yoongi doesn’t think the silence in itself is uncomfortable, but the fact that he has to share it with Taehyung. While Taehyung thinks the silence in itself to be uncomfortable as his mind scrambles to come up with topics to talk about. He doesn’t want Yoongi to feel as if coming with him was a waste of time.

“What do you think of the wine, hyung?”

“You asked me that already.”

“Indeed? Oh silly me. I apologise”, Taehyung says and fumbles with his hair. He downs his wine and prepares another glass.

Yoongi watches him from the corners of his eyes. The nervousness is practically wafting off of Taehyung.

“It goes well with the cheese”, Yoongi says.

“Indeed?”

“Yeah. It fits well”, Yoongi praises and finishes his own glass, “can I have another?”

“Yes of course. Drink as much as you want to and eat! Yes, eat just as much!”

“I will, Tae. Thanks.”

There is silence again, but it doesn’t feel that uncomfortable anymore. They drink wine, eat delicious cheese and share the warmth of the fire. Taehyung knows that Yoongi isn’t the person who always needs to talk a lot, so the silence doesn’t feel that heavy anymore. Yoongi seems content, he seems to enjoy the food and wine and he seems to enjoy the fire. Taehyung still wants to talk with him. He hasn’t had a proper conversation with him in ages.

“Did you work on new music lately?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. What genre?”

“Acoustic. Yeah”, Yoongi touches the side of his neck shyly, “I like it lately.”

“Indeed? I believe it fits you, hyung.”

“Why?”

“Because acoustic reminds me of feeling at home. You seem to be at home these days.” 

Yoongi looks away and lowers his head.

“I guess”, he whispers, hiding his hands in his sweater paws before stuffing them between his thighs shyly. 

“Do you have some of your music here? I would love to listen to it.”

Yoongi hesitates at first. 

“Please?”

“Okay”, he gives in and takes out his phone, “I uhm, saved them on my phone. They’re not finished yet, but I think that they’re already really good”, he says and presses play on a song. 

The two men listen to it intently, sipping on wine and snacking on cheese. Yoongi is shy. Even a blind person could see so. He is shy, but not uncomfortable. In his own kind of way he seems even proud of himself. Yes, he really seems content with his own work. 

The song finishes with Yoongi strumming on the guitar. Silence follows. 

“Yeah, that’s it”, he murmurs, flinching in surprise when Taehyung starts clapping. 

“Wow hyung, this was wonderful!” Taehyung exclaims, “I didn’t know that you could sing and oh so well at that.”

“Thanks. I think I sing well”, he agrees.

“You truly do. Your voice is very soothing and fits the genre very well. Do you have any idea on what you will call the song?”

“No, not yet. Maybe something nice.”

“Something nice would fit the melodies very well.”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung. He tilts his head to the side slightly. Taehyung meets his eyes.

“Do you really think it’s good?”

“Of course I do. I enjoyed it. Honestly.”

“Okay. Thanks”, Yoongi says and looks into his phone.

Taehyung glances at the screen. Yoongi is scrolling up and down on the same spot, almost as if he is waiting for Taehyung to ask him about it.

“Do you have more songs to show?”

“Yeah, I guess”, Yoongi says and presses play on the song. It starts off with the piano, but soon guitar and Yoongi’s gentle rapping joins the melody.

The two men listen to it as they drink and snack and share the warmth of the fire. 

They each finish their drink in the middle of the song and so Taehyung makes it his task to refill their glasses. Yoongi thanks him with a silent nod. The song ends abruptly. 

“I didn’t get to the end yet”, Yoongi says, “sorry, that was shit.” 

“No, it wasn’t. It was wonderful.”

“Really?”

“Yes, truly. I love your music, hyung.”

“Oh”, Yoongi lets out and blushes vividly. Thankfully for him, the wine and the heat of the fire already turned his face red, so a new layer of blush goes unnoticed by Taehyung.

“I was actually wondering whether you could write melodies for me. Unless you have more songs to show”, Taehyung says.

“No, all the others are still rough drafts”, Yoongi says and glances at Taehyung “what do you mean with melodies?”

“Well, you see”, Taehyung begins and takes out his leatherbound notebook from the inside of his jacket, “I have this poem, which has such potential for a song, but I am terrible at composing”, he explains and lies down on his tummy. His feet still face the fire, he is propped up on his elbows.

Yoongi stays in the same position, craning his neck to look. 

“Would you want to take a look?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Yoongi tries to see in the current position at first, but has to give up in the end. He lies down on his tummy as well, mirroring Taehyung’s position.

“It’s dark.”

Taehyung shines his phone flashlight on the pages.

“Does this help?”

“Yeah.”

The two men share silence. Yoongi reads and snacks while Taehyung stares at his face and feels nervous. It’s been centuries since he last showed his friend his poetry. And it has been even longer since he asked him to write melodies for him, maybe he never even did. Centuries make memories blur, so Taehyung can’t remember clearly. He feels nervous beyond recovery. 

Yoongi ends the poem with a quiet hum.

“And? What are your thoughts on it?” 

“It’s romantic.”

“Yes indeed. I thought about my favourite things to do with my loves and slow dancing came to my mind. So I wrote a poem about it.”

“It’s good”, Yoongi says and glances at him, “I have ideas for a song.”

“Truly? Oh hyung, this is wonderful news! I feel beyond delighted.”

“Do you want to make it jazz?”

“Yes! Yes, I would love to make it jazz!”

“Or maybe retro RnB with some jazz elements.” 

“Oh hyung, you are truly a visionary. I love every idea you have. We could make it so that the instruments get a solo part to really make them shine.”

“Yeah, I like that.”

“We have to start working on it once we are back home.”

“Yeah.”

“We will finally be able to have our music nights again”, Taehyung says and caresses Yoongi’s upper arm gently.

“Yeah.”

Yoongi fumbles with the edge of the page. He doesn’t dare to flip it because it would invade Taehyung’s privacy. 

“Do you want to see something else?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Taehyung flips through his notebook until he lands on the drawings he did for your bedroom. 

“It’s not finished yet, but this is my vision for ___’s bedroom. I am thinking flowers and branches reaching from the ceilings. What do you think?”

“Yeah, it’s good”, Yoongi says, tracing the floral sketches with gentle fingertips. 

“If you have any ideas which I could incorporate, please let me know.”

“I don’t know. I’m not good at painting. Or art.”

“Oh, that is a lie. You are talented.”

“Not like you. I can’t paint like you”, Yoongi says and shakes his head. 

“Yes, but you have your own style. Wonderful and beautiful because it’s yours.”

Yoongi glances at Taehyung. The latter smiles at him, flustering Yoongi to the point where he has to hide away. He lies down on the blanket, resting his head on his own arm. Like this, he is looking up at Taehyung.

“I can’t paint, stop fucking around”, he hisses, but Taehyung merely chuckles and reaches down to caress Yoongi’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“Very well, you stubborn bastard”, he says and flips his hand so his fingertips were dancing along Yoongi’s temple. He ends the touch with a slow trace of Yoongi’s brow, retreating it afterwards to instead flip through his notebook.

Yoongi allowed it to happen with silence surrounding him and his eyes never once leaving his face. He keeps staring at him even after the touch stopped.

“I have another poem. Do you want to hear it?”

“Mhm.”

“It’s in our mother tongue. Ever since I am with Jungkook, I find myself thinking in this language more often. In a sense, this poem is dedicated to him.”

“Read it to me.”

And so it happens that Taehyung reads his poetry to Yoongi, while Yoongi looks at him and enjoys the warmth on his toes. He listens to Taehyung’s words intently and wonders if the young vampire has always been so dreamy with his words. And then he wonders if he has always been so gentle and why he felt the need to touch his face in such ways.

Taehyung ends the poem with a shivering voice. 

“Oh dear”, he lets out and wipes at his eyes, glancing at Yoongi, “I am tearing up.”

“It’s okay”, Yoongi speaks softly.

“I always tell myself that I won’t become too emotional, but I truly can’t help myself. I am in love with him. Just thinking about him makes me want to cry. Oh dear, this isn’t like me at all”, he says and laughs softly, drying his eyes as best as possible.

“It’s okay”, Yoongi assures him and reaches up to wipe the tears from Taehyung’s cheek.

The latter falters for breath, gawking at him with widened eyes. The touch surprised him so greatly that he forgets to cry. 

Yoongi ends the touch with a gentle nudge to Taehyung’s chin, afterwards he retreats his hand and hides it under his head.

Taehyung doesn’t dare to speak. He is left staring at Yoongi and feeling short of breath. His heart is threatening to give up in his chest, his thoughts are messy but one thought is clearer than all else. Is this truly his friend? Such tenderness, Taehyung never experienced from him before.

“The poem is nice. I could write melodies for it”, Yoongi breaks the silence.

“You”, Taehyung has to clear his throat, “hyung, this would make me incredibly happy. Oh, hyung thank you.”

“Mhm, yeah. You could perform it for Kook once it’s finished. He will love it a lot.” 

“I truly hope that he will. Oh, I want to make this man so happy. Sometimes I fear that I am too much, that I will scare him away one day because I overwhelmed him with too much love.”

“There’s no such thing as too much love, Tae, there’s just a thing as the wrong receiver.”

“The wrong receiver?”

“Don’t lessen your love, Tae. A cactus dies in too much water, while a water lily thrives. There is no such thing as too much, there are just wrong receivers. Jungkook’s the right one, trust me.”

“Hyung, thank you I…” Taehyung exhales shakily, “oh, I have so much love to give to him. If I could, I would steal the stars just to give them to him. You have no idea, hyung.”

“No, I do”, Yoongi whispers and smiles softly, “he’ll cry so much when he hears the song.”

Taehyung chuckles and drops down, nuzzling his face into his own arm as he beams at Yoongi.

“He will. Oh, he is such a gentle soul.” 

“Yeah”, Yoongi agrees with a chuckle, “I hope he never changes.”

“Yes, yes I agree. He’s perfect the way he is”, Taehyung says with love drunk eyes, “I plan to take him on a summer holiday soon. Perhaps Greece. It is so terribly romantic there.”

Yoongi studies Taehyung’s features intently enough that Taehyung feels shy.

“What is it, hyung?” he whispers.

“I haven’t seen you so in love before.”

“That’s not true. I love ___ just as deeply.”

“You weren’t like this with her. You were a cunt and a show-off.” 

Taehyung chuckles, “I guess you are right. Oh, I regret a lot in my life. I try to make it right, but sometimes I am scared that I won’t ever be able to fix it.”

“Don’t try so hard.”

“But if I won’t, then it won’t ever be enough.”

