#i am def not gonna get in anyway but its so gorgeous and cool there i cant eait

[pxe]

im going to tour my dream college tomorrow ^___^…

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[yvvaine]

I was wondering if any [past or present] Jonerys, Pro-Daenerys fans like myself feel this way.....?

Firstly Id say please be nice i just enjoy analyzing the shit out of fandoms I like, (im a history/polysci major ((with an emphasis on Peace Justice and & Conflict Studies)) all i do is analyze and try to be diplomatic lmao) but considering all they petty drama between both ships as well as pro/anti Daenerys stans ON BOTH SIDES I’m going to be “That Person” and at least ask for people to be respectful/civil, I want to hear from everyone and their metas/what they think which is why i tagged like, all the tags, no matter if you love her/the ship or cant stand it, as long as everyone can keep civil So firstly I’ve loved Dany both books and show from the beginning. She’s gorgeous, wants to be the best person she can be, and her hair/fashion style game is always ON POINT.  That being said, somewhere around season 5 i think i’ve found my opinion on her cooling a little bit, ep after ep, till now. Like I still like her bc she was my first character love on the show but I’ve def soured in my opinion on her. Maybe it’s because I love learning about the subject that im more baised (im hoping thats the case) but she just seemed to have no interest in actual governance, just the reputation (esp of being the ‘rebel queen’)/the awe/the power/the thrill of the adoration that went along with it to the point where I feel like though she still wants to be a ‘good queen’ or at least wants to be seen that way, she doesnt want to do much work for the title. Like yeah she freed all the slaves and that was a def progressive and awesome move on her part (major props! slavery is sin and im glad someone recognized that who had the power to do something about it) but she didnt handle that aftermath or ensuing problems well at all nor really mulled heavily on the subject to find the best solution. She just got fustrated with pretty basic/common (albeit complex in themselves) issues of standard governance and kind of went agh! fuck this! (obv not actual quotes but that was the vibe I got). And then ESPECIALLY after season 7 her character has kind of nagged at me in the back of brain which i hate but its inherent like its just a feeling i cant help it?? I just dont know why to be honest that Im feeling so negative towards this character i used to love.  The whole ‘ bEnD thE knEe ‘ thing w/ Jon and yet pinning it on Jon’s pride not equally on his and her own was more than a little hypocritical, when hon they can discuss it later like at that point they have two common enemies the WW and Cersei they both want to do away with, and then again with the Bend the Knee or Die bit w/ the Lannister soldiers. In fact the whole sequence before that point felt kind of villinous I dearsay, I mean  deliberately burning the harvest that most of westeros needs for the winter or even strategically not willing to try, and well, nOOt intentionally burn the food considering its winter, the harvest is over (so likely not much is gonna grow in the time being) when she has a G I A N T ass army of her own to think of feeding???? Like i get it is war shit happens soldiers die but the F O O D ? Was that an impuslive in the moment mistake or did she just not give a fuck? And back to the aftermath scene/Bend the Knee 2.0, her speech was again quite hypocritical...and burning dickon?????? not willing to keep prisoners???? either bend or die??? I actually am glad she did away with Papa Tarly bc he was an awful human, but dickon????? a young idealistic man about to loose his father??? the heir to a major ally/house???? And honestly that bend or die strategy is soooooo dumb bc now she cant trust any of them like theyre only bending the knee out of self preservation homie, no one wants to die. they bend  the knee to survive and now they all of the sudden think youre their queen? Nah fam, prisoners were better, all you got are spies in your camps or people willing to backstab you at the smallest promise of coin. And i dont want that for my girl

