#i am dso attracted to men

[rotting-pond]

TOO MANY heavily tattooed and pierced men on the bus today................... SWEATING.

[kezikatescribbling]

Witness to Monsters-Chapter 1: Out of the Fire and Into His Arms

Finally have chapter 1 done! Thanks to my amazing, goofy, creative group chat for the idea :)

***

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 |

Or read on AO3:

 https://archiveofourown.org/works/21639121/chapters/51599854

Word Count: 2463

TW: Trauma/PTSD

The first thing [Yn] noticed as she woke up is the movement of the world around her, like she’s on a swaying ship. It had been so long since [Yn] had seen or heard any water that wasn’t from a faucet, so she eagerly worked her way through her muddled mind to listen for the slaps of water, only to find...silence. Then footsteps, loud and reverberating, like the sound was echoing through a large space. ‘Oh, right’, [Yn] thought to herself, ‘I’m in jail’.

Her mind quickly caught her up on her past in flashes playing behind her eyelids; Needles held by people with impassive faces, clinical and uncaring. Then explosions, blinding and confusing, men and women with guns, dragging her out of hell into the unknown. Concern and...fear. That’s what was hiding in the eyes of the people that found her. Not fear for her, but of her. Not that she blames them. For all they know, [Yn]’s a ticking time bomb of terror.

The world is slowly coming back into focus as a new voice joins the mix, low and pleasant...comforting, even though the words themselves aren’t anything [Yn] should take comfort in.

“Hunnigan.” The man said, clearly in greeting, “I was told you had an assignment for me, but why are we meeting here?”

“Because,” a woman’s voice, ringing with authority spoke nearby, startling [Yn], or as close as she could get to startled through her foggy mind. [Yn] had only heard one set of footsteps approaching, so this Hunnigan must have already been here, waiting outside [Yn]’s cell. That knowledge was a bit unnerving, to have a silent watcher with [Yn] being none the wiser. The voice continued, “This is where your assignment is.”

“What, am I stuck on guard duty?” The man was clearly joking, not expecting the response.

“Essentially yes, but not in the jail. Meet [Yn] [Ln].” The voices came closer, coupled with the echo of footsteps, “She was taken from an Umbrella facility a few days ago. I don’t have much information about the raid on the lab, or about Miss [Ln] here, but from what I understand our scientists were keeping her here to make sure she wasn’t infected with anything from the lab that would start an outbreak. She’s been cleared, and they need someone to watch her while they run more tests.”

“You have got to be kidding me Hunnigan. I’m supposed to babysit for a bunch of scientists while the assholes from that facility are still fugitives?! What the hell?!”

“They requested a seasoned operative to protect her. And besides that...Leon, I’m worried about you. Maybe this will be a good change of pace for you”

“Is this about last week? I told you, I’m fine. Nothing to worry about.” The man’s voice, Leon, was clearly displeased, and thinly veiled anger was boiling beneath the surface.

“Leon, the orders didn’t come from me, so don’t get snippy.” Hunnigan snapped back. Leon sighed.

“So is this some sort of weird form of punishment from the higher ups? The mission went smoothly, I was hardly a liability.” Leon was clearly still annoyed, but calmed down at the woman’s words.

“You are here to protect a key witness, according to the orders, nothing more to it. I didn’t even put your incident in the report.” Hunnigan’s voice was also more subdued. “The concern is mine, not DSO’s. I’m worried about my friend.” She said with emphasis, and Leon sighed again.

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little on edge. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It’s alright. I’m used to your abuse.”

“Abuse? That seems a little harsh.” [Yn] could hear the smile in the man’s voice. These two were obviously close. They laughed before getting back to business. “What else can you tell be about the situation. You said I’m not guarding the subject in here, so do we have a safehouse set up?”

“Well...You’re not going to like this, but we don’t have any safehouses to spare at the moment. Several were compromised and the few we have left are already taken.”

“So where am I supposed to take her?” There was an awkward pause.

“Your place is safe. Off the radar. Only a few people actually know where it is. That’s as secure as you can get.” Hunnigan’s voice was dripping with false cheer. Leon groaned loudly.

“I keep it secret for a reason Hunnigan. So that it stays safe and secure. You know I don’t bring work home with me.”