“You’re already enough, Tae.”

Taehyung flusters, looking away.

He touches his own hair, scrambling for words.

“Hyung I…” he begins, “hyung, I feel wrong at times.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel as if I am trying to force myself into a situation I have no right to be in”, he says and looks into Yoongi’s eyes, “when Jimin was dead, I did so much wrong and, and afterwards as well. And although I shouldn’t feel this way, I feel as if I was never meant to be part of this family again. Sometimes I am scared that all of you merely pretend to be alright with me being here.”

Yoongi furrows his brows.

“I know. How silly of me to think this way. How utterly and stupidly self-obsessed. The world doesn’t revolve around me and yet here I am, feeling sorry for myself.”

“It’s not self-obsessed, Tae. You have worries and still feel guilty for your past. I understand those feelings all too well, but you shouldn’t feel this way. You acted like shit in the past, yeah, but you’re not that person anymore.”

“Do you truly think this way?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t think that you would.”

“Why?”

“Because you are always so mean to me.”

Yoongi falters. Taehyung shies away, lowering his eyes.

“It hurts me so much when you’re always so terrible to me, hyung”, Taehyung confesses in a whisper.

Yoongi stays silent.

“I apologise”, Taehyung whispers, “it, it’s alright. I understand why you are this way. I shouldn’t ask you to change for me.”

“No, you should”, Yoongi interrupts him.

Taehyung lifts his eyes, holding his breath.

“I think I’ve been unfair to you”, Yoongi confesses.

“What?” Taehyung gasps.

“It’s hard for me to accept that you’re not the reckless, snobby brat from the past anymore. That’s all I’ve known you as for centuries, but I have to give you a chance to prove yourself as someone different. You’re allowed to better yourself. I’m sorry for acting like a cunt, Tae.”

“Do you mean that?” Taehyung presses out.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Hyung”, Taehyung tears up, “oh hyung”, he whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Hey, don’t cry kiddo”, Yoongi whispers, cupping Taehyung’s cheek to wipe the tears from his lashes.

“Oh hyung, I’m so happy”, Taehyung presses out and flings himself around Yoongi’s neck. He traps him in a tight hug, his arms are slung around him and his legs closed tightly around Yoongi’s waist.

“Yah! Stop that”, Yoongi complains, finding himself smothered in Taehyung’s chest as the latter rolls around the blanket with him. Yoongi ends up chuckling, “you’re so stupid, Tae. Let me go.”

“Oh hyung, we will be such good friends”, Taehyung giggles and nuzzles into Yoongi’s face just to kiss his cheek.

“Tae stop”, Yoongi laughs, pushing his face away gently, “you’re weirding me out.”

Taehyung pulls back, releasing Yoongi from his tight hug. The latter wiggles away instantly, nudging Taehyung’s cheek.

“You’re a brat. I regret everything I said”, he says, making Taehyung laugh. Yoongi smiles, giving Taehyung’s chin one last gentle nudge. Then he rolls to his back and sits up, taking his glass of wine to drink it as his eyes stare into the orange flames.

Taehyung sits up as well, studying Yoongi’s features.

“I feel happy, hyung.”

Yoongi nods his head, “me too.”

“I mean it.”

“What do you mean?”

“We will be such good friends.”

“I see”, Yoongi says and nods his head, “yeah”, he glances at Taehyung, “I don’t want you trying to romance me. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“I won’t try. All I wanted for years was to be your friend, hyung. This is everything I wanted.”

“Mhm, good.”

“I will however cuddle with you and give you kisses.”

Yoongi scrunches his nose up and clicks his tongue, “if you have to”, he murmurs.

“I do”, Taehyung says and scoots closer to hug Yoongi’s waist and rest his chin on his shoulder, “you will be so fed up with me by the end of it.”

“It’s gonna happen sooner than later. I hate PDA.”

“No, you don’t. You give ___ PDA all the time.”

“Yeah, I guess. She’s my love, yeah.”

“That’s good, hyung. The two of you are meant for each other”, Taehyung says and sits up. He wiggles his toes and drinks his wine. Then he lets out a loud sigh, tilting his head up to stare into the sky. Millions of stars look down at them, “this world is truly fascinating.”

Yoongi inhales and lifts his head. He exhales, “yeah, Namjoon did nice stuff as well.”

“It feels impossible for me to imagine. He traumatised me incredibly.”

“I know Tae. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi lets out and lies down. He starts counting the stars but soon gives up, “do you think that every witch that ever lived is here?”

“Mhm, yes I think so.”

“Mhm.”

Taehyung snacks on some grapes and enjoys a sip of his wine. He really likes the taste of it. It’s already warmed up from the fire, but he doesn’t mind. It still tastes sweet, tasting even sweeter because he is finally Yoongi’s friend. Taehyung loves being Yoongi’s friend.

“Do you think that witches return to be witches once they’re dead?”

“I don’t seem to understand this question, hyung.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Taehyung turns, studying Yoongi’s features. The latter, who looked at the sky at first, shifts his attention to Taehyung. He seems flustered.

“Talk to me, hyung. There is something weighing on your heart, isn’t there?”

“No, there’s not.”

“You don’t have to lie to me”, Taehyung says and lies down on his tummy. The two men can see eye to eye this way, “you can trust me, hyung.”

Yoongi takes a deep breath and sighs.

“I was just wondering. What if a witch became a vampire against their will, would their soul return to being a witch once they’re dead? Would they be able to enter this world or will their soul be too cursed by vampirism to enter?”

“I have to think about this for a moment”, Taehyung confesses.

“It’s okay. It’s fucking stupid either way”, Yoongi murmurs.

“No, it’s not. I will think about it”, Taehyung assures him and rolls to his back.

They share silence. The fire crackles by their feet, the crickets sing their nightly song and the forest is alive in various kinds of rustling and animal calls. They’re both a little chilly. It’s been centuries since they last felt truly cold. They’re also very tipsy from the wine. It’s been just as long since they felt so truly drunk. It’s a vulnerable state they find themselves in. Human and so utterly prone to outside influences that it would be a scary state to be in if they weren’t so safe in each other’s presence.

“I thought of my answer”, Taehyung breaks the silence.

“Tell me”, Yoongi whispers and so Taehyung speaks quietly as well.

“I think that a witch will return to being a witch once they die. You said that they were cursed against their will and I believe that death will lift the curse from their soul.”

“So you think that they can find peace here?”

“Yes I believe so”, Taehyung says with confidence in his voice.

“Good”, Yoongi says and exhales shakily, “yeah, that’s good.”

Taehyung turns his head to Yoongi.

“Why do you ask such a question, hyung?” he asks and widens his eyes, “no hyung!”

“Huh?”

Taehyung sits up, “no! Just no! Why would you think like this? Why?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

Taehyung shakes his head vigorously and grabs Yoongi by his shoulders.

“Why do you still think about dying? Why would you kill yourself just to enter this world? Why do you still think this way?” Taehyung presses out with a trembling emotion in his voice.

“What?” Yoongi gasps and sits up, “I wasn’t thinking for myself, you idiot.”

“But…what else were you thinking?”

Yoongi lowers his head and touches the side of his neck.

“My friends”, he whispers.

“Your friends?”

“The other Creators who died. Do you think that they found peace here?”

“Oh”, Taehyung lets out and touches his own chest, “I feel such relief right now. Oh hyung, you gave me such a fright.”

“I don’t want to die these days”, Yoongi says.

“Good. This is good”, Taehyung says and hugs Yoongi again even if the latter grumbles in distaste, “you just became my friend and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Okay, okay I got it”, Yoongi laughs, patting his head, “now let go of me.”

“No”, Taehyung murmurs, “I have to hug you, hyung.”

“Fine.”

Taehyung gives him a little squeeze.

“I think that your friends are in this world”, he says into the crook of Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi feels his voice against his skin this way.

“You do?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Okay”, Yoongi says and relaxes, “maybe I’ll find them one day. How endless do you think this world is?”

“I can’t tell. I know even less about magic than you.”

“I never understood this world. This was always Namjoon’s expertise. I keep wondering how far away my friends are or how similar to the real world it is. What about time differences? My friends died thousands of years ago. They don’t know automatic lights or modern sanitary systems. Does their world look different than that of ___’s grandparents? Does every witch’s world look different depending on when they died? Isn’t it incredibly lonely like this?”

“I don’t think that I have answers to these questions, but I do believe that this world isn’t lonely.”

“You do?”

“Yes. The real world is lonely enough and I believe that the loneliness stops here. This isn’t a world of punishment, but of peace”, Taehyung says and sits up to look at the stars, “if you asked me, witches of every time period live here together. I think that this world evolved as the real world evolved. Your friends may have started off this world without electricity or running water, but as time passed and witches from different time periods entered this realm, it evolved with them.”

“Maybe.”

“Or perhaps this is a world of many different times. Maybe your friends still live how you lived three thousand years ago while ___’s grandparents live in their time period. Perhaps we can traverse time here and visit each other’s time.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Whatever it may be, I believe that your friends are at peace.”

“I wonder if they would recognise me if I ever meet them again.”

“I believe that they would”, Taehyung says and glances at Yoongi, “perhaps we could look for them.”

Yoongi lowers his head, “I was wondering the same.”

“You were?”

Yoongi nods his head.

“Oh hyung, then we ought to do so”, Taehyung says, taking Yoongi’s hand.

“I don’t know if I want this.”

“But you said so yourself that you were thinking about it.”

“Thinking about it and actually doing it are two very different things.”

“And what would be so bad about actually doing it? How else will you make new memories? How else will you find out if they’re at peace?”

Yoongi looks at Taehyung. The latter meets his eyes.

“Thinking about it can’t hurt me”, Yoongi whispers.

“I see. Oh hyung, you live in your thoughts too much. What would have happened if you over thought ___ as well?”

“That never would have happened because she gave me no chance to even think about it. She just made me fall in love with her”, Yoongi says and makes Taehyung laugh with it.

“Yes indeed, she is so incredibly stubborn once she wants something.”

“Yeah, I hope she never changes.”

“Yes indeed. She is perfect the way she is”, Taehyung agrees and smiles with Yoongi. He squeezes his hand, “but you see? Because you had no time to over think it into ruin, you can now live in happiness. You told me that you don’t want to die these days hyung, and it is all because you didn’t overthink.”

Yoongi looks away, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

“So I think that we should attempt to look for your friends. It will make you happy.”

“I guess”, Yoongi touches the side of his neck, “not this time. We’ll visit this world a lot more. I’m not ready yet.”