IDK the whole “im gonna BREAK THE WHEEL,,,,,,,,yet im stating my claim mainly on my housename (aka the predominant force of said wheel for a literal dynasty) and the fact that i can scare people who otherwise are unconvinced bc lets be real westeros has had a bad run of rulers a lot of which were Targs in the past couple decades, into submission bc ill burn you otherwise???” doesnt sit well with me nor does it feel like the character ive been rooting for the past five-ish seasons. She just doesnt seem to put into effort on understanding Westeros, why things go wrong, being self-critical or sharing the blame,thinking on what a “good” ruler would do.... anyone else feeling this way and if so do you think this is just shitty writing? D&D butchering her character? or a new arc for her? perhaps the way shes always been? She just seems like a tantruming child bratty and entitled idk (a beautiful child but still)  As for jonerys...... im not gonna go into it much but how are other shippers happy????????? I honestly dont understand. I was SO looking forward to this season/this ship. like so much! But it felt so forced? And i know a lot of people claim its cause its rushed but tbh we’ve had a lot of romances in a similar time frame that felt like A C T U A L romances.....even Talisa/Robb who the Northerners will prob compare any of this too were so much better. THIS WAS MY EPIC SHIP DUDE. I feel the dany side of things (took a while but theres def heart eyes) and yet Jon???? He felt hollow. Still does even after sex. Im so disapointed but more than that I cant see the romance or the chemistry. He looks constipated. Hes never smiled like with his teeth around her the way hes done w others he cares deepily about (ygritte, toramund, sansa, even fkin gendry in the first scene they had together). He never reveals anything about himself. And between the “my queen” ep (and remember he was look warm when discussing her to toramund throughout it) and the previous the only thing that changed was that he saw the actual difference dragons made against WW. You could argue she saved them all too but that doesnt make you fall in love w someone out of the blue and also people have saved his ass before and??? Sansa w the vale anyone??? (Not an argument for jonsa js its happened) (though ill admit ive transitioned to loathing jonerys and loving jonsa more as a potential couple in the space of seven eps where if you asked me I wouldve been like PSH u cray. I never thought it would happen in a mill years but D&D ruined my ship and here i am! Shipping aside tho since its best too look at these things as neutral as possible).  Anyways the sigh of his after she left and when he pretended to be asleep.... idk. The only scene that felt genuine and where Jon smiled and it didnt look like a full on grimace and they actually kinda joked around was really nice and at the pit at the finale and if they do a LOT more of basic romance stuff like that I could ship it again but. It was followed by boatsex and boy.  I was hoping boatsex might rekindle my like for the two together. I could see the chemistry the passion. I was hoping the passion would overwhelm me and make up for the rest. But instead......like there was no foreplay, it lasted 2 seconds, and it was overplayed by brans voice and a reminder of future conflict or at the very least major angst b/w the two. i didnt see the parallel between regear and lyanna playing alongside their scene as anything romantic or that it should be taken as such. and the look they shared.... I was hoping jon would bring it bc Dany’s look in her eyes is like soooo smitten and adorable and say what you will I still have a space in my heart for her and still dont want her to suffer, but again Jon looks like oh shit/constipated. And not in a good oh shit way either.  There is a bunch more too but Imma stop there bc Im just tired at this point.  So many things were just....off this season. And it cant all be blamed on the “rushed” time frame. I’ve read the undercover lover theory and hon it makes the most sense (not perfect sense but still, more than what we’ve been poorly spoon fed) but im not willing to believe it just yet. Still, maybe D&D are just butchering a lot of things like making the romance believable and stuff for the sake of time that could be true i guess. But they like to go AHA GOT U so  Idk I dont find a lot of meta in the jonerys tag bc honestly (((((i think its bc the tag and ship are more popular and theirs more people both good and bad)))) it doesnt seem like snowballing theories is something all fans take really well in the tag at all. But whatever. I really want to know, is there any meta or theories im missing to either validate the icky feeling Im haveing about D or her “romance” or on the flipside anything that might make me change my mind about it? Theories, meta people! I just want to reiderate im not trying to hate on anyone or any point of view and I will flag any comment anti one ship or person or another if its plain hateful or rude. I just want to understand it and see what Im missing, esp because of how much I was looking forward to her arc and jonerys’ dynamic and how much the words “falling short” dont seem to cover it. And to see if im not the only one to either have critique on the ship or her character [or even actually change ships] Also i apologize for how much ive said “IDK” i just..... I DONT KNOW 

[thoughts-of-a-bibleophile]

bit of a rant/review of pokemon the movie i choose you

Ok. Can we talk about the Pokémon movie? It was a beautiful fucking mess.

Why?