“Exactly!” Hunnigan continues, ignoring that last part, “So it’s clearly the best place to go. Glad we agree.” Leon groans again. “Or would you rather stay here?”

“Fine,” Leon sounded grumpy, but resigned, “What else you got?”

“That’s really it. You’re orders are to take [Yn] to a secure location and protect her until further notice.”

“That’s really all the information you have? What about the file on [Yn]?”

“There isn’t much in it. Most of it is restricted information. Our scientists...haven’t been very forthcoming.”

“Fine,” Leon growled again, “Do you at least know why she’s locked up? Couldn’t the lab technicians kept her with them if they had to run so many tests?”

“I really don’t know." Her voice softens, "But Leon, be nice to her ok? From the little I know and have seen...she’s been through a lot.”

“Be nice? As opposed to what? I’m nice.” There was a long silence, and [Yn] could practically hear the glare. “Whatever." His voice echoed back down the hall, "Open on twelve!” The clanking and grating of metal startled [Yn], and for the first time in who knows how long, she opened her eyes. She blinked several times, her eyes dry and not used to the light. A figure walked through the cell door, then paused. “What’s wrong with her?”

“For some reason the guards decided to sedate her.” [Yn]’s bleary vision tracked to the figure still outside the cell, to a woman in a suit jacket and matching pencil skirt, rectangular glasses perched on her nose. A quiet growl emanated from the figure in front of her, attracting [Yn]’s attention again.

The man before her wore a dark gray sweater beneath a brown leather jacket, jeans and hefty looking boots, but [Yn]’s gaze nervously stayed on the gun strapped to his thigh as he walked closer. He crouched down in front of the cot [Yn] was laying on, eyes taking in her form. She curled in on herself when she noticed the hidden anger on his face.

“I want the names of those guards, and whoever was in charge of them.” He rumbled.

“Already on it. I’ll send the list to your phone. Let me know if you need any help bashing skulls.” Leon smiled at that, throwing an amused glance over his shoulder, before turning his attention back to [Yn]. Leaning a little closer.

“Your name is [Yn] [Ln], right? I’m Agent Leon Kennedy, I’ll be in charge of keeping you safe for a while. Can you stand?”

[Yn] furrowed her brow and concentrated on her muscles, attempting to push herself off the mattress. She didn’t get very far before her arms gave out and she landed back to the pillow with a sigh of frustration, shaking her head. She looked up to see the displeasure return to Leon’s expression, eyes glittering with anger. [Yn] flinched back from the intense look.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Leon’s voice was muted and soft, his face clearing to a comforting smile, “I’m not mad at you.” He stood slowly and walked back out the cell door. “Hey, you!” He called, and a shuffle was heard down the hall, then quick steps approaching.

“Yes sir?” The man looked young, like he could still be a teenager, and had an odd look on his face that [Yn] could only describe as admiration, star struck gazing at Leon.

“Do you have a wheelchair or something I can use to get [Yn] to my car?” The boy, as he could hardly be called a man by his obvious youth, looked to [Yn] then back to Leon.

“Uh, I-I could go check. But I don’t remember seeing one.” Leon sighed in frustration.

“No, nevermind. I’ll handle it. Just be ready to open the doors when I come through.”

“Yes sir!” The boy ran back to his station, and Leon looked to Hunnigan.

“Add the current guard roster to that list of names.”

“You got it.”

Leon walked back to [Yn], kneeling on one knee by the bed. “I’m going to have to carry you, alright?” [Yn] gulped and nodded nervously, but when Leon reached toward her she involuntarily flinched away from him, and she couldn’t keep the sudden fear from her eyes. Leon looked damn near distraught. “Hey, I’m not going to hurt you, ok? I’m here to keep you safe. Here, can you take my hands?” Leon held out his hands, waiting for [Yn], who cautiously reached for him and put her hands in his. His hands were big and warm, and despite her apprehension, [Yn] felt her fears waning.