“I understand. Then we’ll do it next time”, Taehyung says, caressing Yoongi’s knuckles, “I love it here, so I hope to visit it many more times.”

“Mhm yeah”, Yoongi agrees, “how do you like being human?”

“Oh, it’s exhausting”, Taehyung laughs, “it has only been two days and I already have enough of it.”

“Really?” Yoongi chuckles, “why? I think it’s nice.”

“Why is it nice? I have to eat and drink and constantly relieve myself, I get tired so easily, every little ache stays and I have been freezing my buttocks off for the past ten minutes.”

Yoongi laughs, “I like it.”

“Of course you do.”

“Yeah.”

Taehyung touches his own chest, “but I must admit that it is truly wonderful to feel my heartbeat again and that my warmth is honest. And I guess it is also wonderful to feel touch on my skin”, he says and lifts Yoongi’s hand into their vision. He runs his thumb over his skin, meeting Yoongi’s soft gaze afterwards.

“Yeah”, he whispers, “it’s nice to experience this. Hugs are the best because you can feel the other’s heartbeat. Yeah and kisses.”

“Oh, you romantic”, Taehyung says with fondness in his voice, “I haven’t kissed properly yet.”

“I’m not the one you will experience this with.”

Taehyung laughs, “you are truly ice cold, hyung.”

Yoongi chuckles, “I told you. I don’t wanna romance you.”

“Yet.”

“Ever.”

“Of course, this is what you say now.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, smiling fondly, “you’re a brat.”

He lifts his glass to his lips and finishes the wine.

“Do you want more?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, the bottle is empty.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi hums, “I guess that means we gotta go inside.”

“Why? The night has only become comfortable.”

“Didn’t you say that you were freezing your ass off?”

“Yes, but I want to spend more time with you.”

Yoongi scoffs fondly, “we can spend time inside as well. It’d be less freezing.”

“Very well, but only if you promise me that we will truly continue this inside.”

“Yeah, we’ll continue this.”

“I take your words for it, hyung”, Taehyung says and gets up, “should we extinguish the fire?”

“Yeah, it’s safest. We don’t want to start a forest fire.”

“Do you believe that fires are possible here?”

“Let’s not find out the hard way. Can you get the hose from the shed?”

“Of course.”

While Taehyung hurries to the shed in the darkness and begins unravelling the hose, Yoongi makes it his task of cleaning up the picnic. He makes sure the glasses are as dry as possible and the plates are relatively clean before storing all of it in the small basket. He shakes off possible crumbs from the blanket and then folds it neatly. Taehyung returns while Yoongi is busy folding. He aims the hose at the fire, squinting his eyes as the fire dies down in puffs of smoke and protesting sizzles.

“We were lucky with the smoke”, Yoongi says.

“Yes truly, oh it’s taking its revenge now”, Taehyung says and coughs, “my eyes burn terribly.”

“Yeah”, Yoongi agrees, wafting the smoke away with closed eyes.

The fire is extinguished soon after and the two men can make their way back to the cottage. Taehyung stores the hose back on its spot as they pass the shed while Yoongi carries the picnic stuff.

“I can carry something as well”, Taehyung offers.

“It’s okay. I got it”, Yoongi assures him.

They walk side by side on their way back, carrying a certain light-hearted skip in their steps. It wasn’t there when they started this evening, but now it doesn’t seem to want to leave.

“You can leave the blanket outside in case of critters.”

They slip off their shoes and coats and while Taehyung is still busy with fixing his hair, Yoongi is carrying the basket to the kitchen. He starts unloading it, glancing over his shoulder when he feels Taehyung’s presence behind him.

“We should clean. It’s mannerly”, Yoongi says.

“Of course. I shall wash the dishes and you can dry them”, Taehyung says.

“Okay.”

Yoongi rolls up his sleeves and begins storing the leftover food in small containers, while Taehyung is busy filling the sink with warm water. They try to be as quiet as possible in fear of waking anyone.

“Oh heavens, I am a fool.”

“What’s wrong?” Yoongi asks, looking over his shoulder.

“I forgot to roll up my sleeves and wet my hands already. May I get help?”

Yoongi closes the fridge and hurries to Taehyung’s side. He rolls up his sleeves, first the left and then the right. Taehyung looks at Yoongi’s face while the other looks at Taehyung’s sweater.

“That colour’s nice”, he says.

“Thank you. I think that earth tones really fit me”, Taehyung says.

“Yeah, it’s good.”

“I made the sweater myself. I still know the pattern, so if you want to have your own I could knit it for you.”

“It’s okay, you don’t gotta work for me.”

“But I want to.”

Their eyes meet.

“You would look very handsome in earthen tones, hyung.”

Yoongi flusters, looking away.

“I’m done”, he says and steps back, “that should hold.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Mhm.”

Taehyung begins washing the dishes while Yoongi is busy discarding the scraps.

“So should I make you a sweater?” Taehyung asks.

“If you want to”, Yoongi says dryly, but it is clear that Taehyung’s offer means a great deal to him. His cheeks are just the slightest shade of rosy.

“Oh, those are wonderful news. I shall start with it the moment we are home. No actually, I have to do ___’s bedroom first and then we also planned to write my song and I promised Jimin to help with renovations of his ballet studio. Oh, I am too busy.”

Yoongi chuckles. He joins Taehyung’s right side and begins drying the dishes he already finished.

“I shall start with your sweater in October. Early November, at the very latest. I promise.”

“It’s okay, Tae. I can wait”, Yoongi assures him.

“I shall make you many presents now that we are friends, hyung.”

Yoongi smiles, “okay, Tae. I’ll accept them”, he speaks softly, giving him a fond look through the reflection of the kitchen window.

Taehyung meets it and smiles. His heart is light in his chest, his shoulders feel like lifting. He feels at ease. Spending time with Yoongi until this evening was always filled with uncomfortable tension. They accepted each other’s presence for the sake of the polycule, but it was felt by both that it was just that. Acceptance to keep the peace. Taehyung felt nervous in Yoongi’s presence and as if he needed to pretend to be the most proper, guilt-filled person on earth. While Yoongi felt wary in Taehyung’s presence and as if he needed to keep a distance for his own safety.

They don’t feel this way anymore. The once awkward tension was lifted as they talked and acceptance turned into friendship. Of course one nice evening doesn’t mean that all the issues are gone forever, but both men sense that it will be different from now on and they are willing to put in the work to improve their relationship day by day.

It’s a nice feeling to have because it meant that they could both finally feel entirely comfortable whenever their polycule comes together.

“Hey guys.”

Taehyung and Yoongi are almost finished with the dishes when Jungkook enters the kitchen. The two men look at him. He is wearing checkered pyjama pants and no shirt. His hair is ruffled as if hands played with it. His skin is flushed and his neck carries red marks of kisses.

“Hey.”

“Hello handsome.”

“Are you doing dishes?”

“Yes, we had a picnic by the fire pit.”

“The two of you?” Jungkook sounds rightfully surprised.

“Yes. It was a very lovely time.”

“Oh? Really?” Jungkook makes sure, looking between Taehyung and Yoongi. It is obvious that such news are unbelievable to him. He sniffles to make out their scent until he realises that he can’t do such things here.

“Yeah”, Yoongi says, “it was good.”

“Did you guys talk it out?”

Yoongi and Taehyung nod.

“We are friends now”, Taehyung says and hugs Yoongi.

“Okay Tae, back off”, Yoongi complains with a chuckle, which only makes Taehyung hug him tighter.

“You guys, this is the best news ever”, Jungkook gasps as his eyes light up, “wow, I’m so happy”, he confesses and giggles. He steps closer and gives them a little hug, “my two favourite men are friends now. I’m happy, hyungies”, he says and sighs contently, “I gotta tell ___ the news, but first I need to get her water.”

He struts to the cabinet and takes out two glasses. Taehyung and Yoongi, who broke the hug after Yoongi nudged him away gently, watch him.

“Did you make love?” Taehyung asks.

Jungkook grins confidently, “I don’t have to tell you.”

“Oh come now, don’t be so secretive”, Taehyung laughs.

“Mhm yeah”, Jungkook nods his head, “she’s resting upstairs.”

“Now these are truly wonderful news. I still haven’t gotten to love her here”, Taehyung says and nudges Yoongi, “you, hyung?”

“Why do I gotta tell you?”

“Come now, it is just the three of us.”

Yoongi gives up with a sigh, “congrats Kook, you beat me to it.”

“I’m the first one to do it here?” Jungkook gasps loudly enough that the others shush him.

“Her grandparents”, Yoongi whispers, pointing into the direction of their bedroom.

“I’m the first one to do it here?” Jungkook whispers, “oh my god, I’m such a perv.”

“You are the biggest perv”, Taehyung teases and snickers, “how wonderful was it?”

“It was amazing. Wow, I have butterflies” Jungkook gushes.

“Oh Kookie, this is making me so excited for my night with her.”

They both giggle excitedly.

“You two are idiots”, Yoongi whispers, “stop talking like this. She’s not a price to claim.”

“You joined us as well, hyung.”

“I only did so because you asked. Besides, if nothing happens I’m not gonna be disappointed. You guys are perverts.”

“Very well, I admit that we sounded very perverted. Please forgive us.”

“Mhm.”

“I can tell you that she talked about you guys and how she’s excited for whatever sexy thing you’ll get up to”, Jungkook says, “so she’s being a perv too, but you’re right sorry I talked about her like this.”

“Whatever”, Yoongi murmurs shyly.

Jungkook snickers and fills up the glasses. He takes a sip of his water and sighs contently.

“I’m upstairs then. ___ needs her water”, he says and steps closer to press a kiss to both Taehyung’s and then Yoongi’s lips, “sleep tight, you two”, he says and giggles, “I’m happy that you’re friends.”

And with that he leaves the kitchen with a confident sway in his hips. Taehyung and Yoongi watch him as he hurries upstairs and then distance drowns him out. It’s peculiar to them that they can’t hear how the door opens and closes or how Jungkook talks to you. Human hearing is truly so useless.

“So uhm”, Taehyung begins now that they are alone again, “what shall we do now, hyung? We cleaned everything.”

Yoongi touches the side of his neck, “I’m honestly kinda tired.”

“But hyung”, Taehyung pouts, “you promised me that we will continue the evening inside.”

“I know, but I’m tired. I don’t feel like talking anymore.”

“I’m so sad right now. Oh hyung please”, Taehyung takes Yoongi’s hand, “at least let us stay up for a little bit longer.”

“I’m sorry, Tae.”

Taehyung retreats his touch, “very well. Don’t clean the shower, I will use it after you.”