Let me preface this by saying I am a huge Pokénerd and am a fan of the games and anime (I haven’t watched it in years but what I have seen recently I enjoyed). Saying that, I also am someone who won’t take “well it’s just a kid’s show/movie, it doesn’t have to be good” as an excuse ever, especially with well-done kid’s movies are coming out every year at this point.

Anyway. if you are curious, for some reason, about my opinion of the latest movie in the Pokémon franchise....continue reading.

Also. SPOILERS BELOW.

So. Like I said previously. It was a beautiful, terrible hot mess.

A h o t mess

Let’s start with why I thought it was terrible (and weed out the butthurt fans right off the bat)

Story wise, there were issues. Since they crammed the entirety of season 1 into it with different characters and picked the best episodes of the season as story points.

Like I would compare it to The Last Airbender movie in how over-stuffed it was in story, since that movie also tried to an entire season into a movie, but I can’t compare them because The Last Airbender movie is actual garbage and this movie is.....not that.

Main complaint is movie length. Why is it so short when it could have been so much longer and filled with more character interaction and development?? I’m not asking for Pixar quality because I’m not expecting Pixar, but if you’re gonna introduce us to new characters and expect us to love them and miss them when they leave, give us a bit more to go on than just snapshots of their journey. Speaking of snapshots, though, I did like that little touch of Verity going through her phone to show the moments they’ve all been together -- clever, time-saving story-telling choice, that.

“No one watches/plays Pokémon for the story/characters” -- WELL I DO. THEY’VE DONE IT IN THE PAST AND MADE A MEMORABLE STORY AND GAME FOR US, SO THEY CAN DO IT AGAIN. Have you even SEEN Pokemon Mewtwo Strikes Back? BECAUSE BOI THERE WERE TEARS AND IT WAS THE BEST.

Just...The reason the other Pokémon movies worked so well/better is because we knew the characters involved aside from Ash. If we’re being introduced to new characters in this movie, give us a reason to care about them.

There was also just very little tension because I knew that they were just highlighting parts of the first season (or so), so whatever problem they had would be worked out by the end. Also, because it’s Pokémon and Ash is an OP MC.

My boi Sorrel tho

I love Sorrel, though. A+ dude. I wish he had more screen time because he's such a cute little bean and I FUCKING CRIED when his Luxray died HGHSJJJJjdee (but does he only have Lucario?? Like I know he was too afraid to love a Pokémon after Luxray, but boy are you seriously going on your own with one mon???)

I was also happy to see that he found Articuno, but WOW these kids are lucky because together they’ve all seen like four legendaries (Entei, Raikou, Suicine, Ho-Oh) in the span of a year (or so?) Some people, apparently, don’t see legendaries EVER and these kids see FOUR? I know it’s because plot but dang.

Verity (like the lake!)

Verity (ha her name is Verity and she's from a region with a lake named Verity lol) kind of just reminded me too much of Misty with her Pokémon being water types. If they were gonna add that little background about her mom, I wish they would have done more with it. Like...explain how she uses water types because her mom loved water types. She uses a Piplup because her mom has an Empoleon. I just wanna know MORE about her. GIVE ME MOREEEE DANG IT

I also def thought they were gonna have her mom as someone we've met in the games/show before, but no. Just random, faceless character we never see/meet.

Angry child Cross who is essentially Kacchan from My Hero

Can we talk about Cross for a second?

Yes, he’s an asshole, but, especially with that little redemption arc, he’s not EVIL. Like I know they needed someone to set off all the bad things, but this boy doesn’t have an evil heart. Just say....like a darkened heart or whatever because if he was evil he wouldn’t get a redemption arc like that. He’s just a proud asshole who believes in strength over friendship.

Honestly, true antagonist is Marshadow because WOW SOMEONE NEEDS TO COOL THEIR JETS. I was also incredibly confused as to if Marshadow was good or bad.... Like they say its a guide and someone who restores the balance or fixes the Ho-Oh feather, which sounds like a good guy, but this little bitch was stirring up all the trouble and ends up being the main villain like good lord what is going on.

The animation, the colors

Damn I forgot how good the battles look. Like DAMN. So much tension for a battle I know Ash is gonna win. So much hype when LITERALLY NO ONE UNDERSTANDS TYPE MATCHUPS LIKE A PIPLUP VS A PIKACHU THE PIKACHU WILL WIN IDIOTS

Ahem. But I'm probably thinking too much like the games and not the show which kind of throws the games out the window so whatever.