“Alright, good. Now I’m going to help you sit up.” Leon pulled gently, helping [Yn] slowly sit up until she was upright with her legs still stretched out on the bed. “Good, now put your hands on my shoulders.” His hands were still holding hers, but he waited for [Yn] to move, letting go only when she made contact with the smooth, cool leather. “You’re doing great [Yn], now I’m going to reach this arm around you, ok?” Once [Yn] nodded he moved his hand, keeping it brushing against her so she knew where it was at all times. As his fingers swept across her lower back, [Yn] couldn’t hold back a shiver, and Leon looked like he was holding back a grin. “Now this hand is going under your knees, alright?” [Yn] nodded again, and Leon trailed his fingers down her leg before reaching under her knees, placing his hand on her thigh so her legs were resting on his arm, and he leaned in, gently pulling her close. “Now I’m going to lift you. Ready?” At [Yn]’s nod Leon slowly lifted her from the bed onto his knee. “There, not so bad is it?”

For the first time [Yn] took a long look at his face. He had dark golden hair parted on the side, framing his face, cascading down just past his cheekbones, a bit of his fringe obscuring part of his face, falling over one eye. His cheekbones were well defined and his lips were full and curved into a warm smile that sparkled in his eyes. And his eyes, oh god his eyes, were like pools of ocean water, a shock of light blue that glittered with hidden humor. His breath was fanning [Yn]’s face with how close he was holding her, and her already hazy mind nearly shut down, overwhelmed by the beautiful man before her.

“You’re really pretty.” The words spilled out in a whisper past [Yn]’s absent thought filter. In wasn’t until a flush spread across Leon’s cheeks and his quiet, embarrassed laughter surrounded her that she realized she had said the words out loud.

“Um, thanks…” Leon looked thrown off by the unexpected compliment, the pink dusted on his cheeks creating an even more adorable picture. He cleared his throat and shook his head smiling. “Let’s get you to the car. I’m going to stand up, alright?” [Yn], feeling her own cheeks growing warm, nodded again and averted her eyes in embarrassment. Leon stood easily, shifting [Yn]’s weight so she was resting comfortably in his arms.

Leon carried [Yn] out of the cell, careful to avoid the hard metal bars. He said a quick goodbye to Hunnigan before walking down the hall towards the exit. The guard, upon seeing Leon approaching, hastily stood and fumbled with the controls in the guard booth. He got the door open and threw an awkward salute, which Leon returned with a nod.

The medicine was finally clearing [Yn]’s system, but the swaying motion of Leon’s step were reminding her of the woozy feeling she had woken up to, and bringing up flashes of the concerned guard that had slipped the needle into her arm hours, maybe days before, for all she knew. The memory had her anxiety flaring up again and in an attempt to flee them, [Yn] buried her face in Leon’s shoulder, hugging him closer with her arms around his neck. His breathing stopped for a moment, and she felt his head turn to look at her, but she stayed hidden, face pressed against the cool fabric of his jacket and breathing in his spicy scent.

Before long they reached the entrance of the building, a member of the staff, maybe another guard, jumping up to open the front door for them, following to help Leon open up the passenger door of his car parked out front. Leon muttered his thanks and [Yn] heard the footsteps quickly retreat before she was gently lowered to the seat. Leon carefully pried [Yn]’s hands from his jacket and buckled her in. He closed the door as lightly as possible before rounding the vehicle and sliding in behind the wheel. The car was cold, especially after being pressed close to Leon’s warm body, and the leather seats were unforgivingly chilly. [Yn] shivered, and as soon as Leon started the car he cranked the heat up.

“It will get warm in a second.” He stopped to look at his phone, his brows furrowed in concentration as he read whatever words were displayed. “It looks like we have a drop to pick up with clothes and supplies for you. Good, you can finally get out of those awful scrubs.” [Yn] looked down at herself, noticing for the first time that she was wearing generic hospital scrubs, luckily with a white, long sleeved shirt underneath to keep the worst of the chill out. She tried to remember when she had been changed out of her other clothes, but when no memory was forthcoming, she let it go. Leon put his phone in a cradle on the dashboard, buckling his seatbelt and looking over to [Yn].

“After when get the drop, how about we pick up something to eat. I’m starving, and I don’t know what kind of bland crackers and water diet you’ve been on, but I’m sure you’re ready for some real food.” [Yn] smiled brightly at the thought, and Leon’s answering grin was dazzling. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He said with a chuckle, before driving away from the abysmal building, leaving another hell far behind.