Yoongi steps closer and nudges Taehyung’s chin. The younger vampire looks at him with sad, puppy eyes.

“I had fun tonight. Yeah? Just too tired all of a sudden.”

Taehyung nods his head, allowing a small smile to wash over his face, “I had fun as well, hyung.”

Yoongi leaves soon after, but the evening wasn’t over yet. Taehyung decides so the second Yoongi disappeared upstairs. And so he waits, listening as best as his human ears allow him to. Yoongi takes around fifteen minutes in the bathroom and another five minutes taking a nightly pee. Then he can hear the guest bedroom door close.

Taehyung hurries upstairs and locks himself in the bathroom to take the quickest shower he ever took. He needs to be fast in order for Yoongi to still be awake.

Ten minutes after Yoongi got under the covers and comfortable for bed, a knock on the door alerts his attention. The door opens without his answer and in steps Taehyung.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi lowers his pen, studying Taehyung by the edge of the bed. He is wearing his pyjamas and carries his own notebook with a pen.

“What do you want?”

“Can I stay here with you tonight?”

“Why?”

“Because Jungkook and ___ are occupying her bed and I would have no place to sleep.”

“Fine…”

“Wonderful”, Taehyung says and gets on top of the bed, “we can keep each other warm”, he says and pulls the cover open to wiggle himself underneath it.

Yoongi watches him with a certain stiffness in his body. Taehyung sighs and grunts contently, shimmying closer to Yoongi until their arms touch.

“Do you have to do this?” Yoongi asks.

“Indeed, I do”, Taehyung says and sticks his naked feet under the leg of Yoongi’s pants.

“Yah! Put your icicle toes somewhere else”, Yoongi complains loudly, kicking at Taehyung’s feet.

“Warm me up, hyung”, Taehyung coos as he chases him.

“Yah stop it. You’re cold and I’m gonna kick you”, Yoongi warns as he still kicks his feet. He even lies down on his back for it, almost kicking off the blanket as he wiggles his legs. 

Taehyung laughs and retreats his feet, “I apologise. The opportunity was just too easy not to take.”

“You’re such a brat”, Yoongi mumbles, sitting back up. He fixes the blanket on his legs and looks back into his notebook. 

Taehyung snickers, agreeing with a nod of his head. He opens his notebook and clicks his pen. 

“What are you working on, hyung?”

“Nothing. I write down what I think.”

“Like a diary?”

“I guess.”

“That’s very good, hyung. I promise not to peek.”

“Mhm”, Yoongi hums, looking at him with gratefulness, “you, uh, what are you doing?”

“Oh, I am just continuing work on ___’s bedroom sketches. I want to finish them before we leave this realm.”

“Okay. I want to listen to music. I don’t want to talk when I do.”

“I won’t stop you. I shall listen to my own music as well.”

“Okay”, Yoongi says and puts in earbuds. Taehyung slips on headphones and mere seconds later, the two men share one bed but otherwise no words. It is silent and comfortable. Each does their own thing whilst sharing space. Mere hours ago, such an occurrence would have been a lot more awkward. 

They manage to get around an hour in and then Yoongi is the first to give up. He places his phone and earbuds on the bedside table together with his notebook and pen. He fluffs up his pillow next.

“Are you tired already?” Taehyung asks him.

“Mhm.”

“Do you mind if I still draw for a while? I will have to keep the lights on for it.”

“No, it’s okay”, Yoongi assures him and lies down. He wiggles for a bit to get comfortable, “good night”, he says and rolls to his side. Like this, his back is facing Taehyung. 

One must know that this is the first time Yoongi shows himself like this in front of Taehyung. One must dearly remember this fact to perhaps understand why Taehyung can’t stop staring at his friend. 

“Yes indeed. Have a good night, hyung”, he mumbles and turns down the light to make it easier for Yoongi to fall asleep. So this is how his friend looks when he attempts to fall asleep.

“The only reason I’m doing this is because I’m human right now and need sleep.”

“Of course hyung, I wouldn’t have dared to question you”, Taehyung says with a knowing smile on his lips. 

“Good. Good night”, Yoongi says and grows silent.

“Sleep tight, hyung.” 

Taehyung stares for a few moments, thinking to himself that Yoongi looks incredibly cute right now. He is resting in fetus position with his hands between his legs while the blanket covers him all the way to the back of his head. He looks even smaller than he actually is and Taehyung thinks that he is adorable. He stays quiet of course because he is aware that it would push Yoongi away if he tried to compliment him right now. 

Around twenty minutes pass and then Taehyung gets sleepy as well. He discards his phone and notebook and turns off the lights. He gets comfortable in the pillow, staring into the darkness where he assumes Yoongi to sleep. It is so peculiar to not be able to see. 

Taehyung tries to fall asleep, but fails because he has nothing to hug. He can’t find relaxation when he is so empty-handed. 

Taehyung takes a deep breath for courage and reaches out. His fingers touch Yoongi’s back. It’s incredibly warm and tenses at the touch.

“Hyung?”

“What?”Yoongi whispers quietly.

“Did I wake you?”

“No.”

“I can’t fall asleep if I do not hug something. May I hug you?”

Yoongi exhales loudly, “if you have to.”

“Thank you, hyung”, Taehyung says and closes in on Yoongi. He drapes his right arm over him, pulling his small body against his chest. His legs lock with Yoongi’s perfectly, sharing warmth his way. Next he wiggles his left arm under Yoongi’s head, keeping it extended so both men are comfortable.

Yoongi is too sleepy to protest, letting it happen even if his brain is going crazy in panic. He never planned on being Taehyung’s little spoon and yet here they were.

“You are so comfortable, hyung”, Taehyung whispers, nuzzling his nose deep into the hair at the back of Yoongi’s head. He inhales deeply and hums.

“You’re so weird”, Yoongi murmurs, trying not to relax too much in case it comes off as needy. He’s not needy for Taehyung’s hugs. Not in a fucking million.

Taehyung ignores him for the sake of nuzzling and snuggling closer.

“What do you like best, hyung? Head pats, chest rubs or stomach rubs?”

“I’m allowing you to hug me, nothing more. Are we clear?”

“But hyung, I want to make you feel very cozy.”

“I appreciate it. Stay still. It’s cozy enough.”

Taehyung huffs out air, “very well.”

Yoongi tries to relax. He doesn’t feel sleepy when he is so tense and that means he has to relax. If he wanted to or not.

“I love back scratches most”, Taehyung breaks the silence in a soft spoken voice.

“Okay.”

“Yes, indeed. But if I am the small spoon, I love it most to have my chest rubbed. It is very relaxing to me.”

“Okay, Tae. I’m sure Kook and ___ will be very willing to give them to you.”

“Hyung”, Taehyung complains and pinches Yoongi’s side gently, “I am not attempting to romance you. Friends can give touches to each other as well.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m not fucking comfortable with having my torso touched, okay?”

“Truly?” Taehyung props himself up on his elbow. It results in Yoongi’s head rolling closer to his chest naturally. He doesn’t fix it, “so why have I seen ___ rub your stomach before? And Kook caress your chest?”

“Because…” Yoongi rolls his head away, “I don’t gotta tell you.”

“Do you need time to grow comfortable around people’s touches?”

“Yes. You’ve known me for how long? You know that I do.”

“Do I make you genuinely uncomfortable right now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want my torso to be touched by you yet.”

“I understand. I apologise for asking so many questions. I want to get to know you better.”

Yoongi hesitates. Taehyung listens to the deep inhale he does and how much deeper he seems to exhale. His back presses against his chest as he breathed.

“Just go to sleep, Tae.”

Taehyung drops back into the pillow and pulls Yoongi closer. The older man needs a moment to relax, but as those moments turn into two, three and four he finally grows soft in Taehyung’s hold. Taehyung wonders how much time passed between these moments, but it must have been a while because Yoongi’s breathing slowed down by now. But Taehyung still isn’t tired. His thoughts are racing, as is his heart.

“Yoongi?” he tries quietly.

Yoongi sighs, “what?”

“I can’t fall asleep.”

“Yeah? I can.”

“I keep thinking and it is keeping me awake.”

Yoongi sighs again, “do you wanna talk about it?”

“Maybe.”

“Fine. Tell me.”

“Why did you hate me for so long?”

Yoongi shifts, “this is what you’re thinking about?”

“Yes. I apologise, but I can’t stop.”

“I didn’t hate you. At least not since some time.”

“So why did you act so annoyed by me all the time?”

“I don’t know. I guess”, Yoongi stays silent for a while as he thinks, “it’s hard for me to let you in because whenever I did, you disappointed me.”

“I see.”

“And I’m still scared that you’re gonna hurt ___ and Kook one day. That I’m gonna let you in and trust you and then you suddenly have a change of heart and decide to become a reckless cunt again and hurt them in the process.”

“I see.”

“That’s why it’s hard for me to shed my feelings off. I want to believe so hard that you are better”, Yoongi says and touches Taehyung’s hand.

The latter has to gasp for air at the touch, feeling as if time slows down. It stands still completely when seconds later, Yoongi begins fumbling with his fingers. Mindlessly yet gently.

“But if I’m wrong? If you’re gonna hurt them and become wicked again? Then I let you in only to be disappointed again”, Yoongi exhales shakily, “for fuck’s sake Tae, please just don’t disappoint me again.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you, hyung”, Taehyung whispers, “and I want to be better from now on. There were many occasions where I was controlled by Namjoon. I hope you are aware of those occasions.”

“I am and I’m not blaming you for them. There were also too many where you acted out of your own free will.”

“I am aware of them and I will remember them so I can better myself. Please believe me, hyung. I want to be better from now on. Not only for the sake of ___ and Kook and Jimin, but also for your sake. I want to be a worthy friend of yours, hyung. One you can rely on and trust.”

Yoongi acknowledges him with a nod of his head. He drops Taehyung’s fingers to instead, close his hand around his’. Gently and without pressure.

“I’m sure that you will be, kiddo. Hyung’s always wished for your best”, Yoongi says in their native tongue. The underlying honesty of speaking in one’s native language, the language closest to the heart, doesn’t go unnoticed by Taehyung.

“Hyung”, Taehyung breathes shakily, fighting tears.

“Fuck”, Yoongi lets out a breathy chuckle, “you’re a bastard for making me talk about my feelings when I’m fucking sleepy. I turn into an honest sap.”

Taehyung giggles, sniffling his tears away.

“I enjoy this a lot, hyung. It’s so difficult to get affection from you.”

“That’s not true. I show affection. Just not like you, you public sap.”

Taehyung chuckles, “now you are just saying stuff for the sake of saying them.”