But yeah, man, I forgot how beautiful something can be when it goes onto the big screen. Like, the Pokémon anime has always had a certain look, a certain charm to it (yes, even in the Sun and Moon series), but it just looked so great and beautiful and gorgeous and lovely on the screen and I’m honestly excited for it to come out on DVD/BluRay whatever so I can see it again.

Ok...it’s not Your Name or a Ghibli film. But...it’s still a very pretty Pokémon movie and it touches my nostalgic, nerdy heart.

ALL THE NOSTALGIA

You read my complaints above, but I will admit that, while it was a bit ridiculous to cram the entire first season into one movie, I enjoyed that it was a celebration of sorts of the show from its beginning? Which was honestly great. They had all of the best, most memorable moments from the show (the pilot -- obviously, finding Charmander, Bye Bye Butterfree). I was near tears a few times with all the nostalgia, guys.

I wish they had brought back Misty and Brock if they wanted to really really celebrate the first season, but c’est la vie.

AND THEN THAT THEME SONG GAVE ME LEGIT CHILLS. I DON’T CARE THAT IT WAS REMIXED. I HAD CHILLS. GOOSEBUMPS E V E R Y W H E R E.

I saw the theme song remix on YouTube prior to seeing the movie and I felt all the nostalgia then, so you’d think I wouldn’t get chills when I saw it.

Welp, we’d both be wrong then. Because ALL THE CHILLS. ALL THE HYPE FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE. IT WAS GLORIOUS. (imma put it on repeat after i post this, tbh.)

Other things that don’t really have a place elsewhere

Also, this was pretty much the X-Men days of future past of Pokemon. Tbh. Because, unless this is just AU first season? (I can’t remember if this was confirmed to be just the alternate universe first season), it’s like they’re saying well, here’s the NEW beginning of the show so now we can do whatever we want woo! (Jesus I sound like Kukui)

Speaking of doing whatever they want...

PIKACHU SAID WORDS??? ENGLISH? WHYY???????????? I WAS SO CONFUSED AND WONDERED IF MY SODA HAD BEEN SPIKED

I know they were trying to do the throwback to Mewtwo Returns (BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT WAS ONE OF, IF NOT THE, BEST MOVIES AND SO DOES THE POKÉMON COMPANY) and we all want to remember why we love Ash and Pikachu so much and why THEY care about each other so much. But....that was.......strange. Maybe the Japanese audience liked it more because that seems to be the only opinion they really care about, but I know I wasn’t the only one in the theatre just staring at the screen in confusion asking what the actual f u c k was going on.

Last things

I may have my complaints -- that I’m throwing out into the ether just to get them out of my head -- but that doesn’t mean I disliked it.

It’s still Pokémon and I’m still a fan and everyone will still be fans regardless of any issues with the movie, any story problems, any characters featured (or lack thereof **MISTY AND BROCK).

With its beautiful animation, particularly in the battles, and gorgeous set pieces, because WOW did you say some of the views they had?, it was nice to see Pokémon celebrated with an old story told with a fresh coat of paint.

This movie may not be the best. It may not be Pokemon: The First Movie Mewtwo Strikes Back (honestly, most movies aren’t that, so that might be a bit unfair to say.) But it’s still got that Pokémon charm we all know and love and has some pretty cool characters along the way. It’s definitely something that every Pokémon fan, young or old, new or a veteran, should watch and enjoy. Because, despite its flaws, it reminds you of better times, nostalgic times.

It reminds you of that first time you played the game or watched the show, when your biggest choice was your starter Pokémon and adventure was just outside the door, waiting for you to take the first step.

(Yes, I’m basically saying nostalgia is what powers this movie, but we’re celebrating the 20th anniversary, so of course there will be nostalgia.)

Some fandoms can’t say they’ve been around for over 20 years -- but Pokémon, with its die-hard fans and ever-growing fanbase who will support just about anything that comes out relating to the games/show, can. And the movie understands that. It understands that just about everyone who sees it will put on their hat, grab their Pokémon, and sit in those theatre seats like we’re all excited 10 year olds waiting to go on our own journeys, waiting to revisit the world of Pokémon regardless of how good the movie is. And that, the strength of the fans and the perpetual love of the series, in my opinion, is the greatest strength.