Chapter 2

@chloe-3-price @mitsuintheworks @imagineleonkennedy @locus-desperatus @dreamymuse @guettaes @crystaldwightsworld @biohazard4ever

[famous-aces]

T. E. Lawrence

Who: Thomas Edward Lawrence, CB, DSO

What: Archaeologist, Explorer, Army Officer, Liaison, and Author

Where: British, born in Wales to an Anglo-Irish father and Scottish mother, raised in Ireland, active in Egypt, what was then Palestine, and Syria

When: August 16, 1888 - May 19, 1935

The famous Lawrence of Arabia!  Archeologist, soldier, pilot, author, basically Indiana Jones but more Edwardian, gay, and political.  He acted as liaison/intelligence agent during the Sinai and Palestine Campaign and the Arab Revolt in World War I.  He was brilliantly intelligent and an extremely talented and vivid writer. His quintessential work which earned him international fame and got him the 1962 movie made about him is The Seven Pillars of Wisdom.  He was a hero in his day, widely beloved by the British.  I am not claiming he is unproblematic, but he has woven his way into the Western consciousness. I mean it though this guy had some nuts adventures.*

Probable Orientation: Gay Ace or gay grace (and a masochist. Although his sexual attraction seems negligible to non-existent he did have what he described as "a delicious warmth, probably sexual, was swelling through me" when being whipped and asked to be whipped later in life as a show of stamina. So he was not sexually attracted to anyone but he was kinky.)

I actually struggled with Lawrence for a long time.  The argument for his being Allo gay definitely can be made. But there is no evidence any of his relationships were physical beyond conjecture after the fact. I know aces can be kinky but I had a hard time deciding what about the humiliation he was getting off on.

According to friends he died without ever having done the do (only mentioned after his death). They described him as "asexual" but seemed to mean "sexless." He definitely showed interest in men, but it didn't seem to be sexual. When Lawrence describes male/male relationships his interest seems to be sensual, aesthetic, and romantic rather than sexual.

In reading his description of how two men interacted I found my answer. When Lawrence wrote about soldiers having sex with female prostitutes the act is described as being vile, ugly, and gross. But when he describes the sex between two soldiers it is in a positive light, but part of that positivity is that he sees it as "sexless and pure". From his own descriptions sex (which he didn't necessarily like) was just a consequence of the romantic side (which he did) of the relationship and in a time when sex and romance were inseparable that idea makes sense. He glorifies and seeks out the emotional and romantic and sensual side of a relationship without the addition of actual sex. There is a quote from Seven Pillars that sums up his perspective quite well:

"In horror of such sordid commerce [diseased female prostitutes] our youths began indifferently to slake one another’s few needs in their own clean bodies–a cold convenience that, by comparison, seemed sexless and even pure. Later, some began to justify this sterile process, and swore that friends quivering together in the yielding sand with intimate hot limbs in supreme embrace, found there hidden in the darkness a sensual co-efficient of the mental passion which was welding our souls and spirits in one flaming effort [to secure Arab independence]. Several, thirsting to punish appetites they could not wholly prevent, took a savage pride in degrading the body, and offered themselves fiercely in any habit which promised physical pain or filth."

-T. E. Lawrence

*I truly love the idea that Lawrence of Arabia -- a colonial hero and man's man -- was a gay masochistic ace. There is no orientation I can think of that spits more in the face of the traditional masculinity he is often lumped into. There is nothing less "manly" than that. I just adore the irony of it and that a generation of cishet dudes held him in such high regard without ever realizing he was so many things they condemned.

[image description: image 1: a black and white photo of Lawrence from 1935 taken by Reginald Sims. He is a white man with short neatly parted hair. He had a strong jaw and aquiline nose, fairly handsome.  He is in profile.

Image 2: a black and white photo of Lawrence in 1919 in his Arabic dress. He is looking at the camera with the smallest of smiles. He is wearing a thawb/dishdasha and keffiyeh, both are white and the keffiyeh hanging down to his waist.  He has his hands on his lap. At his waist he has a curved knife, a Jambiya, attached to a dark belt.