“Brat”, Yoongi murmurs and chuckles softly, “now go to sleep, Tae. It’ll get too late and we’ll be tired as fuck tomorrow.”

“I will try, but I don’t know if I will be successful. My heart is racing terribly after what you said.”

Yoongi chuckles, “try to”, he says breathily and grows softer in Taehyung’s arms.

Taehyung snuggles into Yoongi, closing his eyes while his lips refuse to drop their smile. He is so happy that he feels like bursting in fireworks and sparkles.

The last thing Yoongi does before he falls asleep is to intertwine his fingers with Taehyung. He isn’t awake anymore for the small gasp of disbelief Taehyung releases or the whispered “hyung” he lets out. Sleep has dragged him away and soon, oh so very soon because he finally has something to hold, Taehyung follows.

The night will be peaceful and neither of the two men will leave the hug for even one second.

[leclerc-s]

the tortured poets department

series masterlist

liked by danieljonesricciardo, blakelively, yukitsunoda0511 and others

daphnejonesricciardo the tortured poets department. an anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. this period of the author's life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. there is nothing to avenge, no score to settle once wounds have healed.and upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. this writer is of firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. once we have spoke out saddest story, we can be free of it.

and then all that's left behind is the tortured poetry.

the tortured poets department is out now.

user has restricted comments

danieljonesricciardo wow.

danieljonesricciado that's my wife??

danieljonesricciardo i'm so proud of you. i love you.

↳ daphnejonesricciardo i love you too danny

danieljonesricciado how did i get so lucky??

isabellaperez if i sob to this album. no one say anything.

↳ landonorris i'll join you. crying session in isa's hotel room.

↳ logansargeant wait for me!!

mclaren if admin is found crying in a corner that's on us.

visacashapprb oh no. i feel the tears coming and i'm only 1 track in.

scuderiaferrari are these tears that i feel coming?

redbullracing i will be out of commission for the next few hours while i process this.

alex_albon you've outdone yourself daphne.

maxjonesverstappen1 i now understand why you people shut yourself in that studio for so long. it's amazing daphne.

↳ charles_leclerc you're such a hater, i helped too!

↳ maxjonesverstappen1 you wrote piano piece shut up.

↳ charles_leclerc this is why i don't follow you. all you do is bully me.

rhysjones ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF? YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK!! I AM SOBBING!!

fernandoalo_oficial any songs about me daph? or our secret love affair?

↳ danieljonesricciardo please stop flirting with my wife or people will start rumors again.

↳ fernandoalo_oficial admit it, you're just jealous i could steal your wife like you were jealous of killatrav when he publicly announced he was in love with your wife.

↳ danieljonesricciardo this is why i don't like you.

alex_albon sick and twisted is the best way to describe you jones-ricciardo. i literally hate you right now.

georgerussell63 there's no way the girl who writes about max's dick is the one who helped write the songs on this album. i refuse to believe it.

↳ maejonesverstappen better believe it bitch!

patriciooward oh no this album will kill me.

isabella perez you are sick and twisted daphne jones-ricciardo

isabella perez SICK AND TWISTED!!

logan sargeant currently sobbing to florida!!!

bailey winters claiming so long london.

lando norris WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN BAILEY?? bailey winters IT MEANS I LOVE THE SONG YOU FUCKING MUPPET!!!

mae jones-verstappen wow we outdid ourselves this time around.

charles leclerc of course we did. it's our masterpiece.

daphne jones-ricciardo a true masterpiece. the work of five geniuses.

pierre gasly i wouldn't call charles a genius. rowan todd at least he didn't get married in vegas while he was drunk. natalia ruiz we did things a little backwards but yeah pierre!

freya vettel mick wouldn't break up with me so i could get the full experience. that's blasphemous!!

mick schumacher WHY WOULD I BREAK UP WITH YOU?? IT TOOK US TOO LONG TO GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER??

freya vettel IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO MICKOLAS!

zoya torres i can confirm that logan is crying to florida!!! it's on a loop in his drivers room.

arthur leclerc i don't believe my brother helped write any of this album. he's not smart enough for that.

ollie bearman why am i sobbing??

oscar piastri it's a very emotional album

sebastian vettel it's an amazing album daphne!

penelope trevino that feature with florence was amazing

george russell i bet lewis wishes that was him on fortnight instead of post malone

lewis hamilton why do you people always have to drag me into things?

rhys jones rip xnda you would've loved being on a daphne jones album.

sebastian vettel he's not dead??

lance stroll it's a meme seb. sebastian vettel oh okay.

pato o'ward MY NEW HYPE SONG IS DOWN BAD

isabella perez because he's down bad for gael

gael perez i will fucking fight you isabella maria perez

max jones-verstappen DOES SHE OR DOES SHE NOT HAVE A MIDDLE NAME??

oscar piastri she does. it's juliana. isabella perez OSCAR!

esteban ocon crying in club to the entire album.

charles leclerc a win for the sad bitches (me)

dulce perez the extra 15 songs destroyed me. i was already sad and then daphne had to go and kill me.

natalia leclerc can you believe charles refused to call off our engagement so i could experience the full album in all it's pain?

daphne jones-ricciardo that seems horrible. let's run away together

fernando alonso where's daniel? he's usually the first one here screaming about how he loves the album and daphne.

rhys jones crying in his room over the album. there was a solid 15 minutes where he spent screaming "did i hurt you?" to no one in particular. the cats left him and joined me instead.

rowan todd ending the album was a 10/10 but ending it with the manuscript was a 4823014/10

carlos sainz i will never recover from this.

ollie bearman SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!!

oscar piastri he's still crying in bella's arms.

isabella perez WE'RE CRYING TOGETHER!! pato o'ward MAKE ROOM FOR ME!! I'M COMING TO CRY!! gael perez YOU'RE IN LONG BEACH!! THEY'RE IN CHINA!! dulce perez WHEN THERE'S A WILL THERE'S A WAY BITCH!

max jones-verstappen can't believe i made it onto another daphne jones-ricciardo album. that's 4 out of 11!!

natalia ruiz Y'ALL I'M ON A DAPHNE JONES-RICCIARDO ALBUM!!!

fernando alonso daphne, i knew you were in love with me!

daniel jones-ricciardo BACK THE FUCK OFF OLD MAN!

daniel jones-ricciardo THAT'S MY FUCKING WIFE!!

daniel jones-ricciardo DAPHNE ALISON JONES-RICCIARDO I FUCKING LOVE YOU

daniel jones-ricciardo SHE HAS MORE TALENT THAN I DO IN MY PINKY TOE!!

daniel jones-ricciardo YOUR BRAIN WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!

daniel jones-ricciardo I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!!

rhys jones we knew it would take fernando to get you back.

zoya torres and if i cried to clara bow?

bailey winters anyone who says they didn't cry is lying.

rhys jones i will go to my grave wishing i got a daphne x xnda collab.

pato o'ward I LOVE THIS ALBUM!!

pato o'ward ISA!! WE HAVE TO CRY TOGETHER TO THIS ALBUM!!

isabella perez i will always cry to this album and i'm in a happy and healthy relationship.

gael perez for once.

dulce perez says the one who broke up with his boyfriend because he was scared.

pato o'ward woah

daniel jones-ricciardo i expect all of you to be playing this album over the weeked in your garages. make me proud children.

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @applopie @sunflower-golden-vol6 @lorarri @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @mypage-myfandoms @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @six-call @justtprachisblog @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @arieltwvdtohamflash @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @georgeparisole @dan3avocado @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @namgification @jensonsonlybutton @weekendlusting @trouble-sistar @lesliiieeeee @leclercsluv @33-81 @theseus-jpg @sarah-thatstings-ann @minmira95 @casperlikej @formulaonebuff @hopenshaw @ijustgomessitupx @hwalllllllelujah @doodlehunz @prongsvault

¡leclerc-s speaks! does the tagging actually work?? cause when i do it looks like it works but i'm not quite sure if it actually does work or not. anyways, happy ttpd release! this was supposed to come out sooner but i got distracted watching grey's anatomy.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[dr-spectre]

Guess what game I just finished!!!

I dont have a lot to say on this because I think over the past 20 years people have already said enough.

But... MY GOD! The level of variety, creativity, and fresh ideas each chapter brings holy SHITTTT!!! One moment you're going underground with a cute goomba girl, then you're fighting a dragon, then you're playing a World 1-1 recreation with BOWSER! Then you're playing as Peach who has this deeply emotional and sad relationship with an AI (Tec is the goat, I love that ai. Top 10 ai in fiction idc), then you're doing a tournament arc AND THEN YOU'RE DOING A TRAIN MYSTERY OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

The combat is really fun and charming, THE DIALOGUE IS SO WELL WRITTEN AND I LAUGHED MULTIPLEEEEE TIMES!!! I love the characters, I love the world, I love the art style, i love most of the boss fights, the music is banging (I played with the original ost), God there's so much to love.

I will say, the final chapter of this game did kinda drag on, and there's so many points where I was thinking "okay NOW I get to fight the final boss!" And it takes another hour to get to them.... there's so many obvious signs of padding (copy and pasted hallways, a trash "pick the right door" puzzle, etc.)

I also didn't like how when you swapped partners that counts as a turn, i feel like you should be able to swap without wasting a turn because it would help with the flow of combat and make using Goombella's tattle less of a fucking pain...

Also....

VIVIAN IS SO FUCKING CUTE!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! SHE'S MY FAVOURITE PARTNER BY FARRRRR!!!!! Goombella is really cute too and she has amazing dialogue. I love the storyline of Admiral Bobbery too and that stuff made me cry... but...EEEEE I LOVE VIVIAN!!!!

GOD I JUST WANNA HUG HER!!! I WANNA PINCH HER CHUBBY CHEEKS!!! I WANNA RUB HER BELLY!!!! Nintendo I need a plushie of her yesterday. Come on. Please... I need one...

I shall leave my partner rankings as well, i wonder if I got any hot takes or not...

6. Flurrie.

No. Just... no I don't like her. Her design creeps me out, I don't give a shit about her moves. I never used her. Get her away from me.

5. Goombella.

Although very cute I found her more of a hindrance and i kept going, "ugh I gotta swap to her to get the tattle..." At least her design and personality are cute. Plus, she's more useful than that creepy ass Flurrie....

4. Koops.

I like him! He helped me out a LOTTT in the final battle, his later moves that you can unlock make him pretty damn good. Although I am jealous that this wimp has a girlfriend....

3. Admiral Bobbey.

Honestly I think the reason why he might be this high is because of his story. I really felt bad for him... his design is also killer, I LOVEEEE Bob-ombs so much!