[blaisein]

ok so here’s the story from a-z so i’ve never vacationed at a lake before?? but apparently the fam was into it idk. so three of my siblings went down to the dock where i was reading (it’s a creepy ass dock scratch that a creepy ass place i have the receipts so does kianna ask her it is on its friday the 13th shit and did i mention i have to sleep alone in one of the cabins tonight? boi bai but anyway) they were all like omg caelyn get in the water with us and i was like probs not but ok. and they are splashing and being gross but highkey i’m too scared bc for some reason the water was giving me anaconda the movie vibes so i wasn’t gonna go in! but they are stinky and calling me out for being scared (i’m the oldest out of who was there but do i care? no it’s scary) and somehow they convinced me to get in. well more like pushed they pushed me in. i was screaming. like i tried to climb back up and these demons would kick my head back down like what !!!! anyway all drama aside i eventually was okay with it and we were like u kno what would be cool? floaties. or whatever those big things are called like tubes and shark floats or wtvr. so we got in we were splashing but lowkey i was waiting for the snakes to come. but anyway so we’re racing and stuff and eventually i was over it so i just got out and my siblings were like omg caelyn get your float as i was like ok but it like .. started to drift away. by then i was too lazy to get it even tho i def could have (ok actually i was once again scared bc i floated towards the creepy hanging boat we have so i said not today) but they started yelling bc it was my fault but meanwhile none of their asses were getting it either if it was such a big deal ??? so i was like i am only getting it if y'all swim with me and they wouldn’t and tbh it’s pathetic lol i’m 4 years older than the oldest one my sisters that were there but whatever. so they are just being mean and i’m too scared and so it starts to get FAR like so far away so i actually start swimming bc imma get my ass beat if i lose it. so i head off, super scared bc i know the snakes were following me. and jet skis and boats and shit are making waves so i’m like fr and the tube is just so gone now but i’m swimming anyway. i mean in a blink of an eye this floatie vanished. then i’m like damn imma drown (the irony bc i used to swim competitively like i’m a swimmer but i did NOT want to do this i wanted to die via drowning instead of snakes ok) but eventually i’m like “HELP OMG HELP” bc i was getting too lazy and then this big boat comes and is like “um u ok fam” and i said “no i’m dying and i lost my floatie” bc by then my man was gone like out of sight idk how it happened. so i can still hear my siblings yelling at me from the shore, the skanks were salty bc they knew they’d get in trouble too. then the people in the boat pick me up but tbh in that moment i felt like if my brother and sisters weren’t there i may have been kidnapped bc i’m paranoid. anyway. so i am getting yelled at by them ugh so annoying so i haul ass up to the house to tell my parents and my grandparents about what happened. i rly didn’t want to but i swear my little siblings were bullying me! lol. my gma is like fr caelyn and my mom was like just go swim for it but ??? pls. so my dad and grandpa are like ok we’re gonna drive to the other end bc he thought he could see it out of the window (this is so dramatic all for a tube!!) like he was out there with binoculars. i felt bad so i was like “ok i’ll stay in my bathing suit so i can dive in this is my duty my responsibility my fault” n everyone rolled their eyes bc they know i’m flaky lol. anyway we get in the car and my grandpa drives us to the house where he thinks he saw it get stuck by a pier. so we walk up to the door (the house is gorgeous it’s aesthetic probs cost a million and bajillion dollars) and knock. no one answers. we see packages out front so we’re like “ok maybe they’re away” so my grandpa sNEAKS AROUND BACK AND STARTS TRESPASSING and i’m like oh no this is death. so i go with him and we run out back and get on their dock which is LIT. i’m talking hammocks, jet skis, couches, chairs, a boat, a bAR LIKE AN ALCOHOL BAR (lowkey i looked for some jameson), and all this crap i was shook. we looked and couldn’t find this stupid ass float thing and then a boat comes thru. it’s the people and the dog that saved my life!! but like … they were getting close and i was sure they were getting ready to dock so i start sweating. this was their house we’re about to get our asses beat. so my grandpa’s charming ass self starts to explain the situation and the lady is like … ok she said okay like maybe 50 times i was fr sweating. perspiration was real. and then like they start actually connecting i was like um what’s happening. they’re talking and he’s being all smooth and the husband was like ok lemme get out on one of our thousand jet skis and see if i can find it. and so my grandpa and the wife are just talking and i’m sitting there with the dog chilling then they’re like “omg we have the same lawyer !! what” like they are BONDING OVER HERE HE GOT HER NUMBER SHE’S LIKE COME OVER FOR A COCKTAIL?!? i was shook like we fr were committing a crime and snooping and btw they like saved my life earlier and def thought i was problematic but here we are. then i start talking w them and they live right next to my university they offered me to chill during the school year like ???? and she said if i ever wanted to VACATION WITH THEM in california i could like wffffff they are freaking millionaires i will take them up on that. anyway so we made bros with these people and they were like ok we’ll text u if we find it (text us wtf is happening guys this is all bc of a floatie and my problematic lazy ass). but i mean we still didn’t find the tube but by then we said whatever let’s just buy a new one (after 2 hours we came to this genius conclusion). so we go back to our cabins and my grandpa is like OMG I SEE IT HOP BACK IN THE CAR and by now i’m 50 shades of done with this but it’s my fault so i hauled ass. so we get in the car and start driving god knows where i’m like wtf but we arrive at ANOTHER HOUSE it’s under construction so my grandpa is like yeah we can def trespass here too and i’m like !! tf ??? but i get out anyway. and #1 i’m like how do you know the floatie is here this is tragic. so we start walking towards the lake but it’s like all woods here i’m fr walking in my bikini and flip flops it’s tragic. so my grandpa is like “ok u stop i don’t want you to get hurt so just stand here” and tbh i didn’t protest bc i’m lazy trash and also i know he wouldn’t let me i could get in trouble lol. so my 72 year old grandfather in his golf shirt and khaki pants starts climbing down to the lake and i see him JUMP OVER A FENCe he is as extra as i am. but yeah so then he disappears and he calls me and he’s like “is the tube black with yellow shit” and i said !!!! that’s it!! so 5 mins later he runs up, sweating and holding the tube i just stood there like “this was the most extra thing they are $5 at the store” but we found it we got it we survived and then we went home and had drinks with the millionaires lol so this was very long but i’m not a good story teller it was so DRAMATIC and i don’t think i hyped up enough the part where i almost died i was going under my fear was crimpling. but lol the end!! this was not worth the wait lol but lemme tell you the millionaires are cool i’m about to go jet ski also hmu if you wanna see pics of my friday the 13 house i'm sleeping in alone i'm shook