Image 3: a black and white photo (I was unable to find the date, but it was at some point between 1924 and 1935) showing Lawrence speaking to George Brough (the owner of Brough Superior, a motorcycle manufacturer. Lawrence is on a Superior motorcycle (which he would own seven of in his lifetime and ultimately meet his death while riding) straddling it but at a standstill. It is a big black old fashioned looking motorcycle. Lawrence is grinning happily at Brough. Brough is a bit older than Lawrence, wearing a newsboy cap, a jacket and tie, and leaning on two canes. He looks quite proud. He was because at that point Lawrence was a national hero and icon.

End ID]

[utrechtcentral]

Houten big in Utrecht

Today we want to take you to Houten, a town of around 50.000 inhabitants 10 kilometers south of Utrecht city. There we can find Sportcentrum The Dome, a sports centre recently built especially for the local Handball Club Handbal Houten. It’s certainly not a coincidence that the colours of the building are black and yellow, indeed the same as their club colors.

I’d like to introduce you to Norbert, who is responsible for the team of people working for the pr and communications of the club. norbert Herremans is 47 years old and lives in Houten. He is married to Petra and they have a 16 year old daughter named Sanne and a 14 year old son named Bas. He studied Dutch language and literature at the Utrecht University and has for a very long time worked in Utrecht at a very large publishing company called VBK Media. VBK publish the books from Jamie Oliver, Roald Dahl, National Geographic and a lot more. norbert is head of the production department, which is responsible for the printing and binding of the books. Tell us a bit about your club Handbal Houten is a club for everyone. Young and old, people who are ambitious and want to play on a higher level and people who are playing for the fun and want to socialize. I myself am part of the second group. Every week me and my team members have a lot of fun when training or playing our weekly match. Beside that our results aren’t so bad. At the moment we are the runner up in our competition. What attracted you to Handball? I like the physical element of the sport. You even can call it a contact sport. Beside that it’s a very fast and dynamic sport and full of action. You don’t have to wait 90 minutes to see just one goal. No, you will see lots of them in a match!

How is the Women's team doing? Our Women's team is playing several divisions lower than our Mens team. They have a fantastic group of players who are doing their best every week. They are now ranked somewhere in the middle but they have the ambition for the next years to play higher than this.

How is the Men's team doing this year? This year our Men's team Stipt Payroll/Houten is doing well. They are in the lead at the moment, one point more than runner up Hellas from The Hague. Next Saturday 26.01 they will fight each other here in Houten. We expect a lot of this match. I invite everybody to watch this game. It’s the big clash of the handball season and it will start at 19.00 pm.

Do you want new members? At the moment we have around 230 members. I don’t know how handball is doing in the UK but in the Netherlands handball is growing thanks to the good efforts of the National women’s team on European, World and Olympic Tournaments and the attention on national television for it. In Houten there’s a lot of attention on the Handbal Houten men's team. Last year they became National Champions in the Eredivisie. Thanks to that we see more and more children interested in playing handball. And we also see every year more talented children coming over from other clubs in the Utrecht area. They want to play at a higher level and in fact there are youngsters playing in our Women's and in our Men's teams weekly. But everyone is welcome and you can try two months for free. Are you from Utrecht? Yes, I was born in Kanaleneiland but I moved to a small town near the city called Bunnik when I was 4 years old. When I was 10 years old I joined the local handball club Celeritas because there were a lot of children in my school class playing it. I even met my wife in the Bunnik Handball club! In these days handball was very big in the city of Utrecht. We played against a lot of different clubs from Utrecht like DWSM, HMS/Achilles, Attilla, UDSV, UHV/DSO and there were a lot more of them. Also the level of handball in Utrecht was very high. Nowadays there are only two clubs left in Utrecht: HMS/Achilles and Leidsche Rijn but happily they are also growing. After living together in Utrecht me and my wife bought a house in Houten and now both our children are also playing handball in Houten. What is your favourite place in Utrecht? Maybe it is a little bit cliché but when I’m driving home from a vacation or somewhere else far away and I see the Dom tower from a large distance it still feels like coming home. Read the full article

[rotting-pond]

TOO MANY heavily tattooed and pierced men on the bus today................... SWEATING.

[rotting-pond]

TOO MANY heavily tattooed and pierced men on the bus today................... SWEATING.

[rotting-pond]

TOO MANY heavily tattooed and pierced men on the bus today................... SWEATING.