2. Mini-Yoshi.

The fact that you can name him is really funny to me idk why. He's got some very helpful moves and his ability to help you move faster in the overworld is really nice. I like how he calls you Gonzalez too. What a fun character man.

1. Vivian.

I already said why I like her earlier but I'll go on further.

I LOVE HER STORYLINE TOO!!! I LOVE HER DESIGN!!! I LOVE HOW SHE'S TRANS AND THE REMAKE DIDN'T GET RID OF IT LIKE HOW THE ORIGINAL NORTH AMERICAN AND EUROPEAN RELEASES OF THE GAMECUBE VERSION GOT RID OF IT!!!

God.... I love her. I wanna kiss her on the cheek. She's so cute. Her moveset too is fire!.... wait..

Also btw I didn't know that this RATTTT was an optional party member... oops...

[wandafiction]

Just Add 8 - Just Us Chapter 7

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1947

Series List | Chapter 6 | Chapter 8

================================

"Wait, how old are you?!" 

Ding. The bell of the elevator goes off informing the two of us that we have made it to the parking garage, so instead of answering her I place my right hand at the small of her back leading her out. Quietly, I lead her to the car I will be taking her home in. This is one of my least expensive cars, I don't think Wanda would appreciate driving around New York in anything too expensive, so the Mazda Mx-5 will do. I do love this car though. I open the passenger door for her, making sure she is in before shutting the door and getting in the driver's side. I keep the hard top up because it is raining outside, so the roof will most definitely be staying up. 

"How old do you think I am Wanda?" I break the silence I created, trying to decide whether I tell her or gauge what she thinks.

"Well now I think you're younger than I thought so you might take that as offensive." She fiddles with her fingers slightly looking down at her lap, as I start to car a gentle purr can be heard from the engine.

"I won't be offended, I promise. So how old did you think I was and why?" I pull out of the parking garage joining the morning rush of cars on the road. Traffic, gotta love it. 

"Well I think maybe it was the suit, the hair and the makeup. But also maybe it was the way you presented yourself, very certain and very mature. Also you drink whisky like an old man." I laugh at her last reason.

"That's why. What about the how?" I glance at her for a few seconds while sitting at a red light. 

"I would say mid to late 20s?" Her pitch in voice getting higher at the end, now very unsure of herself. 

"So like around 27, 28. That sort of age?" 

"Yeah. However, now that I'm seeing you in everyday clothes, your hair in a loose bun and little to no makeup, you do look younger than that. I don't know what it is, just seeing you all relaxed makes you look, I don't know...not so big?" She clicks her fingers a few times trying to think of the right words. "I mean you're tall, very mature, you seem to be certain of yourself, but you seem to have a childlike look when you're relaxed. No offence."

"Non taken."

"Wait, you're not a minor right?! You're not THAT young...right?" Wanda panics suddenly when she thinks about her last statement. 

I place my hand gently on her thigh, keeping my eye on the road ahead. "I'm not a minor Wanda, do not panic."

"Fucking hell, I scared myself for a second." She rubs the back of her hand against her forehead, calming herself down.

"Well I'm not a minor so nothing to worry about…" I look at the road ahead and realise I have no idea where I'm going, we have just been driving around New York. "Changing the subject real quick. Where am I going?" 

"Oh right. Do you mind if I input it into the GPS?" I wave my hand towards the touch screen in the car, so she leans forwards fiddling with it to set the destination.

"So now you know I'm not a minor, and that I'm also not in my late 20s. Any idea?" She leans back in her chair turning her body to face me, her eyes scanning me from head to toe trying to make an estimation.

"Can you not just tell me. Pretty pwease." Ah, that was so cute! She changed her voice to sound like a child pronouncing please. Now I can't deny her.

"So how old are the twins again?" 

"14. Why?" 

"Okay add 8 on to that." 

"22." She takes a second. "You're 22?! 22! 22! You're 22? Holy shit. I slept with someone 11 years younger than me." 

"Okay Wanda you're freaking out. Is it a bad thing." I'm kind of unsure of her reaction, I can't get a good reading of her emotions.

"No, no. Oh god no. Sorry. No." And now she can't string a sentence together, great. I peer over at her as I pull into her road only a few minutes away from where she lives. "No, it's not a bad thing at all y/n. Not a bad thing. Just a big surprise that's all. I mean I think the fact that you're only 8 year older than the boys made it sound worse." 

"Okay, so don't tell people how old you are by comparing your age with their children. Lesson learned." That earns a laugh from her and smacks on the arms. As she seems to calm down, I only just register what she said about your age. "So you're 33?" 

"I am." I have a smug smile on my face. "Why the smug look?"

"Because after the whole picture in the elevator, I figured you were about 32."

"Oh so you're smug because you didn't completely misjudge my age."

"Exactly." 

"You're hilarious really." She looks out the window as we pull up to an apartment complex, Wanda goes all shy again. "Well this is me, uhm. If you just want to pull in next to my car, the red one, I will hop out." 

"Okay sure thing. Do you want me to walk you to your door, or will the twins question my presence." I give her shoulder a nudge so she knows I'm only mentioning the twins in jest, don't freak her out y/n she has already had a few of those today. 

"No, the twins are actually at their dad's this week and the next." So I might get to see more of her, that's nice. "So no I wouldn't mind you walking me to my door." 

I nod, getting out of the car making my way around to her side opening the door for her. Being the gentlewoman I am, I offer her a hand as well to help her out. Wanda smiles up at me, turning to close the door gently, continuing to hold my hand as she leads me up the stairs into the complex. It doesn't take long to stop in front of her door: apartment 10. 

"So this is me. Can I see you again?" She moves her free hand to my free hand, now holding our hands in between us as I rub my thumbs across the back of her hand.

"You have my number, I would like to see you again Wanda. I enjoyed your company, not just last night but this morning too. Like I said, you have my number so you decide if you want to use it. I won't be offended, that much, if you don't." A smile down at her while she squeezes my hands gently. God I want her to use my number.

"I will use your number, but I am having a girls night, with Sharon, Nat and her sister Yelena so it probably won't be until tomorrow or something." 

"Well I look forward to it." She beams up at me, shuffling on her feet slightly as her fingers intertwine in-between mine alternating between standing on her toes to her heels. "What do you want to ask?" 

"Just. Can I kiss you?" Wanda asks sweetly, my heart practically skips a beat and the butterflies in my stomach seem to be very lively. 

"You can, you don't have to ask to kiss me." 

Wanda pulls our hands around her back, keeping her hands locked with mine, stepping up on her tiptoes; and leaning her head back puckering up her lips as her eyes stare intensely into mine. Only now do I see how green they actually are. The club lights were too dim to show them off, we were lost in lust last night and with my head between her legs a lot of the time I hardly had time to appreciate them, and this morning she was in the bath. However, I can see them for their true beauty now. Such a vivid green, like a forest in the middle of spring or summer. So alive with life that everything is a pure swirling mixture of bright and dark greens. 

Lost in the forest that are her eyes, I jump slightly when I feel her hands move up my arms to cup either side of my neck running her fingers along my jawline. 

"Lost in that inner turmoil again?" Her voice so soft, barley a whisper obviously aware of my little jump and not wanting to scare me further.

"No, no. Just looking at you." 

"You like staring huh?" She smiles as her thumb of one of her hands runs across my bottom lip.

"Admiring." Wanda playfully rolls her eyes, but keeping the atmosphere calm. "I was going to kiss you, but then I sort of got lost in your eyes, cheesy I know. But I haven't had time to see the true color of them." 

"Your right. That's cheesy, but I appreciate the flattery." I smile softly as I lean down, as she puckers up her lips again a playful glint in her eyes. 

As our lips meet we both let out a small sigh, closing our eyes and enjoying the moment. There is no fight for dominance or no sign of lust. Its just the two of us pouring everything into the kiss. I smile against her lips, which causes her to smile, basically breaking the kiss apart. I rest my forehead against hers, as her hands go from my neck and jaw to the back of my neck playing with my baby hairs. 

"I will let you get ready for your girls evening." She gives me a quick peck, smiling bashfully at me. 

"I will text you." 

"I can't wait." I peck her lips one last time as she removes herself from me, rifling through her bag to get to her keys. 

"You just going to stand there like a weirdo?" Wanda asks as she places the key in the keyhole.

"Yup." I say popping the P. "Well I'm a gentlewoman, so I got to make sure you get home safely."

"We are literally at my door." I shrug.

"And I might have left, and then you might have found out that you left your key at my place. But by the time you make it down the stairs I would have already driven away. And then you would have messaged me, which in turn would cause me to go home. Get the key. Come back. All that time locked outside your door, anything could happen. It's New York, unfortunately." A shit eating grin on my face appears after I finish my theory. 

"Well I'm Sokovian, so I can handle myself." She jests.

"Of course you can, I have no doubt. But you can never be too safe. So now that I can see your doors open, and you about to walk in. I will say by goodbye and turn around." I turn around as I say so, and start walking off waving behind my back. I smile when I hear her laugh shouting something like 'weirdo' down the hall. 

Sitting back down in the car I let out a whisper scream, in excitement, as my internal scream causes me to shake in excitement. Holy shit! That just happened! The whole night and morning. I can't wait to hear from her. I turn my car on, and start driving home. The smile never leaving my face.

================================

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 21

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

The last chapter of the story?!?!?!

I will be continuing my notes into the extras-already decided when I started book 1. Once those extras are done though,- pls pls pls I will accept any fanfic recs. I am absolutely ready to get lost in the sauce for the next several months. Send me your absolute favs! I will read the shit out of them.

Today I am back on my tea- this is a lady grey latte :'3

LET'S GOOOOO

Oh man. Thank fuck Shan Qinghua is okay, but Tianlang-jun is looking REAL rough. p272

Not snake boy! him too! p274

Mobei-Jun coming in to save his man 👏 Get it! p276

This story is so annoying. The "big bad" was never even evil. The man just wanted to hang out in the human realm, read poetry, and vibe but the humans were the ones being awful. This story was driven by nonsense the entire time at least in MMDZS the fake evil one was still being orchestrated by an actual evil one. This was just a bunch of fuckery and racism. p277

LOL when I read the big "fight" I was thinking- that's it? Literally all this build up for the fastest fight?? Then two paragraphs later SQQ also said "that's it?"p279 I really do feel bad for Tianlang-jun. He was done so dirty in this. (I do want a buttload of fanfic where he get's a better life and also works to actively set his son up LOL Tianlang-jun biggest Bingqiu shipper).