[professionalhorror]

Rise of the Dragonbats

Spelunking. It's a fun word to say. I don't know what weird ass words it's derived from to make it mean cave diving, but that's neither here nor there. What is there is the North Ridge cave system, one of the largest untraversed cave systems in North America. And what is here is Dwayne Cameron, the coolest and most gorgeous spelunker to ever spelunk.

Dwayne Cameron is me by the way. In case you couldn't tell.

I figured I go on enough badass adventures I would make a little log and fill it with little notes and voice recordings I make along the way. Maybe finally get that TV show on Nat Geo I so righteously deserve. Anyway, I'm about to check this cave out and turn it from untraversed to traversed real quick.

I know I know, they tell you never to spelunk alone and normally I wouldn't but my friends won't be in town for a couple of hours and I'm bored. Don't worry, I'm not going to go too deep right off the bat. Just a little taste to whet my appetite.

Oh man this is gonna be a good one too. I can hear water dripping. Not that spooky slow dripping you might here walking in the sewers or something but a waterfall. It sounds majestic from here. Imagine what it'll be like to be the first person to see it. If you imagined yourself as Dwayne Cameron in about twenty minutes, you made the right mental picture.

Also what will be fun is all the little critters that make the cave their home. There's bats, they're the ones making those squeaking sounds right now, and there's also...like some other animals. Point is, I'll see some bats and stuff.

I don't bring much equipment with me since I won't need much. I just have a hard hat, a couple of flashlights, and a lighter to find which tunnels to walk down if I get lost.

Pro Tip: if you go spelunking, bring a lighter along. Wind blowing into tunnels from the outside can flicker the fire of you lighter and let you know which tunnel is the way out.

Oh yeah, if you're also going to a cave with a sweet waterfall inside, bring a bathing suit.

Taking my first steps into the cave, I notice that the dirt is very loose. My foot sinks in about an inch with every step. Hopefully the ground is more solid the further in we go. But for you guys reading this log, you never want to assume that, that's why you wear boots.

I have to turn on my flashlight not too long after entering the cave because it gets really dark really fast in here.

Pro Tip: bring some chalk or a marker with you during your exploration so you can draw arrows on the wall in the direction you’re going. I forgot to do this but no worries, I'll remember where I went. I'm not going that far anyway.

Oh man I can hear the water getting closer. I'm jog down the tunnel toward the sound of the water. You really shouldn't run in a cave for safety reasons but whatever.

I turn to the right down another tunnel. Remember that, I turned right.

The bat squeaks are getting pretty loud as well. Those squeaks are their echolocation. They must've echolocated me by now.

The terrain is starting to get rougher as the wet loose soil gets buried under a layer of rocks.

Just as my ears fill with the sound of running water, I hear another sound ring across the walls of the cave: a screech. Def not human. Sounds like a bat but not a bat I want to run into. I turn my head to see if can find out where it came from.

Pro Tip: always look where you’re running.

My ankle goes sideways on a rock and I tumble across the rocks for a solid ten feet before coming to rest. Fucking hell I messed up my ankle. Oh damn, this is-this is bad. Dammit, Dwayne, what did the website say? Don't run in caves to prevent injury. I mean--that's what my years of spelunking experience has taught me. How foolish of me.

I don't really have anything with me that'll work as a splint but if I move slowly I should be able to make it back.

I turn around and...oh no. Which tunnel did I take? There's like six. I take my lighter out. It's broken. I must've landed on it when I fell.

I hear another high pitched squeak. I wanted to move away from it but the way it bounced off the walls, I wasn't sure if I'd be moving toward it or away.

I slowly move myself towards the sound of running water. Running water is my way out. There's no way the water stays in the cave. It's gotta run out someplace, a steam or a river or the fucking ocean. Somewhere!

My flashlight starts to flicker. This is bad guys. I’m getting a bit nervous here. But the sound of the water is getting closer and closer.

The tunnel I'm in opens up into a major chamber where the waterfall is. I was right, the water runs out down a tunnel, surely outside. I'm safe. I hobble over to the water's edge and look deeply into the stream. It’s a bit murky, like rust colored, but it still looks pretty.

I shine my light over the water and see something. Some weird shapes like brown pods of some kind. You know like caterpillars, they become butterflies by going in a--cocoon, that's the word.

I pick up a rock and toss it into the water. The shapes warp and disappear. Oh I'm dumb, it's a reflection.

Pro Tip: if you look at water you can see what's in it and above it at the same time. Dope right?

I shine my light up to the roof of the cave and see those pods. They're pretty big, probably like seven or eight feet long. There's about seven of them. Wonder what they are?

I pick up a rock and toss is up at one of them. The rock I pick is a touch too heavy and starts falling back down before it hits the pod. I actually almost hit myself with the rock.

I pick up a smaller rock. This is the one. I huck it up to the sky and nail one of those suckers with a thud. Damn I should've brought my GoPro, that would've looked sick.

I'm not going to lie, I feel a bit weird now. Sorta like when you stand up too quickly and you’re like off balance and woozy. The pounding pattering sound of the waterfall fades away. I stumble backwards.

I feel liquid pour down the sides of my face. I must've walked under the waterfall. I wipe the liquid off me but it's not water. It's bright red. I feel my head and find where it came from: I'm bleeding from the ears.

The sounds of the cave start to warble back into focus as I crane my head back to the roof of the cave.

Those aren't pods. What I hit just spread open its huge leathery wings, revealing a monstrous bat.

It screeches loudly, knocking all sound in the cave back out of focus. The rest of the bats begin to awake and spread their wings.

Pro Tip: don't piss off dragonbats. Like I just fucking did.

It might not be the best defense in the world but I start crying.