I still cannot get over that Zhuzhi-lang's mother straight up fucked a snake. p280

Why did this reveal have to be worse :((((( The fact that LBH's mom actually likely cared for Tianlang-jun but was imprisoned by the OPM, was too late to get to Tianlang-jun, and forced to drink poison. :((( uuuuuuuugh. p282-283

Holy shit! Luo Binghe is the one who is actually powering the realm merge!!! p286

Baby Luo Binghe this behaviour is so toxic :'( p289-291

Are you kidding me. :( Why Yue Qingyuan!!! Xuan Su actively drains his life force whenever he uses it. p296

and we get the reveal that Yue Qingyuan was the pal who promised to come back and save Shen Jiu. uuuugh my heart, why am I so emotional about this. p297

The most bittersweet system notifications rn, so upsetting. Bro is about to lose the only things he's grown to care about in this second life and they are just listing achievements for what pp298-299

I know Yue Qingyuan is in a bad way but I really am rooting for him. Good on SQQ for not giving YQY his last wish. I need this softy to pull through. p301

Oh no! BInghe is hallucinating now :(((((( the sword has totally fucked him with demonic qi. :((( p307

I always love when we get a scenario pusher- it really "pushes" SQQ's boundaries p307

OMG. Well. That's not a small scenario pusher!!!! What is it with MXTX always having her male protags fuck dry 🤮🤮 This is not cute, and I totally understand it is a "fuck or die" scenario but omg RIP SQQ's asshole. How is this both kind of tender and absolutely horrific :((((((( 🤮🤮 pp310-311

This is actually so terrible :( my heart what the fuck :( Luo Binghe reached out, wanting to touch him but also not daring to. His hand remained frozen in midair as he muttered, "Shi...zun?" Once he heard Luo Binghe call him "Shizun" as normal, Shen Qingqiu seemed to come alive, and he gasped in a breath. Unfortunately, due to how strained this breath was, it almost sounded like a sob. Luo Binghe was stunned, "Shizun...what...What did I do?" p314

aaaaand the Jade Guanyin :(((((((( p315

Bless the system for getting me out of the choke hold that this scene had me in. I truly thought everyone was about to die. pp318-320

I'm dead LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I clocked it many chapters ago with my jokes that SQQ was actually changing the genre and was really the bawdy love interest. He really did though XD ahahahaha p323

Thank fuck everyone (at least LBH and SQQ) are alive! I thought they would have killed LBH afterwards or with the state of his mental health, he would kill himself but thankfully he is not dead. p327

YAY! We have Yue Qingyuan alive as well! p329

Incredible. Shen Qinghua wanted this ending as well but decided to sell out for finances. Bless that this guy got to see his favorable ending play out LOL p333

oh!!! Tianlang-jun is also alive!! p335

My heart! SQQ to LBH " Of course what this master most wanted to see first was you!" p339

We hit the end of the main story!

Some final thoughts- that felt really abrupt. Like it just ended very fast. These two really have a strange relationship (I am sure more happens in the extras but as is stands it is still so ambiguous). Nary a real declaration of love, and their intimate moments were all fabricated by other situations or a product of deceit. I am excited to dig into the extras to see more about their relationship.

[acourtofquestions]

Sarah J. Maas really does a good job as a writer when it comes to guiding the reader into the opinion you want them to have for the best emotional investment in the story. … It’s never going to be 100% unanimous (often it’s fun in a way because everyone has their own interpretation, favorites, etc.) however I think her fandoms have more generally conclusive agreements & that’s a pretty impressive feat saying how often her characters & their relationships change; they are built, destroyed, & rebuilt again. The ability to twist the story (even starting with the Beauty and the Beast comparison within A Court of Thorns and Roses is impressive). And I say this as a fan who tends to be PRETTY loyal to my favorites, her books have been an exception.

Tamlin (the beast) is at first a VERY hesitation drawing character, by the time one finally starts to like him; it still feels off (& confusing because isn’t he “supposed to be” the main love interest? “Shouldn’t you” like the MAIN LOVE INTEREST?) then when you finally start to think you love him, your all in on the ship, it starts BREAKING YOUR HEART, until one page changes everything & you now LOATHE HIM FOREVER. 1 book, 7 chapters, & the reader goes through it WITH Feyre.

Rhysand (the beauty😂😊😘) goes from a “who is this tall dark “beautiful” stranger”, to holy**** he’s the one decapitating people😅 & now everyone is terrified of him (for & with Feyre), so the hatred officially starts, until it presses pause because it’s just straight up confusing (“what am I supposed to feel?”) and start getting confused by all the feelings for him; one second he’s annoying, then hilarious, then everyone is drawn to him, until you can’t tell if you like or hate (or love to hate) him. AND THEN SOMETHING IS DEF UP AND YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT RIGHT NOW so you spend all this time guessing & waiting & brooding & pining—until you think you understand him & “even if it’s fucked up you love him” & then you REALLY do LOVE him and your just WAITING for Feyre to realize it too… And then EVERY shoe drops; you never knew anything, now you know EVERYTHING, & they are officially ENDGAME… until that gets too literal & now your crying CAUSE IT CANT END & thankfully it doesn’t! It just begins 80 times over for Fae Infinity (depending on how that whole death bet bargain goes😅).

Sam we fall for him (even knowing from DAY 1) how it ends; we fall for him because she did; and he did love her. Truly, steadily, from the beginning—to the end. They had something real, a beautiful promise (to be kept… & betrayed, not by them but by the very universe) born among sorrow but not out of it. Something good, built by them. We fall for the assassin, the boy, the best friend; the one that should’ve gotten to be the one or at least gotten more time… the first love, always love, & un-ended one because it’s ending came without a goodbye & before it even had a chance to begin…

Dorian the beautiful & forbidden prince — the good boy, to one day make a good king & a good man; the dreamer you fall for because he wants to make the world better & just might be a better benevolent ruler; ever-looking for his equal to rule by his side. The forbidden affair, yet always almost promised to be — the Daughter of Terrasen & the Son of Adarlan — enemies to friends to lovers (& friends again) burdened with glorious purpose & dark powerful pasts. The might have been; two sides, same coin… seen by all… seemed fit to be…

Chaol the opposites attract; magnets always in orbit always moving toward this; them. The love that brings life, back to-well-life. The guard & The Assassin; the killer & the protector; the prophesied end to evil rule, a woman scorned & hell-bent to burn the crown to the ground — the one who gave everything for an ideal, a good man, given to protect it at the cost of his very life & all he knew; the daughter of ruin & the fallen — the son of ruiners who destroyed to survive, yet survived nonetheless. A truly good man in a world of evil, a goodness that makes her believe again. A resilient sun, she blazes among deaths darkness, he watches her like Icarus. They are the goodness that came out of the ashes. Opposites yet the ones that understood (even to a fault). It was always meant to be… right?! — Their story. You see & fall for yet ANOTHER future, their “brood of children” & running away together. Until…

Rowan I have yet to meet him but from the little (trying to stay spoiler free) he is her match. Though I was strongly team Chaol… and Dorian… and Sam… I am sure I will fall once again…

There is something genius in that

[felice-jaganshi]

My Fallen Apple

Chapter 11

You woke up feeling warm.

“Baby, please, open your eyes. Come on, come on…” You recognize the voice, it's Lucifer. Why does he sound so scared? Did something happen?

Your eyes feel heavy.

 

“Hm… five more minutes…” you mutter, even the words feel heavy.

 

“Oh thank fuck! Sorry babe, I need you up asap. Need you to make sure nothing else is broken.” Relief fills his voice. You finally open your eyes, and see his beautiful, worried face. And Charlie! She's right next to you too! 

 

“Hey, what's going on?” You sit up in your lovers lap and as you look around, your eyes land on Adam's dead body. Suddenly the day's events come rushing back. “Oh… holy shit… he's dead. He tried to kill me.” You then look at where Lucifer's wings would be if he had them out. “No… you got hurt because of me…” 

 

He gave a nervous laugh, “Ah hah! Nah, that, everyone was just seeing things! I'm perfectly fine! Not a speck of blood anywhere, see?” He shifted you into Charlie's hold and did a quick spin for you to see. “Fit as a golden fiddle!”

You stood up, and Charlie gave you a tight hug before going to look for Keekee. 

 

Your legs were a little wobbly still as you made your way to Lucifer and pulled him in for a tight embrace and a passionate kiss. He hugged back just as tight and kissed you till you saw stars! He pulled back first and peppered more small kisses all over your face, until he heard Charlie begin a song. He then pulled away with one more kiss before going to her.

________

 

After the musical number and helping rebuild the hotel, Lucifer took you to his new room in the hotel. Once inside you confronted him while his back was to you.

 

“Lucifer… let me see your wings.” He flinched, you saw it. 

 

“Heh, why is that? I'm not really in the mood for wing play tonight.” He smiled over his shoulder at you, looking tired.

 

“Love, that's not why. I want to make sure you're really healed all the way.” You reach out to his back and he turns to face you quickly. Retreating like a scared animal… or an injured one.

 

You sigh, and try to reach out to him in a way he's more familiar with. Something he'll be more receptive to, you take his hands, and begin singing.

“Hands, put your empty hands in mine… and scars, show me all the scars you hide. And hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine till yours can open too. ‘Cause I'm gonna stand by you.”

 

He looks at you with shock, tears suddenly forming in the corner of his eyes.

“Tears, make Kaleidoscopes in your eyes. And hurt, I know you're hurting but so am I. And love, if your wings are broken, borrow mine till yours can open too. ‘Cause I'm gonna stand by you! Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you! Love you're not alone, because I'm gonna stand by you!”

 

The tears fell and he moved his hands to your face, taking over the next verse.

“You're all I never knew I needed. And my heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating… but love, if your wings are broken, we can brave through those emotions too, because I'm gonna stand by you.”

He let his wings out and held you close, and there it was, over his shoulder, you could see the hole he kept covered by his big fluffy feathers.

You then sang together, harmonizing as your hearts reached out and understood each other. 

 

“I'll be your eyes, till yours can shine. And I'll be your arms, I'll be your steady satellite. And when you can't rise, I'll crawl with you on hands and knees, cause I, I'm gonna stand by you! Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you! Love, you're not alone! I'm gonna stand by you…”

 

He sighed and pet your hair, “it'll heal on its own in time. I used my power to stop the bleeding, but healing my own wings takes a lot more energy than healing others. The price of being the strongest, when you do get hurt, no one's on your level to pick you up and carry you.” He smiled, but his voice was tired and sad.