Can you blame me? I'm going to die. I'm going to die in some stupid cave and no one is going to know what happened to me.

My friends? Those people I said were coming to join me in a few hours? They don't exist. None of my friends wanted to come to some stupid cave where they could get lost.

My friends were right too. If they had come, they'd be lost too. Who am I kidding, I’m not an adventurer or a spelunker. I just wanted to do something cool for a change. The only reason I know the lighter thing was because I watched The Descent and went on a couple spelunking websites.

I back up toward the water, staring at the giant bats. Hopefully they don't see me. I’m sure they won’t. They don’t say ‘blind as a bat’ for nothing, right?

Seven sets of eyes snap around to face me. All of those giant bats are staring right at me.

I dive into the water just as I hear the whooshing of their wings flap through the stale air of the cave. Why did I ever think this was a cool idea? I try to keep swim to the bottom but the water gets way too dark and murky down there to see.

I pat my hand around the ground to see if I’m near the bottom. I wish I hadn’t. There’s a freaking dead guy in the water. Which probably explains the rust-colored water. I probably should’ve picked up on that a bit sooner.

I hear a big splash and look up: a dragonbat just swooped down trying to grab me. I can’t stay down here much longer though. I’m running out of air. I start to surface but I keep hold of the dead guy. I know this is fucked up but hey, there’s still one person who can live through this.

Another dragonbat swoops as I surface and they swing, claws barring. The dragonbat grabs the dead guy and yanks him out of the water.

This is my chance. I start to swim down the tunnel where the water is running. I overestimated my chance. I’m grabbed by the shoulders by the next set of clawed feet.

One of the dragonbats rips me from the water and fly high into the air. My hearing goes back and forth from being filled by the whooshing of bat wings and the pounding waterfall to a painful muted ringing whenever the bats screech.

I try to fight out of the bats claws but they just dig deeper into my arms. I scramble through all my pockets until I find a flashlight and I chuck it up at the bat’s head.

The flashlight lightly bumps of the bat’s face but it is enough to get the bat to loosen it’s claws for a second. I free myself from its grip and fall about ten feet to the ground.

If I wasn’t about to die, I probably would’ve curled up right then and there because, ow. Very much ow. I landed on my side about two feet from the water right onto the rocky ground. I roll my body toward the water and let myself fall in.

The dragonbats all swoop down toward me as I try to lamely paddle away.

Not So Pro Tip: Try to make your last thoughts about your loved ones. It feels nice as the sharp claws ensnare you.

My ears start to ring and I feel immense pain as the claws drag across my body.

But then it stops. Is it over? Am I dead?

I feel my hearing start to come back but I still feel like my equilibrium is off. I see a dragonbat’s head looking down at me. It’s poking through some kind of hole and it’s getting further and further away.

I look down and see a pool of water approaching. Oh shit.

I explode through the water’s surface. Apparently that tunnel I swam down lead to a second waterfall. I looked around and saw a giant light: an exit.

I did it. I made it. Yeah, screw you you stupid ass dragonbats. Guess Dwayne Cameron is off the menu tonight boys. And it ain’t going on ever again. You missed your chance. You couldn’t drag me back to this cave if you tied me to a bulldozer.

I swim toward the exit and walk out. The wind feels beautiful. Oh my God, the birds are singing and the grass looks so green out here. It’s practically paradise.

“I made it!!” I scream.

“Shhh!!! Quiet!” I heard a voice. “We’re filming here.”

I look over to them and there’s two guys with film equipment. One with a camera and one with a microphone.

“Oh sorry, what are you guys filming?” I ask

“Some stupid nature documentary for Nat Geo. Dave, our host, was supposed to be here hours ago so we’re just filming some establishing shots and some transition shots, you know?” He says.

“Oh so you guys are missing a host?” I says.

“What about it?” he says.

“I could help out, if you guys really want to make this show something special.” I say.

“What do you have in mind?” He asks. He turns the camera toward me.

Pro Tip: Never reveal everything you know.

I look into the camera, “Hello, I’m Dwayne Cameron, and you guys better prepare yourselves because I’m about to show you something inside this cave that you won’t believe.”

[3inghao]

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)  

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)  

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)  

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0