 

You scoop him up into your arms, it's a little tricky with the wings throwing off his weight, but you make it work, and lay him on the bed. “Who says I can't carry you?” He was blushing. “Luci goosey, my lover, my king… I will always stand at your side and pick you up when you fall. Just like you do for me.” You smile and kiss his forehead, then each cheek, then his nose, before finally reaching his lips for a soft chaste kiss.

“I love you. And I always will.” 

 

He looked at you in awe, “Marry me?”

 

You blush, is this how he was going to propose?! “Are you serious?” 

He blushed, “I… um…” he took a slow deep breath. “Yes. Yes I do. I didn't mean to do it this way, but I'm not taking back my words, because I do mean them, and I don't want to hurt you with a misunderstanding.”

 

You can't help but smile. What a goof. What a good man. “I do! I mean, yes! Of course I want to be your wife!”

 

“Great! We'll tell everyone tomorrow and start planning then. For now, I just want to hold you. I… was really scared today. First for Charlie, then… You were just suddenly on the ground with so much blood around you… I thought I was about to lose you. Please, never do that to me again.” He pulled you to his chest and wrapped his wings around you.

You've never felt safer or warmer.

 

“I promise.”

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

It’s time for another Fic Rec List fellow humans!!!

And boy howdy do I have a LOT this time lmao. A good chunk of them are Kyle-centric, bc I, like my son Stan Marsh, have been fixated on that guy. Also there are multiple from the same authors bc I find something I like and read EVERYTHING by them.

There’s a range of pairings on this list too bc I’ll read pretty much anything (still mostly style they do be my favorite) so hopefully if u see ur favorite ship or an intriguing concept this’ll steer you to somethin u like!

Here ya go!

* (rem)ember by boxwinebaddie. Ok we all knew I was gonna start the list w this one bc I am OBSESSED!!! Style holy shit! Crimson Dawn! Mentally unstable law student Kyle! RAVEN!!! The friendships and group dynamics! Rm lives rent free in my head dude plsplspls check it out!

* Painted In Shrouds by courtanie. Y’all want some Kysterion? This is one of my favorites! And NOBODY does Kenny like this author seriously. We got espionage! We got organized crime! We got overworked cfo Kyle! We got working together to take down the bad guys! We got blood and injuries and falling in love!

* Swansong by OrcaTimes. Fair warning this made me ugly cry. No one writes Craig like OrcaTimes YALL the Cryle destroyed me and doctor Craig always slays!!! It’s a beautiful story about love and grief, just GORGEOUS!!!

* Collector by cement_shoes. WHOLESOME STYLE ONESHOT!!! Them over the years, taking care of each other, Kyle handling bugs for Stan when he’s scared of them, growing up together and the trials of being human, but with someone always on your side. This one is SO sweet and gorgeously written, and a quick read too.

* A Ballad Of True Hearts by luckypoppies. Dude we all know I’m feral about SOT Style and THIS RIGHT HERE EATS!!!!! The history, the betrayal, the FANTASY VIOLENCE AND THERES THIS FIGHT SO FAR THAT SLAYS SO HARD! Being falsely accused of treason and subsequently exiled, tasked with escorting your prince to safety, GOD you just FEEL for the boys in this (plus we got them taking care of each other like yes yes gimme that fantasy whump) the world building is AWESOME I love sot AU’s and how different authors come up w the lore!

* Behind The Wall by Jwink85. Alright this one STARTS OUT nice, and is such an accurate representation of manipulative abusive relationships. Damien man holy shit. There’s so much going on in this, and the STAN PLOT OMG (yes style I love them) Kyle and Stan reconciling, Ike is my DISTRUSTING KING, high school angst, Tweek and Kyle friendship, Kenny being an icon, and I’ve said before but I love when Kyle’s written as generally wanting to see the good in people but still fiery in his own right, this is (a lot of jwinks stuff really that’s why I like their works so much) a great example of that!

* Simply Expandable by Kivea. YO WHO ORDERED THE MOB AU!!! Dude we got private investigator Craig, rival gangs, supernatural elements and mystery, conspiracy, fucking MOB BOSS KYLE?!?!? Kyle’s a bamf in this holy shit and bodyguard Stan, (this is Cryle btw and it’s fantastic) former k2, twenny, underground fighting rings, some KICKASS gang fights and the true antagonists bro the reveal was SICK! And when I say it’s a The Gangs All Here fic, I mean EVERYONE it’s wild and such a fun read it had me on the edge of my seat!

* And The Lightning Cracks The Sky by PastorCraigEnjoyer. Yeah yeah it’s cringe to rec your own shit sue me. But like Druid prince Kyle, Smokejumper Stan, forest fires, little mermaid but in the northern rockies ass plot, OVERLY PERCEPTIVE KENNY, mutual pining, magic, my beloved injury recovery (I gotta fuck Stan up ok) (I’m the worst)(giving Kyle chronic pain who me never) falling in love and saving each other’s lives, EVIL Cartman, I LOVED WRITING THIS ONE SO FUCKING MUCH it’s truly my baby.

* A quiet place (where I can scream how I love you) by sleep2thefr33zing. Coming of age style!!! So much emotional tension dude the pining is so fucking good, the first chapter is Stan’s perspective and the second one is Kyle and it’s BEAUTIFULLY PAINFUL WHEN THEYRE BOTH DOWN BAD BUT THINK THE OTHER ISNT!!! I love them being there for each other through all the bullshit of growing up, how resonant their falling outs are, it’s just so incredibly gorgeous and you really feel their emotions along with them.

* Knives by SparrowGrim. Ok so kyman isn’t my cup of tea but I’m putting it on the list bc some people do like it and this is an OBJECTIVELY FANTASTIC STORY!!! Tbh I only clicked bc I saw that it was Kyle centric (and that injury tag what can I say I eat that shit up) but I was HOOKED! Dark urbania, gangs running the streets, THE CODE NAMES SLAY SO HARD, we also got creek bunny stendy dip, the character relations are all so cool and the plot is WILD! Also Butters Kenny Stan and Craig are so badass jesus. Not even a ship I like but I loved the story.

* Peering Through Windows by Jwink85. C’mon I gotta have another jwink on the list and this one is SO. FUCKING. GOOD. K2 has been one of my favorites lately and THIS!!! We got dark cryle (my beloved) but when I say dark I mean CRAIG IS SO DEPRAVED!!! Like dude. But the story is THRILLING and artist Kenny is so kickass, Stan is a dad I literally cried over that small detail lmfao and I love jwinks Kyles and their idealistic nature (also I’m a sucker for any artist character) this story broke my heart and mended it again it’s incredible.

* Hunger Pains by Bellweather. Ain’t nobody doin Stan like bellweather MY SWEET PRECIOUS BOY UGH!!! The style is so great omg. The main four dynamic in this is wonderful, them trying to help Kyle through his ED (damn I really do read a lot of shit where Kyle’s suffering huh) all the characters are so well fleshed out and IKE I LOVE IKE IN THIS! The chapters have individual content warnings which is a great touch. Craig having prophetic dreams! Kenny dying multiple times! Chaos! Teenage camaraderie! There’s plenty of humor to make up for the dark shit but it DOES get dark. The mystery element in the beginning is really cool too I definitely have read this one multiple times.

* Find Somebody by hypercatt. STYLE!!! Stan-centric and so so so good, I love a platonic stendy team up too. some of the senior class goes “missing” and WHEN I TELL YALL I WAS so nervous that I read it out of order to make sure everything turned out okay lmao seriously this one had me WRITHING! There’s a gorgeous analogy throughout of physical hurts as a metaphor for mental illness and healing that just SPOKE TO MY SOUL!!! And there are so many beautiful moments, especially near the end, and the message of opening up and not running from your problems is beautifully written. Another one that occupies my brain lmao.

* To Have And To Hold by courtanie. Yes this is another one where Craig is SERIOUSLY DEPRAVED but hear me out!!! The plot, like I would DIE to adapt this to the screen, you feel like you’re watching a dark kidnapping race against time when reading this. And THE K2 IN THIS HOLY FUCK!!! Another one of my favorite Kennys ever and it’s so frustrating for the reader and the characters because WE ALL KNOW WHO TOOK KYLE BUT THE COPS ARENT DOING SHIT! The ending is unbelievably satisfying and the rest of the gang teaming up is so awesome STAN AND KENNY GOING FERAL OVERPROTECTIVE I live for that. But god the shit Kyle is subjected to, but he doesn’t lose that fire (Kyle ily sry)

* When The World Shakes, Hold Me by Bellweather & Blinkxs. The world building in this is PHENOMENAL!!! Post apocalyptic stuff, survival, STYLE!!! Some serious dark themes tho this is a heartbreaking read like damn check the tags frfr but the writing is MAGNETIC!

* -South Park- Style Sickfic/ Injury Fic Requests by AlwaysInSTYLE. Alright alright we all know I love my style hurt comfort and this is a request book/ oneshot series that’s JUST Stan and Kyle taking care of each other and I LOVE IT. you’d think it would get old but it DOES NOT. they’re not repetitive at all, and really fun reads! If you check it out, tell her PCE sent you we’re homies.

* Rookie Mistakes by espyonz. I love me some stenny and BRUH STANSTERION!!! Long oneshot that had me hooked. We got gentle hearted detective Stan who truly wants to protect and serve and is out of place in a corrupt police department. KENNY AS MYSTERION we know I love that shit, and he’s so awesome in this!!! The team up of Kenny Stan and Wendy to find missing people and uncover the truth behind their disappearances is AMAZING. We got Wendy as the tech girl which is SO slay (plus she and Heidi are together asjdhdks) and Kenny is hilarious in this, like he’s such a little shit and I adore this adaptation of his superhero persona. This one dropped LAST NIGHT and I’m so glad I didn’t make a red list post until now bc THIS NEEDED TO BE ON IT!!!

* Seven Candles by courtanie. Yep another one I’m tellin u, one of the best Kenny writers out there. So uhh Kyle in a Very Bad Situation again, like some of it was really tough to read. BUT!!! We got a war between heaven and hell!!! KENNY AS A FUCKING ARCHANGEL ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? (I live for courtanie’s overprotective kenny holy shit) this is legitimately my favorite Kenny interpretation IVE EVER READ HES SO FUCKING AWESOME!!! Plus we got satan being Done with Damien’s shit lmao and Kyle making friends with a hellhound which is fun. THE FINAL BATTLE WAS SO COOL TOO I LOST MY MIND!

* Why Remind Me by Kasen. One of the best style oneshots BRUH it’s so good with such a wholesome ending and the FEELINGS CONFESSIONS!!! The boys playing superhero, then later we got high school style and an accident that leads to a reminder of a kiss and UGH ITS SO CUTE!! Just- just read this one I love it sm.